Rainbow's Lament

by Rainy Meadows

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Rainbow Dash
Length: 6063

When an unexplained magical occurrence brings the mane 6 to their genderbent world, Rainbow Blitz invites his clone to stay with him, resulting in a passionate, if drunken night together.

However, when Blitz awakens the next morning it is to find his clone gone and the door wide open, and with Ponyville in the grips of its worst blizzard in nearly two decades, can the two spectral speedsters survive the paralysing cold?

Image courtesy of JaquelinAmyRose.

Rainbow Blitz is property of Trotsworth.

My first attempt at a one-shot.

Published 2012-05-13 07:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-13 07:44:01 UTC

Rainbow's Lament

Holy buck, my head...

What the hay happened last night?

I remember... I remember yesterday there was this flash of light, and there were a load of other versions of us, only they were mares instead of stallions. That was WEIRD.

And... Oh yeah, that’s right. Dusk and Girl Dusk – I think she said her name was Twilight – they said they’d figure something out, which hopefully meant finding a way of sending them home, and me and- what was her name? Dash? Rainbow Dash? I guess that works.

I guess we... oh yeah, we raced for a while to see how we matched up with each other, but then it started to get dark, so we came back here and had a few drinks and talked and... music? Dancing? Am I turning into a mare or something?

And then, uh, we had a few more drinks and...

There are a lot of empty bottles on my bedroom floor.

I remember betting Dash I could climb the wall using only my lips – why I said that, I have no idea. What did she say after that? I dunno, I-

OH HORSEAPPLES.

I don’t have to be Dusk Shine to work this out. Everything’s a complete mess. So many empty bottles that you can hardly even see the floor. My bed looks like a bomb fell on it.

I nailed my female self. I am so screwed. I mean sure, I was pissed out of my mind, but it’s the principle of the thing! Does it even count as sex? What is it, narcissism or- I’m not even going to go there.

Wait a sec: where is she?

“Dash?”

No answer.

I really hope she didn’t go outside, and not just because it’s the middle of winter; the weather team screwed up again and forgot not one but TWO scheduled snowfalls (kinda hard to believe if you ask me – I think they’re getting slack) so now we have to have a massive blizzard to make up for it. It sucks, but that’s the way the world works.

“Hey, Dash?”

Still no answer. Is she giving me the silent treatment? If so, what did I do wrong? Well, you know, apart from the whole getting incredibly drunk and doing it aspect, of course, but...

Nope, can’t fly. Every time I flap my wings it sends a massive shockwave of agony pounding into my skull, plus the sound is absolutely deafening. And it’s really cold, and that’s just in here. It’s gotta be like, minus fifteen out there at least, if not minus twenty.

“Dash, are you here?”

Man, it’s cold in here-

Holy horseapples, what the buck did we DO last night? It’s even more of a mess down here! Bottles everywhere and- I don’t even want to think about what we did on that couch. And the stairs. This is way too humiliating already.

“Dash, you-“

Oh no.

The door’s open, and banging in the wind. No wonder it’s so cold in here! But-

But where could she have gone? This isn’t even her own universe, so where would she go? Is there anywhere to go to, and with this kind of blizzard- ponies DIE in weather like this. It happens more often than everypony thinks, and pegasi can’t go out because it makes our feathers freeze and stick together, and the massive winds blow us completely off course and next thing we know we’re pulling ourselves out of Lord Solaris’ morning oatmeal.

This is bad. Really bad. I’m... I’m gonna have to go and look for her. She should have known better! I should have stopped her- wait a minute, what am I thinking? Why am I taking the blame for this?

Dammit Blitz, get your head in the game! Your female self is out there somewhere and you have to find her before she freezes to death! Oh buck, this is even worse than that time me and AJ got wasted and went down on each other. That was so bucking humiliating and Berry never wastes an opportunity to remind me of that!

Okay, so... coat, check. Hat, check – even though I like flashing my spectrum at everypony, I don’t want to lose my ears to frostbite. Scarf, check.

The moment somepony invents cold-proof wing coverings they’re just going to shut up and take my money, 'coz I need those things.

Here we go...

There’s no way I’m gonna be able to fly in this wind. I’ll just- BUCK! Why do these winds have to be so strong? I just landed face first in a massive snowdrift. Can’t be too hard to get myself out.

There we are.

She can’t have gone very far. Not in this weather.

“DASH!!”

I hope she can hear me over the wind. Nopony could survive for very long without shelter in this kind of weather, and if she dies...

If I wasn’t already, I’m screwed.

“Dash, where are you?!”

There’s no way she could have gone very far in this blizzard. I can barely even see my own hoof in front of my face! And I can already feel my wings icing up. I’ve heard a rumour that the best way to deal with iced-up wings is to get a wingboner, which is... embarrassing, to say the least. And completely untrue, as I knew some guy who tried to do that once and he tore his wings apart. It wasn’t pretty.

“DASH!!”

Oh, come on...

Where are you?

If I can’t find her, I’m not just failing her, I’m failing everypony else as well. For buck’s sake, I’m supposed to represent the Element of Loyalty, and if I can’t look out for another version of myself then how do I deserve to be an Element bearer?

I never, and I mean I NEVER thought I’d ever catch myself even thinking this but... I’m scared. Seriously. I know everypony thinks I’m this big stud who’s not afraid of anything, but that-that’s not true. Truth is, I get scared just like everypony else, and right now I’m scared that I’m going to lose Dash. She’s me as a mare, so how could I not fear for her?

What was that?

Was that her?

I thought I heard something...

“Dash, can you hear me?!” If I shout any more I’m going to set my throat on fire, but I have to find her. I just- I have to!

Where the buck is she? Why did she even leave? If she’s me, then she’s a weather pony too, and she knows you should never and I meant EVER go outside in a blizzard like this. But I guess she was still kinda drunk (that’s what a hangover is, isn’t it? When you’re still drunk the next morning?) so I guess she wouldn’t have been thinking straight.

“RAINBOW DASH!!!”

I can barely breathe without feeling like my lungs are going to freeze, and every time I put my hoof down it’s like stepping on a wet log in the Everfree Forest. You know, where you think you might slip but you don’t, so you put a little more weight on your leg and end up face first in a puddle?

Okay, I definitely heard something that time.

“Rainbow Dash! Where are you?!”

Why does this wind have to be so loud?

OW! Snowflake! Snowflake in my eye! Sweet Solaris, that is painful! That hit me right in the eyeball. That HURTS! Now not only am I freezing my flank off, grounded and unable to breathe, but now I’m practically blind in one eye.

Ow! Another one just went in my throat! Oh buck, I’m gonna-

See, that’s why I don’t usually drink. When I do, I always wind up totally wasted and with a hangover the size of the moon, and more often than not I end up with last night’s dinner wallowing in a pool in front of me.

In short, I upchuck. A lot. Just gonna shove some snow over it so you can’t tell where it is...

“RAINBOW DASH!!”

I swear that’s the loudest I’ve ever shouted in my whole life, and now my throat hurts even more because of the puke.

“Blitz?”

Was that her? Sounded like it.

“Dash, is that you? Where are you?”

Can she hear me? I hope so. But I can’t see her anywhere, so where could- GAH! Oh buck, somepony help, I’ve lost my footing and I’m going to slide right into that tree. Okay, can’t be too hard to get back up, I’ll just reach back and- OW! Just my luck to reach back just as I’m going over a root, and now my hoof is sprained. I hope. It better not be broken. Doesn’t feel broken. That’s good, right?

Good. I stopped sliding just before I hit the tree. Let me just- ow. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to put weight on that leg.

I’ll worry about that later. Right now I’ve gotta find Rainbow Dash. Dusk is going to kill me if I don’t. Me responsible for the death of myself from another dimension? He’ll go completely crazy!

“DASH, CAN YOU HEAR ME?!”

“Yes, I’m down here!”

She sounded really close that time, as if she was right behind me, or below me. She’s...

...under the tree?

There’s a hole. Let me just- yes! Yes, she’s down there! There’s a cave thing underneath the tree and she’s in there!

“Are you okay?” She doesn’t look it, but you’ve gotta ask. She looks like she’s just tried a Sonic Rainboom in Ghastly Gorge, and there is no way wings are supposed to bend that way. And I’m pretty sure forelegs aren’t supposed to just dangle like that.

“Do I look okay?” she asked me. “My wing is broken and my leg is dislocated! Of course I’m not okay!” She winced and used her good foreleg to clutch her wing.

“Okay, I’m coming down.” And I’m gonna try and keep my weight off my injured leg, but not actually tell her I have an injured leg because that wouldn’t exactly be reassuring.

Whoa. Okay, it’s a lot more slippery than I thought it would- THAT HURT!

“Oh my gosh,” Dash said as she ran over to me, “are you alright?”

“Well,” Can’t lie here, “truth be told, I kinda sprained my hoof out there and now it’s hurting like horseapples, but that’s it. You need some help?”

“What can you do?”

Okay, here’s a dilemma. She’s gonna totally freak out at what I say next, but it seems like the quickest and most painless option.

“What if I popped your leg back in?”

And of course, she leapt back with a shocked cry of “WHAT?! How the hay are you gonna do that?”

“Just keep still and I’ll pop it back in.”

“No!”

“Look, I want to help you, so keep still and-”

“No, you’re crazy! Get away from me!”

I’ve got to admit; she’s pretty slippery. I had to chase her quite a bit before I finally caught her, and I had to hold her down so she wouldn’t get up again.

Yeah, I know, this looks like a kinda... compromising position, but I have to hold her down somehow, and if being on top of her is the only way to do it then so be it. I’m gonna need my good leg for this, but that means I’m gonna have to hold hers with my bad leg and-

And we both said “Ow!” at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, “but-”

“Fine!” she cried. “Fine, just-just do it quick and get it over with.”

Now how do I do this? AJ actually did it for me once when I crashed at his farm, and he sorta just shoved it really hard and it hurt like you wouldn’t believe. Seriously, until you dislocate a shoulder yourself and have to have it fixed, you won’t be able to comprehend the amount of pain it causes.

Right, I’ll just put my hoof here and give it a hard shove-

“Gah!”

And she’s bucked me. Right in the family jewels. Holy sweet Solaris on a silver platter that HURTS.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!”

Oh very nice, Dash, you’re sorry. Sorry isn’t gonna make the pain go away!

“What about-” let me just clear my throat and try to get my voice to a more normal pitch, “what about your wing?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s broken,” said Dash. “Wings aren’t supposed to bend that way.”

Hers is broken and mine are frozen. Yep, we’re screwed. Hooves aren’t spectacular for climbing, and if I try to get out I might just bring in more snow, and this place is already like a freezer.

“Come here,” I said, and naturally she was suspicious, so I had to add “I’m not gonna try to bend it back into shape, I promise!”

“Pinkie Promise?”

I’m going to take this as a sign that Pinkie is Berry’s girl name (am I ever going to get used to this?).

“Cross my heart and hope to fly,” I said, mimicking the motions, “stick a cupcake in my eye. And just so you know, I’ve seen what happens when one of those promises is broken, so do you really think I want to break it?”

That seemed to reassure her a little; she was coming over to me, but still limping a bit on what used to be her dislocated leg. She winced as I reached up, but all I’m doing is removing my scarf so I can use it as a makeshift bandage. She was still nervous, but I guess that’s justified considering what I just did to her leg.

“How did you even get like this?” I asked as I wrapped her up.

“I guess I must’ve still been a bit drunk from last night,” she confessed, “and I tried to fly back to the library to see how Twilight and what’s-his-name-”

“Dusk?”

“Yeah, him. I wanted to see if they were done yet, so I tried to fly back to the library, but the blizzard had already started so-”

“You were blown off course, your wings iced up and you crashed?”

“Pretty much. How come you weren’t hurt so bad?”

“I guess the snow was deeper when I came out.”

Oh buck, did I just say ‘came out’? I didn’t mean it like that, I swear!

Just about done – my neck’s getting cold already. I tried to make it a bit like a sling for her wing, but I could only do one loop around her body because it isn’t the longest scarf in the world, not (and I think this should make this very clear) because she was large. Rainbow Dash has a sleek, smokin’ body. I’m not lying: by pegasus standards, she’s ultra sexy.

“How does that feel?”

“Better,” she told me, but she shivered from the cold, “loads better. Thanks. And, uh, sorry about freaking out about the whole leg thing.”

“Not to worry. I once dislocated a leg after I crashed at AJ’s farm. It wasn’t pretty.”

I’m gonna take this opportunity to describe this little hole, for wont of a better word. It was really small – like, a quarter the size of my bedroom, if not less. Plus, the only exit was that hole in the corner which was getting smaller and smaller as the blizzard raged outside. It was by no means cold-proof – in fact, it was more like a deep freeze than anything else, and every so often a stray snowflake drifted in.

I could actually see Dash shivering, although she was doing her best to hide it.

“Here.”

Wow. She looks seriously cute in a wool cap. And- is she blushing? That’s adorable!

Wait. Why the hay would I think that?

“How the buck are we going to survive this?” she asked when she was done shivering. Wait, cancel that, she was still shivering.

“Well,” this is gonna sound so stupid. “I guess we could...”

“What?”

Oh buck. I can’t think about this, not after last night. “Nah, it’s a stupid idea.”

“Blitz, if it means we’ll live through the blizzard, then I want to hear it. Don’t think I’m not afraid to punch your flank from here to oblivion.”

Okay, this can’t be too hard. She’s me, right? She’ll think the same way as me, so she’s bound to agree with me. I just gotta bite the bullet. Do all those clichés that involve talking to mares.

“I think we should... cuddle together... for warmth.”

Great. Now she’s laughing at me. See? Everypony thinks I’m this big lady-loving stud, but-

“Okay.”

Huh? “What was that?”

“I said okay!” She was... smiling. “I mean, we’re practically the same pony, and we both want to survive, so what’s the problem?”

Right. I’m going to take my coat off so we can share it (feeling colder already) but that would mean we’d have to huddle up really close like... this?

Hey, this actually isn’t so bad. And she actually seemed to be enjoying herself, but that goes without saying: after all, who wouldn’t want to cuddle with the hottest guy in Ponyville?

“Hey, Blitz? About last night-”

“Don’t worry about it,” I say (and I MEAN it, no matter how sceptical you are). “We were both wasted. Honestly, I can hardly even remember what happened, apart from that we... you know.”

“Had sex?”

“Yeah, that.”

“To tell you the truth,” she said, “that’s actually the only thing I can remember. What the hay did we do last night?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t want to know,” I told her. I wonder if she would mind if I slipped my hooves around her like this...

“Uh, what’re you doing?”

“You want to keep warm, don’t you?”

And now she’s hugging me back. This is actually kinda nice. I mean, sure, we’re probably going to die tonight, but we might as well make the most of our time together.

Why am I thinking this?

I’ve never thought about anypony this way before, so why am I thinking like it now? And why Dash in particular? She’s me as a mare, so... buck, I feel so messed up right now.

I... I actually feel kinda weird, and it has nothing to do with the cold. Like, there’s something in the pit of my stomach that’s refusing to go away. And my mouth feels really dry, and my tongue’s the size of a tree and...

“Blitz?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you something?”

Dash, I’m you. You can tell me anything.

“Sure,” is what I said instead (although I really wanted to say that other thing) “what is it?”

She paused, face turning bright red, as if either unsure or terrified of what she was about to say, and bit her bottom lip.

“You’re gonna think I’m an idiot,” she said.

“Dash,” I said, “we’re world class athletes. Just about everypony else thinks we’re idiots. And seeing as we might not have much longer-”

“Okay,” she said. “Well, see, I’ve actually, uh... I just- see, um... I... well, I-”

“What is it?”

“DON’T RUSH ME!”

Wow. See, the only mare I actually know is AJ’s sister, and I’m not really too familiar with her, but one thing I know is that she hardly ever shouts. I’ve never heard her say anything other than “Eeyup” or “Nope” so imagine how I felt when Dash yelled at me like that. Especially since she was sounding more like Butterscotch than me at that moment.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” said Dash, “well, actually it’s not alright, ‘coz... see, I was... we... you...”

She trailed off towards the end, and I didn’t hear what I was saying.

“What was that?”

“Please don’t make me repeat it, it’s embarrassing enough-”

“I didn’t quite catch what you were saying,” I said.

“I just- you,” she shivered and gulped, “you were my first.”

“Huh?”

“I said... you were my first.”

She... what? I never expected her to say anything like that. Her first? That was- last night was the first time she-

“Dash, that’s not weird or embarrassing,” I said, and she looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah. What’s so weird about it? Apart from, you know; the fact that I’m you as a colt, of course.”

Wow. Believe me when I say that she has a really pretty smile. Seriously; she looks hot, pretty and adorable at the same time.

Holy buck, do I have a crush on her?

Okay, she’s cuddling further into me...

I’m getting kinda nervous here. I said it before and I’ll say it again: I’ve never felt about anypony this way before. For some reason, she makes me feel happy, and wanted – and not just because she would probably have frozen to death by now if it weren’t for me. I can hardly feel any pain in my sprained hoof anymore. It’s like...

...like she made it go away.

How is that supposed to work?

And-and how can I tell her? How am I supposed to tell my female clone how I feel about her?

And... she’s me, so...

...does she feel the same?

“Blitz, are you alright?” she said.

“Yeah, of course I’m alright,” is what I told her rather than the truth. “Apart from the sprained hoof, of course. Why would you ask that?”

“You’re blushing.”

I am? Bucking horseapples, how the hay am I supposed to hide something like that? A blush is almost as embarrassing as a wingboner, if not even more so, because it’s easier to cover up a wingboner. You can just blame it on muscle spasms.

What? It’s true!

Hang on...

“So are you.”

She pulled the hat down over her face and tried to hide the red glow on her cheeks, which was quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life (especially since it didn’t work – hats aren’t really that big).

“What’s so embarrassing about it?” I asked her, more to make myself feel better than to reassure her. “We’re practically the same pony, except-”

“You’re a colt and I’m a mare,” she finished for me with a shiver, “and... and we’re going to die if we don’t cuddle like this. In fact, seeing as your wings are frozen and mine’s broken-”

“We’re going to die anyway,” I finished for her.

Okay... either she’s shivering really, really hard now, or...

She’s crying.

My female clone is crying. What the buck am I supposed to do? I mean, that might as well be me crying, and I’ve got an image to hold up here. If anypony, even my closest friends, find out that I’ve got... issues, emotions, whatever you want to call them, my entire reputation’s gonna come crashing down.

“Um...” How is- “please stop crying, I-”

“I’m sorry,” she said, and she sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her good foreleg. “It’s just- I never thought it would be like this. I thought... I thought I’d die messing up some crazy stunt, you know? The most epic wipe-out in the history of epic wipe-outs, with me at the receiving end. But instead...”

She’s hugging me even tighter than before. Why am I making a big deal about this? Dusk can comfort Barb when she’s upset, so how hard can it be?

“Hey,” I said in what I hoped was a comforting voice, “listen. To tell the truth, Dash, I thought that was how I was gonna die as well. But instead I’m freezing to death with a hot mare next to me.”

She’s smiling. That’s good, right?

“You really think I’m hot?” she asked.

“Hottest mare I’ve ever seen in my whole life,” I confessed. “Seriously, being here with you... given a real choice, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

Whoa. Okay, she’s kissing me. This... isn’t bad, actually. Man, who’d have thought my female self was as good as kissing as I am? No wonder we got it on last night. She tastes... fruity. Almost like a rainbow would taste if somepony tried to make rainbow candy (there’s something for Berry to attempt). And her lips are really soft.

When we finally broke apart from lack of breath, Dash looked absolutely terrified.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stammered, “it’s just- I really like you, and-”

I placed a hoof on her lips, trying to avoid shivering, and she was immediately silenced. Holy buck, she is adorable when she’s confused.

“I... I really like you too,” I said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but... you taste like rainbows.”

“So do you.”

I’m not sure how long we sat there doing nothing but looking into each other’s eyes. I know they’re the same colour as mine, but hers somehow manage to be brighter and better. She’s... beautiful. I know I’ve only known her for a day, but...

Buck it.

I’m in love.

With myself.

But it’s not like it’s going to go anywhere. We’re going to die. And... nopony else knows where we are.

“Do you think they’ll ever find us?” she asked me.

“Maybe,” I said, “once we start to smell, somepony’s gonna investigate.”

And she’s crying again.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. “If I hadn’t been so stupid, if-if I hadn’t tried to go back to the library, we’d-”

I shushed her and stroked her mane – it’s so much softer and smoother than mine. For some reason, mine looks like I got struck by gay lightning. But I swear I dislodged an icicle or two from her hair.

“It’s my fault,” I said. “It was my booze, wasn’t it? I’m the one who got you drunk, and...”

I wiped the tears away from her face. They were the warmest thing in this whole situation, and I didn’t want her face to freeze. It’s a cute face, and she looks kinda grateful for it too.

“Blitz,” she said, “I’m really, really tired, but... I don’t want to sleep.”

“I know,” I told her, “I don’t either.”

“No,” she said, “I mean I don’t want to sleep because-because I’m scared. I’m scared I’m not going to wake up.” I felt her body shiver against mine, but I can’t really tell if it was from fear or cold. I guess cuddling can only go so far when it comes to trying to survive a blizzard.

I can’t remember when there was a blizzard this bad. I know it was to make up for two scheduled snowfalls, but I think we might have overdone it a little.

Don’t judge me, but I wish we could have had more time together. I have no idea how or why I fell in love with her, but it’s pretty obvious that I have. Hard. And I never saw it coming in a million years.

Oh buck, the clichés...

“Dash?”

She let out a contented-sounding sigh, and when I looked at her amazing face I saw that her eyes were closed. She’d literally fallen asleep in my hooves.

And I guess I’m getting kinda tired too.

This is... strange. Everypony in Ponyville thinks I’m this big lady-loving stud, the kind of guy who always has a flotilla of pretty mares on his trail 24/7, squeeing like crazy and clutching their faces in adoration. And it’s true in a way: whenever I’m in town pretty much every female I meet tries to flirt with me in some way or other, except for those absolute bitches from flight school who used to pick on Butterscotch and me.

Do you know how much you can get messed up when you’re picked on by somepony of the opposite gender? It screws you up badly. So badly I don't know how to put it into words. I tried to put on a brave face about it, but the truth is that I spent the most of my time in flight school feeling hugely insecure. I still find it hard to trust mares to this very day.

I can’t imagine what it was like for Dash. A filly getting picked on by colts... don’t get me wrong, but that sounds like the most horrible thing in the history of Equestria. I’m a colt, so I should know that we can be cruel with a capital C-R-U-E-L. I can’t help but feel sorry for her; it must have been absolute hell. And just like me, she would have put on a brave face, and just like me she would have felt dead inside. I thought Rainbow Ditz was bad, but what does Dash rhyme with? I’m sure I don’t have to tell you.

I’m glad she doesn’t think I took advantage of her last night. I’m pretty sure I got way drunker than she did. And now she’s fast asleep, hugging me like a pillow. Her coat is really, really soft as well, but she’s starting to get cold. Her hooves are like ice, if not colder, but I’m gonna try and avoid touching them: if she’s me, then she won’t like ponies touching her hooves. Doesn’t seem to mind them touching her hair, though.

Or me, at least.

I don’t know how to describe this. I seriously don’t. I never thought you could experience this kind of... what’s a word Dusk would use? Euphoria. That’s a good one. Rolls off the tongue quite nicely too. I know I'm going to die soon, but I-I've never felt so free before.

I wonder what the guys are doing right now. I dread to think what Berry’s doing with his double. If they decide to have a party... and I bet Dusk and his double are studying like crazy. Knowing Butterscotch, he and his double would probably just hide behind their manes and squeak. AJ and his double might have this major hoof-wrestling contest and as for Elusive...

I should’ve brought brain bleach.

And they’ll never know, will they? They’ll never know what’s happening right now, with me and her. They’ll never know... they’ll never know we froze to death in a hole underneath a tree during a blizzard, or that I fell head over hooves for my female double.

I’m so tired, and cold, and she’s already asleep...

“It’s okay, Dash,” I whispered to her, “I’ll be with you soon.”

I know I should be holding on, waiting for somepony to come and find us. I shouldn’t give up hope: I should try to wake her up, because somepony could come at any second...

...but like I said, this is the worst blizzard I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I can’t even see anything out of that hole anymore – I think it’s blocked up with snow. Any second now it could collapse and bring even more coldness crashing in. It might even be the snow that’s got my puke in it, and that would be nasty.

“Buck it...”

Goodbye, cruel world. Rainbow Dash... Dashie... I’m on my way.

If somepony doesn’t knock off that bleeping soon, I’m gonna lose it.

And I swear these sheets are made of hay. And what’s my head on, a rock? A pillow stuffed with rocks?

Wait a minute...

Where the buck am I?

I remember everything this time: getting wasted and spending the night with Dash, running out into the snow after her, finding her in a tiny hole in the ground with a broken wing and a dislocated leg, cuddling together for warmth and...

I pretty much told her I loved her.

Seriously, where am I? The only time I’ve seen a place like this was when I broke my wing and had to go hospital- oh.

So why can’t I get my vision focused? Everything’s like, really blurry, and I can just about make out two fuzzy light purple blobs, topped with dark blue-

OW! One of them just punched me!

And now he’s hugging me.

“Uh, Dusk?” I said. “You might want to buy me a drink first.”

“What in Solaris’ name were you thinking?” he demanded when he’d released me.

“We were so worried!” said... Twilight, wasn’t it? “We thought you and Dash weren’t going to make it!”

This looks like the same hospital room as well. I wonder who’s in the next bed this time...

“You’re lucky we found you when we did,” said Dusk. “Any longer out there and you would have been dead from hypothermia. As it was, the doctors were worried you’d both have permanent brain damage. You’ve been in a coma for three weeks!”

“What?” Three whole weeks?! “What about-”

“Rainbow Dash is fine,” Twilight explained. “She woke up a couple of days ago, and she was pretty upset when she found out you weren’t awake yet.”

She sounds suspicious.

“We’d better go,” said Dusk. “We think we’ve almost found a way to send the mares back.”

And I swear, as soon as I said this, Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder, leaned right in until she was level with his ear, and whispered “Don’t wanna do it too fast, though. Right?”

Dusk did his absolute best impersonation of a raspberry when she said this, and as they were leaving I saw his eyes wander down to her flank, and he gave an appreciative little smirk.

So it’s not bad if everypony’s doing it, right?

Might as well see who’s in the next bed while I’m here. And of course, I can’t reach. Oh well, I was looking for an excuse to get out of this bed.

Well, what do you know?

I’m glad they patched her up properly: a scarf and a hard shove doesn’t really count as proper medical attention. They’ve bandaged her wing, and I can’t really see from this angle but I’m guessing her leg’s in a sling.

I wonder if she’s asleep...

Only one way to find out, I guess.

Nope, she’s not asleep. If she were she wouldn’t be hugging me right now, but I know I’d still be hugging her back.

“Thank Celestia you’re okay,” she whispered.

Who's Celestia?

“Listen,” she said, and looked me dead in the eye, “I can’t leave, I-”

“You have to,” I told her. “This isn’t-”

“No,” she interrupted, “I can’t leave. I guess this is as good a time as any...”

I’m not sure I like where this is going.

“I think I should say something first,” I said in an effort to put it off. “What happened in the cave... I just- I don’t know how to describe it. When I was with you, thinking I was going to die, it was the happiest I’ve ever felt in my whole life.”

Her gaze faltered slightly, and she looked as if she might be starting to cry again.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know I-I hardly know you, but I feel like we should have been together our entire lives, and... there’s no easy way to say it. I love you, Dash.”

I felt her eyes lock with mine, and you should have seen how they twinkled in the bland light of the hospital bulbs as she allowed a small smile to once again light up her face.

I will never experience another kiss like this one. Her soft lips, the fruity taste of her mouth, the feeling of her tongue as it snakes around my mouth and explores every tiny crevasse... this is what kissing is when it’s died and gone to heaven. And then she pulls away, cheeks bulging, and throws up into a bedpan.

“Gee, am I really that bad at kissing?” I quipped.

She smiled weakly at me and said “Maybe.”

“What is it you wanted to tell me?” I asked her.

She turned away, but I couldn’t really make out her expression. I think it might have been one of either fear or shame, or probably a little bit of both.

“Yesterday,” she said, “the doctors came to see me, and they told me...” She actually looks like she’s getting kinda panicky. “I didn’t even think it was possible. I mean, it was my first time, so I thought I’d be okay, and we’re practically the same pony as well, but...”

I seriously don’t like where this is going.

“Blitz... I’m pregnant.”