Equestria's "Cold Blooded Assassin"

by Xzsamzilla

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1269

A displaced fic, like many others, all of which are enjoyable. Now, I wonder how it is to drink PONIES?

A Displaced LOHAV fic, this time with Cell. Some people know how this is gonna go, and Cell is not the only Displaced around…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-13 16:32:15 UTC

Now, where am I? And why am I so thirsty?

As I looked around, I saw that I no longer had all of the Dragon Balls, but I did have the two star ball.

"Well, that's concern-" I stopped mid sentence, as I noticed my voice was more raspy.

"Wow, I sound like Cell." I noticed my shoulder itched, and when I looked at it and saw my tail was scratching it.

"Ok, I am Cell. Great. And I'm thirsty. Also great. Can I drink with my tail? Wait, what am I doing? I need to get the most important thing out of the way! KA...ME..." As I looked at my hands, I noticed a ball of blue energy forming.

"HA...ME..." I noticed it getting bigger. I immediately threw my hands up in the rest of the motion.

"HAAAA!!!!" As a beam of energy shot out, I noticed a... is that a tiny yellow Pegasus? first of all, that thing is adorable, second of all...

"AAAAH!!!!" It's screaming.  Great. Well, screaming is... Subjective, I guess. It was more squeaking for a long time, and then it fell over and made a goat noise. A GOAT noise. She bleated like a goat. Is that a bear?

"OW, my beak-mouth!" As I went flying back a few feet, I got the idea of trying to do a dodon ray.

"Dodonpa!" As I aimed one finger at the bear, it hit his arm and broke it.

"Well, Want me to do the other side? Even you out?" I couldn't help but grin at that. The grin was quickly wiped off of my face by a yell.

"Stop!" Oh, look, the yellow one is up again. "Why are you hurting him?"

I raised an eyebrow at this. "Because he sucker punched me?"

"So? He was scared for my safety! You would have probably would have done the same if a friend of yours was in danger!"

"No. No I wouldn't have. Most of my friends are- Were stronger than me. I wouldn't have made a difference." As I said this, I noticed I was getting thirstier and my tail was rapidly moving up and down. "And now, this is happening. Give me a moment."

She looked like she was about to say something, but I just walked off before she had a chance to say anything. I then stuck my tail in a nearby river, and started drinking. No idea how, I just did. "Wonder how I get protein? Do I even need it?"

"I could help..."

"I wouldn't be so sure." She looked surprised that I heard hear, but continued.

` "Well, I work with a lot of animals, so I might be able to help. You might need it, so the faster we get this done, the better off you could be." As I mulled it over in my head, I decided to. Besides, If I decide to start absorbing people, her and her bear could help. not to mention she said she worked with animal, so her home could be a veritable buffet.

"Ok then, I'll go with you." She started to walk off, and I followed her along with the bear, who kept giving me the evil eye. I threw a rock into the woods behind us with my tail, which he noticed and went after. A moment later, I realized I heard it make a noise as if it hit wood. "What is that smell?!"

"T-t-Timberwolves!" Ok, not even going to ask.

"Stay here." As I said this, I walked in to see them knock out the bear. "Ooh, a snack." I very quickly put my tail into his back, and absorbed him. It was surprisingly satisfying, and even seemed to unnerve the Timberwolves. After I was done, They got back into their normal hostile setup.

"Hey, Wanna see something cool?" I jumped into the air and moved my arms around very rapidly with them mirroring each other, until they met each other leaving an open diamond shape in between them.

"BURNING ATTACK!" As I said this, a large burst of fire came out of my hands. "Hey, It's actually fire. Lucky me- OH DEAR KAMI THE SMELL!" (Note, Live Timberwolves don't smell good. Can you imagine one burning?) As I walked back towards The yellow one, I Decided to tell her the bear had been killed by the Timberwolves.

"Where's Harry?" Oh crap, he has a name.

"The Timberwolves got him." As I said this, I almost regretted it. Almost. "Trust me, You do NOT want to go back there."

"Well, I guess we'll just head back to my place. I'll miss him." Wow, she either had a thing for or with animals.

"Lead the way. It's getting dark, so we should hurry. Sorry about the bear." As it got darker, we finally got to her house.

"Would you care to-"

"No. I need rest and I won't fit inside." As I said this, I sat down near her backdoor and fell asleep surprisingly quickly.

And so it begins, and I forgot my Trunks...

"Really man? How are you gonna fit the tail in there?"

"Says the one wearing the jetpack."

My friend, Jeffrey, and I were trying to fit into the small car of his with the parts of our costumes, both of which are based off of Dragon Ball Z, as we were going to a local convention, since it was the first time it was in our town. I was going as Imperfect Cell, and he was going as the "mighty" Hercule, in the outfit from the first Budokai game, which is why he had a jetpack on, and why I had a tail.

"You also have wings, so don't get upset about stuff on MY back." He said while I got into the back by sitting sideways.

"So, why did you pick the weakest character in Dragon Ball?"

"I'm not Krillin."

"Touche." I said while trying to stop myself from laughing.

"So, any plans here?" I asked.

"Same thing we always do at Cons."

"Try to take over the world?"

"Really? I knew you were old school, but Pinky and the Brain?"

"Yeah. Anyway, what is the plan?" As I asked, I saw him put his wallet in his Jetpack.

"Mainly just check out the vendors."

"How much money do you have?"

"Around 60 bucks, last time I checked."

"Well, I have about..." I checked my wallet "80 Dollars. Where am I going to put my wallet?"

"I'll hold onto it, I guess?"

"Nah, I'll just keep it in my hand."

At this point, I had gotten out of the car (With some difficulty thanks to my tail.) "Ok, split up and-"

"Search for clues?" He interrupted.

"And you said I was old school. Ruh-Roh! Soda is 3 dollars a can."

"Well, it IS a convention. Hey, what's that guy selling?" I said as I pointed at a large stall, manned by a man dresses as Mr. Popo. "Are those Dragon Balls?"

"Yes. I have things from a lot of Different shows, my friend."

"How much?" Both Jeffrey and I asked.

"For how many?"

"All of them."

"Around... $140."

As we both looked at each other, we knew we had it. "Deal."

"Very well then, my friend. step on the carpet. For authenticity, of course."

As we stepped on it,  we handed him our money, and he handed us a box that had all seven of the Dragon Balls. Almost immediately, I felt the carpet... Move? I looked over at Jeffrey, and he looked as surprised as I probably did. Then, he disappeared.