Equestrian Vice

by DAA

Rating: mature
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character, Fancypants
Length: 4526

For the most part Equestria has been a peaceful, innocent utopian like place. No pony even locks their doors. Well that all changes when a mysterious mare delivers leaked information about a possible kidnapping of Applejack to former PI Globe Trotter

For the most part Equestria has been a peaceful, innocent utopian like place. No pony even locks their doors. Well that all changes when a mysterious mare delivers leaked information about a possible kidnapping of Applejack to former PI Globe Trotter, who then goes on a quest to stop this from happening. But things go south fast.

Published 2015-06-13 21:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-13 21:20:01 UTC

The Mystery Mare

The violent knocking on the door nearly made Globe Trotter cough a lung out. He had just been smoking from a homemade pipe, of course he doesn't know what smoking is or what exactly he's doing considering he's the first pony to discover this. He found out about this while on a former case about an old mare who suspected some pony or something was tapping on her window at night. Now she was an exceptionally old mare so it was more than likely she was making this up, but she wouldn't let it go. Long story short he ended up having to traverse the Everfree Forest. When he was somewhat deep in the woods he finally stopped and said "This is stupid" and started heading back only to be cut off by a... Thing. Globe has never been good with the mythical creature names. All he knew was that this thing was pissed and looking right at him. If a snake, goat and a lion somehow had a baby this is what it would look like. Almost instinctual he quickly threw some dirt in its eyes somehow managing to blind all heads. While the monster was in a daze Globe trotted as fast as he could then dove into a thick purple bush. The monster furiously started engulfing the surrounding area in flame. Globes bush was only slightly grazed by the fire but enough to start producing smoke. After a while the beast started searching in the opposite direction giving Globe a chance to escape. He made a break for it when the monster was far enough away. He was moving slower than he wanted to but he eventually made it out. When he knew he was now safe, he realized something. He was incredibly relaxed and felt, well good! He will eventually go back for it, get the seeds and start growing his own bush. Being an earthpony this wasn't too difficult for him to do. He tried to throw a bunch of the purple leaves on the fire place and breath in but that didn't work too well. After a few days he hatched an idea and started carving out a small piece of wood. The end result would be what we would call a pipe, but to him it was just something he made to breath the smoke in more efficiently. When he got around to try it, that's when he really felt it. It was like something took hold of him and took him on a calm, relaxing ride through his thoughts. Colors seemed brighter and he could feel every little move he made. Well he's been on this ride for the past year now and not done much else.

He made his way to the door and opened it.

"I need your your help may I come in!?"

"Uh I-uh y-yea sure."

She quickly got in the house. Globe pointed at the table.

"We can sit here. What uh did you need help with exactly?"

She sat down in front of him. Globe could finally get a clear look at her. She was all purple, slightly darker than twilight. He had never seen a solid color pony before usually the hair was a different shade than the body. Couldn't really make out the cutie mark.

"You were a PI right?"

"Was?"

"Oh you still are? I went by your office and no one was there."

"Yea I just haven't really had a case in a while."

"Oh good then I have a big case for you, something terrible is going to happen!"

"Ok what exactly?"

"Some ponys are plotting to kidnap Applejack."

There was a long pause.

"Applejack, the Applejack as in the pony that literally helped save equestria more than once? The pony who is looked highly by Celestia and is best friends with the new princess Twilight Sparkle!? That Applejack!?"

"Yes."

"Well why haven't you told anypony else!? This is huge if what your saying is true!"

"No one else believes me. They think I'm crazy."

There was another pause.

"Where uh did you hear about this?"

"I have my sources."

"Ok... Well I need links, names I can't be wondering around asking who's gunna kidnap Applejack because that will get me nowhere."

"All I know is a pony named Slickworth is involved."

"Slickworth eh? Hold on let me get my notepad."

He went to his bedroom and reached under his bed and retrieved it. He immediately began writing in it wanting to get it all down. He made his way back to the living room.

"What did you say your name was?"

When he looked up she was gone.

Clues

Clues

Globe Trotter called up Star Gazer. She's the most street smart pony he's ever met and would help him back when his cases were actually interesting.

"Wh- Globe! Wow it's been forever."

"Hey star, I need your help."

"Ok but make it snappy eh, I'm meeting somepony."

"Really? Who?"

"None of your business that's who."

"Alright, alright. What can you tell me about a pony named Slickworth?"

"He's a recluse, even I can't tell you exactly where he lives. He owns all sky chariots and is business partners with Fancy Pants and Filthy Rich."

"Ok..." Globe was writing this down. "Is that all?"

"Yep, like I said he's a recluse."

"Ok thanks a bunch, bye"

"Bye."

Globe studied his notes for a minute.Well Ponyville isn't too far from here.

He pulled out his pipe and began smoking. Ill start with Filthy.

Globe arrived at the train station and made his way strait to the booth. He knocked on the glass.

"Hello sir."

"Hey, one ticket to Ponyville."

"Alright sir that'll be 50 bits."

"50 bits!?"

"Yeah it's a really big tourist attraction now, what with the castle and all."

"Huh alright then."

He handed him the fifty.

"Thank you sir."

"Yeah yeah."

When Globe found a seat he started thinking.Why would a rich pony want to Kidnap Applejack? I mean it would have to be for bits, for anything else he wouldn't kidnap...well Applejack! Unless he has a thing for her, like an obsession. He is a recluse. That actually would make more sense. More sense than ransom anyway, what with all that money he's surely making. It would be extremely hard to go bankrupt with that flow of bits coming in. However she just said he was involved. That could mean a lot of things. I need to relax.

"Uh sir what are you doing?"

"Um... Relaxing."

"Well I'm going to have to ask you to stop. Lighting small fires isn't what I'd call relaxing anyway."

"Well I mean I'm not- well you see- I uh...ok"

He put the pipe away.

"Thank you."

Globe stepped off the train and looked around. He immediately spotted the castle.So that's what a paid the extra bits for. It looks awkward just sitting out there to the side like that. I wouldn't live in there even if it was given to me as a gift.

He walked up to one of the local map posters and examined it.There he is.

Globe approached Filthy Riches monster of a house. There was a water fountain in the front and two stone lions on either side of the door. This is some powerful imagery.He began knocking.

A pink filly answered.

"Your sideburns are stupid."

"Diamond Tiara go to your room!"

Filthy Rich approached while Diamond Tiara angrily made her way to her room.

"Sorry about that I hate her so much. Would you like to come in?"

"Ba- I uh... Sure."

They headed towards a room which globe took as his study. There was a desk in the middle of the room which was surrounded by shelves of books. There was nothing on the desk except for a weird figurine. It looked artsy.

"So what brings you to my..." He looked around and licked his lips a little. "...House."

"Well I uh was just going to as-"

Filthy raised a hoof. "Let me stop you right there." He picked up the figurine.

"Look at that. You see that?"

"Ye-"

He literally throws it as hard as he could at the back wall. "That was worth two million bits but guess what!?"

Filthy got out of his chair so fast that it fell over. He then dramatically squatted down and said "that's not shit to me!"

"Uh-"

"Do you want to play some tennis?"

"Well I-"

"Well I don't trust a pony who won't play tennis in my own house."

Filthy was beating globe by a landslide. Globe hadn't realized how out of shape he's gotten. He has been coughing throughout the whole game.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I was going to ask you about Slickworth."

"What about shitworth?"

"Like is there anything you can tell me about him?"

"Like what?"

"Just anything you can tell me."

"Slickworth was no friend of mine. I don't know much about him. We were business partners for a while but that was it."

"Anything you can tell me about him in particular?"

"He didn't talk much but when he did he always liked to prove how superior he was. He would quite literally talk a lot a shit. That was what, twelve years ago? Well fuck him, and fuck you for bringing his name into this house!" He threw his racket at globe. "Get the fuck out of my house!"

Globe was sitting at one of the outside tables at a local restaurant. A waiter approached him.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Yeah can I get the beet sandwich and an apple cider?"

"Absolutely will that be all?"

"Yep."

"Ok it'll be right out."

Globe took out his pipe and began smoking.

Well that was a bust. That pony had to be completely insane. Craziest pony I've ever met that's for sure. Well I guess next is Fancy Pants. Hopefully that goes better. Sense I'm here though I might as well stop by Sweet Apple Acres and warn Applejack. Hopefully she's there.

Globe was knocking on the front door until a filly answered, again. Only this filly was yellow and had red hair.

"Well hello mister what brings you here?"

"Hello I was just wondering if I could speak to your sister."

"Oh well she's out bucking. She didn't leave too long ago though if you head that a way you can probably catch her."

"Ok thanks."

She smiled and said "no problem mister."

Globe headed strait in the direction she had pointed to until he heard a couple loud thuds to his left. He headed toward the direction of the sound until he could fully see Applejack. She bucked the tree right behind her and all the apples from it fell into the baskets. She locked eyes with globe.

"Well howdy, what brings you here?"

"I uh came here to well I guess to warn you."

"Warn me? Bout what?"

"I've been informed that some ponies might try to kidnap you."

"Kidnap me? Haha shoot I'd like to see somepony try. Who informed you?"

"She didn't tell me her name but she was solid purple."

"Never herd of no solid purple pony before. What was her cutie mark?"

"I uh really couldn't make it out."

She looked at globe suspiciously.

"Uh-huh well I can tell by your face that your genuine. Me and Big Mac will keep a look out for a couple days."

"Thanks that would make me feel better."

"Hehe ok uh- what's your name?"

"Globe Trotter."

"Well ok Globe Trotter it was a pleasure meetin ya. I really got to get back to work."

While Globe Trotter was making his way back to the train station he began contemplating.

What if that purple pony was crazy. What if it was a joke or something. She left without telling me her name that's pretty suspicious. Would any other pony actually take the case? But hey did I really have anything better to do?

Getting There

Globe trotter looked around his house for anything nice to wear. He was unsuccessful.Whelp i guess i'm going naked.

he picked up his pipe and inhaled deeply. He sat down on his couch and thought for a minute.Going to Canterlot without a suit wouldn't be that big of a deal right? I mean not everyone there is pretentious I would think. But if the vast majority is, then I wouldn't be blending in. Ah screw it, I'm pretty sure it wont be a big deal.

"That will be 30 bits sir."

"Wow 20 bits less than Ponyville.

"Uhh...What?

"Nothing."

The train ride was long and boring. About 2 hours into it globe was about ready to take a nap when he began to overhear a conversation behind him.

"Oh I cant wait to meet the master! Do you think he'll tell me of my past lives?"

"Well from what I hear its a long process but I think we may see him at work. There will be others there why are you fixated on the master, as they call him."

"He actually helps people unlike the others at the party."

"So they say."

"All the others at the party just like to drink champagne and talk about how rich they are while he is actually trying to make a difference."

Hmm a big party where all the big wigs in Canterlot are going to show up. Can already guess who's coming.

Finding out where the party was at was no problem for Globe. It was the most advertised and talked about thing around the whole town. Apparently this master pony is a big deal in the high society because Globe never heard of him nor has anypony where hes from has talked about him. Even Ponyville hasn't shown any sign of him being a thing. The problem for globe is how he was going to get in. He spotted guard at the front door and this was no buy a ticket and get in type situation. This was you gotta have a name and be well known type deal. Globe just then wondered who was sitting behind him.Ok the place is huge and three stories I might be able to sneak in a window. Sneak in a window? What am I insane? I'm no secret agent and they would probably have an alarm anyway. I guess i could act like I'm someone famous. Whip out those acting skills. That would probably be the best shot. Alright then who am I, who am I. Got it.

Globe walked up to the guard all posh like.

"Who are you?"

"Gagh! Why I'm Creshron Monic Loserphis."

"Wha- who?"

"I wrote The Pony who Knelt, though I wouldn't be surprised if someone of your..." Globe looked down then back at his eyes. "...Class to not have heard of it."

The guard sighed. "All right get in."

When globe walked in he could hear the guard mutter under his breath "these ponies are all the same."

The inside looked a lot different than what Globe was expecting. It looked more like a really big house then... like...wait was this a house?

Anyway Globe spotted Fancy Pants at the bar. He was watching somepony talk to a mare laying on a couch. There was a small group of ponies watching as well. Globe started walking toward Fancy Pants and as he did he started to hear some of what was being said.

"What I just experienced... was that me?"

"What was you darling?"

"That stallion in the armor. Was that me?"

"Yes that was your spirit. Our spirits live on in the whole of time, exist in many vessels through time. This is the vessel your existing in now. As you all may recall, during the trauma that you went through while we were processing..."

"Yes."

"...It was of the utmost importance that you experience every detail, every specific detail, through all your senses of that memory and that we go over it again and over it again and over it again until it loses its power. This is very important, why it is important is if you bring somepony out of a traumatic event back to the present time, no matter how carefully you do that, if you have not gone over the memory..."

Globe couldn't hear the rest of the conversation when he made it to the bar. He sat right next to Fancy Pants.

"So I'm guessing that's the master."

"That's what they call him."

"I imagined him to be a lot older. He looks like hes twenty."

"Right? I've been listening in and a lot of it sounds like hypnosis. But hey that's none of my business. He apparently helped some ponies with their depression so why tell him hes wrong you know?"

"Yea I feel you on that."

Fancy Pants looked at globe suspiciously.

"Who are you?"

"Creshron Monic Loserphis."

Fancy Pants chuckled at that. "Who are you really?"

Globe determined whether to tell him or not. He doesn't seem like that bad of a pony and they are just business partners. If it was for ransom maybe Fancy Pants would be involved however that is defiantly not the case here. This is Slickworths own deal so..

"Globe Trotter."

"Cool name, what do you do?"

"I'm a PI"

"Oh so what brings you here?"

"Can you tell me anything about Slickworth?"

Fancy Pants looked surprised as if he had seen a ghost. He looked around as if making sure no pony was watching them. Fancy Pants then quickly pulled out a pen and began writing on a napkin.

"That's my address meet me there in one hour, we'll talk then."

Panic

Panic

"What the fuck happened!?"

Slickworth sunk into his seat. "He-"

"Why the fuck did he kill her!? That wa- that was Applejack do you..... agh! Where did you find this pony? You said it was going to be a professional and that I had nothing to worry about. That's what you said!"

"Well he seemed like the perfect pony I don't know what went wrong!"

"This was a stupid plan I knew we should have tried to do a pyramid scheme instead you talked me into this! Sure we would have made millions but the fucking risk! Where did you even come up with this?"

"Well I uh.... huh......"

Fancy Pants sat down and wiped the sweat off his forehead. He had a calm face now, like he accepted his fate.

"Were fucked."

Redemption

Redemption

Globe Trotter had been tossing and turning all night. The cell didn't have anything in it except for a patch of hay in the middle. A guard would come by every so often and give him some carrots but not allot, which caused him to start eating his bed. Now he was pretty much just laying on hard concrete floor. He rolled over on his side to see the solid purple pony.

"Agh! What the f-"

"Shh calm down they will hear you."

"How did you get in here?"

"Well I guess you could say I'm not exactly real."

"What?"

"Think of me as a force of nature if you will. We made contact when you started ingesting those leaves. Seriously though you can just eat them."

"Tried it doesn't work as good."

"Wha- anyway it would seem that you have failed in your mission but don't worry you'll be let out of here very soon."

"You going to?"

"No the police will. They'll figure out you are innocent."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because Applejack has been killed."

"What!"

"Shh! But yes he got to her. This is going to be the hottest case in equestrian history. It will only be a matter of time until Slickworth and Fancy Pants are arrested, but they'll never find him. Equestria will never be the same. He won , ponies will develop a hatred and he'll feed off it and get stronger and stronger. Until he has control of you all."

"Wh-what?"

she looked at him for a long time. "I shouldn't trouble you with it, you wont notice it in your lifetime but believe me it will fester and this land will crumble."

"Wait cant you do something about this."

"Sadly no, he has gained enough strength to do physical damage to ponies."

"So I'm guessing hes a force of nature as well?"

"Mm hmm."

"Well is there a way to stop him? You make it seem like you can't."

"It'll take time. Its going to be very difficult now that a crime of this caliber has been committed."

"How are ponies reacting to this?"

"They are all in shock. One of her friends Rainbow Dash had been flying around screaming for hours."

"Damn." Globe looked down processing all of this. "Where ar-" When he looked back up she was gone.

So Close

It was getting late now it was about twelve when Globe got to Fancy Pantses house. His house was far more grandiose then Filthys. It had a very modern look it had a lot of glass walls and was shaped very squarish. It was built on the side of a tall hill so you had a beautiful view of all of canterlot. Globe knocked on the door and a butler quickly answered.

"Right this way sir."

Globe followed him in the house and began being lead by him. He noticed that Fancy Pants has a lot of pictures of himself all around the house. They eventually arrived at his office. Fancy Pants was sitting behind a big, strong, powerful desk. He looked up and gestured for him to come in.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"Yea an apple cider would be good."

Globe sat down in front of him. The butler bought Globe the cider.

"Thanks."

The butler just nodded and walked away.

"Alright what you have to know about Slickworth is that hes out of his mind. It started with just little things then it just grew into insanity."

Globe took a big gulp of his cider then began.

"So you think he would do something as extreme as kidnap Applejack?"

"Oh absolutely, absolutely. Hey who told you about this anyway?"

"I really don't know she didn't say her name."

"Oh well that's too bad."

"Huh?"

They stared at each other for a minute then Globe started to feel drowsy.

"Wait...wh-whats going...."

The last thing Globe saw was Fancy Pants Smiling.

Globe jolted out of his sleep. He looked around and realized he was back in his house sitting on his couch.Was it all just a dream?

[Knock! Knock! Knock!]

What the...

[Boom] The door flew wide open.

"Police! Get on the ground right now!"

"Wh.."

"I said get on the ground!"

Globe did quickly.

"Wait what am I being charged with?"

Two cops bring out three big sacks of bits out from the bedroom.

"I don't know how about you tell me?"

"But I- how the- where...That's not mine!"

"Well that's the whole point its Fancy Pantses."

Fuck.

South

Applejack was looking at all the trees in sweet apple acres rejoicing in the fact that they have all been bucked. She happily made her way back to the barn. When she walked in she could feel something was wrong, there was a sharp chill in the air. She looked to her left to see a solid black stallion sitting down on one of her chairs. There was something on his lap that Applejack has never seen before. It looked like a small pipe.

"Have a seat."

His voice was deep. Any other time Applejack would tell the pony to get the heck out of my house and then maybe buck him in the head. But this pony struck fear in her. She took a seat on the chair in front of him.

"Now you must have known that when you sat down you wouldn't stand back up again."

"What? Just who do-"

"I am your death, this is your fate, this is the spark of dark that will eat away this land."

"If you think you scare me your wrong. If you were going to kill me why haven't you done it already?"

"Did you just lie?"

"Why you IF YOU THINK THA-"

[Bang!]

"Gaghk!"

"Kaghk!"

"Kaghk!"

"Kaghk!"

He watched her for a while, then got out of his seat and walked out the front door.

Granny Smith made her way slowly down the stairs.

"Applejack what was all that commotion? Have you be-"

She came to a dead stop when she saw Applejack. She stared at her for about two minutes then fainted.

Aftermath

Globe shut the door behind and immediately went for his pipe. He picked some leaves off his plant crushed them up and put it in his pipe. He sat down on his couch and began smoking. Right when he was starting to feel it he heard knocking on his door. Panic built up inside of him and quickly dashed to the door. He opened it and saw that it was his old friend Timeserver.

"Hey wassup I heard you just got out of jail."

"Yea I did."

"I also heard that you were doing a case, involving applejack and that Fancy Pants set you up."

"All happened."

"You have to tell me all about it!"

"Yea no problem come in."

They made their way to the living room and both sat on the couch. Timeserver picked up the pipe on the table.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh I'm ingesting smoke from some magic leaves."

"Why..."

"For the effects."

"Which are?"

"Well it uh... simply put it relaxes you."

"Oh neat can I give it a go?"

"Sure."

They both started smoking. Timeserver started coughing.

"Celestia that's rough."

"You get used to it."

"So when do you start feeli- oh... shit there it is haha. So uh... so uh... so tell me the whole story start to finish."

Globe told the whole story while Timeserver seemed to get more and more relaxed on the couch.

"Crazy shit who would of known."

"Yea I think I might give up the whole PI business because I get the gut feeling that the cases are just going to get worse."

"I hear ya."

They both sat there for a minute until Timeserver sprang up excited.

"Hey... Hey wait a minute... we could totally sell this!"

"What?"

"How did you figure this out."

"A creature tried to burn me in the Everfree Forest and this plant caught on fire."

"Fucking perfect! Do you have any idea... does anypony else know?"

"No."

"Celestia fuck me we're going to be rich my friend! I got two twin cousins that can sell this shit fast. What do ya say? I get it sold while you grow it."

"If other ponies like it enough, which they will, they'll just grow it themselves."

"How can they? They will only get the leaf and have no idea where it grows."

"Huh."

"What do ya say wanna give this a shot?"

Globe thought for a minute.

"Fuck it why not."