Indefinite Existence

by Mirror Eclipse

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Octavia, Slice of Life, Sex, DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad
Length: 5168

Life alone can be stressful... Even if you are just beginning your life on your own in the big city, leaving what you love behind to begin anew.

Vinyl is just starting at her new music school in the big city of Canterlot after moving to her new home from Ponyville with... Just herself. She will have to face the many challenges of being alone, tackling obstacle after obstacle to keep herself together, keep her life in line, and hold the love of her life by her side at all costs. "No pressure." She says, "I got this."

But does she have what it takes?

Art by Wreky: http://wreky.deviantart.com/art/Vinyl-And-Tavi-271843528

Published 2015-04-07 10:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-09 13:40:37 UTC

Eight Bars. Don't Count the Pause...

Life?

It’s a piece of art like music.

Music?

It’s the beating of your heart, the melody of your thoughts, the harmony in your gut, the conductor of your body.

We are all connected by music, poetry, art, and any kind of practical art out there in the world and there is so much we can learn from each other. It’s the soul of life that connects us all in some unique way.

If only every pony saw me that way…

Lately it has been getting harder to sleep at night. Countless nights of depression, loneliness, excruciating pain in my heart, and the feeling of rejection. I am only three long hours away from home here in Canterlot from Ponyville. I’m here for only one reason and you might’ve guessed it from my one true love described beautifully above…

Music.

Recently my father took me here in Canterlot to see my new school, which is by the way pretty badass. We came here about mid August for the tour. The millions of microphones I saw hanging from the ceiling being used as lights, countdown on the TV of some of the “Best Of” things. Like Best of this pony or other. What got me hooked is when we reached the beat lab… You can imagine what immense emotion went through me when I saw the MIDI keyboards, audio interfaces, and computers ready to be used to my advantage. It was as though as the lab was talking to me seductively like, “Come in Vinyl~ Touch me senseless and produce with me~”.

I’m sorry I’m weird, but that’s exactly what I fell in love with at first sight when I came here. That beat lab would be mine.

Of course the only thing that stood in my way was a test to see if I am applicable to go here. I had to score a 15 or higher on this test. I wanted it that bad that I took it on the tour and scored a solid 18. Damn it was scary when I took the test because half of the questions made no sense… May Celestia have mercy on us all. Fuck I haven’t learned all of that stuff since magic kindergarten or even anything just recently. Make a test that’s easier, but I shouldn’t complain so much because… I PASSED!!!

The move?

Not too bad if you count my girlfriend, dad, and brother being there.

The emotional toll I had taken?

Too much I went outside for awhile… I cried.

I took a seat outside under the stars with the cool breezy air gently going through my coat. The sky was filled with those wonderful balls of gas alone with the full moon to accompany them. I loved the outside during the night. It was when everything was peaceful and I was at my most calm, but tonight is a different night because soon it would just be me.

Alone…

“Are you okay?”

I sometimes ask that question to myself. I lift my head up and see Octi walking towards me with her black jacket on wrapped around her. She had the most beautiful eyes I tell you, even the soft glistening from the moon helped. I nodded slowly towards her question as she sat next to me.

“Are you sure? You seemed a little upset while we were putting your bed together.”

I looked at her and sighed, “I appreciate you guys helping me with the move I really do, but…”

She placed her hoof on my shoulder, “But what?” she asked.

“I miss her Octi…” I tried to resist the urge to let that single fucking tear come out, but failed to do so. “Honestly I wish she was still here, watching me grow up about to live on my own, about to take on the world by it’s horns and show it what I’m made of….”

Octi leaned in close to me and kissed my cheek, “Vinyl… Don’t cry okay? I hate to see you upset like this.”

I looked at her with my tearful face and sniffled a little. “I know…”

My mother had passed away 2 years ago, almost three, due to a horrid disease. She was everything that I had in my life and now she was gone… I always tell myself it’s good she is not suffering anymore. I can’t imagine the pain she had gone through with the four of us helping her everyday with everything. It was just my step father, brother, sister, and me after her passing. It was one day during school that I had gotten called out of class because my mother, who was in the hospital the previous night, was put on a respirator and my grandmother kept telling me, “It won’t save her life, but prolong it.”

How long would she even have…? A day? An hour? A minute…?

Not even a full day. At precisely 11:38 am she flatlined right in front of my family and me… My step father was down spiraling at the same exact time I was as we both held her hand, already knowing it was too late for anything… Nothing was never the same without her, but the result of her death was beautiful…

My step dad and I had a rough beginning when we first met, but when she passed we all came out stronger than before, except for my father and grandparents who thought my step dad was all about money and didn’t give a shit about me, just wanted me to pay rent.

Fuck them… I love them, but that was really stupid of them. It got too much to the point to where I wanted my step dad to adopt me, but we settled on legal guardianship. Since then, their opinions didn’t change about him.

Octavia took my hoof and leaned her head onto my shoulder.

“She would be very proud of you Vinyl.” Octi said quietly, “Don’t ever forget where you came from and just remember the good times you two had. Don’t be sad. I love you.”

I smiled gently and kissed her head, “I love you too.”

She was right you know? I had a new life to actually look ahead to and my mother would always be there for me no matter what happens. For some reason this mare always knew what to say to me even when we first met she was like the thing that kept me going. No matter what happened she was the force driving me.

I chuckled, “Hey Octi?”

She snuggled more into me and smiled, “Yes?”

“Remember when we first met?” I blushed lightly.

She sat up and mocked my words, “Hey there… Um… I’m not meaning to hit on you or anything, but you look really good in that dress.” She giggled, “Yes you silly goose I remember.”

I smiled at her and kissed her lips softly, “Best day ever. You looked too weirded out and it was so cute. To be honest I was scared of your reaction like I was doing something wrong.”

She pushed me playfully, “Don’t be silly now, I was just surprised by what you said to me. I had no idea what to say or do, so all that came out was “Thank you.” as I sat down behind you.”

I smiled even more, “Then that date at the park…” I began, “The time we tried to kiss each others cheek and failed to do so. We kissed each other on the lips and I was happy it happened to.”

“I heard you screaming in joy when you trotted away.” She giggled, “I think you woke up the entire neighborhood, but I let you be. That night was really fun though.”

I smirked, “Don’t you dare forget about prom now missy.”

She kissed me softly on the lips and ran her hooves up and down my back. I did the same. She pulled away slowly, “That was the best night I could ever ask for.” She came in for another kiss and I just let her have her way as she caressed my tongue softly with hers. The feeling was too overwhelming and made me slide my hoof down in between her legs, she stopped.

“Now Vinyl…” She started, “Let’s not get too carried away. Like we have agreed before, we will wait until we are both ready.” I nodded slowly with my face completely red, panting softly, heart racing, hormones ready to be released. Fuck she was beautiful, even if she rejected my offer for a little touch.

After cuddling, which by the way warmed me up so much inside, we went back inside and saw that my step dad had just finished fixing my bed.

“Well…” He started, “It took almost forever, but she’s ready to be slept on. I’ll be sleeping on it tonight to test it out. Your brother will have the floor and I guess Octavia can sleep with you Vinyl.”

“Dad…” I started embarrassingly, “Please…” I tried to talk as Octavia shook her plot at me whilst walking to the bathroom. She flicked her tail and winked at me as she closed the door.

Dammit Octi…

My dad looked at me confused and laughed, “I better not hear anything happen between you two in that bedroom. I don’t wanna have to clean up the mess you two make because I’m not responsible.”

“DAD!!!!” I yelled at him, “Not in front of this little squirt…”

“That’s not the only thing that squirts around here.” My brother said in a low voice.

My face turned completely red and I started towards him, “Shut your little mouth you good for nothing…”

“Hey hey now,” My dad started as he got in between us, “Both of you need to behave okay? I don’t want any fighting.”

My brother and I laughed, “Dad please,” I began, “I know he was just joking and dude totally inappropriate. You would like that kind of thing wouldn’t you?”

My brother’s face turned red as he looked down, “Shut up.”

Octi came out of the bathroom and brushed her tail against me, signaling me towards the blown up bed inside the bedroom. By the brush of her tail, she wanted to do more than just sleep with me. I whipped my tail on her plot and sent her flying into the room with a thud and a squeak from her throat. I giggled and followed her into the bedroom.

It was dark…

Really dark…

I hated the dark so much that it terrifies me to be in the dark. Even if the dark has darkness? Yeah, too spooky for me. The grey earth pony next to me pressed her muzzle against my chest lightly and gave it a lick. Her tongue sent a chill down my spine and suddenly made my calm hormones start raging like a honey bee hive. Fuck Octi not now… Not while my dad and brother are in the other room…

She start licking up towards my face, teasing me like I’m some kid at a candy store, only getting piece by piece of the big cotton candy roll. I looked down at her and tried to wake her up, but I honestly wanted to see where this was going.

Evil phase one is in session.

I let Octi have her way up to my face and she started biting my bottom lip softly, I couldn’t help but to moan as the pain traveled down my neck and caused my entire body to sweat. Octavia then reached over me with her hoof and pressed it against my plot as he shoved her tongue into my mouth.

“Mmm~!” I moaned loudly. Now she was in control.

She rolled on top of me and continued to tongue kiss me roughly, brushing my mane slowly, breathing faster, heart racing, hormones causing World War III, waterfall dripping from Octavia’s clit onto mine, forcing even more moaning and rougher kissing as both of our bodies now full of sweat were pressed against each other. She slowly pulled away and opened her beautiful purple eyes, which were now darting down at me.

“Octi…~” I said softly as I closed my eyes, letting her take me as I am.

I sat up straight in bed, full of sweat, the entire side of my covers drenched in my own liquid, and a hoof sitting atop my jewel. It was mine…

Fuck…

I plopped back onto the bed and let the grey mare before me snuggle into me like a pillow. I kissed her head and sighed as I closed my eyes to return to slumber.

Morning came and it was a new day. The thing about the day is that my girlfriend and I would be all alone after today when my step dad and brother head for home. Before they even left they treated us all to a nice breakfast down the street from the apartments, it’s a nice little goodbye gift from the family.

“We’ll be back soon to see you. Or better yet you better come visit us.” My dad teased.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” My brother chuckled as he left out the door. I loved that kid, but I wanted to buck him right in the head sometimes.

Later that night it was the last night I would ever see my wonderful Octavia in a long time. She snuggled against me and kissed my cheek. I kissed her head and smiled.

“I’m glad you could stay one last night.” I said to her.

“I’m glad I helped move you up here.” She responded.

The outside was quiet, which is unusual for such a city such as Canterlot, but it didn’t mind me at all. I actually loved the quiet darkness with the love of my life. I loved her ever since the day we met, which is weird to admit. You would think that being a young mare like myself wouldn’t know what love is, even older mares and stallions tell me I have so much to learn. That is true, but I know what I feel and I’m not letting go of this feeling.

Too young they say. Okay whatever the fuck you say.

Love at first sight? Not really… More like first word.

“Hey.”

That’s all it took for me to say yes to my future wife.

“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” I asked sadly.

“Yes Vinyl. I have work in Manehatten and then more in Ponyville.” She responded. “Don’t worry though okay? I will come back. I won’t be gone forever Vinyl. You know that.” She said as she snuggled up against me and stuffed her muzzle into my chest.

“I know.” I said as I held Octavia close to me.

She smiled and her breaths became slow and calm. It’s moments like this in my life I never want to leave. I want them to happen forever.

“Vinyl?” Octi said under her quiet breath.

“Yeah?” I responded back.

“One day I think I might move up here with you.”

My eyes went wide at this statement, “What? What about everyone back in Ponyville?”

She looked up at me and sighed, “Vinyl, there is so much potential for me up here than there is for me down there… Plus I want to be here with you. You are part of the potential I want up here. I need to get away from all of the drama down in Ponyville and I don’t need more of it staying down there while you are here. I need you.”

“I need you too Octi. You mean everything to me and will always mean everything for as long as I live.” I smiled down at her.

“Do you think so?”

I nodded.

She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight my love.”

“Night… Octi.” I said one last time before I dozed off.

I need you…

Now…

So long without you and it’s been almost what seems like years, so much has happened…

Where are you Octavia? Help me… Recover who I really am… For who I am now? I don’t know who I am anymore…

Help me break free of my indefinite existence… Help me become whole again.

Hear My Voice (16 In)

Dreams?

It doesn’t ease the pain.

Pain?

The pain is only driving me insane…

It’s getting harder to breath every night as the moon falls and the sun rises. If only Luna could keep her sister from making the sun rise again. I’d rather drown in darkness than live to see another bright day. I want Luna to come to me all night and talk with me about what I feel and what my dreams mean. She doesn’t have time for every pony and I totally understand the circumstances, she’s a very busy individual only doing what she does best, but I want her now and only me should have her now. Forever in the night.

I sound really selfish don’t I?
__________________________________________

Morning has arrived. Here I was laying on the new bed my step father had gotten me and put together. He was right when he left, this bed really did sleep good. When I awoke I was still gripping onto my special pillow I always held close when I sleep, it’s always been my cuddle, makeout, relaxation pillow. It was the pillow my mother made for me when I was just a little filly. It was blue and had the Wonderbolts on it, flying in their signature move with the logo repeated on it.

Make out with a pillow you ask? Of course I do. Don’t you?

Weirdo.

I woke up to the sound of the alarm from my clock blaring into my ear as I opened my eyes slowly. The clock had a set message on it for when it went off, which I had set the previous night after Octavia left for Manehattan, and it read the best words I could ever wake up to, “First Day of School!”. Very weird that I was excited for just my first day of school. Actually now that I think of it the best message to wake up to is the text you receive from your special mare that reads, “Good morning! Have a wonderful first day! <3 :*”

Damn all of that hard work she does in the night, and she still manages to sneak a text in the middle of the night just for me. Damn she’s awesome.

I switch off my alarm and rose up slowly to the birds chirping outside, the sun seeping into the apartment between the blinds of my sliding door, and… More wet sheets. For fucks sake Vinyl, have some decency… Next thing you know Octi will wonder what you did THIS time. Oh yeah she noticed the sheets that night I had a wet dream. I told her I got really hot and…. Sweat a lot.

I don’t think she bought it. She had that stare…

Fuck.

Like it got any better. I tell you this mare may seem innocent, but the whole day yesterday she kept teasing me about how I seem to sweat a lot when she’s around. Ugh… Like fuck she kept brushing up against me while we were walking around and kept whispering in my ear, “Are you sweating yet~?” Oh the chills that went down my spine and the awful heat I felt come off my face. Innocent or not, for Celestia’s fucking sake, stop teasing me so much! I love her so much, but she gets way too carried away with it. It honestly got so bad that I think a few ponies around, the “Oh so higher class than me” ones, were rumoring about my dripping plot. It was probably the hot weather! Like none of your fucking business!

But I couldn’t help it… Getting caught like that was…

Exciting~

Okay that’s enough of my Sunday stroll with Octi, I had more things to attend to like… I don’t know? GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL?! I jumped right out of bed, grabbed some of the things I needed for a shower, and rushed to take a quick one.

In the shower I always take a minute to think about my life. The things I’ve been through, the things that could’ve been different, decisions I could’ve made. Well… Everything. What if my ex and I were still together? What If I didn’t break up with her? What if mom was still here? What would she say? Would she have agreed to me being here in Canterlot by myself? The questions keep piling up. The time was rapidly growing shorter. Enough Vinyl! You have class!

The walk wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, except for it being hot of course. Seeing myself as a “lower class” some of the fancier jocks here would say, I would’ve thought of being seriously harassed by these so called “upper class” ones on the way. Who cares anyway? We’re all equal aren’t we?

“Gah! Such filth on one lower class I have ever seen. Go back to where you came from.”

Guess not.

As I arrived to the front door, bags on back, and ID present in the front, I took a deep breath as I walked into my new life. As I walked in, a cool gentle breeze of the AC rushed towards me from inside the building. The doors shut behind me. As I looked up the board in the front read, “Welcome new students to the Institute of Arts! Please have ID visible!” I took another deep breath and smiled.

“This is my home.” I softly said to myself.

I reached into my bag and grabbed my schedule the school gave me after I passed the test. Really fast ponies here huh? The schedule read that I have a class starting at 10:00 am and it goes until 1:15 pm. It seems that the room was on the third floor according to the room number labeled, “Third Floor Wing”. Taking the tour I didn’t know this school was three stories, but I also didn’t know until today that there was a such thing as a “wing” here. These guys were full of surprises. The first class that it read was a business class, then music theory, afterwards I would have a recording class.

Well… Here goes nothing. Onto the new school life.

The third wing wasn’t that hard to find, it was just the classroom all the way to the left of the second hallway, but why couldn’t they have just put a freaking number instead of “Third Wing”? I guess it was just easier. As I walked in my instructor was chilling in his seat like he was just all laid back. He had on what seemed to be a plaid shirt, sunglasses, and some interesting pulled back hairdo. Is this the example of an instructor that I have to look forward to? I kind of expected like a suit and tie kind of shit.

Not kidding at all.

He looked at me and smiled, “Hey welcome to Entertainment and Media Business! Take a seat anywhere you’d like. We’ll start in about ten minutes.” That’s all? Really? Oh fuck who cares? This is actually going to be fun if the teachers are like this. Laid back, chill, and just… Like cool with everything. Not a care in the world. I took a seat next to my cool instructor and got out all of my notebook paper, pencils, and highlighters. He carefully examined my desk.

“You seem prepared Miss umm…”

“Scratch.” I finished

He cocked his head to the side a little, “Scratch. Vinyl right?”

I nodded

“Yes. Well you are setting a good example for yourself Ms. Scratch.” He said turning back in his chair towards his desk.

“Vinyl.” I said to him, “If you don’t mind.”

He smiled at me, “Very well Vinyl. I am Mr. Deal and I will be your instructor.”

“What? No first name?” I teased playfully.

He laughed, “Just for the sake of the class, call me Mr. Deal. My name is Partial Deal, but I like Mr. Deal better. It’s an embarrassing name.”

“Sure.” I responded, “Mr. Deal. I’m good with that name.”

Every one of my new classmates started to come in very slowly like a bunch of turtles about to set sail to sea. They all seem to know each other very well for some reason like they have grown up together, like this is their fourth year together and they just so happened to have the same class. Typical like High School, except I’d get all of the ponies that picked on me and fucking beat me up. It was the same time every year during my High School years. The three sisters that I will not mention always took me into the mares restroom and beat me senseless, teased me, called me names, touched me inappro..pritaely…

“HEY!” Some pony yelled at the sisters. “Leave her alone this instant!”

The sisters laughed at her, “Do you really think we’ll leave this tramp alone?” The leader started, “She deserves this kind of treatment because she’s a filthy whore!”

The mare then bucked the leader into the stall next to us, grabbed the other two and threw them outside the door. She then proceeded to beat the leader, hitting her with each word coming out.

“YOU! DON’T! DESERVE! TO! LIVE!”

I think I blacked out for a second and couldn’t really remember what happened after that… I remember waking up in the Nurse’s office laying down on the bed with the nurse smiling at me. “Ah good…” She sighed in relief, “You’re awake.” I scratched my head and rubbed my eyes a little. Who… Who was that mare that saved my life..? Was she okay? Was the leader okay? Not that I gave a fuck, but was she okay? I looked over at the other bed and saw a grey mare with her mane roughed up a bit and sweat dripping off of her, looking down twiddling with her hooves. I tried to get up, but the nurse sat me back down.

“No no Ms. Scratch.” The nurse began, “After a beating like that you need some rest. You cannot go off doing what you need to do. I’ve told your teachers what had happened and they will send your assignments home with your parents.”

Oh good. Good to know I will have homework and a splitting headache to deal with when I get home. I tried to focus on the grey mare, but had little luck due to my eyes blurring in and out of focus. She looked at me with her purple eyes and smiled gently. She took a step towards me slowly and held my hoof.

“I’m glad you’re okay Vinyl.” She said softly, “I lost all control… I know I shouldn’t have, but I knew it was going to happen again and I had to be the one to stop it. It’s not of my place to fight your battles, or even fight… But I couldn’t watch you get hurt again.” She let go of my hoof and I slowly closed my eyes with everything being drowned out by the sound of chairs being pulled out and desks being slammed on.

I snapped back to reality. The instructor was at the board writing his email and information down, telling us about professionalism and how it works. Basically if we aren’t going to be there, say something.

Who was that pony anyway? I couldn’t remember who saved me. I wanna say Octi, but I asked her about it before and she said she doesn’t even remember ever doing that. It doesn’t matter… All I cared about was…

“Ms. Scratch.”

I popped my head up and saw Mr. Deal looking directly at me. “Yes Mr. Deal?”

Every pony was looking at me, “Mind telling me how professionalism works?”

“Errr….” I confusingly said with a red face coming up, “It’s… When…. You let someone know that you are going to be late or not present ahead of time?”

Mr. Deal nodded, “Good. Pay attention a little bit more Ms. Scratch.” Oh good… A reputation of a day dreamer. Fucking wonderful. Good job Vinyl.

Class has ended. Everypony got up and I looked at my schedule again. Huh… Look at that, I didn’t even bother to look at the days I come in for class. Apparently I have only one class for today and for Wednesday. I guess I’ll be waiting for music theory and recording tomorrow, which then class will go until 5:45 pm? Sweet Celestia that’s a long day… Although it didn’t bother me too much because today was not too bad. It seemed as I went through the school, the entire staff seemed very calm and collected. Laid back. Nothing to worry about. Life is just about to get better and I better hope it stays like this. I mean a girlfriend who will come up for some weekend after the next or so, family back home that I can travel to anytime when I have the money to actually get there, a job that will get me by, and a whole new life that looks bright.

Bring the noise Canterlot! Vinyl Scratch is here.
__________________________________________

Vinyl… You are nothing, but a depressing fool… You can’t make it in this world…

You have proven nothing…

You aren’t loyal to your mare. You aren’t anything. Your story ends here and she cannot help you.

“WRONG!!! SHE WILL AND I KNOW SHE WILL!!!” I cried. I grasped my pillow tight and cried my eyes completely dry as I fell into a deep slumber. The outside was calm, the stars weren’t visible due to the clouds, but the moon stood out. I could feel a sense of some pony being there. I turned around in all corners and found myself nowhere now. The entire atmosphere was black, pitch black, nothing to be seen. I hated the fucking dark… “GO AWAY DARKNESS!!! FUCK OFF!!!”

A figure approached me and rose a hoof, only to bring it down and vanquish the darkness. The place revealed to me was my home back in Ponyville, every pony inside was having dinner and… My mom was inside… I was about to go inside and then I was stopped by a hoof followed by a voice.

“Vinyl listen to me,” it began, “I once too thought all was lost when I was banished to the moon for my brutal actions, but I had to travel to the past to find my true self and fight off what was holding me back. The dark within me.”

I turned around and saw Princess Luna before me. She pointed towards the window of my family eating. “This is the answer to your cries.”

"My mother...?"