Finding Your Voice

I stared into a pair of dark teal, large eyes and narrowed my eyes at them, a small container of purple eye shadow in front of me. I took the eye shadow and my hoof shaking, tried to apply it. I painstakingly lifted the container up to my face, but my hoof was shaking so badly that it fell to the table.

I sighed. How did Rarity do it? It was like Pinkie Pie and her ability to appear anywhere.

On cue, a flash of purple ringlets appeared behind me in the mirror. I turned around to see my best friend, Rarity, wearing her Ponytones uniform, her hair neatly permed and makeup freshly done, walking towards me. Even from the distance she was at, the smell of daisy perfume was pungent, becoming stronger and stronger as she advanced towards me.

I smiled a shy little smile at her and in return she gave me a flashy, elegant beam, a look which quickly evaporated into alarm when she saw my current state.

"Darling!" She cried, with the possible intent of alerting Canterlot, though we were all the way in Ponyville. Horror was evident in her tone. "You’re not ready yet!”

At a loss for what to say, I gave her a sheepish smile and bowed my head meekly. “My apologies.”

Rarity ignored me. She was in a full state of hysteria at the moment. “You’re the lead singer of the Ponytones! You’re supposed to look the best out of all of us! Well, except for me.” She flicked her hair suggestively, then suddenly seemed to snap back into reality. “We’re on in a half hour!”

So you’re probably confused. I’ll clear the haze for you a bit. After I had finally confronted my love for singing and given my first performance to my friends and animals with the other Ponytones, I promised to take baby steps. And I did. I would slowly ramp up, performance by performance. It took a while- 30 moons, to be exact, and now being a singer is a second job for me, literally. I managed to wormmy way into the position of lead singer for the Ponytones quite recently, and lately our publicity has sky-rocketed into Cloudsdale. Even though I’m quite lively on stage, that hasn’t changed my shy, reserved, passive demeanor in the slightest.

“Rarity, I think we have enough time-” I said quietly, but Rarity was too busy shrieking out flaws. “You don’t have your jewelry on! Or your makeup! And your bowtie is crooked! Darling, what have you been doing all this time?”

“I’m sorry, Rarity, it’s just that I can’t put on my eyeshadow properly, it keeps slipping, and I guess I find the crooked bowtie stylish, but I mean, if you don’t like it, then we can always fix it-”

Rarity’s anger seemed to cool off. “Fluttershy, sweetheart, the crooked bowtie would be lovely, it’s just that all of the other members in the ensemble have their bowties on straight, it would look odd, no?”

I decided not to bring up the point that since I was the lead singer, it would help me stand out, which Rarity always wanted. But that was Rarity- I hated standing out. Even on stage, I’d rather hang out in the corner of the stage than be in the spotlight. But when I decided to take on singing, I tried to make it just a minor inconvenience I could easily overlook. Admittedly, it took some time, and maybe I’m still not 100% comfortable hanging out in the spotlight on stage. I welcomed any idea not to stand out as much as I possibly could. Besides, I didn’t want to argue with Rarity over such a trivial thing, due to our time crunch and the fact that she clearly was not in the mood for an argument. I only argued when it was completely necessary, and even when I argued, I tried to do it nicely. I hated arguments, because they were unkind.

So I voluntarily remained solitary like a manican while Rarity fixed me up. Lickety-split, I had bright red lipstick smeared on my lips, purple eyeshadow outlining my eyes, and blush shining on my cheeks. Not to mention the putrid lemon perfume Rarity had sprayed all over me, and the ridiculously complicated mane-style that was now stuck to my scalp and felt like it was trying to rip my skull out of my skin.

“How do you feel, darling?” Rarity asked absentmindedly, staring at the giant mantel clock backstage.

I forced a smile and spoke through my lips, which now felt like lead. “I feel nice.” I lied.

Rarity turned her attention back to me, smiling a dazzling smile. “That’s good. You look nice. You know, we need to look extra nice for today’s performance, and the only way to look nice is to feel nice."

“Why?” I inquired, almost choking on the citrusy smell enveloping me like smoke.

Rarity grinned an uncharacteristically boyish grin, obviously unable to contain her excitement. “Sapphire Shores, the pony of pop, and one of my wealthiest, most sophisticated clients, is attending our show!” Rarity squealed, clapping her hooves together and giggling.

I could feel my body, already stiff from the tight clothing, excessive makeup, and over-the-top hairdo, become more high-strung than a rubber band. My smile instantly faded. “Wait…what?”

“Sapphire Shores is coming to our show! If we’re good enough, we’ll be featured on her tour!” Rarity said, hopping over to me and taking my hooves in her own. “Oh, isn’t this just the most exciting thing in the history of Equestria?”

Hardly.

I felt the little bead of self-confidence I had managed to conjure dissipate instantaneously. I felt hotter, and some liquefied thing was rolling down my face in drops.

Rarity stopped her fit of excitement for a minute to snap at me. “Fluttershy! You’re sweating!” She used her horn to conjure up a lace-rimmed handkerchief and moved it up to my face.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, my voice sounding foreign to my ears.

“What makes you say that, darling?” Rarity said as she expertly moved the handkerchief to wipe the sweat off, but not the makeup.

“I’m not performing.”

Rarity gritted her teeth and exhaled loudly through them. “Care to enlighten me about why you came to that decision so abruptly, darling?” she demanded, exasperation leaking through her voice.

“I can't perform in front of the pony of pop! You forget that I’m not Dash or Pinkie or Twilight or you! I’m not comfortable in the spotlight!”

Rarity rested her head on her hooves. “You cannot quit now. It’s too last-minute.”

My whole body shook madly. “Well, you never told me that Sapphire Shores was coming to the performance! I would’ve not agreed to this one!”

Rarity looked triumphant. “That’s why we didn’t tell you.”

I froze as I let her words sink in. This was a setup! Anger coursed through my body. I reached up, plucked a fallen feather from an exuberant headdress Rarity tried to force on the mares in the band, and chucked it at her, feeling tears brim in my eyes.

“Oh, Celestia” Rarity swore under her breath, and rushed to my side. “Dear, I said that we should tell you, but I was outvoted 3-1.”

“I don’t care! I’m not perfor-” but my voice was cut off by a much louder one. “AND ON NEXT….TTHHHHHHHEEEEEEE PPPPPOOOOOOONNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEESSSSS!” the booming voice of the emcee thud in my ears. My eyes widened in horror, and Rarity, kneeling beside me, was freaking out. “Oh, no, no, no. Places, everypony! Fluttershy, get up!”

“I’m not going!”

Rarity looked like she was going to scream. “I don’t like to be a Rainbow Dash.” I was confused for a minute, but she wrapped her hoof around mine and dragged me with surprising force to the stage. “Now…get…on!” she snarled.

Seeing I had no choice and swallowing the lump in my throat, I trotted onstage. The heat from the spotlight/my current state of mind made Rarity’s attempts to wipe any sweat off my face in vain. The other Ponytones walked on stage, obviously frazzled by their unexpected call.

“And now, please give a big hoof to the Ponytones, performing Find the Music in You.” The emcee hollered. As the spotlight onned, I could feel my teeth start to chatter from anxiety as the crowd in front of us whooped. I tried not to look out for Sapphire Shores, and think of Angel Bunny and my other animal friends as Rarity elegantly lifted the harmonica to her mouth and blew out a single note, the cue for the rest of us to start singing.

As soon as I let the first note escape my mouth, all the anxiety that was built up like a shell around me instantly drifted away. I had done this routine countless times, and found the familiarity of it oddly comforting. I threw myself into the music, and truly tried to find the music in me. Rarity always said I needed to do that- always try to follow the message of the song, therefore putting as much expression and emotion in the song as possible. I added in some own hitches and unexpected twists to the song, and my quiet voice projected all over the stadium. I could feel a large grin about to burst off my face. In the corner of the eye, Rarity, singing with elegance and poise, winked at me, and I blushed, but not out of embarrassment, out of sheer joy. I could’ve easily done this routine sleeping, hooves behind my back, blindfolded. I didn’t find it boring or repetitive, though. Because every time, I would add some new spice to it, as Pinkie Pie would say. And my other bandmates didn’t mind in the slightest. In fact, they liked it. Because that way, the performance wasn’t just a routine- it was truly a unique performance. And if the performance is unique, ponies will remember it.

I let my voice go soprano, causing a huge uproar in the audience. Rarity always said that she was jealous of my high vocal range and my ability to hold a note for sixteen beats. She also said that I should utilize such a wonderful ability. It took me a while to realize that I really should utilize it, and the only way to do that was by performing.

Finally the song came to the end. I was on the sixteenth beat of holding the soprano note, and I could feel my lungs start to stiffen like a rubber band. The song stopped abruptly and I let the final note hang for a minute before suddenly gasping softly for breath. After I had recovered, I looked towards the audience hopefully.

For a minute there was silence, but a second later the thundering sound of hooves filled my ears. Roses were flung in my direction. Still breathing hard, I let myself laugh as roses and the sound of applause flooded the areas around me. I looked at the other members of the Ponytones, wearing their own grins. Rarity met my eyes, her own grin shining bright on her face, mouthed “you were amazing”, and turned back to the uproarious crowd.

The stars twinkled overheard large and strong, but I think the biggest and shiniest star was my ever-growing smile.

                                                                                                             ♣♣♣♣♣

After the song, I began to undo the elaborate hair when suddenly I was spun around by a glowing Ponytone. I looked to see an overjoyed Rarity. She grabbed my hooves in her own and embraced me hard.

“Darling” said Rarity, her voice choky, “Y-Y-you were breathtaking. A sh-shining star. I-I’m so proud of you!” she cried, rubbing my back.

“Thank you!” I managed to cough out.

She released me after that, and looked into my eyes, sapphire locking with teal. “Fluttershy, you are the most talented singer I know. The soprano was absolutely marvelous. You-you know” Rarity said, her voice cracking with joy, “I-I d-don’t even care if we don’t make it into S-Sapphire’s tour. You-you gave it your all, and that’s all that matters to me.” She touched my cheek affectionately and then disappeared into her changing stall.

I removed a makeup wipe from my box and began to delicately wipe the eyeshadow off, when a familiar voice called out, “Fluttershy!”

Smart, crisp, self-righteous. It was Twilight Sparkle.

I looked behind me, to see my other five best friends: Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike, standing in an orderly line.

“You were totally awesome, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash declared loudly, as Applejack, Twilight and Spike nodded assent.  “You totally rocked the stadium. Like, wow!”

I blushed. “Thanks.”

“Howdy, there, Fluttershah, do y’all know where Big Macintosh is?” Applejack inquired.

“He’s probably in the stallions’ dressing room” I said, and Applejack nodded and left. Spike left with her, probably to congratulate Rarity, leaving just Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight left in the room.

“Amazing job, Fluttershy!” Twilight said, smiling at me. “I was really surprised. I didn’t know you could go soprano. I read that it’s really hard to.”

I was about to respond Pinkie Pie suddenly leapt in front of me, smiling her wide, attractive smile.

Pinkie Pie.

I felt my knees start to buckle and go all wobbly. The nervousness I felt earlier didn't even compare to what I felt now.

I didn’t understand it. Lately when I had been around Pinkie Pie, I had felt-different. Something that just wasn’t right. I didn’t feel this way around any of my other friends. I was shyer around her, which really struck me as odd from the beginning, because Pinkie Pie used to be the mare I was the most comfortable around, probably my bestest friend of all my best friends, maybe with just Rarity as an exception. But that wasn’t all. I felt warm and often blushed when I saw her, for no apparent reason: I thought about her a lot more than I should've these days, and I often found my knees wobbling whenever I looked her in the eye. I tried to convince myself it was because I was pony-shy, but I knew at the back of my mind that really wasn’t the case. Princess Celestia was royalty, for ponies’ sake, and I felt more at ease around her than Pinkie Pie these days.

I had also found her to be a lot more attractive. Something about her cheerful, youthful personality I couldn’t help but admire. She was always happy and in good spirits. Whenever I was sad, just thinking about Pinkie Pie made me automatically smile. I found her curly hair elegant yet messy: Her big, pale blue eyes like clear pools: and her smile, that was as sweet as whipped cream…

Pinkie Pie distracted me by flinging her arms around my neck, pinning me to the ground. “You were the best, Flutters!” She cried, clearly unfazed by our not-very spacious distance. I blushed as she hugged me tighter. I was starting to become more uncomfortable and uncomfortable, not just by her minimal distance from me, but that she was literally squeezing my lungs. I hugged her back, worrying over all of this if I was hugging right. I didn’t want to be too tight- that would be uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be too loose either- she’d think I didn’t

want to hug her.

Eventually she let me go, smiling a radiating smile, as I let out quiet, sharp exhales to recover. “OH! I MADE YOU CUPCAKES!” she yelled, and lickety-split, she grabbed a tray of her oven-baked cupcakes. I looked at the decoration, and felt my already steaming hot face become roughly the temperature that the oven batter was cooking in when I saw she had decorated each cupcake with my cutie mark painted on it. Oh, another thing. I loved how sweet and genuinely kindhearted she was.

“The-these are all for me?” I inquired, and Pinkie Pie nodded, her pink curls bobbing up and down adorably as she did so. “Yeah, because you’re the best!”

“T-t-thanks, Pinkie” I said, feeling the overwhelming heat at its peak.

“Fluttershy, are you okay?” Twilight said, genuinely concerned. “You don’t look so good. Come. Zecora gave me some of her books. I’m sure you just have a fever of sorts. I can cure it.”

I nodded. “It’s okay, Twi” I managed to pant, the heat worsening as the seconds ticked by.

Pinkie Pie bounded up to me and put a hoof on my forehead, “You definitely don’t feel okay!” She declared cheerfully. “You’re as hot as the oven! I know that because when I just came to Sugarcube Corner and Mrs. Cake taught me to bake I accidentally didn’t put on the oven mitt on! I got a second-degree hoof-burn and had to go to the Ponyville hospital. But Nurse Redheart was really nice. She gave me some blueberry muffins. And, Sweet Celestia, they were incredible! I asked her for her recipe and-” Pinkie Pie was interrupted as a blue hoof found its way over her mouth.

“Pinks, we get it” Rainbow Dash assured her. My body heat was steadily mounting as the seconds ticked by, and I could feel sweat run down my face in torrents. I could even swear my vision was blackening at the edges. And the weirdest thing was I hadn't a clue why. Well, maybe I did, but maybe it was too awkward to talk about. Or think about. Or convince myself that that was the real reason for my strange new heat wave that had swept over my body.

Twilight seemed to sense my discomfort, and spread her wings. “Fluttershy, come with me” she said, concern dripping from her voice. Tiredly,

I spread my wings and followed her into the darkness towards the Golden Oak Library, praying that my wings wouldn’t just give way and make me plunge into the depths of Ponyville.

                                                                                                                 ♣♣♣♣♣

I laid down on Twilight’s sofa, a cup of cold lemon water next to me and a cool blanket around me. The night was chilly, so all windows were shut, and Twilight sat, huddled in a cute, tiny quilt. Spike still wasn’t at home, and Owlilicious had gone for a “pet sleepover” with Tank at Dashie’s house, so it was just me and Twilight. It felt oddly comforting.

“That’s a lovely quilt” I complimented her. Something about the mismatched patchwork made it more homely, a feeling which I always liked.

“Thanks. Spike made it for me for Family Appreciation Day. He says to use it whenever I get lonely” Twilight said, smiling as she said this.

“That’s sweet of him” I remarked, taking a dainty sip of my lemon water.

“Hey, what can you do? He’s a sweet little guy by nature. Said it took him years to make the quilt. And he had to make it in secret so I didn’t know” She chuckled. “I sleep with it every night, even if it’s like a sauna outside.” She looked over towards me, shaking her pink-and purple mane out of her dark purple eyes. “You feeling better? You look a bit cooler.”

“Yes, thank you very much, Twilight” I said politely.

“Here, you should just take it easy for a while. Did Rarity stress you out about your little performance again?”

I didn’t respond, embarrassed to tell Twilight that it was because I was attracted to one of my best friends, but Twilight answered her own question. “Oh, that pony will even drive Spike mad with her perfectionism. Just take what she says with a pinch of salt, okay?”

Pinch of salt. Reminded me of Sugarcube Corner. Which reminded me of Pinkie P- NO. DO NOT THINK OF PINKIE UNLESS YOU WANT TO END UP IN THE STATE YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY IN. I nipped that thought right in the bud.

Twilight scuffled about the room now, adjusting her telescope, making her bed. “You just get yourself comfortable, okay, Fluttershy? I have plenty of books in my library, if you’d like to read anything.”

“It’s okay Twi, I think I’m good for now” I said, smiling at her.

She shrugged. “Suit yourself. Whatever works for you works for me. Now, I just have to attend to some errands, so do whatever you want until I’m ready.” I watched her throw the blanket on the couch, vanish upstairs, muttering something about a deadline and meteors.

I felt myself giggle. Oh, Twilight. Always overworking.

I lay down a moment, but as soon as a pink party pony bounded into my head, I decided to distract myself from her by doing other things.

I took a final sip of my lemon water and strode over to the bookshelf, hoping to find a good book on animal caretaking to divert my mind, but instead, all I found were heavy astronomy textbooks and a random comic that must’ve belonged to Spike. I smiled to myself when I remembered the time where Spike had received a comic book that had eventually sucked all seven of us into that fantastical world. We had to defeat this really strange pony with a crazy mane- I don’t even remember her name and then we were brought magically back to this world. You would’ve thought Spike would’ve learned his lesson after that- apparently not.

I sighed heavily. I needed something- anything- to divert my mind from Pinkie Pie. I found myself trotting upstairs to see a very busy Twilight. She groaned in frustration and crumpled a sheet of paper with her horn- one amongst several other papers littering the wastebasket and floor. I walked over to her hesitantly.

“Need some help with that, Twilight?”

She sighed. “That would be nice, but the only friend I have ever forced astronomy on their heads for is Spike. He could technically help me, but I’m sure he doesn’t mind not helping me study the alignment of stars and the composition of meteors. He’d rather be back in Carousel Boutique flirting with Rarity anyhow.”

I grinned when I reminisced on all the times Spike had subtly- and not so subtly- dropped hints about his obvious affections over Rarity. Rarity did reciprocate, but in a different way. Anyhow, their relationship was probably more complicated than whatever Twi was studying, I’m the last pony to get into it.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Twilight began working for a couple more minutes, while I proceeded to stand awkwardly in the middle of the floor. Realizing that my eyes were creepily pinpointed directly on her, she turned to me, before neatly folding her paper and tucking it within an envelope. “I’ll stop working.”

“Twi, no, you don’t have-” but she cut me off. “No, I’ve been working too long. Spike’s right. He’s always telling me that I work, I take a break to do other work, then work again. I need to take a break or I’ll burn out. Come downstairs. We can talk.”

I had never spent one-on-one time with Twilight before, so I welcomed the idea with open arms. We walked downstairs, and I was just about to take a seat when the wind chime tinkled cheerfully.

Twilight, confused, flew hazily to the door. “Who could that be at” she glanced at her little antique clock hanging on the little library wall. “Ten at night” muttered Twi, opening the door.

The voice of a pink party pony wafted through the door. “Can I come in?” the familiar, high-pitched peppy voice that I found so enchanting floated in the door.

My body stiffened, and I grabbed Twilight’s blanket and instantly covered myself with it. I shook my head frantically, trying to catch Twi’s eye. She looked at me quizzically, but seemed to get the message. “My apologies, Pinkie Pie, it’s a bit late and Flutters is resting, I don’t want to disturb her.” Twilight lied. “What did you come here for?”

Pinkie Pie seemed unaffected by the lie: “Flutters is resting” and began to yell in a voice that would wake up Princess Cadence all the way in the Crystal Empire. “I WANTED TO INVITE YOU TO MY PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT TO COMMEMORATE THE SPECTACULAR PERFORMANCE OF THE PONYTONES TONIGHT!" She said, or rather, screamed, before I saw her slap two neon pink envelopes into Twilight's hooves. A second later she was out the door, long gone.

Twilight looked at the envelopes and walked over to me, passing me an envelope with the word FLUTTERSHY scratched haphazardly on it, with about a million messy symbols all around it. Oh, Pinkie and her adorable handwriting. Just looking at it made blood rise to my cheeks. What was wrong with me? I knew I was a nervous wreck, but I had never, ever been so nervous before. Especially regarding one of my best friends.

I opened the envelope as soon as Twilight passed it to me.

HOST: PPIINNNKKKIIIEEE PPPIIEE!!!!!

WHERE: SUGARCUBE CORNER:))

WHY: THE PONYTONES WERE ABSOLUTELY CUPCAKELICIOUS!!!

TIME: 6:00 PM TO WHENEVER U WANT!!!!!!!

DATE: TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!

RSVP: IDC THE MORE THE MERRIER!!!!!

As I scanned the information, Twilight's eyes locked onto my face. "Hey, Fluttershy, why didn't you want Pinkie to come in?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I stared at the invitation with mounting dread. I couldn't go to that party. I couldn't NOT go to that party, either.

I let myself flop onto Twilight's couch. I had to decide. And no matter the outcome, I had a party tomorrow night to dread. Yay.