Zero Sum

by TailsIsNotAlone

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1258

I tried. I tried so hard to make them see, and they turned away. But it doesn't matter. Sooner or later, they will all add up to nothing...and I will still be here. *SEASON 5 SPOILERS*

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 'THE CUTIE MAP'.

Starlight Glimmer has escaped, but she is far from gone. As one dream dies, she pursues another. Is she simply running in place? Perhaps. But, so is all of Equestria.

(Cover art by DashieSparkle)

Published 2015-04-04 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-04 22:10:01 UTC

Six Points

Starlight Glimmer ended this journey just as she began--by running.

Her hooves thudded on the stone floor, their echoes mimicking the cacophony of thoughts in her mind. She was told that one never knew what they had until it was gone. Like so many other things taught to foals, it must be a lie. She knew what she had: her very own little model village, her near-perfect prototype, her escape from the chaos that still held sway in Equestria.

Now it was gone. No matter; she could build another, and another after that. Proper timing and planning would ensure that she was never caught. It was dangerous, and it was not a life she chose. But choice had never been a significant factor. She followed her vision because she must, led other ponies to it because she must, was defeated because she must be to learn from her mistakes. There were many to consider.

She had trusted the vision itself to be enough; that was a mistake. It was also necessary to embody the vision, to make herself somepony to follow. It would be a compromise, but a minor one. She had trusted a pony to see the light after only a day; another mistake, especially with one whose Mark was removed by force. She should have left them all in the Welcoming House much longer to ensure their rebellious tendencies were neutralized. She had lost control of herself and scolded her followers; perhaps the greatest mistake. It could be corrected like all the others, all the trials and agonies of life: with love and equality.

Starlight slowed to a canter, a trot, and then a jarring stop as she reached the innermost chamber of the caves. This had served as her personal sanctum before she founded Equality Village. Now it would again, if only for a short time. It was neither logical nor safe to get attached to this place, not with everypony looking for her.

She hummed a tuneless song as she gathered tinder and paper from her old supplies in the center of the floor. It was blackened already from many previous fires. Her horn now sparked the last, and she relished this moment of warmth and solace.

Her nemesis had a name, then: Twilight Sparkle. Princess of liars, destroyer of order, bane of equality. In a world of ponies too special for their own good, they didn't come any worse. In Twilight she saw everypony who had ever outshone her, embarrassed her. In that abominable Cutie Mark she saw her own disgrace. The mocking laughter of the other foals still echoed in places unheard and unseen. Starlight glimpsed that pain in the breast of one other pony, that bleeding desire for acceptance. She hoped the yellow pegasus would understand and so she trusted her, as much as she still trusted anyone.

She was betrayed. First by her and then all those she meant to love. Perhaps it was inevitable, but that did nothing to dull the pain.

"Starlight, you're all right. Starlight, sleep tight. Starlight, you're all right..." She whispered rapidly. Her mother used to sing that song to her, but it was the repetition that soothed her, not the memory. The lullaby itself was like everything else about her mother: halfhearted, weak, and lacking imagination. It was her father who shaped her, though not in the way he intended.

He was firm, demanding, uncompromising. She looked up to him with a mix of fear and awe as he led her in his footsteps. She would be the best, or be nothing; succeed where he succeeded and continue where he had stopped. Even if every pony in her class hated her, and many did, she must not relent. She burned her bridges as soon as they took her where she needed to go, for the destination was everything: the School For Gifted Unicorns.

Six points. That was how close she came to being the daughter he wanted. She might as well have scored zero.

When she failed the exam, he would not even look at her. Instead of his daughter she became a shameful memory, a ghost in her house that eventually faded. Her parents came home one night to find her gone. The old Starlight Glimmer died then, and a new one was born.

Her body shivered violently. She inched closer to the fire. How wrong her father had been, and how naive she was to follow him. As she traveled aimlessly, a few letters from former classmates occasionally found their way to her, and what they told her was a revelation. Of the ponies in her class who did reach the School, not one of them ever went on to a position in royalty or even the Magic Bureau. Trixie Lulamoon dropped out and became a traveling sideshow act. Flim and Flam were now con-artists who swindled other ponies to make a living. Sunset Shimmer gained the favor of Celestia herself, but disappeared and was never heard from again. It was then that Starlight realized the truth. To excel was to fail. To stand out was to be a target. To pursue one's talent was to gallop down that same path of destruction, where the ponies not crushed by failure were undone by their own success. It was all the same.

If all ponies ended up the same, she decided, they might as well end up there by design. The only answer was a society where neither failure nor success was possible. In her perfect town, everypony would be equal and happy. Since their differences led inevitably to dissent and ruin, they must be removed. Harmony could not survive as an ideal. It must be the only choice.

She had made it so, for a time.

Her faraway eyes focused again. Seeing her old utopia wither and warp in the flames no longer disturbed her; it did not matter. A new one would rise from the ashes, more beautiful than ever. If this Twilight thought she had truly won, she was mistaken. Not even her fellow princesses could hope to stop the inexorable march of equality. Celestia's presence in Canterlot was so radiant that she could not see how dim it was in other places. She blinded herself as much as all the other ponies who believed in her, and that would be her downfall.

They might call Starlight a revolutionary--another lie. The system would fail with or without her, was already failing. The conflicts of individuality guaranteed it. She merely waited to pick up the pieces. This time she would head for a place where the failure was realized, to make a conversion that much smoother.

Nopony could truly be special in that bedlam they called freedom. It was a cycle of deception and sickening indulgence, consuming all and producing nothing. It was pointless. But not endless, not if she could help it.

She turned and stared at her exposed Cutie Mark with contempt.

"Go away," she snapped. "Go away, go away, GO AWAY."

In the fading light, she covered it with another equal sign. She loaded her remaining magic books and supplies into her saddlebags, ready to bestow the gift of true harmony on another town. A final flash of magic from her horn extinguished the fire and plunged the cave into darkness.

She was gone. She had never been there.

Author's Note

A brief tribute to a remarkable two-part episode and an even more remarkable antagonist. I hope to see much more of her.