Pony Prisoner
His cutie mark was a poison joke flower with harlequin mask and race track checkered flag in front, a chess piece in the center and fireworks that looked like clockworks in the background. He was running as fast as he could pull his cart, his special cart, his special spy cart, racing across the plains he put check marks on a list held in front of him by two robotic arms, his own design.
Being an earth pony he did surprisingly well in a Unicorn and Pegasus world considering: he couldn't fly and had no telekinesis. All he could do...was run.
And run he did!
“Quantum locked baby! Quantum locked!”
Especially at the mouth!
It was a great day for him!
It was a great day for him because he knew, for a fact, that he was completely off grid, himself and his plans.
The ultimate joke,easy for him from a long line of court jesters!
Plans he had been working on for months now. Plans within plans! Making him more loopy than the spy agency(ies) he worked for. One thing he knew certain, HIS plan would be a success!
Operation “Pony Wrench:No one gets hurt!” was in effect…and no one would be hurt, at least physically or psychologically, no one except him....
On an unconscious level,he was: fighting, falling. Like one of his Pegasus ancestors, towards an up-welling ground, wrestling a wad of shadows that: too tightly wrap and clung, like a second skin, pinning his leg against his body, and would not let him see or let him go. Caught in the miasma!
The energy involved in the fight, none left to scream!
"Whee!!!!" he said in his delusion, all that was left not fighting the shadow inside, as the wind blew through his frothing fur and main. It was exhilarating!
In the conscious realm, he was too warped up in this most pleasing and delightful of sensations, "the nightmare", to calculate his part, an out of control galloping stallion drunk on crazy weed, nothing but a raw nerve, a lone neuron firing randomly.Merely a funny froth on the stormy sea of struggle, and as useless(unless you are a chemist in such matters.)
Whom neither he, nor the shadow, had complete control.
He ran down the street towards “spy central”(the one on his side that everyone knew about, talked about, used as a scene in most spy films) his cart rattling, because he had put playing cards in the wheels, rumbling and sometimes making booming sounds….what he had to do must be very noisy and made very public indeed!
Just before heading through the door, he uncoupled his cart( due to it being in motion it continued in motion, ending in a crash!),as he pulled off a box marked “Bzt!”,his standard issue lasso and wrangling the contents of his cart, pulling it inside.
He had just visited the headquarters of all the other sides, making a nuisance of himself all week long and had left each a wonderful gag gift.
Inside spy central,slamming the out doors inward, he let loose the box of angry bees he was carrying and the lassoed clouds, saving one little nasty cumuli nimbus, that he brought through the office causing chaos: scattering remote viewers, agents and couriers everywhere. He then took the nimbus into the office of the head Pegasus kicked the cloud for emphasis as he yelled and screamed and slammed a resignation letter on his desk.
Meanwhile, other governments offices care packages were opening; for the griffons and the zebra Para sprites, the giraffe gooey pie bombs, the dragons beautiful delicious sparkly things(they just stood there starring at them drooling for hours, not uncommon for most government workers, except they were actually focused on something) and for the deer. A box they were afraid to open. Government work came to standstill because they couldn’t detect its contents as their brightest clairvoyants stared at the box for three days. Deer in Hazmat suits prodded the box with long probe tools. Finally the box was opened.
It was empty.
No damage done to anyone’s central intelligence though…these were just the bureaucratic offices.
Agents were dispatch to the contact points that the grinning horse had been too (some to discover the damage he had done, others strategic advantage), toymakers and cafes. In every case, each had made one doll, an effigy of agents own leaders wearing bell caps.
Agents visited the cafes he frequented only to realize they were being gossiped about all over the ether by very young unicorn Phillies over the world’s air.
In other words they had walked up straight to the top of and had sat down upon a pillory!
A week of aggravation, pin pricks for the world’s intelligent agencies, that came to an abrupt end at a global summit organized by Princess Celestia.
While in her throne room weeks before, she had opened up a letter .
A copy of his resignation letter, a copy of the ones set to other governments. Attached: important documents for the princess eyes, only! Proof that every other agent was safe or could safely get away, and a childish drawing in crayon showing a prancing pony with poison joke on his flank jumping around screaming, “Free, free, free!”,in the caption.
She looked down sadly, his usefulness as a spy was done. There was a pop and then piles and piles of paperwork appeared that filled the main throne room. A stacked sea that came up beyond the bridals as the guards had trouble swimming through, as she was showered with confetti from the envelope in a torrent of glitter.
Celestia was not amused!
A warning:
Governments, are mindless brutes. All the weapons they have are used to bear on enemies of the state. The leadership points them in a direction then lets them loose, they tear and shred till they destroy their appointed victims. Do not purposefully make yourself a target of government retaliation!
Especially by all governing bodies on the planet!
Warning!
The governments you choose are the governments you deserve.
So chose rightly young Padawan!
Your silence is your approval.
Later, at an emergency intelligence conference; an intelligence gathering holiday was agreed to, except for the most covert of spies.
The next order of business; what to do about Horsey Joke? Some argued this some that. Finally Celestia purposed the only viable option…Final Sanction.
”Your own pony?” said the Griffon ambasador sitting beside the Zebra chieftain(even more cheerful than usual) holding a small zebra doll with a bell cap on.
”Especially, because he is a citizen of our realm, we must know how far the nightmare has sunk its roots into him.”
All agreed. Each produced a portion of the great seal!
Luna lifted them up and Celestia brought them together in a flash of lightning above the conferees heads into one seal. It came rapidly down with a thud of finality , the picture of a pony with poison joke picture upon his flank underneath.
In a puff of flame and smoke it ended up in the hands of a Minatare, who went to a cupboard opened a drawer marked “resigned” put it into an empty folder in the back marked ”final sanction”, in which his was the only occupant, and shut the drawer whistling a spritely tune.
Meanwhile, Horsy Joke didn’t care.
He was free!
Though the nightmare was worriedly looking over his shoulder, Horsy Joke jumped and clapped his hooves together as he ran. Finally he got to his home, ran upstairs and began to pack as hooded figures began to surround his house.
A deer watched and saw into the house as if it were glass, his eyes like crystal shown.
He signaled.
A zebra and a giraffe, their eyes shining under their hoods, the giraffe’s neck filling space in a curve above the zebras head as the two burned a potion.
Unicorns with enchantments making the house philodendra to air.
Pegisus to fan the sleeping spell towards the house.
Two griffins in mourners garb to lift the body,...
....and a dragon to carry him away!
The zebra and giraffe let loose the powders into the flames of the incense dishes, the unicorns made the walls of the house porous, and the pegisi fanned the rolling mist to the house as the deer rolled it into a single stream with the magic of his horns. Horsy joke didn't know what hit him as he fell unconscious.
The nightmare screamed at him.
”You foal!”
He awoke in his own bed, in his own room. But when he tore open the blinds and opened the window, the strangest of towns met his eyes.
Author's Note
Is it real or is it a fantasy?
If I ever get back to this......
