Like, This Shouldn't be Possible
“Oh, yes… oh, yes—no, don’t stop, Rainbow… that’s it, yes, it’s happening, I’m—ahhhh...”
Spike pushed Rainbow Dash away and moaned as she jerked back in the nick of time. Like a single cork holding back a city dam, gallon after gallon of his milky dragon semen gushed forth, not stopping until he had filled the cloudy reservoir before him.
“Whew… phew… oh, Rainbow, you’re a natural at this. Whoa…” Spike panted, leaning against the mare who had so thoroughly pleasured him. “I mean, I know why we’re doing this, but… phew… too bad we can’t, y’know, keep this up.”
“Hey, take it easy, loverdragon.” Rainbow chuckled. “I don’t want to get your hopes up too much. But thanks for helping me out with this.”
Spike finished panting and gave a sweeping bow. “No, thank you, Rainbow Dash. Twilight was good and all, but you obviously have way more experience.” He paused. “Uhhh… I don’t mean, like, anything bad by that—”
Rainbow patted Spike’s back and laughed again. “Hey, it’s all good. I mean, who doesn’t have more experience than little miss egghead, am I right?”
“Oh. Well, when you put it that way, sure,” Spike said. He looked into the hollowed-out cumulus cloud, almost perfectly camouflaging its salty contents. “So, uh, d’you think you… got enough yet?”
“Hmmm.” Rainbow put a hoof to her chin and looked around at the other clouds behind her house. “We’ve been at this for the last week. Every time, you’ve filled one of these cumuli. Now, if two of your loads is enough to fill these babies, and just one is enough to fill Twilight’s bathroom, I’d say we have… uh, help me out here?”
Spike wiped off the last vestiges of his eruption onto the cloud next to him and frowned. Lifting his claw, he counted. “One, two, three… ten cumuli. Whoa. This could fill Twilight’s bathroom at least twenty times over!”
Rainbow Dash grunted, her grin slowly spreading until finally she burst out laughing. “Eee-yes! This is gonna be too awesome even for me!”
Spike stared at the cumuli filled with a week’s worth of his gluggy jizz; apart from his latest spunk-session, and despite the other clouds having their tops closed off, most of his dragonic deluge had begun to congeal. It was just as well those clouds were great at absorbing the smell…
“I still can’t believe I can even do this. I mean, if I can make so much, I wonder how much full-grown dragons…” He shuddered as Rainbow continued rolling on the cloud, her cackles filling his ears.
Finally, Rainbow sat up and wiped a tear from her eye. “Twilight is going to be so pissed. Totally worth it though, right?”
Spike just nodded, wringing his claws. “Er, yeah… look, Rainbow.” He raised a claw. “Thinking about it now, I’m not so sure about this—”
Blue and magenta filled his vision at the same time all his breath left his body. Gasping, he stared up from the cloud’s surface into Rainbow’s murderous gaze.
“Oh, no, buddy,” she growled, pressing further into his gut. “Nu-uh. You can’t turn around and pull out of this after I’ve given you a week’s hard servicing. Do you have any idea how sore I am right now?” She pressed her muzzle in closer. “You agreed to this. It’s happening. I’ve held up my end of the deal, so no way in Equestria is this not happening.”
Spike gulped and nodded quickly.
“Good.” Rainbow removed her hooves and face from Spike’s body and looked off the edge of the cloud. There was Ponyville, only a few lights on while the night’s last stragglers sipped a final cup of cocoa, or read their foals bedtime stories… among other more private things.
And there—glinting in the moonlight, every bit as shiny as the stars above—Twilight’s brand new crystalline palace stuck out like a sore hoof on the landscape.
“So, Rainbow…” Spike sat up and took a deep breath. “I’m just a little, uh, worried about what Twilight’s gonna do to me. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past her to take a page out of Princess Celestia’s book and shoot me to the moon.”
“Spike, she’s not gonna find out it was you.” Rainbow ruffled the scales atop his head. “I’ll just say I got some other dragon to do it. After all, she’s been asleep every time I’ve come to get you, right?”
“Yeah…”
“And she’s always been asleep when I dropped you back?”
“Yeah…” Spike scratched the side of his neck and looked down at the palace.
“And has she asked you any questions at all about where you might have been if she’d woken up between these times?”
“Well, no—”
“Then you’re all good!” Rainbow gave him a gentle pat on the back. “You’ve got a perfect alibi. No problem, little guy!”
Spike crossed his arms and frowned. “Little…”
Rainbow snerked. “Oh-kay, you’re not that little. Gotta say though, you do a pretty good job of keeping yourself tucked away. All this time I’ve known you, I wondered where you stash that thing.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “You did?”
“Uh… I mean, not that I thought of it often… or anything…” Rainbow blushed. “Anyway, did you give Twilight a good enough reason why you won’t be home tonight?”
Spike nodded. “Yup. Told her Rarity and I’d be visiting the gem fields early in the morning. I found a book in the library about gems, and there’s a special type of rainbow gem in it called Twilight’s Dawn. The book said it can only be unearthed just before sunrise, so I told Rarity about it and she insists we get an early start.”
“And does Rarity know about, y’know…” she waved a hoof between them. “This?”
“Nah.” Spike waved a dismissive claw at her. “I told her the reason I needed the cloud-walking spell was so you could take me flying around the place and get me used to heights. I’m a dragon after all—I’m gonna get my wings one day, right? What kind of dragon’s afraid of heights?”
“And... she didn’t ask why Twilight couldn’t do it?”
“Oh yeah, she did. But I just told her that Twilight wasn’t real comfortable with me zooming around without wings. When she said she shouldn’t go behind Twilight’s back, that’s when I told her about Twilight’s Dawn in return for her silence.”
“Huh.” Rainbow shook her head and smiled. “Remind me not to pull any pranks on you, Spike. You’re a pretty smart guy.” She gestured to her back. “Now hop on. I’ll take you back to Rarity’s so you aren’t pooped in the morning to go into the fields with her. You are not gonna want to be within a thousand feet of Twilight tomorrow.”
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke the next morning, not to Celestia’s usual gentle sunrise, but to a darkened, eerily quiet bedroom. With a loud yawn, she stretched her hooves up over her head and sighed as her shoulders popped. After squinting around the room, she lit up her horn and shined a beam of light at the cuckoo clock above her bedhead.
Huh? Eight-thirty? But why is it so dark? The sun should be up at six-thirty. Her blood ran cold. Oh no! What if Celestia slept in? Or what if… Nightmare Moon returned? Instinctively, she looked out her bedroom window and cocked her head, mouth open and eyebrow raised.
What’s going on? I don’t remember any fog being in today’s weather schedule.
Muttering about improper weather forecast reports, Twilight leapt out of bed and removed her pajamas. She trotted to her bedroom door and looked down the hall. All of it was dark, as not a single ray of sunlight penetrated the unnaturally dense fog. She made her way to the chamber of thrones and looked up; not even the skylight in the ceiling let anything through.
With a sigh, Twilight made her way to the palace doors. This is unacceptable, Rainbow Dash. You can’t just not tell me these things. Now I’m two hours late opening the library. She threw the palace doors open, and was met with a rather nasty stench.
“Urgh!” Twilight held her nose and backed away. “What the hay is with this fog?”
As she stared at the solid white sheet, she slowly lowered her hoof from her nose. Breath held, she pressed a hoof into the disgusting curtain. Her hoof sank only half an inch into it before she withdrew it quickly; it felt like silly putty, only thicker. And by Celestia, that stench…
Twilight blinked. She looked at her hoof.
She blinked again. She stared at the curtain.
She blinked yet again, twice this time. She held her hoof to her nose, remembering how only two weeks earlier, a very similar smell had filled her bathroom.
“No. No, no, no, no, no!” Charging up her horn, Twilight teleported outside and spun around, appearing outside the doors in midair. Her jaw dropped as she took in the sight of her palace.
It was as if Pinkie Pie had made a palace-sized wedding cake, and covered it in layer upon layer of white-chocolate frosting. There was not a spire to be seen, no window to be found, no balcony protruding out from the side. No blue, sparkling exterior. No pink highlights. No visible astronomy tower.
Just a literal mountain of hardened, congealed dragon jizz.
For a very long time, Twilight said nothing. Then, she gulped and turned around. A vein pulsed in her neck. Her left eye began to twitch. Her fur stood on end.
“You have got to be shitting me.”
In the far, far east, way over the ocean, Rainbow Dash soared toward the Kingdom of Griffonia. She knew not when she would return to Ponyville, or if she ever would. But the broad smile across her face told it all. Heck, if she listened hard enough, she could almost hear Twilight’s mountain-levelling scream. She could even picture the enraged, alternate white-and-red form Twilight had taken only once before, when all semblance of understanding Pinkie Pie had eluded the logic-grounded unicorn so long ago.
Rainbow chuckled to herself. Gee-gee, Twilight Sparkle. Nopony out-pranks Rainbow Danger Dash.
Author's Note
I'm not sorry.
