Author's Note

This is not required reading, and is just some funny crap my friend and I made with the ebonics translator. Enjoy the load of ridiculous bullshit. And if you take offense to this, blame this.

Bonus Chapter: Ebonics'd

Yo Golden Shadow stood outside da compound, listening in on da humans. He wuz hidden in da dark, just out o' range o' da flickering torches dat lit da cage. He couldn’t see anythin, but he heard… Somethin. It wuz uh strange shuffling, accompanied wif low moans an' gurgles. Earlier dere had been uh multitude o' piercing screams, which cut off as quickly as dey began. He had slunk ova ta da pen, fully prepared ta knock some sense into da humans, when everything go silent. uh minute later, da noises started, an' here he wuz now.

“Well, only one way ta find out what just hap-” Golden reassured himself, 'bfoe being interrupted wif uh deep growl. He peered between da metal fences, immediately coming face-ta-face wif somethin`. Golden panicked, thrusting uh hoof ahead while jumping back. uh loud snap wuz heard, an' da creature fell back. “W-what wuz dat?!”

He stepped forward, peeps darting 'boutthe shadows, 'bfoe uh pair o' claws clamped around his head, an' pulled it. He screamed in agony, fire flowing through his nerves, 'bfoe razor-teef ripped his throat out. All Golden Shadow managed ta do 'bfoe he died wuz gurgle, an' peep into da face o' what once wuz uh human… with muh beeotch.

Yo Lotus Petal trotted home, humming uh tuneless tune as she carried uh bag o' sheeit in her mouf. She stopped, seeing uh figure dat looked like her nigga Golden Shadow in da road. But dere wuz somethin`… Off, 'bouthim. She shook off her unease, an' continued onwards. As she gots closer an' closer ta Golden, her unease turned ta anxiety, anxiety ta fear, an' then fear ta outright terror. She slowed wif each step, until she wuz standing right behind him ya'll is mad stupid.

“Ummm… Golden? is you al-” Her werdz died in her throat, as Golden Shadow turned ta face her. His throat wuz all but gone, tattered rags remaining. His forehead had uh massive bite taken out o' it, stripping flesh from da bone. His cheeks had rotted in parts, revealing blackened an' sharpened teef in uh swollen gumline. an' his peeps… His peeps wuz bloodshot, an' da irises had vanished into da pupils. da monster dat used ta be her nigga snarled, 'bfoe rushing forward wif impossible speed. Lotus cried out in terror, turning ta run, an' felt somethin` sink into her rump. Spurred by da pain, she bucked out, unknowingly stunning da abomination. As soon as da pressure vanished, she bolted Jus' like Orenthawl James.

Her pace wuz admirable at first, but quickly dwindled ta uh crawl, then uh standstill. Lotus simply stood dere, her peeps slowly changing, 'bfoe she collapsed. Blood leaked from every available orifice, dat trickling away as well. Then, da corpse o' da earf pony named Lotus Petal stirred, rising unsteadily ta its hooves. da brain sparked, uh few synapses firing, 'bfoe dat faded out. an' yet da body still stood, slowly adjusting, 'bfoe it shambled off in search o' uh meal...

Shining Armor shifted uneasily, as uh cloud o' apprehension gathered 'boutthe squad o' guards. dere had been werd o' some sort o' invasion, wif monsters wiping out towns. Rumour had it dat dey wuz zomponies, but Shining didn’t share dat belief. Zomponies wuz uh myf, an' one shouldn’t trust rumours anyway. dey spread like weeds. He wuz shaken from his thoughts as uh train came barreling towards da Canterlot station, black smoke pouring from da stack. As it showed nahh signs o' slowing, he an' da other unicorns attempted ta force da brakes on. At first it appeared ta be failing, then sparks began ta fly as da locomotive screeched ta uh halt. da doors ta uh passenger cart hung halfway open, wif some kind o' greenish mucus dripping from da floor peep this shit!

Shining Armor hesitantly strode forward, while signalling da rest o' da unit ta follow, an' be ready fo' an attack. He cast uh simple light spell, an' found what looked suspiciously like uh large changeling cocoon on da floor. Sickly light emanated from it, an' da cocoon looked ta be beating eerily similar ta uh heart. dey left da scene, an' checked da engine. In dere lay an even larger cocoon, wif green veins anchoring it ta da floor. Uh broken tube lay near da brake controls, wif uh viscous fluid pumping out wif every pulse o' da cocoon. Shining Armor cast uh life detection spell, an' found what seemed ta be multiple ponies inside da shell with muh beeotch.

He began ta tear away da covering wif his magic, pieces o' chitin an' padding ripping wif da sound o' wet tissue. Just as he removed what appeared ta be da last layer, da cocoon inexplicably burst open in an explosion o' flesh an' shells. He an' his squad wuz flung against da walls an' out o' da 64, as an abomination stood 'bfoe dem. ![](https://camo.derpicdn.net/da2d4fd311b73ed2958f497af14694ce5100cc8c?url=https%3A%2F%2Flh4.googleusercontent.com%2F9iGmPYMzG6RuqzRSC6Om_zFTCvD-5rW4M1xYLtlKP5x0EDD73X-6tz0OoVcWTKZ5uEJr_BaZIFXP62Ev7fK6Xk4W__xIHeK5vnfSKH5WdKMg-Y_EqqKSSQ1xgE3g64OS) Da creature bore uh minor resemblance ta da humans, as it had two legs, two feet, two arms, two hands, an' uh head. dat wuz where da similarities ended. Da monstrosity easily stood eight feet tall, an' looked ta be twelve or thirteen feet in lengf. Then da sound o' bursting pods entered his ears as mo' o' da cocoons shattered, revealing ever mo' creatures. Da one in front o' him crouched, seemed ta inflate, then rapidly spewed globules o' acid, flaming tissue, an' shards o' bone in uh radius. Da last thin ta run through Shining Armor’s head as uh particularly sharp fragment shattered da shield he had hastily erected an' came spinning ta his skull wuz “ah should gots left wif Cadance when ah had da chance.” Then he thought never mo' sho 'nuff!

Yo On board da Valkyrie class SAS Ianites Blade Ya' dig?

Yo uh figure dressed in strange body armor stood 'bfoe uh screen displaying da unfolding horror on da planet below. It watched as equines an' humans alike wuz either torn apart by da infected, or turned into mo' o' da undead. It sighed, sorrow expressing itself only fo' da humans. da figure held nahh love o' da ponies, when it learned dat dey had enslaved it’s kind, but it felt sympathy fo' da apocalypse dey wuz going through. It wuz still fighting uh similar battle against da zombies, albeit wif much mo' success otay buh-weet.

Uh voice spoke from da human’s comms, “Talbot, join up wif da rest o' yo' squad. we's’ve lost contact wif uh mining colony on Boreas. HVM has already sent uh contingent, assist dem in any way possible.” all ye damn hood ratz..

Yo Talbot sighed, “What o' da planet Albion? we's just discovered it, an' even though da primary species used humans as slaves, dey’re facing an infection like ours. And git Sheniquah's ass back ova' heeah."

“We's’re already sending in troops. we's dig' yo' concern, but dat planet iz o' less concern than da survival o' our race. git ta it, soldier.”

“Yeea, CENSORED” Talbot then strode away from da console, 'bfoe sprinting ta da hangar where his squad waited. He hefted his Hornet, felt da weight o' his HIKS 5300 on his back, an' took pride in da speed he wuz achieving as he rushed ta another mission an don't make me pull mah gat!