Pony Stories: Season 5

by lunabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 15118

Weekly stories inspired by the new episode! THIS WEEK: Fears are faced, and Lyra has a birthday party.

Each week a different story will be written INSPIRED by the new episode. Tags will be used where applicable, but every story will be different. Not every story will necessarily reflect the episode which inspired it, but will be cut from the same fabric, if you will.

A personal writing challenge to myself to spawn more creativity, and more fun stories to share with you guys.

THIS WEEK: Fears are faced, and Lyra has a birthday party.

Published 2015-04-04 16:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-04 17:56:50 UTC

5.1/5.2 - The Fun Zone - Dark; No Spoilers

October 15th - 7:00pm

Aurora Blaze and Skygazer arrived at the admittedly strange attraction at exactly 7pm, approximately thirty minutes after the gates swung open for its daily haul. Both were Earth ponies, Aurora was of a primarily green coloration, while Skygazer was, as might be expected, a dark blue. Their appearance was not, however, primarily important, so we shan't linger on it.

It was the season of Nightmare Night, and cheesy haunted attractions had popped up all over Equestria in the last few weeks. Aurora and Skygazer were your average teenage off and on couple who had both grown up in Manehattan, and so were unused to the strange traditions of the country. They approached the front gates together, tall, menacing spires of iron laced with clearly fake cobwebs that provoked more of a laugh than a chill.

"This looks so stupid, Sky," Aurora said, her emerald mane swept across her forehead and pinned between her ears. She hadn't wanted to come out here in the first place, but Skygazer had insisted on it, and had promised that if she hadn't at least had a little bit of fun after an hour, he'd take her home.

"That's the fun of it, I think," Sky said, and approached the ticket window. The mare behind the counter gazed down at him with an unnaturally wide, unsettling grin that never so much as twitched, and for the sake of comparison would not have looked out of place upon the face of the shinigami known as Ryuk who haunted other dimensions.

"Hi!" The mare said, staring down at him. A silver nameplate across her upper torso read Silver Chime. "Welcome to The Fun Zone! Our job isn't done until you're having fun! How many will be risking their souls tonight?"

Skygazer rolled his eyes. "Two, please," he said, and slid across two bits.

"Great," the mare said, her smile never faltering, and Skygazer actually found himself taking a step backwards until she slid the pair of tickets across to him. "The Fun Zone would like to remind you that not all who enter are guaranteed to leave, and we hold no responsibility in the case of your eternal damnation. Enjoy your night!"

Sky snatched the tickets, and rolled his eyes. Aurora pressed up tightly against him, so closely that he could feel her heart pounding.

"I thought you said this was stupid," Sky said as they walked through the gate. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were scared."

"I'm not... scared!" Aurora insisted, with only a moment of hesitation. "I just don't like the way she was grinning, it's creepy."

"It's supposed to be creepy. The kids get to gather candy for Nightmare Moon, and we get this cheesy haunted crap. The circle of life continues. Would you rather be out begging for candy with the foals?"

"Ugh, no," Aurora admitted, and gave only one more look behind her before hurrying onwards with him.

The main concourse consisted of a single wide lane, crammed with kiosks and vendors on either side. They were not the only ones here tonight, and at least a couple dozen other ponies were wandering around with the same idea. Some had come alone, still others were trying to win novelties for their partner.

"You want a stuffed panda?" Skygazer asked.

"If you think you're going to drag me here and not win me something adorable, you're sorely mistaken," Aurora teased. She looked around for something she wanted, and noted a few other staff members wandering about. Each of them had that same manic grin plastered on their face, and it unsettled her.

"I really don't like it here, Sky," she said quietly. "I know I'm being silly, but... let's just finish up here and go back to my place, alright? Please?"

Skygazer sighed. "Alright, if that's what you want." He stepped up to a booth with balloons tacked to the walls, and slid across a small pile of bits. He was given several darts with which to pop the balloons, and although he threw with what he thought was impressive accuracy, the darts that did not bounce off the corkboard in the rear bounced off the balloons and fell to the floor. He frowned.

"What's the matter, champ, can't pop a balloon?" Aurora teased.

He snorted at her, and repeated the gesture of giving up his hard earned currency. This time he managed to pop one of the balloons, and was rewarded with a cheap plastic snap bracelet.

"Try again?" The vendor asked, flashing him that too-wide smile he was becoming increasingly familiar with.

"No... I'm good, thanks." He gave the bracelet to the mare, and Aurora snapped the bracelet around her foreleg, and gave him a shy smile.

"Hey, at least it's something," she said.

"Yeah," Skygazer said, and looked back down the row of booths laced with orange and black lights. His eyes widened. "Whoa."

Aurora followed his gaze, and immediately cringed. "Oooooooh no," she said. "No way."

Sky didn't hear her, and was walking towards the large network of steel beams that was erected at the very end of the middle lane, his eyes reflecting a look of admiration and desire that Aurora hadn't seen since he saw her for the first time. A small line of ponies was waiting in line for a rickety metal cart that was taking small groups up the curving track, which would in turn take them up and around at high speeds to almost certain death.

"Don't even think about it!" Aurora said, hurrying after him. "This whole place wasn't here a month ago, they probably put that thing up in two days!"

"Aw, come on," Sky said. "It looks awesome, and look, it's going around and around just like it's supposed to. No problem." He watched it dive down a steep incline, the cheers and screams of its occupants filling the night air.

"Doesn't matter," Aurora said. "It's a death trap."

"Come on, one ride?" Sky asked. "One ride, and we leave, go home, no questions asked."

Aurora paused at this. They'd barely been here twenty minutes already, and she did want to leave. "Well," she said slowly. "Ugh, I hate you. Fine. But if we die a horrible flaming death, I am haunting your flank forEVER."

"Deal," Sky flashed her that charming grin of his, she fell for it, and she hated him even more for it. The two got in line, which was mercifully short, and waited only ten minutes before stopping at the yellow line, and watching the metal cart come to a rest on the other side of it.

The ride operator flashed them that chilling grin, his seemingly dead, glassy eyes fixed on them. "Step inside, pull the harness down until you hear the click. A reminder that The Fun Zone is not responsible for your souls in the case of-"

"In the case of eternal damnation, yeah, we know," Aurora said, pulling down the harness. "Let's just get his over with." She wasn't usually so grumpy, but she really did hate cheesy sideshows like this. But she went because Skygazer liked them, and she liked Skygazer.

The operator pulled a switch, and Aurora gave a yelp as the cart jolted forward and started rolling. She tried to cling to Skygazer, but the harness pinned her to her seat. The cart veered left and up a small hill, crested, and rolled smoothly down the other side. Sky was laughing, Aurora was terrified. The cart swerved right, then up a much, much bigger incline. The draining of color in Auroa's face seemed to be directly proportional to how high they were going. Then they crested, paused, and dropped.

Aurora shrieked as they plummeted downwards, swerving to the left and shooting into a pitch black tunnel. The tunnel was so long it was as if all color was drained from the world. It lasted for an unpleasantly long time, and she had to squint in the fading light when they rocketed out the other side. The cart slowed to a stop, and the harness clicked as it unlatched.

Aurora bolted out the other side as if was on fire, and Skygazer followed laughing.

"Home. Now. Please." She begged.

"Alright, alright. I promised." Sky shook his head. They began to loop around the exit queue when Aurora took hold of his foreleg.

"Sky, stop," she said suddenly. "Do you hear that?"

Skygazer stopped. "No, I don't hear anything."

"Exactly."

It took him a moment to realize what she meant, and a further moment to turn his attention from her down to the rest of the attraction. It was absolutely and completely deserted. There was no sign whatsoever of the dozens of ponies who had only minutes before been milling about, nor even any sign of the operator who had launched them on their (arguably) horrifying excursion.

They stopped together in the middle of the lane, looking this way and that, but saw nopony. Only fluttering debris such as streamers and paper that was cast along in the wind.

"Sky, I don't like this," she said slowly.

He didn't either, but wasn't about to say so.

They moved forward towards the large iron gates, and as they did, the silent, smiling staff slowly began to emerge from the sides of the booths. There was more than a few of them now, there were dozens. None of them looked familiar, except for the mare who had sold them tickets what seemed like ages ago.

"Welcome to The Fun Zone," one of the stallions said as the group slowly converged on them. Our job isn't done until you're having fun!"

"Aurora, move!" Skygazer ordered, and she didn't need to be told twice. The two broke into an immediate run, first trotting then full galloping towards the entry gates. They found a heavy presence of silent, smiling staff there, however, and the gates swung closed with a heavy clang, blocking progress.

"Where are you going?" The ticket mare asked cheerfully. "Aren't you having fun yet?"

"This way!" Skygazer panted, banking a hard left with Aurora right behind him. The large group of smiling staff was right behind them, and the couple ran along the iron fence that bordered the attraction.

"Here!" Aurora cried. "It's loose!" She kicked with her forelegs at the dirt beneath the fence, uncovering a small hole near a small section of fence that jiggled precariously.

"Squeeze!" Skygazer ordered.

"But you-"

"Squeeze damn it!"

Aurora forced herself underneath the fence, sucking in her waist to fit in the shallow hole. The bottom of the fence ripped against her back, leaving long, painful scratches. Upon exiting, she turned immediately to grab Skygazer's forelegs, who was desperately trying to squirm through the opening. But being a stallion, he was larger.

"I can't make it!"

"Yes you can!" She scrabbled at the dirt with her hooves, trying to widen the hole. On the other side, the smiling stuff was on him, grabbing his back legs and flank and tail and pulling him backwards. Aurora screamed and pulled on his forelegs, but it was one against many.

"Aurora, I love you," Skygazer exclaimed. It was the first time he'd ever said it. "Now run!"

"Sky, I'm not going to-"

"Run!" It was the last thing she ever heard from him, and the stallion disappeared beneath the still smiling swarm of staff. Tears flowing from her eyes, with only a single look back, Aurora ran.

October 27th - 7:35pm

The young pegasus couple slowly approached the large iron gates of the spooky looking carnival attraction, the stallion nibbling on the ear of the female, who protested despite bursting into giggling. "Nexus, stop, we're in public!" She whispered. "You can do that later."

"I'll do more than that later," Nexus replied, with such a charming grin that the mare felt her cheeks burn like fire. He approached the ticket window, where a dark blue earth pony was manning the counter. The young stallion wore only a silver nameplate reading Skygazer, and an unnaturally wide grin seemed permanently plastered on his face. He stared down at Nexus with dull, glassy eyes.

"Welcome to The Fun Zone! Our job isn't done until you're having fun! How many will be risking their souls tonight?"

Nexus rolled his eyes. "Two, please," he said, and slid across two bits.

"Great," the stallion said, his smile never faltering, and Nexus actually found himself taking a step backwards until he slid the pair of tickets across to him. "The Fun Zone would like to remind you that not all who enter are guaranteed to leave, and we hold no responsibility in the case of your eternal damnation. Enjoy your night!"

Nexus took the tickets, spread a wing across his mare, and the two entered through the large iron gates. The carnival looked stupid and it looked cheesy, but more than anything... it looked like fun.

Author's Note

As a sidenote, I have been reading WAY too much Stephen King lately...

5.3 - The Room - Comedy; No Spoilers

Most castles in Equestria were fairly standard procedure. Although the exteriors differed by locale, with Crystal Empire castles being shinier for instance, and even the Castle of the Two Sisters had once been designed to cater to a night and day atmosphere. The insides, however, were more or less the same. Lavish balconies, hundreds of windows, high ceilings, and long hallways with more rooms than any one pony could count by herself.

It was this last feature that perplexed Twilight Sparkle. Her previous library had been small enough for her to know where every single item in every single room was located, and she had been able to find whatever she wanted at a moments notice. This new castle, however, had not yet even been fully explored, let alone decorated, and she was constantly finding new rooms that she hadn't even known existed.

Only days after returning from... where was it they had confronted Starlight Glimmer at again? The name of the village always escaped her, even after looking it up on several detailed maps. In any case, that had been less than three days ago. Twilight was exploring one of the second floor hallways in the castle when she stumbled upon something rather discouraging. A door, set into the side of the hallway much like all the others. Similar to what one might see at a hotel, a long hallway with dozens of identical doors leading down the corridor, this one was different in several ways. First of all, it had no knob or handle of any kind. There was absolutely no visible way of opening the door at all.

Secondly, and this was what truly annoyed her, there was a picture of Discord taped to the oak panel, a crude crayon drawing that one would expect to see on a primary school child's refrigerator, not in the second floor hallway of the castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Next to the drawing was a nail which had been pounded partway into the door, and from the nail, on a string, hung a piece of chalk approximately four inches in length.

Twilight fumed. The puzzling lack of entry was enough to tell her who was behind such a conundrum, but if that hadn't been enough, the drawing would have confirmed it.

"DISCORD!" she yelled. Although there was nopony visibly around to hear her, she knew better than to believe that she was alone.

With a magical flourish of sparkling light, the crayon drawing of Discord burst into life, stretched, and gazed at her with its comically misshapen eyes. "You rang?" He asked.

"What is this?" Twilight demanded.

Discord disappeared from the drawing, leaving only a blank piece of parchment, and appeared, full sized, next to her in the hallway. He leaned forward, peering from behind a gentlemanly monocle, and appeared deep in thought. "My conclusion is that this is, in fact, a door," he said finally. "Results are pending."

"You know very well that's not what I meant," Twilight said. "Why does it have your shenanigans written all over it?"

"Does it?" Discord asked. "I don't see it." He snapped his claws, a large can appearing in his claws. He shook it with a rattling sound, sprayed the word SHENANIGANS on the oak paneling in bright red paint, and the can disappeared again. "There it is!"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. She was tired and cranky from a long ride on the train back from the village, and was in no mood for this. "Put the handle back," she said. "There's no way to get in. And it destroys the continuity of all the other doors with identical handles!"

"There very much is a way to get in," Discord said. "And since it's my room, I can do whatever I want with it."

This made Twilight blink. "Your room?" She repeated. "Since when?"

"Since I summoned the most powerful magic known to pony kind," he said simply. "A great, fantastic power, passed down through lines of kings and respected by peasants on the streets. A great force able to be harnessed by earth pony, unicorn, and pegasus alike! A power that would have made Starswirl himself pale in comparison!" His eyes were wide, making grand, sweeping gestures with his hands.

Twilight's eyes grew bigger and bigger with each word, her coat losing its bright and healthy color. He was lying! He had to be! She had never heard of such an unstoppable force, why hadn't she heard of it? Did Princess Celestia know about it?

"Y-you're lying," she stammered at last. "A force stronger than Starswirl that can be used by anypony? That... that's not possible."

"Oh, but it is, and I used its mystical enchantment to claim this door as my own," Discord said darkly. "And there's not a thing you can do about it."

"What power is that?" Twilight whispered, her voice cracking with fear and awe.

Discord leaned in close to her, so close that she could hear his heart beating and feel his rancid breath on her forehead. He looked left, then right, then left again, as if about to impart some great, forbidden secret.

"The power... of dibs," he whispered, and booped her nose with his claw.

Twilight's eyes grew wide with fearful confusion, and she left Discord standing in the hallway to race to the small library which composed only a portion of the castle. She lit up her horn with a literary spell, casting its glow upon the entire room. The spell itself would light up any book which contained the word 'dibs', though she doubted any would. If any spellbook had contained such power, she would have known about it!

To her astonishment, one tome did float back to her, brightly glowing green, pages flapping to the section that she commanded it to find. With no small amount of nervousness, she looked down at the page. To her confusion, it was not a spellbook, but a dictionary.

DIBS (dibz): Slang; Noun. A legitimate or supposed right to demand something as one's rightful due, where one declares a first claim to something to which no one else has a clearly recognized right.

Twilight felt her eye begin to twitch, and she slammed the book down on a reading table. That wasn't powerful magic at all, it was childrens tomfoolery! Fuming, she returned to Discord, still patiently waiting for her.

"That's invalid!" She protested. "You don't understand magic!"

Discord laughed. "You don't understand dibs."

Twilight twitched again. "What makes you think you can just claim this room?"

Discord groaned, and tugged at his own antlers with annoyance. "You are tearing me apart, Twilight." He paused a moment after this, and turned to look directly into some invisible camera that only he could see, and addressed the readers engaged in this very story at this very moment. "Surely you knew THAT was coming," he said dryly. "You read the title."

Twilight blinked. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, nobody," he said, and turned his attention back to her. "My dear Twilight, without my key you would have never gotten this castle in the first place, and seeing as though the fates of destiny have so scorned me by not giving me a throne, nor recognizing my involvement with even so much as a thank you card, I feel I have a right to at least one room. Surely not even you, Twilight, can make use of every single one of these rooms?"

Twilight thought a moment. "No, I suppose not," she said slowly.

"You won't even know I'm here," Discord said. "But, if you so insist on casting me out into the streets like a homeless vagrant, I shall make you a deal. If you can revoke the power of dibs and enter the room without my help, I will leave."

Twilight felt sort of bad about this situation now, she realized that she wasn't sure if Discord even had a place to stay. He had roomed with Fluttershy for a short while, but her cottage was small, and he had been in the way, even as hard as he had tried to stay out of it. Despite this, she turned her attention to the door, and attempted to create a handle out of nothing that she could use to open it. The handle itself appeared for a moment, then dissolved into sparks of energy.

She attempted to teleport straight through the door to the other side, a distance of less then five feet. She had never had trouble teleporting before, and was promptly stopped by the door, slamming into its wooden surface instead before rebounding and being thrown against the opposite wall with a crash as if she'd attempted to bounce off a sideways trampoline.

Discord broke into wild laughter. "You can't defy dibs, Twilight!"

Panting and rising up off her crumpled position on the floor, she was just in time to see Fluttershy scamper around the corner, squeaking quietly. "I heard a crash!" The pegasus said. "Is everypony alright?" She looked between Twilight and Discord with concern.

"Of course," Discord said merrily. "Twilight is merely attempting to break the sacred law of dibs on my room."

"Did you find the room first?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yes."

"And you called it?"

"Of course."

Fluttershy frowned. "There's nothing you can do, Twilight. If he called it, it's fair game, and he did help us with the key, the least we can do is let him have it, it's only a room and you have so many..."

Discord smiled widely. "Thank you, Fluttershy. Kindness incarnate."

"Alright!" Twilight exclaimed. "Just show me how to get in! It's driving me crazy!"

"Of course," Discord said, and bowed. He gestured to the piece of chalk hanging from the string on the door. "The handle was right in front of you the whole time."

"...That?" Twilight asked, perplexed. "Chalk?"

"It's really quite simple," Discord said, and took the chalk from the string. With an audible crack, he snapped it in half. "You break the piece in half," he said. "One piece becomes two halves, then you put the halves together." He took a piece of the chalk in each claw, and pushed them together, refitting them. The chalk glowed faintly, and the paneling on the door melted away, leaving only the frame.

"You put the two halves together. Two halves make a hole," he said. "Walk through the hole to enter the room. A child could figure it out."

Twilight was babbling. "But that's not how that works! That's now how any of that works!"

Discord started laughing again, and stepped into the room. Twilight and Fluttershy followed.

The room inside was mostly identical to all of the other rooms in the hallway. A small door in the wall led to a bathroom, and the main room held only a wooden dresser and a bed with a thick mattress on it. Sitting on the mattress, on top of blankets, was an enormous, life size stuffed plushie of Fluttershy.

Both mares stared at him.

"...It helps me sleep," Discord said defensively. "I like to cuddle with it."

Fluttershy looked down shyly, and scuffed at the floor with her hoof. "You know, if you wanted the real thing, you could just ask," she said quietly. "That is, if that's okay."

Discord stared at her, his face red, and tugged at his neck as if pulling an invisible collar. His face quite literally turned tomato red, and cartoon steam gushed out of his neck.

"Uh..." He stammered.

Before Twilight knew what was happening, she was being pushed out of the room, and the wooden oak door slammed in her face.

5.5 - Agent G - Adventure; No Spoilers

Pinkie Pie was doing what she had done a million times before. Another spectacular party was planned for exactly twelve noon today, which was in approximately four hours. That meant balloons had to be inflated, streamers had to be put up, cannons had to be loaded with confetti and strategically placed so as to avoid a repeat of The Great Cannon Incident, which had inadvertently caused somepony's poor grandmother to end up in the hospital.

"Higher!" Pinkie called, sitting on the ground and instructing Rainbow Dash in the elaborately delicate art of streamer hanging.

Rainbow Dash, who was up in the air near the ceiling, moved higher, placing the end of the streamer an inch over its previous position.

"Higher!" Pinkie called. The streamer was moved higher again.

"That's too high! Lower! Come on, Dashie, we've been through this!"

Dash glared at her and lowered the streamer again, this time back to exactly where it had been a second ago.

"PERFECT!" Pinkie shrieked with such a shattering decibel level that Rainbow Dash dropped the streamer entirely. It was not tied to anything, only draped over various curtain rods, and proceeded to use the force of gravity to take all the other streamers with it, the rainbow colored banners lying in a heap on the ground.

"Aw, man, now we gotta start all over!" Pinkie said.

Rainbow groaned loudly. "Why can't Gummy help you? I like a party as much as the next pony, but this is seriously cutting into my nap time."

"Don't be silly. Alligators can't plan parties. Hey, where is Gummy anyway?"

As it turned out, the gator in question had slipped out. His usual unreadable look of pure boredom etched across his face, he scampered across the side room to the kitchen, before jumping up on a chair and pulling the fridge open. He jumped inside, and the door shut on its own. There was the usual blast of cold air that made his body want to start shutting down as he flicked the switch that controlled the light when the door was open. When the door was shut, however, and controlled from inside, the bottom of the fridge dropped out, and Gummy went spiraling down a winding chute, landing at the bottom on a cushioned chair in front of a large, high definition monitor.

Gummy blinked slowly, expressionless.

The monitor suddenly blinked on without warning, the screen filled with such an enormous blue eye that it scared the poor reptile to death. The gator expressed this intense, undeserved fear by blinking again.

"Is this on? Is this on?" A high pitched voice shrieked. The eye pulled away, and Gummy could clearly see that it belonged to a bright pink monkey, the same monkey who always called him when he needed to go on these emergency missions. All of the pets were mentored with other pets in some far off unknown location, and he would never understand why he had to be paired a simian replica of The Pink One. Did he not endure her hyperactivity enough already?

"Hi!" The monkey hooted, hanging by her tail from some unseen object and looking at him upside down. "Alrighty-o, Gummy! You know the drill! I've received reports that there are some baby ducks near your location that need rescuing, over by Hayrule Lake. You know where that is, right?" Of course he did.

"Get the ducks back to their mother, and return to your owner before anyone notices you're missing. You're on a top secret mission, Gummy! So don't tell anyone what we're doing! And that means nobody! Because if you do, WE'LL FIND YOU!" She swung forward towards the camera on her tail, attempting to dramatically end in a close-up, but missed the camera completely and fell to the floor.

Her dramatic exit ruined, a pink finger reached up from the bottom of the screen and clicked the monitor to black again. Gummy turned and squeezed out through a hole in the wall, emerging outside of Pinkie's house through the drainpipe. He knew exactly where Hayrule Lake was, and made his way there. He had to hurry, as time was of the essence, and he couldn't move very quickly on his little legs.

He reached the lake after about thirty minutes, looking around for any sign of the subjects he'd been sent here to rescue. Ducks were a common enough sight around a large body of water such as this, however one seemed to be in any danger as far as he could see.

Gummy continued around the edge of the lake, listening for anything out of the ordinary, and his hard work was rewarded when he saw two of the horse children throwing rocks at a terrified group of fluffy yellow ducklings. The ducklings were cowering behind a rock, wanting to get back to the water but the children were in their way. Gummy had seen the foals around once or twice, but didn't know their names. Diamond Crown and Silver Knife? Something like that.

"Get outta here, stupid ducks!" The pink one was laughing.

Gummy thought fast and hard. He couldn't just go rushing out there, he wasn't very fast, and he wasn't very big. This was a situation which called for quick action, and the use of the enviornment. He peered around. The mother duck was absolutely horrified, pinned on the other side of the girls and quacking ferociously, but unable to get near her ducklings due to the rock activity.

It was a large gathering of geese that drew the young gator's attention, and he approached them cautiously. Geese were infamously wicked, and usually hung around together in large flocks. The lead goose glanced at his comrades, and stepped forward as Gummy approached.

"Eyyyy," the goose said. "You uh... you lost little man?"

Gummy blinked.

The goose spread its wing out in front of itself, studying its primaries. "What, that? That ain't our problem, kid. Why should we get involved?"

*blink*

"So yer sayin', we go over there, you gonna make it worth our while, eh? You best not be lyin', ain't nobody makes a fool out of Tony."

*blink*

"Whoa there, little man. No need to use such language. We'll help ya. But I expect you'll come through on your end of the deal. Cause ah... you know. Folks that stiff Tony, they ain't seen around no more, capishe?"

Gummy nodded.

"Alright. Just so ya know." The goose raised its wing over its head like an old German salute, then brought it violently chopping down in midair. "Let's go, boys!"

The geese charged forward, spitting and honking and flapping, making a ridiculous amount of noise. The two girls watched the geese come, initially frozen with surprise, and quickly found themselves surrounded. The rock throwing stopped at once, and the girls shrieked before running off, chased by the honking, hissing geese.

Gummy approached the ducklings, looked at them, and nudged them towards the water. They needed very little encouragement to rejoin their mother, who quacked at the gator with everlasting gratitude. The gator just stared at her, his tail swishing twice, and then turned slowly to waddle back towards The Pink One's house.

It was only 11pm, the party still wouldn't start for another hour. Pinkie was placing an enormous punch bowl on the table, and turned to look as Gummy re-entered the room, blank expression on his face. "Oh, there you are, Gummy!" she giggled. "Boy, it sure must be easy being an alligator. You never have to do anything interesting!"

The faintest of smiles crossed the gator's green snout, and disappeared just as quickly.

Author's Note

I worked 8pm to 6am and wrote this at 6:30am then stayed up until noon to watch pony.

This is what happens when I don't sleep. They can't all be winners.

5.6 - Bonnie and Clydesdale - Adventure; No Spoilers

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, all three of them, sat Lyra-style on a cold metal bench in a jail cell somewhere far west of Ponyville. Sitting this way made an uncomfortable situation even worse, but it was the only way to fit all three of them on the bench, and none of them wanted to make one of the others lay on the floor. Who knew where that floor had been?

All three of them had been in this cell for some unknown length of time, bored out of their minds. They had watched the sun rise and fall several times outside of the barred windows, causing their shadows to warp, elongate, shrink and then stretch out again. Scootaloo was tossing a harmonica she'd found back and forth in her hooves, before trying to blow an off key note.

"Where'd you get that?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Found it."

"It was probably smuggled in here by the last prisoner... you... do know how they smuggle things in jails, right?"

Scootaloo looked blank, so Apple Bloom leaned over and whispered in her ear. Scootaloo shrieked and threw the harmonica across the room.

"Why don't we tell a story? Maybe that'll pass the time until we get out."

"But what if we can't get out? What if we've been in here so long that society has moved on without us? We'll never adjust to the outside!" Scootaloo pleaded.

"That's more ridiculous than a three legged rattlesnake," Apple Bloom said. The other two just stared at her. "What? We initiated the Night Mare Society, didn't we? Surely we can come up with at least ONE good story."

"Like Bonnie and Clydesdale!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, and this time it was her turn to be looked at.

"You don't know about them?! The famously daring, criminal escapades? They ravaged the west years ago, everypony feared them and nopony could stop them!"

"Whoa," Scootaloo whispered.

"Well, we coulda stopped 'em," Apple Bloom huffed. "They just got lucky they didn't have to deal with us."

"We'll see," Sweetie Belle said, and attempted a hypothetical series of events.

"You ain't never gonna stop us, Coppers!" Bonnie yelled, as she and her partner in crime bolted from the saloon with jugs of cider and pouches of bits they'd stolen from the back. Inside, tables were overturned, and unfortunate patrons were nursing headaches from Clydesdale's preferred weapon of choice, miniature iron horseshoes. A few ponies, still standing, attempted to give chase, but Clyde, as he was sometimes known, threw his horseshoes with deadly accuracy and knocked them out.

The two ran down the center of the small town through the road, kicking up dust, and hollering for any to dare challenge their dastardly reputation. None appeared to try, and the two made what appeared to be a clean break for the town border.

They had almost reached it, when three very small children, especially compared to Clydesdale's massive bulk, emerged from the last building and blocked the center of the road.

"Stop right there!" the unicorn demanded.

The two actually did stop, more out of amusement and confusion than fear, however.

"Who the hay are you?" Bonnie demanded, lips peeling back with a sneer.

"We're the Sheriff's of this town!" the pegasus said. "And we're taking you in!"

Bonnie and Clyde exchanged a glance, and broke into roaring laughter. "You HAVE to be kidding," Clyde rumbled in his deep, drawling voice. "This dinky little town has not one, but three sheriffs... and they're all children? I'm sorry, I can only handle so much stupidity at once."

"We're not scared of nothin'!" The country filly in the middle said. "You're under arrest!"

"Alright," Bonnie said simply. "You got us."

"Don't make this difficult on yersel- wait, what?"

Clyde grinned. "Like the lady said. You got us." he held out his forelegs. The three fillies exchanged a nervous glance, but eventually came forward. The nefarious criminals stood silently still while the three children wrapped their legs in thick rope. The kids high-hooved in an adorable little team congratulations, and turned back to their captives.

"There's just one little problem," Clyde said. "You forgot to read us our rights, so our capture is voided."

The unicorn spoke up. "You have the right to-"

"Too late!" Clyde grinned, and snapped the ropes by spreading his forelegs apart, and the rope frayed, then broke with a snapping twang. Bonnie, who was smaller, merely stepped out of hers as if she was slipping a greased up spigot out of a barrel. The two looked wickedly amused, and the three self-proclaimed sheriffs gulped loudly before making a run for it.

Bonnie picked up the remnants of her rope and lasso'd the back leg of the unicorn, while Clyde threw his horseshoes and knocked the earth pony and the pegasus in the back of the head, sending them sprawling. All three of the children were knocked aside, and scooped up by the criminals, squirming and wriggling.

"You three really should have picked a more appropriate career path," Clyde said, and assisted his associate with the shamefully easy task of binding the fillies with the pieces of rope. None of the three, fortunately, knew how to tie a decent knot. Bonnie and Clyde carried the three over to the railroad track leading away from town, every town had a train track in western parts, and tied them to it.

The three squirmed ferociously, but it did no good, and in the distance, the horn of an incoming train blared.

"Sayonara, Sheriff's!" Bonnie and Clyde laughed as they walked away, and all three of the fillies screamed as the train roared closer.

The three Crusaders sat silently for a moment in their cell, brooding unhappily at how their own story had turned out.

"Well that escalated quickly," Scootaloo pouted. "We really suck at this."

It was at this moment that Applejack rounded the corner and appeared on the other side of the bars. "Ya'll ready to go?" She asked.

Apple Bloom fell to the floor, no longer caring about its filthy origins, and dragged herself towards her sibling, eyes rolling back in her head. "App-le-jack?" she whispered weakly. "Is that... you? It's been so long..."

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Y've been in here fer fifteen minutes," she said. "

Scootaloo started at this. "But... the sun... it's been days..."

"Sun's been a little wonky today. Celestia has the hiccups, and when that happens the solar schedule get's fussier than a fox at a huntin' dog convention."

Sweetie Belle blinked. "Why would a fox go to a-"

"Don't question it!"

Applejack unlocked the cell. "Maybe now next time y'all will think b'fore ruinin' mah perfectly good hat by pourin' water in it. Never had t'ground all three of ya b'fore, and don't fancy doin' it again."

"Oh yeah, that was us," Sweetie Belle lamented. "But I mean, I don't get why they'd call it a ten gallon hat if it can't hold ten gallons," she said.

"So?" Apple Bloom asked. "We still call Scootaloo a pegasus even though she can't fly."

Scootaloo gasped. "I'll kill you!" she exclaimed, and bolted after Apple Bloom, who made a run for it.

Sweetie Belle sighed, and exited the cell by herself, wondering if she was the only one out of the three of them who had any sense at all. Sometimes it felt like it.

5.0 - Zero Hour - Comedy; No Spoilers

"Get ready..." Twilight Sparkle said. She and all five of her friends were standing around a sundial, watching it intently. According to the shadows, it was very nearly 11:30. Every week, at exactly this day at exactly that time, some sort of shenanigans seemed to happen, and Twilight wasn't having it any longer.

The shadow moved into position, marking the half hour. It clicked into place as neatly as you like.

"Now!" Twilight exclaimed, and all six mares tensed up for the inevitable. They looked around expectantly, in all directions.

There was no super villain rampaging through town, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were watching a movie at the local theater instead of running around being ignorant. The map-like table in Twilight's Castle was silent, not beckoning them off to some grand adventure, nor were their cutie mark ringtones vibrating.

There was absolutely nothing.

"I don't get it," Twilight said slowly. "Something always happens! Always!"

"Well, maybe it ain't happened yet," Applejack said. "Could use a week off. Ah got chores t'do."

"No!" Twilight exclaimed. "Somepony somewhere needs to learn a lesson! And it's our job to make sure that it's learned properly!"

"I really don't think that's how this works," Rainbow Dash said.

"I don't care!" Twilight said. "If I can't find a problem to solve, I'll make one!"

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy exchanged a glance. Whoa. Deja Vu.

Twilight didn't hear her, she was off already, and beginning a supposedly necessary check of every building in town. Carousel Boutique had not burned down, Sugarcube Corner did not need any last minute packages delivered. Discord had not turned the local water supply into fruit punch, 'But thank you for the idea, dear Twilight,' he'd said.

Applejack reluctantly allowed Twilight to search the farm, and there was nothing amiss there either. The apple trees were blooming with springtime arousal, the fields were in the process of being plowed, a new barn was halfway through to be completed. There was no musical number or fanfare in the building process this time.

Fluttershy was brought to tears as Twilight rounded on her during the search of her home, as she was doing an emergency headcount of all her animals under the alicorn's insistence. A pair of rabbits, who had scurried off somewhere to do what rabbits are known for doing were unable to be found, and when Fluttershy sat in her own living room with tears streaming from her eyes, Rainbow Dash finally kicked Twilight out.

Twilight grew increasingly frantic as the afternoon wore on, and still nothing happened. There were no calls to distant lands by diamond dog tribes, nor any previously unheard of family members making sudden, unexpected appearances. By early evening she was actually breaking into closed businesses, convinced that perhaps the owners were perhaps being held hostage in their own shops and needing her help.

By the time the local constable came to take her down to the cool-down tank, Twilight was in hysterics.

"Saturday morning! IT'S ALWAYS SATURDAY MORNING!"

She was thrown in a holding cell next to a bright blue mare in a straight jacket. The mare's left eye rolled back up into her head, showing only the whites, and the right eye fixed on her, a wildly erratic grin on her face.

"Heeeeeeeeeey," the mare fidgeted in her restraints. "What're you in for?"

5.7 - Villains Anonymous - Comedy; No Spoilers

"I'm bad. And that's good. I will never be good. And that's not bad. There is no-one I'd rather be than me."

There was a settling of chairs and hooves and various apparels as the super secret assembly took their respective seats. Discord stood behind a podium with a gavel resting at his right hand. He looked down at the small gathering of strange members, the contents of which would send Celestia into an aneurysm if she ever found out they were all meeting in secret like this.

Below the podium and to the right, stood Tirek, all four legs shackled together and an anti-magic device bolted firmly between his horns. Of all his supernaturally deviant abilities, he was reduced to simply being able to run fast. Next to him was Sombra, who even after several years still looked battered and bruised. There were patches of his coat that had never grown back, and perhaps never would, and most notably his horn was still broken off, only the sharp edges of the base remaining. Finally, next to him, on the left side, sat Gilda, who stuck up her middle claw when Discord turned his gaze at her. Classy.

Discord banged the gavel. "Settle down, all of you."

"But we weren't doing anything," Sombra said.

"I said settle down! This highly secret meeting of Villains Anonymous will come to order. The three of you have been brought here under my judgement to determine if you are yet ready to rejoin society. If you are deemed dangerous and/or unfit, there are various methods of rehabilitation available. Tirek, you have the floor first. Why don't you tell us what you've been up to?"

Tirek glared at him with contempt, and for a moment it didn't seem as if he was going to say anything. Long hours of long days spent in solitary down in Tartarus had not bode well on his mental condition, nor did he seem particularly keen on showing remorse. Finally, he spoke, in a low and quiet voice.

"I spend my days thinking about where I went wrong," he said.

Discord clapped his hands. "Wonderful! That's a wonderful start, Tirek."

"Thinking about how I failed... and how next time I will defeat and destroy that insufferable Twilight Sparkle."

"Aaaaaaaand now we're backsliding again."

Tirek ignored him. "I was so close," he said, clenching his hands into fists. "So powerful... and so close... and still she bested me. A stupid little purple pony. How did she do it? How did she win?"

"She does have a history of doing that," Discord again. "But I sense we're getting off topic here. We're trying to create a positive environment, not a negative one, so Tirek why don't you think about your answer and we'll come back to you."

Tirek grunted.

"Sombra, what have you been up to?" Discord asked, turning his attention to the center of the trio that inhabited the room below him.

"I have remained in isolation, meditating, seeking enlightenment," Sombra said. His eyes remained closed, and never opened. "When I was very young, I was infatuated with Princess Luna. I adored her, and would sleep during the day so that I could roam the city at night, hoping for even so much as a glimpse of her beauty."

"You stalked her?" Discord asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, nothing like that. I stayed away from her. But I admired her," Sombra said. "When she was imprisoned, I sent letters to the moon, filled with everything from weekly updates of things that had been going on, to poems and words of encouragement. I don't know if she ever got them, but I like to think she knew."

"CoughGAYcough," Gilda hacked loudly behind a closed fist.

"Miss Gilda, kindly wait your turn. Sombra has the floor," Discord warned. Gilda stuck out her middle talon again.

Sombra continued as if he did not hear them. "Nothing ever happened between us, you understand. Celestia disapproved of me, and that black mark was as good as a restraining order. But I did meet her once or twice, and... oh, if you could have seen the way she returned my gaze, I knew she felt something." He sighed. "And then of course I got myself all tied up in politics, and that drove us further apart before I wound up doing my own term of banishment. The loneliness is inconceivable. You have no idea how it feels to be with only yourself for centuries, it's enough to drive one mad!"

"Oh, I can guess," Discord said dryly.

"In any case," Sombra continued. "In the last few years I have sought atonement, attempting to redeem myself in various ways. Hoped that Sempai Luna might notice me again. But... it's difficult. Trust lost is not easily regained."

"Just keep working at it," Discord said. "You'll get there. I'm very pleased to hear of your efforts, however. That's extremely encouraging." He turned his attention to Gilda.

"Now," he said to the gryphon. "What was so important to you that you wanted to share with the rest of us?" He asked gently.

"I think you look stupid," Gilda said.

Tirek snorted loudly and looked away with a hand over his mouth before Discord could actually scold him.

"Yes, well, that's just like, your opinion, madam," Discord said. "What have you been doing in the last few years?"

"Flying around being awesome, unlike you punks. It's like a sob fest in here. All of you just hang around and feel sorry for yourselves? That's nuts. I mean look at me, I'm awesome, I can't afford to lose any time with a pity party. I got no regrets." She crossed her front legs. "I don't consider myself someone who does bad things, you know. I don't get in the way, it's other folks who get in MY way, and I simply do not have time for that. I held a job at the post office for a few weeks, but I got fired for slacking off. Just as well, it was lame anyway. And what about you? Why aren't you involving yourself in this little redemption process?"

"Because this is a meeting for villainy," Discord said. "I am not a villain, I am an anti-hero. An antagonist, at worst."

"Sounds like you've been to Egypt," Gilda said.

"What-"

"Right. Because you're totally in de-nile," Tirek said, and both of them roared with laughter. Sombra said nothing, only continuing to look flustered. Their commotion was interrupted only by the creak of the door, and all four of them whirled around. This was supposed to be a private gathering, after all.

Fluttershy stood in the doorway, her face pale, ears flattened.

"I can come back," she said with a mild squeak.

"No, no, come in!" Discord said, and put his arm around her. "You three remember Fluttershy. She can be trusted."

"I don't care if she's the freakin' Princess of Arabia," Tirek said. "This is a meeting for VILLAINS, and she ain't no villain, so she can get the flank out."

"Oh, but I've done villainous things," Fluttershy said quietly, and scuffed her hoof at the floor. "One time I ripped the tag off my mattress, even though it said it wasn't supposed to. It was so itchy, and I couldn't sleep, and-"

"Twelve years dungeon!" Tirek roared. "No trials!"

Fluttershy burst into tears and ran from the room, the door slamming between her and the group. Discord glared at him.

"Now, was that really necessary?" He asked.

Tirek shrugged. "I don't know, but it was funny."

Discord sighed. "That's enough. Meeting adjourned, we'll meet this same time, same day next week. Hopefully you'll all come more willing to participate. Sombra, you did very well. Thank you." He turned, and ran after Fluttershy. Overall, things had at least gone better than he'd expected.

5.8 - Young Impressions - Slice of Life; No Spoilers

The horse whinnied with fear and raised up on its back legs, nearly throwing off its rider. The rider, who happened to be a powerfully built griffon who wasn't afraid of anything, held tightly to the reins. His hawk-like eyes blazed with courage. In front of him, a pack of Timberwolves were slowly advancing. An attempt to get through them would probably end in being torn apart and a gruesome death. Behind him was an enormous dropoff as the cliff suddenly ended, and plunging down that would probably end in being torn apart and a gruesome death.

Couldn't go forward, couldn't go backwards. Quite a situation. In other words, no big deal. As the wolves slowly swarmed in closer and the horse continued to buck in fright, the griffon on its back narrowed his eyes in challenge... and froze there.

Quite a predicament our Hero has found himself in this time! How will the Galloping Griffon get out of this one? Tune in next week and find out!

Gilda, barely more than a chick herself at this point and having only just gained her full colors and lost the fluff that hatchlings possessed, squealed with excitement and reached forward to turn off the radio with her small talon, pausing only when commanded to.

Hey, birdbrains! Don't touch that dial! Do you want your chance to meet The Galloping Griffon himself, live and in the feather? Don't forget, he'll be making an appearance in Griffonstone this weekend at The Cuckoo Corral, Griffonstone's most hoppin', happenin' shopping center!

Gilda made a squealing noise that she doubted any griffon had ever made before in the history of anything, turned off the radio, and ran screaming for her mother to ask for permission to go. She was a generous sort of kid, always did her homework on time, showed up for flight training when she was supposed to, even ran down a bag of groceries once a week to the cranky old vulture who had a nest down the street. Most importantly, she absolutely idolized The Galloping Griffon, the weekly radio program that always put her on the edge of her seat with eager excitement.

And he was coming here!

Her mother said yes, of course, there was no problem with that, and Gilda ran back to her room to jump up and down on her Galloping Griffon blanket with unprecedented joy. The only problem now was that today was Wednesday, the day that the new radio episode always aired on, and she had to wait until Saturday. This was going to be the longest week of her life!

Thursday dragged by slowly, and Friday was even more ridiculous. There were at least two occasions where she swore the clock was moving backwards. By Saturday she was absolutely beside herself, and the young griffon made her way towards the shopping center, The Cuckoo Corral, where The Galloping Griffon was to make his appearance.

She arrived at the front doors a whole hour early, thinking that would be more than adequate and rather proud of herself for thinking ahead, but oh, how wrong she was. The first thing she noticed was the poster outside the doors.

THE GALLOPING GRIFFON

TODAY ONLY

4PM TO 7PM

ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH?

The second thing she noticed was the line, the horribly, dismally, ridiculously, eternally massive line. It ended near the front doors where she was standing, but then swerved inwards, back and forth, up the spiral staircase, and around the corner. It was primarily composed of griffons, but not even this village was that large. There were many others who had flown in just for this appearance from out of town, and THAT was the variable she had forgotten to consider. It was foolish to think that the advertisement had only gone out in Griffonstone, it had gone out everywhere.

She was lucky, however, that The Galloping Griffon had come to Griffonstone in the first place, that was probably just more marketable, since he was a griffon and all. She squawked with dismay, holding her officially licensed Galloping Griffon action figure to her chest. The only thing she could do was wait.

If she thought time had moved slowly before, it seemed to be fast forwarding now. The line moved with what felt like unfathomable slowness, but it was in fact moving. By 4:30 she was halfway through the banking-ropes, by 5:30 she was halfway up the stairs. By 6:00 she was up the stairs and down the hallway, and she could see him. Yes, it was really him! Not some other griffon made up to look like him, as she'd half expected, but really him! Of course, being radio and not television, there was no visual to make a comparison, but she knew it all the same. She just KNEW it.

By 6:30 she was around the final series of turns, and her stomach was in her throat. The line was inching closer, but so was the time restriction, and there was still a good sized crowd both in front and behind her. She could barely take her eyes off The Galloping Griffon, a strong and muscled bird, though a bit older than she'd imagined, and not battle scarred at all, which led to some disappointment. He didn't even have the scar over his eye from when he'd battled the Eagle of Envy in the Mires of Misery. Total disregard for continuity.

When at last the griffon in front of her leapt aside with a signed copy of one of the Galloping Griffon novels, Gilda stepped forward, mesmerized and starstruck. The Galloping Griffon, appearing right in front of her, gazed down at her with a wide, welcoming smile. She placed her action figure on the table, and he took it with a flourish.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Guh...Gilda," she stammered.

"Alrighty then, GuhGilda, nice to meet you."

She squawked with laughter. "No, just Gilda!"

"Oooooh, I see." He bent over her action figure, quill in talon, and pretended to write. "To my biggest fan... just Gilda."

"No!" Gilda giggled again. He was handing the action figure back to her at the exact same moment that a smell bell on the table dinged, and another, younger griffon stepped forward from behind the back of the table.

"It is 7pm," the younger griffon announced. "I offer my sincere apologies, but the Galloping Griffon has other engagements. A hero's work is never done, and he must be returning to save those who need him. Thank you all for coming." There was a loud, collective groan from the back of the line, and several younger chicks started crying.

Gilda looked down at the action figure in her talons. To Gilda - Be a BEAKon of light in the darkness. Galloping Griffon

"What about the others?" Gilda asked, feeling bad for them.

The Galloping Griffon rose from his seat, and put his talon around her shoulder. Gilda shivered with excitement, vowing right there to never wash that shoulder again. "There are rules in place," he said. "Set rules and restrictions for everything. For instance, I was only able to stay here until 7. Do you know what time it is now?"

Gilda looked up at the big clock on the wall. "7:05," she said meekly.

"Exactly. If everyone was allowed to be exceptions to the rule, they would begin to think they were special, or deserved special treatment. That's not how the world works, and sooner or later, those that begin to think they are exempt from the rules end up being crushed by them. Worse still, they never learn humility or responsibility. Do you know what I call those people, Gilda?" he asked.

Gilda shook her head.

The Galloping Griffon smiled down at her. "Those people are dweebs, Gilda," he said. "And I do not have time for dweebs. It was lovely meeting you. But as you heard... a hero's work is never done." He patted her head, went out a side door, and just like that he was gone.

Gilda returned home, the back of her mind spinning with the words of her idol and the cries of those behind her who had missed out. She placed the autographed action figure on her shelf, and stared at it.

"Dweebs," she repeated slowly.

Well, she knew one thing. She certainly wasn't going to be one of those.

5.10 - Ancient Evil - Adventure; SPOILERS

Author's Note

There WILL be episode spoilers below beginning almost immediately, so go watch the episode, come back, and continue.
Or read on anyway. Your choice.

Personal note: There is only ONE of these notices in my author's note section, but when I check the actual display on the final page, there's two of them? Am I the only one seeing it repeat itself?

5.10 - Ancient Evil - Adventure; SPOILERS

After the ceremonies had ended and most of the guests had gone back home, Spike and Twilight retired to the private chambers that was situated at the top of a long spiral staircase. Twilight had a brief, passing thought that Sombra would have loved this particular set of stairs, but they were all probably better off that he wasn't around to see it.

"So," Twilight said carefully, once they were alone again. "Are we gonna talk about that little stunt you pulled back there?"

Spike sighed. "Aw come on, Twilight, I said I was sorry. Everypony makes mistakes."

"That's true," Twilight said. "But you're in a very unique position. Most mistakes don't accidentally cause international incidents. I have to say, I'm disappointed, Spike. I am glad you learned your lesson, but I expected more from you after all these years."

"To be fair, it's not ENTIRELY my fault," the dragon countered. "I mean, this part of Equestria is clearly inhabited by all sorts of species, and Dragonsneeze trees are an exotic import from Haywaii. Who's bright idea was it to plant Dragonsneeze trees in a civilized country?!

"That's not the point and you know it."

They would have argued further, but the main doors to her private chambers burst open, and one of the guards from down below stood framed in the doorway, panting for breath upon having just run across the castle and up an incoveniently large amount of stairs. Twilight reminded herself, not for the first time, to get a lock put on that door. It had a habit of being burst into, it seemed.

"Twilight! Twilight!" The guard panted, chest heaving, looking as if he was going to keel over. "Golem! In the... courtyard...thought you'd want to know..."

He stared at them, breathing heavily, and Twilight stared back. "...What?" The guard finally gasped.

"Nothing," Twilight said. "Thought you were going to dramatically faint or something for a moment there."

"Never," the guard said, looking insulted as he got his wind back. "That would be unprofessional."

Twilight and Spike darted past him to the balcony, to look down the stairs over the railing into the courtyard. There was indeed a ridiculously large golem rampaging through the open space, its body entirely composed of chunks of large rock of varying sizes. It was a terrifying monstrosity, and one which certainly did not belong there.

"I thought golems were extinct!" Twilight exclaimed.

"It's believe that it was hibernating underground when the water main ruptured," the guard said. "It must have awakened it with all the commotion, perhaps there's even a subterranean lair of some kind that was flooded. Cadance is looking into that."

Down below, the golem roared angrily, and swung its mighty fist straight through the side of one of the picnic pavilions. The few remaining individuals who had lingered behind after the ceremonies, most of them locals, were now running for their lives.

"Well, you wanted to make up for what you did," Twilight said. "Here's your answer. Go get him, Spike!"

Spike looked as if she'd just turned into a lamp before his very eyes. "Surely you can't be serious."

"Oh, but I am. I'll be right behind you, helping out, of course. We're away from home and on our own for this one, Spike. Come on, let's get it!" With that, Twilight leaped off the balcony, wings spreading, and divebombed straight for the angry, rampaging rock monster. She fired spell after spell at it, ducking and rolling and dodging in the air, but every spell bounced off and almost seemed to make it angrier.

Spike looked over the balcony, and it was a dizzying drop. Looked like he was taking the stairs. He ran down the spiral staircase, two at a time, pleading his little legs to run faster. He was worried about Twilight, as he always was, and didn't think that she'd be big enough to handle that ugly creature out there. Hey, wait, that's it!

At the bottom of the stairs, Spike made a detour, and ran towards one of the large buildings.

"Spike! Where are you going?!" Twilight called.

"Just distract it, Twilight! I got this!"

Twilight, having no other choice, did just that.

Inside the building, Spike ran down the elaborately decorated hallway, and stopped at the pedestal which contained the large statue he'd almost destroyed and almost eaten. It was composed of dozens of large, precious gems, all of which could be replaced, admittedly, and his stomach rumbled loudly at the close proximity. Even just standing here, looking up at it, he felt the early urges of avarice surging through his body.

"Celestia forgive me," Spike whispered, and reached out for the statue.

Outside, the rock monster was becoming increasingly aggressive, as if it hadn't been to start with, and swung its awful hand at her. Twilight spread her wings to dodge, and dove to the side while performing a barrel roll, but wasn't quite fast enough. The golem clipped her, and she she smashed into the ground with a surprised, pained grunt. The golem charged for her, small earthquakes thundering under every step, and Twilight teleported behind it only moments before she would have been crushed. If she hadn't had magic...

There was another loud crashing sound, and Spike, now appearing much more like an adult Godzilla than the small juveline he'd been prior to his greed episode, rampaged right through the side of the building, debris flying everywhere. Great, now someone was going to have to clean THAT up. One step forward, two steps back...

The now much enlarged dragon charged the golem, tackling it with his full force but only sending it backwards about six inches. The golem retaliated with its own strength, pushing back with equal if not superior force. Spike roared white hot flame at the golem, trying to hurt it, but the flame didn't seem to do anything other than make the rock glow with red fury. He reached out and wrapped his claws around the monster's neck, trying to throttle it, but that didn't do any good either.

The golem emitted a deep and rumbling laugh of triumph, and suddenly let its body crumble into dust as it slipped out of the claws trying to hold it, a great, mountainous heap of sand rolling and thrashing along the ground as it swept around Spike like a desert in a wind tunnel, preparing to reform, regroup, retaliate.

Spike grinned at this, remembering for once one of many of the science lessons which Twilight had gone on about, one of many that he had only half listened to, never thinking he would actually care about, let alone need. He opened his bear-trap jaws again and spewed molten fire from his throat, the sand freezing and crackling where it stood, turning to glass under the sheer force and magnitude of the heat. From there, it was only a matter of picking up the newly formed glass sculpture, and smashing it to fragments against the ground.

Spike looked over at Twilight for approval that he had done good, but the alicorn just looked angry, and pointed behind him. Spike looked, and saw that the ceremonial building now not only had a giant hole through the wall, but was also entirely on fire.

He sighed.

5.11 - Face Your Fear - Adventure; No Spoilers

"It's really nice of you to let us come explore your castle with you, Twilight."

Twilight Sparkle was leading a little expedition down the hallways of Friendship Castle, with Rarity and Rainbow Dash following along behind her. Although the castle had stood for quite awhile now, it was an enormous construction, and none of them had ever really fully explored it. There were rooms upon rooms that none of them knew what they were for, and exploring the monstrosity was not a small task.

"How about this one?" Rainbow asked, gesturing to a large door on the right with a white skull for a handle.

Rarity shivered. "Ugh, how tacky. How about no?" She asked. "Nothing good could possibly be behind that door. Look at that handle, it's disgusting. I won't even touch it. I won't!" She stuck her nose up.

"Fine, then I will," Rainbow said, turning the skull handle. "This is Twilights Friendship Castle, there can't be anything dangerous in here." She swung the door open, and all three of them peered inside. The room was empty, except for a giant wardrobe at the back of the room, made of some dark red sort of wood paneling.

"Oh, a closet!" Rarity exclaimed, suddenly forgetting about the handle and darting inside. "A closet means clothes, maybe I'll just take a peek." She trotted forward to the wardrobe, in the lead now, and flung open the closet doors. There was a sudden rush of wind that slammed the main door closed behind them. The wardrobe was filled with nothing but perfect darkness, and booming laughter came from within. A pair of red eyes glowed out at them, and then the room slowly filled with a thick black smoke in the shape of a giant horse, its red eyes flickering and smoking hooves prancing and kicking at the air.

"Oh, no," Twilight said. "I've heard about this! It's a NightMare!"

"What haven't you heard about?" Rainbow asked.

"NightMare's are really rare," Twilight said. "But they cause hallucinations and visions of your worst fears!"

"Pfft," Rainbow said. "Bring it on. I'm not scared of anything."

That was a good thing, then, because the NightMare shrieked loudly, rushing down to grab at them in its tendrils of smoke, and all three of them were pulled forward into the closet. The doors slammed shut with a loud clattering.

The trio woke up in an almost completely dark room, the only light coming down from a single bulb that hung from the ceiling. There were no visible walls, the room seemed to stretch into infinity.

"Okay, egghead, what now?" Rainbow asked, looking around. "Do we fight this thing or what?"

"You can't fight a NightMare," Twilight said. "And I'm not an egghead! We step into the light, face our fears, and it lets us go. It's supposed to be therapeutic."

"Well then," Rarity said. "I shall be the lady and advance first. After all, what's the worst it could possibly do?" She stepped forward into the light, and the glare of the bulb blazed down on her. The air in the room became hazy and distorted, as if gazing through a heat wave, and suddenly the walls of the Boutique popped up around them. An exact replica, supposedly, except that the walls were now painted a stunningly bright, neon orange.

Rarity twitched. "What is this?!" She exclaimed. "No! This is not acceptable!"

"Rarity, it's just a mirage," Twilight began. "It's not-"

"UNACCEPTABLE!" Rarity screamed again.

The vision continued to get worse, with clothing now appearing on all three mares, splattered with multi colored polka dots.

Rarity shrieked so loudly that Twilight felt her ears ring, and Rainbow Dash leaped forward, shoving Rarity out of the way and taking her place under the light. The walls and clothing evaporated immediately, and nothing else took their place.

"See, told you." She grinned. "I'm not afraid of anything." She took a step forward, and something crunched under her hoof. She blinked, and looked down.

"Is that an envelope?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah..." Rainbow sounded hesitant. "But why? I'm not scared of envelopes."

"Open it," Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash did open it, pulled out several papers, and looked down at them. Her eyes scanned the contents, growing wider and wider as she read, her face getting paler and losing color. Her legs looked rubbery, and she sat down on her hindquarters with a heavy thump. She said nothing but made a choking noise, tears spilling down over her face.

Rarity reached for the papers, but Rainbow snatched them away.

"What is-"

"Nothing! It's nothing!"

Twilight teleported the notes out of Rainbow's grip into her own vision, and Rainbow Dash lunged for her.

"No, don't! It's nothing!"

"Your application for the approval of the adoption of court case #13817 Name: SCOOTALOO has been reviewed following investigative procedures and unfortunately has been denied. Being as though you are a single mare with no reliable source of income, it is inadvisable at this time for adoptive proceedings to continue," Twilight read.

She put the papers down. "Rainbow Dash, you never said..."

"It's none of your business," Rainbow huffed, and crossed her forelegs, looking away.

Twilight put the papers back in the envelope, and glanced at Rarity, who shrugged, before stepping forward into the light. The envelope faded out of existence, and the wavering mist began again as something new appeared down between Twilight's front legs. Twilight looked down, paled at once, and let out a terrified shriek, before teleporting several feet away and galloping full speed into the darkness.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity both looked down at what had caused such a reaction in their friend, and exchanged a confused glance.

"Is that a quesadilla?" Rarity asked.

"She's weird," Rainbow said.

5.12 - Party For One - Slice of Life; No Spoilers

Lyra Heartstrings sat alone at her kitchen table, gazing out the shuttered window at the scenes of life she could see through the dirty pane. She saw ponies shopping, running, laughing, doing all sorts of the things that she herself liked very much to do. But she was staying indoors today, because today was a very special day. It was her birthday, a day that everypony knew came only once a year, and with varying degrees of importance depending on one's cultural background.

The walls were decorated with streamers, balloons which had been inflated several days earlier had only just begun to show the first signs of limp drooping from being taped to the walls. All of these things had been put up the day before, decorated by her best friend Bon Bon, who had been eagerly anticipating spending a day with her bestie before getting called out on an assignment at the last minute, and had left two hours later, still protesting apologies and promising to make it up to Lyra.

"If apologies were bits, none should ever want for anything," Lyra's mother had been fond of saying. And she supposed that held true now. Lyra had been looking forward to spending the day with Bon Bon, and it wasn't that she didn't have anyone else to invite, it was that she didn't WANT to invite anyone else.

Giving a soft sigh, she finally rose from the chair by the table. This wouldn't do at all, she decided. Sitting around and moping while the day passed her by was never the answer to anything. She took a deep breath, puffing out the candles in the cake that had already melted down to nubs and given the top of the cake an extra layer of wax, and plunged outside into the daylight, cringing at the sudden change from the dark of her home.

Lyra exited outside into the street, and tried visiting some of her favorite shops. Quills and Sofas didn't have anything new, that wasn't surprising. Well, they did have a new reclining lounge chair that would look fantastic in the living room, but she could never afford that. Waxworks had some new scented candles, and she did wind up purchasing one on impulse that was supposed to smell like an old barn, she liked that musty smell, but it didn't smell anything like it was supposed to and she almost immediately planned on regifting it to Minuette for her birthday next month.

From the small rows of shops she trotted down the street and stopped by the remains of the old, burned library. It was an eyesore, and an eyesore that had stood for far too long. But every time a removal crew began to pick up speed and managed to get out here to try and tear the ruins down, a decree from Princess Twilight Sparkle came out of nowhere demanding that all work stop at once because they were infringing on sacred land or a historical landmark or that they didn't have the proper paperwork. It was bull, and everyone knew it, and sooner or later this thing WAS going to come down, nostalgic memories or not.

She stood by the side of the road for a few minutes watching young children play jump rope, but seeing as they weren't her children and she didn't want to be creepy, moved on after a short while.

Quite simply, there wasn't much to interest her, although she did stop by Sugarcube Corner for a free cupcake. All she had to do was mention that it was her birthday, nopony questioned it. Although she did recall at one point last year Pinkie Pie had kicked out a young colt who'd had a fancy for cupcakes, and wound up having three birthdays in one week, or so he claimed. That had been the talk of the Bakery for weeks.

Lyra sat through the customary birthday song with patience, accepted her gift with thanks, and returned home. The cupcake was set down on the table just as a shadow fell over her, and she was grabbed from behind! Lyra shrieked, her martial arts training kicking in, and grabbed the hooves that had gone around her neck, hauling all her weight forward to fling the attacker over her head and body slam them in an overhead arc onto the floor. Except... it wasn't an attacker at all. It was someone she knew very well.

"Bonnie!" Lyra cried.

Bon Bon groaned, dazed, stars quite literally dancing around her head. "Surpriiiiise..." She said weakly.

Lyra was overjoyed to see her friend, however improbable, but... "How did you get in here?" She asked. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER happy..."

"You left the door open," Bon Bon said. "You really shouldn't do that, it's dangerous."

"What... how... but you're supposed to be in Zebrabwe! You said you were going overseas!"

"I was," Bon Bon said, staggering slowly to her feet. "But I wanted to come home and surprise you. It's your birthday, after all. I told them I couldn't go, I told them I had diarrhea. They never question that. What are they gonna say, prove it?"

"Ewwww," Lyra made a face, and lunged for her friend, wrapping her hooves around her neck.

"You put your job on the line just to be here for me?"

"Of course, that's what best friends do."

"Oh and Lyra, I got you something."

Lyra looked up with hopeful eyes, and was shocked as Bon Bon slowly stroked her foreleg down her cheek.

"...Yes?" She whispered. Their eyes locked, gazing into each other.

"Bon Bon leaned closer, whispering low and sensually into Lyra's ear. "Something you've wanted for a long, long time now..." Oh, she was just teasing now. Surely she couldn't be offering what Lyra thought she was offering.

Lyra's throat was dry, her heart racing. "Yes?" She croaked, barely managing to get the word out.

Bon Bon grinned, and suddenly held out a barn scented candle from Waxworks. "Happy Birthday!"

Lyra tried to hold back her laughter and disappointment, which were both assaulting her with equal forces. "Thank you, Bonnie. It's perfect."

5.4 - Les Mareserables - Comedy; SPOILERS

Author's Note

There WILL be episode spoilers below beginning almost immediately with the second paragraph or so, so go watch the episode, come back, and continue.

Or read on anyway. Your choice.

5.4 - Les Mareserables - Comedy; SPOILERS

The school bell rang, and with it came the wild cheers of schoolchildren who were finally let go from their daily duties after an agonizingly long wait of learning history, math and science. There was the loud, thundering pounding of little hooves as a dozen or so children raced out of the one room schoolhouse, followed by Cheerilee, who looked happy, but more than a little relieved.

"Don't forget!" She called. "I want all of you to read Chapter Two by Friday!"

Very few heard her, or if they did hear her, there was little recognition and acknowledgement that they heard her. Every single one of her pupils had gathered in the yard around Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, and all were babbling excitedly.

"Is Princess Luna really visiting all of you?" was the generalized, awed topic of the day.

"Well, not so much visiting as visited," Scootaloo said, her chest puffed out with a bit of pride. She liked the attention, and loved the look of loathing contempt on Diamond Tiara's face. "We had lessons to learn, like when I was having nightmares." She blinked suddenly, and quickly added "Not that I have nightmares anymore. I'm totally not scared of anything."

"Suuuuuuuuure you're not," Silver Spoon sneered, and Diamond Tiara laughed.

"And mine was more of a warning after I almost destroyed my sisters career and her life in an act of revenge," Sweetie Belle said. "Revenge doesn't solve anything, and I still feel re*squeak*ALLY bad about it."

"And Ah was overreactin' a little bit, and Princess Luna came to make sure Ah knew that everythin' was alright so Ah'd stop freakin' out so much," Apple Bloom said.

"So what you're saying is," Snails said slowly, gears turning in his head. "If we all do what we're not supposed to do and defy authority, we'll get all get visits from Princess Luna too!"

"Yes," Sweetie Belle said automatically. "Wait no!"

"Awweeeeesooooome," Snips whispered. That started up a general rumble of agreement from the schoolchildren.

"I'm going to go break my mom's favorite vase!"

"I'm gonna stay up all night and watch scary movies!"

"I'm gonna stop eating my vegetables!"

The three Crusaders began to strongly protest, but their cries went unheard as their classmates scattered in all directions, running for their respective homes.

"...Uh oh," Apple Bloom said.

Silver Spoon was the first to get home. Her parents ran Ponyville's only pawn shop, which took in small knickknacks and strange items and gave bits for them, as well as selling the items back to the consumer market for a considerably higher price. She flung her schoolbooks on a chair in the corner.

"Dad, I'm home!" She called.

"I'll be there in a moment!" came the voice from the backroom.

Silver Spoon worked her way around the counter, glancing this way and that, before reaching into the display case and pulling out a bronze, decorative chain. It was horribly tacky and not worth very much, but she slipped it into her saddlebag anyway. It was the first time she'd stolen anything in her life. Then she went into the back room to greet her father.

Snips and Snails walked home together, kicking rocks and laughing doofishly. Snips levitated a large stick with his horn and tattered it back and forth against the rails of a picket fence until the old mare who lived there yelled at them to stop before she called the constable. They made a run for it after that, further into town towards the square. Here there was the usual wide circle of kiosks and vendors, and Snails grinned, pointing towards the fireworks cart.

"We don't have enough bits for that, dude," Snips said.

"You want a visit from Princess Luna, right? Let's just light it and run."

"That's terrible. It might work though... you always have the best ideas, Snips."

The two colts squirmed their way towards the cart, remaining unseen, and Snips gave a nod. Snails scrunched up his face as if he was dealing with severe constipation, and after an enormous amount of effort, magically managed to light the wick of one of the rockets.

"Go, go, go!" Snips hissed, and the two made a run for it. The rocket sizzled and hissed, the vendor suddenly jerking awake and trying to put a stop to it. He was unsuccessful, and the rocket screeched, whistled and popped in a wide spiral, narrowly avoiding an unfortunately crosseyed pegasus at the muffin cart, before slamming into the produce cart across the path and obliterating it. Tomatoes, cabbages, lettuce and cantaloupes exploded everywhere in a juicy, delicious massacre.

"My cabbages!" The vendor cried.

Diamond Tiara returned home to her sprawling estate, and the butler opened the door as she approached it. She stuck her nose in the air and walked past him without a word, going up to her room and throwing her books on the table. She was having a harder time thinking of something defiant to do, which was so unusual that it infuriated her.

She was always coming up with schemes and ploys, but the one time she actually NEEDED one, nothing came!

"Miss Tiara, will you be joining us for dinner?" the butler called.

"No! Go away!" she snapped. There, that'd show him!

"Very good, Miss Tiara," the butler said flatly without the slightest bit of agitation, and she heard him receding. Why wasn't he angry?! He was supposed to be angry! Diamond placed her hooves on the underside of her work desk and flipped it over on its side, sending her books and papers flying everywhere.

On the other side of town, in the lower class district but not quite 'ghetto', for lack of a better word, Pip and Rumble were walking home together. They lived close enough to each other that they usually traveled to and from school together, but their living situations were more on the poorer side of things.

"You wanna come over and watch a scary film?" Rumble asked.

"Would I!" Pip exclaimed.

"Would you?" Rumble asked.

"Would I!"

"Would you?"

"Would I!"

"...Would you?"

They both stared at each other for a moment.

"Would I what?" Pip countered, he'd forgotten.

"Would you want to come over and watch a scary film?" Rumble asked again.

"Oh, yeah! I love a good scary flick, I do!"

The two turned to the walk and entered Rumble's house. "My folks are still at work, so we might have just enough time to watch this before they find out!" Rumble said. He set up the projector, and got a scary film from the cabinet. "Bloody Barbecue III!" He grinned. "I think it's about these folks at a party who run out of things to eat, so they start eating each other! It's my brother's."

Pip looked pale. "Maybe we shouldn't..."

"Aw, don't be a foal," Rumble said, and placed the spool in the projector.

Half an hour later, with Pip and Rumble clutching each other in terror but unable to stop watching, the front door burst open so suddenly that both colts screamed like fillies.

Thunderlane glanced at the film, then at the two of them. He'd gotten home early. "I'm telling mom," he said.

Twist was coming home from the schoolhouse as well, as they all were. She wanted to stop at the candy shop first, however, and see if she couldn't become inspired to create some new form of sweet that would sweep Equestria and make her millions of bits. Thus far, nothing had. Today, she looked at all the rows of jelly beans lined up in their little cubicles, and was struck with inspiration. Perhaps there was a way for her to get her own visit from Princess Luna right here in the candy shop!

She looked up at the proprietor, a kindly enough stallion named Sweet Tooth. "Wouldth you kindly grab me some licorith twith, fizz poppers and jaw crutherth from the back?" she asked. "I like the freth ones."

This was an unusual request, but Twist was in here so often that Sweet Tooth recognized her and her business, bowed deeply, and nodded cheerfully. "It'll be a couple minutes, I have to get them out," he said, and vanished through the hanging curtain.

Twist looked over at the rows of jelly beans, all sorted by flavor, and subsequently, color. One cubicle had nothing but blue jelly beans, one had nothing but red, one had nothing but black, and so on. She set to work almost immediately, taking the plastic scoop and mixing all of the jelly beans together! Blueberry went with Popcorn, Popcorn went with Cotton Candy, Cotton Candy went with Apple Pie, Apple Pie went with Vanilla! She worked quickly, mixing colors and flavors into all the wrong receptacles!

She finished mixing colors only moments before Sweet Tooth returned with her candy, and paid for it with a charming smile. He couldn't seen the beans from here.

"Gee, thankth!" She said quickly, and made a run for it with her candy.

A few moments later, a young colt named Neat Freak entered through the door after she had left. He had the unfortunate condition of liking things very much to be a certain way, organized and properly sorted. It was he who liked to come in and see all the jelly beans sorted by color, and for a moment all was right with the world.

It was he who began to twitch with horror upon seeing the travesty of the jelly bean tragedy, and such a loud wail escaped his lips that Sweet Tooth had to run over to see what was wrong.

"Oh the horror, the horror!" Neat Freak wailed, and it took the next two hours to calm him down.

Finally, over in Canterlot, the majority of all of these events were being watched through a large glass ball on a pedestal. It was dusk by now, Celestia had finished her audiences and reports for the day, and Luna had not yet begun hers. It was one of two moments in the day, the other being just after sunrise, when their routines clashed. And here they were both observing through the glass what had begun with a harmless enough visit to a little orange pegasus on a camping trip.

Celestia turned her head, and glared at her sister. "This is why we can't have nice things."

Luna just grinned sheepishly.

5.9 - Technical Difficulties - None; No Spoilers

This episode was absolutely amazing and I will not be writing a story for it. Anything I could do would just detract from it's legacy. In other words... I got nothing.