Buggin' Hiccups

by sunnypack

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Changelings, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 21105

A changeling suffers from an embarrassing affliction that causes him to shape shift whenever he has the hiccups. Dealing with it is half the problem, when Chrysalis also sends him on an infiltration mission as well.

Hup is a changeling that occasionally suffers the hiccups. Caught in the act of shapeshifting at a young age, Chrysalis mistook his involuntary shapeshift as natural talent. As problems pop up, one after the other, Hup's going to find out that infiltrating Equestria will be the least of his troubles.

One of a series of gifts to my followers, specifically:
Listener and RadicalThestral

Rated E for weirdness.

Published 2015-04-14 17:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-26 10:43:40 UTC

1 - Hic

Chapter 1: Hic

“So this changeling chose Princess Celestia as his disguise, signed all her documents, went to all her events, amended a few tax laws, opened up an orphanage and then shapeshifted right in front of a live audience of a few hundred ponies during a speech?”

Princess Luna had an expression that told Twilight she had trouble processing it herself.

“The most perplexing fact I find from this creature is that he seemed almost glad we caught him.” Luna’s comment was laced with a hint of frustration.

Twilight stared at the changeling through the glass container. It felt like she was studying an insect in one of her experiments. The air holes in the containment made it worse. Inside, the changeling wore a relieved smile and waved in her direction as he caught her gaze. He didn’t seem to care that he had been caught. Twilight could only wave numbly back.

“I would have expected more… I don’t know, the evil malicious undermining of Canterlot and Equestria through careful and reasoned systematic elimination of key political positions resulting in the total collapse of government and state.”

Luna flicked an ear, frowning. She glanced at Twilight briefly, then shrugged, moving on with a ponderous twitch of her tail.

“I believe so,” she said looking at the changeling through narrowed eyes. “But the frustrating thing is, this changeling seems like it improved some things around here. I would have expected sabotage, or deception, or at the very least a series of inconveniences, but we have failed to find such things. All we found were happy ponies. Even Blueblood was satisfied. It is… unexpected.”

Twilight returned her attention to the changeling. He still sat there with a silly grin on his face.

“He looks awfully young.”

Luna nodded.

“I believe he’s called a ‘nymph’, though I can’t be sure, that’s simply what he told me.”

Twilight studied the changeling as he rubbed his cheeks with his hoof. It looked like he’d gotten tired smiling and was dealing with a seized jaw.

“This changeling doesn’t look too smart.”

Luna snorted. “What was that saying? ‘He is a few hay bales of a full field’,” she remarked wryly. A small pause and Luna cocked her head. “Though what he’s done seems to contradict his first impressions.”

Twilight nodded, settling back into comfortable assumptions. Changeling, deception. Right in the hoof.

“How did he even get here?” she finally asked.

Luna levelled a serious expression that would not go remiss in a Court of Law.

“That,” she muttered with pursed lips, “you would not believe.”

——————

A changeling is a master of stealth, deception and infiltration. When a changeling is assigned a mission, say from a belligerent queen that forgets to check whether the drone is suitable for a task, the changeling must do its best to compensate. In this case, ‘Hup’ the changeling, was assigned this task. Hup thought it would be a huge mistake to do so, after all he wasn’t even a drone, but that was the way of the Swarm. Listen to the Queen... and you might get to live another day.

Hup had a strange name for a changeling. While most had noble terms of endearment such as ‘Carapace’ or ‘Metamorphius’, Hup was named so because he transformed early as a nymph in a bout of hiccups. While a changeling’s transformation was often a well-received occasion—so much so a changeling would be able to choose its name on that day—Hup was too young. The Broodwatch on duty simply shrugged and named the little fella after the first thing that struck her mind.

Hup grew up apart from the other young nymphs. Though he tried to fit in, he just wasn’t conventional in every way. He was awkward with his phrases. He spaced out a lot. And on top of all this, his habit of involuntary shapeshifting had earned him the disdain of the head guard. Up until now, he had mainly stuck to the edges of the colony, while most thought he was starting to be a waste of space. If he didn’t find something he was suited at, and soon, he was destined to be exiled.

But Fortune, or perhaps Fate, had decided to take an interest in this young changeling. An accidental hiccup and involuntary shape change in front of the passing Queen had set things in motion. So surprised was the Queen by his shapeshifting, she had ordered him to meet her later that day.

Hup already knew what it was about—he might as well turn himself into the Equestrian guard. Still, though it was dangerous getting caught by the ponies of Equestria, it was infinitely more mortal to refuse the Queen. If anything were to remind Hup of the transient nature of existence, it was a few moments with the Supreme Ruler of the Swarm.

“Hup, I’ve heard great things about you,” Chrysalis began, eyeing the changeling as he entered the spacious cavern.

“An exaggeration, my Queen,” Hup uttered, the voice warbling a little at the higher registers reminding them both of his obvious youth. Hup miserably reflected that he had yet to even mature to drone status. He didn’t even have his wings.

“Ah, a modest one, how… adorable. Listen, I have a request to make of you.” Chrysalis stared at Hup with wide, iridescent eyes. It would have been fine with Hup, if the slight green glow didn’t put him on edge. Of course when the Queen ‘requests’ something from you, there wasn’t even the implied choice in the manner.

“Yes, my Queen,” Hup replied automatically.

Chrysalis nodded appreciatively.

“Ah, the symphony of subservience is music to my ears. You soothe your Queen’s heart, Hup. However, we are not here for pleasantries. Quite the opposite in fact.”

If Hup had sweat glands, he’d be working up a storm. The Queen could really set the mood with her menacing tone. She was a master at inspiring fear and awe in her subjects. There was definitely fear. Yep. Definitely nailed it.

“I want you to go to Equestria and spy on those insipid little ponies. Come back to me when you find a significant weakness we can exploit.”

Hup considered for a brief—almost fleeting—moment that going on this mission would be a bad idea. He even considered raising a slight objection, but then Hup glanced at the Queen’s slight smile and chose to swallow and nod instead.

“Yes, my Queen,” he barely croaked, bending down in a bow.

“Good. Call for me if you run into any problems.” The Queen waved a hoof in his direction, allowing Hup to leave.

“Yes, my Queen,” Hup replied stoically, relieved to be dismissed. He turned to leave.

“Oh and Hup?”

Hup stopped and turned back around.

“Yes, my Queen?”

“Don’t call me.”

————

Hup trudged through the bowels of the hive, trying to avoid contact with any other member of the Swarm. If he could sneak out, before anyone spots him, maybe he could—

“Hic Hoc Hup?!”

Hup’s hoof froze partway to the ground and he took a deep breath. He didn’t like his full name, it sounded ridiculous, but there was only one changeling in the Swarm that called him that. Well, there was only one changeling in the Swarm that could remember his full name. He turned around.

“Hello, Metamorphius.”

“Hmm, what are you doing down here in the Ends? A changeling like you wouldn’t have clearance.”

“I have a mission from the Queen.” He mumbled most of his words into his carapace.

Metamorphius cocked his head, leaning over the young nymph with a frown that might as well be etched in stone.

“I’m sorry, you seem to have said something inconceivable. I’ll give you another go, say it with me: ‘I’m Hup, the useless half-drone and I’m going back to where I came from’.”

“I-I need to get past,” Hup whimpered and he shrank back further as Metamorphius eyed him with piercing blue eyes.

“No.” Metamorphius spat. He rounded on Hup. “A disgrace like you won’t even make it a day out there.”

Facing Metamorphius was hard, but going back to the Queen? Unthinkable.

“I-I have my o-orders,” Hup stuttered, trying to straighten up.

“And I have mine,” Metamorphius growled. He rapped a holed hoof to his metal chest plate. “You see this?”

If Hup had the guts he would have rolled his eyes. This was probably the hundredth time Metamorphius had recounted his prideful rant. Instead, he nodded meekly.

“This is what comes of serving the Swarm your whole life. I am the paradigm of training, dedication and hard work. I’ve had sleepless nights I haven’t even counted that you couldn’t possibly hold in your tiny nymph head. I am the product of a lifetime of servitude, a lifetime of ceaseless labour and loyalty. What could you possibly have that separates you from me? Is it your unimpressive build? Is it your failure to consciously shapeshift? Is it the fact that you’re an embarrassment to yourself and your whole lineage?”

Hup cringed away from the barrage of the words. They were cruel, sure. But the slight ring of truth in them was what hurt the most. He bit his lip, but he couldn’t help the slight watering in his eyes.

“Are you crying? You pathetic excuse for a changeling, get out of my sight! If I catch you in the Ends again I’ll end you.”

A clichéd riposte from Metamorphius, but effective nonetheless. Unable to muster the courage to disobey, Hup slunk away. He could feel the burning gaze of Metamorphius as he tracked him down the passage. With a audible snarl, the guard returned to his post, faithfully keeping watch on the outside world. Hup supposed he should hate Metamorphius, curse him for what it was worth. But it was a wasted exercise, because Metamorphius was right about one thing. They both knew Hup wouldn’t make it very long in the outside world. Why he was chosen by the Queen was beyond him.

Glancing back occasionally to determine if Metamorphius decided to end him anyway, Hup tried to quell his panicking thoughts and concentrated on finding a way out without being caught.

Because the consequences of failure were too dire to even consider.

—————

Not many outsiders would know this, but when you live in a cavern long enough, there is a serious problem of waste management. Housing a Swarm in one place with a testy Queen could only be worse if there were changeling excrement added into the mix. The one good thing that Hup could think of while moving towards the lower sections of the Deeps was that no changeling would be caught dead swimming through changeling slime... so no one would see him do what he was about to do.

The cavern was a feat of changeling engineering, the smell regulated by positive pressure from the inside of the hive pushing the smell outside. With the kinks in the access tunnels, one wouldn’t know it was a sewage deposit until they approached the pool itself. When Hup entered the main collection pool, the stench was like a physical wall, pushing him back towards the main thoroughfares.

The mere thought of cast-off sewage set his fledgling fangs on edge, but Hup stiffened his jaw and tried to ignore the combined odour of the less-likable end of hundreds of changelings in one place. He peered into the slime. Was it him or did the slime just wink? Hup glanced nervously back at the entrance of the cavern. Maybe he should go back to the Queen. Maybe she’ll forgive him if he explained that Metamorphius didn’t let him past?

Yeah, and maybe he could wish himself Grand Ruler of the World. Hup shook his head. There wasn’t another way.

Along the walls of the caverns were a series of small port holes that fed into a collective cistern before being ejected out to some outside source. Hup didn’t know where it went, but he figured if he dove down far enough, he’d be able to emerge out the other side. The waste had to go somewhere, right?

Enough stalling. Hup circled the pool and judged the area that would be closest to the drain. The slowly rotating whirlpool of sludge and refuse bubbled ominously. Hup gulped, closed his mouth tightly and tried not to think of what he was immersing himself in.

Just think of it as a pool of water. A smelly, smelly pool of water, he thought to himself.

Taking a deep breath, the changeling tensed and then launched himself into the pool.

Hup pushed blindly, flailing his limbs in the murky liquid.

It was then that Hup realised he didn’t know how to swim.

Letting loose a scream as he sank in the depths, Hup realised his mistake too late and he felt more than saw the bubble of precious air float away. Frantically, Hup tried clawing for the surface, but sudden current jerked him by the leg. Now closer to the drain, Hup could see the slow whirlpool was definitely… not slow.

Briefly, Hup broke through the surface, to catch a sample of the fetid air above the pool, before being dragged under again.

As Hup swirled through the muck, grime and the unmentionables, he thought that things could not get worse than dying in his own species’ excrement.

Hup should learn not to tempt Fate.

Author's Note

Eh, I thought this was going to be a comedy, and it will be later, but that'll probably come in the second part when Hup walks into Canterlot, hiccupping a storm.

Next Chapter: Out in the wild, wild world of Equestria, can a changeling with unreliable shapeshifting abilities survive?

As always, my lukewarm readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. This is a gift for Listener and RadicalThestral but is a little something to all my followers. I love all my readers, thanks for being here and reading my works!

3 - Hup

Chapter 3: Hup

Hup got up a little woozily, staggering.

“Sorry!” he yelled out, instinctively apologising like he accidentally met Metamorphosis on the way down. “I didn’t see you—wait, didn’t you crash into me…”

He trailed off as he realised that he’d been apologising to a bird of all things. Hup’s mouth worked as he tried to comprehend what kind of bird it was. It looked like an artist’s rendition of what a bird would look like. A single stroke of scarlet laced with gold coated the bird in pastel feathers. Its white eyes blinked at him mischievously before it chirped happily and alighted on his shoulder.

Somewhere in the back of his addled mind, he registered that the creature was a phoenix. The Broodwatch had mentioned them because the Princess had taken a liking to them and kept one as a pet. Which meant—

Hup’s eyes were as wide as saucers as he realised the mortal danger encroaching.

“Shoo!” he hissed urgently. “I’m sorry but you have to go!”

The phoenix chirped louder, almost on purpose. It flittered from the ground to land squarely on his back. With panicked hooves he tried to get the phoenix to leave, but his hooves didn’t bend that far back, and he was reasonably sure the phoenix wanted him to be found.

Gotta change, have to change, change, change, now!

He recalled an image of a colt from the Broodwatch’s training. For once, he was happy for the practice.

“Philomena? Philomena? Where are you— oh!”’

The tallest, most imposing figure of a pony came from the sky, landing with an ominous thud nearby. He choked back a gasp of surprise as he recognised the white coat, the shining regalia, the vibrant pink irises staring down at him and the malicious smile plastered over her lips.

It was none other than the Ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia herself.

Hup blinked. The smile looked a bit off, like it wasn’t a proper smirk.

Celestia continued to appraise him with that weird smile as she approached. With every step he quailed further until he was shivering under her shadow. Her smile was creepy. No one in the Swarm smiled like that.

“Ah, I see you’ve found Philomena for me,” she said gently, holding out an inviting hoof. He hesitated, not knowing if he should shake it, kiss it, or bow. Before he could make a move, Philomena took off from his back and alighted on Celestia’s outstretched foreleg. Celestia rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Well, as you can see,” she continued with that smile. “Philomena is a playful little phoenix. She seems to have taken a liking to you, which is rare for those of her species and especially Philomena.”

Hup kept silent, afraid to speak. Not because he couldn’t, but rather because he was petrified that anything he said might be misconstrued, or worse, reveal that he was a changeling.

Celestia laughed suddenly, her smile moving into a grin that was also scarily non-threatening. When Chrysalis smiled like that there had to be really good news; well, sometimes she gets like that when she’s planning something too. “There’s no need to be shy, little one. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Hup brightened. Really? Could he trust her? Maybe… He shook his head. The Broodwatch said the ponies were crafty little creatures. This Princess Celestia must be stringing him along.

Celestia looked surprised, and a little sad, at Hup’s reluctance.

“You shouldn’t be afraid,” Celestia cooed. “I love all my little ponies dearly. What’s upsetting you, little one?”

Philomena coughed in a way that suspiciously sounded like laughing. Hup glanced at the Phoenix in barely-concealed alarm.

What’s that phoenix planning?

With a flash, the phoenix darted from Celestia’s hoof and hopped the distance to his head. Hup reared in surprise, letting loose a startled yelp and flinging his hooves this way and that to dislodge the sudden feathery assailant. Philomena brushed her wings on his nose.

Oh no, not now!

He tried to keep it in. He tried to stop it from happening. He could feel it build up within him. Startling with the small tickling at his nose that shot down his nasal cavity. Like a tidal wave surging forward implacably, Hup desperately held back his desire to let loose the bodily reflex that would doom him.

But a living creature fighting an unexpected reflex was like trying to stop an avalanche with a spoon.

“Ah…”

Celestia leaned back. “Ah?”

“Ahhhhh…”

“Aaaah?”

“AHHHHHHHH CHOOOOOOOO!”

Hup sneezed so violently he rocked back from his standing position and flopped to the ground. With a desperate groan he realised his disguise had predictably dispelled.

Celestia for once, was left without words.

Hup waved a weak hoof. “About that promise about not hurting me?”

———————

Celestia took it all remarkably calmly. “So Chrysalis sent you to spy on us?” She raised an eyebrow.

“She has… a misplaced confidence in me,” Hup mumbled.

Celestia smiled in that weird way again. “I wonder…” she said with a furrowed brow. “If you would be interested in a job?”

Hup shook his head quickly. “I’m already failing at the one job I was given! If I get another I’ll be doomed for sure.”

Celestia chuckled heartily as she patted him on the head. “How about I give you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spy on the inner workings of the Equestrian government. What do you say?”

Hup blinked incredulously at the princess. She was quite obviously crazy, that’s why she smiled so sweetly. Though he must admit, it was kind of nice to have something different than the soul-crushing fear of Chrysalis’ malignant grin.

“What’s the catch?” Hup asked suspiciously.

Celestia cocked her head. “My, my, I’ve never had somepony address me in that manner for quite a while now.” She shrugged. “No catch, except you have to pretend to be me.”

“Be y-you!” Hup cried. “T-That’s impossible!”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “I’ll help you,” she said with a devious look that Hup recognised all too well. “All you have to do is attend some meetings, forward some documents for me to sign, and generally do all the duties I’m expected to do.”

“B-But why?! You trust a changeling to do this?”

Celestia gave that small shrug once more. “Philomena thinks you are a good pony, I mean changeling, or she wouldn’t want to be near you. It’s also time for me to have a short vacation. I’ll do some relaxing and take it easy for a few days before I get back. You get a fantastic report to show your Queen, I get a holiday, sound fair?”

Now it was this time for Hup to be at a loss for words.

“W-Why?”

Celestia sighed. “I think we were a little harsh on you changelings when we banished you from Equestria. The truth was I wanted to reach out and settle an agreement or at least open up negotiations, but I think Chrysalis would never agree to anything of that sort.”

Hup looked away. “Chrysalis tries looking out for us. She’s under a lot of pressure.”

Celestia laughed, though she waved a hoof in apology at Hup’s wounded expression. “Oh I’m sorry, I just never thought I’d hear a changeling say something so touching.” She settled down, showing a stony countenance as she locked gazes with Hup. “I’ll say this again. Pretend to be me, help me help you.”

Hup’s mind raced as he tried to come up with an alternative solution to this confuddling conundrum he’d found himself in. On one holed hoof, he needed to get some inside information from Equestria and this was the perfect opportunity. On the other hoof, it could be an elaborate trap or some sort of plan to inadvertently reveal something about his Swarm.

Hup glanced sidelong at Celestia waiting patiently for his reply. The easy aura of overwhelming power and authority was in some ways very similar to Chrysalis. They both had the confidence that they could crush some bug as small as him on any given day. He groaned, realising he had no choice.

“I accept,” Hup replied in resignation.

Celestia clapped her hooves in an un-princess-like display of excitement. “Excellent,” she exclaimed, then trotted away with a beckoning hoof. “Come with me.”

Hup shook his head, dragging his hooves along to follow the princess. It was just his luck.

—————

“Now you’ll need to wear a disguise that won’t attract any attention as we head to Canterlot,” Celestia explained. She stopped suddenly and stamped a hoof. “I know! A royal guard! Nopony would even look twice.” She glanced at Hup expectantly.

Hup blinked a few times before he realised that was his signal to shapeshift. At the end he was panting with the effort of the transformation. So many successive transformations without any nutrients was starting to take a toll.

“Are you alright?” Celestia asked with sudden concern etched all over her face.

Hup nodded weakly. “That’s my last shapeshift until I can find some food.”

“Food?” Celestia mumbled then her face cleared as she realised what he was talking about. “You need to feed on love?”

Hup shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be love, although that’s an intense emotion that’s often powerful enough. I need any strong emotion.”

Celestia tilted her head and then suddenly grinned. “Is my excitement at the prospect of a vacation after untold millennia enough?”

Hup sensed the electric undercurrent of her emotions flowing around her and swallowed, trying hard not to salivate openly.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s plenty enough for now.”

Celestia sighed, looking relieved. “Oh thank you, I thought I might have to produce enough love for you somehow. I thought I’d feed you sisterly love by having you transform into Luna, but when you said you were on your last transformation, I near had a heart attack. I thought I’d have to romance myself with a guard.”

“Is that bad?” Hup asked.

Celestia looked uncomfortable. “No,” she said slowly. “It just feels like something out of a cheap romance.”

Hup shrugged. Well at least the Princess of Equestria was willing to share her emotional reserves with him. It solved his hunger problems fairly conveniently. Hup couldn’t help but look back nervously. If Chrysalis found out that he was colluding with the ponies, he’d be destroyed for sure! He picked up the pace.

“I think we should get going,” Hup announced.

Celestia kept up an easy trot beside him. “Oh now you’re getting into it. See, it’s not so bad.” She smiled at him. “You might enjoy yourself.”

Hup had an uncomfortable feeling that the alicorn was enjoying this far more than he ever would. Turns out he was right.

Author's Note

Heh. Things are falling into place. The groundwork has been laid out. I think I might extend this a couple more chapters than planned.

Thanks for sticking around! Feel free to bug me for updates.

Next Chapter: Well... that fixed everything.

As always, my high fly eye in the sky readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Unedited because I'm still a butt.

4 - Would the Real Pony Princess Please Stand Up?

Chapter 4: Would the Real Pony Princess Please Stand Up?

For a changeling, the ability to shape-shift at a moment’s notice is a highly valued skill. Those that do not possess this trait were usually relegated to the more menial side of caring and maintenance in whatever habitation that the Swarm resided at the time. Usually, the location was chosen for a combination of factors ranging from the mundane aesthetics to the forcibly practical. Food had to be close, of course, so the Swarm picked the cave systems near three major pony cities. It had to be hidden, so a cave rather than camping in the forest vastly reduced the risks. That it was near a waterfall was because the rather dramatic view was to Chrysalis’ tastes. Despite the remote location, it was still a tenuous position for the changelings. Ponies could wander in. They could be captured, of course, but missing ponies would be investigated.

Chrysalis had no desire to be routed out from her secret base, no matter how uncomfortable it had seemed compared to literally the royal treatment she had during the wedding’s deception. During the climax of the events, the apex of her plan’s fruition, she had let herself get carried away. She had thrown her customary cautious forays, careful information gathering and meticulous planning. They had all been torn apart by her rushed decisions and overtly mistimed snatches for power. It had been a typically villainous error, but one she sought to rectify. Information was a weapon, and Chrysalis now intended to be formidably armed.

So the Queen had put her faith in the changelings of her Swarm that were the best infiltrators, scouting for information that could cause the undoing of Equestria by some fortuitous circumstance. Chrysalis vowed to plan her next attack and resist the urge to snatch power without it being assured beyond reasonable doubt. However, in the coming months as reports filtered in the ponies had infuriatingly little to hide; their security had been bumped up a few notches, making it difficult to get any changeling close to the city, let alone the seat of power.

In particular, Chrysalis lamented the fact that the phoenix Celestia always carried around with her, seemed to always know if a pony was a pony or a changeling was a changeling. Something about intentions and auras, but nothing in texts, art, or rumour could shed light on the mysterious creatures that were often present around Equestria. Apart from finding out that dragons apparently shared the same enmity to the phoenixes that she did, nothing else bore fruit.

She faced the entrance of her cave, her eyes glowing green as thoughts, plans, counter-plans seethed in the cauldron of her mind. She glanced up as a changeling crept into her chamber somewhat morosely.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So I take it you failed, Metamorphius?”

The changeling bowed once more, looking haggard and weary. It appeared the changeling had spent the better part of the last couple of days looking for the changeling. “Yes, my Queen.”

Chrysalis gave the changeling a smile that could snuff a bonfire. “So you see, you need not have questioned my judgement.”

“Never, my Queen,” he replied hastily.

She waved a hoof dismissively. “I know what you’re thinking, you don’t have to speak for me to know what you’re saying.” She rose gracefully from her throne and stalked forward, each strike of her hooves sending an ominous echo around the expansive chamber. She circled the Guard drone, like a shark or a vulture does.

“Yes, my Queen.”

Chrysalis snorted, and stalked back to her makeshift throne, carved out of the stone. She lay down upon it and eyed Metamorphius coolly. “Hup is changeling with a rare ability, you wouldn’t understand.”

“My Queen?”

Chrysalis sighed, her hooves kneading her forehead. “I’m not used to explaining myself to my subordinates, but if it eases your mind, and the ridiculous propensity for you drones to gossip, then I’ll tell you. Hup is an experiment. He’s a changeling which I’ve put a little bit of my essence into.”

“Essence?” Metamorphius blurted, he looked disturbed. “Are you saying, my Queen, that he is…?”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “No, you absolute imbecile, that changeling isn’t related to me. It’s to do with the creative part of his mind.” She tapped her hoof impatiently on the chair’s rest. “Most changelings have an innate sense of duty, it’s just how they’re born. That duty squashes your ability to think outside the box. Instead, I have to do all the work.” Her mouth twisted bitterly. “And I’ve learned the hard way that even I can be compromised. If I fail, we all fail, and there’s no independence of the Swarm to adjust for that.”

Metamorphius looked like he was having trouble wrapping the concept around his head. “But we are very inventive on our own, my Queen. We are resourceful—”

“No doubt,” Chrysalis interrupted. “Can I finish?” She waited to see if Metamorphius would dare interrupt her, before continuing. “I never said you couldn’t do things yourself, but you need orders, plans, a direction. What if you’re isolated from the Swarm, what will you do then?”

From the way Metamorphius was frowning, Chrysalis could see he was wracking his brains for an answer to the obvious question. She already knew what he would say, and started doodling in the ground with a stick.

“I would locate the nearest food source, escape detection and wait until I could get into contact with the Swarm…” he trailed off as Chrysalis finished his sentence with the words written in the ground.

“So you see,” Chrysalis drawled. “Hup would probably think to infiltrate the local government and instate himself as a political figure. In fact I know that’s what he would do.”

“H-How, my Queen?”

Chrysalis looked like she wanted nothing more than to knock him senseless. “Because that’s what I would do,” she snapped. “Weren’t you listening?”

“O-Of course, my Queen.”

Chrysalis stared at him for a moment longer, then simply pursed her lips, deciding that the impertinent Guard drone wasn’t worth her time. She only decided to talk to him out of boredom, anyway. At least Hup had the continuing decency to look suitably meek in front of her inspiring majesty. She could see it now, the changeling was probably halfway to controlling Canterlot already.

“I can’t wait to see that Princess Celestia’s smug little face when she finds out how far I’ve come,” Chrysalis said with a slight chuckle. Thoughts of the horrified expression from the pathetic pony princess kept a smile dancing around her lips.

It was at that point that Metamorphius thought it wise to leave before he was considered expendable.

——————

Little did Chrysalis know that Hup was well on his way to controlling not only Canterlot, but all of Equestria itself. The changeling stood uncomfortably in the anteroom of Celestia’s own private quarters while the alicorn was having entirely too much fun dressing ‘herself’ up.

“Oh I never knew I would look like that in that dress. My, my, this is so much more convenient than a mirror. Would you mind turning around? Perfect! Oh that dress matches me—I mean you—flawlessly! You will be the belle of the ball, I guarantee it!”

Hup shifted on his hoofs uncomfortably, feeling the great feathers of his wings slide in sympathy on his back. They felt strange and uncomfortable compared to the smooth, diaphanous wings he saw on other changelings. He didn’t have wings normally, of course, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t shapeshift his own pair. You couldn’t lie about your development in the Swarm, anyway, the Broodwatch kept a close eye and recalcitrant changelings faking their age—for whatever reason—were punished quite harshly.

Hup had other reasons, mostly to do with the idea that if your opponents underestimated you, it’s a lot better than if they overestimated you. He had it bad enough.

“I look great,” Celestia announced with an appraising look. Hup felt a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny of an alicorn that looked less like she was dressing a changeling and more like she was ready to eat a delectable treat. She caught his look and rolled her eyes. “Don’t be like that. We still haven’t gone through the reams of lessons for etiquette.” The smile turned devious. “We’ll have to give you a crash course on the basics.”

Hup glanced around uneasily, his eyes scanning the room and settling on the window.

“Don’t even think about flying away,” Celestia said good-naturedly. “You wouldn’t make it past the guard pegasi. If you do, which I doubt, I might have to send your Queen a note.”

“A note?” Hup asked suspiciously. “What note?”

“Dear me! We’ll have to fix that voice of yours; you can’t sound like yourself when you’re disguised as me.”

Hup muttered something under his breath and changed his voice to match the Princess’ exactly.

“Is that better?” he grumbled with a long-suffering squint.

Celestia nodded emphatically. “Much better! You sound exactly like me! All the applications I could take advantage of if I had my own changeling…” She spaced out a couple of moments, before grinning widely. “Oh silly me, I already do!” With a disarming smile, Celestia swept around, circling Hup another time. “It’s a good thing you can do that, I thought I might have to use a spell.”

Hup stared at the floor, his head shaking from side to side as he thought about what a mess he’d gotten himself into. At least living with the Swarm was relatively uncomplicated, all he had to do was obey orders, be bored for a while and then go to sleep. Wake up, rinse and repeat.

“In any case,” Celestia said, interrupting his thoughts. “The note will have just mentioned that you were very kind and you’ve negotiated for us to send a bouquet of flowers to her cave system up near the Neighgra Falls. Did she tell you she’s allergic to pollen?” Celestia chuckled at his reaction. “Surprised? Chrysalis thinks she’s hidden herself well but we knew she was there a long time ago. She hasn’t made herself a nuisance so we haven’t done anything. That is of course until you arrived, but, well, I didn’t think you were much of a threat.”

Hup drooped, his hopes sinking as low as his stomach felt. Nopony, or changeling for that matter, was ever going to take him seriously, were they?

Celestia jostled him with a playful hoof to his shoulder. “Come on, my little stunt double, let’s get you practicing some Court etiquette. Don’t worry, you won’t have to say or do much, just act all stoic and make some wise decisions. Most of Equestria pretty much runs itself anyway, so you’ll just be dealing with stuffy nobles and boring old functions hosted by various affluentials. Nothing too strenuous, I promise.”

“B-But what if there’s an emergency?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “If there’s an emergency… well, I’m sure if it’s that urgent I imagine I’d know something about it. It’d have to be pretty serious, like the sun going out.” Celestia whisked the issue away with her hoof like one would to a fly during dinner. “ I’m having a vacation, you’re just making it easier for me to do so. Don’t you want that juicy insider’s report for your Queen?”

Hup bit his lip, but finally nodded. Then a thought suddenly occurred to him. “Why are you taking so much time to teach me all this?”

Celestia blinked. “Well leaving just anypony in charge of Equestria without any training whatsoever would be grossly irresponsible.”

Hup gaped at the alicorn as she laughed.

“Oh you’re probably thinking ‘wow, and ditching Equestria to a changeling isn’t’, aren’t you?”

Hup let the silence speak for itself. Celestia shrugged. “Well it’s mutually beneficial,” she explained patiently. “The longer you escape detection, the longer my holiday and the more you get to know Equestria and make a report back to your Queen.”

“Aren’t you afraid that I might find out something that might be a danger to you ponies?” Hup hazarded.

Celestia burst out laughing. “Oh, little one, if you do ever find something, please tell us, we’ll be glad to know. Now do you want to get started or do I have to find myself another changeling?”

Evidently, the Princess thought question time was over. Hup nodded sullenly, resigning himself to the fate of playing out his part as a weird changeling turned pony princess.

“Thought so,” Celestia replied with a sly smile. “Alright, balance this book on your head and try trotting around without dropping it. No, chin higher, footsteps more dainty, stop walking like a stallion!”

Hup tried again. It fell off. Celestia didn’t even let the book touch the ground before it was placed back on top of his head.

“No, no, stop being so stiff. It’s proud, but graceful, you have to channel your inner Celestia. Oh yes, breaks? Eh… probably in another few hours or so. I have the time to myself, surprisingly, but I’ll need to head outside every now and again to handle a few things, so read this.” A massive tome thumped on her desk. “Try to catch up on a thousand or so years of diplomacy and history.” There was a knock on the door that broke Celestia’s train of thought as she was about to say something else. “Coming! Wait, where was I? Oh yes, okay, one last time!”

As the book slipped off his head for the third time, Hup tried not to follow the book to the ground in a snivelling heap.

After all, that would be bad manners.

Author's Note

You know what else is fast, Warrior Kitten? An update!

Sorry for the late update, caught between work and a hard place (other updates). This week, if you're a general fan of my works, is an update bonanza! An update every day of the week!

Next Chapter: Hup tries not to let Equestria fall into ruins... and then wonders why he's trying so hard.

As always, my incredibly alluring readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Quick passthrough, but I've got a lot to get through, so thanks once again for being patient with any mistakes I've made!
P.P.S Another few minor edits and stylistic additions.

5 - Don't Make Promises Somepony Else Can't Keep

Chapter 5: Don't Make Promises Somepony Else Can't Keep

Hup put on a dress. It was lovely. He caught himself in the mirror with the dress and thought it was pretty. He caught himself thinking about that and wondered if that was the appropriate reaction in this situation. Of course it wasn’t. Nothing in this situation was normal. In fact, he was about to be thrust into the centre of Equestrian politics with barely a day’s worth of training under his proverbial belt and he couldn’t simply run away because he was caught between the implacable vices of two royal figures who couldn’t take no for an answer.

While Chrysalis was conventionally frightening, Celestia had this deep seated confidence that stemmed from experience as ancient, as it seemed, as the land itself. Arguing with her was as pointless as arguing with a mountain, and violence would only result in getting yourself hurt. Hup knew this because he had tried. Frustrated with his lessons on etiquette, he had thrown the heavy book at the door, which happened to have just opened as soon as Celestia was stepping in.

Celestia’s quick reflexes saved her, she deflected the book… right back at Hup, who copped the book straight to his face. Though Celestia deeply apologised for deflecting the book back at him, he knew it was all a ruse. The crafty pony princess was waiting for him to drop his guard, he was sure of it. Though she did look mildly guilty at the time…

No! It was all part of her plan, he was sure of it. Princess Celestia had shown that she was a master manipulator of ponies, and he was trapped under the tender mercy of her blackmailing hoof. All he could do was hope for the best and perhaps extract some information that could be used to save him from Chrysalis’ wrath.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Princess? Are you ready?”

Hup sighed inwardly, but replied anyway.

“Yes, do come in, Raven.”

A white unicorn sporting thick-rimmed glasses and a clipboard entered through the chamber doors. She slowed briefly as she took in Hup and then smiled brightly.

“Princess, you’re wearing that dress!”

Hup was confused, but didn’t show it. “The dress?”

Raven circled around Hup, eyes sparkling. “The dress you said you would never wear because it was too uncomfortable! Oh what a delight!”

Hup stiffened slightly. It had taken almost half an hour to get the dress on, even with the assistance of magic. Celestia had looked savagely pleased when he was wearing it, almost to the point of breaking into laughter. He could almost hear her choke back the giggle as she flew away when dawn arrived.

“Yes…” He forced a smile. “You probably will not see me in this outfit again.”

“Certainly not! Once the Court sees you in this dress, no doubt many an eye will be turned, as will many suitors.”

Hup choked back a cry of surprise. “W-What? Suitors.”

“Certainly,” Raven replied with a frown, “as per the ancient Equestrian laws, suitors may approach the Princess with a request of a hoof in marriage whenever she dons a dress. I’ve always assumed that was why you disliked the Gala, which by law requires a dress for the occasion.”

Hup’s smile was frozen on his lips.

She set me up! Again!

“Though I don’t believe you’ve ever told me you disliked wearing dresses, only that you disliked suitors.” She flicked a hoof. “Well now, onto other matters.”

No, no, go back to the suitors business!

“Maybe I should—”

“Certainly not,” Raven chided. “You are already late for Court, Princess. Honestly, you do this every morning! Do you not get tired of wheedling your way out of Court?” Raven took a deep breath. “I know you only do this when we’re alone and there’s nopony around, but please, think about the ponies and their expectations. It would crush them to see the Princess reluctant to see them.”

Caught in the sight of a teary-eyed mare, Hup could only nod.

Raven brightened instantly. “Brilliant, Princess! Now, onto Court.”

It was only a few seconds after Raven opened the door and ushered him out, that Hup realised he’d been duped.

Oh well, it’ll only be for a short while, I’m sure Princess Celestia will be coming back. She wouldn’t leave her kingdom all alone, would she?

———————

Hup sat, uncomfortably he might add, on the throne of Canterlot. The Court officials and various ponies of rank and nobility were arranged in an orderly array of what appeared to be rank. Well, if anything, the more flamboyantly dressed nobles were arranged in the front and the more plainly-clothed officials stood around the back.

“The first order of business,” Raven called out. “Ruling of subsection C.190e, the clause pertaining to the allotment of land centred around districts with overlapping zones.”

Raven lifted a heavy document and placed it in front of Hup. “As agreed in the last meeting, Brown Miller and Silver Bit have made amendments to the legislature as you have recommended, Princess.”

A brown-coated pony and a silver-coated one stepped forward, eyes sparkling and smiles wide. To most ponies, these two looked genuine, but something about them tipped Hup off. He knew if a smile was fake, he’d been practising most of his life. There must be something wrong with the document.

“Uhh…” Hup tried to make out the mess of letters, legalese and figures that seemed to be packed into writing that only an ant would comfortably read. If it had a magnifying glass. With a microscope. And perfect prescriptive glasses. Hup flicked through the document half-heartedly.

Raven cleared her throat, trying to indicate that there was a long list of items on the agenda. “Is something not to your satisfaction, Princess?”

I should delay it. Or maybe get somepony else to look at it.

“Have the… Treasury look at the file,” he hazarded.

“What?” Raven cocked her head. “Not the Zoning Council?”

Hup almost smacked himself in the forehead, instead he settled for doing it mentally.

A Princess is always right, even when she’s wrong. Princess Celestia had mentioned.

“Yes, I sense… a discrepancy.”

Raven frowned. “May I see the document, Princess?” She scanned the document as the Court fell to silence.

As she flicked through the numbers, the two in the front were beginning to look increasingly agitated, only further cementing his suspicions.

“Dear Celestia…”

“Hmm?” Hup then realised she wasn’t addressing him and was merely surprised.

Raven reddened from the embarrassing invocation of Celestia in front of Celestia.

“M-My apologies Princess, I was just… you’re right. There was a discrepancy in the numbers on the fiscal valuations in the properties, there’s some odd assets listed in the exemption clause.” She cleared her throat. “It appears that the two ponies in front of us was trying to gouge the Treasury for extra bits using a deflated valuation.”

Mutters spread throughout the court.

In plain speak, please!

“Princess, knowingly defrauding the Royal Treasury carries a term of ten years. Defrauding in a proposal to the Princess carries a heavier penalty.”

Hup was morbidly curious. “And what would that be?”

Raven glanced at the rest of the Court, as if afraid to say the answer.

She swallowed audibly.

“Banishment.”

Aghast gasps and dramatic sighs filled the Court at Raven’s pronouncement. Raven immediately moved to quell the unease.

“The Princess wouldn’t—”

“That seems fair enough.” Hup spoke in a mild voice, trying to channel the calm poise of his inner Celestia.

Jaws dropped.

He looked around at the myriad expressions ranging from shock to fear bordering on panic. “Is something wrong?”

“P-Princess!” Raven stammered. “Are you serious?”

Hup didn’t know what the fuss was about. Lying to a changeling Queen—in this case the equivalent would be the Princess—was a punishment deserving of banishment. There was a niggling feeling that perhaps he was doing something wrong, but he couldn’t put his hoof on it.

“Princess, we promise we won’t do it again!” Brown cried.

“Have mercy, Princess! I don’t want to be separated from my family!” Silver added.

Hup cocked his head. “You both had families?”

They nodded.

“Then why would you do something so risky?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time…” Silver admitted, he seemed at a loss of words.

“Well, I don’t think we’ll banish you…?” He glanced at Raven who nodded vigorously. “…this time.” Brown and Silver stiffened. “So let’s leave it at that.”

“Yes, Princess,” they both said, bowing their heads low. The relief radiating from them was almost palatable. As he waved his hoof in dismissal, the two scurried out as if their tails had caught fire.

“You weren’t really thinking of banishing the two, were you, Princess?” The sentence hovered between query and statement as if Raven were reevaluating her whole perspective based upon her answer.

“No…?” Hup replied, feeling a little lost. After all, he’d done what any changeling Queen—

Wait. How could he have been so stupid? Of course they would react like that, he’d never considered that ruling would differ between species!

“No,” Hup repeated more firmly. “Of course not.”

Raven heaved a sigh of relief. “Yes, of course, I knew that.” She wiped away the patina of sweat that had built up over the course of the ordeal. “But your act was certainly convincing, I doubt they’d try anything in the next meeting, let alone their lifetime.”

“Yes, completely an act,” Hup affirmed as he swallowed. That was a close one. “In any case, I don’t think I should do that again. We should amend the laws regarding that…”

Raven beamed. “Good idea, Princess, we’ll get right on it!”

Raven drew up the list, checking off the first item. “We should, uhm, move on.”

Hup nodded, eager to do better with the next item on the list.

“Open Court, petitions for the Princess.”

Shouldn’t be too hard.

—————

“…And that is why I believe I am the perfect candidate for the Princess.”

Hup blinked at the pony. By pony standards he supposed he looked fine, physically. He had a nice build, good teeth, eyes that looked like they sparkled under the light, a good grasp of politics (at least more than Hup had, which wouldn’t be hard), he seemed competent enough. But…

“You’re my nephew, right?”

“Details. A formality. You call anypony that you have granted a title to your nephew or niece. As an Equestrian citizen, I have the right to propose.” He twirled a rose between his teeth in an amazing show of oral dexterity that looked simultaneously impressive and repulsive at the same time. Hup wondered how he was able to speak around the rose.

“I’ll… consider it.”

“Really?!”

Hup nodded wearily. Not one, or two, or ten suitors had approached, but over a hundred of potential suitors had come to sue for his hoof in marriage. Throughout the tiresome proceedings, Hup wondered darkly how each would react if he chose to reveal himself. He’d do it just to see them choke on their own spit if he could get away with it. Sadly, it seemed, his life depended on faithfully carrying out this sham of a deception.

Blueblood’s intense gaze was making him feel uncomfortable.

“Yes, just ask about it later,” Hup replied with a huff. “I’ll give you your answer later.”

“Thank you, Princess.”

Hup gave Raven a look that was borderline pleading. Raven smiled, but followed protocol nevertheless, much to Hup’s dismay.

“Are there any more petitions for the Princess?” Nopony else was forthcoming. Raven cleared her throat. “Then Day Court is adjourned.” She nodded to the guards, who slowly opened the imposing double doors of the massive throne room.

Blueblood bowed, leaving with the rest of the ponies that shuffled out.

As the Court ended, Hup heaved a sigh of relief. It was tedious, but it beat falling out of a waterfall or sneaking around the edges of the Swarm, hoping to avoid the scorn of his fellow changelings.

“Now, Princess, onto other matters…”

Hup groaned. “There’s more?”

“Excuse me?”

Hup straightened, clearing his throat. “I mean, there’s more to do. We should get right to it.”

Raven grinned. “Your patience always impresses me, Princess.”

Hup gritted his teeth, showing a toothy smile. “Of course, happy to help.”

What the heck am I doing here?!

“First up on the list, visiting the hospital, they’re opening a new ward. Then, a visit to Ponyville, there’s a short meeting with your former pupil. Finally, we need to talk about what to do with the Treasury.”

Hup froze. “What about the Treasury, is something wrong?”

“Yes, they’re complaining in there, there’s been a mess up with the budget.”

Hup frowned. If they didn’t have enough bits to cover expenditure, then the government might have to look into borrowing money from the private sector to cover losses. He almost chuckled. Some of the basic ideas stuck in his short crash course in governance.

“We have too much money.”

What?

Raven cleared her throat. “The Treasury sincerely apologises, Princess. They missed a seven was mistakenly recorded as a one in the final report. We have over eighty-million bits available.”

Hup choked back his surprise, his eyes bulging in their sockets.

“That was my reaction too, Princess.” She cleared her throat. “It was found moments after you ordered a review of the boundary taxation laws, which prompted a review of the budget. Twenty-million bits in revenue was generated from the law amendment, with the rest coming from the mistaken scribing. Now there’s an abundance of funds to be allocated, not to mention we’re already running in surplus.”

Hup finally found his voice. “Are there any recommendations for its use?”

Raven rolled her eyes skywards. “Hundreds. You know how these ponies are. Each want an extra boost for their department, but everypony knows that taking a portion of the pot means that there won’t be enough to go around. Somepony always loses out.”

Hup nodded, it made sense. But how was he going to spend all that money? More importantly, this was a situation that would impact a lot of lives. If he screwed up, then Celestia would likely fry him to a crisp.

“When does this have to be dealt with?”

“If we reach quorum for the House of Nobles, then probably in the next few days.”

“How likely is that we reach quorum?”

“Since it’s tradition, they haven’t missed a meeting since Luna’s banishment—forgive me for saying so.”

“Pay it no heed.” Hup didn’t either.

Raven bowed head gratefully. “Thank you, Princess.”

“So,” Hup said with a sigh, “I’ll decide what to do with the money at a slightly later date. For now, where are we going? The hospital?”

“Yes, Princess.”

———————

“We give you, Princess Celestia’s Paediatric Ward!” The Chief of Medicine, a dazzling mare with an equally dazzling smile, gestured towards the sign with a flourish. The gathered ponies ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at the presentation as Hup stood somewhat stiffly on the platform. She had passed the other wards in the hospital, all with variations in the name, but with one common theme.

They all had ‘Celestia’ or ‘Celestial’ on their name.

Even the morgue was called the Royal Celestial Morgue.

Hup’s smile was somewhat forced. He was starting to see why Princess Celestia was so desperate for a holiday.

———————

Hup sagged inside the bathroom, having excused himself from the hospital’s garden party. The last couple of hours was mind-numbing, and it even beat some of the boredom he had experienced when listening to potential suitors. Most of the ponies he talked to were concerned about themselves. ‘Oh would you help me out with this?’, ‘By the way, a small favour if you have a moment to spare…’, or ‘A small request, if that’s not too presumptuous…’.

Being so exhausted, Hup nearly agreed to whatever it was they demanded, but instead politely kept himself neutral. Being polite, though, in the face of the implacably persistent party attendees, was wearing to the very core of his soul. He would much rather go through changeling combat camp than another one of those parties.

Then there were the foals.

They clamoured around him, asking so many questions, like, ‘why is the sky blue’, ‘how come your hair does that’, and other apparently simple questions that Hup didn’t know. He was sure he’d be found out when asked about the hair, but apparently nopony else knew either, so feigning ignorance was probably the best move. Still, all the ponies had the same strand of adoration and praise that made Hup feel a little special, even though it was because of his guise, rather than himself, and even though he had done practically nothing.

He felt guilty feeling good, because it somehow felt like a betrayal to his own kind.

He stared at the image of Celestia in the mirror. The eyes staring back were bloodshot and listless, and though the hair was floating blissfully in the aether-wind, the colours seemed to be slightly faded. Of course this was not the appearance he showed the ponies, but when he was alone, in this bathroom, he had allowed himself a moment of relaxation. Being the boss was exhausting. He worked up a little sympathy for his Queen. But still…

“Simple job my hoof,” Hup said darkly to himself.

“Having trouble?” the mirror said back to him.

“Oh you would not believe—eek!”

He stumbled back, staring at the image of a grinning Celestia in the mirror.

“You’re in the mirror!”

“No, I’m at the beach.” Behind the alicorn was a wide blue sky and a picturesque sandy cove with the sound of ocean waves crashing onto the shore in the background.

“Checking up on me?” Hup replied sullenly. “Worried I might have broken down already so you’d have to send me back as a traitor?” For a moment, he thought he saw a flash of guilt on her face, but it went away so quickly that it must have been his imagination. It seemed like all royalty was out to make his life miserable.

“Well, yes and no. I was getting bored looking at the clouds that I thought I would check-in. Give you some advice.”

“A-Advice?” he spluttered. Then as the concept sunk in, he scrambled to the sink and clutched the edges of the mirror in desperation. “Yes, I need advice! I need to spend eighty-million bits!”

Celestia stared at him.

“What.”

Author's Note

I liked the indenting that I used before in my fics, but since the GDocs importer on fimfic is broken I have to use this workaround and it's driving me nuts.

Next Chapter: Hup has tea with Twilight, and opens an orphanage.

As always, my bestest readers, thanks for reading!

6 - Strife Goals

Chapter 6: Strife Goals

Seeing Princess Celestia flustered is a rare experience that happens every once in a while. Sure, it’s not unheard of, but it’s not like anypony could casually claim such a thing. Take Hup for instance, the changeling ‘infiltrator’ that was more like an unpaid public servant of the pony populace. He was currently considering a career change after taking in the slightly uncharacteristic reaction of a sovereign ruler of a nation.

“Eighty million bits?!” Celestia repeated the figure to herself, as if that very act determined the existence of the large sum. “There’s so much we could do with that money!”

Her eyes were practically sparkling with mischief. So Hup decided, for the good of Equestria, that he would step in.

“Princess,” he began humbly, “you are still on a vacation, right?”

Celestia’s bright expression grew troubled as she glanced at her surroundings. “True…”

“Then don’t worry, we’ll set aside the bits for when you come back.”

Her narrowed gaze passed through the mirror, conveying a suspicious mind.

“Well… I suppose that’s true. Eighty million bits aren’t exactly an emergency.”

What kind of economic scale are you living in?!

Celestia grinned. “It can wait. So, how was Court? The proposals? Anything daring?”

“You would not believe how many ponies came crawling out, desperate to marry royalty!” Hup exclaimed. “I would be flattered, I-Ive never had that much attention at once, but it was just so very tiring!”

Celestia laughed and then snorted a little, surprising herself as much as Hup as she did so. “Oh, Hup, you’re perfect for this job!”

“I don’t see how exactly. Every moment I pretend to be you, I feel like I’m going to be exposed by a simple innocuous statement!”

“Hup, relax!” Celestia flicked her hoof dismissively as she rolled her rose-tinted eyes. “You worry too much. Cute as you are, it’s only a little while before I have to go back. I’ll have enjoyed a break and you can exercise some power. It’s an attractive deal, isn’t it?”

Hup sighed. “You’re the one pulling all the strings,” he mumbled, “I barely get to do anything else.”

Celestia was silent for a few moments. “Okay, how about this? You get to decide what to do with the eighty million bits.”

“M-Me?!” Hup stumbled back from the mirror. “Have you lost your mind?!”

Celestia tilted her head with a mirthful smile. “I wonder, sometimes… no, no I don’t think so.”

You’re not denying it straightaway?!

Hup poked the mirror. “How can you trust a changeling to handle that much… how can you trust any pony deal with that much money?”

Celestia shrugged haplessly. “I have high hopes for you, Hup, and there’s not much you can do with eighty million bits.”

Hup sagged at the basin, trying to control his breath that was rapidly growing out of control. Questions tumbled out of his mouth as his brain was paradoxically frozen and flooded. Frozen with fear, flooded with frenetic thoughts.

“What do I spend it on? Where is it all going to go? Why are you doing this?”

Celestia rubbed her hoof across her jaw in a slow, thoughtful motion. “If I’m honest, it’s probably because I believe you can make a change, changeling.”

“Really?” Hup’s ears perked up.

“Also, I have no idea what to do with eighty million bits either. Maybe cake?”

“I’m not going to spend it on cake!”

Celestia actually looked disappointed at that.

“No cake?” Her eyes went watery.

“No cake!” Hup shot back angrily. He held his head in his hooves. “What are you going to do with eighty million bits worth of cake?!”

Celestia blinked at the changeling nymph.

With a stone cold face filled with the majesty of over a thousand years of ruling and living, Celestia answered him with the most imperious of tones.

“Eat them.”

Hup could only stare at the delusional princess.

“Why,” he began slowly, “do I get the feeling that you’re lying?”

Celestia grinned mischievously. “I’m not lying. I would like some cake.” She ended the sentence with a sad look at the pineapple juice she was sipping. “Right now, actually.”

Hup shook his head in mute astonishment. Then he heaved a weighty sigh, acutely aware of his time in the bathroom. Royalty did not spend frivolous time in the facilities, they were prompt and on time, to the very second. Or so the Etiquette book had told him.

“Aww, Hup, you should look at your face! I’m so glad I forced—I mean, supported your little endeavour.”

Hup pursed his lips sourly. “Before you get back, I’m going to eat all the cake.”

Celestia waved her hooves frantically at him. “Y-You’re not serious, are you? Hup? Hup! Don’t trot away! Huuuuup!”

Hup exited the bathroom with a weary look, the last part of Celestia’s cries cut off by the door slamming back into its frame.

He revelled in the brief feeling of smugness born from the small gesture of resistance against the overbearing princess. However, the feeling was sort-lived as Hup almost immediately regretted it. She would find a way to get back at him, he was sure. If there was one thing royalty was good at, it was concocting revenge.

Unfortunately his just desserts would be served early, it seemed as Raven stood outside the bathroom with a shocked look decorating her delicate features.

“Princess… were you talking to yourself?”

Hup forced a weak smile. “No, Raven, how could that possibly be true?”

Raven grew steadily more concerned with each word. “Princess, if the stress is getting to you, maybe you should consider taking a holiday?”

Hup gave the assistant a wry smile. “Why thank you, Raven.” But he muttered to himself, “but I feel like Celestia is already on a holiday already! In fact, she’s probably lying down on a beach and sipping on that pineapple juice!”

Unfortunately, those words had still drifted over to an attentive attendant’s ears and Raven either didn’t notice or chose to comment on the fact that the Princess appeared to be talking to herself in the third person. She didn’t say anything right now, but she did resolve to herself to let Princess Luna know.

————————

Raven accompanied Hup to his next destination. Though the day was waning, there were still things to be done on the never-ending list drawn up by a overly-dedicated assistant.

“You have to give a speech this afternoon to the Canterlot Society of Natural Equestrian Creatures.”

Hup blinked at the name.

“Ah yes, Princess, you may not have heard of them. They’re a new society formed to look into the weird and wonderful creatures that Equestria has. Recently, especially after a few incidents relating to forests, ponies have come together to study the magical fauna and flora and hope to mitigate certain disasters related to a misunderstanding between magical creatures and their habitats. They would like you to introduce them into the spotlight since they hadn’t garnered much support from before.”

“It sounds like an excellent idea, why haven’t they been successful until now.”

Raven shifted her hooves uncomfortably. “Public opinion clashes with one of their objectives.”

“Which is?”

“The inclusion of all creatures so that ponies can live side-by-side with them harmoniously.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Raven stole his gaze and locked eyes with him.

“That includes manticores, bugbears, windigos and changelings too, you know.”

Hup was about to instinctively raise his voice in counter to her including changelings in that list, but then realised belatedly that she was mostly right. Having changelings around wasn’t especially good for ponies concerned, especially ones out for revenge.

Raven cleared her throat. “The invitation was an open offering so we kept the response impartial to give you some leeway to work around it.”

“What do you think, Raven?”

Raven tilted her head. “You’re asking me for advice, Princess?”

Hup nodded, was that so strange? From the way Raven was uncomfortably shifting on the spot, it seemed like it was.

“Well, Princess, although I don’t think much about letting dangerous magical creatures into the pony populace, I don’t see what the problem is with being more in touch with nature. Some ponies nowadays are just too focused with what’s in front of them—” she tittered bashfully “—oh look at me ramble on, of course you would know about that when you deal with Court all the time.”

Hup nodded in what he hoped was a serene and majestic way. Raven seemed to be satisfied with that and posed the question back at him.

“So Princess, what will you do?”

This was his one chance to open a path into Equestria. For once in his life, maybe Hup could do something with his own two hooves.

“I think,” he said in a rare display of self-directed enthusiasm, “I will make a speech.”

———————

Hup was feeling pretty good about himself. After all, he had decided in that seminal moment to act on his own. It gave him a warm fuzzy feeling that he did not immediately recognise as confidence. When his already straight posture beheld a firm, unyielding form and his eyes calmly surveyed the area with a keen sharpness not previously present, Raven appeared as if she was greatly approved of this subtle change in her royal charge.

Ponies had gathered in the small hall. They seemed to be from all corners of Equestria, despite the name of ‘Canterlot’ on their society. There was even a shy-looking pegasus that seemed uncomfortable with all the attention she was garnering with her extensive knowledge of local fauna.

Several members of the society looked pleasantly surprised by Hup’s arrival. Ponies here and there greeted Hup with an affectionate smile and a heady grin, as if their prayers had been answered. Hup found that feeling a little refreshing from the cloying sycophants that surrounded the stuffy events hosted by the influential ponies.

Hup was starting to see why Celestia was so desperate for a holiday. Not that he would forgive that capricious alicorn for dumping him in the role instead, but still, seeing the genuinely happy faces… he couldn’t help but feel the inner impulse to cheer these ponies on.

As Hup took to the stage, the shy-looking pegasus trotted over with a bow. Her buttery coat made her stand out from the mainly earthen coloured attire that dominated ponies attending this event. Those in touch with nature seemed to like being in their colours, he wryly reflected.

“Good afternoon, Princess,” she said demurely, “welcome to the Canterlot Society of Natural Equestrian Creatures. I apologise for the rushed preparations, uhm, I’m glad you can make it!” She had on a wobbly smile with a small hint of fear in her eyes that was more due to nervousness in front of others than specifically Hup’s presence. At least, that’s what her emotions felt like to him. They were a terrible mess from his perspective.

As silence stretched between them, and the pony failing to introduce herself any further, Hup realised all too late that the pony must have known the Princess in some capacity.. Hup tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement and put on a hastily-crafted smile.

“Good afternoon,” he simply replied. Then seeing the querying look at his truncated response, quickly added, “I thought the society was a very worthwhile endeavour so I decided to show my support for it.”

To ease his rising tension, and hide the worry in his eyes, he decided to take a sip of punch to quell the rising anxiety forming a lump in his throat. All too late, he realised that the brew was not simple punch, but rather sparkling punch and downing it in a gulp seared a line down his throat, making him choke in a very undignified manner.

To make matters worse, Hup felt a very familiar sensation rising from the depths of his diaphragm.

Oh dear, was all he could manage before he hiccupped.

Right when every pony’s attention was focused on him.

Author's Note

So I thought about just writing one chapter for this, but then I thought screw it, I'll finish it all.

I'm really nervous about highly rated stories because I tend to worry about it all going downhill. The anxiety squashes creativity, but it might make the quality of writing go up. So in general, it makes releasing chapters slow down, whilst quality goes up... I think. I hope. I don't know. I'm never confident in my writing, because I know it's not the best and there's a lot of silly mistakes and it's amateurish writing, etc. etc. I don't know if that's what readers actually think, but that kinda goes through my head every time I hit publish. Those little thoughts, you know?

Anyway, you can stop worrying that this story will be dead, because it's already finished! Yay!

Also, finally, I actually use the mechanic of Hup having hiccups. Took me long enough.

Next Chapter: Hup gets worried. Wait, that's like every single chapter.

As always, my calorific readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. I tried to give it an edit passthrough, but like pretty much every story I write, it's unedited by a third party (just self-editing).
P.P.S. There's eight chapters total in this story, so one chapter a day (or more)! Until I hit the complete button.

7 - To That I Say Let Them Be Fake!

Chapter 7: To That I Say, Let Them Be Fake!

To say that a shocked silence swept through the hall would be a severe understatement.

To say that every pony felt their life flash before their eyes would actually be an overstatement… but their true reactions weren’t too far off.

To say that Hup was almost wetting himself with anxiety would be doing him a kindness.

Hup was really in the deep end.

He was one of the gathered that felt his life flashing before his eyes. Well, maybe the only one, but that was small comfort in the face of Hup’s rapidly impending doom. Instead of transforming into another pony, he had gone and dispelled transformation altogether, ending up… as a changeling.

“Oh!” It was Raven who first spoke. “Princess, how marvellous! Indeed, that was what you wanted to address straightaway.”

Confused, but unable to do much more than go with the flow, Hup nodded.

“Yes,” he said clearly, “I am a changeling?”

Although the statement was more like a question, Raven seemed to grasp a hidden meaning behind the words.

“Indeed, Princess, you wish for all beings to live in harmony, including changelings. So that was why you were so quick to show your support to this Society.”

Members who were initially paralysed, slowly gathered their wits about themselves and then started muttering in indecisive acknowledgement. Fluttershy beamed at Hup.

“You understand!”

I do?

“Yes, all you need to do is show a little kindness, and it’ll all work out. We need to see things from their perspective. After all, changeling have been around for as long as we have.”

They have?

Raven stepped forward. “Fluttershy, you are as daring and brave as ever. Do you intend to pretend to be a changeling, princess? Such brilliance could only come from you. A princess pretending to be a changeling, how ironic.”

You have no idea. Also Fluttershy daring? Brave? Unbelievable.

That last thought wasn’t really fair to Fluttershy. As Hup got over swallowing the fact that he was exposed—but not really—he had admiration for the timid creature in front of him that, at first, seemed more reserved and timorous than even himself. But while his actions were an act, her convictions were real. And that was what struck Hup as particularly mind bending.

In any case, Fluttershy and Raven gestured for him to continue with his speech.

Steeling himself, he managed to finish the speech without shapeshifting back immediately, then managed to transform back into Princess Celestia to the sound of thunderous applause for his radical views and commitment to their core values. Which were fulfilled completely by accident.

Fluttershy was an interesting pony, though. He hadn’t much time to talk to her, but it seemed like she was similar in a lot of ways to Hup himself. He enjoyed their conversation to such an extent that he almost forgot that he was a changeling masquerading as a princess masquerading as a changeling transformed back into a princess.

Amazing, he thought to himself, to be able to achieve all she had with such a barrier.

By the time the session came to an end, Hup was overflowing with new tumultuous ideas.

“Princess, you spoke so like a changeling I almost thought for a moment at that time that you were one!” She grinned. “Absolutely astounding!”

In the quarter of an hour it took for Hup to accidentally transform, make a speech and then have it all resolved with polite conversation, Hup felt like his life had shortened by at least a few years. But surrounded by happy faces and fine wine and dining, Hup felt he could live with that fact.

————————

Nearer to the evening, Hup shifted through document after document, trying to figure out which particular things went where.

When Hup had a moment to himself, which happened only in the period for which he could excuse himself to go to the bathroom, he contacted the Princess to let her know that some documents needed tending to. Princess Celestia had told him that she would handle the paperwork, seeing as how royal behaviour was a lot easier to imitate than a royal signature.

It was surprising to Hup that she would go out of her way to drop back in from… wherever she was on holiday to sign some documents. Maybe the alicorn had second thoughts about putting Hup in charge. Not that Hup wasn’t willing to give it a try, but Celestia probably drew the line at forging signatures… and she also mentioned that she wanted to check up on the cake stores to make sure he hadn’t actually ate them.

It took a fair amount of convincing to allay the Princess’ fears and stop her from teleporting then and there.

Among the growing list of problems, Hup was having trouble deciding where to put the prodigious amount of money into. Joining him was Raven, the ever-faithful, almost stifling, assistant to the Princess. Hup considered several excuses to dismiss the poor pony, but then he realised that would only tighten the political noose around his proverbial neck.

Still, her absolute sense of duty made him a little uncomfortable. After all, having any living being, let alone a pony, practically help him out with every little thing was immensely relieving for a changeling that had never experienced the concept. It was overwhelming and satisfying in a way that made him temporarily forget the terror of exposure and subsequent execution by the Queen. If he failed. Subservience was a powerful thing.

The night, though, was rapidly approaching, and so were the ends of his arduous duties for the first day.

“Raven,” Hup called out softly.

Raven perked her ears.

“Yes, Princess?”

“Thank you so much, you’ve been a great help today.”

Raven blushed. “J-Just doing my job, Princess. Thank you for your thoughtful words.”

Hup nodded. “Well, I have finished the paperwork so far—”

“Let me take those off your hooves—”

“No, no, I think you deserve a break, Raven.”

Instead of looking happy, like Hup expected, the shocked assistant looked like her house was burning down.

“P-Princess, do you find any of services unsatisfactory?”

“No, no, no,” Hup responded hastily. “Of course not, your actions have been exemplary.”

There was a pregnant pause. “You’re not sick, Princess?”

“Raven, I’m not sick… I’m simply grateful.”

There was an obese silence.

“Raven?”

His assistant appeared to reboot herself.

“Princess, surely you need some help with something, anything?!”

Hup began to shake his head in negation, but then stopped at the stricken expression decorating Raven’s desperate features.

“Okay, uhh, yes, could I have some tea?” It was probably more a job for the waiting staff around the castle, but Raven leaped at the opportunity.

“Yes, Princess, right away!”

If Hup had been listening carefully, he might have caught: ‘As I thought, there’s something really wrong with the Princess! Suggesting a holiday? Impossible!’ As it happened, he was more preoccupied with the problem of mounting money involving mounting pressure from interested political movers and shakers, and so missed that critical statement.

Hup could be forgiving for missing that pivot moment, which later he would recognise was where everything started going wrong. Well, even more wrong than it currently was.

In sum, Hup was beset by the age-old adage:

“More money,” he murmured, “more problems.”

To his credit, Hup had not spent his time unproductively. He had narrowed down a few areas he could use the money. There were dire reforms required in infrastructure, small businesses, the military, and in some areas of welfare. Though it wasn’t technically his job to intervene in such matters, the word of royalty held sway in Court and anything he said or did would undoubtedly be carried out.

At least until the real Celestia came back and turned him into a pile of mush for interfering into stately matters beyond his control. So Hup resolved to make a few minor changes; he prided himself in making small adjustments. He wasn’t aiding the ponies, he thought to himself with a wry smile, there wasn’t anything wrong with doing a little bit here and there.

Little did Hup know, this simple act had a few consequences, as some historians had observed.

Said the Royal Archiver: “Quite possibly the most peaceful, shortest and beneficial coup in all of Equestria’s history.”

Said the Royal Assistant: “I’ve never thought the day would come where a changeling would do better in governing than the Princess, or indeed the government, itself!”

Said Princess Twilight Sparkle: “I-I’m not jealous of the changeling at all! Not even a little!”

Said Princess Luna: “Maybe I could have taken over ruling of Equestria if Hup had done a poorer job…? Regret? Me? Don’t be ridiculous. I wish my sister a happy and long reign. It’s just… never mind.”

Said Discord, Lord of Chaos, Eater of Glass Milkshakes: “Truly a master worth admiring from afar. I knew his true identity, of course, but things were so much more interesting if I left it alone. After all, Equestria is a better place because of it. I’m still totally reformed, by the way, no need to look like that. Gleam? My eye? I couldn’t possibly be inspired by that kind of evil. No way, don’t be ridiculous.”

Said Queen Chrysalis: “All my plans were foiled by his brilliant mind! Simply unforgivable… if not for the fact that such a being was created by none other than me. As expected, perfect in every way! The experiment was a success. But Hup, be prepared, I will be coming for you, not after you betrayed me. No one escapes the Swarm. No one.” N.B. For some reason, Chrysalis was smiling here and I decided to leave the interviewing for another time, maybe never—Moondancer.

Hup declined to comment after reading the excerpt on Chrysalis.

———————

Princess Luna often slept through the day, but could function with less sleep than normal. There were advantages to being an alicorn. In the midst of tending to the little things that kept her subjects happy and wondering with pleasant dreams, Luna was often seen gazing at the hustle and bustle of the day, seeing her subjects living out their day to day life without the fantasia of the dreamscape clouding them. More often than not, the bright-eyed, wide-awake look of her subjects was what could lull her to sleep.

Before she could retire, there was an urgent knock on the door.

“Princess Luna? Are you awake?”

Luna wryly considered the fact that she would be with all the knocking and loud shouting. Resisting the urge to simply fall asleep, Luna called out instead.

“Yes, I’m awake, come in.”

A prim-looking earth pony with stark black hair with a few tufts out of place on her mane, tumbled in. Luna straightened up from the balcony and trotted closer with a worried expression.

“Raven? Whatever is the matter with you?”

The pony made a visible effort to smooth out her ragged hair and calm her breathing.

“Princess Luna.” She bowed deeply. “I think…” She hesitated, looking torn. “It’s about…” The flustered assistant trailed off, unable to find the words.

Luna held the faithful assistant of Celestia in high regard. In many ways, this assistant was family, and she worked tireless day and night to cater to both princesses. In some ways, Luna thought that Raven was just as incredible as her sister. For any pony, that was high praise indeed. So when she saw just how affected Raven was, misgivings and rampant apprehensive thoughts tumbled around in her mind. It led to the one conclusion that Luna could think of.

“No, it cannot be…” She swallowed thickly. “My sister?”

Raven bit her lip and reluctantly nodded.

“This morning I heard the Princess speak to herself.”

Luna shook her head, inwardly relieved. “Even I do so, sometimes, in the dead of the night.”

She withheld that she did so every night.

“But, Princess, she was speaking in… third-person!”

Luna did a double-take. Now it was serious. Speaking in third-person was reserved for villains, egotistical nobles and crazy ponies—

“Oh Stars…”

Raven nodded vigorously as she saw the princess come to an awful conclusion. She decided to throw in the final straw on the camel’s back.

“Princess Luna… Princess Celestia has even suggested to me that I…” She licked her lips. “T-Take a holiday!”

Luna tilted her head. “Raven, when was the last time you’ve taken a break? I can’t seem to recall an instance for which you’ve been absent.”

“Indeed, Princess Luna, I have a perfect attendance record since I took the post twenty years ago.”

Luna gaped at Raven. “Twenty—?!”

Raven continued, heedless of Luna’s expression. “The Princess has never requested I go on vacation except that one time…”

Luna froze. “Go on…”

“Well…” Raven’s eyes scoured the room in the same way she sifted through her memories. “There was this one time when the Princess mentioned that I should take a break, but that was when I first took the post and mixed up the annotation on one of the reforms. It took three weeks and two burnt out legislators to fix it. B-But I never missed a step after that!” A horrible thought occurred to her. “D-Do you think the Princess might be relieving me? C-Could I be the one contributing to her Highness’—”

“Raven!” Luna interrupted sharply. “I trust you as much as my sister does. There’s no way this could be your fault. If anything, I think the situation is most dire if my sister has worried you so much. This does not bode well, not at all. Raven, are you thinking what I am thinking?”

Raven nodded gravely. “I think her royal Highness may have gone mad!”

Luna coughed. “Well, Raven, I do think that’s a little extreme, but I do think she may be under a little stress. Perhaps it is not you that needs the break, but my sister?”

The realisation dawned on the assistant. “I-I apologise, your Highness, I was only thinking of myself. To think, all this time, I had taken for granted how the Princess smoothly and calmly takes care of all matters. Her dedication to her duty is truly awe-inspiring.”

Luna nodded severely. “Indeed, my sister is peerless when it comes to her commitment to the community.” She sighed. “I wonder if that has taken a toll on her. Perhaps we should confront her with it?”

Raven bit her lip. “Perhaps we should give her a surprise?”

“A merry idea!” Luna exclaimed. “I will make haste with preparations.”

Raven smiled. “And I will do the paperwork.”

As Raven turned to continue her errand, Luna called out to her.

“Raven?”

“Yes, Princess?”

“Please do take care of yourself, we care more about you than your loyalty to your work.”

Raven hesitated, then smiled ruefully. “Princess, nothing makes me more proud than to serve both royal princesses. I would not have it any other way than what I have right now.”

—————————

Meanwhile, blind to the inner machinations of the rest of the castle, Hup was suddenly struck by a plethora of ideas. He was sitting inside Princess Celestia’s room/study and was carefully trying to work out how exactly eighty million bits would be spent.

“I will set up an orphanage! Then I will set aside some bits to get some ponies back on their hooves. I might even make a few new roads. Would that make more jobs?”

During a scan of the census, Hup realised that there were an alarming non-zero amount of orphans and unemployed ponies. Though the budget adequately met their needs at the current stage, Hup was keen to help those who could not help themselves. After all, that was the story of his life.

In any case, the only thing that lacked funding was the military and even Hup wasn’t stupid enough to increase the military expenditure when Chrysalis was planning a future invasion. In fact, Hup thought it would be a good idea to decrease the spending and shift it to healthcare and infrastructure projects… but if Celestia were to find out, he would be dead for sure.

The eighty million bits were pared down to around twenty million. There was still a staggering amount of money left over.

“What do I do?” Hup groaned.

“I think it’s best if you just look pretty and keep going like you have.”

Hup turned around to see a rather happy-looking Celestia gliding in through the window as if it was a door.

“I’m here to sign the papers, Hup—”

A knock on the door surprised them both.

“Hello, Princess, I just wanted to—”

Princess Celestia danced on her hooves in a rare display of panic.

“Quick,” she cried softly, “the bed!”

Hup managed to transform into a mattress on top of the nearby bed as Raven entered the room. He’d never managed to imitate an inanimate object before, but decided that a mattress-coloured pony without any distinctive features would be close enough. If he were to show himself, he would belong more to a horror movie than on top of a royal bed.

To make matters worse, Princess Celestia decided to splay herself on top of him to increase the level of realism. It only made him uncomfortable and supremely awkward, and she was heavy, though he thought he shouldn’t mention that.

“Here is the tea and cake you’ve ordered, Princess!” There was a pause. “Was that mattress there before?”

“Why thank you, Raven!” Celestia chose to ignore the fact and continue as if nothing had happened, she hopped off Hup and beelined it to the assistant.

If Hup had a face, he would have pouted. Not fair, that’s my tea and cake! A whole day’s worth! In that moment, Hup vowed he would secure himself his weight in tea and cake.

Hup, without being able to see, but at least being able to hear, heard the cake being casually devoured as the rustling of paper and porcelain resounded through the room. As each second wore on, his mood became more and more sour, but no cake was better than becoming a changeling skewer. After all, there are only so many holes in a changeling they could ‘miss’ through before a spear would land a hit.

Hup wisely avoided thinking about that morbid topic any further.

“Thank you, Raven, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“No, please, I must thank you, Princess!” There was a pause. “So you won’t be relieving me of my duties?”

Silence dominated the room for a smattering of seconds.

“No, Raven, of course not! Whoever gave you that idea?”

Hup heard some shuffling of papers on the desk as Raven kicked back into gear.

“No, no, silly me. Nopony did.” Hup caught a soft statement as Raven circled near the bed.

Must be intermittent.

He didn’t know what it meant, but he barely had time to process the statement as Celestia continued in a mild-mannered voice.

“Well, I’m done with the paperwork, I will retire shortly after I sort out a few more mattress—I mean, matters.”

There was a small pause before Raven replied. “Yes, Princess.”

Hup heard the door open and close.

“Now then.” Celestia directed her voice to the bed. “You can come out now.”

“I’ve gotten the dress all wrinkly,” Hup replied in a sulky voice. “It’ll take ages to fit another one in.”

Celestia grinned at the changeling. “Oh don’t worry,” she said brightly, “I can stay for a few more minutes to fix you up.” Her smile died down a couple of notches as she glanced guiltily back at the door.

“Hup, you didn’t, by any chance, tell Raven to take a break or a holiday, did you?”

“… Yes, I thought she deserved one.”

Celestia smiled sheepishly. “I should have explained that Raven is… a very dedicated pony to her profession. If you suggest she take a holiday out of the blue like that, she’ll panic.”

Hup felt an enormous flood of guilt. “O-Oh I-I didn’t mean to, it just happened! What do I do?”

Celestia patted him on the back. “Well, Hup, I think you’ve done a splendid job so far. I should tell you more, but I must head back.”

Hup blinked. “Why are you disappearing to and fro so often?”

Celestia opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it with a snap, shaking her head slightly.

“Sorry, Hup, the truth is…”

“Princess?” Hup heard a knock on the door again.

“Gotta go!”

“Hey wait—”

Before Hup could query the mysterious alicorn any further, Celestia leaped out of the window and disappeared into the sky as the door opened and admitted a mare made up of shades of blacks and blues.

Hup swallowed and turned around to greet his ‘sister’.

“Hello, Princess Luna.”

—————————

“Princess?” Luna frowned at him. “Sister, you sound a little strange.”

Hup inwardly kicked himself. Siblings would not address each other by titles if they were alone.

“Luna, sorry, I think I’ve been a little overworked lately.”

Luna swept her gaze across the books, parchments and scrolls that littered his desk.

“Yes… it seems like you’ve been quite busy lately. Eighty million bits?”

Hup nodded glumly.

Luna drew closer. “Sister, is that not good news? Why do you look so down?”

“I-I’m not sure how to spend it all…” Hup sighed, there wasn’t any pony he could ask—wait. There was one in front of him! “Luna! What should I spend it on?”

Luna gaped at him. “Sister, you’ve never asked me for an opinion on Court matters before.” She peered at him. “Are you feeling ill?”

Hup looked away.

Oh no, that just made it worse!

“I wanted to get some family help…” The sentence teetered over a shared silence that felt like it was slowly smothering the nervous changeling. He could hear his hammering heart pounding in his chest. How could Celestia abandon him just as her sister came in? Couldn’t she deal with her just before she left? The silence was getting heavier by the second.

Unable to take it anymore, Hup swung around to meet Luna… and saw a giddy grin instead.

“Sister, I’m touched! I’ve never gotten to work with matters in the Day Court before!” She sidled closer and gave him a surprisingly warm and sincere hug. Surprising mainly due to the nature of never being hugged before. At least in that non-threatening or lethal-like kind of way. It was really nice.

Hup decided to go one step further. “If you don’t mind, maybe introduce some things at night?”

Luna was beside herself with excitement.

“Sister, I didn’t know you had that sort of thing in mind, this blows our little surprise out of the water.”

“Surprise?” Hup tilted his head.

“We set up a whole day for you tomorrow to visit your student!”

Hup tilted his head. “Student?”

Luna chuckled anxiously. “Sister, are you sure you’re alright? I refer to none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

“Oh, Princess Twilight Sparkle—” Hup’s eyes widened so much he’d thought they’d pop straight out of their sockets. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE?!”

Luna studied him a brief period. “Sister, perhaps you are worse off than we imagined. The stress of the work has gotten to you, I think you need some rest.”

Hup sank down, unresisting into the bed as Luna tucked him in and sang him a lovely lullaby. He couldn’t recognise the words, but it had an enchanting feeling and quickly he was sucked into sleep.

Author's Note

Beep boop, here's the next chapter.

Also, just want you to know, I always read every single comment! Thank you so much for leaving them, they make me very happy no matter what the content of those comments are!

Next Chapter: Hup gets a lethal amount of Twilight, super effective!

As always, my rubberised readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Have a great day, make sure you smile, smile, smile!

2 - Hoc

Chapter 2: Hoc

While tumbling down through your own species’ excrement was probably a bad situation, one should never think that it couldn’t get any worse. For one changeling, that edict was swiftly broken not moments before he fell into the raging whirlpool of the primary draining area for his Swarm’s sheltering area. The caverns weren’t the most comfortable of accommodations for the Swarm, but the Queen had made the decision based on how easy it was to remain covert. A lesson painfully learned that no matter how subtle the infiltration, it could all fall apart even when one thinks they have the upper hoof.

Right now though, other things were going through Hic Hoc Hup’s mind as he tumbled through the murky liquid. They were simple thoughts, and just as easily surmised.

For example, I’m going to die, aren’t I?

Or, Why didn’t I just stay with the Swarm?

Finally, Is that a waterfall?

To answer Hup, yes. It was a waterfall. A steep waterfall with rushing rapids and a lethal-looking drop.

In the small interval of time between which Hup had recognised the waterfall edge and realised his plight, he might have noticed that there were rocks to aim for, or possibly that spindly root jutting out from the caverns afters years of a tree’s persistence and effort.

He could have aimed for the rock.

He could have grabbed the root.

He fell down the waterfall instead.

“Blaaaaaaabluuuuuuaaaargh!”

Let it be noted that screaming doesn’t work very well with water in one’s mouth.

Hup tumbled in the water, feeling parts of his carapace hitting various debris, flotsam and jetsam that he didn’t really want to think about. In fact, it was hard to think at all with the lack of a singular orientation and the prospect of a quite permanent ending. Hup managed to break the surface of the rapids, just long enough to see the edge.

“Waterfa—?!”

He didn’t get much further. With a burbling hiccup, the changeling fell with the rest of the water down the thirty foot drop. Even pegasi, most of whom had frequent experience in crashing at high speeds, would think twice about hitting water at near sixty five feet per second.

Hup miserably reflected on the fact that he couldn’t fly. He wished his wings could have come in earlier. It looked like he wasn’t even going to last a few seconds out of the caverns.

Metamorphius was right, he noted glumly. I couldn’t last a moment in the outside world.

Though his situation was growing desperate by the second, Hup had a spot of luck in his series of misfortunate events. A passel of moths had been passing under him, moving in a dense cloud of wings. You might be mistaken in thinking that these small creatures could lift the changeling, like butterflies. Moths were nothing of the sort. They were spiteful creatures that liked to stick to walls and shed dust everywhere. In fact, a few moths saw the falling changeling and rapidly shifted aside, making a gap big enough for him to fall through. But fortunately for Hup, these moths shed a particular dust that gave them the strength to migrate from South to North during Spring.

Hup still hit the water hard enough for him to blackout, but at least that was a significant improvement from being killed, so Hup couldn’t complain too much. Not that he was in a state to complain. He quite literally went with the flow. The water swirled and washed Hup away with it.

—————

When Hup came to, he noticed that his bottom half was still partially submerged in water. Groggily, he realised that he had washed up on the shore of some river, face down and to the side. Water that would have drowned the poor changeling had streamed out of his airways and he had barely survived the ordeal.

For a moment, Hup lay there savouring the feeling of being alive.

I’m alive! he cheered to himself. I survived.

Though his carapace hurt all over, Hup didn’t feel like anything was damaged so badly that it was broken. The combination of the waterfall’s water breaking the surface and the moth’s special dust had saved his life. Hup took a liberating breath of fresh air. This was great! Out in the world. Away from the Swarm.

He picked himself up, shaking off the last few drops of water as he studied the environment around him. Green, green, light green, dark green, a bit of brown and a brilliant blue. Hmm, the colours were awfully familiar to the Swarm’s caverns. Well apart from that blue! That brilliant blue that stretched across the sky!

Clouds as wispy as cotton, and just as whimsical in their nature. Something sparked in the back of his mind. The Broodwatch had told Hup that the clouds near the ponies were perfectly shaped and generic in design. They were created they said. Out beyond Equestria and away from ponies the clouds roamed fairly free, but were not so wild as a small forest labelled by the ponies as the Everfree.

Hup pondered the situation. His stomach growled. Oh bugger, he’d forgotten to bring anything with him! While the best sustenance for changelings was emotions of other creatures, changelings could make do with a nutritious supplement that was similar to the gel-like fluids that sustained nymphs while still in their shells. The Broodwatch prepared it… somehow and it was simply called ‘gel’. It had an unpleasant taste, but it was better than starving to death.

It was a viable alternative, but there were some changelings that couldn’t digest the nutrients after leaving nymphhood. The changelings that couldn’t either perished or severed themselves from the Swarm. Severing oneself from the Swarm was a kind of isolation that was extremely difficult to bear. Most preferred to remain in the Swarm, even when their bodies slowly and agonisingly starved.

Of those that left the Swarm, Hup knew not of their fate, they had to take a chance by themselves, but no report of them had ever come back to the Swarm of whether or not they survived, were living happily. There was also a fair chance that they could have starved to death and weren’t capable of getting the message back to report. In either case, the prospect of being in that circumstance was dismal.

Hup didn’t know if he was one of the ones that required emotions. It was rare nowadays to reject gel, but you never knew. It wouldn’t surprise Hup if he found out that he was one of the unlucky ones that couldn’t subsist on gel.

Still, there was no use thinking about such things when the mind was of a mind to find some food. Hup was grumbling to himself, but stopped when he realised there was yet another problem added to his growing pile of problems.

He was lost.

Now he knew where the Swarm was in general proximity to the rest of Equestria, but Hup was reasonably sure that they weren’t close to the Neighgra falls. In fact, the mountain in front of Hup suggested that he was close to Hollow Shades, a place that not even the dragons dared tread. Hup shivered, and backed away, even knowing that there was several miles of open plains between him and the foreboding forest.

“Okay Hup, just spy on the ponies, rack up a small report and give it to the Queen. Get in and get out,” he mumbled to himself uneasily.

Contrary to popular opinion, Hup could transform at will. He was talented at shapeshifting, often making intricate adjustments that the Broodwatch didn’t care for.

‘What’s that?’ she would say, pointing at a small braid in his mane. ‘Stick to imitating and copying! Don’t make things up!’

Hup was a rather eclectic changeling. Though his brethren were not long in finding out their little talent, Hup was at a loss at what he was good at. He often drifted from one thing to another. Finding out that he was rather good at something, but there was always some major fault that had the other members of the Swarm shaking their head in frustration.

From birth, Hup had a penchant for creativity that often got him in trouble more than it was worth. He quite liked drawing and singing, but such activities had earned him the scorn of his fellow changeling brothers and sisters. So Hup usually kept quiet. As a changeling not assigned to a particular section of the Swarm, like the Broodwatch, the Guard, the Infiltrators, or even Keeping, Hup had the unfortunate problem of having plenty of time on his hooves.

In his forays around the Swarm, he found out that some of the Scouts in the Guard liked collecting things. Often, small mechanical items would break and be cast aside, until the next time a Scout would deign to pick up another bauble. Hup would squirrel the devices away, taking great pleasure in pulling them apart and putting back together. He would have liked to spend more time doing that, but there were precious few things in the caverns that required disassembly. So Hup liked to observe things. How the changelings trotted, how they flew, how they talked, how they coped with stress, excitement or woe.

He found that he could ‘get into character’ effortlessly. So much so, that the others had a suspicion that he preferred to be a creation rather than a changeling. Transformation was dangerous, sometimes it’s easy to forget what you were. There wasn’t much chance of that, what with Hup’s unfortunate condition.

Shapeshifting during a fit of hiccups could be more dangerous. Apart from the obvious drawbacks of an involuntary shapeshift, shapeshifting costed energy. Not much, mind you, so maintaining a disguise was convenient, but only if there was a source of food nearby. Shapeshifting without the requisite energy could reduce even the hardiest of changelings into a whimpering ball of pain and tears. Malignant deprivation was a very serious condition.

Hup needed some food, and fast. If there were ponies nearby, he could try siphoning a bit of the ambient emotions around, or even better, maybe he could trick a pony into loving him. He licked his lips. Hup wondered what love would taste like. Was it smooth and creamy like the Queen had once spoken of? Was it spicy and enticing? Was it something different?

Hup moved forward, uncertain at what the world would bring to him, but for once, a little eager to find out.

——————

It wasn’t long before Hup found out he wasn’t alone.

He had the vague suspicion that he was followed, but he couldn’t quite put his hoof on it. Several times he had cast around for the unknown stalker, but he couldn’t find any sign that he was being tracked. It occurred to him that he might be getting a little paranoid, what with being in the middle of Equestria, in a place where he could be caught at any time.

It occurred to Hup that he probably should have shapeshifted, taking the risk that he would not have the required energy to do so.

It didn’t occur to Hup, after his fifth, uneasy scan behind him, that the perpetrator could be following him from the sky.

Then again, Hup was never a lucky changeling, and he certainly wasn’t the most wordly.

“Caww!”

That was when a phoenix hit him in the face.

Author's Note

I haven't updated this in a while, so sorry to my followers that I originally made this fic for.

You can thank Caffeinated Pinkie for reminding me that this needed an update.

Note: Actually bugging me for an update will work. I'm dumb like that.

Next Chapter: What's it like to have a face full of feathers? Where did this phoenix come from? More importantly... does it belong to anypony?

As always, my atmospherically pressurised readers, thanks for reading!

P.S. Now a bit more edited.

8 - A Little Hiccup, We'll Be Back With You Shortly

Chapter 8: A Little Hiccup, We’ll Be Back With You Shortly

“That,” Celestia began happily, “was a close one!”

“Wha?” Hup glanced around. He was back in the Swarm’s hideout, but instead of changelings, there was only Celestia with a impish smile.

“Where am I?”

“In a dream,” Celestia explained. “While you are me, you ought to dream like me. Luckily, the spell I conjured worked.”

Hup leaped forward. “Spell?! When?!”

Celestia lip drew up. “Back during etiquette lessons.”

“That far?!”

The devil smiled. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s planning ahead. Well that and using unfathomable amounts of power. Besides, if I didn’t, Luna would have been worried if my dreams ending up containing nothing but changeling thoughts. Usually, that wouldn’t have been a problem, but she was right next to you.”

Seeing him cringe in silent reproach, Celestia swatted away the issue with an impertinent wave of her hoof.

“Don’t worry about any of that. It’s not important. What’s important is that you keep going as you have and there won’t be any stones in your horseshoes.”

Hup sighed. “Well, I give up, I guess I’ll just be your pawn then.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Oh don’t be like that, Hup. Whether you yourself believe me or not, I believe you’re destined for greater things.”

“Like doing your job for you?” That came out more sharply than he intended, but he didn’t feel like holding it back.

Instead of being angry, like he expected, Celestia only looked a little sad.

“I’m sorry, Hup, things have not been so easy for you.”

Hup didn’t argue, he just felt tired. “When will it?”

“When the time comes, trust me.”

“I can’t.”

Celestia nodded patiently. “One day, you might. I hope one day we can be friends.”

“How can you build a friendship on this bed of nails?” The letter scared him. Chrysalis scared him. Being betrayed scared him. A lot of things made him the victim of circumstances. He just wanted a little love. He envied Celestia to so easily gain the love of her sister, the trust of all the ponies around her and how everything was just… was just… perfect for her.

Celestia didn’t reply immediately, instead of smiling at his hopeless situation, she shook her head. “I guess you’re right. The way I approached this was all wrong.” She tore up the letter. “I know this is in your dream, but I won’t send the letter, you have my word.”

Hup was initially shocked, but then squinted suspiciously at the alicorn, trying to gauge her intentions. “Why? What’s to stop me from controlling your government from the inside now? What’s to stop me from wreaking havoc on your precious ponies?”

Celestia chuckled. “If you were willing to do that from the start, you could have done so. I think deep down, the loveless want nothing more than to love. I believe you can make the right decisions, not only for other ponies, but maybe for yourself.”

Hup considered her statement, his heart torn, his mind conflicted.

“I could reign in terror, you know.”

“Or in peace.”

“I could let in Chrysalis and destroy your kingdom.”

“I believe in my ponies.”

“I could be evil.”

“You could be good.”

“You’re naïve.”

Celestia smiled. “Or you could be too.”

Hup sighed. “So, what? I just continue being you? For how long?”

Celestia’s smile wobbled almost imperceptibly. But Hup caught it. He wondered if she was having second thoughts about the whole arrangement.

“A little while longer, I promise. Then you may do whatever you please.”

“Give me a date.”

“Demanding aren’t you? One day, then.”

Hup considered it. “I can last one more day.”

“Oh.” Celestia cocked her head as a thought occurred to her. “Princess Twilight will be visiting tomorrow. Make sure you meet her.”

“Princess Twilight…” Hup nodded for a while before the name sunk in. Just like that, all his bravado evaporated as he recalled Luna’s parting words.

“Y-You mean the Princess Twilight?! The same Twilight that foiled Chrysalis’ brilliant plans and exposed the Queen herself by peering through her disguise using no magic, just her mind?! That Princess Twilight Sparkle?!”

What Hup didn’t know was that Chrysalis was quite embarrassed about her defeat in Canterlot. Her arrogant attitude was enough to tip Twilight off. Her attitude was dismissive, at the time she had thought she was powerful enough to defeat the insipid ponies by sheer magic alone. She couldn’t have predicted the series of lucky efforts of both Cadance and Twilight that would end up with her defeat.

To cover her blunder, Chrysalis went with the slightly convoluted ploy of indoctrinating her army with the idea that Twilight was just a special case and she was ‘caught off-guard’ by the unusually powerful unicorn. Unfortunately, even that small concession, designed to save face, resulted in most of the changeling populace to rumour that Twilight had extra-special abilities. Like, for example, the ability to sense if a pony was a changeling by simply looking at them.

Since Hup wasn’t aware of the truth, all he knew was that Twilight Sparkle was a living lie detector, could melt stone with her fiery breath and walk through walls. At least, that’s what the Broodwatch had drilled into him. ‘If you’re a bad changeling, Twilight Sparkle will assassinate you in your sleep with her decade-long mountain-trained martial arts’, was what was often said.

He tried to explain all this to Celestia, but the devil was simply amused.

It didn’t stop him from trying. “Some nymphs say that Twilight can travel through time… twice!”

Celestia burst into rich laughter. “Oh Hup, Twilight Sparkle is none of those things! Well I admit she can travel through time—”

“I knew it!”

“—but there’s no problem, I assure you.”

Of course, Hup didn’t believe her. “Can’t I just say I’m sick? I’ll be exposed!”

“Oh, Twilight won’t suspect you if you don’t give her cause to.”

Hup still didn’t believe the Princess, but decided not to voice any more objections as Celestia didn’t seem inclined to lend him a hoof. Princess Twilight Sparkle. She’s the legendary figure that defeated ten million changelings and stormed the castle herself using magic that could flatten mountains and boil seas. The only Princess in history to achieve her station by defeating multiple threats through inventing a weapon of magical destruction. Twilight Sparkle was a born changeling slayer. Nothing Celestia could say would dissuade him from that notion.

—————————

When Celestia left him in the dreamscape, Hup had an uneventful rest of the night, with the morning coming a little too early for his liking. He seriously contemplated running away. Not just from Chrysalis, but from all of Equestria. But with his less-than-stellar track record of surviving in the wilderness, Hup resigned himself to a quick death. Maybe Twilight would be kind and eliminate him relatively painlessly?

Yeah right, and maybe the planet revolved around the sun. He wasn’t that delusional.

“Rise and shine, your Highness!” Raven declared, sweeping open the curtains. “My, you must already be awake, you have moved the sun already!” She giggled. “Just kidding, Princess Luna took care of that already! Are you ready for your big all-day exclusive outing with your number one student?”

Hup tried to drag the sheets over his head. Raven tugged them out.

“Oh Princess, I know this is the one time you get to relax, but we didn’t mean you could completely switch off. What would Twilight think?”

Hup seriously considered this. If he angered Twilight, then he might not live to see another day. Motivated by that one thought, he hopped out of bed.

“I’m up! I’m up!”

“Goodness, Princess, you’re excited already. I’m glad we could set up the meeting with you two. Princess Luna will be pleased!”

So it was these two!

Hup kept the thought to himself and ignored the dress in favour of just the simple regalia that he often saw Celestia wear. He could feel the disappointment from her as he donned it on. He wouldn’t have to deal with proposals and ridiculous serenades anymore. The thing that annoyed him the most, though, was Raven’s disappointment when he decided not to wear the dress.

“Princess, I know it’s not my place, but…”

“Yes?”

“I think you looked pretty in a dress.”

Hup hesitated. He didn’t like all that came with the dress, but Raven had given him a genuine compliment. Wait, no, she didn’t. She was giving the Princess a genuine compliment. He was just modelling for her.

“Maybe next time, Raven.”

Hup tried to ignore the disheartened sigh that succeeded his resolution.

“Yes, Princess.”

“Oh alright, then.”

“Thank you, Princess!”

Hup sourly reflected that his main weakness was the fact that he was such a pushover. Which, in itself, was basically the very definition of being weak.

———————

Outside the chambers where Celestia was supposed to meet her student, Hup was biting his lip and looking more nervous than small rodent in a snake pit. Every time his hoof crept towards the door handle, it shied away as he lost courage at the last moment.

Luckily, no pony was there to see him do this several times, but if he kept Twilight waiting, he didn’t know what could happen to him. Probably vaporised on the spot for sure. He had to remind himself several times that he was currently in the guise of Celestia and that Celestia—probably—didn’t want him to die too early and cancel her holiday… which, by the way, was sounding less and less like a holiday every time she talked to him.

He put the little discrepancy past his mind.

Swallowing thickly, Hup opened the door and braced himself for the inevitable.

There she sat, sipping tea quite comfortably and gazing out the window.

Either she hadn’t heard the gentle opening of the door or was too preoccupied with vile machinations and turgid fantasies involving the razing of villages and crops to notice him. Hup went with the latter, because it made the most sense.

Twilight turned around and almost dropped her teacup in surprise. She saved the cup in a gesture that showed off her prowess in magic. Hup instinctively knew that Twilight had seen right through his disguise so he did the first thing that came to mind to preserve his life.

“Please don’t kill me!” He flattened himself to the floor whilst snivelling.

Hup barely registered the tea cup falling to the ground and smashing into the ground.

“W-What?!” Twilight exclaimed, snapping out of the chair so fast that it crashed to the ground with a loud clatter. Hup mistook that gesture as one of anger and immediately flattened himself further into the ground.

“One thousand apologies your Royal Highness, spare this one’s life, I beg of you!”

The silence was so sharp it could cut through steel.

“P-Princess, what are you doing?!”

Hup kept his head glued to the ground. “Confessing, please have mercy!”

“A-About what, Princess?!” Hup caught the trembling in her voice and froze.

It can’t be… she’s… even more angry?!

“I’m a changeling!”

“What?!” Twilight screeched.

I’m so dead!

———————

Twilight shared a long look with Luna before returning her attention to the changeling. It had taken most of the rest of the day to sort through all the facts and confirm that it had indeed been this changeling, and not Princess Celestia, that had been present at all her events, duties and functions. It was baffling that in some respects, the changeling was even better than the princess at some tasks.

The tale had been woven so long and filled with frankly a little too much detail about the discomfort of which bits went where during a changeling transformation, that they were convalescing over a healthy cup of tea, to which Hup was also allowed to join them in with his own teacup.

“An orphanage, raising eighty million bits, and for some reason, amendment to protocol C-172 of the Royal Canterlot Vault.”

Luna blinked. “What’s protocol C-172?”

Twilight shrugged. “That’s the only thing that concerning me. According to the changeling, ‘Hup’, the real Princess will be arriving later today. He told me that she would explain.”

Luna glanced outside, it was almost sunset and her sister was due to arrive any second now. As though summoned by Twilight’s words, Princess Celestia of Equestria, Regent of Prance, Princess of the Sun, Royal Purveyor of Sweet Goods (self-proclaimed) and Defender of Harmony, stepped in through the window as if it was a door.

“Oh Hup,” she said, “you promised you could last for the rest of the day.”

For the second time that day, Twilight dropped her teacup. Hup winced at the expense of shattering such delicately wrought porcelain. He heard that it was hoof-made.

“I-I couldn’t! Princess Twilight was so scary!”

This time Luna spat out her tea.

“W-What?!” Twilight shot a look at Hup as he scrambled backwards in an attempt to get as much distance between him and an irate alicorn as possible.

“You never mentioned that!” Twilight exclaimed in an exasperated huff.

Pealing laughter filled the room as Celestia broke into an amused fit of mirth.

“Ha ha ha! Oh, I haven’t had such a laugh in years!”

“Princess, is it all true?!” Twilight spluttered in the wake of shocking revelation.

Luna, who was slightly more composed than her compatriot tilted her head. “Yes, sister, I do desire to know where you’ve been all this time.”

Celestia stretched her wings languidly and sighed in contentment.

“I think I discovered a new continent and saved the world a couple of times.” She grinned headily. “I do miss doing those things, so I’m glad I got to experience adventuring once again!”

A book-burning would not have surprised Twilight more.

“Princess, you can’t be serious?”

Celestia nodded serenely. “Intensely so, but now playtime is over and I must return to my duties.” Like a switch had been thrown, Celestia gathered austerity around her and donned it like a mantle of authority. She faced Hup.

“Well, Hup, it seems the time allotted is over. Do you wish to return?”

“Princess!” Twilight interrupted. “Won’t he just go back to Chrysalis and… and…”

“And what?” Celestia replied with a smile. “Betray us? What do you think, Hup?”

Hup was silent for a while, hunching a little under the pressure of their combined gazes.

“Nobody has really asked me what I thought, before…” He trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut, expecting rebuke, but strangely none came so he cracked them open slowly. “Don’t you want to… you know, do something to me?”

Celestia shrugged guiltily. “You’ve gone along with my indulgences long enough, I think you deserve to do or say whatever you want to me.” She turned to Luna and Twilight and bowed her head apologetically. “I also have to apologise not only to you, but to my friends that I have deceived as well. I just wanted… well, I just wanted to do what I wanted without anypony judging me for what I was rather than who I was. Just for a little while.”

Hup blinked in surprise. Who knew somepony that had so much felt that way about her station. He always thought that it was really great to be somepony that was so admired. Well, he did see the bad side of being in her shoes, but at the same time he saw the good. He met odious and honourable ponies alike and stood there unable to make up his mind.

Did he hate them, or like them?

What would the ponies he liked think of his deception, unwilling or not?

He was afraid of the future, but he didn’t want to be alone.

Then, Twilight, of all ponies, threw him a lifeline.

“You don’t have to go back, you can stay here.”

Luna nodded slowly. “I do think actions speak louder than words, and apart from protocol C-172—”

Celestia stiffened suddenly. “Did you say C-172?!”

Luna nodded slowly.

Celestia leaped forward to grip her sister in desperate hooves. “What did Hup do with C-172?!”

“He… amended the protocol, sister.”

Celestia turned to the cage. “What did you do?”

Hup stared back at the Princess. “I changed the lock.”

Celestia licked her lips. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

Twilight’s eyebrows drew together. “Princess, I don’t understand.”

“I concur, sister, what is he talking about?” Luna added

Celestia didn’t seem to hear them. “Was there no other way? I take it this is your punishment?”

Hup nodded in an astonishing show of insolence.

Celestia was silent for a very long time.

“…I understand.”

Seeing the state of the Princess, Twilight turned to Hup. “What is that all about?”

Hup’s lips twitched into a slow smile. “You know, I think I’d like to stay here for now.”

Twilight pursed her lips. “What exactly is C-172?”

“Princess Celestia’s personal cake supply.”

Twilight regarded the changeling and her former mentor. Seeing the two of them with their roles so easily reversed sent a small prickling doubt through her mind. Was Hup actually a brilliant strategist in disguise? Did he play Chrysalis, Celestia, Luna and even herself in an audacious act of desperation?

Twilight reviewed their interview and dismissed the concept entirely.

That’s just silly.

But the nagging thought never left her mind. She wondered whether Hup, in his form as a likeable changeling, had indeed performed the greatest infiltration that Equestria had ever seen.

No, no way. Hup was simply lucky.

As she saw him speak nervously with Princess Luna and a snivelling Princess Celestia, Twilight wiped that thought with her sound reasoning.

Nopony could ever be as daring as that.

————————

In the cavern, Chrysalis drummed her hoof on the floor and glared at the stone floor.

“What’s taking him so long?”

Well, Chrysalis would find out… eventually.

Author's Note

...and it's done! There were a few things open to be explored here, not the least of all Celestia's kind of weirdness and irresponsible management, but I may open that up in an extras sort of chapter (or story). For now, I'm going to put this story to rest, sorry! Listener and RadicalThestral, I hope you're still around, but if not, this story is finally done as part of a series of gift stories to dedicated followers who wanted their ideas to come to life.

Thank you all for tagging along and thank you sincerely for taking the time to read this.

Next Chapter: Celestia saves the world, and a hundred other things.

As always, my classy and glassy readers, thanks for reading!