Would you do Discord?

by NixWorld

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 2352

Twilight asks Celestia a rather… surprising question.

Twilight asks Celestia a rather… surprising question.

Cover art by ZantyARZ

EDIT: Story now approved by The Goodfic Bin and Nonpareil Fiction group! Yay!

Published 2015-04-05 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-05 20:20:01 UTC

Would you?

Celestia calmly walked around one of the castle hallways. On each side of the hall were differently decorated doors which lead to different rooms. Most of these rooms were bed chambers for some of the nobles and guests which strangely enough, filled a vast majority of the Castle hallways, bare of any decorations. However, apart from the amazing coat of a calm orange making its way through the rectangular windows from the morning sun, this particular hallway on the other side of the castle lacked doors and ponies. This aspect suited Celestia well, especially when she took a few calm walks around the castle.

Although, the peaceful reign of the empty hallway didn’t last long as Celestia heard loud hoofsteps from one of the corners of the hallway. As the hoofsteps got louder and louder, the pony who they belonged to was now visible as Celestia spotted her protégé. Twilight Sparkle appeared from the end of the hallway not long before she quickly trotted towards Celestia with a smile on her face.

“Good morning, Twilight,” Celestia smiled.

Twilight stopped to catch her breath for a few seconds. “Good morning… Princess.” Twilight trotted closer to her.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Celestia asked, curious as to why Twilight was already up so early.

Twilight smiled even more. “Yes, Princess. There is in fact something you can help me with.”

Celestia was now even more curious. She hadn’t assigned Twilight with any tasks at the moment so she found it kind of odd that Twilight would need assistance from Celestia herself. She doesn’t usually expect Twilight to ask her anything this early in the day. It was however possible that she got caught up with some studies in her free time and wanted assistance from Celestia with some topic she was interested in. That would be no surprise.

“Of course. How may I help you?”

Twilight was slightly sweating. It was probably Celestia’s sun being a few thousand kilometres to the left than usual. She needed to take a mental note to fix that later.

Twilight wiped the sweat off her brow and spoke. “You see… I was doing these… studies on the Dark Ages, and came across some information over some enemies I and my friends encountered. You know… Chrysalis, King Sombra, Nightmare Moon… and other enemies we haven’t heard of.”

Celestia nodded. “Yes, my sister and I have had loads of adversaries during the years. Adversaries whose crimes we cannot forgive.”

Twilight raised her hoof slightly. “Yes, yes, I totally agree with you on that. But that’s not why I’m here.”

Celestia was expecting the need to explain all of these different enemies to Twilight.

She had a confused look. “Then what can I help you with, Twilight?”

“Well first, I was going to ask you why the majority of these events happened one thousand years ago but then I stumbled across some of Discord’s information. Some of it said that Discord lived in the palace? And both of you were close friends?”

Celestia didn’t know why but she was slightly worried about something. Must be the heat. That sun is getting really irritating.

“That is correct. Discord used to live in the palace. And yes, we were also close friends during the Harmony Ages. Until Discord did an act of-“

Twilight interrupted Celestia before she could start explaining. “I already read on that… your majesty. Although, there is one piece of information which I doubt.”

In hearing that, Celestia’s curiosity raised. “And what shall that be?”

“Is it true that both of you went on romantic strolls around the Canterlot Garden every Friday?”

Celestia’s heart skipped a beat upon hearing that. Was that true? It’s been so long, she can hardly remember. Celestia can’t lie to herself, she remembered perfectly. But how the hay did Twilight get this information?

Celestia glanced right and left shortly before answering. “Twilight, where did you get this information?” Celestia had a serious look but she was quickly panicking inside.

“In the Canterlot archives.” She grinned. “There are books over there filled with different kinds of information,” her look turned back to a curious one. “So is it true?”

Celestia was actually sweating. For once, it wasn’t for the unrelenting heat of her sun. “Twilight, why don’t I help you with what you needed help with? I have a few duties to attend to.”

Well if Celestia can count curling up in a ball and hoping nopony finds out about the romantic strolls a duty, well, yes, she would have plenty of duties to attend to… plenty.

“Yes, your majesty. To be honest, I only came here to ask you one question. Sorry if I got caught up with all the other ones,” Twilight apologized.

Celestia wanted to get this question over with so she can escape this possibly disastrous conversation. Unfortunately, she had just realized she could have escaped this conversation from the beginning she started to feel a bit of worry. No, she shouldn’t think of the negative. Although, what’s the worst that Twilight could ask?

“Would you do Discord?”

Celestia now has opened a gateway she cannot close. She suddenly felt ultimately dumb for continuing the talk when she really should have stopped it. What should she have said? She didn’t really know the answer. But she couldn’t lie. That would be the one thing she wouldn’t want to do to Twilight or to anypony. But, should she? No. Of course not. Surely there’s another way out of this conversation without leading to complete embarrassment in front Twilight, right?

“Umm, Twilight, don’t you think… that isn’t important?”

Twilight chuckled. “Of course it’s important! How else would I know how to comfort you if Discord gets turned to stone again?”

Even for a princess, Twilight’s mind was still young. But Celestia honestly thought her question could have been a less… embarrassing one.

Celestia was about to speak when suddenly they heard another voice coming from the hallway.

“Good morning, your majesties,” one of Celestia’s Royal Guards said as he walked towards the princesses. “What brought both of you in this part of the castle so early?”

Celestia felt relieved that one of her guards made his way here. She could surely shift the conversation with him, making her previous conversation with Twilight totally forgotten. It will be perfect.

“Good morning, Captain Solar,” Twilight replied with a smile. “I was just asking Celestia if she would do Discord.”

Way to go with the subtlety, Twilight. Celestia thought as she lost faith in her previous plan of shifting the topic.

Captain Solar was slightly surprised at first. Well, he was actually really surprised. But not long after, his curiosity got the better of him and he turned to Celestia.

“Would you?” Solar asked.

Celestia didn’t know what to do. Should she have ordered the guard to carry on with his duties? No, that would automatically lead to the ‘yes’ answer. If she said ‘yes’, then that could lead to months of chatter around the castle. And if she said ‘no’… well, it would still lead to chatter. And probably Discord turning Equestria into his playground again.

“Uhh…well... you see,” Celestia chuckled. “I… don’t… know?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and the guard smirked. “I’m pretty sure you would know, Princess,” Twilight said.”

Celestia couldn’t have just said ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to Twilight and tell her not to tell anypony. Heck, there was a guard right next to them. And even if she did convince Captain Solar to keep his mouth shut, there might have been nobles listening from downstairs, thieves just outside the walls, changeling disguised as Captain Solar… Pegasi in the rooftops…

“Celestia? Why are you looking up?” Twilight asked.

Celestia just noticed she was staring at the ceiling for anything suspicious. Her head remained upwards as she tried to muster up an excuse. “Me? Looking up? I was just… umm… stretching my neck! Yeah…”

Captain Solar leaned towards twilight. “Demigods need to stretch?”

Twilight’s response was a shrug followed by a confused look. “Well, sometimes I stretch. But I’m an artificial Alicorn, Captain.”

“What’s an artificial Alicorn?” Solar asked as he is not a bookworm like Twilight.

“An artificial Alicorn is a pony born a Pegasus, Earth Pony or Unicorn who was later transformed into an Alicorn during their life. Like me.”

Solar slowly nodded his head. “What makes Celestia then?”

As their conversation continued, Celestia was preparing to leave. However, luck wasn’t on her side today. Which ultimately lead her to bumping into another guard. This time, it was one of Luna’s Bat Ponies.

“Pardon our clumsiness, ma’am. But we hath urgent news to be reported to one of thy soldiers,” the guard thought for a second. “Captain Solar, if we are correct.”

Celestia sighed at the very close, yet very far away escape from her much too curious student. She looked back to see if there was still time to make a swift getaway but Twilight and Solar already spotted the Bat Guard next to Celestia. She and Luna’s Guard trotted back to Twilight and Solar.

Solar, after wondering for a few seconds, recognized the bat pony. “Night Shade? What’s wrong?”

Shade trotted in closer. “We hath urgent, appalling news to be reported to thee,” he hesitated for a few seconds. “One of thy recruits, Double Dagger, tried to… hit on Dark Moon’s sister.”

Solar was shocked. “Hit? What caused this recruit to resort to violent actions?”

Shade slowly shook his head. “No, not that kind of hit,” Shade said.

After a brief moment of thinking, Solar caught up. His face dropped to even more shock than before. “B-but, she’s a-“

“Yes.”

“And he’s a-“

“Correct.”

Solar quickly turned to Twilight. “Quick question. Do Bat Ponies and regular ponies mix well?”

Twilight shrugged. “I don’t see why not. If Draconequi and Alicorns mix well, I guess Bat Ponies and regular ponies would mix well as well.”

Night Shade slightly bowed, not giving much thought to what Twilight just said since he had more pressing matters to attend to. “Thank thee, Madame, for thy time,” Shade looked at Solar. “Let’s fix this trouble.”

Solar nodded and accompanied Shade towards the end of the hallway. Only god knows what troubles they might face with the so called recruit hitting on one of his superiors. Probably a few extra hundred wing ups as a punishment.

Celestia, on the other hoof, was not happy at the slightest. Twilight is much too curious to give up on asking that question and Celestia is way too paranoid and embarrassed to even answer said question. It wasn’t a nightmare for Celestia, just a really uncomfortable position she got herself into.

Celestia couldn’t stand this anymore. It’s time to wing it, and see what comes.

Later

Celestia twisted and turned on her bedsheets as she tried to forget what just happened. Sure, she might be a bit too sensitive when it comes to ponies wanting to calmly chat to her about the news, but it’s been centuries since she’s felt the embarrassment she feels now. And that’s a lot to take for somepony who has lived for thousands of years.

After lying in bed for a while, she heard a knock from the door. Knowing that there were guards absolutely everywhere, it was unlikely if not impossible that some random pony made it to her chambers during these times, so she decided to open. It was Luna.

“Sister, is there something troubling thee?” She helped herself inside. “We hath encountered numerous ponies wanting to speak with you.”

Celestia shook her head. “Don’t worry, Lulu, its fine.” She chuckled. “Twilight asked me today if I would do Discord.”

Luna had a surprised look on her face. “Oh? And what was thy response to such question?”

“I didn’t really have an answer to that. Any answer would have led to the same amount of embarrassment. So I just said ‘yes’ just to prevent Discord from being offended and from taking over Equestria again.”

Luna was quite annoyed at Twilight for asking such a question. “Shouldn’t thee discipline thy apprentice to prevent this from happening again? And show miss Twilight Sparkle that it is not correct to ask such questions to thee?”

Celestia gently laughed. “No, it’s alright Lulu. When I was her age, I was a hundred times worse with father and mother,” Celestia took a second to remember the cause of today’s embarrassment. “But still, I would indeed punish the author behind that book which showed information on the ‘romantic strolls’ with Discord,” Celestia stopped for a few seconds. “Come to think of it, how could anypony find that out?”

Luna, hoof to chin, was trying to come up with something when suddenly, she covered her mouth to prevent a chuckle from emerging. It wasn’t possible as small, controlled laughs were heard.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Why are you laughing?”

Luna wiped a tear off. “We apologize for such behaviour sister, but we hath realized how somepony knew about those strolls.”

Celestia was more curious than ever. “How?”

“When we became Nightmare Moon, we hath sent our loyal Soldiers of the Night to spy on thee, wherever you went. Then later, documents of such reconnaissance were compiled into a book,” Luna just couldn’t hold the laughter any longer.

Celestia’s pupils shrank. Her heartbeat slowly rose. “Wherever I went?”

Luna wiped off more tears. “Yes.”

“Even in the be-?”

“Even in the bedroom,” Luna said.

Celestia didn’t say anything. She just stood there in shock. What could she do now? Books containing information in the past ages always described the events in incredible detail. The worst part was that ponies might have made hundreds, if not thousands of book copies over the years. And most of them are in libraries just waiting to be read, if not… read already.

“Art thou okay?” Celestia didn’t answer. “Tia?”

“BURN THESE BOOKS, BURN THEM ALL!”

Author's Note

This idea popped up in my head a few days ago. So I decided to write it. :3

Poor Celestia...