There Are No Words

by SmashGenesis

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Velvet, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Night Light, Other, Romance, Sex
Length: 4068

Twilight takes her special somepony home to meet her parents. Awkward hilarity ensues, and also a house fire.

Families are a wonderful thing. The goodnight kisses from your mother you received as a foal. The ball games you played with your father as a teenager. The warmth, love and compassion that they will always give you.
Twilight loves her family with all her heart, but she isn't so sure she should take Flash Sentry home to meet them just yet. But it's what all the books say she should do, so it's what she should do.
Unfortunately for Twilight, families are also great at embarrassing you. This is a story of family, love, and blazing infernos.

Editing by the incredible Bad_Seed_72! Go read her stuff!

Published 2015-06-10 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-10 02:00:02 UTC

There really aren't.

The setting sun shone on the Canterlot street one Friday evening. The streetlamps were only beginning to turn on, and the entire city was bathed in reds and purples from the sunset. Ponies milled about here and there, some returning home for the night, others setting out for a night of fun.

Flash Sentry and Twilight Sparkle fell into neither of those categories.

“Are you okay, Twilight?” Flash asked.

“Well…” his special somepony responded nervously, “I just can’t shake the feeling that this is a bad idea…”

Flash chuckled and gave Twilight a reassuring look. “It’ll be fine, sweetie. Remember all those books you read? All 147 of them?”

It had actually been 147-and-a-half because Twilight fell asleep midway through the final book, but she didn’t really feel the need to bring that up. Right now, anyway. “Yeah…”

“And what did they all say?”

“Well, chapter 41, page 173, paragraph eight of Romance for Dummies said that the ideal time to introduce one’s special somepony to their family was around the year mark, though page 59, paragraph seven of Why Do All These Mares Keep Slapping Me said it was around the year-and-a-half mark, while Oh My Gosh Just Ask Him Out Already said—”

Twilight stopped when she noticed Flash Sentry’s look, blushed, and gave an anxious giggle. “Well, the point is, all the books said that this is around the right time.”

“Well, there you go!” Flash draped his foreleg around Twilight and smiled. “We’re doing exactly the right thing.”

“I know… I just can’t shake this feeling that something will go wrong. But I really do want you to meet my family, because I think they’ll all like you! But on the other hoof, I’m so nervous!”

Flash laughed. “Oh, sweetie. It’ll be fine. After all, how could anyone not like this?” He crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.

Twilight burst into laughter. “Oh, you!”

“Seriously, though. It’ll be fine.” He pecked her on the cheek, she pecked him back, and before they knew it, they were kissing passionately, eyes closed. Locked with the other’s lips, they were all there was.

Neither heard the sound of hoofsteps coming towards them the other side of the door. In seconds, a white unicorn stood in the threshold.

Twilight let out a soft moan.

“Ah-hem.”

Flash let out a loud moan.

“I’m right here, you know.”

Twilight wrapped her foreleg around Flash, leaning into the kiss.

“GUYS!”

Twilight and Flash opened their eyes, lips still locked. A blush spread across both of their cheeks.

“Yeah, uh, I saw you two down here in the window, and figured you’d want me to let you in, but if you need more time…”

Twilight and Flash instantly broke away from each other. Flash put on his biggest, warmest, friendliest smile. “Oh, no, not at all, sir!” He grabbed the white pony’s front hoof between his own two front hooves and began to pump it up and down wildly. “It’s really an honor to meet you, you know. I just want to say before I come in that I think your daughter is the most amazing, talented, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and otherwise all-around special pony in Equestria!”

The other stallion looked at him, then said, “Er, daughter? She’s my sister.” Silence.

“Oh. Well, everything I said still applies! Minus the daughter part.”

“You can stop doing that.”

“What? Oh!” Flash stopped the hoofshake. “My bad.”

Twilight slapped her face with her hoof. This is going to end so badly. “Um, Flash, sweetie,” she said. “This is my brother, Shining Armor. Shining, this is my special somepony, Flash Sentry.” The two said their hellos, and Twilight and Flash followed Shining Armor into the house. Twilight whispered, “How could you not recognize my brother? He runs your city! And he’s your boss!”

“I’m at the bottom rung of things. He’s at the top. We don’t see each other ever,” Flash whispered back.

“He’s the Crystal Prince, for crying out loud!” Twilight hissed.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Flash said.

Shining led the two lovers to the family room. A fire crackled in the hearth. Upon two green leather couches sat Twilight’s mother, father, and Cadance. Twilight’s parents sat on one couch, and Cadance sat on the other.

“Twilight, hello!” Cadance immediately got up off the couch. Then, she and Twilight squatted down and chanted, “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

The two burst out giggling and rose back up again. “Oh, it’s so good to see you, Cadance!” Twilight wrapped her sister-in-law in a tight hug.

“You too, Twilight,” Cadance said as the two broke away from each other.

“Flash,” Twilight said, “These are my parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light.”

Flash trotted over to Twilight’s mother and bowed his head. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Night Light.”

Silence.

“Er,” Flash said, looking up but not raising his head, “is everything alright? Would you rather I say ‘Mrs. Night Light?’ I can do that.”

‘Night Light’ chuckled. “Well, I have no objections to being called ‘Missus,’ but I’m Twilight Velvet.”

“Oh. Uh… oh.”

Twilight had to suppress a groan.

“Wow,” said the real Night Light, “you’re every bit as awkward as my daughter said you are!”Everyone glared at Night Light, save for Flash, who stared at his front hooves and blushed. “What? Oooh, that was awkward in and of itself, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, darling,” said Velvet. “But at least you realized it, right?”

“Yeah! All those social skills classes are finally starting to pay off!”

Twilight said, “So! Mom, do you need any help making dinner?”

“Oh no, we already ate.”

“What!?”

“We were hungry. Sue us,” Twilight Velvet said with a shrug. She got up off the couch and trotted towards the kitchen. “There’s plenty of leftovers if you’re hungry.”

“Mom!” Twilight shouted. “That’s so ru—”

“Relax, Twily,” Shining Armor cut in. “She’s pulling your hindleg.”

Twilight sighed in relief. “Oh, thank Celestia.”

“Yeah,” said Cadance, “the takeout Chineighse should be here any moment now.”

“You ordered out!? This is a family event!”

“Pulling your hindleg.”

“Phew!”

Twilight Velvet laughed. “Oh, it’s so wonderful to have the family together! Anyway, the hayburgers are in the oven. They’ll be ready soon.” Smoke wafted in from the kitchen, along with the smell of something burning. “And speaking of which, that’s my cue!” Velvet disappeared into the kitchen.

A bead of sweat rolled down Twilight Sparkle’s nape. She laughed nervously. “So… Shining, Cadance. How are things going in the Crystal Empire?”

“Excellently,” Cadance said. “What about you? How goes the—” Cadance poorly hid a snicker—“Friendship Rainbow Kingdom?”

“Hey!” Twilight quipped. “I worked hard to come up with that name!”

“Really?” Night Light asked. “I thought you had pulled it out of a hat or something.”

“Dad!”

“What? Oh! Sorry, Twilight.”

“It’s fine…” Twilight grumbled. She took a seat by the fireplace. Flash joined her. Shining Armor sat next to his wife. Light conversation ensued for a little while.

“So,” Night Light said during a lull in the conversation, “I imagine you two are having an awful lot of sex.”

Twilight nearly gagged. “Dad!”

“You mean you’re not?”

“Dad!”

“Night Light,” Cadance said, “let me handle this.” The pink alicorn stood and trotted over to Twilight. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. Sex is a perfectly natural part of a relationship.”

Twilight’s blush intensified a hundredfold.

“Um, actually, Princess Cadance,” Flash said, “that’s something we were planning on waiting on for a while…” Twilight shot Flash a look.

“Sorry,” Flash mouthed. “My bad.”

“It’s nothing worth putting off, honestly,” Shining Armor said. Before Twilight could respond, Cadance continued, “Twilight, if you’re worried about it hurting, there are relaxation exercises you can do for that. Why, I remember the first time Shining and I did it, I was so nervous. Hay, so was he! It was in the school library, and—”

“Princess Cadance,” Flash said, “with all due respect, this isn’t really something we—”

“Oh, I get it!” Night Light said. “You’re too embarrassed to buy protection, right?”

How is this happening!? Twilight thought. How did the conversation turn to her sex life? “Dad! Please, let’s just change the—”

“Twilight,” Cadance said gently, “it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are all sorts of spells for that sort of thing, besides...”

“Wait, seriously?” Night Light asked . “I could have been casting magic all this time instead of shelling out forty bits every week for thirty-seven years?”

“Enough!” Twilight shouted. “This isn’t something either Flash or I want to talk about, so let’s just change the topic!”

A collective “Oh” followed. Apologies were mumbled, and the topic was changed.

Soon enough, Twilight Velvet poked her head out of the kitchen. “Okay, so,” she said, and Twilight Sparkle’s stomach dropped, “I may have burned the hayburgers beyond all recognition, but we have leftover takeout Chineighese from the other night if you’re all hungry now!”

“Alright!” Night Light called out, pumping his hoof. “I get to finish my Lo Mane!” Shining, Twilight Velvet, and Cadance glared at Night Light. “Er, I mean,” Night Light backtracked, “if that’s okay with the guests of honor.”

“It’s fine with me,” Flash said. “What about you, Twilight?”

Twilight sighed. Takeout wasn’t exactly the dinner she had envisioned eating when introducing her first special somepony to her parents, but… “Yeah, that’s good,” Twilight said. “I’m famished.”

Everypony trotted to the dining room while Shining Armor and Twilight Velvet heated up the food. Twilight Sparkle and Flash agreed to share a vegetable stir-fry that the restaurant had thrown in with the order as thanks for the Sparkle family’s frequent patronage.

Night Light set the silverware, grasping each trio of utensils in his magical aura, his horn scintillating.

When all six ponies sat down, Twilight Sparkle said, “So, let’s start!” She smiled. The vegetable stir-fry smelled really good. Maybe takeout wouldn’t be so bad.

“Actually,” Twilight Velvet said, “I think there’s something Shining and Cadance want to say.”

Shining Armor’s cheeks instantly crimsoned. “Mom! We weren’t even serious about that!”

“I was,” Cadance protested.

“But it doesn’t even make sense!” Shining objected.

“Oh, it’ll be fun!” Cadance insisted.

“Um,” Flash said, “somepony wanna fill in the peanut gallery here?” Twilight nodded to second his statement.

“Oh, um,” Shining said, rubbing his neck with his hoof, “well, Cadance and I have been watching lots of aneighme lately… And, um… So you know how in Neighpon they say ‘Thanks for the food,’ before eating?”

Twilight frowned. “But we aren’t in Neighpon, and we aren’t even eating their food either. It wouldn’t make any—”She stopped when she saw her brother’s eyes. They had nearly tripled in size. Water pooled at the corners as he made the most pitiful, pathetic whimpering noises.

“C’mon,” Cadance said, “for us?” She, too, made the puppy dog eyes.

Flash nudged Twilight with his muzzle. “Let’s do it, sweetie.”

“Alright,” Twilight relented. “On the count of three?”

“On the count of three!” everypony echoed.

“3… 2… 1… Thanks for the—”

The sound of the front door being bucked in boomed through the house.

“WHAT NOW!?” Twilight yelled.

Two masked unicorns, one stallion and one mare, appeared in the kitchen entryway, their horns glowing. “Everypony freeze! This is a robbery! Give us all your valuables and nopony gets hurt!”

“Wait,” Night Light said, “if we’re not supposed to move, how do we give you our valuables?”

The two would-be thieves exchanged a look. “Huh, you know,” the stallion said, “that’s actually a pretty good question.”Twilight banged her head against the table repeatedly.“Okay, new orders,” said the mare. “Don’t move unless we tell you to! And we’re telling you to give us every valuable item you own!”

Twilight stopped hitting her head, then stood.

“Hey!” the mare said. “We said not to—”

“SHUT UP! All I wanted was to enjoy an evening with my family and the one I love, and this! Evening! Was not! ENJOYABLE!”

The stallion fired a magical blast at Twilight, only for Twilight to absorb it with a flick of her head, catching it in her own horn, which began to glow a mix of her usual magenta and the stallion’s red.

“I have had to deal with awkward hoofshakes, invasive questions about my sexual habits, and takeout food!”

“And aneighme phrases!” Flash reminded her.

“And aneighme phrases! Have I mentioned that I do not. LIKE ANEIGHME!?”

“Well, er, no…” the mare squeaked as Twilight’s tail and mane began to shimmer and wave, not unlike Princess Celestia’s and Princess Luna’s.

“You know what else I don’t like? Robbers!”

Silence.

“So, um, when you say ‘robbers,’ does that mean us, specifically, or—”

“GET OUT!”

“But—”

Twilight fired a magical blast at the mare’s hooves, leaving the tile it had hit with a small flame dancing upon it. The two robbers turned tail and ran.

Twilight sat back down at the table and exhaled. “That was not what I needed.” Twilight slammed her hoof down on the table. “Let’s eat!”

“Um, actually, Twilight...” Night Light began.

“No! Not another word!”

“Er, I really think you should—” Cadance said, only to be cut off by Twilight again.

“Sweetie, I really think you should take a look at the floor,” Flash said.

“Fine…” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes. She looked at the floor.

It was on fire.

Twilight shrieked. “Let’s get out of here!”

The six made a rush for the front door.

“Wait!” Night Light shouted as soon as they had made it to the front porch.

“What is it!?” Twilight demanded.

“Yours and Shining’s baby pictures! I can’t leave them!” And without another word, Night Light bounded back inside and up the stairs.

“Dad!” Twilight shouted. “No!”

But it was already too late.

“Um, can’t you just put it out with your magic?” Flash asked.

Twilight shook her head. “Dousing spells are incredibly difficult, even for the smallest of fires. Only Princess Luna and Star Swirl the Bearded have ever successfully put out anything larger than a bonfire!”

The house continued to burn, the crimson blaze dancing in the night. Ponies came out of their houses to see what was happening. They began to murmur among themselves, but that soon turned to panic. Screams filled the night.

Then, Shining Armor’s horn glowed. He spoke, his voice amplified by his magic. “I need all unicorns to help me contain this fire!”

Everypony’s eyes turned to Shining. He continued, “We may not be able to put this fire out right now, but we need to prevent it from spreading! While we do that, I need all the pegasus ponies to gather as many rainclouds as possible! There’s somebody trapped in there! We need to work as quickly as we can!”

Every unicorn and pegasus immediately sprang to action. The unicorns’ horns glowed, and each pegasus took to the skies.

“That means me, too,” Flash said to his special somepony.

Twilight sighed.

“Everything’s gonna be fine, don’t worry. We’ll save your dad,” Flash insisted.

“I hope so…” Twilight whispered. “I don’t know what I’ll do without him.”

Flash began to flap his wings.

“Wait!” Twilight said. “About tonight… I’m sorry it’s turned out like this. I really am.”

Flash looked like he was about to say something, only for Cadance to call out, “Hey, Twilight! We need you, too!”

Cadance was right, Twilight knew. She had to do her part to save her father!“Right!” She turned back to Flash. “I’ll handle things here. And… I love you.”

Flash smiled. “I love you too, sweetie. Now go!”

Twilight turned as Flash Sentry took off. She stood next to Cadance and faced the home she had lived in for so many years. No matter what happened tonight, this home would be destroyed.

And no matter what happened, her family would get through it. Her entire family would get through it.

Twilight’s horn flared a brilliant magenta as she added her vast magic to the pink bubble surrounding the fire.

Contrary to common belief, mystically containing a fire is quite difficult, even for two alicorn princesses and a team of unicorns. Fire is one of the most magic-imbued entities in all of Equestria. It has a mind of its own, a life of its own. Bending it to a pony’s will, even containing it, no matter how talented in arcane arts the pony, is an arduous task.

Twilight did not know how long she funneled her power into the containment field. She did not know how long the blaze lasted. She knew nothing, save for the fierce determination to save her father, and her unshakeable belief that Flash Sentry would come through with the rainwater.

Finally—finally—the sound of wings flapping above penetrated Twilight’s ears. She did not dare look up, for she had to devote all her strength to maintaining the field.

“Twilight!” Cadance yelled. “Twilight! You have to let go now! The rainclouds are ready!”

With a sigh of relief, Twilight released her magic and the field. Water poured down from the multitude of clouds the team of pegasi had gathered.

Within moments, the fire was extinguished.

Twilight, Flash, Cadance and the others lifted the smoldering remains of the Sparkle family’s house, Twilight and the unicorns using telekinesis and Flash, Cadance, and everypony else lifting and flying the ashen remnants away.

“Dad!” Twilight Sparkle called out as she worked.

“Sweetie!” Twilight Velvet called even louder as she rummaged through the wreckage.

Their cries were met with only the silence of the stars above.

Twilight Sparkle felt a constricting sensation in her chest. This was her fault! All her fault! If she had been a bit more careful with her magic, the house wouldn’t have caught on fire…

Water began to pool in her eyes, tears slipping one at a time down her face.

He was gone.

Twilight trotted slowly over to her mother. The two embraced.

“I’m so sorry, Mom.”

Twilight’s words were met only with her mother’s hysterical sobs and the tightening of her forelegs around her neck.

Shining Armor too wept, his arms also wrapped around the neck of somepony he loved.

“Hey,” Cadance said, “we’re gonna get through this.”

Flash strode over to Twilight Sparkle and Velvet, then hugged the both of them. “I’m sorry it turned out like this…”Nopony said anything. Although Twilight knew Cadance’s words to be true, she also knew that they would never, ever recover from it. Not fully.

After what seemed like forever, Twilight broke away from the forelegs of her mother and Flash.

She wandered through the space where her house had been. She recognized where the living room had been… the kitchen… the stairs to the second floor…

And then she saw it. A black, hoof-shaped object sticking out from underneath a collapsed section of ceiling.

Twilight galloped towards it, levitating as much of the debris away as she could—and underneath it lay her father, one foreleg splayed out, the other clutching two pictures to his chest.

“Guys, over here!” Twilight yelled. “I found him!” Tears streamed down her face again, but not out of sorrow.

***

They immediately was Night Light rushed to the hospital, whereupon he was admitted to the emergency room. Twilight, Flash, Cadance, Shining Armor, and Velvet all sat in the waiting area. None of them said a thing.

After six hours, a doctor stepped out of treatment room. “Well,” the unicorn began, “he’s got some pretty bad burns that will never fully go away… but he’s in stable condition. He’s going to be alright.”

Everypony cheered. Twilight felt as if a weight had been lifted from her hooves. Based on her family’s expressions, they did, too.

“Can we see him, Doctor Feel Good?” Twilight Velvet asked.

“He’s asleep right now, and he needs his rest. But you’ll be the first ponies he sees when he wakes up.”

Night Light was soon enough given a room of his own, and the rest of the Sparkle Family and Flash Sentry waited by his bedside.

At about the twelve-hour mark, Twilight took Flash out into the hall.

“Is everything okay, sweetie?” Flash asked, then realized what he’d said. “I mean. Aside from. You know.”

Twilight giggled, then turned serious. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

Flash cocked his head to the side. “For what?”

“For… Well, I know it seems stupid now, given all that’s happened… But I’m sorry for the way my family acted… if they made you feel uncomfortable.”

It was Flash’s turn to laugh, and Twilight’s to cock her head to the side. Flash kissed her forehead. “Are you kidding?” he asked as he pulled away. “Your family is awesome.”

“Say what now?”

“Twilight,” Flash said, “I never had a family growing up. I was raised in an orphanage. I never had a mother to burn hayburgers, or a dad to ask me awkward questions about awkward things, or a brother to watch aneighme with.”

“Oh, Flash…” Twilight said. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, sweetie. There’s nothing to be done now, you know?” Flash replied, and Twilight knew he meant it. “Honestly, just seeing just how devoted your family is to each other, even with all their quirks and oddities… There are no words for how happy that makes me. Happy that you have such a great family, and happy that I could feel like I’m part of it, even though I’m not.”

Twilight smiled. Then, her face turned a dark scarlet. She looked away, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck.

“Well, um,” she stammered, looking at Flash Sentry out of the corners of her eyes. “Maybe, uh… Maybe you should be a part of this family. For real. I mean. You know. If you, uh, want to. I mean, I’d like it, but if you don’t—”

Flash reached over and kissed Twilight, who immediately went silent. As they broke away, his cheeks red and warm, Flash said, “Sounds great.”

Then they went back to kissing.

The two returned to the rest of their family sometime later and continued their vigil, their hearts just that little bit happier.

After another three hours, Night Light’s eyes peeled open.

“Heeeeey guuuuuys,” he slurred, a bit loopy from the painkillers. “What’d I miss?”

Twilight Velvet burst into tears and hugged her husband. “YOU OWE ME SO MUCH APOLOGY SEX!”

“Mo-m!” Twilight said, her cheeks flushing.

“What?” Velvet turned to her daughter. “How do you think you and your brother got here?”

“We’re apology babies!?” Shining gasped.

“Shush, you,” Velvet said, then went back to crying into her husband’s chest.

“Iiiiiii’m not complaining,” Night Light slurred again.

“Also, Flash and I are getting married.”

Velvet, Cadance, and Shining stared.

“Sorry,” Twilight said, “is this a bad time to say that?”

More silence.

Then, Night Light asked, “Will there be Chineighsssse at the reception?”

Flash looked to Twilight, who then replied, “Yes, Dad, there’ll be Chineighse.”

“Awesommmmmme. I can’t wait to go back home and finish my Lo Mane.”

And he promptly fell back asleep, his snores echoing in everypony’s ears.

“Oh my goodness,” Twilight Velvet said, “I just realized—where will your father and I live? Everything we owned was in the house. We have money in the bank, but not nearly enough to buy another home.”

Somber silence once more filled the room.

Then, Cadance said, “Come stay with us until you can find a place of your own, Velvet. I’m sure you’ll find someplace to go in the Crystal Empire.”

“I…” Velvet was at a loss for words.

“C’mon, Mom,” Shining said. “You’ll get to live in the castle for a while!”

“I’m in,” Velvet said without missing a beat.

The five conscious ponies laughed.

“Anyway, Dad probably needs some sleep,” Shining said. “I say we go get food. We never got to finish our meal!”

Everypony agreed. As Shining, Cadance, and Velvet left, Flash and Twilight trailed behind.

“So,” Flash said, “still think this was a bad idea?”

Twilight blushed. “No, I don’t. In fact, it was a great idea. Who knew this would all lead to us getting engaged?”

Flash and Twilight shared a chuckle.

“Hey, Twilight?” Flash said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

THE END

Author's Note

And then they got divorced!

Well, no, not really, but we can all dream, right? Hope you enjoyed the story!