In which Twilight Sparkle is a pancake
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke with a jump. It had come to her in a dream — an amazing discovery that would change her life forever. It was the greatest realization that she had had in ages; the most important discovery of the year — perhaps of the century! Something that would not change just her own life, but the lives of everypony in Equestria forever.
“I’m pancake!” she exclaimed.
That was the whole truth. Everypony she knew had lied to her, saying she was a pony, a unicorn, and then an alicorn princess. Who were they to tell her what she was going to be? No — she couldn’t let them continue to lie to her, control her, dictate what she could be. Pony… unicorn… alicorn… these were all good things, but none of these were anything compared to what she really was: a pancake. Yes, she was the supreme Princess of Pancakes now. And absolutely delicious of course, to such a degree that even science would be unable to understand. Maybe even over nine thousand in deliciosity levels!
But she didn’t care about how tasty she was right now. Twilight had really important stuff to do. Pancake stuff. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Like being covered in chocolate syrup to make herself even more delicious.
Twilight sat on her bed, pondering what she had to do now. Her answer suddenly came to her. “I’m going to show everypony in Equestria how completely delicious I am!” she exclaimed raising a hoof in the air.
She rose, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. After all, to be delicious she had to be hygienic of course! She smiled looking at her body in the mirror — a tasty, yummy, and super delicious body, she had to admit.
The princess was determined. She made a pledge to herself: even if she needed to go to Tartarus and back, she would make sure everypony knew the truth.
Twilight trotted into the kitchen with a smile. Spike was already making breakfast; he stopped and glanced at Twilight. “Good morning, Twilight!” He turned back to his cooking, not paying too much attention to her. “Sleep well?”
“Better than ever, Spike, and…” Twilight finished what she was doing and approached him. “Have you noticed anything different about me? Maybe something… tasty?” She rubbed her hooves together and smiled. Spike turned around and his eyes popped open.
“Dear Celestia!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Why… Why are you covered in all that chocolate syrup?! I know it’s delicious, Twilight, but…” He tried not to laugh. “It isn’t exactly what it-”
“That’s right, Spike! Do you see?!” she exclaimed and hugged him. “You’re the first to know!”
“Know what? That you’re some kind of syrup maniac? You know, that’s not a problem — you can get help for that. I’ve got an addiction to gems and Ra-”
“No, Spike, it’s something bigger than that — something that will change everything!” Twilight said, walking to the door.
Spike was confused. He raised an eyebrow and scratched his dragon crest. “Wait… what are you talking about, Twilight?”
“I’m pancake!” she exclaimed and flew out of the castle.
Spike stopped what he was doing for a moment and scratched his head. “I don’t even…”
Meanwhile, Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Pancakes, flew above Sweet Apple Acres. Happy with her amazing and very important discovery, she spun in the air with joy, some syrup flying off in the process.
When Twilight had her little celebration, Applejack felt something fall on her stetson. She took her hat off and saw what had fallen on it. Applejack wondered if Discord was making chocolate rain again, but he was supposed to be ‘reformed’ now. Then she spotted a purple blur in the sky. She squinted, trying to see what it was but it was too far away and moving too fast. Suddenly, the blur dove down and flew straight past her and Applejack recognized that it was Twilight. “I’m pancake!” Twilight screamed as she shot past.
Applejack shook her head. “What in the hay? Either she’s drunk or Ah am.”
Twilight flew to the spa where Fluttershy and Rarity went every friday morning to catch up and have a friendly chat. Aloe and Lotus received the princess with awkward smiles. Twilight didn’t understand why they seemed so uncomfortable around her. She had finally achieved perfection, but everypony was giving her funny looks for some reason. “Err… good morning, princess, how can we help you today?”
“Maybe a bath?” Lotus suggested, giving her a kind smile. “Not that you aren’t looking good princess, but you have some…”
“… just a little…” ventured Aloe.
“… chocolate on your…”
“… all over your body,” Aloe completed with a nervous smile.
“I know — that’s why I came here. Not to take a bath, silly! I wanted to show Rarity and Fluttershy!” Twilight smiled. Aloe and Lotus looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
“But, you are going to take a bath after that, right?” Lotus asked kindly with her Ponish accent and Aloe give her a punch on the shoulder. “What?” Lotus asked her sister, who answered with a forced smile.
“Then come in, princess, they’re having hoof treatment with Miss Dash, who is having a muscle massage after her uh… what did she call it?” Aloe thought for a moment and Lotus answered her, “Oh yes, sister, she called it a ‘super-hoof-care-to-make-me-look-even-more-awesome’.”
“Perfect!” Twilight smiled a manic smile. “Three of them here together will make things easier for me.” Twilight walked into the spa and saw her friends relaxing and talking. “Heeey girls!”
“Twilight, darling, you’re he-” Rarity looked at her with a terrified face. “Oh my, dear Celestia! Look at all that chocolate darling! Why are you covered in that?” Rarity ears lowered while she observed her purple friend.
“I’m pancake, Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed. “That’s why! And I am absolutely delicious, don’t you think so? And I’ll show all of Equestria, and tell everypony truth that Princess Celestia never dared to reveal!”
“Awesome! Now you’ll be 20% tastier.” said Rainbow Dash, who was face down on a massage table and didn’t look up. Twilight was pretty sure she was tastier than that, but didn’t like to boast.
Rarity and Fluttershy looked at each other. “Right, darling, that is sure a… divine discovery of yours, that all of Equestria must know for their own good. I would hug you for making that amazing discovery, but…” Rarity looked at the syrup dripping off her friend. “No, darling, I think it’s better you keep a few steps away.”
“Y-yes, over there…” Fluttershy murmured.
The princess trotted down the main street of Ponyville, thinking to herself where she ought to go now. Suddenly a familiar face with a curly mane popped up from behind a barrel. “Hey, Twilight, you’re pancake!” exclaimed Pinkie.
“I’m pancake!” Twilight grinned. She knew that Pinkie would understand.
It seemed that having told all of her friends, the simplest thing to do was to visit Princess Celestia, who could relay the important news to her subjects in an appropriate manner. That way, everypony in Equestria would be informed that the Princess of Pancakes was delicious, especially when covered in chocolate syrup.
Twilight flew to Canterlot and entered the Royal Hall where Celestia sat on her golden throne, eating bananas while looking at royal paperwork. “Twilight Sparkle?”
“Yes, I’m here, princess. And I have something really important to tell you…” Twilight approached the throne and bowed. “I’m pancake!” Twilight smiled and did a little dance. “The time has come to show to all of Equestria how delicious I am!”
Celestia frowned. “Twilight, first I must tell you something too.”
“What?”
“You’re not a pancake.”
At that moment Twilight’s world fell apart. She had been lying to herself the whole morning. How could she be such an idiot to believe these lies? “Noooooooo!” She fell to the floor and wailed. Celestia watched with a raised eyebrow.
“But.. if I’m not a delicious pancake, then what am I?”
“You’re a pony, Twilight.”
“Oh…” Twilight pondered for a moment. “So… I must show all Equestria how I’m smarty!”
