Xenobraid Ponycles

by MasterMisterMadden

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 5983

Shulk knocks out four Elements of Harmony and wreaks havoc on Ponyville because an apple hit his head. It is up to the Elements of Harmony to try loving and tolerating him. "Try" is a key word, however.

Shulk goes full-stupid and proceeds to save anything but Equestria by Back Slashing everything in sight and destroying common sense. The Elements of Harmony try to get some sense into him, but they're dealing with Shulk out of all people...

Can they love and tolerate Shulk?

Maybe.

But they cannot love and tolerate the Monado's power.

The dumbest Crossover between Xenoblade Chronicles and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to spawn in 2015.

Published 2015-04-13 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-15 05:33:10 UTC

Xenobraid Ponycles X

You are the main character of the-

Just kidding, Shulk is still the main character.

OR IS HE?

Yes, he is the main character.

Shulk sat on his Monado with a G3 Pinkie Pie bouncing on his head. His eyes were glowing pink, his skin was glowing pink, his hair was glowing pink, his jacket, his pants, his everything glowed freaking pink. Why? What was going on? Shulk knew that he was not supposed to glow pink.

He then realized it was because he destroyed Equestria. All of the G4 Ponies' spirits now resided in his heart. He truly thanked the ponies for helping him realize the importance of friendship. But with no one to share his friendship with, he became exceedingly bored with life.

"Ah!" Shulk cried as he raised his left hand's pointer finger at the ceiling above him. "I know!

"I'll go to another dimension and befriend some ponies!"

It was funny because he did not consider the G3 Ponies to be ponies at all.

The Monado Boy stood up from his chair made of stars. He stood in the midst of a very, very dark room, where only the galaxies could be seen through the invisible walls of the room.

"Monado, hear me out!" Shulk cried as he raised the Monado towards the skies. "I shall go back to another dimension and use my knowledge of friendship!"

Thus, the Monado granted his wish. Pink particles of light slowly began to swirl around Shulk's body, and as his body was picked up from the ground, he could only watch in awe as the Monado became completely white in color, shining the entire room with its epicness. He swore he saw the eyes of Shrek briefly shine at the center of the blade.

"That's it!" He told himself as a look of determination entered his face. "I CAN FEEL THE POWER!"

And thus, Shulk blipped out of existence, destroying the dimension he once lived in. The G3 Pinkie Pie turned into a pile of dark matter once he left, erasing everything that Shulk left behind.

Suddenly, Shulk felt euphoric. He felt his body flow through a sea of ether, his hair floating as if he were a really, really thin Brock Lesnar. Beautiful. He felt nice.

Everything felt nice.

He was really feeling it.

As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw a clear, blue sky distancing itself away from him, white clouds occasionally passing by.

He then realized something.

He was falling.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The Monado Boy tumbled in the air, his arms waving around as he could not stop himself from falling. Even though he was a god, he could not grant himself the ability to fly because the Monado was exhausted from extraneous energy use! What could he do?! What could he do to prevent himself from crashing into the ground like an idiot?!

That's right! He could always-

“BACK SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!”

And so, the Monady Boy plummeted towards the ground! And as he fell, his blade managed to strike some sort of orange pony with a Stetson hat with a tattoo on its flank. All according to plan.

"Unf!" He let out as he landed. Was it important? No, I just mentioned it because I really don't have that much writing material to use.

Shulk raised his head as his eyes fell upon G4 Ponies. They looked strange! They were bug-eyed, were shaped strangely, and looked as if they could harm nothing. Two of them had cone-shaped dildos on their heads, while two other ponies had KFC wings attached to the sides of their bodies! What a way to go. It was a shame that the other two ponies- one of which he struck- had nothing. He gave them no sympathy.

For some reason, the purple dildocorn reminded him of a Mechonis. Now why on Colony 9 would he think that a purple horse looked similar to gigantic killing machines?

Perhaps...

They WERE killing machines?!

NO! If they were killing machines, then he needed to stop them! And since these Mechonises did not seem to look like Homs (aka. Humans) at all, Shulk found it easy to not go easy on the horses.

"HNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shulk exclaimed as he raised his blade, letting a blue light expand like a dong. "NOW IT'S SHULK TIME!"

He sort of forgot about the reason why he decided to send himself to another dimension.

"THIS IS THE POWER OF THE MONADO!"

As he let out a battle cry, Shulk stabbed the orange pony he struck earlier, actually killing it this time.

EXP GAINED!
-69 EXP-

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
"YOU'RE A FUCKING DUMBASS"
(20 GP)

"Yes!" The Monado Boy exclaimed as he pumped a fist up in front of the now horrified ponies, leaving the dead Stetson horse thing on the ground. "I'M REALLY FEELING IT!"

"Applejack...?" The yellow Pegasus whispered, almost as if she were about to cry.

BUT NO! If she were a killing machine, then the tears definitely did not signify true sorrow!

It must be... It must be...!

SHE MUST BE CHARGING LASER EYES!!!

With that in mind, Shulk activated Monado Speed and rushed over to the yellow, pink-maned Pegasus, slicing its head off like a boss(?). At the death of the yellow Pegasus, the cyan Pegasus became enraged and looked as if it were about to fire lasers from its eyes as well!

"Not on my watch!" Shulk said as he raised his Monado. Right when the cyan Pegasus flew over and collided against his blade, a blue glow formed around the two figures. Because he anticipated the attack early on, however, Shulk quickly rushed behind the pony and stabbed her back without even facing her.

"H-Huh...?" The cyan KFC product- also known as Rainbow Dash- whispered as she felt her life slowly fade away.

"...HiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

With great strength, Shulk vertically pulled his blade out of the Pegasus. Right after the cyan pony's red stuff started to blend in with the pastel-like grass, however, he felt something trying to tug at the Monado! His grip tightened as he glared at the two dildocorns, who returned the glare with tears staining their face.

No! I must do something before they fire their lasers!

Gritting his teeth, Shulk clenched the Monado tighter before screaming,

"MONADO...!"

Soon, the blade began to extend even further. Reaching the mesosphere of Equestria, the Monado's blade loomed over the two dildocorns who dared to attack him.

The white dildocorn's tears fell as she whispered to her purple comrade, "I'm... sorry..."

"BUSTEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The blade that fell upon the ponies absolutely obliterated them all. The pink one died before being able to do anything. Heck, his attack was so efficient, it reached Ponyville's library!

"This is a good result!"

Funnily enough, the world did not explode this time. But still, he sensed a strange presence...

A presence he knew that could endanger him!

With the entire world seemingly burning up, Shulk turned around as he exclaimed, "WHO GOES THERE?!"

And lo behold, Shrek came out with another Monado.

"W-Wha?!"

Shulk was at a complete loss of words. Shrek had a blade similar to Shulk's, even though Shulk had a blade that belonged to Shulk, which looked similar to Shrek's even though it was Shulk's.

"MY SWAMP," Shrek whispered as he pointed at the now orange grass. "GET OUT OF IT."

"...HMPH!" Shulk defiantly answered as he raised his Monado. "NOT ON MY WATCH! I SHALL CHANGE THE FUTURE, IF YOU INSIST ON THREATENING THE WORLD ANY FURTHER!"

...The world continued to burn...

With two Monado wielders dashing towards each other, the fate of the world became further threatened! Who would prevail, and what would happen when said winner emerges?! We will find out on-

Shulk decapitated Shrek instantly. Well, that was easy to find out.

Um.

Hm.

The world blew up because Shrek farted before he died.

What would happen to Shulk?! Is it over yet?! Not on his watch! Because it is still Shulk Time, and for now, no villain dares to rise up against him. But where will he end up at next, and what will he do once he reaches his unknown destination?

Find out on...

Xenoblade Chronicles XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

Xenoblade Chronicles XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shulk opened his eyes.

Shrek was dead.

He had prevailed!

But the world was destroyed.

Hm. Time to go to another one, he thought as he started re-initiating his rhythm.

THIS IS THE M- M- M- M- M- M-

Unfortunately for Shulk, he began to lag in mid-air, causing his body to spasm randomly up-and-down. As the framerates of what was left of the world began to drop, he lagged even harder because the Monado glowed a bit. Every single person could feel the lag crawling up their spines as the entire world began to-

Shulk flung himself over, his eyes wide in terror.

Wha-... What did I just...?

He had fallen asleep at a beach while his friends were playing. The last thing he remembered seeing was Riki somehow throwing a fish at Reyn's face. Sure, it was a sight to behold, but it did not justify the fact that Shulk woke up in a tree.

Yes. He just woke up within a bunch of tree branches after sleeping at the beach.

"What's going on?" He muttered to no one but himself. "Ugh... A good talk with Reyn might as well explain all of this..."

Shulk shook his head as he remembered seeing something... strange.

For he had a vision as he woke up.

He saw... himself... cutting a bunch of horses apart.

What was up with that?

There were times when Shulk had extremely strange dreams, but he felt that, as unbelievable as the vision was, what he saw might actually occur. The wielder of the Monado truly did not know who the small horses were, but they seemed like an intelligent species. Any sentient would not be left harmed under his belief of peace.

Just as he began to move himself, he heard a familiar voice.

An all-too familiar voice.

"BACK SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!"

The blonde boy could not help but let his eyes twitch briefly before he scrambled through the branches around him. He soon stuck his head out of bright-green leaves, his eyes widening at what he saw.

He saw himself Back Slashing an orange pony.

Shulk could already imagine what Fiora would say if he told her that he saw himself Back Slashing an orange pony with a Stetson hat.

What in the actual-

"HNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

The wielder of the Monado watched the... wielder of the Monado expand his blade like a dong. Then, a vision came to him.

He saw the orange pony getting stabbed in the head, horrifying its (apparent) friends. His doppelganger will proceed to rush up to the yellow Pegasus and swiftly kill it.

...Never mind the fact that there were exotic creatures right before him. They were in danger!

Shulk reached for his back, and thankfully, the Monado lay resting on it. Perhaps he was destined to deal with this?

With great strength, Shulk leapt from the branches, bursting out like a knight trespassing an enemy castle, as he decided to show how to properly use a Back Slash.

"BACK SLASH!!!"

Falling towards the threat, Shulk struck the Doppelganger Shulk's back. As the Doppelganger tumbled past the ponies(?), Shulk raised his blade as he glared at his copycat.

"Everyone!" He exclaimed hastily. "Get behind me!"

The blonde swordsman's grip on his blade tightened when the duplicate Monado Boy leapt back to his feet as if nothing happened. The ponies retreated and stood behind Shulk, the purple unicorn(???) asking,

"W-Who are you...?"

Without tearing his eyes off of his clone, Shulk answered,

"My name's Shulk. But enough about me; let's talk about you. What're you?"

"My... name is Twilight Sparkle."

Though the unicorn seemed like she wanted to ask more about Shulk, what truly confused her was how there were two of the same creature before her. "What's going on?" Twilight asked, her instincts telling her that something was definitely wrong with the situation. "Who is that person? Why did he try to attack us?"

Before she could receive answers, however, Doppelganger Shulk began to run up to the group as he repeatedly exclaimed,

"MONADO'S POWER! MONADO'S POWER! MONADO'S POWER! MONADO'S POWER! MONADO'S POWER! MONADO'S POWER!"

Shulk expertly swung his blade forward right when the Doppelganger attempted to Back Slash... his face.

"Stream Edge!"

"Agh!"

The instant moment (Clone?) Shulk fell on the ground, Shulk proceeded to further support his attacks, advancing towards his clone.

"This'll leave a mark; Shaker Edge!"

"Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh-Agh-Agh-Agh-Agh-A-A-A-A-A-"

Even though Shulk used Shaker Edge once, the Doppelganger Shulk began to collide against the ground numerous times. It was as if he was lagging in mid-air.

Suddenly, he jumped up and slashed at Shulk. The blonde swordsman barely blocked the attack, using both of his hands to support the Monado as he skidded away from the Doppelganger.

Suddenly, the Doppelganger began to expand his blade.

"Monado BUSTER!!!" The Shulk of another dimension cried as he raised his blade. Meanwhile, Shulk himself gulped.

Oh boy.

He heard one of the Pegasi- Fluttershy- squeak in fright. As much as he wanted to jump over and hug the adorable pink-maned Pegasus, he had to do something about the Buster the Shulk from another dimension activated.

What will happen to (the) Shulk(s)? What actions will the ponies take next time? Wait- who the heck is the real Shulk in this case?

Find out in...

Xenobraid Ponycles 20XX!

Xenobraid Ponycles 20XX

“MONADO BUSTER!!!!!”

Shulk grit his teeth as he raised his Monado by his side.

The Monado Buster. Designed to be used against Mechons- large, mechanical beings- its long range could easily slash through not only Shulk, but the ponies as well.

How do I counter myself?

An interesting thought. Not a pleasant one, for sure.

The Doppelganger Shulk leapt forward as he brought his blade down. Shulk did not even need a vision to see what would happen next… or at least, that was what he thought.

In a vision, he saw his doppelganger’s attack blowing up the entire planet.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! I HAVE TO STOP THIS ONE!

With a sudden boost of fervor, Shulk gathered all of his strength as he quickly hit the clone himself rather than the gigantic blade his enemy held onto. Picking himself off of the air, Shulk exclaimed “Air Slash!” as he slashed at the hostile Shulk twice before he landed. Much to his relief, the Monado his enemy held onto flew out of range, and the Monado Buster deactivated as it vanished.

Shulk pointed the Monado at his doppelganger as he shouted, “Stop fighting! I don’t know what you are, but you’re trying to hurt sentient beings. I cannot allow you to-“

“The Monado!” His doppelganger interrupted rudely as he began to look around. “Where is it?!”

“It’s no use! Don’t try anything strange.”

“MONADO’S POWER! MONADO’S POWER, WHERE ARE YOU?!”

Shulk blinked as the Shulk clone began to teabag the ground as furiously as possible. Then, it suddenly stopped its proudly perverse motions as it took out a picture of Shrek and put it on the ground, teabagging it with a speed that outmatched any other Halo player among all universes.

Standing up with an innocent smile, the “Doppel Shulk” pumped a fist as he cried,

“I’m really feeling it!”

The wielder of the Monado felt like gouging his eyes out with Reyn’s armpits.

Finally, Twilight decided to stand up for her friends. She did believe that the Shulk who stood closest to them had good intentions, but she also did not want to be cast aside as somepony who could not stand for herself. After all, her friends were in danger.

“Whoever you are,” she said loudly at the Shulk clone, “we do not wish you harm! So please, do not fear us. We can get along!”

Shulk thought about her words, only to disagree internally. As much as I want to be optimistic, this guy is a nutcase, he thought with certainty.

And he was right on point.

The Shulk clone suddenly leapt over to Twilight, startling everyone- and pony- facing him. Landing on his feet, the Doppelganger Shulk abruptly grabbed Twilight’s horn and started rubbing it furiously.

“…?!!!?!??! W-W-W-W-WHA- HUNYA?!”

Judging by Twilight’s flustered reaction, Shulk himself concluded that what his own clone did to her was the equivalent of fondling a female Homs’ breasts like an air horn.

The author of the story suddenly lost control, and the Doppelganger Shulk suddenly turned to look at you, putting up a thumbs-up as he continued to rub Twilight’s horn. As the purple unicorn grew faint, he winked, staring directly into your eyes as he exclaimed,

“I’m really feeling it!”

Shulk attempted to punch his doppelganger away from the poor unicorn, intent on avoiding the usage of his Monado to see as little bloodshed as possible. The clone, however, suddenly rolled under Twilight, leaving behind a purple unicorn with a red face and an absolutely confused expression.

The wielder of the Monado did not even want to think about what was going through the exotic creature’s head.

Rarity’s eyes widened as she felt her delicate horn go through the same treatment. Such forwardness! Such boldness! Such… arrogance! She felt anger rise within her somewhat pompous spirit, but all emotions of explicit anger faded when the Shulk clone looked into her eyes with his own. He softly touched the white unicorn’s beautiful, purple mane as the Element of Generosity felt her heart melt…

…before the Shulk clone turned to you again as he put up a thumbs-up, winking as he proclaimed,

“I’m really feeling it!”

At last, Shulk tried to punch his clone yet again, only to have the alternate Monado Boy roll away. Rainbow Dash flew up by Shulk’s side, glaring at the doppelganger as she roared,

“What’s your problem? Why’re you touching my friends’ horns as if you’re playing with Cup Stacks?! You creep!”

Though Shulk felt confused, wondering whether he should agree with her or berate her for indirectly insulting him, he knew that his situation was no laughing matter. This Shulk that acted strangely just attempted to destroy life for literally no reason; in a sense, the Shulk doppelganger was acting worse than Metal Face!

“Fun time’s over,” the blonde swordsman said as he walked up to his carbon copy. “You and I are going to stop disturbing the life that exists on this world, and we’re going to try find a way out. It’ll be good for both you and me-“

“Hey!”

Startled by his doppelganger’s interjection, Shulk blinked as he watched his clone take a few steps towards him before asking,

“Where’s the restroom?”

...

“…Uh… restroom?” Pinkie Pie broke the silence with her usual curiosity. “Is that a room where you rest in peace?”

“…In this mean fellow’s case,” Applejack, who seemed to recover a bit from the Shulk clone’s assault, “it’d be a room where he could rest in pieces.”

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, only to have Shulk jump the gun first.

“I don’t think there are any restrooms out here,” he said calmly.

He was met by laughter that emitted straight out of his carbon copy. Shrugging while rolling his head with a flexibility that made Garry’s Mod ragdolls look like adorable puppies, the Doppelganger Shulk said with an unusually loud, yet calm tone,

“Man, what a buncha jokers!”

“…H-Huh?”

Shulk blinked as he saw his own clone take something out of a jacket pocket. It was then that he realized something terrifyingly wrong.

His own doppelganger took out a one-man restroom stall and put it on the ground, entering the tiny structure and closing its door shut.

And much to his horror, a fume of gas blew out of the restroom stall, tainting the fresh air with an abnormal… disturbance.

“EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! THAT’S JUST GROSS!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she covered her nose as quickly as she could.

Twilight looked as if she were about to barf, Rarity prepared herself for an imminent “fainting session,” and Pinkie Pie’s once-puffy hair turned straight, a frown etching her usually happy expression. Applejack merely cringed at the smell, while Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen.

As for Shulk?

Shulk screamed internally.

What was worse was the fact that the chaos did not end there. Suddenly, the restroom stall blew up, revealing Shulk’s doppelganger sitting on a toilet mounted with two Monado-shaped jetpacks. The toilet itself was painted with a decal of Hatsune Miku, revealing the vast and mighty knowledge of the Shulk clone. This clone knew of Miku, a thing that Shulk himself did not even know would exist in the first place.

With a smug grin, the Shulk grin shrugged, shaking his head, as he proudly proclaimed, “NOW IT’S SHULK TIME!” The Monado Boy slammed a clenched fist on the side of his toilet seat, pressing a red button that had a white label that read “Come On And Slam.”

Suddenly, the Shulk doppelganger flew to the skies with extreme speed, exiting the planet that Equestria lay on. As soon as he found himself in dark space, the Shulk leapt off of the toilet, which exploded as soon as he spiraled towards the planet beneath him. The Monado Boy began to form a ball of light in his hands.

“By the power of Dunk,” he whispered before roaring,

“SLAM ATTACK!”

Pointing at the planet filled with harmony and life, Shulk shouted in space,

“BARKLEY! JORDAN! LET’S GOOO!!!”

Heeding to Space Shulk’s call, Charles Barkley burst out of Celestia’s sun, spiraling towards where Shulk was headed as seven basketballs spun around his magnificent basketball uniform. Meanwhile, Michael Jordon flew out from the Dark Side of Luna’s moon, evading dozens of Decepticons lost on the star that attempted to bring down his awesomeness. He had basketballs swirling around him as well.

Uniting as a three-man fleet, the ball of light Space Shulk had been forming gained an orange hue on it, and it turned into the size of a basketball. With a power that can instantly end the planet, Space Shulk plummeted downwards, heading straight for Equestria. Charles Barkley and Michael Jordon formed their own orange orbs of light as they followed Space Shulk.

Meanwhile, Shulk, who stood next to the Elements of Harmony in confusion, got a vision.

After seeing what the future had in store for him, Shulk screamed out loud as he frantically began to think of a way to counter Space Shulk’s psychotic plan.

To save the ponies or to die in vain. He had to make the right decision or else all life could end due to a single mistake.

Meanwhile, Twilight seemed to snap.

A sudden turn of tides! Did Twilight catch the T-Virus?! Why the fuck is Reyn taking a shower?!

Find out in:

Xenobraid Ponycles: Slamado Arts of the Shulk Time!

Author's Note

Xenobraid Ponycles

Notice: Please read Shulk’s lines as if he were in Smash Brothers and you’ll realize that I’m not being serious at all.

“BACKSLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!”

The two words were all that Applejack heard before falling unconscious, for a man from came out of nowhere and slashed her poor flank with an energy sword.

It was just a regular day at Ponyville when it happened. A blonde human wearing a red jacket and baggy pants fell from the skies and slashed Applejack’s back when the Elements of Harmony gathered to eat lunch together. It had been a normal picnic until he came.

Still managing to swallow one of the apple pies she brought, Applejack fell unconscious, much to the horror of her friends.

“AJ!”

“Applejack!”

But alas, the human did not seem to care much about Applejack, for what he really cared about was feeling a good rhythm going. Whether it be a Mechanical Rhythm or a Pink Light Rhythm, he did not care; he just needed a pretty good rhythm going.

“Who are you?!” Twilight Sparkle, a small purple alicorn princess demanded the human to explain himself. “And what on Equestria do you think you’re doing?!”

The human picked himself up from the ground, shaking his head as he blinked rapidly a few good times. He then turned to Twilight and her friends.

All of a sudden, he pumped a fist as he exclaimed, “My name is Shulk! This must be an unfortunately short Human-In-Equestria story where I get knocked out and sent to your princess after accidentally doing something tragic. BUT!”

Twirling around his Monado stylishly, the man pointed the red blade towards the skies as he announced,

“Today, I shall change this future of mine! You will not imprison me with this endless cycle of putting people under custody of talking horses! You will no longer mind-shamble us humans in these stories!

“YOU WILL KNOW OUR NAMES!”

Everypony stared at the human before them. Clearly, he should have been locked up in an asylum where no one could find him... or maybe at a cupcake-producing factory that could use him as an ingredient. But alas, they had to love and tolerate him.

“Y-You’re telling me,” Rarity, the Element of Generosity asked with her cup of tea dropped on the picnic mat, “that we need to love and tolerate this… thing… that’s spouting out all of this nonsense?”

“Y-Yeah! What's up with that?!” Rainbow Dash stammered nervously. “I mean, this guy literally appeared out of nowhere and hit AJ for no real reason! Twilight, do we really need to-“

The purple alicorn princess gave Rainbow Dash a knowing, yet disapproving look as she whispered, “We need to give him a chance! Though, the fact that he rendered our own friend unconscious with a single attack is alarming…”

Applejack, much to their relief, woke up as soon as Twilight stopped talking. Shaking her head, the pony with the Stetson hat groggily asked her friends, “What happened? Ah swear ah saw somethin’ screamin’ a weird phrase at me-“

As if on cue, Shulk suddenly leapt forward with his blade activated as he slashed Applejack’s back yet again, exclaiming “BACK SLASH!!!” The poor earthpony fell on the ground unconscious yet again.

“Wha- HULK- er, I mean, SHULK!” Twilight Sparkle cried in surprise, almost dragging in another character from another universe into the fray. “What’re you DOING?!”

Shulk himself raised his hands in alarm, one of them holding onto the Monado, as he mentally berated himself. Glancing between the dazed Applejack and the frightened Elements of Harmony, the wielder of the Monado explained,

“I have a case of Back Slash Syndrome! It happens only when I see orange horses wearing Stetson hats with tattoo on their asses!”

Pinkie Pie looked as if she doubted Shulk for a brief moment. And such results was an achievement, considering how bubbly and random the pink pony normally was. But, being the Element of Laughter she was, the party pony decided to cleanse his mind by leaping up to him with a freshly batched cupcake that came out of nowhere.

“Here, Shulk-thingy!” The pony with a puffy mane exclaimed happily. “Take this cupcake and feel nicer!”

And Shulk did feel awesome, for he saw a vision of her flying towards him too quickly. The blonde man raised his Monado, only to collide with the happy party pony. A blue glow surrounded him and the now confused Element of Laughter.

Stepping away from the pony with his blade raised by his hip, the swordsman suddenly dashed forwards and slashed upward, propelling Pinkie Pie against the bark of a convenient tree. Had the tree not been there, she probably would have flown over the Everfree Forest.

“Sh-SHULK!” Twilight screamed. “CALM DOWN! STOP ATTACKING EVERYPONY! WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!”

The Monado Boy stopped moving forward as he lowered his blade. Shulk, however, seemed to realize that the ponies were indeed harmless to him. Heck, he had no idea on why he decided to foresee Pinkie Pie crashing into him with a cupcake and proceed to counter that out of all things.

“I guess I-“

Right at that moment, an apple fell on his head.

“HOW COULD YOU?!!?!” Shulk suddenly screamed, startling the four conscious ponies. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I TRUSTED YOU!”

“W-Wait, Shulk! It’s just an apple!”

“NO, IT’S NOT! IT’S AN APPLE THAT CHANGED THE FUTURE!”

The Elements of Harmony realized reforming Discord was ten thousand times easier than making sense out of Shulk. Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash- who remained surprisingly silent the whole time-, and Fluttershy stood still, their mouths open in awe at the Monado Boy’s magnificently unquestionable(?) logic.

“You know what?!” Rainbow Dash finally exclaimed, looking extremely angry with the human’s actions. “You’re not a cool guy! Don’t make me knock the living daisies out of you!”

Shulk blinked.

He then remained silent for ten whole seconds.

“…Did that scare him?” Rainbow asked her friends with a confused look.

“No,” Shulk answered without getting out of his blank stare. “I’m just thingken 'bout Fiora.”

Every conscious pony tilted their heads (except for Fluttershy) as they uttered “Huh?”

“I’m thingken 'bout Fiora.”

“Um… can you rephrase that, Shulk?” Twilight asked, still frightened by his presence.

Suddenly, the image of Fiora’s ripe melons getting stabbed by Metal Face made Shulk scream incoherently. In fact, he focused so much on screaming, he unconsciously charged towards the ponies.

“Not on my watch!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed as she flew up into the air before flying straight towards Shulk. But yet again, Shulk raised his Monado right before she collided against him. A blue glow formed around the two as Shulk raised his blade by his hip… onto to realize that Rainbow Dash was so fast, she was able to attack him anyway.

“AGH!”

Shulk flew backward as he tumbled on the beautiful, pastel-like grass. Somehow using a hand to stop his tumbling, Shulk raised his blade up to his chest, clearly disturbed by Rainbow Dash’s speed.

But if it was speed, he would prevail! The empty, circular gap above the Monado’s handle formed a blue, glowing sign, and the blonde human grinned.

“Now it’s Shulk Time!”

Everypony took that as a bad sign.

Shulk began to run in circles around the Elements of Harmony. Taken aback by his speed, the cyan Pegasus grit her teeth as she began to fly in circles as well, albeit at a much smaller radius in order to protect her friends. They spun wildly, two rings of blue forming around the three frightened Elements of Harmony.

“U-Umm!!! Guys?!” Twilight whimpered as Fluttershy hid herself closer to the bookworm. “GUYS?!”

“A-A-Are we going to die…?” Rarity whispered, the sheer thought of losing her fashionable life terrifying her.

Then, a miracle happened.

A bad miracle.

Shulk caught Rainbow Dash in her flight as he slashed upwards right when she got closer to him. His feet smashing themselves on the ground, the Monado’s blue glow turned green as Shulk suddenly leapt at an extremely high height. The man slashed relentlessly at Rainbow Dash, who only flew higher and higher the more he attacked her.

“AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH!”

And every time he cried “AIR SLASH,” he would attack her twice for some goddamn reason. Rainbow Dash felt her body grow weaker, her eyes barely able to keep themselves open as he attacked her.

“NO! SHULK! STOP!!!” Twilight screamed, horrified at the sight of her friend being mercilessly pummeled in the air. But Shulk could not stop. He felt a good rhythm going.

To finish his spree of Air Slashes, the blonde human leapt forward in the air, bringing his blade down on the poor Pegasus. The blade dragged Rainbow Dash down as Shulk fell towards the ground.

“BACK SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!”

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!”

But to Twilight’s sorrow, Shulk landed, and so did Rainbow- head-first. The cyan Pegasus grit her teeth, her eyes wide open as she felt Shulk’s blade protrude out of her back for a split moment. Shulk, however, was merciful and pulled his energy blade out of her. Rainbow Dash’s body trembled before she lay still, unconscious.

How the hell she remained alive after the onslaught of attacks, no one knew, but Shulk still felt happy for winning a battle. The human pumped a fist as he proclaimed,

“I’M REALLY FEELING IT!”

“STOP, STOP, STOP! PLEASE, STOP, SHULK!” Twilight begged...

...only to have the Monado stab her face, propelling the bookworm away to the tree where Pinkie Pie had become unconscious at. She somehow kept her face well-intact even though Shulk stabbed it with an energy sword.

“NOW IT’S SHULK TIME!”

Rarity screeched, “You mean it already WASN’T Shulk Time?!”

At her words, Shulk raised his free hand, staring at a watch strapped around his wrist.

There were no numbers or Roman numerals; only Shulk Times.

“Would you look at that?” Shulk said with a grin. “Looks like Shulk Time isn’t ending any sooner!”

With that said, the Monado Boy ran off to Ponyville, leaving two frightened Elements of Harmony trying to wake their unconscious friends up.

“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-“

“HAH!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“

“AIR SLASH!”

“WAIT! STOP! THAT’S MY SON-“

“BACK SLASH!”

“N-NO! PLEASE, NOT MY DAUGHT-“

“LET’S GOOOOOOOOO!!! AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHH!!!!!”

No matter who came in his way, Shulk prevailed. Whether it be blue horses or green horses or red horses, he came out of his battles(?) unscathed. The Monado Boy wiped a sweat rolling down his forehead with a sleeve, enjoying the fresh air of the burning Ponyville.

Wait.

The whole place was burning.

“I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, MONADO BOYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

Shulk turned around, facing… Metal Face! How the heck did he have the time to wait for Shulk in a world filled with talking horses?

Needless to say, Shulk jumped and killed Metal Face within 3.14 seconds, making Metal Face’s appearance almost as worthy as a cameo.

“This is a good result!” Shulk said as he landed on the ground, looking around the burning Ponyville.

But it was then that something crazy happened!

A white alicorn flew down towards the ground with a dark-blue alicorn by its side. With beautiful manes that reflected the beauty of the sun and moon, the two alicorns glared at Shulk.

Celestia wordlessly fired a bolt of energy at Shulk alongside her sister, Luna, but alas, it was the Monado Boy they were dealing with. Their channels of energy were swiftly avoided by the human, who proceeded to get closer to them with Monado in hand.

“I can change the future!” Shulk exclaimed. “Take this! Monado…”

Extending his blade’s length to the point where it could touch the stratosphere, Shulk raised his blade above his head. Celestia and Luna stared at the gigantic pillar of light that was the blade of the Monado.

Luna muttered under her breath,

“Holy sh-“

"BUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Equestria was destroyed, Colony 9 was destroyed, Super Smash Brothers was destroyed, and every single black hole to exist in space formed white holes. And soon, the entire universe was turned into the Monado Boy’s territory, eliminating the infinitely large swamp of Shrek and shattering the eternal foe of sanity, 4chan. Feedback on Shulk’s story became increasingly negative because Rainbow Dash was attacked by someone other than Pinkie Pie, and all ponies in the plane of existence turned into G3 horses. And the so-mentioned plane of existence turned into a planet filled with everything life had to offer.

Spike turned into Reyn and complained about how he wasn’t feeling it at all.

But even then, an enemy awaits! Just who could have prevented themselves from being affected by the Monado Buster? What did Fluttershy even do, anyway?

We can only know in Xenobraid Ponycles X.