Hypothetically speaking, of course
"Heeeey theeeere, Tavi!"
"Hello, Vinyl."
"How was your trip?"
"Um... It was okay? I just went to the market and back. It isn't like I went to Saddle Arabia."
"Haha! Of course. That would be completely silly and a totally unexpected thing to do, and that's not your style."
"I should think not. Would you mind helping me put these groceries away?"
"Oh boy, would I ever love to help you put these groceries away!"
"O...kay? Here. The vegetables go in the fridge, and the fruit will be in the cupboards. Oh, and mind the apples. I'm planning on making a pie with them, and bruised apples never make good pies."
"Great! I'm so glad I could help you put these groceries away, bestest roomie ever!"
"Vinyl..."
"Yes, Tavi?"
"What's going on?"
"Going on? What do you mean, 'What's going on?' I'm just lending a hoof and horn to my best friend to help with putting away the groceries you picked up while away at the market and not in Saddle Arabia. There's absolutely nothing else going on. Scout's honor."
"Don't give me that manure. You were never a scout."
"Maybe, but they've got a lot of honor!"
"...You didn't clog the toilet again, did you?"
"What? No way! I learned it's limits the first time, so I always flush mid-go just to be safe. Why would you even think that?"
"That's a bit more information than I needed, Vinyl. Remember to be careful with the apples."
"Huh? Oh, right."
"So if you didn't clog the toilet, and there's nothing going on, why are you here in the kitchen, acting like a foal caught making a mess?"
"Ehehe... I, uh, actually have a question to ask you."
"Oh?"
"Yep. A question that only my bestest and most trusted friend - that's you - can answer."
"Uh-huh... So what is it?"
"Hypothetically speaking... What would you do if, say, you found a teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, almost-impossible-to-detect little nick in your cello's finish?"
"..."
"...Tavi?"
"...That depends."
"On...?"
"On where this hypothetical nick was located."
"Uh... The front?"
"Hmm... The front is a bad place for a nick to be. After all, it's the front that everypony sees when one plays a cello in front of a crowd. For instance, in the upcoming symphony. Especially when one just happens to have a solo. Such a blemish could tarnish if not outright destroy a cellist's professional credibility."
"Would it? That would be awful."
"Indeed, but to answer your original question, I would first wonder how the nick got there, as my cello should have been in its case. A sturdy, hard plastic case, with padded interior I might add, that is supposed to prevent that sort of thing from happening."
"That sounds reasonable enough."
"A few seconds later, once I realized that the only way such a travesty could possibly have occured would be the cello being removed from its case, I would ask myself 'Why was my cello not inside its case?' A mystery if there ever was one, as I distinctly remember putting it away this morning before coming out to fix pancakes."
"Those were delicious, by the way."
"Thank you. A short moment after stumbling upon this mystery, it would occur to me that somepony must have taken it out of its case, sometime between when I left for the market and just a few minutes ago, when I returned home. Outside that timeframe, I would have heard the case being opened or shut."
"O-of course! It does make a clicky sound, doesn't it?"
"That it does, Vinyl. That it does. A very distinct clicky sound. There were clicky sounds neither before I left nor in the recent minutes after returning home, and that means it could only have been done while I was away. That is the only time this hypothetical criminal could possibly assault my cello."
"C-criminal? Assault?!"
"Of course! After all, only a criminal would break into somepony's apartment, open up a musician's instrument and leave such a catastrophic deformation upon its beautiful exterior. Isn't that right, bestest roomie?"
"O-of course! A criminal mastermind, hehe..."
"After that, I would track the criminal with my cello and a small brush in tow."
"Huh? Why would you bring your cello with you?"
"So I could pin her to the floor with the endpin. The point is a little blunt, but with enough force, it would serve as an excellent skewer. Afterward, I'd use the brush to fix my cello's blemish with the new paint I'd found on the floor."
"Oh... I see..."
"Hmm? Is something the matter, Vinyl? You look a little paler than usual. Does this completely hypothetical situation bother you? Does such a heinous criminal not deserve her completely hypothetical justice for marring the beauty and grace of my instrument?"
"Actually, I was thinking more about my next question..."
"You have another? And what would that be?"
"Well... What would happen to said completely hypothetical criminal if, say, the damage done to your cello wasn't exactly a nick?"
"...Vinyl, what have you done..."
"What if that nick was more along the lines of, oh, I don't know... a snapped scroll? Ehehe..."
