Starlight Glimmer Refuses To Hear Twilight's Lecture

by Spirit Guide

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 2330

When one makes Twilight cry, one goes through Tartarus

After she and her friends reveal Starlight Glimmer's secret, Twilight attempts to give the ex-mayor of the equal ponies village the same lesson in friendship she gives to every evil being they come across.

With distinctive and significant differences.

Cover art by dm29

Published 2015-04-06 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-06 19:20:01 UTC

Now You've Done It, Starlight

"You lied to us!" Double Diamond said accusingly.

"So what? E-Everything else I said is true!" Starlight insisted, attempting to sway the ponies' judgement again. "The only way to be happy is if we're all equal!"

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, Twilight thought. She's being pressured. Soon I'll deliver my 'Talk of Friendship' lines and Starlight will see the error of her ways in forcing ponies to be alike and become good!

Party Favor glared. "Except for you."

Here we go! Twilight took a deep breath and came forward. "Everypony has unique talents and gifts, and when we share them with each other, that's how rea—"

"QUIET!"

In a single moment, the entire scene became cold. Twilight, the Element Bearers and the townsponies all shrank back in horror at the enraged unicorn. Starlight looked about angrily. "You're trying to butter me up with all kinds of stupid nonsense on how friendship is ma-agic," she berated the alicorn. "I'm not going to fall for your tricks like that weak draconequus. You won't get me to think differently like you did that other stupid unicorn. Equality among the public is the only way friendship can last, but somepony has to lead them and that somepony IS ME!"

Twilight looked up at the purple unicorn, her expression one of dismay. "You.... won't hear my lessons on friendship," she said in a sad, quiet voice. "You're... not going t-t-to.... hear me out? I *sniff* can't share what I've learned?"

Starlight leaned in and looked the Princess of Friendship in the eye, her face full of contempt. "Don't. Even. Try it."

*GASP*

The sky became overcast, dark clouds rolling above the town. A harsh wind blew through the plains. Lightning flashed by the mountains. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and the other Element Bearers hung on as the ground shook beneath them. The townsponies retreated into their homes on either side, choosing to sit the rest of this story out safely indoors and watch it through the windows. Starlight just stood there in shocked silence as the calm, peaceful landscape she'd created became a scary, stormy hell as she braced herself for what was to come next.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The earthquake stopped. The storm ended. The sky cleared up. But the tears flowing from Twilight's eyes were worse than any natural disaster imaginable. Her miserable sobbing echoed around the single empty street and throughout the mountains. Twilight's cry broke the very heart of Equestria right then and there.

Courageously, Rarity approached the weeping alicorn, slowly and gingerly. "Twilight darling, please—"

"SHE WON'T LISTEN TO MEEEEEE!" Twilight wailed. "ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS T-T-TO TELL HER, TO SHARE WITH HER THE GREAT EXPERIENCES THAT WE SHARED ON OUR JOURNEYS, TO SHOW HER HOW AMAZING OUR FRIENDSHIP IS, BUT SHE WON'T LISTAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!"

Rarity glared disapprovingly at Starlight. "You didn't have to do that, you know. All you had to do was sit out her lecture, then you could take it however you wanted."

"Bu-bu-but," Starlight stammered nervously.

"Discord didn't exactly listen to her on his first go," Rainbow Dash said. "He even mocked her afterwards!"

"Sunset waited around for Twilight to finish," Applejack added. "She even tried to win anyway, even though the Elements were powered up and aimed at her."

"WOULD IT HAVE K-K-KILLED YOU TO JUST HEAR ME OUT?" Twilight sobbed, her ocular gushers doing Tartarus with the village's plumbing system and giving the plains an early rainy season. "EVEN FOR A LITTLE WHILE?!"

"I-I-I," Starlight gasped.

Flutteshy looked around fearfully. "Oh, I do hope they don't show up," she muttered, her tone betraying her feelings. "They always get so worked up whenever Twilight gets like this."

"Too late," Pinkie said. "They already know."

"How can you tell?" Rainbow inquired, avoiding Twilight's spray of tears.

The pink pony rolled her eyes. "Well duh, my Pinkie Sense. See?" Her body started to rock and shake violently, as though predicting a doozy. "Mane bounce, ear flop, itchy nose, eye flutter, tongue spway, neck spin, achy shoulder, itchy back, pinchy knee, heavy plot, twitchy tail, and shaky hooves. Man, do they know."

Applejack faced Starlight. "If you know what's good for ya, ya'll run for yer life."

"Why not just hold her down until they get here?" Rainbow Dash objected, doing her best to be heard over Twilight's crying. "Then they'll do our work for us."

"Don't you remember the last time they came?" Rarity demanded. "Do you really want to see that again?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Hey, I thought it was awesome."

"Enough of this!" Starlight yelled, though she was just barely heard over the sound of the wailing Princess. "You're all getting worked up over a grown mare of royalty having a fit. Your cutie marks are all mine. You're powerless. What do I have to fear?"

"Oh, it's not us you have to fear," Pinkie informed.

"Then who?"

The ground started rumbling again but this time it seemed more natural, as if a herd of buffalo was thundering across the land. A herd of really, really, really angry, really, really, really affectionate buffalo.

Fluttershy covered her face with her wings and pointed towards the entrance to town. "Them."

Starlight turned. Down the road, barely fifty feet from her, was the strangest, most awe-inspiring, most frightening sight she'd ever seen since the day she discovered the Cutie Mark Remover spell. Assembled at the edge of town was a mass of oddly-colored creatures, most wearing a mixture of outfits. Almost all of them had furry ears on the tops of their heads like ponies, even though they had a smaller pair on the sides. Several had wild, colorful manes and tails. Some even had wings or horns. All of them looked mad.

One of the creatures stepped forwards; a huge, hulking being with lavender skin, dark blue hair and tail, wings and horns. Just like the sobbing pony behind her. What is this monstrosity? Starlight wondered.

The beast looked past the unicorn towards Twilight, who's tears had stemmed a bit. Then he looked at Starlight. "Did you make Twilight Sparkle cry?" he asked. His voice was deep, but just barely calm.

Starlight gritted her teeth, wondering if she could get away with lying to this... thing, but decided to play it safe. "Er, yes?"

The creature's mouth became a thin straight line and for a second, Starlight thought that she was out of danger. But then the monster turned towards the others of its kind and shouted. "Crush! Kill! Destroy!"

"SWAG!" the herd of creatures roared back pulling out a variety of crazy-looking weapons. The lead hulk brought out an enormous, rainbow-striped cannon barrel.

Starlight did the most logical thing a defeated villainess does at this time.

She ran.

The Mane Six barely saw her, just a purple blur shooting past them into her house. The bipedal creatures pursued, several of them stopping to attend the Elements of Harmony. The leader shouted an order to a couple others who then went around the town, brought out the townsponies and together hurried up the mountain to the Cutie Mark Vault. Rainbow Dash flew into the air. "Come on! Let's go get our cutie marks!"

"Our cutie marks aren't in the vault!" Fluttershy reported, pointing at Starlight's house. "They're in there with her!"

Inside the house, Starlight picked up the six jars containing the cutie marks of the Bearers. I have to get away, she thought wildly, her mind racing. She tipped her bed over and sped down the hidden stairway.

Rarity and Applejack beat at the front door, the loss of their cutie marks having left them weak. But the hulking creature guided them away and shook his head. "She won't be in there," he said. "She has a secret tunnel that opens up outside of town."

Party Favor, Sugar Belle, Double Diamond, Night Glider and several of the strange newcomers approached. "She'll be heading for the pass," Party Favor informed. "If she makes it into those mountains, we'll never find her!"

"I wouldn't be too sure, Party Favor," one of the creatures said, affectionately ruffling his now-poofy mane. "We'll get there all right. And the trials of error will keep old Marx busy."

Twilight looked back at the equal mark on her flank and pouted. "I hope so."

*

Starlight galloped across the mountains, throwing snow onto the path and blowing up bridges to slow down her pursuers. Gone were her ambitions of guiding the town for years to come. Gone were her plans of ruling a nation of ponies where all were equal except her. All she cared about now was getting the buck away from the swarm of angry creatures on her tail. With a cart of cutie marks.

Should I get rid of the blasted marks? she wondered. That may get those things to stop chasing me.

No, she realized with dismay, throwing aside the wagon and grabbing the jars in her magic. I made that accursed Twilight Sparkle cry. They won't forgive me for that, whatever they are.

The gaping maw of the mountain cavern looked almost welcoming when she arrived. Starlight scurried into the dark tunnels, knowing that she would never be found now. She slowed down to a relaxed trot as she traversed the underground paths. Then she got her first surprise.

A pitch-black alicorn with blue mist-like hair was lazily lying down on an outcrop. Starlight gaped at the majestic creature, recognizing the pony reclining like a sunning lizard. Then the alicorn turned to look at her.

"You follow in our hoofsteps," Nightmare Moon said in a powerful but bored voice. "You won't make it out as you are. Look at us. We used to be so much more."

Starlight shook her head vigorously and galloped away. The black alicorn gave off an aura of defeat, something that she refused to admit to. After passing through several more tunnels she slowed down again, but she just ran into one surprise after another.

"Friendship is too strong," Queen Chrysalis grumped, her changelings buzzing in agreement. "'Specially that love variety."

"Cryssssstals," King Sombra sighed, tapping the huge quartz beneath him, "didn't ssssstop friendship."

"We were once adored," the Sirens, Adagio, Aria and Sonata chorused. "We were done in by friendship."

Starlight ran on, bustling past these doers of evil littering the tunnels. What are they all doing here? she wondered, her fear rising with each gallop. Finally, she reached an antechamber ringed with darkness, a promising-looking doorway on the other side. Starlight approached the doorway when a voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Well well well, if it isn't the unicorn who called me weak." A bizarre pulsing light flickered into existence on the left side of the doorway, revealing the draconequus Discord, coiled up with a ball of chaos energy in his rooster claw.

"I'll have you know, my strength hasn't changed a bit," Discord announced, stretching out his mismatched body. "If anything, it's only grown stronger in the Elements' presence, though it's probably mostly Fluttershy's doing."

"No," Starlight muttered. "No no no. I won't listen to this. I won't."

A second light glowed on the right side of the cave entrance and a light-orange unicorn appeared. Sunset Shimmer looked down at Starlight, her face a mixture of sympathy and kindness. "Equal friendship isn't a bad thing," she said calmly. "But it needs to be achieved through interaction, the kind of which can only exist if everypony is different. Forced connections are doomed to snap."

"You won't lecture me on the way I run my village!" Starlight snarled at the orange unicorn, who lowered her head in defeat. Starlight turned around to leave the two ex-villains but found the other way blocked by the defeated baddies she'd seen while running through the tunnels. They looked quite menacing together, even if they were no longer a threat.

Tirek stepped out from between them, looking old and weak as ever. "I attempted to fight the Elements of Harmony with all the power of Equestria," he told Starlight, raising his arms. "I was not fortunate to receiving a proper lecture on friendship. Maybe if I had, I'd be better off that I am now. Alongside my brother."

"Back away," Starlight warned, shuffling towards the doorway behind her.

"Don't go in there," Tirek cautioned. "You may yet be forgiven. Don't submit yourself to it."

"I will not be threatened. I will not be stopped. I. Will. Not. Be. Lectured."

And with that, Starlight ducked into the dark passageway. The last things she heard were several sighs before the door slammed shut. Starlight was so startled she lost her grip on the jars and they fell to the ground, shattering. The six cutie marks inside them floated up over her head, then zipped down to rejoin their owners.

The Mane Six glowed in the darkness, each one in their own brilliant color, as their friendship filled them with inner strength. The four upstart ponies from the village were also present. All around Starlight, bands of rainbow light glowed on hand-held cannons, cushioned swords and home-made shields. Their wielders all glared at Starlight, expressions varying from angry to eager to unbridled random joy.

Starlight, now surrounded and helpless, did her best to look in control of things, while secretly hoping that the vast weaponry around her wouldn't attack. She looked towards the Mane Six, who watched the disgraced and defeated unicorn carefully.

Twilight stepped forwards, her eyes still red and sad, the leader of the bipedal beings at her side. The two of them bent down on either side of Starlight Glimmer. Then she heard a voice call out, as though issuing from deep inside of Equestria.

"You made Twilight Sparkle cry. You should have listened to her lecture."

Author's Note

I will never get the hang of these short-oneshot-comedy fics
Hope it came out okay. This was the shortest fic in the shortest amount of time I ever wrote