It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sun is shining, the sky is clear, the birds singing and more sounds of nature. It was a very good day in Ponyville. Especially for Spike! As of now, he is all alone in the Golden Oaks Library and on such a peaceful day nonetheless!
The last thing Twilight said to him was "Watch the library Spike" and "Don't let anyone in for now, I'm on a mission to prove that snow does melt in Pinkie's oven!" and more of the usual. But all he's doing right now is sitting on the couch, slouching about, doing absolutely nothing productive.
`Surely nothing will disturb this peaceful day?' Spike thought.
Then suddenly a white limo with golden trim crashed right in the library door without any sense of respect for the peace at all. Spike leapt into the air and, using his claws, gripped tightly onto the ceiling. As of now Spike was panicking and fearful. Who would disturb such peace in this weirdness magnet town?
Oh.
The door of the car opened and Jesus stepped out, wearing a white robe that touched the floor, his signature golden bling rings with the symbol of the Cross on each ring. His long and unkempt hair with a golden headband desperately trying to hold in the untamed hair.
It failed.
It failed so badly that it exploded. Twice.
But since Jesus was here, he wouldn't dream of hurting innocents, even by accident he wouldn't allow it so he used his Jesus powers and made an Element of Harmony. The element was of a golden tiara with a green gem in the middle, shaped like a cross with a big dick on top of it. He then used his Jesus powers once again and put it on Spike's head. Then he spoke,
"Yo dawg, we got some mad dragon trying to eat our asses. We gotta go. That Helement of Armory should protect you dawg. It's tallywhaka so realistic it fires mad green dragon breath yo! Now lets get our asses outta here!"
Spike barely had time to register everything as he was pulled by Jesus by the arm and thrown in the car without any care for his health. Then out of nowhere Smaug crashed into the library and yelled
"I WILL HAVE YOU DRAGONBORN! FUS ROH DAH BITCH!"
"Fuck you Smaug! Me and my Lil' Nig are dragonshout resistant beyach!" Jesus yelled as he drove the limo into another dimension entirely. And by another dimension I meant the moon. Smaug followed them through the mosquito-dick sized portal because magic and appeared on the moon and saw the limo driving fast enough to break his ass 12 times over. But he isn't scared of Jesus because he be Smaug. So he just yelled,
"Get ovah here you ass-humping butt faces!"
The pursuit was so long it lasted for 10 years and Spike swore they ran over the same Luna-shaped rock millions of times by now, but Smaug wasn't even tired yet. But the car sure was as it broke down and ran out of fuel.
"Shit dawg! We be out of weed to run this thang!" Jesus yelled fearfully, But Spike still could not register what he was saying as all he could think is 'How did this all ended badly?' Then the unthinkable happened. Mother-fuckin pimp Smaug threw the car with a flick of his claws? Talons? Whatever.
As the limo whirled around in the weak gravity of the moon with its two screaming occupants, Smaug flew and bit down at the limo. Hard.
Thank god that the fucking limo is made of Asian-forged dragon unobtainium or else the driver and Spike would have been dead.
"Oh shit son! We could have been dea-" A torrent of flame from Smaug's mouth silenced him quickly, but thanks to his Jesus powers he got reincarnated to a more swaggalicious Jesus.
Spike drooled.
Then Smaug said a few things that made both Jesus and Spike extremely curious. Mostly Spike though.
"You think you asshats can kill me? I have been watching all of you for years! I know what you think! I know all you will do before you can even anticipate my counters! I AM INVINCIBUL"
Then suddenly Spike's Element of Harmony began glowing. Its green light encasing Jesus and Smaug in green slime.
"I AM A PENUSH!" Super Spike bellowed with enough strength to break Smaug's jaw and release the limo.
Super Spike then kicked the door open and with his awesome green Element of Harmony blasted Smaug into a bajillion pieces. Then Super Spike upper cutted his remaining pieces using his element and banished him into Oblivion and beyond.
"Holy shizzles Spike! That was badass bro! Give me some!" Jesus shouted and lifted his hand expecting a brofist. Spike brofisted him. Using his element. And then Jesus was also banished to Oblivion and beyond. Then Spike opened the limo and got in the driver seat and drove back to Ponyville. Once he got there his swag level was over nine thousand that Ponyville threw him a party that lasted 6 days. Once the party was over Spike woke up covered in bitches. So that was when Spike remembered that he forgot to turn off his swag so now he forever remembered to turn that hot, sizzlin' swag off whenever he is in a party. Then using his new, badass element, he teleported into Canterlot Castle and then he beat the crap out of every single pony till they were nothing but walking asses. Seriously, once he punched a pony they got turned into a donkey and each of them whispered in a creepy voice. "Ass...." Spike vowed to never speak of that again. He spared Luna and Celestia but he still beat the shit out of them. With a stick. Like a boss.
In the span of 10 minutes, everyone in Equestria has been turned into asses. No survivors were spared.
Then everything exploded. Twice.
The End.
