The Horn Warmer
A rather silly, somewhat mature-themed, MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow
Note: I said it in the longer description, I'm adding it here. There's no actually explicit scenes as such, but the subject matter (whilst entirely played for laughs) is an adult one. I've marked it as teen (and really, you've probably seen worse on the television and you can definitely see worse all over the 'net) so don't read it if humorous, slightly sexual themes aren't your cup of tea. I've spoiled the joke now, but really, with it called a horn warmer, what did you expect it to be?
Twilight staggered out of bed at the insistent knocking, a furious expression on her muzzle. She staggered downstairs and slammed open the door and yelled “WHAT?”
Derpy the mailmare stopped knocking sheepishly and proffered a largish square package, silently.
“Er, thank you,” said Twilight with much chagrin.
Derpy bobbed her head and fluttered off into the air leaving Twilight to look in wonder at the strange package. With a soft glow from her horn, the package was lifted into the air and taken into the treehouse. Inside, Twilight studied the card. It read 'To Twilight, I think you’ll find this will come in useful - Rarity'.
“That’s... interesting. I wonder what this is about?” Twilight asked herself as she tore off the wrappers with her hooves. The shiny black paper ripped easily and the ribbons slid off to reveal a plain brown cardboard box with a clear plastic top, under which was a strange, blue, roughly sock-shaped rubbery object in packing nuts.
“Curiouser and curiouser,” said Twilight to herself, lifting it into the air with a flick of her horn. She studied it as it hung there, spinning gently in the morning breeze, “I wonder what this is for? It seems... it seems to be the right shape and size to go over my horn...”
Indeed, the item had a small hole at one end and a larger one at the other. Twilight pulled it closer and gingerely poked it with her pearly solid shaft. It slid in gently but firmly and fit snugly. Twilight crossed her eyes trying to look at it, and she tossed her head about trying to get a better look.
“Hmm, this is nice, it’s keeping my horn nice and warm. I guess it’s a horn warmer! Oh I simply must go and thank Rarity! Don’t wait up, Spike! I’ll be back soon!”
Spike, who’d gone back to bed, poked an eye out from under the blanket and froze with a wide expression on his muzzle. He stuck up a claw, “Er, Twi..?”
The door slammed shut behind her as she bounced out of the door. Spike’s claw drooped and he closed his muzzle. She’d find out.
Twilight hummed happily as she trotted through Ponyville, nodding to passing ponies. There was a gasp as a purple pony leaped inside through her front door and slammed it shut, moments after pulling a foal Twilight was pretty sure was known as ‘Pinchy’ through. Twilight stopped for a moment, raising an eyebrow, before carrying on. The sun was shining, but it was relatively early morning so it was still rather chilly. Twilight smiled happily, her horn warmer was working. Her horn was nice and toasty inside the strangely soft gel-like contraption and it was somehow making her entire body tingle pleasantly. There were stifled gasps as she passed, it must be how stylish I look, thought Twilight, I feel oh so special and pretty today! This must be what Rarity feels like every day! I like it!
“Hay Twilight! You loooookkohmygosh!” Applejack, already setting up her wares, ground to a halt, greeting frozen on her lips. She stood there, stock still, blinking. Twilight waved a hoof and carried on past, picking up an apple, dropping a couple of bits and taking a bite.
Pinkie Pie bounced into view shouting, “Wheee! Oh hay Twilight! I’m having such a wonderfully fantabulous day today as it’s ohmygoshwhatareyouaaaiieeeeeeeee!” Pinkie Pie vanished as she tripped and fell down a well. There was a wet splash at the end. Twilight shook her head. Pinkie Pie was so random.
Rarity’s shop was empty. Twilight snorted as she glared at the cardboard sign in the window, it said, “I’m out having a picnic with Zecora! Shop closed until this afternoon!”
As Twilight turned around, there was a small crowd of whispering ponies, all staring at the purple unicorn with the strange device on her horn, “Yes, yes, it’s the latest thing! Wonderful, isn’t it?”
The crowd was speechless. Twilight threw back her head primly and pranced away.
***
Twilight bounced happily through Ponyville. She was sad that she hadn’t met Rarity yet. Thinking about it, the purple pony pondered, today’s also when Rarity and Fluttershy have their mutual spa date. I guess Rarity will be over at Fluttershy’s cottage once she's finished at Zecora's! I’ll just head over there and wait to surprise her!
Twilight was pleased with herself. Pleased and comfortably warm and tingly. With every jostle of her head and she bounced her pert haunches throughout the town, her trotting producing a most pleasurable rhythm, the horn-warmer tickled her sensitive horn in a most pleasant manner. There were a few spits and sparks as stray magic leaped from the tip. Twilight blushed, she’d been lax in attending to that... need lately, what with the ever-curious Spike sleeping in a basket in her room.
Twilight was off in her own world, trying to ignore how wonderfully happy the warmer was making her feel, when she almost ran into Rarity and Fluttershy heading to their inevitable spa date. She stopped up short, but all but buried her nose in their flanks.
Fluttershy shrieked and spun around reflexively, “Oh my, Twilight, wha-what are you...”
“Fluttershy! Rarity gave it to me! Isn’t it wonderful! It’s a horn warmer! It’s so... so...”
“Twilight, dear,” whispered Rarity, swallowing hard, “it’s not... not quite a horn-warmer... and you’re not supposed to...”
“But... what is it then?” asked Twilight, eyes crossing again as she peered up at it. Fluttershy, ever the helpful friend, leaned forwards and tapped a specific spot on the device with a forehoof, blushing furiously.
Twilight stood stock still. The horn-warmer started vibrating. It was very, very gently, massaging her horn... running invisible hooves up and down the inner ribbed surface, squeezing, massaging, tweaking, rubbing... soon Twilight was twitching in time to the ministrations, her jaw went slack, her tongue lolled out, her eyes squeezed shut, her tail reflexively lifted and flicked in time to the beating of her heart, a stacatto rhythm as old as time itself.
“Oh,” she said, through clenched lips, “oh... oh... oh...”
Rainbow Dash dropped out of the sky, landing on all four hooves next to Fluttershy, “Hey Flutter! Have you seen Twilight? She’s wearing a di-”
Rainbow never got to finish. Twilight’s exclamations came thick and fast, louder and louder until she steeled herself, widening the stance on her rear legs and she screwed up her eyes as tight as they would go until she saw stars.
“Oh... MY... GOODNESS!!!” she shouted, and an explosion of light and colour burst from her overactive horn, showering the glade in a multicoloured spectrum of magical energy. She fell to her knees, breathing heavily. The horn-warmer, spent, switched itself off, until next time.
“Did you just... did I... was that...” Twilight opened her eyes, drool pooling around her forehooves, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know it could be anything like tha- oh dear...”
“Twilight, dear, I... I would have thought even you would recognize an intimate toy of this nature. Have you been wearing that since...”
“Since the library, yes,” replied Twilight, face-hoofing.
Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, rolling about with all four hooves in the air, “Oh you should see your face! Priceless! Simply priceless!”
“Dash, oh dear, oh my... you should see your own!” interjected Fluttershy.
Rarity covered her mouth with a hoof and giggled demurely, “Oh my yes, you should really be more careful when standing next to a unicorn being... intimate with him or herself.”
“What... oh no... what happened?” Rainbow ran to a nearby pool of water, and looked down into it. She shrieked, “what did you do! I’m... I’m...”
“It’ll... wear off, Rainbow dear, in a few days...”
“But I look like a tie-died hippy dress!” complained the usually cyan pegasus. The colours from her rainbow mane had seemingly seeped across her flank as if rain had made them run out.
“I’m so sorry, Rainbow, I’ll... I’ll...”
“You’ve done quite enough... I’m outta here!” Rainbow took off into the air, then turned to Rarity and Fluttershy, “Not a word, you two!” She sped away into the distance, blushing furiously as her two friends burst into laughter.
“Horseapples,” swore Twilight, “I’m never going to live this down... I know, I’ll just... I’ll cast a forget spell. Everypony will forget today ever happened and I can go home and hide this in the bottom of the cupboard and never...” Twilight went crosseyed, “Why isn’t it coming off? I can’t... my magic! And why am I so...” she yawned, “tired all of a sudden?”
“Oh, darling, you’re... you’ve over-extended yourself, that’s all. Come here and Mama Rarity will take care of everything... you’ll probably need a bit of a sleep if that was your first, um, time in a while...”
Rarity gently took hold of the horn-warmer in her muzzle and pulled. Twilight shook and trembled, sparks of magic dripping out of the device like raindrops as it left her head. She looked like she was about to faint, and promptly did so. Rarity giggled to herself and lifted the now-prone unicorn into the air with her magic. She put the horn-warmer down for a moment, “Thank goodness your hut is nearby, Fluttershy, I’m quite sure I couldn’t lift her much further. Not another word about who carried the toy or I’ll tell her all about your collection.”
Fluttershy turned beet red and led the way quickly to her hut as Twilight’s gently snoring form floated after them.
