The Cosmic Muffin

by Lord Midnight

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1095

Derpy receives a strange birthday present from an unknown pony. The Cosmic Muffin.

Derpy receives a strange birthday present from an unknown pony. The Cosmic Muffin. It promises a taste that is ‘out of this world’ that will ‘take your taste buds on a journey to a different level of reality’. Little does she know that its description isn’t an exaggeration. A one shot of pure randomness that happened in a drunken bout of insanity.

Published 2015-04-12 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-12 05:00:02 UTC

The Cosmic Muffin

Derpy is flying home after delivering everyponies mail in a happy mood. She’s always happy to get home after a hard day’s work, but today is special. Today is her birthday and Pinkie Pie is even throwing her a party! The head of the weather team, Rainbow Dash will even be there. She is so happy that she isn’t paying close attention and barely even notices as she crashes into unicorn knocking him off his roof where he had been building something.

She lands in front of him. “Sorry, are you ok?”

He rises to his hooves with a glare and fixes his black cloak. His amber eyes bore into her as she stands there still holding out her hoof to help him up. His voice is a dangerous low tone. “Sorry? You just interrupted the final moments of my experiment and possibly ruined 15 years of dedicated study. But it’s ok because you're sorry?” His eyes narrow in rage. “No, you're not sorry enough.” He trots back into his house and slams the door leaving Derpy standing their sadly. She heads off for home again, this time watching where she is going better and doesn’t have any more accidents on the way home.

Nothing can keep her down though, and as the party starts up the incident is quickly forgotten. The party is great. Pinkie has set up good music, brought together good friends and started some fun games. Even if she does accidentally manage to somehow pin Pinkie’s tail on Dash. She was blindfolded so she really can’t figure out how it even happened, much less why Pinkie ate her tail and held her breath to grow it back. It did look tasty though, the way Pinkie ate it made it look just like cotton candy.

Soon it’s time for gifts and she happily opens up her birthday presents. She gets a magical proximity beeper from Twilight, a wonderful coloring book from Dinky, and some other cool stuff. Finally, there's one gift left, a black unmarked box. She asks around but nopony knows who could have given it to her. She smiles widely and opens it. When she pops the top off a strange glow is coming from within and inside is a blueberry muffin that has a glowing golden glow and a note.

“This is The Cosmic Muffin. It has a taste that is out of this world and will send your taste buds to a different realm of reality. I hope you enjoy this just desert.” She reads the note out loud and hold the muffin up.

“Um, I’m not so sure you should eat that thing, something about the phrase ‘just desert’ just feels off.” Twilight is looking concerned.

Derpy looks at her as she polishes off the last bite of the muffin with a massive dreamy smile. “Huh?” She says having not quite heard Twilight.

She glows with golden energy and vanishes in a flash of light. She travels through a realm of dancing muffins that are singing a catchy song. All too quickly she is ejected out the other side. She rises shakily to her hooves and discovers that she is in a forest facing down a very hungry looking bear. “Um.. nice doggy.” She says fearfully right before it leaps at her and tries to take a bite out of her. The golden glow is still surrounding her and nothing can harm her though its cosmic protection. She giggles. “Knock it off that tickles!”

She twists and squirms her way free from the bear and takes off into the sky. She soars higher and higher looking down to try and figure out where in Equestria she is. She hears a loud sound behind her and barely has time to react as she sees a giant metal flying machine coming towards her. She can’t fight the pull of the engines and gets sucked in. She emerges out the other side unscathed, but the giant metal machine rips to pieces and begins falls to the ground burning. She stares in horror at it. “I-I just don’t know what went WHOA-”

She cuts off as she gets sucked onto the windshield of another one of the flying things. She looks inside and meets the gaze of the strange bipedal creatures inside. She smiles and waves a hoof at them in greeting as they start freaking out. The copilot, however, is staring at her in an almost comatose way. Slowly he opens up his flight jacket revealing a t-shirt with her on it wearing a hat and the words “I’m 20 muffins cooler” on it. She laughs and crawls up the plane looking for a way in to say hi but gets shoved upwards higher into the sky by the air currents.

The air around her is getting pretty thin, but thanks to the golden glow she can breathe normally. Despite the daylight, she can see the stars. Enticed by this she pushes herself and flies even higher until she in outer space. She tries to whoop for joy, but there is nothing for the sound waves to travel through. She spots a strange floating metal thing in the distance but smiles when she sees the door. She flaps over to it and knocks on the door. A strange creature that is wearing some form of clothing covering their entire body and has a black glass over its face pulls her inside before filling the room with air.

Removing the mask the creature squees. By now the glow has started to dissipate. “It’s really you! It’s Derpy! You're-” She disappears with a pop landing in front of her confused friends.

“Derpy are you ok? What happened?” Twilight looks at her with a concerned expression as Derpy think it over.

Suddenly she gets an excited grin and starts bouncing in place. “It was awesome! I wanna go again! There was a giant doggy that tickled me and somepony had a shirt with me on it. I even met somepony out in space who was nice. I did accidentally crash some kind of flying thing though.”

Author's Note

Author’s note: Woah, Coyote made a one shot and it doesn’t even have the romance tag? How the heck did that happen? Oh yeah I was drunk out of my gourd and had this Thing flit through my mind.

It's still awesome! So much fun and such a deep and moving plot! And that ending! It's like YAY! safe and sound back at home!

Yeah, Pinkie is still drunk.