The Baker and The Mailmare

by Eggtaro

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance, Original Character, Octavia, Comedy, Derpy Hooves
Length: 6113

Opening a bakery shop in Ponyville is tough. Especially when Sugar Cube Corner is right next door. You'd think that ponies be lining up my door, eagerly waiting to buy every single pastry, bread and cake I have to offer. Nope. No pony comes. Just her

Living here in Ponyville can be tough if you're not mentally prepared. For one thing, you are surrounded by talking ponies. And the other thing? Well, living in Ponyville as a human of course! These four-legged creatures freak out every time they see me. And they call me weird?

To survive here, you need bits (Cha-Chings $). To actually get bits, you'll need a job. I must've been crazy, setting up a bakery shop right next to the already popular one, Sugar Cube Corner. But hey, a dude's gotta live, ya know?

But...business has been horrible. I can barely make any sales. Probably cause I'm a human. And I'm right next to Sugar Cube Corner. Will anypony ever come to my bakery shop? Will my shop be able to last?

I guess I'll have to wait and see.

My very first HiE. Hope I don't do too badly at this. Also, cover image is adorable.

Cover art by the great BurnedPigeon

Published 2015-04-10 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-25 14:29:16 UTC

Muffin My Way Into Your Heart (Edited)

My name.... is Saucy Sauce.

Strange I know. I get that all the time. Trust me. If I get a bit every time somepony tells me that, I'll be richer than Filthy Rich.

The only currency here in Equestria is bits. Round, gold-coloured coins that control the economy. Not only is it extremely important, it is vital for survival. And I always find myself lacking of it.

Finding work in Ponyville can be a cruel and difficult thing. If I'm lucky, Applejack will have some chores that needs doing. But that means breaking my legs trying to buck them apples off them trees. Do I look like a pony to you, Applejack?

Oh right... If you are a pony reading this, don't bother cracking your brains trying to figure out what I mean by that. Unless you have spotted me somewhere before in Ponyville. Then you'll definitely get what I'm trying to say here.

If you're human then...Hello! Saucy Sauce here. Currently stuck in a magical land filled with fire-breathing dragons, rude griffins, and talking ponies. Woohoo! Equestria rocks!

Now, if you still dunno what I am. Let me put it right here for you. I'll even colour it for you, here. I'm a human.

Equestria doesn't really get that many visitors from Earth. According to some history books in Sparkle's library, humans did appear in Equestria before, just many, many, many years ago.

Walking on two legs and extremely 'intelligent', humans were once considered a threat to ponies. They were so dangerous, an order was given out to wipe them out. Order 66.

No I'm just joking about the order part. That never really happened. Humans come and go in this world. Randomly, it seems. Just like how I got here. Randomly, and suddenly.

It's been like how long now? I dunno. I stopped counting a long time ago.

Anyway...getting really off track there. I've been stuck in Ponyville for quite some time now, and I'm really considered lucky to actually survive here for this long. Odd jobs can really help you out a lot in a place like this. I get paid quite a sum every time I help a random pony out. (Or maybe my appearance intimidates them. Who knows?)

I got a nice little place to which I can call home. It has everything I need. Well, except giving me an actual steady job. I don't mind working odd jobs; but after doing it for so long, it's getting a bit old. I kinda miss my job back on Earth.

So...after paying a nice hefty sum to a very pleased looking pony. I'm now the proud owner of Saucy Sauce's Bakery Shop or SSBS for short. It's got all the equipments and utensils that I'll need to properly run and operate a bakery shop. I used to work as a baker back on Earth. I love baking. Breads, cakes, pastries. You name it! I can bake quite a huge variety. It's my passion and my love.

There is one problem though. Although I am quite confident in my baking skills, no pony has shown up to buy something from me. Well, if you open up shop next to the Cakes and Pinkie Pie. Something like this was to be expected. It's impossible to steal someone else's business if they had been doing it longer than you. Oh, and being a pony is an added bonus too.

I can manage handling the bakery shop on my own (I got plenty of time, obviously). Every morning, I bake a nice batch of pastries and breads that I was hoping they'll attract somepony to come in. They only customers that did come in though, were dust and flies. Pinkie was nice enough to visit me, and she even complimented me on my baking skills. She probably offer me a job at Sugar Cube Corner, but I highly doubt the Cakes will allow that.

So...here we are right now. I'm a human who's living in Ponyville. I have a home, and my own bakery shop. Business is terrible. And I have no idea what to do next with my life. I don't think I can keep this shop open for long if I don't get any cash rolling in it. I needed some sort of game plan. Something to help me with my sales. Somethi---

DING!

Whoa. Hold on. My muffins are done.

* * * * * *

And I'm back. Sorry to keep you waiting. My blueberry muffins are sure to be a great hit! They were one of the best sellers back when I was at Earth. I finally got the ingredients I need to make them (Blueberries are surprisingly hard to get).

You might think that my muffins won't be any different than the ones at SCC. Ha! Well, you're wrong! Whoever or whatever that is reading this. My muffins are the BOMB! They contain a SPECI---no wait--- SECRET ingredient! An ingredient so amazingly tasty, an ingredient so insanely delightful. You'll be SHOCKED to discover what it is.

What? You want me to tell you? I don't really mind. Come closer... the secret ingredient is---

KAAAAPOOOOOOM!!!

What the heck was that? Did any of you guys heard that? Oh, wait. Of course you can't. I'm such an idiot.

Somepony---or something--- has just crashed into my shop. I better go take a look. You'll stay with me, right? Of course you will. Is not like you have any other choice. Here I go.

Oh fudge. My muffins. My fresh batch of blueberry muffins is gone. Vanished into thin air. Like POOF!. The muffins are no longer sitting on the table. This can't be good.

And what is up with all these envelopes? And parcels? Did the entire post office crash landed into my shop? My floors are completely covered in them. Envelopes of all shapes and colours can be found in almost every corner of my shop. And those parcels. Sweet Celestia. They look heavy.

What in the name of all that is poofy going on here? I'm at a loss for words. Am I supposed to be expecting mail? Do all these mails here belong to me? That's a lot of---

Oh, look. A rolling muffin. There it goes, rolling down the floor, minding it's own business.

Oh! And there goes a pony after it. Just look at that pony, chasing after that rolling muffin. What a---

"HEY! STOP YOU THIEF!" There's a freaking thief in my shop! And its stealing my muffins! Not for long it won't. I made a mad dash at the pony, grabbing both its hind legs as I got close to it.

"Hooo!" said the thief, as I lifted it up. Humans in this world are very tall. We tower over them ponies like as if they were ants. Well, not that tall. Not King-Kong tall. You know King-Kong right? Big ape, grabbed some chick, climbed a tower, and got shot dead?

If you are a pony, come visit me. I'll tell you the story of Kong.

Anyway, what does 'Hooo!' mean? Does this pony thinks its an owl?

Oh. No wonder the pony said that. Its face is stuffed full of my muffins. It probably can't talk properly. Just...stay there for a moment while I get a good look at the muffin thief.

This pony...this pegasus pony, seems...familiar. It's not really that hard to know everypony there is to know in Ponyville. I mean, this place isn't exactly Russia, or China. Sooner or later, you'll start to recognize everyone here. And they you. Especially if you're me. Hoo-man, they called me.

Anyway, this pegasus thief has a light greyish-coloured coat, and the colour of its mane is a pale yellow. There are plenty of ponies who shares that description. Their cutie marks are often the best way to recognize somepony. I don't bother memorizing all of them though. I know Celestia is Celestia, for example. (Sunbutt).

The one thing that does stands out for this pegasus, however, is the eyes. Which were wall-eyed. There is only one pegasus in the entire town of Ponyville that has that feature. And she's right here. Stuffing her face with my muffins.

"Derpy?"

Author's Note

First HiE. Never really tried something like this before. Thought I might give it a shot. Also first time using Derpy as my main :derpytongue2:. I think she is a real cutie.

Got the idea for this story when trading messages with a fellow follower. The name sounded funny, so I though I might as well roll with it. Anyway. Hope you folks will enjoy this! :derpyderp1:

P.S. If you are reading this, please be noted that this chapter has been edited. I went for a sudden change in perspective during the first typing of this chapter. Not really a popular choice. So I made a few changes here and there. Writing in 1st person feels more suitable for this. :twilightblush:

You Must Never Say No To Muffins

"Dish moofins ar wamazing!" Derpy said to me, grabbing what would be her tenth muffin. After the sudden crash into my store---and some quick explaining--- both of us are now seated on the floor, with me staring at her gobbling down my second batch of muffins. Boy, she sure loves muffins.

"Please, don't talk with your mouth full." And maybe you can stop spraying my face with muffin bits too. Apparently, Derpy was doing her usual route delivering mails, when suddenly an indescribable aroma caught her nostrils. The scent of my fresh baked blueberry muffins filled her with feelings of--- and I quote--- 'unmeasurable joy and hunger'.

So, just like that, she sniffed out the source of the sweet smelling savoury goodness which belonged to my muffins and crashed into my shop. Chomping down on every muffin she could get her hooves on.

Now, if I was back on Earth, I would ask the person to show some restraint. And ask them to pay for it. But things don't work that way here in the land of the ponies. No. They. Don't. When a pony is hungry, you leave 'em to it. It's not worth it. Trust me. I know.

And I can't possibly ask Derpy to pay for it. I don't really have the heart to do it. She's been up since the crack of dawn, and didn't even have time to grab breakfast, or a snack. She was just hungry. VERY hungry. The smiles that people (and ponies) give me when they have a bite of my bread and pastries is payment enough for me.

Of course, that would be a bad idea since smiles won't pay rent, nor can it be used to support my life. I still need to make a living. Maybe I should charge her for just one muffin. Yeah. Just one.

"Thank you so much, Saucy!" Derpy cried out suddenly, freaking the heck out of me. Wait, why is she smiling at me? And why is she getting closer? Oh no. Has she been intoxicated by my awesome muffins that she now sees me as a muffin? Is she planning to eat me?

"Ooof!" Nope. Derpy just wanted to hug me. Or crush my ribs. Ponies here are no weaklings. They are insanely strong. Man, when I first got here, I almost got murdered by one of them. Mistaking me for some sort of evil creature, Applejack suddenly came running at me and gave me a stomach full of hooves. Hooves which had been trained to buck trees for a very long time.

I was sent hurtling through the air, almost crashing into one of her apple trees. If it wasn't for Sparkle's intervention. I would've been living in Heaven right about now.

I wonder if Equestria has a Heav---

"Helloooo! Are you there Saucy?"

"Wha---?" Derpy was still hugging me, and she was currently staring confusedly at me (Well, it's pretty hard to tell with her). "Sorry, Derpy. I was...lost for a moment." Her grip is like freaking steel. "What were you saying again?"

Derpy let go of me, (Thank you!) "I said thank you for the muffins." she said. How polite.

"Not a problem. It's just muffins."

She gasped in horror. Did I say something wrong?

"Just. Muffins?" Did I offend her? She prodded my chest with a hoof, glaring at me (I think).

"Never say that again." Her tone almost sounded threatening. "Muffins are never just muffins. They are the greatest food ever to be created. Muffins can bring joy, laughter, and happiness to those who yearns for them."

Love muffins? More like obsessed. Is there some muffin cult which I'm currently not aware about? Maybe the Cakes will know, perhaps even Pinkie.

"Err... got it, Derpy. Muffins are awesome."

She nodded in a satisfied way and smiled at me. "Muffins are the best."

Yes, Derpy. You have only been saying that for like a million times already. I get it. I nodded in agreement, not wanting to offend her precious muffins.

Still...that being said, both batches of my blueberry muffins are gone. Just how hungry was she? When was the last time she actually sat down to eat? Judging by the way she was eating my muffins just now, it would seem that she hasn't been eating regularly, maybe not even daily.

Meh, that's not really any of my business. But...

"Derpy, how many meals you have a day?" I asked her, out of curiosity.

She lifted a hoof. "One." she said casually.

My jaw dropped. Obviously. "You eat one meal a day? Everyday?"

She nodded, cocking her head to one side. "Is something wrong?"

Is something wrong? Of course it is! Eating one meal a day is unhealthy. A healthy person (pony, if you're from here) must eat at least three meals a day. The proper course will go like this: Breakfast, Second Breakfa---

Sorry, sorry. (Again, only humans would know.) Here, let me do it properly this time. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. This is the way humans has been doing it on Earth, and there really isn't that much of a difference here in Equestria. Ponies eat their breakfast in the morning, grab lunch when it's noon, and prepare dinner when the sun goes down.

But Derpy says she only eats ONE meal a day. And I'm pretty sure it isn't breakfast.

"Derpy, why are you eating only one time a day?"

"I'm a busy mare, Saucy."

"Isn't your job just delivering mails?"

"It isn't my only job."

Oh. My. Glob.

I've seen Derpy a few times before here in Ponyville. She wasn't exactly hard to miss. Back when I was staying with Applejack, I would take daily morning walks around Ponyville. You'll be surprised by how good and tasty the air is here. And there is that feeling of peacefulness that just cannot be compared.

Anyway, I've seen Derpy delivering mail during my walks. I see her hovering from door to door, sliding mails into mailboxes or under doors. She always carried with her this huge bag which was stuffed full of envelopes and parcels. Just like the one currently in my shop.

We never really spoke much, often only greeting each other by name. She wasn't even scared when she first met me. All Derpy did was give me a cherry wave and smile which I failed to return to her. To be honest, besides seeing her from my morning walks, that's all I know about her. Derpy Hooves the mailmare. Derpy Hooves the different. Derpy Hooves the muffin lover.

The last one sounds so wrong.

"You mean being a mailmare isn't your only job?"

She nodded.

That's it? Just a nod?

I opened my mouth, but was immediately interrupted by her. "Oh my Celestia! Look at the time! I've been here way too long!"

I stared at my clock, an hour has passed since the muffin thief incident. Derpy started frantically packing her things. Stuffing every envelope, every parcel into her mailbag. I gave her a helping ho--- err... hand.

"Thanks!" she said to me, smiling. She loves smiling too, doesn't she?

"Will you be alright?" I am rather concerned of her eating habits.

"After those life-saving muffins? I'll be great!"

Ha! You hear that? My muffins are life-savers now. Gotta add that to my list of 'Why my muffins are awesome' list.

She turned to go, wiping off the leftover crumbs that were stuck on her muzzle with a hoof. I watched her spread out her wings while she gave them a quick once-over. Pegasus wings are extremely delicate, and hard to maintain. According to Fluttershy, pegasus wings are almost as important as the pegasus itself. Their wings define them. It shows the world who they are.

Wish I had wings too. Buffalo wings, that is. But no. Meat is the one thing you can't get in Ponyville in bulk. You can find plenty of them in the Griffin Empire though. Maybe I'll go there someday, when I have the bits.

"Thanks for the muffins again, Saucy!" Derpy said, waving a hoof at me.

"No problem. Glad my muffins could be of service."

She giggled, flapping her wings. "See you around!"

And just like that, she was out the door, and back in the skies.

Author's Note

Hello. A new episode is coming out in about an hour right? Can't wait! Anyway, here is the next chapter! Hope you folks will enjoy this story. Never really used :derpytongue2: in any of my stories before.

That said, thanks for reading, and hope you stay tuned for more! :derpytongue2:

P.S. Special Thanks to the wonderful docontra for taking the time to point out my mistakes and errors! :yay: The help I've gotten was extremely helpful and educational!

A Muffin For Your Belly?

Author's Note

First of all, to docontra, if you're reading this, I want to say thanks for helping me out with the last two chapters. (Hope I didn't do badly with this one though!)

Well, here it is folks! The next chapter. I hope you guys will enjoy and continue to enjoy this story. Please, leave me a comment or feedback, as I would really like to know what you think. :yay:

Have you guys watched the third episode of season 5? Pretty nice episode.

Oh yeah, was listening to this while typing. It really helps get the brain thinking. :raritystarry:

Anyway, thank you for the support, and stay tuned for the next update!

A Muffin For Your Belly?

Just like yesterday (and all the other days before yesterday), work has just been the same. Nothing has changed.

Business was, of course, horrible as usual. Not that I was expecting anything life-changing to suddenly happen. Life here in Ponyville isn't really like some video game where the hero of the story (which is me) suddenly goes on an epic adventure and finds himself face to face with exciting dangers: accepting ridiculous quests to go slay monstrous monsters, gathering herbs for some lazy old man, or maybe entering some dark dungeon to save some damsel who, for whatever reason, got lost in an abandoned castle.

Yup, Ponyville has none of that. Just simple living here. Don't worry about getting bored. You'd get used to it after a while. The peacefulness, the calmness, and all those other 'ness' words.

Okay, I might be exaggerating a little here. There was that one time when Ponyville suddenly had that downpour of chocolate rain (long story, trust me). But anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that life in Ponyville is pretty much the same for me everyday. I seriously hope it will change soon, though. I really need those bits.

So here I am now, closing my shop and getting ready to head home. I'm so glad I didn't bake a lot today; I hate having to deal with too much leftovers. But I do have some leftover little lemon tarts with me.

And before you ask, no. This is not my dinner. I love baking, but that doesn't mean I'm going to eat them for every meal. That's just crazy.

No, the lemon tarts are actually for somepony else. Surprising, I know. I, too thought no pony would dare to eat my goods. But she really loves them, and it makes me a little happy knowing that she enjoys them.

Better get going then, don't wanna be late.

* * * * * *

Ever since the crash landing in my shop, I haven't seen much of Derpy. I did manage to spot her several times during my morning walks, but she was far too busy to notice me. She's incredibly hard-working, that mare.

But that still doesn't explain why she only eats one meal a day. She can't be that busy right? Wouldn't she be working herself to death? I mean what if she gets really tired one day and suddenly falls from the sk---

CRASH!

"OW!" What in the fluffy fluff of fluffiness just happened? Somepony has just crashed into me! Crashed on my head! I'm very lucky my neck didn't break from that impact. Just who---

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

"Derpy?" The two of us were on the ground by the way, with her sprawled on my stomach.

The lemon tarts are safe, don't worry folks.

"Derpy?" I repeated, shaking her body with my hand. Her eyes blinked, and she slowly pushed herself up from my body, massaging her forehead with a free hoof.

"S-swasea?" she said incomprehensibly, after taking a look at me.

"Saucy."

"That's what I said."

"No, you said sweeswee." That's what it sounded like to me. What did you hear?

"Did I...did I fall?"

I think she did. FROM THE SKY.

"Are you alright, Derpy?" I asked. I know I'm not.

"I'm f-fine!" she said. "I just...dozed off for a minute."

"While you were in the air? Have you gone mad?"

"I do it all the time. Especially when I'm feeling a little tired."

"No, Derpy. No. If you are tired, you sleep in bed!" That's like the bed's job description for crying out loud! To provide comfort and to wash away tiredness!

"I can't go to bed right now." Derpy said, yawning. "I still have work to be done."

"But it's evening already! Doesn't everypony finishes work at this hour?"

"Not this pony!" she said weakly, but with pride. She even bumped her hoof on her chest. "Sleep is the last thing that's on my mind. Besides, I'm full of energy! Can't you tell?"

Nope. There were bags under her eyes, and she can barely keep her eyes open. She looks exhausted. Very exhausted.

"Derpy, I don't think you're okay." I said. "I think you need rest."

Derpy winced at the word 'rest'. "I can't." she said softly, spreading her wings open, preparing to fly. "I need to finish my work."

This is getting out of hoo--- hand. Derpy's clearly working herself to death. Why is she working so hard? Is her job really that important to her? I mean, I know jobs are important and all, but that doesn't mean you can't rest for even a minute.

"Derpy, why don't you take a short break?"

She shook her head. "I already told you. I can't" She began flapping her wings, lifting herself several inches from the ground. "I've got to finish this."

Man, this mare is almost as stubborn as the Apples. But so am I. This mare needs rest, and I'm going to ensure she gets it! If you were in my shoes, you'd do the same.

Fortunately, I have just the trick to get her to rest. My trump card. My Ace. My ultimate finisher. My c-c-c-combo breaker.

Muffins.

"What about a muffin break?" I suggested.

Derpy's eyes shone so brightly, it blinded me for a few seconds. She zoomed straight up to my face, bringing her muzzle close to my face.

"Muffins? Where?" she asked with fiery enthusiasm.

I grinned. Of course I grinned, she fell right into my trap. The predator has caught its prey.

"It's over at a friend's house." I pointed in the direction I was headed to. "You wanna join us?"

Derpy nodded quickly, licking her lips. "I never say no to muffins!" she chirped happily.

Bingo.

"Well then, shall we go?"

* * * * * *

"No."

Well that wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Oh come on, Melody! Just let me use your kitchen for like, an hour or so."

"Don't you have a functioning kitchen at home? And stop calling me Melody!"

I stared at the earth pony in front of me with disbelief. "If you haven't noticed, my house is like all the way back yonder." I jabbed a thumb behind me. "Besides, your kitchen is almost as good as mine, and you have all the ingredients I need to make my muffins!"

"Why didn't you bring any muffins from your shop then?"

"I didn't make a lot." Not since then. "I was lucky that I even managed to sell any of them today."

"And why is Derpy here? What does she has to do with your sudden need of baking muffins?"

"It's a rather long story, Melody."

"Stop calling me that!"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Fine. Octavia. Just, help me out, okay?" I gave her what I hoped was my best puppy-eyes look. "Just... talk to her, and make sure she doesn't leave. I'll explain everything to you later."

Octavia glared at me. But her glare dropped and she let out a sigh, shaking her head with a hoof covering her face.

"If it wasn't for those lemon tarts..." her voice trailed off. "You know where the kitchen is. And please don't blow the oven up like you did last time."

"That was all Vinyl's fault." I told her, giving her a wink. "It's not my fault she couldn't handle the baker's bass."

"Urgh...just go, Sauce." Octavia said, shooing me away with a wave of her hoof.

"Thanks, Melody. Love you."

"S-stop c-calling me M-M-Melody!" Octavia stuttered, her face turning bright red. "I...I'll be in the living room with Derpy."

I love teasing Octavia. Anyway, I gotta get baking. I managed to trick Derpy into thinking that I have some muffin over at Melo--- Octavia's house. But I might have failed to mention to her that it wasn't made yet. It won't take me long to make it though. I just hope Octavia is a good entertainer.

I'll be back.

Kept You Muffin Huh?

For a house with both a musician and a disc jockey living together (not to mention one of them rarely cooks at home), Melody sure does have a sweet set-up for a kitchen. I still can't believe she actually managed to get her han---hooves on the latest oven from CookTillYouDrop Inc. The newest model boasts five new baking features, a more user-friendly build, plus a bigger oven door --- which means having an even larger view space!

It's very hard to find a nice, suitable oven here in pony land. The ovens I have in my shop are pretty basic. They get the job done, of course. But it never hurts to have one with a larger view space. And those new features! So simple, yet so advanced at the same time! Whoever designed and created this new model deserves a medal. And a cookie.

Sorry, I get real excited when it comes to kitchen stuff. I only ask for the best, you see. For I want to bake only the best for my customers. Sadly, the cold harsh world of reality constantly reminds me that I lack the necessity that is hard cash in my pocketsess. How I wish I could just take Melody's oven instead.

...nah. Bad idea, that one. I'd probably get killed by her first before I could even lay my hands on it.

At least I'll be able to use it today. Despite the...unusual circumstances.

So, yeah, I'm glad you decided to stay back and watch me prepare these muffins for our hungry mare out there. Who am I kidding, this is my story. Of course you'd be here; it's not like you actually have a choice in the first place. But still, thanks anyway. I appreciate the thought; be it willingly or otherwise.

Right. Let's get to baking then, shall we? I just need...to...find...

To...

Find...

Just need to....

Hmm.

Hold on, give me a moment. I can't find the flour. And here I thought she had all the stuff I'd need to bake some muffins. I did say so in the last chapter, no?

I stared at the earth pony in front of me with disbelief. "If you haven't noticed, my house is like all the way back yonder." I jabbed a thumb behind me. "Besides, your kitchen is almost as good as mine, and you have all the ingredients I need to make my muffins!"

There, see? That was from the last chapter. Anyway...

"Melody!"

No response. The distance between her kitchen and living room can't be that huge right? It's just like, right over there. Just. There.

"Melody!"

Still nothing. Maybe she's ignoring me on purpose; could it be because I dropped by all of a sudden, uninvited? And with a hungry guest, I might add. Well...I guess I was pretty demanding back there.

She isn't mad, is she?

Hmm...

Nah, Melody ain't like that. I'll try again.

"MELODY!"

Silence once again. And then---

"I'm here, I'm here!"

She sure took her sweet time getting here to the kitche---oh. I hope she didn't fall down or anything, 'cause there's a huge swollen bump on her head. Ouch.

"Why must you scream so loudly?" Melody asked me as she massaged her forehead with a hoof, making her way into the kitchen. " I could hear you all the way from outside." she gave me a frown. "So could the entire town." she added with a sad sigh. "The look all those ponies were giving me." she hid her face behind her front hooves, her ears drooping. "I've never been so ashamed."

"Outside?" I raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were with Derpy inside the house." What on earth were they doing outside? "And what happened to your head?" I got down on my knees to get a better look at the bump on Melody's head. The bump's size is almost like that of a huge walnut. Did she run head first into a wall or something?

Melody huffed. "Where do I even begin?" She continued massaging her forehead. "Argh...I simply cannot believe that---"

"Well, Melody." I said as I took her moving hoof in my hand. "Just tell me how it all went dow---"

"W-wait!" Melody was obviously surprised by my sudden action, for she quickly took a few steps back, but not enough to escape my grip on her hoof. "L-let me go." she demanded, though much softer, her cheeks flaring with the colour red. She tried shaking her hoof free from my hand. "W-why are you h-holding me?"

"I want to see how bad this bump is." I gently poked the bump on her forehead, which made her flinch. "And I can't really do that if your hoof is in the way."

"Has the thought of asking not occurred to you?" Melody glared at me. "And that hurts you know."

"I couldn't resist." I grinned. I gave the bump another poke.

She wasn't amused. "If you are already done with such childish behaviour, would you please let go of my hoof?"

"No. I like holding your hoof."

"S-Sauce, this isn't the time to be---"

Her reaction is priceless. And adorable. I wanted to tease her a little more. But that bump does look painful as all hell. "I know, I know, Melody." I gave her hoof a little squeeze, and I felt her face heating up once more. "Just teasing you."

"I find it difficult to appreciate your sense of timing." Melody said as I let go of her hoof. "If you hadn't noticed, I am in pain."

"Well, lucky for you, I know exactly what to use to help ease your pain a little." I got up and went towards her refrigerator. "Ice." Ice ice baby.

"Brilliant." The sarcasm was strong with Melody. I bet she said that while rolling her eyes, too.

"So, tell me what happened." I asked as I pulled out an ice pack from the freezer.

"Ms. Derpy went flying out the door the moment you disappeared into the kitchen."

The ice pack in my hand fell to the floor. "Wait, what?" Derpy's gone? "I thought I asked you to---"

Melody lifted up one of her hooves to my face, effectively interrupting me. "Don't worry, Sauce; Ms. Derpy is still with us; she just went outside because she wanted to say hello to one of her friends."

I picked up the ice pack from the ground and handed it to Melody. "She flew out the door just to say hi to a friend?" Seriously?

Melody nodded her head, accepting the ice pack I've given her and placing it --- with a little difficulty --- on her forehead. "You sound surprised."

"Aren't you?"

Melody shook her head. "You'll get used to it, Sauce."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Yeah, what is that supposed to mean?

"Never mind." Melody turned the ice pack around. "Anyway, when Ms. Derpy went outside, I followed, but I panicked the moment she left for I thought she was trying to leave." her face winced as she placed the cooler side of the ice pack back on her forehead. "I ran so fast after her, I failed to see where I was going."

"And then you ran smack into a wall?" It was hard to keep myself from laughing out loud like an idiot. It was even harder for me to stop imagining her running into a wall at full speed.

Melody pouted at me. "I was trying to do what you asked me to." she slowly shook her head and let out a sigh. "Back to the point; why were you calling me?"

"Flour."

She raised an eyebrow. "Flour?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I can't find the flour." I made a sweeping motion with my hand, indicating the entire kitchen. The kitchen wasn't really all that big compared to your's truly. But it's not like I use Melody's kitchen all the time, to be honest. I do visit her from time to time, but usually just to drop off some lemon tarts.

And even when I do get into the kitchen, it's usually because Vinyl accidentally obliterated their dinner with a mix of loud wubs and deep bass. Oh, and because they so desperately needed someone with a good pair of hands to help clean their place up. That bass Vinyl has can really get their food in all sorts of places around the kitchen, let me tell you that. I swear I once found a piece of celery stuck on the kitchen ceiling.

I guess you can say they find me pretty handy in situations like those. Heh.

"I'm not even sure if I have any left." Melody said, glancing around her kitchen. "Can't you make cupcakes without them?"

"Muffins, lady." Can't anyone tell the difference between cupcakes and muffins? It's not rocket science for crying out loud! "Muffins."

"...right. Pardon me. Can't you make your muffins without flour?"

A challenge. I like it.

"That depends whether or not you have the ingredients for me to do so, Melody." Though I would prefer to use flour.

Melody handed me the ice pack, which was already starting to feel watery. "Let me see what I can find for you."

"Do you even know what I need?"

She shrugged. "I'll grab what I can. In the meantime, why don't you go check up on Ms. Derpy." she opened one of the cabinets above her, peering inside with squinted eyes. "That reminds me; you still haven't told me why Ms. Derpy is here." she turned around and gave me a questioning look. "I wasn't aware that you and her were acquainted."

"Like I said, Melody. It's a long story." I said as I made my way out the kitchen. "Once all this is over, I promise you'll get the entire story, plus its juicy details."

"As long as there aren't any more bumps involved." she said, gently touching her forehead. "And for the last time, stop calling me Melody!"

Author's Note

It's been so long...long...long :derpytongue2: