PonyHammer Short

by Mil Spec Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Crossover, DJ P0N-3
Length: 2619

The imperial Wub mareines befriend a planet that has been overrun with hateful Diamond dogs.

The imperial Wub mareines befriend a planet that has been overrun with hateful Diamond dogs.

This was an idea that stuck in my head and it was written in an historie lesson at my shcool.

Please give me some critizisem and leave your opinion down in the chat.

Published 2012-05-13 01:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-13 01:44:02 UTC

Wub Wub Wub

The Equestrian guard ponies stood in awe as a Thunder Hawk landed on the makeshift landing zone they had just made. The insignia of the Wub Bearers chapter adorned the side of it. Its rear ramp opened slowly and out walked three Space Mareines, accompanying them where their three unicorn squires from the Adeptus Mechanicolts.

The guard ponies tried to look professional, but the sight of the Beautiful Mareines and their followers was something that would make even the most battle hardened pony feel nervous.

The Capitan of the Mareines walked over to the guardponies and asked in a demanding, yet soft and gentle voice.

“Where is your commanding officer my good guardponies?”

One of them took a hesitant step forward, a young colt, his uniform was shredded several places making hard for the Capitan to see that he was a commanding officer.

“I am my lady, Colonel Timeas Sulcia at your service” said the young Colonel nervously as he stared at the heavily armored mare in front of him.

“Greetings Colonel I am Capitan Dyrelia of the ninth beat company. Walk with me Colonel and tell me, how severe the friendship problem here is since you requested help from the Wub Bearers”

“Yes my Lady” replied the colt as he started to walk with her. “The xenos in this sector are particular bitter and angry, it is as though they have never had friendship here on this planet”

The guardspony lowered his head in shame. “We cannot befriend these xenos alone… we are a disgrace to the God-Empress-“ just as he finished the Capitan raised her voice.

“Do not utter such blasphemy. I know that you and you fellow guardponies have done you best to befriend this planet, the Empress Is grateful for your commitment, so please do not think of yourself in that way”

The young colt lifted his head back up towards the Mareine, as he saw the smile that adorned her face; one appeared on his as well.

“Thank you my lady. Your words means a great deal”

She giggled “I am merely speaking the truth, but now lead me to the battlefield; the foes of the imperium must be befriended”

The Colonel nodded and lifted a hoof, pointing at the top of a hill that was near them.

“From up there you will be able to see the entire battlefield; I believe it would serve as a good position for you and your troops to deploy your weapons”

The Space Mareine Capitan turned towards her troops and signaled for them to move up the hill, without question they obeyed.

“Thank you Colonel, we will take it from here. I would very much like you to join the battle once we start”

The Colonel straightened himself and saluted. “Yes my lady, we are more than happy to provide assistance for you and you unit, we will be ready and waiting for you to give the order”

The Capitan nodded at the Colonel with a smile. “May the Empress watch over you Guardspony” she then turned around and started walking up the hill.

When she reached the top, she gazed over the battlefield, she didn’t know if she should smile or cry. In front of her were millions of Diamond Dogs bullying each other and the Guardsponies that were trying to befriend them with jokes, sweets and cake, but none of them had any success and them themselves began to become angry and hateful.

“I see that you feelings are just as mixed as ours my lady” said the captain’s squire as he approached.

“Your eyes are keen as always Optimi, yes this is a sad sight, yet it is also a beautiful one when you think about all those whom will be befriended this day”

The squire now stood next to his Domina.

“I have requested that a… special artifact be sent to us from the Wub of Purity, it will be here shortly”

The Capitan turned to look at him with a warm smile that made the colt blush slightly.

“The Empress has truly blessed me with the best Squire in the Imperium, thank you Optimi”

The Colt now blushed even brighter than before; he had been her squire for 3 millennia and he would continue to serve her for many more, her smile and praise were reward enough for the hard work he did in her service.

A loud boom came from the Atmosphere and a large object could be seen falling from the skies.

“Oh it’s already here, that was fast” Said Optimi surprised.

The large metallic object hit the ground hard and covered the entire area in dust.

As the dust settled Optimi pointed a hoof towards the towering artifact that now stood as a monument on top of the hill.

“There you have it my lady, the battlestage Maxima Vibrationis, constructed by Primare Vinyl Scratch herself, with this not even the Chaos lord Discord would be able to spread hate and intolerance”

Capitan Dyrelia smiled broadly as she was overcome with happiness, she had never used the Battle stage herself, but she had seen her Primare use it when she herself was just a filly. Capitan Dyrelia’s home planet had been infested with hateful Diamond Dogs, the young Dyrelia tried to befriend them to the best of her abilities, but to no avail. Dyrelia was teased and bullied, she was told that she smelled like dirty socks, that the color of her coat was ugly and worst of all; they said that her horn looked like an old banana.

The little Dyrelia was of course very sad to be called so many hurtful things, she felt how the urge to say mean thing slowly crept into her heart, but then the Battle stage Came from the skis and with it Primare Vinyl Scratch descended, along with her Legion of Wub Mareines.

Ponyarch Vinyl took her place on the center of the Stage, her honor guards stood at her side, all of them carrying massive bass cannons on their backs. All stood in silent awe, Diamond dog and ponies alike.

“This silence offends me!” shouted Vinyl, her voice sounding like thunder; she placed her hooves on a console in front of her and once more she shouted. “Things shall get loud now!”

With that, the air was filled with ancient tunes beats and words, the little Dyrelia felt how the holy tunes destroyed the small amount of hate that had crawled into her heart, around her Diamond dogs and ponies that had succumbed to hate covered their ears in an attempt to close out the sound, but it was all in vain, the holy beats shook them all to their core and slowly their hate, anger and bitterness disappeared, and in their place Kindness took root.

“How… how did you…” Capitan Dyrelia was at a loss of word, which was very rare for the battle hardened mare.

“My lady, it was Primare Vinyl herself that insisted that you be given the privilege of using the Stage… my Lady I think that our Primare is considering recruiting you into her honor guard”

“What!” gasped Dyrelia, “Vinyl herself…? I will not disappoint my Primare; I will shower this planet in her wubs and spread love and tolerance in the name of the Empress”

Capitan Dyrelia began to walk up the large steps leading to the center of the stage, she look her place at the main console, just like her Primare had had millennia ago.

The other Wub mareines and their squires took their place on each side of her.

“Ready yourselves, sons and daughters of the empress for we are about to destroy the hate that has filled the creatures of this planet” The team and all nearby Guardsponies yelled in excitement.

Dyrelia turned her head to Optimi and smiled with barely contained joy.

“Let us bless them with the holy beats of our chapter”

Optimi nodded and with his magic he activated the reactors connected to the ancient device of friendship. As its power levels steadily increased the Diamond dogs on the battlefield realized that the end of their hate was near and they charged.

“Yes come closer so that you may succumb to friendship even faster” shouted Dyrelia.

Suddenly the stage lid up in all of the rainbows beautiful colors. Its massive bass cannons began to hum as if the stage itself couldn’t wait any longer.

Capitan Dyrelia looked around and was happy to see that her battle sisters had been equipped with their personal Bass Cannons; their squires were connecting them to the stage. Once they were connected one of the squires sent a nod to Optimi, signaling that they were ready to begin.

Optimi turned to Dyrelia and spoke in a very satisfied tone of voice.

“My lady… We are amplified; you may begin whenever you wish”

Capitan Dyrelia nodded at her squire; she then turned her gaze towards the incoming horde of diamond dogs and shouted.

“Enemies of the imperium hear me, your hate and negative feelings will end this day, for we, the Wub mareines carry the melody created by the master of our forge, now… Rejoice in the Wubs he has created”

(http://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialOmnivore?feature=watch)

The massive battlestage began to fill the air with masterful beats of friendship, the beats were loud, aggressive and heavy, yet they were also soft and gentle in an indescribable way.

“Yes shred their hate with our wubs” yelled Optimi as he adjusted the power displacement.

Almost all of the diamond dogs were rolling around on the ground whimpering only a few struggled to get closer to the stage, most likely with the intent of suffocating the masterful mix of song, break and drops.

One diamond dog reached the stage, he was nearly drained of all hate yet he still had energy to complain. “Your wubs, they-they hurt” he wimpered.

The space Mareine closest to him turned her cannon towards him and shouted “You interrupt!” just as she finished there was a break in the song and the diamond dog was sent flying backwards into the crowd in front of the Battle stage, luckily a few guards ponies saw this and caught him so that he wouldn’t get hurt.

Capitan Dyrelia had without noticing it begun to dance as she worked the console, she moved with the grace of the Empress herself, the sight of her combined with the beautiful melody that flowed around her made all on the battlefield stand in awe, with their hate now fully destroyed all began to dance to the beats.

Even though all hate that had been present on the planet had been eradicated within a matter of minutes, Capitan Dyrelia continued to play the ancient tunes of her chapter for hours.

It was only when the Plasma generator began to overheat that Dyrelia decided it was time to stop.

“I hope you enjoyed tunes of friendship that I played for you all, since I regrettably have to end the now if I want to prevent a core meltdown in the reactor” said Dyrelia sheepishly as she slowly lowered the volume and eventually turned off the power to the giant stage.

The air was now empty of music, but filled with the laughs of happy diamond dogs playing together with the Equestrian Guards that they had previously bullied without mercy, the ponies had already forgiven them since most of them knew that with the hate gone from their hearts they were just big fluffy-cuddly-bubbly-snuggly puppy dogs.

Capitan Dyrelia smiled softly as she gazed over what now was a large playfield of happy dogs and ponies.

“That was quite an impressive performance Capitan, I have not witnessed one of such skill since Vivos Cippum himself used the stage” the words came from behind the Capitan and when she turned to see who it was she nearly fainted.

Primare Vinyl Scratch of the Wub bearer legion stood in front of Dyrelia, she bowed in respect for her glorious Primare, as the mareines and squires saw this and noticed that their Primare was present, they all bowed deeply and so did all of the Ponies and Dogs on the field.

The Primare spoke in a calm and gentle voice. “Rise Capitan Dyrelia, for your success today I am promoting you so that you will be serving my personal Wub guard, you will be giving access to all of our ancient tunes even the ones that I myself have created”

Capitan Dyrelia could not believe what she was hearing, not only had she received praise from her beloved Primare, but she was now going to get access to all of the chapters most holy tunes.

“Thank you my lady, oh thank you” said Dyrelia with barely contained joy. Though there was one pony that did not enjoy the things that was being said, that pony was Optimi, he had been with her ever since she became a Wub Mareine and now… their ways would part.

Optimi was only a mere Enginseer, it would take him thousands of years to learn how to maintain and use the ancient relic that the Honor guard used, she was going to get a new squire and there was nothing he could do about it.

But the mare he cherished more the Primare herself could.

“My lady please forgive me, but I cannot accept your most generous offer you see-“ Dyrelia turned her head towards her Squire. “I have someone that is very precious to me and I do not wish to leave him” her voice trembled, Dyrelia had just declined the offer of becoming a honor guard, a privilege only been giving to 55 ponies since the chapters founding.

Vinyl smiled the mere sight of it made several Guardsponies faint. “I understand Capitan, do not worry, you are not the first to feel this way” she turned her gaze to Optimi whom was now trying to conceal his joy of what he had just heard Dyrelia say.

“Squire! Step forward!” Vinyl’s voice was like thunder.

Optimi fearfully trotted up to hear and bowed deeply in a mix of fear and respect.

Primare Vinyl lowered her head down towards his and whispered “that scare was for being the reason why I won’t be getting a new guard, but now tell me, has the reactor cooled enough to be used for a few songs?” her lips carried a playful smile.

Optimi beamed with joy. “Yes my Lady, the Generator should hold for a few songs”

“Good, now let us celebrate this day, in the name of the God-Empress” said Primare Vinyl as she took her place at the console and prepared to shower the audience in her own beats.

The end.

“Wait, the end… what happens after that?” asked Sweetie Belle desperately.

Scootaloo flipped a flipped a page in the large book and read the title of the next chapter “The Imperial Hooves and the Iron Cage. It seems as a new chapter. I guess that if we want to hear what happened after we need to ask Twilight”

“But then she’ll know that we snuck into her library again looking for spell books” Applebloom stated the obvious.

Scootaloo laid the large book down and looked at her friends. “well what should we do then?”

The three fillies thought hard about what there next course of action would be. Suddenly in unison they shouted “I got it. We could write our own fanfics, we could be-“all three fillies took a deep breath before shouting “CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS FANFICTION WRITERS YEAH!!!”

This idea was stuck in my head for a week and just needed to get it out, but hope you liked it.