The Friendship Detection Agency (FDA)

Chapters

Violent Duct
Ju-V (Choices)
Time After Time
LP Noire
Guardian's Cartel
Catching the Train
I'd Ship Those Two (Choices)
Undercover
Clearing Up Affairs
Just Deserts
What Lies Within (Choices)
The Double Life Affair
Burro D'arachidi and Marmellata (Choices)
Welcome to the Jam!
Waffle Brothers (Choices)

Violent Duct

So it was a beautiful day today. It was pretty uneventful today as well, that is, until now of course. I was walking to my next class from lunch along with General Lee when I saw Herb Leafhorn Jr., the son of the principle of the school, and a member of one of the families I told you about, picking on that Gun kid in this school, Crimson Flare Gun. From the corner of the hallway, I saw a trash bin from the lunch room rolling down the stairs.

“Thank you for riding trash role.” Herb said as he walked down the stairs. “Please collect your belongings and watch your step as you walk out of the bin. Thank you for riding with us, and have a nice day.”

“Thanks!” Flare said as he had a banana peel on his head.

“You’re welcome.” Herb said with a mischievous smile.

“AAAAAAAH! TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER!” Flare yelled after he crawls out of the trash bin.

“The principle is my father you little twerp.” Herb said to him.

“Hey! I’m not a little twerp! I’m a big twerp! I don’t like to be called little!” Flare yelled at him.

"I’m bigger than you, LITTLE boy.” Herb said mischievously.

“Yeah, I bet you like little things don’t you?” Flare teased.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?! WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, SON?!” Herb yelled at him walking closer.

“I’m not your son, and if I was, you’d be the worse mom ever. HA!” Flare teased.

Herb then suddenly grabbed him by the vest and smashed him into the lockers. “You do not want to be a smart flank with me! Because if you’re gonna be smart with me, then somepony’s gonna have their face in the toilet!” Herb yelled.

“Who? Yours?” Flare teased. Herb then punch him in the nose to get him to stop joking around.

“Feel smart, LITTLE boy?” Herb asked.

“NO! I’m getting beat up a pony whose family held a grudge on mine for generations! Get over it, man!” Flare yelled.

“Your family has stolen our land from us, my dad said so. Your ancestor, Colonel Machine Gun killed Weed Leafhorn!” Herb yelled at him.

“I keep telling you, brah, it’s self-defense.” Flare corrected him.

“LAIR!” Herb yelled in anger as he punched him in the stomach.

"OW! I’m relieved that I didn’t eat my lunch or I would’ve been sick after that kick. You know, the teachers will find out about this!" Flare yelled at him.

“That’s why I won’t pound you here. When you leave school today, that’s when I’ll turn your face upside down!” Herb threatened him.

“I thought you said you were gonna stuff somepony’s face in the toilet?” Flare asked. Herb then threw him to the lockers on the other side of the hall.

“You’ll be eating those words, Crimson!” Herb said angrily at him. “Now why don’t you make like a tree…. And get outta here?”

“Isn’t it ‘make like a tree’ and ‘leave’?” Flare asked.

“Want another beating?” Herb asked him.

“No, you should be thanking me. I’m trying to save you from sounding stupid.” Flare said.

“Later.” Herb said as he was making a weird cutting noise while sliding his hoof across my neck and then he started walking away from Flare and towards me. I had to do something about it, so I wanted to talk to him. “What are you looking at, butthead?” Herb asked me angrily.

“Oi, mate. Is that really necessary?” I asked.

“You Jams are all the same. If it weren’t for your family, the Guns would be outta here by now. You’re next if you keep pestering me about my business!” Herb threatened me. “This is between the Leafhorns and the Guns, none of you Jam clans are going to get in our way!” Herb said angrily at me as he walked away and shoving me with his shoulder while he was at it.

“That’s exactly what my family is trying to do, greaseball.” I angrily said to him as he walked out of my range. After hearing the stories of my ancestors, I had to do what was right, and I agree. The battle between the Guns and the Leafhorns have gone too far! So what we were here first? Didn’t hurt sharing the land, did it?

“Ugh! Help me, brah!” Flare begged as I went to check on what was going on with him. I needed to help him.

“No, Jerry, he’s a Gun.” General Lee said to me as he stopped me.

“But this ain’t right. This guy is having a tough time. Shouldn’t there be somepony out there to help? Like an agency keeping friendship at ease?” I asked.

“Jerry, don’t worry about it. Ah don’t want you getting hurt. Herb did enough damage to that pony; ah don’t want him doin’ the same to you.” Lee said to me. I guess there was nothing I could do. I really wanted to help Flare out, but the Leafhorns run the school. I should really talk to my family about this. So all I could do is just pity him upsettingly, and then walk away.

When I got home, I met with my sister Jelly who got home the same time as me. “Oi bro! How was school?” Jelly asked.

“Terrible.” I said. “I can’t take the violence anymore. Why do ponies have to be violent? I’m so bloody tired and sick of it!”

“Ok all I asked you was how school was. I didn’t need a whole essay about it.” Jelly said. So the two of us opened the doors to our manor and walked inside. “Well if you want to know about my day, I have this interesting art project that I-“

“Jelly, I love you, but right now, I don’t care.” I said as I placed my stuff in the middle of the floor. Don’t worry, the maid will get it.

“Violence is really bothering you, huh?” Jelly asked. “Is it because of Herb Leafhorn Jr. and Crimson Flare Gun?”

“A’yup.” I said.

“You can’t let that bother you, bung.” Jelly said. “Whatever the battle between the Leafhorns and the Guns is none of our concern.”

“But it is our concern.” I said. “The Jams run Mareami. Why don’t we do something about it? All we’re doin’ is just sittin’ here, and letting crime life go by out there.”

“Look who’s talkin’.” Jelly said sarcastly.

“Shhh!” I shushed her.

“Relax, nopony is home.” Jelly said as she pours herself at drink at one of our 9 juice bars in this house. “I didn’t tell anypony what you and your friends do on your free time, but you have to know that they’re going to find out sooner or later.”

“I know, but that’s not my biggest fear.” I said. “Jelly, I trust you. We’re close siblings. We’re closer than any of our families are close to eachother when we’re not on vacation.”

“Coming from you, that means a lot.” Jelly teased.

“Hey our parents weren’t around to raise us properly. Perhaps that’s why I’m robbing all the time.” I said. “Our parents are just busy with getting everypony’s taxes, and taking control of the town, thinking we’re more superior to even the mayor himself. Being in control is just too much for me sometimes, you know? Our parents are not even handling the crime in this town that well.”

“We come from a greedy family. Probably as greedy as those big companies out there who have enough money.” Jelly said.

“You’ve never been so right in your entire life, sis.” I said.

“Of course I have, but I am pretty much right in this situation, aren’t I?” Jelly asked.

“Indeed you are!” I agreed. “You taught me a lot, even though you’re younger.”

“I’m a genius pretty much!” Jelly said. We both chuckled at her remark. I’m not saying it’s not true though….. maybe. “So are you going to sell those gems soon? You can’t keep them here too long.”

“Would cops have the nerve to break down our door?” I asked.

“Hey it wouldn’t be long until ponies in this town turn on the Jams. If they found out a Jam is causing havoc in the town, funds would pretty much go right down the toilet, and we’ll have nothing. We’d be forced to sell this land and move out.” Jelly said.

“You make it sound like it’s such a bad thing.” I said.

“It’s bad for our family, but to be honest, I couldn’t care less.” Jelly said. “I also don’t get that you’re a pony that does criminal activities, and yet his cutie mark is a notepad.”

“Because I’m also the journalist at the school. I’m known for my unique style of making news articles.” I said. “I need to spread news around to end violence. It’s making me sick, and it’s probably going to corrupt the nation if it hasn’t already.”

“Then by all means do it! Write for the school paper of what your problem is! Perhaps ponies will read it.” Jelly suggested.

“You know what? I’m going to do that tonight! Actually, I shall start right now!” I said as I began to walk up stairs to my room to get started on the paper. Later that night, I wanted an opinion about it with an expert. So I talked to my maid.

“Eh, no, no. I no can read.” My maid said. Ok, so not my maid. She might be a good writer, but I guess not a good reader. Alright, so I have to talk to somepony else. How about my chef?

“Squeak, squeak, squeak.” My rat chef said. I can’t speak rat, but he can understand me. He nods and gives me gestures a lot. I think he’s French. I then asked my Gardner, who was actually the husband of my maid, so he wasn’t much help either. I then asked all nine of my bartenders. Two said they’re not paid to read my stuff, one is blind (but still knows her way around the bar in the master bathroom), three said it was good, two said it was bad, and the last one never went to school except for bartending school so he couldn’t read.

Later that night, I wanted to ask for my parents’ opinions, so I went upstairs to their study room; one of them at least, and saw that they were both talking on the phone. “Hey, mom? Dad?” I asked.

“What is it, Jelly?” my dad, Cherry Jam asked with an attitude.

“I’m Jerry.” I corrected him.

“Whatever, son. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of an important phone call?” he asked.

“Yeah, really James!” my mom, Strawberry Jam complained.

“Who are you two talking to?” I asked.

“I’m talking to your mom on the phone.” My dad said.

“Yeah, so do you mind? This is important.” My mom said.

“Riiiiiiiight.” I nodded, giving them an awkward look. “Anyways, I made this news article for school about how violence is ruining our society, and I’m wondering if you can critique it for me. Give me some enthusiastic criticism or somethin’.”

“What? It’s not like we’re getting paid to read it. Show it to our bartenders or something.” My mom suggested.

“I did.” I said.

“It’s what they’re paid to do aren’t they?” my mom asked.

“Hey mom? Dad?” Jelly asked as she entered the room. “Can I have some money to buy illegal stuff?”

“Sure, whatever deary.” My mom said.

“See, Jer?” my sister asked me. “Our parents are more focused on their work. They pay other ponies to be our parents so they don’t have to.”

“But our ‘parents’ moved out of Mareami because they had a timeshare in Fillydelphia, so for now, all we have is eachother and the employees. At least the few that care about us and not just worried about their work so they could get paid.” I said.

“Well, that’s why you rob for a living, right? Nopony to stop you.” Jelly reminded me.

“Eh shhh!” I shushed her. “Our parents are right here!”

“Relax, they’re not listening.” Jelly said.

“Look, Jelly, I’ve been actually thinking, and… well… last week, when I did that job with Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad, I learned something from it.” I said.

“And what might that be?” Jelly asked.

“No matter what criminal activity we did, it seems that we have to always be violent. By scaring customers and staff by robbing them, doesn’t it hurt them in a way? You know… mentally?” I asked.

“How should I know? I know nothing of that sort of thing, sweetheart.” Jelly said. “Perhaps you should learn from an expert. Have you ever tried therapy?”

“Yes, and all the help the therapist has been giving me is just giving me pills to calm my stress and making me take blood tests once a year, and you know how I feel about needles!” I said.

“I feel you.” Jelly said.

“But maybe you’re right, Jelly.” I said. “Maybe I do need help from an expert. Somepony that’s been where I am now.”

“Well, first thing’s first. How about posting this article when you get to school tomorrow? I think you might be able to impress a lot of kids by this, because I for one think it’s fascinating!” Jelly said.

“Coming from you, somepony that’s been getting all A’s, that has to mean something, right?” I asked with a smile. We both chuckled at that little remark. Anyways, when I got to school tomorrow, I posted my news article, and just like that, my news has been spreading like wildfire. Ponies all over the school were reading my article. I wasn’t sure what their opinions were because they’ve been giving mixed signals. I’m not sure if they liked it, hated it, or somewhere in the middle, but just like that, my news article seemed to be all for naught, because another fight with Flare Gun and Herb Leafhorn happened in the hallway today.

I joined the argument just as Herb grabbed Flare by his vest and Flare said, "I got a better idea, how about you do us a both a favor, and let go of my vest, and leave me be? Or we can be friends."

Herb started pounding Flare’s head and said, "Hello?! Hello?! Anypony home? Think Crimson, think, and besides nopony would want to be friends with you anyway." Herb said.

"Wow that was harsh. You could've just said 'no thank you' and left it at that. Now please put me down." Flare advised him.

"Sure. Right after I pound ya!" Herb said.

"I'm warming you, brah! You'll regret this. Put me down!" Flare ordered.

“No, no!” I mumbled to myself worriedly.

"Was that a threat? Were you threatening me, Crimson?" Herb asked. “Are threatening? Are you threatening?”

"I'm giving you one last chance. Put.... me..... down!" Flare ordered him.

"You'll regret saying that." Herb said angrily.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn ya. I hope you brought an extra pair of pants." Flare said.

“Why is that?” Herb asked.

Just then Flare squirted him with some sort of water squirter spell to wet his pants that he didn’t have but around that area. It made all the kids in school laugh at him. Herb felt really embarrassed. Flare made him look like he wet himself. Herb started tearing up, lets go of me, and then he started running away. “Hey Herb! Remember this word: karma! You pick on me, and I pick on you even harder! I wouldn’ve learned these tricks if you haven’t been bullying me all this time!” Flare yelled out.

“Wow, Crimson! Nice work!” one of the kids said to him.

“Yeah good job for taking care of that bully!” another one said.

“You sure have redeemed yourself, Flare.” another pony said happily.

“Thanks, brahs and sistas. I really appreciate it.” Flare said happily. “Maybe next time Herb will think twice before picking on me like that.” I wasn’t happy about this situation at all. Violence… nothing but violence.

"CRIMSON GUN! IN MY OFFICE! NOW!" the principle yelled on the intercom.

“Well it’s been nice knowing ya, Flare.” a kid said to him.

“What are you talking about? He’s probably going to reward me for my actions!” Flare said excitedly as he skipped on to the office.

“Wow, even though Flare is pretty much screwed, I really enjoyed that fight! Violence is good! Violence is awesome!” a colt said excitedly.

“Yeah, you kids like seeing other ponies hurt just for your own amusement, don’t you?” I asked angrily.

“Oh look, it’s that rich kid that thinks he’s so cool and such!” one of the kids pointed out. “Let’s ignore him because he’s richer than us, even though we sometimes want to be nice to rich kids just to get to their money.” Just then, all the kids started walking away.

“Oi! You don’t know what you’re saying!” I called out. “Violence will corrupt the nation! Violence is disharmony! Friendship and non-violence makes the world go round! Well… not really, but you know what I mean! This fight between the Guns and the Leafhorns has been going on for far too long, and I want to make a difference! Stop the violence! Stop the fighting! Can’t we all be friends or what?! You all sicken me! No wonder crime and bullying has gone up in these big Equestrian cities! NOPONY EVEN CARES!”

“I do.” A white unicorn with a purple mane said to me.

“You do?” I asked.

“Oh yes!” he nodded as he was reading my newspaper. “Everything you say on here is true. I mean, I don’t know much about a conflict between two families sweetheart, but I feel you can really make a difference with these here article.”

“You think so?” I asked.

“I know so!” he nodded.

“I never seen you around here before, mate. Who are you?” I asked. “Aren’t you a little old for school?”

“That seems to be pretty insulting, dear.” He said. “I’m only 16 years old. I’m only here on vacation. I’m just taking a look at the local schools because I’m planning to move to the big city some day; away from places like Ponyville or Canterlot! Too out of fashion, baby! I want to be at a more modern city like Manehatten, or LP, or Fillydelph, or even here in Maream!”

“I’ve always liked cities like these.” I said. “But the nations are so corrupted. Those small towns, mate. They seem to be happier and more friendship happening around there.”

“Exactly! I mean, how are ponies supposed to gain moral sensibilities when nations like these are so corrupted?” he asked. “My cousin, Rarity, she’s really into making ponies happy. That’s why she loves to stick to fashion. She wants to put smiles on ponies faces. She’s not in it for the money. She’s not greedy. That’s what the biggest pollution is in this world – greed.”

“You’re absolutely right.” I nodded. “Money is what ponies want, and… wait… does stealing mean greed too?”

“Oh yes, big time! I mean, unless you’re stealing for a good cause, darling.” The pony said.

“Well… if I did steal. I’m not saying I do, but if I did… what if I’m trying to make money to help out a poor neighborhood?” I asked.

“Are they sick? Are they low on food? No electricity?” he asked.

“No. Money for… y’know… decoration, because their neighborhoods look so ugly. Also supplies to help gain more money. Plus, electronics.” I explained.

“Sweetheart, that puts greed to a whole new level. Have you ever read the story Robin Hoof?” he asked. “Well he only stole to give to the needy. Stealing to give to greedy is a whole ‘nother story. You’d be ruining a business for nothing. It’s not fun, dear. Believe me on that.”

“Wow… you… you really inspired me today, umm…. what’s your name?” I asked.

“My name’s Elusive, and I’m the cousin of Rarity and Sweetie Belle!” he said.

“Why are you telling me that?” I asked. “I have no idea who they are.”

“Oh, y’know… I like sharing my personal life!” Elusive said.

“I’m Jerry Jam.” I said as I shook his hoof.

“Pleasure to meet you, Jerry!” Elusive said.

“Likewise, Elusive!” I smiled. “Anyways, Elusive, I was wondering… I… you seem to be a pretty smart pony and know your way around with no violence and what is greed.”

“I pretty much taught my cousin Rarity everything she needed to know about generosity! I tell her that generosity could save Equestria, somehow.” Elusive said and chuckled.

“Well… you think you can give me some advice?” I asked. “I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately, and you look like the type of pony that’s a good listener.”

“Very good listener, dear!” he nodded. “Why don’t we take a walk?” So I accepted. For the rest of the day I’ve been talking to him about my problems; about my parents, about my crimes, but without hinting that I was the one that committed them. He seemed to give me very helpful advice. We became friends right away. He seemed to understand me more than Orange Swirl or Cesaer Salad could ever do. General Lee, I dunno maybe.

So as we were hanging to watch the sunset on the beach, he said to me, “And that’s why rich parents never have time for their foals.”

“Wow,” I said impressively. “you really enlightened me today, Elusive. It all becomes so clear now.”

“Uh huh? See?” Elusive asked. “Takes a little enlightment to see the… y’know… light!”

“Well I truly did see it, mate.” I nodded. “I am quite impressed. Nopony truly understands me more than you did. You make a great mentor! I wish to learn more.”

“Well I wish I could teach you more.” Elusive said. “But I’m mainly here on vacay with family, sweetheart, but if it were my choice, I’d stay here with you all day!” Elusive started to get pretty close to me. It made me feel pretty uncomfortable. I started to have a strange feeling that Elusive is… well how do you say it? I think he’s one of those ponies that has a cider drinking problem. Only those type of ponies would be that close to other ponies like that and just met them. It’s nuts! Oh wait… I think Elusive is about to give me a kiss. Right, he’s THAT type of pony, which is nothing I’m against, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I’m not with it either, so I started to back away. “I feel a connection between us, Jer! A very… strong… connection.”

“What’s your problem, mate?” I asked as I backed away further.

“Oh wait… you’re in a relationship are you?” Elusive asked.

“NO! What makes you think that?” I asked. “Are you a coltcuddler?”

“Oh my gosh! You’re not?” Elusive asked.

“No! I mean… no offense, it’s… you know… not my thing. Besides, I’m 10 and you’re 16. How is that right?” I asked.

“Love comes in many strange forms, Jerry.” Elusive said. “I am truly sorry about that. I really thought this was a date and all and I… you know… I’m at that age where I’m confused with myself. I hope you can understand that, dear.”

“Not really. I haven’t gone through that process of life yet.” I admitted.

“Sweet Celestia, I am so sorry!” Elusive said as he stood up. “Maybe I should leave.”

“Whoa! I didn’t say that! I mean you’re a good friend and a good mentor! I learned a lot from you! I seen the error of my ways and I wish to change that!” I said.

“I’m sorry, I…” Elusive said as he runs away.

“Hey don’t run!” I called out. “I’m begging you! Don’t run!”

“I’m sorry, Jerry!” Elusive said in an embarrassed tone as he continued running. “I just feel- OW!” he tripped and fell over a crab shell. The crab gives Elusive a glare and crawls away.

“I was telling you not to run because its crab shell season.” I said.

“Heh! Right… of course.” Elusive blushed as he got back on his hooves and started to run in the opposite direction. So, anyways, little did I know that Elusive liked colts. Hey, he’s sixteen and I’m eleven, so technically it’s legal. Oh that didn’t mean I wanted it to happen if that’s what you’re thinking!

Anyways, I had a lot to think about, so I started walking home, and while I was walking, I was thinking to myself, is violence necessary? But there was another question that suddenly popped up into my brain that bothered me even more. When I’m stealing from these stores, what’s happening to them? Just then, I saw an answer to my question. I saw a billboard up advertising a new brand of glasses that turns into sunglasses when the individual wearing it walks outside, and then turns back into regular glasses when walked inside, or when it turns from day to night. I remember that pony’s face. Looks like stealing from him gave him an opportunity. Just then, I saw the billboard go down because the new millionaire I created lost all his money fast because he ripped off another company, and they sued him for every bit he had.

Ok so this is bad. My heart was pounding hard. I never felt so bad in my life. I needed to be alone with my thoughts, so I walked alone in a dark alley with no means of defense for an eleven year old earth pony like myself when I noticed somepony was sneaking behind me. “AAAH!” I screamed.

“AAAH!” the pony behind me screamed. “What?! Why are we screaming?!”

“Oh… I… I thought you were robbing me.” I said nervously.

“No. I’m no robber. I don’t want to be the very pony I hate. Being robbed put here in the first place. Well karma’s got my side, right karma?” the pony asked as he looked up to the sky. He just looked up silently, and I just stood there awkwardly because this pony was seemingly to wait for something to happen, but nothing was happening. “Don’t worry, karma’s got something. Just hang loose.” The pony said to me.

I just awkwardly walked away while the pony was still looking up at the sky, when I ran into a hobo mare. “Hey, can you spare some change for me, kid? Please? I got three kids!” the mare begged.

“Oh sure, I got some change right- wait a minute… who are you?” I asked as this pony seemed to be really familiar, but just then, it came to me. This was the same mare that was behind the counter during the jewelry store heist last week. You remember that heist, right? Of course you do, I just told you several minutes ago! I started to panic when I saw her, and then I turned around and ran.

“Wait! My kids are starving!” the mare begged. Just then, three baby goats walked outside the mare’s cardboard box to check out what was going on. One of the kids started gnawing on the hobo mare’s cloak. “SEE!?” she cried out.

I started running as fast as I could, but everywhere I turned there were hobos. I seemed to be in a shantytown of some sort. I believed all of this was my fault, but most of these hobos I wasn’t even responsible for, but I did believe I was. I started screaming, “Oi! Oi! Oiiiiiiiii!” as I started running away again. I was able to find a way out, but when I got to the street there were two ponies fighting over who was in line to get a ice cream first. “I CAN’T TAKE THIS!” I yelled. This was all too much for me. When I finally got back home, I became very paranoid.

“Jer? Jer are you alright?” Jelly asked.

“I caused sooooo much pain!” I panicked. “Why am I trying to get rid of violence when I’m just creating them?! Jelly, I’m a bad pony! I am a fraud!”

“Jerry, you’re overreacting, calm down.” Jelly suggested.

“No, Jelly! I’m done! I’m done! I’ve found out that for a very long time I was just robbing ponies thinking ‘hey, they’ll get money back’, but no. I ruined lives! Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, General Lee, all of us!” I explained.

“Jerry, relax! We’ll be able to get through this!” Jelly explained.

“My parents are terrible parents! They raised me wrong! They didn’t tell me what I was doing wrong, and now I have to pay the price! Elusive is right, I am greedy and I am hurting ponies!” I panicked.

“Wait, who’s Elusive?” Jelly asked.

“Some colt that had a crush on me, but that’s not the point! He enlightened me! I know what I’ve been doing wrong, and I have to make it right! I have to turn myself, and my crew in.” I said.

“Jerry, no! I don’t think that’s a good idea!” Jelly begged.

“Don’t stop me, sis, and to be honest, anywhere is better than here. Our parents ignore us constantly. They’re not going to miss us. I’m leaving.” I said.

“Then I’m leaving too.” Jelly said.

“Jelly, you have a future. Please don’t go!” I begged.

“I have no future here. I’m going to be taking money out of our parents’ bank and I’m moving to Cloudsdale.” Jelly said.

“Wouldn’t it be weird to have a filly live alone?” I asked.

“Like I’m the first pegasus filly to live alone!” Jelly said.

“Good point.” I nodded.

“Besides, I won’t be completely alone. I’ll have Mr. Raspberry Jam with me!” Jelly said.

“Your teddy bear?” I asked.

“I prefer to think of him as a close lifeless companion.” Jelly said.

“Call him what you wanna call him.” I said and chuckled.

“So… I guess this is good-bye then?” Jelly asked.

“For now.” I said. “I’m smart, I researched prison.”

“You research EVERYTHING!” Jelly said.

“Don’t you?” I asked.

“Yes, but only just to know them, not to do anything stupid like go to juvie!” Jelly said.

“If I turn myself in for all the crimes I committed, I won’t be in there long.” I said. “When I get out, I’m going to be a changed pony, and do good to Equestria! I don’t want my conscious to suffer like this! I have to do this, sis!”

“Just… be careful, ok?” Jelly asked worriedly as she started to tear up. “I don’t wanna see my big brother suffer.”

“I’ll be super careful.” I said as I placed my hoof on her shoulder. “I’ll have Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee with me. We’re an unstoppable team, we’ll pretty much bloody wreck the place!”

“For your sake, I hope so.” Jelly said.

“Are you going to be ok though?” I asked.

“To be honest, I have no idea, but like you said, anywhere is better than here.” Jelly said. So Jelly and I gave eachother a big hug, but just to be sure, we both went to our parents’ study to ask them permission.

“Hey, mom, dad?” I asked. “I’m turning myself in because I’m a criminal. You won’t be seeing me home for a few years perhaps.”

“And I’m running away to Cloudsdale.” Jelly said.

“That’s nice. Don’t forget to bring a jacket.” Dad said as he was doing some paperwork.

“We’re not joking. We’re actually doing these things.” I said.

“Mhm, but before you go can you mail this?” mom asked as she gives us letter.

“Sure… no problem.” Jelly said sarcastically.

“I guess that means we have their permission.” I said.

“It would appear so.” Jelly said. So the both of us packed our things, and we asked our limo carriage puller to drop us off. First, he dropped off Jelly at the airport. We said a tearful goodbye before she left. “I’ll come and visit you.” Jelly promised.

“I hope so, sis. I won’t be able to visit you.” I teased.

“Because you’ll be in prison or because I’m going to Cloudsdale?” Jelly asked.

“It’s odd that you’re a pegasus and I’m an earth pony.” I said.

“Mom’s a pegasus and the Jams were always earth ponies.” Jelly said. We both chuckled. After our tearful goodbye, we hugged one more time, and Jelly left the limo and went to the terminal to get a ticket to Cloudsdale. Afterwards, the carriage puller went to drop off at the police station.

“Are you sure you want to do this, kid?” the limo puller asked.

“Sorry, James Bon-Bon, but I have to do this. My conscious will be cleared, and when I get out, I’m going to make a difference in Equestria.” I said.

“What about Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee?” James asked.

“They won’t agree to turn themselves in. I know them.” I said.

“So you’re just going to let them roam free?” James asked.

“No. I’ll report their locations to the cops.” I said.

“Wouldn’t you be ratting them out?” James asked.

“I know it may hurt my friendship towards them, but I want to help them. Together we can make a difference in Equestria once we get released. Friendship is about working together, and that’s how we’re going to survive prison.” I explained.

“You should tell the cops otherwise though.” James suggested. “Tell your friends you were all caught, but you were just caught first.” I’d be lying to them though, but if we’re going to be doing this together, I’ll have to do this. So once James dropped me off at the station, he wished me the best of luck, and then he drove off, and I walked inside. Once I got in, I explained to the cops everything.

“Well it’s a good thing you finally seen the error of your ways, kid.” Officer Chief M4 Gun said to me as I was sitting down in his office. “Your sentence shouldn’t be that punishable for turning yourself in.”

“I just want to stay here until I’m an adult, and then I want to make a difference in Equestria.” I said.

“Well if you ever wanted to do good, you can always be a cop.” The chief suggested.

“Cops are violent. I don’t want to be violent.” I said.

“Well if you ever wanted to try to be undercover and try to get rid of hate in Equestria and create my friendship, you can always join the two best agencies in all of Equestria.” The chief suggested.

“What agencies?” I asked.

“Well one is the Disharmony Investigation Force, otherwise known as the DIF.” The chief said. “They try to force the hate right out of ponies! They’ve been really effective. They do a really good job in spreading friendship throughout Equestria, although they do use discipline a lot.”

“What’s the other agency?” I asked.

“Well if you really hate violence, then I suggest joining the Friendship Detection Agency, or the FDA.” The chief suggested. “They try to be reasonable to ponies, and they try to spread friendship across Equestria in a much calmer and settler approach.”

“Which agency is better?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. They’re both affective in their own ways. The DIF could reform a pony faster, but the FDA could reform a pony more permanently.” The chief said.

“So the ponies that get reformed by the DIF, do they have the possibility of going back to their chaotic ways?” I asked.

“It’s always possible, kid.” The chief said. “But sometimes discipline isn’t the key to success. You can’t force harmony all the time and make sure it stays that way. If you want my suggestion, I say join the FDA.”

“Then that’s what I might do when I leave prison.” I said. “How long do you think we’ll stay for?”

“Well you and your crew did cause a lot of havoc in the streets these past few years, so… if you want my theory, I would say… when you’re 18 years old, you and your friends will be free.” The chief said.

“Good.” I nodded. “Also, can I have a favor?”

“Hey, us cops respect a pony that turns him or herself in.” the chief said.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah. It would leave a lot less paperwork on our desks and a lot less work in general, and more time to eat donuts and watch Cops on TV.” The chief said as he chuckled. “Anyways, what’s your favor, Jerry?”

“Can you not tell my friends that I ratted out on them?” I asked. “I only want what’s best for them, but I don’t want them to know that I ratted them out. It would make them feel betrayed.”

“Don’t worry, kid. It’s against MDPD policy to give anypony that’s outside the police department information on witnesses. Your secret is safe with us.” The chief promised. “I mean, if you want, you don’t have to go to prison, and we could put you into the Witness Protection Program. That would, however, involve in changing your name, your life, and you cannot come back to Mareami.”

“No thanks. I’ll take the jail time. Its bad enough I ratted out my friends. My conscious won’t be safe unless I’m there with them.” I said.

“Hey, it’s your choice.” The chief said. “Do your parents know you’re doing this?”

“I did tell them, and I did get their permission.” I said. It’s no lie, you know I asked them.

“Ok then. I’m sure they’ll be very proud of you, Jerry.” The chief smiled.

“Yeah… proud.” I said upsettingly.

Meanwhile, while I was feeling sorry for myself, Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee would found by the cops. Lee started using his stunt carriage with Orange and Cesaer riding on the back as Lee attempted to escape the cops. “Run, GL! RUN!” Cesaer yelled.

“Ah’m runnin’ as fast as ah could!” Lee yelled.

“I don’t understand, dawg! How did the cops find us?!” Orange yelled.

“The cops never find us!” Cesaer yelled.

“That doesn’t mean they’ll catch us! Hold on tight!” Lee instructed them as he played a Dixie-horn style tone using his voice when he ran up to a ramp up ahead and started flying over a couple of buildings.

“WHOA, DAWG!” Orange yelled.

“YOU’RE TENSE!” Cesaer yelled. “I always admired that horn-like voice of yours!”

“Ah swallowed a horn when ah was a kid and it’s stuck in mah wind-pipe. Ah’ve been makin’ use of it since!” Lee said as he was still flying in the air with the carriage attached to his back. Once he landed on the street on the other side of the buildings, he continued running.

“I think we lost the feds, holms!” Cesaer said. “We seem to be in the clear!”

Just then, General Lee gets sniped in the hoof with a bee-bee gun, and then he falls on the ground, and the carriage he was pulling gets flipped over.

Once Orange regains consciousness after the fall, he said in an angry tone, “Way to jinx it, Cesaer!”

“Freeze!” the cops cried as they surrounded Orange, Cesaer, and Lee.

“Way to go, Lee!” Orange complained.

“Ah was shot!” Lee reminded him. “Y’all would’ve done the same! Besides, you two were distractin’ me with all yer talkin’!”

“Excuses, excuses.” Orange complained as the cops all bust my friends, and takes them all to the police station and into the cell along with me in it.

“Jerry! You were caught to?” Lee asked.

“I’m afraid so.” I said.

“No way, homie! I know a snitch when I see one! Jerry ratted us out!” Orange said.

“What?” I asked.

“He wouldn’t do that, ese.” Cesaer said.

“Like Hell he wouldn’t!” Orange yelled. “How else is Jerry here first? He ratted us out! I know you did, Jerry! Don’t lie to us!”

“Oi, orange, mate, if I ratted you out I wouldn’t be here. I’d be in the Witness Protection Program, but I’m not. We were all caught. We just have to face the fact.” I said.

“It’s true, Orange.” Cesaer said. “There’s no use blaming eachother. We were all caught and we’re all in jail now.”

“Yeah well… we wouldn’ve been caught if Lee wasn’t sniped!” Orange said.

“Oh like ah can help bein’ sniped! Yer pathetic, Orange.” Lee said.

“HEY SHUT UP!” Orange yelled.

“No!” I yelled. “Look, its over. We’re all here now and there’s nothing we can do about it. Hey, we could learn a thing or two for being in prison.”

“Look whose gone soft!” Orange said.

“Trust me, mate. This might be good for us. Repay our debt to society. I saw a lot of ponies out there put out into the streets because of our actions.” I said.

“Shhh! Quiet!” Cesaer whispered. “Why confess? We can prove our innocence and get outta here!”

“We were wrong to rob these ponies. I was wrong.” I said. “And now we have to fix it. Juvey is just what we need, and once we get out, we’ll be doin’ hard honest days work in no time. You’ll see!”

“Yeah whatever you say, holms.” Cesaer said, not taking what I’m saying seriously as he moved to the other side of the cell, and Orange followed him.

“Jerry might have a point.” Lee said. “If we work together, we might survive prison. We’ll be able to get out in good behavior and probably go back to robbin’! The cops won’t know the difference.”

“We heard that!” a cop said outside the cell. Lee felt pretty embarrassed after he said that.

“Don’t worry, Lee. They’ll get used to the idea.” I said to him. “We can’t control what’s going to happen, but sooner or later, we will get out. Let’s just cooperate, stick together, and we WILL survive. Prison will change us for the better, not for worse, you’ll see!”

“Ah honestly don’t care what we do, partner.” Lee said. “Ah’m just gonna miss carriage pullin’. Perhaps when ah get out, ah’ll become a professional carriage stuntspony.”

“That’s the spirit, Lee!” I said excitedly. “See? Prison is already changing you for the better, and we’re not even there yet! You’ll see! We’ll be good ponies and we’ll be back up on our hooves in no time! Just give it a few years, and you’ll see! We’ll all see!” And so, our verdict was placed when we went to court. 7 years in juvey. We’ll be outta there before we know it!

Author's Note

In this chapter, we're getting to know Jerry's personality, plus getting to know a bit of two more main characters in this story: Jerry's sister Jelly, and Rarity's homosexual cousin Elusive (whom is referenced by Rarity's R63 counterpart). We get to see how Jerry really feels about his life, and how he'd go out of his way to make sure his conscious is clear.

This chapter cross-overs with Flare's Backstory - Part 1 on FiE Book 2, AND it cross-overs the first chapter in the Friendship Mafia! Two scenes that appear in here: Herb picking on Flare and Jerry coming to the rescue, and the part where Flare humiliates Herb are the only scenes that appear in all three stories: Friendship is Epic, The Friendship Mafia, AND The Friendship Detection Agency.

Ju-V (Choices)

Day one of our vacation in juvey was expected. Everypony picking on the new ponies. “Hey shrimp!” a teenage criminal said to Orange.

“Bite me!” Orange said.

“With pleasure!” the criminal said. Just then, Orange bucks him in the mouth with his hoof. “OW! I think you gave me a loose tooth, and I think I already gave this place to the tooth fairy.”

“Like you brush your teeth!” Orange said angrily. “Do you smell your breath, homie? Pee-you! Has anypony ever taught you dental hygiene?”

“You’re askin’ for it, slick!” another criminal threatened him.

“Mess with him, holms, you mess with all of us.” Cesaer said. “Can’t we just get along and be friends?”

“Accck!” the prisoner makes a buzzard sound. “Nope! You had your chance to be one of us. Now it’s all of us against you.”

“Ah wouldn’t do that if ah were you, partner.” Lee said. ”You see we come from a long line of jobs, which is why we’re here.”

“Yeah, and you have a Jam pony here, the second richest family in Southern Equestria, first being another family in Las Hayus.” The prisoner said.

“Yeah, why do you need the money for? You have everything you want. You like be such a show off, don’t you Jam?” another prisoner asked.

“He’s doing it just for the pleasure, ese.” Cesaer said. “We mainly get the cuts.”

“Well… not anymore.” Orange said.

“He still gives us cuts, Orange!” Lee reminded him.

“I mean he doesn’t take scores anymore. Our homie’s gone soft.” Orange said.

“No I haven’t! I just care about other ponies’ feelings!” I said.

“Oh my bad, homie.” Orange said. “He cares about other ponies’ feeling so he decided to go soft!”

“Let’s leave him be, ese. You know we all work hard to get us where we were.” Cesaer said.

“And then ended up in prison.” Lee added.

“You four better watch your backs, you hear me? For the time being, it’s the entire prison against you four.” The prisoner said.

“Yeah, I don’t really consider General Lee here to be part of the group.” Orange said.

“The group doesn’t need you. The group needs a driver and a hacker.” Lee said.

“We’re in prison! Those tactics don’t work here!” Orange argued with him.

“Unless ah have the right tools though.” Lee said.

“Just watch your backs dorks!” the prisoner threatened us.

“Got it, Kathleen Barr.” Lee teased.

“What?” the prisoner asked.

“Nothin’, nothin’.” Lee chuckled. The four of us kept our guard up throughout our time in juvey. It’s a bit different from regular prison. I’ve seen these prison movies, and this place isn’t all much like regular prison. The cells do look a bit nicer, and the food pretty much tastes like cafeteria food at school, which is still bad, but not the worst. Ok, the worst. And ponies say fast food is bad, or hospital food. I dunno which is worse. I guess hospital food and cafeteria food are tied. You decide then who the winner is.

We’ve reached day 13 of our time in juvey, and so far, the four of us did pretty well in protecting ourselves against the other prisoners. I’m surprised nopony made a shiv yet. Maybe these ponies are just too stupid to make one. Umm… I don’t wanna jinx it. Forget I said that. Ok how do I erase words on this thing? Ugh! Nevermind. So yeah, day 13. I was hanging with General Lee at the basketball courts.

“So yeah, that’s how you make a shiv out of plasticware from the cafeteria.” Lee said.

”I hope you’re not telling everypony this, mate.” I said.

”Relax, yer the first and only pony ah told.” Lee said. “So ya thought of a plan yet on how we’re gettin’ out of here?”

“We’re not.” I said. “We’re staying until our sentence is complete.”

“Your sentence is complete, and once ah’m done talkin’, mine will be too; that way we’re outta here!” Lee teased.

I glared at him. “You know what I mean.”

“Why do you wanna stay here, partner?” Lee asked. “This place isn’t fun, it isn’t safe. The food’s bad, and everywhere we go we have to rely on protectin’ ourselves. That’s why you suggested that we at least stay in twos. Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad are both at the shower waitin’ for Luna knows what might happen to them!”

“Relax, Lee, they’ll be fine.” I said. “They can protect themselves.”

“Which is why ah was thinkin’, you and ah can bust ourselves outta here and leave Orange and Cesaer to rot in ‘ere.” Lee said.

“What?!” I asked surprisingly.

“Just think about it. The only reason we went into crime in the first place was because of them, am ah right?” Lee asked.

“Well… yeah, but…” I started.

“But nothin’! Orange and Cesaer are just slowin’ just down!” Lee said. “They’re the ones that belong in ‘ere. Not us! We can work together to get outta ‘ere, and we don’t have to worry about supportin’ Orange or Cesaer ever again!”

“Why would you think of something like that, Lee?” I asked. “Not trying to quote High School Musical, but we’re all in this together. We can’t leave a pony behind. We trust eachother.”

“They don’t trust me though; and because of that, ah don’t trust them.” Lee said.

“You three will learn to get along. As long as we’re here, it’s more of a probability of all of us to create an ever bigger bond. I did my research, I know what I’m talking about.” I said.

“Yeah, ah’m startin’ to think that’s how you got yer cutie mark. It’s not journalism, its research.” Lee said.

“I don’t really know what it means. It just suddenly popped up one day, and I don’t know why.” I admitted. “Could’ve been researching, could’ve been writing. I just got it after writing an essay that I got an A+ on. It doesn’t really explain some of my other talents though.”

“Uhh, Jerry Jam?” a prison guard asked. “You have a visitor.”

“Must be Jelly.” I assumed. “C’mon, GL. Wanna join me?”

“Sure! Ah’ve always had developed a bit of feelings for yer sister, Jer.” Lee teased.

“Shut up, Lee.” I chuckled and then we both walked to the visitor room. You know, the one with the glass windows blocking the way, just in case a witness comes to taunt you and you can’t attack them? Well, when I got there, I didn’t see Jelly anywhere, but I did see Elusive. I was quite surprised to see him. I went over to his booth, sat down, and took out the phone so I could speak to him. “Elusive.”

“Jerry.” Elusive said.

“Wait a minute. Who in tarnation is this?” Lee asked.

“You should learn some matters, sweetheart.” Elusive suggested.

“Just a friend I met the other day.” I said to Lee.

“A coltfriend you say?” Lee teased.

“Don’t worry about him, Jer.” Elusive said.

“What are you doing here, mate?” I asked. “How did you know I was here?”

“It’s all over the paper. Jam son turns himself in – responsible for various heists around the city. Your family is receiving some hateful mail and nonstop news anchors go to ask them questions. They’re unable to leave their house.” Elusive explained.

“Well whose fault is that?” I asked. “It’s about time somepony did something about it. All my family could think of was work, work, work. They weren’t thinking of their own foals. Leave some employees to raise them. Pfft! Poor excuse for parents! Only there for reproduction purposes and collecting taxes from city.”

“But they’re still your parents.” Elusive said.

“Are they, mate? Are they? Oi, they just ignore Jelly and I. They just give us money, tell us to take our coats, and then we’re allowed to do whatever the hay we want. I swear, my ancestors would be ashamed.” I said. “Blueberry Jam did not bring this world his descendents and let greed corrupt them.”

“But they’re still your parents.” Elusive said.

“I know they are. I’m only raised to be a reasonable pony is because of the reasonable employees that raised me. I guess I’ll give them credit for that.” I said. “But still, I’m glad I did this. Perhaps my family will eventually think about that they can’t let business keep them away from their personal lives.” I said.

“But was it necessary to do something like that?” Elusive asked.

“To be honest, I wasn’t trying to ruin business for them. I just wanted to turn myself in for my actions.” I said.

“Well I’m proud of you, Jer!” Elusive said.

“What are you still doing here anyway?” I asked. “I thought you were only here for vacation?”

“I’m leaving tomorrow actually.” Elusive said. “But I’ll come to town more often. I’ll come and see you. It really feels like I made a new friend when I met you.”

“To be honest, I did as well.” I nodded.

“You made a new friend of yourself, sweetheart?” Elusive teased, and we both chuckled.

“Yeah, you’re absolutely right!” I said and laughed.

“What a bunch of girls.” Lee complained as he walked away.

“Wait, Lee!” I called out.

“Don’t worry about him. He just needs to get with the program.” Elusive said.

“I’m really not sure what General Lee’s problem is.” I said.

“Prisonitis I would assume.” Elusive teased. “But seriously, he’s your friend, and he’ll always be there by your side.”

“Now that, I believe you on.” I said. “General Lee’s like my best friend. He would never stab us in the back.” Up ahead, Lee was just sharpening up his shiv that he made out of plasticware.

Later at lunch time, I went with General Lee to the cafeteria for some grub. No, really, the food was actually grub. When we got our grub, we went to sit down at a table, and we met up with Cesaer and Orange. “Well lookie here! We thought you two forgot about us!” Orange said.

“I’ll never forget you guys! Right, Lee?” I asked him.

“It’s true; he won’t.” Lee admitted.

What about you big caballo?” Cesaer asked Lee.

“What about me?” Lee asked.

“Would you forget about us, amigo?” Cesaer asked.

“Ah really don’t have the strongest memory to be honest.” Lee said.

“Mmhm, right.” Cesaer nodded.

“Anyways, homies, I think tonight’s the night.” Orange said.

“Tonight is what night?” I asked.

Orange looked around to see if anypony was around, and then he leaned in and whispered, “We’re breaking out of this place!”

“You’re bluffin’.” I said.

“Look at my face. Does this look like a bluff face to you?” Orange asked as he pointed to his face.

“Ah really have nothin’ to say about yer face, partner.” Lee said as he laughed.

“Jerk.” Orange said offended. “So c’mon, fools! You wanna stay in here your entire lives?”

“Orange, we’re not going to be here our entire lives. If we attempt to escape this place, our sentence here will be expanded. It’s not easy to break out of here; not without a plan.” I said.

“Which is where you come in, Jer.” Orange said.

“No.” I said. “Look if we’re here for good behavior, we might be released early. Can we just do that? Have good behavior for a short amount of time and get out early?”

“You know, Jerry, but talking like that. It makes me believe you like it here.” Orange said.

“Quit your assumin’, Orange!” Cesaer suggested. “Jerry doesn’t like it here, just as much as we don’t. Why don’t you trust him, holms?”

“Because of Jerry’s new coltfriend.” Orange said.

“Lee, did you tell them?” I asked.

“Ah did.” Lee nodded. “But they already knew before ah told them.”

“Yeah what’s with that, homie?” Orange asked. “Who’s this new pony that keeps seeing you?”

“Ok first off, he saw me just once; second, he’s not my coltfriend. He’s just a friend that I accept his way of life.” I said.

“I accept both of your ways of life, ese.” Cesaer teased.

“Heh, yeah!” Lee chuckled.

“Wow, the three of you teaming up against me. That’s new.” I said.

“Hey right now I trust Lee more than I trust you right now, dawg.” Orange said. “Shame to admit that though. Makes me not regret that he’ll be with us durin’ our escape out of here.”

“I’m telling you, don’t do it!” I warned them.

“If you wanna stay behind, that’s fine by me.” Orange said.

“I don’t know about this, holms.” Cesaer said. “I don’t wanna leave Jerry here.”

“Me neither.” Lee said. “The four of us stick together. We are a team, and when we get out of here, ah guess we’ll be goin’ our separate ways until the heat dies down.”

“That’s the sad truth, GL.” Cesaer said.

“Ah already know mah career. Bein’ a professional carriage stuntspony!” Lee said. “Any of you know what yer goin’ to be dog-on doin’?”

“Well my cutie mark is a taco. I am good at cooking. I went into the kitchen today and put a few ingredients together, and I’m thinking of becoming the new cafeteria host here.” Cesaer said.

“Aren’t we leaving though?” Orange asked.

“Well I can open a taco carriage. I can travel around Equestria selling some of my homemade goods.” Cesaer said.

“Mmm! I wouldn’t lie, homie! Cesaer’s tacos are to die for!”

“Ah like the kick of that name – Cesaer’s Tacos.” Lee said.

“Then that’s what I’ll do.” Cesaer said.

“Me… I’m going back to robbing.” Orange said.

“You can’t rob right away, not yet. You have to lie low for a while, O.” I reminded him.

“I’m loyal to what I represent, fools. It’s sad that y’all are betraying what you stand for with some lame-flank jobs like you have. How about you Jerry? Maybe you can enlighten us.” Orange said.

“Well…” I started.

“I hope you won’t become a fed, dawg. Being a cop, a royal guard, an agent… you’ll be more of a traitor than all of us combined, dude.” Orange said.

I didn’t want to tell him I wanted to become an agent, so I had to lie. “An animal-cracker dealer.” I said.

“WHOA! You are cold dawg!” Orange said impressively. “Now that’s my boy, Jerry! Who’s my boy? Jerry Jam is!” and we both gave eachother a hoof-bump. “See? Jerry knows where it’s at! Just a moment ago he said he didn’t want to leave this place, but now he knows what his career is gettin’ at!”

“C’mon, J. Please?” Cesaer begged. “Please come with us. We don’t want you here alone and defenseless. I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I don’t think that promise will do you any good.” I said. “But… ok… I will go, but only because I don’t want to be here alone.”

“YEE HAW!” Lee cried as he yelled his Dixie-horn out and it got everypony in the cafeteria’s attention. Lee got pretty embarrassed. “Heh! Sorry ‘bout that.”

“I got the feelin’ General Lee is goin’ to be the end for all of us.” Orange said. Shame to admit it... I actually think I’m going to be the end of all of us. I have the feeling I’m going to screw this up. It was a mistake bringing them here with me. We’re going to be in prison for a very, very long time.

Later that night, we were returning to our cells for a much needed rest. Ok, not really. We were forced to return to our cells. The guards were watching our every move so it wouldn’t be wise to just take the keys. We had to improvise. Once we went into our cells, we nodded our heads. “Why are we nodding?” Lee asked.

“The plan!” I whispered.

“Oh right, the plan! Can you repeat it?” Lee asked.

“No, if you haven’t listened, I’m not repeating it.” I said.

Lee shook his head and chuckled. “You know me too well, Jer!”

“You’re ALWAYS listening, Lee!” I said.

“That ah am!” Lee said.

“Alright so… what should do?” Cesaer asked. “How should we get out of this place?”

Ok readers! This is your chance to shine, mates! You get to choose what happens next! Whatever you pick will depend on what we do. You ready? Let’s do this!

CHOICE A: DISGUISE

“So we ready to do this?” Cesaer asked.

“Right, fake a fight.” Orange said as he suddenly punches Lee in the stomach.

“OW!” Lee cried.

“THAT’S MY SPOT, PUNK!” Orange yelled. “I called top bunk!”

“You jerk!” Lee yelled.

“Hey what’s going on here?” the prison guard asked.

“They’re fightin’, holms.” Cesaer said.

“This isn’t a trick to get me to come in there, is it?” the guard asked.

“Wha- nooooo!” Cesaer said cheerfully. “Look, they’re really fighting, amigo! Look how much in our friend here is.”

“PUT THIS DOOFUS IN SOLITARY CONFIMENT!” Lee yelled.

“Oh c’mon, that didn’t even hurt!” Orange said playfully. The guard then suddenly opens the cell doors, and then I whoop in and knock him out.

“I knew it.” the guard said in an annoyed tone as he suddenly passes out.

“I wouldn’t be surprised, mate. Oldest trick in the book.” I said.

“Now what?” Cesaer asked.

“Disguise time!” I said.

“We’re going to strip him?” Orange asked.

“No way, José.” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, no way, Josey.” Orange said.

“Hey the one that gets to strip him gets to be the guard.” I said.

“Ah call dibs!” Lee said with his hoof in the air. “Wow… sayin’ that just gave me a tingle in mah lips! Ah should say it more often!”

“No way, Josey! I’m strippin’ him!” Orange said.

“It’s José, O.” Cesaer corrected him. “And besides, you two played your parts. Now it’s my turn to play mine.”

“Ok when your time comes, Cesaer.” I said mischievously as I was already wearing the guard’s outfit.

“Guess we shouldn’ve been arugin’, eh?” Cesaer asked.

“Eh? Which Equestrian border are you from, homie?” Orange asked.

So, wearing the prison guard suit, and in case you’re wondering how it would fit us, don’t worry, most of the guards in this place are young colts anyway. Colt guards guarding colt prisoners. Hey, its stallion guards guarding stallion prisoners in other prisons, so why not? What has made this so easy so far is that foals are usually gullible. They mistook us as one of their own, but when they didn’t...

“Halt!” a guard stopped us. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Prison transfer. We’re going from E block to C block.” I said.

“Why?” the guard asked.

“Because I said so.” I said.

“Oh… ok, that’s a good enough reason for me.” the guard said. “My parents tell me that all the time. Carry on!” And so we did. We were on our way to the front gate, and we just passed the two guards with our disguises. “Nothing to see here. Just a prison transfer to cellblock C.” I said.

“Isn’t cellblock C that way?” one of the guards asked.

“We’re taking the scenic route.” I said.

“Oh… ok, carry on!” the guard said. So we made it the gate, so we were just about ready to get out!

CHOICE A ENDS

CHOICE B: Energy Drink

“So we ready to do this?” Cesaer asked.

“Right! What is it?” Orange asked.

“Energy drink!” Cesaer said as he takes out a bottle that saids NrG Drink.

“What in the hoodlum world is that?” Orange asked.

“A little experiment I made in the kitchen. See like I said, I was training to become a chef, amigo.” Cesaer said.

“It’s a drink though. It’s not culinary, it’s chemistry. Look it up.” Lee corrected him. Just then, Orange bucks him in the leg. “OW! AH WAS STATIN’ A FACT YOU DOOFUS!”

“Well if Lee isn’t going to annoy us any longer, let’s dig in.” Cesaer suggested.

“Are you sure? It says on the bottle, side-effects include nausea, headaches, rapid heartbeat, and possibilities of stroke, and slash or heart attacks.” I pointed out.

“Well that’s good to know.” Lee said.

“Lee drinks it first.” Orange said.

“Couldn’t agree more.” Cesaer said.

“Whateves, ah’m not afraid.” Lee said as he takes the bottle. “Bottoms up.” He said as he drinks the bottle. “Hmm… ah don’t feel any dif-“ That’s pretty much thing we understood from him. From that point forward, he was talking and moving faster than the speed of light.

“How do you feel?” I asked, but then Lee just said one big sentence in just 0.000000000000001 seconds. “It works. Now Cesaer and Orange, your turn!”

“That looks wicket!” Cesaer said as he takes the bottle and drinks it, and then he gives it to Orange.

“Ew, homie. I don’t want your germs.” Orange said. Just then, Cesaer gives him the bottle really fast, like Orange didn’t even have to try to lift his hoof. Orange just shrugged and gulped down the drink without having his lips touch the bottle. “Tastes like viniger. You’re up Jerry.” He said as he gives me the bottle after the drink kicks in; I then drank it myself, and then I through the bottle aside. Once the drink NrG Drink kicked in, I saw the bottle just floating there.

“Whoa, mate! This is trippy!” I said.

“Hmm…” Cesaer thought as he just pokes the cell bars lightly, and then the bars just bent, giving us enough room to escape. “Wicket sick!”

“This stuff is awesome, Cesaer! You really outdid yourself this time!” Orange said.

“Gracias! Let’s go.” Cesaer said. Just then, the four of us just walked out of our jail cell and started walking by the other prison cells and passing by guards, and nopony was even moving. Everything around us seemed to be stopped in time. Cesaer looked mischievously at one of the guards, picks him up, and takes him to a nearby office and throws him head-first into the trash bin. “Heh!” he chuckled. The four of us just continued walking through the prison, and we just pass the warden’s desk as the warden kicks back and enjoys a donut, but being frozen in time. Lee takes the donut and eats it while passing by. Just like that, we made it to the front gates of the prison, which is when the NrG drink’s effects ran out on all of us.

“Oh how unfortunate.” I said.

“Yeah I should’ve wrote down ‘effects may vary’.” Cesaer said.

“Ah’m startin’ to get a headache.” Lee said.

“My heart’s racing.” I said.

“Don’t be nervous, Jer. It’ll just lead to the heart attack.” Cesaer suggested.

“I can’t feel my left legs.” Orange said.

“That’s not good.” I said.

“Oh wait, no.” Orange said as he moves his legs and stomps them on the ground. “They just fell asleep, false alarm.”

CHOICE B ENDS

CHOICE C TELEPORTER

“So we ready to do this?” Cesaer asked.

“Ah got somethin’ that’ll really come in handy!” Lee said.

“Yeah, nopony cares, Lee.” Cesaer said. “So what’s the plan?”

“Oh ah’m sorry, ah wanted to use mah teleporter to get us outta here, but meh, yer call.” Lee shrugged.

“A teleporter?” I asked. “Lee, where did you get a teleporter?”

“Ah made one. Wasn’t that hard to make.” Lee said. “All ah did was just get schematics, some metal, and then bang it with a wrench many times. It’s just like TF2. The engineer from TF2 is mah hero.”

“Huh… well… let’s see how it works.” Orange suggested.

“Alright everypony hang on to me.” Lee instructed them as he takes out his teleporter and starts pressing buttons on it.

“Yeah I’m not one with physical contact, homie. I mean unless I do this.” Orange said as he bucks Lee on the elbow.

“OW!” Lee cried. “Do it again, and yer not comin’ along with us.”

“Yeah, dawg, did anypony tell you that you have nice hair?” Orange asked, sweet-talking on Lee.

“Yeah, sweet-talking won’t get you anywhere, ‘homie’.” Lee said.

“Whoa, man! Just trying to be friendly!” Orange said.

“You had yer chance. Now hang on.” Lee instructed them. So, Orange, Cesaer, and I hung onto Lee as he presses the coordinance and then we all get teleported away from our cell. Just then, we ended up right outside at the shooting range.

“Ready… aim…” one of the guards started.

“Press the button, PRESS THE BUTTON!” Cesaer yelled. So Lee presses the button and we get teleported somewhere else – which was right in the sky.

We were just floating there, like in one of those cartoons, and the mumbled to the others, “Don’t… look… down!”

“Why not?” Cesaer asked as he looks down, and then the four of us start freefalling.

“THIS IS WHY!” I yelled.

“HANG ON!” Lee yelled as we all grab onto Lee again and we all get teleported right in front of the prison exit (from the inside though).

“We’re inside the prison again.” Orange pointed out.

“Press the button again.” Cesaer suggested.

“Nuh uh! Forget it! Ah’m not usin’ this thing anymore! Ah’m not takin’ the risk! Let’s just find a way through this gate and get outta here!” Lee suggested.

CHOICE C ENDS

CHOICE D: FILE

“So we ready to do this?” Cesaer asked.

“Any of you need your hooves filed?” I asked as I took out a hoof filer.

“Where did that come from?” Lee asked.

“Y’know… I have no idea.” I admitted.

“Alright, genius! What are we supposed to do with that little thing?” Orange asked. “We act like a bunch of fillies as we file our nails?”

“Noooo.” I said as I walked over to the cell bars.

“I think our time in here has made Jerry lost his mind.” Orange said.

“Hey, he’s our friend. He’ll know what to do! Has Jerry ever failed us before?” Lee asked. Just then, Orange bucks him the nose. “OW!” Lee cried as he held his nose. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!”

“In every other choice I hurt you. Can’t leave out a choice.” Orange said.

“WHAT ARE Y’ALL TALKIN’ ABOUT?!” Lee yelled.

“Done!” I said as I removed one of the cell bars.

“How?” Orange asked.

“Filers work in mysterious ways, mate.” I said as I tossed the filer over to him.

“Mmhm. Yeah, sure.” Orange said sarcastically as he tosses the filer aside.

The four of us climb out of the jail cell as I hold the jail cell pole grasped on my hooves. The guards unfortunately noticed us. One of them tried to tackle me from the front, but I’m able to whack him aside, and then another guard was about to ambush me with a tazer, but that didn’t stop me, so I knocked him out, and the tazer falls on the guard and electrocutes him. Looked pretty hilarious. It’s like one of those cartoon electric static… things.

“Sweet moves, caballo!” Cesaer said impressively.

“Thanks!” I said. Just then, up ahead some guards walk inside the room all the sudden.

“So that’s why I took this job.” A guard said to the other one. “We get paid with free donuts!”

“Hey, it beats mom’s spinach!” the other guard said as they walked towards our position, but luckily, we were swift and hid inside the closet and they didn’t even notice us. Inside the closet we were discussing what to do next.

“Now what?” Lee asked.

“Lee, shush!” Orange demanded. “Now what, Jer?”

“I guess we can try the vents.” I suggested as I looked up and saw an air duct.

“Here.” Lee said as he places a chair below the air duct. “Ah think it would be easier if we stand on this.”

“Be easier if we stood on YOU!” Orange teased.

“Oooooh snap! HA!” Cesaer laughed.

“Yeah, ha ha ha, very funny.” Lee laughed sarcastically. So the four of us climbed up to the vent and started crawling through. We closed the vent behind us, just in case any of the guards would be sneaking around.

“Pfft!” Cesaer spitted. “Dusty in here!”

“Yeah fo’ sho’.” Orange agreed.

“Shhhh!” I shushed them. “We need to be quiet. These vents aren’t exactly sturdy, mates.”

“I can name one thing that’s sturdy.” Orange teased.

“Now? Not the best time, O.” Caesar said.

“What? I was talking about Jerry’s file. For Faust’s sake, Caesar! What is in that mind of yours?” Orange complained.

“Wait ah feel somethin’ shakin’.” Lee pointed out. Just then, the vent collapses below us and we fall right in the middle of a prison corridor, right in front of two guards.

“Fatty McFatty pants you are Lee.” Orange complained.

“HEY!” Lee yelled. “Ah’m not even wearin’ any pants! Ah’m wearin’ a jumpsuit!”

“GET ‘EM!” one of the guards yelled. The four of us quickly got up and started running, like really fast. Ok, not LIKE really fast, just really fast. We were running and running through the corridors as fast as we could as the guards chased us behind us. I looked like I was about to run into a wall, but when I got there, I walked on the wall, back flipped and followed the others to the front gate. We all stopped suddenly as one guard was guarding the front gate with a paintball gun.

“Allow me, fellas.” Lee said as he glares at the guard, and the guard glares at him back as The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly theme song plays in the background. Lee and the guard were just standing there, waiting for somepony to make a move. The guard took his first shot, but Lee with his badflank moves grabbed it and threw it back at him. Lee then blew his hoof, and all the other guards surrounding us were paranoid. General Lee then suddenly started walking real slowly and mischievously through the corridors, and we just slowly followed him along. Lee then gives a smirky wink to one of the paranoid guards and aims his hoof at him. The guard then drops his gun and puts his hooves in the air, and just like that, the guards all ran away, and we made it to the front gate. “And that boys, is how you do it!”

“Impressive!” I nodded. “Very, very impressive, Lee!”

“Much obliged, Jer! Now let’s get outta here!” Lee said.

CHOICE D ENDS

“The front gate. What do we do now?” Caesar asked.

“We open it of course.” I said.

“Allow me!” Lee suggested as he walks over to the keypad. “They lockdown the prison every night, and ah found out the only way to open it is to type in a password.”

“I don’t trust you, Lee.” Orange said.

“Yeah, holms, neither do I. You’ll get us all into trouble.” Caesar said.

“Relax, partners! Ah know what ah’m doin’! Ah’m an expert hacker!” Lee said.

“It’s true. I never seen anything Lee can’t hack open. He’s an expert in these things!” I said. “That’s why I let him on the team! Not just his driving abilities.”

“Access denied.” The security system said. “Lockdown sequence activated. Keypad locked. Alert! Alert!” Just then, an alarm started going off.

“LEE!” Cesaer yelled. “What did you do, ese?!”

“Ah just pressed 1-1-1-1 thinkin’ that would work, and then the whole thing locked.” Lee said.

“YOU MORON!” Orange yelled.

“They usually give more than one chances!” Lee yelled.

“Forget it! RUN!” I yelled. Just then we all ran into eachother.

“WHERE DO WE GO?!” Cesaer yelled.

“Uhh, that way! To the courtyard! We’ll use the wall!” I suggested.

“It’s as good of a try as any. Let’s do it!” Lee said. So we all ran outside as the guards were searching the prison, looking for us. We all ran up to the wall leading to our escape. The wall was the last obstacle. “What do y’all think? Any ideas?”

“C’mon, J! You’re the brains here!” Cesaer said to me.

Any of you ready for more choices? This time, we’re going to put your choice skills to the test. There’s only one right answer. It’ll come in handy for choices later on, so I’ll try to make this one simple.

CHOICE A: Shovel

“We dig our way out.” I said as I spotted some shovels on the ground and gave them to my friends.

“Why in the world are shovels lyin’ around in a prison yard?” Lee asked. “Won’t that prove that prisoners could escape?”

“If Lee disagrees, I agree!” Orange said.

“Ah didn’t say ah disagreed, you doofus! Ah had about enough of ya!” Lee yelled angrily as he was about to hit Orange in the head with a shovel.

“No, Lee! Focus on the task at hoof. We need that shovel to get outta here.” I said. “You hit him in the head with it, you’ll break it.”

“Yeah, LEE!” Orange agreed.

“Just wait until we get outta here. Ah won’t have to see you losers ever again!” Lee said.

“Alright, you ready?” I asked. “Let’s dig!” Just then, the four of us started digging the ground real fast; except for Lee, however. He used a jackhammer.

“Ah’m an original.” Lee said. Once we got to the bottom, we hit some underground train tracks.

“Train tracks?” Cesaer asked.

“Oh that’s what that rumbling sound below us was!” Orange said. Just then, we heard a choo-choo up ahead and a bright light. Something was coming at us fast. I guess you know what’s going to happen next.

CHOICE A FAILED

CHOICE B: DYNAMITE

“We blow up the wall.” I suggested as I found some dynamite lying around.

“Why in the world are explosives lyin’ around in a prison yard?” Lee asked. “Won’t that prove that prisoners could escape, or blow up the prison, or eachother? It’s not even safe for these kids in juvey to use!”

“If Lee disagrees, I agree!” Orange said.

“Ah didn’t say ah disagreed, you doofus! Ah had about enough of ya!” Lee yelled angrily as he lights a stick of dynamite and was about to place it in Orange’s prison jumpsuit.

“No, Lee! Focus on the task at hoof. We need this dynamite to get outta here.” I said. “We’ll need all the explosives we need!”

“Yeah, LEE!” Orange agreed.

“Just wait until we get outta here. Ah won’t have to see you losers ever again!” Lee said as he throws the dynamite aside and blows up a statue of the warden.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” the warden cried. “You have any idea how long it took to build that?! I mean, I know the prisoners built that, but STILL!”

“Alright, you ready?” I asked as we placed the explosives on the wall. “Fire in the hole!” I yelled as I push down on the detonator as Orange, Cesaer, and Lee all held their ears, but once I pressed the detonator, nothing happened. So the four of us did the dumbest move we could make. Walk towards the explosives and checked on them. Once I gave the explosives a slight poke, the whole prison blows up. All except the wall.

“Beep, beep!” the roadrunner said as it ran passed us.

“HEY! Where are my explosives?!” Willie E. Coyote cried.

“We dunno, ese.” Cesaer shrugged. Ok that plan didn’t work, what’s next?

CHOICE B FAILED

CHOICE C: Teleporter

“Lee, you still have that teleporter with you?” I asked.

”By still, do you mean we’re usin’ it again, or this is the first time we’re usin’ it in general?” Lee asked.

“Doesn’t matter. We’re teleporting out!.” I suggested.

“Aww yeah, baby! Finally! General Lee has his uses!” Lee said excitedly. “But ah thought we weren’t usin’ it anymore? We could’ve used it to get outta here before!”

“If Lee agrees, I disagree!” Orange said.

“Ah didn’t say ah agreed, you doofus! Actually… ah did, but still, ah had about enough of ya!” Lee yelled angrily as he was about to smash Orange in the head with his teleporter.

“No, Lee! Focus on the task at hoof. We need that teleporter to get outta here!” I said.

“Yeah, LEE!” Orange agreed.

“Just wait until we get outta here. Ah won’t have to see you losers ever again!” Lee said as he presses the coordinance on his teleporter.

“I hope you don’t mess up this time, holms.” Cesaer said.

“Ah’ll mess YOU up in a minute!” Lee mumbled to himself.

“Que?” Cesaer asked.

“Nothin’, nothin’.” Lee said. “Alright, hang on. We’re teleportin’ outta here.” So the three of us held onto Lee, as we were about to teleport outta here. Once we teleported out, we ended up right outside of the prison. “Yay! It worked!” Lee cried out in excitement.

“Haven’t lost faith in ya, mate!” I said.

“Wait a minute though… something ain’t right here.” Cesaer said.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Just then, we found out we were all fused together as some freak of nature.

“Great! I’m stuck with you two weirdos for the rest of my life as well as Lee!” Orange yelled.

“WHY YOU LITTLE-“ Lee yelled angrily as he started strangling Orange’s neck, which was attached to Cesaer’s shoulder, which was attached to my leg, which was attached to Lee’s stomach. Trust me, we would’ve tried the teleporter again, but we didn’t want to risk making things worse.

CHOICE C FAILED

CHOICE D: GRAPPLE HOOK

“We climb over the wall.” I suggested as I found a grappling hook lying around.

“Why in the world is a grapplin’ hook lyin’ around in a prison yard?” Lee asked. “Won’t that prove that prisoners could escape? Seein’ these things just put here could make ya think somepony’s tryin’ to set ya up.”

“If Lee disagrees, I agree!” Orange said.

“Ah didn’t say ah disagreed, you doofus! Ah had about enough of ya!” Lee yelled angrily as he was about to choke Orange with the rope that grappling hook was on.

“No, Lee! Focus on the task at hoof. We need that hook to get outta here!” I said.

“Yeah, LEE!” Orange agreed.

“Just wait until we get outta here. Ah won’t have to see you losers ever again!” Lee said as he throws the hook to Cesaer, since he’s pretty good at throwing stuff. Once Cesaer throws the hook over the wall, he gives it a tug to make sure it’s in place. Cesaer nodded his head, and the four of us walked over and climbed up. Lee was first, followed by Orange, me, and Cesaer.

“Great! Now I have to look at Lee’s fat behind as I climb up!” Orange complained.

“Shhh!” I shushed them. “Will you stop arguing? We’ll get spotted!” Just then, I jinxed it. A spotlight shined on us and an alarm started going off, and we also heard some barking. “COME ON AND SLAM! WELCOME TO THE JAM!” I yelled.

“What?” Cesaer asked.

“CLIMB!” I yelled. So we started climbing really fast; as fast as we could. The prison guards as well as whatever the barking is coming from started charging towards us. Lee made it to the top of the wall, looked down and saw we were still trying to climb. “We’re almost there!” I said.

“We’re goin’ to make it! We’re goin’ to make it!” Cesaer said excitedly. The prison guards were almost at the rope. Lee was feeling pretty nervous for us, and he started feeling even more nervous because he looked from both sides of him and he saw prison guards coming from both directions over the wall.

“HURRY!” Lee yelled.

“We’re going as fast we can!” I yelled.

“Lee you little garbage pile, HELP US!” Orange yelled. The guards from both sides of the wall were cutting it close, as well as the guards from below them. Lee was really feeling scared. He thought there was no use. Just then, Lee takes out the shiv he made in the cafeteria. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?!” Orange yelled.

“Ah’m…. ah’m sorry!” Lee said as a tear drop fell from his eye. “There is no use. Ah don’t want to do this, but… what other choice to ah have?”

”Go ahead, do it! End your misery! As well as our misery from having you around!” Orange dared him.

“What do you take me for, Orange?!” Lee yelled. “Ah’m not doin’ THAT! But ah am doin’ this!” Lee takes the shiv and starts cutting the rope to the grapple.

“GENERAL LEE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Orange yelled.

“What’s going on up there?” I asked.

“Ah’m sorry, Jerry!” Lee said upsettingly. “Ah’ll make it up to you some day! Ah promise!” Just then, Lee cuts the rope and we start to fall down back into the prison yard.

“LEEEEEEEEE!” I yelled as we all fell down on top of eachother.

“Wow… that was a soft landing.” Orange said.

“Not to me.” Cesaer said with his face planted on the ground.

“You’ll need this, Jer.” Lee whispered to himself as he throws the shiv off the wall and into the prison yard (luckily not landing on top of anyone). Lee yells out his Dixie-horn and then he jumps off the wall and he started running to freedom.

CHOICE D FAILED?

Ok, so those weren’t really simple choices, but your mind was blown, wasn’t it? Anyways, after General Lee ran to freedom, yelling his Dixie-horn multiple times as he was running, the guards, as well as one crazy gray-haired blue-coated filly that barked like a guard dog surrounded us. The warden mischievously walked towards us and said, “Consider yourselves staying here a lot longer.” The warden chuckled.

“General Lee…. I knew there was something not right about him.” Orange said. “When we get outta here… he’s gonna pay for this!”

“I agree 100%!” Cesaer said. “He sold us out big time. He probably set this whole charade up! Why else would we have the supplies out here lying around to help us get outta here? General Lee was a big fat joke! Right, J? J?” I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t believe it. General Lee was loyal to… well… he was loyal to me at least. Why would he do this? I felt really heartbroken. General Lee was my best friend. I really thought the worse from him, but… perhaps this wasn’t intentional, because I did see Lee drop his shiv before he left. The guards didn’t see it, only I did. I have to get it the next morning before any other prisoner does.

Well, by the looks of it; it doesn’t seem like I turned myself in at all. Our sentence here has been added, and mainly the only thing that makes this stay here even more tough, is that there’s only three of us here, now that General Lee is gone. Once I get outta here, I have to find him, and find out why he did this, but I have to find him before Orange and Cesaer do. I can only expect them to do the worst to him. I just need to find him, and find out why, but in the meantime, more prison time awaits.

Author's Note

Just like the sixth chapter of FiE Book 3, I brought back choices in here. You the readers get to choose what happens. Well, the first part you do. The second part you have to make sure you pick the right choice. I'm going to be doing this for every mission chapter in this story, which is mostly every third chapter. This story is being seperated into arcs. Chapters 1-3 is Arc 1, chapters 4-6 is Arc 2, chapters 7-9 is Arc 3, chapter 10 is one mini-arc that's going to crossover to FiE Book 3 chapter 4, and then chapters 11-15 is the finale arc, which is going to be crossed-over with the Friendship Mafia story, and then afterwards, both stories will end there, and they'll continue in Friendship is Epic.

This chapter is to mainly test the relationships between Jerry, Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee. Does General Lee seem familiar to you at all? No I don't mean the car from Dukes of Hazard, from somewhere else. No? Ok, you'll find out soon!

Time After Time

It’s been 15 years since General Lee betrayed us. 15 years in the pen with Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad. We moved to an actual prison after we turned 18. It’s my 25th birthday today, and like all my birthdays, Jelly Jam and Elusive both come over to spend the day with me. Things have changed for both of them over the years. So I went to the visiting room so I can speak to them.

“Jelly! Elusive!” I said excitedly as I gave both of them a big hug.

“Jerry!” Jelly said excitedly. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

”Sis, you’ve been saying that for 15 years!” I chuckled. “I’ve been ok ever since.”

”We’re just worried for you, sweetheart.” Elusive said.

“Don’t worry, Elusive, I’m fine.” I said. “I’ll always be fine! You two have been visiting me every single month! You two are the ones that kept me sane these last many years!”

”I’m sorry you can’t say the same to Orange and Cesaer.” Jelly said.

“Prison has driven them mad.” I said. “They’ve been more violent, and less tolerable towards my reasoning. Orange has even been writing down marks on our cell wall ever since General Lee betrayed us. Which reminds me, did you two find anything about him lately? Is he still that famous stuntspony on TV?”

“Tonight on PNT,” the TV announcer said on the TV near by. “General Lee fights the law again with his pals Heart Duke, Clubs Duke, Diamond Duke, Spade Duke, and each of his Las Haygus mobster friends only on… Hazards of Duke!” just then, General Lee plays his famous Dixie-horn on TV, and then the TV announcer mumbles fast, “Which is nothing like Dukes of Hazards.”

“I really would’ve thought karma would’ve gotten to him, but he seems to be a famous TV star now.” I said. “He doesn’t even feel sad in any of these flicks. He seems happy.”

”He may look happy on the outside, but on the inside, he might feel dead in there.” Elusive said.

”I don’t know for sure, but I really want to find him.” I said.

“Revenge isn’t the best solution, Jer.” Elusive said.

“Yeah, Jer, it’s not healthy to have a grudge on a pony. Just look at Orange and Cesaer.” Jelly reminded me.

“I know.” I nodded. “You know, you two really mean a lot to me. It would seem that I could only tell you two anything. Orange and Cesaer… I have little hope for them.”

”But don’t give up on them, Jer. They’re your friends, and they always will be.” Elusive said. “You have history with them, just like you have history with us.”

”Yeah and the only history I ever had with you was that one day back in Elementary School and the rest behind a glass.” I teased. The three of us all laughed.

”It’s true!” Elusive nodded.

“So Jelly, how’s that new novel coming along?” I asked.

“Just as successful as all the others!” Jelly said. “Maybe I’ll give you a copy before anypony else gets to read! I know how much you love Jelly ‘n the Jam!”

“Yep! It’s a very fascinating novel.” I said. “A story about how your possibilities are endless.”

”For everywhere you go, there are always choices to make.” Jelly said. “Is wherever your going journey or a destination? Does every destination have a journey, or does every journey have a destination? You’ll never know unless you try!”

”It’s the third thing that kept me sane these past few years!” I said.

“I’m proud of you, Jer!” Jelly said. “Once you get outta here, I know you’ll be just as successful as me, if not better!”

”You’re just saying that.” I smirked at her.

“You know me too well, bro.” Jelly chuckled.

“How about you, Elusive?” I asked. “How’s the famous night club coming along?”

“It’s the best club in Las Pegasus!” Elusive said.

“Are drinks still on you by the time I get out?” I asked.

”Actually, Jer, I have something even better!” Elusive said. “Since it’s your birthday and all, I want to give you a present!”

“Did you wrap it up and put a little bow on it?” I asked.

Elusive giggled. “I should’ve. It really would’ve looked stylish! But no, its nothing like that, darling.”

”What is it then?” I asked.

“You’ll really like it, Jer!” Jelly said. “It’ll give you a little something when you get outta here. An actual job!”

”Does it require a college education?” I asked. “Because juvey only has up to high school education, and unlike Orange and Cesaer, I took that opportunity! I really told them to go with me to those sessions but they refused.”

“Their loss, right?” Jelly asked.

”Faust save the queen!” I nodded.

“Here it is!” Elusive said as he puts a piece of paper on the table.

“What’s this? A waver?” I asked.

“Sort of.” Elusive said. “This is a contract for a timeshare at my club!”

”A what?” I asked.

”I want you to become a co-owner of my club at Las Pegasus, The Jam!” Elusive said.

”The Jam? Really?” I asked. “You named a club after me?”

”It was Jelly’s idea.” Elusive admitted.

“Hey you’re the one that had the crush on him, alright?” Jelly asked.

“Wow… I… I don’t know what to say!” I said shockingly. “A timeshare of your club? Really? What’s the catch?”

”You put up with me. That’s the payment for investing.” Elusive said.

“Really now? Because I always thought you had to put up with me here in prison.” I thought.

“I never had any friends at school.” Elusive said. “Me liking other stallions and all. Everypony was a hater, but not you and Jelly here! It meant so much to me that I wanted to help you get on your hooves when you finally get released!”

”Well I mean, you kinda paid me already while I was in here.” I said. “You kept me sane and gave me advise.”

”Well we both have eachother’s backs, right?” Elusive asked. “I want to throw you a bone, and give you a chance to make money.”

”Even though you have plenty already.” Jelly said.

”I didn’t think mom and dad would leave me anything, after… you know… their disappearance.” I said.

“Oh that’s right!” Elusive said shockingly. “It was all over the news that other day! Jam family disappears after son’s heist scandal and daughter’s disappearance!”

”It was tragic. Truly tragic.” Jelly said. “Nopony knows if they’re alive or not. The house was empty though so it seemed they moved out.”

”You never told me though. What of the land of Mareami?” I asked.

“Sold.” Jelly said. “The land was sold to an unknown source.”

“The Leafhorns? The Guns?” I asked.

”Neither of them for sure.” Jelly said. “But nopony knows who the land was sold to.”

”Then who’s doing the paperwork?” I asked.

“The mayor doesn’t say.” Jelly said.

“That makes me nervous.” I said. “There are so many questions, yet so little answers. Did General Lee mean to betray us? Where are our parents? Who was Mareami sold to, and when am I leaving?”

”Jerry Jam?” a guard got my attention.

“Yeah, mate?” I asked.

”Mate? I’m a guard you should show respect to!” the guard said to me. “Anyways, letting you know now, you and your friends are free to go tomorrow, so you better go pack your things. You know… the little things you have.”

”Wow! Isn’t this great, Jer? You’re leaving tomorrow!” Jelly said excitedly.

“Which gives you an even better reason to sign this contract!” Elusive persuaded me.

“C’mon, Elusive! I’ll need a lawyer first.” I said.

“I actually went to law school. I already read the contract, and everything seemed fair to me.” Jelly said.

“Don’t you trust me, Jer?” Elusive asked.

“All a better reason not to trust you.” I chuckled. “But in all serious, I am honored to work along side you, Elou!”

“Splendid! Splendid!” Elusive said excitedly as he jumped up down in his girly fashion.

“Shhhh!” I shushed him and laughed. “Trust me, Elou, you wouldn’t want to act like ‘yourself’ around here.”

”Right, right, sorry.” Elusive chuckled and blushed and sat back down.

I then suddenly signed his contract, feeling with pride. I knew this would be a good idea. It would seem everything is going to be ok! Time is finally on my side! “There! It’s done!” I said.

“Welcome to the team, partner!” Elusive said with his hoof out.

”Define partner.” I teased as I shook his hoof.

Elusive giggled. “Funny stallion! This stallion is funny!”

”He sure is, Elusive! He sure is!” Jelly agreed.

“Wait until I break the news with Orange and Cesaer!” I said excitedly. “We’re getting out of here!”

“I’ll get us some plane tickets to LP. That’s where Elusive and I are living at right now.” Jelly said.

“I hope Orange and Cesaer are ok with that.” I said. “They’d feel betrayed if I left them here. They’re oversensitive about me. Less tolerant over my reasoning, but also overprotective and oversensitive over me. They think I’d end up like Lee.”

”Then we’ll have to bring them along.” Jelly said.

“But their ‘hoods’ are here in Mareami.” I said.

“Their ‘hoods’ has expanded into national gangs. They’ve expanded to LP. It’ll feel like they’re at home!” Elusive said.

“Then they should be happy about that!” I said. “Anyways, I think going to Las Pegasus would be a tremendous new start for all of us! I mean, don’t get me wrong, Mareami will always be home, but going somewhere seeing celebrities making complete fools of themselves and going to rehab would make me feel a lot better inside. Let’s do it!”

“Brilliant!” Elusive said. “Now, Jer, I hope you don’t mind, but my plane leaves in a few hours today, so I have to head back to the club. I don’t trust my coltfriend looking after that place!”

“Be wise over your coltfriends, Elou.” I suggested. “This is your seventh one!”

”Stallions are all the same aren’t they?” Elusive complained.

“I wouldn’t know.” Jelly chuckled. “I was never in a relationship!”

”Why not, Jelly? It’ll be good for you!” I said.

“I know, but I guess I’m in love with my work!” Jelly said. “Anyways, I’ll be at the hotel, and I’ll come pick you up tomorrow! We’ll head back to LP together, and start off your new life!”

”So far, this has been an amazing birthday for me!” I nodded. “And yet, there’s no cake.”

”The prison has a no-cake policy to avoid smuggling.” Elusive said.

“Ah.” I nodded. “Yeah I kinda witnessed them putting that rule there.”

After a couple hours, Elusive and Jelly left. I didn’t want them around when I was going to tell Orange and Cesaer the news. When I got to our cell, I saw them happy for the first time in a long time. “You heard?” I asked.

“Heard what?” Cesaer aked.

“That we’re leaving today! Hay yeah, we heard! They just holla’d at us!” Orange said excitedly. “Time to say buh-bye to this dump, and finally go back to robbin’ and huntin’ down General Lee! After all these years! We finally have time on our side, homies!”

”Yeah, I know! I just said that a while ago!” I said.

“Can’t wait to get our hoods together and rob that Bank of Equestria building, J!” Cesaer said. “Just one last heist here in Mareami, and we’re movin’ on!”

”Las Pegaus?” I asked. “I actually thought that would be a good place to have a new start!

”It’s perfect!” Orange said. “I heard our hoods expanded into national gangs! Las Pegasus sounds like great new place to go out and robbing!”

”Wait, Cesaer. What happened to your taco truck idea?” I asked.

”Huh? Oh right, I forgot about that.” Cesaer remembers. “Well maybe I can use that as a front to sell illegal animal crackers! That’s your idea, right?”

”Huh? Oh, actually, I got this new deal. I have a timeshare now for a night club in LP.” I said.

“Right, I remembered… you gone soft!” Orange glared at me.

”Wait a minute, holms. It could all it be a set up! It could be another front for our operations! Good goin’, J!” Cesaer said.

”Yeah, I mean… unless your weird coltcuddler friend as a problem with us putting our operations there. We could kick him out!” Orange suggested.

“NO! The club is not a front! I given up on robbing, ok?” I reminded them. “I mean, I can’t tell you two what to do because you’re my best friends, but I’m done, alright? Maybe you and your hoods can team up and rob places, but I can’t interfere anymore. I’ve retired.”

”Suit yourself, homie.” Orange shrugged. “Cesaer and I have grown wise these last many years in prison. We don’t need your brains anymore! But we do need something from you.”

”And what is that?” I asked.

“We need you to help us track down General Lee.” Orange said.

“What?” I asked.

“You saw him. He betrayed us all.” Cesaer said. “We need to gain our revenge on him!”

”Revenge isn’t the best solution though!” I said.

“See? Jerry did get soft!” Orange said.

“J, if you don’t help us track down, GL, we might think you’d work with him.” Cesaer said. “Did you plan this out with him, J? Hmm?”

”No! No I didn’t! I didn’t expect him to leave us here!” I said.

“Then help us track him down and we’ll teach him a lesson he’ll never forget!” Orange swore.

“It’s all we want from you, J.” Cesaer said. “That, and your friendship, amigo. Don’t forget us about, y’hear?”

”Otherwise we’d still think you’d stab us in the back!” Orange added. “But we know better from you, dawg!”

”Also we’d like a cut from your timeshare at the club.” Cesaer added.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re rich, right?” Orange asked. “I mean, the three of us, we have history, fool! It’s to make sure we stay connected! Help us find Lee, give us a timeshare at your club, and we’re all good! Fo’ sure!”

”Yeah, J!” Cesaer nodded. “Our friendship means everything to O and me. Does it mean anything to you too?”

Its shame to admit it, but I don’t want to lose Orange and Cesaer as friends. We all have history. We’ve been betrayed by the same pony. I have to do this for them. I have to watch their backs and make sure they don’t get into too much trouble and get arrested again. I’m glad I did a good deed by turning us in, and I’m never robbing again, and I can’t control my friends’ actions for whatever they do out there, but I’ll make sure they’re safe. These two have strong connections and even stronger ones now, now that their hoods became powerful gangs. I’m still going to do my best and make sure they don’t find out the truth, and I am going to help them find General Lee, but I don’t want him harmed. I’ll have to think this through overnight.

The next day came, and that morning, we were finally released from prison. We got all of our stuff back, and our regular clothes. Well, Cesaer and Orange got their clothes back. Orange wears a black hoodie, and Cesaer wears a white tank-top and red headband, and I wear nothing. You may think it’s actually natural, but here in Mareami, and there in LP, ponies wear clothes often. It’s the small towns wear ponies don’t wear anything.

Cesaer inhales the air and says, “Smell that, boys? Smells like freedom!”

”Smells like pollution to me.” Orange said.

“We did it, mates! We survived prison!” I said.

”At what cost, Jer? At what cost?” Orange asked.

“Are we going to survive out here, J?” Cesaer asked.

“Relax, you two! It’s not going to be a ‘prison is the only place that understands me’ scenario. No, we’re starting over again, and we’re going to LP!” I said. “My sister has the tickets at the hotel room, so when she picks us up…”

”We’ll head over there!” Jelly said as she was just right there on a taxi carriage, waiting for us.

“Jelly Jam, baby! You look fine, girl!” Orange said.

“Yeah, um, thanks Orange!” Jelly said awkwardly.

“Gracias for picking us up, JJ!” Cesaer said.

”JJ?” Orange asked.

“Jerry’s already J, so I made Jelly JJ. Makes sense to avoid confusion.” Cesaer said.

“It’s fine, C!” Jelly teased. “Anyways, let’s head to the hotel and enjoy freedom! Our plane is going to leave for LP tonight at 6, so if any of you have any loose ends to tie up before we go, then by all means, do it!”

”Cesaer and I should go back to our hood and pack things up. We’ll tell them we’re out, and we’re going to be moving on to our branch at LP.” Orange said.

“I’m kinda nervous, holms! For being in prison so long, will they think we’re no use to them anymore? Would they think prison changed us?” Cesaer asked.

“They’ll only think that if we’re staying here, homie.” Orange said. “We move to LP, the homies there we never met before, so we’re pretty much a clean slate for the time being. Hey, it’s better than being useless to them, right?”

”I guess you’re right, O.” Cesaer understood.

“Let’s just pack our things, sell our apartments if they haven’t been foreclosed already, and we’ll head out to LP.” Orange said. “Those homies back at our hood right now would probably think of us dead anyway, so it’s good we’re moving out.”

”What about the Bank of Equestria building, O?” Cesaer asked.

“Nah, that requires time and planning, homie. We’ll come back and handle that place another time.” Orange said.

“You mates are right! You did grow wise in prison!” I said.

“That we did, dawg! That we did!” Orange nodded.

“I wouldn’t say ‘wise’ in every way though.” Jelly said.

“Nah, you like bad boys, girl! You just need to see it!” Orange said.

“Whatever you say, Orange.” Jelly said. So the taxi driver dropped Orange and Cesaer off at their hood and then we were off again. Jelly and I were alone in the cab. No don’t get any ideas, she’s my sister. I know how fandoms think. “I don’t like Orange Swirl, he acts pretty sexist towards me.”

”I know how you feel.” I said.

“Does he hit on you?” Jelly asked.

“No, but he keeps teasing about me being in a relationship with Elusive.” I said.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Jelly said.

“How do you feel about Cesaer though?” I asked.

“I have mixed feelings for him. He’s not annoying like Orange, but he’s a criminal, so I’m a little bit nervous with him around, but I could say he’s an acquaintance.” Jelly said.

“I’m a criminal though.” I reminded her.

“But you’re my brother, and you’re an ex-criminal.” Jelly said.

“How do you know? Maybe I would’ve lied to you.” I teased.

“By spending 15 years in prison? Some lie you’re trying on me.” Jelly said.

“Guess you got me there, sis!” I said. “Hey, cab-driver? Can you stop by the bank please?”

”Oy! This cab driver’s got a name!” the driver complained.

”OY!” I yelled.

“What do you need at the bank?” Jelly asked.

“Well I’m going to need some money… somehow.” I said. “How are our parents’ accounts?”

”You wouldn’t believe it. All of their money was transferred to my account.” Jelly said.

“Yours?” I asked.

“Relax! I put half of it in your account! It’s not like I’m using half that money! I just got myself an average house on Applewood Hills!” Jelly said.

“An average house on Applewood Hills is worth just as much as a castle in Trottingham.” I said.

“I don’t need much room, but I do want a nice view while I’m working on my novels.” Jelly said.

“Is it ok if I stay with you until I get my own house?” I asked.

“Of course not! Just don’t overstay your welcome.” Jelly said.

”Just because you said that, I will.” I teased.

“Here we are, passenger.” The cab carriage puller said with an attitude as we approached the Bank of Equestria building in Downtown Mareami.

“Passenger?” I asked.

“You called me cab driver, it’s only fair.” The pony said.

“If you say so.” I shrugged.

“I hope I’m getting paid well for this.” The cab driver complained.

“See you back at the hotel, Jer!” Jelly said as the driver rides off.

“Wait! You didn’t say what hotel you’re staying at!” I called out, but she was already too far away, and I gave the carriage puller too much fuss for him to come back here. Anyways, I walked inside the Bank of Equestria building, but before I walked inside, I saw a suspicious looking van parked right outside the bank. I had second thoughts of going in, but as long as the line isn’t big, I’ll be in and out before the probability of anything happening.

“Yeah… real quick.” I said sarcastically as I went inside the bank and walked over to the long line. Too lazy to go anywhere else, but just like that, I was right to be suspicious about the suspicious van, because something pretty expecting, but pretty exciting was just about to happen.

“ALRIGHT, NOPONY MOVE! EVERYPONY LAY DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!” one of the robbers yelled.

“Now now, folks, we’re not here to hurt you. We just came here for the money and we’ll be on our way.” One of the other robbers said.

“Shut up! Go upstairs and take over the rest of the buildin’! We’re gonna make ourselves rich!” the first robber ordered them. The other robbers ran upstairs to take over the rest of the building. They shot meat at all the security guards that tried to attack, and they fainted.

“Sharks bite, fool!” one of the robbers said.

“Don’t tell them our group name, you idiot!” the other robber yelled at him.

“Well no one else is here, they’re all fainted. But wait, there’s a security camera.” The first robber pointed out.

“Oh dang! We gotta get to the security room and delete that footage!” the second robber said.

“But where is the security room?” the first robber asked.

“Oh man, I dunno! This is just great!” the second robber complained.

“Devil, Pear? Get yourselves down here, we need your help with the safe.” The robber leader ordered on their ear pieces.

“But we have a bit of a problem up here, man.” Devil said.

“On the double, Devil!” the leader said.

“Sure thing, boss.” Devil said.

Pear chuckled and said, “Double-Devil, that’s funny!”

“Yeah, hardy har har.” Devil said sarcastically and walked downstairs to help out their boys. I must say, I’m not very impressed over this. I’ve done a couple of small-time bank heists before, but I never thought of robbing the Bank of Equestria building here in Downtown Mareami; the tallest building in the city! But the reason I’m not impressed is because these robbers are barely organized. They’re not going to last, I know that for a fact. We know who they are; the Sharks mob. I heard about them. They’re the toughest mob in the whole city. Rumors suggest that the elementary school principle, Herb Leafhorn Sr. runs the gang, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

Anyways, me and the rest of the customers and bank tellers were still held hostage by the Sharks. There were a couple of security disturbances, but nothing major happened yet… YET… although one of the bank tellers pressed the silent alarm button while the robbers weren’t looking, so it won’t be long until the MDPD show up, and for once, I’m glad they’re coming, because I’m not responsible for this heist; although, being here right now might reflect poorly on my criminal record. After a while, the criminals started collecting some money from the safe.

“I’m collectin’ the money now!” the leader yelled out.

“Roger that, boss!” one of the robbers that’s holding the ponies up front hostage yelled back.

Just then, one of the hostages were lying on the ground next to me whispered, “Psst, hey. I’m an FDA member. I’m about to take these rookies downtown. What’s your name?”

“Jerry Jam.” I whispered. “But I don’t think this is such a good idea, mate.”

“You’re right, Jer. It is, it is a bad idea, but you know what? I was also told that it was a bad idea to eat so many pies during the pie eating challenge. I had to get my stomach pumped, BUT I still won the game.” The other hostage whispered. “The world is full of bad ideas, my friend. You have to take risks to get what you really want.”

“Now listen, ponies.” One of the robbers started. “We’re your friends. Me and my brothers here-“

“Why you tell them we’re brothers idiot? That’s gonna be hard of them to find us, isn’t it?!” one of the other robbers yelled at the last robber talking to the hostages.

“I’m just to be honest with them. We put them through a lot today.” The first robber said.

“Forget you, and forget your cause! That nonsense is over! Polish Cheese ain’t the only thing that’s yellow, bits are too!” the other robber yelled.

“Now you said bloody ‘Polish’. That’s gonna narrow a search, isn’t it?” the first robber asked.

“Shut up! Grow a brain in that empty head of yours, then tell me what to do!” the other robber yelled.

“I’LL LET YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, WHEN THE DAY THAT MOM STOPS GOING TO HER BOOK CLUB!” the first robber yelled.

“MORONS!” the hostage that talked to me yelled as he shot a mind-controlling dart at one of the more quieter robbers near the door, and that robber fell to the ground.

“TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH US!” one of the robbers yelled, throwing a piece of meat on the hero’s face.

“AAAAH! It burns!” the hero yelled as he fell to the floor.

“NO! Devil! Speak to me Devil!” the robber yelled, running towards his friend. Devil was laying on the ground, trying to regain his senses. Devil could barely keep his eyes opened, but he did whimper. “Guys, he’s tryin’ to say somethin’!”

“T…this…. This is….” Devil whispered.

“This is what; and what is this?” the robber asked.

“T-this…. This is wrong.” Devil whispered.

“I know this is wrong. You can’t leave us!” the robber yelled.

“P-Pear…. Th-this…. Robbery….. is….. wr….wr….” Devil whispered. Pear looked at where Devil has been shot, and he saw the dart with the FDA logo on it.

“No! He’s became….. reasonable. Not Devil!” Pear cried. “We gotta help him!”

“It’s too late, Pear. He’s gone. He’s not who he used to be.” Pear’s brother said.

“Gość (Dude).... Dlaczego to ma się stać (Why did this have to happen)?“ Pear asked.

Pear’s brother paused in sorrow, and finally whispered, “The FDA.”

I listened to every word they said, and I whispered to myself, “The FDA.”

“Wait…. what’s that noise?” Pear asked as he heard sirens going on outside.

“Police sirens! Darn it, they know about this robbery!” Pear’s brother yelled.

“Don’t worry. I have a plan.” The robber leader said as he walked outside the vault with the manager at meat-point.

From outside the bank, the MDPD surrounds the building with carriages, pegasi, and magic riot shields. “ROBBERS! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! COME OUT WITH YOUR HOOVES UP!” one of the cops yelled through the megaphone.

“Boss, they surrounded us!” Pear’s brother said to the leader.

“I know, but we’ll make them unsurround us. It’s time we gave the feds a little message.” The boss said mischievously.

After a few moments, the robber leader walks outside with the manager and meat-point and yells, “Officers! We mean no harm! All we want is the money, and we go!”

“Robber, please let go of the civilian, and come along quietly!” the cop with the megaphone yelled.

“Oh I’m afraid not!” the robber yelled holding a detonator. “You see, I have planted honey explosives on all the hostages! One false move and they all get their precious coats all sticky!”

“Hold your fire.” The cop said to his backups.

“I’m sure if we can find a way to be a little more….. reasonable, like the pony that took over my friend’s body, I’ll be sure to release all these hostages, and we can all go home.” The robber said. The cops all looked at eachother, wondering what their next move should be. “Take your time to think it over! We have all day.”

“Actually…. I have my daughter’s violin reception in one hour.” Pear’s brother said.

Suddenly, one of the officer’s phones started ringing. He took out his phone and answered it. “This is Officer M4 Gun.” He said. The pony on the other line talked over with the officer declaring what the next source of action will be. “Mhm. Mhm. Really? Are you sure? What signal? If you say so. Alright, got it.” M4 ended the call.

“Who was that, sir?” one of the other officers asked.

“I don’t know, but I was told by somepony to wait for the signal.” M4 said.

“What kind of signal?” the other officer asked.

“He said I’ll know it when I hear it.” M4 said. So all the officers stood down, and awaited to see what’ll happen next.

“This was an FDA member.” I said to myself.

“S-still am… kinda.” The FDA agent mumbled and he coughed.

“Are you ok?” I asked.

“I’ll be fine.” He whispered to me. “Meat… so… so terrible! Such a terrible fate! Makes us feel sad… makes us feel disgusted.”

”What was that thing you shot the robber with?” I asked.

“A mine-control dart. He’s temporarily kind for a short time.” The agent said.

“I thought the FDA doesn’t force ponies to have harmony? That’s what the DIF does.” I asked.

“The DIF tries to force harmonies in a more permanent way.” The agent said. “The FDA allows persuasion. The dart’s effects will vary. He’ll be back to his old self in no time. Or will he? Maybe being kind will persuade him to change his ways. We didn’t force him to change, it was a choice. We’re just giving him a taste of kindness. That’s all.”

“What does it take to be a member of the FDA?” I asked. “I’ve done bad in my past, and I want to persuade other ponies to do good instead of bad.”

”In my pocket is a business card.” The agent whispered as he takes it out of his pocket and slides it to me. “If you want to be a member of the FDA, just follow everything in this card, and perhaps you’ll be one.”

”Can anypony become an FDA member?” I asked.

“Maybe… maybe not. All information relating to how to become an FDA member is classified. All I can say is… follow the card.” The agent whispered. “If you REALLY want to join the Friendship Detection Agency, and spread harmony across Equestria, then you’ll know exactly what to do!”

“STOP TALKING!” one of the robbers demanded. I did what he said. They planted some honey explosives on us that would make our fur really sticky, unless somepony did something about it. Just then, I just remembered. I took out General Lee’s shiv and I started cutting the explosive wires attached to me while the robbers weren’t looking. Devil’s brother was still busy arguing with Pear.

“Thank you, General Lee!” I whispered to myself as I started cutting the wires off the other hostages.

“My hero!” a mare whispered as she kissed me. I blushed.

“My hero!” a stallion whispered as he kissed me. I wiped my face.

“My hero!” a fat mare whispered as she was about to kiss me but I blocked her kiss, and I just gave her a pat on the head.

“My wife-stealer!” a stallion whispered as he punched me on the stomach. Just then, all the hostages were free, but as we thought we were in the clear the robbers spotted me.

“HEY!” Devil’s brother yelled. “What do you think you’re doing? I’m going to press this detonator if you don’t sit back down!” Just then, Devil’s brother was knocked out by some gray pegasus wearing an orange jacket and some goggles; kinda looked similar to Lee’s, except gray.

“Need any help, brother?” the pony asked.

”Not really, mate.” I said as I knocked out a third robber.

“NOT THE FACE!” the third robber cried right before I knocked him out.

“Clay Cement of the Friendship Mafia, at your service!” he said.

”Jerry Jam, formally a prison, and now a free pony!” I said.

“Escape from prison?” Clay asked.

“Attempted 15 years ago, but failed.” I said. “Now I’m fairly released.”

”Cool!” Clay said.

“Boss? We have a HUGE problem here!” Pear said on his ear piece.

“What’s wrong, Pear?” the boss asked.

“The hostages are free, and they’re attac-“ just then, the fat mare hostage suddenly sits on Pear, breaking his ear piece while she was at it, as well as his spine. “OW!”

”Mmm! Comfee!” the fat mare said.

“Mind if I take some bits with me?” I asked. “I’m kinda in a hurry.”

”Here.” Clay said as he gives 500 bits. “That should cover it. A cut for your heroic actions today, brother! I’ll take it out of my account don’t worry! Just tell other ponies about the Friendship Mob!”

”With pleasure!” I nodded as I ran out of the bank.

”It’s a runner. Should I taze him?” a cop asked.

“No, I know this pony.” Officer M4 Gun said. “Jerry Jam! Finally released from prison!”

”Hello, Officer Gun! Sorry I can’t talk now. I have something important to do.” I said.

“Can we at least have a report on what happened in there?” M4 asked.

“The Friendship Mob have everything under control in there.” I said.

“The Friendship Mob, huh?” Officer Gun asked.

”Yeah. They obviously know what they’re doing in there.” I said. “Now, one question. How’s your relative, Flare Gun?”

”He just left Mareami a couple of weeks ago. He wants to live the good friendship life in Ponyville.” Officer Gun said. “The Leafhorns still have a grudge on him, wanting to make sure his life stays ruined.”

”I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen. I’m taking your advice!” I said. “I’m joining the FDA!”

”Shhhh!” M4 shushed me. “Not too loud. Don’t want ponies to know what you’re up to. Go on, Jerry Jam! Fulfill your destiny!”

“Yes! Yes I will!” I said as I ran off. Right after I ran off, the officers were aiming their guns at another pony exiting the bank.

”Hold your fire!” Officer Gun yelled, but that was the last thing I heard before I reached an out of range distance.

I didn’t know where to run so I called my sister and asked her where the hotel is, since there are quite a few hotels in Mareami, and she says the Embacy Suites, and then I asked which Embacy Suites, but it was pretty much a joke since there’s only one Embacy Suites in the city. She’s was in room 634. I eventually met her there and told her everything.

“Really now? The Sharks mob robbed the Bank of Equestria building?” Jelly asked. “Somepony’s gotta have big courage in order to rob a place like that!”

“I know, but they were very disorganized.” I said. “Some rival mob known as the Friendship Mafia came in and saved us.”

“Saved you? A mob?” Jelly asked.

“I know, I was pretty surprised too.” I said.

“Well this is an even better reason not to stay here.” Jelly said. “I’m sure LP will be much safer than this.”

“Wouldn’t Las Pegasus be even worse?” I asked. “There’s more gang violence there than Manehatten and Mareami combined!”

“But it’s where Elusive and his club is. You have a timeshare in that club now. You partially own it, and you should head over there and see for yourself.” Jelly said. “No need to be some rock star buying a mansion that you never visited!”

“Are you referencing Joe Walsh and the Eagles?” I asked.

“I did? Oh yeah, I never even noticed.” Jelly thought.

“Anyways, did you hear from Orange and Cesaer?” I asked.

“You’d know before I would.” Jelly said.

“Well then, I guess we’re done here.” I said. “When does our flight to Las Pegasus leave?”

“In a couple of hours, we better get moving.” Jelly said. “You know, I’ve always liked Mareami.”

“I have too, but at least LP isn’t that different. There are palm trees over there, and beaches. The only difference is that the water is colder and more of a darker blue.” I said.

“Yeah, and there are mountains in the background.” Jelly added.

And so, we were finished here. Orange and Cesaer eventually came back with the stuff they needed. They had some garbage talk from their ex-hoods which almost led to violence, but luckily it didn’t happen. I woulda thought so though. Anyways, it’s time to say adios to Mareami and the southeast coast for now, and time to say hola to LP and the west coast, and that will also be the place where I’m going to be working with Elusive, and also finding out how to join the FDA.

Author's Note

The first chapter of arc 2. Takes place 15 years after the events of chapter 3. In this chapter, we're trying to get to know both Jelly and Elusive a little bit more, and how all the characters in the story changed as the years went by. Plus, we introduced an FDA agent in this chapter, so we can prepare for the next chapter, when Jerry goes out and finds the FDA HQ. This chapter also cross-overs with chapters 6 and 7 on the other spin-off I made, The Friendship Mafia, even though Herb didn't appear in this chapter, only Clay did.

LP Noire

Jelly, Cesaer, Orange, and I finally made it to Las Pegasus the next day. The flight from Mareami to LP was a bit of an overnight thing. So once we left the airport we were walking to the carriage parking lot because it’s where Jelly parked her carriage.

“Welcome to Las Pegasus, boys! The number one location for Equestrian quakes.” Jelly said.

“Really?” Cesaer asked.

“Yeah, because this is the number one location where groups of ponies like to jump on the street.” Jelly said. When we rode by the Xiao Ma Theater, we saw a huge group of ponies jumping and stomping down on the ground when they got to meet their favorite celebrities, and after that, all of Applewood Blvd. started having an earthquake.

“Well I’ll be! It’s true!” Cesaer said shockingly.

“Yeah I’ll probably get used to this, home-boy!” Orange said. “LP sounds like my kind of town! Just drop Cesaer and I off at the best place in town – the hoods on the east side!”

”You got it, Orange!” Jelly said as she pulled the carriage through the streets of LP and on her way to the ‘wrong neighborhoods’, if you catch my drift.

“So, Jer, what are you planning on doing here?” Cesaer asked.

“Well first thing’s first, I have to see Elusive on the deal he has in stock.” I said.

“Well have fun workin’ with him, homie! You’ll need it! Just remember our deal.” Orange reminded me.

“I wouldn’t forget about it for the world!” I lied.

“Cesaer and I get some of the cut, and-“ Orange started, but I interrupt him.

“I told you I remember, mate. Don’t worry.” I said. “I know you ponies are VERY loyal to me.”

”I’m loyal to my homies, homie.” Orange said. “You know I’m honest. Not like ‘you know who’.”

”Lord Voldemort?” Cesaer asked.

”NO you fool! General Lee!” Orange said.

“Ah, right.” Cesaer remembered. “Sorry, O. I’m just not thinking straight right now. A little dizzy after the flight.”

”Understandable.” Orange nodded. “Once we get to our new hood, we’ll crash in for a bit.”

”Wouldn’t we have to start in a hotel, holms? They wouldn’t let us in just like that!” Cesaer said.

“Relax, Cesaer! They know we their boys! We just have to prove it to them!” Orange said.

“Right, well, wake me up when it’s over.” Cesaer said as he falls asleep.

“Just you wait! There’s going to be so much to do around here!” Orange said.

“Well before we start doing anything major, we should try to settle ourselves in.” I suggested.

”Exactly!” Jelly said as she stops the carriage. “Here’s your stop, Jer!”

”This isn’t Elusive’s club.” I said as I saw that we were parked in front of the FDA building in Downtown.

“Right, well… you know… Orange and Cesaer have a big list to do, and his club is just around the corner, right? There’s a lot of traffic in that area anyway.” Jelly said as she winks at me.

“Ooooh! Right, ok!” I nodded.

”See her wink? Your girl is hittin’ on me, homie! She really hittin’ on me!” Orange said.

“Right, well, you all have fun! I’ll send my regards to Elusive!” I said as I step out of the carriage.

“Holla at us when you get the chance.” Orange said.

“See you around, Jer!” Jelly said as she rides off. So there I was, in front of the FDA building. It was towering right above me, and it was right next to the DIF building which was identical in every way, except for the letters on the top of it. I knew this was it. This was my chance to get into the Friendship Detection Agency! So I just walked inside. There wasn’t much. It was just a typical office building. Agents looked like everyday office workers. Didn’t seem to make sense to me. Everything just seemed so… natural. I walked up to the front desk and talked to the receptionist.
“Oi vey.” I said.

“Yes, can I help you?” the receptionist asked.

“Yeah, hi, I’m here to… umm… I’m here to join the FDA.” I said.

“I see.” The receptionist said. “Who sent you?”

”He didn’t give me his name, but he was with me during the heist of the Bank of Equestria building. He was hit up by one of the robbers, but with the help of the Friendship Mafia, I was able to help defeat the robbers. Before I left though, your agent gave me this business card.” I explained as I showed the receptionist the business card.

She observes it a bit and says, “Ok, just fill out these applications. These also act as a wavier.” She said as she gives me a couple of sheets.

“Ah so the violent bone-breaking scenarios are pretty much guaranteed, huh?” I teased and chuckled a bit. The receptionist just gives me a funny look. “I’ll go fill these out now.”

“You’ll also need this.” The receptionist said as she gives me some glasses.

“I don’t need any glasses, thank you.” I said.

“If you say so.” The receptionist said. I can see pretty well, I knew I didn’t glasses, but when I was about to sit down, I started to have the feeling that I would need them.

“Actually, I’ll take those glasses.” I said as I took them, along with the applications and a pen, and then I sat down so I could fill them out. I didn’t put on the glasses yet, but when I opened the packet to see what I needed to fill out, the sheet was completely blank. I didn’t really understand that, but then I realized it could’ve been a mistake, so I turned the page and saw that the next page was blank too. I turned all of the pages and I saw every single page was blank. It was weird. Why did the receptionist give me an application with nothing on wrote on it? I saw somepony next to me filling out an application too, but like mine, his was completely blank too, but he was writing on it with a pen, but nothing was coming out of the pen. He was like writing something, without writing anything. Like imaginary writing.

“Hey! Eyes on your own paper!” the pony next to me said as he blocked his paper.

“There’s nothing even on it!” I said.

“Hey, my business is my own, buddy. If you can’t accept it, you might not be FDA material.” The pony said.

I was about to get angry, but I held my tongue and took a deep breath. “I apologize.” I said.

“It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” The pony said. “If you want my advice, perhaps you might not see well.”

”I can see just fine.” I said.

”If you say so.” The pony shrugged as he continued writing on his application, I looked up on his face and saw he was wearing glasses. In fact, they looked like the same type of glasses that the receptionist gave me. Hmm… I wonder. So I put the glasses on, just like that, things became clearer. I could finally see the words on the application. Wow, the FDA is really clever! What kind of pens do they use anyway? I found a pen on the table, and I figured that it was the only type of pen I should use to fill these out. So I put in my name, age, height, bodyweight, but right next to bodyweight it says, ‘Sorry, for asking.’ Wow, the FDA is polite too.

So once I finished answering all of the questions on my application, I gave the application to the receptionist and she said, “Alright. We’ll take a look at this, and we’ll call you.”

“Got it!” I said. “Have a nice day!”

”Don’t tell me what to do!” the receptionist said rudely.

“I’ll just ignore that.” I said as I walked away.

“Well done! You passed the first test!” the receptionist said. “Ignoring!”

Well, that was easy, and a bit strange too. The receptionist insisted that I keep the glasses. Anyways, for the time being, my work there was done, so I went over to Elusive’s club – The Jam, which wasn’t really nearby. Jelly lied to me. I mean I know she said that just so Cesaer and Orange wouldn’t get on my back, but the least she could do is give me directions. I had to use the GPS on my phone to find it, and half of the time it was pointing me to a direction of an alleyway, and I don’t trust alleyways. Yeah, funny coming from a pony that went through an alleyway to find out the jewelry store owners now live there. I wonder how they’re doing now? I should really use some of my money to donate those I robbed. I’m starting to believe now that I didn’t have to go to prison. I would’ve just given them the money, and I’m good.

Anyways, once I got to The Jam, the bouncer outside blocked me. “Whoa, buddy! Are you on the list?” he asked.

“I should be, mate. I half own this place.” I said.

“You’re Jerry Jam, right?” the bouncer asked.

“That’s me!” I said.

“I don’t believe you. Get outta here!” the bouncer demanded.

”I have my ID right here!” I said as I showed the bouncer it.

“That could be fake. There are a lot of credit frauds in this town. A pony that owns the carriage dealership nearby is a credit fraud!” the bouncer said.

“Look, I’m a close friend of Elusive.” I said.

“Half of the ponies in this town say they’re friends with Elusive.” The bouncer said.

“C’mon, mate! Don’t be like that! Have you been rejected in the past?” I asked.

”SHUT UP!” the bouncer yelled as he teared up. “I’LL BEAT YOU TO A POLE IF YOU DON’T GO AWAY!”

”Bumper! Bumper Sticker, calm down!” Elusive said as he walked out. “Jerry’s my partner.”

”Really? What happened to Trum Bone?” Bumper the bouncer asked. Heh! That sounds clever!

”No, I don’t mean it like that. Jerry’s my business partner! You should be showing him some respect!” Elusive said.

”My apologies, boss.” Bumper said to me. “Please, come in.”

”Thank you!” I said as I followed Elusive inside. “Wow, what a jerk!”

”I need a tough pony here. I’m too soft. Ponies would do whatever they want if I didn’t have a tough strong stallion here with me.” Elusive said.

“I understand how you feel.” I said.

“Woo! Anyways, welcome The Jam, Jerry Jam! The hottest club in town!” Elusive said. “After a long time we’re at the TOP, baby! OWW! Woo! Fabulous!”

”I see.” I said.

“So, Jer, how are you enjoying LP?” Elusive asked.

“So far so good.” I said.

“How’s Jelly?” Elusive asked.

“She’s doing good!” I said.

“Yeah she’s such a sweetheart.” Elusive said as we walk over to the bar area and sit down at it. “Hey Clara Net, dear. How about some grape ciders, over here?” The sexy bartender nods as she pours some shots of cider for us.

“Yeah you’re going to love it here, Jer! There’s so much you can do here in Las Pegasus!” I said. “You get to meet a bunch of celebrities, you can kick ponies out whenever you like, and the V.I.P. section is WILD!”

“When did you open this bar, Elou?” I asked.

“Just a few years back. I’ve always wanted to run my own club! It’s the most popular club in LP!” Elusive said.

”Anypony else work here?” I asked.

”Well we have Bumper Sticker up front, Clara Net handles the bar, and we have that darling Sky Net handling the security monitors! What more could we need? I mean, other than a business partner like you!” Elusive said as he love-taps my hoof. Elusive picks up his shot of cider with his magic, holds it up in the air, and he says, “Cheers to business partners!”

”To business partners!” I said as I pick up my glass with my hoof and clang it against his. My shot glass that is, not my hoof. “So what’s my job?”

”I heard you have sweet moves!” Elusive said.

”You heard correct!” I said.

“Well since you’re the assistant manager, you could also work for head of security. Maybe you can keep an eye on things on the dance floor. You know, officially manage the place!” Elusive suggested.

“That sounds like a marvelous idea! Bloody marvelous!” I said.

“Eww! Bloody!” Elusive commented. I then started chuckling. “Oh you think that’s real funny, don’t you?”

”A bit, yeah.” I shrugged.

“Yo, Elou! One of the monitors got all staticy and what-not. You gonna ask for a repair pony or somethin’!” a mare that looks pretty sassy came in complained.

“It’s probably just the camera. Might just needs to get the frequency adjusted.” I suggested.

“Was I talking to you, fool? No I don’t think I was! Shut your flank up!” the mare complained.

“How charming.” I said.

“Yeah, Sky Net, this is my new business partner, Jerry Jam.” Elusive said.

“Sup fool?” Sky Net asked.

”Not much, Sky Net.” I said. “Pretty sassy for a robotic I.A. wanting to take over the world, huh?”

“You tryin’ to be funny, fool?” Sky Net asked. I took a deep breath and really held in my tongue.

“Don’t worry, Jer. Sky Net is a very nice pony. She’s very loyal. She’s very useful to have around!” Elusive said.

“You break my sweetheart Elusive’s heart, I break you!” Sky Net threatened me.

”I get it.” I said.

“Yeah try saying that to my many ex-stallionfriends.” Elusive teased. “Hoo hoo! I’m so bad!”

“Anyways, Jerry, welcome to the business! I assume you’re head of security?” Sky Net asked.

“He did say that!” I said.

“Well I look after the security cameras, so I’d be giving you an eye in the sky of what you need to know if there’s trouble going around the club.” Sky Net said. “They don’t call me Sky Net for nothin’!”

“Good to know!” I said.

“So we start tonight at 6. That’s when we open, but you should come in a half-hour earlier to get prepared for the night.” Elusive said.

“Alright, I’ll be here!” I said. “Hey, by the way, do you have a DJ here?”

“Yeah he’s right over there choosing songs for the night.” Elusive pointed to a white unicorn with orange hair and an ear-ring on his left ear. “It’s an old-timer. His name is Record Scratch, but folks like to call him DJ Pon-2. He really wants to start a line of pony DJs. He’s got a daughter that plays in Ponyville!”

“Cool!” I said. “Anyways, I wanna set things up at Jelly’s house, so I’ll catch up with you later!” I started walking out.

“Good to have you on board with us, Jer! See you tonight!” Elusive said. So I walked out of the club and I went to Jelly’s house. Had to use my GPS again to get there since Jelly didn’t give me directions. I tried calling her, but she wouldn’t answer. Maybe she was busy. Anyways, I found her house eventually over at Applewood Hills. It was a very lovely neighborhood! I had the feeling she brought my stuff inside already. Well, here it is! My new home! Well, temporarily, until I get on my hooves. Jelly gave me an extra key to her house before she dropped me off, so I have immediate access to it. When I got there though, the door was a crack open. It looked like it was broken off.

I have to admit, I was feeling a little nervous. When I got inside I saw that the living room was a mess! Now at first I thought she was a slob, but then I figured out that she was better than that. I checked her bedroom real quick though, and I saw that Jelly still sleeps with her teddy bear, Mr. Raspberry Jam. You know, I have the feeling in another universe, this teddy bear has a rough life. I looked around the house to see if I could find anything. Something wasn’t right here. The sofa was tipped over, a lot of books from the shelves are on the floor, the coffee table was broken, and so was the ceiling fan. This couldn’t have been an ordinary slob-house. My sister was obviously in a dramatic moment. Now I know she doesn’t have anger issues, so she couldn’t have done it herself. The door was broke open, so that means somepony had to come inside, and Jelly was probably fighting them, but the question is who, and why? I have no doubt about it. Jelly wasn’t here, I checked everywhere for her. I have the feeling my sister is in trouble!

I looked around the house for clues. Her purse wasn’t touched, and there were expensive things in here, but they weren’t stolen. This isn’t a heist for Jelly’s riches; somepony wanted Jelly herself for some reason. I have no doubt about it now; Jelly has been kidnapped, and I have the feeling it’s because of me! Could it have been Cesaer Salad or Orange Swirl? No, they like my sister, and they are loyal to me, they couldn’t have. General Lee? Maybe, but I’m not sure. I’d have the feeling he wants to just avoid us. He has no grudge on me. What is this about? Why has my sister been snatched from her home?

Author's Note

The first chapter that takes place in Las Pegasus! In this chapter, we're mainly just getting a feel of how things are going to be like over there, like the club Jerry is going to work, and a type of trick the FDA uses to send out messages to it's agents.

Guardian's Cartel

It’s been a few months now since I joined the FDA. I was able to pay off some of the ponies I ruined in the past. Shouldn’ve just done that before instead of going to jail. Hey, I was a colt then, it’s not like I knew better. I blame my parents, but you know something? I kinda miss them, and I wonder where they are, but the Director of the FDA has promised to get into that for me. I haven’t heard any updates since though. Even though I had a bunch of other missions in the past and was successful over them, with the help of some agents including Merry May and Apple Fritter, today would be a major mission for me! It all started at The Jam club one night; Bumper Sticker was arguing with a couple of ponies outside of the club.

“I’m telling you two, you’re not coming in! Not in those clothes, baby.” Bumper informed the two ponies.

“There are ponies in there not wearing anything!” one of the ponies complained.

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” the other one asked.

“Ponies that wear clothes, or don’t wear clothes is a fashion choice, baby. Now if you wanna keep standing here, wasting my time, I can tell the ponies behind you to cut in front of you.” Bumper said. “Now change into something that doesn’t make you seem like a bunch of thugs, or don’t come back at all. Next!”

“I’ll next you!” one of the ponies threatened him.

“Come on, pone, let’s just go to the Applebees across the street.” The other pony suggested as the two of them walked away.

Just then, another pony with a monkey on his shoulder shows up, and then Bumper said, “The monkey’s in. YOU, back of the line.” He said to the pony carrying the monkey. The monkey cheerfully ran inside the club while looking back at his owner and placing his hand on his forehead in the shape of an L.

While that was happening, I was patrolling the inside of the club. I was just on the phone with Merry May. “Hey, Merry!” I said. “Yeah, the nightclub business with the popular Elusive is going great! How is everything with you? You got one of the mysterious doctor’s goons? Same story, right? Ah!” I nodded. “Yeah I’m sure the Friendship Mob will get to the bottom of it. Research shows he’s based in Mareami. Fatherly issues, huh? I know how that feels. Alright, see you back in HQ, Mer! Ciao!” I hang up. Just then, I saw a pony disturbing the peace here in the club. “Hey, hey! Quit dancing on the tables! They’re for food to dance on, not ponies.” I helped the pony get off the table. “There’s plenty of room in the dance floor, but consider this your first warning.”

While that was going on, I received a message from Sky Net on my ear piece. “Jerry, my twin sister is having some problems at the bar. Can you sort it out?” Sky asked.

“Why do you keep calling her that? I know she’s your twin sister.” I asked.

“Just go help her!” Sky demanded.

I groaned. “Fine.” And then I went over to the bar where Clara Net was having some trouble with a cider-filled pony.

“You look fine girl! I can stare at them all day!” the intoxicated pony said while looking at Clara Net’s chest.

“Stop looking at my necklace like that! My grandma gave it to me!” Clara said insultingly.

“I think you had one too much, buddy.” I said to the pony. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

“I ain’t goin’ nowhere!” the pony said angrily.

“I’ll buy you a cab so it can take you home. My treat.” I said.

“Jerry! Quit being so nice to these jerks!” Clara demanded.

“I can’t be mean to them. It’s against my ways.” I said. “Even though he’s causing a disturbance and he should leave, the least I can do is offer him a ride back home.”

“You really need to grow some guts, Jerry!” Clara said.

“You want me to mean to ponies? Didn’t a half-hour ago you just asked a pony to take a chill pill after he was insulting you?” I asked.

“It’s not the same thing! At least you’d be standing up to your co-workers! To me! I thought we had something going!” Clara said.

“Me taking you to the doctor’s office isn’t ‘something going’.” I reminded her.

“You stallions are all the time!” Clara said.

“Yeah, ok then. Whatever.” I said.

“Argue with me, dangit, Jer! You’re such a doormat!” Clara said.

“Jerry, I need you at the security office right away! It’s an emergency!” Sky Net said in panic on my ear piece.

“Oh, please excuse me, Clara. Duty calls!” I said as I ran off.

“Where did you pop up from all my life, darling?” the intoxicated pony asked Clara.

“Why is Jerry head of security here when he can’t keep a simple donkey away?” Clara asked.

“YEP! THIS IS HOW US DONKEYS LOOK TO PONIES!” a random mule said in a goofy voice. “Yelk, yelk! Garsh!”

“You’re a mule.” Clara corrected him.

“Nopony can even tell us apart!” the stereotypical mule said.

Over at the security office where Sky Net was waiting for me, I rushed inside to see what her emergency was, but once again, I’ve fallen into another one of Sky Net’s flirting traps. “What’s going on, Sky? Where’s the fire?” I asked.

“You. You’re on fire, Jer.” Sky said in a flirty tone.

“Ugh!” I groaned. “Not this again, Sky. Look you and your sister; I did you favors, it’s what I do, and you save 15% or more by switching to Geico. It’s what you do, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to start a relationship with you two.”

“I’m glad you turn down my sister, Jer! She’s so square, wanting somepony tough in her life, but me, I want somepony gentle, like you!” Sky said as she started leaning close to me.

I stepped back a bit and said, “Look, you and your sister, you’re my friends, and I’m glad we’re friends, but that’s it. Why do you two keep doing this to me?”

“You’re single, right?” Sky asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Then what’s the big deal? You’re not cheating on anypony! Yeah, see? I blew your mind there, brutha!” Sky said as she danced around.

“Look, I have to get back to alright?” I said as I started walking backwards towards the door.

“Jerry, you’re such a square! Maybe you are fit for my sister!” Sky said.

“No I’m not.” I said. “I’m just in the middle of work right now, and I can’t be distracted by these things.”

“Makes me think you’re in a secret relationship with Elusive.” Sky said.

“He… he’s my best friend, but nothing more.” I said.

“HA! You hesitated there!” Sky said mischievously.

I then sighed and said, “I have to get back on duty, love.”

“UGH! Fine.” Sky groaned. “Might as well go to the V.I.P. area. We have one of our celebrity guests harassing another pony.”

“One of the best things I like about this job, I get to meet celebrities, and I get to help them out! They rely on me! Heheheh!” I said mischievously. So I went up to the V.I.P. area to help out one of our celebrity guests. You know, usually it’s the other way around. The celebrities get harassed my paparazzos and crazed fanponies.

“Come on, mate. I’ll get you a limo so you can return to your hotel.” I said as I helped the intoxicated celebrity to the door.

“But wait! I can’t leave without my mare! We have so much in common!” Trenderhoof said.

“We have nothin’ in common, dirtbag!” a redneck mare yelled out at him and then spit on the ground. “You celebrities make me sick!”

“But I made this town a natural vacation spot!” Trenderhoof cried out.

“Don’t spit on the floor, please. Spit on the trays up there.” I instructed the redneck mare.

“Call me!” Trenderhoof cried out. He then said to himself, “She’s not gonna call me. She doesn’t even have a phone.”

“Let’s not be stereotypical, mate. Time to head home.” I said as I helped Trenderhoof out of the club.

“HEY! You forgot somepony, gutless freak!” Clara yelled out at me.

“UGH! Can it wait?!” I yelled out.

“Yelling in rage. I like it!” Clara nodded.

“I like rage too!” Trenderhoof said.

“UGH! This is too much for me!” I groaned as took Trenderhoof over to the pony that flirted with Clara. “Here, hold on to him. I need to step out for some fresh air.”

“Hello, beautiful! Do you live on a farm?” Trenderhoof asked the intoxicated stallion.

“I don’t… I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore.” The pony said.

“What’s a Kansas? Is that a farm?” Trenderhoof asked.

“It’s gone. The twister took it! IT TOOK IT I TELL YOU!” the pony yelled at Trenderhoof’s face.

I immediately stepped out of the club so I can calm myself down. After a few seconds of being out here, Elusive followed me out. “Heya, sweetie! Down at the dumps today?” Elusive asked while throwing a trash bag into the dumpster. “Well this bag is about to go there.” He started to giggle.

“Hee hee.” I said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry, Jer. Was that too much?” Elusive asked.

“A bit.” I said. “I’m sorry, Elou, I’m not really in the mood for this. This work… this work is just… so bloody stressful!”

“Yeeeeeah, I should’ve warned you how stressful this job was for me.” Elusive said, but then he smiled and said. “But then you came along, did all the hard work, and made life easier for me!”

“Is that why you gave me the contract? Just so I can make life easier for you?” I asked grouchily.

“Heavens no! I was only playing with you.” Elusive said as he walked over next to me. “My job is still a lot harder. I don’t think you’d last a day in my horseshoes.”

“And I believe that.” I nodded.

“Aw, darling, lighten up! You got to help out a couple of celebrities tonight! Trenderhoof… you helped Clara and Sky gain a daytime contract for Photo Finish. Little did I know ponies were really into twins!” Elusive said.

“Little did I know they were really into cooking magazines.” I said.

“The twin chefs! This will really help their ego.” Elusive said.

“Hopefully those two will quit afterwards.” I said.

“Careful what you wish for, Jer. If they leave, it makes working at the club even harder for both of us!” Elusive said. “Just how I like it! Oooo, I’m so bad!”

“You’re really obsessed with working, huh?” I asked.

“Better than anything! I love working! Working at this club is really fun, Jer, and I couldn’t have gone this far without the help of your family’s life savings!” Elusive said.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing. Just playing with you again!” Elusive giggled again. “Or am I? Ooooo! So naughty!”

“Yeeeeeah, umm, I think I should take the rest of the night off.” I said.

“Hey no matter! Less pay for you! I need to save money anyway. I’m starting to invest too much to the club.” Elusive said.

“What’s up with that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s not just that. The property taxes are increasing. I mean this IS Las Pegasus after all.” Elusive said.

“Excuses, excuses.” I teased.

“Heh! You can say that!” Elusive chuckled.

“I just did.” I said.

“Alright, well, you seemed stressed out enough, so if you want, you can head home early tonight. My treat!” Elusive insisted.

“Your treat? It’s like you’re saying you’re buying me something.” I said.

“I pay you, don’t I? I’m your boss.” Elusive reminded me.

“I thought we were business partners? Equals?” I asked.

“You know I’m always going to be the big boss around these parts! But if I gain another special somepony soon, he better be the bigger boss!” Elusive teased.

“Enough with those jokes, Elusive. It’s making me uncomfortable. Really!” I said.

“Sorry, dear.” Elusive chuckled. “I can’t help it all the time!”

“Man, I do NOT wanna know!” I said.

So I went on home for the night so I can rest. When I got there, Jelly was watching TV. “Tonight on PNT,” the TV announcer started, “we have a 5 hour marathon of Las Pegasus’ hit live-action show starring everypony’s favorite paparazzo – Picture Perfect!”

“Hi I’m Picture Perfect, and today we’re about to witness something nopony in the world has ever seen before! We’re going to see Photo Finish without her sunglasses or dress on! Rumor has it that Photo Finish is actually the disguise of another pony.” Picture Perfect said to the camera.

“GET OUT! GET OUT! Photo Finish sees you out there!” Photo Finish cried out in her mansion as she wore a towel around her body and another one on her hair, and her sunglasses were still on. “Photo Finish sees all! Get out of here before Photo Finish calls the cops!”

“Luckily we’re owned by a huge corporation with a ton of lawyers!” Picture Perfect said to the camera. “Nopony messes with us! We mess with them!”

“How many celebrities will he be able to get secrets revealed out of before TMZ does? Find out tonight only Picture Perfect, on PNT!” the TV announcer concluded the commercial.

“What up, Jelly?” I asked as I entered the house.

“Oi, bro! You just in time!” Jelly said as she gives me a blank sheet of paper.

“What is this?” I asked.

“I think you have a message of the FDA. Why don’t you read it?” Jelly asked.

“Oh nice! I could use some heroic deeds after a stressful day’s work.” I said as I put on the special FDA glasses and began to read the sheet of paper.

“So what’s it say?” Jelly asked.

“Nothing. This is an actual blank sheet of paper.” I said.

“Oh… woops.” Jelly said.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I must’ve switched one of the printer papers with the message.” Jelly admitted. “Sorry, Jer!”

“No biggie. You didn’t print with it, did you?” I asked.

“Actually…” Jelly said as she gave me the piece of paper that turns out to be the FDA message but with more writing on it. “Hey, at least without the glasses, you should be able to read what I printed out!”

“I can barely read this now.” I said. “I mean, I can see some of the FDA message. It’s talking about some sort of cartel and illegal merchandise shipping. Ok, I definably can read this part – report to HQ immediately. I guess they can explain it there.”

“Well at least there’s no harm done then!” Jelly shrugged.

“No harm done? Some of it could be too important to say vocally! All I’ll be able to remember this message by is the list of things you eat all day, and what your bodyweight is!” I said.

“I’m in Yoga, I have to keep track on what I eat, and send this list to my personal trainer to see if I’m right on track.” Jelly said. “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get you a trainer yourself, Jer. You’re growing a bit of a gut there.” She pokes my stomach.

“My maximum is just under 200 pounds. If I’m under 200 pounds, I believe I’m fine.” I said. “I mean, it makes up for my height.”

“Whatever you say, bro. I hope the pharmacy that contains all the medicine you need when you’re 50 is nearby.” Jelly teased.

I just ignored that little statement and went over to HQ. I love the FDA HQ! Coffee is free there, and the vending machine snacks only cost 1 bit, as it should be, not 3 bits like in normal public vending machines. When I got to HQ, I passed the receptionist, who gave me an insultingly compliment, and I went into the elevator up to the 45th floor to the briefing room where I met up with Merry May and Apple Fritter. “Hey, Merry May! Apple Fritter! Good to have you on board!” I said.

“Yep! The director is planning this next mission for the three of us. It’ll be just like… old times.” Merry May said.

“I haven’t even been in this agency for long yet. Let’s not say ‘old times’ just yet.” I said.

“You’ve been here for approximately 6 months, 3 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 13 minutes, and 49… er… 50 seconds, no 51 seconds. Now its 52, 53….” Apple Fritter continued.

“Alright, Fritter. Heh… I think you made your point.” Merry stopped her.

“58… 59…” Apple Fritter added. “Now 14 minutes and 1 second.”

“Hey, Mer? You took care of that goon, right?” I asked.

“Yep! He’s been arrested!” Merry said. “I brought him to our special reforming school, so we can persuade him to give up his evil ways, and set him up for good, but like our policy: we don’t force it upon them. We keep giving them recommendations until they’re ready to do good, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll give us the info we need on a mysterious doctor that’s been causing trouble for a group of Ponyville ponies known as the Noble Six.”

“Jolly-good! How’s your job going at the flower place?” I asked.

“Oh I haven’t been working there lately. It’s the rainy season, you see, so they needed me back in my primary job: the Cloudsdale Weather Factory. Selling the flowers around Equestria for Daisy, Rose, ‘n Lily Valley is a second job. I want to retire at an early age, and be able to work full-time for the FDA.” Merry explained.

“So you have three jobs?” I asked.

“Like I said before, this is more of a hobby.” Merry said. “Besides, I need an undercover job. I’m a workaholic. I’m in love with my job!”

“Why do you have two undercover jobs though?” I asked.

“The Cloudsdale Weather Factory, I’ve worked there since before I joined the FDA, and I can’t just quit. I’ve been Employee of the Month five times in one year! I’m a Cloud Pipe Supervisor over there, and I mainly work there during the winter, and it’s close to winter time now.” Merry explained.

“What about the flower shop?” I asked.

“I have to keep an eye on Ponyville from time to time. I supervise FDA agents in both Cloudsdale and Ponyville, so I needed a second job there. It’s not so hard, I’m a traveler anyway.” Merry said.

“You really are obsessed with working, huh?” I asked.

“There are times Apple Fritter visits Ponyville to visit family, so at those times, I’m not needed there. It gives me a little break.” Merry said.

“Ah love mah family!” Apple Fritter said. “But y’know, it’s not easy being the only FDA agent in Appleloosa. Ah leave the town unsupervised when I visit family.”

Just then, the communications’ screen turns on and the Skype video chat chimes showing that the FDA director wants to schedule a chat. Apple Fritter presses the button and the video chat with the director comes on.

“Greetings, agents!” the director said.

“Why is she still in shadowy form? We all know who she is.” I asked.

“I find it more fun talking to my FDA agents this way.” The director said and chuckled. “Anyways, I have a mission for you three.”

“Well, we’re the best trio for any job, director! What do ya need?” Apple Fritter asked as she placed her hooves over Merry and me.

“Well, there’s been word of a large-scale presents of illegal dark magic here in Las Pegasus. Magic that can be used to disrupt the peace deeply. Magic that can be… even deadly.” The director explained. “It is a very dangerous type of magic, and can be even more dangerous if fallen into the wrong hooves.”

“What kind of magic is it?” Merry asked.

“That is still unknown at this point, which is why I want you three to scope it out. It is being shipped at the docks, and it is being supervised by Sphinxes. An international disharmony gang by the name of the Sphinx Cartel.” The director said.

“Sphinxes… the desert cats with the funny hats.” Apple Fritter nodded. “Wow, that’s a good moto for them.” She said as she writes it down on a notepad.

“Didn’t think they had a cartel.” Merry said. “These days, they were a peaceful race. After the abolishment of slavery and all.”

“You may think so, but all races have their dark side. Even Fluffleponies do.” The director said.

“Dang.” I said surprisingly.

“So the docks, huh?” Merry asked. “Shouldn’t port security handle it?”

“I sense corruption in the works.” The director assumed. “Probably bribing port security. These smugglers are threatening way of life here in LP. I’d like you three to scope out the docks. Do not engage them.”

“Oh, too bad. I planned a big reception for them.” I teased as the director and I both chuckled. Merry and Fritter just looked at eachother awkwardly.

“I love a pony with a sense of humor!” the director said. “Anyway, the time has not come to engage them. I’d like you follow some of their merchants across town, and see where they go. Afterwards, go undercover as some buyers and buy some dark magic from them. Bring the sample back here, and we’ll investigate it. Are there any questions?”

“Oi, I have a question.” I said with my hoof in the air.

“Yes, Agent Jam?” the director asked.

“Who’s buying them?” I asked.

“The agency handles all of the funds. Seems to be a lot coming from a rich pony like you, Agent Jam.” The director said mischievously.

“Hey you know me, director. I save what I can.” I shrugged.

“Get the equipment you need, and the briefcase full of money, and report back here once you’re done. Have fun!” the director said as the transmission cuts off.

“Was that a demand?” Apple Fritter asked.

So the three of us headed down to the docks on the west side of town after we picked up our gadgets and the briefcase full of money. Over at the docks, some of the Sphinx smugglers just got there after their freighter came in from wherever they live. Port security went over to their freighter for inspection. “Inspection, please?” the pony asked.

“Hang on.” The lead Sphinx said as she takes some money out of her pocket and gives it to the security pony. “Here, does this pass inspection?”

“For sure!” the security pony said as he counts some of the money. “Just keep quiet. You know the drill.”

“I wouldn’t make any noise for the world!” the Sphinx said as she chuckles, telling her goons to offload some crates full of the dark magic.

Merry uses her acrobatic stunts to get on top of some cargo freights so she can oversee the deal that’s going on; even though she could’ve just flown. “I’m in position.” She said on her ear piece.

“Great! Let us know when one of the merchants are leaving, so we can follow them.” I instructed her.

“I’ve been in this agency longer. Why are you giving me orders?” Merry asked. “Wait… whoa!”

“What happened?” I asked.

“First off, I’m surprised you’re giving me orders.” Merry said. “Second, these Sphinxes aren’t just a bunch of goons, they’re a highly organized gang. They have a freighter FULL of the stuff!”

“Wow… that’s going to take some doing.” I said.

“No duh!” Merry said. “It’s not often that we see organized crime this high in Equestrian soil. We have major corruption in these docks. The security ponies are definitely being bribed.”

“That’s not surprising.” I said.

“There’s a huge crate being carried off of the ship. It must have the stuff inside. What kind of dark magic is this?” Merry asked.

“That’s what Apple Fritter and I are doing. We’re going to follow the merchants to a deal, and we’re going to buy some dark magic off them. They won’t suspect a thing! This will be easy!”

“I hope you don’t jinx it, Jer, ‘cause I expect things to go wrong pretty fast. They might catch you.” Merry said.

“Merry, relax!” I instructed her. “I used to be a criminal! I sold stolen jewelry in the black market, and buying illegal dark magic should be a snap compared to that! Stolen jewelry is much hotter.”

“Hey you’re the expert, Agent Jam.” Merry shrugged. “All I know about the criminal underworld is stealing movies off the internet.”

“What’s going on now?” I asked.

“The Sphinxes are unloading the cargo. It would appear the dark magic is inside some type of containment container.” Merry said. “Heh! Containment container! Just imagine saying those words together upon a daily bases!”

“Containment container! She’s right it is a funny phrase!” Apple Fritter said. “Mah throat tingles by just sayin’ them!”

“They’re taking…. umm… looks like seven containers filled with this stuff into the carriage.” Merry said as she spied on what the Sphinxes are doing. “Oh wait, they’re taking seven more. How many are they putting in this truck?”

“What does the truck look like?” I asked.

“It’s a beige truck with a coffee bean on it. It looks like it’s disguising itself as a coffee truck so nopony would be suspicious.” Merry assumed.

“A coffee truck, oi? How original.” I said sarcastically.

“The Cartel at it’s finest, ah reckon.” Apple Fritter said.

After the Sphinxes load up the truck carriage, a cloaked Androsphinx comes out and attaches himself onto the carriage. “You know what to do, right Hufflegulf?” the lead Sphinx asked the dealer.

“Nothing to worry about, my lady.” Hufflegulf said. “All I have is a collection of buyers today, and if I see anything suspicious, I take emergency measures.”

“Excellent. Hopefully you have all of this cargo sold by later today.” The lead Sphinx hoped.

“Lady Moustákia Gatáki, I assure you, I rarely come back with anything but loot.” Hufflegulf said.

“That’s why you’re my favorite dealer!” Lady Moustákia Gatáki said as she pats him on the head, and Hufflegulf began to purr.

“Ok, Jer?” Merry asked. “The dealer’s name is Hufflegulf, and the leader of the Cartel goes by the name of Moustákia Gatáki.”

“Her name is Kitten Whiskers?” Apple Fritter asked as she began to laugh. “That’s more hilarious than a clown in a jelly swimmin’ pool!”

“How did you know that?” I asked.

“Automatic translator on my ear piece. Made it mahself!” Apple Fritter said. “Ah ain’t the Technician Supervisor for nothin’!”

Just then, one of the Sphinx guards thought she heard something so she looks up at where Merry May was, but luckily, Merry’s swift ninja skills helped her hide from the Sphinx’s vision, and the Sphinx just shrugged and continued guarding. “I was almost spotted!” Merry whispered.

“You have swift ninja skills, Agent May!” I said. “I learned that back at our mission at the Baltimare Museum! Trying to stop those thieves from stealing that ancient artifact from inside the museum without setting off an alarm!”

“That was a good night!” Merry said.

“It sure was!” I nodded.

“What? What was a good night?” Apple Fritter asked. “Do you two… have a thing goin’ on?”

“Wha- NO!” I said. “Aren’t you even listening?”

“I turned off my ear piece after Merry said she was almost spotted. Didn’t want them to hear our transmissions.” Apple Fritter said.

“They’re not going to hear our transmissions, love.” I said.

“You sure about that, ‘love’?” Apple Fritter asked. “Gotta watch out. Ponies might be listenin’ to us right now for all we know!”

“Agent Fritter, we’re already trying not to jinx one thing. Let’s not add another.” I suggested.

“Ok, Agent Jam? Agent Fritter? They’re leaving the port. They’re heading to the East entrance.” Merry said.

“On it!” I said as I started pulling the carriage. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to stay here and gather intelligence from this freighter. I won’t contact you so I won’t disturb the deal, unless it’s an emergency. Contact me though when you’re done, and we’ll meet back at HQ.” Merry said.

“And you say you have a problem with ME giving orders!” I teased.

“Oh shut it, Agent Jam!” Merry chuckled. “Now go! The dealer’s almost at the East entrance!”

“10-4, over and out!” I said as I ran over to the East entrance and already saw the dealer going out. “Alright, this is what we’ve been training for! Let’s follow him.”

“Make sure to keep 2 carriage lengths away.” Apple Fritter suggested.

“Carriage length isn’t even a real distance of measurement. It’s just some excuse for these carriage pulling places so ponies would study more.” I said.

“Luckily ah never went to carriage school. Ah usually install automatics to handle it. If more carriages had automatics, less accidents would happen.” Apple Fritter said.

Author's Note

The first major mission that appears in the story! I wanted to start off the story at the night club because I want Elusive to have a bit more appearances before the last few chapters, plus I'm giving Orange and Cesaer a break from appearing in chapters 7-9, since we already know those two pretty well. I want to give these next three chapters an opportunity to get to know Merry May and Apple Fritter as FDA agents, at the same time, introduce the DIF, and their part in the story.

I really didn't know what to make the Cartel, and I didn't want to make them ponies, so I randomly chose Sphinxes as the Cartel's species. Sphinxes never appeared in MLP before, but they are Greek myths much like griffons and centaurs, all that, so I let them be canon in the FiE universe.

These next three chapters are gonna be pretty cool! I can tell! I'm already getting goosebumps! :D

Catching the Train

I followed the Androsphinx dealer, Hufflegulf, across town without him knowing that Apple Fritter and I were on his tail, or should I say, two carriage-lengths away. He eventually stopped at one of the bad neighborhoods in the east part of town, down an alleyway between two crummy apartment buildings. I pulled over the carriage down at the curve up ahead. “Ya know, ah could’ve used the automatic for this carriage.” Apple Fritter said.

“That would leave to some suspicions.” I said. “We’re following these Androsphinx, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, but…” Apple Fritter said as she paused and looked behind us. “What makes you think we’re not bein’ followed?”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I looked behind us and saw a black carriage van behind us. Nopony was pulling it.

“They seem to have an automatic.” Apple Fritter said.

“You think the mission is going to be compromised for that?” I asked.

“Ah’ll keep an eye on it at the same time, eavesdrop on the deal goin’ on at the alleyway.” Apple Fritter said as she takes out some equipment and starts up with the frequency so she can hear the deal going on in the alley.

“You got the stuff?” a pony asked.

“That depends on the stuff you’re talking about.” Hufflegulf said.

“The poofy stuff.” The pony said.

“Yeah… yeah I got the poofy stuff.” Hufflegulf said. “Do you have the money?”

“Can I see the stuff first?” the pony asked.

“What makes you think I have them with me?” Hufflegulf asked.

“How would you know if I have the money with me?” the pony asked.

“Look, buddy, I’m an honest business Androsphinx. I’m selling illegal stuff, but the thing is, I’m doing it right. My organization has more money that we could deal with.” Hufflegulf said.

“So does mine. I’m part of the biggest mob in all of Equestria. We own the Commission, this stuff will make the Commission more powerful than the EUP and the princesses put together.” The pony said.

“Look, I don’t care what you do in your free time. We don’t care about Equestria. We just run a legitimate business.” Hufflegulf said.

“I thought you said your organization was illegal?” the pony asked.

“Illegal on Equestrian soil, not illegal where we’re from. Now if you’re really going to waste my time with this, I could just go away. I have other customers waiting.” Hufflegulf complained.

“Fine, if you’re really legitimate, tough guy…” the mobster started as he shows the Androsphinx the briefcase full of money. “Tens to twenties, used. 5 million bits, for your 20 kilos of Centaur Dust!”

“Centaur Dust?” Apple Fritter asked.

“What’s Centaur Dust?” I asked.

“Dust from a Centaur.” Apple Fritter teased.

“No, DOY! I mean what’s so special about it?” I asked.

“Not sure. Hafta wait till we get back to Headquarters to know what it actually is.” Apple Fritter said.

“Thank you!” the mobster pony said as he takes the jar of dust. “This will really come in handy for our day’s ahead!”

“The pleasure is all mine!” Hufflegulf said. “Now run along. Don’t tell anypony about this meet.”

“Never met you, never bought anything from you, never gave you this sweet amount of bits.” The mobster said, giving Hufflegulf the briefcase.

“Pleasure not doing business!” Hufflegulf said. The mobster then walks away with the dust.

“Ok, now it’s our turn.” I said. “I’m going to go see the dealer, buy the stuff, you record the conversation, maybe it’ll give us some clues, and then we’ll take the stuff back to HQ for analysis.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Apple Fritter agreed.

“Just let me make sure-“ I started, but then I stopped after something startling pops up. The van from behind us ends up in front of us, and then agents come out and point their weapons at the dealer.

“FREEZE!” one of the agents yelled. “You are coming with us! Time to teach you what it means to have harmony, bucko!”

“AAH! The FDA! Go away you chumps!” Hufflegulf yelled.

“FDA?!” the agent asked as he started laughing. “Do we look like a bunch of sissies to you? We are the DIF, the Disharmony Investigation Force! We will guarantee you that you will learn friendship even if it kills you!”

“HEY!” I yelled. “Do you mind? We’re trying to solve a case here!”

“Snooze you lose, FDA suckers!” the agent taunted at us. “Maybe next time you’d know that force is the way to go, not ‘buying’ this stuff for research!”

“Hey for all we know, they could be one of them corrupted agents.” One of the agents assumed. “Yeah, using the evidence for black-mail, or using the powerful stuff for your own purposes!”

“Corrupted agents?” I asked.

“Sadness to say, Jer, but not all of the FDA agents believe in what’s right.” Apple Fritter said to me. “There are some corrupted agents in our ranks. Some are undercover DIF, some are criminals, but that doesn’t mean the DIF doesn’t have corrupted units in their rank!”

“At least most of us have fun with our job! We know exactly what to do, and we are five times more successful in our missions than you are!” one of the agents yelled.

“Agent Eclipse Norton…” Apple Fritter started. “It’s been too long.” Agent Eclipse Norton is a light blue unicorn with a gray mane and his cutie mark was a computer with a parasite on it.

“Yesssss. It has, hasn’t it?” a kiwi-green Pegasus with a brown mane and snake-eyed dice for a cutie mark said. He also seemed to have a lazy eye.

“Snake Eyes!” Apple Fritter said.

“Your organization issssss doomed!” Snake Eyes said. “We can sssssee… everythiiiing!”

“Doesn’t that get annoying from time to time?” I asked.

“It does.” Apple Fritter said.

“Is he ok?” I asked.

“Look, we have no time for this.” Eclipse Norton said. “We have to turn this pony in and give him harmony. We don’t need to waste our time socializing with our rivalry.”

“Norton, if you’re really going to make it in this world, you have to know how thingsssss work. We have to taunt our enemies before humiliating them.” Snake Eyes said.

“They may be our rivalry Snake, but they aren’t our enemies. We’re trying to spread harmony across Equestria.” Norton said.

“You newbiesssss are all the same!” Snake said.

“I’ve been in this organization for a few months already and so far I’ve proven myself to be a successful agents. Don’t forget about that.” Norton said.

“You and me both, mate.” I said. “I’ve been in the FDA for a while and I too have proven myself.”

“Take thissssss Androsssssphinx into the van and take all hisssss dark magic in for evidenccccccce.” Snake ordered his agents as they did so. The difference between the FDA agents and the DIF agents is that the FDA wears black tuxedos with sunglasses like Ponies in Black, while the DIF usually wear blue and don’t believe in cool sunglasses, which sucks really. “I will be ssssssseeing you around FDL!” Snake said as he takes the stuff and the Androsphinx, and the agents all drive away from the scene.

“GAH DARN IT!” Apple Fritter cried. “The DIF beat us to it again, them rascals!”

“Again?” I asked.

“Yeah, them varmints have been stealing our missions for a looooong time.” Apple Fritter said. “The DIF lately have been getting more harmony missions done than us FDA folk. It’s no use. The FDA is really goin’ downhill because of the DIF.”

”Or DIB.” I said.

“Until they start doin’ things differently, ah’m still callin’ them DIF.” Apple Fritter said.

“So why don’t we do anything about it?” I asked.

“What do ya mean?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Why don’t we go find the dust and the Androsphinx and bring them to our HQ?” I asked.

“Cause that’s stealin’.” Apple Fritter said.

“The DIF just stole merchandise from the Sphinxes. The plan is: we find the merchandise AND Hufflegulf, we pay Hufflegulf for the product, and then we’ll try to give him harmony the right way. If we rescue him from the DIF, we’d be rescuing him from a terrible fate.” I explained.

“But it’s against both of our codes to go against a rival agency in physical force.” Apple Fritter said. “The FDA and the DIF, it’s against both of the agencies’ rules to steal from a rival agency.”

”Oi, hang on a minute, Agent Fritter!” I stopped her. “You just told me the DIF stole missions from the FDA, did you not?”

”Ah was talkin’ hypothetically.” Apple Fritter admitted. “Ah only say that cause the DIF always beat us to it. While we wait to pounce into action, the DIF always seem to burst in and spoil it for us. The DIF seems to know everythin’ we’re tryin’ to do before we actually do it.”

”Well it’s time to make a change.” I said. “We’re going to find the merchandise and Hufflegulf, and bring them both to our custody. We’ll buy the stuff, and then we’ll try to change the Androsphinx to use his power for good. For saving his life, he’d be grateful, so it would be more of a chance of him joining our side.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, sugarcube?” Apple Fritter asked. “It seems that we be causing corruption within our ranks.”

”If that’s what it takes, then so be it. We’d be corrupted for a good reason, not for a bad one.” I said.

“Well, ah guess if you put it that way, it’s worth a shot.” Apple Fritter said.

“Don’t worry! We’ll go in, get the merchandise, find Hufflegulff, bring them both out to our custody, and then HQ will take it from there. We’ll be in and out before anypony spots us!” I said.

“Well if you want stealth, ah would suggest Merry May for that.” Apple Fritter suggested.

“No time for Merry May, we have to handle this ourselves. Hopefully they haven’t made it to DIF Headquarters yet.” I said.

“We can try disguisin’ ourselves as DIF agents and take the stuff while they don’t notice.” Apple Fritter suggested. “As a safety precaution though we can try brainwashin’ them.” Apple Fritter takes out some stick thing with an orb on top and a rainbow inside it out of her jumpsuit pocket and shows it to me.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Well you know the brain controlling thingy from the movie Ponies in Black?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“That’s what this is.” She said. “We flash them with this thing and we tell them somethin’ to make them think it’s true.”

”Sounds DIF.” I said.

“It’s only temporary.” She said. “They’ll be back to their old selves in no time. Hey, if we’re lucky, it might persuade them to change their ways.”

”Wait a minute. I remember an agent back at the Mareami bank heist with something similar to this.” I said.

“Oh?” she asked.

“Yeah, the agent shot a dart at the robber, and it turned him friendly.” I said.

“Ah, the dart! That’s one of the older models.” Apple Fritter said. “Most agents don’t use that anymore, but some still do, like the agent ya met at the heist.”

“Alright, it’ll come in handy.” I nodded. “Now we should really catch up to those DIF agents. I think I might know a shortcut that will-“ just then, my ear piece started beeping. “Whoa! Wow! This thing is loud!”

“It’s supposed to help in case an agent is at someplace loud like in a rock concert.” Apple Fritter said.

I pressed the button on the ear piece and I said, “Yeah, this is Agent Jam.”

“Jam? It’s Agent May.” Merry said on the ear piece.

“What’s up, love?” I asked.

“Did you get the stuff and the dealer?” she asked.

“I thought you weren’t gonna contact me?” I asked.

”Well, I eavesdropped on some of these Sphinxes and they found out that their dealer and the stuff was captured by DIF agents.” Merry said.

“You heard correct!” I said. “We’re about to go get them.”

”Are you crazy? It’s against the rules to cross a rival agency!” Merry reminded me.

“Yeah… Agent Fritter told me.” I said with an attitude.

”Was just thinkin’ of your own well-bein’, sugarcube.” Apple Fritter said.

“I know of the risks and consequences, Mer, but… when it’s time to slam, we gotta welcome them to the Jam!” I said mischievously.

“Can’t argue with that logic!” Apple Fritter said.

“Well… if you’re absolutely certain…. I heard that the Sphinx Cartel is planning a rescue operation. They know Hufflegulf is heading to the trainstation. The DIF is taking the ‘package’ to their headquarters in Canterlot. You know what to do.” Merry said.

“Doesn’t Canterlot have their own agency? A minor one?” I asked.

“That doesn’t mean the DIF don’t interfere.” Merry said. “I have a friend in Ponyville that works at that agency, y’know? That agency mainly focuses on monsters. We handle legal problems from intelligent cultural species.”

“Thank you, Agent May! I really appreciate the info!” I said.

“No problem! Agent May out.” She concluded the conversation.

I ended the call and I said to Apple Fritter, “Ok, so they’re heading to their headquarters in Canterlot. They’re going by train.”

”Well then… it’s time for a train heist!” Apple Fritter said mischievously as her face turned shadowy and suspenseful music played in the background. “Uh, Jer?”

”Sorry.” I said as I turned off my iPod. “Anyways, heists are my specialty! We’ll be able to get through this no problem! Just follow my lead!”

”Ah’ve been in this agency longer. Ah should be in charge.” Apple Fritter complained.

I sighed and shook my head. “You and Merry May both with that ‘in charge’ rubbish.”

So Apple Fritter and I rushed over to the trainstation to catch our train to Canterlot, but when we got there, the train was already leaving the station, along with Hufflegulf the dust inside. “Follow that train!” Fritter cried as she and I hopped on a scooter and started riding through the train tracks, following the train. We were riding the scooter all the way to the train as the train was about to go up to full speed. “Faster, Jer! Faster!” Fritter cried.

“This thing can only go so fast!” I yelled. “Don’t worry, we’ll catch up to it.” I was going full speed with the scooter trying to catch up to the train, and luckily, no DIF agents spotted us. I was getting closer to the train, but since this is a two-way track, another train from the other side was charging towards us.

“WATCH OUT, JER! INCOMIN’ TRAIN!” Fritter cried out.

“Ow! Do you have to yell in my ear?!” I yelled.

“Yer hearin’ is less important than our lives.” Fritter said.

“Yeah, gee thanks.” I said. Once the train went by, it made us go a bit behind, so we had a lot of cover to get through before reaching the train, but just like that, we’re back on track. No pun intended. After a little while with chasing the train, things have started going into our favor when a downhill was approaching.

“Downhill! This is mah chance to jump on the train once we get to high speeds!” Fritter said.

“Sounds like a jolly good enough plan than any. Let’s do it!” I said.

“Bein’ on the west coast has its advantages!” Fritter said. So I started speeding down the hill chasing after the train, and I gotta say, we’re really doing it. We’re really catching up with the train. I was really focused on it as Apple Fritter started standing up behind me so she can jump onto the train. “Oh did ah mention ah’m bad at acrobatic stunts?”

“You telling me now?” I asked. “You wanna switch places?”

“Nah, just get me to the side of the train. Ah’ll jump from there.” Fritter said.

“Ok, I- WHOA!” I yelled as I started losing control of the scooter. I was going too fast and I was looking at Fritter the whole time that the scooter crashes onto the back of the train, which causes me to lose control of the scooter and we start rolling down the hill from the other side. Luckily it wasn’t snowing, otherwise we’d have a huge flank snowball, we would. Once we rolled down the hill, we saw the train going by and start to disappear over the horizon as it drives up another hill.

“Perfect, Jer! Just perfect! All we had to do, was follow the dogon train, Jerry!” Fritter yelled at me.

“We know where it’s heading though. It’s going to Canterlot, we’ll catch up to it.” I said.

“With this thing?” Fritter asked as she pointed to the broken scooter.

“Unless you have a better idea.” I said. “Betcha can’t fix it.”

“Shoot! Ah can easily fix it! Child’s play!” Fritter said. “But the metal of the wheel cap is bent and ah don’t have mah unbender with me.”

“Unbender?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s a type of robot ah made.” Fritter said. “Unbender is a nice robot. He pays for whatever he buys, including a tip, and he is powered by vegetable juice, and his catch phrase is: ‘kiss my dirty rustic face’.”

“Sounds like a cool robot. So if we can’t use the scooter, then we can try a technique I do whenever I’m into a situation like this.” I said.

“Will it get us to Canterlot fast?” Fritter asked.

“It varies.” I said.

“What sort of strategy do you have then, sugarcube?” Fritter asked. Just then, we ended up hitchhiking along the highway. “This is yer plan?”

“It’s the best I have. I never tried this way before.” I said.

“Ah thought you said you use this strategy when yer in a situation like this?” Fritter asked.

“I never went through a situation like this before though. General Lee NEVER crashes!” I said.

So eventually, we did hitch a ride with a carriage pulling a gooseneck trailer, but we had to sit in the back with the cattle. “So… are you afraid of snakes?” a cow asked.

“Don’t go bringing that subject up again, Mooriella!” another cow instructed her friend. “You’re going to start up another stampede, doncha know?”

After a while of travelling, the carriage dropped us off near Canterlot on the way to Ponyville. “Might as well see mah cousins and granny while we’re here.” Fritter said.

“No time for that. The train is most likely at the station already, if it isn’t at least almost there.” I said.

“We should hurry then.” Fritter said.

“But what’s the plan?” I asked. “Are we going to ambush them?”

“Hey, ah’m the technician supervisor. Yer the smart one, aren’t ya, partner?” Fritter asked.

“That’s true.” I nodded. I started to think to myself, and I suddenly hatched an idea in my brain. “I got an idea, but first, do you know the train schedule?”

“I believe ah shot a glimpse of it. It said it would be at Canterlot by 1 PM.” Fritter said.

“That’s a half-hour away, probably didn’t even reach the mountain yet.” I said. “This is perfect then! We’ll camp ourselves on the top of a tunnel and jump onto the train as it goes into the tunnel.”

“Bad idea.” Fritter said.

“Why?” I asked.

“It’s better to jump onto the train as it goes OUT of the tunnel. If it goes in, we might slide off when it hits the rock wall.” Fritter pointed out.

“Good point.” I nodded. “Then we’ll go to an out tunnel.”

“Good plan!” Fritter agreed. “We’ll need a grapplin’ hook though. Have one on you?”

“No… do you?” I asked.

“Course ah do!” Fritter said. “Ah only have one though. That’s why ah was askin’ if you had one.”

“Guess we’ll share it.” I said. So we went up the mountain that leads to Canterlot, but we used the grappling hook as a shortcut to get to one of the out tunnels. “I hope your grappling hook skills is better than my scooter skills.”

“Oh I had tons of practice!” Fritter said. “What’s yer story?”

“I drove a scooter before, but there was a lot of reckless turning. Takes practice to drive on a straight line. Besides, you distracted me.” I said.

“Did you also know we could’ve contacted Merry May if we needed a ride to Canterlot?” Fritter reminded me.

“Oh I didn’t wanna bother her. She was busy looking after the Sphinx freighter.” I said.

“Yer learnin’ a lot from the FDA, Jer, but if somethin’ is important, like an emergancy, they should to take time off their busy schedule to assist us.” Fritter said.

“I guess, or we could’ve just contacted the FDA.” I said.

“That would’ve worked too.” Fritter said.

“Oh shhh.” I shushed her as I heard a whistle echo through the tunnel. “I hear the train coming.”

“So we doin’ stealth?” Fritter asked.

“Probably not. When we jump on the train, somepony’s gonna hear that.” I said.

“Leave that to me.” Fritter said mischievously. So the train started driving out of the tunnel and Fritter releases the grappling hook and we fall right on top of the caboose. “Now!” she yells.

“You’re supposed to say ‘now’ before you let go!” I reminded her.

“What was that?” a DIF agent asked from inside the train.

“Check the top.” Another agent said.

“Why do I have to do it?” the first agent asked.

“Let’s play rock, paper, scissors, and then loser gets to check.” The second agent suggested.

“No way, we always tie!” the first agent said.

“Fine, I’ll look.” The second agent complained as he walks over to the end of the caboose and checks on top of the car to see what happened, just then, the agent gets smashed in the face and collapsed on the end caboose floor.

The first agent looks over and says, “I told you to watch out for those train signals, buddy. It’s never safe up there on the roofs.” And then on the other side of the car, Fritter and I drop down to sneak into the train car in front of the caboose, leaving the two agents there unsuspicious. So far so good!

Over in the next train car, there was only one agent guarding it. It would seem there was nothing valuable in here. Just a bunch of top secret crates; nothing we’re looking for. I was about to sneak up on the agent, wanting to knock him out, but then Fritter gets ambushed behind her by hidden agent. “AH HA! Gotcha now!” the agent said mischievously. “Think I didn’t notice you behind me once my friend got knocked out? I’m no fool!”

“Should I press the alarm button?” the agent I was sneaking on asked.

“No you don’t. You’re supposed to sit here and have tea with the intruders.” The agent that captured Fritter said sarcastically.

“I like tea!” the other agent said.

“Oh, me too! Me too!” I said excitedly.

“Ah don’t have time for this.” Fritter said in an irritated tone as she picks up the agent behind her and throws him towards the agent in front of me. Luckily I crouch out of the way so it hits the other agent, and not me.

“Nice one!” I said excitedly.

“Thanks! We should hurry and find Hufflegulf and the dust so we can get outta here before the train reaches the station.” Fritter suggested.

“Are we gonna have tea?” I asked.

“Later.” Fritter said as she led the way this time to the next car. When we got there, there were three agents guarding, but we checked to see if there were any hidden ones, but I doubt they’d give us that trick twice, because that’s what they expect us to do. “Alright ah have somethin’. Hang back.” Fritter instructed me.

“Got it.” I agreed.

So Apple Fritter sneaks over to the three agents talking to eachother with their backs turned from her. They were facing the other end of the car. Fritter sneaks up behind them while climbing on a few crates. Fritter then taps one of the agents in the back and hides within the crates. “What is it, man?” one of the agents asked the other one.

”What?” the other one asked.

“You tapped me.” The first agent said.

“No I didn’t!” the other one said.

“YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!” the first agent yelled.

Do you think the second agent should say,
A: Well, I ain’t callin’ you a truther!
B: I ain’t callin’ you for dinner!
C: Yes.

“Yes.” The second agent said. Wow…. you didn’t even try to be clever. So long story short, the agents all tazed themselves, which only left the third agent standing.

“I hate being left out.” The third agent said as he tazed himself.

“Well… that went rather well.” Fritter said awkwardly.

So Fritter walks over to the other end of the car and slides open the door, and then suddenly I pop down from the top of the car and go, “Boo!”

”Whoa! What in tarnation?!” Fritter cried.

“Startled you, didn’t I, love?” I asked mischievously.

“What are you doing, Jer? I thought ya were behind me?” Fritter asked.

“I didn’t wanna bother you but I thought climbing through the top would’ve been easier. Won’t lead to any suspicions of passed out bodies.” I suggested. “It’s a risk, I know, but if you’re quick enough, you’ll- WHOA! OW!” I yelled as I fell from the top of the top of the train and landed on the boxcar connector. “Yeah like that.”

”Yeah, no thanks, Jer. Ah prefer going through the cars. It’s safer.” Fritter said.

“Suit youself.” I shrugged. So we headed to the next car, and I was about to open it, but Fritter stopped me.

“Wait, hang on.” Fritter said, moving my hoof away from the door.

“What?” I asked.

“The door’s booby trapped. Ah can see a strange glow from the knob.” Fritter pointed out.

“Good call.” I said. “So what do we do?”

”Lemme use mah X-ray goggles to see.” Fritter said as she puts on a pair of reading glasses.

“Hey isn’t that the glasses we use to read hidden FDA notes?” I asked.

“Ah modified mine for X-ray vision.” Fritter said. “It’s pretty much child’s play. If these glasses could see hidden messages, X-ray vision is just a hop, skip, and a screwdriver away.”

“Jolly!” I said.

“Hufflegulf’s in this car, and so is the Centaur dust. If we could find a way inside, we can get them both out and report back to HQ and be able to go home in time for supper.” Fritter said.

“I wonder the difference between ‘supper’ and ‘dinner’ is?” I asked.

“Supper’s an early light meal, while dinner’s a late-night heavy meal.” Fritter said.

“Makes sense.” I nodded. “Ponies ate less back in the early 1900s.” So Fritter took out a hairpin from her mane and started picking the lock on the train door. “A lockpick? Really? You’re a technician supervisor and you use a lockpick?”

“Ah’m a mare full of surprises, aren’t ah?” Fritter asked.

“I guess.” I said.

“Done!” Fritter said as the door unlocks, but it triggers a trap, and Fritter gets electrocuted.

“Whoa! You alright?” I asked.

Fritter started coughing and she said, “Dem security system’s tough. It’s Appleloosan tough! Well ah ain’t goin’ down without a fight! Burnt up or not burnt up!”

“I think that’s what they expect us to do.” I said.

“What do ya mean?” Fritter asked.

Meanwhile, inside the train car, DIF agents Snake Eyes and Eclipsed Norton were interrogating with Hufflegulf. “Ssssssso, you trying to be funny with me, buddy?” Snake Eyes asked Hufflegulf who was all tied up on a chair.

“Maybe.” Hufflegulf admitted.

“Alright, I’m going to asssssssk you very niccccccccely. Tell me information on your cartel.” Snake Eyes demanded.

“That’s you being nice? I can’t wait to see mean you!” Hufflegulf teased. Snake Eyes then sighed and dumped a bucket of ice water on Hufflegulf’s head. “AAAAAH! OH THAT’S SO COLD!”

“It’s for a good caussssssssse.” Snake Eyes said. “Now quit being funny! Give us the information on your cartel, and we’ll ensure you that you will be converted.”

“Converted?” Hufflegulf asked.

“Gain harmony. Not do bad thingssssssss. For the sake of the people in Equestria and perhaps all around the world.” Snake Eyes said.

“And you’re gonna force me to reform just like that? I don’t think it works that way.” Hufflegulf said.

Snake Eyes hissed at him while spraying saliva on him in the process and said, “You think you’re the exssssssssspert here? Who’sssss the one with the badge?” Snake Eyes then takes out his badge and shows it to Hufflegulf. “Ssssee this badge? I am a professional defender of peacssssse in Equestria. What do you have?”

“A Cheesecake Factory gift card AND a PF Changs gift card!” Hufflegulf said mischievously.

Snake Eyes and Eclipse Norton both gasped. Eclipse then said, “Whoa! Now that’s rare! You could have one or the other, but it’s very rare to see a pony have both!”

“I’m not a pony though.” Hufflegulf reminded him.

“Whatever! A bunch of giftcardssss ain’t gonna change anything!” Snake Eyes said. “Now I’m giving you one last chance! Give us the information on the Sphinx Cartel!”

“You know nothing about them.” Hufflegulf said.

“I’m ready to learn!” Snake Eyes said.

“They are none of your concern.” Hufflegulf said.

“Oh but they are! Tell ‘em, Norton!” Snake Eyes requested.

“Why ask me to do something when you could do it yourself?” Norton asked.

“Caussssse, you’re here with me for a reason! Not ssssstand in the corner lounging and watching for your entertainment!” Snake Eyes reminded him.

Norton then sighed and began to explain, “The Centaur dust you contain is an illegal substance on Equestrian soil. It can cause unicorn magic spells to be incredibly unstable. It’s like unicorn magic steroids.”

“It’ssss not just about unicorn magic, issss it, Hufflegulf?” Snake Eyes asked him.

“It also works on pegasi magic. The way they operate weather, or fly in high speeds. It can be incredibly unstable.” Norton explained. “And for Earth ponies…. well…. just be glad Las Pegasus has Earthquake proof buildings.”

“But we’re not in LP anymore.” Snake Eyes reminded him. “We’re in Canterlot.”

“And you want him to know?” Norton asked.

“Oh…. poopy.” Snake said in defeat. “Forget all that I said, kid!”

”Forget what?” Hufflegulf asked.

Snake then punches Hufflegulf in the face and yells, “NOPONY FORGETSSSSSTUFF THAT EASY!”

”What’s your problem, bucko?!” Hufflegulf complained.

“WHY I OUTTA-“ Snake yelled as he was about to smack Hufflegulf.

“Snake! Calm down!” Norton instructed him. “We’re trying to force him harmony and give us information, but we don’t need to bully the poor sap.”

”Norton, we’re the DIF. I know you’re new to thisssss whole agency thing, but we’re in control.” Snake explained. “As long as we do our job, nopony cares. We can even place a weapon near a griffon and arrest them for carrying it around.”

”That is so offensive!” Norton said. “Besides I’m just a Witness Protection Agent. Interrogating is your department.”

”You’re a good kid, Eclipse. You’ll make a great agent! Sticking to your job. I like that!” Snake said.

“Well you better do your job before he gets up and walks away.” Norton said. Snake them turns around and sees him still tied up on the chair.

“Nope, ssstill there!” Snake said. He then looks back at Norton and said, “By the way, how’s your new client coming along?”

”Best client ever!” Norton said. “Only client ever to be exact.”

“Alright well let’sss just get this done.” Snake said as he turns back to the empty chair behind him. “Oh NOW he’sss gone.”

”You had your chance.” Norton said.

“I ssssuppose I blame myself for that.” Snake said. “Or I can jusssst blame you caussse I can.”

”I don’t care really, I’m selfless.” Norton shrugged. Snake smiles and nods, but they were so distracted that we were already off the train. In fact we already hitched-hiked and got a ride back to LP. In fact… in fact… umm… yeah that’s it pretty much. I was gonna say we were back in LP back in HQ, and then got our reward and left, but then I’ll be lying. I’m lying now as a matter of fact. We were still on the train. In fact, we didn’t even go in the car yet. Hufflegulf just untied himself and walked out as Fritter and I walked on top of the train to get to the other side to sneak up on the DIF.

“Oh… hey.” I said.

“Hey.” Hufflegulf said.

“We were just about to rescue you.” Fritter said.

“Rescue?” Hufflegulf asked

“Yeah, we were going to rescue you, invert you to becoming good the right way, and buying your dust so we can analysis it. So… here.” I gave Hufflegulf the money we were going to pay him.

“Oh…” Hufflegulf said. “Ok. Well that saves me from taking all this dust off this train and back on the ship. As long as I got the money, I really care.”

”But your operation will go down, did you know that?” Fritter asked.

“I’m tired of being a cartel dealer anyway.” Hufflegulf admitted. “I knew I’d get caught sooner or later, and agents like you… from whatever agency you’re from, it taught me a little something. There are some honest ponies out there doing good honest work, so you pretty much reformed me.”

”Oh…” I said. “Well that makes our work much easier.”

”Mhm.” Hufflegulf nodded. “Well… pleasure doing business.” He then jumps off the train with the money, leaving us to deal with the supply of dust inside the train. Now all there’s left to do is deal with Norton and Snake.

Fritter and I headed inside the train car, and the duo spots us. “Well we might not have the sssslithering sssssnake, but we still have the dussst.” Snake said to Norton, and then he said to us, “You FDA fools sure have grown some guts. You decided to break into our train and steal what is rightfully ours?”

”To investigate. Ours to investigate.” Norton added.

“Whatever.” Snake said. “Isn’t it against FDA regulations to trespass on rival agency properties and steal their evidence?”

”It was our evidence first, you varmint!” Fritter yelled. “Y’all just swifter on in and arrested Hufflegulf and stole his merchandise! What makes you any better?”

”This stuff is illegal on Equestrian soil. We needed to act.” Norton said. “It’s not that we stole your evidence; you were just up high,” Norton clops his hooves together above his head, “down low,” he does it again but lower, “and too slow.” He clops his hooves together slowly, and then makes an explosion-blowing sound as he splits his hooves apart.

“Ssssso, what will your agency think about you violating their policy? Hmm?” Snake asked.

“Well as I recall, it’s not just us violating our policy.” I said. “It’s also you. You stole merchandise from someone.”

”It’s illegal on Equestrian sssoil though. Did I not sssay that?” Snake asked.

“His hissing sounds is startin’ to irritate me.” Fritter said.

“Doesn’t really matter though. I’ve read the FDA and DIF policies. We are not cops. We’re not supposed to steal merchandise. We’re anti-disharmony agencies the two of us.” I explained. “We may not share the same ways to bring harmony to others, but we do share the same policies. By law: you disregarded your policy, and the FDA had to act.”

“Ssssso what are you going to do? Hmm? Steal the dust from us? You’d be no better.” Snake pointed out.

“On the contrary, once Huflegulf left, we paid him. So legally, the dust is ours.” I said.

“But wait a minute… if we know what this dust is, why are we bringin’ it back to base then?” Fritter asked.

“Huh?” I asked.

“The director said to bring the dust in for anaylis on finding out what it is. We know what it is. We don’t need it anymore.” Fritter reminded me.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes, REALLY!” Fritter said.

“You mean… we came all this way for nothing?” I asked.

“Actually no. You see, we did somethin’ no FDA member has done before! We taught the DIF a lesson! Even the government has limits.” Fritter explained. “We know these two are crooked agents.”

“Callin’ me a crooked agent?” Norton asked. “I’m just a Witness Protection Agent.”

“Who do you witness protect?” I asked.

“That is none of your concern, Agent Jam. Especially you!” Norton said.

“Especially me?” I asked.

“Oh no… I said too much.” Norton said.

“Is that you in the corner? Is that you in the spotlight?” I teased.

“Take the dust and get outta here. You win this time, FDA.” Norton admitted.

“You just going to let him take it!? You useless chump?!” Snake yelled at Norton.

“It’s only one mission, Snake.” Norton said to him. Norton then glared at us and demanded, “What are you two waiting for? Hearth’s Warming? Take the dust and get outta here!”

”I want to hear what you mean by ‘especially me’!” I demanded.

“Forget it, Jer. We broke enough rules today. Forcin’ someone to talk, that just takes it over the limit.” Fritter said to me. I guess she was right. Perhaps I’ll find out another time. We won this round. So we were able to take the dust and return to HQ. Even though our mission was successful, I have a bad feeling on what the director is going to say to us. I fear for the worst.

Author's Note

I wish I could make these chapters sooner, but you know, writer's block. I wanna make sure this story is... well not perfect, but decent enough for me to post. This chapter seemed longer than I thought cause I was going to add the... well the beginning of the next chapter in here, but no room, so I'll add it in the next chapter, as well as the end to this arc.

Eclipse Norton is obviously a nod to Dave Norton from GTA 5, and Snake Eyes... well I'm not sure how he's like Steve other than his corruption, but I guess it's close enough.

I'd Ship Those Two (Choices)

I was afraid of what the director was going to say to Apple Fritter and I during our next briefing. We arrived at HQ with the Centaur dust. Even though we know what it is, it couldn’t hurt to have it analyzed so we can learn a little more about it. After we dropped off the Centaur dust at the analyzation lab at the 33rd floor, we arrived at the briefing room up above for updates. Merry May met us there.

“Ah, there you two are! I hear your job was a success!” Merry said excitedly.

“Yeah, kinda.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Merry asked.

“Umm…” Apple Fritter froze.

“We’ll tell you later.” I said.

“Incomin’ transmission from the director.” Fritter pointed out

“Well… here it goes.” I said. The transmission came on, and there was the director.

“Agents, good to have you back!” the director said. “The mission was a success, I assume?”

”Y-yeah, very much successes.” I stuttered.

“You… you hesitated there. Something wrong?” the director asked. As it turns out, she didn’t hear the news yet.

“Well… umm… we did get the merchandise, no problem!” I said. “It would appear that the stuff was Centaur dust. The Sphinx Cartel has stolen the merchandise from their homeland and is planning to sell it for a profit. It’s very dangerous stuff, so I heard.”

”Very.” Fritter agreed.

“I see.” The director said.

“Any luck with my parents?” I asked.

“Not yet.” The director said. “But that is a conversation we’ll come back to another time. I’m proud of you that you are keeping your patients, Agent Jam. I must congratulate you!”

”I’m patent.” I said. “I’ve taught myself a lot of patients when I was in prison.”

”Indeed you have!” the director said. “Even though, that doesn’t mean prison is the right answer for everything.”

”That is true.” I said.

“Agent Jam… is there something you’re not telling me?” the director asked.

“Well… actually, there is.” I admitted. “Even though the mission was a success, I actually…”

”What? What was that?” the director asked as her voice started breaking up.

“I’m trying to explain to you the success of our mission.” I said. “Merry, what’s going on?”

”The signal’s dropping. Something is interfering.” Merry said.

“Impossible! Nopony could hack the FDA mainframe!” Fritter said. “Unless…” Just then, the lights went off, including the transmission to the director. There was nothing but darkness.

“If I hear a music box and eyes flashing, I’m going to have a heart attack!” Merry said.

Just then, the monitor comes back on with a message saying ‘Message from Agent S’, as news theme music played. “And now, a message from Agent S – director of the DIF.” An announcer said. “The Disharmony Investigation Force: bringing peace to Equestrian soil since 1912.” The monitor then changes to another shadowy figure with a disguised robotic voice.

“Greetings Friendship Detection Agency.” The shadow figure said. “I am Agent S, and I am the founder and director of the Disharmony Investigation Force. I am sending you this message indicating the disappointment I witnessed in today’s unfortunate mission. While we arrested the Androsphinx known as Hufflegulf and his merchandise of illegal substances, two agents from the agency as broke into our transport train, stole the illegal merchandise, and has freed Hufflegulf from our clutches. Now I realize that our two agencies do have different opinions on how to protect Equestria from hate, and even though we don’t agree to your opinions, our policies do say we cannot interfere on rival agencies affairs. The DIF had their eye on the Sphinx Cartel for a long time.”

”Even though you do think that we have stolen jobs from you during our unfortunate affairs of the past,” the director continued, “the only exclamation to that is: you’re too slow! Disguises… deals… negotiations… persuasion… you think that actually works? All these evil beings will just lie and stab you in the back, that’s why the DIF knows that we must make them change. It’s the only way they will change… for good. We will not stop you from doing your jobs. If you want to waste your lives trying to make change the more difficult way, then so be it. I give you this final warning. Do not interfere on DIF operations again. We will not blame you if you beat us to it, but do not offend the DIF operations again! If you do… you’ll give us no other choice but to commence Operation Takeover. I hope you have a good day! Agent S out.”

The transmission ends as the lights and the power comes back on. Afterwards, we were left in an awkward situation. The other agents in the room were looking at us funny. “Agent Jam… care to explain, newbie?” one of the agents asked.

“Umm…” I stuttered. “Umm… I… well… OI!”

”Let’s not blame him for all that went on.” Apple Fritter said.

“You were with him too, weren’t you, Agent Fritter?” another agent asked angrily. “I knew you rednecks couldn’t be trusted!”

”YOU VARMINT!” Fritter yelled. “COME AND SAY THAT TO MAH FACE!”

”STOP IT!” Merry yelled as she broke up the fight. “Look, I understand. I know the DIF has been taken missions from us, and I think Agent Jam here, he wanted to stand up for us. He wanted to prove to the DIF that we couldn’t be pushed around! I know he broke some regulations in order to prove that, but the DIF fear us. You might’ve not noticed, but you can see that the DIF are threatening us. They think we’re a threat to them now, and maybe they’ll back off.”

”Or maybe they’ll get us to break another regulation so they can perform that operation they spoke of.” Another agent said. “We’re breaking Equestrian law, ponies! If Operation Takeover is what I think it is, I have the feeling it means the FDA will be under new management.”

”Are you sure it doesn’t mean they’ll take over Equestria?” another agent asked.

“They can’t! They can’t do either!” Merry said. “Princess Celestia is our director, as well as the ruler of Equestria! They can’t do that!”

“If our monarchy is violating her own law, she could be impeached still.” An agent said. “It’s crazy, I know, but that’s how things work. Monarchy can’t break their own laws. Times have changed. This isn’t 1000 years ago, folks! This is a new age! The time of dictatorship has plummeted! Princess Celestia has created these emergency laws just in case corruption ever got into her system.”

”Which means the DIF could use it to their advantage.” Merry added.

“So they might use it to take over Equestria!” the agent said. “Agent Jam, we’re going to get back in contact with the director, and I’m sure she’ll see you fired!”

”I’m not so sure about that.” Another agent said. “The hacking software Agent S used has messed up the signal. We’ll need to reroute it in order to get in contact with her again.”

Just then, I turned around and started walking to the elevator. “Jer, where you goin’?” Apple Fritter asked. I didn’t say a thing. I felt so bad. I put the FDA on probation. Little did I know these laws existed. I don’t even see corruption in Princess Celestia, so why would she make it? I guess as a necessary precaution after the Nightmare Moon event. Either way, I felt bad and I wanted some time to myself. Apple Fritter tried to stop me, but Merry May stopped her first.

“Leave him be, Agent Fritter.” Merry said. “He’ll need some time to cool off.”

”Ah should be upset as well. It’s mah fault as well as his.” Fritter said.

”Well don’t worry about it. We’ll think through this. Those other agents don’t even know what they’re saying.” Merry said. “They’ll see Jerry fired they said. Well, I can tell whose getting fired next by that kind of talk.”

Back at Jelly’s house I was just watching some TV in the living room. Jelly then trots by while wearing a workout outfit. She then says to me while trotting in place, “Alright, bro, I’m going to go work out. Now I’m expecting a package pretty soon. I bought myself a Shake Weight online; I’m expecting it in 15 minutes. I’m not sure if I’ll be back by then, but I really don’t want another ‘sorry we missed you’ message.”

”Why don’t you get yourself a stallionfriend if you want something like that?” I teased.

“What?” Jelly asked. “I don’t get it.”

”Nevermind. Go ahead and trot around the hills. I’ll be here when it comes.” I said as I chuckled.

“You’re weird. You’re a weird pony.” Jelly said as she trots over to the door, but then she stops and turns to me one more time. “Hey, don’t worry about it. They won’t fire you from the FDA. It’s not what the agency is about, or at least, I hope not. They’ll forgive you for your mistake. Accidents happen!”

“I’ll bear that in mind.” I said, not giving a care in the world.

“Alright, see ya in a little while, Jer! Love ya!” she said as she trots outside and shuts the door behind her. So I just sat there and waited for the delivery. I probably should get some sleep. I’ve been up all night. I have another long shift tonight, so I better. After Jelly’s package comes I’ll head to bed.

As I was watching TV though, the news interrupted what I was watching. “We interrupt this program because we don’t care, also we have breaking news!” the announcer said. “We are on the alert of a new product on the rise! Golden Dusk is on the scene.”

”Hello, I’m Golden Dusk on Ox News, and I’m here in Downtown Las Pegasus where a bunch of crazed ponies are robbing the Sparking Standard Bank within 4 minutes!” the news anchor explained. “We have footage here of the convicts using their magic spells, pegasi power, and their radical strength to ransack the place and steal from approximately 10 million bits from the vaults. The CEO of Sparkle Standard called the mayor who is patched onto the Trustworthy Depository and they say, and I quote, ‘They will tear the living plot out of the chief of police.’ Although no progress as been made in capturing the convicts, police are still wondering, not who these criminals are, but how did increase their magical abilities to be able to pull this off?”

”The Centaur Dust!” I said.

“We are here with DIF Agent Snake Eyes with what he knows.” Golden Dusk said as she walks over to Snake Eyes. “Tell me Agent Eyes, what do you know about what’s going on?”

”Well you sssee, we’re under a casssse right now.” Snake said. “Some international criminal gang, ssssome sphinxessss by the name of the Sphinx Cartel are a running a busssssssssssssssss….”

”Is he ok?” Golden Dusk asked.

“He’s fine; I’ll take it from here.” Agent Eclipse Norton said.

“Ssssssell out!” Snake complained.

“So how about you then, agent? What do you know about this case with the Sphinx Cartel?” Golden asked.

“Well, we can’t tell you everything, but we can say that the substance the cartel is selling to these criminals is a very powerful and dangerous stuff. It’s also not good for a pony’s blood pressure. Stress levels rise when this stuff is taken. It’s like a steroid, only more dangerous to those who taken it, and those who the pony is going against.” Norton explained. “So if there’s any sphinx around the area please call the DIF on the number on your screen.”

“Yeah, you didn’t even give us your number. We don’t know it.” Golden informed him.

Just then, my phone started ringing, so I picked it up. “Oi?”

”Jer, are you watching TV right now?” Apple Fritter asked from the other line.

“Yeah I am.” I said.

“Can you believe it?!” Fritter yelled in my ear, and yes it hurt. “Ah’m watchin’ Pretty Little Liars right now, and-“

“Fritter….” I interrupted her. “Shush!”

“What?” Fritter asked.

“Wait hang on, I got another call.” I said as I hung up.

“Hello, Jer? Is that you?” Merry May asked from the other line.

”Oh there was really someone calling me? I just said that to avoid Apple Fritter’s blabberin’.” I admitted.

“Are you watching TV?” Merry asked.

“No I am not watching Pretty Little Liars.” I said in an irritated tone.

“No! Are you watching the news?” Merry asked.

“Yes I am!” I said.

“This dust situation is going out of control. We need to do something!” Merry said.

“Why? The DIF have it under control. We don’t need to interfere.” I said.

“JER! I know you think you did wrong, but you think the DIF will be able to solve this issue? Somepony else has to do it, peacefully!” Merry said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We have to go to their freighter at the docks, and persuade the cartel leader to not sell this stuff anymore. We need to do that, before the DIF interferes.” Merry said.

“But what about that DIF warning?” I asked. “If we interfere again, they’ll have that operation set in motion! The FDA will become DIF property! Emergency laws, Mer! Think about that!”

“Then so be it, we can’t let the DIF interfere with this mission!” Merry cried out.

“Why? What’s so important about us doing this mission?” I asked.

“While I was spying on the Sphinx Cartel, I saw some cargo on the ship. It wasn’t any dust, it was something much more. Plus I was researching a bit on their organization.” Merry explained. “This cartel isn’t just a crime organization, it has connections to the sphinx leader in their homeland. After their war with the Centaur in ’81, their economy has plummeted, leading to a major stock market crash and trillion bit loans. This cartel does crime to save their homeland.”

”Gosh… so what are we going to do?” I asked.

“Well these sphinxes also have pretty intense weaponery, so if the DIF attack, it might cause war on Equestrian soil, and we can’t have that. This is an ultimate mission we’re about to go on, Agent Jam!” Merry said. “We have to persuade the leader that selling this dust is wrong.”

”And how are we going to do that?” I asked. “If selling this dust means saving their economy, they won’t be that cooperative.”

“I might have a plan to get through this! The Centaur dust can be used in other fashions, but it would include a huge amount of chemistry experience.” Merry said. “Luckily I know a lot about chemistry, since it’s needed to work at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory in the position I’m currently in. I can show these sphinxes a better way to use this dust for good use, instead of bad, that way they can still sell the stuff, but without committing crimes in doing so.”

”So what’s the plan?” I asked.

“Meet me at the docks.” Merry said.

“Got it!” I said. “Oh wait, hang on I got another call.” I then switched the line. “No Fritter, I’m not interested in your show!”

”Why are you yelling at me?” Elusive whined at the other line. “I just thought there was something wrong with you, you been moody lately so I wanted to help! But no, forget it! Good-bye!” he hangs up.

“No, Elusive, wait! I didn’t mean… ugh!” I groaned. Oh well, it all goes to show… I need a caller ID. It may save a friendship. That’s my moral of the day!

So I left the house and headed over to the docks where Merry May was waiting for me. When I got there, I was about to head to port security but just like that, they stopped me. “Hold it, buddy.” A security guard stopped me.

Ok, this time we’re going to do things different. I’m going to be giving you choices again, but the choices won’t be what I do or what paths to take. The choices this time will be about what I should say, and it will effect on what happens. Some of the things I’d say will be successful, some will fail, but I must let you know, some things I’d say might be successful unexpecting, and some may be unsuccessful too, so choose wisely!

What should I say?

A. “My name is Jerry Jam, and I have business here.”

B. “Jerry Jam, FDA. I have reports on some illegal substances here.”

C. “I was just passing through.”

D. “Hold what?”

Now how does the guard respond?

A. “What business do you have here?”

B. “FDA? Well thank goodness you’re here! Yes, we do have a problem with some cartel and we need them to be arrested.”

C. “Port’s closed to visitors. Need help, go to customer service.”

D. “Huh?”

The correct answer is the first one. Why? Because these guards are corrupted, as they were bribed by the cartel as stated earlier in the story. The second one isn’t correct because they’ll let me in, but they will set up some kind of trap for me. These guys are no fools. And you should know why 3 and 4 aren’t correct.

Now how do I respond to him?

A. “I’m here to buy some Centaur dust.”

B. ”I’m here to speak with the Sphinx Cartel leader.”

C. “I’m here to… buy some merchandise.”

D. “I’m here to meet my friend Merry May.”

His responses:

A. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing here of the sort.”

B. “A Sphinx… Cartel? I’m not sure if I understand.”

C. “What kind of merchandise?”

D. “Really? Where is this ‘friend’ you speak of?”

The correct answer is the third one. I can’t tell the corrupted guards that I’m looking for the dust, they may think I have a wire or something, same goes with the Sphinx Cartel, and I DEFINITALY can’t tell them about Merry May, otherwise she’ll be caught! The third answer will make out me as a legitimate business pony.

My next response to his question:

A. “You know… merchandise!”

B. “The dust, you know… the… dust.”

C. “The merchandise the Sphinxes are carrying.”

D. ”You know what I’m talking about!”

His response:

A. “Whatever you say, buddy. This dock has ton of merchandise going to and from over seas. Equestria trades with other lands if you haven’t noticed.”

B. “What dust? There’s nothing here of the sort! We’d know!”

C. ”What Sphinxes?”

D. ”Oh do I now?

The correct answer is once again the first one. Like I said before, I can’t mention the dust or the Sphinxes, and not the fourth one because I shouldn’t have to sound intimidating. They’d know I’m suspicious.

What should I say next?

A. Singing: “Somewhere… beyond the sea! Somewhere waiting for me!”

B. “I know there’s something really special here! Please can you tell me?”

C. ”How DO you know?”

D. “Do you know about any special merchandise that came in?”

His response:

A. “I like that song! A true classic! Everypony thinks Frank Sinatra made that song even though he didn’t.”

B. “Well sucks to be you.”

C. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

D. “We know of ALL merchandise that came in. What’s your point, kid?” the guard asked.

The correct answer is the forth one. It sounds better because it sounds like you want to know what they’re selling and you want to buy it, and also unlike the second answer, I don’t sound desperate.

And now what do I say?

A. “I’m looking for some dust.”

B. ”I want something to rub on my face.”

C. “What’s for sale?”

D. “I’m just looking for something to help me win a battle. I’m not that strong when it comes to a fight, but I heard some ponies here might have something I’m looking for to help win a fight.” I said. “I’m willing to pay a lot of money for it.”

His response:

The security guard looks over at another security guard,

A. and the other security guard shakes his head. “What are you trying to pull?” the first guard asked me.

B. and the other security guard gave the first guard a funny look. “You might have better luck at the pharmacy.” The first guard said to me.

C. and the other security guard shakes his head. “None of your business!” the first guard said to me.

D. and the other guards shrugs. “Ok.” The first guard says to me.

“We might have something that you’re looking for. You have no weapons or anything on you, right? We’re a very secure port.” he said.

I said…

A. ”Search me.” I insisted.

B. “But I’m a member of the FDA.” I said.

C. “What I’m carrying is none of your concern.” I said.

D. “I hope you don’t find my wallet attached to my thigh.” I said mischievously.

The guards…

A. …were pretty suspicious. “I sense a trick.” The guard said.

C. said, “Then get lost! We don’t need possible terrorism here!”

D. …then looked at eachother with disgusted looks on their faces. “Umm… on second thought, you’re clean.” The first guard said.

I hope you picked the right choices! I mean why wouldn’t you? You’re smart! I never doubted you for a second! Anyways let’s continue on, and we’ll do more choices later.

“Follow me.” The guard said as I followed him. They opened the gate and we walked inside the port. The guard started walking me over to the freighter where the merchandise is. Over at the cargo containers up above, I saw Merry May. I nodded at her as I kept on walking, and she nodded back. When the guard and I went over to the freighter, a Sphinx was guarding the ship, and she looked pretty serious. The guard walked me over to the Sphinx and the guard said, “This pony is looking to buy some merchandise.”

The Sphinx observed me a bit. I was still wearing my suit and sunglasses so it might’ve compromised the mission. I should’ve removed them. “Nice suit and glasses!” the Sphinx nodded. “It must mean you’re a legitimate business pony.”

”Wha… oh exactly! Yes you are absolutely right! Either that or a secret agent!” I teased and chuckled.

The Sphinx laughed along. “No secret agent would joke about that so you must be the real deal! So you’re here to buy something to help you win a fight?”

”That’s what I said before to this pone!” I said.

“Well that’s good! Our merchant isn’t here right now, but why don’t you come on board, and we’ll fix you up something to drink?” the Sphinx suggested.

“How lovely!” I said. So I accepted the offer and climbed on board. Merry May was watching to oversee things and make sure the probability of me messing this up doesn’t happen. It never hurts having backup, especially in situations like this one.

When the Sphinx led me to the lounge, oh and the security guard wasn’t with us anymore, in fact it was a VIP lounge or their sense of the initials ‘VIP’ since the room was full of stone chairs with pillows, along with some art on the walls, vases, and fruit. Once we settled in, the Sphinx said, “Take a seat on a stone chair, our mistress will be with you in a moment.”

“Oi can I have normal chair, love? I have a terrible back.” I said.

“Our mistress insists you take a seat on a stone chair, otherwise… well… she’ll think you’re square.” The sphinx insisted.

“Oh I wouldn’t want her to think that!” I said. “Alright, but I’m not leaning back.”

”Good. It would be an insult to our mistress if you did.” The sphinx said.

“Harsh.” I said as the sphinx walked out. So as I was alone in the VIP lounge, I decided to look around. It’s not as impressive as the VIP lounge over at the club, but… actually, this VIP lounge stinks! No offense to their culture though, I won’t hold it against them. I took a look at the art, and I have to say, it was nice. One of the paintings were a little cooked so I decided to fix it a bit, but it kept getting crooked again. It was really bothering me, so I took some duct tape and after making it straight, I taped the end that kept getting crooked, and so it was fixed, or so I thought after the other side gets crooked. “UGH!” I groaned as I taped the other side after straitening it. There, that should do the trick!

Now that that’s taken care of, let’s check out this radical looking vase over here on a stone table. It had pictures of yaks in it along with their people carrying spears. Do the Sphinxes have an alliance with the yaks up north or a conflict, or something like that? I do know they have something going on, but it’s not that important. Not as important as helping the head-sphinx use her merchandise for good instead of evil. I hope I know what to say to help her. Just then, as I was stretching, I accidentally knocked into the vase, but I was able to catch it quickly. Phew, that was a close call! Just then… the painting behind me fell off the wall and broke. “OI COME ON!” I yelled. “I’m really not making a good judgment here!” Just then, my ear piece started ringing. I tapped on it and answered the call. “Oi.”

”Hey, Jer. It’s Merry.” Merry May said on the other line. “How are things going in there?”

”Well you can understand I’m not with anypony right now because I answered your call. What if I was in a meet?” I asked.

“Good thing you weren’t!” Merry said. “Anyways, I wanna be able to talk to you throughout the deal. I’ve scouted out the ship and this cartel has security tight! Probably about approximately 25-40 soldiers per floor. The merchandise is down at the storage area, the brig is full of trespassing ponies, and sphinxes who failed at their duty, and the doors on this ship have 4-digit turndial locks.”

”We’re not going to trespass around the ship, Mer. We’re going to be honest about this. We’re going to help this lady out in using her merchandise for good.” I said.

“Ok, but just in case you need to make a hasty escape. I found some turndial codes while scouting out the place and I copied them down, so I can help you out with some doors. The guards on the ship have ion plasma cannons as weapons. I urge you to use caution, and not engage.” Merry explained.

“Not engage? But I’ve wanted to get married for a while!” I teased.

”Yeah, ha ha ha.” Merry laughed sarcastically. “Now I’ll be on if you need me. Just call out, and I’ll come in to assist you.”

“Got it!” I said. “So… while I’m waiting for them to show up. Have you seen Pretty Little Liars lately?” Just then, one of the doors opens up and the head-sphinx, Moustákia Gatáki, gets carried in by some of her servants. She gets placed down at the shrine at the north end of the room (or west or east or south, depending on what direction the ship is facing, but right now it’s facing north), and the head sphinx opens her eyes and looks at me. She was a beautiful sphinx, had white robes and jewelry all over, as well as a sparkly cloak.

“Welcome to our lair, mortal.” Moustákia Gatáki said. “I am Lady Moustákia Gatáki, goddess of our vessel – the Guardian.”

“Oh brother!” Merry chuckled on my ear piece.

“What is your business with us, mortal?” Moustákia Gatáki asked.

“I’m here to buy some of your best product.” I said.

“Is that so?” Moustákia asked. She then turned to one of her servants and said, “Is that so? He’s here to buy some of our best product.”

”It would seem so, my lady.” The servant said.

“What? You won’t take my word for it?” I asked.

“One cannot be so certain, our noble guest. Would you care for a drink?” Moustákia asked.

“No thanks.” I said.

“You’d be really missing out. It eases the mind.” Moustákia said.

“My mind is at ease right now currently, but thank you for your offer, dear lady.” I said.

“Very well then.” Moustákia said. “You know about our product, hmm?”

“The dust.” I said. “I’m interested in it. I have a problem with some Manehatten mob.”

”It wouldn’t be the Marmellata mob family would it? We have an alliance going on with them, and it would be shameful to assist in their downfall by a certain individual such as yourself.” Moustákia said.

“The Marmellata mob family?” I asked.

“They lead the Equestria Mob Commission. There is not a single mob that is more powerful than they. We wouldn’t under estimate them, but they are not better than us, I assure you that.” Moustákia said.

“Noted.” I said.

“Unfortunately, our best dealer hasn’t come back from his shift yet to sell you the stuff.” Moustákia said.

“Well that’s why I came here, I came here to the source. I couldn’t find any of your dealers around town.” I said.

“That is indeed odd.” Moustákia nodded. “It’s not like them to simply disappear. Well then, you’re in for a treat. I will personally sell the dust to you, but since we can’t take any chances, we’ll only accept unmarked bits; plus, we’ll need some of your personal information just in case you decide to rat us out, so we’ll know how to get to you. Oh, and don’t bother going into witness protection, we have an alliance going on within one of the agencies.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Do you want to take that chance, mortal? Now quit asking questions or we’ll be forced to imprison you!” Moustákia threatened me.

“I apologize, I am your noble guest after all, dear lady. Please, carry on.” I insisted.

“Very well. My servants here will get the stuff for you as we keep this room on lockdown, so you don’t try anything.” Moustákia said. Just then she turned to her servants who were just standing there and she said, “That means you!”

“Oh, yes lady!” the servants said startling as they ran out of the room and locked down the room behind them with a super strong security system.

“Please excuse the necessary precautions. We can’t take any chances. I hope you can understand that.” Moustákia said.

“Of course I can.” I said. “You wouldn’t believe how paranoid I’ve been in the past.”

“Oh? Do tell!” Moustákia insisted.

“Well… if you must know… it was back in my robbing days.” I started. Since you know that story already, let’s check up on Merry May for a moment. She was just hanging up there on the cargo when suddenly she saw a huge Zeppelin flying towards the dock.

“WHOA!” Merry cried. “A Zeppelin? What?” The Zeppelin flew over and started to descend, but it was so huge that it couldn’t land on the dock. It was hovering over the freighter itself. A bunch of pegasi flew out of the Zeppelin and flew over to speak to some Sphinxes. Merry was watching the whole thing, but she didn’t have the proper tools to eavesdrop on the conversation, but she was able to see the whole thing. The pegasi gave four briefcases to the Sphinxes, and the Sphinxes opened the cases to check out the money inside, and while that was going on, some Sphinxes and Androsphinxes push out some carts full of crates out of the ship and they give them to the pegasi. The pegasi then carry the carts up to the Zeppelin.

“What’s this?” Merry asked herself. “This must be another criminal organization. It must be VERY organized. It looks like we might have a new threat, but then again, they could be using that Centaur dust for good instead of evil, so we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Then the Zeppelin then takes off, making a huge roaring sound as it flies away. Merry holds her ears as the Zeppelin’s motors roar. “OW! Now I’m glad I didn’t bring that eavesdropper device! I would’ve been deaf!” Merry yelled. After the Zeppelin flies off, some strange looking ponies started arriving at the docks. The ponies beat up the guards that were guarding the docks and while a couple stay behind to arrest the guards, the rest of the ponies move in. “That can’t be good.” Merry said nervously.

Back inside the freighter Moustákia was laughing as I was telling her my story. “No way!”

”Yeah way!” I said.

“That is so ironic!” Moustákia said. “It’s a very interesting story, Jerry Jam. It’s also pretty sad at parts, but your life must have so much meaning to you.”

“If it weren’t for Elusive or my sister, I wouldn’ve been as successful as I am now. I’m a manager at one of the best night clubs in town, I fulfilled by debts to society, and my gangster friends will no longer look for my missing in action friend that left us.” I said.

“Well I suggest we have a toast. Would you like something to drink?” Moustákia asked.

“No thanks.” I said.

”I insist! C’mon, it’s not like I’m going to poison you.” Moustákia said. “Trust me, your life is so interesting to me.”

”I really shouldn’t.” I said.

“Why not?” Moustákia asked. Just then, the ship started to shake. “What was that?”

”I don’t know, but that happened in just the right time!” I said surprisingly.

“Madam Moustákia?” a sphinx asked from an intercom.

“What is it?” Moustákia asked.

“We have intruders on the ship! It’s the DIF!” the sphinx yelled.

Moustákia then gasped in shock. “The DI...” just then Moustákia turned around and hissed at me. “YOU! YOU SET ME UP!”

”No I didn’t!” I said.

“LIAR!” Moustákia yelled as she smacked me in the face. “You set us all up, you agent scum! You didn’t tell me everything in your story, did you?”

I sighed and then told her the truth. “Yes, I am an agent, but I don’t work for the DIF. I work for their rivals, the FDA.”

”I don’t believe this!” Moustákia yelled. “All this time you were an agent!”

”Uhh, Jer? Is there a problem in there?” Merry asked from the ear piece.

“Moustákia, please! I can explain! I was here to set you up, but not in that way! I want to help you!” I yelled.

”GUARDS! SEIZE HIM!” Moustákia yelled as she unlocked the doors, and some of her Sphinx guards came and aimed their weapons right at me. I guess no matter which agency I work for, she thinks I set her up. Now that the DIF are attacking the ship, it’s going to take a lot for me to earn her trust again… A LOT!

“Jerry? Press the button on your ear-piece.” Merry instructed me on me ear piece.

“Why?” I asked.

“Why? Because you’re a fed, and a goddess has no time with feds!” Moustákia said.

“Just do it!” Merry demanded. So I did, and it makes a fart noise.

“Wow, how was that helpful?” Merry asked.

“Nothing!” Merry giggles. “I just thought it would be funny!”

“AAAAH!” Moustákia and the guards screamed. “That noise! That horrible noise!” they all started fall onto the floor holding their ears.

“Sphinxes always hated that noise!” Moustákia yelled. “If you can hear me, Jerry Jam, you and your agent friends are going to pay for this! This entire kingdom is going to pay for this!”

“Ok this isn’t what I wanted.” I said.

“You have to prove to the mistress that you aren’t there to rat out on her organization.” Merry instructed me. “Meet me in the hold. We’re going to get rid of the DIF on the ship!”

“How? If the DIF spots us, they’ll think we’re working with them.” I said.

“Aren’t we working with them?” Merry asked.

“Yes, but THEY don’t need to know!” I said. “We’re on probation as it is!”

“I have a plan. Just meet me in the hold, before your mistress friend returns to her senses.” Merry suggested. I looked down and saw Moustákia and the guards still cringing on the floor. I ran out of the lounge and into the corridors trying to get to the hold. There were guards running through the corridors, and I had to hide, because I was unsupervised, and they’ll think I’m with those agents. I really shouldn’t be going against the DIF again. I really don’t know how going down into the hold is going to help get rid of the DIF.

Meanwhile, as a battle was emerging on the port, the sphinxes were trying their best to keep them away. The DIF had zapper guns while the sphinxes had laser stunning guns. This is more extreme than paintball guns! This is a big deal! “Why must you fight if you were not guilty?” an agent cried out.

“YOU SHOT FIRST!” a sphinx yelled.

“Yeah! Self-defense!” another one yelled. Over at the entrance to the port, another carriage moves in, and Snake Eyes climbs out of it, hissing as he looked around.

Eclipse Norton climbed out of the carriage as well and said, “I dunno why you keep making me come along with you in this intense battles, Snake. I told you, I’m a witness protection agent, not a field agent.”

“Shut it!” Snake demanded. “You’re good at being a ssspy. I need you to go onto the ship and find the hold without getting sssspoted!”

“I can report you to the director for this. We can’t move-in to enemy territory without some sort of warrant.” Norton said.

“Enemy territory? These are our dockssss!” Snake reminded him. “They are tresssspassing on Equestrian property, and without a green card no less! Go in and find the source of it all! I’ll order the agents’ tacticsssss.”

“Snake, please, don’t do this! I’ll go in and find the source, but attacking this ship is completely unnecessary without the proof!” Norton said.

“I just made going in easier for you, Eclipsssssse.” Snake said. “Now there won’t be much sphinxesss inside when you go in. They’re busy with ussss.”

“What if they have the ship on lockdown?” Norton asked.

“You’re an expert hacker too! You can handle anything in there! Now go in! That’s an order!” Snake demanded.

“Ugh!” Norton groaned as he took out his disguising device from his pocket. He then said to himself, “I don’t have to put up with this! Just because he’s Agent S’s best agent, AND because he hosts a TV series, it doesn’t make him superior to me!” Just then, fog covered Norton’s body and once the fog clears, he disguises himself as Hufflegulf. EXACTLY like him, in every shape and form. “Let’s just get this over with.” He said in Hufflegulf’s exact voice; which you don’t even know since you’re reading this. You probably don’t know what any of us sounds like. I might have a squeaky Irish voice for all you know.

Aye there, maties. I be going down to da hold now, I am. Wow, it doesn’t sound that different from my Australian accent! I might as well be Irish! So I charged down to the hold and when I got to the entrance, there was a sealed door in the way. “Of course.” I said in an annoyed tone. I then said in my ear piece, “Merry? The door’s locked.”

“What are the requirements to open it?” Merry asked.

“Uhhh…” I looked at the security lock next to me. “Well a keycard is obviously needed, but there’s a sign here that says, ‘Seals under lockdown’.”

“So the best thing to do is to disable the lockdown.” Merry said. “I’ll head over to the bridge and disable it. Stay there and guard the entrance.”

“Why? Don’t you want me to help you?” I asked.

“Negatory, buddy.” Merry said. “Just in case I have one shot at it, you’ll need to run inside and change the recipes yourself.”

“Change the recipes?” I asked.

“I’ll explain when I get there. I don’t want to be seen.” Merry said. “But…” she sighs. “… then again. I’m just a part of the background.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“N-nothing. Just… shut up!” Merry demanded.

“Whoa, antsy!” I commented.

As I waited down there, Merry started sneaking onto the ship as the fight between the Sphinxes and the DIF raged on with both sides gaining causalities. “Presssss on, agents!” Snake Eyes cried out in a megaphone.

“We’re losing agents fast! I dunno why we’re doing this! We’re not soldiers!” an agent cried.

“You are what I ssssay you are!” Snake Eyes said, facing the megaphone towards the agent’s face. “I have a plan so keep your ties on!”

“Ow!” the agent yelled.

“That’ll be all!” Snake Eyes yelled before putting the megaphone down.

Merry sneaks onto the ship without anypony, or any sphinx noticing, and she starts climbing the cargo on the ship to get to the bridge. On the way to the bridge, she spots Hufflegulf walking down to the hold’s entrance. “Uh oh.” Merry said as she turns on her ear piece. “Jer? You have company coming down there. Some Androsphinx.”

“There’s nowhere to hide down here!” I yelled. “I’m checking everywhere, but I can’t find a- hello, what’s this?” he looks up and sees a vent on top of the sealed entrance to the hold. “Was that always there?”

“What did you find?” Merry asked.

“I found a vent on top of the sealed door. It must lead into the hold.” I said.

“Which means… I don’t even have to go the bridge.” Merry said.

“I guess not.” I shrugged.

“Well I’m on my way down there to join you, just wait for… uh oh.” Merry said.

“What happened?” I asked.

“HA HA HA!” Snake Eyes laughed as he takes out a giant cannon of some sort. “Prepare to be dealt with sphinxessssss!”

“What is that?!” Merry yelled in terror.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Nevermind me.” Merry said. “What I need you to do, Jer, is to change the recipes in all of the cargo crates. If added with a certain ingredient, you can change the Centaur dust from a steroid into a vitamin drink. If added with this ingredient, some of the chemicals inside the dust changes. It doesn’t make a pony stronger, but it does give them energy. Think of it as… coffee, except without it tasting bitter, and instead of hot it’s cool, well depending on if ponies keep the drink in their fridges or their pantries, but my point is, this ingredient will weaken the cells of what makes Centaur dust how it is. If this were the case, the sphinxes wouldn’t be selling anything illegal, and they’ll be made innocent, and it’ll save many ponies. You’ll be a hero, Jer!”

“Ok, ok, you keep saying ‘this ingredient’, what is the ingredient?” I asked.

“Salt water.” Merry said.

“You couldn’t tell me that before when you kept saying ‘this ingredient’?” I complained.

“No time! I have to stop Snake Eyes from using… whatever that thing is.” Merry said.

“FIRE!” Snake Eyes yelled out as the cannon fires, but it doesn’t fire anything solid. It fires gas. It fires… no really it fires… gas. Like bodily gas.

Merry started to laugh. “Well that was indeed funny, but I’m not sure how that-“ just then, all the sphinxes started weakening. “Well that’s kinda ironic.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Wish I had a bit every time you said that.” Merry commented. “The cannon is some sort of… fart machine. Now the Sphinxes are weakening.”

“Wait a second! When you told me to press a button on my ear piece, it made a farting sound, and Moustákia and her guards weakened, which helped me escape! That sound weakens these people!” I said.

“I have to stop them without being spotted!” Merry said.

“What about me, Mer?” I asked. “I’m right now crawling in a dusty vent full of spiders, and…” a spider web got in my mouth when I said that and I spit it out. “Yuck! And I see this vent that leads into the hold, but how am I supposed to put salt water in all of these boxes? There’s like billions of ounces of Centaur dust in this cargo hold! How am I supposed to put it in all of them?”

“Use your imagination.” Merry said as she shuts off the ear piece.

“Prepare to fire oncssssse more!” Snake Eyes ordered.

“I’m starting to question our choice of weapons.” One of the agents commented. “I mean a ‘fart’ gun? Really? Is that what it comes to?”

“I don’t make the rules, agent. I just enforce them. It’s what makes them weak so that’s what we’re going to do.” Snake Eyes said.

Meanwhile back in the hold, I was able to get out of the vent and enter the hold where all the Centaur dust was being stored. Now all I needed to do is find a way to put salt water in them, but how? Where can I find salt water on a big boat like this? Merry May said I need to use my imagination. What would she do? Hmm… what would Apple Fritter do? What would my sister do? What would Elusive do- umm, on second thought, I don’t want to know what goes on in Elusive’s mind.

“Looking for something, Agent Jam?” a voice asked. I quickly turned around, and there was Hufflegulf.

“Hufflegulf? What are you doing here? We reformed you.” I said.

“That you did, my friend.” Hufflegulf said. “That you…” just then, Hufflegulf presses a button on his cloak and changes his look. “…did!”

“Ruby Radiance? What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Oh woops, wrong button.” She said as whoever it was changed their look again. Fog covered up the body, and once the fog cleared, it was him, Eclipse Norton.

“Agent Norton! Nice cloaking device, mate.” I said.

“Thanks. It’s pretty useful for my main job protecting my witness.” Norton said. “Now then, Agent Jam, I know you mean well, and I have no beef with you personally, but the DIF have a score to settle with the Sphinx Cartel. It would help your agency if you could just get off the ship, and let the DIF take it from here.”

“No! I will not allow your agency to force friendship among this foreign species! I know the truth!” I said. “They need this dust to survive. Their homeland is going bankrupt after an intense war with the centaurs. This stuff is the only thing that keeps their homeland alive, and we need to help them.”

“We will help them, Agent Jam, don’t you worry about it.” Norton said. “We’re going to turn them in, and we’re going to dump all this dust.”

“They need it!” I said.

“We’ll help them provide an alternative merchandise, don’t worry about a thing.” Norton said.

“I don’t think you can find a merchandise for an expensive cartel like the Sphinx to sell. They’re not just a cartel you know, they’re a company trying to make a quick buck.” I said. “And no, I don’t mean a pony kick.”

“You know much about the Sphinx Cartel, don’t you Agent Jam?” Norton asked. “Hey, it’s completely understandable. Once a criminal always a criminal.”

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“The DIF has been watching you, Jerry Jam. Ever since your crimes in Mareami, we’ve been watching you.” Norton said. “We know all about you, your sister, that nightclub owner, those two gangsters you work with, and of course… that third one. We could’ve stopped you at any time.”

“So why didn’t you?” I asked.

“Because if you weren’t so useful to us we would’ve.” Norton said. “Don’t you see what you and your friends have done? 1980s Mareami. Crime has gone up, but after your actions, they’ve gone down.”

“In what way did they go down?” I asked.

“Other criminal organizations were jealous of you and your friends’ actions. They wanted to prove they were better than you four.” Norton explained. “Jealousy can make one foolish. So foolish that they’d do anything to be superior. We caught them red-hooved. All those gangs… done for. Mareami used to be the headquarters of organized crime. There used to be seven… now there’s only two: the Sharks mob, and the Late Night Riders, but the riders are done for. They’re way passed their prime. Now that the Friendship Mob is in Mareami, they’re taking care of all crime there.”

“So… the DIF… used me when I was younger?” I asked.

“You catch on pretty quick, kid.” Norton said as he takes out a candy cane and knaws on it. “Crime has seriously gone down these days. Both the FDA and the DIF are gaining ground around Equestria, but mostly the DIF. It only leaves one city completely covered with organized crime: Manehatten.”

“Manehatten’s home of the Commission.” I said. “The major mobs around Equestria unite with this one organization. Neither of us stand a chance against them.”

“Perhaps… or perhaps not.” Norton said. “Disharmony has been a major thing around Equestria. I know the Friendship Detection Agency mean well with trying to help these poor criminals reform, but think about it, Agent Jam… is it really keeping? It does help once in a while, but not enough. Disharmony needs to be taught a lesson. Disharmony needs to be shown whose boss! Disharmony needs to be grabbed in the neck and threatened! Discipline is the way to go, Agent Jam. Trying to reason with Disharmony… you think that actually works? Disharmony is smart, Agent Jam. The FDA need to learn that words aren’t everything!”

“No… you’re wrong, mate.” I said as I shook my head. “It’s harder work to reason, yes, but if you know the right words to say, and let disharmony know about the rewards that can be claimed by turning good, then I’m sure they’ll reform.”

“Huh.” Norton said as he flicks his candy cane on the floor and steps on it. “I see… well… perhaps I should show you how effective discipline can be!” Just then, Norton’s body gets covered in fog once again. Jerry charges towards Norton’s position, but after he turns invisible, Jerry completely misses him.

“Where are you, Norton?!” I cried. “Oi! Where are you?”

“You think helping the Sphinx Cartel is going to turn them good? You’re only going to make them stronger!” Norton said as his voice echoes throughout the hold.

“I’m planning on turning the dust into a valued resource! Valued for good! What it needs is salt water!” I yelled.

“Really? Then perhaps I’ll help you once I’m done DUMPING IT!” Norton said.

Back out in the port, Snake Eyes was about to fire the cannon once more, and Merry needed to do all she could to stop it. Merry was able to get off the ship and to sneak passed the remaining cartel members who were still fighting the DIF, and was able to spot the cannon on the back of a pick-up carriage. Snake Eyes was laughing evilly until he choked on his own saliva from laughing so hard. Merry used this as a chance to head over to the cannon and sabotage it. Merry was indeed able to get to the cannon, however, sabotaging seemed harder than it looks. When Merry opened the cover that revealed a bunch of wires, Merry was in a lost for words.

“Holy Rolie Polie Olie!” Merry said. “Note to self: no matter how irritating Apple Fritter can be, never leave her out of the mission.”

Back in the hold, I reversing around the hold looking for Norton. I’ve been waiting for him to pounce on me, but it would seem he’s not trying to attack me. He’s looking for something. Something to easily dump the cargo hold. Just then, as I was reversing, I trip and fall on some curve, and I landed on something made of metal. I looked down, and I saw it was a mechanical door on the floor.

“Of course!” I said. “That’s how Norton’s going to dump the cargo! He’s going to flood the hold! NORTON!” I yelled at him. “Don’t do it! You’re going to sink the whole ship!”

”Relax, Agent Jam, this is a port. The ship won’t sink all the way.” Norton’s voice echoes again. “The depth was measured by some field agents and the ship’s just going to sink until it reaches the corridor on the main deck. Plus, the ship is going to tilt so it’ll dump the cargo containers on the top. Once the cargo containers were dumped, the dust will be gone, and the ship will be able to recover.”

”That’s going to cost the sphinxes a lot of money!” I said. “They can’t afford it!”

”I hope they’re insured then.” Norton said. I couldn’t let Norton get to the controls. I have to find the controls before he does. I can’t let him half-sink this ship! The controls have to be around here somewhere. Just then, a klaxon alarm started going off. I was too late, he found the controls! I had to find him. I probably have just a few seconds. Just then, I found a red light across the hold on top of some catwalk. Norton was there. I went over to climb the ladder that leads up to the catwalk, and when I got up there, the mechanical doors started to slowly open. I started to run over towards the button to press it, but when I got there, I was tripped by something. It felt like a leg. Once I fell to the floor, Norton uncloaked himself.

“It’s for Equestria’s own good, Agent Jam. I suggest you evacuate this area as soon as possible. I don’t want to you drown down here.” Norton said. “Too much paperwork.”

“Ugh!” I groaned as I rubbed my muzzle. “Why don’t you leave first?”

”I don’t trust you. You’ll press the button as soon as I leave.” Norton said.

”You got THAT right!” I said as I kicked Norton in the legs and pushed him aside. The hold started to flood, and the ocean water started to leak into the cargo containers. I was about to push the button to seal the doors, but then it hit me! “Of course! I am such a bloody idiot! Ocean water IS salt water!” I had an idea. I knew exactly what to do. “Ok, Norton. I’ll allow you to dump the cargo into the ocean.”

”Really now? You had the upper hoof and now you’re taking my side?” Norton asked.

“Yes, but I won’t let you tilt the ship.” I said. “We’re going to flood the hold, but once the cargo is flooded, we’re going to use the cranes on the port to put the cargo containers into the ocean!”

”It’s far more difficult that way.” Norton said.

“Yes, but it’ll save us and the sphinxes a lot of money by saving the ship. We’ll be doing a good deed.” I said. I then took out my hoof and said, “What do ya say, Agent Norton? Wanna work together?”

Norton was thinking it over for a moment, and then he says, “Agent Snake doesn’t like it when plans change on him. I’ll stay down here and flood the hold, and you head up to the cranes to take care of the cargo containers.”

”How do I know if I trust you to pull through with this?” I asked.

“Because like you said… we’re trying to save money here.” Norton said. “I know we’re rivals, Agent Jam, and we don’t respect eachother’s beliefs, but we share one common interest: we do what’s best for Equestria, as well as others. As long as we’re working together to stop this cartel operation, then I have no interest to oppose you on this.” I then nodded and jumped off the catwalk and landed in the water down below.

“OOOOW!” I cried.

“Yeeeeah, water’s still shallow.” Norton said.

“OI! YOU THINK?!” I yelled. I then limped over to the security door that was now opened. I see Agent Norton hacked this door to get it opened. When my legs started to hurt less, I ran upstairs and back onto the main deck. When I got to the top, I was tripped by a paw and I fell back on the floor. “OW! What’s with tripping me today?!”

“Where do you think you’re going, mortal?” Moustákia asked.

”To save your operation!” I said.

“Really? Because it seems to me that you’re leaving.” Moustákia said as she grabbed my tux and lifted me off the ground. “We heard that alarm! We know you’re flooding our product!” Moustákia then threw me down the stairs and I banged against the wall down there. It was so painful. “You think we don’t know what you’re up to, you equis scum?” she then kicks me in the face and hisses.

“OW! My nose already hurts from getting tripped TWICE!” I yelled.

“The nerve you have to use me like this!” Moustákia said angrily at me. “I thought we had a connection going by sharing eachother’s backstories, but now I see you used my backstory against me, and now you’ve doomed my homeland! You ponies make me sick!”

Help me through this, readers! Help me talk some sense into Moustákia!

What do I say?

A. “I have no quarrel with the Sphinx Cartel!”

B. “I need to dump your cargo into the ocean! It’ll make your product better!”

C. “The DIF is outside and they have a cannon! We need to stop them!”

D. “There’s an agent downstairs trying to flood the hold! You should stop him!”

Her response:

A. “I have no idea what that word ‘quarrel’ means, but I know it’s a trick!”

B. “Good luck getting to it!” she kicks me in the face.

C. “I know, and I need to help them once I’m done with you!”

D. “Yeah, weren’t you just down there?”

The correct response is C. I’m trying to get her into helping her people so she wouldn’t worry about me… or Norton for that matter since he’s helping me.

What do I say next?

A. “We should help them! Let’s go help them together!”

B. “I have another agent outside, Agent May. She’s already on it.”

C. ”Don’t worry about them. I’m sure they can handle anything.”

D. “The cargo containers are what they’re after!”

Her response:

A. “And what am I supposed to do with you? Let you go?”

B. “Really now? Have they spotted her?”

C. “Yeah you’re right. That means more fun kicking your flank!”

D. “You think I don’t know that?”

B is the answer. I need to persuade her that this is a good idea.

And next I say…

A. “I don’t think so. If we can provide a distraction, we might have a chance.”

B. “I don’t think so. Should we go and check?”

C. “Probably. We should do a distraction just to be sure.”

D. “I’m not sure, but if we attacked the cannon ourselves, maybe it might provide a distraction.”

Her response:

A. “What makes you think I can trust you?”

B. “And risk my life?”

C. “Just to be sure? Don’t you know you’re talking to a goddess?”

D. “If you provide as my pony shield, I’m on it.”

A is the answer. I’m starting to get to her, and that’s what I need to do. No way am I going to be her shield!

Next I say:

A. “Because we have a common interest: doing what’s best for Equestria!”

B. “I know you must think me as a traitor, and I wouldn’t blame you, but I know exactly what to do to end this!”

C. “Just think about it, Moustákia. What does your homeland truly want?”

D. “Because we bonded, duh!”

Her response:

A. “You think I care about Equestria?”

B. “Oh really now? Define: end this.”

C. “You have NO idea what my homeland truly wants!”

D. “Hmm, fair enough.”

Yeah, ironicly it was D. Sometimes reminding others of the good times you’ve had together really helps reform a friendship.

“So what do you say, Moustákia? Can we do this? Can I help redeem your trust by getting rid of the DIF?” I asked with my hoof out.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to regain my trust, Jerry Jam.” Moustákia said as she takes out her paw and helps me up. “But you’ve earned yourself a chance.” She smiles.

I smile back and said, “Let’s do this!” so we both run out on deck to join in with the battle. Merry May was eating toast and jam as she was attempting to mess with the wires, but she had no idea how to break the machine still. “Well, even brain food doesn’t help me in this situation. I’m still at a lost here.” She said. As Merry May was observing the wires, Snake Eyes order his agents to fire once more.

“Fire oncssssse more!” Snake Eyes ordered his agents. Merry then accidentally drops her toast and jam and quickly hides under the carriage as agents walk over to fire the cannon again, but then one of the agents spots that the wire hatch was open.

“Oh c’mon! The hatch fell off again?!” the agent complained. “These dang screws!”

”Next time, we’re going to Auto Zone. That’s the last time we go to Sears to get our tools!” another agent complained.

“FIRE!” Snake ordered his agents. Just as the agents were expecting a fire, all the agents got was a dud. “What happened? I SSSSSAID FIRE!”

”We can’t sir, this thing is jammed.” One of the agents said.

“What?! Let me see!” Snake jumps off the edge of the cannon to take a look at what’s inside. He then finds Merry’s toast and jelly inside the wire hatch. He then places his hoof inside the machine to get some jelly, and then he takes his hoof up to his lips and licks the jam. Yes the same exact hoof he used to walk on with… which is all of them. “Rhasberry…” he whispered. “There’s only one who would dare give me raspberry! The FDA!” Just then Snake quickly looks down and observes the bottom of the carriage, but there was nopony there. “Keep alert, agentsssss!” Snake yelled. “We have an FDA agent here!” So the DIF agents observed the area as they were just finishing up the battle with the sphinxes. Merry was hiding right in front of the pick-up carriage.

When Moustákia and I got on deck, we spotted Agent Snake as well as two of the agents observing the cannon while the rest of the agents were fighting off the remaining sphinxes. “FALL BACK! FALL BACK!” one of the sphinxes yelled.

“NO, subjects! Not a single step backwards!” Moustákia ordered her cartel. “Fight on!”

”Yes, mistress!” the sphinx obeyed.

“You don’t allow your cartel to fall back in a cramped situation?” I asked.

“My cartel is my business, Jerry Jam.” Moustákia said. “If you have a plan for us to gain the upper paw against these agents, now would be an excellent time to suggest one.”

I didn’t know what to do. The sphinxes were losing, and there were still a ton of agents. I needed to find a way to gain the upper paw for these- err, I mean upper hoof for these sphinxes, but how? Just then, my ear piece started to beep. I pressed the button and said, “Oi, Merry!”

”Jerry, I see you along with Moustákia up on the freight deck, what’s happening?” Merry asked.

“We need to find a way to stop that cannon. Moustákia and I were about to plan a distraction, but it looks like Snake has himself a problem with the cannon.” I said.

“I know, I jammed it. Literary!” Merry said as she chuckled.

“You jammed it? Agent May, you know very well that I’m the one that’s supposed to be doing the jamming here.” I reminded her.

“I know, Agent Jam, but now that the cannon stopped working, it shouldn’t be much of a problem anymore, but the sphinxes are still weak.” Merry said.

“We need to find a way to make them stronger again, but how?” I asked.

“Jer, are you stupid or something?” Merry asked.

”Probably. I got tripped twice, and I jumped in shallow water. Lately I’ve been pretty stupid. I guess I need Orange and Cesaer to make me feel smart.” I said.

“You’re on a ship full of energizing dust! Can’t you use them?” Merry asked.

Just then, I slapped myself on the forehead and started to laugh. “You’re right, Merry. I AM stupid! But aren’t we supposed to be… you know…”

“What are you two talking about? This goddess wishes to know!” Moustákia demanded.

“Go down to the hold, get some of the dust that was already absorbed in salt water. Time to show Mistress Moustákia Gatáki the right way to use the Centaur dust!” Merry suggested. Just then I smiled.

“Good idea, Mer! Keep Snake and the agents busy!” I instructed her. I then turned to Moustákia and said, “I’ve got a plan!”

”Moustákia Gatáki doesn’t take orders, she gives them.” Moustákia said. “But she’s listening.”

”Your sphinxes are weak from the cannon blast. We need to energize them again, and the merchandise you have on this ship will really help them!” I explained.

“What do you think we’ll accomplish by using up our inventory?” Moustákia asked.

“Moustákia, don’t you see? I’ve discovered the right way to use this stuff!” I said.

“No you didn’t! I did!” Merry corrected me on the ear piece.

“Oh woops, didn’t realize she was still on.” I admitted as I turned off my ear piece, and then I said to Moustákia, “If combined with salt water it transforms the cells in the dust! It’s not a steroid anymore, it’s an energy drink! Not as powerful, but effective! And that’s not all, it’s legal! You don’t have to secretly sell this stuff anymore! You can sell them to pharmacies and department stores and such without hassle! You’ll be making money faster, and you’ll be able to save your homeland!”

”Hmm…” she thought it over. “I never really thought of it that way. As long as I take credit for the creation, you have yourself a deal! But how are we going to fill a cargo container with dust in time?”

”Follow me to the cargo hold, and I’ll show you.” I suggested. So Moustákia and I ran down to the cargo hold to find the genetically modified dust. Before we got down there, however, Agent Norton presses the button to close the doors letting the water in, and the hold stops to flood.

“Agent Jam have better given his side of the bargin.” Norton hoped as he turns on his cloaking device again. Once Moustákia and I got down to the hold, Moustákia begins to screech. “The whole whole is flooded! Umm, I mean, hold whole, I mean… hold whole hold? Wow this is a tounge-twister.”

”Where’s Agent Norton?” I asked.

”Is there another agent down here?” Moustákia asked.

“There was.” I said. “The doors are closed. I guess I could trust him after all. Now let’s find some of the newly geneticized Centaur dust and give energy once again to the Sphinx! Time to prove to the DIF that you are innocent!”

As Norton escapes the hold, he goes up to the deck and sees the cargo containers were still on deck. “Guess that was the last time I could trust him! If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself!” Norton complained as he once again cloaked himself.

Back over at the cannon, the agents were just able to clean out the wire hatch and the cannon returns back online. “Ah ha! That did it! Now we can oncsssse again weaken these cartels!” Snake said. “Prepare to fire!”

”I gotta do something!” Merry said to herself. “But what?” As Merry attempts to figure out an idea, the agents load up the cannon and were about to fire on the already weakened sphinxes.

”One more blassssst should do it!” Snake said. The agents aim the cannon at the sphinxes and were prepared to fire once more. “READY?!” Snake shouts. “AIM! Aaaaaand…” just then the pickup carriage starts to roll. “Hey! HEY! I didn’t ssssay move the carriage what’s going on?!” As it turns out, Merry attached herself onto the carriage and was running as fast as she could to the exit to stall some time. “AFTER THAT CARRIAGE!” Snake yelled.

“They can’t get me now! This will buy Jerry some time!” Merry said as she was running towards the exit, but then the agents as well as Snake walk at a normal speed right in front of Merry without any problems.

“Hello!” Snake said to Merry.

“What?! But I was going really fast!” Merry said.

“Not strong enough to pull this thing very far, huh FDA?” Snake asked mischievously.

“I guess I didn’t think this all the way through. I feel as stupid as Jer right now.” Merry admitted.

Back on deck, Moustákia and I returned from the hold with bottles full of the modified Centaur dust. “We have to energize your employees and quickly!” I said.

“Umm, my SUBJECTS.” Moustákia corrected me.

“Whatever, let’s just do it!” I said.

“HA HA HA!” Snake laughed at Merry. “Such a wasssste of time. You FDA agents will never learn will you? Now that I caught you trying to meddle with DIF affairs, Operation: Takeover will commence very shortly!”

”You think its right to be doing something like this?” Merry asked. “These sphinxes are innocent! This is a shipment of energy drinks!”

”Energy drinks? HA! Have you looked out the window lately? Crime hasss gone up!” Snake said. “And it’s all becaussssse of the Centaur dusssst these sphinxes have been selling! It makes a pony overpowered.”

”Not overpowered. Give them energy. There’s a difference between the two.” Merry said.

“Really now? Can energy rob an entire bank?” Snake asked. “Can energy cause neighborhoods to fight eachother more effectively? Come on, agent! You know exactly what’s going on!”

”I do, and we’re trying to help these sphinxes by using this product more safely. That’s what the harmony is all about, Agent Snake.” Merry said. “It’s not about attacking their ships and dumping their product! It’s about giving them a second chance to redeem themselves! That’s why we’re here! This isn’t a warzone! You’ve turned this into a warzone, Agent Snake! That’s not what the DIF is supposed to do!”

”We’re trying to force harmony among these creatures, and that’s what we’re doing. That’s what the DIF is all about. Don’t you get it? Look at these sphinxes fighting for their product! Why would they fight if they were not guilty?” Snake asked.

“They’re defending a business to protect their homeland! They need this, Agent Snake! They need this for their homeland to survive!” Merry said.

“And we will assist them, don’t worry! Just as soon as Agent Norton tilts that ship and dumps the product, we’ll help finance the sphinxes and help them use a better resource for their business! A resource like… ummm… celery!” Snake said.

“We’ll believe it when we see it!” a voice said.

“Who said that?” Snake asked as he turned around and saw a sphinx standing right behind him, and out in the battlefield, all of the DIF agents have been captured by the sphinxes.

“We used our dust for good!” the sphinx said. “It gave us our energy back, and we didn’t even hurt a single pony in the process! We just captured the rest! And they’ll remain unharmed if you and your agents would just stand down!”

”Stand down? Sssssssstand down?!” Snake yelled. “If anyone needs to stand down it’s YOU creatures! Thissssss stuff is illegal in Equestrian soil! It can make a pony as strong as alicorn! We can’t have that! It’s bad enough we have these fake alicorns in the first placssssse!”

”But look at this.” The sphinx said as another sphinx punches a cargo container. “See? What she did was just dent the cargo container a little bit. With the usual dust, we would dent the cargo container by a long shot! But we didn’t! This isn’t a steroid any longer, it’s now an energy drink, and we will now use our product for good, for the sake for our homeland and our mistress, Moustákia Gaták!”

Snake then hisses at the sphinx, but then his mood changes once the crane nearby starts moving. The crane then picks up some cargo containers on the ship and drops them overboard into the sea. Snake Eyes then starts laughing. “Give it up, sphinxessssss! Your product is now sunk into the bottom of the sssssea! We win by default! Our attack on your ship was a success!”

”Not exactly.” Moustákia Gaták said as she walks over along with me by her side. “The FDA has proven themselves, mortal. With the help of the salt water, the Centaur dust will now turn into… well do we need to repeat ourselves? The stuff we will now be selling is legal, and once we get the containers out from the bottom of the sea, we will be using them properly.”

”Grrr! Well it doesn’t matter! It’s not you cartelssss we had a score to deal with! The FDA still meddled in our affairsssss! Your agency is doomed!” Snake said.

“Not exactly.” I said. “After all the stupid stuff I’ve done today, it all comes up to this one smart remark. You don’t have a warrant.”

”Huh?” Snake asked.

“A warrant. You attacked this ship without a warrant.” I said. “It’s illegal to attack a criminal vessel without some kind of warrant. If you ask me, mate, the DIF has messed up this time, and not to mention, we have proof that we were here first.”

“How?” Snake asked.

“Cameras cover the port, agent.” The port security guard that I talked to before I entered the port said. “Everything that happened today was monitored. The FDA was here first and therefore, you meddled with their affairs.”

”If you ask me, Agent Snake. We’re even now.” I said. “And if you wish to keep your job in the agency, or unless you want our agency to shut your agency down, I suggest you don’t meddle with the FDA’s missions ever again. You’re a corrupted agent, Snake Eyes.”

”SO ARE YOU!” Snake yelled.

”Yes we are!” I nodded. “But we’re corrupted for a good reason. Well… maybe not a good reason, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for the sake of Equestria. I’m not sure what you’re trying to pull besides getting the FDA out of business, but we own you now. And we’re fair, so we’ll let you off the hook as long as you stay away from FDA affairs. Got it?”

”UGH!” Snake groaned. “Well, FDA, you win thisssss round, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe, Agent Jam.”

”Is anypony ever safe?” Merry teased.

“It’s nothing like you’d ever imagine.” Snake said to Merry, he then turned to me and said, “How do you know you know the whole story? You think blackmailing me is going to stop the DIF? It’ll only ssssstall us for a little while. Enjoy your agency while it lasts, Agent Jam, because you’ll soon realize, that you don’t own me… WE own you!”

”What?” I asked.

“Let’s move out, agentsssss!” Snake yelled as he and all of the other DIF agents hop onto their carriages and left.

“Subjects… the sphinxes…. ARE FREE!” Moustákia Gaták yelled as all of the other sphinxes cheered. “We are no longer the Sphinx Cartel! We are now the Moustákia Gaták Corporation! Thanks to our friends in the Friendship Detection Agency, we can now sell our product legally!”

”Well… not exactly.” Merry said. “You still need to buy a business license.”

”Oh picky picky picky!” Moustákia complained. “Regardless, thank you, agents. We thank you very much for assisting us. We have a mess to clean up still. We have to get the cargo out from the bottom of the sea, and after we get that business license, we will return to business and raise money for the sake of our homeland! Not just in Equestria, but in all other places too!”

”Glad we can help you!” I said.

“I’ve just dispatched an FDA cleanup crew. They’ll help you clean up the mess.” Merry said.

“Thank you once again, ponies, and especially you, Jerry Jam! You’ve opened our eyes.” Moustákia said.

“That’s what we do, mistress! It’s what we do!” I said.

“We will see you soon, agents.” Moustákia said as she and the other sphinxes walk back to their ship.

“Mission successful, Jer!” Merry said to me as she punched me in the shoulder. “I knew we could do it!”

”Yeah but don’t think we’re off the hook yet.” I said.

“Is it what Snake Eyes said? Don’t worry about it!” Merry said. “He’s just trying to scare you!” Just then, I spotted Agent Norton climbing down from the crane. The same crane that knocked the cargo containers overboard. He then salutes to me, and then I nod at him back. It appears I have gained a possible ally within the DIF, but I wasn’t too sure.

“Agent Norton, back in the hold. He said something about the DIF watching me since I was little, and then Agent Snake says that the DIF owns me.” I said. “Perhaps my crimes have taken an unexpected turn.”

”Jer, you turned yourself in.” Merry reminded me. “Your charges are now dropped because you took your time. There is nothing the DIF can do to change that.”

”Yeah you’re probably right, Agent May.” I nodded.

”C’mon, Jer. Let’s go back to HQ. The director will sure be pleased over our successful mission.” Merry suggested.

“You’re right.” I agreed as the both of us started leaving the port to return to HQ. “Hey, Merry? When you said before when nopony ever notices you, that you’re just part of the background. What do you mean by that?”

”Oh… it’s a long story.” Merry said. “I have a special friend, a mutual friend, that’s helped me through my tough times.”

”What mutual friend?” I asked. Aaaaaaaand this chapter was longer than I expected. We just have time for one more thing, so let me show you that so we can just finish this! I’m already tired!

Back at the DIF HQ, Snake Eyes walked into the communications room with a couple of other agents, and he walks over to the super computer and turns it on. Snake turns on Skype and gets into a call with Agent S, and Agent S answers. “Agent Snake Eyes, I’ve heard about your previously failure.”

”Yes… I guesssss you have.” Snake nodded. “If you wish to sssstrip me of my rank, I’ll accept it.”

”Oh but Agent Snake, you are one of my best agents! This small little failure won’t change a thing!” Agent S said.

”But what happened to using the sphinxssssss dussssst to our advantage?” Snake asked.

”Our clients have bought enough of them. Our plan for taking out the FDA will still come in affect, and Agent Jam is our best way for succeeding in this takeover!” Agent S said as he started laughing evilly.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Author's Note

The longest wait for the longest chapter. Anyways, I wanted to give this chapter a chance to provide a new type of choices, not like in chapters 3 and 6. I've actually wanted to do these choices from the start, and only these choices, but they were a bit difficult and I didn't know where it would be fitting, until now. You'll be seeing them more later.

This chapter was the most difficult chapter I've worked on in this story so far, and I got bored at times, and that's why I took so long. But hey, it paid off! The story is really getting intense now! I wanted to give this chapter a chance to introduce Agent S, our main antagonist in the story. Why is he the main antagonist? You'll find out later. ;) Plus I wanted to give Snake Eyes, Eclipse Norton, and Merry May more chances to shine. They'll be providing very supportive roles later.

Undercover

It’s been almost a year since the mission with the Sphinx Cartel, and things have been pretty peaceful lately with the DIF. They’ve been leaving us alone, sticking with their own missions, but I know for a fact that they’re planning something, I just don’t know what. I’ve been spending more time in Elusive’s Club than in the field. It’s been over a month since I last seen Merry May and Apple Fritter. Apple Fritter was back in Appleloosa, making fritters and protecting her hometown, while Merry May is back in Ponyville protecting that town as well as Cloudsdale. For all that’s worth, it’s been relaxing lately. My main problem pretty much is keeping Elusive sane. He’s been through more breakups this year than Orange Swirl threatens to strangle General Lee in a week when we were still in prison.

Elusive has been through a very tough time. I ask him to go on vacation, and after that, he’s been going on vacation nonstop. Spending his money trying to forget. He once spent three weeks at Magicland, two weeks in the Galactic Studios theme park here in LP, and then spent almost two months at the Mareami theme parks; he’s even taking money out of his own club! I’m starting to worry about him, so I went with Jelly to his place to check up on him.

“So you really want me to watch over Elusive, huh Jer?” Jelly asked.

“I’m really worrying about him, sis.” I said. “Elou’s been spending all his money on vacations so he could forget about his many ex-stallionfriends. He needs a loving friend to watch over him.”

“Why don’t you do it?” Jelly asked.

“Oh I am, but there are times that I’m needed on missions. You’re my only friend that’s not in the agency that knows I’m an agent.” I said as we walked over to Elusive’s door. “You’re the only one that’ll understand my schedule.” I take a key out and I unlock Elusive’s apartment door and walk on inside.

“But Jer, I’m really going through a major breakthrough here.” Jelly said. “I’ve written up a movie that’s going to give me a spot on the Trot of Fame! Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue: The Movie!”

“Jelly, you know movies that come from books are usually bad, right? Except for Harry Trotter, that was good.” I said as I pressed the elevator button to go up. “Besides, it’s going to be hard getting the rights of the movie from AK Yearling herself.”

“I know, but I just finished writing it and I think I’m going to publish it to Galactic Studios this week! I’m already getting goosebumps!” Jelly said as the elevator door opens and we walk inside.

“Hey you know I’m always proud of you, sis.” I said as I pressed the button to go to the fourth floor.

“And I know you’re always there supporting me, bro, and I’m truly thankful for it!” Jelly said.

“Mom and dad would be proud!” I said.

“Yep! They sure would!” Jelly agreed. Just then after a moment of silence, we both started laughing.

“For a second there I thought you took me seriously!” I said.

“As if!” Jelly said as we continued laughing and the elevator reaches its floor. We both walk through the hallway and approach Elusive’s condo.

“Here we are!” I said as I turned the key on the door and opened it. “Knock, knock!” I called out as we walked inside.

“It’s us!” Jelly called out, but there was no answer.

“Hello? Elou?!” I called out. Just then, we heard moaning coming from the bedroom.

“Bedroom.” Jelly assumed. So we both went over to the bedroom and we saw Elusive lying his head on the floor and his legs up on the bed. There was empty cider bottles everywhere. “Ok, now I know why you asked me to watch him.” she said.

“Come, Elou. Get up.” I said as I started to help him up. “C’mon, mate.”

“Uhhhh!” Elusive groaned again.

“Come on, nappy time over, partner. It’s almost time to open the club.” I said.

“Go away, I wanna die.” Elusive moaned.

“Ok, you put this on yourself.” I shrugged as I was carrying Elusive by his shoulders. “Jelly, turn on the sink.”

“Ugh, wha- wha are…” Elusive mumbles and then burps. I take Elusive over to the sink after Jelly turns it on, and then I dump Elusive’s head in the sink to wake him up. Elusive kept mumbling and spitting, and after a few seconds I take his face out of the sink and then Elusive starts coughing. Jelly then takes a towel to dry off Elusive’s hair.

“You alright, mate?” I asked.

“Y-yeah, yeah… I’m fine.” Elusive said. “Ooooh! Oh my head!”

“Had some night last time, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah… yeah… sure. Lot of candle-eating and…” Elusive mumbled.

“Want me to put your head in the sink again?” I asked.

“NO!” he yelled. “No, no, I’m fine!”

“Don’t let these exes get to you, Elou. You’re better than them and you know it!” Jelly said. “You know ponies use you for money!”

“But not us! You’re our friend and don’t forget it.” I said.

“Yeah… I’m so glad to have friends like you two.” He said.

“You feeling alright, mate? You have to get back on your hooves. The club needs you.” I said.

“I know… I know.” He said. “But I don’t want THEM to find me!”

“Them?” Jelly asked.

“Who’s them?” I asked.

“The mob… the… the mob.” He said.

“The mob?” I asked.

“He’s just hung over. Don’t worry about him. We need to help him get his tux on.” Jelly said.

“Alright, I’ll get it.” I offered as I walked over to the closet to find Elusive’s tux. There was a bunch of them in there and I didn’t know which one to get. “Elou, which one do you want?”

“The… the black one… the pink shirt…” Elusive mumbled.

“The one you always wear? Alright got it.” I said as I took it out.

“Ugh! I think I’m gonna be sick!” Elusive mumbled.

“You drank too much cider, Elou. You know, drinking sparkling fruit drinks won’t solve your problems.” Jelly said.

“Oh what do you know about me? You don’t know me! I’m Elusive! I’m the best club owner in Las Pegasus! I’m king of Applewood!” Elusive yelled.

“Uh huh, that’s nice, mate. How about putting your hooves up?” I suggested.

“And wave ‘em like I just don’t care?” he asked.

“No, so I can help you put your shirt on.” I said.

“Oh. Such a square, Jer! You’re such a… you’re such… round thing!” Elusive said as I helped him put his shirt on.

“Oi! I’m not that fat!” I complained.

“Ooooh, you look gorgeous, baby!” Elusive said.

“Uhh… thanks.” I said.

“No… no… you!” he said to my sister.

“Wow… he’s really losing it. He’s so hung over that he forgets the gender he’s attracted to.” Jelly said.

“That’ll make a bunch of ponies happy, that’s for sure, but not us. You are who you are, mate.” I said as I helped button his shirt.

“And don’t let anypony tell you otherwise!” Jelly added.

“SHUT UP!” Elusive yelled. “Shut up! You’re telling me… you’re telling me stuff I already know! Just… HUSH UP!” Just then, he started to cry. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, darlings! You are my best friends!” he then starts to hug both Jelly and me really tight.

“There, there.” Jelly said as we both hugged him back. “It’s ok, Elou. It’s ok. We all make mistakes. We’re not mad at you.”

“I am.” I said.

“JER!” Jelly mumbled angrily at me.

“He’s got his hoof on my flank!” I mumbled back. Just then, my ear piece started ringing. “Oh, hang on. Can you take care of his jacket, Jell?” I asked her as I gave her Elusive’s jacket.

“Sure.” She said as I gave it to her.

I walked out of Elusive’s room, and back into his living room, and… oh I forgot to mention. Elusive has such a nice condo! It’s a 2-story condo, very luxury! Anyways, when I got to the living room, I answered my ear piece. “Oi.”

“Long time, no talk, Jer!” Merry May said on my ear piece.

“Merry! It’s so good to hear your voice, love!” I said.

“Likewise!” she said.

“I believe you’re called me for a better reason other than just to say ‘hello’?” I asked.

“Yeah, there’s a new mission in stock for us.” Merry said.

“So I guess we’ll meet at HQ?” I asked.

“Sorry, Jer. I won’t be able to join you on this mission. I’m actually at our HQ in the desert. I got another mission along with Apple Fritter. We’re trying to track some disturbance in Manehatten.” Merry said.

“Don’t you want me to join up with you?” I asked.

“Actually we will need your help later.” Merry said. “But HQ has assigned you another small job in Las Pegasus. The director told me to give you a message.”

“I miss the intense missions like the one with the Sphinx Cartel.” I said.

“Oh there will be another intense mission soon, don’t worry!” Merry said. “This one is just a quick little one. It has something to do with plagiarism. Shouldn’t be that hard. The director says to head to HQ for briefing. Oh, and Apple Fritter says howdy.”

“Tell her I said hi back.” I said. “Ok, it was nice talking to you, Agent May! I’ll see you real soon!”

“Nice talking to you as well, Agent Jam! See ya!” Merry said as she hangs up.

“NO! All wrong! All wrong!” Elusive yelled from his bedroom. I walked over to the room to check on what’s going.

“What’s wrong?” Jelly asked.

“You missed a button on my shirt! You missed a button! You messed the whole thing up!” Elusive yelled.

“Don’t look at me, Jerry did it!” Jelly said.

“Don’t bring me into this!” I said.

“Jerry, come and help me with Elusive!” Jelly instructed me.

“Sorry, Jell, I gotta… you know… do something really important.” I said.

“Uh, wha- OOOH! Oh, ok. I’ll take things from here.” Jelly said. “It won’t take too long, right?”

“Oh this one? Not too intense. I’ll be able to attend the club tonight, pretty sure.” I said.

“Alright, well I hope you have fun!” Jelly said.

“Oh yeah, I’ll have a BLAST!” I said sarcastically as I walked over to the front door and was about to leave the apartment. Just then, Jelly looks over and sees something familiar on the shelf. “HEY! This is that shake weight I asked Jerry to wait for in the mail, but then he ditched the house and I got a message saying it got delivered somewhere else! You had it this whole time, Elou?!”

“I need it! It helps me forget!” Elusive whined.

When I got to HQ, I went to the briefing room, and the director was already waiting for me on the communications monitor. “Ah, Agent Jam! The director is already ready for you!” an agent said.

“Oi, what’s going on, director?” I asked.

“Hello, Agent Jam!” the director said. “I hope things are going well!”

“Things are going very well, how about you, director?” I asked.

“Fine! So I have myself a small mission for you.” The director said.

“Whatever happened to finding clues about my parents?” I asked.

“Actually, Jer, I have some info for you on your parents!” the director said.

“Really? You found them?” I asked.

“Well… sort of. I don’t know where THEY are, but I know of some ponies that DO know.” The director said.

“Can ya tell me?” I asked.

“Once you complete this mission, I promise I will!” the director said.

“Hmm.” I smirked at the screen.”You drive a hard bargin, director!” I said mischievously. “Okie dokey then, what do you need me to do?”

“We’ve had reports on plagiarism coming from the Galactic Studios movie studio.” The director said. “It would seem some content from movies are being made without the approval of those that made it originally. I’ll need you to go under cover as a writer, send in a movie script that has to do with some sort of entertainment that was already made in the past, and we’ll see if the director of the studio will approve of it.”

“Well you’re in luck, director! My sister just finished on a movie script for Daring Do: The Quest for the Sapphire Statue! She didn’t get the rights from AK Yearling to publish it yet. Maybe this will be a good chance to expose those behind the plagiarism.” I said.

“Are you sure you want to do that, Agent Jam?” the director asked. “It’s your sister’s movie.”

“Don’t worry about it. If all goes well, we’ll be able to expose the ones behind this, and we’ll try to persuade them that it’s wrong, and they need to stop.” I said.

“And if that doesn’t work?” the director asked.

“We’ll have to tell AK Yearling herself that she’s being plagiarized. It’s the only other way.” I said.

“Very well then. You’re expert enough to know what to do! Good luck on your mission!” the director said.

“Thank you, director!” I said.

“Oh and before you go, Agent May did tell you about another incoming mission, right?” the director asked.

“Yes, another intense mission that has something to do with a disturbance in Manehatten. I guess you want me to go to the desert HQ once I’m done here?” I asked.

“No, after you’re finished, I want you to go whenever you’re ready, because a mission like this might be dangerous, and also might take a lot of time, so once you’re done with this mission, I want you to get your affairs in order before you leave.” The director said.

“Thank you for telling me, director.” I said.

“Now remember, Agent Jam, this is completely up to you. You can stand down.” The director said.

“Stand down from an easy mission like this? Pffft! Do you even know me, director?” I teased.

The director chuckled. “I’m talking about the Manehatten mission, silly!”

I chuckled along. “Yeah I know. Don’t worry, this mission will give me time to think about it. I’ll talk to you later, director!”

“Good luck! Director out.” She said as the call disconnects. Ok, so this mission should be a walk in the park, but I’m a bit nervous for the next mission. I’ll need to tell Jelly about it, and then tell Elusive that I’m going to have to take a few days off. With him going through a lot, it’s not going to be easy, but first, I need to persuade Jelly that I need to use her movie. She allowed me to use it thankfully, but I had to promise her that it wouldn’t ruin her chances to actually publish it for real. Also when it does get published for real, I have to give her credit for making it. So I did promise her.

I got myself a job at the Galactic Studios, and I went undercover. It wasn’t easy filling a resume, and I had to lie about ever committing a felony. Luckily the FDA helped me erase the files of me being in prison, so now I have a clean slate! One of the advantages of being a secret agent! When I got accepted the job, I was immediately called into the meeting room to plan out the next movie.

“Filles and gentlecolts.” The head of the company started the conversation. “Welcome to Galactic Studios! Now we’re here to discuss what shall our next movie be. As you may realize, our last movie was quite success, a true comedy! But now, it’s time to create an adventurous new movie, and this movie is from a famous storybook. Jerry Jam, take over.”

So it was time for me to stand up and pronounce my movie. “Oi! Good afternoon! My name is Jerry Jam!” I said.

”I told them that already.” The boss interrupted me.

“Of course, mah mistake, sir.” I corrected myself. “This new movie I have in store comes from the famous storybook series known as Daring Do. As you know, I am a huge fan of the Daring Do stories,” not really, I never even heard of her, “so I have decided to write up a new movie series based on the famous stories! It’ll be just like the Daring Do series. We start off with the Sapphire Stone story, Daring Do breaks her wing and crash lands in the jungle. She finds the temple, takes the stone, gets hit by traps and escapes. But now this time will be different. I mean yes, they all will happen, but there will be more story that takes place before Daring arrives at the jungle. It would turn out that Ahuizotl and Daring actually meet before the events of the Daring Do story.”

I started passing down the script to everypony in the room, and they all seemed rather impressed of the unique storyline that I added to the story. They all commented on the fascinating job that I did to the story and all agreed that we should give it a try.

“So, it seems the crew seemed to like your story, Jerry Jam. For all in favor of making this movie, say I.” the boss requested.

“I!” almost everypony in the room said.

“Eye!” one of the other ponies in the room yelled out, holding a plastic eyeball.

“For those who decline.” The boss added.

“NEIGH!” one of the ponies that looked more horse-like said.

“The eyes have it! It’s settled! The time has come to create Daring Do: The Movie!” the boss said.

“Thank ya, sir! Really, ya don’t know how thankful ah am of this!” I said excitedly.

“It’s no problem at all, my boy!” the boss said. “Now, if you would be so kind, I have a director that’ll fit perfectly for the job. He’s new, but he’s good!” the boss said.

“And who might this director be, if ya don’t mind me askin.” I requested.

“That would be we!” a pony said in an Elmer Fudd accent as he stepped into the room.

“Who might you be?” I asked.

“This is Director Hellman Mayo. I have seen some director work he did, and I must say I am quite impressed with his directing skills.” The boss said.

“I am wonfidant that we will be a wery weffective team, Wister Wam.” Hellman said.

“I know he has a funny accent.” The boss whispered in my ear. “But don’t worry about it. If he says ‘wut’, it actually means ‘cut’, if he says ‘waction’ he means ‘action’, just follow the W’s.”

“Got it, sir!” I whispered back.

“Now go out there and make a work of art, my boy! Make us proud!” the boss said, patting me on the back.

“Ah won’t let you down, boss!” I said as I stepped outside with Hellman. “So, Mr. Mayo.”

“Wease, call me Wellman.” Hellman requested.

“Ok….. Wellman.” I teased.

“You know what I wean.” Hellman said grumpily.

“Right, right, sorry. Now, I’ll need ya to study this script. We also need a good cast. I’m sure our producer can whip up a great cast!” I said.

“Mind if I find the actor for Waring Wo?” Hellman asked.

“Not a problem at all, mate! Be sure ya email the producer saying so. Ah also hope ya know what you’re doing.” I said.

“Won’t worry, Jer! Ol Wellman knows wexactly what he’s dwoing!” Hellman said smiling at me.

“If ya say so!” I said as he walked off to get to work on the movie. Hellman lifts his eyepatch revealing his cybernetic eye and he chuckles evilly. “Wext stop: Wonyville!” I could tell he was going to Ponyville to find the actress to play Daring Do. Like I cared about that. I needed to get to the bottom of what’s going on. The studio director pony, the one that’s in charge of this place, he just let us produce this movie just like that. Well, it is time to keep an eye on him. Time to see if he’s actually going to contact AK Yearling about this if he hasn’t already.

When I exited the studio, my phone started to ring. I answered it. “Oi, this is Jerry.”

“YO, HOMIE!” Orange Swirl yelled. “What up, dog? We haven’t heard from you in forever!”

“Orange Swirl! Oh… hey, mate! It’s been… yeah it’s been forever!” I said nervously.

“I hope you didn’t forget about us, holms!” Cesaer Salad assumed.

“Oh, you’re on speaker?” I asked.

“Yeah, dog! We both wanted to talk to our home-boy!” Orange said. “Where have you been? You haven’t called us, and when we come to visit in the club, that jerk bouncer wouldn’t let us in!”

“Mainly because of the way we’re dressed, holms. Ponies wouldn’t know good fashion if it hit ‘em!” Cesaer said.

“Ah.” I nodded.

“Can you meet up with us, dog? We miss you!” Orange said. “We need to see our homie again! We’ve been to prison together and all that! Don’t we mean anything to you?”

“Of course I do! You two are my best friends!” I said. “I mean now that I manage a club, mainly a night, time really hasn’t been on my side. Plus I’m helping my sister out in writing her movie ideas. Time is hectic for me.”

“C’mon, holms! We need to see you!” Cesaer begged. “I promise, we won’t complain about General Lee at all. In fact, we won’t complain at all! We’ll just hang out, grab a bite to eat, catch up on things, and just… chill!”

“Yeah, homie, chill!” Orange agreed. “That’s all we’re askin’! We’re not asking to rob, we’re not asking to fight anypony, we’re just going to chill. C’mon, homie, you can’t say no to that!”

“You know what? You’re right, mates! You’re absolutely bloody right!” I agreed. “I’ve been rejecting you for so long, and I should really make it up to you.”

“Nice, homie! When and where should we meet?” Orange asked.

“You pick where, but when? Well, I’m going to be busy for the next couple of days, but I’ve got a big trip to go to.” I said. “A very big trip. I promise, I’ll buy time to hang out with you two before I leave. Because, I’m told that before this trip, I have to… take care of my affairs.”

“That sounds creepy, holms.” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, dude, very creepy.” Orange said.

“No, no! Don’t take it like that!” I said. “No you’re right, we’ll chill. We’ll catch up on things, and before this big trip, I’ll tell you everything you need to know!”

“That’s good, Jer! We’re looking forward to it!” Cesaer said. “Just give us the time you’ll be available. We’ll always have time, amigo! We’ll be waiting for you!”

“Yeah, dog! Can’t wait! We’ll be patient, don’t worry!” Orange promised.

“I am so proud of you two for acting so maturely on this! I can’t wait to see you guys as well!” I said excitedly. I meant it, those two have acted more mature lately. It makes me more excited to hang with them again. I won’t tell them EVERYTHING, but I’ll be sure to plan out that night before then. While I’m trying to get this mission done, I’ll plan out what I should say to Cesaer and Orange when I meet with them.

“Alright, Jer, you take care now! Stay in touch!” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, Jerry! See ya ‘round!” Orange said.

“See you, mates!” I said as I hung up. Later that night, it was time to head to the club. Things were a little weird when I got there though. Before I headed into the manager’s office to check-in, I saw some strange looking ponies walk out of there. They gave me a strange look. I wonder who they were? When I went into the manager’s office, I saw Elusive shaking on the ground covering his face.

“Oi, Elou!” I cried.

“AAAAH!” Elusive screamed. “Jerry, darling! G-good to see you!”

“What’s wrong with you, mate? Where’s Jelly?” I asked.

“I asked her to leave.” Elusive said.

“Why?” I asked.

“N-no reason. Just because… she… she seemed tired.” He said.

“Well that’s a bunch of bull. Why are you covering your face?” I asked.

“No reason. Just… I… my hair’s messed up, I don’t want you to see me!” he said.

“Elou, you’re always beautiful to me.” I lied.

“Awww, thank you, darling!” he blushed. “But still, I don’t want you to see me. Go ahead, go to work. I’ll just be here… playing… playing Freecell.”

“Ok I’m not falling for that. I know you hate Freecell.” I said as I started pulling Elusive’s hoof. “C’mon, get up!”

“NO!” he cried.

“GET UP!” I demanded.

“I’M FINE!” he yelled.

“I don’t care, I wanna see your face!” I demanded.

“Are you coming onto me, Jer?” he asked. “Don’t look at me, I’m hideous!” and he was right. Once I saw his face, he had a black eye and a bloody nose.

“OH MY CELESTIA! What happened?!” I cried.

“N-nothing. I… I fell.” He said.

“You look a mess!” I said.

“Who were those ponies that left your office?” I asked.

“Nopony.” He lied.

“WHO WERE THEY?!” I yelled.

“They’re... they’re…” he stuttered.

“You want me to put your face in the sink again?!” I threatened him.

“AAAH! It’s the Mela Di Legno mob family!” Elusive yelled.

“What?!” I yelled. “Oi! You got yourself hooked on mobsters?! WHY?!”

“NO! I wasn’t datin’ them! I just… borrowed a little… money… for… the club.” He admitted.

“ELUSIVE! YOU IDIOT!” I yelled. “Don’t you know the kind of trouble you’re going to get us into?!”

“Uhh… is this a bad time or something?” Sky Net asked while sitting near the security monitors.

“Yes, very!” I said.

“Ok.” She said as she continued sitting there watching the monitors.

“GET OUTTA HERE!” I demanded.

“Wow, you’re so pushy! Can’t I just put on my headphones and listen to my music?” Sky asked.

“UGH! Fine! Put turn them up loud!” I ordered her.

“Are you trying to make me deaf or something? GOSH!” Sky complained as she put on her headphones to listen to her music.
“Elusive, I… I don’t believe you!” I freaked out. “Once you have beef with mobsters you could never get out of it! They’re going to make you flat-broke!”

“But… you’re filthy rich, right? You can help me pay for it?” Elusive asked.

“No. I’m Filthy Rich!” a pony named Filthy Rich said as he peeked his head inside the manager’s office.

“Oi! Guests not allowed in the office!” I ordered him as he left. “Elou, I’m not going to pay you outta this. You’re going to have to take care of… SKY! Stop singing out loud while you listen to that!”

“I can’t help it!” Sky complained.

“Ugh!” I groaned. “Like I was saying, I’m not helping you out of this. You’re going to have to take care of this yourself.”

“B-but… Jer… I need you!” he begged.

“The best way for you to learn your lesson is to fight your way out of this yourself, mate.” I said. “If I help you out of this, you’re just going to do it again. Trust me, it’s for your own good. I’ll give you advice if you need it, but I’m not paying for you.”

“Awwww!” he whined. “Can I at least have ice cream?”

“Ugh… you know I can’t say no to that!” I complained.

“With sprinkles?” he asked.

“Sprinkles are for winners.” I said.

“I understand.” He nodded. So I took him for ice cream, but still, if he is to learn his lesson, he needs to do this himself. Anyways, the next day came, and I headed back to the studio to see if I can find any clues about the plagiarizing. I had some FDA agents help me hack into the system so I can see any emails sent to AK Yearling. So far, I found nothing. I’ll give this boss a little more time, but I had a call from Director Mayo saying he found the actress that’ll play Daring Do in this movie, so I went outside the studio so I can meet her.

When I got out there, I saw the limo arrive to drop off the star, and there she was, some rainbow-haired pegasus pony. Following her was some gray pegasus in a suit, and after him came… OH MY GOODNESS! That third pony, that’s… that’s Crimson Flare Gun! I went to school with him! He was the one that got picked on by Herb Leafhorn! I’ve heard he’s made it big since he moved to Ponyville! Merry May kept saying positive things about him.

“Wow!” the rainbow pony said excitedly. “This is going to be so awesome! All the props look so realistic! But who’s going to be playing as Ahuizotl?”

“Oi!” I said as I walked over to them. “We’re actually gettin’ Mike Mares to play as him. He’s goin’ to be computer animated by the time he’s in his Aztec form.”

“Mini-me, you complete me!” Mike Mares said, holding a small figurine of Ahuizotl.

“Hello, I’m Jerry Jam. I’m the one wrote who wrote this film.” I said to the rainbow pony, shaking her hoof.

“Well, Jerry, I must say, you are SO AWESOME!” she then said in a high-pitched voice as she placed her hooves on her cheeks, and making a duck face. “I love the Daring Do series!”

“So do I! Can’t stop reading any of the books, ever!” I lied.

“Me neither! When I’m finished with a book, I always like to read it over again! I can’t believe you decided to make a movie out of this book!” she said excitedly. “You know, I actually met Daring Do in person!”

“What? No way!” I gasped

“Yeah way!” the rainbow pony yel- you know what? You know her name. Rainbow Dash yelled.

“That is amazin’!” I yelled in excitement.

“There she goes again.” Flare whispered to the gray pony. “Showing off, and telling others she met a fictional character from an unrealistic story.

“Have you even read the books yet?” the gray pony asked.

“No, but I did see some reviews online.” Flare said.

“Anyways, I can’t wait to begin filming!” Rainbow said excitedly.

“I know! I’m pretty psyched about it too!” I said.

“Psyche? Where is he?” Flare asked looking around.

“He means, excited.” The gray pony corrected him.

“Ah! Right!” Flare nodded.

“I’m going to be playing as Daring Do in this movie!” Rainbow said.

“Oh? You must be Rainbow Dash then!” I said.

“What was your first clue?” Rainbow teased.

“Director Hellman was right! You do look a lot like Daring Do! Just dye the hair and the coat, and you’d be an exact replica!” I said as I observed Rainbow.

“Thanks, Jer! So, what do we do first?” Rainbow asked.

“We have to go see the head of the company and sign some contracts. I’m taking these two are your agent and your lawyer?” I assumed, checking out Flare and the gray pony.

“I’m the agent! See me talking on my cell phone? That proves I’m the agent!” Flare said, holding his cell phone towards his ear.

“I’m her lawyer, Phoenix Wings.” The gray pony said, shaking my hoof.

“Pleasure, Mr. Wings! Please follow me. The boss is waiting.” I said. So I lead them to the boss’s office so they can talk to him. I couldn’t stay for the conversation, I used this chance to hack the system again, and see if the boss did anything about the copyright issues. So far I found nothing. You know, when I first heard about what Flare has been doing in Ponyville, I thought he was a pizza shop owner, not an agent. Oh… you know, not the me type of agent, I meant the getting their clients jobs type of agent. I also heard of some ponies that he’s friends with.

I’m no fool, that other pony is actually one of Flare’s friends. I dunno which one though. Not the engineer I’m pretty sure, and not the one mare either. That leaves the one with the armor, and the astronomer stallion with the feminine body. He didn’t look like he had a feminine body, and he wasn’t wearing armor, so that leaves the Wonderbolt, Blaze Goldheart. I didn’t want to say anything to them because it might compromise the mission, and it looks like they have their own little mission of their own. It’s best to wait till the end. I was dismissed for the day.

I didn’t leave the studio yet, because I wanted to have a word with the boss. I asked him if he had the rights to make this movie, but he told me yes. I asked him if he was sure, and then he started to get suspicious. It was best not to ask anymore questions. I’ll give him a chance to reconsider. If he doesn’t do anything by tomorrow, I’m calling AK Yearling. I didn’t wanna warn him because that might compromise the mission. Wow, so many things that can risk failing this mission! Well, this type of mission is considered an easy mission in FDA books. No pun intended.

The next day came and it was time to film the movie. I was with Director Hellman at the studio waiting for Rainbow Dash to show up. When they did show up finally, Hellman said excitedly, “Ah! Our star has arrived!”

“Hello, Director Hellman!” Rainbow said.

“Pwease, call me Wayo.” Mayo requested.

“Alright, Wayo. What do we do first?” Rainbow asked.

Mayo sighed and said, “NOT WAYO, WAYO!”

”That’s what I said!” Rainbow said.

Mayo sighed. “Whatever! Our first wart of the wovie takes place in a wungle, not the wungle from the Waring Wo story, a different wone. Wis is a different tweasure. Werry, show them.”

So I walked up to them and showed them a vase of some sort with a big red ruby on it. “This here is the Ruby Vessel, a treasure made by the griffons during ancient times. Now this isn’t the real one, it’s just a replica, but Daring Do must go into this temple and try to retrieve it. It’s not as intense as the temple that you’re used too. Daring uses her wings most of the time. In this movie, she realizes that she doesn’t need her wings to be awesome, but she doesn’t realize it until the original story. Not just that, Ahuizotl used to be a pony before he was in his Azetc form, and he’s Daring’s partner.”

“Yeah I know, it was mentioned that in the third story. I never realized that until then.” Rainbow said.

“Exactly! Since this is a movie, the book felt a little short, so we make the movie a bit bigger.” I said.

“What does Ahuizotl look like?” Rainbow asked.

“Like this.” I said, showing them a picture of him on my phone.

“That’s a mare, not a ‘him’.” Rainbow corrected me.

“Sorry, that’s my sister, Jelly Jam.” I said, putting up the right picture right after and showing them. “Here he is!”

“Ah that’s much better!” Rainbow said looking at the picture looks like blue earth pony with blonde hair and yellow lines on his face.

“Hey that looks like my friend Rush!” Flare said looking at it. “Not, not you.” Flare said to the pony he’s talking to on the phone. “I’m talking about the main antagonist of the story, but that’s beside the point. The game I want in the hotel room is Mancala, not chess. Chess is for nerds.”

“Alwight then! Time to start wilming! Weet us at Wudio 2 so we can get started.” Director Mayo said.

“Awesome! Well, wish me luck, Phoenix!” Rainbow said, following Mayo to Studio 2, and Phoenix, otherwise known as Blaze followed.

“You’ll need it.” he said.

“You two should wait in the dressing room for her.” I suggested. So I let Blaze and Flare wait in Rainbow’s dressing room. I should let those two relax and stay occupied. Flare was looking at me suspiciously. He must have a clue of who I am. I didn’t think he recognized me, because we only met one time. He wasn’t sure, but I didn’t want to stick around so he could have a really good look at me and remember.

The day is done; I’ve given the boss enough time. It was time to contact AK Yearling and tell her she’s getting ripped off. AK Yearling lives in solitude, so her phone number wasn’t easy to find, but the FDA have provided it for me. I know she’s probably busy, and for a pony that lives in solitude, she wants to be left alone, but if I explain to her what’s going on, she’ll have to listen. I hope she has a good lawyer. I took out a phone and gave her a call.

“Hello?” AK Yearling answered.

“Oi, is this AK Yearling?” I asked.

“No! Don’t call me again!” AK Yearling demanded.

“Wait! Don’t hang up, I’m calling you on business!” I said.

“I work alone.” AK said.

“It’s not that kind of business. It’s your story. Somepony is ripping you off.” I said.

“Likely story, fanboy!” AK said.

“No, it’s true! Galactic Studios in Las Pegasus is filming the Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Statue movie without the copyrighted permissions!” I explained.

“Who is this?” AK asked.

“My name is classified, but I am an agent of the FDA.” I said.

“I will not donate! Don’t ever ask that!” AK demanded.

“No I’m not here for your money.” I said. “You’re just getting ripped off, and we need you here in LP as soon as possible… with a good lawyer. You’re getting ripped off, Miss Yearling. It’s about time somepony did something about this.”

“How do I know I could trust you?” AK asked.

“Well if you want the cast, a pony named Rainbow Dash is playing your part,” I said, “and Mike Mares is-“

“Hold the phone! Did you say Rainbow Dash?” Yearling asked.

“Yeah, why?” I asked.

“You know what, Mr. Agent? I’m on my way to LP right now!” AK said. “It’ll take some time since I live in the middle of nowhere. I’m lucky just to have phone service!”

“When do you think you’ll get here?” I asked.

“I’ll be there tomorrow in the afternoon. Where should we meet?” AK asked.

“Aren’t you afraid of crazed fans?” I asked.

“Nopony knows who I look like as AK Yearling, don’t worry about it. You won’t even recognize me.” she said.

“Ok then. Meet me at the Horsebucks Coffee shop at the Buffalo Drive Alley Plaza.” I instructed her. “Usually it’s not crowded in the afternoon because coffee is usually for the morning, or when it’s cold, and since we’re in the middle of summer, it shouldn’t be a problem in the day time.”

“Ok, I’ll see you there.” AK said as she hung up.

“Ugh!” I groaned. “GOOD-BYEEEEE! It was nice talking to you!” I then hang up as well. “Some ponies, oy vey!”

The next day at the coffee shop, I was waiting for AK Yearling to show up. I’m already on my sixth cup of coffee I’ve been waiting here so long. What? You don’t expect me to just sit here not drinking any coffee, do you? Well the more coffees I drank, the more impatient and jumpy I got. I even started scratching my wrists and blinking a lot. Eventually, some brownish pony wearing a big cloak and a hat and glasses shows up and sits near me.

“You the agent?” AK asked.

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!” I yelled. Just then the entire coffee shop was silent… mainly because nopony else was here.

“You’re lucky nopony else is here! Also that’s how I recognized you.” AK said.

“Sorry… I’m just… I’ve just been drinking a lot of c-c-c-coffeee while waiting for you! I’m on my sixth large cup now! HA HA HA HA HA HA!” I freaked out.

“Is this a bad time?” AK asked.

“NO! No… no… no no no no noooooo! You’re here in a good time! I’m calm… I’m calm.” I took a deep breath. “I… am… calm.”

“Ok. So who’s been ripping me off?” AK asked.

“Galactic Studios. They’ve been plagiarizing content from other movies.” I said.

“I kinda figured. Somepony else told me about what was going on with the movie.” AK said. “I was hiring a hitpony to help me with my next book, but once he told me about one of my books becoming a film, I had to rush over here. So you’re not the only one that told me about this. Ugh! Galactic Studios! I didn’t even want them to publish my movie! I wanted Walt Magic Studios to do it!”

“Now I wouldn’t blame the studios itself.” I explained. “It’s the new CEO of the Las Pegasus studio branch. I’m on an undercover mission to help put some good into that studio, and the best way I know how to do it is for them to get caught by another writer.”

“Sounds reasonable.” She nodded. “Now normally I don’t trust working with ANYPONY, especially in my line of work, but in this case, I’ll make an exception. You seem to be the decent sort. But as you may know, agent, looks ain’t everything. If I see a smudge of betrayal or corruption on you, I’ll see that your belly button would be where your nose is supposed to be the doctors wouldn’t even recognize you as a pony. Do I make myself clear?”

“Oh I am corrupted, Miss Yearling. Very corrupted.” I nodded. “But I do what’s best for Equestria. If I corrupt, I’d have a very good reason to, and betraying you… well that’s not a very good one.”

“Hmm…” she nods. “You make a valid point, agent. Ok then, so how about you start off by telling me your name?”

“Jerry.” I said. “I’ll just give you my first name – Jerry.”

“Ok fair enough.” She nods. “It’s better than just ‘agent’. Ok, Jerry, where should we start?”

“Well we have to have the boss admit he’s plagiarizing, and what better way to do that than eavesdropping on him at his studio?” I asked.

AK Yearling smiles. “This isn’t the type of adventure I’d put in my books, but I’m always looking forward to some type of adventure. Lead the way, Jerry!”

Time is moving fast. We’re already at dusk once again and back at the studio, right outside it. AK and I are inside an FDA van, and luckily, Apple Fritter left me some of her spying equipment to use. “Ok, this is it.” I said. “We’re going to eavesdrop on the CEO of the place.”

“You know how to work this equipment?” AK asked.

“Yes, but I’ll need you to listen on these headphones while I turn the cordinance to the right angle. We don’t want to be eavesdropping the wrong ponies.” I said as I gave AK some headphones.

She puts on the headphones and said, “Got it.”

“Ok.” I said as I started pushing some buttons.

“I don’t hear anything yet.” AK said.

“I know… I didn’t turn it on yet.” I informed her.

“Ah, right.” She chuckled. So I continued pressing buttons and then she asked, “I hear static.”

“Yeah it’s on now.” I said.

“Ok, but I don’t hear any voices yet.” AK said. “Oh! Oh I hear something now. I hear a couple of ponies talking.”

“I know for a fact THOSE aren’t the voices we’re looking for.” I said.

“What makes you say that?” AK asked.

“Cause the radar is facing the sky, and the boss isn’t a pegasus.” I said as I continued pressing buttons and started turning knobs. “Ok what do you hear now?”

“I hear a lot of roaring.” AK said.

“There are multiple movies going on in this studio.” I said as I turned the knobs again. “How about now?”

“Just ponies complaining on how much they hate their jobs.” AK said. I turned the knobs again.

“How about now?” I asked.

AK’s face started to turn red. “Wrong studio! Turn it! Turn it now!” she demanded. So I quickly turned the knobs again.

“What did you hear?” I asked.

“You… you don’t wanna know.” She said in a very embarrassed tone. Just then, AK’s eyes lit up. “Wait… I hear something.”

“What?” I asked.

“I hear the CEO talking about my story.” AK said.

“Well don’t hog the headset, lemme here!” I demanded.

“Hey, this is more my business than yours, Jerry.” AK said.

“Fine, I’ll put it on speaker.” I said as I pressed a button that brings the whole conversation on speaker so the both of us can hear it at once.

“Alright, you two, get this done.” The boss ordered some ponies, or some… bodies. “She’s staying at the Hilton Hotel, and before you say anything, yes, it has very poor wi-fi service, so they’ll barely be able to warn anypony on their Ponyhoof accounts that they’re in trouble.”

“Of cou-“ we heard a voice but the other voice was staticy.

“Who is he talking to?” AK asked.

“I dunno, I can’t hear who he’s talking to. It’s too blurry.” I said. “It only does that when somepony is talking on the phone. So whoever he’s talking to is not there.”

“You must capture Rainbow Dash, bring her here, and have her sign the contract so she won’t get paid for her work.” The boss said.

“Oi! They’re going to capture the star!” I freaked out.

“Rainbow Dash can handle herself, don’t worry!” AK said.

“Do you want to take that risk?” I asked.

“Not really. She’s the deuteragonist on my previous book.” AK said. “I have plans on having her in my next story; we have to save her!”

“Whoever the CEO called is sending two ponies to the Hilton hotel to capture her. We should go assist them if we can.” I said.

“Hopefully we won’t be too late.” AK said.

“Good point, let’s go!” I said as I jumped out of the van, attached myself to the front and started pulling the van away from the studio and we were on our way to the Hilton. When we got to the Hilton, we saw we were already too late. The two ponies (I couldn’t see their faces, it was too dark), throw Rainbow Dash into the trunk of their carriage.

“It’s too late! They got her!” AK yelled. “Chase ‘em down, Jerry!”

“No! I’m not going to cause havoc on the streets trying to chase down these two thugs! We’re going to follow them, and see where they go, and when we get there, we’ll capture them, and rescue her.” I explained.

“Seems as good of a plan as any.” AK said. “Just remember, I heard that’s it safer to stay at least two carriage-lengths away.”

“That’s not a right distance. That’s just a poor excuse for these carriage-puller safety companies to be lazy with their tests.” I said.

“Whatever, they’re getting away!” AK yelled.

“Not for long!” I said as I started following them once they started riding away. We chased them throughout the entire streets of LP. We passed the club and I saw some suspicious looking carriages parked outside of it. “Hang on, I have to make a phone call.” I said.

“NO! Not while you’re chasing somepony!” AK yelled.

“Back there is the club I work at, and I saw some suspicious carriages parked outside it. I have the feeling it’s the mob.” I said.
“The mob?” AK asked.

“The Mela Di Legno mafia!” I said. “The Las Pegasus mob and one of the five mob families in the Commission. My partner Elusive borrowed money from them and now he’s in trouble.”

“Oh… yeah… wait a minute!” AK just remembered. “In one of my stories, I’ve had one of the five families play an antagonizing role. The Fillydelphia mob, the Fraterno mob family, led by Amore Fraterno.”

“These mobs have really been pretty big lately.” I said. “One of those five mobs has an alliance with some cartel I used to deal with, the Sphinx Cartel.”

“Really?” AK asked.

“Yeah, and even they know the Commission cannot be bloody messed with!” I said.

“I sense something is on the rise.” AK said.

“Me too.” I said. Later on, it turns out we went full circle. The two thugs have entered the studio. “Well if we would’ve known this would happen, we would’ve stayed here.”

“How are we going to get in?” AK asked.

“I have an undercover job working here.” I said.

“I thought the club was your undercover job?” AK asked.

“No that’s my real job.” I said.

“Then why are you part of the FDA?” AK asked.

“To fulfill debts I owe.” I said. “But really that’s the reason I joined. My debts have been paid for in full now. I’m only still here because I like working here.”

“Ah, I see what you mean.” AK nodded. “You a workaholic?”

“More or less.” I said as I walked over to the guard gate so the guard can let me inside the studio.

Once we got inside the office building, AK and I started looking around the dark corridors to see if we could find where the thugs have taken Rainbow Dash. Probably the boss’s office, but would they be that stupid? And as it all goes to show… yes… they are. AK and I eavesdropped at the conversation going on in there. I took out an audio diary at the same time so we could record the boss spilling the beans.

“Ah, Miss Dash! I am pleased that you could join me in this small meeting I have in planned for us.” The big boss said from the room.

“Big boss?!” Rainbow gasped.

“Yes, and thanks to my wonderful, clients….” The boss said, pointing to the gangsters that kidnapped Rainbow. I didn’t see them because the door was almost all the way closed. I couldn’t opened it slightly, but this looks like the type of door that squeaks.

“When you gonna pay us, homie?” one of the thugs asked.

“Wait a minute… who was… his voice sounded familiar.” I whispered.

“I can finally get you to sign the next part of my plan.” The boss said.

“What plan?” Rainbow asked.

“The plan I have for you, of course!” the boss said. Rainbow tried to pull the cuffs off her hooves, but she wasn’t strong enough.

“Ah, ah, ah!” the boss said in a high-pitched voice. “No escaping until I have discussed my plan.”

“I am sooooo not in the mood for your blather.” Rainbow said.

“Silence!” the boss yelled. “Galactic Studios is running low on profits, so I must take necessary precautions to make sure we stay in business. I’m going to force you to work for the studio for free. Your acting career will last as long as you live.”

“Blaze was right. There was something weird going on here. I should’ve listened to him.” Rainbow said to herself.

“Well, a lesson learned is lesson earned, my dear!” the boss said. “Now, I must contact my client. Since you’re working for this company FOR FREE now, I must take measures that could be….. pretty painful.” The boss said.

“Painful?” Rainbow asked.

“My client, Dr. Steelhoof has this chip he can install into your brain. If you don’t follow your orders, you will receive a nasty shock.” The boss said mischievously.

“Dude, this is illegal! You can’t do this!” Rainbow yelled. “I’LL FIGHT YOU IF I HAVE TO!” Rainbow tries harder to get free from her cuffs, but she was still unsuccessful.

“When he gives the signal. I’m going to go in and crash the party!” AK whispered to me.

“You’re free to do so. I have everything I need. He’s ruined.” I whispered back.

“Foolish rainbow pony, this is Galactic Studios, and I run it all! This is one of the most successful companies in all of Equestria. If this business somehow falls down into the Earth, it’ll be your life you’re throwing away!” the boss yelled. “Daring Do: The Movie is our best bet of keeping this business alive. This movie will be a sensation, and the company will return to it’s rightful glory! Then I will be rich, and there is nothing anypony can do to stop us!”

“Not if I have anything to say about this.” AK Yearling said as she walked inside.

“Excuse me? I asked for security not to invite anypony in.” the boss said.

“A pony that relies on other for protection? How pathetic!” AK said as she revealed herself from the shadows.

“Daring D- I mean, AK Yearling!” Rainbow said in excitement.

“Miss Yearling? What an unexpected surprise. What are you doing here?” the boss asked.

“I’m here because there is an unfortunate affair I have to deal with.” AK said.

“Oh yeah; and what might that be?” the boss asked.

“You, Mr. Boss!” AK yelled at him.

“Me? I don’t understand.” The boss said curiously.

“You are the manager of this company, are you not?” AK asked.

“No, I-I think you’re mistaken with somepony else.” The boss said nervously.

“AK Yearling, it is soooo cool to have you here!” Rainbow said excitedly.

“It’s really good to see you again, Rainbow Dash. How did you enjoy the latest book?” AK asked.

“It was to DIE for!” Rainbow said.

“Don’t jinx it!” the boss yelled at Rainbow.

“You have no rights to enslave your actors to save a quick buck, Mr. Boss; and you also have no rights to create movies that you do not have the rights to make!” AK yelled at the boss.

“What are you talking about?” the boss asked.

“The copyrighted laws of making this movie. I did not give you permission to make a movie out of MY stories. If you would’ve notified me, maybe we could’ve made a deal, but instead, you go around and steal other stories from hard-working authors!” AK explained.

“Ok, you got me. I don’t have the rights to make the certain movies my company makes, but you have no proof of it! I am a powerful stallion, Miss Yearling. There is no force that can arrest me.” The boss said.

“Oh I wouldn’t say that.” I said as I entered the room with AK.

“Jerry Jam?” Rainbow asked.

“JER?!” the two gangster ponies gasped, and… WHOA! Turns out to my surprise that the two gangster ponies were actually Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad!

“Yes, and- wait…”I stopped as I looked at my friends. “Orange Swirl? Cesar Salad? What are you doing here, mates?!”

“We do what we’re paid to do, amigo.” Cesar said.

“Yeah, homie. What are you doing?” Orange asked.

“My job.” I admitted. “I’m also here to finish this case. Mr. Boss, you are under arrest for copyrighted violations, and kidnapping.”

The boss started laughing. “HA! Don’t make me laugh! You’re nothing but a writer.”

“Nope, that is just my undercover job. I’ve been keeping an eye on you ever since I started working here, Mr. Boss. Now I finally caught you right-hoofed, and you’re going to jail.” I said. He’s not really going to jail, but I thought it was fitting.

“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” the boss asked.

“This.” Phoenix- umm, I mean Blaze Goldheart said, hovering behind him. The boss turns around and sees Blaze with an angry look. “This is for kidnapping my wife, and knocking out my best friend!” Blaze as he throws a punch at the boss’s face, and the boss gets knocked out. Blaze then says, “It’s just been revoked!”

“Speaking of copyrights, I’m going to sue this pony for every bit he has.” AK said.

“Oh yeah? For how much, Miss Yearling?” I asked.

Just then, Mike Mares (who is still in his Ahuizotl costume), places his tail pinky near his mouth and says, “For 100 billion dollars!”

“What how about those two?” AK asked, pointing to the two gangsters.

“Jerry… since when were you a fed?” Cesar asked feeling betrayed.

“It’s a long story, mates. I’ll talk to you about that later. I won’t arrest you two, because you’re my friends, but you two gotta get outta here, now!” I demanded.

“You have a lot of explaining to you, home-boy!” Orange yelled at me angrily.

“Yeah, Jer. We gotta know how long you’ve been hiding this secret from us.” Cesar said as they both run away.

“Orange! Cesaer! I hope you both realize the good I’ve done for you!” I cried out as they both ran away and didn’t look back. Wow, I knew the day would come, but I didn’t think that soon. I was caught. Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad know my secret! They know I’m part of the FDA! Wow, once this mission is done, I have to go see them and explain everything!

Later that morning, the police arrive and arrested the boss. Blaze, Rainbow, AK, Flare, and I were chatting it up in the middle of the studio grounds. “Nice work, Rainbow Dash, Blaze Goldheart, and Flare Gun for helping us arrest this boss.” I said. “He’s been in FDA’s most wanted for a long time.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What did Flare do to help?” Blaze asked.

“AK Yealing gave me a call, asking for a hitpony. This was certainly the last time I go by the name: Agent 47.” Flare said.

“Yeah, I needed to hire a hitpony for help for my next adventure.” AK said.

”You’re asking ponies to help you?” Rainbow asked.

“I learned that from you, Rainbow Dash.” AK said, smiling.

“AK I actually like that name. I have a relative with the same first name!” Flare said.

“Yeah, your agent mentioned something about Galactic Studios making a movie out of my books. I had to see what all the fuss was about. That’s why I’m here.” AK said to Rainbow.

“Well, this is a nice place, huh, sista? Las Pegasus. Doesn’t have as much heat as Mareami, but it’s very pretty, and it’s also where you’ll find most of the celebrities that’ll soon go to rehab.” Flare said.

“Well, now that that’s under control, please allow me to properly introduce myself.” I said as I took out my badge. “Jerry Jam, FDA.”

“FDA?” Flare asked.

“Friendship Detection Agency.” I said.

“What kind of organization is that?” Blaze asked.

“It’s Equestria’s primary elite force, fighting against disharmony and hate. Princess Celestia created this organization right after Nightmare Moon was banished.” I explained. “Disharmony and hate have been flowing a lot that year. It was the same year Discord came to power, and when King Sombra enslaved the Crystal Empire. Now, this task force will make sure Equestria stays in peace.”

“Sounds awesome!” Rainbow said.

“It is, mate. It really is!” I said.

“Jerry Jam… wait a minute… it’s starting to come to me.” Flare said. It looks like it all came to him. “You’re a Jam! You settled the war between the Guns and the Leafhorns when they were fighting for Mareami grounds. Aren’t you Blueberry Jam’s descendent?”

“That I am, mate, and you’re actually one of the reasons I joined the FDA.” I admitted.

“Really? Why?” Flare asked.

“That one time in fifth grade, I was there, watching you getting beat up by Herb Leafhorn. There was nothing I could do. I just watched you getting beat up.” I said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you, mate.”

“It’s all a thing in the past, brah. Herb and I are friends now.” Flare said.

“So I figured, counting he’s a part of the Friendship Mafia now. I saw him in action during that bank heist back in Mareami.” I said. “I found this FDA agent, and I discovered the agency, and I joined. I’ve been assigned here in LP, mainly to watch over night club owner Elusive.”

“That’s Rarity’s cousin, right?” Rainbow asked.

“He talks about a Rarity a lot, so… yeah, pretty much.” I nodded. “I also befriended a couple of gangsters; the duo that kidnapped you, Rainbow Dash, Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad. They were friends of mine back in Mareami. They’re a dangerous pair, but I let them get away with crime… a little too much, might I add.”

“So what’s going to become of the Daring Do movie now?” Rainbow asked.

“Well, this news has already been released all over the internet. I guess we have no other choice but to finish it!” AK said.

“AWESOME!” Rainbow yelled in excitement. “I was totally afraid this movie would be cancelled. I’ve always wanted to see this movie on the big screen! Now I don’t have to be an egghead like Twilight anymore.”

“But this time....” AK takes off her disguise and she reveals herself as Daring Do. “I’m playing the leading role!”

Blaze and Flare were in shock, and I gotta say, I was too. I had no idea. “Daring Do?” Blaze asked.

“The one and only!” Daring posed.

“You’re….. real?!” Blaze asked.

“See? SEE?! I told you, Blaze! I told you!” Rainbow teased.

“You told me, huh? Well…. I certainly told you it wasn’t safe here! But did you listen to me? Nooooo. You just had to go sign that contract, and get yourself kidnapped.” Blaze complained.

“You’re right, Blaze. I’m sorry. I guess I got so caught up in the dream, and I was so excited of all the fame I was going to get, that I didn’t think about how dangerous the staff here really were.” Rainbow said.

“Speaking of which, what happened to Steelhoof?” Flare asked.

“Oh he’s been taken care of.” Blaze said mischievously.

“Well, Rainbow, to also be honest. I was being a little overprotective over you as well.” Blaze said.

“It’s no problem, Blaze.” Rainbow said as she hugged him.

“Well, Rainbow, I just got off the phone with Queen Haytifah, and she wants the world to know your story.” Flare said. “Aren’t I the best agent ever?”

“You sure are, Flare.” Rainbow said as she places her hoof on some necklace that was hanging around Flare’s neck, and it started to glow. “Thank you for being there for us. Without your agent skills, we wouldn’t gotten in contact with AK Yearling, and I’d probably be dead.”

“Aw c’mon, Rainbow! I’m the one that knocked the boss out epicly.” Blaze complained.

“Meh, anypony could’ve done that.” Rainbow said, winking at him.

“Well, mates, I must be on my way now. Duty calls.” I said.

“The bathroom is over there if you need to go duty.” Flare said, pointing to where the bathroom is.

I then chuckled and said, “I have the feeling we’ll be seeing eachother again soon. You’re Flare Gun, right?”

“No, I’m Crimson Blast.” Flare said.

“No need to hide your identity anymore, mate.” I said. “Anyways, I must congratulate you and your friends for taking out the Body of Evil. If you ever need the FDA’s help, you can always give us a call.” I gave Flare a card with the FDA’s number on it. I wanted to be able to help him when he was in need of it.

“Thanks, Jerry. I really appreciate it.” Flare said.

“This particular moment could go great for my next story.” Daring said.

“Hey, Daring, when do you think your next book is coming out?” Rainbow asked.

Daring chuckles and said, “Be patient. I just published the last one a couple of days ago. Give it time. Besides, the story will only go on if there’s anything to write about.”

“Miss Do, you’ll notice that all the sharks have laser beams attached to their heads. I think that every creature deserves a warm meal.” Mike Mares as Ahuizotl said as he places his tail pinky near his mouth.

Well, this simple mission was a complete success! I felt so proud of myself! But now that the easy stuff is over, I have to prepare for the incoming days. I was warned about a tough mission coming up soon. It would appear that I have to prepare. I have to set my affairs here in LP before I go though. I have to explain to Cesaer and Orange what I’m up to. I don’t want to lose them as friends. Plus, I have to make sure Elusive is in good hooves, as well as my sister Jelly. I have no clue if I’m going to be coming back, which is why the director asked me to get my affairs in order. I have to admit… I am pretty nervous.

Author's Note

Just like chapter 10 of the Friendship Mafia, this chapter ties up with the chapter Jerry unites with Flare Gun in Friendship is Epic Book 3, on the fourth chapter, Daring Do: The Motion Picture. Now this chapter here was pretty easy to make, but it's going to get harder again later. Just to let you know now, I'm probably going to put FiE in a complete halt so I can finish the Friendship Mafia and the FDA stories, so then I'll be able to finish FiE without any trouble with spin-offs.

This chapter is also serves as a prologue that leads to the next 5 chapters, with Orange Swirl and Cesaer learning the truth of Jerry, and Elusive going into trouble with the mob.

Clearing Up Affairs

It’s almost time for the big mission. I’m really nervous right now, but I have to keep calm… and something on, but before I go I have to take care of any affairs I have left to take care of before I go, and I made a list of things I need to do before I go. I have to make sure Elusive is in good hooves, so I’m going to have Jelly look after him while I’m gone, but at the same time, help Jelly with whatever she needs me to help her out with before I go, and finally, I have to explain everything to Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad. They probably feel betrayed right now, but I don’t want to end up on their garbage list. They’ve had a grudge on General Lee since before he betrayed us, and they still have a grudge on him now, even if he is gone.

Before we start all that though, we start off our final arc at the DIF Headquarters, right next door to ours. The DIF agents were analyzing, researching, and even interrogating prisoners, trying to convert them to good. Well I’ve shown you enough of the DIF HQ, let’s head straight into the briefing room where Agent Snake Eyes was awaiting a call from Agent S. While Snake was waiting, the doors open, and there I was standing right behind the door. I snuck over to Snake and was just about to pounce on him, but then…

“Norton, cut it out. As if that trick ever worked on anypony.” Snake complained.

Just then, fog surrounds ‘my’ body and I end up being Eclipse Norton disguised as me. “That joke worked on a bunch of ponies. Whether it being agent or civilian.” Eclipse said.

“Whatever. Agent Ssssssss asked us to brief with him before the big mission.” Snake said.

“Right.” Eclipse agreed.

“By the way, how’s your witnessssss coming along?” Snake asked.

“Well… not too long ago I had to disguise myself as his sworn enemy again.” Norton said. “He and I talked and it was the best way for me to check up on him.”

“Ssssmart move.” Snake admitted. Just then, the Skype chat on the communications screen started ringing. “Ah! There’s the director now!” Snake answers it, and Agent S appears on the screen, still unknowing of his identity.

“Greetings Agents Snake Eyes and Eclipse Norton!” Agent S said.

“Greetingssssss-sa-sa-saaaaaaa!” Snake said. “What could we do for you, director?”

“The FDA is planning an ultimate mission it would seem.” Agent S said. “Now that we’ve laid low from their missions, our patience will surely pay off! The FDA will fall once and for all!”

“And what might that mission be?” Snake asked.

“The FDA is monitoring mafia activity in Manehatten.” Agent S said. “This may be our key in.”

“In what way?” Norton asked.

“If we could capture one agent that knows a bunch of FDA secrets, we can use him to our advantage.” Agent S said.

“Or her.” Norton added.

“No it’s a him. I already picked the agent we should use.” Agent S said. “Jerry Jam – we’ve been monitoring his activity since he was a criminal. Perhaps he can be useful to us once again.”

“Agent S? Sorry to interrupt.” Norton said. “But I must say that Agent Jerry Jam is no fool. There is no way we can get him to spill the beans on FDA secrets. Even if we interrogate him, he’s not going to tell us anything.”

“Not without the right ponies to work along side with.” Agent S said. “Agent Jerry Jam is selfless, but we know his secrets, and everypony has some sort of weakness.”

“What is Agent Jam’s weaknesssss?” Snake asked.

“The truth, Agent Snake.” Agent S said. “If Agent Jam knew the ultimate truth, he’d have a moment of mortality. He won’t just spill the beans, but the FDA will lose one of their best agents, and he will be one of us! Perhaps if we’re lucky, we could get his two agent friends to follow with him. The more of the best agents we have, the better! Ha ha haaaaaa!”

Norton whispers to Snake, “Why does he have to laugh at the same time using that computerized voice? It makes my ears hurt.” And so that ends that conversation. Back to me!

Before the mission, first thing’s first. The very first thing I’m going to do is talk to Jelly. She’s always the first pony I talk to before important situations like this, so I went home to talk to her. When I got inside, it was a pretty bad time as Jelly was exercising while watching an exercising video. She was even wearing blue tights and pink fluffy wrist bands on each of her legs. “Up to the top! 5… 6… 7… 8… now to the bottom! 5… 6… 7… 8… you rock, sister!” the aerobic pony on the video said. “You go girl! Look at those hips! Watch them shrink!”

“Is this a bad time?” I asked.

“Oh, Jer! You’re home! Early might I add?” Jelly said as she pauses the video. “You already finished the mission?”

“I sure did!” I nodded. “It was a great mission, sis! I got to reunite myself with Flare Gun and explain everything. He even hopes to see me again one day.”

“That’s great news, Jer!” Jelly said excitedly. “I’m glad you were able to work things out with him! So now that you finished early, how about you and me do something today?”

“Actually, that is a good idea!” I said. “I’d love to spend some time with you, Jell! Also if you want to tell me anything while we go on this get together, feel free to!”

“Wait a minute.” Jelly said suspiciously. “Bro, what’s going on? You’re acting weird.”

“You’re too smart for me, Jell.” I said as I sat down on the sofa. “You were always too smart for me!”

“What’s going on?” Jelly asked as she sat down next to me. “Is there another mission coming up?”

“Mhm.” I nodded.

“An ultimate mission? One that… you may not come back from?” Jelly asked.

“Well let’s not go that far. I’ve been through more dangerous situations before.” I said.

“But not like this one I’m assuming.” Jelly said. “What is this mission?”

“Well the thing is… I don’t know yet.” I admitted. “The director didn’t tell me about it yet.”

“Why not?” Jelly asked. “If this is mission is going to be super dangerous, the director… whoever he or she is… should tell you!”

“It must be top secret.” I said. “She… or he, may not want me to go telling you about it. Not to get you worried and such.”

“So why did you tell me?” Jelly asked.

“I can’t hide my secrets from you, Jell. I needed to tell SOMEPONY I know and trust!” I said. “What if I don’t come back? Somepony needs to know!”

“Don’t say that! You WILL come back! I know you will!” Jelly said.

“How do you know, huh?” I asked.

“Because I do!” Jelly said. “This get together, I know for a certain, won’t be our last! We’re going to go do something together, and it won’t be good-bye! It’s a good luck celebration! I mean, not that you need it.”

“Oh I’ll need, it Jell.” I said. “I’ll need all the luck I can get.”

“But what if this mission is not as dangerous as you expect?” Jelly asked.

“If the director is nervous… I should be too. The director is almost never nervous.” I said. “I mean, not that the director actually shows her nerves at other times, but I was warned how dangerous it would be.”

“You… you just said ‘her’.” Jelly reminded me.

“…or him.” I added.

“Too late.” Jelly teased. “I know the director you’re talking about is Princess Celestia!”

“WHAT?! I didn’t give you any clue of that!” I freaked out. “How did you know?!”

“A mare never reveals her secrets.” Jelly said. “Except of course for Merry May. She kinda spilled the beans.” Wow, how many times are we going to say ‘spill the beans’ in this one chapter?

“You hung out with Merry May?” I asked.

“Of course, and Apple Fritter too!” Jelly said. “They say you do a great job as an agent! They’re really nice too! Apple Fritter keeps saying how much she loves making fritters and visiting relatives and her stallionfriend that lives in Ponyville. Merry May is very nice too! She keeps telling me secrets on how the clouds are made at the Cloudsdale factory, and she keeps telling me about this one pony that’s REALLY nice to her! She said they hit it off once, but then decided not to for this pony’s own protection.”

“Yeah I heard that story.” I said. “So you like Merry May and Apple Fritter, huh?”

“Oh yeah! They’re really top-notch!” Jelly said. “I’m glad they’re your corrupted FDA partners!”

“They tell you EVERYTHING, huh?” I asked awkwardly.

“Well they said you didn’t tell them not to.” Jelly said.

“I didn’t know they were going to hang out with you.” I said. “Did they meet Elusive?”

“Not that I know of, no.” Jelly said. “They could’ve when I wasn’t around, but when I was around, no, not at all.”

“Well… Jell, it’s not just you that knows my FDA secret anymore.” I said.

“You told Elusive?” Jelly asked.

“No, not yet. I’m going to let him wait.” I said. “During this mission I was just on, the pony I was supposed to capture hired Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad to capture one of the actresses for that Daring Do movie.”

“Really?” Jelly asked.

“Very bloody serious.” I said.

“That’s not going to ruin my movie for me, is it?” Jelly asked.

“No! As a matter of fact, AK Yearling herself wanted to see you personally later today.” I said. “I told her you were the one that made it, not me.”

“Is she upset?” Jelly asked.

“No! She’s rather pleased of your script! She’d love to work with you on making this movie work, Jell!” I said.

“Really? That’s… that’s wonderful, Jer!” Jelly yelled excitedly as she hugged me. “This is so exciting! I really didn’t know I had it in me! I knew I was a good writer, but not so much that AK would enjoy my script so much that she’d actually approve of it! If I wasn’t so upset that you were leaving, this would be the happiest day of my life!”

“What happened to me coming back?” I asked.

“Oh of course, I mean, though, I’m not going to see you for a little while. How long are you going to be gone?” Jelly asked.

“No idea.” I said. “I could be gone for just a couple of days, or forever, depending on how it all goes.”

“Well let’s hope the former.” Jelly said.

“Ditto.” I agreed.

“So, wait, how did Orange and Cesaer know the truth though?” Jelly asked.

“Oh right, well, you see, when I was rescuing the main actress from the boss, Orange and Cesaer were there and they caught me. I didn’t even see it coming.” I said. “They’re probably really upset with me right now, but if I explain everything to them, I really hope I can get on their good side again.”

“It’s going to take some doing, bro.” Jelly said.

“It sure is.” I agreed. So Jelly and I went out to ice-skate for our get together. I was really embarrassing her over there, because the way I was dancing on the ice with the disco music. Jelly kept covering her face and such. After ice skating, we started walking through the streets of LP and it was almost dusk.

“Well that was fun!” I said.

“Other than your ridiculous disco dancing, yes it was fun.” Jelly said with an attitude.

“We should’ve brought Elusive with us!” I said. “We would’ve had a lot of fun here!”

“Luna help us.” Jelly said.

“Speaking of Elusive, since he’s close by, we should see him next.” I suggested.

“He’s been acting really paranoid lately, and he kept asking me to stay away for some reason.” Jelly said.

“Oh… he didn’t tell you huh?” I asked. “He’s under a debt with the mob.”

“Wow… that wasn’t very smart of him.” Jelly said.

“You seem to be rather calm.” I noticed.

“I just knew it was going to happen one way or another. He just seems the type.” Jelly said. Just as we arrived at Elusive’s club around the corner, we heard screaming going on from the back.

“Who’s been screaming like a girl back there?” Jelly asked.

“I pretty much have a clue.” I said as the two of us peeked out to the back of the building where Elusive was getting beat up by two mobsters.

“Not gonna pay us, huh? Well we have superiors that’ll talk this over with ya! Count on that!” one of the mobsters said. Another mobster spat on Elusive before the two of them walked in the opposite direction. Elusive was crying in pain on the ground so Jelly and I went over to help him.

“Elou, what happened?” Jelly asked.

“What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?!” Elusive yelled. “JERRY JAM HAPPENED!”

“What did I do?” I asked.

“You just couldn’t give me the money, huh?” Elusive ranted at me. “You have so much money, you don’t know what to do with it all, and you won’t even help a friend in need! This is the third time I got beat up by those mobsters! They emptied out all the registers in the club! If this keeps up, I’m going to have to close down the club! I’m not going to be able to pay off my finances!”

“So he wasn’t hallucinating.” Jelly said as she took out a tissue and started wiping his face. “Mobsters really ARE attacking him. Well, Jer, if you’re not going to help him, I am. Why don’t you help him out?! He’s your friend!”

“I’m trying to teach him that he can’t always rely on me to solve his problems.” I said. “To learn his lesson, he needs to get himself out of this.”

“But look at him, Jer! He’s being pushed around and stepped on by these mobsters! The only thing to do is to pay them! If you’re not, I am, and don’t try to stop me because it’s half my money, and you’re living in MY house!” Jelly explained. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m in charge! FDA agent or not, you live in my house!”

“But how is Elou going to learn?” I asked.

“He already has.” Jelly said.

“I HAVE! Believe me, Jer! I have!” Elusive said. “I so need a vacation right now!”

“See? You didn’t learn your lesson!” I said. “It’s the vacations that brought you into this mess!”

“He’s just stressed, Jer! As his friends, we need to help him.” Jelly said.

“No!” Elusive said. “No, Jelly. I’ve been there for Jerry when he had nopony to take his side! I’ve been around when he was in prison! I kept you sane, Jer, and this is the thanks you give me?!”

“Elou, don’t be like that!” I attempted to calm him down.

“NO!” Elusive yelled. “You’re fired, Jer! FIRED! You no longer work with me in this club!”

“But I share a stake!” I said.

“Not anymore you don’t!” Elusive said as he tears up my contract right in front of me.

“And you just had that with you right now… why?” I asked.

“I don’t need to.” Elusive said. “I just have it to remind me how much of a good friend you are, but since…” he starts to tear up. “Since you don’t treat me like your friend, then we’re no longer friends! GO! GET OUTTA HERE!”

“Elou! C’mooon!” I begged.

“LEAVE! AND NEVER COME BACK!” Elusive yelled as he marched into his club from the back door and slams the door behind him.

“Huh.” I said awkwardly. “He’s just overreacting. He’ll be fine.”

“No, Jer, he’s right.” Jelly said.

“What?” I asked.

“You haven’t been a good friend.” Jelly said.

“What do you mean? I’ve been a great friend!” I said.

“Actually, you haven’t.” Jelly said.

“Explain.” I requested.

“Well, Elusive, for one.” She started. “He got himself into money troubles, and you refused to help him out of it.”

“How is he going to learn?” I asked.

“Those first few warnings he got from the mobsters were a good enough lesson.” Jelly said. “Getting beat up three times? That’s too much, and now the mobsters’ superiors are coming in next, and when they come, I’m going to pay them off for him.”

“Jelly, no! You’ll get hurt!” I begged.

“And me! What have you done for me?” Jelly asked. “I asked you to do one favor to wait for that important package, and you couldn’t even wait!”

“I had an important mission to do!” I said.

“And what about Cesaer and Orange? Hmm?” Jelly asked.

“What about them?” I asked.

“They may be annoying, but they’re your friends! And a foolish friend is better than a fool having no friends at all!” Jelly said.

“But the FDA, Jell!” I said. “It’s been eating up too much of my time! I can’t tell anypony I’m an agent!”

“Cesaer and Orange arrive at the house almost every day to ask where you are.” Jelly said as she started to tear up. “I tell them… he’s busy at the club. They’ve waited for you, Jerry! I tell you every day but you never listen! You keep saying you’ll call them, but you don’t! You three have been through a lot together!”

“But… the FDA!” I repeated myself.

“The FDA! The FDA! The FDA! Listen to you! You’re repeating yourself!” Jelly yelled. “Ok, yes, you’re part of the Friendship Detection Agency! You save Equestria multiple times, and you keep accomplishing all those missions, but there’s one mission, Jerry! There’s one mission you keep failing! Know what that is? Your friends, bro! Your friends! You keep neglecting them! What’s more important, huh? Your friends, or your career? Just… think about it.” Jelly then opens the back door to the club and sadly walks inside and slams the door behind her as well.

It’s shameful to believe it, but Jelly’s right. My friends. Elusive… Orange… Cesaer… I’ve been so caught up on the FDA lately that I never have a chance to see them. It’s my choice though. Should I quit the FDA? Should I not accept the mission? Just then, I got a phone call.

“Oi.” I said as I answered it.

“Jerry, we need you!” Merry said on the other line.

“Merry, what’s going on?” I asked.

“I know it’s your choice and all to do these missions, but we need you very soon!” Merry said. “The DIF… they’re onto us! We’ve eavesdropped on a conversation between Agent Snake Eyes and Agent Eclipse Norton. They plan to beat us to our mission!”

“How?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but somehow!” Merry said. “Our headquarters out in the desert by Appleloosa, that’s where Apple Fritter and I are. I’m not sure what they’re planning but this is big! They know we’re trying to eavesdrop on the Commission, and this type of mission… well… the director is requesting the best agents. I know I can’t force you to do anything, Jer, but… Equestria needs you for this one task!”

“Oh… umm… ok.” I said upsettingly. “How am I going to get there?”

“Head to the HQ at LP, and on the rooftop, there’s a helicopter waiting for you. It’ll take you straight to our desert headquarters. It’s a lot more secure than any other headquarters.” Merry said.

“Ok, Mer, I’ll be on my way there in a bit. I just need to take care of one more thing here, and then I’ll be on my way.” I said.

“Hurry, Jer!” Merry said as we then hung up. I had to explain everything to Orange and Cesaer before I go. I went to the bad part of town where Orange and Cesaer were currently living. When I got to the projects, there were thugs everywhere. They were gambling, fighting, and most were even glaring at me. I know I didn’t belong here, why you may ask?

“Hey! You don’t belong you, grape!” a thug said to me.

“Yeah! What is it you want?” another thug asked as he spat pretty close to my hoof.

“Uhh… I’m here to see Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad.” I said. “My name is Jerry. I’m a friend of theirs.”

“Heh! Not anymore you ain’t!” the first thug laughed.

“Jer! You have a lot of nerve coming here, dog!” Orange Swirl said angrily as he and Cesaer walked over to me.

“Yeah, what else have you been hiding from us, amigo?” Cesaer asked.

“Mates, I know you’re upset with me, and you have a lot of questions.” I said. “But I am here to tell you the truth.”

“Shoot!” Orange said. Just then, one of the neighborhood thugs nearly shot me with a paintball gun.

“Say goodbye to your pretty suit, suit boy!” the thug said.

“NO! Not that kind of shoot, Slime Ball!” Cesaer corrected him.

“Yeah, Slime Ball here, yes that’s his real name, he’s your replacement.” Orange said. “We’re going out robbing again, and you’re not going to stop us, agent!”

“No wonder you asked us to stopped robbing! You’re one of them now!” Cesaer said. “How long have you been in the agency, holms? Before we went to prison?”

“How do we know YOU didn’t rat us out, and not General Lee?” Orange asked.

“Nopony ratted us out, mates!” I lied. “We got caught, simple as that. It was bound to happen. I know the truth. The FDA’s rivals, the DIF, they’ve been monitoring us.”

“How many agencies do you work for?!” Cesaer asked.

“One! The FDA!” I said. “The DIF don’t know what they’re doing all the time. Just remember, I covered you both. For all the crimes you did, I burned all of the FDA files of your name behind their backs! You should thank me!”

“Thank you?!” Cesaer yelled.

“You’re welcome.” I teased.

“Jerry… you’re not just a fed… you’re a corrupted fed!” Orange said. “Who’s side are you on anyway?”

“Why are we having this conversation?” I asked.

“You lied to us, homie. We’re your home-boys.” Orange said upsettingly. “We… we’ve been through a lot together. How could you not tell us you were a fed?”

“Because it’s against FDA policy, alright?” I asked.

“You actually read that garbage?” Orange laughed. “What a square!”

“Look I’m here so we can hang out! Do you want to hang out or what?” I asked.

“Hang out? We’re no fools, dog.” Orange said.

“Yeah, how we know you’re not going to turn us in?” Cesaer asked.

“Because if I were, I would’ve done it already.” I said.

“Just buying your time.” Cesaer whispered.

“Look if you don’t want to hang out, then fine, we won’t.” I said. “You broke your promise anyway about complaining to me.”

“You hid something from us! Why wouldn’t we complain?!” Orange yelled.

“How do we not know we don’t have the whole truth?” Cesaer asked.

“How do I not know you’re not hiding anything from me?” I asked.

“We tell eachother everything, holms.” Cesaer said calmly. “That is… until we left prison, then you went your own separate way. Left Orange Swirl and I to rot. What kind of pony do you think you are, amigo? What kind of pony abandons their friends and gets away with it? I know you don’t know it, but we’re sad. We’re very, very sad.”

“Yeah, homie.” Orange said as he put his arm around me. “You broke us. You broke us into tiny pieces. We robbed together, we were in prison together, we got betrayed by General Lee together. Does that mean anything to you?”

“It does.” I said calmly. “Which is why I’m here. I’m leaving on a big mission. It’s a very dangerous mission. I may not come back alive. I don’t know what this mission is about yet other than having something to do with the DIF and the mob Commission, but I’m here to tell you the whole truth, and if there’s something you want to tell me before you go… now is the time to do it.” Orange and Cesaer both looked at eachother awkwardly and they didn’t say a thing to me. “So it’s like that, huh?” I asked quietly. “Ok… I can accept it. At least if I’m gone, you won’t miss me. It’s been a pleasure, Orange… Cesaer.” I then turned around and walked out of the neighborhood.

“Well that was dumb.” Orange said once I was out of range.

“He thinks we’re fools, but we’re not!” Cesaer said.

“But he is!” Orange said as he holds a shiv on his hoof.

“What’s that, O?” Cesaer asked.

“Doesn’t this look familiar to you?” Orange asked him. “When I had my arm around him, I picked his pocket, and I found this!”

“Hmm…” Cesaer observed it. “Come to think of it, it does look familiar, holms.”

“This is the shiv that General Lee made before he abandoned us in prison.” Orange explained.

“Is it?” Cesaer asked. “Looks like a poorly made shiv to be honest.”

“Kinda clever to use cafeteria plasticware to make it though.” Orange said.

“What could this mean, O?” Cesaer asked.

“It means that Jerry still hasn’t told us everything.” Orange said as he turned around and looked at me as I was walking down the street from the distance. “He might know something we don’t know. How we ended up in prison, General Lee, the FDA and his missions… still so many questions left unanswered.”

“You have a plan, holms?” Cesaer asked.

“I do.” Orange nodded. “We’re going to follow Jerry. We’re going to follow him on his mission. It’s about time we figured out what is going on with him. We’ll find out everything.”

“Everything.” Cesaer nodded.

“Everything.” Orange repeated.

“Everything.” Cesaer saida gain.

“Everything.” Orange said.

“Everything.” Cesaer repeated.

“Every- wait… why do we keep doing that?” Orange asked.

“It’s pretty dramatic, and it fits the situation.” Cesaer said.

And so, I went to HQ, went up to the top floor, and met up with the agent so he can fly me to our desert HQ, and we can begin this big mission. Orange and Cesaer didn’t follow me though after all. Little did I know they were planning to in the first place. It would seem they have something else in stock. I just hope they’ll be safe… I hope Elusive and Jelly are too, and I hope Jelly’s plan to pay off the mafia works out.

Author's Note

This chapter serves as a prologue to the final five chapters of this spin-off. It's going to be pretty epic. Everyone's got a plan in stock. Once I'm done with these five chapters, as well as the rest of the Friendship Mafia, it'll be back to FiE! I'm going to be releasing one chapter of each spin-off one at a time, but both spin-offs at the same time.

Just Deserts

So the pilot was flying me to our desert HQ in the desert. Huh… I just double worded, or whatever it’s called. As we were flying there, I kept trying to call Jelly, but she wouldn’t answer. This is my seventh message I’m giving her. “Oi, Jell, it’s me.” I said. “Please return my call. I know I haven’t been a good friend, but this mission is the big one. I may not come back from it. But like you said, you know I will come back; so when I do, I’m going to take a few weeks off. You, me, Elusive, Orange, and Cesaer, we’ll go on vacation. We’re going to spend together as it should be. You’re right, I have been neglecting you all, and I promise I will make it up to you all, as soon as this mission ends. The director will not deny this request. But please, sis, call me back!” I then hung up.

“Relationship troubles, friend?” the pilot asked.

“Wha- NO!” I said. “Haven’t you been listening? I called her sis!”

“I call my marefriend ‘sis’ all the time.” The pilot said.

I was silent for a few moments, and then I said awkwardly, “Uhh… yeeeeah… I’m just gonna keep trying to call her.” I almost did, but as I looked out, I saw a solid metal bunker down below with a bunch of watchtowers. That had to be the FDA HQ. “Oi! That the headquarters down there?”

“No, that’s the decoy bunker, just in case there are intruders.” The pilot corrected me.

“Is that one it?” I asked as I pointed to another bunker nearby.

“No, that’s Area 45, some alien research facility.” The pilot informed me.

“Oh.” I said as I pointed to another bunker. “I’m guessing that one ain’t it.”

“You’re right, that ain’t it.” The pilot said.

“What is that bunker then?” I asked.

“That’s Area 46.” He said. “It’s a lot like Area 45, only they have a better insurance policy.”

“Oh.” I said.

“Here’s the FDA HQ! We’re just about to land!” the pilot said as he started descending the chopper over towards the HQ down below. It looked like a very secure facility. Watchtowers everywhere, and auto-turrets that even shoot down mosquitoes if they get to close.

“Wow, that’s barbaric.” I commented.

“But that’s what makes the FDA such a kind and helpful agency! We care for the ponies’ well-being!” the pilot said.

“By killing insects?” I asked.

“Just the ones that bite.” The pilot said. “We’re making a ton of ponies happy!”

“Uhh… if you say so, mate.” I said awkwardly. So the helicopter lands on top of the helipad on top of the bunker on top of the sand on top of the desert on top of the Earth’s crust on top of the Earth’s core. I exit the helicopter and a couple of agents await me.

“Welcome, Agent Jam!” one of the agents said. “We’ve been expecting you! Come, Agent May and Agent Fritter are awaiting you in the control room.” So I follow the agents down the stairs and into the bunker. There were more FDA agents here than I’ve ever seen at the Las Pegasus HQ. I’ve even seem some familiar faces from my Mareami days that were here. Since when was that jewelry store owner an agent? I recognized him, but he didn’t recognize me, thank gosh. I just kept walking. Everypony in this facility is an FDA agent. I didn’t see one pony without a jumpsuit or tux. It looks like this might be a restricted area for anypony not an agent, or a princess for that matter since the princesses have more clearance than anypony else.

Before getting to the control room, I saw a pony driving a forklift, and it made me want to ride on it so bad, but duty calls. The agent takes out his keycard and swipes it on the door slot where the control center is, and then the mechanical doors open revealing a room with so many computers and servers, and even giant monitors across the way. Merry May and Apple Fritter were on the third row of computers to the front. “You should know where to go from here, Agent Jam.” The agent I followed said. “Now remember the ID you were given when you first got accepted into the agency?”

Oh that’s right, I never mentioned the ID card did I? It contains the clearance codes so I can access certain areas in any FDA base. The codes remotely change depending on my mission. Like if one area is locked, it’ll be unlocked for me when I’m told to go there, and then it’ll lock again when I’m no longer needed. The security stations in the bases usually remote the codes from there. “So, yeah,” the agent continued, “your pass has been modified so you can go through certain areas in the base.”

“Has the bathroom codes been added?” I asked. “Because on my first day, the security station made that mistake and forgot to add them.”

“Feel free to call them if they did forget.” The agent advised me. “Had an accident?”

“Yeah kind of.” I admitted.

“Did you clean it up before anypony noticed?” the agent asked.

“No.” I said.

“Why not?” the agent asked.

“Because I didn’t have clearance to the janitor’s closet.” I said.

“Ah!” the agent nodded. “Well we needed to lock up that closet. Agents kept stealing toilet paper. Anyways, good luck on your future endeavors. Agent May and Agent Fritter are in this row waiting for ya.”

“Thanks, mate!” I said as he walked away. I walked over to the row and saw there was one computer available in between Merry and Fritter. “Oi!” I said to them.

“Jerry! Good to see you!” Merry greeted. “We saved you a seat!”

“Thanks!” I said as I sat down on the chair. “So what do you two need me for?”

“This is the big one, Jer!” Apple Fritter said. “This mission is goin’ to make other missions seem like a picnic!”

“And you said the DIF was onto us about that.” I reminded them.

“Right.” Merry said. “But don’t worry about the DIF, we’ll deal with them later. We’re tracking down a Zeppelin.”

“A Zeppelin?” I asked.

“Yeah, an airship.” Fritter said. “One is flying over to Mareami, and it is holdin’ the Equestria Commission, home to the five mob families.”

“More like four families.” Merry corrected her. “The fifth position keeps getting replaced by new mobs. We’re not sure who’s fighting for the position yet, but we know who the other four families are.”

“Fraterno mob family led by Amore Fraterno,” Fritter started, “the Penna family led by Neon Penna, the Mela Di Legno mob family led by Mela Di Legno, and of course the mob that owns the Commission, the Marmellata family.”

“Who leads that one?” I asked.

“Nopony knows.” Fritter said. “The don doesn’t get out much. Mr. Marmellata sounds out messages to his Commission in shadow form and a disguised voice, much like Agent S of the DIF.”

“You think they’re the same pony then?” I asked.

“Unknown at this time.” Merry said. “It could be possible, but not certain. We don’t know much about the Marmellata family, but we do know a little about them that we’ve seen in a previous mission. For example: the Zeppelin the Commission owns, I saw that Zeppelin at the Docks when were trying to convert the Sphinx Cartel. They bought some Centaur dust from them. So we know they are dangerous.”

“Which is why we called this a dangerous mission.” Fritter added. “If they didn’t buy the dust, then this mission would probably be not as dangerous.”

“I doubt they’re going to use the dust the right way.” I assumed.

“And like you say, Jer, we know that the Sphinx Cartel has an alliance with the Marmellata mob.” Merry said. “Right now we’re trying to track the Commission airship and find out what other information we can dispatch.”

“Well I do have a little something.” I said. “My boss, Elusive, he’s going through mob troubles with the Mela Di Legno family.”

“Just so we’re clear, mah family has NO connections with them!” Apple Fritter said. “Ok? They may have an ‘Apple’ in their name, but trust me, we’re not related!”

“What are you talking about, Fritter?” I asked.

“Well if you translate Mela Di Legno, you have Apple Wood, which is the name of a district in Las Pegasus.” Fritter said. “Each of the four mobs has their mob names translated in a different language.”

“How about the other mobs?” I asked.

“Ah do have a file on them somewhere.” Fritter said as she searched for files on her computer.

“Well that’s not important right now. We need to track this airship.” Merry said. “That’s what the three of us are assigned to do. If we can find out what the Commission is up to, we’re going to attempt to convert them. We’ll make them like our connections, an organization that does good instead of evil.”

“Well it looks like the show is about to begin.” Fritter said as she observed the radar. “The Zeppelin is startin’ to descend onto the field of the Lunar Space Center.”

“It’s a restricted area though, why are they allowed to land there?” Merry asked.

“The Commission are VERY rich folk.” Fritter said. “They no doubt paid off the officials.”

“Let us get a security footage online.” Merry suggested.

“Hackin’ the Lunar Center security software… now.” Fritter said as she was rapidly typing on her computer in attempt to hack the software. “Aaaaand… done! Security in this center is as low as an ant bein’ harsh.”

“Mainly because the shuttles aren’t being used anymore.” Merry said.

“Ah heard they’re makin’ somethin’ newer and better!” Fritter said.

“Well the magic of science evolves everything!” Merry said. “Science is magic!”

“What else could be magic?” Fritter asked.

“I know right?” Merry agreed.

“Gee… I wonder how my friends are doing right now.” I mumbled to myself.

“Ah see the footage, ah see the footage!” Fritter said as she observed security at the space center.

“What do you see, Fritter?” Merry asked.

“Ah see… ah see… ah see a bunch of mosquitoes. Curse this infa-red security camera! Go away! Yer blockin’ the way!” Fritter complained. “Wait, wait, ah see… ah see… a bright future for you!” she teased as she looked at me.

“Very funny.” I said sarcastically. “C’mon, what else do you see, gypsy?”

“Well in all seriousness, ah see a couple of carriages arrivin’ at the guard gate at the center. The guard is lettin’ them in.” Fritter said. “Ah’m not sure who they are though. Probably an alliance with a small-time gang like the Sphinx Cartel. Aw’righty then it looks like they’re goin’ through the gate.”

“Let’s check out another camera.” Merry suggested.

“On it.” Fritter said as she changes the security footage to another camera. “Ok, ah see… WHOA! Why is there a camera in the Mare’s Locker Room?!”

“Change it!” Merry instructed her.

“Now hang on, let’s not be so hasty.” I stopped them. “There could be a lot of suspicious activity in there. Maybe something illegal hidden in a soap package.” Merry and Fritter both glared at me.

“Change it, Fritter.” Merry instructed her again.

“Changin’ in!” Fritter said as she switches camera views again.

“Wait stop!” Merry yelled and Fritter stops. “Go back.” Fritter goes back a few clips. “STOP! One more forward.” She does so. “Ok, yeah, there it is! The ones from the gate parked into the field awaiting the airship.”

“Can you identify them?” I asked.

“Nope, too dark.” Fritter said. “Ah’ll need to adjust the lighting.” So Fritter adjusts the light a bit in the security footage.

“Now it’s too bright.” Merry said.

“You think ah don’t know that, Merry?!” Fritter complained. “You pointin’ it out isn’t gonna fix it up, doncha know?”

“Sor-ry!” Merry said defensively. So Fritter lowered the brightness again.

“Maybe ah should try zooming in.” Fritter suggested.

“Do it.” Merry agreed as she did so.

“AW C’MON!” Fritter cried.

“Now it’s all blurry!” I pointed out.

“This is why we make Fritter the technology expert, so none of us have to put up with this garbage.” Merry said.

“Luckily ah know mah way around technology.” Fritter said as she raised the resolution a bit. “Ok the blur is goin’ away. Ah think ah see… ah see a pretty wide pony. Ah can’t see his face. Yeah these are mobsters all right.”

“But which one?” I asked.

“Ah’m not sure.” Fritter said.

“Wait!” I stopped her. “Give me a closer look at that green pony!”

“Sure.” Fritter said, but just then the monitor got staticy. She inhales and yells angrily, “REALLY?! REALLY!? You do that now?! You do that thing now?!”

“Lost connection, huh?” Merry asked. “Tough luck. Like I said before, Jer, luckily we don’t have to worry about technology.”

“Amen to that, love.” I nodded.

Well this is going to take a while to fix. Let’s see how my friends back home are doing. Elusive was pacing back and forth in his office at the club while Jelly was relaxing on his chair. “Elou, you should really relax. Panicking isn’t going to help out.” Jelly suggested.

“I can’t help it, Jell!” Elusive said worriedly. “How do we know this is going to work? I’m getting stressed out. Can we go get some fancy dinner?”

“Shhh, shh shh shhhh.” Jelly stood up and comforted him. “It’s ok. It’s ok. We’ll get through this, love. We’ll just pay off the mobsters and everything will get back to normal.”

“Ooooh… are you sure you want to be here, my sweet Jelly?” Elusive asked. “Oh, I can’t bear to see you get hurt! Maybe you should leave the money here, I’ll pay them off, you go home.”

“Hey! You already sent all your employees home! You need somepony here with you!” Jelly said.

“Why? I have lost the will to go on anyway!” Elusive said as he got teary eyed. “Jerry abandoned me. He’s just like all my exes! He’s probably just using me!”

“No, no he’s not.” Jelly said. “Look at me, Elou. Look at me. And open your eyes too.”

“I’m hideous!” Elusive whined as he covers his face. “All my maskcara is washing off!”

“Just look at me!” Jelly instructed him, and he does so. He’s just got a lot of things on his plate.”

“What sort of things?” Elusive asked and sniffled. “He never told me what he’s been doing! It’s just excuses and excuses! What’s that nutjob’s problem!”

“WE’LL tell you what his problem is!” Orange Swirl yelled as he bursts into Elusive’s office with Cesaer Salad with him. “We’ll tell you EXACTLY what you need to know!”

“Orange Swirl? Cesaer Salad?” Jelly said surprisingly.

“What do these clowns want?” Elusive asked.

“You call us clowns now, holms, but what we’re about to tell you, it’ll explain EVERYTHING.” Cesaer said.

“What?” Elusive asked.

“Yeah Jerry said you two know the truth.” Jelly said. “How much do you know?”

“WAIT!” Elusive stopped and backed away from Jelly. “YOU know? You know what’s going on with Jerry?”

“Well… uhh…” Jelly stuttered.

“She does know!” Orange said. “Jerry tells his sister EVERYTHING!”

“But… but…” Elusive stuttered. “Jell… why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well… I…” she stuttered.

“Go on, Jelly. Tell him! Tell us all everything you know about your brother Jerry Jam!” Orange instructed her.

“If that’s even his REAL name!” Cesaer added. Jelly really didn’t know what to say. She just stood there in panic. “It’s allllll coming together now!”

“Jelly was in on it this whole time!” Orange said. “And would’ve known? Jerry’s hot sister was actually in on it!”

“WHAT?!” Jelly yelled. “I was NOT in on it! Also, thank you, I appreciate the compliment. You really think I’m that hot?”

“Smokin’!” Orange said.

“Jelly, dear, what are you hiding from us?” Elusive asked upsettingly. “Please tell us!”

“Uhh…. Uhhh…” Jelly froze.

“If you won’t, J. We will.” Cesaer promised.
“Well…” Jelly started. “Ok, I do know a lot that’s going on with Jerry.”

“To be honest I’m relieved that it doesn’t have to do with those two since they don’t know!” Elusive admitted as he pointed to Orange and Cesaer.

“HEEEEY!” they both complained.

“So… if you must know,” Jelly continued, “Jerry is actually part of-“

Just then, the door slams open and a bunch of mobsters burst in. One of them had a baseball bat. The baseball bat mobster walked in with a pretzel in his mouth and said, “Elusive… we’re here to take what’s rightfully ours.”

“B-but…” Elusive stuttered. “You’re not the same loan sharks as before!”

“I know! The Mela De Legnos are… a bit busy right now.” the mobster said. “We’re part of the Marmellata family! Not all of us were needed in the meet.”

“Meet? What meet?” Jelly asked.

“Doesn’t matter. We’re here take you all with us!” the mobster said.

“But here!” Jelly said as she picked up a briefcase from under Elusive’s desk. “We have it! We have the money!”

“Really now?” the mobster asked. “Open it… let’s see it.”

“Sure.” Jelly said as she dialed the combination on the briefcase’s lock and opened it. The mobsters saw what was inside, and it was just a key.

“A key? What charade is this?” the mobster asked.

“It’s a key to the briefcase of where the money’s stored.” Jelly said as she took out the key, through the briefcase aside, and then took out another briefcase and put the key in the lock and opened it, and there it was! “Here you go! The money… as promised! Plus, a little extra so you won’t have to make an excuse on late charges or currency. I know you mobster types.”

“Ahhh.” The lead mobster said as they all nodded. “Very clever, girl! Very clever! Our boss was right about you!”

“Your boss?” Jelly asked.

“Yeah, Mr. Marmellata.” The mobster said. “Thank you for paying back the money, so… we won’t take anything that’s yours.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you, Jelly!” Elusive gratefully said as he hugged her. “Thank you so much! You saved my club!”

“Yeah, yeah, big whoop.” Orange said sarcastically. “Now, mobsters, we have some things to discuss with your client, homies, so if you please-“

“Oh no!” the mobster said mischievously. “No, no, no, no, noooo! You paid us back so you’re finances are saved, but that doesn’t save YOU from any harm!”

“What?!” Elusive cried.

“Excuse me, but we paid you off!” Jelly reminded the mobsters. “You have no more business with Elusive here! You are to be on your way now!”

“Oh but my dear Jelly Jam, we’re not here for the money, even though this money would make a good investment to us, the boss paid us to kidnap all of you!” the mobster corrected her.

“WHAT?!” Elusive cried out in a squeaky voice.

“You can’t do that!” Jelly informed them.

“We can and we WILL!” the mobster said. “Tie ‘em up, boys!”

“WHAT?!” Elusive cried out again.

“Dude, you gotta stop being such a girly-boy, it’s embarrassing!” one of the other mobsters said as he tied up Elusive.

“HEY, dog! Get your hooves off me!” Orange complained.

“Yeah, holms! What do you want with us? We never seen a mobster in our entire lives before you came in!” Cesaer said.

“First time for anything, huh hoodlums?” a mobster said as they attempted to tie up my friends.

“May I make a suggestion?” Elusive asked. “You could’ve tricked us into thinking you were officials protecting us from the mobsters and tricked us into coming with you. Just saying.”

“Elou! Who’s side are you on?” Jelly complained.

“That depends. Who’s side are YOU on, dear?” Elusive asked her. “Hiding Jerry’s secrets from us!”

“Good idea! We’ll try that next time!” the mobster who tied up Elusive said.

“OW!” Elusive yelled. “You could TRY to take me out to dinner before doing agreeing to do this!”

“Oh please let’s not share a trunk with HIM!” Orange hoped.

“I’m not putting you in the trunk!” the mobster corrected him. “You’ll suffocate in there! The boss wants you four ALIVE!”

“Sooo… if we tried running, you wouldn’t try deadly methods to stop us right?” Cesaer asked.

“Really, Cesaer?” Orange asked with a glare. “Really?”

“Well if the boss is desperate to have us alive then maybe.” Cesaer shrugged.

“Don’t test us.” The mobster advised him as they escorted the two out.

“Glad Jerry wasn’t here when this happened.” Elusive said. “I bet he wouldn’t be much help anyway. Would he, Jell?” Jelly didn’t say anything. Instead, she felt full of regret.

Back in the FDA HQ, Apple Fritter kept attempting to get the security footage back online. “So how do you suppose is the best way to fix it?” I asked her.

“Only the most professional way possible.” Fritter said. She then bangs her hoof on top of the monitor, and the security footage comes back online.

“Oi, it worked!” I pointed out.

“Of course it worked. It always works!” Fritter said. “But there’s only one right way of doing it. You have to tap it the right way in order to get it right.”

“Wait what’s going on there?” Merry asked as she looked at the footage and saw the Zeppelin was taking off.

“The airship’s takin’ off.” Fritter said. “It would appear its work there is done.”

“Why is there some ponies falling from the sky?” Merry asked as she pointed to five ponies holding hoof and hoof as one pegasus glided them to lower their momentum. “That seems unusual.”

“Hmm, what do y’all suppose what happened?” Fritter asked.

“Deal gone wrong or something?” I asked. “Why else would a group of thugs fall out of the sky in the most dangerous and panic way possible?”

“Something must be up.” Merry assumed. “But what kind of information are we getting from the Commission at this time?”

“Barely any.” Fritter said.

“This whole thing is bloody useless! Why do we rely on this junk anyway?” I complained.

“HEY! Friendship Detection Agency, Jer! Treat these electronics with respect!” Fritter instructed him.

“Huh?” I asked as I turned to Merry.

“Don’t worry about it. She’s a techno-geek.” Merry said.

“You mean techno-geekete?” I corrected her.

“That seems like an unnecessary way to say words.” Merry said. “Why make up a new word just for mares? Geekete… actress… Smurfete… that sort of thing. We’re not in the early 1900s anymore. Mares have rights!”

“I didn’t say that!” I corrected her.

“You’re darn right, you didn’t!” Merry said angrily. “We are strong and independent! Right, Fritter?”

“Ah don’t care one way or another.” Fritter said. “Opinions are opinions.”

“I meant, I didn’t say mares didn’t have rights! Don’t automatically assume I’m trying to be offensive! It offends me!” I complained.

“You’re thinking I’M offending you who’s offending me?! I’m offended!” Merry said angrily.

“You think I’m offending you who’s offending me who’s offending you? I am so bloody distraught!” I said angrily.

“HEY! Friendship Detection Agency, you two!” Fritter reminded us. “Treat eachother with respect! Everyone and everything deserves it!”

“Except mosquitoes though, right?” I asked.

“Well OBVIOUSLY!” Fritter said with an attitude.

“So did you get a good look at the suspects, Fritter?” Merry asked.

“No ah didn’t.” Fritter said. “It’s weird. The Commission looks like they’re plannin’ somethin’, but it looks like a plan goin’ wrong of some sort. By which side, I cannot tell. Did things with the Commission not go as planned, or did things with these mysterious figures not go as planned?”

“Wouldn’t it be wise to find out who these ponies are and talk to them?” I asked.

“Well that actually depends, Jer.” Fritter said. “You see the ways things work in the criminal underworld is mysterious. The Manehatten city council knows about the Commission, but they choose not to let anypony in the city know about them.”

“Wha- what does that have to do with what I’m saying?” I asked.

“No clue, but if we’re goin’ to get a mission like this done, we should keep it secret to the public.” Fritter said. “Those who wield the Elements of Harmony… they don’t even know about the criminal underworld. While they handle minor friendship problems, we’re tryin’ to make things easier for them by dealin’ with those who are incredibly corrupted. You see, sugarcube, criminals are criminals for a reason. Whatchya gotta know is that the reasons are normally not stupid reasons.”

Fritter sticks out her right hoof and says, “Over here, we have criminals who are who they are because they are neglected in some way.” She then sticks out her left hoof and says, “Over here, we have criminals who are who they are because they can’t find an easier way to make money. A very good example is this one pony from Trottin’ham, a friend of mah coltfriend. After the tragic loss of his mother, he had to fulfill crime to make a livin’, and now he’s clean and got his doctor on. A PH.D astronomer!”

“Like you, Jer!” Merry said.

“No, not like me.” I corrected her. “I was a criminal for fun. He was a criminal for a reason. I was a criminal for neither of those reasons.”

“You were neglected, weren’tcha?” Fritter asked me.

I nodded. “Yes… yes I was. You make a fair point, but what about Orange and Cesaer? They joined me, and nopony neglected them.”

“The fear of bein’ neglected is still in the same category.” Fritter said.

“What are you saying?” I asked.

“They’re part of a gang, right?” Fritter asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“The fear of bein’ neglected by their own gang.” Fritter said. “You see? It has to be one of those two reasons. If ya ever think of another reason, Jer. Please, lay it on me.”

“Well…” I thought. I tried to think of other reasons. I thought of the Sphinx Cartel, but then I remembered, they were criminals to save their homeland. What about the crook from Galactic Studios? Yes… yeah he could be a good example. “Hey, Fritter?”

“If yer thinkin’ about that crook from Galactic Studios, ah I read his file.” Fritter said. “When he was in charge, Galactic Studios’ stock was goin’ down the toilet. He was a crook because he had no other idea what to do next.”

“Crud!” I mumbled.

“Relax, Jer, I’ll help you think of something later.” Merry comforted me. “But for now, we need to focus on our situation. The director is counting on us.” I nodded in agreement. It was time to get back to work.

After a little while went by, the computer mainframe started to make a noise. “Oi! What’s going on?” I asked.

“Somepony is trying to contact us.” Merry said. “Probably the director though. I mean it’s illegal for anypony else to be calling us.”

One of the agents up near the mainframe accepted the call, and revealing himself onto the screen was… not the director, but an orange nerdy pony. “This is the FDA Headquarters.” The agent said to the nerdy pony. “Contacting this frequency is illegal to anypony not an agent or the princesses. Please identify yourself.”

“Yeah hello!” the nerdy pony said.

“Hi.” The agent said. “Please identify yourself.”

“Identify me, the pony, or us the group?” the nerd asked.

“Both.” The agent said.

“Well… we’re part of a peaceful organization and… umm… we’ve got connections to… your organization.” The nerd explained nervously.

“Uh huh… go on.” The agent nodded.

“We have a problem that has something to do with the Commission.” The nerd said.

“Oi! Stop!” I interrupted as I walked over to the monitor. “The Commission you say? We’re trying to track them now, so to speak. What do you know about the Commission?”

“Wait…” some familiar green pony with black hair, a white shirt, and a black stripped vest, and a baseball bat cutie mark said as he walked over to the screen. “I know you!”

“Oh my Celestia! Herb Leafhorn, is that you?” I asked surprisingly.

“Jerry Jam, it’s… been too long.” Herb Leafhorn said.

“What’s going on? What do you know about the Commission?” the other agent asked.

“Nuh uh! Why are we talking to that pony?” I asked the agent. “He’s bad news!”

“You’re the one to talk! You’re an FDA agent?” Herb asked surprisingly.

“What’s it to ya?” I asked Herb angrily. “After the way you treated Flare Gun? Be lucky he’s got a good life now!”

“Jerry, I… I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that.” Herb explained. “I’ve seen the error of my ways. You may not know it, but Flare and I have made peace. But it’s you that should be ashamed! You just let me beat him up! You didn’t do nothin’ to help him! What kind of pony does that make you?”

“Now just calm down! Both of you!” Merry interpreted our argument. “You think arguing is going to solve this?”

“Exactly!” the nerd agreed.

“Who is this?” Herb asked.

“Agent Merry May. Who is that pony with you, so we’d both be even?” Merry asked.

“Turnip Orch.” The nerd said. “I’m the technology expert of the Friendship Mob!”

“So is our friend Apple Fritter!” Merry said.

“Friendship Mob? Wait, what?” I asked surprisingly. “YOU! Herb Leafhorn, Jr. You’re part of the Friendship Mob?”

“You’re part of the FDA?” Herb asked back.

“Guess we both did bad things.” I said. “I guess we’re on the same boat here. You joined the Friendship Mob in attempt to redeem your conscience?”

“That I did.” Herb nodded. “I really felt bad about the bad things I done. So I’m now I’m trying to redeem the bad things I’ve done in the past by doing good things.”

“You and me both, mate.” I said.

“What do you have against the Commission?” Herb asked.

“What do you know about it?” I asked.

“Loads.” Herb said. “Why? What are you planning to do with them? We’re trying to convert them to use their organizations for good.”

“Is that so?” I asked. “Hmm… maybe we can work together on this. We’re trying to convert them as well. You think we could work together on this?”

“You’re our connections!” Herb said. “We should work together on this. A few of our fellow mobsters got captured by the Commission. Probably the leader of the Sharks mob has something to do with it. We’re fighting for the fifth Commission position, you see.”

“Well, my boss has some trouble with the Commission as well. He owes the Mela Di Legno mob some money.” I said. “I’m hoping him and my sister would be able to pay them off, including interests and such. My sister Jelly’s no fool.”

“Well I hope they’re alright.” Herb said.

“So what’s the plan?” Merry asked.

“Well… since the Sharks have been a problem for us, and the Commission seems to… at least used to trust us, we can try to persuade the Commission to trust us again.” Turnip said. “We can also attempt to find information about them.”

“Where does that leave us then?” Merry asked.

“You’re good with criminals.” Turnip said. “I heard what you’ve all did with the Sphinx Cartel.”

“H-how?” Merry asked.

“I hacked into your software. How could I not?” Turnip asked. “I know it’s illegal, but I heard that professionals like me that hack government software could be useful to you.”

“That is true.” Merry said. “So I guess you work for us now.”

“Temporarily.” Turnip said. “It’s until the Commission is taken care of. What you FDA agents should do is try to get info from the other small-time Manehatten gangs. Maybe that might help providing a weakness or a plan in attempt to convert the Commission.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” Merry said. “But where did you get the Manehatten idea from?”

“The Marmellata own the Commission.” Turnip said. “The Marmellata family runs the Zeppelin.”

“And whoever is in charge of the Zeppelin is in charge of the Commission.” Herb added.

“Right, and the Marmellatas base in Manehatten, so they should be there.” Turnip said.

“Sounds like a plan then.” Merry said. “Jerry, go get Apple Fritter and pack your things.”

“I never unpacked them. I basically just got here.” I reminded her.

“Well then get ready to move out. We’re going to Manehatten!” Merry said to him, she then turns to us and said, “Thank you, Friendship Mob. We’ll try to get as much info as we can from the small-time gangs, and you deal with the Commission. We’re relying on you not to squander our trust. We’re counting on you.”

“As we to you.” Turnip said. “We’ll meet up in Manehatten once we got the information we need. Good luck, Friendship Detection Agency.”

“Same to you, Friendship Mafia.” Merry said.

“Good luck, Herb.” I said. “If you claim to be who you say you are, then we’re not just doing this for ourselves, we’re doing it for Crimson Flare Gun too.”

“Why?” Herb asked. “I’ve done a lot for him already. I helped him feel welcomed, and I used the mob to help him rescue his friend from Dr. Swinebutt. What did you do?”

“Well I helped him feel welcomed, and… umm…” I stuttered. “Umm…”

“Yeah, well, let me know when you decide to really assist him.” Herb teased.

“Ugh!” I groaned.

“Over and out.” Merry said as she ends the call. She then faced me and asked, “You seemed to have a problem with that pony.”

“Who? Turnip Orch?” I asked. “I mean it was illegal to hack into our system like that, but I have nothing against him personally.”

“Uh huh, yeah, I’m talking about Herb Leafhorn.” Merry corrected me.

“Oh, him? Well, the way he treated Flare in the past… and to add to that, how his family have treated Flare’s family, it seemed to be like déjà vu when trying to split up the fight.” I said.

“I heard about that story.” Merry nodded. “But then you said you didn’t help Flare out.”

“Yeah, General Lee persuaded me it wasn’t a good idea.” I said. “What was I supposed to do? I had enough troubles as it is. My coincidence was starting to betray me. After seeing that fight, I met Elusive, and he helped me see the error of my ways. Elusive… my good friend.”

“What happened?” Merry asked. “Something happen between the two of you?”

“No, no it’s nothing.” I said. “It was just… I couldn’t explain to him exactly what was going on with me that made me not want to help him.”

“Right, I understand.” Merry nodded. “My employees at the cloud factory, they were friends of mine. Jerks to certain ponies, but they were good to me. They started to get suspicious on why I keep cutting work and giving the lead job to their quiet friend Score. I can’t just say, ‘Oh, it’s because I’m secret agent and I have missions to go to fighting a war on disharmony and such’. They’re a bunch of idiots anyway, but I also do it to protect them. You should hear Hoops and Dumb-Bell saying the same names over and over again to the ones they pick on. I find that very unfunny. I try to persuade them to stop, but they keep saying how jealous they are, how this one pony is actually a better flier than them and such. I’m pretty much their mentor, you see.”

“I understand.” I nodded. “I have to look after Elusive all the time. After he borrowed money from the mob, he kept asking me to lend him money to pay them off.”

“So why don’t you?” Apple Friiter asked as she joined the conversation. “You’re loaded, aren’t ya?”

“How is Elusive going to learn from his mistakes if I’m the one to fight his battles for him?” I asked. “He has to handle this on his own. But then he felt betrayed, and now my sister is filling that spot. How is he going to learn?”

“Or maybe it’s not him that needs to learn somethin’.” Fritter said. “Maybe it’s you.”

“Me?! You sound just like Jelly! Why do I have to be the one to learn something?!” I complained.

“Jer, he was in trouble, and you turned your back on him. He was desperate for help!” Fritter explained. “You ask a sensitive fella like Elusive to do this himself? Was he gettin’ beat up?”

“Well… yeah… but… I always try to rescue him.” I said.

“You’re a moron, Jer!” Fritter said angrily.

“I second that.” Merry agreed. “You let your friend get beat up just to teach him a lesson? No wonder he’s mad at you! I’m pretty sure those threats the mob gave him taught him enough!”

“How is he going to learn his lesson though?” I asked.

“I didn’t say he couldn’t learn his lesson.” Merry said. “I’m just said you shouldn’t let him get beat up! Now your sister is fighting your battles for you. Perhaps she should have the stake in his enterprise and not you.”

I couldn’t believe it. Everypony was going against me on this. But now I see… she has a point. Elusive needed my help when he was desperate for it, and I let him down. Wow, I deserved it. I deserved to be angered by all my friends. I may be a very good friendship agent, but I’m a bad friend all together. I did worse than what Herb could ever do to Flare… I assume. He beat him up, but only because he was taught that way. I knew better.

“Well… perhaps we should go now.” Fritter suggested. “Manehatten awaits us, and we have a job to do!”

“Right.” Merry agreed. “Jer, I hope you think long and hard about what we said, but let’s not let that get in the way. Next stop: Manehatten!”

Author's Note

This story arc has a few different possibilities. I won't state them though because I don't want to spoil the story. I'll tell you them later. Now the desert HQ is going be playing a major role in a future story, but not in this one. It's going to be in Friendship is Epic. I thought it would be best to introduce the desert HQ before it plays a major role and how it's heavily secured and all that.

Now during the transmission with Herb, I didn't want to reveal much story events. Like the only reason I made Jerry say "my boss had troubles with the mob", is because this part is in the Friendship mob story. If I spoil events from either story, then it might ruin the other one. If you want to really know what Herb is up to, you'll have to read the Friendship Mob story. Same goes with the other one. I won't be revealing FDA stories in the Friendship Mob, just in case anyone reads that spin-off before this one.

What Lies Within (Choices)

In a dark cell upon an unknown location, Jelly wakes up to find herself trapped in the cell… obviously. She wakes up and rubs her head. “Ugh!” she groaned. “Why am I so thirsty?”

“Really, girl? That your first question?” Orange asked. “What happened to, where the hay are we?”

“Hey cut her some slack, O!” Cesaer suggested to him. “She’s been through a lot. A treacherous brother, whacked in the head by mobsters, and she hangs out with this girl!”

“Wait… who?” Jelly asked.

“Oh jeez! Those flanks broke one of my nails!” Elusive whined.

“Forget your nail, caballa! Where are we?” Cesaer asked.

“Well wherever we are… it’s moving.” Jelly said. “Judging by the motors I feel below us and Elusive’s attitude sickness…”

“Ugh…” Elusive groaned as his face turned green.

“…we’re in some sort of flying vehicle.” Jelly said.

“Ah man, I hate heights, man!” Orange said frightenedly. “Stupid Jerry! Forcing us to look for his sister and ending up snatched by a bunch of wacko mobsters!”

“This isn’t Jerry’s fault, Orange.” Jelly corrected him.

“It’s not?” Elusive asked. “Cause he could’ve given me money in the first warning and stopped this from happening!”

“Somehow I have the feeling it didn’t make much of a difference.” Jelly said. “These mobsters obviously want us for something. Why else would they snatch all four of us?”

“Because we’re all witnesses?” Cesaer asked.

“Because we need you for something.” A mobster said as he and a couple of others walked inside in the cell.

“Is this the fool that snatched us?” Orange asked.

“Nah, the other one had black Fonz-like hair, holms.” Cesaer reminded him. “This one is blonde, so he’s probably not that bright… no pun intended.”
“What do you want with us?” Elusive asked. “You’re not the Mela Di Legno family. This isn’t your concern! My beef is with the Mela Di Legnos, not you… nail breakers!”

“Actually it is our business.” The mobster said. “Mela Di Legno and his family works for us, along with the other three families of the Commission. Don’t worry about them though. We relived them of duty of worrying about you. We have given them your money and the debt with them is paid in full.”

“Thank goodness!” Elusive said in relief. “That doesn’t explain why you freakshows have us captured in… whatever floatation device we’re in!”

“Our boss, Mr. Marmellata is in need of your assistance.” The mobster said. “As long as you four cooperate with us, we shall not harm you.”

“What do you want with us anyway?” Jelly asked.

“Oh no! It’s not what I want, it’s what… HE wants!” the mobster said.

“Pizza the Hutt?” Jelly asked.

“HA! I know I love that movie too! I just had to say that!” the mobster laughed. “But yeah, in all honesty, the boss wants all of you. Says you’re gonna be bait of some sort, I dunno. My mind’s somewhere else right now.”

“Bait for who?” Cesaer asked.

Jelly suddenly gasped. “JERRY!”

“Jerry? What does your boss want with that traitor?” Orange asked. “Oooooh, ok it makes sense.”

“That’s one way of looking at it.” the mobster said. “But no, it’s not just that. We’re in need of Agent Jam’s assistance. Mr. Marmellata’s superiors want somepony like him, and as such, what better way to bring Jerry Jam to us than have his friends captured by the Marmellata family?”

“Yeah well you might as well forget it!” Orange said. “Jerry ain’t coming back for us! He’s a traitor and he’s no longer our homeboy. He used us this entire time! Him and General Lee both!”

“Oh trust me, he will come.” The mobster said. “The FDA has a mission, and Jerry and his team are assigned to come here in Manehatten to hunt us down and take down the Commission. Once he gets close enough, and he finds out that we have you upon us, Jerry will have no choice but to do whatever we say for your own safety.”

“How do you know so much about us?” Jelly asked. “How do you know so much about Jerry? We have no beef on the Marmellata family! In fact, I never even heard of you! Jerry tells me everything and he never said anything about a mob! The only major criminal organization he talked about was the Sphinx Cartel, and they were converted!”

“Ah yes, the Sphinx Cartel were very useful suppliers to us, and it is unfortunate to see them not doing business with us anymore.” The mobster said. “But does that worry us? No it does not. We have everything we need from them. We have more Centaur powder supplied on this zeppelin than they had in their whole freighter! Once we have Jerry in our clutches, we can use the powder to bring down the FDA!”

“What do you have against the FDA?” Jelly asked.

“Like I said, they’re trying to bring down the Commission.” The mobster reminded her. “We cannot allow them to do that. We’re also allowing some our families to use the powder for their own business with another threat they have to take care of, but we’re not going to have any part in that. For now, we’re going to focus on bringing Agent Jam to us. The boss really needs to see him.”

“Then by all means take him!” Orange accepted.

“Yeah, just let him join you, then release us, and we’ll get on with our lives!” Cesaer said.

“I’m glad you see it our way.” The mobster said with a smile. “Now if you excuse us, the boss is requesting our assistance. Arrivederci!” The mobsters leave the cell, leaving my friends alone in there.

“Jerry ain’t coming. I know it for a fact.” Cesaer said.

“If they want him, let them take him. It’s the best for him anyway.” Elusive shrugged.

“How could you all say that?!” Jelly yelled. “You’re his friends!”

“Uh, ‘were his friends’, J.” Cesaer corrected her.

“Yeah, he was a fed behind our backs, and we know he planned on General Lee’s escape from prison!” Orange said. “He could’ve lied about him all along! He always had a soft spot for that grease monkey!”

“GL’s out there with Jerry right now, I can feel it!” Cesaer said.

“Ok… I know Jerry’s lied about a lot of things.” Jelly said. “But he didn’t lie about that! He keeps grieving for Lee. Yes, Jerry is still soft on him, but he’s not in contact with him right now. He was told by the FDA themselves that General Lee is no longer upon us. The only question he has yet to be answered by is what happened to our parents.”

“What if he knows about all that?” Cesaer asked. “Hey, what if you don’t know it all, J? What if Jerry’s hiding stuff from you?”

“He would never.” Jelly said in denial. “Jerry tells me everything. Nothing is too personal for me. He even tells me what he had for lunch that day and how uncomfortable it was for him to go to the bathroom.”

“UGH!” Cesaer, Orange, and Elusive all were grossed out.

“Ok, even I have a limit on that, sweetie!” Elusive said.

“Whatever.” Jelly said. “But the point is – there was nothing that Jerry told me that I don’t know about.”

“After saying all that, I wouldn’t doubt ya for a second, girl.” Orange said, still disgusted.

“Are you 100% sure that Jerry tells you EVERYTHING?” Elusive asked her. “Sweetie, I know you’re in denial right now, and he’s your brother, I understand that. But to think he cares more about his job than his own friends. I mean… when was the last time he was social with us before he was received his latest mission? Saying goodbye to us doesn’t count.”

“Yeah, and we finding out he was a fed don’t count either.” Orange added.

“Well…” Jelly stuttered. “Umm… he was… he was social to me. He… asked me if he could borrow my Daring Do script for… umm…”

“For, umm, what?” Cesaer asked.

“For… his mission.” Jelly admitted.

“EXACTLY!” Cesaer said. “For his mission!”

“C’mon that’s not fair! He actually published it for real, and he even showed AK Yearling the script and she liked it!” Jelly explained.

“Did he really, or just tell you that to make you feel better than he just used your script for one of his missions?” Orange asked.

“Shut up! Ok?! SHUT UP!” Jelly yelled. “I do not like this conversation one bit! I want total silence from here on out!”

“Hey whatever.” Orange shrugged.

“Be in denial all you want.” Cesaer shrugged.

Jelly really felt aggravated, and she was in denial, but her heart was in the right place, and Elusive knew it too. He placed his hoof on her and then she yelled, “Don’t touch me, please! I cannot stand the way you tease! I mean, I love you but you hurt me so, Elusive.”

“So let her go pack her things and go.” Orange teased. So it was total silence and unsocializing from there on out, until the next scene we meet with them again.

You remember that pilot agent that flew me to the desert HQ? Well, he flew me again along with Merry and Fritter over to Manehatten City so we can begin our mission. Not so much of the mainland of Manehatten, more of those other island cities that neighbor it. There’s this one island which holds Hooflyn and Princesses. We’re taking the Hooflyn side. Down below, over at Meadow Songs Park, I saw a battle of some sort. I couldn’t really make-out what it was, but I had the feeling it was a mob battle.

“Huh. Look at that down there.” I pointed out.

“Ignore that turf battle, Jer. We need to stick with the plan.” Fritter said. “We’re bein’ asked to check out an old associate gang in Hooflyn. While the Marmellata family has business elsewhere, this gang known as the Dragonites take over operations for them. Or, if the Marmellatas don’t want to be known that they are responsible for a crime, they ask the Dragonites to take over.”

“It hasn’t been that way lately, however.” Merry said. “The Dragonites felt they haven’t had a fair share of cut from the Marmellatas recently, and they’re starting to look away from their business interests. This will make a good advantage for us. We’re going to one of their headquarters on Forums Street. An old red brick building, across from the El-Train tracks. We’re going to try to reason with them, and have them reveal secrets of the Marmellatas to us.”

“Why the Marmellatas though?” I asked. “What’s wrong with the other four families?”

“The Marmellatas run the whole Commission.” Merry said. “If we can attempt to convert them and it becomes a success, we’ll be able to convert the other families no problem.”

“Hey, if we can convert the Sphinx Cartel, converting a mob runned by our own species shouldn’t be much of a problem.” I said.

“We’re approaching the LZ now. Hold tight!” the pilot warned us. The chopper began to descend and we land on a helipad on top of an apartment building. “Alright, you’re good to go! Good luck! If you need a pickup, call me! Also, don’t forget about the United Harmony Paper though. They’re our undercover HQ.”

“Got it! Thanks!” Fritter said as we all jumped out of the chopper, and once we got out, it ascended again and flew off.

“This isn’t the building is it?” I asked.

“It’s the buildin’ closest to our target buildin’ that has a helipad.” Fritter said as she walked over to the rooftop door which leads to the ninth floor hallway. We walked down the stairs of this apartment building, seeing ponies walk by us, sleep in the middle of it, sweep it, kids seeing slinkies roll down the stairs, and all sorts of things. There is so much happening in one apartment building that has nine floors and three apartments on each floor. When we got downstairs, we went through two doors to get outside. One into a small room with mailboxes and one to outside. “Why so much ponies living in one little buildin’?” Fritter asked.

When we got out of the building we turned left and walked on the sidewalk to get to the target building just up the street. “It’s freezing out here.” I complained.

“You used to say that every night at LP during the first couple of months.” Merry said.

“Well it’s different here.” I said. “I mean, I can understand why LP is so cold at night since it’s a desert, but here, I can’t explain here.”

“We’re closer north.” Fritter said.

“Yeah, the Crystal region isn’t too far out.” Merry said.

“Well I hope wherever we’re going to has a heater.” I said. “So we’re going to reason with these ponies into giving up information Marmellatas?”

“Yeah, go ahead, Jer. Say it out loud for everypony to hear.” Merry said sarcastically. “I dunno if they heard you, try saying it louder.”

“Oi, love! I was just asking!” I complained.

“Keep it to yourself, agent.” Merry said. “Anyways, this is it right here. The brick building across from the El-Train tracks.

“Think they’ll let us in?” Fritter asked.

“I can persuade them.” Merry said as she knocks on the door.

The little slot on the door opens and whoever opens the slot and peeks his or her eyes out say, “What business do you have?”

“Wow, not even a hello?” Fritter whispered to me.

Alright, let’s see if we can get inside. Just like last time, we’re going to get a series of questions and you guess which one you think is the right one. It’s going to be a little more difficult now than it was before. You ready? Let’s do this!

So what business do we have here?

A: We’re looking for the Dragonites.

B: Pizza delivery!

C: We’re selling comics and thought you’d be interested.

D: Hey if you’d like to take a few minutes, we’d like to talk about our lord and savior, Queen Faust.

His responses:

A: Who?

B: We didn’t order a pizza.

C: Mmhmm, we’re listening.

D: …... Go away.

I’m not going to say what the obvious right answer is. You can guess.

What shall Merry say next?

A: Oh yes! We have a ton of comics for nerds like yourselves!

B: Of course! We got tons of Power Pony comics!

C: Yes! Comics on how to perform heists and such.

D: Yeah! Comics about our lord and savior, Queen Faust!

His response:

A: We are beloved nerds. Nerds are really cool.

B: I don’t like the Power Ponies.

C: Why would we have such use of that?

D: No… thank you.

“But why are you dressed like that?”

What’s Merry’s answer?

A: Oh we’re FDA agents.

B: We’re nerds just like you!

C: Secret agent cosplays.

D: Oh we wear this all the time.

His response:

A: Oh is that so?

B: Ah! Ok.

C: For which comic is there secret agents? I never seen a comic like that.

D: No wonder you stink.

“We too have cosplayers in here.” The Dragonite said. “They love to wear costumes that look so realistic that you won’t tell the difference.”

“Then I suppose we can take that.” Merry said. “Is it ok if we come in?”

“Of course. Come in!” the Dragonite said as he opens the door. Once he opens the door it would seem that this dude was actually a dragon. Either that or that’s a very impressive dragon costume. It would seem we have to just follow along. So we walked inside and saw a few ponies, but most were dragons. It was pretty fascinating to see there were dragons in the city. These dragons must be hidden pretty well since ponies still don’t know much about them.

“I like your cosplays!” Fritter said impressively. “Y’all remind me of mah stallionfriend and his friends.”

“Cool!” one of the dragons said. “What kind of business do you have for us?”

“We have comics for you!” Merry said.

“Awesome!” the dragon said. “What kind of comics do you have? Come to think of it, where are they? I don’t see any bags carrying them.”

How should Merry respond?

A: They’re back at our place.

B: They’re invisible.

C: Big monsters ate them.

D: They’re in our tuxedos.

Their response:

A: Sooo… why are you here? Go get them and come back. I don’t trust buying something that’s not here.

B: Ah, ok.

C: I take offense to that.

D: Uhh… I think I’ll pass on that.

“So what kind of comics are looking for?” Merry asked.

“Oh there’s so many different types!” the dragon said excitedly. “I mean the guy guarding the door, he likes fables. Most of us like superheroes, and our buddy over there likes the funny pages on newspapers. Such classics they are I must admit! How about you? What’s your favorite type of comic?”

Merry’s answer:

A: Oh I just love the romantic comics!

B: I’m with you on this! Super hero, no doubt!

C: I like the comics with mobsters in it!

D: Ehhh I dunno. All are ok.

His response:

A: ……

B: Yeah, baby! That’s what I’m talking about!

C: Oh yeah? I didn’t think there were comics with mobsters in it.

D: Yeah, all are ok, but there are some more ok than others.

Merry’s response:

A: I know enough about them.

B: Oh lots!

C: I know that you’re working with one of them.

D: I’m planning to bring them down! DOWN TO THE GROUND!

His response:

A: What’s that suppose to mean?

B: I doubt it.

C: You can’t prove anything!

D: Good luck with that.

Merry’s response:

A: I know enough of them that they’re mainly thinking of themselves.

B: I know enough of them that they want to betray you.

C: I know enough of them. Can’t you take that as an answer?

D: I lied, I know nothing about them.

His response:

A: Well… yeah… funny story about that.

B: How did you know that?

C: I could, but only because I’m easily trustworthy. I dunno about the others though.

D: Alright, I don’t see a problem with that.

“Oh yeah? Am I going to laugh at that funny story?” Merry teased.

“Funny.” The dragon said. “No, I just know how much honesty a mafia might be able to spare to those who work small time for them.”

“Scales! Why are you telling them that?!” one of the other dragons asked.

“You think I’m stupid?” Scales asked. “I know for a fact that these ponies could help us with our problem.”

“Oh yeah? How do you know?” Fritter asked.

“You didn’t block your FDA badges. I can see them in your pockets.” Scales pointed out. We all looked down and saw our badges were not completely hidden.

“Hey if you want us to still sell you comic books, I’ve got plenty at home.” Merry said.

“Perhaps, but we’ll talk about that later.” Scales said. “We have a bit of a problem with one of the five families – the Marmellata family.”

“What seems to be the problem with them?” Merry asked.

“Well, as you may know, the Marmellata family wasn’t true to their words all the time.” Scales explained. “We worked for them, and they either give us a too low of a cut or no cut at all. Mr. Marmellata keeps putting us off.”

“Why are you telling them this, Scales?!” the other dragon asked. “They’re feds! They’ll arrest us for sure!”

“No, we won’t.” I said.

“What kind of response was THAT, Jer?” Fritter asked.

“It’s a bad habit. Something that first came to mind.” I said.

“No, I’ve seen the FDA in action before.” Scales said. “A friend of mine has encountered one much like them a long while ago after he was captured by the DIF. They’re the evil ones.”

“No, they’re not evil.” I said. “Only some of them are corrupted. I’ve seen good DIF agents. There is this one agent that’s forced to be corrupted by he doesn’t want to be. It’s his partner that’s corrupted.”

“Yeah, just because one DIF agent is bad doesn’t mean they all are.” Fritter said.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Scales said. “We’re being blackmailed by both Mr. Marmellata and Agent S, the director of the DIF.”

“Ok they have a corrupted leader. That doesn’t mean they all are bad!” Fritter informed him.

“Blackmailed about what?” I asked.

“Shhh!” Merry shushed him. She then looked back at Scales and said, “We don’t want to know. Just tell us your troubles with the Marmellatas and the DIF.”

“They’re blackmailing us.” Scales said. “They swear to reveal our secret to the world if we ever disobey them. We’re slaves to them. That’s why the Marmellatas keep sending us to do their jobs for them for such little pay. You have to help us. They may be listening.”

“Yes… yes we were.” A voice said as the lights in the building go off, and then the television nearby turns on, revealing a shadow-like figure with a disguised voice, much like Agent S. “Greetings, Dragonites!”

“Agent S?” Fritter asked.

“No, no.” the voice said. “Even though I like the way how Agent S thinks with the whole disguised thing, I am Mr. Marmellata, don of the Marmellata family. I heard everything, Dragonites, and for that you shall pay the price.”

“Told ya, Scales. Told ya not to speak to loud, but did you listen? Nooooo.” The other dragon complained.

“Shut it!” Scales ordered him.

“But first,” Marmellata continued, “Jerry… it’s been too long. My, my, have you grown!”

“Wh-what?” I asked very curiously.

“Doesn’t matter.” Marmellata said. “We’ll meet face to face soon enough. Just as long as you are able to fend off the family.” The transmission then cuts off.

“Wait, Mr. Marmellata! Mr. Marmellata!” Scales yelled.

“It’s too late, Scales. We have an attack coming.” Merry said. “We must prepare ourselves for it.”

“I thought fighting wasn’t our way?” I asked.

“We’re not going to fight.” Merry said. “We’re going to set up traps and keep them out. It’s just a way of saying keep out. We’re not fighters, just remember that. Scales, you have any equipment for us to use?”

“I think I might have something in the back for us to use.” Scales said. “But I don’t think-“

“Take me to the back room.” Fritter instructed him. So Scales took Fritter to the back room to see what kind of gadgets she could use to build traps out of.

“Why would Mr. Marmellata want to fight the Dragonites though?” I asked.

“Because they disobeyed him.” Merry said.

“Yeah, but I thought it was blackmail?” I asked. “Why doesn’t Mr. Marmellata just blackmail the Dragonites like Scales said he would do?”

“Because… we’re here.” Merry said. “We’re the Dragonites’ best hope in redemption, and for that we will fulfill. You know why? It’s because it’s what we do. It’s our job, we gotta remember that, Jer. So you ready? Let’s do it! WOO!”

“Ok first off, I know what we are and what we do.” I reminded her. “Second, you didn’t let me answer your question on if I’m ready.”

“Are you ready though?” Merry asked.

“I am, but you could’ve at least let me answer.” I suggested.

So Scales took Fritter to the back hardware room to see what kind of equipment she could find. “This is our back room.” Scales said. “As you can see, missy, this stuff is pretty useless when it comes to making traps. Just a bunch of office equipment, appliances, utility supplies. Not much to make traps out of.”

Fritter started to smile and laugh in excitement, and then she said, “No, no! This is perfect! Ah have everythin’ ah need right here! We’ll keep the Marmellata out in no time flat!” Fritter grabs the stapler on top of a table and starts snapping it. “Eeyup! This is perfect!”

“Well… if you’re so sure of it.” Scales said uneasily.

Back in the other room, Merry asked one of the dragons, “Excuse me? Is there any emergency exits here? You know, just in case we need to evacuate. I’m sure a gang like yourself has an exit strategy.”

“Yeah over at the basement.” The dragon said.

“Can you show me?” Merry asked.

“Should I trust you enough?” the dragon asked.

“Your leader told us everything and we want to help you. What other way is there?” Merry asked.

“Good point.” The dragon nodded. “Follow me, I’ll show you, but if you abandon us by going through that emergency exit, I’ll burn you alive!”

“Sounds like a pretty reasonable threat, even though I’m already alive, so how can you burn me alive?” Merry teased.

“DON’T… tempt me!” the dragon warned her.

“I read you loud and clear, friend.” Merry said.

“Alright, follow me.” The dragon instructed her.

“Agent Jam, I’ll need you to contact the U.H. Paper.” Merry instructed me. “The Marmellata family might be giving a full-scale attack, and we may need some assistance.”

“Got it!” I said as I took out my phone. The dragon and Merry walked down to the basement to check out the emergency exit, and Fritter was building some traps along with a couple of the ponies that were here, and I was contacting the U.H. Paper for reinforcements.

Meanwhile, outside, as a train was going by on the El Train tracks, Marmellata family goons started surrounding the building, getting in position. The capo was ordering his ponies into certain positions of the building. Inside the building, some of the dragons and I were assisting Fritter in setting up the traps, while Merry was spraying on the wall next to the basement. “What are you doing, Mer?” I asked her.

“Bug spray.” She said.

“For what?” I asked.

“You don’t see me asking rhetorical questions, do you?” Merry asked.

“Alright, done!” Fritter said as she pulls the middle of a string like a guitar string.

“The Marmellatas are outside!” one of the ponies said.

“Defensive positions!” Scales cried out. “Agents, you don’t have to fight, but don’t stop us from defending our base of operations.”

“We can’t force you to do anything.” Merry said. “If you wish to fight and hurt other ponies, then so be it, but we are not. Well… I can’t force them either so technically I-“

“Cut the chatter, Mer! We got company!” Fritter said. So we all got into our positions and prepared for their attack.

“Dargon, Gordon! Head to the rooftops and ambush them from above!” Scales ordered two of his dragons.

“You’re kidding, right?” Dargon asked. Dargon was the dragon that guarded the door earlier.

“Good point.” Scales nodded. “Top Notch, Cheese Noodles! Head to the rooftops and ambush them from above.” He said to a couple of his ponies. The two ponies quickly ran up the stairs.

“Anything I should do, Fritter?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll need you to knock over this barrel full of marbles.” Fritter said. “It’s for the emergency exit. It’ll slow down the mobsters if they’re running inside as we escape into the basement if it ever has to come to that.”

“That’s it? Anything else?” I asked.

“Yeah, ah got one other thing for ya.” Fritter said as she reached through one of her jumpsuit pockets.

“Yeah?” I asked. Fritter then takes out a Rubik’s octagon and gives it to me. “A Rubik’s cube?”

“Uh, look at the shape. Rubik’s octagon.” Fritter corrected me.

“This is going to be impossible, love! How do you expect me to solve this?” I complained.

“Ah’ve been havin’ some trouble with it.” Fritter said. “You solve it, and ah’ll buy lunch all next week.”

“Well in that case… I want Indian food.” I said.

“Ugh!” Fritter said in a disgusted tone. “You actually like that stuff?”

“Of course not! But you hate it even more than I.” I said mischievously.

“Hmph… ah hope you don’t solve it.” Fritter said nervously. Just then, the door was pounded real hard, but luckily, Gordon and Dargon barricaded the door with the china cabinet.

“NO! Not the china cabinet!” Scales cried. “That was my grandma’s! Use the medical crate instead.”

“Good idea!” Dargon said as they moved the cabinet back to where it was and moved the medical supplies to barricade the door. “That should do it!” The mobsters continued to pound on the door. We got into positions and awaited the mobsters to come through.

Up on the roof, Top Notch and Cheese Noodles started timbering her some random junk in their building. They weren’t that heavy though, but falling from a hundred feet, they’d definitely be feeling that in the morning! “This is a great way to clean up the house, huh Cheese?” Top Notch asked.

“Dumping them on our doorstep doesn’t seem to be a wise way to be getting rid of our stuff.” Cheese said. What those two were doing weren’t really getting rid of the mobsters; it was only slowing them down.

“They wanna play hard ball, huh?” one of the mobsters asked. “Boys… bring out the big gun!” Just then, a giant cannon of some sort bursts out of the ocean which was behind the El Train tracks, jumps over the tracks and lands right in front of the building, cracking the asphalt while it was at it.

“Holy sweet mother of mashed potatoes!” Top Notch gasped.

“Yeeeeah… something tells me we’re going to be having a bigger mess in the building than it is now.” Cheese Noodles said. The giant cannon goes by a few degrees pointing to the roof of the building and just as it fires, the two ponies duck for cover.

“We can’t fight this! We need to warn the others!” Top Notch said.

“Or we can just leave.” Cheese suggested. “Be free from these dreadful dragons.”

“We can’t do that!” Top said.

“Sure we can! But I don’t want to, so let’s warn them.” Cheese said. Top nodded and they both ran back to the door and started heading back downstairs to warn the rest of us. Meanwhile downstairs, the rest of us heard a loud noise and even felt the building shake.

“What was that?” Fritter asked.

“You’re telling me! I sprayed out of line!” Merry complained.

“Oh no! Please! Please don’t tell me they brought it!” Scale said worryingly.

“What do ya mean ‘it’?” Fritter asked. Just then the building shook again. The two ponies ran downstairs while they were at it.

“Boss!” Top yelled. “They… they… they… they…”

“Snap out it of it, boy! Say what you need to say!” Scale instructed him.

“They have a pretty big gun outside.” Cheese said.

“Oh no! They recently threatened us with that thing! We won’t stand a chance!” Scales said.

“So what are ya sayin’?” Fritter asked.

“It’s about time you discovered the truth.” Scales said. Just then, the mobsters on the other side of the door started using blowtorches to blow open the door. One of the mobsters is blowtorching one side while another one was blowtorching the other.

“Are there any others besides all of you?” I asked.

“We have more among our group but they saw the Marmellatas’ true colors and left.” Gordon said. “To be honest right now, I regret not following them. I thought they were mad.”

“Cut the chatter! Prepare the traps!” Merry yelled. After the blowtorches were finished cutting the door, it doesn’t just drop, but the whole wall explodes forcing most of us to fall back from the impact. Some of the traps were ruined too.

“WHOA! Tense!” Fritter yelled. The Marmellatas started bursting inside and started attacking. We were defenseless since we weren’t standing next to our traps. But just as I thought I was done for, Scales, Dragon, and Gordon all went over towards the mobsters and started breathing fire on them. Some started burning, and they stopped, dropped, and rolled, as what ponies are supposed to do when they spontaneously combust; while others ran away. It gave us time to stand up. The ponies all ran downstairs, followed by Merry and Fritter. I turned back hoping they’d come along with us.

“GO! We’ll catch up!” Scales yelled. I nodded as I knock over the barrel full of marbles because I didn’t want that to go to waste, and some of the remaining mobsters in the building started to slip.

“You save me; I save you, now c’mon!” I ordered them.

“Gordon, Dargon! Go! I’ll hold them off!” Scales yelled out as he takes a deep breath, inhales, and just as he exhales, the rest of us go down into the basement. Unfortunately though, Scales was unable to make it and got captured by the mobsters. Gordon and Dargon knew it for sure when they barricaded the door.

“Why did you barricade the door?! Scales was still up there!” Top yelled.

“He wasn’t going to make it.” Dargon said. “This was part of the plan. He needed to get captured.”

“Are you sure about that?” Top asked.

“C’mon, this way.” Merry said as she pulls a book on the shelf that has the title ‘Pull Me’ on it. “Yeah, I’m not even going to ask why this book is called that.” After she pulls it, a secret passageway opens up. As it opens, the building shakes again.

“That cannon is going to tear that building apart! I left all my personal stuff up there!” Top whined.

“Hey, it’s not like you can’t buy more.” Cheese said sarcastically.

“Those were limited edition, mint condition, signed action figures up there, and they’re probably gone by now!” Top yelled in Cheese’s face, so much that Cheese toppled over.

“Will you two relax?” Fritter stopped them. “Those mobsters are goin’ to come down here any minute now and we’re goin’ to share the same fate as Scales if we don’t get movin’.”

“She’s right, let’s go.” Dargon said. So Merry lead us through the tunnels, and there were plenty of torches that lit the passageway up.

“Why are there lit torches down here? You use this tunnel often?” Merry asked.

“Only when we have to sneeze.” Gordon said. So we walked through the passageway with Merry leading the way, followed by Dargon, Fritter, me, Cheese, Top, and Gordon.

“Why don’t I lead the way? I know the way.” Dargon suggested.

“How do we not know if you’re leading us to a trap or not?” Merry asked.

“You don’t.” Dargon said. “But I could protect you from anything in front of us.”

“That’ll be unnecessary, but thank you.” Merry said.

“Isssssss it now?” Agent Snake Eyes asked as he stood in front of us pointing a Mountain Dew gun at Dargon. Eclipse Norton was with him along with some other corrupted DIF agents.

“Stand aside! I’ll burn them to a crisp!” Dargon offered.

“No, Dargon!” I stopped him. “They’re DIF agents!”

“An even more reason to burn them!” Dargon said. “These ponies along with the Marmellatas are keeping us dragons enslaved!”

“You just told them our secret, Dargon.” Gordon informed him.

“Like we didn’t know already from the start.” Merry said sarcastically.

“But these agents are still living beans.” I said.

“Wait, what?” Fritter asked as she looked at me.

I just started laughing. “I just realized what I said!”

“Why is the DIF here anyway?” Merry asked. “How did they know about us being with the Dragonites?”

“We didn’t, until Mr. Marmellata told us.” Eclipse said.

“Big mouth much, Norton? I wasssss going to try to fool them into thinking we’re psychic.” Snake complained.

“So… you two are working together huh? The DIF and the Marmellatas?” Dargon asked.

“Not exactly.” Eclipse said. “They’re on our most wanted list, but Agent S promised to drop charges against them if the Marmellatas work along side him to hunt down a certain pony.”

“Yesssss! And that one pony is among you!” Snake said.

“Which one of us is it though?” Merry asked.

“Isn’t it obvious, Agent May?” I asked.

“Yessssss, Agent Jam!” Snake said mischievously.

“It’s you we want!” a Marmellata mobster said as more Marmellata goons surrounded us from behind.

Author's Note

Princesses and Hooflyn - I bet you can guess what they reference since this is taking place in Manehattan. ;) You know, perhaps I could've used Bucklyn instead because it sounds more similar. Oh well.

So in this chapter, I'm mainly giving the chance to get to know to the Marmellata family, and their leader... or at least their leader's shadow. Also the name Dragonites just came to me so I decided to make some of the dragons. I dunno, I had more to say with Friendship Mafia's chapter 13 than this one.

Y'know, my birthday was a couple of days ago. I guess we can call this and the Friendship Mob release: MegaSean45's Birthday Weekend Release! :D

The Double Life Affair

Back on the Zeppelin, Orange, Cesaer, Elusive, and Jelly were all sitting in their cell still, waiting for something to happen. Well the wait is no longer as a Marmellata mobster opens the cell door, which causes Elusive to screech.

“Mobsters return! They kill us all!” Elusive yelled. “Please don’t take me! It was just a debt! A debt I tell you! Is it worth taking somepony’s life over! I have so much of my life I still need to do! I can give you passes to the VIP lounge in my club! Just please! Please don’t hurt me!”

“HEY!” the prisoner one cell over yelled as he knocked on the wall. “Will you pipe down in there?! It’s bad enough I have to suffocate in this small dark room waiting for my enemies to gain power and my organization to lose power! The last thing I need is to hear whining!”

“Quiet, hater!” Elusive yelled.

“Shut up!” Orange yelled at Elusive. “I agree with him, dawg! You need to pipe down!”

“Yeah, holms!” Cesaer agreed.

“Well sor-ry!” Elusive complained. “I don’t need one of my ex-manager’s gangster friends to make me feel worse than I already feel!”

“Ugh!” the pony next door groaned. “Why do I have to be next door to a bunch of babies?!”

“I heard that!” Elsuive yelled.

“Yeah, fool! Want me to mess you up!?” Orange yelled.

“SHUT UP! The boss is trying to rest!” a blue mobster pony yelled from outside.

“Yeah, buddy! You just askin’ for somepony to be sleepin’ with the fishes!” the other mobster pony yelled.

“I love fish though.” Elusive said. “I mean, I love them as pets in bowls, but not to sleep with them!”

“All of you be quiet!” the Marmellata mobster escorting the two rival mobsters yelled from outside as he opens my cell door and he throws them back inside our neighbor’s cell. “You stay here and stay quiet.” The Marmellata mobster ordered them. “I have to deal with your neighbors first.”

“By all means, take care of them.” The first voice next door insisted.

“JERK!” Elusive yelled as he pounded the wall.

The Marmellata mobster walked over to our cell with the first one, and Jelly said, “What do you clowns want?”

“All of you are being escorted somewhere else.” The first Marmellata said.

“Can’t be no worse than being next door to whoever’s next door to us!” Elusive said.

“Well the thing is you four are being separated in twos.” The first Marmellata said.

“Anything to get away from this whiner.” Orange complained as he pointed to Elusive, and Elusive suddenly glares at him.

“Well I believe you should be glad to hear that you two you are coming with us.” The second Marmellata said. “Our partner would like to speak to you two.”

“What partner? Who is this partner?” Cesaer asked.

“You’ll see.” The second Marmellata said. “Now come on. He doesn’t like waiting.”

“Best of luck to you dos.” Cesaer said to Elusive and Jelly.

“Yeah, you fools are gonna need it.” Orange agreed as he and Cesaer followed the second Marmellata mobster out of the cell.

“What are you going to do to them?” Jelly asked nervously.

“That is none of your concern.” The first Marmellata said. “Now, as for you two – you two are coming with me. The boss wants to see you.”

“What does your boss want with us?” Jelly asked.

“We’re bait, remember?” Elusive reminded her. “I mean, it’s not like he’s coming for us though, dear.”

“Mr. Marmellata thinks otherwise.” The mobster said.

“Well tell ‘Mr. Marmellata’,” Elusive said in a teasing accent, “he’s not going to have any luck.”

“The boss is never wrong. Now get moving!” the mobster orders them.

“SHUT UP!” the prisoner next door yelled. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!”

“YOU SHUT UP!” Elusive yelled at the next door. “YOU SAY I’M TOO LOUD! LISTEN TO YOU!”

“Let’s go, Elou.” Jelly said as she and Elusive follow the mobster out of their cell.

Meanwhile back in the underground passageway, the DIF was still blocking our path and the Marmellatas were blocking behind us, and I was very concerned on what I just found out. “So I was all part of your plans, huh?” I asked.

“Exssssactly!” Snake said. “Agent S was really interested in you in particular! The way you turned joints, all those raids and heists, it wassssss beyond anything we could ever imagine.”

I then wiped the spit off my face. “Say it, don’t spray it!” I complained.

“Yeah he does that a lot.” Eclipse said.

“SSSSSSHUT IT!” Snake yelled at him.

“That word doesn’t even have a ‘Sss’ sound.” Eclipse corrected him.

“Wow listen to you. Is Snake’s ways rubbing off on you, Norton?” Merry teased.

“Perhaps.” Norton played along.

“Quiet!” Snake demanded. “Now then, Agent Jam-“

“Hey you knew me for a long time. Call me Jerry.” I insisted.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Snake demanded. “Anyways, I bet you’re concerned why we’ve been watching you for a long time.”

“Not really.” I said.

“Really?” Snake asked surprisingly.

“No, I really am, I just wanted to give you a hard time, mate.” I smiled mischievously.

“And it is working.” Snake said.

“So go ahead, Snake. Tell me why you’ve been watching me all this time.” I said.

“Very well then.” Snake said. “You deserve the right to know as anypony else. We’ve been watching you and your friendsss for a very long time. They have been most impressssssive.”

“Why didn’t you arrest us then?” I asked. “You had the opportunity to anytime!”

“You were an interesting specimen to ussss.” Snake said. “Seeing you going off like that, pulling all those criminal activities, it made us interested with you joining us.”

“Join you?” I asked. “You hire criminals? Wow!”

“So do we.” Fritter informed me.

“Excuse me?” I turned around and asked curiously.

“We all hire criminals.” Fritter said. “They’re useful to us if they’re good enough. It’s another way to reform them, by doing community service.”

“Not to mention, you were a criminal once too so don’t act too surprised, Jer.” Merry reminded me.

I then chuckled a bit in embarrassment. “Of course. How can I forget?”

“But for some reason, you turned yourself in.” Snake said. “We could’ve had you join us if you didn’t turn yoursssselves in.”

“Well then I’m glad I turned us in!” I said. “I’m not interested in joining the DIF. The FDA is much better in my opinion. The police chief said so, and I took his word for it.”

“You agreed to sssomepony elses opinion?” Snake asked. “Don’t you understand how sssstupid that sounds?”

“I was 11 at the time!” I informed him. “Foals would believe anything anypony tells them.”

“So you were corrupted at foalhood into thinking the FDA is the best way to go.” Snake said.

“The FDA IS the best way to go.” Fritter said.

“Jerry here,” Merry places her hooves on my shoulders and rocked me, “he has accomplished a lot during his days as an FDA agent. Yes, he made some mistakes here and there, and even put the FDA at risk of being disbanded.”

“Way to remind them, Mer.” I complained.

“But he could’ve did a lot worse if he was a part of the DIF.” Merry said.

“And how!” Fritter agreed.

“And how?” I repeated curiously.

“Yeah I never got the meaning myself when I first heard it.” Merry informed me.

“So how long have you been watching me then?” I asked.

“Long enough.” Snake said.

“How about you, Norton?” I asked. “How did it feel spying on me all my life?”

“I wasn’t in the DIF for that long.” Eclipse informed me. “I pretty much started around the same time as you, Snake tells me. A few weeks before that though. My first assignment was taking care of somepony you know.”

“Wait what?” I asked.

“Nevermind, I said too much.” Eclipse stopped himself.

“Just like R.E.M.!” Gordon teased.

“Shush, Gordon!” Dargon stopped him.

“Yeah, dragons! You’re next!” one of the Marmellata mobsters warned them.

“Well, all this pretty much explains why the DIF want me so bad.” I said. “But why do the Marmellatas want me? They seem a little too desperate for it for ponies that are trying to get their criminal charges dropped.”

“How do you know that? They were after all of us.” Dargon asked. “They got Scales!”

“I don’t.” I said. “Here I got a better question. Why would the DIF want to use the Marmellatas to capture somepony like me? The DIF is a big organization. You don’t need another organization to capture one pony.”

“We have our reasonsssss.” Snake said.

“Care to explain? Since you told us a lot already?” I asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough, Agent Jam.” Snake said. “You will find out sssssoon enough.”

“In that case, our work here is done.” Merry said as she takes out a detonator and the tunnel behind us explodes. Fritter and I were really startled, but Merry… she didn’t even flinch. She just mischievously stared at Snake as she took out the detonator and pressed it. It’s the kind of badflank that Merry May is.

As the tunnel behind us explodes, it cuts the Marmellata mobsters from us. It would take a lot of digging to catch up to us. As that happens though, the street above us collaspes. The sinkhole that was created up above was the same street the giant cannon that gave us trouble before was on. The cannon falls right through the sinkhole and causes the blockade which cuts the Marmellatas off from us. It would’ve made more sense if I just said that the first time. The DIF got startled as well, so much that most of them fainted.

“WHOA!” Eclipse said surprisingly as he drops the candy cane out of his mouth that he was sucking on. Yeah, he was sucking on his mouth, that’s exactly what I just said.

“WHOA INDEED!” Fritter yelled. “Merry, what gives?!”

“Relax, the Marmellatas are fine.” Merry said. “It was either them or the DIF, and those mobsters were really getting on my nerves.”

“Whatever.” Snake said. “This wasn’t the time we wanted to capture you anyway. Your time will come sssssoon enough.” Snake and Norton started to walk away, but we didn’t want that to happen just yet.

“Wait a minute! Why don’t you answer my questions nooOOw?!” I yelled. I tried to go after him, but the remaining DIF agents were blocking the way, distracting us, giving Snake and Norton time to escape.

“Hey! Get out of the way!” Fritter demanded.

“When Eclipse and Snake escape, we will move.” The agents said.

“Why don’t you move now, or else?” I threatened him.

“Or else what? Violence? You know you don’t stand to that level!” the agent reminded us. “And you, dragons! You’re still safe as long as you don’t help these ponies!”

“Why don’t we barbeque you here and now?” Dargon asked. “I mean I won’t intentionally help these agents, but it will give me satisfaction.”

“Intentional or non-intentional, either way, you can’t touch us.” The agent said. “Ok, well, Norton and Eyes seem to be far enough. We will see you agents later. And we have our eyes on you dragons!” The agent places his hoof near his eyes and then points to the dragons, and then the DIF agents walk away.

“Ok before we say anythin’ else, let me just say, Merry… WHAT IN TARNATION WAS THAT!?” Fritter yelled.

“What do you mean, Apple Fritter?” Merry asked.

“The dynamite. Since when was that there?” Fritter asked.

“She placed some dynamite there before the battle, just in case we were being followed.” Dargon said.

“And the results it given us! Dang!” Gordon said surprisingly. “We even took out their giant confetti cannon!”

“At least that won’t bother us anymore.” Dargon said. “But now Scales is gone.”

“He might’ve been captured by the mobsters.” Merry assumed.

“But don’t worry, Dargon.” I said. “Our next target is Mr. Marmellata of the Marmellata family. We need to find out what he’s up to. If Agent Snake Eyes won’t give me enough detail, then maybe the don himself will.”

“Interrogate him?” Fritter asked.

“In a way, sure.” I said. “But perhaps it won’t be necessary. Agent Eyes wants me to go see him it would seem.”

“Smells like a trap.” Fritter assumed.

“Traps don’t have a scent, Fritter.” Merry teased.

“Is this really the time now for jokes, Agent May?” Fritter asked.

“Every time is a good time for jokes, as Flare once said to me.” Merry said.

“What’s with you and Flare, Merry?” I asked. “How do you even know him?”

“We both live in Ponyville.” Merry said. “He’s a pretty cool pony.”

“You talk about him nonstop.” I said. “Is there something you wish to tell us?”

“Oh what? You’re interrogating me now?” Merry complained. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, but don’t we have a mission to do?”

“You brought it up. Just sayin’.” Fritter reminded her.

“So what are we going to do now?” Merry asked.

“I dunno. Dargon? Gordon? Any suggestions?” I asked.

“You heard the weird pony with a lot of issues, we can’t help you.” Dargon said.

“You can if you tried!” Merry informed him. “This is your chance to earn your freedom!”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Gordon said. “We prefer to be in exile if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, you know how all these ponies are going to react when they find out fully grown dragons flock their neighborhoods?” Dargon asked.

“But the mob has your leader!” Merry reminded them. “This is as much of your business as it is ours!”

“We cannot do anything to help you, I’m sorry.” Dargon said. “We helped you enough as it is, but perhaps, if you wish, you can rescue Scales for us while confronting Mr. Marmellata. We’d call it even, and we’ll flee the city.”

“Perhaps we should try Fillydelphia next.” Gordon suggested. “I heard there’s a bit of an underground dragon community there.”

“So that’s it? You just want us to rescue your leader and then y’all are just goin’ to cut ties and run?” Fritter asked.

“That’s the general plan.” Dargon said.

“Huh… ah don’t see why not.” Fritter shrugged. “We’d be helpin’ you out.”

“Don’t we have a say in this?” Top Notch asked.

“Yeah, for real?” Cheese Noodles agreed.

“Oh, ah forgot you two were here.” Fritter admitted.

“Yeah, same here.” Merry agreed.

“To be honest, so did I.” Gordon said.

“Are you kidding me?!” Top Notch complained.

“Well you two aren’t dragons, maybe you could help us?” I suggested.

“We remain loyal to our dragon brethren.” Top Notch said.

“Yeah, we can’t just abandon them now.” Cheese Noodles said. “They need us, and we need them.”

“So that’s it then?” Merry asked. “What are you going to do? Just hide down here until Scales is rescued?”

“Perhaps.” Dargon said. “I mean, maybe we should try somewhere else since the police should we arriving here any minute.”

“Why don’t we all go look for some shelter then?” Fritter suggested.

“We can’t help you!” Dargon reminded us.

“Exactly. You can’t help us.” Fritter said. “But they didn’t say we can’t help you. We’ll help you find all of us some shelter, and y’all would do nothin’ to help us in the process.”

“I’m not sure if that’s the way it works.” Top Notch said.

“Now hang on, I think they’re onto something.” Cheese Noodles said.

“Look, as long as the DIF thinks we’re helping you, they know it’s going to delay us from stopping them.” Merry said. “The DIF can stop you from helping us, but they cannot legally stop us from helping you. As long as we help you, they can’t do anything. It’s FDA policy.”

“Hmm…” Dragon thought it over

“She does make a good point.” Gordon said.

“Ok, FDA, we’ll give you the chance to help us.” Dargon agreed. “But are you sure they can’t do anything?”

“Not legally.” Merry said. “If they do, we can report it, and the DIF will be in so much trouble. The DIF cannot meddle in FDA affairs. Trust me on that.” Merry then looked over at me and said, “I know from experience.” So we all agreed that we’d help the Dragonites, but they cannot help us. I mean, it’s not really that fair, but at least the DIF can’t do anything, but unfortunately, the Marmellata family can, but we didn’t want to tell them that.

After a few hours, we got to the other side of the tunnel, and Dargon points out, “Ok, the exit is just through here.”

“I know that, I travelled through this tunnel before the battle.” Merry reminded him.

“THEY don’t know that.” Dragon reminded her pointing to Fritter and me.

“Well THEY might not want to be put down like that and just stick to the mission at hoof.” Fritter said.

“Or claw.” Gordon added.

“Or hands.” Cheese Noodles added.

“Or fins.” Top Notch added.

“Or feathers.” Merry added as she spreads her wings.

“Or… umm… yeah, I can’t think of another one.” I said. So we all climbed up the ladder out of the tunnel, and with Fritter leading we climbed out of the tunnel and made it to the surface where it was dark out. As we all climbed up, we were in the middle of a park of some sort that was really out of shape.

“Here we are – Fashion Park.” Merry said.

“Not a very well-stabilized park. Could use a little TLC.” Top Notch said.

“More like TLC.” Cheese Noodles said.

“That’s what I just said.” Top Notch reminded him.

“Yeah but mine means something else.” Cheese Noodles said.

“At least nopony is here to see us.” Dargon said. Just then, over at the long weedy grass nearby, it started to move like something was inside it.

“You sure about that?” Gordon asked.

“Keep on the alert.” Merry said. We kept on the lookout as we walked through the nasty park. It was so nasty that Fritter even stepped on decades-old dog poo. It was so old that it turned into dust, which is a relief because if any fresher, her jumpsuit would’ve been stained.

“We could just fly away if we wanted to.” Dargon said.

“But do you want to?” Merry asked.

“You promised us protection, and we can’t say no to that.” Dargon said. “I just hope you’re right when you said the DIF can’t do anything to us.”

“That’s the DIF though. What about the Marmellata family?” Gordon asked.

“Yeah that’s right.” Dargon remembered. “What about it, Agent May? Are we safe from the Marmellata family?”

“To be honest, ah was hopin’ they wouldn’t ask.” Fritter said.

“I was about to make up something until you said that. Thanks a lot, Agent Fritter.” Merry complained.

“You want to lie to them?” Fritter asked.

“For their own good, sure!” Merry said.

“Wow and we were about to trust you.” Dargon shook his head. “How do we know if we can trust any of you?”

“Hey! Ah’m the one that wanted us to tell the truth!” Fritter reminded them.

“How do we know you’re telling the truth, huh?” Dargon asked her. “What if you’re a double-agent in this scenario?”

“How does that make any sense? That’s the real question!” Fritter asked. To get them both to pipe down, I picked up a stick and threw it in the long grass seeing if we can get whatever’s back there to show itself. Afterwards, a butterfly flies out.

“There.” I said.

“That was just a butterfly. How can a butterfly make all that rumble?” Top Notch asked. Just then, few squirrels pop out of the bushes and start chase eachother up a tree nearby.

“Sandy?” Fritter asked.

“So yeah, it was just a couple of squirrels and a butterfly.” I said.

“And a mobster.” A Marmellata mobster said as he pops out of the bushes aiming his weapon at us.

“Of course.” Cheese Notch facehooved himself.

“Get them boys!” the Marmellata yelled out. We all took out our weapons as well as we expected to get surrounded by mobsters. As a mobster popped up behind us and roared, we aimed our weapons at him; however, as it turns out, it wasn’t a roar but a scream. The mobster was getting tazed as he collapses on the ground.

“Wait… what just happened?” Merry asked.

“Agent May? Agent Fritter? Agent Jam?” an FDA agent asked as he pops out from behind the grass. All around us, the mobsters were getting captured by even more FDA agents. We felt relieved.

“Oh good! FDA agents from the U.H. Paper!” I said excitedly.

“It’s been a while since we last seen your friendly faces.” Merry said.

“We got your message, Agent May, and we came as quickly as we could.” The agent said.

“Well done, agent!” Merry said.

“Wait what are you talking about, Merry? What message?” I asked.

“Remember back at the Dragonite HQ when I was spraying the wall?” Merry asked.

“The one you said it was bug spray?” I asked.

“Yeah it wasn’t actually spray.” Merry admitted.

“I figured that. What was it then?” I asked.

“Think about it. I’m trying to give a message to FDA agents. I sprayed a message you cannot see.” Merry informed me.

“Unless I wore the special glasses.” I remembered. “Right, I remember those messages.”

“Bingo!” Merry said.

“Yes, you called?” an agent asked.

“So what did the message say?” I asked.

“We need milk and eggs from the store.” Merry teased.

“C’mon be serious.” I complained.

“Alright the message said we’re going to be at this park here. I put it there just in case we get into trouble, which we did.” Merry said.

“It’s a good thing we came when we did.” Bingo said. “Looks like you had trouble with our suspects at large.”

“We need to find Mr. Marmellata.” I said. “We’d be saving a great deal by capturing him.”

“Hang on, Jer, first thing’s first.” Fritter reminded me. “We gotta get these fellas somewhere safe.”

“And then we’re done, right?” Dargon asked.

“Well we do need somewhere safe to stay for the night.” Fritter said.

“And then we’re done, right?” Dargon asked.

“Nooo, and then we’re goin’ to help you find Scales.” Fritter reminded him.

“You’re helping us so much, you’re making us feel guilty.” Gordon said.

“Hey, no need, it’s our job.” Fritter said.

“Well said, Agent Fritter.” Merry nodded.

“Well if it’s your job, we can’t take you away from that.” Dargon said. “Does your job really mean this much to you?”

“It means more to me than anything!” I said.

“Really, Jer? It does?” Fritter asked.

“Well… yeah! You know how much good we’re doing?” I explained. “We’re making lives better for everypony around us!”

“Not everypony, sugarcube.” Fritter said.

“What do ya mean, love?” I asked.

“Mah family means more to me than anything.” Fritter said. “Ah’d sell out mah job in a heartbeat if it means their safety.”

“Same here.” Merry said. “My twin sister Sunny Rays, she means more to me than this job. My friends, those that have been there for me like you and Fritter… and Flare… this job, I mean… it means nothing unless you know what you’re fighting for!”

“We’re fighting for Equestria, aren’t we?” I asked. “We’re fighting for ponies’ safety?”

“Not just for Equestria, Agent Jam.” Merry said.

“Then for what else?” I asked.

“If you don’t know, we ain’t tellin’ ya.” Fritter said. “This is somethin’ you have to find out for your own.”

“Now then… shall we take these dragons somewhere safe before we get spotted?” Merry suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Dargon agreed.

“We have a hideout perfect for operations like this, over on this very street.” Bingo said.

So we all left the park. Most of the agents left with the Marmellata mobsters and we all headed to this FDA-controlled boarding house on Fashion Drive so we can hide out for the night. Luckily, the boarding house wasn’t so far from the park, and it was the middle of the night so the Dragonites didn’t get spotted with us. When we got in, we settled down.

“Well… this is a nice place.” Cheese Noodles commented. “It’s much nicer than our old hideout. Still a little dusty though, but you know, it’ll do.”

“I’m going to go watch TV.” Gordon said as he walks over to the living room.

“Ah, you read my mind, Gordon!” Cheese Noodles agreed.

“I’ll go to the kitchen and find us some food.” Top Notch offered. “Dargon you in?”

“Nah. I need to be alone for a bit.” Dargon said as he walks upstairs.

“Well we better get rest up.” Fritter said. “First thing tomorrow we need to locate where Mr. Marmellata is being held. We can capture him, and we can rescue Scales in the process.”

“Yeah if he’s with him that is.” Merry informed her.

“Good point.” Fritter agreed. “It wouldn’t be likely that they’d keep a hostage with the don unless the hostage was being interrogated.”

“Which he probably is.” I added.

“Ah’m goin’ to go look up some information on the Marmellata family.” Fritter offered. “See if we can get some advantage over them. Maybe see where they hide out and what their techniques might be. But in the meantime, ah got somethin’ for you two to do.”

“What do you need us to do, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.

“Well, Agent May, I’m so very glad you asked!” Fritter said as she gives her a device of some sort. “Wherever we’re goin’ to, they must have a pretty tight security system. This is yer chance to practice. Get used to the device. Ah connected it to the wi-fi next door. Luckily, they’re on vacation right now, so they won’t miss it. Plug the device into the cable cord, and you should be able to get in through.”

“How does this device work?” Merry asked.

“It’s kinda like a maze.” Fritter explained. “Once you start it, the little worm thing is going to be moving around, and you have to guide it through by pressing those arrow buttons. Don’t let it touch the walls or you’ll have to start over.”

“That’s it?” Merry asked.

“That’s it for here.” Fritter said. “If by any chance you mess up while on the mission, the alarm might go off, if the place we’re goin’ to has tight security, which ah’m pretty sure is. Get the little worm onto the dot at the end of the maze and you’re in! But Merry, ah must let you know that dependin’ on how strong the security system is will depend on how difficult the maze would be.”

“So it’s like a video game.” Merry said.

“It’s a video game where there are actual consequences.” Fritter said. “Ah mean, not this time. This time it’s all practice and fun, but when we get on the mission, it’s goin’ to be more than that.”

“Maybe I should practice with it too just in case.” I suggested.

“Nah. Ah got somethin’ else for you, Agent Jam.” Fritter said as she takes out a small stick device with a glass orb on top containing a spinning rainbow.

“Hey isn’t that the FDA’s forgetting device?” I asked.

“Uh huh. Ah made some upgrades to it.” Fritter said. “It works a lot better but it’s more complicated to work. You can take control of some mobsters, maybe turn them against eachother or somethin’, or make them your temporary friends. Dependin’ how long you use it on a pony will depend on how long and how effective it would be. Don’t use it for too long or you may damage their brains.”

“So who should I practice this on?” I asked as I took the device. “Will this still have consequences if I practiced here?”

“Well, dragon brains are small, but they are as strong as platinum.” Fritter said.

“WE HEARD THAT!” Gordon yelled from the other room.

“Perhaps you can practice on Gordon or Dargon.” Fritter suggested.

“Perhaps I may.” I said.

“Yes? You called for me?” Merry teased.

“So you two know what to do?” Fritter asked. “We have to be prepared for the incomin’ mission. Ah’ll be upstairs with mah stuff if you need me. Hopefully you don’t because ah need concentration.”

“Going to look up some pictures of kittens?” I asked mischievously.

Fritter started to chuckle. “Yeah, good one, Jer… heeeh. Yes.” She admitted as she then walked upstairs.

“Well I’ll get started on the hacking.” Merry said as she walks into the living room. Gordon, Cheese Noodles, and Top Notch were watching the news on TV.

“And so it was said that the incident in Meadow Songs Park was merely gang warfare.” The news pony said. “In other news: Cheese Sandwich’s Cheese Supreme Cannonball Surprise has been stolen. Cheese himself assumed that a bunch of wacky tuxedo looking weirdos have stolen it from him as he was entertaining the griffons in Griffonstone.” Just then, the TV starts to snow.

“HEEEEEY!” the trio complained.

“We were watching that!” Gordon complained.

“Sorry boys.” Merry said as she unplugged the TV cable. “I need to practice hacking. We’ll be getting wi-fi in a moment. Perhaps you can watch whatever you want to watch on your phones or something.”

“I don’t need wi-fi, I got 9G.” Top Notch said.

“Is it going to be password protected wi-fi?” Cheese Noodles asked.

“Yeah.” Merry said.

“Ok good. Because for some reason my electronics won’t connect me to any wi-fis that have no passwords.” Cheese Noodles said.

“Probably because you go crazy with the antivirus softwares.” Top Notch assumed. “Avast blocks any unprotected wi-fis.”

“Of course. That explains a lot!” Cheese said as he bops himself in the head.

Before I went to the living room to ask Gordon to help me out, my cell phone began to ring. It was an unknown caller, but I answered anyway. “Oi!” I said.

“Jerry…” a mysterious voice said.

“Who is this?” I asked.

“I’m waiting for you, Jerry.” the voice said.

“Robotic voice? Is this Agent S or Mr. Marmellata?” I asked.

“I need you Jerry. We miss you.” The voice said.

“Mr. Marmellata?” I asked.

“Yes?” he asked.

“What do you want with me!?” I yelled.

“Jerry who are you talking to?!” Merry yelled from the other room.

“Uhh, my sister!” I lied. I then said quietly on the phone. “Listen, I don’t know who you really are, or what you want from me, but I’m going to find out sooner or later.”

“You will. Believe me, you will.” Mr. Marmellata said as he hangs up.

“Hello? Mr. Marmellata? Hello? You could’ve at least said ‘good bye’.” I complained. I didn’t know why he called me, and this doesn’t get me anywhere closer to finding out what he wants from me. Maybe it was best not to answer that call. Mama always said not to talk to strangers. HA! That was a lie. My criminal’s guide actually taught me that one!

So for the next few hours, I was practicing with Gordon’s memory and Merry was hacking for so long that she became obsessed over it. I hope it doesn’t become too much of an obsession for her. Fritter also hopes that she doesn’t beat her high score. Meanwhile, back with Orange and Cesaer, they were walked in to some interrogating room escorted by the mobster back at the prison cell.

“Take a seat.” The mobster ordered them. “Our associate will be with you a minute.”

“Your associate?” Orange asked.

“Take a seat!” the mobster ordered them again.

“Can we at least have a drink or something?” Cesaer asked. But it was too late; the mobster left and shuts the door behind him. “I’ll take that as a ‘if we’re good’.” The duo takes a seat in front of the empty table.

“So… what do you think this dude wants from us?” Orange asked.

“No idea.” Cesaer said. “I thought we were going to be hostages?”

“Perhaps we still are.” Orange assumed. “I mean, with hostages separated it would be less of a chance for Jer to be able to save us all so these wacko mobsters can get what they want from him.”

“Knowing J, he’ll probably go after his hemana and chica jefe over us.” Cesaer assumed.

“His what?” Orange asked.

“Jelly and Elusive.” Cesaer said.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Orange said.

“You should’ve paid more attention in Espanol class then, holms.” Cesaer advised him.

“What class?” Orange asked.

“Wait hold that thought.” Cesaer stopped him as a projector screen comes down in front of them on the wall. The projector turns on and then a shadowy figure appears.

“Greetings!” the pony who is either Agent S or Mr. Marmellata said. “You must be Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad! It is so nice to meet you at last!”

“I knew living in LP would make us famous, dawg!” Orange said excitedly as he shook Cesaer.

“Who are you?” Cesaer asked the pony. “Why can’t we see your face, and what’s with that robotic voice?”

“My identity is a secret for purposes that are none of your business.” The pony said. “What I can tell you, however is that I am Agent S, director of the DIF.”

“The DIF? Isn’t that where Jerry works?” Orange asked.

“No I think it was… I dunno, there was an F in there.” Cesaer said. “F… FID?”

“FDA actually.” Agent S reminded them.

“Ah right! That’s the one! Good lookin’ out, homie!” Orange said to him.

“It’s funny that you mention, Agent Jerry Jam actually.” Agent S said.

“Yeah it sure is funny.” Orange said. “Ha, ha, and ha. His name is a big joke, just like him.”

“I agree.” Agent S said. “Which is why there are still some things you have yet to know about him that you don’t know.”

“He’s a liar and a crook. I don’t care about anything else about him, S.” Cesaer said.

“Other than he has a hot sister!” Orange added as he fans himself with his hoof. “Woo-wooo!”

“Right, but there are still some things you have yet to know about him.” Agent S said.

“Now hang on a minute, dawg.” Orange stopped him. “All you feds are the same. How do we know if you’re telling the truth? You’re all bad!”

“I know I am not much.” Agent S said. “I am not a very openly pony, and I admit that. I at least don’t lie about my life. You know why?”

“No.” Cesaer said.

“Because nopony knows about my life, and therefore, I am not lying to them.” Agent S said.

“That is true.” Cesaer nodded. “I guess you’re not one to lie to your amigos.”

“I don’t have amigos, amigo.” Agent S said. “Friends always bring me down. I don’t need them. I have wealth, knowledge, and power. I have everything I need to survive. But don’t worry about me. I am not that interesting.”

“Fo’ sure.” Orange agreed.

“Who you are interested in though is Jerry Jam.” Agent S said.

“Jerry Jam is dead, homie!” Orange said angrily. “That pony is just another brainwashed fed who lost his ways. Prison changed him, dawg!”

“What if I told you prison didn’t change him and he was like this a lot longer than you think?” Agent S asked.

“Back in the day he was our main pony! Our partner in crime!” Cesaer said. “Before we were caught, he was our boy!”

“Was he now?” Agent S asked. “What if I told you that your partner in crime turned himself in?”

“I would say I ain’t surprised.” Orange said.

“Did he?” Cesaer asked.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Agent S suggested. “Let me play you back a recording from a camera that so happened to be in Jerry’s limo 16 years ago.”

On the projector, the old film numbers counted down and after 2, the recording of my conversation with my limo driver from 16 years ago played back for my friends to see.

“Are you sure you want to do this, kid?” James asked.

“Sorry, James Bon-Bon, but I have to do this. My conscious will be cleared, and when I get out, I’m going to make a difference in Equestria.” I said.

“What about Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee?” James asked.

“They won’t agree to turn themselves in. I know them.” I said.

“So you’re just going to let them roam free?” James asked.

“No. I’ll report their locations to the cops.” I said. Orange and Cesaer then gasped.

“Wouldn’t you be ratting them out?” James asked.

“You should tell the cops otherwise though.” James suggested. “Tell your friends you were all caught, but you were just caught first.” The recording then stopped, and Agent S appeared on the screen again.

“Surprised?” Agent S asked.

“No!” Orange said. “I’m shocked! I mean I figured he’d do something like this, but what I didn’t know is that he actually had the guts to say it out loud without even looking guilty!”

“That’s just low, holms! Very low!” Cesaer said angrily. “What I really don’t get is that why would you show us this, S?! You here to torture us or something?!”

“No.” Agent S said. “I’m going to let you go.”

Cesaer and Orange looked at eachother in confusion. Cesaer then asked, “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not kidding.” Agent S said. “I want to set you free.”

“What’s the catch?” Orange asked.

“There is no catch.” Agent S said. “There was some sort of mistake here. It was wrong for those Marmellata mobsters to capture you. It was just Jelly and Elusive we wanted.”

“Really?” Orange asked.

“Yeah.” Agent S said. “It was nothing personal. They explained it to me already. They just captured you because they thought you were a part of Elusive’s debts.”

“Whoa we have nothing to do with that strange pony, holms!” Cesaer said.

“I figured.” Agent S said. “No need to have hostages that Jerry isn’t even going to even try to rescue. We’re looking for his loved ones, not his former crew. But please, don’t take it too personally. We in the DIF and the Marmellata family would like to offer our sincere apologies for the misunderstanding. Some of the crew is going to pick you up and escort you back down to Manehattan, from there, you can find you way home, or take care of any business that might be in the way.”

“What kind of business do we have down there?” Cesaer asked.

“Well you may not be that interested, but Jerry himself is down in Manehattan right now with two of his partners from the agency, and is about to take down one of my clients.” Agent S said.

“Hmm…” Orange thought.

“What are you thinking about, O?” Cesaer asked.

“I know it didn’t think about it clearly enough, but what if we helped this pony out?” Orange suggested.

“Why?” Cesaer asked.

“Think about it! Jerry is down in Manehattan right now about to take out one of his trusted clients.” Orange said.

“He didn’t say ‘trusted’ though.” Cesaer corrected him.

“Well… why don’t we try to ruin him like he ruined us?” Orange suggested. “I mean… FORGET General Lee! He may have abandoned us during his escape from prison, but if it weren’t for Jerry, we wouldn’t even BE in prison!”

“That is so true.” Cesaer nodded.

“Exactly! We can get our revenge on Jerry!” Orange explained. “We can fail his mission. If this mission is so important, they may kick him out of the agency! We can make his life miserable! Not only that, Agent S here can pay us to take him out!”

“Are you kidding? I’ll pay DOUBLE!” Agent S offered. “Jerry has been a threat to my organization for too long. He won’t expect his too best friends to turn on him!”

Cesaer and Orange both nodded at eachother mischievously and chuckled. They both then looked back at Agent S and Cesaer said, “Alright, S, you got yourself a deal!”

“Excellent! He won’t know what hit him!” Agent S said. “Just to let you know, he won’t be alone. He’s got two partners from the agency helping him. They go by the names of Merry May and Apple Fritter.”

“Heh!” Orange chuckled. “Can you tell us a bit about their weaknesses, homie?”

Back at the boarding house, I was playing a card trick with Gordon. It’s like a magic trick but I’m messing with his memory so it’s a bit like cheating.

“So did you remember which card you picked?” I asked Gordon.

“Why does my head hurt so much?!” Gordon complained. “And what’s that thing you’re holding? What am I?!”

“I… uhhh.. I think we should take a little break.” I offered.

“Were we doing something, lad?” Gordon asked.

“Agent May, this wi-fi is useless!” Top Notch complained as he was playing with his phone.

“Yeah, why do any of these ponies STILL have DSL?” Cheese complained.

“Maybe I should give you back the TV.” Merry offered.

“Yeah maybe you should.” Cheese agreed. So Merry disconnected the hacker and connected the TV cable back in so the others can watch TV in peace. As Merry walked out of the room, Gordon walked in with a bag of ice on his head.

“What’s that thing with the moving pictures?” Gordon asked.

Merry walked over to the kitchen where she saw me raiding the fridge for some food. “Agent Jam.” She said.

“Agent May.” I said.

“Raiding the fridge for something good?” she asked.

“You know me, love. I’m all about raids and heists.” I teased. “It’s too bad all that have in here is frozen TV dinners and canned foods.”

“Not many ponies come here often, so they try to put in food that is not very fresh.” Merry said.

“I figured.” I said as I took out a broccoli with cheese sauce TV dinner from the freezer. “Well… this will do.” I removed the tray from the box.

“Speaking of heists, have any of you ever failed any heists?” Merry asked.

“Well, only one.” I said as I took out a knife and jabbed holes on the plastic of the TV dinner tray. “This one heist took place in a Pawn Shop. It was going so well until Cesaer got ID’d by the manager, and from that day forward he learned not to rob ponies he knew. In fact we all learned that lesson. We had no clue it was a thing. We thought the masks hid our identities for good.”

“Sometimes you gotta make mistakes so you can learn from them.” Merry said.

“Probably.” I said as I placed the TV dinner into the microwave and turned it on.

“Before you turned yourself in, what place were you going to rob next?” Merry asked.

“I try not to think about it.” I said. “Why are you so interested all the sudden?”

“Just making conversation.” Merry said. “Hey it’s not like I’m here to arrest you again! You already did your time. And besides, even if you were going to rob again, your secret is safe with me.”

“How do I know my secret is safe with you?” I asked.

Merry placed her hoof on my shoulder and said, “Because you’re my friend, Jer. I mean, I can keep a secret.”

“Can you?” I asked.

“Uhh, are you stupid or something, dude?” Merry asked as she gave me a look. “I’m part of a secret agency. I wouldn’t be here now if I couldn’t handle a secret!”

“Heh.” I chuckled. “I suppose that’s true.”

“C’mon, Jer, don’t stand there and talk to me. Sit!” Merry suggested. So we took a seat at the table as I waited for my food to get ready. It needed to be defrosted for four minutes anyway so it didn’t really matter. I’d have to take it out, stir it, and then put it back in for 1 in a half minute, and then wait 2 minutes for it to cool down, which didn’t make much sense to me. Why wait longer for it to cool down than the time it cooks? At least for the second time.

“But you know, Orange, Cesaer, Lee, and I had dreams when we were younger though.” I said.

“Oh yeah?” Merry asked.

“Yeah. We had dreams of one big heist.” I said. “By any chance we’d have to split up and retire heists because the cops were after us, we’d do one last heist – the heist to end all heists. One big one! One worth tens of millions of bits!”

“Wow!” Merry said shockingly.

“Wow indeed.” I said. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anything like that yet. Until then, however, when I moved to Los Pegasus…” (Yeah, it’s called LOS Pegasus again. Check out the updated Equestria map.) “…as I was getting settled in at the FDA HQ, I saw the super bank, the Trustworthy Depository from across the street. It made me wonder if the crew were still together, we’d use that as our last heist.”

“WHOOOA! Jerry! Let’s not get carried away here!” Merry stopped me. “I mean I’m glad you dream big, but the Trustworthy Depository? That bank is impossible to raid, and I mean IMPOSSIBLE!”

“Yeah I figured that.” I said. “Which is why I’m thinking of a new place. I’m not sure where though. Perhaps… we could’ve raided the museum in Prance.”

“That might be easier, but still, you’re not doing any more heists are you?” Merry asked.

“Nooooo!” I said. “No way! You know how many lives we ruined in the process? I felt so bad! I mean, I’m actually glad my conscious stopped me from doing any more heists! Not only did I save a bunch more ponies’ lives, I also stopped myself from being part of Agent S’s plan of creating a DIF agent outta me.”

“Or worse.” Merry added.

“What could be worse?” I asked.

“Oh I dunno, I was adding dramatic affect.” She admitted.

“Right.” I nodded. “Say… you’ve been asking so many questions about me and my secrets, why don’t you tell me your secrets?”

“Alright. I have nothing to hide. Fire away!” Merry dared me.

“Well where do I start?” I asked. “Why don’t you tell me about Flare?”

Merry got a little quiet, and she started to blush. “Umm…”

“What?” I asked.

“Heh… maybe another time.” She said as she started to sweat.

“Are you ok, Merry?” I asked.

“I’m fine!” she said nervously.

“You don’t sound like it.” I said.

“I SAID I’M FINE!” she yelled.

“Whoa! Whoa! Ok! Ok!” I said defensively. “I see this is a very sensitive subject, but I told you my darkest secrets. I don’t tell anypony these other than my sister! I tell her everything. She’s like my personal journal. She can also take a secret. She’d make a good FDA agent too!”

“I agree.” Merry said. “Maybe you should ask her.”

“I might. If she forgives me that is.” I said.

“I’m sorry, Jer, I didn’t mean to snap at ya.” She said.

“It’s ok.” I said.

“I mean,” Merry continued, “this is just… a little too much to explain for one-“

“I don’t need a lecture, Merry. I understand.” I interrupted.

“Ok.” She nodded.

“Well if you can’t tell me your secret about Flare, how about you tell me what inspired you to join the FDA?” I asked.

“Oh THAT I can tell you.” Merry smiled. “It all started at my childhood.”

“Hey, just like me!” I said excitedly.

“Thank you for interrupting, Jer. I forgot what I was going to say next.” Merry said sarcastically.

“Oh I’m sorry! I won’t speak anymore.” I promised.

“It’s ok.” Merry said. “Alright now I remember where I left off. So yeah in my childhood, I was living up in Cloudsdale at Junior Speedsters Flight Camp. It was the most fun I had in ages! I really learned how to fly very well during my time there. But… there were things… difficult for other ponies. There was this one Pegasus, a Pegasus by the name of Fluttershy. She was getting picked on a lot at the flight camp. Bullies kept picking on her for her lack of ability to fly. She was also very shy and not very open.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” I asked.

“INTERUPTING AGAIN!” Merry yelled. “So after seeing her get beat up a lot, getting laughed at, getting her feathers ripped off, nopony did a thing to defend her! All except one.”

“You?” I asked.

“Another pony by the name of Rainbow Dash.” Merry said.

“Hey I met her once!” I said. “She was going to play as Daring Do in a movie-“

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you wanted to tell your story, Jer. I thought you wanted to know a little more about me?” Merry asked sarcastically. “Go ahead, tell your story about Rainbow Dash being Daring Do.”

“Ok you don’t have to be that way, love. I can’t help it all the time.” I said defensively.

“Are you going let me finish?” Merry asked.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Ok good.” Merry said as she continued. “I wanted to fill in and be a good pony, but… all the ponies that bullied Fluttershy liked me. I felt… popular.”

“You did?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Merry said. “With my leadership skills and the way I say ‘that’s rad’, it seemed attractive to them.”

“I never heard you say ‘that’s rad’ before.” I admitted.

“I didn’t want you to like me because I was cool.” Merry said. “Being popular blinded me of what I really wanted. I just… just stood there… watched my friends bully poor Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. I mean Rainbow can take care of herself, but…” She started to tear up. “I could’ve defended her. I could’ve been a good pony. I would’ve felt like a hero. Rainbow Dash hated me for it, and she was the coolest flyer I ever seen. I wanted her to like me, but…” She sniffles and rubs her eyes. “I didn’t have the guts to just say I want to be a good pony. I would’ve thought I’d be rejected by those who respected me. I couldn’t take it. When I graduated I moved to Ponyville to get away from those ponies.”

“Did you?” I asked.

“No.” Merry said. “I had a job offer. I was hired to be a supervisor at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory. Little did I know those bullies were going to be my co-workers. They were happy to see me, and I just pretended to be happy to see them. I really didn’t want to be friends with them anymore, but I… I…” Merry started to sob a bit. I scorched my chair over next to Merry and put my arm around her.

“Hey, shhhh… shhhh….” I shushed her. “It’s ok.”

“Why am I such a bad pony, Jer?” she asked.

“You’re not. You’re not.” I said. “You’re a very good pony, love. You’re very sweet and inspirational. You had every right to be a part to be a part of the FDA. Like me, you made mistakes, and wanted to repay those mistakes by giving Equestria some good. You are on the right track, Merry May. You’re on the right track.”

“Well my popularity went down the drain when I moved to Ponyville. Nopony knew I existed.” Merry said. “I was just a part of the background, and it didn’t feel right. Nopony really cared about me.”

“I care about you.” I said.

“I know you do.” Merry smiled at me. “I’m glad I have friends like you and Apple Fritter.”

“I feel the same way.” I agreed.

“You know… it was because of Apple Fritter I joined the FDA.” Merry said.

“Really now?” I asked.

“Mmhmm.” Merry nodded. “I met her in Ponyville. She was visiting her family. She saw me trying to apologize to Rainbow Dash about what I did in the past, of not defending Fluttershy. I was really afraid she wouldn’t accept my apology. But… as luck would have it… she did. Apple Fritter saw the whole thing. We talked… we talked as how we’re talking now. We told eachother everything, and then she gave me a test, like the test I gave you. I joined the FDA in efforts to right the wrongs I made.”

“So… Apple Fritter was to you… how you were to me. Am I correct?” I asked.

“You sure are.” Merry nodded. “Fritter has been a great mentor to me, just like how I was a great mentor to you!”

“But Fritter was mine as well.” I said.

Merry giggled. “That’s true!”

“How did she join the agency?” I asked.

Merry then leaned on me and said, “I don’t think it’s right if I told you her secrets. You should ask her yourself.”

“Perhaps I will.” I said and then we both chuckled.

Upstairs, Fritter was searching up some data on the Marmellatas on her computer that is connected to the FDA database. So far, she wasn’t able to find any info on the mysterious Mr. Marmellata. That is, until she thought of something. “Wait a minute…” Fritter said to herself. She then starts typing onto the computer. She turns on a program in which I do not want to mention right now because spoilers, and she types down ‘Marmellata’ on whatever program she was on. “Wait a minute… wait a minute… no! No that’s not right!” Fritter started to freak out. “No! It can’t be! Jerry…. no! Do I tell him this? I’m not sure how he’s going to react. It may jeopardize the whole mission! Oh… but if he finds out… can he take it?”

Just then, Fritter heard carriage doors shut from outside. Fritter rolls the office chair she was sitting in over to the window and she looks out. She then gasps as a bunch of carriages outside containing Marmellata mobsters started flooding the street outside. “Shoot!” Fritter said surprisingly. “How did they find us?! Ugh! Nevermind that! Ah gotta warn the others!” Fritter runs out of the room and knocks on the bathroom door. “Dargon! Dargon! The gig’s up! They found us!”

“Whoa! Wha-what?!” Dargon yelled from the bathroom. “Sorry, I fell asleep in the tub.”

Fritter then runs downstairs to the living room and yells, “The gig’s up, guys! We were found!”

“Wait hang on, I wanna see if Penguins win the championship.” Top Notch said.

“NOW, guys!” Fritter yelled. She then runs into the kitchen and yells, “Merry! Jerry! We need to- wait… whoa!” To her surprise she catches Merry and I making out. When we heard her voice, we immediately stopped and we were startled.

“Oh… umm… hey, Fritter. What’s… what’s up?” Merry asked as we both blushed in embarrassment.

“Merry… you dawg!” Fritter smiled.

“What?” Merry asked.

“You and Jerry? Awww, you two are perfect for eachother!” Fritter said.

“We have no idea what you’re talking about, love.” I said.

“C’mon, these eyes don’t miss anythin’! Even if we do wear sunglasses indoors in the middle of the night. Ah saw you two kissin’!” Fritter said to us mischievously.

“NO YOU DIDN’T!” Merry and I both said at the same time. “Shush! No you shush! Supercalifragilisticexpiala- pappy pony picked a pluck of prickly pluff- BOOM! Wah wah wah wah wah waaaaaah.”

“HA! You two ARE made for eachother!” Fritter teased.

We were both feeling a bit embarrassed and I said, “We were just having a moment, Agent Fritter. It meant nothing.”

“Whaaaaa?” Merry asked surprisingly.

“Shhh.” I whispered to Merry. “It was beautiful, just follow my lead.”

“Ok.” She whispered.

“You think I don’t hear y’all?” Merry laughed. “Ah don’t just have great eyes, ah got great ears too.”

“C-cut to the chase, Fritter. What’s the emergency?” I asked.

“Oh right that!” Fritter chuckled. “Ooooh… ah should be freakin’ out now, but this is just too adorable! Also, the Marmellatas found us.”

“They WHAT?!” Merry and I both yelled.

Fritter started to laugh again. “Y’all are killin’ me! What ah’m seein’ is more adorable than a basket full of kittens!”

“Ok even I disagree on that.” I said. “Nothing is more adorable than kittens.”

“I second that.” Merry agreed.

“Ah can already hear the weddin’ bells.” Fritter teased.

“Fritter, SHUT UP!” Merry embarrassingly pushed her. “It’s nothin’! Ah can’t love remember?”

“Really? You can’t?” I asked. “Why?”

“Oh my Faust! What’s with all the questions?!” Merry yelled. “Can we stop with this and just worry about the mobsters outside?!”

“Right, right.” Fritter said as she took some deep breaths. “Ok… ah’m good now. Ah’m goin’ upstairs to pack up mah stuff. There’s important data in them.”

“Your vacation pictures aren’t data.” Merry informed her.

“No the information ah have on the Marmellatas.” Fritter said. “You two make sure they don’t get inside. Ah have a plan to help us escape. Or… you can just make-out. Whichever works.” Merry then grabs the microwave and throws it at Fritter, but luckily misses. “OK, OK! Ah’m goin’! Ah’m goin’!” Fritter then runs off.

“Ugh! One of the things I don’t like about her is that she makes a big deal out of things!” Merry complained.

“My TV dinner was still in there.” I informed her.

“Oh relax, it’s almost breakfast time.” Merry informed me.

So we ran to the entrance where we saw Gordon and Top Notch blocking the entrance with some furniture, and Cheese Noodles was closing the shutters to the windows, but as he was closing the shutters he saw the mobsters running over to the apartment next to door. “Wait a minute. The mobsters are running to the apartments next to door us.” Cheese pointed out.

“Really now?” Merry asked as she peeked through. “Huh… that’s weird. But why the apartment next to us?”

“AGENT JAM! WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!” one of the mobsters yelled. “WE FOLLOWED YOUR PHONE SIGNAL!”

“Uhh, Jer?” Merry asked in a disappointed tone. “Who were you really talking to on the phone before?”

“My sister.” I lied.

“Jeez louise! Your friends are right! You are a big fat liar!” Merry complained.

“Ok it was Mr. Marmellata!” I admitted. “He called me just to say he wants me.”

“What?” Top Notch asked.

“No, not in that way I’m sure.” I said. “I mean I already have a marefriend currently.”

“And you just lied to her.” Merry complained.

“Really? Who is she?” Gordon asked.

“So yeah, he must’ve called to track my phone signal.” I said. “I know it was foolish. It said ‘unknown caller’.”

“Jerry, you should know by now you shouldn’t answer your phone to complete strangers!” Merry informed me.

“I know, I know! But this felt important!” I said. “I’m sorry! But… if they followed my phone, how did they track it to the apartments next to us?”

“Of course! My hacking!” Merry said. “When we stole the wi-fi signals at the apartments next door to us, it must’ve transferred the signal from your phone to the next door apartments.”

“Huh… I guess it pays to be a criminal sometimes.” Top Notch said.

“WORST… ADVICE… EVER!” I said.

Just then, Fritter runs downstairs with the her electronics in her briefcase. “Alright ah got mah stuff. Where’s Dargon?”

“Did you tell him we’re leaving?” Merry asked.

“Ah did, and he responded.” Fritter said.

Just then, Dargon runs downstairs. “Sorry it took me so long. I needed to finishing washing up.”

“You’ve been up there for five hours.” Fritter said.

“What else is new?” Dargon asked sarcastically. “Now c’mon, you got a plan, Agent Fritter?”

“It’s kind of a long shot, but if Jerry practiced well enough with that forgetting device we can just walk right through.” Fritter suggested.

“Or we can just go the back door.” Top Notch suggested as he opens the back door.

“That works too.” Fritter nodded. “But what about the Marmellatas?”

“They’re focused on next door right now.” Merry said.

“Ok… that gives me a lot of questions, but we don’t have time for that right now. Let’s just get movin’.” Fritter suggested. So we all ran out the back door and escaped the Marmellatas before they even noticed we were gone. It took them a while to find out we weren’t at the apartments next door. By the time they reached our boarding house, we were already long gone.

We walked down the street to a safe distance, and we stopped by an alley to hide and discuss our next plan. “Ok… we’re safe here, for now.” Fritter said.

“No.” Dargon said.

“No?” Fritter asked. “What do you mean no?”

“We’re done.” Dargon said.

“But we didn’t say anything you had to do.” I reminded him.

“I know, but we’re finished, done.” Dargon said. “You agents are nothing but trouble, leading trouble our way.”

“But we evaded the trouble.” Merry reminded them.

“They could’ve caught us!” Dargon said.

“But they didn’t!” Merry said.

“They WOULD’VE!” Dargon yelled. “It’s over! We don’t want your help anymore! We’ll take care of ourselves!”

“You sure about that?” I asked.

“Whoa!” a small brown filly with pink hair cried out. “Are those dragons?! Actual full-grown dragons?! I thought for sure there was only one dragon, living in Ponyville?” She said as she blew on her hair.

“Babs? What are you doin’ here, little one?” Fritter asked.

“Apple Fritter? What the heck is goin’ on here?” Babs asked.

“Wait you two know eachother?” I asked.

“Yeah, we’re sorta related.” Fritter said.

“Sorta?” I asked.

“We share the same cousins in Ponyville, but we ourselves are not cousins really. More like cousin in-laws, ah assume. Ah ain’t 100% sure.” Fritter explained.

“FDA?” Babs asked as she observed her badge. “Fritter? You’re part of the ponies in black?”

“Sure, you can say that.” Fritter said.

“Is this all top secret?” Babs asked.

“Obviously.” Fritter said.

“And dragons live in secret around Equestria?” Babs asked.

“Some… yeah.” Fritter nodded.

“Ah.” Babs nodded back.

“You want me to erase her memory, Agent Fritter?” I asked as I took out the forgetting device and aimed it towards her face.

“NO!” Fritter yelled as she lowers my arm. “Babs here can keep a secret. Don’t worry. She’s mah family… kinda, and ah trust her.”

“I swear I won’t say a thing. It’s just me here.” Babs promised.

“Why though? Why are you out here by yerself, sugarcube?” Fritter asked.

“Well… mah sister hasn’t come home.” Babs said as she blows on her hair. “Ah went out lookin’ for her. Ah have the feelin’ she’s with her secret club or somethin’.”

“Sunflower has a secret club?” Fritter asked.

“Yeah.” Babs said.

“What kind?” Fritter asked.

“I already told you too much. It’s a secret.” Babs said.

“Fair enough.” Fritter nodded. “You should really go home, Babs.”

“Maybe.” Babs nodded. “I mean… at least I did something Sunflower has never done.”

“And what is that?” Fritter asked.

“I saw dragons!” Babs said excitedly.

“We live to please!” Gordon said.

“No we don’t! Don’t lie, Gordon!” Dargon instructed him.

“Shh! She’s just a filly!” Gordon whispered.

“Don’t we all treat our kids like that? That’s what makes us mean.” Dargon whispered.

“Ponies don’t. They actually respect their kids.” Gordon whispered.

“Wow, we are SO different.” Dargon whispered back.

“Yes we are because you’re whispering too loud!” Cheese Noodles complained.

“Yeah we can hear you.” Top Notch said.

“You don’t care about your fillies?” Babs asked.

“Ok first off: we don’t have fillies, we have hatchlings, or whelps.” Dargon corrected her. “Second, of course we care about them. We just show discipline so they’d be strong and fierce dragons. Plus, they’re supposed to respect their elders, not the other way around.”

“I don’t think it works that way.” Babs said.

“So they’re not supposed to respect their elders?” Gordon asked.

“No they are, but the elders are supposed to respect the younger ones too.” Babs said. “They’re next generation, and it pays to show they really matter. That’s what my sister Sunflower told me.”

“Hmm… never thought of it that way.” Gordon said.

“Now what were we saying before this disrespectful little filly interrupted us?” Dargon asked.

“Hey!” Babs complained. “In case you didn’t know, I was here first, so you interrupted me!” She then blows her hair.

“Whatever you say, tough gal.” Dargon said sarcastically.

“Tough gal? You think you can take me on?!” Babs challenged him.

“Stop it! Both of you!” Fritter yelled. “It doesn’t matter either way!”

“Oh yeah, I remember. I was going to say we don’t need your help anymore, FDA.” Dargon said to us. “Everywhere we go, the mobsters keep following us, and it won’t be long until the DIF think of an excuse too.”

“Whoa! The ponies in black are fighting the ponies in blue?” Babs asked.

“And mobsters.” Gordon added.

“You heard too much, Babs. Please… go home.” Fritter instructed her.

“Ok… only because I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to get my cutie mark in being a secret agent.” Babs said as she started walking away, but she stops and looks back at them and says, “If I keep too many secrets for so long, I think my brain will explode.” She blows her hair one last time and walks off.

“Are you sure she’s not going to tell anypony?” I asked.

“Ah trust Babs.” Fritter said. “Judgin’ all the secrets ah’ve seen her do, and all the friendship she’s been learnin’ from her sister, ah have the feelin’ ah could recommend her for the agency when she’s old enough.”

“That would be so adorable!” Merry said. “Isn’t this adorable, Dargon? Dargon?” But Dargon, Gordon, Top Notch, and Cheese Noodles were already all gone and all there was left was a paper blowing in the wind. Just then, Top Notch runs back and picks up the paper.

“Sorry, this is a receipt for a cool fake mustache I bought.” He said. “Anyways… bye!” He then runs off.

“Well that ends that.” I said.

“Forget about them. They’re not important.” Fritter said.

Merry gasps in shock. “How can you say that, Fritter?! Everypony (or in this case anydragon) is important!”

“Ah meant we have a mission to do. We can take care of them later.” Fritter corrected her.

“Oh… ok.” Merry said. “So now what?”

“Well, you two can kiss.” Fritter started.

“Har, har.” Merry said sarcastically. “Anything else?”

“We could try to find the Marmellata HQ.” Fritter said.

“The Marmellata HQ? Isn’t that the Commission Zeppelin?” I asked.

“Well ah hacked into the Commission Criminal Network.” Fritter said.

“They actually have one of those?” I asked.

“YES they do!” Fritter said. “Now even though the Zeppelin is the HQ for the Commission, the Marmellatas need a headquarters of their own, and their headquarters is right here in Manehattan.”

“We’re in Hooflyn though.” Merry corrected her.

“Then we just cross the bridge to get to it. They’re in a museum.” Fritter said.

“Quick questions.” I raised my hoof.

“Yes, Agent Jam?” Fritter asked.

“Which museum? There’s like… a ton of museums in Manehattan!” I said.

“Hmm… good question. It didn’t say.” Fritter thought it out. “Perhaps in case anypony hacks into the network like ah did, they want to keep information limited on it. What ah do know though is that every Commission member uses cargo helicopters to travel around. Every morning at 06:00 hours, a Marmellata security team flies over to the museum to switch shifts with the night guards. Since this museum is a front for their operations, it’s likely where Mr. Marmellata is holding up, as well as his prisoners.”

“Prisoners huh?” I asked. “Scales has to be one of them.”

“Precisely!” Fritter said. “So what we have to do is locate this chopper and follow it to the museum.”

“That doesn’t sound so hard.” Merry said.

“Y’all might think so.” Fritter said. “But every family of the Commission uses these same choppers. No logos or nothin’, just these choppers. So if we end up following a chopper, there’s no guarantee that it’s going to be the right one.”

“So what are we going to do, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.

“We have to wing it.” Fritter said.

“You mean… fly?” Merry asked. “Because amongst this group, I’m the only one that can do that.”

“No I mean we have to follow these choppers and wait for one of them to land. That’s how we’ll know how to find the right one.” Fritter said.

“Well… that’s not easy at all.” I corrected myself.

“Now hold horses, partner.” Fritter stopped us. Merry and I then started holding eachother. “NO! Ah mean… ugh! Nevermind. Ah know of a way to make it easier.”

“Ok first I complained it wasn’t so hard, and you make it harder. Then I complain it’s really hard and then you make it easier. Make up your mind!” I complained.

“Well ah’m goin’ to make this medium mode!” Fritter said as she takes out her phone. “Ah have a trackin’ app on mah phone – it’s called Track Racin’. We could use it to track anythin’, includin’ lost items. It’s how ah found Braeburn’s lost toy car. So we just type down what type of helicopter it is we’re trackin’” Fritter types it down. “And then in which area – Manehattan, and now we’ll be able to find all the cargo helicopters that are in the Manehattan area, which will make this easier to find the location we’re after.”

“Sounds like a medium mode I can live with.” I nodded.

“Yeah me too.” Merry agreed.

“Of course you two love birds would agree.” Fritter teased.

The both of us glared at her again. “We need a carriage then.” Merry said.

“A carriage built for two?” Fritter teased.

“Will you stop with that please?” Merry asked. “I mean we all know it’s fun to joke every now and again, but we have a mission to complete!”

“I agre-“ I was about to say.

“Shut up.” Merry interrupted.

“Alright, alright, fun time’s over.” Fritter said. “Now it’s nearing dawn now, we should probably get movin’.”

“I’ll call up the U.H. Paper for a carriage.” Merry offered as she takes out her phone.

“Hey, Fritter?” I asked.

“Yeah?” Fritter asked.

“I was wondering… how did you join the FDA?” I asked.

“Didn’t Agent May tell you already?” Fritter asked.

“No.” I said.

“Oh she could’ve.” Fritter said. “Well anyway, if y’all really wanna know, mah Aunt and Uncle were FDA agents. Ah kinda was stickin’ mah nose in places it wasn’t supposed to be in and discovered their secret. They knew how much experience ah had in friendship so ah started when ah was 18. They were… they were on a mission, and… umm… well… ah don’t want to go on. Long story short – ah followed in their hoofsteps. Ah finished what they couldn’t finish. Ah was really into this job. Ah protected Appleloosa in every way ah could. Ah could’ve stopped the battle with the buffalo.”

“What stopped you?” I asked.

“The director told me those who wield the Elements of Harmony were there.” Fritter said. “As long as they’re around, the FDA doesn’t interfere. She’s trying to make their friendship stronger. They’re our protectors. They take care of many different major friendship problems.”

“They do?” I asked. “So… why are we here then? If they can handle it, what are we doing?”

“Ah guess we’re pretty much the ones that takes care of much more complicated circumstances.” Fritter said. “They handle friendship affairs, we handle criminal activity. See what made them criminals in the first place. We were originally supposed to handle all friendship in Equestria before the Elements of Harmony returned. Ah guess… ah guess the FDA is… slowly fadin’ away. Both the FDA and the DIF. Ah have a theory that we’re both goin’ to be shut down by the time these ponies reached their full potential of their powers.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Ah’m not 100% sure though. Ah never told Merry about this. Ah know she wouldn’t be able to handle it. But ah know you could, Agent Jam.” Fritter said. “Ah’m sure the director will have plans for us… perhaps… perhaps…”

“Ok I got the call in.” Merry said. “We’ll be expecting a carriage any minute now.”

“Good.” Fritter said.

“What were you two talking about?” Merry asked.

Fritter and I both looked at eachother. Fritter never told her this, so I don’t think I should either. “Agent Fritter here told me how she joined the FDA.” I said. Technically, it wasn’t a lie.

“Ah nice!” Merry nodded. “It was a tragic story, but… that’s one thing we have in common. Tragic tales brought us here together.”

“Ain’t that the truth, love?” I agreed.

After a little while, the carriage came with the U.H. Paper agent attached to it. “Hi, I’m Agent James. I’m going to be your carriage puller for today.”

“How ironic.” I commented.

“Hop on! We got mobsters to track down!” Agent James said as we climbed inside the carriage. “Where to?”

“Just drive around Manehattan and we’ll find a chopper.” Fritter instructed him. So he did. We went over across the bridge and headed to Manehattan. We did see a few choppers, but they were flying the opposite direction towards Hooflyn and Princesses. We weren’t 100% sure why. We did find another chopper though, but it flew passed a museum and it was heading towards the giant blimp in the sky.

“Hey didn’t we see that big zeppelin before?” Merry asked.

“YOU saw that zeppelin before.” I corrected her. “I was inside the ship during the time.”

“I’m just saying, that looks like the same zeppelin that dropped off those mobsters so they could pick up that Centaur dust.” Merry said.

“Hmm.” I thought. “Maybe we can ask Mr. Marmellata about that. See if he can order his ponies to dump that stuff.”

“Well, first thing’s first. We have to find Mr. Marmellata.” Fritter said. “It’s 6 AM now. If we’re goin’ to find the right chopper, now is the time.”

“Look!” I pointed. “There’s another chopper coming from the direction of the zeppelin.”

“That may be our only shot though. Let’s hope it’s the right chopper.” Merry said. So we followed that chopper across Manehattan. We almost lost it though because the morning traffic is coming in, but we were able to evade it by going through one of the non-busy streets. After a while of following, the chopper started to land over at a museum by Midhoof Park. Our driver went so fast and didn’t hesitate to parallel park while still going at high-speeds.

“WHOA!” I said surprisingly as we parked. “My friend could learn a lot from you, mate! Well, you know, if we were still around.”

“Wow! That was amazing brother!” a pony outside commented.

“Thanks!” James said to them. He then said to us, “We’re here agents! Come out!” So we stepped out of the carriage one at a time, starting with Fritter. Outside, there was a few ponies outside that watched the whole thing.

“Howdy!” Fritter said to the ponies.

“Uhhh… hiiiiii.” A familiar voice said awkwardly.

“Agent Fritter, FDA.” Fritter said as she showed them her badge.

“Sorry to tell you this, boys.” Merry said as she popped out of the carriage next, “But we have this area… oh it’s you guys again.”

“Again?! I don’t recognize you one bit!” some turquoise hipster-looking pony said to us. After I got out of the carriage, I immediately saw whom it was.

“Oi, Herb Leafhorn.” I said as I popped out of the carriage. “I knew you we’d meet, but I didn’t think here.”

“Jerry Jam. How are things with the local gangs?” Herb asked.

“Pretty well, mate. Pretty well.” I said as I removed my sunglasses. “You must be the rest of the Friendship Mafia. How are things with the Commission?”

“We need to get that helicopter that just landed on that helipad over there.” Herb pointed. “We need to get the Commission airship, and that’s our best way of doing it.”

“So you’re going to steal a helicopter to get there?” I asked.

“It’s a complicated story.” Herb said.

“I see.” I nodded. “Agent Fritter, Agent May and I need to sneak inside this museum. We hear that Mr. Marmellata is in there, and he’s got some explaining to do.”

“That must be why the Marmellata family is too busy to deal with us.” Turnip Orch, the nerdy pony from before said. “We’re dealing with the other four families right now, but the Marmellata family had no part in what we’re doing now.”

“Yes, the Marmellata family is mainly after me.” I said. “We need to get inside the museum and see him.”

“Maybe we can help eachother out.” Merry suggested.

“In what way?” the pinkish punk-like pony that shares the same accent as Cesaer asked.

“We can help you with security.” Merry suggested.

“No need, I have everything all planned out.” Turnip said. “I have all the equipment right here in this case.”

“Ooo, is that an F24 Quad?” Fritter asked curiously.

“F24.5, I made some upgrades.” Turnip said.

“Niiiiice!” Fritter nodded. “You should show that to mah stallionfriend. He, like me, is an expert in electronics.”

“Really? You look like an Appleloosan type pony to me.” Clay, the gray pony from the bank heist in Mareami said.

“What gave that away?” Fritter asked.

“Your accent mainly.” Clay said. “I’ve been to Appleloosa before.”

“Eeyup!” Fritter said.

“Anyways, good luck with Mr. Marmellata. At least one of us is dealing with him.” Herb said. “Me… I’m going to deal with my pop, Herb Senior. He made me into the pony I didn’t want to be back in school.”

“Ugh!” Merry groaned. “Flare told me everything.”

“Flare? As in Flare Gun?” Herb asked.

“No, Stormy Flare.” Merry said sarcastically. “Of course Flare Gun! He’s the sweetest, funniest, and most awesome pony anypony could ever want!”

“Really now?” Herb asked. “Are you and him…” He whistled.

“Yeah I was wondering that myself, love.” I said to her.

“Don’t we have things to do right now?” Merry asked impatiently.

“Right, right.” I nodded. “Anyways, best of luck to you, Herb. If we don’t see eachother again during this mission, hope to see you again in the future.”

“Same to you, Jerry.” Herb said.

“And Herb, if you see your dad…” Merry started calmly, she then angrily went up to his face in a threatening tone, much like how Trevor Philips would talk, and said, “…you tell him… that if he EVER… tries to ruin the life of my Flarey again… oooo… he’d be begging for mercy. His mercy would be begging for mercy! Even after he passes away he’ll be begging for mercy! Because Flare deserves MUCH BETTER!”

“Whoa, whoa! Ok, ok!” Herb said defensively and feeling a little uncomfortable. “Easy! Alright? I’m going to be teaching my pop a lesson, but I ain’t trying to be brutal to him.

Merry then takes a deep breath. “You’re right. You’re right. My apologies.” So we were finished with them. As the Friendship Mob did what they needed to do, we walked over to the museum entrance. It was time to find a way inside.

Author's Note

Making this chapter was both fun and boring. I mean narrating fighting scenes is a bit boring to me, but narrating dialogue is always fun for me, and narrating the dialogue in this chapter was super fun! I actually thought of shipping Jerry and Merry right there on the spot. I didn't even know I was going to make it happen! It was just part of the moment I had when I made up Merry's backstory. This also gave me some ideas for the future chapters I have with Merry May and her relationship with both Jerry and Flare.

The scene with Agent S and Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad was planned long ago though. I know exactly how this story is going end! The only thing I don't know is how everything is going to get executed. That I make up as the story goes on. I think of different executions before I go to sleep because that's when I have my best ideas, right when I'm in bed! That's why I always keep a notepad with me on my night stand so I can write these ideas down and put them in the story later. That's an advantage of autism, y'all!

The Babs scene didn't have to be added on here, but since some other MLP character has appeared in the Friendship Mob story (I won't say who in case you didn't read it), I decided to do it here as well, because what the heck? Also Apple Fritter is in here, so it'll give them a chance to bond.

Burro D'arachidi and Marmellata (Choices)

“This is it, agents.” Fritter started. “This is the museum where Mr. Marmellata is goin’ to be! Y’all sure you’re ready for this?”

“Ready as we’ll ever be! Right, Jer?” Merry asked as she elbowed me.

“Huh?” I asked, not really paying attention. “Oh, sure Merry. Sure.”

“Are you sure, sugarcube?” Fritter asked.

“Look I’m fine, Agent Fritter.” I insisted. “I just… I just can’t stop thinking about what Agent Snake Eyes said to me. They’ve been watching me for a long time. I mean… I kept an eye on the feds as we were sticking up joints! No offense though.”

“None taken.” Fritter said.

“Look, don’t let what Agent Snake Eyes,” Merry derps her eyes as she says his name, “bother you, Agent Jam. He doesn’t matter. We’re focusing right now on Mr. Marmellata. We’re going to catch him, and he’s going to answer all your questions. I assure you.”

“I know, but it’s not just Snake, it’s Mr. Marmellata too.” I said. “He said he wants me. I’m not sure what that means. How does he know me? He and the DIF have been watching me since childhood, and I don’t know why!”

“To get you into the DIF.” Merry said.

“Well that explains the DIF wanting me, but why the Marmellatas?” I asked.

“That’s why we’re going to capture him and see. It shouldn’t be too hard.” Merry said. “We just sneak inside, evade security, and BOOM, we’re in the clear!”

“Exactly!” Fritter said. “Ah studied the blue prints of this place. Security ain’t that tough.”

“For all of our sake I hope you’re right.” I said.

“Now c’mon, Agent Jam! Let’s pick a path on how we’ll get inside!” Fritter suggested.

“Picking paths again?” I asked.

“Oh pffft! We all know choosin’ is yer specialty!” Fritter said.

“I second that!” Merry agrees. “You chose a lot of choices in the past.”

“Some of them were bad choices.” I added.

“Setting that aside…. we know you’ll pick the right choice this time!” Merry insisted.

“Well if you really have confidence in me, let’s do it.” I said.

“Okie doke then! Lookie, lookie here!” Fritter said as she takes out some blueprint plans and shows them to me. “Now the way I see it, we have two choices: burst into the front door, or sneak inside. Now if we’re goin’ to burst in we’ll need to be very quick and swift. Guards will be in every room, we need to make sure we make the right choices of what tools we use while we’re in there, and quickly too. This is all about thinkin’ fast, sugarcube.”

“Ok, what about the stealth choice?” I asked.

“Well we don’t have to be THAT swift, but it helps.” Fritter explained. “But that would mean we have to keep very quiet. The slightest misstep can set off the alarm. Ah’ve been, umm… studyin’ the rooms carefully and how security works, so ah’ll help guide ya through this.”

“Wait if you have the blueprints, know how security works in here, and know that Mr. Marmellata is in here, then how come you didn’t know the location?” I asked.

“Ain’t technology complicated?” Fritter asked.

“I’m not sure.” I said. “That’s General Lee’s department when it came to the heists. Knowing this scenario, this might kinda be like a heist.”

“Except we’re not really stealing anything.” Merry said. “We’re after a pony.”

“Capturing a pony is still stealing.” I said.

“Ahem.” Fritter clears her throat. “But still, no matter which way we go in, we have to disable security, which is Agent May’s department, and if anythin’ goes wrong with the guards, you know what to do, Agent Jam. But just to let ya know, the more ponies you brainwash, the harder the process is goin’ to be.”

“You tell me this now!” I complained.

“Anything I need to know, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.

“Nope, you’re fine.” Fritter said.

“Lucky!” I pouted.

“So it’s time to choose wisely, Agent Jam.” Fritter said. “Should we bust in through the front door, or sneak our way in?”

Alright, you know the drill. Choose which option you wanna do, and we’ll do it. Option A is here, and scroll down to Option B if you don’t want to do A. Or read both, either or, we’re going to be at the same location at the end.

OPTION A: BURST IN

“I say we should bust in. We’re in a hurry.” I said.

“Ok, it’s done then.” Fritter said. “We can get our carriage driver to burst inside and we can get them offguard.”

“Of course! Bust in! Like a boss! Raise Hell!” Merry cried out.

“Shhhh.” Fritter shushed her. “But first thing’s first, Merry. Ya know what to do.”

“Right, right.” Merry agreed. She walked over to the small outlet by the small wall containing the small wheelchair ramp. Merry plugs in her little hacking device turns it on.

“Be swift, Agent May.” Fritter informed her. “We don’t want to be spotted by any Marmellata mobsters or anypony that might be workin’ them.”

“Got it.” Fritter agreed as she started up her maze game on the device.

“C’mon! What’s taking so long?!” I complained.

“I just started, relax!” Merry suggested.

“Sorry, sorry… just a little anxious, love. Just a little anxious.” I said. “I just… I just feel like I’m being watched.”

“No… looks like it’s not time to pounce yet, dawg.” A mysterious figure from behind the building said to another mysterious figure.

“His time will come soon enough, holms.” The other mysterious figure said as they both snuck off.

“Are you ok, Agent Jam?” Fritter asked.

“Fine. Fine… I… I heard voices. Somewhat familiar, but… I’m not too sure.” I said.

“Got it! I’m in! Hacking it now!” Merry said as she presses the hack button and then a floating pixeled head of Apple Fritter showed up on the screen, laughing evilly. “Ok that’s just creepy, Agent Fritter.”

Fritter then giggles and said, “Good work, Agent May! Let’s head inside!”

“But how?” Merry asked.

“Simple! We bust in!” Agent James said.

“Ah, sorry Agent James.” Fritter said. “We really appreciate your help, but we should handle this ourselves.”

“I insist, Agent Fritter.” Agent James insisted. “I’ll help you inside in any way I can, and then I’ll leave.”

“I really admire his carriage driving skills. It wouldn’t hurt.” I agreed. “We could just bust out and attack while he can also make a hasty distraction.”

“Alright, ah guess that plan will work.” Fritter agreed. “But, agent, are ya sure you wanna do this?”

“I’m sure.” Agent James nodded.

“Ok, then it’s a plan. Let’s do this, agents!” Fritter instructed us. We all headed into the carriage, and Agent James snorts like a bull as he pounds his hooves against the road.

“Ow. Ow.” He said. He glares over at the entrance and aims his eyes towards the doors where security guards were guarding the door.

“Uhhh, Mosquito Fly?” one of the guards asked his partner. “Don’t you feel a little suspicious over that pony over there looking at us strangely?”

Mosquito Fly looks over and says, “You say that about every pony that walks by here. Even that cat from last week!”

“MOSQUITO!” the first guard yelled. Just then, Agent James starts charging towards the guards.

How should we invade or evade them?

A: Evade

B: Ram

C: Kick

D: Jump

The results:

A: We crash into the wall.

B: Agent James rams the guards while running in slow-mo through the doors.

C: One of the guards is taken out, but then we all crash into the wall.

D: Agent James jumps out of the carriage and lands facing down on the ground, then the carriage runs over one of the guards we crash into the wall.

After we got inside, the guards now seem to notice we’re here. Agent James runs through the museum halls while still attached to the carriage. One of the guards says on his walkie-talkie, “Uhh, we got a breach heading towards the Griffon Displays.”

“Uhh, roger that, we’re preparing to seal the breach. Over.” The guard on the walkie-talkie said.

“Uhh, affirmative.” The first guard said.

“Uhhh…” the guard on the walkie-talkie said.

“Uhhh…” the first guard said while making a derpy open-mouthed face.

As Agent James was running through the halls he saw the blockade that was appearing up ahead. “Careful, agents. There’s a bunch of guards blocking the next wing up ahead. What should I do?”

“Agent Jam?” Fritter asked.

Well… reader?

A: Evade

B: Lance

C: Shield

D: Mace

Results:

A: The guards with the hot glue guns were shooting at us but miss as Agent James runs passed them. “Ha haaaa!” Agent James looks back and laughs, until the guard with the night stick knocks Agent James out as he wasn’t paying attention to him.

B: Agent James takes out a lance and starts to joust his way through. Unfortunately, the lance was too heavy for him, and then he trips over, flips the carriage over and lays on his back down as the guards all watched in confusion.

C: Agent James takes out a shield and protects himself against the hot glue the guards were shooting at him. He then rams through the guard with the nightstick on the back and the guard gets his face stuck on the shield. Agent James drops the shield and continues on.

D: Agent James takes out a mace, swings it in there, but accidently gets the mace stuck on an old zeppelin display. Agent James hasn’t let go of the mace and just hangs there chuckling in embarrassment.

Agent James runs passed the Griffon Wing (no pun intended) and passed a sleeping guard that wakes up over the fact that Agent James crashes the carriage into a display case holding a very expensive diamond. The carriage tips over to its left side and Agent James rubs his head in pain.

“Ok, out! We have to get out!” Fritter informed us.

“Out of the… museum,” I asked, “or out of the-“

“THE CARRIAGE!” Fritter yelled as we climbed out of the right side of the carriage which was technically above us. After we climbed out, we saw Agent James was hurt. Merry ran over to comfort him.

“Agent James, are you alright?” Merry asked.

“I’m fine. I twisted my ankle pretty bad though, but nothing like a hot bucket of water that can’t fix.” Agent James said.

“So if your ankle hurts, why are you rubbing your head?” Merry asked.

“Hey check this out!” I pointed to the expensive diamond that was in the case we destroyed.

“Yeah it’s a very expensive diamond.” Fritter said.

“No! Look at it! I recognize it!” I said.

“So if you recognize it, why are you tellin’ us to look at it? You think we’ll recognize it?” Fritter asked.

“No!” I said as I took out my phone and went through my picture gallery. I scrolled through the pictures until I could find it. “Uhh, ignore that last one.”

“Was that a picture of young you wearing a dress?” Merry asked.

“No.” I lied.

“HAHAHA!” Merry laughed. “Why were you wearing a dress?”

“I was wearing it for Jelly’s teaparty. I was Mrs. Nutterbutter.” I said in an irriated tone.

“Awww, you wore that for your sister?” Fritter asked. “That’s so cute!”

I blushed embarrassingly as I scrolled through the pictures some more. After a little while of scrolling and embarrassing photos, I opened a photo that showed a diamond identical to this one. “There this one!” I said.

“So what? A bunch of diamonds look the same.” Merry asked.

“Yes, but this diamond has the same little crack on the side here as this one.” I showed them. Fritter and Merry checked out the resemblance between the two diamonds.

“What’s your point?” Merry asked. “Why do you have a picture of the same diamond on your phone?”

“They ARE the same diamond actually.” I said.

“I know, I said that. What’s your point though?” Merry asked.

“That they’re the same diamond!” I said.

“We get that. Can you be a little more specific please?” Fritter asked.

“You two don’t pick up on current events well do you?” I asked. “Have you heard of the Museum Heist in Vanhoover?”

“The one you were going to hit right?” Merry asked. “Yeah you said that was going to be one of your future scores.”

“It was.” I said. “But I didn’t tell you the whole story. My crew and I were actually going to hit it. I took some photos of the most expensive treasures in the museum for analysis. But we never did the score. A rival crew beat us to it.”

“So you’re sayin’ this diamond is actually stolen property?” Fritter asked.

“Think about it! Why would the Marmellata family own a museum?” I asked.

“Because it’s a front?” Merry asked.

“Because they’re thieves.” I said.

“That’s stupid though. These are hot merchandise. They would’ve been traced!” Merry said.

“Not if you didn’t know they were stolen in the first place.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Merry asked.

“Of course you didn’t know about this heist, because it wasn’t actually a current event.” I said.

“Well, technically, a historic event.” Fritter corrected me.

“Now YOU’RE interrupting me, Agent Fritter. Feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“You actually finished your sentence. There’s a difference to that.” Fritter said.

“Look, my point is – this whole museum here is a hoax. Stolen merchandise.” I said. “This whole museum is evidence against them.”

“Wait, hang on a second, Jer. What do you mean by we wouldn’t know about this event?” Merry asked.

“You know how these mates do heists?” I asked. “They do so well they don’t even get spotted! They replace the treasures we fake replicas. They keep under the radar without a trace. No news updates whatsoever!”

“Well in that case this whole place should be shut down.” Fritter said.

“I think they went in here!” one of the guards yelled from the other room.

“We don’t have time for this though. Agent James, ah need you to take that diamond with you out of here for analysis.” Fritter ordered him.

“By myself? Without a carriage?” Agent James asked.

“Relax, these ponies are after me.” I said. “We’ll lure them away from you on the way to finding Mr. Marmellata. This will get you time to escape.”

“Ok.” Agent James nodded. “Just let me rest my ankle a bit and I’ll be on my way.”

“Alright, mate. We got you.” I said. “C’mon Agents May and Fritter. Let’s go find the don!”

So we went on hoof from there without a carriage. The three of us ran and ran, but then we stopped after Fritter told us to, because hey, as agents, we’re supposed to THINK FAST! I just kicked a hoofball at your face. Did you catch it? No I don’t care if this is soccer in Equestria, I’m still calling it hoofball.

“What’s happened, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.

“We need to get through this big room but there’s pressure sensors all over the place.” Fritter said.

“Didn’t I disable the alarm?” Merry asked.

“The pressure sensors have their own security.” Fritter said.

“So I can just hack it and we’re golden, right?” Merry asked.

“Negative.” Fritter said.

“Aww, don’t be so negative.” Merry teased.

“This security system has a unique type of security engineerin’. We don’t have the necessary tools to hack this one. We need to evade it somehow.” Fritter said.

“I got some items with me.” Merry said. “Agent Jam, any suggestions on which of these items we should use?”

I dunno, which should I use?

A: Grapple Hook

B: Sticky Hand

C: Hamster Bubble

The results:

A: Merry takes out the grapple hook, aims it at the wall, and shoots it. Although after shooting it, the hook lands on the alarm box and the alarm starts going off. Really, what were the odds of that tiny little box being hit?

B: Merry takes out a rubber sticky hand out of her bag and stretches it out a bit. “Yes, this will do nicely!” she said.

“What is that thing?” Fritter asked.

“No clue, but it works.” Merry said as she stretches it some more and then accidently snaps it in half.

C: Merry takes out a small box from her satchel, presses a button on it and a giant hamster ball appears over the three of us. “How exactly does this help?” I asked.

“You’ll see!” Merry said. “You better start running.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Just do it!” Merry demanded. So the three of us started running inside the hamster ball and the ball began to roll through the big room. We went through the pressure sensors and the alarm starts going off.

“Like I said, how does this help?” I asked again. We kept running as auto-turrets went online and started spraying green goo all over the hamster ball. Luckily, the ball was a pretty useful shield. Blast doors began to close in all of the exits to the room.

This ball has special features on it. Which should we use?

A: Spikes

B: Eject

C: Thrusters

The results:

A: The hamster ball becomes a big spikey ball. Nothing can hurt us now! Unfortunately, the doors sealed and we’re stuck in here now. Yeah, sometimes the good defense is a good offense. Am I right? Hahaha!

B: The hamster ball spits us out, like literary, with saliva, and we no longer had the protection of the ball, but luckily it spat us towards the exit before the doors sealed.

C: The hamster ball’s thrusters activate and we start speeding faster than the speed of… horsepower, and we made it to the… wall beside the door. Boom... we crashed.

So after we did the right choice, we got up from the floor and we saw right in front of us was the Staff Only area. “This is it! Mr. Marmellata is right through here!” Fritter pointed. “Now, are we ready to go in?”

“I am!” Merry said.

“I dunno about me though.” I said. “I have another difficult choice to make. This is probably going to be the most difficult choice of my life.”

“Oh? And what is that?” Fritter asked.

“Whether sneaking in was the better choice.” I said.

_____________________________________________________________

OPTION B: SNEAKING IN

“I say we should sneak in. It’s best we have the element of surprise.” I said.

“Ok, it’s done then.” Fritter said. “We’ll sneak over to the wall over there when nopony’s looking and we’ll break in.”

“Of course! Like how all secret agents work!” Merry said as she started singing the Mission Impossible theme.

“Shhhh.” Fritter shushed her. “But first thing’s first, Merry. Ya know what to do.”

“Right, right.” Merry agreed. She walked over to the small outlet by the small wall containing the small wheelchair ramp. Merry plugs in her little hacking device turns it on.

“Be swift, Agent May.” Fritter informed her. “We don’t want to be spotted by any Marmellata mobsters or anypony that might be workin’ them.”

“Got it.” Fritter agreed as she started up her maze game on the device.

“C’mon! What’s taking so long?!” I complained.

“Take a chill pill, alright?” Merry suggested. “But be sure to ask your doctor first.”

“Well please excuse me for wanting for being anxious to find out what this stupid don wants with me!” I complained. “I mean, like every time I break into somewhere I shouldn’t be, I always feel like I’m being watched.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, homie.” A mysterious figure from behind the building said to another mysterious figure.

“He’s a little paranoid right now. Let’s give him some time.” The other mysterious figure suggested as they both snuck off.

“You alright, sugarcube?” Fritter asked me.

“It’s probably all in my head,” I said, “but I thought I just heard… umm… nevermind.”

“Got it! I’m in! Hacking it now!” Merry said as she presses the hack button and then a floating pixeled head of Apple Fritter showed up on the screen, laughing evilly. “Jurassic Park much, Agent Fritter?” she asked.

Fritter then giggles and said, “Good work, Agent May! Let’s head inside!”

“But how?” Merry asked.

“I have some items here that might be useful.” Agent James offered as he gives Merry a sack full of items. He then says in a mischievous way, “Agent Fritter’s personal stash she usually keeps in the carriage.”

“Way to keep secrets, Agent James.” Fritter said sarcastically. “This is why you’re a carriage driver and not handlin’ operations in the field.”

“I try.” Agent James shrugged. “I’ll stay out here in case you need a hasty extraction.”

“Ok sounds like a plan.” Fritter agreed. “Let’s head over to that side wall over there and think of a quiet way to head inside.” So we walked over to the right side of the museum without being detected by any of the mobster guards. Once we got to the wall, Fritter asked me, “Alright, Agent Jam. Ya seem to be as good as makin’ decisions than a scientist playin’ chess with a monkey.”

“I’m not sure how to take that.” I said awkwardly.

“Mah point is, how should we go in?” Fritter asked.

I’m going to need your help again, mates.

A: Shrink Ray

B: Anti-Gravity Belt

C: Pickaxe

D: Jumble Hoppers

The results:

A: I saw a tiny crack on the bottom of the wall, and I thought perhaps we can use that to get inside. Merry takes out a shrink ray from Fritter’s stash and shoots us all with it. We all successfully shrink down to ant size and we’ll be able to go through the crack. After we shrunk and after Merry cheers, the shrink ray falls on top of us and squishes us.

B: Merry takes an anti-gravity belt out of Fritter’s stash and wraps it around her head. “Grab on.” She tells us, and we both grabbed on her legs. Merry then presses the button and we start flying. As we got to the rooftop, Merry presses the button again, but the device does not shut down. She presses it many more times but the device didn’t work and we kept on flying. “Jokes on you guys.” She said. “I always wanted to go to space.”

C: Merry went through Fritter’s stash and found a rusty old pickaxe inside. I wasn’t sure how this was going to keep us quiet, but it was worth a try. Merry started to pick lightly at the wall and it started to crack mildly, but just then, a Creeper came out of nowhere and exploded right behind us. The wall blew up and the impact pushed us in, but we were ok, and the guards didn’t even seem to notice.

D: Merry went through Fritter’s stash and found six pairs of Jumble Hopper – spring shoes. Time to be Tiggers and jump up to the roof using these. After we put them on, the three of us bounced up and almost made it to the roof, but luckily it’ll be a soft landing, and the momentum will help us jump higher. Unfortunately, we bounced backwards and backflipped into the nearby pond inside the park and had points reduced.

When we climbed out of the rubble we saw two guards having a conversation of some sort. I wasn’t too sure what they were talking about. It sounded like gibberish.

“Oi.” The first guard said. “Mate we got a bloody long day if ya know what I mean.”

“Sure do, mate! Oi. Perhaps we may even get action, ayeright?” the second guard asked.

“Oi. Those two are really starting to annoy me.” I commented.

“Do what you gotta do, Agent Jam.” Fritter whispered.

How should I take care of the guards?

A: Novelty Miniature Plane

B: Display Gun

C: Bombshell

D: Wait until they stop talking

The results:

A: I take out a remote control for the tiny miniature plane, and I fly it towards one of the guards and it knocks them out. The other guard then starts running away like a chicken and bangs into a nearby column.

B: I broke the display case, took the gun out, and aimed it right at the guards. I pressed the trigger, but all we heard was three clicks. I should tell them I was joking.

C: I picked up the bombshell and threw it at the guards. It landed on the hoof on one of them, and then the other room shot with his hot glue gun at me. I dunno what I was thinking. Why would they have live bombs in a museum?

D: “Oi, you feel a draft?” the first guard asked. “OI, YOU!” We then got spotted by them. Doesn’t always pay to wait.

After we got through those guards, we found another guard guarding the Griffon Exhibit. He seemed to be half-asleep, but he wakes up every 2 seconds. It wouldn’t give us enough time to run through.

What should we do?

A: Penny

B: Tranquilizer

C: Falcon Kick

D: Invisibility Pill

The results:

A: I just took a penny out of my tuxedo pocket and threw it over to the guard. He looks down at it and smiles. “Oh look, a penny!” As the penny distracted him, we ran through without being spotted.

B: I took the tranquilizer dart out of Fritter’s stash and shot a dart at the guard. Unfortunately though, I missed because he yawned. Just then, the dart goes through some sort of tube and slingshots right back at me and hits me on the chin.

C: I suddenly jump up in front of the guard and yell, “FALCON… KI-“ Just then, I burn to ashes. To be honest I expected nothing to happen.

D: Merry gives me an invisibility pill from Fritter’s stash, and with the help of a bottle of water, I swallow the pill and turn invisible. As I started walking through the exhibit, I ran into a griffon sculpture and it falls on me. Yeah, it’s hard to see when you’re invisible, isn’t it?

So after we ran passed the Griffon Wing (no pun intended), we made it to another display room where there were no guards around. We decided to stop to catch our breath. “Ok…” Fritter catches her breath. “Ah think… ah think…” Fritter started breathing heavily like she was about to suffocate.

“Are you ok, Agent Fritter?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah… ah’m… ah’m fine.” Fritter said. “Just… doin’ this… for effect.”

“Effect for… what?” I asked.

“Doesn’t matter.” Fritter said as she got her breath all caught up. She started to speak normally now. “Phew! Ok. We can use this chance to rest up and catch our breaths.”

“By the looks of things, you were doing all the catching for us.” Merry teased.

“Heh!” Fritter chuckles. “Yeah, it sure seemed that way, Agent May!”

“Hey check this out!” I pointed to the expensive diamond that was in the case we destroyed.

“Yeah it’s a very expensive diamond.” Fritter said.

“No! Look at it! I recognize it!” I said.

“So if you recognize it, why are you tellin’ us to look at it? You think we’ll recognize it?” Fritter asked.

“No!” I said as I took out my phone and went through my picture gallery. I scrolled through the pictures until I could find it. “Uhh, ignore that last one.”

“Was that a picture of you in the bathtub as a foal?” Merry asked.

“No.” I lied.

“HAHAHA!” Merry laughed. “That is so adorable!”

I facehooved myself and said, “Why would I have a picture of that on my phone?

“Look at your tiny baby butt!” Fritter pointed in an adorable tone. “You were so small you took a bath in the sink!”

“So what? A bunch of diamonds look the same.” Merry asked.

“Yes, but this diamond has the same little crack on the side here as this one.” I showed them. Fritter and Merry checked out the resemblance between the two diamonds.

“What’s your point?” Merry asked. “Why do you have a picture of the same diamond on your phone?”

“They ARE the same diamond actually.” I said.

“I know, I said that. What’s your point though?” Merry asked.

“That they’re the same diamond!” I said.

“We get that. Can you be a little more specific please?” Fritter asked.

“You two don’t pick up on current events well do you?” I asked. “Have you heard of the Museum Heist in Vanhoover?”

“The one you were going to hit right?” Merry asked. “Yeah you said that was going to be one of your future scores.”

“So you’re sayin’ this diamond is actually stolen property?” Fritter asked.

“Think about it! Why would the Marmellata family own a museum?” I asked.

“Because it’s a front?” Merry asked.

“Because they’re thieves.” I said.

“That’s stupid though. These are hot merchandise. They would’ve been traced!” Merry said.

“Not if you didn’t know they were stolen in the first place.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Merry asked.

“Of course you didn’t know about this heist, because it wasn’t actually a current event.” I said.

“Well, technically, a historic event.” Fritter corrected me.

“Now YOU’RE interrupting me, Agent Fritter. Feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“You actually finished your sentence. There’s a difference to that.” Fritter said.

“Look, my point is – this whole museum here is a hoax. Stolen merchandise.” I said. “This whole museum is evidence against them.”

“Wait, hang on a second, Jer. What do you mean by we wouldn’t know about this event?” Merry asked.

“Well in that case this whole place should be shut down.” Fritter said. “We should call up Agent James. Tell him to pick this diamond up for evidence and take it back to the HQ while we handle the curator, whom is probably the don.”

“Really? But wouldn’t he be caught?” Merry asked.

“Relax, these ponies are after me.” I said. “We’ll lure them away from here on the way to finding Mr. Marmellata. This will give him time to sneak in, take it, and sneak out.”

“Hopin’ he won’t be a blabber mouth again.” Fritter added. “Let’s just get this opened for him.”

How should we open the diamond case?

A: Laser Cutter

B: Hammer

The results:

A: Merry takes the laser cutter out of Fritter’s satchel and places it on the display case. She presses the button to activate it, and it starts to slowly spin. Just then, it malfunctions and slices my tie right in half.

B: Merry takes the hammer out of Fritter’s satchel and she smashes the display case. The glass quietly vaporizes.

“Alright, mates! We got this all planned!” I said excitedly. “C’mon Agents May and Fritter. Let’s go find the don!”

So we continued to sneak through the museum without getting caught. The three of us snuck quietly, very… very… quie- STOP! And then we stopped! Gotta think fast when it comes with dealing with Agent Fritter here! She’s the fast thinker around these parts. Oh wow, I’m starting to sound like her now.

“What’s happened, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.

“We need to get through this big room but there’s pressure sensors all over the place.” Fritter said.

“Didn’t I disable the alarm?” Merry asked.

“The pressure sensors have their own security.” Fritter said.

“So I can just hack it and we’re golden, right?” Merry asked.

“No siree.” Fritter said.

“I’m a ma’am. Yes, ma’amre.” Merry corrected her.

“This security system has a unique type of security engineerin’. We don’t have the necessary tools to hack this one. We need to evade it somehow.” Fritter said.

“I got some items with me.” Merry said. “Agent Jam, any suggestions on which of these items we should use?”

How should we get through here?

A: Cannon

B: Cheese

C: Plank

The results:

A: Merry, Fritter, and I climbed into a cannon, but our weight makes the cannon lose it’s aim and it shot us right into the fossil statue in the middle of the room.

B: I took out a piece of swiss cheese and ate it.

C: Merry sets up a large piece of plank wood on some boxes so we can catapult ourselves through the room. The three of us did, in fact, do it, and we landed on a soft pillow right on the other side safely.

“I am!” Merry said.

“I dunno about me though.” I said. “I have another difficult choice to make. This is probably going to be the most difficult choice of my life.”

“Oh? And what is that?” Fritter asked.

“Whether busting in was the better choice.” I said.

_____________________________________________________________

“Whatever choice was better, it doesn’t matter, we’re here.” Fritter said. “We are ready to take on the mob papa himself.”

“Right! Let’s do this thang!” Merry said excitedly as she and Fritter start running towards the door.

Merry turns back and says, “C’mon, Agent Jam! What are you waiting for?”

“I dunno. Something doesn’t feel right.” I said.

“What do ya mean?” Fritter asked.

“Have either of you thought this was a bit too easy?” I asked.

“Easy? Easy?!” Merry complained. “You know how difficult that was?!”

“Difficult for an average security breach.” I said. “But not secured enough to hold a don.”

“What are ya tryin’ to say, agent?” Fritter asked.

“I know the don wants me for some reason.” I said. “Maybe it’s best I go alone for now just to be safe.”

“WHAT?!” Merry cried.

“Agent May.” Fritter said attempting her to calm down. She then says to me, “Are you sure that’s wise, Agent Jam?”

“What could Mr. Marmellata want with you two?” I asked. “No offense.”

“None taken. I know what it’s like to be unwanted.” Merry admitted.

“But if Mr. Marmellata wants me then he might as well get me, because I don’t want to disappoint him.” I said.

“Jerry, no!” Merry cried out. “I don’t want him to harm you!”

“He won’t, believe me.” I swore.

“Jerry!” Merry whined. “Jerry!”

“If you are absolutely sure, Agent Jam, then we won’t deny your request.” Fritter said.

“Are you kidding me?!” Merry yelled.

“Go, Agent Jam. Just go, before ah change mah mind.” Fritter ordered me.

“JERRY!” Merry cried as she was about to pounce on me, but Fritter holds her back. “JERRY! STOP! JERRY!”

“Ah know you love him and all but we have to give him what he wants.” Fritter informed her.

“SHUT IT WITH THAT!” Merry yelled.

“Yeah I agree with her with that.” I agreed just right before I walked in through the door.

“How can you do this, Agent Fritter?!” Merry yelled. “Why would you let him go alone like that?!”

“He’s never alone.” Fritter said. “We’ll be right there with him. His friendship will give him strength.”

“Well that doesn’t work all the time, Apple Fritter!” Merry yelled. “It doesn’t hurt to have confidence, but sometimes it just isn’t enough!” Fritter didn’t say anything back that time. She just looked down upsettingly while still holding Merry back.

After I walked into the staff only corridor, it was dark and quiet, and full of rubbish too. There were pipes on the ceiling; I mean have these ponies ever heard of interior decoration, even in a place that doesn’t need it? By that I mean everywhere needs it, even generator rooms, and they never get decorated. As I walked through the corridors it showed a very strong resemblance to the TARDIS interior in the episode Invasion of Time. I hope I don’t start walking in circles as well. I like the classic series. It may not be as intense as the new series, but you do see a side of the Doctor and the stories you never would’ve noticed.

Oh, by the way, as I was walking, I forgot to mention – the doors get sealed behind me, and in front of me, which didn’t surprise me one bit. I just stopped and stood there like the badflank I am. I didn’t even look back. “Nice trap.” I said. “Not very impressed though. These museums do have these defense mechanisms to keep intruders out, or to keep them from getting out. Although, I never expected you two to actually be part of the security.”

“We and our contact have mutual interests.” Orange Swirl said as he emerges from the shadows.

“We decided to make a deal so we can assist eachother in your downfall, holms.” Cesaer Salad said as he emerges from the other corner.

“Assisting a mobster like Mr. Marmellata?” I asked. “Have you two gone mad? He’s a very dangerous criminal!”

“Oh and we’re not?” Cesaer asked. “That’s a lot coming from you.”

“What are you two even doing here?” I asked. “I thought you were back at LP, sticking up cider stores?”

“We were… that was the original plan.” Orange said as he and Cesaer began to walk around me like a bunch of sharks. “Until we noticed how suspicious you were acting.”

“You know I’m a part of the FDA now. What more is there to hide from you?” I asked.

“OH! A lot there, holms! A LOT!” Cesaer said.

“You think of us as a bunch of fools, Jerry.” Orange said. “But this time the fools are going to fool the fooler, fool!”

“I don’t understand what you two are talking about.” I said.

“Abandoning your friends, ese.” Cesaer said. “Being the filthy, little traitor you are!”

“I told you! I didn’t abandon you, or betray you!” I said. “I just joined an agency! That’s it! That’s the only lie I gave you!”

“I dunno, O. I don’t trust him. Do you?” Cesaer asked Orange.

“No way, homie.” Orange said. “Just a snake in the grass. A very venomous one that sucks your skin dry of truth and happiness, and turns them into lies and despair!”

“That makes no sense, mate.” I informed him.

“That don’t matter.” Orange said as he walks over to my face. “I think that everything we knew about you, Jer, was a LIE! Who knows if that’s even your real name?”

“Wha- of course that’s my real name! What are you two bloody talking about?” I asked.

“AH HA! Blood!” Cesaer laughed. ‘See that, O? You were right! He’s thirsty for blood! Like a vampire snake or something!”

“You two are idiots. Can I please see Mr. Marmellata?” I asked.

“Senior Marmellata is unavailable at this time.” Cesaer said. “He’s busy with some prisoners of some sort. A dragon by the looks of it, and a couple of other prisoners. We didn’t see them.”

“So Scales is here then.” I assumed.

“Wow! And he knows dragons too!” Cesaer complained. “How many more secrets are you hiding from us, J?”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I yelled.

“Prison… General Lee… the FDA…” Orange whispered to my face. “We know it all now. All of it!” I have to be honest right now for the first time – I’m really feeling quite nervous right now, mate. I really have the feeling they know the truth.

“I dunno what you’re talking about.” I lied nervously.

“You don’t?” Orange asked as he tsks a few times. “It’s a shame, dawg. Maybe… maybe you just need to be reminded.” Just then Orange takes out the plasticware shiv that Lee made in prison and throws it on the floor in front of me. Wow, they weren’t lying! How did they know?!

“Hey! You found the shiv I made in prison!” I acted excitedly. “I kept it with me to keep the happy times we had together in there! Happy go-lucky friendship time in prison! Right? Am I right? Mates?” They just glared at me, not saying a word. “C’mon, mates! It was a long time ago! I realized I neglected you ever since I joined the agency, but I can make it up to you! I just need to have a word with Mr. Marmellata.”

“OH THE LIES!” Cesaer cried. “How long is this going to continue? The jig’s up, holms! You turned yourself in and ratted us out! You knew this was going to happen, J! Didn’t you?”

I nodded upsettingly. “I just didn’t know how long it would take. I was going to confess to you, and-“

“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA! SHUT UP!” Orange yelled as he held his ears. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

“Whoa! Take a chill pill, O!” I suggested.

“NO!” Orange yelled. “Because I haven’t asked my doctor yet!”

“Seriously, J?” Cesaer asked. “You know your secret has been revealed! Why do you keep lying to us? Huh?! Why did you do it?!”

“The real question is: who told you all this?” I asked.

“We asked first! Answer the bleeping question!” Cesaer demanded.

Looks like it was time to confess myself. No getting out of this now. Maybe if I finally tell them the truth and explain everything, maybe they’ll understand and give me a second chance. I know these two. They are loyal to me until the end.

“Alright… it’s time to come clean.” I said. I then took a deep breath. A very deep breath.

“C’mon, quit stallin’, dawg!” Orange complained as he snaps his hooves at me. “You’re not swimming!”

“Alright, alright! Give me a chance!” I complained. “Alright… I did it because… I saw how ponies were suffering because we brought them out of business with our robbing. I saw an alley… in Mareami… bunch of ponies… with foals. They were homeless and poor. It was our doing. I wanted to help those poor ponies by redeeming myself to society, so I turned myself in.”

“Think that bothers us one bit?” Cesaer asked. “You could turn yourself in all you want. What we’re really angry about is that… you ratted US out! You made us rot in prison with you!”

“General Lee?” Orange chuckled. “He may have abandoned us there, but we wouldn’ve even gone in there if it weren’t for you, Jerry Jam!”

“But… I didn’t want you to feel guilty either! If I didn’t help you turn you in, prison would’ve been a whole lot worse for you!” I explained frightenedly.

“It was ALREADY worse when we tried breaking out of prison!” Cesaer said.

“And THAT wasn’t part of the plan!” I admitted. “We were supposed to do our time. The breaking out of prison thing – that one’s on you!”

“We were trying to fix the problem YOU caused, fool!” Orange yelled. “We were doing so well in life until you ruined everything! If you cared about those poor fools in the alleys so much, you could’ve just give them your money!”

“They’re not MY bloody money! It’s my parent’s money!” I corrected them.

“What have your parents ever done for you?” Cesaer asked. Whoa! Now that one crosses the line. I had nothing to say about that. I started to feel heartbroken. I completely forgot about my parents. They didn’t teach me right from wrong, and now here I am, fighting with my own best friends.

“Time to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget, and we’ll get our money!” Orange said angrily.

“What money?!” I yelled.

“Agent S promised us a fortune to bring you to the boss!” Orange said.

“Oi vay.” I shook my head. “Agent S, you bloody blabber mouth!”

“And we’re going to bring you to him.” Orange said. “But first…” Him and Cesaer start cracking their hooves. I really had the feeling they were going to give me a knuckle sandwich, and I gotta say, it didn’t taste good once they gave it to me.

Meanwhile in the rooms up ahead, Elusive and Jelly were sitting in two chairs facing back to back in the middle of a dark room where the only light was the one shining above them. Jelly woke up from her slumber only to find out her hooves were tied up with Elusive’s. Elusive himself, however, was still fast asleep. He was a pretty heavy sleepier because after all of Jelly’s struggling and jumping around, he didn’t wake up.

“Elusive! Elusive wake up, mate!” Jelly whispered, but no answer. “Elusive! Oi! Elusive!”

“I hear you loud and clear, darling.” Elusive said still with his eyes closed.

“Why are you still sleeping then?” Jelly asked.

“Because all that screaming has made me tired. Please don’t disturb me.” Elusive requested as he falls back asleep.

“Ugh!” Jelly groans. She then calls out, “Oi! Anypony here? We still bait for Jerry? Huh?”

“It’s funny that you mention him.” a voice from the shadows said as he blows on a pipe and bubbles come out of it. I hope he realizes it’s unmanly to blow bubbles. “I hope you’re enjoying our hospitality.”

“Ah hello there.” Jelly said. “I think you have a misunderstanding with the term ‘hospitality’. Y’see, my friend and I didn’t get any drinks.”

“Oh, of course, of course! All of that will come soon enough, my dear.” The voice said. Jelly could barely see him. She can just see a shadow of a pony figure with a disguised voice.

“Ah, you must be Agent S of the DIF.” Jelly assumed. “Jerry told me about you.”

“Hahahaha!” the voice laughed.

“Ok that laugh with that voice kinda creeps me out.” Jelly admitted.

“Why Jelly, my dear, I am nothing like that loser Agent S.” the voice said. “He’s just some geek behind a computer screen giving missions to ponies that do his dirty work for him.”

“And you’re not?” Eclipse Norton said sarcastically as he walks into the light.

“Yeah, like really, Missssster Marmellata.” Snake Eyes said as he joined along.

“Ah, Agent Snake Eyes. Jerry told me about you too.” Jelly said. “And… umm… I dunno, who are you again?”

“I feel insulted.” Norton said as he takes out a candy cane and nibbles on it. “I would’ve thought Agent Jam told you about me.”

“Oh right, Eclipse Norton!” Jelly laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I mean Snake over there is easy to recognize over his S’s, but you… I probably wouldn’ve recognized you if you didn’t take out that candy cane.”

“Sweetie, I hope you realize candy canes are bad for your teeth.” Elusive informed him.

“You sound just like my parents, my wife, my son, my friends, and pretty much everypony I know.” Norton complained.

“And let’ssssss not forget those commercials.” Snake added.

“Right. If I want to get rotten teeth, that’s my choice. Don’t judge me!” Norton complained.

“Fine, fine, cool your jets, bro.” Elusive complained. “Oh, and FYL, that is the worst looking tuxedo I’ve ever seen.”

“I agree.” Snake nodded.

“You always agree to everything I disagree.” Norton complained.

“Silence!” Mr. Marmellata demanded.

“My phone battery is actually dead so that won’t be much of a problem.” Elusive informed him.

“Jelly, sweetie, why are you hanging out with dumb peasants like Elusive here?” Mr. Marmellata asked.

“Who are you to judge me?!” Jelly complained. “You ain’t my parents! My parents have been missing for years!”

“Yes they have.” Mr. Marmellata agreed. “But we’ll get back to them later. Let’s start with Agent Jam.”

“Makes me wonder if that robotic voice is actually because he has a hole on his neck?” Elusive asked.

“What about Agent Jam?” Jelly asked. “Are we still bait to him?”

“More or less.” Mr. Marmellata said. “As it turns out, he doesn’t even know you’re here yet. He’s being comforted right now by his two best friends.”

“No…” Jelly said in a worried tone. “No, no! What did you tell them?”

“Me? I didn’t tell them nothin’.” Mr. Marmellata said.

“Agent Ssssss told them the truth.” Snake said. “After Orange Sssswirl and Cssssseaser Salad deal with him, he’ll be here, and he’ll know everything. He will finally belong to ussss!”

“Is it weird that I find this robotic voice creepier than his hissing?” Elusive asked.

“And they actually believed him?” Jelly asked.

“Jerry’s friends are very gullible it would seem.” Snake said.

“I can’t believe you would do this to him!” Jelly yelled.

“I agree.” Norton said. “Which is why he disagrees. If we need Agent Jam so much, why use his own friends against him? We’re trying to get him to join us, not ruin his life.”

“Exactly!” Jelly said. “Wait what? Get him to join you?”

“Somepony with his skills would be very useful to the DIF.” Norton said. “In order for you two to be safe, he would have to make a choice. Abandon his post in the FDA and join the DIF in order for you two get out safely, or vice versa.”

“Vice versa?” Elusive asked. “Isn’t that the name of a video game, or a credit card?”

“Really?” Jelly asked. “You would hurt us just so Jerry can join you? You are the most corrupted agency ever!”

“Hey we weren’t always like this.” Norton said. “It’s the new director that took charge. Our previous director was quite fair.”

“Who was your previous director?” Jelly asked.

“That is classssssified information.” Snake said.

“Of course it is.” Jelly rolls her eyes.

“Agent Jam’s time is nigh, my dear Jelly.” Mr. Marmellata said. “Soon… everything will go back according to plan. The Marmellata family will soon rise from the shadows. We’ll be stronger than ever. With the DIF by our side, and somepony like Agent Jam, we will be unstoppable!”

“Don’t think too far ahead, Marmellata.” Snake reminded him. “You are still under our protection. Don’t be too hassssty when it comes to robbing.”

“Exactly.” Norton agreed. “You are not to disturb the peace in Equestria. Your goal is to keep your operation running so all other organized crime can go out of business.”

“We’re helping your organization become the only criminal empire in Equesssstria.” Snake said.

“Of course, and as always, I appreciate this opportunity.” Mr. Marmellata said.

“I’m going to contact Agent Sssss and report this newssss to him.” Snake said. “Agent Jam is getting clossse.”

“We’ll all be sleeping peacefully very soon.” Norton said.

Meanwhile, back with Orange, Cesaer, and I, they were still beating the living poop out of me. They threw me across the room and I landed right on the wall, much like Herb Leafhorn did to Flare Gun back in school. I was bruised all over. I even played dead, but that couldn’t fool them; my leg twitched. They then threw me right in the middle of the room as my nose started to bleed.

“This is so boring! Fight us, el burro!” Cesaer yelled.

“Yeah, dawg! Is the shame killing you like us?” Orange asked as he kicks me in the face. “Had enough fool? You want us to take you to Mr. Marmellata now?

“Ugh!” I groaned in pain as I wiped the blood off my face. “I’ve wanted to go before this whole bloody beating started! I don’t have time to deal with you two! I just want to see what Marmellata wants with me!”

“Think he had enough?” Orange asked Cesaer.

“Hmm… nah! Let’s beat him some more!” Cesaer suggested.

“Later, homie. We need to get paid, right?” Orange asked.

“Right.” Cesaer agreed as he and Orange picked me up. “Let’s not let revenge get in the way of the dough.”

“Heh! You got that right, dawg!” Orange chuckled. So Orange and Cesaer started dragging over to Marmellata’s room. They dragged me up the stairs too, bumping my legs on each step, and even one of them got stuck on the railing for a second.

I coughed and said, “I know I lied to you and all, but this is too much. OW!” I yelled as they bumped my head on a stair.

“Or not enough!” Cesaer teased and chuckled. After I sigh, and after we got to the top floor, the double doors leading to Marmellata’s room was just up ahead. They dragged me inside and tossed me on the ground.

“Ow!” I yelled. “How long was my nose bleeding for? Is this the first time?”

“Actually, it started, stopped, and then started again just now.” Cesaer informed me.

“JERRY!” Jelly and Elusive both cried out.

“Jelly?! Elusive?!” I cried out surprisingly. “Oi! What are you two doing here?!”

“We got captured shortly after you left.” Jelly said.

“Hey Jerry, now you know how it feels to get beaten up, and I ain’t here to help you.” Elusive said.

“Heh! Yeah, ain’t that ironic, homie?” Orange chuckled.

“Irony is my forte, I must admit.” Mr. Marmellata said.

“Elusive… Elusive… I’m sorry.” I said. “I should’ve been there for you!”

“No… no… this is all my fault, Jer.” Elusive admitted. “I let vacations get into my head. I shouldn’ve yelled at you the way I did. But I realize… no matter what, I’d end up here anyway. This… this... freak that won’t even show his face used us to get to you!”

“I know, Elou, I know.” I said. “Mr. Marmellata… we meet at last.”

“Indeed.” Marmellata agreed. “But if you actually think about it, Jerry… we’ve met before.”

“We have?” I asked. “Whatever, mate. I’m here now, you got me. Let Elusive and Jelly go!”

“Oh in all good time, my boy.” Marmellata said. “But you all must learn the truth, as your gangster friends over there learned yours.”

“It’s not ‘gangster’, it’s ‘gangsta’!” Orange reminded him.

“Yeah, we ain’t mobsters. We’re hoodlums. That automatically replaces the ‘er’ with an ‘a’.” Cesaer added.

“Wow, you two need to realize how sssssstupid you sound right now.” Snake said.

“Hey at least they’re not wannabes.” Norton said.

“Norton and Snake are here too?” I asked. “Wow… all we need is my agent friends and the gang’s all here. Heh!”

“Yeah where are they anyway?” Orange asked.

“I told them to stay behind.” I said. “This fight is between me… and Marmellata.”

“That there is true.” Marmellata said.

“Now you owe me some answers, mate! Tell me what I need to know!” I demanded. “Why do you want me?”

“I made a deal with Agent S.” Marmellata said. “Ever since you were a kid I’ve been watching you grow, waiting for the right time. Agent S promised he’d clear all charges against me and my organization if he hires you to be one of his agents.”

“You’ve been watching me grow too?” I asked. “How did you know about me? What am I to you? When did we meet?” Marmellata and I were talking, Jelly looked up and heard some strange noises coming from the vents up above.

“Silly Jerry, we met since the day you were born.” Marmellata said.

“I barely remember that time.” I said.

“Oh no!” Jelly gasped. “Oh no! Could it be?!”

“Yes, Jelly, my dear.” As Marmellata said ‘my dear’, the robotic voice has turned off and made a familiar sound.

“Oh no!” I gasped.

“What? I’m missing something here.” Cesaer said.

“My… son.” Marmellata said as his face reveals himself from the shadows.

“MOM?!” I gasped.

“You didn’t take mail that letter like I asked you to.” she said.

“Whoa! I did not see this comin’, amigo!” Cesaer gasped as he and Orange were both surprised.

“Misssss Strawberry Jam issssss back!” Snake said.

“Wait… where’s dad?!” Jelly asked.

“You were always a daddy’s girl, Jelly.” My mom said jealously.

“Where is he?!” Jelly yelled.

“He’s… on vacation.” My mom said hesitantly.

“Heh! A liar… just like her ssssson! Runs in the family, huh?” Snake asked.

“Well that explains a lot.” Orange said.

“Wait… time out for a second!” I stopped them. “There are so many questions in my head right now! My mom’s a criminal?”

“The Jams were always criminals, Jerry.” Mom said. “It’s runned in the family for generations. Blueberry Jam, our ancestor, he was one of the greatest thieves Equestria ever knew from the old kingdom, back in the time of chaos.”

“Blueberry Jam was the one that discovered Mareami!” I said.

“Did he? Did he really discover? Or did he stole it?” mom asked.

“Wha… what do you mean?” I asked.

“Yeah I’m just as surprised as you, bro!” Jelly said.

“You mean this land actually belonged to either the Guns or the Leafhorns?” I asked.

“Nope! It didn’t belong to anypony.” mom said. “Nopony but an alligator colony. Mareami used to be the expanded Gatorglades swamps, but Blueberry, with his stolen riches from World Party II and the Chaos Wars, made a huge criminal empire. Stole the swamps right from the gators; chased them out. They cut down the trees, filled the swamps, declared this land as our own.”

“But if you think about it, Mareami wouldn’ve never existed without this crime.” Norton added.

“Unfortunately, after years went by, after the FDA was made, they got caught up in the investigation.” My mom explained. “Blueberry Jam was on the verge of getting caught. The FDA was onto him. He had to leave Mareami because of it. Jam operations got shut down by them. Blueberry barely escaped with his life. He moved to Manehattan and made a new criminal empire, one that was forever known as: the Marmellata family. The Marmellata name was passed down for generations. The FDA, however, were getting nosy again, so the fourth Don Marmellata created the DIF, another anti-criminal organization, used mainly to bring down our competition, and to protect our name.”

“Wait… so… the Jams created the DIF?” I asked shockingly.

“Yes… we did!” mom said.

“So… Agent S… is he… is he…” I stuttered.

“No, he’s not. He’s not a Jam at all.” mom said. “After many years went by, a new director came into power by the DIF. Our sixth Don Marmellata got taken down by a new pony. The DIF became… more of an anti-criminal organization, because it wasn’t runned by a criminal.”

“But do you get her point.” Snake said to me. “You didn’t become a criminal jusssst to have fun. Crime was in your blood, Agent Jam. Crime was passed down in your family for generationsssss. Why else were you so good at heists?”

“Whoa!” Orange gasped. “Jerry is a descendent of the greatest crime organization in Equestria history! That explains a lot!”

“Yeah, but what went so wrong?” Cesaer asked.

“Crime was just passed down in our family, Jerry.” mom said. “But you know what was passed down from dad’s side of the family? Mercy. That was your one weakness, Jerry. Mercy.”

“That would explain how he felt seeing those ponies in the alley.” Jelly said.

“Am I the only one freaked out by the fact that Jerry’s last name is still Jam?” Elusive asked. “I mean, if the family name was Jam, the Jams were the last name on his mom’s side, wouldn’t he have a different last name?”

“I had to find somepony that shared the same last name as me to get the Jam family name to go on.” Mom said. “I had no brothers, or stallion cousins, so I needed to improvised. I found a random stallion with the same last name. I made him rich. I made him did whatever I said.”

“You… you used daddy!” Jelly shouted as she started to get teary eyed. “You didn’t love him! You used him!”

“Of course I did! That is… until… I actually fell in love with him. Then… the DIF here… used it to their advantage.” Mom said.

“We arresssssted him after ‘Mr. Marmellata’ here started to get disssstracted.” Snake said. “We had to sssstep in and do something.”

“The time has come Jerry. It is time for me to give you to Agent S.” mom said.

“Why though?! Why would you do this?!” I yelled.

“Do you think I want there for harm to come to my daughter, or your boss?” mom asked. “Jelly… she’s going to become a great success! The FDA are nothing but trouble! Join the DIF, Jerry! It is the only way!”

“NO!” I yelled.

“You will join the DIF!” mom demanded. “Do as you’re told! Don’t you dare disobey your mother! Do it for Jelly! Do it for Elusive! Do it for Orange and Cesaer! Do it for Merry May and Apple Fritter!”

Just then, the vents up above open up, and Fritter jumps out of it and lands over by Snake and Norton, bopping both of their heads together, knocking them out. Merry also flies out of the vents and flies over to Orange and Cesaer, throwing a smoke bomb over to them. “RUN, JERRY!” Merry yelled.

“Agent May! Agent Fritter!” I cried out in excitement.

“Oooooh this is so exciting!” Elusive said excitedly. “It’s like a spy movie or something!”

“Go untie your friends, Agent Jam! We’ll need their help.” Fritter instructed me.

I nodded and ran over to Jelly and Elusive. I took out General Lee’s shiv that I picked up from the floor as Orange and Cesaer were beating me up before, and I untied them. “Ah, free at last! My hooves felt like they were about to fall off.” Elusive said in relief.

“Get me out of here!” my mom yelled as a bunch of Marmellata mobsters showed up to help get their boss to escape.

“She’s getting away!” Jelly pointed.

“Don’t worry! We’ll get her!” Fritter said.

“Good to see you again, Jelly!” Merry said.

“You too, Merry!” Jelly said.

“And you!” Merry glared angrily at me as she walked over to me and slapped my face.

“OW!” I yelled.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be harmed!” Merry whined. “You promised! Look at you – all black and blue and red all over!”

“Ok first off: that last bruise was you.” I corrected her. “Second, I promised you that Mr. Marmellata wouldn’t harm me. This was their doing.” I pointed to my friends.

“And we’ll do it some more!” Cesaer yelled.

“Yeah, dawg! This ain’t over! We’re protecting her if it gets us paid!” Orange yelled.

“Not if we have anythin’ to say about it, ‘homie’.” Fritter said bravely as she and Merry stood in front of me.

“If you want to get to Jerry, you’ll have to get threw us first!” Merry said.

“Uh, no. I ain’t hittin’ a girl, yo.” Orange said.

“Yeah, ella chica. We have a code when it comes to that.” Cesaer said.

“Really now? You want us to settle this like adults?” Fritter asked.

“Merry, Fritter! What are you two doing?” I asked.

“Go, Jerry! We’ll hold off your friends! You go after your mom!” Fritter instructed him.

“I’m not leaving you two behind!” I yelled. “I will not-“

“THAT IS AN ORDER, AGENT JAM!” Fritter yelled.

“An order?” I asked. “Since when did FDA agents follow orders? I thought this was freedom of choice?”

“Go Jerry! You helped us! Now we must help you, and that is final!” Merry demanded.

Just then Orange and Cesaer started charging towards Merry and Fritter, and they tackle them.

“I will not abandon my friends again!” I yelled.

“And I’m glad you learned your lesson, Jer, but they offered.” Elusive said as he places his hoof around me. “You have to let them buy us time.”

“Our mom is getting away!” Jelly reminded me. “We’ll come with you to catch her!”

“Yeah as long as I don’t break a hoof.” Elusive said.

I looked over at my gangsta friends and agent friends and saw them fighting. I really felt like I wanted to do something, but I didn’t want to fight any of them. I wanted this to stop; but at the same time, my sister and boss are right. Mr. Marmellata must be stopped. After a moment of thinking, I nodded and said, “Let’s go get her!”

“Wooo! Chase scene!” Elusive cheered. So Jelly, Elusive, and I all ran over to where mom ran off so we can chase her down as Merry, Fritter, Orange, and Cesaer all fought back in this room.

“This is so rad, Agent Jam!” Merry yelled out at me before I ran off. I then turned back and smiled at her and she smiles back, but that smile kinda distracted her as Orange was pinning her to the floor. “I thought you said you don’t fight girls?” Merry asked as she fights with Orange.

“We said we don’t hit girls, girl.” Orange corrected her.

“We have no problems when it comes to wrestlin’ girls though!” Cesaer said as he was wrestling with Fritter.

“Oh yeah is that a fact?” Fritter asked mischievously. “You have any idea who you’re talkin’ to? Ah’m the rodeo champion of Appleloosa! Ah can wrestle a bull with nothin’ but mah bare hooves!”

“So what’s stopping you?” Cesaer asked.

“Ah’m… uhh… bein’ nice to you.” Fritter fibbed.

“Real smooth, Agent Fritter.” Merry said sarcastically. “Oof!” Orange squeezes Merry’s right cheek across her face.

“That was NOT hitting! That was NOT hitting! That was NOT hitting!” Orange panicky informed her.

“Iff hurrs lif hidding.” Merry said.

So Jelly, Elusive, and I ran up more stairs because I had the feeling Marmellata was escaping through the roof. How did I know? A bunch of Marmellata mobsters started running down the stairs to attack us. My technique: follow the guards. Elusive proved himself very useful by using his magic to take out the mobsters by adding pink to their tuxedos which was very embarrassing for them. “What’s wrong with you ponies?!” Elusive complained. “Real stallions wear pink!”

When we got up to the roof, Marmellata was on her way to the cargo chopper that was on the roof. “Start the chopper!” she yelled. “Start the chopper! We must return to the zeppelin at once!”

“Right away, boss!” one of the mobsters cried out as he ran into the pilot’s seat to start up the chopper, and Marmellata climbed on inside as well. Once we got to the roof, we saw the helicopter was already getting airborne.

“NO!” I yelled.

“Don’t worry, Jer! I’ll stop her!” Elusive offered as he shoots his magic towards the chopper and hits it. “Bullseye!” he cried out, but the only thing changed about the chopper that is that it turned pink. “Huh… I guess that’s all I can do.”

“NO!” I yelled. “We need… we need to catch her! We can’t let her escape!” Just then, Jelly started flying up to the chopper as fast as she could. “No, Jelly! It’s too dangerous!” I yelled out, but she didn’t listen. She just kept going. She is able to fly fast enough to make it to the chopper. The helicopter doors open and the mobsters start shooting hot glue at her. Jelly starts flying in evasive maneuvers, and she suddenly flies right on in, and throwing the mobsters overboard, and into a mattress billboard that actually had a giant mattress on the display.

“Next time! Don’t open the doors!” Jelly called out at them. Jelly starts running over to the cockpit. She opens the door, but after she opens it, mom punches her in the face and she falls down and starts sliding through the cargo area and close to the exit.

“Sorry, baby! But I do this out of love!” mom said.

“Some tough love you show, mom!” Jelly yelled.

As Elusive and I watched as the helicopter was about to get out of reach, I was really afraid they were going to get too far away, but just then, a giant force field magically appears in front of the helicopter. “WHOA!” I cried.

“Oooo, pretty!” Elusive commented. “It’s pink!”

“Uhh… Mr…. or err, Mrs. Marmellata?” the pilot asked back on the chopper frightened.

“What do you wan- WHOA!” mom freaked out as the helicopter was just about to hit the giant force field. “We’re gonna crash!” Just then, the chopper goes right through the forcefield without a dent. “Oh… nevermind. We’re going to be fine.” Just then, all the electronics on the helicopter shuts down immediately. “OH C’MON!” Just then, the helicopter began to fall from the sky. Elusive and I witnessed the whole thing.

“WOO! That’ll get her!” I said excitedly.

“But, Jer, Jelly’s still in there!” Elusive reminded me.

“Oh shoot!” I panicked. “Come on, Elou!” He and I began to chase after the crashing helicopter, but not after we got occupied by a couple of Marmellata goons.

“Hold it there, Agent Jam!” one of the goons said. “The don ordered us to bring you to Agent S. Come along quietly.”

“I really don’t have time for this.” I said in an annoyed tone as I took out my forgetting device and used it on them. “You will help me capture Mr. Marmellata.”

“Mrs. Marmellata.” Elusive corrected me.

“Whatever!” I yelled. “So you two got it?”

“Yes, of course.” One of the mobsters agreed.

“My brain feels like it’s being fried.” The other mobster said.
“Oh woops!” I said as I immediately shut off the device and put it away. “Now let’s go! Help us get through the rooftops!”

“Right away, boss.” One of the mobsters said. Luckily, both of the mobsters were pegasi, so they were able to fly us over the rooftops of Manehattan so we can catch up to the crashing helicopter. Hopefully it won’t crash on anything important. Come to think of it, I hope the important cargo inside doesn’t get harmed, and by important cargo I mean my sister.

Back downstairs at the museum, my gangsta friends and my- ok, that makes me sound stupid when I say that. My hoodlum friends and my agent friends continued to wrestle, for what reason, I’m not sure. It was pretty much a stalemate so far. “You give up?” Cesaer asked.

“We didn’t start this!” Fritter said. “We want to end it!”

“You two ain’t so tough! We know your tricks!” Orange said as he holds Merry down. “Agent S told us!”

“Agent S is a blabber mouth!” Merry said as she kicks Orange off her and then jumps on top of him to hold him down. “Whatever Agent S told you, he’s just using you to get to Jerry!”

“And Jerry didn’t use us?” Orange asked.

“NO! He would never use his friends! He really cares about you!” Merry said.

“No he doesn’t!” Cesaer said as she starts pulling on Fritter’s pigtails. “He ruined us! He broke up our gang and brought us in! He made our lives miserable!”

Fritter then punches Cesaer in the nose and she let’s go of her to hold his nose, and then she says, “Ah must admit, that is pretty low, but that was a long time ago. Jerry learned his lesson, and he only did it because he cares about y’all!”

“Cares about what?” Cesaer asked as he spits on his hoof. “He also left us for you feds!” Cesaer then places his hoof in Fritter’s ear.

“AAAAH!” Fritter yelled. “Really?! It comes to this?! If you dare do a purple nurple next, ah’ll knock yer teeth out!”

“Good idea!” Merry said as she purple nurples Orange.

“AAAH!” Orange cried out in pain. “Why do us stallions have those anyway?!”

“Jerry only joined the FDA because he felt he owed to society!” Fritter said. “He does care about y’all! He stayed in prison with y’all! He could’ve turned states if he wanted to!”

“Not to mention he dropped all charges against you guys for every crime you did after you left the big house!” Merry said as Orange pushes her to the ground.

“That is true.” Orange said. “But he never hangs out with us! He forgets his old running buddies! The FDA changed him!” Orange then jumps was about to belly flop on Merry, but Merry was able to roll out of the way and he lands on the floor.

“Jerry promised he was going to hang with you after this mission!” Merry said.

“He was going to turn on us!” Cesaer said.

“You don’t know that!” Merry corrected him. “The mission is not over yet!”

“But he’s been avoiding us ever since! We had to catch him in the act for him to talk to us again!” Orange said.

“And he kept sayin’ he was sorry!” Fritter said. “Yer fightin’ yer best friend!”

“No, we’re fighting you. His NEW best friends.” Orange corrected her.

“Is that what this is about?! You think Jerry replaced you with us!?” Fritter asked.

“Well… yeah.” Cesaer admitted. “Yeah, O, isn’t that why we’re fightin’ these two?”

“I thought we were fighting these two to get to Jerry, dawg?” Orange asked.

“Look around! Jerry’s not here anymore!” Fritter informed them. Orange and Cesaer both looked around curiously.

“Oh yeah… that’s true.” Cesaer understood. “So is Elusive and Jelly.”

“Yeah, and those two DIF agents as well.” Orange said.

“Wait. Where’s Snake and Norton?” Merry asked as she looked around.

“Where’s Jerry’s mammi? We need to get paid!” Cesaer demanded.

“We’ll pay you double what she’s offering you if you help us save Jerry!” Merry offered.

“Good luck, chica! Agent S already is payin’ us double!” Cesaer informed her.

“Agent S is the enemy here!” Merry said. “I know what this is about. We heard the entire conversation from the vents. All of you are pawns to Agent S. Jerry… Snake… Norton… you two… even Marmellata herself! This is all Agent S’s doing! If you actually think about it, Jerry would’ve been a totally different pony if he haven’t turned himself and you guys in! Agent S would’ve gotten to him, and changed him! He would’ve gotten to you two as well! If you actually think about all that Jerry’s done, he saved you from him!”

“Right!” Fritter agreed. “Agent S would’ve actually turned Jerry into the rat you think he is now! Maybe… just maybe… you two would’ve been feds with him.”

Orange and Cesaer than gasped. “No! I would rather rot in prison than turn into a fed!” Orange panicked.

“I hear you, amigo!” Cesaer agreed. “Wow! Jerry… he actually… wow. Is this true?”

“By being a part of the FDA, Jerry knows better.” Fritter said. “He will be the better friend you want him to be. All we need to do… is help him catch Marmellata!”

Orange and Cesaer both looked at eachother and then nodded. “Where do we begin, girls?” Orange asked.

“Ah just have one question for y’all.” Fritter said. “Where is Marmellata keeping Scales?”

So Elusive and I were continuing to fly across the rooftops with the help of the possessed Marmellata mobsters. I saw the wreckage of the helicopter up ahead; however, the building it crashed on remained undented. The mobsters dropped us off at the wreckage. Elusive ran to the wreckage to see if Jelly was ok, but first I had to do something. “Alright, you two. We’ll take it from here. Go and… get me a coffee. Cream, but no sugar.”

“Yes, boss. Will there be anything else?” one of the mobsters asked.

“Yes, would you like something, Elou? Their treat.” I offered.

“Well I can’t have anything to fattening. I’m already fat enough as it is.” Elusive said, even though he seemed pretty fit to me. It’s a stallion with a mare’s mind. What can you expect? “Oh to heck with it! Get me a bearclaw! Today is a good day for me! As I reunited with my number one business associate – Jerry Jam!”

“Awww.” I nodded.

“Right away, boss.” The mobster said as the duo fly off.

“Are they actually going to give us those treats?” Elusive asked.

“Are you kidding? I’m surprised the possession lasted that long! They’ll be back to their old selves any minute now!” I said.

“Awww! Well it was for the best. I got weak with my diet there.” Elusive said.

“Well forget it. Let’s just look inside for Jelly.” I suggested. So Elusive and I climbed inside the helicopter wreckage to look for Jelly and my mom. Neither of them were there. It was just the pilot, and he seemed hurt. He was coughing.

“Oh dear. What happened?” Elusive asked. “Are you ok?”

The pilot started coughing. “I’m glad you actually care about my feelings.” The pilot smiled.

“Of course I do!” Elusive said. “I care about a handsome pony like yourself. You were possessed by that evil witch! You deserve much better!”

“You really think so?” the mobster asked.

“I know so!” Elusive said.

“Wow… thank you!” the mobster said thankfully.

“Cut to the chase, buddy! Where’s my sister and your boss?” I asked.

“Shhhh!” Elusive shushed me. “This pony needs T.L.C. He got hurt, and I have no clue how is condition is. I want to help him.”

I froze for a minute there, and then I smiled. “Of course, Elou. Take your time. Here.” I gave the pony a bottle of water.

“Thank you.” The pony said as he coughed again. “I’m not sure what happened. This big… force field showed up out of nowhere. The systems shut down and we began to fall. It was some sort of… EMP field magic spell or something.”

“Magic spell?” I asked.

“I’m a unicorn myself. I know magic.” The pilot said.

“The magic doesn’t lie, Jer.” Elusive said.

“Heh.” I chuckled. “Alright, but what happened? You crashed, but the building is undamaged.”

“Another magic field caught us.” The pilot said. “The impact would’ve been a lot worse if it wasn’t there. I feel like… I feel like it saved our lives.”

“Do you know who did it?” Elusive asked.

“Not a clue.” The pilot said.

“One final question; and I promised we’ll get you outta here.” I promised. “And I promise, I will not break this promise.”

“Shoot.” The pilot said.

“And I promise not to break that promise.” I continued. “And I promised not to break that promise either. And I promise not to-“

“Time’s a-wasting, darling. Get to the point.” Elusive suggested.

“Right. Do you know where Marmellata, or the pegasus that came into this chopper went?” I asked.

“They ran off through the rooftops in that direction.” The pilot pointed.

“Thank you! Let’s get you outta here.” I said as I was about to help him, but then Elusive stopped me.

“No, Jer. Let me handle this.” Elusive offered.

“I promised to help him, so I’m helping him.” I said. “I will never break a promise again.”

“And you’re not.” Elusive said. “But you need to catch that evil mistress, and then we’ll find Jelly! I’ll take it from here. We’ll meet up later, alright?”

“Ok. Thank you, Elou!” I placed my hoof on his shoulder.

“Don’t mention, Jer. Now go! Go!” Elusive instructed me. I ran out of the chopper and ran towards the director the pilot instructed me to go. I climbed up the rooftop, and I saw up ahead my mom holding Jelly at hot glue gunpoint as she ran across the rooftops, and using Jelly to help her fly across. I knew I had to rescue her. I keep forgetting, but now I know – friendship is the number one priority in the Friendship Detection Agency, so my number one priority now is to make sure Jelly is safe. So I went after her.

I started jumping from rooftop to rooftop, and with the very far gaps, I used a grapple hook I can shoot out of my sleeve, because hey… Imma spy. Imma secret agent! I was getting really close now. I knew I was almost there, but then, yet another obstacle got in the way.

“Oh no you don’t, Agent Jam!” Snake Eyes stopped me.

“Out of the way, Agent Snake.” I ordered him “This is personal between me and her! The DIF shall not interfere.”

“Asssssss much I would love for you to reunite with your mommy, Agent Ssss has instructed me of her safety.” Snake said.

“Heh!” I chuckled. “The way you said ‘as’ in the beginning of that sentence; it sounded like you said-“

“Sssssilence!” Snake demanded. “I’m insssstructed to protect her! You want your mommy back? You’re gonna have to go through me firsssst!”

“Why don’t you get your lapdog, Agent Norton to help you?” I asked.

“We got sssseperated.” Snake said. “It’s just you and me, Agent Jam. Choose your method of attack.” Seems I have no choice. Time for a boss battle – Agent Snake Eyes.

How should I attack?

A: Fight

B: Blitz

C: Tools

D: Magic

The results:

A: I jump over to him, dirk him with a sword, and then step back as 213 HP was taken from him. Agent Snake Eyes then uses bombs on me and takes 531 HP from me, and I die. Game over.

B: I used the suplex attack on him. I start to sparkle, then I jump over to him, grab him, fly in the air, and then bash him down onto the ground and took 645 HP from him. He then uses chaingun on me, takes 1337 HP from me and I die. Game over.

C: I chose the chainsaw tool on my tools menu. I put on a psycho mask, took out a chainsaw, jumped over to Agent Snake Eyes and used the attack on him which takes 7532 HP from him. Everything started to flash white as Snake started to dramatically and slowly disappear with a rumbly sound. Got 6255 Exp. Point(s). Got Tent x1.

D: I went into my magic category and chose the fire magic. Right before I use the spell, however, Agent Snake Eyes uses his reflect spell to defend himself which takes 812 HP from me and then I die. Game over.

After the battle was over, I jumped from the next rooftop and continued the chase to catch Marmellata. Even after that long battle, she wasn’t that far away. Jeez louise! What was she waiting for? She runs over to the next building and saw a giant gap between her and the next building. She stops. She then tells Jelly still at glue gunpoint. “Alright, Jelly, fly me over to the next building.”

“Why are you doing this to your daughter?!” Jelly cried. Jelly was so scared she was weeping. “You’re the worst mom ever!”

“More like the most powerful mom ever!” Marmellata said and chuckled. “Now… spread those wings my little angel, or you will actually become one!” Jelly hesitated, but she spreads her wings and was just about to fly, but just then, another force field appears right in front of them. Marmellata sticks her hoof onto the force field and she couldn’t go threw it. “Hmm… this one’s different than the other one.”

“Hold it right there, Marmellata!” I called out as I stood on the other side of the building.

“That’s MOM to you, young colt!” Marmellata corrected me, showing me that she’s still holding Jelly at glue gunpoint.

“Jerry!” Jelly cried out.

“Quiet you!” Marmellata ordered her. I have to talk some reason into her. Jelly is my number priority right now. Can you help me out?

How should I get her to release Jelly?

A: Mom, I love you!

B: What are you to gain by shooting hot glue onto your own daughter’s head?

C: Mom… it’s me you want. You should let Jelly go.

D: You have nowhere to go, Mr. Marmellata!

The results:

A: Oh shush, boy! You had your chance to earn my love! Back away!

B: Sacrifices must be made, son.

C: Oh yeah? Why should I?

D: I told you to call me, mom!

Oh yeah? Why should I?

A: Because… it’s nice.

B: Because the DIF don’t want her! She’s worth nothing to you! I’m worth a lot to them!

C: Because I’m your son, and the sons always love the moms the best!

D: Because she’s got a whole life to live! Didn’t you say you wanted her to be successful?

The results:

A: Nice try, James.

B: She’s worth a lot to me! She’s my daughter!

C: Really? That’s not what you said before.

D: Well… it’s worth seeing my pure flesh and blood become a very successful writer. I always knew she had it in her.

Always knew she had it in her

A: Look at me, mom. I got nothing else. No more friends… no more future… she does though. Take me instead.

B: Look at her, mom. She’s scared. Give her a break. She’s scared for her life!

C: We both know you will do the right thing, mom.

D: And as the mother, you are responsible for her to have a great future.

The results:

A: How do I know this isn’t a trick?

B: You think I’m not?

C: The last time somepony said that to me, I hot glued their eyes shut.

D: She’s over 18, I ain’t responsible for her anymore! I wasn’t since she ran away!

How do I know this isn’t a trick?

A: Would I lie to you?

B: You don’t.

C: I’ll empty my pockets right now just to be sure.

D: Because I got nothing. The DIF is my only future now.

The results:

A: Uhh, it runs in the family, sooo… obviously!

B: Hmm… good point. Alright, James, you got a deal.

C: How do I know you’re not going to stop me as soon as you empty something out of your pocket?

D: What kind of son would give up his loyal job for a bunch of crooks?

So I started to slowly walk over to her. “No sudden movements, dear.” Marmellata instructed me. “Any sudden movements – she’s getting it!”

“As part of the FDA, her safety is my top priority.” I said. “But it wasn’t that policy that got me to do this. I owe all my friends a favor. I have mercy, remember?”

“That is true.” Marmellata said as I was very close to her. Just then, however, Marmellata takes out a tazer from her pocket and starts to taze me.

“NO!” Jelly cried.

“Lying runs in the family, Jelly! He is such a fool!” Marmellata said as I pass out on the floor, barely able to move, moaning in pain.

“You’re a monster!” Jelly said angrily.

“So is Agent S!” Marmellata said. “But it’s the only way to get the DIF off my back! I knew making a deal with the DIF was a bad idea. But it was the best way to get our charges cleared. Agent S… he would make deals with criminals to get the wealth and power he desires. He’s not in it for the clearing the Equestrian streets of crime. He’s greedy. He’s a thief… just like us, Jerry. Only he isn’t a Jam. I know that for a fact.”

“H…h… how?” I stuttered.

“Jams ruin the lives of other ponies… other than stealing their wealth.” Mom said. “We never try anything to interfere with their personal lives and opinions on eachother. That’s why he got your friends to go against you. I knew that crossed the line.”

“But you are ruining Jerry’s life!” Jelly yelled. “And worst of all… you’re ruining mine… and Elusive’s… and Orange’s, and Cesaer’s, and Merry May’s, and Apple Fritter’s… without Jerry… we’re nothing.”

“Only because he cares about you so much.” Marmellata said. “Jerry… I hope you understand that I was only ignoring you when you were a kid for your own safety. Daddy and I love you, James. But… if… we didn’t cooperate with Agent S… he would’ve… he would’ve… wow is there an eclipse going on today?”

Just then, a giant hooded creature shows up behind us. The shadow of it made everything darker. Marmellata slowly turned around and noticed it was one of the Dragonite dragons. “YOU!” Marmellata yelled.

“Scales! Merry and Fritter rescued you! Th… tank the director!” I said excitedly, but still unable to move.

“Wrong dragon, Agent Jam.” The dragon said as he removes his hood and reveals to be Dargon. Just then, Gordon shows up as well.

“Shall we barbeque this evil mare?” Gordon asked.

“Now this… I have to see!” Top Notch said.

“She deserves it!” Cheese Noodles agreed.

“You… you came back! You came back!” I said in relief.

“Of course we came back.” Dargon smiled. “Who cares if we revealed ourselves for all of Manehattan to see? You helped us!”

“So now we must help you!” Gordon said.

Down below on the Manehattan streets, a mom and her pegasus son spotted the dragons up on the rooftops. “Hey, mommy, look!” the son pointed. “Those are some cool looking dragon balloons up there!”

“Wow!” his mom said in a very strong Manehattan accent. “That almost look realistic.”

“Yeah, I think you’re safe guys.” Top Notch said to the dragons.

Marmellata was feeling very nervous now that she was surrounded by the Dragonites. Oh, hey, sorry to change the subject real quick, but read that first sentence again, but take out the letters ‘ragonites’ on ‘Dragonites’, and then read the sentence again! It was so hilarious! Ok, back to our regularly scheduled chapter.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Marmellata yelled. “If I tell the DIF this you’re all doomed!”

“It’ll be worth it!” Scales said as he joins the party.

“Ok… I’m officially freaked out.” Jelly said. “Jerry? Why are there so many dragons here?”

“Jerry?” Gordon asked in a teasingly voice. “Why are there so many ponies here? I find them to be really scary and such, and they freak me out! Boo-hoo-hoo!”

“Jeez, you didn’t have to be such a jerk about it, mate.” Jelly informed him.

Just then, Marmellata pushes me off the ledge of the building, but I acted fast and held on. “WHOA!” I yelled.

“JERRY!” Jelly yelled.

“Don’t move, or he falls!” Marmellata threatens the Dragonites.

“Your own son none less!” Top Notch reminded her.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Cheese Noodles shakes his head.

“Stand down, Marmellata!” Agent S stopped her as Snake and Norton push a cart with a monitor with Agent S on it. “We need Jerry alive!”

“The Dragonites are trying to stop us!” Marmellata yelled.

“They won’t.” Agent S said. “You forget, I have evidence against them. They’re doomed.”

“They don’t care!” Marmellata yelled.

“She’s right you know.” Scales said.

“I can’t trust you, Agent S! You’re a crook!” Marmellata yelled. “If I’m going out, then I’m going out with a splat!” Just then, she steps on my hooves that were holding onto the building and I start to fall. “Or more like he will.”

“NO! JERRY!” Jelly cried.

“Arrest her!” Agent S instructed Snake and Norton.

“Alwaysssss the hard way.” Snake said as he takes out some hoof cuffs.

“I’ve been really looking forward to working along side Agent Jam.” Norton admitted.

As I started falling from 16 stories, I knew I was doomed. But you know what? She was right. I’m going out with a splat. I redeemed myself. I redeemed myself to Elusive, and I wasn’t there to see it but I redeemed myself to my hoodlum friends too. Mr. Marmellata, Strawberry Jam, Mom, or whoever her name is, she and her organization has been defeated, and the DIF? Well… I still need to stop them. I ain’t going yet, mates! Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!

After a few minutes went by, I started to wake up, and I heard my friends talking. “You think he’s ok?” Cesaer asked. “That was some fall, holms.”

“He’s alive, ah know that much.” Fritter said. “Although ah can’t guarantee he won’t have a concussion.”

“You think his head is bad, girl? My arms hurt!” Orange complained.

“Yeah mine too.” Cesaer said.

“Oh Jerry, if you’re still there, you must know that you’ve won! You did it!” Jelly said.

“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Merry asked as my eyes opened. Once I woke up I noticed that I was lying on Merry May’s lap.

“Maybe I should kiss him and he will wake up.” Elusive suggested.

“Shut it, Mr. Lady!” Orange instructed him.

“Morning, sleepy head!” Merry said to me.

“Or more like afternoon.” Fritter reminded her.

“No it’s neither. It’s noon. So noon, bro!” Jelly said.

“Ugh!” I groaned as I rubbed my head. “What happened?”

“You made quite a fall there, sugarcube.” Fritter said. “We called an ambulance to take you, Orange, and Cesaer to the hospital.”

“Oh… ok.” I said as I rubbed my head. “Wait… Orange and Cesaer? Why do they need to go to the hospital?”

“You ain’t that soft at landing, holms.” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, dawg. We broke our hooves just to save you.” Orange said as he and Cesaer showed me their bandaged front hooves. “You owe us two, homie!”

“Really? You two? You saved me? Why?” I asked. “I’ve been so bad to you! I’m so ashamed!”

“No, homie.” Orange said as he places his hoof on my shoulder. “As it turns out, you did the right thing.”

“Yeah, if we didn’t go to the big house, Agent S would’ve gotten hold of all of us, so you pretty much saved us.” Cesaer said.

“So… you forgive me?” I asked.

“Are you going to hang out with us more?” Orange asked.

“YES!” I promised. “I promise you that! As a matter of fact, I’m thinking of quitting the FDA.”

“What?!” everypony gasped.

“I know I’ve been doing so much work on it, but… I can’t do it anymore.” I said.

“Why though?” Merry asked.

“Don’t get me wrong. I love this job.” I said. “I love you, Merry, and you Fritter, but… after this mission… this is… this is just too much for me. I mean… at least I know what happened to my parents now, and as it would seem the director knew it all along. But after seeing that my own mother would do this to me… wait a minute. Where is she?”

“She was arrested by the DIF.” Fritter said. “They’re takin’ credit for this mission.”

“WHAT?!” I yelled. “NO! After all that’s happened… they are NOT going to get away with this!”

“Oh we know they won’t!” Merry said mischievously as she points over and sees the dragons started flying Snake, Norton, Marmellata, and the monitor containing Agent S down to street level.

“Marmellata.” I said angrily at her.

“I’m sorry, Jerry.” Marmellata whimpered. “I… I don’t know what got a hold of me. After seeing you get dropped, I… I… that was too much. That crossed the line.”

“You darn right it did! I can’t believe I learned this truth about you!” I said angrily.

“Heh! Now you know how we felt.” Cesaer chuckled.

“That’s what ah wanted to tell you, back at the boardin’ house.” Fritter said. “Ah didn’t want to tell you right away because ah thought it might jeopardize the mission. Marmellata is actually translated to Jam.”

“Ah, I see. Well, the FDA is going to take REAL good care of you, mother!” I said angrily at her.

“No you won’t!” Agent S corrected me. “If you want your organization to stay in one peace, Marmellata is coming with us! You interfered with DIF operations, again! Stand down, and the FDA will not be touched.”

“Oh, I don’t think you’re going to be blackmailing us THIS time, Agent- wait… Elusive?” I asked.

“Yes, Jer?” Elusive asked as he had his arm around another pony.

“Is that… is that the pilot from the crashsite?” I asked.

“Yep! It sure is!” Elusive said.

“Elusive was such a sweetie to me!” the pilot said as he and Elusive both nuzzle eachother.

“Ooooook then.” I said awkwardly. “Well… I’m glad you two are happy. But, buddy… don’t you dare use Elusive! He is very sensive, and if you break his heart… you’ll be slammed by the jam!” I threatened him.

“I have no reason to do this to my, Elouy-Wooey!” the pilot said.

“Yep! He’s a keeper!” Elusive said.

“Ok, anyways, back to you Agent S!” I turned around to him. “You won’t be blackmailing us this time, because this time, the shoe is on the other horse!”

“What do you mean?” Snake asked.

“Wait a minute, Snake?!” I cried. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you talking about?” Snake asked.

“How did… I just...” I stuttered. “Ugh! Nevermind. Anyways, we have a TON of evidence against you, Agent S.”

“What kind of evidence?” Agent S asked.

“Well first off, the room that you held Elusive and Jelly in had a security camera with live recording.” Fritter said. “It was admitted by Marmellata, Snake Eyes, and Eclipse Norton that the DIF and a crime organization were working together.”

“Not to mention when we arrest Marmellata, she will have a ton of information against you.” Merry added.

“Well, I… umm… well… you see…” Agent S stuttered.

“It’s over, ese.” Cesaer said. “The jig is up.”

Agent S sighs and then says, “It would seem it is. Ok, Agent Jam… what is it that you want?”

“Number one: You will never try to do anything against the FDA again.” I started. “You will still have your missions, but if you try anything against us again, the director will not hesitate to shut you down. That also means you will stop attempting to get me to join you.”

“Understandable.” Agent S said.

“What’sssss number two?” Snake asked.

“SNAKE?!” Agent S yelled. “Don’t remind him!”

“SSSSSORRY!” Snake yelled.

“Number two: You will give us all the evidence you have against the Marmellatas. They’re under our investigation now.” I said.

“Oh what? You steal from me again?” Agent S asked.

“Only to keep you quiet.” I said. “And number 3…”

“Awww! There’s a number three too? C’mooon!” Agent S whined.

“Number three: You will wipe all the evidence you have against the Dragonites. They’re under our protection now, and we are not going to blackmail them, believe me.”

“Wow… thank you, Agent Jam!” Scales said.

“Glad we came back for you, huh?” Dargon asked as he chuckled.

“Don’t push your luck, Dargon.” I smirked at him.

“I’m sending your director the evidence against the Marmellatas right now.” Agent S said. “How do I not know you’re not going to wipe your evidence against us?”

“We’re not.” I said mischievously.

“Wait, what?! After all I’m doing for you?!” Agent S complained. “What more do you want?!”

“Nothing, but we’re keeping the evidence if it keeps you off our backs.” I said. “As long as you behave yourselves, I promise we won’t send them to our director.

“Ugh!” Agent S groans. “You win this round, FDA! Maybe even the war! But the DIF will still live on! I misunderestimate you, Agent Jam. You are truly the best agent in all of Equestria.”

“A very worthy competitor.” Snake agreed. “It’ssssss too bad we can’t compete againsssst eachother anymore.”

“Oh we can still race for the missions. But first come first serve.” I said.

“Sounds like a plan.” Agent S agreed. “Farewell, FDA. Farewell, Agent Jam. We will meet again, and let me just add-“ Just then the transmission gets cut off.

“Woopsssss. I thought he was done.” Snake said. “My bad. Farewell, Agent Jam.” Norton then nods at me and they both leave the scene with the monitor.

“Thank you for your help, Agent Jam.” Scales said to me. “Thank you FDA.”

“It was our pleasure!” Fritter said. “Your secret is safe with us.”

“Yeah, well… the lunch rush traffic will be coming any minute now.” Dargon said as he puts on his disguise cloak. “We should head out before we’re seen.”

“You do that.” Fritter nodded.

“You really helped us find redemption.” Top Notch said.

“And more freedom than we can ever imagine.” Cheese Noodles added.

“Not to mention we have a new fancier place to go to! Some U.H. Paper ponies found us a new place to crash!” Gordon said.

“Well y’all enjoy yourselves!” Fritter said.

“We’ll plan to visit sometime!” Merry offered, even though I know it ain’t going to happen. A lot of ponies make promises to meet with old acquaintances again but it never happens.

“You are welcomed anytime!” Scales said. “If you need our help. Please let us know. Farewell!” So we said goodbye and the Dragonites left back into the city alleys.

Just then, we heard a loud rumblely sound in the distance. We all turned around towards the ocean and we saw the Commission zeppelin crashing into it. “MY AIRSHIP!” Marmellata yelled. “NO!”

“C’mon, lady, let’s go. Time to join your husband.” A couple of U.H. Paper ponies said as they arrest Marmellata.

“B-but… my organization! It’s ruined!” Marmellata cried. “The Commission! There is no Commission without the zeppelin! My life is over! OVER!”

“And my life is about to begin!” I said as I smiled.

I knew everything was going to be ok now. I’m at peace. So after a visit to the hospital, our wounds weren’t bad and were going to heal in no time, and so we headed back home to Los Pegasus.

When we got back, I was hanging out with not only Orange and Cesaer, but Merry and Fritter too at the club. The club wasn’t opened yet, so it was just us, but the music was still playing in a limited volume. “Now this is more like it!” Orange said. “Us homies hanging out – this is perfect!”

“Ah agree!” Fritter said. “Ah’m glad you learned a lot about friendship by workin’ with us, Flare! But are you sure you want to leave?”

“I feel it’s for the best.” I said.

“Nah, homie! The FDA is your life!” Orange said. “I know you ain’t robbers like us no more, but you’re happy, and you try to make us happy. We still homies. We always will be!”

“Always!” I said.

“But Equestria needs to stop lowlives from ruining pony’s lives.” Cesaer said. Just then, we all smirked at Cesaer. “What? What did I say?”

“You… you really think I should do that?” I asked.

“Of course we do, darling!” Elusive said as he places his hoof on my shoulder. “We know you’re there for us, but Equestria needs you too!”

“As we do, Agent Jam.” The director said as Merry put her on speaker phone.

“Director?” I asked.

“Yes, Agent Jam.” The director said. “You were very successful on that mission, and I must say, I am very proud of you!”

“Awww! Thank you!” I said with a smile.

“But I have another mission for you if you’re ready.” The director said. “We have some griffons that are causing trouble over at Fillydelphia. They’ve gotten a hold of some Centaur dust just as the zeppelin of Manehattan was crashing down. They’re causing havoc on the streets. We need your help.”

Just then, I turned over to my friends and I smiled. “Sorry, director, but you’ll have to find somepony to do this. I need a couple of weeks vacation. My friends need me!”

“Understandable.” The director said. “You are free to enjoy your vacation! But if you can’t do it, somepony will have to.”

“We’ll take it from here, director!” Fritter offered.

“Yeah, this should be fun!” Merry agreed.

“As you wish, Agent May and Agent Fritter. Come to the HQ whenever you’re ready.” The director instructed them. “Bye!” The call ends.

“Well you two enjoy yourselves!” Elusive said.

“Yeah, we need some lovely chicas like yourselves in our group!” Cesaer said.

“You two won’t be too long will ya?” Orange asked.

“Of course not!” Fritter said. “We will be back faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August in-“

“Yeah, ok girl, thanks!” Orange said.

“See you around, Agent Fritter!” I said.

“Later, Agent Jam!” Fritter said as she walks out.

Merry then walks over and gives me and says, “We were a couple.”

“What?” I asked. “What do you mean ‘were’?”

“Flare and me.” Merry said. “Well… only for one night. I’m not known by a lot of ponies. Some say I’m even… part of the background, but even more in the background than most others. We others see Derpy, they smile and cheer. They see Bon Bon and Lyra together, they cheer. Doctor, Minuette, Golden Harvest, even Amethyst Star! Even Cloud Kicker! But me… nopony ever notices me. I want to be noticed, but nopony ever seems to. All but one. Crimson Flare Gun. He’s been really good to me. He always smiles when he sees me in the background. He offered to take me home that night, he made me hot cocoa, then… things escalated quickly, but it wasn’t meant to be. I was protecting Flare, I couldn’t have a relationship with him. So we stayed friends and stayed separated, but… he’s a good pony. He notices me.”

“Ummm… and why are you telling me this?” I asked.

“You kept asking.” Merry said.

“Oh… so… Flare’s your ex?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Merry said. She then suddenly says in an excited tone. “Well, duty calls! See you, Jer!” She then kisses me on the cheek and storms off. Wow… that was very touching, but I’m proud of Merry. Could that be why she’s in a relationship with me? Am I just another Flare to her?

Naaaah! Anyways, we all left the club eventually. I was walking out with Orange and Cesaer, and Elusive said goodbye to us. “I’ll see you dark and late tomorrow night, Jer!” Elusive waved.

“See ya, Elou!” I waved back as he closed the doors.

“Yep! Now that we’re pals with Elusive, SOMEPONY will now let us in, huh?” Cesaer asked as he glared at Bumpster Sticker. We all eventually climbed inside the carriage so we can head home.

“Uhh, why are we all inside?” I asked. “I thought Cesaer was driving?”

“I am, but we need to talk to you, holms.” Cesaer said.

“What do you want to talk about, mates?” I asked.

“Even though you did save us in prison, we still rotted in there and suffered.” Orange said.

“I said I’m sorry.” I reminded them.

“I know, homie, and we forgive you.” Orange said. “But you still owe us.”

“Owe you what?” I asked.

“One final heist.” Orange said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Don’t you remember?” Cesaer asked. “Before we disband the crew, we need to pull one final heist. The Heist to End All Heists. Remember?”

“Yes. I told Agent May about it.” I admitted.

“WHAT?!” Cesaer and Orange both yelled.

“I’m being more honest to you, aren’t I?” I reminded them. “Besides, she said she was ok with it.”

“I hope so.” Cesaer said. “I mean this is the big one!”

“Yeah, dawg, but the real question is – where should we do it?” Orange asked.

“I’ll look around and see if I find anything.” I said.

“I hope so, homie, because we NEED this!” Orange said. “You owe us this one heist. If you help us do this, we’ll be 100% cool. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“Heh! Butts!” Cesaer chuckled.

“Ok. I promise I will give you the heist you desire eventually.” I promised. “But you’re going to have to give me time to find the right one.”

“Take your time, as long as it’s before we grow old.” Cesaer said.

“I’ll make sure it’s perfect!” I said. “It’s the Heist to End All Heists!”

“THE HEIST TO END ALL HEISTS!” we all yelled. “WOO HOO!”

“Yo! Scream any louder the cops will hear ya!” Bumper Sticker called out. Ok that was embarrassing. So Cesaer and Orange dropped me off back at my sister’s place. I’m glad everything is cool between us now. So I went back in and sat down next to Jelly and watched TV.

“So good to have you back, Jer!” Jelly said.

“It’s good to be back, sis!” I said.

“So I talked to AK Yearling recently.” Jelly said.

“Oh yeah? What’s the news?” I asked.

“Well, she said if this film ends up being a complete success, she allowed me to make the sequel: The Griffon’s Goblet!” Jelly said excitedly.

“NICE, LOVE!” I said excitedly.

“I know!” Jelly cheered. “Isn’t it amazing?”

“I am so proud of you, Jelly!” I said as I hugged her. “You are career is a big success!”

“If only mom and dad were here to see me now!” Jelly said.

“Even if they are backstabbing criminals, they would be very proud of you, sis!” I said.

“You really think so, Jer?” Jelly asked.

“I know so!” I said as we cuddled. Just then, we heard a knock at the door.

“Can you get that?” she asked.

“Pfft! Way to spoil the moment!” I complained.

“No kidding, huh?” Jelly agreed. So I walked over to the door and opened it up, and you’ll never guess who it is!

“Oh… Agent Norton.” I said.

“Hello, Agent Jam.” Norton said.

“What brings you here?” I asked.

“I wanted to talk to you for a minute, in private.” Norton said.

“Oh sure.” I said as I stepped outside and shut the door. “What is it, mate? Did Agent S keep his end of the deal?”

“Yes, Agent Snake and I have erased all evidence against the Dragonites.” Norton said.

“Good.” I said. “That doesn’t mean we’re going to erase the evidence against the DIF, I’m afraid.”

“By all means, don’t!” Norton said. “This will keep Agent S out of trouble for a while.”

“Yeah, heh.” I chuckled. “Ain’t that the truth?”

“Yeah.” Norton said.

“Also… that force field.” I said. “The one that took down the chopper, rescued the chopper, and then stopped Marmellata. That was you wasn’t it?”

“Hey I have to show off my magic in some way.” Norton said as he uses his magic to create a candy cane, and he puts it in his mouth.

“Heh! Of course!” I chuckled.

“So… listen, I need to tell you something very important, and… this will make me break some DIF rules.”

“You don’t have to do this.” I offered.

“I must.” Norton said. “Only if you promise not to tell ANYPONY. Nopony whatsoever! Not even your sister!”

“Well, gosh, I mean… I tell my sister everything.” I said.

“It’s for her own good. It’s for the good of all of your friends.” Norton said. “But you have to know this, because I feel I need to tell somepony this. Just in case of an emergency, I need you to handle this for me.”

“Of course, Norton.” I promised. “What is it?”

“General Lee.” Norton said.

“What about him?” I asked. “He’s dead.”

“Half-right.” Norton said.

“Oi! What does that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“General Lee is dead.” Norton said. “But… not the pony himself.”

“I’m not sure if I’m following.” I said.

“Your friend General Lee is alive, but he goes under a different name now.” Norton said.

“What? You mean he joined the Witness Protection Program?” I asked.

“As a matter of fact, I am his witness protector.” Norton said. “I too go under a different name just so I can visit him to see how everything is coming along.”

“Is that so?” I asked.

“Indeed.” He said. “Now I need you to listen to me very carefully. Nopony, and I mean NOPONY must know that you know this information, because I feel if I’m not available for him, you must look after him.”

“I promise.” I swore. “Who is he, Agent Norton? Who is General Lee now?”

“Agent Jam,” Norton started, “your friend, General Lee, he goes by the name now of-“ And that’s all the time we have!

Thank you, mates and loves so much for reading my story! But don’t worry, this ain’t the end. I have a ton more stories! You will know who General Lee is in time, but for now, this is farwell. Me and all my friends will see you in the Friendship is Epic story!

Author's Note

That's it! We're done! The FDA story is finished! I must say, it got finished quicker than I thought! I thought it would take me two weeks to complete this, but it only took one! I am very impressed! So yeah, I must thank Stick Figure Games for the ideas to make the choices, because they are hilarious! You should try out their games one day! Stealing the Diamond or the airship game, either or is fine.

The informaiton in this story is well needed for the movie book, and there are some content that are going to make it to Book 3 that are from this story, but it won't spoil too much from it. So what really got me going in this story was making the plot-twists, like especially in the end! Also, I was thinking of what would happen if Merry May and Apple Fritter had a battle with Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad for a long time! I'm sure all of us wanted to see that, even though we probably did not even know that we wanted to!

Now originally, Mr. Marmellata was in fact going to be a guy, but it was going to be Jerry's dad instead of his mom. I know some of you already expected Marmellata to be someone in Jerry's family, but I bet none of you knew it was his mom! I thought that was hilarious! But I needed to work around to make it work. I really wanted to make sure all the major characters in this story had some part in here. All of them, so it wasn't that easy to choose.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading! If you haven't read the Friendship Mafia story yet, by all means read it, as well as Friendship is Epic is you haven't read that either!

Welcome to the Jam!

Oi, mates! My name is Jerry Jam, and this is my short spin-off story on how I became a member of the Friendship Detection Agency, otherwise known as the FDA. Before joining the FDA, I lived in Mareami with my family. We Jams own the land of Mareami because we were the first to be here during after the Disharmony Wars. After my ancestors moved here, a little while after, two other family clans came to this land and claimed it as theirs – the Guns, and the Leafhorns. They fought for the land, but after Colonel Machine Gun kills Colonel Weed Leafhorn in an act of self-defense, Blueberry Jam, my ancestor, he stopped the battle because both of them were on his property. He forced the Guns and the Leafhorns to broker a truce, and Mareami was built around us. We knew how the story went; the Guns are the reasonable, yet strange ponies, while the Leafhorns are corrupted for power. It’s been going that way for generations to come. It’s been that way today too.

I was with my reckless orange friend named General Lee, yes like the one from the movie, and we were at school on our way to our next class after lunch. “So you should’ve seen me that day, Jer!” General Lee said.

“I was there, mate.” I reminded him. “You’re the best at outrunning cops. I’ll tell you that much, General Lee!”

“Ah’m the best as a driver, plus a hacker, while you, Orange Swirl, and Cesaer Salad handle the hard robbing work.” General Lee said. Oh right, I never mentioned that, didn’t I? I used to be a minor criminal, and by minor criminal, I mean a major criminal that’s under 18.

Lemme show you a flashback of the jewelry store we robbed last week. We were wearing jackets and pants and shoes that covered every part of our skins, even blocking our cutie marks, and we had face-covered scooter helmets blocking our faces. Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and I were aiming paint ball guns at the employees and customers as Orange Swirl throws a costumer on the floor. “GET DOWN THERE, HOMIE! You want your clothes to still have flair, you better keep your flank down there!” Orange Swirl yelled.

“Alright, mates. Everypony pays attention and nopony gets hurt.” I instructed them.

“Get down on the ground, amigo! They’ll get worse than hurt!” Cesaer Salad yelled. Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad are a couple of gangster friends I met when I was young. Orange Swirl had that ‘hood’ vibe, while Cesaer Salad had that Mexicolt vibe; I have an Australian accent while General Lee has the southwestern accent. Different personalities, which would make the cops have a harder time finding out who we are.

“O, you keep the customers and employees at bay. C, you and me will get the jewelry. Let’s go!” I instructed them.

“We have it under control, J!” Cesaer said as he smashes some of the display glasses that were protecting the jewelry stones and takes some of the jewels. “We gonna be rich, ese!”

“Slow and steady, C. Slow and steady.” I said.

“What’s going on here?!” the manager yelled as he runs out of his office.

“DON’T MOVE A MUSCEL, CHUMP!” Orange yelled at him. “Get down!”

“Alright, alright, I’m going down. Please don’t ruin my beautiful tuxedo with those paint guns!” the manager begged.

“Paint guns?” Orange asked in a curious tone. “J, you never said we were using PAINT guns!”

“Having a messy tux is a fate worse than death, mate.” I informed him.

“You sure ‘bout that, homie?” Orange asked.

“Baddah BOOM!” Cesaer yelled as he and Jerry keep smashing the display cases and taking the expensive stones.

“Ah can’t hold the security system for much longer.” General Lee said from our ear pieces. “You have like… 30 seconds, max!”

“Who’s Max?” Cesaer asked.

“Did you get all the jewels, C?” I asked.

“I’m trying but one of these display cases ain’t breaking, holms!” Cesaer said.

“Here lemme try.” I offered as I tried to break the glass with the butt of my paint ball gun.

“Why are you breaking it with your gun, J?” Cesaer asked.

“It’s stronger than our hooves and… wait… have you been breaking it with your hooves, C?” I asked.

“Yeah, why?” Cesaer asked as he showed me his hoof which had shards of broken glass on it. “Is it because it hurts when I walk?”

“15 seconds!” General Lee said on the ear pieces. So I took out one of those little glass removers that you magnetically place on glasses and then it spins in a perfect 360 degree circle, and the glass becomes easily removed, and I placed it on the glass and it… well… I explained it already. Right after the device did its job, I smashed the glass with a hammer and then I took out the most expensive gems in the whole store. “5 seconds!” General Lee said.

“Then it would seem to be time to go. C’mon, mates! Let’s make a run for it!” I instructed my crew as we all ran outside. When we got out, the alarm started going off and the cops were already heading this way. Orange, Cesaer, and I all went onto our individual scooters, and were just about ready to drive off to meet up with General Lee. Just then, the cops surrounded our exits before we were able to go.

“What do we do, J?” Orange asked. I looked around to see if we could find a way out, and over by a cop carriage, I saw a pile of garbage with a couple of wooden planks on top of them.

“Come on and SLAM! Welcome to the JAM!” I yelled as I started up the scooter and rode over to the wooden planks, rode on top of them, and stunt jumped right over the police carriages, much to their surprise. Orange and Cesaer followed me along in jumping that stunt jump over that pile of rubbish. Once we all jumped over the police carriages and landing on the other side of them, a giant text that says ‘STUNT JUMP COMPLETED – 49 stunt jumps remaining’ pops up on the screen, and then we drove off with our scooters, trying to get away from the MDPD. We pretty much had a two star wanted level as we tried to get away.

“We have to meet up with GL over at an alleyway by Gangsville Ave.” I instructed my crew.

“It takes a while to realize that scooters are pretty slow, J.” Cesaer said.

“Not these scooters! GL modified them just for situations like this!” I said.

“We are scooter brothers in situations like this, dawg!” Orange said excitedly.

“We’re going to be ‘behind a cop carriage brothers’ if we don’t stay focused, holms!” Cesaer said. “Gangsville isn’t for another few blocks!”

“Pshaw, C! A few blocks? It’s nothin’!” Orange said. Just then, a helicopter appeared. I guess that would mean we have a three-star wanted level now.

“You were sayin’?” Cesaer asked with an attitude.

“Then it’s time for some maneuvering!” I suggested.

“Yeah, I’m not a big fan of cow poo, homie.” Orange said.

“Just move around!” I demanded.

“Fine, fine jeez! All that hollain’!” Orange complained. So the three of us began maneuvering with our scooters as the sniper of in the helicopter was shooting at us with his magic. Just then, a few pegasi came over us and air struck us. Luckily for us, they missed us completely, but they were going around for another strike. “J! Go shoot ‘em down, dawg! You have good eye sight!”

“You know I don’t like hurting ponies!” I reminded him.

“Same ol Jerry Jam! Can’t even take one for the team!” Orange complained.

“Yeah, holms! They’re gaining on us! What’s your deal?!” Cesaer complained. Orange and Cesaer are my best friends and I’d do what I can to keep them safe, but even with the situations we’re getting into, I would never hurt another pony. I could break the law, only because my friends keep bragging how fun it is, and how my family has a huge empowerment in Mareami which means we’d be safe from the police, and I agree, going on heists are fun! I mean, I gotta help my friends out, because even though I’m rich, they’re poor, but I’m not old enough to be connected to my families’ bank accounts.

“J!” Orange yelled. I had to do something, so I decided to pick up a cardboard box on the side of the road and throw it up towards the pegasi, which had no affect whatsoever. Or did it? The box had a picture of a purple pony eating oranges underneath it, and one of the pegasi officers lost his focus and crashed down right on it. I honestly didn’t think it was going to work, it was just a ‘think fast’ kind of situation.

“Oooo ouch!” Cesaer yelled.

“SORRY!” I yelled.

“Don’t apologize, homie! What’s wrong with you? Bein’ a bootlicker to the feds?” Orange asked.

“Just say focused, O!” I instructed him. There was a police roadblock up ahead, and there was no way to evade that, so the three of us stopped our scooters as the cops surrounded us on both sides.

“We’re boned!” Orange said.

“Criminals – this is the MDPD!” one of the officers yelled from a megaphone.

“Wow, thanks Captain Obvious!” Orange said sarcastically.

“We have you surrounded!” the officer yelled. “Remove yourselves from the scooters and place your hooves in the air!”

“You’re usually the one with the strategies, J. Any ideas?” Cesaer asked. I looked around to see if there was anything we could do, and up ahead I saw a carriage dealership selling Dodges. Yeah… horse puns. Can’t get enough of that here in the EQA. I took a cinderblock out of my satchel and threw it at the dealership window.

“GO!” I yelled. So the three of us all rode our scooters into the dealership, drove right through it, and then drove through the other side of the dealership window and winded up back into the street.

“HA HA! J, you never seize to amaze us, dawg!” Orange said impressively.

“Yeah, J! You are very impressive! I have no idea what we’d do without you, bro!” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, well… we did ponies a favor anyway by smashing up that dealership! Nothing but scammers in these dealerships anyway! Credit frauds!” I said.

“I love how you think positive, m’stallion! Makes these heists even more fun!” Orange said.

“Y’think we lost them, ese?” Cesaer asked.

“We’re in Gangsville Ave. now. Take the next turn to that alley over there.” I instructed them, and we all did. We arrived over by a truck carriage carried by our friend General Lee. He opened the back for us so we could ride on inside.

“Get y’all’s flanks in ‘ere now!” General Lee instructed us.

SHROOM FILMS PRESENTS….

“Bossy, aren’t you, GL?” Cesaer complained as we rode our scooters inside and Lee shuts the back.

“Alright, let’s get outta here.” Lee said as he started pulling the carriage.

“Isn’t it weird having a colt such as yourself, driving this thing?” Orange asked.

“Relax, Orange Swirl.” Lee said as he puts on a mustache on his face. “Took me a while to find out which part of mah body this thing goes on.”

“T-M-I, GL.” Cesaer said.

“Y’all wanna know where ah got this?” Lee asked.

“Just walk!” Orange demanded.

“And Cesaer Salad said I’m bossy.” Lee complained as he started pulling the carriage out of the alley and onward to safety.

A FRIENDSHIP IS EPIC SPIN-OFF….

“Did you see that? Huh? Did you see how awesome we were, boy?!” Orange cried in excitement.

“Yeah, we were pretty amazing, weren’t we?” I asked.

“Another successful heist for a successful crew!” Cesaer said.

“And since we’re colts, they should go easy on us. The worst they’d do is take us to juvie!” I said.

“Yeah or have our mommies give us spankings.” Orange added.

“BIG spankings so we would cry!” Cesaer added.

“Or that Jerry’s family actually OWNS Mareami, so this is pretty much just tax.” Orange said.

“Yeah, Jer, you pretty much OWN Mareami, and are filthy stinkin’ rich! Why are you on these heists anyway?” Cesaer asked.

STARING JERRY JAM….

“Because I’m not the rich one. My family doesn’t give me access to their money. They don’t really spoil me that much, and besides, I’d like to think of these jobs as opportunities to have fun!” I said. “I have wicket instincts, mates! I can’t just have them go to waste. We’re supposed to have all the fun we could get in our youth, that’s what my grandfather always said.”

“Your grandpappi is a wise one, Jer.” Cesaer nodded.

“And after the two of you gave me this wicket opportunity to go stealing gems, I felt more alive than ever!” I said.

“Yeah, dawg. You were pretty much all sad and feeling like a failure because you felt that you had no meaning in life. Boo-hoo-hoo!” Orange teased.

“But that’s all a thing in the past now, holms! You made a great choice, and it’s making us rich, and you even richer!” Cesaer said.

…ORANGE SWIRL AND CESAER SALAD….

“Plus, ah’m puttin’ mah unique carriage ridin’ skills to the test! Ah’m the best at dodgin’ cops!” Lee said.

“And that’s all you’ll ever be good at, ese.” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, too much of a wimp to go out and ACTUALLY rob! You sicken me, GL!” Orange insulted him.

“You have your special abilities, ah have mine! Get used to it, partner!” Lee defended himself.

“I dunno why you have that poor fool rollin’ with us, fool! He nothin’!” Orange said.

“Yeah, J! Why you have him with us for?” Cesaer asked.

“Because General Lee is a good pony. I known him longer than you bloody cut snakes, and I know what he’s capable of.”

“Don’t try to push us fool! Just remember, we’re from the hood!” Orange reminded me.

“And that kind of talk isn’t goin’ to get you anyway, Orange. There are things you need to learn about, like that there’s more to life then just representing your neighborhood.” I explained.

“Only fools say ‘neighborhood’. We say ‘hood’!” Orange said.

“You just said ‘neighborhood’ just now.” I informed him.

“As an example! Don’t be an idiot, Jer!” Orange suggested.

“Look, I have no idea why we’re arguing. We were successful in this job. There are thousands of bits on our way to our bank accounts. Does that mean we have to be so negative of things?” I asked.

“You didn’t shoot down the Pegasus cop.” Cesaer reminded me.

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” I said.

“It wasn’t a mare, you can hit another stallion and not feel guilty about it.” Cesaer said.

“I don’t want to hurt anypony. It’s not fun. Stealing is fun, but hurting other ponies is not fun.” I said.

“Jer, have you ever noticed that stealing from other ponies, you could be hurting them?” Orange asked.

“They can always get new gems. It may be expensive, or better yet, they’re easy to find. Just get some unicorn with some gem-finding tracker magic and then use some dog-like companion of some sort to dig up the gems, and boom! Gems!” I explained.

“Maybe we can do a heist in Diamond Dog caves, dawg!” Orange suggested. “The Diamond Dog gangs are always underground looking for gems just so we could steal them!”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, OJ. Diamond Dogs are pretty expert in the underground caves. I mean, the surface is one thing, but underground would be difficult since they have like… bat-vision or something.” I explained.

“Bats are blind, aren’t I right Orange?” Cesaer asked.

“He called me OJ. My name is not Orange JUICE, its Orange SWIRL. Orange Juice is my dad’s name.” Orange said.

“What are we talking about here, holms? Your name, or our next heist in Diamond Dog territories?” Cesaer asked.

“Just saying, Cesaer, calling me OJ makes no sense to me.” Orange said.

“Mind if ah have a say in this?” Lee asked.

“No, Lee. Shush.” Orange instructed him.

“No, you don’t mind? Alright.” Lee said. “Well, I’ve been doin’ research on Diamond Dog caves, and the dogs themselves have a weakness. They are pretty gull-“

“Lee, nopony cares, shush!” Orange instructed him.

“Can you just let him speak, mate?” I asked. “It sounded like he was about to have a breakthrough of something.”

“No, it’s alright, partner.” Lee said. “He’s just more stubborn than a cattle with corn.”

“See? That’s what annoys me. He makes no sense at all! He might as well be friends with a bunch of loser ponies with mental issues.” Orange said.

“Yeah, holms. General Lee, man, he’s not one of us.” Cesaer said.

“Will you two shut up, please?” I asked angrily. “I’m really starting to lose my patience with you two. You don’t have to like him, but he’s our driver, and you should show some respect to him. He’d leave your flanks on the side of the road if he wants to, and let the cops pick you up. You want him to do that?”

“No, I guess not.” Cesaer said. “Sorry, ese.” Lee then bucks the trailer with his hind hoof.

“OW! You disrespecting us, stallion?!” Cesaer yelled.

“ENOUGH!” I yelled. “Alright? ENOUGH! Just give me the jewels and I’ll sell them on the black market for a profit, and you’ll each have your cut once I get this done.”

“How do we know we’re supposed to trust you, homie?” Orange asked.

“Let’s not go through this again, mate. Every time we go through this, I end up sneaking the gems out of your grasp and then you two get mad at me and kick me out of the crew, even though I’m the criminal mastermind in this group, but then you two end up with your cut, as well as a bonus, and then you’re no longer mad at me.” I explained. “Can we just handle this peacefully?”

“And miss out on our bonus, el caballo? As if!” Cesaer said.

“Then why don’t you try it? Why don’t you two sell the gems in the black market yourselves?” I suggested. “Let’s see how you two do.”

“Why don’t we just keep them?” Cesaer asked.

“Now I even know that’s not a good idea, C.” Orange said. “Evidence to a crime.”

“Orange is right, mate.” I said. “If we hold onto them for too long, it’ll risk this whole operation.”

“Operation? Is that what you’re calling it?” Cesaer asked.

“These jobs may be fun, and you may think of them as games, but you have to play by the rules, otherwise we’ll all lose. This is a team effort game, mates.” I explained. “We can’t just do these jobs and expect us to think we’re in the clear. No, we have to lay-low now. We have to be separated. Once I sell the gems, you’ll get your cut, but for now, we have to part ways.”

“And risk the cops gettin’ us, man?” Orange asked.

“You two head home and keep your heads down.” I suggested as Lee opens the back trailer. “Lee and I will head back to Seastar Island, back to my house, and we’ll handle things from here.”

“Just know one thing, homie, we’re from the hood! We can unite our hoods to hunt you down if we have to! Don’t try anything funny!” Orange threatened me.

“Don’t be like that, Naranja. Jerry’s our best friend! He wouldn’t let us down. Right, Jer?” Cesaer asked.

“Of course I won’t. Just play things smart. I did my research. You two should do your research too. It’ll help us get out of situations must easier.” I said.

“If you say so, home-boy. Stay in touch. See you at school.” Orange said as he hops out of the trailer.

“See you at school, Jer.” Cesaer nodded as he follows Orange out, and then Lee closes the back of the trailer behind them.

“Where too now?” Lee asked.

“Well, first the junkyard. We have to ditch these scooters. They’re evidence.” I said.

“Done and done!” Lee said as he starts walking again, out of the alley we were in, and back onto the street.

“Lee, I’m sorry about Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad, mate.” I said.

“Not a problem, Jer. They’re just a bunch of plots, but they help us get richer, and help us have a lot of fun!” Lee said.

“I know, mate, but they have to show some bloody respect sometimes.” I said. “I feel responsible for this crew, and if we can’t get along, it’ll risk us gettin’ busted by the police.”

“Ah believe you, Jer.” Lee nodded. “We have to play by the rules, otherwise we’ll be busted. Do you think we should ditch Orange and Cesaer?”

“Lee, don’t be as bad as them. They may be idiots, but they have connections.” I said.

“Yeah, to their hoods!” Lee said.

“But their ‘hoods’ or whatever they bloody call it, they have pretty strong numbers.” I said.

“Like ah’m afraid!” Lee said sarcastically.

“Just be careful, mate.” I suggested.

“Don’t worry, partner. Ah’ll be fine.” Lee said as we approached the junk yard and parked in front of a trailer. Lee opens our truck trailer door with one of the scooters. Lee detaches himself from the trailer and went inside of it to get another scooter. I then knocked on the junkyard’s trailer’s door, and then some sort of eyeball camera popped out and stared right at me.

“Yes?” the voice in the intercom asked as it snorted.

“I have some spare parts to sell to you.” I said.

“Ah, excellent, excellent! I’ll be right out!” the voice said as the eyeball camera slid back inside the trailer, and after a few seconds, the door unlocks its many locks, and it opens, revealing a pig with a labcoat on.

“Hello, Mr. Swinebutt. Good to see you again.” I said.

“Likewise, Jerry Jam!” Swinebutt said. “But then again,” he snorts, “this could all just be a sham to tax me. Your family runs Mareami, y’know.”

“I assure you, I’m just here to sell you these scooters. Use them for spare parts for your, you know, ‘inventions’.” I said.

“Umm, you just said ‘inventions’ in the kind of sense that you don’t believe I’m a super genius.” Swinebutt assumed.

“Let’s not worry about that. How much do you want for them?” I asked.

“Let’s not worry about that?!” Swinebutt yelled angrily. “I’m going to be a pretty big deal soon. You’ll see! You Jams will even worship me some day!”

“Yeah if you say so, mate.” I said, not caring about a word he’s saying.

“Fine. How does 450 sound?” Swinebutt asked.

“4 bits and 50 cents, or 450 bits?” I asked.

“Don’t get smart with me. I’M the smart one!” Swinebutt reminded me.

“Oi.” I said. “Alright, 450 sounds like a deal. I’d pay for anything to get rid of these scooters.”

“Just be glad you’re talking to me and not somepony that’s greedy.” Swinebutt suggested as he gave me the bits. “I’m only in this for the science. Not the money, so don’t say ‘I’ll pay anything’, or ‘I’m desperate’, because that’ll just get ponies to trick you into every bit in your pocket.” He explained and snorted.

“Got it. Pleasure doin’ business with you, Porker.” I said.

“Much obliged.” Lee said as he sets all the scooters by Swinebutt’s trailer.

“No, no, thank you, my friends!” Swinebutt said as he chuckles mischievously and places his pinky near his mouth. After we were done with him, we headed out, and pretty much the flashback ends there.

THE FRIENDSHIP DETECTION AGENCY

Author's Note

This here is the prologue opening of the FDA spin-off! I'm pretty sure you're going to like this story! You know Jerry as an agent of friendship (if you read FiE), but know you get to see a side of him you'd never expect to see! Or maybe you did, who knows? This is also getting to know protagonist, as well as two of the main characters in the story; one with an African-American ego, and one with a Mexican ego.

Waffle Brothers (Choices)

I looked around Jelly’s house to see if I could find any clues, because I’ve learned that all criminals leave behind clues; whether it’s a hoof-print, or a logo or something. Now I don’t have any equipment for hoof-prints, and I didn’t see any logos, so I had to try the ‘something’ choice. So I decided to call the cops to see if they could help me, but the phone line was dead- err, I mean, passed away. Dead’s a too strong of a word in my book. Oh wait, I just used it in my book, woops. Anyways, I wanted to try my cell phone next, but no signal. Wow, luck really has me today.

I searched all around to see if I could find any clues, but after a while, I found something. It was a napkin. Wow, big help. But wait, if the napkin is dirty, there might be some DNA on it, and help me find some clues, and it can also make me sick. Oh wait; I don’t have any equipment with me though. If I’m to find out who took my sister, I’ll have to go to the one place that might have the supplies I need to find her. I was about to run out of the house when suddenly a piece of paper blew in the wind. It landed right in front of me on Jelly’s carriage. I took the piece of paper because I don’t think Jelly would be happy to see litter on her carriage, and when I saw it, the paper was completely blank. Nothing on it. Wasn’t too sure what the use was. I ran back inside the house so I can look for Jelly’s carriage keys so I can use it to get to FDA Headquarters. They might have the supplies I need. I found her carriage keys in the kitchen right next to a pair of glasses.

“Heh!” I chuckled. “I didn’t think Jelly needed glasses, but then again, I didn’t either when I had to fill out the forums.” I took the keys and ran over to Jelly’s carriage so I can unlock the straps and attach it to my back, but before I rode off, I started having a brain blast. That’s right Jimbo! I reached into my satchel and took out the glasses the FDA receptionist gave me and I put it on. Just as I expected, the blank piece of paper I found actually has words on it, but I couldn’t see it without the glasses. I had the feeling this was an FDA test, but I didn’t want to take that risk. Agency tests are always full of risks. Sometimes they’re live exercises, so for all I know, Jelly could actually be in trouble.

The note reads: If you wish to find your sister Jelly, go to the Waffle Brothers Studios, where one of your old friends is shooting for his next scene. Come alone. Don’t bring your gangster friends with you.

One of my old friends? The only old friends I have is Cesaer, Orange, General Lee, and Elusive. By gangster friends, I know they mean Cesaer and Orange, and Elusive isn’t part of any show. Could it be? Could it be him? An FDA agent knows my problem. General Lee IS here in Las Pegasus! He has his own show! I’ve seen it! But wait, Cesaer and Orange know it too. They said they want to avenge his betrayal. I have to get to the studio before they do, that is, if they found out where he is. I attached myself onto the carriage and backed out of the driveway.

On the way there, I was pretty concerned. Why would General Lee want to capture my sister? Why does he want to see me? Probably because he knows I won’t overreact towards his betrayal. I was on my way to the studio when suddenly I had a phone call from Cesaer. I answered it, because I needed to know where he is. “Oi!” I said.

“J, its Cesaer!” he said.

“Hey! How was the hood thing?” I asked.

“Seemed as they welcomed us as old friends! Mainly because some of them are old friends back in Mareami that moved here. Some of them though.” Cesaer said. “Anyways, J, we’re on the hunt. We’re lookin’ around town for General Lee. We know he’s here, but we don’t know where.”

“You don’t say?” I asked nervously.

“Y’think you can help us out, holms?” Cesaer asked.

“Sorry, mate. I’m out with Jelly right now.” I lied.

“Really? She hasn’t answered her phone.” Cesaer said.

“Her battery is dead.” I said.

“Tell her we said hola.” Cesaer requested. “O, calm down, I’m not telling her you love her.”

“Sure thing, mate! Listen, Cesaer, I… I have to go.” I said.

“No problem, J! Adios!” Cesaer said as we hang up. At least I know they don’t know where General Lee is. This gives me a slight advantage. Once I got to the Waffle Brothers studio, there was one obstacle in my way – the security guard up front. I wasn’t sure what to do. I don’t work there, I’m no agent, I don’t have an appointment. I do have a friend there, but the security guard won’t take that excuse. Believe me, I kinda had that problem earlier today with Elusive’s jerk of a bouncer. It would seem my only choice is to sneak inside the facility, but how?

“What do you mean you won’t let me in!?” a green pegasus with a pink mane complained up front of the building. “I’m supposed to deliver flowers to a Miss Ruby Radiance!”

“Ma’am, there is nothing on this checklist that says she has an appointment for… how you say… ‘flowers’.” The security guard said.

“I have the order right here on MY list.” The green pegasus showed the guard. “I’m supposed to deliver a bunch of tulips to Ruby Radiance in her trailer.”

“Sure, lady, sure.” The guard chuckled. “Ruby Radiance is a super megastar right now. She always has fans knocking on her door!”

“A fan? I don’t even watch sit-coms!” the pony yelled.

“I guess I’d believe you there. She doesn’t do sit-coms, she does romance flicks.” The guard said.

“EXACTLY! Can you please let me in? I flew from ALL THE WAY from Ponyville just to get here and deliver flowers!” the pony complained. “You know how much this whole trip is costing me already?! My job doesn’t even pay well! I’m not flying here just to waste time!”

“You can give me the flowers if you like. I like tulips!” the guard suggested.

“Stuff a sock in it!” the pony insulted him.

“See any socks on me?” the guard asked as he pointed to his hooves. “No you don’t. So if you please, be on your way, or else I’ll call the cops.”

“UGH! Whatever, man!” the pony complained as she walked away. Well this security guard is as I expected: a complete jerk. You know, I am about to be an FDA agent. I should help this pony out.

When I ran over to her with her cart full of flowers I said, “Nice flowers! Grow them yourself?”

“Not in the mood, buddy.” The pony complained.

“I’m really sorry bother you, love. Really I am, but you and I are pretty much in the same exact situation.” I said.

“Oh yeah? In what way?” the mare asked.

“I need to get inside that studio too. Seeing as the guard was being a complete jerk to you, he’d probably be a jerk to me as well.” I explained.

“What do you need from there?” she asked.

“Have you ever heard of General Lee?” I asked.

“Yeah he’s pretty famous.” The mare said.

“He has my sister. He is using my sister to get to me. General Lee and I were… old friends.” I explained. “He abandoned me and my friends back in juvey, but somehow I have the feeling he didn’t want to leave me specifically. He wants to see me, and I want to see him. I want to know why he left us.”

“This seems to be pretty important to you.” The mare said.

“One of the most important things in my bucket list right now.” I said.

“So what do you need me for?” the mare asked.

“We can help eachother get inside. I can help you deliver those flowers to Ruby Radiance, while you help me get to General Lee, and my sister Jelly.” I said.

“Well… doesn’t it seem like against the law to be trespassing on this property?” the mare asked.

“I’ve broken the law many times. I’ve done more time than I deserve, so I believe the law owes me.” I said.

“I didn’t do anything bad to the law though.” The mare said.

“If anything goes wrong, I’ll take the heat. I can handle prison, love. A beautiful lady such as yourself won’t survive a place like prison.” I flirted.

The mare blushed and giggled. “Thank you, Mister… erm…”

“Jam. Jerry Jam.” I said.

“Nice to meet you Jam, Jerry Jam.” The mare teased. “I’m Merry May.”

“Lovely name!” I said. “Anyways, I have a plan to get inside, but if we’re going to do this. You’re going to have to do exactly as I say. I know we just met, and all, but you’re going to have to trust me.”

“How do I know you won’t abandon me though? How do I know this is not all a trick?” Merry asked.

“You don’t.” I said. “But what else is there left to do?”

“I guess you do make a point there, Jerry.” Merry nodded. “Guess I’m going to have to trust you.” Merry said as her hoof sticks out.

“Wise choice, love.” I said as I shook her hoof.

“That’s not why my hoof was out, but ok.” Merry said. “So how should we proceed?”

“Well, I’m pretty good at multitasking, so the way I see it, there’s two choices.” I said. “Choice number one: we disguise ourselves as an actor and an actress.”

“Two actors.” Merry corrected me. “They don’t use the term ‘actress’ anymore. Some mares got a bit offended by it, so all are called actors now.”

“Ok. So we dress ourselves as actors, and we go inside and try to blend in.” I said. “We have to make sure we don’t do anything suspicious, otherwise they’ll call security and kick us out. We get in, we have to do everything the stage crews say, but if we’re not needed, we’ll go to Ruby Radiance’s trailer and deliver the tulips, and then we’ll go find General Lee, so I can talk to him, and see where he’s keeping Jelly.”

“Seems fair enough.” Merry agreed. “But if we blend in too much, it might lead to us procrastinating from the task at hoof. We might be called in on stage.”

“We’ll have to do what they say.” I said.

“Hmm…” Merry thought. “What’s choice two?”

“Choice two is that we sneak inside unaware. We have to us stealth and make sure we’re not spotted. Otherwise, they’ll call security and have us kicked out. Security is stricter at this point. Anypony spots us, it may jeopardize the whole thing. We’ll sneak to Ruby Radiance’s trailer and drop off the flowers, and then we’ll search the studio for General Lee, hoping he’s alone, and not has much security with him.” I explained.

“Decisions, decisions.” Merry said as she started to think.

“What do you think is easier?” I asked.

“I’ll have to think it over.” Merry said.

Alright, it would seem Merry May needs help. Care to help her make a decision? Choice A: Disguises, or Choice B: Stealth. Which do you want us to do?

CHOICE A: DISGUISES

A costume delivery truck was riding by, and while they were unpacking we snuck in and found ourselves some costumes. I dressed myself up in a while tuxedo, while Merry dressed up in a gorilla costume.

“Why the gorilla costume?” I asked.

“They’re remaking the Planet of the Cakes movie in there… again.” Merry said.

“Applewood what has happened to you?” I shook my head and asked. “You used to be so creative!”

“Those were the days, huh Jer?” Merry asked. So the two of us went over to the security gate to check ourselves in with the security guard, but before we went to him, I gave Merry a fake ID card. “What’s this?” she asked.

“A fake ID card. They’re illegal, I know, but they come in handy.” I said.

“I look nothing like this.” Merry said, showing me the picture of Orange Swirl on her ID.

“Relax, you’re wearing a mask.” I reminded her.

“What if the guard asks me to take it off?” Merry asked.

“Leave it to me.” I said. So we walked over to the guard gate and the security guard walks out of his guard booth to check on us.

“Planet of the Cakes, huh?” the guard asked. “Was expecting you a half-minute ago.”

“Yeah, hahaha.” I laughed sarcastically, showing him my ID, and then Merry showed him hers, or in this case ‘his’.

“These IDs look fake.” The guard said. Merry was starting to look a little nervous since she let out a little gasp.

“We’re in Las Pegasus, mate.” I reminded him. “Everything around here is fake.”

“Good point.” The guard said. “Was just testing you. These IDs are ok. Go on in. Planet of the Cakes is being filmed in Studio D. I’ll call them up and let them know you’re coming.”

“Thank you.” I said as the guard opens the gate and lets us inside.

“Hey, you, in the ape costume.” The guard said to Merry May. “Are you sure that’s a costume, or are you just a mare?” the guard started laughing. Merry May started to get angry and walk over to the guard, but I was able to stop her.

“Whoa there, monkey-buddy!” I stopped her and helped her inside the gate. “No need to get all ape on him. It was only a joke.”

“His whole life is a joke!” Merry mumbled as she followed me in. “I was about to turn his flank inside out, and then rip out his nose and stick it in his belly button!”

“I know, Merry, I know how you feel, but we can’t go on and just pound other ponies just because they offended us. The wise thing to do: report them, and then sue them for harassment.” I explained.

“Yeah… you’re probably right, Jer.” Merry said. “I swear, every time I’m in LP, there is always somepony making sexist comments to somepony. I HATE that!”

“Well let’s just stick to the task at hoof for now.” I suggested. “Now let’s head to Ruby Radiance’s trailer and drop off the tulips.”

“Aprecot! Yeah, you in the costume!” a stage crew pony called out at Merry. “We need you on stage for a stunt.”

“Who me?” Merry asked.

“Yeah YOU!” the stage pony said.

“Couldn’t be!” Merry teased.

“Then who?” the stage crew pony asked.

“It was that security guard at the gate.” Merry said.

“Well I’ll show him for stealing those cookies!” the stage pony said angrily as he ran off.

“Merry that was brilliant!” I said surprisingly.

“A little trick I pulled up. Helped me get out of situations back at Ponyville when my friend Parasol thought I was stealing her looks.” Merry said.

“Were you stealing her looks?” I asked.

“Heavens, yes! But does she need to know that? I keep bragging to her that great minds think alike.” Merry explained.

“Great minds do think alike.” I said. “I’ve had a similar situation once. I was one time on vacation in Vanhoover. My old crew and I… well… there was a museum there. A museum full of ancient treasures. We were thinking of going to the Vanhoover Dam and try to sabotage the power to… wait… why am I telling you this?”

“It’s nice to let it all out, doesn’t it?” Merry asked. “Hey, don’t think you’re the only one that stole things in the past.”

“You’re a former criminal too, or… current criminal?” I asked.

“Former.” Merry said. “Well, not much of a big shot criminal. You see…. I stole… well, it’s a pretty big deal. I’ve been getting DIF warnings all the time about this.”

“The Disharmony Investigation Bureau?” I asked.

“No, Disharmony Investigation FORCE. Where did you get Bureau from?” Merry asked.

“I just thought DIB was a better name for them.” I said.

“As catchy as it sounds, it’s more like ‘force’, since they like forcing friendship upon ponies. What a bunch of jerks!” Merry said.

“So what criminal activates did you do?” I asked.

“Oh, I downloaded movies online. Worst mistake of my life.” Merry said.

“Doesn’t sound so bad.” I said.

“It’s stealing, BIG TIME. Ponies are trying to make money. Ponies who post movies online are criminals, and there’s no stopping the DIF. They control the internet piracy.” Merry said.

“Why doesn’t the FDA control it?” I asked.

“How… how should I know?” Merry asked nervously. “It’s not like I am an FDA agent or anything.”

“Uh huh, ok.” I nodded.

“Anyways, let’s get this done and leave. I have to return to my living quarters by o’700 hours.” Merry said.

“What was that?” I asked.

“I mean, I have to be home by 7 AM. That’s when Daisy, Rose, ‘n Lily Valley open. They don’t want me to be back late. It’s the place I work at.” Merry said. “You have an assigned job, Jerry?”

“Well tonight I have to be working at The Jam night club. I have a managing partnership there currently.” I said.

“Sounds most appropriate.” Merry said as we arrived at Ruby Radiance’s trailer. “Here we are.” She said as she knocks on the door. Nopony answered. “Guess I’ll just put these inside and we’ll go find General Lee.” Merry opens the trailer door and walks inside, and then closes the door behind her. A voice screamed inside. I was just waiting outside, biting my hoof-nails and adjusting my tie.

“WHO ARE YOU?! SECURITY?!” Ruby yelled from inside.

“I am here to give you the flowers as you ordered.” Merry said.

“I DIDN’T ORDER ANY FAUST-DARN FLOWERS!” Ruby yelled. Just then, there was a flash of light coming from inside the trailer.

“You know, the tulips you ordered?” Merry asked.

“Ah, yes! Thank you, dear.” Ruby said. “Here’s your money. I’ll just put them right here! I’ve been wondering when they’d show up!”

“Glad you enjoy them! Have a nice day!” Merry said as she exits the trailer.

“Was she friendly?” I asked.

“Very!” Merry said. “If you noticed a flash of light in there, I was just taking a picture of her.”

“I didn’t know there was a flash of light. I was too busy biting my hoof nails.” I admitted.

“Oh… so I lied to you for no reason?” Merry asked.

“What did you lie to me about?” I asked.

“Oh… about… umm… she was actually… fat?” Merry asked.

“Use a lie to cover a lie, nice.” I said.

“I’m just trying to spare your feelings, Jer.” Merry admitted.

“Seems legit, alright.” I nodded. So next we went over to General Lee’s trailer, see if we could find him, but once we got there, he just walks out of the trailer and starts walking towards one of the studios. “Shh, there he is.” I whispered.

“What are we going to do?” Merry asked.

“I’m going to follow him, try to talk to him, but just in case, I think you should go inside of his trailer and see if my sister is in there.” I suggested.

“What if the door’s locked?” Merry asked. “Also, isn’t that breaking and entering?”

“If we’re rescuing somepony, that law does not apply. At least, I think it doesn’t.” I said.

“What should I use if the door is locked?” Merry asked.

“Well, it would be inappropriate to break the lock, but I guess if you use this lockpick I used back at my criminal days, it’ll unlock it without breaking it.” I suggested as I gave Merry one of my old lockpicks. Still don’t know why I didn’t dispose them yet.

“How do I use this though?” Merry asked.

“Have you ever played Skyrim?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Merry said.

“You should be fine!” I said.

“What if I played Oblivion?” Merry asked.

“You’re doomed then.” I said as I walked away.

So I minded my own business as I was following General Lee to the studio he was needed at. He was heading towards Studio C for, I guess, his next stunt. The studio is probably going to be full of ponies. If I’m to question GL, I’m going to have to wait until we’re alone. When I got into the studio, it looked to be a desert stage set, so I think it was time to change my disguise a bit. I went to the dressing area and found a cactus costume. I decided to put it on and blend in with the stage props. “General Lee, 60 seconds.” One of the stage crew ponies said.

“Got it.” General Lee said. Wow, GL’s voice changed a bit over the years. Then again, I haven’t heard his voice since we were still colts so of course he sounds different. Puberty! It’s hard to believe everything around here is fake. I would’ve thought Lee would be out in the field doing live-action entertainment in a real set. This is all hard to believe. It really is. It’s unlike Lee to be doing something like this. He really changed over the years.

“Alright, everypony! Take five!” the director said as we finally ended the scene. I was not impressed at all by the act. I could tell that Lee’s horny voice was… wow, that didn’t come out right. Let me rephrase that. I could tell that Lee’s Dixie horn didn’t even come out of his mouth. It was studio equipment that did that. Plus, those ridiculous catch phrases! ‘That sprinkles my jinxle.’ or ‘Drop me line, buddy!’ or even ‘Have no fear, General Lee is here!’ who writes this stuff! My friend would NEVER let anypony do this to his personality! Lee was unique! He wasn’t like any other pony, and he would let a bunch of agents tell him what to do?! If I haven’t lost respect for him before when he betrayed us, I definitely lost respect for him now! Anyways, before I was able to walk away, a beige pony with a green mane in a style that looked like two pony tails on the side of her walked over to me inside the cactus, not moving, just acting casual, and she said to me, “Howdy, stranger! Whatcha doin’ in there?”

“Uh, nopony’s in here. I’m just a cactus.” I said.

“Last ah checked, cacti don’t speak pony language!” the pony said. “They speak their own language: photosynthesis.”

“How did you know I was in here?” I asked. “I barely moved!”

”You have yer weaknesses.” The pony said as she showed me her tray of apple fritters. “Ah’m Apple Fritter, stranger. Would you like some of mah famous apple fritters? Best tasty stuff in all of Appleloosa! Try ‘em while they’re hot!”

“No thanks, I have things I really need to do.” I said.

“What kind of things?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Cactusy things.” I said.

“Like spyin’ on old friends?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Wait a minute. How did you know tha-“ I was about to ask when I popped my head out from the cactus costume, but when I did so, she was already gone. What a strange pony Apple Fritter was, but I didn’t let that bother me too much.

Anyways, I heard Lee say he was about to go to his bathroom break, so I know exactly where to trap him so we can have a private discussion. Discussing about eachother’s privates. Ok, what is wrong with me today? So I took off my disguise and went over to the bathrooms so I can ambush him.

CHOICE A ENDS

CHOICE B: STEALTH

Merry May and I put on some stealth outfits because I so happened to have them in my suitcase which was in the carriage. I didn’t want to leave it at the house. “Seems a little loose for me.” Merry said.

“I never had a mare in my squad before, I’m sorry.” I said.

“What squad?” Merry asked.

“The Gman Squad.” I said.

“Really?” Merry asked.

“No, not really, but I just loved that machinima! Back when Machinima was the best at its time.” I said.

“What’s machinima?” Merry asked.

“Making a video from a video game.” I said.

“Oh, like let’s plays!” Merry said.

“Not exactly.” I said. “Unlike let’s plays, machinimas were a bit more… creative.”

“PewBoysenberryPie is creative!” Merry said.

“PewBoysenberryPie? He’s not even funny!” I said.

“He’s totally funny!” Merry said. “He’s funnier than any let’s player!”

”Sorry, but you must be thinking of Poniplier.” I corrected her.

“Poniplier is a PewBoysenberryPie rip-off! He’s not that original! “ Merry said.

“Well, we’re all entitled to our own opinions, but I like Poniplier because he really cares about his fans.” I said.

“PewBoysenberryPie likes his fans too!” Merry said.

“Not as much as Poniplier.” I said.

“Ok, like you said, we’re all entitled to our own opinions.” Merry said. “No use arguing over this.”

”Exactly! I like your style, Merry May!” I said.

“But we can all agree that Scanner-Life and Combine Rampage are the best machinimas in the world!” Merry said.

“Definitely! No use denying that!” I agreed. So Merry takes the grappling hook, swings it, and tosses it over the wall. “Nice toss!”

“Had a lot of practice tossing flowers around at the Ponyville parades!” Merry said.

“Not sure how that helps, but ok.” I said as the two of us climbed on the rope and climbed over the wall so we can trespass inside the studio and try to evade everypony that’s in there.

Once we went over the wall to look for Ruby Radiance’s trailer, Merry asked, “Isn’t this kinda illegal to be doing this, Jer?”

“Relax. It’s not like I haven’t done criminal activities before.” I said. “Like this one time at Vanhoover Dam, I had to sabotage the power so my friends and I could perform this heist at… oh… wow, I’m kinda oversharing, aren’t I?”

”Relax, Jer, you’ll be getting no taddle-taleing from me, I too have done criminal activities in the past that I still regret today.” Merry said.

“Oh yeah? Care to explain?” I asked.

“You promise not to tell anypony?” Merry asked.

“You promised not to tell anypony about my Vanhoover heist, so might as well keep your crime a security too. It’s pretty much a two-way blackmail streak.” I said and I chuckled a bit.

Merry chuckled a bit as well. “Well if you must know, I… well, I… I illegally…”

“Yes?” I asked.

“I illegally downloaded… movies.” Merry stuttered.

“Well that’s horrible!” I said shockingly. “I mean, not as horrible as what I done, but still horrible.”

”Sweet Celestia.” Merry shook her head and said. “I was nearly arrested for it but I was let off easily, but I did get a huge DIF warning though.”

“DIF? The Disharmony Investigation Bureau?” I asked.

“Bureau?” Merry asked. “Where did you get Bureau from?”

”I always thought the Disharmony Investigation Bureau was a better name than Disharmony Investigation Force. You know, the DIB. The dibs!” I explained.

“Well, the DIF did get dibs on controlling the internet. They patrol it, they run it, always on the look out for anything illegal, but they never bother with the flaming because of the friendship laws in Equestria – freedom of speech.” Merry said.

“You think the FDA might do different if they control the internet?” I asked.

“You’re asking me like I’m apart of it, which I’m NOT!” Merry said angrily.

“Ok, ok, calm down. It was just a question.” I said. Anyways, the two of us were talking too much, and we had to stay quiet if we were to sneak through the studio to find Ruby Radiance’s trailer. There were so many different trailers around, so it wasn’t that easy to find it. We eventually did though. How? We saw the trailer that was ruby colored. Just colored, not made of real rubies. But Ruby herself doesn’t know that now, does she? You know how much of a fit she would be in?

“Ah! Ruby Radiance’s trailer!” Merry said. “Just the place I need to be to deliver her tulips! Thanks for your help, Jer! I really appreciate it!”

“No prob, love. Just head on in, deliver them, and I’ll wait out here for you.” I said.

“Oh, I was gonna ask you to stay out here anyway, but now that you said it, I don’t have to!” Merry said.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it. Classified info.” Merry said as she knocked on Ruby’s door.

“Go away! Can’t you see I’m self-loathing?” Ruby complained from inside.

“Yep, she said come in.” Merry said as she opens the door and walks inside and then closes the door behind her. I just waited outside, ignoring everything that’s going on in there. So how I did narrate the next few sentences then?

“HEY! Don’t you listen?!” Ruby yelled from inside. “I’m a celebrity! I need time for sympathy and second thoughts on how my life went wrong!”

”My apologies, Miss Radiance, but I’m just here to deliver your tulips.” Merry said.

“I didn’t order any tulips!” Ruby yelled. “Unless my Faust-forsaken agent ordered the-“ just then, there was a flash of light inside the trailer, like a camera flash of some sort.

“Here are the tulips you ordered, Miss Radiance!” Merry said.

“Ah, finally! What took you so long? I can’t have self-loathing without beautiful flowers to lighten the mood!” Ruby said. Just then, Merry walks out of the trailer and joins up with me.

“Please ignore whatever you heard happen in there.” Merry said.

“Oh I wasn’t concerned at all, but now that you said that, you got me wondering.” I said.

“Relax, Jer, you know how celebrities are.” Merry said.

“You got me pretty suspicious, Mer, but to be honest, I could care less.” I admitted.

“That means you do care.” Merry reminded me.

“Exactly.” I said.

“Alright, well, let’s go find your friend.” Merry suggested.

“I’m actually having thoughts of my relationship towards him, Mer.” I said.

“Huh? Why?” Merry asked.

“I don’t think now’s the right time to answer that. I’ll tell you another time. It’s kinda personal.” I said.

“I see.” Merry nodded.

“Thank you.” I said.

“No problem!” Merry said.

So next we went over to General Lee’s trailer, see if we could find him, but once we got there, he just walks out of the trailer and starts walking towards one of the studios. “Shh, there he is.” I whispered.

“What are we going to do?” Merry asked.

“I’m going to follow him, try to talk to him, but just in case, I think you should go inside of his trailer and see if my sister is in there.” I suggested.

“What if the door’s locked?” Merry asked. “Also, isn’t that breaking and entering?”

“If we’re rescuing somepony, that law does not apply. At least, I think it doesn’t.” I said.

“What should I use if the door is locked?” Merry asked.

“How do I use this though?” Merry asked.

“Have you ever played Skyrim?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Merry said.

“You should be fine!” I said.

“What if I played Oblivion?” Merry asked.

“You’re doomed then.” I said as I walked away.

“Doom and Oblivion aren’t the same game though!” Merry yelled out.

So I minded my own business as I was following General Lee to the studio he was needed at. He was heading towards Studio C for, I guess, his next stunt. The studio is probably going to be full of ponies. If I’m to question GL, I’m going to have to wait until we’re alone. When I got into the studio, it looked to be a desert stage set, so I think it was time to find somewhere to hide. I found a ladder so I can climb up to the stage lights and eavesdrop on everything from above. “General Lee, 60 seconds.” One of the stage crew ponies said as I was almost spotted when I was climbing the ladder, but luckily it was too dark back here for him to see me. Good thing I’m wearing a stealth outfit.

“Alright, everypony! Take five!” the director said as they finally ended the scene. I was not impressed at all by the act. I could tell that Lee’s horny voice was… wow, that didn’t come out right. Let me rephrase that. I could tell that Lee’s Dixie horn didn’t even come out of his mouth. It was studio equipment that did that. Plus, those ridiculous catch phrases! ‘That sprinkles my jinxle.’ or ‘Drop me line, buddy!’ or even ‘Have no fear, General Lee is here!’ who writes this stuff! My friend would NEVER let anypony do this to his personality! Lee was unique! He wasn’t like any other pony, and he would let a bunch of agents tell him what to do?! If I haven’t lost respect for him before when he betrayed us, I definitely lost respect for him now! Anyways, while I was hiding up here, a beige pony with a green mane in a style that looked like two pony tails on the side of her walked over to me up at the stage light structure. It was total darknes, and I wasn’t making any noise and she spotted me, “Howdy, stranger! Whatcha doin’ up here?”

“Umm, I’m a spy for a movie. This is a spy movie.” I lied.

“Y’all are in a stunt movie set, sugarcube.” Apple Fritter said.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked. “I’m particularly invisible.”

”Particularly invisible isn’t invisible.” The pony said as she showed me her tray of apple fritters. “Ah’m Apple Fritter, stranger. Would you like some of mah famous apple fritters? Best tasty stuff in all of Appleloosa! Try ‘em while they’re hot!”

“No thanks, I have things I really need to do.” I said.

“What kind of things?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Spy things.” I said as I looked back down.

“Like spyin’ on old friends?” Apple Fritter asked.

“Wait a minute. How did you know tha-“ I was about to ask when I looked back at her, but when I did so, she was already gone. What a strange pony Apple Fritter was, but I didn’t let that bother me too much.

Anyways, I heard Lee say he was about to go to his bathroom break, so I know exactly where to trap him so we can have a private discussion. Discussing about eachother’s privates. Ok, what is wrong with me today? So I climbed back down and went over to the bathrooms so I can ambush him.

CHOICE B ENDS

The bathrooms were right in front of me, so I was about to pounce in and catch Lee off guard! I kicked the door down and jumped right in and yelled, “Alright Lee, what’s your story?!” That’s what I would’ve done if I was an idiot. What I really did was open the door gently, and luckily, it wasn’t a one-pony bathroom, it had stalls in it. If it was a one-pony bathroom, then I would’ve had to knock, which I didn’t feel like doing. When I got inside, I heard a couple of mares scream in there. “Woops! Sorry, ladies!” I blushed as I backed out of the bathroom, and then I looked over at the two bathroom signs. I thought that no haired pony sign on the bathroom meant stallions, but nope, and the long-haired pony sign at the next door bathroom probably didn’t mean mares either. Las Pegasus is so weird to me. Just then, I heard screaming at the door next to it. I went inside the stallions room and I saw Cesaer Salad and Orange Swirl tackling General Lee.

“ALRIGHT LEE! What’s your story?!” Orange yelled.

“WHAT STORY?!” Lee yelled.

“Don’t play dumb with us, holms! You never thought you’d see us again! But we’re back and we got you! We got you good!” Cesaer said mischievously.

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE! GET OFF OF ME!” Lee yelled.

“Orange? Cesaer? What’s going on?” I asked.

“Jerry? Wow, you are a sight for sore eyes, dawg!” Orange said.

(if Choice B was chosen) “And why are you wearing that, J?” Cesaer asked.

“What are you two doing here?” I asked.

“We went after General Lee, and it turns out you did the same!” Orange said. “Homie, I never thought you were gonna go through with it, but you did! You kept your promise and helped us capture General Lee!”

”Well, you came too late, but this’ll count!” Cesaer said. “You did help us out in a way you have no idea, holms.”

”What are you talking about?” I asked.

“We followed you here. How else did we find him?” Orange asked.

“What is goin’ on here?!” Lee cried.

“SHUT IT, PUNK!” Orange yelled. “You treacherous piece of dog bone! You left us to rot in prison!”

”Not only that. I have the feeling you were the one that got us ratted out!” Cesaer said. “You’re probably the reason we went to prison in the first place, GL!”

”You are a disgrace, Lee! A huge disgrace to our friendship! I know it didn’t seem that way, but that didn’t mean we didn’t have respect for you, dawg!” Orange explained.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking, man!” Lee cried. “I just auditioned for this part! I’m not General Lee! I’m just an actor that portrays him! Honestly! Please, you have to believe me!”

“TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!” Orange yelled. “We’re turning you in! You’re going to rot in jail and suffer what we have suffered! Count on it!”

I couldn’t believe it, but I think he was right. That explains everything. That horn was fake, it didn’t sound like him. I know General Lee would’ve never sold out his life like this. “Wait, stop. I think he’s telling the truth.” I said.

“What do you mean, J?” Cesaer asked.

“General Lee was my best friend. He would never be a dog act to the media.” I said. “This can’t be him.”

”You’re a few years too late though.” The actor said. “He used to be where I am now, but he couldn’t take it anymore. The producers kept changing everything. He didn’t want his life to be toyed like this, so he left town.”

”WHAT?!” Orange yelled.

“Calm down, mate.” I instructed Orange, then I asked the actor, “Then where is he, mate? Where’s General Lee?”

”He’s dead, so I heard.” The actor said. “After he left, he just disappeared off the face of the Earth. Nopony knows where he is now. The DIF though confirmed him dead. I’m sorry, dude. I wish there was something I could do, but there’s nothing I can do now. I am so sorry for your loss.”

I couldn’t believe it. General Lee… he’s… he’s…. hmph… well, this leaves so many questions left unanswered. Why is he gone? Also all those questions I have for him, I cannot have them answered now. It’s too late. “Well… GOOD!” Cesaer said. “He had it coming, didn’t he, O?”

”Yeah, he did.” Orange agreed. “Soooo, there’s nothing to worry about now. Lee’s no longer around, so there’s no use for revenge.”

”Si.” Cesaer agreed. “We’re really sorry for attackin’ you, holms.”

”Yeah, homie, you alright?” Orange asked as he helped the fake General Lee actor up.

“I’m fine.” He said. “Don’t think you were the first ones to mistake me for that criminal. I’ve been questioned by the cops all the time. Said that a criminal by the name of General Lee, the pony we made this show from has escaped prison years ago. This is pretty much all you’re going to get for him.”

”Can we just avenge him by destroying this show then?” Cesaer asked.

“Nah, homie.” Orange said. “The show did nothing to us. Lee is no longer a threat.”

”So… that’s it then.” Cesaer said.

“That’s it.” Orange said. “We’re finished. Our work here is done.”

”Ok well I have to get back on set. You should leave before security finds you.” The actor suggested.

“We’re leaving, don’t worry.” Orange said. “Care to join us, Jer?”

”Not yet. There’s still something I have to do.” I said.

“Yeah you came in with that green Pegasus didn’t you?” Cesaer asked.

“Ponies don’t always like to be called by their race, Cesaer.” I informed him.

”Whatever, J. You did good. Gracious, senior!” Cesaer said.

“Yeah, Jer. Thanks for your help. I guess we’ll leave you off the hook this time.” Orange said. “Hey, don’t be a stranger, alright? Stay in contact with us.”

”Of course, Orange!” I promised.

“Holla at you later, dawg.” Orange said as he walked out.

“See ya, Jerry!” Cesaer said as he followed Orange out. After they left, I walked out of the studio in depression. I couldn’t believe Lee was gone, but I guess it was for the best. Even though I have a hard time believing it, at least Cesaer and Orange won’t be in the way anymore. They won’t bother me about Lee, and they’ll probably not be suspicious over the fact that I turned us in, and not Lee. Just before I left the studio, I forgot the main reason I was here. Where’s my sister?

”Hey, bro!” Jelly said at the nearby buffet. “You gotta try this stuff! It’s all free! I mean, it’s all free for actors, but hey, they wouldn’t know the difference, right?”

”JELLY?!” I yelled. “What are you doing here? I thought you were captured?”

”Ah, well, it was part of the test, right?” Jelly asked.

“Test? What test?” I asked.

“The test in joining the FDA.” Merry said as she stood right behind me while wearing a black jumpsuit and sunglasses.

“Merry May? You’re part of the FDA?” I asked.

”Sorry I lied to you.” Merry shrugged.

“This was all staged.” Jelly said. “An initiation to join the agency!”

“Yep, and I have to say, you passed the test, Jer!” Merry said.

“I kinda figured this might’ve been a test,” I admitted, “but I didn’t know how the test would work. Plus, little did I know that the actor we encountered was not General Lee.”

”You had to know the truth somehow.” Merry said. “The best initiation to join the FDA is a personal mission. You kept your cool when you encountered who you thought was General Lee, and you helped a fellow pony in need when she needed help. You went out of your way to help others while at the same time complete your own quest. It’s like we say, give one stone to two birds to share.”

”Isn’t the phrase kill two birds with one stone?” I asked.

“That’s not how the FDA works, my friend.” Merry said.

“True.” I nodded. “So Jelly’s ok.”

”I’m fine, bro! I was just waiting here for you.” Jelly said.

“But what about Orange and Cesaer?” I asked Merry.

“Yeah, I must admit, they weren’t part of the test. I had no clue they were tailing us, but you did keep your cool around them too, and you assisted them in keeping their cool, and that makes a true FDA agent!” Merry explained.

“Wow… so this means I’m part of the FDA now?” I asked.

“Well first you must head back with us to HQ. The director will tally up the score.” Merry said.

“I’m proud of you, Jer! Welcome to the agency!” Jelly said as she patted me on the back.

“Jelly? Are you part of the agency too?” I asked.

“Oh no, I’m not, but I did assist them in setting up the test. Even though I know your agent, you must keep it a secret from everypony else, especially Cesaer and Orange.” Jelly said.

“Yes, they cannot know you’re an agent. Or your business partner Elusive for that matter.” Merry said.

I nodded. “I understand.”

”Well I’ll be back at the house cleaning up. I’ll be seeing you back!” Jelly said.

“Don’t wait up for me, sis!” I instructed her.

“Right! You still have your new business to go to tonight! I’ll be seeing you tomorrow then.” Jelly said.

“Let’s hope I don’t wake up too late though.” I teased. Jelly gave me a quick hug and then she leaves.

“So Jer, you ready to head to HQ?” Merry asked. I nodded and I followed her to her carriage so we can head back to the agency.

“How about making it to Ponyville on time?” I asked.

”Relax, I’m just using my vacation days right now.” Merry said. “The FDA is pretty much a hobby to me. I bet it’ll be a hobby to you as well!”

”Well, this was fun!” I said.

“Then I’m sure you and this job will get along juuuuust fine!” Merry said.

So Merry and I made it to the FDA Headquarters back at the Downtown area. I waved to the mare behind the desk whom I saw this morning, and she waved back. She then said, “I’m only doing that because it’s my contract.”

”Huh.” I responded. Merry and I went inside the elevator and went up to the 45th room where the briefing room was. There were agents all over this building. There were some offices too, plus some lounges where agents are seen hugging. I gotta say, the Friendship Detection Agency seems like a fine place to be! I liked the view too of LP. We were really high up. The FDA building was among the tallest buildings in LP, alongside the DIF building, and the tallest building in the whole city was the Trustworthy Depository. The second most secure bank in all of Equestria, with the first being the vaults at Canterlot. The Trustworthy Depository makes the Bank of Equestria building back in Mareami seem like a simple place to raid.

When we got to the briefing room there were several other agents in there around the room awaiting their missions. One of the agents walks over to me and gives me a glare, “Welcome to the agency, newbie. Don’t do anything cocky.” The agent suggested.

“Is that a threat?” I asked. “Isn’t that against FDA regulations?”

”Not if it’s a promise.” The agent said as he walks out of the room.

“He seems charming.” I said.

“He’s just testing you for any weaknesses.” Merry said.

“Yeah they’ll getchya.” Apple Fritter said as she appears out of nowhere while wearing the same exact outfit Merry was wearing.

”WHOA! Apple Fritter?! You’re an agent too?!” I yelled.

“Ah’ve been with you the whole time!” Apple Fritter said.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh, sorry, ah thought you were asking how ah just disappeared and appeared out of nowhere, that’s what the most newbie agents ask.” Apple Fritter said.

“Apple Fritter is our technical supervisor.” Merry said. “She hid cameras all over the studio, watching your every work, and our director is just observing them now before he or she briefs you.”

”Mah famous apple fritters even come with a built in camera!” Apple Fritter said as she shows me her tray of fritters again with a camera lends sticking out of one of them. “Wanna see some of the footage, Jer?”

”Yeah, I’d rather not see the inside of a pony’s stomach, thank you, love” I said. “So you even have a cloaking device, huh? That’s how you disappeared right before my eyes back at the studio!”

”Eeyep, but they’re nothin’ low budget. Ah shouldn’t be using them too much, but ah can’t help it sometimes!” Apple Fritter said and chuckled. “They’re just too much fun!”

“Incoming transmission from our director.” One of the agents said.

“Bring her on screen… or him on screen.” Merry said cautiously. The screen comes online and a dark shadow figure with waving air shows up on the screen.

“Greetings, Jerry Jam!” the figure said in a robotic disguise voice.

“Greetings, Princess Celestia!” I said. “I guess you’re the director of the FDA, oi?”

“I guess you’re too smart, Agent Jam!” Celestia said as she removes the shadow and turns off the disguise voice. “I should promote you for that!”

”Agent Jam, huh? So I’m an agent now?” I asked.

“You sure are! After seeing all of your efforts,” Celestia started when she shows me the footage of everything I’ve done back at the studio, “you are clearly FDA material! I must say, I am quite impressed of your backstory. After all you’ve done in your past, you learned from your mistakes and want to do some good. I am very proud of you!”

”Being a criminal taught me a lot, your highness.” I said. “I want to undo all the bad I’ve done and restore some good in Equestria.”

”Well we can do that!” Celestia said. “I have a mission for you, Agent Jam!”

”Right now?” I asked.

”Whenever you’re ready!” Celestia said. “I know you have a stake partnership at a club and you should really get to that, but whenever you’re ready, I’d like you to use some of your rich funds to help out the poor ponies in Mareami that lost their businesses. It’s only fair.”

”It’s like I shouldn’ve turned myself in.” I admitted.

“Well it helped test your loyalty to your hoodlum friends; plus you got to know your friend Elusive a bit.” Celestia said.

“It’s true.” I said. “Hey being in prison seemed like a better place for me than being with my parents, but for what cost? General Lee betrayed us and then vanished, but the same thing happened to my parents. What has happened to them?”

”Well, perhaps we can help you out with that!” Celestia offered.

“Really? You’d do that for me?” I asked.

“As part of the FDA, our agents get handsomely rewarded for their efforts in keeping peace in Equestria.” Celestia said. “You see, I created the Friendship Detection Agency shortly after the banishment of my sister. Since I believed creating the EUP and the Wonderbolts wasn’t enough, and with the Elements of Harmony dysfunctional after my sister’s banishment, I needed an elite corps of agents to help spread friendship and harmony across Equestria. It’s too much for me to handle by myself, and that’s when I made the FDA.”

”How about the DIB?” I asked.

“The Disharmony Investigation Bureau?” Celestia asked.

“Seriously? I thought it was called DIF?” Merry asked.

“I kinda prefer Bureau too.” Celestia admitted. “Anyways, I cannot answer much about the DIF. They were created a couple of decades after the FDA was made. They were a pretty successful agency, but I don’t 100% agree to their tactics. It’s not wise to force harmony to ponies.”

”So why didn’t you do anything about it?” I asked.

“I don’t control the corporations in Equestria.” Celestia said. “Even though my sister and I are the rulers in Equestria, we don’t mess with the other corporations unless it messes with personal well-being of other ponies. We help fund the agency because they are successful. Even though I question their tactics, Equestria is safe with them around, as well as the FDA, which is why I try to give the FDA as much to do with any disharmony around Equestria before the DIF does. I’m sure with a pony of your talents, Agent Jam, you’ll be able to do tons of good for Equestria!”

“I’ll do all I can to make sure Equestria is safe from any hate. I assure you.” I promised.

”Then in that case,” Celestia started as a slot on the briefing table opens revealing a tuxedo and some sunglasses, “welcome to the Friendship Detection Agency, Jerry Jam!” I was pretty amazed after I saw the tuxedo and sunglasses. I can’t believe it! I am an official FDA agent now!

After I put on my sunglasses, I asked, “What are your orders, director?”

Celestia giggles. “I don’t give orders, I just suggest them. We don’t punish those who don’t do their jobs, but we reward greatly to those that do.”

”That’s why we have a lot of slackers here.” Apple Fritter said.

“Well you won’t get that from me, your highness!” I said.

“Excellent!” Celestia said. “Now, good luck on your future assignments, and stay well!” Celestia said as the signal cuts off.

“Well I’m sure we all have things to do. I have to get back in Ponyville.” Merry said. “I’m looking after a few ponies. I’m sure you’re acquainted with one of them, Jer. Flare Gun, right?”

“Ah yeah, I remember him.” I nodded. “Herb Leafhorn really had it out on him. Made his life miserable.”

“Ah helped him once when we was at Appleloosa.” Apple Fritter said.

“There’s some mysterious entity that keeps trying to make his life miserable over there though, we’re still trying to find out who it is.” Merry said. “Herb Leafhorn, however, he’s actually changed. He joined the Friendship Mafia in attempt to undo the bad he’s done.”

”The Friendship Mafia, huh? I just met them yesterday.” I nodded. “I mean, not Herb Leafhorn though, another pony in the group by the name of Clay Cement.”

“Well while they’re trying to restore peace in Mareami, and the ponies that wield the Elements of Harmony are protecting Canterlot County, we’re trying to handle everything else.” Merry said. “Anyways, I should head back to Ponyville and look after the Noble Six. I’ll see you around, Jer!”

“You too, Mer! Hey, Mer? Thanks for everything. I’m glad to be a part of this!” I said. Merry smiled and nodded and walked off.

“Well, I should head back to our main HQ in the desert. That’s pretty much my post.” Apple Fritter said.

“How many FDA HQs are there?” I asked.

“Well, we have this one in Las Pegasus, we have that one in the desert a few miles from Appleloosa, there’s an undercover HQ at Manehatten: the United Harmony Paper, and the rest around Equestria are just undercover outposts with nothing major. We’re trying to get more posts around Equestria so we can cover more ground.” Apple Fritter explained. “The DIF lately have been catching up to us to the number of major friendship issues happening around Equestria. We must keep on our tippy-hooves, and keep watchful eyes around Equestria. Most of our funding comes from the Trustworthy Depository across the street. That’s where most government funding comes from, and a lot of our agents have been slacking off. If this keeps up, they may suspend our funding.”

“I’ll do what I can to make sure the FDA stays in tip-top shape, love. I assure you.” I promised.

”Thank you! I really appreciate it, Agent Jam!” Apple Fritter said.

“Alright, well, thanks for everything, Agent Fritter! See ya!” I said to Apple Fritter. So I walked out of the agency, and headed back to The Jam, just in time for my shift! Time to make sure everything in Elusive’s club goes alright. I’m glad life is giving me a second chance! I think I’m going to enjoy leaving here in LP!

Author's Note

It's about time Jerry started his FDA duties, so I made this chapter his first mission! It's a training mission, yes, but they were live excersies. Now I bet you're wondering why I made Merry May and Apple Fritter FDA agents? Well first off, Apple Fritter, she's everywhere in Equestria. She visits Ponyville, she was at Canterlot Wedding, she pretty much lives in Appleloosa cause she's there most times, so I thought, what if I made her an FDA agent? So I did! It would explain why she's everywhere in Equestria, plus she's my favorite Apple family background pony! Now Merry May, she's my favorite background pony in general! I just like the way she looks, she's so pretty, so I wanted to give her personality!

I really hope one day Merry May has dialogue on the show. No I don't count her dialogue in Griffon the Brush Off, it was a background dialogue. She wasn't clearly heard, I don't count that. So now Jerry's an FDA agent! Jerry will have a few missions before the next chapter but the next mission is the first mission that really moves the story forward! Beileve me, I'm really getting everything planned! :D