Author's Note
Just a little back-fic I decided to write since I wasn't terribly satisfied with the lack of back-story for this particular character. Even though I'm sure it will be expanded upon more later, I just thought I'd write down my thoughts.
What You Are in The Dark
Twilight Sparkle stood before the mouth of the cave, the cold wind nipping at her neck – the burning remnants of the vanishing spell lingering in the air.
“She's getting away!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she motioned towards the cave.
“We'll never find her in there!” joined Double Diamond.
They were right, there was no point in pursuing her.
“We just have to hope that when she's had a chance to think it over, she realizes that you all have taught her something...”
~
Deep within the cave, Starlight Glimmer made her way along a narrow corridor that lead deeper into the mountain. The air was cold and still, and the only sounds were the soft drops of water falling from the cave vaults above and the echo of her hoof steps as she trotted further into the darkness.
Starlight cursed under her breath, as she bumped into one of the ancient rock formations.
Everything had been taken away from her. Her staff, her community, her power, and her purpose– gone.
They had robbed her of the thing she had tried so hard to create. The vision which had inspired her entire life – a society founded on equality.
In a few short days, she had seen the entire realization of her ideals vanish before her eyes.
The ponies she had worked so hard to free from oppression had turned on her. The allure of uniqueness had tempted them back into their old ways.
“Fools,” she whispered into the silence. “Selfish fools...”
It was not enough that she had devoted so much of herself to them, or that she offered them a way to live peacefully, equally, and with purpose and friendship. No – they demanded more. They wanted recognition, fame, glory, praise. Could they not see that it was their desires for acceptance that had made them miserable to begin with? Had they so easily forgotten the pain they had all suffered before?
Starlight followed the path onward – the light from her horn leading the way. The markers she had painted on the wall guided her in the right direction – to the other side of the mountain. She didn't think they'd find her there, that is, unless they still weren't in pursuit.
Starlight sighed.
Just as then, she was now: the only beacon of light in a dark world – one filled with hatred and bitterness and despair.
When she was growing up, she had always been taunted by the others in her class, because she had not received her Cutie Mark before they had. And when she finally did, it wasn't good enough.
Nothing was ever good enough...
Starlight paused when she came to a wider part of the cave, where a hole sat near the edge of the rock.
She threw a stone down into its dark abyss and heard its tumbling echo as it descended...
descended...
descended...
until only silence filled the empty air.
A familiar thought began to creep back into the fore-front of Starlight's mind. A shiver raced up her back as she leaned closer.
Many times growing up, she had often struggled with her own self-worth, her justification for existence.
“What did a blank-flank ever do for anyone?” the other ponies would often taunt.
And many times she had stood before similar precipices and asked herself the same question – daring herself as she drew closer, the silence of eternity beckoning.
“In death, we are all equal...”
Starlight frowned as she pulled herself away from the hole and continued on.
She did not feel the same inclination towards self-destruction as she had when she was younger. She was not that pony anymore.
Back then, she had been afraid, helpless, isolated. – an outcast. Without a sympathetic ear or kind voice to lend her any aid or comfort.
Where was their 'friendship' then? Where was their 'compassion' and 'understanding'.
Friendship was a tool – a self-serving platitude to justify one's worth. A justification for everything that was wrong with the world.
It was a lie.
But it was years before she had come to realize this. And when she did, everything began to make sense.
How could anyone ever be a friend to one you're made to call 'your better'? How could anyone truly say there is no contempt for ponies without a gift?
And then it had occurred to her – the solution had been so simple. What was a truer definition of friendship, among unequals, than to become equals? For what could it profit a pony to have all the friends in the world, if their worth still measured less than another's?
The thought had been a revelation to her. Soon she began to speak her ideas – openly and unafraid. She talked about equality, and having one's destiny in one's own hoofs, regardless of one's cutie-mark.
Her message had been met with jeers and ridicule. When she spoke in front of an open audience, her speeches fell upon deaf ears.
It was not until she began to reach out to the poor, the disaffected, and those who had also been ostracized for their cute-marks, that she found a receptive audience to her message.
Soon, her movement began to grow. And as more ponies came, the more ire they attracted, until finally they were expelled all together.
One town after another followed suit, barring the gates, and refusing to let them enter.
Everywhere they went ponies hurled insults and blows with equal fury.
The message was very clear: they were not welcome.
And so they wandered the open and desolate plains of the Equestrian deserts, until they found a spring in a remote corner of the world and called it their own. They christened their new settlement “Equality” and built it up with the same fervor that had banded them all together.
They finally had a place to call their own. A refuge from the cruelty that all of them had endured.
Things were simpler then. Everypony did the work that suited them best – no one held themselves in higher esteem than anyone else. They lived, laughed, loved, and grew together – determined to make the dream work.
But it would not last...no good thing ever did.
Soon, the same curse that they had fled from before, began to infect others.
It started off simply enough: some in the community felt that since they put in more work than the others, they should enjoy extra incentives. Harmless enough. After all, what is well done should be rewarded, yes?
But soon it began to manifest itself in other ways. Cliques began to form.
At the time, Starlight had seen all of this happening, but did nothing. How could she? They were equals now. And though it had been her philosophy that had begun this movement, she would not break her founding precept.
And so it continued, until the field workers did not mingle with the town ponies, the town ponies did not mingle with the academics, and the academics refused to mingle with anyone.
Jealousy and strife began to rear their ugly heads again, until there was an open rebellion...
Those were dark days in Equality, when even Starlight herself didn't know if her vision would survive.
She felt though, as much as it betrayed her conscience, that she had to intervene.
Amid the calamitous uproar of dissent, she finally realized what she failed to from the beginning: that nopony could be allowed to be different from any other, in any way.
That's when she realized the ultimate cause of every division that kept ponies from coming together – their cutie marks.
It was the cutie-mark which distinguished a pony, which enabled a pony, which lifted a pony above their peers.
No true harmony could ever exist as long as the boundaries imposed by the cutie-marks remained. There was only one solution then – they had to go.
There was only one problem: how do you convince ponies to give up something so integral to who they were? Something that defined them? Shaped them? That chose their destiny for them...
By giving them a choice, naturally. But you can never achieve anything from the back. You have to set the example.
But therein lay the paradox of it all – how could one guide a movement if one had no control of it?
It was a question that had wracked Starlight's mind for many sleepless nights.
At last, she had decided, for the well-being of all, that she would take on the responsibilities of a few, for the betterment of all. She would assume the role of the leader, even if that meant deceiving them...
She was reaching the end now, she could feel it. The air was growing fresher, yes...much fresher now. Soon she'd be on the other side. What waited for her there, she didn't know...maybe some familiar faces...
Starlight lowered her head, as she reminisced.
Double Diamond had been one of her closest supporters – even though he was a relative new-comer to the town.
A short time after the great schism which had caused many of her followers to leave, she had found him near the summit of the mountain – half- buried in the snow, unconscious, and with a fractured leg.
With great effort, she had taken him back to the town, and looked after him.
Starlight had always admired the young skier's resiliency. He was already longing to return to the slopes, even as he lay bedridden with a cast around his leg. He had a fire within him. One that Starlight could scarcely comprehend, though it did not stop her from wanting it.
Many days, as he lay recovering, Starlight would come and sit down beside his bed and they would talk together. Simple things at first: the weather, favorite things, hobbies, memories...
Eventually Starlight convinced him to tell her a little about himself.
He told her that he had been a loner most of his life – having grown up an orphan – and that he had traveled most of the world in search of new challenges and adventures.
Eventually, the topic of philosophy arose, at which point, Starlight began to explain what her town was all about...
He had taken it in stride at first, which surprised Starlight to some degree, as most ponies she had spoken to about her ideas usually rejected it outright or were ambivalent about it to some degree or another. And while he didn't disagree with her vision, he was reluctant to embrace the idea that getting rid of a cutie-mark would lead to happiness.
But when Starlight asked him about the circumstances she had found him in, there was a profound shift in his demeanor.
“Would your cutie-mark have saved you?” she asked him.
Double Diamond didn't answer.
In the coming weeks and months, his recovery was hampered by several accidents that made mending his leg take that much longer,.
At the end of his convalescence, though, when he felt well enough to travel. Starlight had given the question him once again.
“Is having a cutie-mark worth having so much pain? Why not stay here, with us? Here we'll take care of you, accept you. You can become...one of us.”
After some more persuasion, Double had finally agreed to stay, and was an integral part of the town from that day on...
Starlight sighed
She had always been fond of Double Diamond. More so, perhaps, than she even wished acknowledge. She truly did care for him. Even some days, when she was alone, she even dared to dream that they could be something more than friends...
But she could never acknowledge it. Not to him, not to the others, not to herself. How could she? If they were together, would that not be a show of favoritism? Would that not have gone against everything she had ever stood for?
And yet...it was his betrayal that hurt the most.
Maybe she could still return to him, but it probably didn't matter. He probably hated her now. They all probably hated her now.
Starlight couldn't blame them.
Deep down inside, she knew she was a fraud, a fake, a hypocrite.
Even if there was ever true equality, there would always be differences...always something to envy...always something to dream for...
Starlight made her way over the rock ledge and down a steep embankment until she was at the mouth of the cave. Outside, the light from the desert sun was blinding – she couldn't see what lay beyond.
For a moment, she hesitated. But after turning to look back into the cold darkness behind her, she began to trot forward. Nothing to lose, right?
She passed beyond the arch of the cave's entrance and, after her eyes adjusted, she found herself standing on an open plain – with not a single soul in sight.
Relief and sadness begin to wash over her.
She was alone now. Truly alone. Just as she had been at the beginning.
Was this a new beginning? It didn't feel that way. Then maybe it was the end? And yet, she still lived and breathed.
What would she do now? Return to the village? Plead for mercy? They'd never buy it... they knew her too well.
The again, maybe she also knew herself too well...
A single tear rolled down Starlight's cheek as she stared into the vast emptiness before her, thinking of everything she left behind her. Her friends and companions who she truly held close to her heart – as a mother would her children. How so much had changed so quickly...
Starlight looked up at the sky.
It was still day yet. She'd have to wait until night to continue on, otherwise, she'd never make it.
The desert was such an unrelenting place. It had a way to tearing ponies down and building them back up. Showing what they were really made of.
Perhaps that's what she'd do – spend some time in those immense solitudes and think things over. And maybe one day, when she had found some true harmony within herself, she could return to the town and ponies which she had loved so dearly.
Maybe some day...
