How S5E1&2 Should Have Ended / F**k Equality

by IceQB

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1224

It should have ended over here rather than 40 mins of a two-parter, that's if it's totally equal for ponies.No one does anything out of line, but ironically, a certain some pony has.

When you step out of line, sometimes it's because you're new. But how could I have not seen this coming? I mean, how harmless can a town of zombies, six ponies and a song be?

Everyone is supposed to be equal, right? Someone isn't playing fair now, is she... At least give every pony a fair share, because total equilibrium, that's why.

Also, I ship her and Double Diamond.

Rated T for profanities.

Might contain head-canon that you don't approve of. Pft.

Published 2015-04-05 18:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-05 18:30:02 UTC

No fair!

"Starlight! We have some new visitors!" There was a loud, happy voice that reminded me too much of my foalhood days.

I hated my foalhood days.

Allowing myself a sigh, I stood up and stretched. "Practicing magic has became increasingly difficult with these new ponies in town," I lamented. "Everypony's talking about it, especially Double Diamond. He has been such a deary, especially after I picked him up after he fell from that terrible accident. Such a wonderful messenger. I could turn him back and... no no, remember, Starlight Glimmer. It has to be done to not upset the delicate balance of my wonderful town."

I put on that facade that I had grown to get accustomed to and faced the door; it was something I needed to keep my reality alive, or so I believed.

I readied myself, double checking my smile with my mirror on the wall, and pushed the door open, allowing full view of the six new ponies in town. Two pegasus, two earth ponies, a unicorn... and what's this? An Alicorn?

Perhaps normality had forced my lips to open, but a big 'welcome!' was heard coming out of my mouth. Batting my eyelids, I took a stride forward as casually as I could without being trying to be different. "We're so pleased to have you here!"

Not. I have a feeling about this... Alicorn.

The blue pegasi sighed as deary introduced them to me. Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle. The six that stood in front of me bore smiles that I had not seen in a while. A long while. Yet, the clockwork in my head spun as I heard the last name. Twilight Sparkle. I think I've heard that name before.

Her face was as familiar as Celestia, yet I was stumped. Who exactly was she? There's a small chance I might have seen this pony somewhere, but I'm not quite sure yet. Where...

My eyes flew to her mane, and the cloud of dust dissipated from my head. Any sense of doubt was quickly replaced by feelings of surprise. Could it be? From magic kindergarten? Could it be that foal that stuck by...

And that feeling changed in an instance; the kettle in me boiled. Sparkle. I don't believe she actually turned into a...

I scooped low in an attempt to look at her cutie mark, but her wings were slightly blocking it. All I saw was a tiny, pointy, pink edge. An oddly familiar, tiny, pointy, pink edge.

Fuck. Definitely Twilight. Definitely an Alicorn.

Holding back all hostile thoughts, I plastered a smile across my face. "Forgive my bluntness, but I'm assuming it's Princess Twilight Sparkle?" I asked, with definite malicious intent that I had yet to figured out what. "We don't get any Alicorns around here."

Fuck Alicorns. Fuck Princess Twilight Alicorn Fucking Sparkle.

"Yes, but Twilight is fine," said the purple pain-in-the-ass. She said it with a genuine sincerity that it almost caused me to gag. She was always so nice. Always Celestia's number one. Fuck her humility. Fuck her magic, fuck her, fuck everypony! I bet Celestia must have sent her here to... no no, don't scare yourself again, Starlight Glimmer. You don't want to break into song!

In an attempt to break my train of thought, I threw the first word everypony would say after snapping back into reality. "So!" What came after was an attempt at conversation.

"How did you hear of our little village?"

And the attempt at genuine smiling at her came next. I barely wanted her around back then, I certainly did not want her right now. She's going to ruin everything!

I shuddered at that thought as slightly as possible, hoping others couldn't catch me. Calm down, Starlight Glimmer. We don't want them to feel I'm different. Because... I'm not different! I'm like them! I'm as equal as them! I made everyone equal!

A million other cynical thoughts ran through my head. Acid? Fire? Magic? I need a solution, and fast.

"It's kind of a long story. Let's say we found it on a map," said Twilight Sparkle. It wasn't long before her pink friend butted in and added "Technically, it's a tree-chest-castle-map!'

"Well," I resisted rolling my eyes too much, "However you found us, we're happy to have you! We're happy to have anypony who wants to experience true friendship for the first time."

Hmph. Not like you know any of it. You were always in the library studying, and studying, and studying. You didn't come to my birthday party when I invited you! None of you--

I quickly took a breath and forced myself to stop thinking, focusing on the open space in front of me. But it's all different now. I have friends now! More than you can imagine!

"Say what?" said the orange pony spoke with a remarkably thick country accent. Think that one's Applejack. Hope she ain't an apple jacker. Ha, ha. I'm so funny. Ha. Ha... Maybe I should have drawn smiley faces on everyone's flank instead.

"Oh indeed. That's what's so unique about our village, you see. Around here, we don't flaunt our special talents because, we don't have any special talents to flaunt!"

"Is that why you all have those cutie marks?" said purple annoyance as she pointed over to my flank. Ah, my proudest work. Celestia would be so, so proud of me. She better be. I mean, after all these years, she should be at least appreciate of my work at least once, right? Right?! I mean, after all these precious efforts I have put forth to made everyone's life happy, I should be happy right? Right?! Then why am I so angry now--

The thin wire that held my sanity snapped. I should have given it credit for holding on so long, but alas, my mind crumbled. The vision in front of me blinked rapidly. Blue turned into white, and gold turned into black.

I smiled devilishly inside. "Perhaps it will be easier to understand if I gave you a tour of the village!"

I turned to face a button by the door which activated music throughout the town. The same music that played every single time there was a new pony around.

With a sense of enthusiasm, I gathered every pony and started marching. One by one, they followed suit until I had an army of ~~blind, dumb~~ lovely, wonderful ponies. Oh, how I ~~hated~~ loved them!

"Life is so grand in our town!" I begun to sing as sounds of hooves ~~joyously~~ dreadfully flocked to my ears. I was supposed to carry on singing, but some pony threw himself in front of me.

"That's not fair! She's singing a solo! I feel like everyone should sing a solo!" screamed that pony.

The march continued playing, but instead of a chorus of beautiful voices, what happened next was total chaos. Everyone started singing their own songs. There was no rhythm, beat or tune to anything.

I screamed, but it had been drowned out by utter madness. "Now everyone's equal!" bellowed that pony.

Ten minutes and two hundred solos later, I gave everyone their cutie marks back in exchange for them shutting the fuck up.

Author's Note

LOL I blame my brother and his over-analytical brain.