Of Boredom and Co-Conspirators

by Nightmare723764

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 26005

A Sadistic Mama's Boy and a Highly-Amused Master Manipulator find themselves as foals in Equestria... This sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Good thing it's the beginning of a hilarious joke then, eh?

This started as a RP between myself and Nihatclodra, but soon took a life of its own... so we decided to see where it would take us

7/13/2016: THe cover art is provided by the awesome mix-up! Thanks for the great cover! Here's his FiMfic account and here's his devientart account!

A Sadistic Mama's Boy and a Highly-Amused Master Manipulator find themselves as foals in Equestria... This sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Good thing it's the beginning of a hilarious joke then, eh?

Come, watch as these Man-foals fuck with the whole of Equestria.

Come, see as Hilarity ensues around them.

Come, read what these two authors write without thinking whilst somehow making a good story.

Come, join the Co-Conspirators in alleviating their Boredom.

Published 2015-04-12 15:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-07-20 00:02:28 UTC

Chapter 2

<<>>

After much begging, pleading, and much to my eternal shame crying; I escaped getting a catheter and being trussed-up like a psychotic Christmas turkey. Granted, I had to put up with a “Watcher” now, a rather large unicorn… stallion I guess?

“Eh, doesn’t really matter anyway” I thought stretching out like a cat and yawning in this cutesy manner that came to me naturally.

The unicorn is under orders to sedate me if I started to act up again, which I won’t. I got most of my panic and paranoia out earlier, and now I’m starting to feel that bone-deep sense of exhaustion. Honestly waking up as an entirely different species of creature is very tiring, honestly the only reason I lasted so long is through bloody stubbornness and adrenaline. Oh and rage, best not forget that!

Yawning again I look up at my watcher, “Yeah, hey big guy! I’m going to sleep! Go take a… coffee break or whatever…” I grumbled.

Ignoring any replies of the watcher I quickly burrowed myself in the covers of my strangely comfortable hospital bed. “Ain't hospital beds suppose to be uncomfortable and shit? Eh fuck it…” Grumbling lightly I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

<<>>

I chuckled as Shifty went to sleep. ”And there he goes… I’m starting to get tired as well. Damn, that means I’m waking up soon… too bad, this was a fun one, even if magic is… weird… in this dream. I hope I dream a continuation of this at some point, trolling these ‘Ponies’ is too much fun!”

I look over to Shifty’s babysitter, “Hey, are you gonna be watching us sleep all night?” I ask him.

“I gotta make sure your brother there doesn’t wake up and cause even more trouble, so yes. Don’t worry, I’m used to all-nighters.”

I hum thoughtfully for build-up to my reveal, “Well… alright, not like it would be the first time… just note that you owe us 20 coins should you see anything… ‘nice’...” I state with a half-lidded stare.

The babysitter guard stared at me wide eyed and slowly turned green in the face and I inwardly chuckled, “Yup, gonna miss that.”

“Niiiiight~” I drawled seductively… I couldn’t resist getting one more in after all. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep to his disturbed spluttering… music to my ears. Now it’s time to wake up in the boring world…

<<>>

Cadence flopped in a decidedly un-princess-like manner onto her bed. Her husband Shining Armor watching her curiously, wondering what could’ve tired her own so. Putting his book down Shining Armor cuddled up to his wife and nuzzled her.

“What’s wrong Cadence?” Shining Armor asked quietly, “I’ve never seen you so stressed before.”

“It’s just… there are two foals in the hospital.” Cadence started, “They’ve been sexually abused for years, they were even pimped out by their parents!!”

Shining Armor’s eyes widened at that and he hugged Cadence tightly to his barrel as if to ward away the thoughts that plagued his wife. After a few minutes of cuddling Shining Armor took a breath.

“I wish I could say something to make you feel better Cadence but I can’t.” He started, “But I swear on Celestia and Luna’s manes I’ll find the monsters responsible for this!”

Cadence nodded and closed her eyes, eventually drifting off into a very uneasy and nightmare ridden sleep.

Luna’s work was cut out for her that night…

<<>>

Luna drifted along the dreamlands doing her sworn duty, though tonight she kept her eye out on Cadence’s and Twilight’s dreams. Though never Tia, her mind is too well guarded for her to enter. However, even as she dispelled nightmares her thoughts drifted to the two unfortunate foals.

Shifting Space and Inanis…

“It’s utterly disgusting what happened to these foals!” She fumed angrily, “Nay! Tis pure EVIL to do such things to innocents like foals!!”

Truthfully, probably naively, Luna had thought she and her sister had stomped out those sort of heinous actions! To hear it happened in the north of Equestria disgusted Luna, she could imagine how Tia felt! She always hated foal abuse and molestation with a fierce unholy hatred!

“Tia will be in such a mood for the foreseen future.” Luna thought rather glumly, having experienced Tia’s temper when she was in one of her moods before, “In hindsight switching all of Tia’s cakes with sugar-free equivalent was a very bad call. But at the time it was just sooo funny!”

However her feeble attempts to distract herself from the foals’ horrifying situation were dashed when she sense a slew of nightmares coming. And Luna knew, without even peering into the nightmares in question, who was having them.

All the ponies who learned of Shifting Spaces’ and Inanis’ situation.

“Can’t say I wasn’t expecting this. Or surprised.” She thought with a sigh as she went about dispelling the nightmares as there was simply no way she could change them into something remotely pleasant.

Sometimes it really doesn’t pay to be the Princess of Dreams…

“Hmm… perhaps I shall visit these foals’ dreams? Mayhaps divine the location of their home?” The Night princess mused as she went about dispelling the nightmares.

Decision made, Luna decided to delve into the dreams of Shifting Space first given just how violent a reaction he gave and his temporary break from reality back at the Canterlot Royal Hospital.

Searching for a few minutes, which was a mere heartbeat in the real world, Luna located Shifting Space’s dreamscape. Taking a breath Luna steeled herself before she ‘invaded’ his dreamscape.

“Really wish I could think of a better word than invade when I enter another’s dreamscape.” Luna thought dryly.

In its natural, if anything in the dream world could be considered natural that is, state it’s akin to a… bubble-bath of sorts. All the bubbles being individual dreamscapes. Occasionally, when showing others said dreamscapes, Luna forced them into the shape of doors so as to not confuse those not used to Dream Magicks.

Steeling herself once again Luna infiltrated, and how she hated to think of her actions like that, Shifting Space’s dream. It took her a few moments to reorient herself entering new dreamscapes, technically speaking, was always somewhat disorientating. Why Luna remembered entering one dreamscape and it was like wading through thick mud!

After regaining her orientation Luna pushed further into the dreamscape, which oddly enough had more ‘layers’ than any other dreamscape she has entered, and when she finally reached the center of his dreamscape. Well… Luna now understood the depths of this foal’s issues.

The foal was fighting, quite viciously and even murderously if Luna was entirely honest, armies of faceless stallions in armor. The armor obviously being influenced by his encounters with the guard.

Shifting acted more like a rabid animal then a civilized pony! He even bit and torn into some of the stallions throats! And was he grinning!?

“Oh dear sweet Mother…” Luna thought as she quickly exited the obvious nightmare before she found out if a Dream avatar can vomit or not!

She stood in the infinite space of the Dreamworld, as she honestly couldn’t gather enough focus to shape the Hallway of Doors, and simply dry heaved. She had been in the dreams of some disturbed individuals but that took the cake!

“And I still have one other dream to visit…” She thought with some dread..

Giving one final heave Luna steeled herself again and flew off to find Inanis’ dreamscape, praying to her Mother and anypony that could hear her that it wouldn’t be as disturbing as Shifting Space’s was!

Somehow… she felt that her prayer wasn’t heard…

After some sifting, and gently nudging some dreamscapes out of the way, she finally found Inanis’ dreamscape. Floating outside the ‘sphere’ Luna found herself trying to talk herself out of entering. After a few minutes she stamped and started huffing.

“I am the Princess of the Night, Moon, and Dreams! I’ve fought Discord with my sister and countless other horrors! I will not be intimidated by the dreams of two disturbed little foals!” She thought, psyching herself up to enter the dreamscape.

After another few moments she bit the bullet and entered the dreamscape.

She found only abyss.

Endless black in all directions; no matter, no light, no gravity, no time, no existence… just darkness, and the sound of rushing wind finding no purchase, despite there being no breeze here.

There was an overwhelming pressure of eerie melancholy, of maddening silence, of the void. Luna could not bring herself to so much as think as she got swept along into the dream, such things did not matter, it not like she was truly aliv- there was a sudden, achingly slow thump that echoed throughout the space and jolted her out of her trance.

”Dangerous… too dangerous… I haven’t been so close to losing myself like that since the “Nightmare”... but what was that thump? There isn’t anything here to make a sou-” it sounded again, but slightly softer and quicker this time.

“A… heartbeat? The colt’s heartbeat…? Well at least for that, this void is too close to ‘death’ as it is…” Luna muttered, while looking around for the aforementioned colt. After flying for several minutes, she finally saw Inanis sitting in the air, and flew up to him.

<<>>

I watched at the corner of my eye as an ‘Alicorn’ Pony came up to where I was sitting. Judging by her mane and tail, and assuming that names actually hold meaning for the ponies, I would assume this to be Princess Luna. ”I do wonder what she’s doing here though… the lucid dream ended, and I was already in the process of meditating to ensure I remember as many details of the dream as I can; so I could continue at a later date…” I thought.

“... What troubles you foal?” Luna asked after a few moments, “Tis rare to find dreams such as this one…”

”Hmm… well, the least I could do at this point is fuck with her further, I’m already done meditating on the dream she’s from after all…” “I was just gazing into the abyss, waiting for it to gaze back into me… perhaps then, something would truly see.” I supplied poetically vague. ”Now, how will you interpret that? What direction will you send me to fuck with your mind with?”

Luna frowned slightly, “... I gazed into the abyss once… all I received was madness and having my body subverted. There are more pleasant things to gaze into that wouldn’t drive you mad.” Luna replied quietly.

I grinned, ”I can work with that.” “Ah, but you merely peered into the abyss; I was born in it, molded by it,” I mentally snickered, “The abyss looked into you and found you wanting, so it filled you with what you did not have. Should the abyss look into me, I can only guess how it would react at finding itself staring back.” I finished. ”Dear gods, this is so damn edgy! I can barely stop myself from laughing!”

Luna blinked, “But… surely a part of you wishes to leave this abyss? Nothing good comes from it… and I’ve seen many good beings turned into monsters from gazing into it overlong.” She said quietly, clearly growing uncomfortable, “Nothing good comes from gazing into the abyss even for those that claim to be born of it.” She added a bit more firmly as if to bolster her own confidence.

I chuckle, “Perhaps, if you do not embrace it. Madness is quite simply the most useful tool one could possibly have, but social stigma dictates we should shun it. In shunning one’s madness, one is at conflict with one’s self, and destroys themselves until they either shatter, or forget why they are warring with themselves. These result in being “Unstable”, and being “Crazy” respectively. I have long since accepted madness, the gift of the abyss, as a part of myself; we are not separate, we are not enemies, we are simply me. In this way, I have kept my madness and can use it as I like. ‘There is a fine line between genius and madness’ some… pony… once said, but what they did not realize is that they are 2 sides of the same coin. Genius is simply intellect, but Madness is originality and innovation; progress can not be truly made without both. Oh dear, I appear to have gone on a rant, what was your question?” I asked with a hidden smirk.

Luna looked poleaxed at my little rant, “... What of your brother then?” She asked, apparently trying to change the subject or at least change the direction of the conversation.

“Well… Shifty’s madness became… corrupted… by his rage. Madness is always painted in the colours of its wielder’s true feelings… my brother has held onto so much anger for so long that his madness has nearly become pure ‘wrath’, whereas mine is coloured more with ‘boredom’... well, boredom by the definition of ‘desire for entertainment’ anyway…” I answer, faking a thoughtful look. ”I’m not entirely certain about ‘Jack’ being as I said, but he certainly can act it naturally... and I was pretty truthful otherwise…”

Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully, “You… have given me much to think about Inanis.” Luna said after a few moments, “Perhaps… we can talk of this again sometime…”

“In my dreams, or ‘reality’?” I snark with a chuckle, ”I do hope that she will remember this conversation in the dream ‘reality’, I’d hate for this conversation to go to waste…”

Luna looked at me with this curious, almosting pitying, gaze for a brief second before it vanished, “In your dreams. I fear Tia and Cadence would do something brash if they listened in on us.” She said with a very faint smile.

“Ah, under the impression that ‘Madness is evil, and serves no purpose but to corrupt good ponies’ or some tripe like that?” I ask with a chuckle.

“It’s a stereotype and unfortunately a commonly held belief amongst my little ponies. A little madness never hurt anypony, like you said the line between Madness and Genius is razor thin. Starswirl the Bearded was very mad in his own way and he’s became the greatest wizard in history!” Luna said with a giggle, “Madness is only bad when it drives you to do horrible things. Your brother’s madness qualifies as the bad kind.” She added with a frown.

“My brother’s madness is only bad if there was no warrant for it… and currently, there is still warrant for it. Should it stop being necessary, I will help him reign it in. However, I am curious…
you claimed earlier that nothing good ever comes from gazing into the abyss, that it drives one to madness, then just now claimed that madness is a good thing… am I truly so charismatic as to change the philosophy of royalty so easily?” I asked cheekily.

Luna just rolled her eyes and snorted in amusement, “While you are cute you’re not that cute.” She said with a smile smile, “I am impulsive and rather judgemental, problems I’m working on correcting, and I tend to see the worst in others. Sometimes I need to be reminded just because I’ve seen others driven to madness and do horrible things doesn’t mean being a little mad is a bad thing. For example my sister is a bit mad! She somehow manages to keep the nobility under control, thwart all their attempts to increase their own power, and somehow manages to make it seem like they’re benefiting and getting the best of her! You have to be slightly mad to do that for thousands of years and not snap!”

“I see, so it was my silver tongue rather than my unyielding charisma that swayed your opinion; I’ll keep that in mind!” I say, childishly sticking out my tongue that I coloured silver with lucid-dreaming, “And thousands of years? Do Alicorns have unusually long lifespans or something?”

Luna giggled, “The most common misconception is that Alicorns, True and ‘Lesser’ ones alike, are immortal. Which if the furthest thing from the truth. Alicorns are Timeless, we don’t suffer and die from old age. However despite this we are still as vulnerable as any mortal being. We are only heartier and fight off illness more effectively.” Luna explained with a smile, “Though it is a trial being so long lived. Seeing friends and loved ones wither away… our lot in life if truly a depressing one…” She added with a sigh.

“So… you’re saying that the only lasting relationships we could have would be with other Alicorns? Well then…” I say with a roguish smile, “It’s a good thing you’re quite cute.” ”Please be the easily-embarrassed type! They’re always fun!”

Luna blushed slightly and she giggled behind her hoof, “Charmer! However you’re much too young for me. Maybe after a few years. How old are you anyway?” Luna asked curiously.

“Well, let me put it this way. Shifty is almost half my age older than me, despite his size making him look younger than he is.” I answer unhelpfully, “And if we truly are timeless, why couldn’t I simply keep trying to gain your affections, even if it takes centuries? A ‘few years’ isn’t exactly much of a wait.” I add with a wink.

Luna giggled even more and blushed harder, “A ‘few years’ in this case is just until you’re physically mature.” She said looking anywhere other than Inanis, “The chances of you getting closer to my actually age are impossible unless you start dabbling in Chronos magick, which is foolhardy in the extreme even for masters in the craft, or use an aging potion which is only temporary.” She added, “Though I am curious… how are you an Alicorn when your brother is but a Unicorn? A Unicorn with large potential for magic but still…?”

“I have no idea, I was just born like this, and he was just born like that. Heck, for all I know, he is an Alicorn, but was born with a deformity that resulted in him not having wings.” I state, “Maybe we’re not siblings at all, and are actually just unholy spawns of the abyss with some unsuspecting mares?” I add cheekily.

“Cheeky foal!” Luna said with a giggle, “We actually have tests for such things. You’d be surprised just how frequent a mare that dabbles in the Occult and wakes up with foal and no knowledge of the father. And we did the same to you and Shifting Space. He’s one hundred percent Unicorn. Which is rather unfortunate… it’s never pleasant to outlive family… be it through blood or bond.”

“Wow… maybe I should stop giving that many half-lidded stares to the abyss, if it’s knocking up that many mares!” I say with a hearty laugh, “And as for Shifty, well… I don’t think he could handle eternity regardless… I’ve always felt time going by far faster than most ponies, months seeming like days… I guess my mind is simply hard-wired for my potential lifespan. But Shifty, he’s ruled by his emotions, and eternity would destroy him as all crumbles to dust around him…” ”Again, don’t even have to lie… First time my unique sense of time has had any relevance in one of these dreams though…”

Luna nodded in understanding, “A word to the wise. Never assume. My niece Cadence? She used to be a Pegasus but ascended to Alicornhood when she gained her cutie mark.” Luna said with a smile, “Honestly I’m still trying to work out how her cutie mark affected her ascension.” She added thoughtfully.

“She did seem the emotional type, but she also had far more control over those emotions than Shifty has… certainly, that can change when he’s older, but not now. Though, I guess there is the potential for him to ascend later on, should that change.”

“Perhaps. There is always a chance.” Luna said with a smile, then the ‘world’ shook, “Hmm… seems you’re waking up. Well I must say this was a very enlightening… if somewhat unnerving conversation.” She added diplomatically.

“Well, either that or I’m hungry and that was my stomach,” I say with a slight grin, “And I enjoyed this conversation too. May there be countless more, and may we never be bored of each-other’s voices!” I add while toasting a norse flagon full of mead that suddenly appeared and chugging it.

Luna smiled and giggle before lifting her own wine glass in toast, “Here-here!” She said with an amused snort before she drank her drink and disappeared with a pop.

“Heh, I’m definitely gonna enjoy these dreams if I can manage to continue them.” I mutter out loud, before gazing once more into the abyss, waiting to wake up again.

<<>>

I awoke with a jerk, snort, and a jaw-cracking yawn.

Sitting up in my bed I wiped my eyes, freezing when I felt fur instead of skin. Gods, I was hoping the whole being a horse/unicorn thingy was a dream. Gods fucking damn it!

However it was too early to get mad and honestly I just had the best sleep in my life! Back on Earth I was an absolute insomniac! I was lucky to get thirty hours of sleep throughout a week! I gave another jaw-cracking yawn.

“Now… who do I have to suck off to get some coffee around here?” I muttered as I rubbed my eyes and I tried to wake up.

“Um…” My watcher said as he stared at me with wide eyes and a green muzzle.

“Oh, it’s you then? Come on then, whip it out.” I say sarcastically.

I blinked and had to gather my wits, I’m rather proud of myself cause I did pull my shit together rather quickly! Hmm… I need me a good laugh to start the day…

“Come on dude! Honestly it wouldn’t be the first time. And at least it’s my choice this time. Getting skullfucked is not pleasant.” I said dryly, “So either whip it out or go get some fucking coffee already!”

The stallion quickly trotted off decidedly more green then red much to mine and I assume Inanis’ amusement. Seeing as no… pony, I guess that’d be the right terminology, was around I decided to ask Inanis something.

“Yeah… did you feel somepony poking around in your head last night? Cause I swear I think I saw an alicorn with a moon on her ass for a few seconds there.” I asked curiously.

There was some chuckling from Inanis as he got up, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was Princess Luna, she was pretty fu-” He suddenly stopped talking, and his eyes went wide before whispering “H-how-why-what-fuck-where-WHAT!? Why am I STILL IN THIS… dream… oh no.”

I then watched as he bit himself in the wing, yelped, started muttering to himself in gibberish, and had his eyes moving rapidly with fully dilated pupils… it was kinda funny.

“Dude… when I was fighting every… pony yesterday I got knocked around pretty bad too. Dreams aren’t suppose to hurt like that.” I said, “So… unless this is one lucid fucking dream… this is all real…” I added somewhat distractedly as the impact of my words actually hit me.

I wasn’t the exemplar of responsibility back on earth, hell I honestly needed a damn Keeper to ensure I didn’t burn down the apartment complex! But I did have responsibilities! I was a godfather, why my cousin actually name me godfather when he knew of my issues I’ll never know, and what about my mom? And my job!?

… Eh fuck my job. My boss was an asshole and everyone I worked with were jackasses…

“Oh fuck me… I might never see… mom again…” I thought with wide eyes.

“So… um… what’d Princess Luna wanna talk to you about?” I asked trying to distract myself cause if I started thinking about our situation I would start crying.

I’m a momma’s boy and I’m not afraid to admit it…

“Wha- oh, umm… let’s see… the abyss, madness, pregnant mares, immortality, casual flirting, and some mead… so the usual topics, really.” he answers, with a slightly forced grin.

“Yeah… that’s cool…” I said with a sigh, “Dude… this situation is royally fucked up…” I groaned as I face… hooved as I tried my damnedest not to cry.

“Indeed… well, it could be worse… I could be something other than an Alicorn, and thus apparently Royalty, if convention continues, and having Eternal Youth! Oh right, you’re a unicorn… well, at least you can truthfully say you’re always horny!” He teased, still with nervous-looking wide eyes.

I gave a rather hysterical sounding yet genuinely amused laugh, “Yeah… I can can’t I? And you’re getting eternal youth and being royalty? Gods why does every… pony other than me get cool shit like that? Okay so… we gotta make the best outta our situation… I can do that…” I said before I started doing some deep breathing exercises, it’s just too goddamn early to be having a panic attack!

“Well, seeing as you’re my… ‘Brother’... I might be able to swing you being royalty too… maybe…?” Inanis said, seemingly beginning to calm down.

“Yeah… so how badly did you screw with Luna?” I asked curiously, “Anything I need to do to keep up the act?”

“Nah, I followed the rules of a Silver Tongue… namely; Never lie, but always bend the truth. You’re good. Heck, most of the discussion was a philosophical debate… Hmm… actually, there is one thing…” Inanis states, thoughtfully.

“What?” I asked curiously.

He gives me a mischievous yet roguish grin, “I call dibs on Luna for when we’re old enough. She’s good for conversation, and is honestly kinda cute… in an equine way… thank the gods I’m pansexual, or suddenly changing species would be really awkward.”

I tilted my head at that, for some reason feeling competitive for whatever strange reason but I pushed it away deciding to think on it later. Stretching and cracking my neck I just shrugged.

“Well… that’s your prerogative I guess.” I said with a shrug, “I haven’t really talked to her so I can’t say one thing or another.” I added as I rubbed my head.

“Hey hey hey, you said ‘anything’, remember?” He said cheekily.

I blinked and rubbed my head, “Bro it’s early, I just woke up, and I haven’t had any coffee. Please just humor me and tell me what you or I meant by ‘anything’ please?” I asked with a slight whine in my voice.

“You said, and I quote, ‘Anything I,’ as in you, ‘need to do to keep up the act?’; and I did kind of announce such intentions to her last night with some casual flirting… so technically, you letting me have her would ‘help keep up the act’.” Inanis elaborated.

I just blinked and shrugged, “Well… good for you I guess. Honestly I need to get use to be a hor… unicorn before I started ogling any… pony. Man... the lexicon here is going to be a pain to get use to…” I grumbled, “Man where’s my goddamn coffee??”

“So, that’s a yes to the promise then?” He insisted, with an eerie purr in his throat that reminded me strangely of a devil trying to gain a contract in some movie I watched… meh, I’m too tired for this shit.

…

“Um… yeah. Sure. Whatever.” I muttered, “To early for this shit… WHERE’S THE GODDAMN COFFEE!?” I shouted in irritation.

“Good” Inanis purred with a rather wide grin… that probably would have been creepy had I actually cared enough to look.

Eventually the Watcher returned with a styrofoam cup with something. I was too tired to really give a damn so I took the cup and chugged it. After I finished I looked at the Watcher.

“... That was apple juice… can I have some coffee? Please…” That last word was oddly painful to say…

“Sorry foal. Coffee’s from grown ups. Besides it’ll stunt your growth, you don’t want to be a shorty for the rest of your life do you?” The stallion replied with a shrug.

“... Shorty…?” My eye started to twitch and my cheek developed a tic.

A light cough came from Inanis, “A word of warning for the future; Shifty hates any reference to his… stature… and he legitimately does need his caffeine in the mornings or he takes forever to wake up… Perhaps some Black Tea, if we can’t have coffee? I personally prefer tea anyway, especially Chai, Chamomile, and Vanilla Rooibos.”

The watcher chewed his lip in thought, “Well… I guess tea ain’t so bad. Tartarus sake we got plenty of it… bloody nobles…” The watcher muttered as he trotted off to get some hot tea.

“There, now you can have your caffeine, get to experience the wonders of tea, and there will be hope for you to yet grow to be as big and strong as me!” The smug bastard teased.

“... You know one of my ‘clients’ was a sick fucker,” I said airily, noticing the guards just outside the door, “He loved to starve me and feed me meat. Bastard was a graverobber too so… food for thought…” I added whimsically.

“I had the same client, though I don’t recall him being a graverobber…” He replied cheekily, after following my line-of-sight.

“Well he did have a twin you know.” I retorted with a small smile, “You know… this is kinda fun actually!” I thought as I heard one of the guards running, or is it galloping, to a bathroom.

“A pair of twins, both with the same meat fetish, and one is a cannibal from the sounds of things…? Gods, who the flying fuck raised them? One could be an awful coincidence, but both just paints a disturbing picture of how they were raised… hey, maybe they were like us, and were ‘continuing the tradition’, as it were?” Inanis spun the tale masterfully.

“I think he was a necrophile instead of a cannibal. But regardless it’s fucked up no matter how you look at it.” I said with a shrug, “The disturbing thing is as I would ‘eat’ he was talk dirty like I was eating him. I think he had a major thing for Vore.” I added with a grimace of disgust as I honestly couldn’t stand Vore or any of its variations.

“Hey, what’s that face for? Vore isn’t too bad!” he stated with a laugh, “but a necrophile, eh… shit, guess we should get tested, make sure we have no maggots growing in there… well, they’ve probably given us a full physical already with their magic; so I don’t think we really have to worry…”

At the mental image of maggots in my… well I started dry heaving over the bed! Oh god! Brain bleach! I need some brain bleach! Or some fucking head trauma A-S-A-FUCKING-P!!

Of course, my dearest ‘brother’ is just sitting there chuckling at my reaction, with a smug look in his eyes saying ‘Hah! I won!’... bastard.

“You’re an asshole.” I managed to rasp out between dry heaves.

He pointedly looks back at his behind, “Yup, though with an adorable face, 2 ‘horns’, 2 jewels, 2 wings, and 4 hooves attached… despite some clients wishing the rest were missing.” He replies with no small amount of snark.

I just grumbled curses and tried to calm down. Sometimes it just isn’t worth getting out of bed in the morning…

<<>>

Luna sat down in a small private dining room with Tia, Cadence, and Twilight. All of us had our preferred morning drink of choice. Black coffee, though Luna’s was only half-caffeinated as a java’d up Night Princess is a terrifying thing to behold.

“So… last night I saw some disturbing things and had a very interesting conversation.” Luna said with a faint blush recalling Inanis’ casual flirting.

“How so sister?” Tia asked curiously, both at her words and the faint almost invisible blush on her muzzle.

Cadence and Twilight looked as interested as they could, they wouldn’t be able to fully join without two pots of coffee in them both. None of the princesses were morning ponies in the slightest.

“Well, I was curious about the foals found yesterday, and had hoped to find some hints as to where they lived before… so I ‘invaded’ their dreams…” Luna explained, “They were… not what I expected…”

“And what did you expect exactly Lulu?” Tia asked, somewhat disappointed by her invasion of their privacy but not entirely upset. Somepony had to do it after all.

“Well… I was expecting foals to be trapped by ceaseless nightmares…” Luna said, “But their dreams were very… unique… to say the least.”

“How so *yawn* auntie?” Cadence asked tiredly as she sipped at her scalding hot coffee.

Luna then proceeded to describe in detail Shifting Space’s dream, or nightmare; Luna wasn’t entirely sure now that she thought about it, and explained just how much joy Shifting showed as he brutally maimed, butchered, and slaughtered the army of faceless stallions.

“Oh my…” Cadence said covering her muzzle with her hooves, all thoughts of coffee lost to her, “And Inanis?”

“Inanis was… well his dream was nothing. I mean literally an endless void of nothing. And once I found him, the scenery did not change in the slightest… but we did end up having a philosophical debate of all things, talked a little bit about him and his brother… which netted very little information now that I think of it… I told him about Alicorn timelessness since he is one, and then he… he…” Luna started to trail off with a slight blush, “Well… he kind of started flirting with me…?”

Tia and Cadence started giggling while Twilight jerked, “Huh? What’d I miss?” She asked.

Cadence giggled even harder, “Did you fall asleep with your eyes open?” She asked with an amused smile.

Twilight just blushed and ducked her head making the three princesses giggle. Tia smirked and looked at Luna, “My… this is probably your youngest suitor yet dear sister.” She teased, “Not even going to wait till he’s sixteen? Oh my you’re quite the cradle-robber!~”

“Wha- I am not going to- he’s too young! … He will be quite handsome once he is old enough though… but not until then!” Luna stated with a huff.

“Um… Lulu,” Tia started, both amused and hesitant, “I was just joking, but I’m quite surprised you’re taking a colt’s crush seriously, he must have made quite the impression!” she snickered.

Luna blushed, “Well sister you know how hard it is to keep a relationship when you know you’ll outlive your special somepony!” She said with a huff, “Besides… he is rather cute in this odd and slightly creepy way.”

“... Quite the impression indeed, dear sister. You’re almost talking like it’s a done deal, and he or you won’t change your minds later…” Celestia said, with a hint of worry in her tone.

“I haven’t decided anything sister!” Luna said fuming, “All I’m saying is that he’s cute and that is it! Stop looking for things that aren’t there!?” She added with a scowl.

“Alright, alright… I’ll stop,” Tia sighed ruefully, “I just wanted to make sure that you aren’t just latching onto him due to some latent loneliness from… well…”

Luna’s eye twitched, “Dear sister.” She said through gritted teeth, “While I am lonely, if I did ‘latch’ onto him can you blame me? It’s been five… bucking… years and the only ponies that talk to me are merely trying to curry favor from you, or are in this room! So ex-bucking-scuse me for enjoying an intelligent debate with somepony that doesn’t seem to worshiping the bucking ground you trot on!” She hissed.

“Luna! I didn’t mean… my apologies… I’ll let you do as you wish in this case…” Celestia sighed, then added with a slight smirk, “Just keep it foal-friendly until he’s of age, alright?” she snickered.

“You’re ‘Molestia’ not I, sister.” Luna deadpanned

“Really? I could have sworn there was that one time that you dyed your coat light-pink…” Tia implied.

“That was because you bucking changed my shampoo you bucking damned troll!” Luna retorted with no real heat in her voice, “So anyway… what are we going to do with the two brothers? We can’t just send them back home, even if we knew where it is.”

“Um… couldn’t we just… stick them with a foster family?” Twilight suggested.

Luna scoffed, “Twilight, no offense but… I seriously doubt most ponies could handle those two little madfoals.” She said with a smile to remove the sting of her scoff, “The potential for violence from Shifting alone makes it too dangerous to put him with anypony. Something could set him off and he may suddenly find himself guilty of ponyslaughter.”

Twilight rubbed her chin and started thinking of alternatives for the two heavily traumatized brothers. Sadly most alternatives weren’t really possible unless Shifting at the very least was on heavy-duty anti-psychotics. At least Inanis was in complete control of himself from what she’s heard.

“What if one of us adopts them? If nothing else, Alicorn magic should be capable of restraining Shifting if he gets out of control…?” Twilight suggested.

“Not me,” Luna stated, “It would cause a political headache if I really did end up with Inanis later on…”

“... I’ll do it!” Cadence said, “I’ll adopt them!”

“Are you sure?” Celestia asked with a frown, “Your magic is geared towards love and empathic magicks. I’m not sure if you or Shining could handle Shifting is he starts losing it.”

“He was the Captain of the Guard, and he has his shields to hold Shifting in… he should be fine. As for me, I’m sure my magicks could help calm him down.” Cadence said with full confidence… probably quite naively.

“Hmm, well; you do have the most free time aside from Twilight since the Crystal Empire now has its High Council running most of it, and you would be bringing a father-figure with you…” Celestia tilted her head in thought, “And you might be onto something. Heh, if you can calm a rampaging Hydra I think you can handle one magically powerful madfoal.”

“Then it’s decided!” Cadence declared happily, “I’m gonna be a mother!” She squeed, dismissing the the odd shiver she felt move through her spine as she said those words.

Author's Note

Hey, Nihatclodra here; I'm sorry for it taking nearly a year for this chapter to come out, and you can place all the blame on Nightmare. Absolutely All of it. No exceptions. Anyway, I wanted to point out and clear up some things in this fic that I thought some readers may be interested to know.

For one, Inanis is my OC, whereas Shifting Space is Nightmare's; and we each write out own character's dialogue with no help from the other... we thought this may result in more fluid conversations.

And secondly; No, Inanis does not have a crush on Luna. His demanding of that promise from Shifting was more of an "Investment in the future" type deal due to Inanis finding her company pleasant, knowing that she's at least aesthetically pleasing, and is timeless just as he apparently is. He also felt that it would be suspicious if he just acted like his flirting in the "void dream" with her never happened; and "staying in character" is pretty much his only coping mechanism at the moment. So, basically, getting Shifty to make that promise was more to eliminate what competition he could at this time; namely Shifty.

Lastly; there will be more comedy in later chapters, this chapter just ended up as a characterization dump as we were writing it, and we couldn't find more places to inject humour.

Thank you for reading, and please add comments... they are far more satisfying than likes and favorites!

Chapter 4

<<>>

After reading the psychology book, which I actually enjoyed; ‘cause believe it or not I’m something of a bookworm, I decided to ask Silent Watch for some more books to read. Honestly the disbelieving look he shot me was pretty funny, I mean yeah… I really don’t look like the sort of guy to sit still and actually read a book.

But goddamn it I’m not a fucking Jock! I hate those bastards!

“And get me one too, if you could… I’ll likely be done mine soon,” Inanis added, apparently most of the way through a rather massive medical textbook.

“Hey can I read that after you actually?” I asked Inanis, “Psychology is all well and good but I wouldn’t mind reading up on some biology.”

“Sure, I already know a fair bit about Psychology however,” Inanis said, mentally adding ‘I had to, manipulations aren’t easy…’ with a mental sigh, “so your book likely wouldn’t teach me much…”

I shrugged, “I’ve always found psychology interesting.” I said, “I’m no psychologist but I know some stuff.”

Inanis just looked at me disbelievingly, which honestly doesn’t really bother me. It’s a common enough reaction to me stating my interest in the ‘soft science’ of Psychology. Actually that ‘soft science’ bit always kinda annoyed me. Why exactly is Psychology considered a ‘soft science’ anyway?

Shrugging, I sat the book to the side and stared at the ceiling, honestly I think I would adjust to this new world alright. I mean before I came here I lived alone and I didn’t have any people you’d call friends. Acquaintances sure, but no solid friends.

Besides… the thought of having a second chance at my childhood… or rather foalhood, sounded too good to pass up!
As I laid there I did however wonder how our life was going to go. What with being adopted by a Princess and her knight in twinkling armor. Maybe it’d be pretty sweet? Besides, Armor seems like he’d be a hoot to rile up!

Grinning to myself I already imagined the sorts of shenanigans I and Inanis could put to drive that poor stallion gray!
I looked at Silent Watch, who dropped off another book on psychology, and idly wondered what he thought about playing babysitter. Or is it foalsitter? Either or.

“Hey. Silent Watch… can I ask you something?” I asked after a few moments of deliberation.

The stallion turned and looked at me, “It depends… are you going to ask something insulting?” He replied after a few minutes.

“Nah. I was just wondering how you feel being a glorified foalsitter?” I asked curiously.

“Eh… it’s easy bits I suppose.” He said after about 20 seconds of thought, “Granted, I know what you two gremlins can get up to if left alone. So maybe I should put in for some hazard pay…” He added, though for the life of me I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not…

“We could ensure that you get Hazard Pay, if you want…” Inanis said slyly, not looking up from his book.
“Um… yeah that’s not necessary.” Silent Watch said quickly, “Just… read your books and don’t drive me to drink.”

Inanis snickered, “Will do, though I get the distinct feeling a particular bottle at your home already has your name on it at this point!”

Silent Watch rolled his eyes before he took his usual seat and resumed reading a paper, Equestria Daily I read on the front. Deciding to follow his example I also started reading.

… The Psychology of a Psychopath… that’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face…

And I’m not a bloody psychopath! … I took a bath, after all.

<<>>

As I pretended to continue reading the rather dry textbook, my mind drifted once more… this time, to my new parents.

‘Cadence certainly seems like a good mother, if the type to get stressed-out easily… I honestly feel sorry for her in having to deal with us now… Shining, however, needs a reality check, and a thorough thickening of his skin. It’s obvious that he got to his position as Captain on connections alone at this point, but that’s no excuse to be a bad captain. His jumping to conclusions, spoiled arrogance, black-and-white view of the world, and absolute belief in the levels-of-command and how one must always obey and respect their superiors; those are all things that need to change. They may have been tolerable in a foot-soldier that only follows orders and need not think, but is potentially fatal for any under his command as a captain. Shifty and I will need to poke him on those points as much as possible until he starts getting it… which will likely take a decade or so before it starts sticking with his apparent stubborness…’ I planned.

‘Dear gods, our constant poking at “Shiny” will probably make poor Cadence go grey far too fast… if it’s possible for Alicorns to do so… stupid incomplete anatomy book. Nonetheless, it needs to be done. Peaceful or not, War is hiding in every shadow; and there is no good excuse to not be properly prepared for it!’ I finish in my head with an epically fabulous flourish that would make the gods themselves weep at its glory… if only I spoke this out loud, my totally-not-imagined awesomeness would be the stuff of legends!

I snicker at my quite random line of thought, ‘Honestly, where is all this randomness coming from anyway? Did the “dream” being reality begin to unhinge me…? Quite possible…’ I contemplate.

‘Not to mention my newfound habit of monologuing to myself in my head… and replying to myself… crap I really have started going unhinged, haven’t I? No you haven’t! Really? How do you figure? You were unhinged in the beginning!’ I snicker out loud from that one, attracting a strange look from Silent Watch, who could clearly see that I was reading the section on pain tolerances between sub-species of pony… wait, what? That’s actually interesting! Hold on, I better start reading this section from the beginning!

<<>>

Shining Armor was sitting along in his private study, which in all honest was more like a ‘stallion cave’ then a study, brooding over the fact that two foals made him lose his cool and he’d have to apologize to them! Him! Shining Armor!
He hadn’t apologized for anything in his life!

‘Well… there was that one incident when I got wasted and mistaken Slim Limb for Cadence in high school… but there is no reason for a stallion to be that pretty or effeminate!’ Shining Armor thought grumpily.

And now he had to apologize to foals! Who were clearly in the wrong!

‘I mean… Princess Celestia has a point and all but… if you give foals an inch they take a mile! You got to be strict but fair with foals! Like mom and dad were with me!’ Shining Armor thought, ‘The only reason Twilie wasn’t raised like I was is because she was a filly and because it was a miracle she was even carried to term anyway! Yeah…’

Shining never considered the possibility that he was actually spoiled just as much as Twilight, and had simply been jealous of his parent’s attention being directed towards her due to her being younger.

‘Yeah… I ain’t apologizing to no foals! In fact… until they learn that warlocks are evil no dessert! Yeah I mean… foals love dessert right?’ Shining thought with a decisive nod, despite he was completely alone.

Nor did he realize that ‘No dessert for a week’ isn’t actually a proper punishment for getting into a hoof-fight at school, regardless of personal experience...

Deciding to focus on other things Shining Armor started reading the latest issue of Flyer’s Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition!
‘Now… where is the Spitfire centerfold?’ Shining Armor thought as he flicked through the magazine.
If anypony saw him, Shining Armor would insist he was a subscriber for the articles of course…

<<>>

Celestia barely resisted the urge the facehoof and groan. Of course she knew the Council would throw a fit at the thought of a mass inquisition. But sadly knowing really didn’t prepare her for their perpetual whining and so forth. Seeing as not even wealthy landowners or nobles will be spared from the inquisition. Point in fact Celestia was making a mental list of the ones that complained the most.

They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t have something to hide after all.

Hearing one particular noble again saying she didn’t have the right made Celestia’s eye twitch before she stomped her hoof. Hard. Making the entire chamber shake and silence all the nobles. It also served to tell them they pushed it too far.

“I… don’t have the right? Is that right?” Celestia said in a soft tone that everypony could hear despite the softness, “Has the balance of power shifted so much that I’m a figurehead? Is that what you all think I am?”

The council collectively shivered and gulped, knowing they had overstepped their bounds. The only reason Princess Celestia even humored them or even had a council was to give the ponies a voice, and with her general motherly and kindly nature they thought her less a Princess and more of a grandmotherly figure.

It was time, Celestia decided, to remind the council of the pecking order!

“Perhaps a reminder of whom serves whom is in order? There’s you,” ‘then the dirt, the worms inside the dirt, my nephew, my horseapples, the rocks, the plants, the insects, the animals, the other sapients,’ “then the common pony, then my niece Cadence and my student Twilight, and then finally my sister and myself. And even then my sister and I are not above the law, and thus neither is anypony else. And by law, we are expected to use every avenue available to stop criminals when they are breaking our most sacred laws, particularly in this case the absolute protection of foals!” Celestia finished, stamping her hoof again, enough to echo through the room but not enough to make it shake.
The council all shivered collectively and nodded submissively.

“But there are many foreigners that call the north home and you might insult them!” All except for that one plothead that was against the inquisition from the very beginning.

Of course foreigners here translates into very rich acquaintances that might have tons of evidence to my backroom deals and other assorted dirty laundry that I don’t want aired.

“If they are within the borders of Equestria, they are subject to our laws. No exceptions.” the Sun Diarch stated.
The stallion eventually submitted, though it was clear he was very worried. Celestia made a mental note to have one of Luna’s Night Guards put him under surveillance as her own Day Guard wouldn’t know subtle if it came right up and seduced them into giving away state-secrets! Which is exactly why I don’t let them know any sensitive information...
It’s always entertaining to watch spies seduce my guards for secrets, only to walk away having achieved nothing except improve my guard’s morale. One of those spies even got pregnant and married the guard in question! The recordings of her frustrated rants at still not learning anything will never stop being funny.

“Now… unless you ‘nobles’ have anything beneficial to add…” The council was silent, “Excellent. I will take my leave. I’ve got some paperwork to look over.” Celestia said simply before she left, “Which roughly three-quarters I will reject because it’s either noble claptrap or very poorly planned power plays. But the last quarter always makes it worth it.” She thought with a small smile.

Shaking her head at the general stupidity of nobility, a harsh assessment but true for most of them, Celestia trotted off to her private study/office. She absentmindedly also sent off an order for some relaxing Graymare tea and some cake as a snack.

If anything the cake would serve as a motivator as sometimes it’s truly a titanic effort to slog through the nobles whining.

<<>>

Back at her castle, Twilight Sparkle was doing what she often did when she found herself stressed or confused.

Reading… (Duh…)

Ever since she learned of the foals, Shifting Space and Inanis, from Cadence she felt herself coming to a very uncomfortable realization. One that honestly she wished she didn’t come to.

She had been living life through rose-tinted glasses. She had thought the centaur Tirek and the Umbraling Sombra were evil. And they were, what with one being a genocidal manavore while the other was a necromancer, a slaver, and a tyrannical dictator.

However… somewhere along the lines she started thinking only other beings with great power or knowledge in the Dark arts could be evil… those foals reminded her that evil isn’t limited to just beings like Tirek and Sombra…

It was a very disturbing, if necessary, revelation.

Honestly the thought that ponies had hurt those innocent foals like that… pimping them out and exploiting them like that! Honestly she felt so mad she could chew iron and spit nails!!

‘But given my now-Alicorn physiology I probably could chew iron… hmm, I’ll have to experiment with that later…’ Twilight absentmindedly thought.

Shaking her head, experiment later brood now she told herself. But then again… she never was much of a brooder Twilight mused. Her brother on the other hoof, now that stallion could brood with the best of them! Honestly she still couldn’t believe he went through an emo-goth phase! But her mother had pictures to prove it!

‘In fact I should work in some time to visit mom and dad in my schedule sometime… I’m in desperate need of a pick-me-up… especially since Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Cadence all banded together and forced me to start going to AA sessions… I wasn’t even drinking that much, only a couple bottles of cider a day… it’s not my fault I have low tolerance!’

Whoever thought being a princess was a dream come true?! Ha! In a month’s time Twilight took up drinking. After Tirek’s defeat she started to drink even more to cope with nobles endlessly badgering her with marriage contracts and having to put up with their arrogant spawn attempting to woo her.

Shaking her head she focused on her strawberry and rhubarb pie, deciding to distract herself with the wonderfulness that is pie! Though Twilight still didn’t understand why her friends didn’t like it! Even Pinkie Pie disliked it! And that mare will eat any baked goods! It just didn’t make sense! (“Why would I rue Barb? I’m sure Spike’s twin sister is a perfectly nice young lady!” Pinkie’s voice echoed from… somewhere...)

‘Eh… their loss. More for me!’ She thought with a giggle as she started scarfing down the pie in a manner similar to the elusive Cakelestia!

However… her good mood was thoroughly ruined by her secretary pushing in a cart filled with even more paperwork!
The secretary didn’t even blink when Twilight started crying, after all it was just another day in the Friendship Castle.

<<>>

Celestia sighed as she finished the last bit of paperwork; a request from a farmer to purchase more land to work. It always lightened her heart to get genuine requests and the like from her little ponies. Even the nobles, a minority of them that is, had genuine requests! Granted most of them are somewhat odd but when ponies have money they trade in their common sense sadly.

‘What would you do with a swimming pool of lime-green gelatin anyway?’ Celestia wondered, however when she actually gave it some thought her muzzle took on a faint greenish tinge and she looked rather queasy, ‘Never give such requests like that too much thought…’

Shaking her head Celestia finished but and sat silently in her office sipping her tea and idly munching on some cake, ‘Now that I’ve ‘cleared’ it with the council I should inform the foals of the Inquisition. That should bring them some peace knowing their ex-guardians will face justice after so long.’

However… now that she really sat down and thought about it. She really should go see them herself. Perhaps bring Luna with her as well, she should be waking up soon anyway. Though if they were even a quarter as mischievous as Cadence and Shining Armor suggested Celestia would have to prepare herself after all it wouldn’t do for foals to work her up!

She is Trollestia! Prankster Queen of Equestria! She learned how to troll from Discord before he went mad and took over!

Eating her last bit of cake and finishing off her tea Celestia decided to have a nice relaxing bath before she went to visit the foals; Shifting Space and Inanis if she recalled correctly.

<<>>

After finishing up on reading about differences of pain-tolerances between subspecies of pony, and isn’t that a mouthful, I was bored again. Silent Watch was unable to find any medical texts with interesting information, either. With nothing to do but brood, I found himself slipping into an increasingly unpleasant mood; something Silent Watch took note of, and seemed wary about.

‘Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored! So gods damned bored! I haven’t been this bored since… I should probably find something to entertain myself with before the beef-dipper incident repeats itself. Mind you, I was seven at the time; but it still resulted in mass panic in that restaurant… and getting permanently blacklisted. Which sucks, because those very same Beef Dippers were quite good, especially the Philly Cheesesteak ones! What I wouldn’t give for one of those right now… if I could even eat it in this body without getting violently ill from the meat…’ I monologued internally.

‘Hmm… this world is magical, right? … Oh great origin of magic, please give me something to do, if only to prove that a sapient personified embodiment of magic exists in this reality?’ I thought, while contemplating the wisdom in asking an all-powerful being for something as petty as ending my boredom.

Well, boredom is my arch-nemesis, so totally worth it! And that’s not just because acting like a child staves off some of the boredom! ‘… crap, it didn’t wor- is that hoofsteps I hear? Please be visitors, please be visitors, please be visitors…’

And lo-and-behold, it was visitors.

‘Magic, I officially love you. Now if only I could figure out how to cast spells in this dimension so I could kiss you!’ I mentally exclaim, before hearing a disturbing voice that sounded like a hundred me’s giggling in unison.
I’ll just assume I’m crazy and imagined that.

A large white Alicorn entered the room soon enough, whom I assume is Celestia, and was followed by the Alicorn I assume is Luna… I really hope I didn’t get that wrong, it would be pretty awkward to trick Shifty into that promise just to find out it was for the wrong Alicorn…

“Hello Shifting Space and Inanis, it is nice to finally meet you. I am Princess Celestia Solaris, and this is my sister Princess Lunae Eclipsis, of whom I hear Inanis has already met. You may call us Celestia and Luna for short.” The White Alicorn confirmed for me.

‘Yes! I didn’t confuse Luna with someone else! Thank Magic…’ I thought, determinedly ignoring the creepy echoing giggle I heard again.

‘Wait… Celestia Solaris? Lunae Eclipsis? … DAMN YOU GUARD, YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME THEIR FULL NAMES! Crap, now I have to figure out a 2nd part for my name… what the hell could I pair with a word that means Void, anyway? … Lots of things that would making ponies believe I am evil simply from my name… crap. Only one thing left to do, I have to…’ I mentally shudder, ‘Channel my 12-year-old self’s naming sense! Oh gods, this is going to be horrible… Void Abyss? No. Void Light? … Potential, but no… Void Enigma? … That could work… if i knew the Latin word for enigma… Inanis Paradoxum? That… will have to do. It’s still very Chuunibyou, and I’ll be stuck with it the rest of my life, but I kind of cornered myself here…’ I think as quickly as I could manage, so as to not leave too long of a silence while thinking.

“Yo. I’m Shifting Space.” My minion- err brother said with a careless wave of his hoof as he was reading that medical text I was reading earlier, “Just call me Shifty.”

“And I am Inanis, as you probably guessed… technically my full name has more to it, but I’m not very fond of it to be honest… so just call me Inanis.” I Introduce myself, trying to set up an unspoken explanation as to why I didn’t state my ‘full name’ earlier.

“Oh, Inanis isn’t your full name? It’s rare but not unheard of for ponies to only have one name instead of the usual two, so I didn’t consider that it wasn’t your full name…” Celestia said, making me want to bash my head into the wall for not keeping my mouth shut… stupid dream turning out to be real and rendering me off-balance! “If I may ask, so as to make sure your records are kept accurate, what is for full name?” She asked.

“... Inanis Paradoxum…” I reply hesitantly… didn’t even have to act that one, fucking panic…

It was then that Luna spoke up for the first time for this visit, “I’m not that good with my Ancient Alicorn, but that means “Non-Existent Paradox” I believe… rather curious name…?”

“Indeed…” is all I give as a reply.

“Well I think it’s interesting.” Celestia said with a smile, “Besides you hardly have the oddest name in history. I mean honestly, who names a newborn colt Deepthroat Cockslut? I seem to remember that he eventually went on to be a children’s teacher… and never told his students his name...”

… I will admit, that’s fucking hilarious, and makes me feel better about this Chuunibyou-ish name I’m now stuck with.
Shifty just stared at Celestia, “... Seriously? Goddamn… did his parents hate him or something!?” He asked, his expression showing he didn’t know if he should laugh or what…

“No… there was a couple hundred year period where it became a fad to name children the worst names you could think of, in hopes that Allmother Faust would take pity on them and grant them her blessing… it was…” Celestia holds back a snicker, “It was-” She snickered again with a slight snort, “Oh screw it, it was the best prank-fad I ever started!” And she stopped holding back her laughter… can’t blame her.

“So… you doomed several generations of your subjects to have awful names… for your own entertainment; without them ever realizing that you were the one who got them to do so?” I ask, with a serious tone and face.

Celestia stiffened a bit and stopped laughing, before looking at me and nodding slightly.

I just stared at her showing no emotion what-so-ever until I could see her beginning to sweat, and stated in absolute seriousness, “You and I are going to get along far too well, this country may very well be doomed.” I end with a slight smirk.

Celestia just gave a similar smirk back as Luna groaned and muttered about there being two ‘Trollestias’ now.
“Great… now there's two of him…” Shifty muttered with a sigh, “God… it’s a good thing I know how to take a joke or else I would’ve already smothered the fool…”

“Shifty, you know as well as I do that I would have survived the attempt, and made your life a living hell for it.” I state to my currently insubordinate minion.

“You heard that? Oh who am I kidding, of course you heard that…” Shifty exclaimed in surprise, before trailing off, “God… just fuck my life…” He muttered to himself.

Luna giggled, “I know what you mean.” She said with a smile, “Being this troll’s little sister I always seem to be the butt of a joke.”

“Well, back to the topic at ha- hoof… which I don’t know since you haven’t told us yet…?” I hint not-so-subtly.

“Oh well we just decided to come and see you both for ourselves.” Celestia said with a smile, “So here we are.”

Luna nodded in agreement, “We also figured we could answer some questions that books or Cadence and Shining couldn’t answer.” She added with a smile.

“I’m still fairly certain there’s something you came here to either ask or inform us about, and are simply trying to ease us into it, but whatever; we’ll play along.” I state, giving the two of them pointed looks. Noticing that they look suitably sheepish, I continue, “I personally can not think of any questions to ask at this moment, but I would like to request a trip to the library… we have absolutely nothing to do here except read medical texts, and surely you can imagine how boring that is… so we would like to have a trip to the library to check out some books to keep us occupied.” I request.

“That… is perfectly understandable, we can take you there once we’re done answering any questions Shifty has, or you come up with.” The Sun Diarch replied.

Shifty tilted his head in, presumably, thought as he rubbed his chin in thought. “Yeah I got a question. Why the hell is your mane all wispy and shit? I mean… I read something about… organic crystalline structure or whatever but still… can’t help but ask.”

“Well, Shifty, Magic is in fact Psychic Energy that has been extensively amplified by Organic Crystals called commonly ‘Mana Crystals’. Mana Crystals react… strangely… to Psychic Energies if those energies are not tightly controlled by thought and willpower… Now, Alicorn’s Manes and Tails are almost entirely made of Mana Crystals, and Alicorns themselves passively radiate Psychic Energy naturally, which is then caught and amplified by any nearby Mana Crystals. Due to the long length of the hairs, and their proximity to each-other creates an effect rather similar to an electromagnetic field around each hair, causing each hair to both repel and attract all other hairs at once. This combined with the fact that expelled Mana (Raw Amplified Psychic Energy) is lighter-than-air; causes Alicorn Manes and Tails to appear half-ethereal, or ‘wispy’. Does that answer your question, Shifty?” Celestia explained.

“Wait… so the answer is magnets? I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Shifty exclaimed.

Celestia and Luna giggled at Shifty’s little joke, even I chuckled a bit. While juvenile and rather… simple, it was still amusing. And appropriate.

“Ah, yes; Magnets. The answer to all things Magic, except Magnets; of which the answer is Magic.” I add with a chuckle, “So, Shifty, got any more questions for them?”

“Um… nope. None that I can think of right away…” Shifty blinked, “Oh! I suppose that one book about Alicorn anatomy is outdated or something? Cause you used a lot more modern terminology.” Shifty commented tilting his head.

Celestia nodded, “Well yes. That books while informative to be certain is rather… misinformed in some cases.” Celestia said, “I’ll ensure you can find a more up-to-date version of the book.” She added with a pleasant smile.

With that out of the way Celestia and Luna went through the process of checking Shifty and I out of the Hospital, which I am eternally grateful for because despite my trolling I don’t wish to push our dear former-watcher too far lest he sedate us both. As we made our way through the hospital I was well aware of the mixed looks of apprehension and pity we, Shifty and I that is, were getting... though I wasn’t particularly bothered by it.

Shifty, however, seemed to have retreated within himself, apparently he doesn’t do well in crowds or around a lot of peo- ponies. Celestia seemed to notice his discomfort and put a wing over him in sort of a… wing hug I suppose? An analog for tossing your arm around your friend’s shoulder, I can only assume.

Eventually we exited the hospital and I visibly saw Shifty relax, ‘I suppose you aren’t the biggest fan of Hospitals...? Well I can’t say you’re alone in that regard.’ I thought with some amusement, but then again who likes staying in hospitals anyway?

“So where’s the library exactly?” Shifty asked curiously as he looked at Celestia. The Solar Diarch smiled in reply.

“Oh not far actually.” She said kindly, “Just a couple of blocks from here. Lulu here can help you find whatever you need, as can I.”

“Luna can help me find whatever I need, hmm…?” I start with obvious mischief in my voice, “and if it so happens that I need a Luna for a bed-warmer…?”

Luna and Celestia looked at me completely gobsmacked while Shifty was howling in laughter, actually falling over and smacking the ground.

“What…? You didn’t specify ‘whatever I need’ as having to do with the Library…” I say with a smug grin. ‘Ah trolling, without thee I’d be panicking far, FAR more than I am right now…’

Eventually Shifty recovered as did Celestia, though Luna for her part still looked like someone smacked her in the face with a trout repeatedly, “Okay you little troll.” Celestia said with a snicker, “Let’s get you to the library before you seduce my sister.”

“Ah, have a book fetish does she?” I reply without missing a beat.

“That’s Twilight actually.” Luna interjected, still flustered, “You and your brother will meet her eventually as well.”

“Never give Twilight a rare book unless we want to be molested in some form, got it.” Shifty stepped in with a left-hook no’pony’ saw coming. I was actually rather proud of my minio- err I mean brother!

Celestia flat out cackled at that while Luna giggled behind her hoof, “While definitely amusing… sadly my student’s love life is drier than Clover the Clever’s autobiography.” Celestia said with a sigh, “Such a disappointment. I had hope that sparks would fly between her and Flash Sentry… sadly it seems that Flash was in the Stable.”

“Bah, all a dry love-life needs is some proper foreplay and some good lube. Perhaps you could direct some ‘smooth’ stallions her way to see if they could ‘slide right in’ to her life.” I say without changing my tone of voice once, no matter how much I wanted to snicker at my on double-entendres.

Luna laughed as did her sister, “Sadly, my student wouldn’t know foreplay unless she had a book to describe it.” Celestia paused, “Okay that was an unfair assessment. Simply put she’s simply… more into learning then romance.”

“Well then, you could always ask her to write a report on the biological and hormonal differences between Alicorns losing their virginity, and normal mares doing the same… you’d end up with some rather interesting porn to read from the ordeal, and you could sit back and watch as the realization slowly seeps in…” I suggest rather sadistically, remembering that ‘Princess Twilight’ was one of the Alicorns named by the guard yesterday.

“How did we get started on this discussion about sex anyway?” Luna asked completely befuddled, Shifty was just snickering in amusement and shrugged.

“Clearly we are all so sexy that conversation warps itself around us to accommodate it.” He replied without an ounce of shame.

“Well enough of that!” Celestia said with a snicker, “We’re here!”

Before us stood a rather impressive building that screamed ‘Library’ to me. Shifty apparently agreed as well as he acted like a foal and tried to drag Celestia in, apparently surprising her with his strength as he did manage to drag her forward ever-so-slightly.

I simply looked at the Library, smirked, and started walking towards it with a single statement, “Onward towards the All-Consuming Horrors of the Universe; Knowledge and Truth.”

Author's Note

'Ello everyone, Nihatclodra here... and Dear Gods, Hell has frozen over! I'm the reason this chapter was delayed for once! Man the Sirens and Fish the Taxes; every author for Nihatclodra's Self! But seriously, it started with my Wifi getting shut off, to Computer Issues on Nightmare's End, to my finally getting a job (Ironically enough, I'm a Guard... which means I know exactly how to make Inanis and Shifty into a Guard's Worst Nightmare...), to just general problems with motivation... I started writing some fanfics on my own (none of which are MLP fanfics) to try and spark my motivation for writing; but it hasn't helped all that much yet. Here's hoping we can pump out more chapters than one or two a year...

This is Nightmare! Well we're back and hopefully here to stay. I won't say how often we'll update maybe a chapter or two a month? That'd be a definite improvement but nothing is set in stone. But still I hope everyone enjoys this chapter and since it's been so long expect us to have some difficult slipping into our respective characters.

Chapter 1

Of Boredom and Co-Conspirators

Chapter 1

<<>>

As the Alicorn of Love; Cadence is full of love. Love of life, family, friends, nature, etc.

But above all things, she loves the two foals she adopted as her own. A rather small but burly unicorn colt named Shifting Space, and one Alicorn colt named Inanis. Two brothers in everything but blood, but then again pony genetics are a funny thing so they actually could be blood siblings! "They still haven’t told us, honestly..."

Oh but they sometimes were a trial. For some reason beyond Cadence’s comprehension they simply do not like Shining Armor, often going out of their ways to taunt, prank, and generally pester him. It seemed they were equal-opportunity mischief makers, though one of their primary targets being Prince Blueblood. Or rather Blueballs as they call him.

They seem to be on a campaign to make Blueblood out to be a coltcuddler! "I swear some of the things they do, I honestly forget they’re just foals!"

They also seem to have a crush on Auntie Luna! Everypony finds the fact so insanely cute! They would get into the fiercest scuffles over her affections!

Just so cute~!

But of course with the good comes the bad. Given how they act when provoked, their utterly perverse and depraved sense of humor, and their willingness to use violence leads Cadance, as well as Auntie Celestia and Luna, everypony really, to believe they were heavily abused in the past. Thankfully nopony other than a few know the extent of the abuse.

“SHIFTING SPACE! INANIS!”

“Oh Auntie… what have they done now!?”

At this rate Cadence wouldn’t be surprised if she started finding gray hairs in her mane!

<<>>

Inanis and I ran like the Furies of Tartarus were nipping at our hooves, well I ran. Inanis, that smug bucker, flew beside me. His wings allowing him to keep pace with me easily.

I’ve never been so envious of ponies with wings as I am right now…

Anyways, we’re making our grand escape after another great prank on Pompous Armor! This time we not only put hot pink coat-dye in his shampoo, but we also laced his armor with itching powder! Granted not the most sophisticated prank but still… prank’s a prank when it all comes to it.

“So, what are you gonna do to get out of this one; Shifty?” Inanis asked with a smug grin.

“Well… I was thinking about hiding out in the caves below Canterlot for a while. Besides I’ve been meaning to explore them for a while anyway.” I reply barely out of breath, sometimes being a pony’s kinda cool.

“Meh, they’re boring… just crystals, crystals, more crystals… and a single mouse skull for some reason…?”

“Dude! We can make it our Bat cave or something! Growing up didn’t you always want a secret lair? I sure as Tartarus did!” I refuse to admit I whined at that.

“For us, it’d probably be more of a Cuddle-Cave… actually, that could work. We just need copious amounts of pillows and decorative fluffy blankets; and I can start you in your own Hugging-Brothel!” Inanis contemplated.

“Dude… you already pimp me out for cuddles… granted I enjoy myself but still…” I said somehow rubbing my chin as I ran. How? I don’t know pony = buck logic.

Though I’m not as bad as the Pink Devil herself! Oh if only she’d teach me her ways... I’d so be crushing on her if a certain lunar mare hadn’t stolen my heart!

“Ah, but it could be the VIP room, for the High-rollers… they could even pay for both of us at once if they’re willing the extra charge.” He supplied.

“... As long Shooting Star is still blacklisted.” I deadpan.

Ah Shooting Star the biggest cuddle-bug at school and yet… the biggest bully as well. Honestly if my mom, not Cadence, hadn’t taught me to never strike a female I’d have already put her in the ICU!

“She’s not… completely… blacklisted. Blacklisted from yourself and from the VIP room most certainly… but… well… she pays well…?” Inanis answered, slightly embarrassed.

“... Somehow… I’m not surprised…” I deadpan.

“Inanis couldn’t possibly have a crush… could he? I’m pretty damn sure he’s smitten with Luna like myself...“

Huh? Oh about my mom? Well ya see me and Inanis? We’re not originally ponies! In fact we’re from a different world entirely! See we’re actually full-grown humans in the bodies of foals! Granted it was bucking confusing as Tartarus at first but… meh I don’t know about Inanis but I’m kinda enjoying my “second chance” as it is.

Heh… the shrinks think me and Inanis were severely abused and shit. That one pony still thinks I’m completely insane! Gods it’s great!

“... We can raid Blueballs apartment for pillows and stuff!” I said grinning, “Maybe short-sheet his bed, put some cherry bombs in his toilet, oh and lace his clothes with itching powder!”

Inanis sighs lightly, “Just what is it with you and itching powder…?”

“It’s easy to either get ahold of or make. It gets EVERYWHERE. And honestly? Back on earth I wasn’t a prankster and I’ve always heard about itching powder in pranks! I’m open to other suggestions though.” I answer honestly.

“... My suggestion is to dissolve that itching powder into a bottle of pepper-spray, sneak up behind Blueballs, and spray him with the concoction in his blue balls. He can’t stop scratching, and each scratch will make it burn more.” Inanis suggested with a slightly sadistic grin.

“That is petty, vindictive, cruel, and just plain evil.” I deadpan, “Gods you’re the best brother ever!” I add with a too-happy grin.

“Yup, Brother in all but Blood, Body, Mind, and Spirit!” He chuckled, “So, basically, in name only.”

“True enough, true enough…” I admitted, thinking back to when we met.

<<<8 Months ago>>>
<<>>

I groaned as I pushed myself off the ground, ”Wait a minute… wasn’t I just....?”

The dust settled and I looked around, somewhat wildly I admit, and there was a few things wrong. One: Everything seemed a helluva lot bigger. Two: I felt a breeze and I know I put on clothes this morning. And finally three: I couldn’t feel my hands!

I look down at my… hooves. I have hooves. And apparently either I grew a shit ton of body hair or something cause my arm was covered in dark blue fuzz. Is that fucking fur!? What the fucks going on here!?

I was about to have a breakdown, though I’m not sure if it was mental or nervous, when I heard someone groaning not two feet away from me. I looked over and saw… a winged unicorn… yep. I’m either drugged off my ass. Insane. Or have died and this is some twisted afterlife where I’m surrounded by horses…

I’m totally unashamed to say I fainted.

<<>>

“Hmm… this feels harder than my bed…” I thought as I opened my eyes and looked around me. ”Well, I’m not as tired as usual, so that’s somethi- oh, that’s why.”

“A lucid dream, is it… been awhile.” I said, testing out my voice. “Ah, a child this time, how quaint… is that a hoof? Yup… a young quadruped. It’s quite rare to experience a new one, so I’d better enjoy it while I can.”

I stood up, and look around for more details… such as the blue, horned equine sleeping beside me (”I guess that confirms my species…”) and the scorch-marks surround us.

“Scorch-marks, is it… so the most likely scenarios are ‘Chosen children appearing in a flash of light or power’ and ‘magical amnesia-inducing accident’... possibly both. Does magic work in this one?” I ask out loud, trying to conjure a fireball through the usual dreaming means.

“Nope, magicless. Disappointing, those are the best dreams. Welp, better wake up my partner for this time around- or not, there are soldiers coming… how amusing.” I state while sitting down to observe what’s about to happen.

<<>>

I woke up hearing hooves coming towards me and… whatshisface. I pushed myself off the ground and shook my head.

“I just fainted… like a bitch…” Hello rage my old friend, how nice to see you again!

While I slowly worked up to an epic, in my opinion, rage I couldn’t help but wonder what happen to my emotional control. Not to say I am one of those ancient ninja masters with total control over my emotions, but I’ve always been damn good at controlling my anger.

Or repressing it rather, I do have a decade plus worth of rage and hate pent up. School was not fun.

Anyways, I looked towards the opening of the alley as a trio of horses in armor… marched towards us? Okay Jake don’t flip your shit yet, they’re probably just… checking out… whatever. I don’t know.

God I need a drink…

“Foals? Foals are responsible for that magic surge!?”

“Is that an Alicorn!?”

“Sweet Celestia it is! Ignore the shrimp, take the young alicorn to the hospital this instant!”

… And like that Mount Jack erupted with that jab at my height. And with my anger coming forth everything went red and I charged the first of the horses that fell in my crosshairs.

“Foal what are you doing- Sweet Celestia! He just knocked Sergeant Stone out cold!”

“Perhaps it is unwise to ignore a child then, no matter if they are an ‘Alicorn’ or not, hmm?” The winged unicorn guy said.

“ARGH!! The little bucker broke my leg!!”

“How the buck is a Celestia damned foal so strong!?”

The winged unicorn just sat there chuckling as he watched, “My, my… you are a violent one.” the creepy fuck almost purred.

After the armored horses stopped moving, I know they’re not dead, I looked at the winged unicorn guy. Fucking hell those eyes are fucking creepy! Kinda cool being all mirror-like, but still! And… is his hair… what the fuck is up with his goddamn hair! I tilted my head and probably had the most epic “dafuq” face ever.

“Dude… look in a mirror or something…” I said somewhat shrilly, honestly for whatever reason I found this freaky looking winged unicorn guy kinda intimidating… which is kinda stupid ‘cause before I woke up here I was often called a fucking grizzly bear!

Not because of my size, but my temper sadly enough…

<<>>

“Do you see a mirror around here? I don’t.” I reply amused. I must look really awesome, or really freaky… Here’s hoping for the latter!

“Well… your eyes are all mirror-like, I can see myself in them! And you’ve got a dark gray coat of… fur. Your hair and tail are solid white and half-ethereal, all wispy and shit. Oh and you got wings and a big ass horn that doubles as a spear on your forehead.” The blue unicorn equine said somewhat dazed.

“... I see, but may I ask why you felt the need to describe my own appearance in full to me?” ”Even if it was quite useful… but meh, dream-logic.

“Umm... well…” the blue child stammered, “You were sleeping next to me when I appeared here… so I kinda… assumed you were in the same boat as me…? Not knowing where we are or what’s going on?”

”Hmm… that’s a bit interesting…” “That’s quite the assumption to make…” I say, staring at him, “But not untrue. Shall we trade information for now?”

“Yep.” the blue unicorn said, “The name’s Jack, twenty-nine year old man in a horses body.” He added dryly.

“Pleasure. I am Ermingild deBláca, twenty years old, and apparently in an ‘Alicorn’ body. Also, judging by your horn, I’d say that you’re a unicorn, not a horse. Now, going by previous experience; we’re gonna want to figure out the naming conventions in this place, and come up with appropriate aliases in order to fit in… feel like waking up the beaten-senseless-by-seafood guards so we can ask some questions? Or should we not chance it?” I ask, attempting to judge my partner’s temperament.

“Meh, sure! If they start anything I’ll knock them the fuck out again!” Jack said with a vicious grin.

“Good man.” I complement, then lazily gesture over to the armoured idiots, “Do wake them kindly, they’ll be more forthcoming that way.”

“Okay!” Jack said before walking, trotting, over and proceeded to kick a stallion hard. I winced in sympathy as the stallion let out a high-pitch screech.

“Oi! Shut the fuck up! You answer our questions, or I will break you in ways you can only imagine in your fucking nightmares!” Jack snarled

I can’t help but snort in amusement, “Oh my… perhaps I should have specified; ‘wake them kindly’ as though they were children whose parents would sue you at the first excuse they could find.”

“... Ermin. I’ve just woke up. I’m in a body I am completely unfamiliar with. In a place that’s completely alien to me. I’m terrified. And angry. And I have years of suppressed rage surging out for the first time in years. To be quite honest you should be thankful I haven’t killed them.” Jack deadpanned.

“Yes, and you just spat out that whole tirade, right in front of the soldier you so kindly woke up; who now likely has labeled you as unstable, crazy, and/or delusional. I must thank you for the entertainment likely to come though, Brother.” I pointed out, making sure that there was no room for argument on our ‘relation’ to one-another.

“Okay three, no four things. Unstable: yes I admit it. Crazy: not so much. And delusional: I haven’t suffered from that for a couple years. And finally four: Head Trauma.” Jack said with a crooked smirk, “But you should know all that, bro…” He added with a chuckle.

“Of course, I’m the never-caught but most-likely cause of all that; after all.” I added with an amused smirk. “So, ‘Mister Armour’ I’ll call you until you supply a new name; may I ask some questions? I do hope my brother’s sadism hasn’t dampened the chance of that too much, but we are quite confused as to what’s happened.” I ask the conscious soldier, with a mostly-innocent look on my face.

Jack didn’t look innocent whatsoever though… meh, works for Good-Cop, Bad… Thug I suppose.

“He called me a shrimp… I take offense to that!” Jack said rather petulantly, which is rather disconcerting given his previous savage showing...

“Brother, you take offense to cheese if it isn’t aged right…” Jack simply pouted and crossed his forelimbs, “Anyway, Bloodlust-on-a-stick aside; are you willing to answer our questions, sir?”

“Sure… just keep that madfoal away from me!” The guard shrieked.

Jack grinned madly, emphasis on madly.

”Ah, Good-Cop Bad-Thug… never fails… except when it does, and the real fun begins…” “Alright, first: where are we, exactly? Even the name of the continent if you would?” I ask.

“You’re in Canterlot, Capital of Equestria, on the continent of Elysium!” The guard said quickly.

“Thank you. And may I ask why you were so surprised at my being an ‘Alicorn’?” I asked, with a measured cute confused tilt of the head.

“There’s only four Alicorns currently, aside from you! Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, and Princess Twilight Sparkle!” He answered.

”All female, interesting… that could be fun later on. I should make sure if there are different types of Alicorns as well, just in case...” “So these four Princesses, they all look like me…?”

“Shouldn’t foals already know this? What rock have you been living under!?” The guard asked shocked.

”What backstory to choose, which one to choose… Well, with my “Brother” being as… disturbed… as he is, an abusive one? Yes, that’ll be fun.” “A rather deep, dark one… one that I’m still not sure how we got away from, but no matter.” I answer a bit curtly, “Can you please answer the question?” I add, acting annoyed at the subject-change.

“Only Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, they’re True Alicorns. Princess Cadence and Princess Twilight are ‘Lesser’ Alicorns. You’re a True Alicorn, only True Alicorns have ethereal manes and tails.”

“My, that’s rather informative! It seems I should choose a latin name… Inanis seems fitting.” “Thank you. And may I ask your name?” I politely ask.

“Sergeant Black Stone.” He answered warily.

”Alright, it appears that my ‘Brother’ should have some combination of English words for a name… his type often spends time on computers, especially if they repress anger constantly like he said… I got it.” “Nice to make your acquaintance, Sergeant Stone. You may call me ‘Inanis’, and my brother ‘Shifting Space’.” I said, glancing to Jack to make sure he got the hint.

“Yeah… nice to meet ya I guess…” ‘Shifting Space’ said lightly scuffing the ground with his hoof, obviously wanting to either knock Sergeant Stone out or wanting to leave.

“Now, do you want us to go get help for you and your comrade’s injuries?” I inquire courteously.

Sergeant Black Stone nodded warily, keeping his eyes firmly on Shifting Space the entire time. Smart equine, maybe I’ll give him a biscuit. I motioned for Shifting Space, I’ll lovingly call him Shifty for short, to help me. He looked rather mullish but did so, grumbling all the while.

“Now, is there a specific place we should go to ask for help? Or should we just look around for more ‘Soldiers’ such as yourself and inform them of your location?” I ask.

“Just step out, there should be more guards wandering about.” Sergeant Stone said, closing his eyes tiredly.

“Yeah, hey you might have a concussion. I wouldn’t go to sleep.” Shifty pipped up.

“Hate to admit it, but you’re right…” Stone replies, yawning, “Would you mind getting help quickly then, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep myself awake like this.”

Shifty smiled, trotted over, and proceeded to stomp on one of Stone’s legs. Hard. The crunch was rather stomach churning and the scream grated on my nerves.

“SON OF A HALF-DEAD WHORSE!!!”

“Yeah, don’t worry about sleep anymore!” Shifty chirped, oh now that’s right twisted right there, effective though.

“Crude, but it’ll have to do for now. I do apologise for him again though… he doesn’t much care for adults. For good reason, admittedly, but still.” I apologise, while starting to walk away to find more guards; and motioning for Shifty to follow.

“Lead the way bro!” He said happily.

”Issues upon issues this one has. Compliant though... a fine minion he will make…”

<<>>

I followed Ermin- er Inanis out of the alley deep in thought. Letting all that rage out… felt good! ”Honestly if I knew it’d be this… liberating I would’ve let it out years ago! But then again… it’s probably for the best that I didn’t.” I thought.

“I wonder… why are we even bothering helping those guards? I mean… if they’re so incompetent they get their asses beaten by a kid, aren’t they getting what they deserve?” I wonder.

When we stepped out of the alley I look around all wide-eyed, “Damn… that’s a lot of horses!”

Inanis went about trying to find a guard whereas I looked at all the horses! A lot of them wore real expensive clothes too, “Why the fuck would horses need goddamn clothes!? Does nothing in this fucked-up world make any fucking sense!?”

When I finally stopped looking around I noticed Inanis wasn’t with me, then I remember that guard asking for us to get help. I shrugged, ”I can take care of myself! Besides these horses look too busy with their noses in the air to notice a little unicorn kid anyway…”

“Hey little foal. Come here I got some candy for you.”

”… I spoke too soon it seems.” With a sigh I turned and looked at the one talking to me, oh yeah… nothing about this screams “Stranger Danger” what-so-ever… with a put upon sigh I approached the stallion, completely willing to commit horrible acts of violence if he does what I think he might do.

“Hey if you follow me I’ll give you all sorts of candy.” God, this guy reeked of perversion, shame, and disappointment. And I could probably oil an entire armory just from the grease dripping from his tone alone!

“... Try what I think you’re going to try and I’m going to do something I won’t regret.” I deadpanned, “In fact I’ll possibly enjoy it entirely too much!”

“Oh that’s alright, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it too.” He replied, with a very perverted smile.

I was just about to go all “Hulk SMASH” on his ass when Inanis showed up with a guard. And I’ll admit, I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know what I’m going to do now! Shooting the pervert a very evil grin I quickly bound to the guard and Inanis.

“Mister! There’s this stallion asking me to follow him into an alley, he promised me lots of candy but my momma said never take candy from strangers!” I said in a painfully cute voice, “He also said something about enjoying pain! What’s that mean mister?”

“Can you point this stallion out foal?” The guard asked his eyes narrowing dangerously. Inanis just watched with an amused glint in his eyes.

I smiled and pointed right at the stallion in question, who paled drastically. The guard motioned for two other guards to apprehend the pervert. I watched painfully amused as two guards fucking tackled the pervert in a way that’d make liner-backers jealous!

”That was AWESOME!”

“Now, with that problem dealt with,” Inanis spoke up, “Shall I bring you to the original problem, sir?”

“Inanis is it?” Inanis nodded, “You said some ponies asked for assistance?”

“Yes, other guards in fact. There was a… misunderstanding… and they got injured. I think one may have a concussion, and had been having difficulty staying awake.”

“A misunderstanding? How so?” The guard asked curiously.

“They made the mistake of only focusing on me while my brother was present… He doesn’t like adults at the best of times, and doesn’t act kindly when others blow him off like he’s nothing.” He supplied, “Both of us were in the same situation, but they blatantly said to, and I quote; ‘ignore the shrimp, take the young Alicorn’... Shifty took exception to that.”

“What did he do?” The guard asked, not believing the foal could do anything serious.

“Knocked out all three, and broke one or 2 bones… so admittedly he did go easy on them.” Inanis answered innocently.

The guard looked at me wide-eyed and slack jawed, I grinned sheepishly. “Uh… I don’t know my own strength?” I offered meekly while scratching the back of my head.

“Pfft- Oh, you know your own strength alright… what you don’t know is how to hold back.” Inanis teased.

I growled, now if I was human it would’ve been menacing, now it just sounds cute. Goddamn it. With a sigh I pouted, “I can hold back!” God… I can’t even convince myself… now that’s just sad.

Grumbling we lead the guard to the alley we woke up in, “... I think we’re going to be in trouble regardless…”

<<>>

If there’s one thing Cadence loved more than anything it was foals, so much so she often visited the foal clinic to check up on sick foals. So imagine her shock when she found the place filled the guards!

“Guard! Tell me what’s happened! Are the foals alright!?” She asked worried.

“No, the foals are fine ma’am.” The guard answered, “However, some guards found two foals, one a unicorn and the other an Alicorn, but they’re proving… difficult.”

“An Alicorn?” “How so?” Cadance asked curiously.

The air was suddenly filled with streams of curse words that would make a seasoned soldier blush and a back-alley whorse balk. Following the cursing was the sounds of a scuffle then the high pitched screech of a guard!

“THAT LITTLE BUCKER GORED ME!!”

“SO WHAT! LITTLE MONSTER NEARLY GAVE ME A SEX CHANGE!!”

“IT’S NOT A FOAL! IT’S A SADISTIC DEMON FROM THE DEPTHS OF TARTARUS!”

Cadence blinked, wide-eyed and slack jawed. “Oh dear…”

“NEXT TIME YOU COME NEAR ME WITH A NEEDLE I’LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING HORN OFF AND STAB YOU IN THE HEART WITH IT!!” The young voice of a colt roared, well as much as a young foal could roar.

“Calm down Shifty, it’s just a needle. You’re already in enough trouble as it is without committing pony-slaughter over a little prick like that… though, I suppose you almost did earlier to that pervert as well, over a different kind of ‘little prick’.” A calm young voice said, ending with a light chuckle.

“BACK! BACK I SAY! AVAST YE SCURVY DOGS! I COME TO PILLAGE YE BOOTY THERE MISSY! HOIST THE COLORS I’M GOING IN!!”

The silence after that was deafening, before the calm voice spoke up again. “Well now, that can’t be good… I told him not to eat anything strange, but going by how he’s acting… seems similar to how he reacted to those mushrooms we found once. At least he isn’t declaring himself ‘King of the Horn-Dogs’ and humping everything in sight this time...”

“WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS!~ WE’LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END!~ WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!” A slight pause, “Weee aaaaareeeee ttthhheee...” The air is suddenly filled with loud snores that honestly sound like they sound be coming from a Manticore then a foal.

“Thanks Celestia you found those tranqs, Nurse Golden.”

“I’m not bucking paid enough for this…” Grumbled one of the guards, Cadence assumed.

“... Got anything stronger? I’ve been looking for something to stop his incessant snoring for a while now…” the calm voice asked.

Cadance looked at the guard standing by the door, and in truly out of character outburst, screamed.

“What the BUCK is going on in there!?”

The calm voice answered without missing a beat, “Oh, just a daemonic ritual to summon some amazing tea from Tartarus, my brother didn’t seem to like the idea of being a sacrifice though…”

Cadence has very rarely heard guards on duty snort, but that statement seemed to do it… though she wasn’t too happy about what a guard said afterwards.

“If only, then we wouldn’t have to deal with the little monster…” an injured guard said, shortly before being punched in the snout by a prissy pink pissed pony princess.

Growling Cadence stomped to where all the commotion was going on. Needless to say nopony tried to stop her. Never get in the way of a Princess on a mission!

While she wasn’t a magical powerhouse like Auntie Tia or Luna, let alone Twilight, Cadence isn’t to be dismissed as not a threat if her ire is raised. In this case she wants to find out what is up with these two foals! And to see if she could help the guards and staff if she could!

After all she’d been a foalsitter for several years and knew how to handle unruly foals.

“Oh… my… Auntie…” Cadence gasped gaping like a slack-jawed idiot.

The Alicorn colt was calmly sitting on a bed, his entire expression showing how amused he is over the situation. His coat was dark grey, with an unkempt pure white ethereally-flowing mane and tail, and eyes that reflected like mirrors more than having their own colour. Three guards were confined to beds, each with a limb in a cast, and only one of them conscious. Another trio were in rough condition, one obviously gored, another with an ice pack on his head and both his eyes blackened, but the third was pale and obviously terrified.

And everypony was looking at the “little monster” of a foal that raised all this chaos. Without using a bit of magic, Cadence assumed from the look of things.

The foal had a dark blue coat of fur, his mane and tail white and grey. Whereas his tail was somehow neatly straightened and maintained his mane was wild and very reminiscent of a certain deejay. The foal was currently snoring like a Manticore and drooling, what made this scene even more bizarre was the fact that the foal wasn’t only in a straightjacket but also strapped down to the bed!

“Somepony explain what happened!” Cadence barked in the rarely used ‘Princess’ voice, “And will somepony please tell me why a foal is restrained like that!?”

Many of the doctors, nurses, and guards gulped.

“Well… Princess Cadence…” One of the doctors started.

Cadence knew instantly she was going to be in desperate need of a migraine reliever later, she just knew it…

<<>>

Black Stone had seen a lot of incredible stuff since joining the Guard.

He had been on the frontline, for the lack of a better word, during the Changeling invasion. Witnessed Discords first escape and capture. Point is, Black Stone has seen some weird bucked-up horseapples in his time.

But a foal brutalizing three full grown stallions? Not even in his most bucking up, hard cider induced, dreams! Let alone nearly twice in one day!

However Black Stone knew he was going to be witness for another unheard of event. The eruption of Mount Princess Cadence, something he never imagined could possibly happen! The princess is always so nice and generous with everypony!

“But a lot of fools forget just how vicious love can be…” Black Stone thought dryly.

Tartarus Hath no Fury like a Mare Scorned, his father once told him. And Black Stone firmly believed it, truly mares can be the far more vicious of sexes…

Looking over to his right Black Stone observed the foal Inanis, “It’s like all this is just a grand play for his amusement!” Black Stone could see how it can amuse, really he could; what with Shifting Space’s momentary slip into dementia and all.

“... Something about that foal just doesn’t seem… right…” Any further pondering were interrupted by the eruption of Mount Princess Cadence.

“WHAT!?” The princess bellowed in the royal canterlot voice, making everypony’s ears pin back… except Inanis’, somehow, which only twitched… though the colt’s smile did get slightly wider.

“We had to restrain the patient as he was suffering from a severe onslaught of paranoia and anxiety attacks, that lead to his assault on three of the guards and his dementia-induced ramblings, your majesty.” Wow, that doctor didn’t look cowed one bit! “And he will remain restrained until we’re completely sure he will no longer violently lash out.” The doctor added with that ‘and that’s final’ tone that they seem obligated to use.

“... Well, I see no problem with it. And besides, I have it on good word that he enjoys being restrained so long as it’s for… ‘fun’... and it’s not like he’ll be waking up for a while anyway.” Inanis supplied.

“Don’t be so sure foal.” The doctor said snootily, “For a foal, Shifting Space has abnormally large magical reserves, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he woke in the next ten minutes!”

“Yes, but you aren’t taking into consideration how mentally and physically exhausted he may have been in when you tranq’d him. And even then, I never elaborated on how long ‘a while’ was anyway.” The colt retorted, seemingly interested in some aspect of what the doctor said.

The doctor bowed his head, conceding to Inanis’ words. The doctor motioned for Princess Cadence to follow him, no doubt to speak in privacy. Possibly over the two foals and what may happen to them.

“I know without a doubt Inanis will be taken to the Palace where the Princesses will take him under their guidance; either as a student, or possibly adopted depending on his situation. They’ll probably look for their family to return them if they can be found, though I figure Inanis will be commuting from his home to the Palace should one of the Princesses take him on as an apprentice.” Black Stone figured, though it really didn’t matter to him.

“WHAT!?” Cadence bellowed again.

“Damn… Princess Cadence heard something she didn’t like…” Black Stone momentarily felt some pity for whomever rose the Princess of Love’s ire. “Celestia have mercy, for Princess Cadence will not…”

With a shrug Black Stone relaxed and closed his eyes, though he knew he wouldn’t get any sleep he figured what happens from here on isn’t any of his concern.

<<>>

“... So you’re telling me… that those two foals are either currently being or have been abused in the past correct?” Cadence said flatly, “How can you be sure? There is no physical evidence to support your claims.”

“It’s in their behaviour Princess.” The doctor said quietly, “Victims of abuse either withdraw entirely into themselves, becoming agoraphobic and skittish. Or they lash out, violently. And I’m sorry to say but Shifting Space is most definitely the victim of harsh abuse for him to react so violently, and that’s before I became aware of his altercation with the guards that found him!”

“And what of the other one, Inanis I believe? He hardly seems withdrawn or violent.” Cadence asked.

“Inanis is… difficult to put it mildly. While his behaviour suggests he’s well adjusted, what suggests he’s abused actually IS his behaviour. He’s entirely too in control of his behaviour, foals his age are suppose to be impulsive and immature. Inanis, other than sarcastic comments, shows no impulsiveness or immaturity… almost as though he feels he can’t afford to take childish actions. And while his jokes and statements can be taken innocently enough, a lot of them also have some… phallic… undertones. To be quite honest Princess, between the two of them I’m worried about Inanis the most. I can’t imagine what could have made him this way!” The doctor explained, mincing his hooves lightly in discomfort.

Cadence grimaced, she had noticed that actually. She was hoping, rather naively she mused, that he simply wasn’t aware of the adult nature of his words. For the first time in a long while Cadence actually felt disgust towards whoever abused those two cute little foals!

“How could anypony possibly abuse two little cuties like them!?” Cadence thought frowning, “Well what do you suggest now?” Cadence asked after a moment or two of thought.

“Well I suggest launching an investigation regarding the foals’ family!” The doctor said with a scowl, “I have two little fillies of my own and the thought of anypony abusing them fills me with a sense of outrage and disgust!”

“It’s not certain that the foals family are the abusers. But there will be an investigation I assure you! Even if I have to lead it myself!” Cadence said sternly, “Now I just need to ask Inanis some questions about his family and then I’ll get the investigation in motion.” She added, “Oh Auntie, give me strength to overcome this trial!”

Cadence exited the room and entered the recovery ward where everypony was and looked at the two foals; Shifting Space and Inanis. Thankfully Shifting Space’s snoring had stopped and now the foal looked rather peaceful now, whereas Inanis was watching her with a calculating gleam in his eyes.

“... Auntie… I’m going to need all the help I can get…” For whatever reason Cadence felt a chill run down her spine…

Gulping slightly, Cadence approached Inanis in a manner you’d normally see used with injured predators. After a few moments Cadence used her magic to pull up a seat and sat down watching Inanis. Putting on her best foalsitter expression Cadence decided to start talking.

“Hello Inanis, I’m Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. But please call me Cadence. Can you tell me where your family is?” She asked softly, though whether to comfort Inanis or herself she honestly didn’t know.

“I’ll be honest Cadence, I have no idea. I could say something vague like ‘home’, but I don’t know where that is. I have no clue as to how we got here, or where we were beforehand. All I can tell you is that there was more often than not frost on the ground, and some sort of dock could be seen through the front window.” Inanis answered, after a slight pause of thought.

“Okay, now for the hard question...” Cadence cleared her throat, “Did your family… ever hurt you or your brother Inanis?” She asked gently.

“... Define ‘hurt’ please,” the colt requested tentatively, “We were never beaten or anything along those lines.”

That caught Cadence flat-hoofed, “... They were never beaten or otherwise physically abused so… how…? Oh dear Auntie!” Cadence closed her eyes and shuddered, “Did they ever… touch you?” She asked her face tinged green.

“... They? No…” Inanis answered with a cold grin, “Too valuable for that… but, at least we got a portion of what they made. And a fair bit too, due to the ‘rarity’ in question.”

Cadence gave a sickly smile, that faint green tinge now more than just a tinge, she stood from her seat and quickly trotted to the restroom.

A few minutes the deafening silence was broke by the sounds of Cadence retching…

“By the Princesses!” Everypony muttered, all wide-eyed and horrified. Meanwhile, Inanis disturbingly snickered at the reactions, as though he didn’t care what had happened to him.

“*yawn* What happened? Huh? Why the fuck am I restrained! Let me go goddamn it!” And then Shifting Space woke up.

“Oh shush, you’d think you’d be used to it by now.” Inanis said, turning to his brother.

Soon Cadence was joined in her retching, only they didn’t make it to the restroom!

<<>>

Princess Celestia Solaris, Diarch of the Sun, immediately knew something was wrong. Normally whenever her dear niece Cadence visited she was all lively and happy! But something was weighing heavily on her mind.

Celestia didn’t need to even use a low-level telepathy spell to know something’s wrong, Cadence’s own magic was in upheaval due to her emotions!

“Cadence dear, what’s the matter?” The solar mare asked in her normal motherly way, “What has upset you so? Shining Armor hasn’t forgotten your birthday again has he?” Said day was only a month away, so it’s a valid possibility.

“Auntie…” Cadence eyes teared up, “It’s just awful!” She cried before flinging herself into Celestia’s barrel and started crying.

“Oh there, there.” Celestia cooed, “Let it all out, and then tell me what’s wrong, okay?”

The younger alicorn nodded as she cried, Celestia wrapped her wings around Cadence making soothing sounds. After a few minutes Cadence’s cried turned into sobs before turning into hiccups. Celestia gave Cadence a few moments to collect herself.

“Auntie… the guard found two foals at the site of that magic surge earlier…” The pink alicorn rubbed her nose, “And… they… oh Auntie!” She cried.

”Oh dear, I hope that surge didn’t kill the foals… it was certainly strong enough.” Celestia thought.

“The foals, they were… they were…” Cadence closed her eyes, “... Used!” She spat.

“Used? Used. USED!?” Celestia’s eyes widened and grew enraged and wild.

Cadence quickly freed herself when Celestia’s body temperature skyrocketed and her mane and tail flickered as if trying to burst into flames. Celestia snorted and it might’ve been Cadence’s imagination but she swore she saw two gouts of fire!

“Auntie...?” Cadence asked meekly.

Celestia didn’t hear her, she didn’t notice guards pouring in, or the fact that her sister and Twilight teleported in. Her mind was too clouded by rage to notice, the entire palace could explode and she’d probably ignore it!

There are many crimes that Celestia and Luna stomped down hard on. Slavery, rape, and murder being near the top of the list, however two crimes she abhorred more than any other is Foal Abuse, and Foal Molestation! Out of all crimes, Celestia came down on them the hardest; more often than not Luna had to be the voice of reason when criminals guilty of said crimes came to trial!

And Luna’s suppose to be the impulsive one!

“And these foals are receiving the finest treatment?” Celestia asked, her voice as dead as a graveyard.

Cadence nodded, her eyes wide in shock having never seen Celestia react so violently before. Luna and Twilight shuttled the guards out, despite their protests, but they knew the last thing Celestia needed was overzealous and borderline-fanatical guards right now.

“Sister? What hast raised thy ire so?” Luna asked, slipping into her old speech patterns accidently.

Seeing as Celestia was in no condition to explain, Cadence took it upon herself to explain the situation much to her displeasure.

“Auntie, Twily let’s go somewhere quiet. I don’t want this to get around.” Cadence said softly.

The Princesses of the Moon and Friendship respectively looked at Cadence curiously and nodded. They then followed Cadence out of the throne room leaving Celestia to mull over her thoughts and hopefully calm down.

The silence was broken by two mares screeching out “WHAT!?”

Outside the throne room one guard looked towards his partner.

“Somepony out there royally bucked up.” One guard said.

“Yep.” His partner replied nodding his head.

<<>>

I tried to wiggle around, but the fucking restrains held solid.

“Goddamn it! Let me out! I need to go to the bathroom and my nose is fucking itching!!” I bellowed at the top of my lungs.

I looked over at Inanis, the smug fucker, and he took amusement in my situation! Goddamn asshole! ”Wait, is he…? Yup, he just scratched my nose… with A FUCKING FEATHER! Asshole...” I looked at a nurse that walked by, “Can you let me out of this! I need to scratch my nose and go take a piss like mad!” I don’t care if I begged like a bitch damn it.

“Oh you poor dear! I’ll let you go, if you promise you won’t throw a fit like you did earlier!” The nurse said sternly.

I nodded so fast I’m shocked I didn’t get whiplash, and I didn’t bother correcting her because my “fit” was more just some rampaging paranoia and anxiety that lead to a bout of dementia, quite common. And I need to piss right the FUCK now!

She quickly undid the buckles and straps holding me down. I was so thankful I full-on French kissed her before running off to the nearest restroom. In my hurry to get to the restroom I knocked over this horse on crutches, I would’ve thought ‘dafuq’ if I didn’t have to piss so bad!

“ARGH! MY LEG!”

Entering the bathroom, which thank god mirror the ones back home, I quickly entered a stall.

“Oh thank god!” I moaned.

Five minutes later I exited the restroom with a skip in my step- er trot. Whatever. Anyways now I walked back to my bed, hopped up on it, and… I just kissed… a horse… with tongue… “I KISSED A… ARGH!!” Enter: Epic Freakout.

It goes without saying I’m quickly restrained, again, and sedated, again. “Fugging bullshid maaan…” I slurred.

Inanis, the son of a bitch, was laughing at me! “That’s what happens when you break promises like that. I do thank you for the laugh though. The nurse’s blush soon after you left was adorable and hilarious.” He said, smugly.

“Duuuuuuudddddddeeee! I needed to piss!” I whined, well as much as I could really.

Inanis simply laughed and laid down to go to sleep.

Not five minutes later, “Goddamn it! My nose is itching a-fucking-gin!”

Then a nurse came by, “Hey! Can you scratch my nose please!?”

The nurse smiled, “Sure sweetie. Afterwards I’ll just set up your catheter.” What? GODDAMN IT!

“Hey, maybe if you’re ‘lucky’, it’ll be a urinary one; so you won’t kiss any more nurses in gratitude!” Inanis said, before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

Chapter 3

<<>>

Never let it be said that Cadence was all talk and no action!

After proclaiming that she would adopt the two troubled foals, Cadence immediately went about the process to make the adoptions as airtight as possible on the off-chance some of the nobles got all pissy over the fact she was adopting a pair of orphans and the first alicorn colt in… forever!

Her reasoning behind her actions was two-fold:

First; She simply wanted to help the two. Plain and simple. And also Alicorns, regardless of type, aren’t very fertile. From Cadence’s understanding it is nature’s way to insure the population of Timeless beings is kept under control.

The only reason Dragons don’t ‘suffer’ from a similar situation is because of their nature. They honestly don’t need some in-born population control given the destructive and greedy nature of dragons.

Second; Cadence simply didn’t want any of the more power-hungry nobles getting their hooves on Inanis to use as a tool to further their own standing or power. Or even worse. Breeding stock!

So in her campaign to become their mother and to keep them safe, Cadence willingly subjected herself from the one Evil that not even the Elements could defeat! Paperwork.

Ah… bureaucracy… trying so hard to bog the world down in miles of red tape and legislation. Honestly sometimes Cadence wondered if her Auntie was masochistic sometimes… willingly sorting through all this nightmarish mess! On a daily basis at that!

“Auntie, I am never going to complain about paperwork again…” Cadence thought as she worked away on the evil paperwork.

Just because she had more free time than Twilie didn’t mean she didn’t do some work!

The only saving grace was that Shining was there to help her the entire way which she was ever so grateful for! He was a little wary of adopting the foals at first, but eventually agreed that it was the best thing for them; and we were wanting a foal soon anyway!

<<>>

Boredom, that is what set in quickly while waiting around in the hospital, and what gave opportune time for my worst fear at this point in time.

Thinking about my current predicament.

”Dammit, couldn’t the universe have at least given me warning? A few minutes to erase my browsing history? Or if not that, say goodbye to my friends and family at least? Fuck… well, at least I’m not leaving behind much… a Best Friend, several acquaintances, my mother… who will now have difficulties with rent… FUCK ALL KINDS OF DUCK! Well… my mother’s financial situation aside… reluctantly… because I can’t do anything about it at this point DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! Let’s look at the bright side… I’m potentially royalty, can do my life right this time rather than doing mediocre in school because the internet was more fun… crap, no more internet… I now have eternal longevity to regret the situation I left my mother in… wow, I can not get off that point, can I? Freud would have a field-day…” I thought in one mental breath… I am not taking this well, am I?

”Nonetheless, I need to make the most of this; and with it being real, nothing can be taken back… including my ‘child prostitute’ background these idiots have for Ja- Shifty and I. Well, at least I don’t have to alter my personality much, acting like an actual innocent child would be… creepy to say the least. If this place didn’t appear to be all Friendship, Rainbows, and ‘Carebear Stares’, I’d think they’d liken me to those creepy little possessed girls in horror movies and games had I acted like such.” I continued thinking, giving a blank thousand-mile stare at a wall with some sort of medical poster on it. That’s always been a bad habit of mine, thinking and daydreaming so hard I appear to become a soulless robot… well, it helps confirm my ‘backstory’ at least.

”I wish Shifty and I had some privacy to discuss things properly, but the walls have eyes for us it seems… well, we’ll get our chance at some point. How about plans for the future! Let’s make a list! Let’s keep pretending to be upbeat in my mind! Yay! Shut up you! Fuck you! No Fuck You! … Huh, that little lapse in… whatever the fuck that was, was oddly entertaining… moving on. One, don’t make background more complicated than it already is. Two, don’t give any concrete details about background. Three, do well at school (assuming we are allowed to go, or they even exist here). Four, squeeze all possible use out of my knowledge from my home dimension… and on that note: five, find and use every possible method to improve my memory, I could make a fortune on the novels I’ve read alone. Six… umm… just five then…” I finished my thoughts… and now I’m bored again… dammit.

“So… Shifty… any idea on how to pass the time? I have none…” I ask, hopefully my minion (oh shit, I actually made a real person my minion… remember the overlord list Ermingild, remember the list!) had an idea on some form of entertainment.

Shifty tilted his head, rubbing it in thought, “Hmm… well… I always did enjoy singing to myself. Or writing stories.” Shifty suggested, “Perhaps… um… god I miss the internet…” He added under his breath.

“Writing would likely be… difficult… in our current situation… as for singing, that would only last for so long before we’d have to stop either from boredom or exhaustion…” I replied.

“Good point.” Shifty said with a sigh, “And we couldn’t dance for similar reasons. And for… well you know…” He added gesturing to his four hooves.

“Yeah… hmm… wait.” I said, getting an idea, “Hey, watcher dude, would there happen to be any books around here we could possibly read?” I ask Shifty’s watcher. Luckily, judging from the medical posters, their written language is in fact English… or an analog of such.

“Not particularly…” he replied, after a few seconds of thought, “All there would be to read here would be some old magazines, and possibly some medical texts… and we’re a bit too far from the library for that to really be an option right now… sorry colts,” he finished.

“Really? Well damn…” Shifty said somehow snapping his hooves like he would his fingers, “Um… can we read some medical books anyway? Just basic ones. Please?”

”How did he…? Nevermind, I’ll figure it out later… Medical texts could be useful, if for nothing else than to improve my knowledge of our new bodies’ anatomy.” I thought, “Could you bring some texts about pony anatomy? Particularly if they have information on how Alicorns are different from other ponies? I’d rather like to know just how different I am from the norm…” I requested politely.

“Well… I suppose it certainly couldn’t hurt. Though, I suspect you’ll find yourselves napping sooner rather than later if you try reading them,” the watcher said, before heading off to find some of said texts.

“Well… that’s something at least. We’ll still be bored out of our minds, but we’ll get to be productive about it at least.” I mutter out loud.

After several minutes, and 42 bottles of beer off the wall thus far, the watcher returned with 2 books; ‘A Foal’s Guide to Psychology’, and ‘Anatomy of the Tribes and Sub-Tribes’. It’s easy to tell which book was brought for whom, and I chuckle quietly at the meaningful look the watcher gives Shifty while ‘hoofing’ him the psychology book.

“Thank you, good sir,” I say to the watcher as he ‘hoofs’ the anatomy book to me.

“My name is Silent Watch, by the way. I do believe I forgot to introduce myself earlier,” he introduced himself… certainly has an apt name, doesn’t he?

“Pleasure to meet you, I’m sure,” I reply, nonchalantly before starting on my book.

Shifty already had his muzzle buried in the book and he simply nodded his head absentmindedly to Silent Watch.

After about an hour, what I learned in that book could be summed up as the following: there were many different subspecies of ‘Pony’, but only three of them were even remotely common. These subspecies are Earthling (or, more commonly; Earth Pony), Pegasus, Unicorn, Horse, Changeling (though many do not consider them ponies anymore, due to their rather vampiric nature), Crystaling (or Crystal Pony), Songling (or Siren), Sealing (or Sea Pony), Thestral (or ‘Bat Pony’ if you’re a bigot), Umbraling (or Shadow Pony), Zebra, Breezies (who are basically fairies), and of course: Alicorn. There are also crossbreeds with other species such as Hippogriff (with Griffons), Kirin (with Dragons), Mule (with Donkeys), Draconequus (which can not be born, only mutated into such), Ipotane (with Diamond Dogs), and Centaur (with Minotaur).

For the sake of not giving a massive unnecessary info-dump, I’ll only give more info on the main three and Alicorns for now.

Earthlings have exceedingly dense muscle and bone-structure, and radiate magic from their hooves due to lack of any magic-focusing bodypart. This uncontrolled magic leakage often gets infused into whatever Earthlings are touching with their hooves, which usually lead to highly fertile soil and good earth. Perfect for farming. They can also infuse objects with their magic, making those objects more durable than normal, making them good craftponies for more practical items.

Pegasi, unlike their ground-bound relations, did not possess a dense muscle and bone-structure, quite the opposite in fact with their hollow bones and lithe muscle-structure. Their magic radiates primarily through their hooves and wings in a controlled pulse that is learned through trial and error, or it used to be trial and error. I’m not certain, this book is rather old… Anyway, they use these pulses of magic from their wings to propel themselves through the air much like a clam in the water amusingly enough, and the pulses in their hooves to create minor force-fields around things (usually themselves, or clouds). An interesting note is that all ponies can create these force-fields with their hooves, but only to a maximum distance of approximately one inch (unlike Pegasi who have a maximum distance of 3 meters for their force-fields); and these fields are the primary method for ‘hornless’ ponies grabbing things.

Unicorns are rather average in bone and muscle-structure, though there is one irregularity… their horns. Unicorn horns are made of a near-molecular fusion of normal bone, and magically-conductive crystal (this fusion is often called ‘alicorn’ amusingly enough); allowing for magical resonance. This allows Unicorns to ‘cast’ magic and make it do what they want by forcing their horns to resonate at different frequencies in sequence.

As a side-note, there is a rumour that the Unicorn Tribe’s Anthem was actually heavily based off of the resonation frequencies of a spell that allow one to increase the crystal-content of their ‘alicorn’, which would increase their potential for magic… unfortunately, that particular spell had… side-effects... of insanity and shortened lifespan, and thus is now outlawed (though there is a loophole I found when reading the law excerpt in this book; where one could gain the effects of the spell by enchanting an object to grant one the effects instead… I can only hope no pony out there ever finds one said item not knowing its potential side-effects).

Alicorns on the other ‘hoof’ are very unique compared to the other three tribes. Their muscles aren’t dense like an Earthling’s but rather are infused with various tough minerals and the like to make them far less likely to strain and tear, such as Titanium (which, I happen to recall from somewhere, is naturally occurring in mammals anyway, though likely not to this extent); and then their ‘mental limiters’ simply do not exist like they do in other living creatures, allowing them to use 100% of their strength without worry of crushing their own bones just by flexing. Magic also radiates from every inch of their body, much like Earthling’s from their hooves. Their skeleton on the other ‘hoof’ seems to be comprised of seventy-five percent ‘alicorn’ substance, and their horns generally have a crystal concentration of about 15 times that of most Unicorns on average, which give them the highest possible potential in magic manipulation. Their bones are also hollow like Pegasi’s, however due to their bones being primarily ‘alicorn’ they are near impossible to break. Their feathers also are roughly one to two percent ‘alicorn’, just enough to increase their magical conductivity but not enough to make them unusable as flight-aids. Their manes and tails on the other hoof is almost entirely comprised of magically-conductive organic crystal-like hair (which Crystalings are generally known for) and constantly charged with magic which results in their trademark ethereal mane and tails. In fact, the only parts of the Alicorn body that do not conduct magic well are their eyes (which will begin to burn out quickly and let off smoke if too much magic are pushed through them), and their fur, which is simply normal fur according to studies.

So, in a nutshell; I’m fucking awesome right now. I do wonder why the book never mentioned “True” or “Ascended” Alicorns and whatever differences there are between them… maybe this book was written before Ascended Alicorns became a thing?

Shrugging I resumed my reading, however when I got to the diagrams of ponies I couldn’t help but snicker like a little kid again!

“At least now I’ll know what it’s like to be ‘hung like a horse’!” I thought with no little amount of amusement, ”I do wonder how that ‘medial ring’ will actually feel though… should be fun to test!”

Though, before I could continue, ‘Princess Cadence’ walking in with a rather exhausted-looking smile on her face, and a guard in purple armor following after with a similar look. He just give her a good lay or something? … Wow, nothing like anatomy texts to make sure your mind gets into the gutter…

“Shifty? We got a royal guest.” I said throwing my book at his head to catch his attention.

The book smacked into his skull with a meaty thud, “Ow! Goddamn it! What the fuck do you want? I’m reading here!” Shifty growled rubbing his head with a scowl.

“You’re ignoring royalty that came to visit us. Congratulations, you have let diplomatic relations fall through and our country is doomed,” I snarked.

Princess Cadence looked like she didn’t know whether to scold me or giggle. I myself was wondering if Shifty wasn’t at least a quarter Earth Pony, despite being assured by Luna he was one hundred percent Unicorn… that was a rather hefty book, after all.

Shifty blinked and looked at the princess and her guard, “Um… yo? What’s up? You here to lock us up princess?” He then spoke in a stereotypical southern drawl, “We ain’t dun nothin’ princess!~” He cooed fluttering his eyelashes.

“Quiet you fool! They’re on to us!” I jokingly add with a mock-raspy voice.

“You’ll neva take us alive, coppa! Nyeh!” Shifty quipped in a mock-20s gangster voice.

“Or… you can take this rather ‘Shifty’ individual and put me in witness protection instead?” I ask with a sweet and innocent voice, batting my eyelashes.

Cadence and the guard looked poleaxed and Shifty and I couldn’t help but start laughing at the two ponies. Hmm… perhaps I shall teach my minion the True Ways of the Snark? And perhaps even the Divine Art of the Silver Tongue? Hmm… this requires much thought… for now, let’s give him many samples to learn them from.

“... No, we aren’t here for anything like that,” Cadence said amusedly once she collected herself, “My Husband and I are actually here to give you what I hope you will consider wonderful news.”

“Wonderful news? Well, that doesn’t sound good,” I snarked with a smile.

“We’re actually the reincarnations of two powerful heroes that saved the world twice over from a Fallen God and a horde of bloodthirsty daemons?” Shifty exclaimed with faux-excitement, his eyes giving away his amusement.

“No, as far as we know you are not reincarnations of the ones who defeated Grogar,” Wait, what? That actually happened? “The news is that Cadence and I have started the process to adopt the two of you! We’re just awaiting review and approval of the forms.” The guard in flamboyant armor supplied.

Shifty just stared slack-jawed with wide eyes, and I well… I wasn’t any better then my favorite (and only) minion was. Adopted? Really? What are the odds? … pretty good, actually… they have no idea where our ‘parents’ are, and it would be criminal (I assume) to put us back with them anyway after what we told them.

“That’s… great? Kind of sudden, but that’s alright… but maybe we should actually know both your names first?” I ask, realizing that calling our new father ‘The flamboyant guard’ probably wouldn’t pan out too well.

Shifty was still completely dumbfounded; honestly was the great lump even breathing? Sadly I don’t have anything else to throw at his head. How long can ponies go without oxygen anyway? Not long I wager.

“Oh! Well I’m Cadence but you already know that. Um… is Shifting okay?” She asked worriedly.

“Oi, Shifty… SHIFTY! SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU’RE EATING ALL THE FLIES WITH YOUR WIDE-OPEN MOUTH!” I yell at Shifty to snap him out of it.

Shifty blinked for a few moments, “I swear I didn’t eat all the peanut butter mom!” He blurted out.

“... Ah shit, not again…” I sigh, thinking about his last… episode… “Hey, can you smack him on the head for me, Silent Watch?” I ask, and watch as he thinks a bit, shrugs, and smacks Shifty a little on the back of the head.

“Oi! The fuck was that for!” Shifty growled, “I’ll have you know I wasn’t hallucinating you limp dick, cat-fucking jackass! I can eat gallons of peanut butter at a time fucktard!” He snapped as he rubbed his head.

“Yes, but you DID call me mom, which warranted a smack anyway. Not even mentioning that we weren’t talking about Peanut Butter at all,” I snark back.

“Like you never blurted out random shit you mirror-eyed fucker!” Shifty growled.

“Oh~ seven apples on a witch’s tree, with seven seeds to plant inside of me~” I sang with poetic snark and a smug grin, “Anyway, before we went off track; you were introducing yourself?” I ask Cadence’s husband.

“Um… Shining Armor.” The guard said, “I’ll be your new dad if you two accept the adoption…” He added, giving Shifty a very curious look like he was trying to figure something out.

“Shining Armor…? As in ‘a Knight in Shining Armor’?” I ask, with a meaningful look to Shifty. We both snort a bit before I add, “Have you ever heard the proverb ‘A knight in Shining Armor is one who has never had his ‘metal’ (mettle) truly tested.’?” I tease, testing his temperament.

Shining Armor colored slightly at that, “Well… that might be true! But I’m still a highly trained Captain!” He said trying not to take the words of a foal personally.

“Truly? One as young as you is a Captain? My, my~ how impressive… assuming you got to that point by merit, and not by connections like you age suggests.” I push.

Shifty grinned mischievously, which made me soar with pride at my little minion, “Well… if we accept I guess we’ll have to help you prove your mettle eh?” He asked with a crooked smirk, “Anyways… who exactly is Grogar? Is he like a evil necromancer or a daemon summoner?”

“Shifty, given the context of their mentioning him; he’s likely to be a fallen god…” I reply to my new brother.

“Well I’m just trying to get it in terms I’m familiar with.” Shifty said, “Like tabletop roleplay terms you know.”

“You play Tabletop?” Shining Armor asked with an excited tone, “I love Tabletop RPGs! I just rarely find ponies to play with!”

“You play?” I ask with a sly look, “Don’t tell me let me guess… Paladin?” I snicker.

“I- well, what’s wrong with that?” Shining deflects, slightly embarrassed at being figured out so easily.

“Nothing, just… predictable,” I chuckle, “Still, if you know someone who can run the game well enough, we may just join you,” I relent, laying off of him… for now.

“Though we’re still going to test your mettle. We’ll just not be as harsh seeing as we have something in common.” Shifty said, “However it’s been awhile since my last game so I’ll need a refresher course.” Shifty then paused, “I myself have always favored casters; I always enjoyed the Warlock. Always kinda pitied Warlocks actually.” He commented, seemingly wondering how that will be received.

“Yeah, I can understand that… it’s always kinda pitiable that good ponies could fall into such evil magics,” Shining replied, completely missing Shifty’s point.

“Oh my… what a decidedly ‘Paladin’ comment.” Shifty snarked, “In RPGs Warlocks are treated with disdain and outright fear! Simply because they summon demons and use their magicks, they’re evil. It’s hardly that simple, using evil isn’t the same as being evil.”

“Hmph, you’re just a foal, of course you wouldn’t understand how evil it is to summon beings of pure evil that feast on the souls of innocent ponies!” The Shinier-than-thou jackass replied with a self-assured nod.

“Wow, naive and arrogant… guess that answers the question as to which method he used to obtain his captaincy, eh?” I snark with a chuckle.

Shifty quirked his brow, “... You really need to see a proctologist… it’s not healthy to have your head up your own ass…” He drawled, “Probably see a psychologist for your narrow-minded black-and-white views as well…” He added with a snort.

Shining started looking angry and was about to start a rant, which I interrupted by turning to Cadence and saying with complete seriousness, “Honestly, you’re acting so close-minded that I won’t even bother explaining our views to you, you’d just brush it off without thinking anyway. Well, onto more important topics than Shifty and I speaking to a foal; if you’re truly serious about adopting us, we need to know one thing beforehoof. Your answer will determine the entire nature of our relationship to you as family.”

“What?” Cadence asked curiously while shooting Shining Jackass a look to silence him.

“Do you have…” I begin, expertly hiding my smirk.

“Yes…?” Cadence asked with trepidation, nervous sweat forming on her brow.

“... An incest fetish?” I finish with a flourish in my still completely-serious tone of voice.

The silence was so thick I was tempted to make a souffle out of it, silence is rather airy after all.

“... WHAT!?!?” The pink mountain erupted in confused and mortified anger.

“What? It’s a completely legitimate question. Now, your answer?” I continue, barely holding back my laughter. I’m amazed Shifty is hold up so well! Oh, he’s shocked… oops, I thought he could handle an incest joke.

“NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!” Cadence screeched like a banshee, with fully dilated pupils of a mad… mare?

“So, considering our timelessness, there’s a possibility after a million years? Good to know, I will have to prepare myself for that eventuality.” I finish with a nod. ”Dear gods, her reaction was perfect!”

It was at this time that Shifty came out of his shock with a truly evil and mischievous gleam in his eyes, “Princest is Best, Put your Family to the Test!~” He sang with an angelic look on his face.

Aaaaaaaaaand, that broke it. I burst out laughing. Sounds like Shifty is over his incest thing. And when I stopped, I saw the look on Pompous Platemail’s face and started laughing again!

“I think Pompous Armor likes that thought!~” Shifty said with a wide eyed innocent expression on his face.

I merely replied with my best George Takei “Ooooh My~”.

<<>>

Cadence groaned as the took another sip of strong black coffee with a grimace. Sweet Celestia that was a nightmare! And in all honesty it would’ve gone a lot smoother if Shining just didn’t rise to Shifting Space’s baiting! And she was sure it was some sort of test on Shifting’s part but for the life of her she simply couldn’t figure out what the test was…

“Why couldn’t you just keep your opinions to yourself Shiny?” Cadence thought tiredly, “Yes I agree that summoning demons is evil but still… thank Auntie they accepted the adoption. Now I just have to get Shiny to agree. And to think… he was all for the adoption before he met them...”

“I’m not sure if we could give those foals the proper attention they need…” Shining said with a scowl, having been in a bad mood since they left the hospital.

Cadence bit back a groan of annoyance, “You do know that if you didn’t rise to their baiting, things wouldn’t have been so troublesome, right?” Cadence said bluntly, “And besides the paperwork is already signed and filed. The only reason we couldn’t take them with us is because they were still under observation…” She added with a sigh…

Shining still looked mulish much to Cadence’s annoyance and she closed her eyes and used those breathing exercises she taught Twilight.

“That was before I saw what brats they were! I know their foalhoods were as bad as could be so far, but sympathizing with evil!? They need to be in the care of professionals that can guide them to the right path, not a couple like us with little-to-no experience in this sort of thing!” Shining Armor replied.

“Shiny, they were testing you; do you not get that? Shifting could have easily been lying about the Demonology thing just to see how you would react! And if that was the case, I can all but assure you that you failed their test… it will take quite a bit of work for you to gain back their trust at this point, because you certainly screwed up your first impression!” Cadence ranted, getting a little fed up with Shining’s stubbornness.

“All the more reason not to take them, they’ll never listen to me!” Shining would swear henceforth that he did not whine.

“Shiny, it’s done. We’re their parents now. So be quiet, and think of how you’re going to fix things with them!” The Princess fumed before marching off in a huff.

Shining watched Cadence as she left, “Damned foals, why couldn’t they just act their age…” he muttered.

<<>>

Like she’s been doing since the foals were discovered; Celestia was brooding, though you’d be hard pressed to realise it. Having been a ruler for millennia, Celestia was an old hoof at hiding her inner thoughts and faking emotions.

She had long lost count of the times she’d put on a motherly expression when inside she was in a towering rage! And that was in the past year alone!

Mother damn it Blueblood…

Sighing, Celestia looked at her snack; a cake of course. However she simply couldn’t bring herself to indulged her comfort food. Her head simply to abuzz with thoughts regarding the two foals in question.

Where were they abused? Who are their parents? And the most important, “How can I word it so the blasted nobles will go along with, if not support a mass inquisition?”

Honestly, sometimes Celestia missed the old days. When the ponies saw her and Luna as goddesses! They never questioned their word back then! No arguing! But no… she just had to figure that it’d be better to be princesses to better relate to her little ponies.

“Well hindsight can be a bitch at times…” Celestia thought dryly as she started eating her cake slowly.

After finishing her cake Celestia decided to talk to her niece, as she was curious as to what Cadence thought about them having spent a couple hours with them. Though Captain Armor did return in quite a snit for some reason?

“I’ll ask Cadence when I get there.” Celestia decided as she left her private quarters and trotted towards Cadence and Captain Armor’s chambers.

Trotting up to their door Celestia was about to knock before it opened and Cadence quickly trotted off having not noticed Celestia. The entire way she was muttering about a plot-headed stubborn foal in a stallion’s body.

“Oh my…” Celestia thought before she poked her head in, “Shining? Can I speak with you?” Celestia asked diplomatically, the last thing she wanted to do was trot right into their first marital disagreement. Which she feared is what she was doing right then.

“Huh? Oh! Of course Princess!” Shining Armor said, clearly he was brooding rather hard and lost in thought if he didn’t realize she was there.

Celestia smiled and entered the room fully before she sat in a chair across from Shining Armor, “So… how are the foals?” Celestia asked figuring that was a safe question.

Oh she was sooo wrong!

“Those… foals… were insufferable little brats! I know they’ve had tough lives, but seriously!? They were defending Demonology of all things!? The most evil of magicks out there, even above Necromancy!? And then they wouldn’t stop insulting me from minute one! I don’t care if Cadence thinks they were testing me, that’s no excuse to act like that!” Shining armor ranted in a single breath.

Celestia blinked, now if she were younger (a lot younger at that), she would’ve probably backed Shining Armor’s words wholeheartedly. However you don’t survive for millennia like she has without learning to keep an open mind. That being said however, despite having an open mind she still couldn’t bring herself to see a foul art like demon summoning in a positive light. As even benign uses of the art is still bittersweet, with emphasis on the bitter.

“Well…” Celestia tilted her head in thought, “... Do you really think they have any working knowledge of that magic outside of fiction?” Celestia asked with a quirked brow.

“Well… I, uh… probably not?” Shining Armor stammered out, warily.

“Oh Shining…” Celestia said with an amused sigh, “While I’ve never had foals, even I know that foals constantly are pushing and testing their parents. Just to see how much they can get away with. And with what Shifting Space and Inanis have suffered they will most likely have trouble, putting it mildly, trusting adults with their welfare.” She explained calmly.

“I… oh horseapples I screwed up, huh? How am I gonna fix this so they can actually trust me?” Shining asked, with his face in his hooves.

“Well for one, by apologizing and explaining yourself.” Celestia said, “And two, try to keep an open mind. Foals delight in mischief and will make your mane gray if they can.” She added with a light giggle.

“... I’ll try…” Shining muttered, with a slightly subdued tone of voice.

“Good, now; I’m off to find my niece.” Celestia declared before trotting off to find Cadence and ask her opinion of the foals.

<<>>

Having searched all Cadence’s usual ‘haunts’ Celestia found herself sitting in the library thinking on where the Princess of Love could possibly be. She tried the kitchens, the flower garden, the stone garden, why she even visited the Sparkle residence to ask if Cadence stopped by for a visit!

“Now if I was an irate Princess of Love where would I go to be alone?” Celestia mused as she idly sipped a cup of tea.

After a few minutes thought Celestia felt like hitting herself! Twilight’s tower! Celestia knew just how close Cadence and Twilight became! Finishing her tea, Celestia teleported to Twilight’s tower.

Reappearing just outside the tower Celestia opened the door and made her way up to the top floor where Twilight’s bedroom would be. After a few minutes Celestia reached the top and entered Twilight’s bedroom.

“Cadence? Are you in here?” She asked softly as she looked around, spotting Cadence just bundled up on Twilight’s favorite bean-bag chair. Probably one of the only foalish things she wanted with all her heart.

Seeing as she didn’t hear her Celesta went over and cast a spell to enlarge the chair and sat beside her, pulling her into a wing hug. “What is wrong my niece?” Celestia asked though she had a good idea what was bothering her.

“Shining and I just had our first fight, he’s acting like a stubborn foal and refuses to admit he might have been even remotely wrong!” Cadence spoke in a teary growl.

“I figured as such.” Celestia said with a slight giggle, “Don’t worry. It’s normal for a married couple. Granted it happened much sooner than even I expected but it was bound to happen. I talked some sense into him though. So you can calm down.”

“... You really got him to see some sense? Figures that if anypony could, it would be you,” Cadence said with a chuckle, “How did you do it?”

“First shall I say; really? A stallion see sense? Once in a blue moon. And you know how stingy Lulu is with those.” Celestia said with a giggle, “I just forced him to think, actually. What foal, no matter what situation, has any working knowledge of Demonology outside of fiction? Really. But the key is knowing when and when not to burst your stallions delusions of dominance and control.” She explained with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Cadence giggled, “True, we can’t break them too fast. It would be no fun otherwise! … Thanks Auntie…”

Celestia smiled, “Well, now that you’re feeling better perhaps you can tell me about the foals; Shifting Space and Inanis I believe?” Celestia asked.

“You mean besides doing all they could to rile Shining and I up? They were wonderful, if a little too mature for their ages… whatever they are. How old are they anyway?” Cadence asked.

Celestia thought for a few moments, “They haven’t been very forthcoming with their ages, but from what we can tell from their appearance and hints Lulu got from Inanis; Shifting Space, the Unicorn, is around 11 or 12 years old, whereas Inanis is around 8 or 9 years old…” she answered.

“Really? Inanis is the younger one? He’s both larger physically and acts the elder compared to Shifting…” Cadence asked, clearly bemused at this information.

“It’s actually not that strange you know.” Celestia said with a smile, “Lulu and I were like that when we were fillies. However we switched places when it was discovered I had a better talent for politics then Lulu. She always was the Warrior Princess, you know. But what I mean is how are they emotionally? What did your empathy tell you?”

“They seemed… panicked, though they hide it well. I think they were surprised to wake up this morning and find that their being here wasn’t just a dream. They also seem to be… testing… every adult pony they come across, seeing if any of them act like the adults they are used to. Shifting and Inanis are clearly lost as to what to do right now, as far as I could tell.” The Love Princess answered.

Celestia frowned at that, “Poor dears… if only we could get a better idea where they lived and I could send an inquisition without a problem! But all we got was a very vague direction and that they were close to some body of water… I can’t just have every port in the north inspected! Well… not without having to deal with dozens of pissy nobles…” She grumbled as the rubbed her temples.

“I will do my best to get more information out of them, but I’d rather not drag up such bad memories if I can help it…” Cadence promised, clearly uncomfortable with said promise.

“Bah! I’ll just send the inquisition to every port and lake town in the north!” Celestia said, “It’s hardly the most outrageous thing I’ve done in the past thousand years! Besides, simply narrowing the location down at the price of further traumatizing the foals isn’t worth it!”

Mi Amore Cadenza sighed in relief, “Agreed. And besides, something about their story screams ‘organization’ to me, maybe this way we can track down said organization should it exist and wipe it out!” She growled at the thought of so many ponies being involved in such a thing, “Though, I do recommend keeping an eye on any nobles that vehemently object to such an inquisition.”

“Indubitably.” Celestia acknowledged in a mock-snooty tone.

“Well, Auntie, what do you say we indulge in some vices for now?” Cadence suggested slyly.

Celestia grinned evilly, “Why, Cadence, I like the way you think…”

“”TO THE KITCHENS!”” They spoke in unison.

“For Tiramisu!” “For Cake!” They spoke at the same time.

“... We are not getting into this argument again… Tiramisu Cake?” Celestia suggested.

Her niece nodded sagely, “With Hot Chocolate,” She added.

“With Hot Chocolate.” The Sun Diarch agreed, and so it shall be.

Author's Note

Hello everyone, this is Nihatclodra again with another new chapter! So soon after the last one too! You can thank me for that. As for Nightmare... feel free to feed him biscuits and pat him on the head. Once again, the chapter wasn't very humour-heavy, but we need to get through all this in order to set things up properly... it will likely be a few chapters before we reach that point. I do hope you all enjoyed our explanation of the tribes and their magics, we did our best to make it both realistic, and fit comfortably with canon. Heck, it even explains the Alicorn amulet not being "Alicorn" the species, but "alicorn" the substance; which makes far more sense. As for the Draconequus mutation thing, that is pretty obvious, but still will be covered in a later chapter... if you want explanations of specific subtribes of ponies, feel free to ask and I will be willing to type it up... We just felt it would be too long an info dump otherwise, which would have no relevence in this fanfic.

As I said in the previous A/N, please comment: they are far more satisfying than likes and favorites, and more likely to motivate us to get off our asses and write. Any questions you have about this story will be answered to the best of our ability (unless they would be spoilers).

Nightmare: Oh and before any you bronies and pegasisters try to lynch me cause in the Sixth Season Shining and Cadence do have a foal I'm taking creative liberity. I mean seriously if Alicorns could get knocked up so realitively easily shouldn't there be a lot more? Plus this is listed as Alternate Universe for a reason! Anyway please, please, PLEASE give me a review instead of just favoites or thumbs up! Seriously they're so much more satisfying!