In Edge City, Mask was enjoying a leaning tower of pizzas he just bought with Stanley's credit card. Sure, Stanley Ipkiss was the wimpy holder of the mask, but what have you? Mask looked at his pizzas with delight and scarfed them down in one bite, not getting one drop on his yellow tuxedo and pants nor his black, leather shoes.
Edge City was just like any other large city: It had big towers and was full of roaches. Hephephep.
"Ahhhh. There's nothing like a good meal after a day of heckling Callaway. Speaking of."
Police sirens came blaring from down the block where a green green with police lights on its hood came running down the streets. A man with flat, black hair and a tan trench coat leaned outside of the window on the driver's side and shook his hands at Mask. His colleague, Doyle, was sitting next to him. Doyle was a rather jovial-but-naive fellow with frizzy orange hair and a simple shirt, pants, and shoes. He loved to eat. Constantly, much to Callaway's annoyance.
"I'll get you now, you jolly green menace!" Callaway shouted.
"Oh no. It's the heat!" Mask spurted in a volcanic protection outfit. "I must flee, but first-!"
Mask appeared behind Callaway and Doyle in the car and spoke to Callaway in a very posh manner and with a very serious tone: "I'm terribly sorry, sirs, but I must inspect your underwear for insurance reasons."
"Oh? And what's wrong with them?"
"Well, I am worried that they might be incapable of being used for ATOMIC WEDGIES!" Mask grabbed the underwear of both police officers and pulled them over their heads. He laughed then resumed his posh voice. "Oh. I am glad to report that they're indeed perfect for wedgies. Ha. Ha. Ha."
"MAAAAAAASK!" Callaway growled.
The Mask was now wearing a colonial uniform and was riding a horse...or so it seemed. It was another part of the costume, and he was using his legs to run.
"The Callaways are coming! The Callaways are coming! Little known fact: This sort of thing never happened in America's colonial history. Ha!"
The car was speeding towards Mask, but the green cavalier would not have it, and started to rummage through the saddlebags. He first took out an anvil, then a fish, then a boat, then a rock. "Hmhmhm. Where's a plot hole when you need one? Aha! Here we are!" He threw a black disc onto the street, then changed into a red uniform with black pants. He grinned widely as he floated in the air as though he were driving a vehicle. "I. Will boldly go. Where. No man has. Gone before."
The Mask dove in. At. Warp 5, letting the hole disappear behind him. He was now in a rocket with a cockpit filled with all sorts of doohickeys, lights, and buttons. Looking outside the window, he appeared to be in a tunnel of light with rings of various shades of blue passing by him at high speeds.
"Hmmm...This looks familiar...I wonder of there's a doctor in the hoose." Mask was blocked by a blue telephone booth passing right in front of him and taking the same path. He popped out of the vehicle with a cartoonishly huge head and hand and yelled: "Hey! Some people are trying to drive, mister! You aren't alone in the reality tunnel!"
The blue box was batted away, letting Mask sink into his chair and smile with closed eyes. His personal joy was interrupted by the sound of sirens blaring. He only fidgeted a bit in annoy, but refused to open his eyes. Finally, one of the horns on the roof had a tiny mask pop out of it, and he looked angry. He grabbed the original and yelled in his ear:
"HEY, MISTER! IF I'M YELLING IT'S NOT BECAUSE THE COCO BONGO IS CLOSED!"
Original Mask gasped loudly and his eyes erupted from his face as he yelled. "THE COCO BONGO IS CLOSED?!"
MiniMask slapped him and pointed towards the window, letting the original sigh in relief.
"Oh. We're just going to crash into the ground...Waaaaaaait a minute...that's not a good thing."
Mask smashed his foot onto the break peddle, causing the jet to slowly screech to a halt just before hitting the ground. The green faced man sighed in relief and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief he pulled out of nowhere just before jumping out of the vehicle. He smiled once more as he jumped out of the jet and wrangled his sweat out of the tissue from which a waterfall of sweat and several fish popped out of.
"Woah. Stanley needs to stop eating so many salty foods. Ha. Ha. Ha."
The man slowly walked away without a care, leaving the jet to...continue floating in the air unabated by gravity.
"Thought it was going to fall when I left that scene, didn't you?" Mask taunted.
The man put a hand into his right pocket and pulled out a map that he started to inspect.
"Hmmm. Where am I? I knew I should've turned left at Florida. Nobody likes Florida."
The man lowered his map to see he was in some sort of small village with a rustic architectural type and a dirt road going down its center. There were several interesting buildings, like one that looked like a pile of candy and pastries with 'Sugarcube Corner' plastered on its front. There was another sign to the right of Mask with 'Welcome to Ponyville' inscribed on it.
"Ponyville? I wonder if there are any horses here," Mask pondered.
Looking on ward, he saw a pony with white fur and a curly purple mane and tail being followed by a dragon carrying a large number of boxes. There were several other ponies around doing various things. There were even young foals playing in the streets and the grass around the town. Mask joined his hands together and placed them next to his head in adoration.
"Oooooh! Look at the cute little ponies. They're so small!" his voice cracked.
The Mask changed to look like a fat lady with glasses, short brown hair, a gray sweater way too big for her; and pale, blue sweatpants. He immediately swooped next to the white pony, startling her, then picked her up and started to hug her. He was speaking with a cliché, stereotypical 'Jewish Mother' accent.
"Oh. You are just so precious and small and cute! I could just hug you tighter and TIGHTER AND TIGHTER!" He shouted as he began to crush Rarity in a bear hug.
"Gaaah! Let go of me, whatever you are!"
Mask screamed like a little girl, dropped Rarity, then jumped back while reverting to his usual self.
"Egads! A talking pony! It must be a demon!"
Mask spun around in a tornado, then took on the appearance of Keanu Reeves from Constantine: Complete with black tuxedo; brushed-back, black hair; a thin stubble all over his chin, a cigarette, and a depressed but angry expression on his face. He took in a bit of his cigarette, then looked at Rarity and spoke with a garbled voice: "I'll have to send you back where the sun doesn't shine anymore, But first!" he finished with his cheerful demeanor. Once more himself, he inclined himself on Rarity who was being helped up by Spike. "How DID you get such a GORGEOUS complexion!"
"Oh. Well," Rarity chuckled. "I go to the spa over there every day and-Where'd it go?"
"It went towards the spa the second you said where it was."
"Well, he was very rude, but at least he appreciated my style."
Mask spun into the spa entrance then said: "Ssssssssssteamiiin'!" before looking around to see that he was in the waiting room. Several mares were there before him and all of them had dropped their magazines and were looking at Mask with befuddled and horrified looks.
"Ooo. Even when you're afraid you're so cute!" Mask immediately took on the physical appearance of a woman wearing a white towel on her body and on her head, then sat next to one of the ponies and started to wave a fan on his face. "Oof. Tell me, sister, is it ALWAYS so hot in here?"
"Arrr, who be this 'ere?" somepony said.
Mask now bore the outfit of a British Admiral of the eighteenth century and put a foot on a chair to look around. "What was that? Forsooth, hath I been robbed today?"
"Yarr, dis be me lands. This spa ain't big enough fer the two of us!"
A strangely colored pony with a coat of a random mixture and shapes of pink and blue walked into the room. His mane was a mixture of straight, curly, jagged, and ruffled hairs of green, blue, and pink, and his tail was the same, too. The weirdest things were his eyes. They were just pink swirls, as was his cutie mark. He was wearing a pirate costume complete with an eye patch and jolly roger on his tophat that had been sawed off from the middle top to the middle of the side. Mask responded by becoming his own navy farer. He was wearing a blue coat that went below his knees, white pants, a peg leg, a yellow boot, a white beard, a white sailor's hat, an eye patch, and a wooden pipe.
"And who're you ta say that I ain't welcome 'ere?"
"Ay'm the guy with the weapon!" the pony shouted as he pulled out a swordfish.
Mask gasped in horror. "Yarr. That be a swordfish, but I have...A SEA CUCUMBER!"
"Hmmm. The mightiest weapons 'o the world, but yer not strong enough for me!"
"We'll see about that, matey!"
The two engaged in a sword fight that ended up stretching outside. Naturally, Mask would have used one of his tricks to get through the wall, but the colorful pony made the floor rotate like some circular contraption, and as the two backed up, the wall behind the pony swished upwards like a hinged doorway.
"Hmm. Methinks this landlubber be using my powers against me, but he is no match for-" Mask spun around, taking on a super muscular form with white cloth, a red M on his chest, and a giant green M as a back ornament. "Super Mask!"
The pink pony was now wearing a white tuxedo and had become completely bald. "Hmhmhm. Super Mask. I knew our paths would meet eventually. That is why I brought your one true weakness!"
The pony pulled down his hat and started to go through it while Mask's knees begin to hit each other like maracas. "No. Not that. Anything but that!" The pony pulled out a small tv with a program currently running on it. "No! Not a talk show! Not a talk shoooow!"
The pony just chuckled, and his disguise disappeared, revealing his normal appearance. Mask's also disappeared after one of his iconic spins, and he looked over the smiling pony with a grin of his own and a pensive stare. He even rubbed his chin a bit.
"Saaaaaaaaay, would you happen to have some sort of...I don't know, mystical artifact on you?"
"Nope. I do have this Mystique artifact, though." The pony held up a statue of a blue woman with orange hair.
Mask looked at the statue then back at the pony. "What's your name?"
"I'm Psycho the Psychopath," he bowed.
"Psycho the Psychopath, eh? Talk about 'creativity'," Mask mocked.
"Oh yeah? What's your name?"
"The Mask." Confetti and fireworks erupted from behind the man.
"Pfff. And he says MY name isn't creative."
Mask was thrown onto a longchair while Psycho pulled up a chair of his own and sat on his flank while crossing his hind legs. He had a long white beard and was wearing a scraggly, plaid outfit, and began to speak with a German accent.
"Now, tell me vhat zis mask is about. Does it have something to do vith a childhood trauma? Are you, perhaps, hiding behind zis mask to protect your inner child?"
"Oh, yes, mister. I was a very bad boy," Mask said with a lightened voice and wearing an old child's costume from the early twentieth century. He was also holding an extremely huge lollipop with red and white swirls converging towards the center of the treat. "I used to give people sucker punches?"
Psycho leaned in closer and adjusted his new glasses. "Vhat is a sucker punch?"
"Well, first I give you my sucker."
Mask put his sucker forward and, as Psycho examined it further, the candy flipped opened and a boxing glove punched him away. The man laughed wholeheartedly at the event and went over to see what Psycho looked like. To his astonishment, Psycho was standing proud and tall, as if nothing had ever happened. Mask was still in his child form, though.
"Heyyy. What gives? I hit you!"
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did. I hit you with a sucker punch."
Psycho become a young colt and crossed his forelegs while sitting on his haunches. "Nuh uh! I had a plus five shield," he said.
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did."
"Well, I had a plus six sucker that punches through shields!"
"I had a plus infinity repulser field that pushes away suckers."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
Twilight Sparkle walked out of her Library, completely ignorant of what was going on. Psycho started galloping towards her in a whiny manner.
"Moooooom! Mask isn't playing fair," the foal whined as he tucked on Twilight's tail.
She blushed heavily and looked behind her to see the colorful foal whining. She could only stutter at the foal sniffling. Her embarrassment and horror led way to confusion the second the foal looked up at her and she saw his eyes.
"That's not true! Psycho is being a meanie! I wanna new lolly because I'm sad."
"If he gets one I want one too!"
"Nuh uh! You don't deserve one!"
Psycho suddenly became himself again, but with perfectly combed-back hair, a nice black suit, a large chin, and smoking a large cigar. He started to speak with a stereotypical mafia accent:
"You come into my town, mess with my turf, then you think you deserve a lolly? I'm gonna have you sleepin' with the fishes."
"You'll never get me, Cornleone, see? I'm the best at my job, see? You can do what you want, but you'll never beat me. Others will just take my place," Mask replied. He was wearing a brown, inspector's long coat with flipped up collars. "You off me and you'll never get out of this town alive again, see? I'm unique! I'm one-of-a-kind! Everybody knows me!"
"That's where you're wrong, Mister Mask. I own even those that know you."
Two giants made from jelly filled with fruit popped up next to Mask, their faces looking as flat and rough as chiseled stone.
"Take him away."
"Noooooo! You can't do this to me!"
"Of course I can't. That wouldn't be fun," Psycho joked as he floated upside down in front of Mask's face.
"I say. You seem to be quite the energetic fellow," Mask said with a thick white mustache and a pipe.
"Indeed," Psycho replied with a similar mustache.
"Quite."
"Mhmm."
"Uhhh...Who are you two?" Twilight asked.
"I just so happen to be--"
Mask was interrupted by Psycho body slamming him deep into the ground whilst looking like a sumo.
"--The Psychopath: Herald of the World of Illogic! We may not have met in this Equestria, lavender-san, but I know all about you. I-woah!"
Psycho was lifted from atop Mask and heaved aside. The green faced man was now wearing a red textile uniform with straps going over his shoulders. He was also wearing black, fingerless gloves and now had a long streak of orange hair that was about as rough as his newly muscular body.
"How dare you crush the great Mask! I'm going to see you turned into a piece of modern art in my hands!" Mask yelled quickly and with almost no time lapse between his words.
Psycho was on his back and raised his head with some difficulty. "You can't do that. Modern art is already ruined."
Both he and Mask put an arm on each other's shoulders and laughed, but went back to glaring at each other, although Psycho was now wearing a luchadore mask that still looked like his face.
"Hmmm...Who are you?"
"I am El Elelele! The Masked Luchadore, and I will bring the hurt to you!"
Psycho jumped onto one the four podiums of the ring and stood on it with his hindlegs, allowing him top cross his forelegs like arms.
"Bring it on, little man!"
Psycho jumped at him and started to crawl all around the Mask's body before getting him into a leg hold and getting flipped out of the ring...or so he wished. Mask grabbed him without effort and slammed him into the ground. Oh, and the wrestling ring disappeared. Did I forget to mention that? No biggie.
Mask flexed his muscles and yelled: "Ha! You are no match for the great Masked Mask!"
The colorful pony pushed himself out of the dirt, looked at himself for a moment, then glared at Mask flexing. He stood up, took his hat down, then he jumped into it. The hat warped inwards then outwards with a clean Psycho wearing a green, military uniform.
"Huh?" Mask mumbled.
Psycho's right hoof grabbed Twilight's hind leg and pulled her through the ground. Once she was out, he brandished her like a weapon and pushed a large cigar in his mouth to the side. The lavender unicorn coughed out some dirt and worms before saying:
"H-hey! What are you-Let me go!"
"NEW VEAPON!" Psycho shouted.
Almost immediately did Psycho spin Twilight's tail once that it started rotating rapidly, causing bolts of magic to fire from her horn in quick succession. Mask screamed in fear and dived behind a circle of sandbags that had always been there. Yeah. It has. Wot you lookin' at me for loyk dat, ya git? U wanna tussle? Oy'll heckle yer sheckles ah will, mate.
Mask was now wearing his own uniform and had a helmet on his head and a giant walkie-talkie next to his ear while explosions occurred all around his fox hole. The walkie-talkie was practically bigger than his head.
"Boy. If those new fangled cordless phones give you bad C, what'll this give me? Hahaha," Mask mused to himself. "Now back to serious business. I NEED SUPPORT!"
Mask screamed into the machine. Mask himself popped out of the receiver with an angry face and yelled with an echoing ferocity. "THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL! A SIMPLE ASK WOULD SUFFICE!"
The normal looking Mask grumbled as he pulled himself out of the phone and climbed onto the ground. He patted the dust off his suit and said:
"Ahhhh, quit your whining, big baby. I'll take care of this."
Mask pogo'd out of the hole and landed in front of Psycho who now looked like an extremely fat hillbilly complete with blue overalls covered in patchworks. He was even smoking from a corn pipe...although corn was literally rising from the pipe with every puff.
"Huh. Well, no wonder they call it a 'corn pipe'." Badum-tss. The green faced character spun around and now had the uniform of a nineteenth century inspector, similar to Sherlock Holmes. He even spoke with a posh, British accent and held a large magnifying glass.
"Watchu want?" Psycho asked rudely.
"I say. What manner of creature are you? I appear to be in a world filled with cute and colorful creatures likely created from the deranged mind of a crazy women with long hair, but, I do not know what you are. Unlike these others, you seem to be capable of superhuman...mmm...pony feats."
"Why, kind sir, I am but a humble member of the Illogic." Psycho spoke with a noble complexion, and his costume had gone, but it didn't last for long as he took a loudspeaker from his hat and yelled directly into the face of Mask, causing his whole head to fly backwards and the entirety of that portion of Ponyville to suffer under the effects similar to that of a hurricane. "BUT IT'S A GOOD THING I'M ACTUALLY A HERALD OF THE WORLD OF ILLOGIC! ILLOGIC SUPERIOR! CHAOS INFERIOR!"
Mask was being pushed away during the yelling and ended up getting flung away. He came back in view looking like a mime while ponies flew away around him. With some effort, he managed to tie the speaker into a knot and toss it away.
"Wow. So you don't like chaos, huh?"
Psycho sat on his haunches and crossed his forelegs. "Nope."
"Hmmm...so where am I?"
"You're in an Equestria I don't know about and--"
"Wait, where'd that purple pony gony?"
Psycho gestured to a place behind him, showing Twilight halfway in the mud and struggling to get out.
"Hmmmm...I--"
"You wanna prank some passer-bys?" Psycho nudged Mask several times in his arm and ended up jack-hammering it after a few minutes of Mask pondering the question.
"WOULD I?! Who do we prank first?" Mask's enthusiasm was met with his right arm breaking off and landing on the floor.
Psycho's eyes turned into binoculars and he started to look around when he saw Rainbow Dash flying around, oblivious to what was going on below her.
"That one! She hates dresses and looking pretty."
"Then we shall attack that one at dawn!"
Psycho grabbed the sun in the sky from his position and lowered it. "It's dawn!"
"Then we attack!"
Mask was now wearing an Admiral's uniform, complete with tricorn and golden trimmings in his uniform. He was sitting on a chair made of solid metal connected to a cannon at his lower right. He was just one step above it, and the whole metal contraption they were in was round like a cannonball. Psycho was wearing a sailor uniform and sitting directly below the Mask, the cannon to the pony's right. He was bouncing around and aiming the long cannon at Rainbow Dash.
"You may fah when ready," Mask said.
The colorful stallion stuck his tongue out and began opening fire at Rainbow, dresses flying everywhere. The colorful pegasus narrowly dodged the first dress and looked down to see a strange, round contraption with a cannon.
"What the-Gah! Hey! What are you doing!" Rainbow's anger slowly faded into confusion when she caught a better glimpse at the two perpetrators in question. "What in Equestria are those two."
Mask stood atop his chair and took a sword out of his pocket to point it at the pony. "FIRE FIRE FIRE!"
Salvo after salvo of dresses flew towards Rainbow, but she was more than agile enough to dodge them all, and laugh at those doing this to her. Mask scratched his chin briefly, thinking of a solution.
"Stop!"
"WAAH!"
The rainbow pony ground to a halt in the air. She was facing a green faced individual in a blue crossing guard uniform. There was a barricade blocking her way while the biped held a small sign that said 'stop' on it.
"You can't come through here."
"Why not?"
"Because you aren't properly 'dressed'."
"What?"
The rainbow mare was struck by a headshot from Psycho, and when she came to after flipping a few times, she found herself wearing a blue dress fading into darker shades the further back it went and resembling the waves of an ocean. She was even wearing special blue high heels topped with white pearls.
"What the?"
The mare started to bite the dress and try to pull it off. She gnawed and spun around, her anger increasing more and more all to the amusement of Mask and Psycho who started laughing loudly. Their prank spree was grander and grander with each passing moment. Applejack suffered a prank by Mask who disguised himself as an apple tree. When she tried to buck it to get the apples, it yelled at her.
"Hey! Who do you think you are, kicking trees like that?"
"Wh-wha-"
Applejack was punted away into the barn by the roots of the Mask-Tree. When Big Mac saw the event, he charged angrily at the tree, but one of the apples on Mask's branches was a rare species of Psycho Illogicus, and it emptied a vial it was carrying onto the charging Mac who slammed into the tree full force, although it didn't toss Mask far away. Psycho briefly turned Big Mac into a mare, something he rarely did but always made it temporary.
"I would say you were tough--" Mask started.
"But you're a little too soft for that!" Psycho finished.
The pranks wouldn't stop no matter how many minutes passed. Yes. Minutes. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HOURS WORK! STOP JUDGING ME! The Mayor found herself being used as a stamp for the town papers, Pinkie was swirled around in a tornado of pastries that destroyed Sugarcube Corner and kept going, and Mask gave Spike a spicy pepper while he was sleeping. He even somehow managed to get Spike to barf a green flame in Celestia's face, startling her, charring her face and mane with black ash, and pulling her back as if under the effect of a cartoony explosion.
While laughing their hearts out to their nefarious schemes, Mask's watch started to blare wildly. Horns and trumpets, train whistles and loud bells rose from it and all started chiming unequally and without rythm. A mouth pushed the others aside and yelled:
"Hey! Pal, it's a quarter past wedgie o'clock, and it's Milo's feedin' time, too."
Mask slapped his hands against both sides of his face and took on the appearance of the Screamer from the painting...it's from. Same name? Who knows. "Oh no!"
"What?"
"Gotta go home now and wedgie a few, mmmmm, friendly folk." Mask searched in his pockets and even went into his coat pockets to pull the pockets out of the pockets. His smile left for frustration. "Huh. I can't find my returner-to-housererererererer."
"What's a wedgie?"
Mask gasped very deeply and grabbed Psycho to lift him and shake him wildly. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A WEDGIE IS?!"
"Nope," Psycho replied with a smile and his eyes rolling around in his head.
"Quickly! I must get you to Edge City!"
"I'll take care of that," Psycho assured.
Mask was skeptical and asked:" Oh really? How?"
"It's called Edge City, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well then."
The pony stretched his arms far to the side, then rotated the background of the environment to that of the huge city of Edge...City.
Mask but a finger to his mouth and his fist to his hip and looked around with curiosity. "Huh. Even I don't know how to do that."
"Do you know how to fly?"
"No."
"Then get ready to fall. Hahahaha!"
"Wha-AAAAAAH!"
While Mask screamed at the top of his lungs, Psycho fell down laughing quite loudly, and now he was in Edge City surrounded by new people to prank and a new world to discover. Who knows what sorts of shenanigans he would encounter and what the Mask would teach him.
Mental note: Avoid colorful equine creatures
Author's Note
For that 'special' sequence that you'll certainly understand, go ahead and listen to this. If that doesn't fancy your waffles, fill it with this instead.
Thought the first was the only chapter didn't you? I lied! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! NOBODY EXPECTS THE ILLOGIC'S ACTIONS!
Mental note: Avoid colorful equine creatures
"Oooo. What's this place?" Psycho asked. The colorful pony was in awe at the sight before him. He had never seen such enormous cities, even in Equestria. A long, curly mustache grew from his snout and he began to diabolically rub his forehooves together. DIABOLICAL!
"Hmmm? I thought you were going to leave," Mask said.
Psycho was standing on a Crow's Nest and rotating within it while holding a telescope. "Nonsense? Why would I leave such a place that's just ripe for the Illogic?" His smile widened as he looked down. To his surprise, he spotted a rather large giant stomping out of a bank with several bags of money in tow. "Thar, cap'n! A sea whale!" he shouted.
"Where?" Mask asked. He was dressed as a salty sea captain wearing a blue fisher's outfit complete with a white beard, an eyepatch, a pipe, and a harpoon. "Psycho?" The Mask looked down to see that the colorful pony was standing right in front of the behemoth, and he screamed in a cartoony fashion with his eyes flying out of his head, orbiting it a few times, then landing back in his head so the pilots could be greeted by confetti and their families.
The giant in front of Psycho had the likeness of Frankenstein's monster, except his skin was gray, he had a scar running along his left face; possessed, flat head, orange hair; and wore an immense blue suit and pants with a white shirt, black tie, and black, leather shoes. He did not speak, but his imposing physique and height usually got the point across. The colorful stallion refused to let the giant pass. He was having too much fun. The giant lift an eyebrow in irritation, lift his gigantic left foot to stomp on the stallion who did not move an inch. In fact, his eyes had swirved to the sides and he was drooling through his smile.
Suddenly, the giant was tossed backwards and onto his stomach. Mask had arrived just in time. He flipped said man with a giant spatula and was wearing a cook's outfit complete with giant hat. He was even super fat and adorned very thin, but twirly, black mustaches.
"Ah. Ze pony. 'E iz not for stomping, Walter. 'E is for savoring!" Mask spoke with a terrible French accent. When he turned to look at Psycho, he saw that he was just drooling and looking in two different directions and fell to his knees while crying. He was back into his usual, yellow, attire. "Nohohooooo! Why? WHYYYY?! Why did you do this, Walter? WHY?!" Mask hugged Psycho who only smile wider, then his head popped like a balloon, scaring Mask. He put on a uniform of an inspector and started to analyze the crime scene. "Hmmm. It seems like YOU are the culprit, Walter!"
Mask aimed an immense magnifying glass the size of the giant, at him. Walter frowned a bit, showing his teeth, and grabbed Mask to squeeze him painfully.
"Hey, bub. Haven't you ever heard that assaulting a member of the law is illegal?" Mask strained to say.
"Stop right there, criminal scum!" a commanding voice spoke behind the two.
The source was Psycho who was wearing a mask the shape of a steam train. "I am El Loco-motive! That is MY partner you are hurting!"
Walter looked back to Mask and started to strangle him again. Psycho-errr, El Locomotive felt insulted. "Hmmm. He doesn't like my performance. Must be a fan of Tommy Wisseau. Hey, Walter, it's time for your 5'o clock shadow!"
"Don't you mean ride?" Mask asked painfully while Walter twisted him like taffy.
Psycho degraded into a stick figure and said 'Wat' while his body tilted downwards. A loud whistle came from down the block, and an enormous steam train began its trek through the city at the three. Psycho poofed into bubbles, leaving Walter and Mask to be impacted. The green mask's hat slowly descended upon the air with a brisk of depression and abandon. Colors faded from the world as it slowly fell into the watery gutter. Its owner was no more. Rosebuuuuuuud.
"Heeeey. What're you trying to pull, Psycho? You bleached my hat!" Mask grumbled.
Psycho was lying down on Mask's head and was smiling very widely. "So-rry."
The green faced man put a hand into Psycho's ear and pulled out a bucket of yellow paint. "You're lucky you have a colorful personality."
The hat was dipped into the paint bucket, returning it to its original color. Psycho jump upwards from Mask's head so said man could wear his hat once more. Psycho returned by phasing out of the ground as though he had just jumped again. He looked at the bags of money and wondered: "Should we return these to the bank?"
"I do not know. Would it be honarabru?" Mask asked with a Japanese accent.
He was wearing Japanese Samurai armor. Wanna know what it looks like? Use your imagination. That's what a book is for...What do you mean I'm supposed to write it? LIES! Oh, so you want the names? He was wearing a kabuto with a nodowa around his neck, sado on his two shoulders; small, hato-o-no-ita over his chest; kote arm guards over his...arms, do armor on his body, haidate leg skirts over his legs, sune-ate protecting the front of his legs and kyahan protecting the rest, along with tusurumaki books. Don't know what those are, do you? Well...I'll never tell! Nyahahahaha! DIABOLICAL!
Everyone in the bank was recovering from the affair, with people helping others up and some employees trying to assess the damages done. The single counter covering the whole of one side had been completely destroyed while the desks all around were tossed away. The light of the bank disappeared, however, when they looked at the entryway, they said an amorphous mass of colorful, blobby flesh moaning and screaming as it slowly slid in. Everyone screamed and ran towards the safe to lock themselves within it. The blobby mass flickered and phased out of existence. It was being created by a projector that Mask was holding.
"What's wrong with them?" Mask asked.
Psycho shrugged.
"Might as well drop the bags back here, grab a meal of, oooooooo, say a few hundred pizzas with Stanley's credit card, then go limbo at the Coco Bongo!" Mask gasped. "And I need to feed Milo!"
"Coco Bongo?" Psycho wondered.
Psycho was grabbed by Mask who crushed him into a hug and stretched his arm out as though presenting an enormous array of objects or a landscape. "It's a great place with limbooooo, food, and babes!"
The colorful stallion had become a foal and asked: "Tell me more, daddy."
The security cameras picked up the whole event both inside and outside of the bank, but it was not recording for the director. It was recording for someone else in another location.
"Curious. An equine creature with a cartoony appearance that appears to have power similar to The Mask, although his seem to defy logic more than Mask. If I could capture it, I could use it as a weapon against Mask, finally defeat him, and have the power to rule over Edge City! I just need to convince it, but how to do that?"
Mask stopped before taking one step then yelled: "Wait, how are we going to reach the Coco Bongo without a car?!"
"What's a car?" Psycho narrowed his eyes.
"You don't know what a car is?"
"No. I do have this, though."
Psycho reached into his hat and pulled out a car of unknown manufacture. "I didnt get to paint it yet."
"Uhhhh...that's a car." Mask pointed.
"No it's not. It's an Automobile."
"That's the same thing?"
"UWOT?!" Psycho's eyes bulged out of his head in false rage.
The world around them spun around and blurred, then lit back up. Mask was standing opposite of Psycho and dancing a little bit in place while Psycho bounced from side to side on his two legs, as per his usual walking stance. They were both standing across from each other and smiling cheerfully, and a text appeared above them.
Mask used 'Car'!
Mask picked up a car from the ground and tossed it at Psycho. The pony was caught in an explosion and suffered four potatoes!
"Potatoes?" Mask reared his head.
Yeah. Potatoes. What, are you spudcist?
Mask took on the appearance of a hillbilly as he wore a cap and overalls with no shirt. He was pretty thin, save for his beer belly. He even had a long overbite and was hewing on a piece of straw. "No siree Bob. Ah dun grow the bestest of puhtayters."
Psycho used thinking.
The pony stood atop a box while the sunset descended, in front of his eyes, upon a river of gold.
Psycho's existential crisis rose by one point!
Mask prepared himself and took on his wrestler's appearance from Equestria. He grabbed Psycho from his back, surprising the pony, then jumped high into the air.
Mask used Zangief hug.
Psycho was spun around violently then slammed into the ground head first, but he hopped back up, scaring Mask.
It had no effect.
Psycho took a massive rocket launcher and fired icecream from it at Mask. The man spun around and was now extremely muscular and wearing his superhero costume.
"Haha! Your rockets are no match for Lactose Intolerant Man!"
Psycho suddenly stopped, and his face tightened. "Wait...wouldn't that mean you'll get sick when in contact with milk?"
Mask closed his eye and lift his right finger as though he were about to state a great fact, then said finger drooped down and his smile turned into a worried frown. "Oh..."
The world returned to normal and the man bent over the gutter to heave ho. When he finally came to, Mask turned around to see that Psycho had disappeared. Putting his hands to his chin, Mask recovered his inspector's outfit, but, this time, with the face of a green dog possessing an abnormally long nose.
"Now then, it appears that the pony has gone off to a place I know not. I must search for him!"
Without hesitation, the man smashed his face into the concrete sidewalk, tossing bits and pieces everywhere, then he started to audibly say 'sniff' rather poshly while he walked forward.
Meanwhile, Psycho found himself attached onto a metal table within an isolated room whose walls were covered with equally space lumps. The entirety of the room was a dark blue color reminiscent of the shifting night sky during sunset. A large window, nearly three-fourths the width of the room, was lodged comfortably within the wall. It was a one-way window and looked like a mirror to Psycho, but he knew someone was on the other side. A click resounded, and the pony could now clearly see who was on the other side of the window. The table slowly bent downwards to give Psycho a more comfortable view of the scenery.
Clearly, he was in some sort of scientific installation, judging by the many flashing lights embedded in the walls as well as all the computers and other computational hardware. Psycho didn't know what any of these were, however. What he was most interested in was the man looking directly at him. This man had wild, buqhy, orange eyebrows that nearly reached his ears. They even rose up a few times, creating an impression of flickering flames. His hair was only a mohawk that followed the same principles as his eyebrows, although everything lead backwards. His skin was a sickly pale coloration that put in perspective a weird mark just above his nasal bridge and between his eyebrows that was rather similar in position to the Hindou Bindi. Unlike the bindi, however, his was a larger circle surrounding a smaller one at its center. His eyes...were unseen behind two large, red lens with a black outline. They were not interconnected nor were they attached to his ears in any way. As for other facial traits, his chin was very narrow and very prominent, as were his cheek bones. Both seemed to be separate extensions of his body, at best.
He wore an open, bluish purple coat, a black shirt with red linings surrounding his collar and going down the shirt's middle, as well as gray pants, black gloves with a rectangular opening at the top of the wrists, and black leather shoes. He sat in a brown, rotating chair and was smiling at Psycho.
"So, I take it you aren't from this world, equine?" He waited for an answer, but continued when he understood he was going to get no replies from this creature. "I am Pretorious, a scientific genius and future ruler of Edge City. Of course, I mean no harm to its inhabitants. If you are capable of speech, would you, perhaps, mind telling me your name?" There was still silence. "I also take it you are friends with the Mask. You know, he isn't all you believe him to be. He might seem 'fun' and 'friendly', but he is one of the most vicious of monsters across time. He has often attacked and killed others in his thirst for conquest!" Even here, there was no reaction, so Pretorius spun around in his chair and laid his head on his crossed fingers.
While he thought to himself, Psycho got out of his restraints and started to clown around in his cell. He kayak'd through the cell from one end to another, then he did it again whilst performing the can-can with dancing carrots. He even silently recreated the birth of the Monster of Frankenstein complete with a version of him dressed as the doctor and Egor. Egor pulled a lever, and lightning struck the table. Two arms tore out from below the cloth, revealing the monster sitting upright to be the Monster of Frankenstein. The window was even in black and white and had the classic filth in the 'lens'. It was soon covered by a black window with white text saying 'He lives! He loves! He can perform bone-crushing bear hugs!'. The window faded to show Egor and Frankenstein running away from the monster as they circled the table several times.
When Pretorius turned back around, he expected to catch it performing ridiculous antics as Mask had a habit of doing. To his pleasure, the equine had not moved an inch from its spot.
"Hmmm. If I caNNot use you, I will simply hAve to extract your power and Use it for my newest machine," he spoke with a rather nasally voice that emphasized certain parts of his words. He didn't do it earlier. Strange.
Pretorius took a squarish remote out of his pocket and pushed a single red button on it. Who designs those things? Acme? It's like a little kid wanted to make a 'universal' straw or something. Not a good joke? Ah did wut ah could!
The remote activated a screen showing a raygun above the clouds and pointed directly at Edge City.
"Since it's quite apparent that you and the Mask are steadfast allies, I will not bore you with the details. All I will say is that this weapon will create an electric field that will disturb and empower the clouds to become supercells and destroy Edge City with the most powerful storm that the world has ever seen!"
Looking back to the equine, Pretorius' smile faded to frustration when he witness Psycho had fallen asleep and had a repulsive, giant bubble inflating out of his nose. Ignoring this, Pretorius walked towards one of the counters near his machines and got to work pushing a bunch of keys on his keyboard. The lumps all over the room Psycho was in lit up like Christmas lights and started to drain something from the sleeping stallion. Whatever it was, it had a yellow color to it. The streams were accompanied by a 'vrrrring' sound in air, although this didn't seem to bother the sleeping pony very much.
"The machine was intended to suck out Mask's life force, but I suppose yours will have to do."
"So, you're trying to power a weapon for your stormy doomsday weapon, boss?"
"I thought I told you two to wait outsi-MASK!"
Mask was standing next to Pretorius while wearing a black suit and black sunglasses. His body was also very bulky and muscular.
"How did you find me?"
"That's not important right now. You're late for your appointment."
"What appointment."
"WEDGIE THERAPY! HAHAHAHA!"
Pretorius found his underwear placed over his head, preventing him from seeing whatever it was that Mask was doing. Said man had jumped in front of the window where Psycho was. Mask had curly brown hair and wore a red uniform with a white collar. Psycho wore the same but had pointy ears, smooth and flattened hair, and long, pointy eyebrows. He wore the same uniform as Mask.
"No! You. Can't die. Like this!" Mask spouted.
Psycho's head rotated in place and he slammed it against the window once it was upside down. "It was the only solution. Live long and play the banjo." Psycho quickly stuck his tongue out and slowly slid down the window, creating a screeching sound while his face compressed against the glass.
By this time, Pretorious had successfully removed his wedgie and pointed at the two idiots at the entrance of his lab. "Get him you fools!"
Two extremely muscular men wearing the same outfit with sunglasses that the green faced maniac did earlier charged into the room and tried to grab Mask, but they failed. The man was wearing a Scottish outfit complete with extremely thick, orange hair, beard, and mustache.
"Och! Aye cayn't believe e's ded!" Mask threw his left arm back, smacking the first guard with tannish skin and black hair into the wall. "Oh! Aye kno'! Oy'll give 'im an ode, like in da highlaends!"
He immediately pulled bagpipes out from under his plaid kilt and put them to bare, smacking the second guard, this time with caucasian skin and a brownish-gold hair, into the first, recovering guard. He started to play wildly without tune or rythm. It was so loud and obnoxious that the three others in the room held their hands to their ears and were groaning in pain. The two other guard ran away, bringing about Pretorius' ire.
"Wow. You just can't get good help these days," Psycho said on Pretorius' shoulders.
"What? How did you get out of the chamber?"
"Through the door." Psycho pointed casually at a large, wooden door that appeared out of nowhere on the wall to the left of the window.
"Heeeeyyyyy battabattabatta! Heeeeyyyyy battabattabatta!""
Without having time to react, Mask whacked Pretorius' head off into a computer terminal. Sparks flew everywhere, and Mask looked to his friend whose mouth looked like it was about to burst.
"Don't you say it!"
Psycho whinced.
"Don't you dare say it."
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."
"Don't!"
"He should have gotten a better head on his shoulders!"
"You get a B minus...YOU FAIL!"
Psycho was smashed into the ground by a giant stamp that left a red ink mark spelling 'You fail!' in bold onto the floor. This suffering was short lived as the colorful stallion immediately jumped out of the hole and grabbed Pretorius before he could scamper away with his metallic, spider legs.
"Hey, Mask. Ping!"
"What are you doing? Stop this!" Pretorious ordered.
"Oh boy! I love volley ball!" Mask said. He pulled a volley ball net out from the ground and ripped off his clothes to show himself wearing yellow swimming trunks with white clouds on them."Pong!" he shouted when he hit the 'ball' back.
This lasted for several minutes while the 'pings' and 'pongs' became louder and more violent. At one moment, Mask bulked up to several times his original muscle mass and slammed Pretorious extremely hard and yelling 'PONG!' as loud as he could.
Psycho slid to the side, letting Pretorious cave a crater into the floor. "Ooops. I 'missed'," Psycho innocently said.
The two hopped into the escape shuttle in the wall and blasted off out of the complex, leaving Pretorious' robotic body to pull him out of the crater.
"Ugghh...Mental note, research the colorful equine more thoroughly. Is it a creation of Mask or not? Second mental note: Avoid colorful equines."
Mask and Psycho were now above Edge City on who knows what. Mask crawled up behind the colorful pony who stood on his hindlegs with both forelegs behind his back. He was in a very serious and dark atmosphere.
"Da, what're we gonna do now, Psycho?" Mask asked with a light and nasally voice.
"The same thing we do every night, Mask." Psycho turned around and the dark atmosphere immediately became a bright one. "SURF ON JELLY WAVES!"
"RADICAL, Surfer Dude!" Mask replied with a Californian surfer voice. His blonde hair flowed in the wind.
A giant red tidal wave of jelly flowed through the streets of Edge City, terrifying everyone below and engulfing pretty much all of them in a sticky, sugary coat of sticky, sugary messiness. No. That's not a redundant redundancy.
"So, what'tre you gon' do later, radical pone?"
"I'm just traveling, so I have ALLLLLLLLLLLLL the time in the world."
"What's this? Fish and Putty at three o'clock!"
Psycho pulled a clock out of his head, showing it to be four o'clock. Mask responded to this by smacking him on the head with a sundial.
"No, you idiot. Down there. It's Fish Guy and Putty Thing."
"Oooohoooo. It's time for some Illogic! Eeeehahahaaaa!" Psycho chanted.
