Chapters I've always had this feeling. No. Feeling is the wrong word. It's more like I just... knew. I knew that out of all of us, I would be the first to die. Loyalty would be my downfall.
Did I try to change this? Change myself to change my fate, my destiny? No. There is no way I could do that. I am loyalty. There is no changing that.
Along with this knowing, I could sense I wouldn't directly die. No, someone else, Celestia knows who, would be in peril first. One of my friends would be on the brink of death, and I would save them. Pushing myself over the edge in the process.
I never wanted to believe this. There was that tiny hope that something would change this. But the closer we grew, the more danger enveloped us. One day, it would finally overpower us. Friendship can't solve everything. There. I said it.
I, Rainbow Dash, admitted it. Loyal to the bitter end.
I hated “knowing”. Because now, when it came true, what was I suppose to feel? Victorious that I predicted my fate? Mourn for myself? Cry out in despair as this was how I would meet my end all along?
Nah. Instead I took it hero like. Gasping for breaths on the cold, lumpy earth, cries of alarm rising around. I kept my eyes open. I prefer that the sky would remain in my mind this whole painful process.
My friends repeatedly cried out my name, as if I didn't know I was dying. I guess I was cool with this, in a way. But why did it have to hurt so much?
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight gasped, the first to reach my side. “Rainbow Dash, stay with us! You're going to be alright. You're not going to die!”
I gave out the most weak, pitiful laugh of my entire life. I didn't say it, but I found it funny that she was trying to convince herself more than me. “Relax, Twi. Why do you have to be such a... an Egg Head?” I gasped weakly, feeling like these were pretty cool last words.
“Don't you dare give up on us,” Applejack commanded. “You are not going to die.”
“Ha,” I muttered. “Liar.”
"Rainbow Dash, it's going to be alright!” Fluttershy managed, her voice dangerously high. “We'll get you all bandaged up, and then back to Ponyville hospital. You are going to get through this.”
Before I could reply, Rarity interrupted. “You are not getting away form us,” She commanded firmly, her tears ruining her mascara. “Don't you even think about trying.”
Pinkie Pie was strangely quiet, strangely still. “Dashy... please. Don't die.”
I gave another weak laugh. How was it I accepted my death before them? I guess it was kinda wrong, just giving in without a fight. They wanted me to live. But... what did I want? To die. No. Not at all. Or at least, that should be it. But my mind's so jumbled. At this point... I don't know what to think.
“It's okay, guys,” I mumbled hoarsely, feeling each breath as pure pain from my mouth to my lungs. “I'm cool with this. It's kinda my fate, after all. Being loyalty and such. But it's cool. Please... don't worry about it. I'm... I'm fine dying.” As I said it, it felt like a lie. And I was telling it worse than Applejack.
“Don't.” Twilight commanded. “I don't care what you think. You don't have an opinion in this. You are going to live, that's final!”
“Ha... Miss Bossyhooves.” I whispered.
“Just hold on. We'll get you to a hospital, and then ya'll be alright.” Apple Jack reassured me.
But I didn't answer.
“Hey... Rainbow Dash?” A hint of worry crept into Twilight's voice. “Rainbow?!? Rainbow Dash!!!”
“I...” My friends fell silent, as I managed to talk once more. Somehow, it felt like these would be the last words I'd ever say. “I'm... scared.” Not heroic. Not in the least. No, this was my own way of doing things.
I could tell I'd shocked them, as nopony spoke. But I was telling the truth. I always acted strong, and cocky, and usually those were my real feelings. But sometimes... Sometimes I get so scared I can't breath anymore. I laugh it off with big talk when my friends are around, or if anyone's around for that matter. But when I'm home by myself... I'll spend hours crying.
It got worse after I knew my fate. I wanted this all to change, so I'd cry in response. I'm such a crybaby. More than anyone will ever know. So, what was so wrong about spilling my feelings in my final moment?
I took another shaky breath, glad my friends had given me the spotlight. "I'm scared." I repeated, a little more strongly. “Scared. But glad. I'm glad I have awesome friends like you. Glad I'm not alone. I'm just... glad. So... thank you. Thank you... and sorry. Twi... Rarity... AJ... Fluttershy... Pinkie...” It was a miracle, a blessing. I got to say all I wanted to say. And I felt ready to move on.
Like reading my mind, my vision went, and so did my heart and my lungs. Couldn't breath. Couldn't see. Couldn't hear. Couldn't do anything. I'm happy though. And that happiness, for the first time, fought back the sadness. I hoped my friends won't tell anyone. I wanted to be remembered for being a strong role model, for being cocky and acting big. It took a while to realize it myself, but inside, I'm not even half that.
If someone told me I could say one more sentence, I'd decline. I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm afraid. But I'm happy. I knew this was coming. And I accept it.
Goodbye, my friends. Thanks for being there for me. Maybe we'll meet again some other time. And then we'll chat about our lives like nothing happened. And we'll be together. Just us. Just us under the stars.
I am Rainbow Dash. Bold and boasting on the outside. A pitiful crybaby on the inside. I knew what would kill me. I'm not afraid of it. The end is the end. And I have no regrets. Because I am, in a phrase, loyal to the bitter end .
I have this... oh, what would you call it? A fear? A fear of not being able to help. Yes, that's the word. I'm afraid that something will happen, and I'll be helpless to stop it. Even though I would give anything to change it.
I suppose it was after Rainbow died that I realized this fear may kill me as well. I cried alongside the others, and the fear grew. So I guess you could say I'm determined. I am generosity. Or as you could think of it, selflessness. I would give anything to ensure that no more of my friends died.
The fear was what started the waiting game. As I knew something bad would happen, it was just a matter of when. Our lives were getting far more dangerous. As Twilight as princess, we had to ensure her safety above everything else, including our own.
Of course that doesn't mean we'd leave her behind... anymore. We'd just stay beside her. And without telling the others, I assumed the role of the pony who'd sacrifice herself to save her friends.
Maybe now in some strange way, I understood Rainbow Dash. Loyalty... When you think about it, loyalty isn't that much different than generosity.
Twilight swore this would never happen again, though we all know that's not true. The same situation is going to come along, and we'll be as helpless as before. So deep inside I tried to get use to the thought of me dying. After all, accepting death was better than denying, or that's just what I thought.
Yes, I've sworn, without telling anypony else, that I would give up everything, even my own life, to save my friends. And, well, that's probably why I'm in my current situation. See... it more or less turned out that way.
Not that I'm one to brag, but I knew this was going to happen. I was dying. But I tried my best not to regret.
“No, Rarity!” Of course we'd gotten through all the calls of surprise and alarm, and I realized how annoying and pointless they were. Though it's not like I hated the attention.
“I'm... okay.” I wheezed, though I'm really not. In fact, I'm less fine than I've ever, ever been. Even at all those disaster fashion shows.
“Just hang on, Rarity, we'll get you to the hospital,” Apple Jack tried to be calm, but it turned into a nervous lie.
How do I explain this? It's like... I knew when my life would end, and how much longer I had left. Which of course, wasn't even close to enough.
“Rarity! You're okay right?! Right?! Twilight, Rarity's okay, right?!” Pinkie was on the verge of breaking. She'd only just recovered after Rainbow Dash had passed. But now, well, I might have permanently damaged her smile.
“I'm fine,” I mumbled through shaky, painful breaths. “Really. You don't have to worry.”
“Of course we're worrying!” Fluttershy whisper shouted. “You're in the same position as... as...” She needn't finish. We all knew this was far too close to Rainbow Dash's situation. In fact, it would even end the very same way.
“I... I don't know how to say this,” My mind scrambled for whatever last words I could find. I didn't want it to sound like I was really saying goodbye. I mean, living would be great, but that was the least likely outcome. I just needed to be prepared. Rainbow... her words hit home. And she must of just thought them up on the spot. Could I do the same? Could I be as great as her?
Then of course I remembered how she admitted to being scared. And I realized this whole life of her's had been one big hoax. She wanted to be truthful, and maybe her outside appearance was sometimes. But who knew what she was really feeling on the inside.
“I... um... I guess I was afraid.” I mumbled, trying not to cry. I could tell the others wanted to protest, and were holding back tears themselves, but thankfully they let me speak, like we had let Rainbow speak. “That I would give up everything, and it still wouldn't be enough. But I saved one of my friends, and that's the most I need in return. I've been prepared for this. So Twilight, Apple Jack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, don't worry. I'm... I'm... I'm fine. I'm happy. That I could help. That you allowed me to help. So thanks. For supporting me all this time. For being with me all this time. Without you by my side... I... I would've failed long ago. Thank you so much,”
“No!” Twilight shouted. “No! You're not getting away from us! You don't have to say goodbye! You are... You are... going... to be fine.”
I put on the bravest face I could, one that Rainbow Dash would be proud of. I'd be meeting up with her pretty soon. I guess my time had come.
It was strange being conscious of my world getting smaller. How everything faded and became fuzzy at the same time. Random memories flashed through my mind, and I became distracted, as my life ended.
It was like one second I was paying attention, than I was thinking about things. And before I knew it everything's dark and I'm gone. I'm... dead.
I gave up everything. And I don't regret that I did. I don't regret that I'm generosity. This was my whole role. To put others before myself, and give everything to help them grow stronger and aid them through everything.
Yes. These were good final thoughts. Though truthfully there's still a little phrase going through my mind. A ridiculous little thought, that I can't help but laugh at.
Maybe that will be the last thing I think about. Since I guess my time is up. I'm moving on. The whole way thinking;
And generosity kicked the bucket .
Instinct. That's really the only word I can use to explain it. I know I can never be as loyal as Rainbow Dash, or as self sacrificing as Rarity. I know that. I really do.
Yet when the time calls, I can. Not by my own choice, but just by acting on simple instinct. I've always noticed it, pushed it away into the back of my mind. But since their deaths, it's grown closer. Called to me.
I tried to understand how Rainbow Dash and Rarity were so willing to give up their lives. Were they acting on instinct too? I kinda doubted it. My own instinct still mystified me.
I am kindness. That was made clear enough to me. But I don't think that has anything to do with it. I just want to save everyone. That's this instinct of mine.
At the same time I'm battling the emotions inside me. That seem to be growing worse by the day. Most of it is simply accepting the fact that out of the four of us left, I was dead set on thinking I was going to be the next one to die.
I hated the thought. It was scourge of my life. Except it was finally time. Time to get out of my shell.
Everyone told me to. But the pressure only brought out the anger inside of me I was scared to show. I wanted it to remain locked away. So I hid myself. In time discovering the kindness inside of me that turned into a sort of haven I refused to leave.
So in a way, following this instinct allowed some of myself to roam free. And I appreciated it. But the cost of this freedom is my very own life. Is it wrong that I've started to accept this as well?
It's a little too late to ask that question. I have to accept it now. I am dying. The most I can do is try to think up a proper goodbye, one that even Rainbow Dash would be proud of. Though I don't think I could ever top hers.
“Fluttershy! Fluttershy, talk to us!” Twilight was always so loud. She still sometimes frightens me. Mostly because I was scared I would retaliate with the same anger. Even now I have a hard time controlling those feelings inside me.
“S-Sorry...” My own voice is more quiet than usual. Part of me hoped it would be strong, for the final words I would be forced to say. But I guess that's just a bit too much to ask for.
“Don't apologize!” Twilight snapped back, her steady voice already growing shaky.
I gave her a weak smile, even though tears streamed from my eyes. Even though this would be the last time I would see their faces.
Pinkie Pie dashed in and out of my vision, making it hard to fully focus on her. “No... No... Fluttershy, not you too! Please, stop leaving me!”
Did Rainbow Dash and Rarity feel this guilty as well? Out of all of us, Pinkie Pie was taking it the hardest. She'd lock herself in her room and cry for days, barely sleeping or eating anything. It didn't take long for the entire town to pick up on her sorrow.
Her element of laughter was slowly crumbling apart. I hated myself for breaking away another piece.
“I'm s-sorry... Please... Don't hate me.” It was definitely becoming harder to breath. It felt like any second my lungs would cave. I didn't like this pain. It sent more tears to my eyes.
“Don't cry, Sugar-cube.” Applejack whispered, not directly looking at me. “We don't hate you.”
Her outline was definitely becoming blurrier. My eyesight was becoming weaker, and I was tempted just to shut myself in darkness. But I didn't want to miss one final look at the sun.
“I'm glad.” Every time I thought about last words, my mind just went blank. I didn't want to copy Rainbow Dash's or Rarity's. But I just couldn't come up with my own. I should have thought about it beforehand.
“We'll get you to a hospital.” Twilight was freaking out. I could easily pick out the lie in her voice. She didn't believe that. She knew as well as I did, that I just couldn't be saved. Still, she had to try. To her it was instinct. Just like it was to me.
“I... I'm sorry.” I knew I had to say it now. Whatever words I could manage. I didn't have much time left. It was strange how clear that was.
I took a deep breath. It hurt, but I still tried. Then I managed to look at them, each in the eye, for probably the first time. “I'm sorry. I have to say goodbye... but I just can't.” The world around me swayed, drowning in my tears.
“It's okay...” Applejack whispered beside me, giving me an almost understanding look.
That gave me the strength I needed.
“Look after Angel for me... And all the other animals... Make sure they're fed... And cared for.” I waited as my friends nodded. “Thank you. I'm happy that we got to be friends. You always cheered me on, got me to do better than my best. And for that I can't thank you enough. Without you I'd have failed long ago. Thank you... For being there for me... And for being my friends.”
I almost chocked on the last word. But somehow I got it all out. Then I just let myself go. I knew it would be better just not to think about it. Just follow my instincts. My instincts that lead me to this fate.
My eyes no longer worked. My lungs and my heart following suit. I knew I had died, and I couldn't do anything about it. It shows how truly helpless I am.
If anyone cares to know, my name is Fluttershy. I lock my true self away, because I'm scared. I rely on my instinct to save those I love. I don't want to die. But it's too late to say so.
I am kindness before anyone.
I want to see everyone smile. It's my desire. Every time I see that grin... I can't help but laugh. At least... that's how it should be. But now... ever since... I can't smile, I can't laugh. There's no way I can just giggle out of this.
They always said face your fears. That they can't hurt you. Not when you laugh at them. Except... My greatest fear... Was my friends dying.
I knew it would happen. Even I'm not that blind. I could tell by how edgy everyone was getting. Each time we saved Equestria we all realized that it was getting harder to play it safe.
I mean, I was a little oblivious. I still pranced around. I still stayed my usual self. And I think everyone enjoyed it.
It was a painful awakening when Rainbow Dash died. She was my bestest friend in the whole wide world. We were always together. Playing tricks, laughing, having a great time.
Why did she have to die?
My fears have hurt me. Suddenly all my friends just keep fading away. How can Apple Jack and Twilight move on so fast? I just can't. I can't let go, can't let their memories fade away.
All those nights... all those days, spent locked inside my room, with everyone begging me to come out. I realized, finally, what my true desire was.
That was to see everyone...
Every single pony...
Every pony in Equestria...
In the world...
In existence...
...Smile.
How can I laugh anymore? How can I smile? I wish the world wasn't so dark.. Because I can't go on grieving like this.
I can't go on at all.
Because right now... I'm dying.
I had to see everyone smile. Everyone who's left. I didn't want them to go. To leave me. So with what reason can I leave them?
Sometime after Fluttershy passed, Apple Jack came to me. She said that things were getting dangerous, deadly. As if I hadn't noticed. But she told me something else. And after I just couldn't stop the tears.
Twilight had to live. She's the Princess of Friendship. Out of all of us, she had to live.
So Apple Jack was willing to give up her own life, if it meant Twilight kept hers. But she asked me not to. She asked me to stay by Twilight's side, when she was gone. Through everything else that would come our way.
I'm sorry... Apple Jack. But you never made me Pinkie Promise.
So... here I am. Even Pinkie Sense couldn't save me. But this was my desire. This is how it's suppose to be.
“Pinkie! No Pinkie, not you! Anyone but you!” Twilight cried beside me, leaning over and letting her tears fall onto me.
I tried for a smile. I really did. But seeing only two friends... knowing the other three are dead. Who can smile when things are like this?
“Oh, Sugercube,” AJ whispered, crouching down beside me and pushing her snout into my fur. “You didn't have to do this. It was suppose to be me, ya hear? Not you. Celestia knows, not you.”
But it was me. Apple Jack didn't understand. It couldn't be her. It had to be me. I couldn't protect Twilight. Not like she could. So instead I protected her.
“Pinkie Pie! Stay with us! I promise you, you're going to be okay!” Just like every time before, Twi was crying, hard. She chocked and sobbed, unable to do anything but deny the truth.
“Do you... Pinkie Promise?” I wheezed, trying to no avail to keep my eyes open. It hurt so much. Did Rainbow Dash... Rarity... and Fluttershy go through this as well? Dying was so painful. Why did it have to be like this? Why did it make me regret so much?
Twilight sniffed, eyes shining hopefully. “Cross me heart... and hope to fly... stick a cupcake... in... my eye.”
“It's a promise,” I confirmed, allowing for my gaze to finally flicker closed.
“Pinkie!” Twilight instantly shouted. “No stay with us! I promised you! You're going to be okay!”
“I know... You can't break a Pinkie Promise,” I whispered, feeling my breathing ease slightly. I couldn't feel my heartbeat. Was that bad? “I'm just tired.”
“No, Pinkie, don't go to sleep! You just ate all those cupcake this morning, right? Sugar rush! You've had too much sugar to be tired!” Twilight practically screeched.
Apple Jack had been strangely quiet. But now she leaned in close, breathing into my ear. “You're not going to make it... are ya?”
I shook my head without Twilight noticing.
“It's okay... It'll all be okay.” AJ murmured, starting to stroke my mane.
I felt comforted by the gesture. And sleepy. Really sleepy. But I still had too much to say. And I didn't think I'd be able to say it all.
“Apple... Jack, look after Twilight, okay? Please. For me.” I asked, starting to cough again.
“Don't worry,” Apple Jack mumbled. “Ah will. Pinkie Promise. And Ah won't ever break a Pinkie Promise.”
I smiled and opened my eyes, angling my head weakly so I could look at both Twilight and AJ. “I just want to see everyone smile. The both of you... you're the bestest friends a pony could ever wish for. Everyone will be sad, but can you be happy? I want to see you guys smile one more time... before I go. Please?”
“Of course, Sugarcube.” Apple Jack forced a grin onto her face, tears now visibly falling from her cheeks. Twilight wiped away her sobs and looked at me, calming herself and giving the saddest smile I'd ever seen.
But it was still a smile.
“Don't... forget... your Pinkie Promise.”
And then I closed my eyes. I felt so tired. Like I was sinking into a deep sleep after a hard day of partying. But I knew Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash were waiting for me. In this eternal dream.
So I fell asleep. And the pain... the sounds... the sights... Just all went away. I pictured my friends smiling... and I felt happy. That's right... Like I'd always been taught. Smile... and your fears go away.
And I think I died smiling. That made me happy.
And I know no one will smile at my funeral, but I really hope they do. Throwing a party would be great.
A... farewell to Pinkie Pie party.
