The Stupid Albeit Adventuruous Chronicles Of Space Kitty In Ponyville

by Space Kitty

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy
Length: 2645

Space Kitty writes in a notebook about her life. In a world full of ponies.

Space Kitty is bored. This is her notebook.

THIS IS RELATED TO THE MLP UNIVERSE. LOOK AT THE DETAILS AND YOU WILL SEE WHY.

Princess Luna plays video games against me.
I flew over Appleoosa, and around Equestria.
I live in Ponyville.
I lived in the edge of the Everfree Forest prior to moving to Ponyville.

And she can and will give her middle paw-finger to anything she does not like.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-20 05:04:16 UTC

Babysitting an opossum

I found mail in my mailbox from Princess Luna. Oh no... she wants me to babysit her opossum again. Lucky me.

The moment the opossum comes in, we play Minecraft and have a PvP battle to the DEATH. He loses... that means we have to play Just Dance.

I put on the perfect song: DIE IN A FIRE.

When the song begins we start smoothly. Then we begin.

Head bobbing and stuff.

When the bass dropping comes, I own him by 300 points!

When it rises, I flip my tail.

Stepping all  over the thing to match Bonnie's feet, we wait for the drop.

We flip out all over the place.  It lifts and we freestyle, but I own Tiberius by 4000 points in the end.

Next he picks the original song.

During the laugh I lift up

I own the opossum quickly.

I own him at multiple games. He sucks at video games.

It takes Tiberius a few hours to beat Night Five of FNAD. Bet he'll NEVER beat 4/20 mode. It's just like FNAF with a twist... it's with the Elements Of Harmony and their lookalikes and such.

My jetpack explodes again

I'm getting ready to fly off. I eat a sandwich, drink some Kool-Aid, and  then I take off. I do a quick flyby of Town Hall, then I see two ponies racing. The stallion's mane gets all frizzy . He isn't so happy about that. I'm pretty sure he was racing against the fastest flyer around. Yeah, not like anypony (or cat with a jetpack, for that matter) could beat her. I tried that, and... this happened.

~FLASHBACK TIME! :D~

I zoom forward, clocking in at 200 mph. We're seeing who can fly around Equestria the fastest and get back to Ponyville first. I zoom very fast over Appleoosa, gaining moisture. My jetpack sends out a tiny puff of water, the sun making it look like it had a rainbow on it. Haha, I love illusions of light.  I make it back to Ponyville, planning to land on the cloud we had agreed to finish the race on. Just before I got to the cloud my jetpack sputtered. It exploded. I fell to the ground, shaking my head and getting up. I walk to the spa, because this is my first time I bring a lot of bits. I walk in and they just dump me in a tub full of water. I skree at this, as you know cats HATE being forcibly dumped into liquid. Some pony with a telephone for a head says "Ha, that sounded like a dying child!"

His purple friend replies with "No, it doesn't."

Everyone turns and looks at him.

I reply with "How the hell would you know what that sounds like and doesn't sound like?"

He gets up and walks away.

I hear police sirens.

Bet he's a known murderer...

I get forcibly scrubbed with some soap that smells like oranges.  ORANGES.

And more water is dumped on me. I skree again. I see that the smoke and ash from the exploding jetpack is slowly melting out of my fur.

And when I'm done they cut my claws. I skree more than ever before. I HATE THAT!

I then walk home,  sighing.

I watch some Markiplier, and I take a bath of my own to get rid of the orange smell.

I then just host a livestream. NOPONY KNOWS YOU'RE A CAT ON THE INTERNET.  I draw some video game characters.

~Flashback over~

I fly around a bit with my jetpack, and I see the new Pegasus, which I assume to be that Ink pony. Meh, I'll leave him alone. I just fly straight above a bunch of ponies, using my jetpack on quiet so I couldn't be noticed sneaking back to my home. A cat with a jetpack is an anomaly in Equestria.

Suddenly I start to go really fast and my jetpack is quiet no more. I dodge quite a few Pegasi, and have to attempt force shutdown.

And my jetpack explodes, sending me flying down to the ground, face planting a few meters from my house. I get up.

Going to bed after a long day of jetpack repair

I place the half-fixed jetpack on the repair table and sigh. Luna had raised the moon already?

I walk to the kitchen and prepare some Ramen Noodles. I cook them up and gulp them down, keeping the amazing broth to drink in bed. I shower, brush my teeth, comb my fur, and put on my toast pajamas. Yes, I do shower like a normal pony does. I just dislike being forcibly thrown in water. I like water, just not when it's being suddenly poured on me!

I then remove my glasses for the night. I make the bed, get under the blanket, and... try to fall asle~~~~~~~~~

The reason I don't socialize.

Waking up to realizing you fell asleep in your notebook isn't that comfortable. Anyway, here's a little about my first moments in Ponyville.

~Flashback brought to you by Neighing King [Burger King chicken fries] veggie fries that I was eating at the time of writing this~

I walk into town, pulling the small cart I had gently behind me. It contained all my items, from my small rocket to my jetpack and its repair items. It was much better than the Everfree Forest.  Suddenly I noticed what appeared to be a burnt stump. It seemed to have many broken and burned books inside it, and they smelled like... Blue Crystal. The same s:pinkiehappy:t that makes up Tartarus. I assumed this was the work of Tirek, just like the area around my former home has random trees torn up here and there. That's part of why I moved. The other reason is that my parents were complaining too much about the constant evil monsters.

I think this is the ruins of Golden Oak Library... I moved here so I could also borrow books easily.

Suddenly a big, pink flash of light comes from behind me. Rubbing my eyes I find a purple alicorn behind me.

"Hi, I am... Space Kitty. I assume you are Twilight Sparkle?" I said.

"That is correct. Watch out for Pinkie Pie, when she meets anypony new-"

"HIIIII NEW PONY! OR KITTY! OR WHATEVER!" said the pink menace, popping out of my cart at random. She hopped out of my cart and gasped.

"HUUUOOOOOOAAAAH! I need to prepare a "Welcome to Ponyville" party!" she said, dashing off to Sugarcube Corner. I shrugged and walked to my new home. When I got there, it was all dark, but then cake and streamers hit me in the face.

"SUPRISE!"

And after the party, I had drank so much punch that I was in the bathroom for three hours and it took me a week to wash the cake smell off.

This is why I don't go to parties or socialize too much. It ends badly, with me either drinking too much punch or getting drunk. HUGELY drunk.

~End of flashback because I ran out of fries :(~

So, yeah. Gotta go work on my jetpack now. byeeeeeee.

My jetpack kills somebody

I'm sitting here repairing my jetpack when it suddenly turns on and it's facing towards a window. It flies out the open window and as I watch out the window for it, it heads straight for a group of four colts walking to school. It hits the one with the orange parka coat... and kills it.  One of them yells "OH MY GOD! SOMETHING KILLED KENNY! THAT BASTARD!". I quickly grab the remote control and steer the jetpack to my house, not letting anyone see it. I then make sure it doesn't turn on and/or explode again, then I just... cry. Because my jetpack killed an innocent colt.

Dear stupid notebook, I hate this place.

Dear stupid notebook,

I hate this place! It's so boring.

Brief day overview:

Watched a few episodes of My Little Human.

Ate soup out of the can.

Ate skittles.

Got a hayburger. eeeew.

Barfed.

Watched Markiplier.

Wrote.

That's my sucky day. I found out there's a new pony around. Something like Inkfell Rose, I think.

Tomorrow probably won't be sucky, riiiiight?

*from the other side of the fourth wall*

[Big Mac] Nnnnope.

Anywho, I'm writing some fanfiction. SPOILER: Foxy the pirate dies. And Bonnie rules the world.

And SMILE HD happens.

And pegasi take over the world.

Man. I'm a little too random.

I hate this place. It's been a year since I moved here and met the pink menace.

Speaking of her, I think she's creepy.

Well, this is only gonna take up the first page here, so I hope you enjoy my thoughts, Notebook.

How to kick someone's butt at a video game

I grabbed the controller. Princess Luna wants to play Rock Band 3. Haha, I can master a five-controller band.  I lay down with all four controllers under my paws, and one under my tail. I begin with SMILE.  My left paw controls the guitarist, my right paw the keyboard. My back left paw is the drums. My right back paw is the sound effects, and my tail is the acapella control.

I begin by controller mashing many things.

I won!

I beat MoonButt at a video game. She now owes me forty bits, ha!

Luna isn't  very happy about it and teleports  the bits to me. Snickering, I challenge her to Just Dance. She OBVIOUSLY does not know that I  am Equestria's pro gamer. I don't put things on PonyTube yet, but if I did I bet I would get a lot of subscribers.

I start to kick her butt at many games, ranging from Slender to Minecraft PvP.

Suddenly she challenges me to Five Nights At Dashie's. She bets me ONE HUNDRED bits that I can't beat it before her.

I haven't played it before, so I accept the challenge.

Night 1

Luna almost instantly dies to Fluttershy. I close the door on her fast enough.

Night 2

After a few tries at Night 1, Luna beats it and then gets killed by Applejack. I've read about the game, so I know what triggers Applejack. I pull down my cams, close the door, and let the puny pirate bang away until she leaves. Luna runs out of power and Dashie gets her.

Night 3

I beat the night before Luna fails three times after failing to find Dashie in the Right Hall. After I hear  her laugh five times, I close my  right door to keep her out. Pinkie is just staring in my window. I die once because my power ran out.

Night 4

Luna is terrified that Phone Guy dies and dies once again to Applejack.  I then peek at Cam 2B and there's a Spitfire poster. I pull my cam up and down quickly to avoid a game crash.

Night 5

I beat the night first. Luna was seriously mad when she remembered how much she had bet me. Then I kick her butt at Night 6.

We go to 4/20 mode. We cannot see each other's screens, so I use a glitch to win because Markiplier and Bigbugz are the only ones capable of it. Luna finally beats it after four  days of continuous play. I just stare at her playing each day like "Bro, give up."

Dashie killed Luna twelve times, Applejack killed her nine times, Pinkie killed her sixteen times, and Fluttershy killed her twenty-three times.

Huh, she sucks at that game.

I have to take a bath at that stupid spa place... again.

After getting up I dust myself off and walk to the spa since my jetpack blew up. Heck, it's a pain in the butt to fix those and it's expensive to replace them. Maybe I should go into space today to fix my jetpack.  I bring the bits, enter the spa, and once again have to endure the tortures of orange shampoo and watery ash in my eyes. I see the phone head pony and the purple pony again, but this time... making out. I found it hard not to barf or shout "GAY!" while I was in the pony-sized bathtub. This time the spa mares try to lift the tuft  of fur I keep over my right eye. I force it back down with my paw. Nobody can know why I have the tuft there.

Except you, Notebook.

I'm BLIND in that eye. It has no pupil, only a bright Snowdrop-blue iris. Here's what happened:

~Flashback to when Space was two years younger~

"Alley, put down the bleach stick!" my mother yelled. But my sister did not care. She stuck the bleacher in my right eye.

Five minutes later I was having the bleach removed from my eye at Ponyville Hospital, the nearest hospital to my woodland home. My sister had to pay the hospital bill and the bill for some magical hair growth with her allowance. She's still grounded to this day.

Anyway, I still haven't been able to see out of that eye.

~Ending the flashback~

After I am finished in the tub of orange-scented torture, I buy some catnip-scented shampoo for myself.

I then  head home and wash the orange scent out of my fur. UGH it stinks. Then I use the catnip shampoo.

Much better.

Ah, my great uncle Rocky is what catnip reminds me of. He lost his back right foot to some ferals. It got infected and he died a couple years after I was born.

And then there's my mother, Martha Nyan. And Granny Ragdoll. Great-Uncle Siam.

I have a lot of family, believe me.

~~~Space Kitty

I get drunk at a party again with Berry Punch and Lyra

I walk out of my house. Pinkie's having some sort of party. The invitation was full of catnip for some reason. Probably because it's late summer and catnip wards off the little black bugs that bite you.

Making my way down to Sweet Apple Acres, I notice there's a good amount of anti-bug items set up around the farm.  I can see why. There's little mosquito clouds EVERYWHERE. Walking in, I see a mint green unicorn. I pad up to her and poke her. Lyra turns around and grins. "Hey Space! Applejack's made a [BUYSOMEAPPLES] load of cider and they're selling it at different stands to avoid crowded lines this time." she says.

"Sweet, I love some good cider!" I reply, licking my lips at the thought of getting drunk off my ass on sweet sweet apple cider. Walking over to a stand with some bits, I purchase a ton of apple cider from Applebloom.  I sit at a table with Lyra and Berry Punch. Swigging from a glass of cider, already slightly drunk, I say "Drinks are on *hic* me." before downing the entire glass in one sip.

"Awesome!" the unicorn and earth pony said in unison.

Lyra levitated a cup to her mouth and began drinking, while Berry Punch stuck her face into the mug.

"Hey, do you have... hands? You can hold a cup with your paws, how did you get paws?" Lyra asks.

"I was born a cat, Lyra. Stop obsessing over humans for goodness sake. There's a [BUY SOME APPLES] mirror in Twilight's castle that leads to a place full of them." I reply, chugging down another cider. Now this is basically what I remember from then on because I was really drunk. REALLY drunk.

I drank all of my share of the cider

I remember discussing whale semen with a purple alicorn {Probably Twilight. Hope she realized I was really drunk.)

I remember shoving a snow cone up Lyra's butt as an anal suppository (Somehow...)

And I remember walking home because my jetpack was broken.

And finally I woke up here.

Note to self: Don't drink more than half a glass of alcoholic cider...