What the Heart Craves

Chapters

Chapter 2: Glee
Chapter 3: Revenge
Chapter 5: Fear
Chapter 6: Pain
Chapter 7: Failure
Chapter 8: Desire
Chapter 9: Humility
Chapter 10: Need
Chapter 11: Satisfaction
Chapter 1: Solace
Chapter 4: Regret

Chapter 2: Glee

Chapter 2 – Glee

Ruby Sheen tapped his off-white hoof against the ground much faster than the thudding beats filtering through the club's wall. The ugly, impatient scowl never left his face.

Bella glanced down the empty side-street again, but saw no sign of Silver Spoon, even though the sun was sinking and turning orange. A chill breeze swept through, rustling a few dry leaves and making Bella shiver.

Ruby's hoof tapped faster. “Is she even gonna show? I'm not wasting my whole Saturday waiting on your little fillyfriend.”

Bella winced and glanced down the street again. Is she okay? “I'm sure she'll be here.” She gave her brother an insincere wink. “Give her a little more time. She needs to sneak out of her house.”

“Well, what's taking her so fucking long?” Ruby's hoof stopped, but then he started flicking his tail. “It's not like she had to go to school today or anything.”

Bella rolled her eyes and gave him a flick of her own tail, right into his nose. “She'll come. I trust her.”

“She'd better be here soon.” He shoved Bella's tail away with more force than necessary. “I don't care if it's your birthday or not, I won't miss this rave. The leaf-running after-party is world famous! But this year's special. Discord is taking the stage for the first time ever!”

Bella laughed. He does get excited about these things, doesn't he?

“Or maybe you're more interested in DJ Pon-3?” He raised an eyebrow and didn't miss a chance to chuckle at her blush. “Oh, you have such a mareboner for her, don't you?”

“What?” Bella's cheeks burned hotter. “No I don't!”

“So you're trying to hide it now?” Ruby sidled up to her and whispered into her ear, “You'd better hide all those posters and pictures in your room!”

Bella stomped her hoof and held her nose high. “I'm not attracted to her. I'm just a fan of her work.”

“Pfft...” He poked her in the side with his hoof. “You shouldn't lie, Bells. You suck at it. I know better than anypony – you'd do anything for a chance at some of that Vinyl Snatch.” If he was waiting for a reaction, he wasn't going to get one. “You even look like her, all white and blue haired. I bet you only wear glasses so you can look more like her.”

“Shut it, Rube. You don't know what you're talking about!”

“You know you want her. Heck, you flirt with everypony...” He pouted melodramatically, sticking his lip out. “Except me.”

“You're my big brother!”

“Adopted brother.”

“And what do you care if I flirt? Maybe I like it when ponies want me!” She swayed her backside in the air.

Ruby laughed. His eyes were glued to her flank.

“And why shouldn't I like Vinyl Scratch?” She poked Ruby back. “Since my stupid deadbeat mom abandoned me to your family, I've gotta have somepony to look up to... Why not somepony cool?”

“My family? They only adopted me a couple weeks before you! Just because I've got a horn doesn't make me one of them.” He fluffed his red mane with a hoof.

“Hi, Ruby Sheen... Hi, Bella.”

Both of them turned to find Silver Spoon standing next to them.

Silver backed down, but smiled. “I'm really sorry about being late. I don't want to miss your fifteenth birthday.” She gave Bella a quick peck on the cheek. “I just got a little caught up in—”

“Dude... What's with the fucked up eye?”

Bella popped him playfully in the jaw with a hoof, only later thinking better of it as Silver cringed. Bella pushed him back. “Shut up, Rube!”

“Whatever.” Ruby pulled a couple clear packets of dried leaves out of his mane. “Let's get going before we're even more late. Drug up!”

Silver stared at it, her eyes widening. “Is that—”

“Locoweed? Really?” Bella tried to slap it out of his hoof, but she was too slow. “You know we're not into that kind of stuff!”

Silver Spoon tilted her head to the side. “How does he even afford it? He doesn't do anything.”

“Suit your own prissy selves.” Ruby used his magic to tear one of the bags, and he gulped down the contents.

Silver scrunched her face up. “Aren't you supposed to smoke it?”

Already walking toward the club entrance, Ruby flicked his tail at her. “It works both ways... kind of like our Bella here!”

“Hey!” Bella ran after him, quickly catching up and punching him in the shoulder.

“What? It's true, isn't it?” Ruby dodged another punch. “Ooh! Maybe we could see that in action at tomorrow's rave!”

Silver Spoon caught up alongside as they turned the corner. “What?” She panted. “What's so special about the Sunday party? ... I heard it was small.”

“Ha!” Ruby eyed the young mares walking next to him suggestively. “It's small, yeah. At a little private club. Today's has to stay family safe, but the next one... I hear it gets wild... and sexual in there.”

Bella giggled and fluttered her eyelashes. “I'd definitely want to take Spoony there, then!”

Silver fell behind a bit, but Bella looked back in time to see her blushing adorably.

“Doesn't matter, though. They won't let you in if you're under eighteen.”

“Not so good for you!” Silver gave him a sharp laugh.

He sighed. “Next year ... next year.”

Finally, they rounded the last corner, coming to the front of the building.

“Oh, weak,” Ruby said. “Just look at this shit!”

The entrance line stretched on and on, doubling back over and over again. A huge crowd of ponies waited their turn to get into the party of the season.

Ruby shook his head as he took a place at the end of the line. “Shit!”

⁂

Only a slight purple glow above the horizon marked the sunset now, overwhelmed by the flashing lights coming from the open door ahead.

Bella fidgeted in place. Her hooves ached to move with the beats booming through the doorway, but she didn't dare upset the bouncer right in front of her.

He was a huge, burly stallion, and he glared at her with an odd mixture of contemptuous disapproval and poorly disguised lust.

Bella was used to it. She liked it. She knew she had a beautiful body, and she loved to show it off. How else could she stay entertained in line, except by drawing the eyes of most of the stallions around – and more than a few of the mares, too.

The bouncer's frown deepened.

Bella wanted to dance, or maybe to turn around and shake her flank in the bouncer's face, see if she could get him to drop his meat. No! Keep it together. We're first in line now. Don't screw it up! Bella settled for breaking the glow sticks woven into her mane and tail. She looked back at Ruby and Silver.

Behind them, a colt younger than her peered at her flank. She winked and smiled at him, flicking her tail to make sure he got an eyeful.

Silver definitely noticed it, too. She blushed again, as if that little show had been for her. Maybe it was. She moved closer to Bella, offering her warmth against the chilly evening air.

While the bouncer was busy staring Bella down, Ruby slipped behind the two of them and surreptitiously downed his second packet. As soon as it was hidden again, he moved up to Bella's other side. “We wouldn't have to wait so long if we hadn't got in line so damn late. Look! The sun's totally gone now, and we're still outside.”

Bella nudged him away. “Deal with it, okay? I'm not going in without my Spoony.”

Silver snuggled in closer.

“Well, I hope she knows – if we don't get in soon enough for Discord's set, I'm taking it out on your ass!”

Ugh. He's insufferable when he's high. Bella shook her head. “Chill. We'll get in soon, and then we can—”

A group of six sweaty, smiling mares staggered out, brushing against each other a bit more than necessary.

Bella held her breath. That means...

The bouncer's horn lit up, and the velvet-covered rope lifted away. “Room for six more,” he grumbled.

It's finally time! With a jolt, she jumped forward, making it through the open doorway in one bound.

A high, building trill of music greeted her as she passed the doorway, followed by a huge blast of thrumming bass and a flash of blue lights. Waves of heat rose from the writhing crowd.

She jumped in wholeheartedly. All around her, ponies jumped and whirled, thrashing more or less to the pervasive beat filling the room and slamming her ears. Fresh and full of pent-up energy, she kept up with the best of them. Ruby and Silver struggled to keep up – this was her time to shine!

Strobe lights shot out from the stage, catching dozens of pegasus ponies in mid-flight above the crowd. One the rare occasions when Bella stood still, she could feel the floor shaking from all the hooves pounding into it. The bass boomed out again, and the huge dark room lost any semblance of sanity.

Bella shook her head wildly; the glow sticks slapped against her cheeks. Between the flashing bursts of light, the dizziness of her motions, and the crowd whipping around her, she felt almost high. She hadn't taken anything, of course, but in this place, with this music shooting through her, and with this crowd around her, she didn't need to.

Her wild kicking and jumping earned her a wide berth in the crowd, and finally she caught a glimpse of the pony on stage. Vinyl Scratch! Bella froze. Her jaw dropped and she squealed. Oh my Goddess! It's Vinyl Scratch!

She rushed toward the stage, shoving her way through the crowd. She didn't look back, didn't notice Ruby and Silver disappearing into the crowd. She only wanted one thing.

She forced her way to the front, right up to the stage. Vinyl Scratch was working her magic right above her, and she came just in time for the next big wave of bass.

She jumped, flipping in the air. When she landed, she danced like she never had before, throwing herself into it with abandon.

The speaker boxes boomed ear-bleedingly loud here, but DJ Pon-3 danced above her, whipping the crowd into a frenzy behind a slim turntable held up with nothing but magic. One hoof pounded the air, her head thrashed so much it was a wonder her tinted glasses managed to stay in place, and behind the tables, her hips swayed and her tail waved – something Bella couldn't take her eyes off of, despite how much older the mare was.

Vinyl's glowing horn lit the stage. The last beat of music faded away.

For one brief moment, silence ruled.

Bass exploded through the building. Lights flared back on in a kaleidoscope of flashing colors. Stillness shattered into blissful motion that grabbed Bella along and made her jump almost against her will.

It pounded again and again, harder every time, until finally when it could build no more, the music's thundering crescendo faded away.

Bella stopped, her sides heaving. She could feel eyes from the crowd all over her flanks, and she loved it.

Still enveloped in a bright blue magical glow, the turntables floated away backstage. DJ Pon-3 shook her mane out and wiped her brow with a hoof. “I love you, Ponyville!”

The crowd screamed – louder even than the music had been.

“But I've gotta go.” Vinyl Scratch's words quieted the crowd. “'Cause it's time for somebody really special to take over!” The crowd exploded again, but her magically amplified voice cut above all of it. “He's been offstage for a thousand years, but he's finally back to turn your world upside down! Give – it – up for the master of disaster, Diiis-cord!”

Instantly, the draconequus appeared onstage, along with a huge array of complicated-looking electronic equipment. With a blast of sound, all the speakers in the club shot huge flares of fire and sparks. The sparks sailed out into the crowd, attaching themselves to ponies.

Some of them landed on Bella. They didn't burn, but they stuck to her coat, and they kept glowing in all the colors of the rainbow long after they should have burned out.

The crowd screamed even louder as two notes that had no business being together steadily rose from the stage – Discord living up to his name with a disharmonious, screeching buildup to what would surely be a set worth waiting a thousand years for ... but Bella's eyes stayed on her idol.

DJ Pon-3 quietly stepped off the back of the stage, unnoticed by most. Before she disappeared, though, she lifted her glasses and looked directly at Bella, making eye contact.

Bella's jaw dropped. Did that really just happen?

Vinyl Scratch winked at her and jerked her head toward the small door next to the back of the stage. Her meaning was unmistakable.

Wide-eyed, Bella watched that magnificent, bouncing white rump disappear into the door. She stood still and blinked for a moment, oblivious to the party still raging around her.

Did I just imagine that? She shook her head. No... It was definitely real. I have to go! This was a one-in-ten-lifetimes chance to meet her greatest hero ... and maybe more.

Bella bit her lower lip slightly. Sure, she already had a marefriend, and sure, that would be cheating ... but Silver Spoon would understand, right? Spoony wouldn't want me to miss out on an opportunity as awesome as this!

She couldn't miss this. Not for anything! She rushed forward, through the writhing crowd and around the side of the stage.

The little black door was closed, and next to it, a stallion even bigger than the one outside scowled at her.

It was dark next to the stage, and the rave behind her sounded oddly distant. Maybe I just dreamed up seeing Vinyl Scratch's invitation. She looked up at the bouncer, and her slender legs trembled. I shouldn't be here.

Just as Bella was ready to back away in shame, the door opened. Vinyl Scratch poked her head out and whispered something to the bouncer.

He nodded and stepped to the side.

Vinyl disappeared into the doorway again, but left it half-open.

She definitely wants to have sex with me! Bella rushed in through the door, licking her lips.

A dark little room waited inside, with old but comfortable-looking couches lining the walls, except for where a low counter stacked with bottles flanked a door with an 'exit' sign. The smell of alcohol and old furniture came strong, and Bella gaped at the ponies lounging around the room.

The Vinyl Scratch stepped up next to her and shut the door. “Hey, I saw you dancing out there – you're pretty good!”

Bella's breath rushed out of her. Woah! Her head spun. Vinyl Scratch thinks I'm a good dancer!

Reassuringly, Vinyl took her by the hoof and led her to one of the couches.

I should say something! “Vinyl Scratch, I—”

“Just Vinyl.”

Bella's mind whirled. “Vinyl...” Saying her name like that... Saying her name to her... It was like—

“Don't worry about it. I've seen this plenty of times.” Vinyl patted Bella on the back. “It's just a bit of culture shock. Calm down – it'll pass by in no time.”

Bella nodded. “Okay.”

“Hey, relax, seriously. It's nothing.” Vinyl looked over at the bar. “Can I get you something to— Oh, wait. You're still underage, aren't you?”

“Um... yeah.” Bella blushed. Most ponies were fooled by her height and figure into thinking she was older, but apparently Vinyl saw right through it.

“Anyway, I should probably introduce you to these guys.” Vinyl slowly waved a hoof around the room. “That's Wingbeatz and her tech guy... that's Nightmare Remix...” A black stallion in the corner nodded, making his blue helmet shake. “... Those two are the Flare Brothers, neck deep in the mini-bar, as usual.” She rolled her eyes, barely visible behind her glasses. “Hey, leave some for me, guys!”

Two unicorn heads popped up above the little bar on the far side of the room. “We saved you that vodka twist stuff you like,” they said in unison.

“Good.” Vinyl grinned, bouncing her head to an unheard beat. “Discord's out there on stage now and ... oh, yeah!” She pointed behind Bella, at a yellow mare next to the door. “That's the stage manager, Keynote. She makes sure we go out there on time and don't get too wasted before we do.” She giggled – a strained, dry giggle that nonetheless warmed Bella's heart. “You'll keep an eye on the Flare Brothers, won't you?”

Keynote shrugged, holding a hoof up helplessly. She went back to looking at her clipboard.

“Woah... Really, woah!” Bella finally found her voice. “It is so awesome to finally meet you guys. Especially you! I gotta tell you, I'm a huge Pon-3 fan! I came here just to—”

“I'm off stage! So don't use my stage name – just 'Vinyl' is fine.”

It electrified Bella. She stood up, her eyes bugging out. “Oh! Okay!” She spun in a circle. “I... Oh wow. I can't even...”

Vinyl pulled her back down onto the couch with a touch of magic. The old sofa creaked.

Bella sat there, hyperventilating. “Wow.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Seriously, though...” Bella sat up straighter, getting control of herself again. “I'm a huge fan, and I've wanted to meet you for as long as I can remember! There's just something about how you work the crowd up there ... it's special. Nopony else can do it. I go to every rave you're in if I can!”

“I bet you do.”

“Ooh, and I even have a signed poster of you in my room! I brought it when—”

“I know.” Vinyl grinned at her biggest fan. “I remember signing it.”

'No way,' Bella mouthed.

Vinyl's smile turned lopsided and smug. “But you had green glow sticks in your hair that night, not red.” She plopped down on the couch. “The red suits you better.”

She really remembers me!
Vinyl took off her glasses and leaned a tiny bit closer.

Bella suddenly realized just how close they were. Close enough to... Oh wow! Her heart thudded in her chest. Vinyl looked so... naked without her glasses.

Vinyl winked a vivid reddish eye. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

Bella leaned back. “Huh? How did you know?”

Eyes shooting open wide, Vinyl grimaced for a split second. She recovered quickly, though. “I... Um, I've seen enough birthday dancing to know.”

“Huh.” Bella moved back in close, even closer than before.

Vinyl was blushing now, and breathing heavy. She kept glancing at Bella, then back away.

Bella's heart raced. She's totally into me! She's getting so worked up! Without really noticing, she edged closer. What's she waiting for? Maybe it's because I'm young? I'll probably have to make the first move. She leaned in closer, almost touching. Her head tilted to the side, and her eyes closed. A tiny bit more, and she would be making out with her idol... and maybe more than making out. Maybe—

Vinyl jumped away. “Woah! What was that?”

Bella stood up so she could saunter in closer. She let her eyelids dip low and swayed her hips. “I can tell you want me.” She grinned. “Just look at how flushed you are.”

“No!” Vinyl squirmed away. “That is not happening.”

Bella lowered her glasses and blatantly licked her lips. “I'd do anything for you, Vinyl.”

Vinyl tried her best to disappear into the couch. “No! I, uh...” She glanced back and forth. “I don't swing that way!”

The two brothers popped up above the bar. “You don't swing that way?” one asked. The other raised an eyebrow. “So you're available for stallions again now?”

Vinyl winced. “Shut it, Flare boy!”

“It's Flare Joy.” The stallion's eyes narrowed, but he ducked behind the bar again.

“Come on. I've seen you with mares before.” Bella leaned over Vinyl, rubbing her own flank with a hoof, making sure Vinyl had a good view of it. “What's the real reason?” She leaned in close, almost touching again. “Nopony has to know. It'll be our little secret.”

Sweat streaked Vinyl's face. Her eyes were wide, and she kept glancing at Bella's flank. Every time she did, her eyes would dart away again, but they kept drawing back there.

I almost have her. Goddess, I want her. Bella could barely restrain herself. She ran a hoof down Vinyl's soft chest. “You can take me any way you want.”

Vinyl bit her lower lip. She was blatantly staring at Bella's sleek body now.

She shoved Bella away. “Goddess no! You're my daughter for pony's sake!”

The little room fell silent. Bella's jaw dropped.

For a few moments, time didn't exist. Nothing moved and nothing changed as that notion sunk into everypony's heads.

Daughter? I'm her daughter? ... My mom? Bella stumbled back. Her real mom was a jerk, a deadbeat, the bane of her life. Vinyl was her hero, her idol, everything she looked up to. Vinyl Scratch IS my real mom. Bella's heart fell out of her chest and splattered on the floor, she was sure. The room spun. It was suddenly way too hot inside.

All around her, famous pony musicians looked on with their mouths hanging open.

The muffled, distant sounds of the rave seemed to overwhelm everything. Bella took a step backward, then another. Her breath came in short gasps, spaced far apart. Each one needed a conscious effort.

Vinyl stood up and moved toward her. “Bella, I'm—”

Bella bolted. She rushed through the back door, smashing her withers against the crash bar, and she galloped out into the night, heedless of anypony or anything in the way.

The cold night air and the darkness felt different. It felt good. It made her feel like she wasn't trapped in that room.

Something smashed into her. “Hey, watch it!”

She staggered away and kept running. She couldn't see. Her eyes squeezed shut and they wouldn't open again. They felt wet. Was she crying? When had she started crying? She ran on and on. She couldn't be crying. There had to be some other reason her eyes felt so wet and cold.

She slammed into something solid, bouncing off of it and onto the ground. Her eyes opened. The door of her own house. Her hooves had taken her somewhere safe.

Bella flung the door open. The cat screamed and darted away.

“Dear, are you—”

Bella ran straight past her mom, across the living room, around the corner, and she darted up the stairs.

She made it to her room, but it spun around her.

The signed poster of Vinyl mocked her, still hung with pride above her bed. It looked down on her, taunting her with the lie she had believed. That wasn't her hero. That pony had ruined her life!

But she's lied to me before. Maybe she's not... But she knew me. She knew my birthday! There was no way around it, no way for her to escape that horrible fact.

She wiped the tears away. She wasn't sad. She was angry! ... But the tears still came.

Jumping up on her bed, she tore down the poster. One corner of it stuck to the wall. But it didn't have the traitor hero on it, so it could stay. She shoved the poster into the wastebasket next to her desk. It crinkled and tore, nearly filling up the whole basket.

But it wasn't enough. All over the walls, her stupid naïve drawings laughed at her. Most of them had Vinyl in them.

She darted around the room, tearing down drawings, throwing them in the basket. It overflowed, but she didn't stop. She had to—

A half-finished drawing waited on her desk. The colors weren't in yet, but in it, she stood next to Vinyl and they each had a hoof over the other's shoulder.

She tore it in half... and in half again... and in half again... but the pieces still taunted her. She swept them into the trash, but her older drawings stared back at her from the bin.

She screamed, soft and strained. There was too much Vinyl here. Too much. Her throat tightened. Her eyes burned. She couldn't take this!

Backing out through her bedroom door, she rushed to the bathroom and ducked inside, slamming the door behind her.

The mare in the mirror stared back at her. Not Vinyl! Not Vinyl! But she looked like Vinyl, with her white coat and blue mane and glasses.

She threw off the glasses, but it didn't help. Her blue eyes were shot through with red now. They reminded her of seeing Vinyl without her glasses. Of Vinyl staring at her flank. Of how she used to pride herself on looking like Vinyl. How she wished her eyes were red so she could—

She screamed again and smashed a hoof into the reflection.

The mirror shattered, sending glittering shards of glass all over the bathroom floor.

Finally, the image was gone. Her looking like Vinyl made all too much sense now. It wasn't a point of pride anymore. It was shame.

She hoped nopony had heard the mirror break. Now she could see through it to the medicine cabinet behind it. Among the old bottles and brushes inside, there was a bottle of dye: the red mane dye Ruby used sometimes.

She didn't have to look like Vinyl! For a moment, she thought about crushing her glasses too. No, I need those to see.

Snagging the dye bottle out of the cabinet, she walked over and started some hot water in the shower. I'm never looking at Vinyl in the mirror again, she promised herself.

⁂

Bella rolled over in bed, going from staring at the strangely empty wall to the overflowing trash can next to her desk. The state of the room suited the way she felt right now.

Vinyl's betrayal kept replaying in her mind. There wasn't room for much else.

But if she couldn't sleep, then she could at least think of something to do. Something to do about that mare. The mare who ruined her life. Twice.

Chapter 3: Revenge

Chapter 3 – Revenge

Bella pounded a hoof into her brother's door.

Only a slight groan came back from the other side.

She stared at the dark-colored wood for a moment and pounded her hooves into it again.

“Uugh!” Sheets rustled inside. “Go away.”

She didn't give up, pounding on the door longer and harder this time, punishing it for her brother's slothfulness.

A strained “Fuuuck!” came back, but slow hoofbeats followed it. A succession of different locks and latches clicked.

Finally, Ruby's face poked out. His eyes looked swollen and his mane shot out in all directions. “Wa'a you waa?” He yawned heavily and blinked the gum from his eyes.

“Give me the worst, hardest drug you've got!” Bella flashed him a malicious grin.

He squinted at her. “What happened to your hair?” He chuckled. “Did you fall asleep in somepony's tomato patch?”

“It's none of your business.”

He rolled his eyes and went back inside, but he left the door open.

She followed him in. It felt strange, going in there without his music blaring, and with real sunlight filtering in through the curtains, but the posters of angry-looking musicians and crudely sexualized drawings of mares still gave the room a very Ruby-esque atmosphere.

He crept halfway back into bed before he seemed to notice her. “Hey...” He blinked. “You can't come in—” he gave a long yawn “—here.”

“Just give me the drugs, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Here you go, Flathead.” Ruby's pink magical glow pulled a bag of locoweed out from somewhere under the huge laundry pile in his closet. “It's about time you loosened up about this stuff and took me up on my offer.”

Bella swatted the bag out of the air. It disappeared into Ruby's cluttered floor. “No! I need the hardest stuff you've got!”

“Woah.” Ruby flopped back out of bed and stared at her. “What's up with you?”

“It's none of your business!”

“What the hell happened to you last night? Silver Spoon wouldn't shut up about you. Where'd you disappear to?” He rubbed his eyes. “And why did it turn you into such a little bitch?”

“Just give it to me!” Bella stomped. Something under her hoof snapped, but she didn't care enough to see what it was.

“Fine.” He waved a hoof at her. “Whatever.” His magic tugged a locked box out from under his bed and twirled a combination into it.

The box clicked open, revealing an array of powders, dried leaves, and vials. He levitated out a tiny vial full of thick, red liquid. “Here.”

She snatched it from the air. It was tiny. There could only be a few drops of the stuff in there. “I need more than that!”

He glared at her and shut the box. “Trust me, you don't. This is strong stuff.” He shoved the box back under his bed with his hooves. “Be careful with it, okay? You're going to be tripping balls.”

Bella eyed it closely. “What is it?”

“That's smack, Bells. Geez, you don't know anything.” Ruby looked at her. Apparently, he could tell that name didn't mean much to her. “'Smack', 'dreamflower', 'goo'? Sound familiar?”

She shook her head.

“It's easily the strongest drug I know, and it only grows in the Everfree Forest. It's going to fuck you up!”

Well, that sounds about right. Bella nodded. “Okay.”

Ruby flopped back into bed and pulled a blanket over his head. “Now will you leave me alone?”

She didn't respond – she left the room and shut the door behind her. Good. She held the tiny vial close. Now I have what I need to show Vinyl what a terrible mom she is. Her room seemed inviting again, if bare, now that she'd taken all the trash off the walls. I'm going to love seeing Vinyl regret giving me away.

⁂

Bella struggled to walk as tall as she could as she stepped into the nightclub. It was a strictly eighteen-or-older place, but hopefully her height would pass her off as older.

She could feel the door guard's eyes on her as she walked by, but he didn't say anything.

Yes! Bella grinned wide as she slipped into the crowd inside. Made it!

The music thudded and ponies around her writhed crazily, but this felt nothing like last night's party. The place was smaller and darker, and it reeked of booze and sex.

A light whirling around on an exposed rafter above her rolled over the crowd. There were no young ponies here, and for some reason, none of the pegasus ponies were flying. The ceiling was lower here, but they had enough room.

Hoping there would be no unicorns doing age-check spells, Bella started making her way to the front of the crowd. Vinyl Scratch was the only DJ for this event, so she'd be onstage.

She pushed her way through, making only the slightest attempt to look like dancing. Ponies bumped into her and onto her, and she felt more than a few 'accidental' gropes, but she didn't care. She came here for one thing and one thing only.

Finally, she caught a glimpse of Vinyl on stage. It felt strange to not be elated or excited; it felt strange to not squeal with glee... but she only felt a roiling pit of resentment.

Once she made it up front, in full view of her deadbeat mom, she waved, jumping up and down. She had to get Vinyl's attention.

... And there it came. At first, Vinyl's gaze passed right over her, probably thrown off by the hair color, but it returned and her eyes went wide behind her glasses when she recognized Bella.

Vinyl smiled at her.

Heh. She must think my coming here means she's been forgiven. Bella took the vial out of her mane. Well, 'Mom', watch THIS! Brazenly, in front of the whole crowd, she pulled the cork out with her teeth and sucked the sticky red goo out of it, taking it all in one dose.

Vinyl Scratch actually missed a beat, staring at Bella. Her mouth hung open wide.

Bella smirked. Perfect! It felt good to finally have some revenge, to get back at the deadbeat. She tossed the vial on the floor and started dancing crazily, doing her best impression of a drug-induced haze.

A sudden weight pushed down on her, on every inch of her, and a thick wave of heat pulsed through her. Her legs were made of hot lead. Her head spun, and she could barely stand upright.

Oh. Her suddenly-burdened mind struggled to keep up. That's why they call it 'smack', I guess. She struggled to dance some more, but she felt like she was doing it with a fat, sweaty pony on her back... one that kept trying to roll her over.

On the stage above, Vinyl recovered her composure. She looked down at Bella, shook her head, rolled her eyes, and smiled.

No! That wasn't the reaction Bella wanted at all. What she wanted was... What she wanted was...

Bass blasted from a speaker nearby, sending flashes of color and smell through Bella's head. The floor sloshed around beneath her, and the writhing ponies around her bent into curlicue shapes.

Gotta keep it together. She shook her head. No, bad idea! It felt like the whole room was shaking. Keep it together!

What she wanted was to make Vinyl realize what a bad parent she was and regret giving her away! But Vinyl only laughed at me doing drugs. She thinks it's cute! Bella had to find something worse.

Somepony bumped into her from behind ... or maybe the other way around.

For a moment, somepony's leg had shoved up under her tail. It felt wonderful!

That's how I'll do it. Bella grinned wide. Sex! She looked around. In this place, it didn't take long to find some. She spotted one of her classmates, Dinky Hooves, and an older colt, Lickety Split, making out and groping each other in a secluded booth off to the edge of the stage. So I'm not the only one who snuck in...

Bella looked back to the stage and made sure to get eye contact with Vinyl. It seemed to take ages, but she finally did. She stuck her tongue out at her former idol and sauntered lasciviously over to the couple in the booth.

Maybe it was the walking, maybe it was getting out of the intense lights and sounds to a quieter place, maybe it was just the first wave of dreamflower wearing off, but Bella felt more and more sober as she approached the table. Relatively more sober. Her head still swam in circles around her, but she felt like she could walk again, as long as she was careful about where she put her hooves.

She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Vinyl was still watching.

Vinyl was watching. She kept making surreptitious glances from the stage.

Bella grinned and leaned up against the table. “Hey, can I join in?” She stretched herself out, arching her back and sticking her rump out. She'd use her alicorn-shaped body to full advantage.

Lickety Split's eyes went wide as he stared at her, taking her in. A huge, dumb grin spread across his face.

Dinky glanced back and forth between them for a moment and blatantly checked out the goods as Bella spun around to display them to full advantage.

Lickety's tongue hung out. He was nearly drooling.

Dinky shrugged and smiled, waving Bella over.

With a feral grin, Bella surged toward them. Watch THIS, Mom!

Stop! Do not use Fimfiction links to the next chapter: use these instead.
The next chapter is an optional clop chapter. Do you want to read it?
Yes. Take me to the optional clop chapter. (Chapter 3b: Ecstasy) (A link to chapter 4 will be provided at the end.)
No. Skip the optional clop chapter. (Go directly to Chapter 4: Regret)

Chapter 5: Fear

Chapter 5 – Fear

Bella trotted along the road, humming to herself. Everywhere she looked, light and happiness sparkled. Birds sang to her up above, and little yellow daisies smiled at her from below, wafting their beautiful, delicate scent to her.

All around her, ponies went about their business, crisscrossing in all directions.

She smiled and waved at them all.

Through the market, she could barely stop herself from begging at the shops. They all looked amazing and they smelled fantastic. The sweet shops smelled sweeter than ever before, sweeter than anything possibly could. And when she passed the bubbling hay fries booth, the intoxicating power of it nearly knocked her down. Even though she'd had a huge breakfast, her mouth still watered.

But she needed to get to school on time. She hurried through the market and out the other side. It would only be a couple blocks farther to school.

Bella stopped in her tracks when she saw who was waiting for her at the corner of Stirrup Street.

As soon as Bella stopped, Vinyl looked up, straight at her, the mid-morning sun glinting off of her glasses.

Bella stared right back. “What do you want?”

Walking up to her, Vinyl looked away for a moment, then back at her. “About last night...”

“What about it? You don't care about me.”

A few of the ponies walking by turned their heads to look. Vinyl cringed away from them. She leaned in closer. “I do care,” she said in a harsh whisper.

She did bring me home safe... Rolling her eyes dramatically, Bella turned away and flicked her tail in Vinyl's face. It didn't matter. She'd give these ponies a show.

Vinyl came around beside her. “What were you on?”

“I was on smack!” Bella made the word a weapon, making sure to yell it loud enough for all the ponies around to hear.

“Dreamflower? That stuff will mess you up – even I won't touch it!”

“I don't care.” Bella turned again and began stomping her way to school. “Maybe if I had a real mom around, that wouldn't happen!”

“But Bella, that doesn't mean you should take it out on yourself!” Vinyl hurried along beside her. “And... And the sex!”

“I can do whatever and whoever I want! You have no right to stop me. You abandoned me!” Bella turned her head away. Her eyes were burning. Vinyl couldn't be allowed to see that.

“You didn't even use protection! You could be pregnant right now!”

Bella waved her away with a hoof. She didn't trust herself to speak at the moment.

“Really – it happened to me once!”

Bella stopped with a single extra-hard stomp. “Get lost, Not-Mom. I don't need your help! Leave me alone!” She stuck her nose high in the air and turned away. Her traitorous eyes blurred again. “That's what you're best at!”

“Bella...”

Bella strutted away, her nose and tail held high.

Behind her, Vinyl took one step to follow, then stopped, staring down at the road.

Bella kept going on her way to school, feeling pleased with herself... or trying to.

She should have reveled in how bad Vinyl looked in front of those ponies, basked in how she'd finally been able to tell off the deadbeat mother who abandoned her.

But a tiny black cloud swirled around inside her head. Guilt. Guilt ... and something else ... fear. 'You could be pregnant right now.'

She shook her head. No, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to enjoy my victory and enjoy this wonderful day and... 'You could be pregnant right now!'

The school waited just ahead. She could see the front doors now, inside the yard.

'You could be pregnant right now!' Bella grimaced. The air around her felt hotter than it should have. She could skip school for another day. I need a pregnancy test, right now.

She spotted Silver Spoon in the schoolyard, looking at her. Silver Platter stood there with her; he must have walked her to school.

Bella noticed the way Silver held her back legs tight together and her head low. She knew what that meant.
'You could be pregnant right now!' Bella winced and turned away. Spoony will forgive me – I need that test right now!

⁂

The doors of Ponyville General Hospital slid open in front of Bella, and she walked in, barely able to keep her legs from twitching. The need to know crashed against her sudden nervousness at actually telling somepony. She had never been here alone before.

A nurse looked down on her from a tall counter. She plucked a pen from a vase full of plastic flowers and smiled. “Who are you here to see, Miss?”

Bella bit her lip. This didn't sound like such a great idea anymore. “I, um, I don't have an appointment.”

The nurse put her pen down. “Oh. Is it an emergency?”

“Maybe sort of?”

“Oh dear.” She picked up the pen again. “What's the matter?”

Bella sighed. This wasn't going to be easy ... but she had to know. “I...” She stepped up close to the counter so she could whisper it. “I need a pregnancy test.”

“Oh.” The nurse's eyes opened wide, and she covered her mouth with a hoof. “Oh my. Aren't you rather young for that?”

Bella shrank down even more. “It's, um, kind of urgent.”

“That's not exactly his specialty, but Doctor Heartstitch had a cancellation for his eight forty-five.” She smiled reassuringly. “I'll write you in. Your full name, please?”

“Bella Heart Rave. Thank you.”

“Date of birth?”

“Neighvember Third, Twelve Ninety-two.”

“The waiting room is just around the corner to your left. They'll call your name when it's time.” The nurse scribbled something down on a timetable behind her, then looked back at Bella. “Good luck. I hope you get the result you're looking for.”

Bella couldn't reply. She only wanted to hide. Hurrying around the corner, she walked through a wide hallway and into a long room filled with chairs and a few dusty potted plants.

She hurried to a nearby chair and hopped into it. The thin, plasticy cushion crinkled under her, and the metal slats of the backrest were too narrow to be comfortable, but she settled in. The last thing she wanted right now was to draw attention.

A few other ponies dotted the chairs around the room, most of them elderly. They all sat in ones and twos, and none of them talked to each other. Only the occasional coughing fit from an old grey stallion in the opposite corner broke the quiet.

Bella picked up a magazine from the chair next to her. Healthy Foal. She cringed. Not her kind of reading, but she needed something better to do than staring at the smooth white walls ... or at least she wanted to pretend she had something better to do.

She leafed through it, looking at the pictures and not actually reading anything. It all blurred together into a drab monotony.

Doors burst open on the far side of the room, and two mares rushed in, carrying a moaning stallion on their backs. His left rear leg was bent completely backward.

They shot out through the arch behind Bella as quickly as they'd come in.

The other ponies in the waiting room looked up at them for a moment, staring at the archway. Before long, though, the quiet returned and they shrank back into their own little worlds.

Bella did, too, going back to her magazine, back to its idealized photos of happy baby ponies. She caught herself rubbing her belly with a hoof, then stopped. No. I won't be silly. I'm not pregnant. She looked down at herself, letting the magazine droop. I... only need to the test to make sure. Yeah.

“Miss Rave?”

Bella had to turn all the way around in her chair to see the nurse who called her. It was a different one, with a pale blue coat.

She looked back down at a clipboard in her hooves. “Bella Heart Rave?”

Standing up, Bella put the magazine down on the chair next to her. “That's me.”

“Doctor Heartstitch is ready to see you now. Please follow me.”

Bella followed the nurse across the lobby and through a wide doorway. It led into a long, bare hall with railings on both sides. Behind closed doors, machines beeped and the dry air reeked with a chemical tang.

The nurse led her into a tiny exam room with a stool and a paper-covered bed. She gestured to the bed. “Have a seat – he'll be here in just a moment.” She glanced down at her clipboard. “It looks like you should be covered for this under Lunacare, and there's no copay since it's coded as preventative. Now, let me just take down your vitals...”

As soon as Bella sat down on the stiff cushion, the nurse wrapped a cuff around Bella's left foreleg and pumped it up, checking a little dial on it as she did. She soon ripped it off and shoved a thermometer into Bella's mouth.

Bella stared down at it, cross-eyed. She'd accepted it automatically, but now it felt a little uncomfortable.

The nurse soon pulled it out. “One twenty-one over seventy-two. Thirty-six beats per minute, and ninety-nine point eight degrees. All perfectly normal.” She turned for the door. “Okay, just wait here. Doctor Heartstitch will be just a moment.” She left, shutting the door behind her without waiting for a response.

Bella looked around her. Every wall had posters of different views of pony hearts. The little counter on the other side of the room had a realistic plastic heart with cutaway pieces removed.

Not his specialty. Right. She swung her legs from the edge of the table. She felt silly now, all alone in this little room. I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing, right? It wasn't really that urgent, was it? Maybe I should have waited until—

A big yellow stallion with a wavy brown mane walked in. He had a heart with a jumping line running through it for a cutie mark. “Good morning, Miss Rave. I'm Doctor Heartstitch.”

Bella glanced away. “Hi.”

The nurse followed in, carefully carrying a small, shallow bowl of water and setting it down on the counter next to the plastic heart.

“So,” the Doctor asked, “I understand you're here for a pregnancy test, is that right?”

Bella nodded. It now felt very stuffy in the little exam room.

“Alright then.” He levitated up a blue clipboard. “Let's run through the risks questionnaire.”

Bella winced.

“How many sexual partners have you had in the past month?”

“Three.”

He glanced up at her over the clipboard, but quickly went back to it, scribbling something in. “And now many over your lifetime?”

“Um...” Bella cringed. There were those two... and him... and the other night... “Eight, I think... No, wait. Nine.”

He raised an eyebrow, but he didn't look up. The nurse was staring at her.

Glancing at the door, Bella fidgeted. She didn't like what some of these answers implied about her.

“And do you engage in vaginal intercourse?”

“Yes.”

“Anal intercourse?”

“No!”

“Oral intercourse?”

“Um, yes.”

He scribbled down a few more answers. “And how often do you use protection during intercourse?”

“Um, sometimes?” Bella squirmed under his piercing eye. “A couple times.”

He nodded, setting the clipboard down on the counter. “Based on these answers, I'm definitely going to recommend a test for sexually transmitted diseases as well. We'll need to draw some blood.”

Bella's skin crawled. “Do I really—?”

“I insist. And I have a trauma patient being prepped for surgery right now, so there's no time to argue about it.”

She sighed. “Okay.”

The nurse dug into one of the cabinets on the far wall and pulled out a syringe wrapped in plastic.

Doctor Heartstitch took it up in his magic, ripping the bag off of it. He took a little patch of gauze from his nurse and dabbed Bella's neck with it. “Now hold still for a moment. This won't take long.”

Bella flinched as the needle slid into the cold patch of fur left by the damp gauze.

In a moment, the Doctor's magic pulled it away and pressed a new patch of gauze onto the tiny hole, taping it in place. He passed the syringe off to his nurse, who pulled the needle out of it and stuffed it into a new bag.

As the nurse walked out, Doctor Heartstitch used his magic to pull a small plastic-paged book out of the cabinet. “Now, you'll be contacted within three weeks if anything shows up in the blood test. Be sure to come back right away if you experience any symptoms.” He flipped through the book's pages. “Now ... pregnancy test ... pregnancy test... Ah! There it is.”

Bella gulped. Here it comes.

He levitated the bowl of water to her. “Okay. I'll need a hair from your tail.”

She reached back to pluck one, but his magic beat her to it. She yelped.

Muttering something as he read the book closely, he dropped her tail hair into the bowl of water.

His horn glowed brighter, and an image formed on the water, like a reflection, but what it showed couldn't be reflecting from anywhere in the room. There was a big clump of cells stuck to the side of something. As she watched, a few of them split in two.

“Ah, I see. Well then...” The Doctor flipped a couple pages in the book and muttered something else. His horn glowed bright yellow, and the water turned blue. “Mm. A colt then.”

Bella gasped. “A what?”

He shook his head, setting the bowl aside. “Well ... congratulations, Miss Rave. You have a young colt on the way.”

She slumped down. It felt like something was grabbing and tearing at her insides. No way... I can't be... She gulped, swaying forward. The room spun. I can't be pregnant. “Do the test over again!”

The Doctor stared at her, pursing his lips.

Her mind raced, but only in circles. It kept grasping at everything, but nothing felt solid. It all slipped away before she could really think it. Finally, though, something stuck. “Can we get rid of it?”

He frowned. “If that's what you really want ... but at your age, we'll need parental consent for any invasive procedures.” He glanced down at his clipboard, then looked her in the eyes. “And this isn't the time for rash decisions. At this early stage, you can easily wait a few weeks without complicating the procedure. Talk to your friends and your family. Think it over carefully.”

Bella nodded vacantly. Her eyes were still open wide. How could this happen? Stupid. She knew exactly how it happened. It's all Vinyl's fault. If she hadn't been so—

“Doctor Heartstitch?” The blue nurse poked her head in. “He's nearly ready. We need you to get prepped.”

“Ah. Right.” He turned to leave. “Whatever you decide, Miss Rave, think it through carefully, and if you decide to keep it, make sure to come in for prenatal checkups. Nurse Tenderheart, could you show Miss Rave the way out please?”

“Of course.” The nurse waved Bella over. “If you'll follow me, please?”

Bella followed her out in a daze.

She stepped out through the hospital's sliding doors and stood there for a long time, staring straight ahead, seeing nothing. Her thoughts raced, but her hooves were planted in one spot. Goddess no! How am I going to explain this? I can't be pregnant!

Eventually, she noticed a couple ponies looking at her.

She started walking. That's what normal ponies did – they walked from one place to another. They thought about things and talked about things.

Bella didn't feel like a normal pony.

Somehow, nothing was real, especially herself. She could feel sprigs of grass crushing under her hooves; she could smell every flower, even the earthy scent of the sun-warmed road... but it was all floating by her as if in a dream.

So, I'm ... pregnant, I guess. That idea, especially, baffled her. She'd seen it. She trusted the Doctor, but it couldn't be real.

She carefully stepped over a small line of ants in the road. She'd normally never notice such a thing... but it wasn't real, so it made sense.

One thing was real. One sensation growing in her. It was subtle at first; she was sure she was only imagining it. But it kept growing on her mind. It seemed like it was the one real part of her, the core of her being: she could feel that little foal deep inside of her. It radiated out its warmth and pressure, spreading its certainty out through her, to the very tips of her.

I'm only imagining it, of course. I can't really feel it ... yet. But it was the only thing that did feel horrifyingly real and solid. Everything else felt hollow, a flimsy masquerade that could collapse at any moment. My life is over.

Tiny butterflies flitted past her feet for a moment, stopping on little clover flowers and rising up again, drifting along in the breeze. It blew through Bella's mane, drifting a few red hairs into her face.

She watched the butterflies drift away. Winter will be here soon. They won't live much longer. She blinked. It's strange, having red hair. It didn't really seem like her hair ... just hair. Then again, her hooves didn't seem to be her own, either. She watched them through the windows of her eyes, a stranger looking out from a strange house ... with a new guest inside.

A jangling bell trilled ahead.

She looked up. The schoolyard sprawled just ahead of her. Young ponies poured out of it, to the outside picnic tables, enjoying one of the last nice days of the year before the weather patrol turned things nasty.

A certain grey mare walked out, holding a tray in one hoof.

Reality snapped back to Bella with a jolt. She smiled, feeling warmer than the weather should have allowed. Spoony will know what to do. She's always great whenever there's a problem. Breaking into a lope, she hurried over.

As soon as Silver saw Bella, she dropped her tray on the table and ran to meet her. She latched on, hugging Bella fiercely and trembling a little.

Bella let Silver squeeze, enjoying the feeling of being pressed against her lover. Everything would be okay now.

Still holding on, Silver leaned back. Her eyes narrowed, though the blackened one was still swollen. “Where did you go, Bella? I needed you!”

“Was it your dad again?” Bella blinked. Her own voice sounded strange to her, like it did when she heard a recording of it once. It sounded awful.

Silver squeezed Bella tighter, burying her nose in between Bella's neck and mane.

Bella could feel the slight sobs and the moisture on her neck. She let Silver have her cry. I'm sure she needs it. I don't even want to think about going through what she deals with.

They stayed that way for a long time, oblivious to the other school ponies around. Silver's lunch sat on the table, forgotten and abandoned. There were things more important than food right now, Bella knew.

Finally, Silver seemed to calm down some. She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “Thank you,” she said with a sweet, longing smile.

Bella kissed her on the nose.

Silver's smile grew and warmed. “Where did you go?”

“To the hospital.”

Silver leaned farther back. “Why, are you sick? Was that why you skipped school yesterday?”

“No, actually, I'm pregnant! I just found out... I'm wondering if I should keep it or not. Should I?”

“What?” Silver stared at her, sputtering. Her eyes watered and her head kept shaking back and forth slightly. Finally, she jumped back and shoved Bella away. “You... You cheated on me?”

Oh. Bella's chest clenched and her eyes shot open wide. Oh no. “I, uh...” Of course Silver took it like that. I should have known she would. I should have never... She cringed away from Silver's glare. “It wasn't like that.”

“Bella!”

It burned. She knew she'd hurt Silver ... maybe hurt her worse than her dad did. “I'm sorry, Spoony... I just... I...”

“I had fantasized about us having a family one day,” Silver murmured, “but not like this. Not this way.” Darker grey streaks spread under her eyes. “Bella, how could you?”

“I was on Dreamflower, and it was just...” She knew Silver wouldn't understand why she'd done it. There was no use saying it. “I—”

“No...” Silver collapsed a little and cringed.

Bella's own eyes watered now, and her hooves trembled. She had to fix this – there had to be something she could say that would change Silver's mind. “Spoony, I—”

“I can't stay with a cheater.” It was barely more than a whisper, but it sliced through all of Bella's pretensions.

Why won't she understand? I'm in a bad place right now, and it's not my fault – I need help, not... this! Bella stomped a hoof. A few tears squeezed out of her eyes. “It's not like you don't cheat! You do it with him all the time!” Bella froze. I shouldn't have said—

Silver's hoof slapped into Bella's face, leaving a burning welt. “How dare you? Go away! I never want to see you again!”

Bella rubbed her face. “But I...”

Tears streamed out of Silver's rage-filled eyes. Her lips trembled and her ears pinned tightly back. She raised her hoof again.

Bella ran.

She galloped away, sprinting faster than she ever had. Soon her lungs burned and her legs ached. But she could still feel the welt from Silver's hoof.

And where did she learn to respond that way? Bella shook her head as she ran, trying to fling away that thought like the tears dripping away. And I'm the one responsible for it. I'm the one who made her follow in his hoofsteps.

She burst in through the back door of her house.

Her mom stood inside the kitchen, pulling a fragrant tray of cookies from the oven.

Bella blew past her without the slightest acknowledgment.

“Bella? What's wrong?” Lemon watched her blow by, her brows knitting.

Bella ran up the stairs and didn't stop until she reached her room. She slammed the door and locked it, then threw herself on the bed. It creaked and bounced before enfolding her in its safe, comforting embrace.

She flopped on her side, panting. Her legs were stiff and her back felt tight – her whole body boiled with the frantic need to do something. But what could she do?

She needed Silver to hold her, to cuddle close and help her relax like she'd done so many times before, but that was exactly the problem: Silver was gone. Totally gone.

I need my Spoony! The reality of it hit her like a kick in the stomach. Bella thought she might throw up. She's gone. And it's all my fault. It twisted deep inside of her, squeezing the breath out of her. I shouldn't have said that. Goddess, why did I say that?

It was the worst part, of course, that terrible last thing she'd said to Silver, 'It's not like you don't cheat! You do it with him all the time!' Bella could still see the shock and pain on Silver's face. She was right to slap me. The side of her face burned. I deserve worse.

Her insides twisted all over again at the thought of what she'd really done. Now I've made her follow in her father's hoofsteps. She gritted her teeth together and curled up, wishing again that her Silver could be there to hold her. I've ruined Spoony's life. We had something good, and I ruined it. And all for nothing.

She touched her belly with a hoof. Not nothing... What am I going to do with that? It was way too early for her to be able to feel any different, but she kept rubbing her lower belly, thinking about the little pony growing inside. Can I kill it? What will Mom say about that?

Rolling over, she tugged her curtains closed. The sunshine outside was only mocking her. Goddess damn it! Why did I have to say that? Maybe one day Silver would forgive the cheating ... but Bella knew she'd never be forgiven for those stupid words.

She rolled back over, but every position was uncomfortable, every wrinkle in the blankets chafed her, and nervous need for a solution still jittered through every joint and muscle.

It was going to be a long day.

Chapter 6: Pain

Chapter 6 – Pain

The next morning, Bella staggered down the stairs, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. The bottom step creaked, just like it always did.

The school routine stuck to her, and yesterday's events still felt comfortably removed from her. Lemon Hearts sat at the kitchen table, staring at her.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Good morning, Bella.” Lemon pushed a plate full of cookies across the table. “How are you feeling today?”

Bella sat down across from her mom. “Fine,” she lied.

Lemon's eyes narrowed. Her light blue magic wrapped around the plate and slid it in front of Bella.

As if that could make me feel better. “I'm not hungry, Mom.”

Lemon gave Bella her look, the one where she tilted her head down slightly and looked right through a pony.

Bella rolled her eyes. “Fine. If it'll make you happy.” She picked up a cookie and took a quick bite.

Her eyes opened wide. This cookie is delicious! She stared at it; it looked like an ordinary chocolate chip cookie, but she'd never eaten one so soft and buttery-sweet. It melted in her mouth.

“Do you like it? It's a new recipe I'm trying out.”

Of course Mom can bake. That doesn't change anything. Bella stared at her cookie and scowled. “They're okay.” She wondered for a moment how good they might have tasted hot and fresh yesterday morning, instead of cold and stale today. That's stupid. My life is ruined, and cookies aren't going to fix it, no matter what Mom thinks. Bella shoved the rest of the cookie into her mouth, eating it methodically and robotically, refusing to enjoy any part of it.

Lemon watched, her face scrunching up a little.

That gaze was getting too piercing. “Well, I'd better go get ready for school. I'll—”

“Bella.”

Wincing, Bella dropped back into the chair, but she didn't respond. She picked up another cookie.

“Are you going to tell me what's wrong?”

“I'm fine.”

Lemon gave her the look again. “You can tell me. I promise nothing bad will come of it.”

Bella put the cookie down. It cracked through the middle. A silent moment passed, and she looked away, into the living room. “Broke up with Silver.”

“Oh no!” Lemon covered her mouth with both hooves. “What happened?”

“Stuff happened.”

“Bella...”

Bella looked at her mom. The thin glimmer of sunshine from the window made Lemon's yellow coat glow. She was just sitting there, waiting for an explanation.

With a sigh, Bella flopped forward onto the table, holding her head in her hooves. She'll have to find out sooner or later. “Ruby gave me some really bad drugs, then I went to a club, and I had sex with a colt name Lickety there.”

Lemon frowned, but she didn't say anything.

“And, well, his marefriend, too.” This sounds terrible. “And, well, after talking with...” Bella winced. She doesn't need to know about her. “... Somepony was talking to me about being pregnant, and I got worried, so I went for a test and...”

Lemon's eyes went wide. She mouthed something, but didn't say it.

“I found out I am.”

That was enough to visibly unbalance Lemon. She held her hooves up to her mouth for a long moment, then burst up out of her chair and ran around the table. Her hooves wrapped tight around Bella. “Oh Honey, are you alright?”

Bella tried to shrug her mom off, halfheartedly. “Um, I guess I'm kinda okay with that, but—”

“But when you told your marefriend...”

“Yeah.” Bella slumped. “When I told Silver Spoon, she didn't take it well.”

“We'll have to tell your father sometime.”

Bella jolted back. “No!” She turned away.

“Bella. He needs to know.” Lemon leaned over the polished wood table to look Bella in the face again. “And I get the feeling that there's more to it than you've told me, too.”

Shaking her head, Bella leaned back over, hugged her mom, and nuzzled close.

Lemon tensed up for a moment, then returned the hug, patting Bella on the back. She sighed, long and heavy. “Okay. It'll be okay.”

Bella stayed there far longer than she ever thought she would. She needed somepony to hold her, and with Silver taken away, she'd gone back to the same hooves that had held her as a little filly. At least she could still count on those.

Lemon pulled away a tiny bit – not without a struggle – and reached her hoof up to wipe the tears away from Bella's eyes. She gave a calm, sure smile. “I'm sure you'll be able to get her back. You two are wonderful together. Just apologize to her – that has to be the first step.”

“You really think she'll take me back?” Saying that brought a bloom of warmth to Bella's chest. Maybe she will.

“And don't worry about the baby. No matter what happens, we'll deal with that together.” Lemon rubbed Bella's shoulder. “If you want my advice, I say you should consider adoption. Lots of couples out there want to have foals but can't. We could find a good home for it.” She gently poked Bella in the chest. “It's been done before, you know.”

Bella nodded.

“Now...” Lemon pulled away and stood up. “It's time to get you ready for school or you'll be late.”

“Mom!”

“Nope. I don't want to hear it.” She nudged Bella out of the chair. “You're not missing another day this week!”

⁂

This morning was warmer than the last few days had been. With the sun on her side and hardly any breeze, Bella could imagine it was a slightly chilly summer morning.

She was almost at school now, and the apology she'd been working on for Silver was nearly complete. 'And then we can put all of this behind us'? That didn't sound quite right. 'And someday, it won't even matter.' That sounded better. She still wasn't sure if she should offer Silver a free chance to mess around, but it would be fair, after all. Maybe I'll save that to use in case she's wavering.

Turning the corner, Bella came into view of the school.

Silver Spoon stood in front of the entrance, talking to Diamond Tiara.

Oh no. Bella froze. She can't be thinking of... She slipped back behind the corner and peeked around it.

Diamond pointed at the big, faceless building behind her and said something to Silver.

Silver's head hung low, and she covered her face with a hoof.

She only does that when she's crying. Bella winced. This is all my fault.

Diamond slapped Silver, sending her reeling back. Bella could almost feel it herself.

Silver staggered way for a moment, but then came right back in.

Diamond said something else. She petted Silver's cheek right where she'd just slapped it.

Oh no. Please, Spoony, you don't have to do that!

Silver nodded.

It felt like Bella's insides were being torn out of her, leaving a crushing vacuum inside, pulling her into herself. Oh Spoony. Not this. Anything but this.

Pushing in close to Silver, Diamond kissed her roughly – pressing her back and down with the force of it.

Melting down in the face of Diamond's pressure, Silver cringed away ... but she kissed back, and her tail slowly rose until it flagged high.

Spoony... Bella collapsed against the cold, rough wall, fighting back tears. It was a fight she couldn't win. What have I done? What have I done?

Silver was back together with Diamond Tiara. Back with the insults, back with being used, back with being abused.

And it was all Bella's fault.

She collapsed into the dirt, dust sticking to the damp patches on her face. It ate away at her like acid. One selfish, stupid mistake and I've ruined her life. Bella had felt unwanted before, and she'd felt unloved. But she had never felt so utterly worthless. Silver would be better off if she never met me. She looked back up. It was almost like saying goodbye.

Diamond broke away from Silver and strutted toward the school's door.

Silver didn't move.

Whirling around with a sharp step, Diamond shouted viciously at her.

Silver rushed up and followed her closely. The two of them disappeared into the school together.

“Goodbye, Spoony,” Bella whispered. “I'm sorry.” She covered her face with a hoof. Why did I do it? Why did I do this to—

“Are you okay, Miss?” An old brown stallion stood close to her, peering at her through thick glasses that distorted his eyes.

Bella shot up and wiped the tears and dust out of her face. It just smeared, darkening her light coat. She took a step away from him. “I'm fine.”

“Are you sure I can't—”

“I'm fine.” She pivoted on her back legs and took off, galloping straight back home as fast as her legs could carry her. She ran on and ignored the looks, ignored the quick, thoughtless questions of the ponies she passed. It was all meaningless, after all. None of it mattered.

By the time she stepped through the front door of her house, she'd managed to slow herself to a more reasonable pace and calm her breathing, though her legs still trembled.

Angry music thundered from upstairs, but downstairs the house looked empty. Though the rooms were sprawling and empty, the dark wood-paneled walls, low ceilings, and recessed living room made the space feel dim and cramped. Strangely, the rooms seemed more crowded when they were empty.

Bella crept around the big brown sofa and past her mother's hutch full of fancy dishes. Even though she'd never seen any of them used, they never showed any dust.

The kitchen was empty as well, though she could still smell a hint of toast. Lemon had to be here somewhere, but she wasn't in any of her usual places.

Good. Maybe I can get to my room without her seeing me. She started up the stairs, but when she neared the top, she could hear something above her brother's music.

It was Lemon's voice, and she was shouting.

Bella froze, but then crept up as close as she could without being seen around the corner at the top of the stairs.

“... even get those drugs? Don't think for a minute that I don't know about you and your stash, young colt!” Lemon was quiet for a moment. “I know you gave her those drugs. Drop the act! You've always been a bad influence on Bella.”

The music cut off. Bella peeked around the corner – Lemon was inside the room now.

“And she had better not get any more drugs while she's pregnant! I won't have you risking her foal for some silly—”

Ruby's voice mumbled something.

Lemon's voice squeaked shrilly, “What? I will not be talked to that way. I'm still your mother!”

“No!” Ruby's shout echoed in the hallway. “You're not my mom! My mom's dead, and she was a cunt anyway!”

Lemon gasped loudly.

“But not as big of a cunt as you!”

“Unh! How could you say...” Somepony stomped hard on the wooden floor – hard enough for Bella to feel the vibrations. “When your father comes home, we're going to—”

“Fuck off!” Ruby's music blasted out again, louder than before. Screaming musicians replaced the yelling between family members.

Lemon Hearts stormed out of the room. Her magic slammed the door behind her. As soon as it shut, her fury collapsed. She cringed, glancing back at the door, then squeezing her eyes shut and hanging her head low. Slowly, she turned away toward the stairs, biting her lip and walking as if she was a hundred years old.

She looked up and spotted Bella. She transformed, standing taller and straighter. The worry lines in her face vanished, replace by a huge, shallow smile. “Oh, Bella! What are you doing home?”

Bella winced. “I, uh ... nothing! I wasn't trying to... I just...” Crud. There's no covering for it now. She knows I was eavesdropping.

The smile faded. “Why aren't you at school?”

Ruby's music blasted out again, even louder now, making conversation difficult.

“It's not Ruby's fault, Mom,” Bella half-shouted. “I'm the one who screwed up.” I'm the one who screwed up everything.

Lemon came in close so Bella could hear. “Really, why aren't you at school?”

“I...” Bella grit her teeth and glanced away. She should be in school, Silver or no Silver ... but she couldn't possibly go there and watch Diamond Tiara abuse her. “Mom, I can't!”

Lemon stared at her.

The tension was too much. Bella's legs felt like stretched springs, and she let them pop. She dashed past Lemon to her own room, and she slammed the door behind her. Jumping into her bed, she grabbed the sheets and flung them over herself. She only wanted to disappear in there forever, where she couldn't screw up anypony else's life... or her own.

A moment later, the door opened.

Bella groaned. Why didn't I lock it? I can't do anything right! It didn't matter, though. Lemon had a key for it somewhere. But the last thing she needed right now was another lecture about school.

“Oh Bella.” Lemon delicately stepped into the room. “What happened to your posters and all your lovely drawings? Was it Ruby?” She closed the door. With it shut, Ruby's music muted down to a muffled roar. “You had such a wonderful collection going. What happened?”

Bella rolled away from her. “They weren't that good.”

The bed sagged as Lemon sat down on it. “Bella dear, I don't know what to make of you these days. I know you're upset about Silver Spoon, but you've been acting so ... strangely. It isn't like you.”

“It doesn't matter, Mom.”

There was a long pause. Lemon fidgeted back and forth, rocking the bed slightly. “Bella, I always—”

“I know who my real mom is, okay.” Bella flung the blankets away from her head. “I know everything.”

“Oh ... oh.” Lemon gave a long sigh. “We'd always meant to tell you sometime, of course ... but I knew how much you liked her, and I knew how you felt about your birth mother.”

Bella shoved her face into the pillow. “Well thank you so much for keeping it a secret. It made my life so much better.”

“I didn't...” Lemon pursed her lips. “How did it happen?”

“She invited me backstage. I thought she was just impressed by my dancing. But then I was flirting with her, and she was acting really weird, and eventually she said she was my mom.” Bella rolled over onto her back, dragging the bedsheets with her. “When I was having sex in that club later, it was to get back at her.”

“What?” Lemon leaned away a little, creaking the bedsprings. “How is that getting back at her?”

“I was showing her what a bad mom she was, making her regret giving me up.”

Lemon wrapped a hoof around her. “Oh Bella, you do have a mom who loves you.”

Sliding close to her mom, Bella pulled at her mane, making an even worse mess of it. “And now Silver is gone, and she's back with Diamond Tiara getting abused, and she'll go back home to her dad and—” Bella clamped her mouth shut. There were still some things she couldn't tell anypony about.

“Don't worry. This will all be sorted out in time.” Lemon rubbed Bella's shoulder. “Now, how about we get you back to school?”

“Mom!” Bella covered her face with her hooves. “I can't! Silver's...” She rocked back and forth slightly. “I can't see her after what I did to her. I can't.”

Again, Lemon was quiet for a long moment.

Bella rolled over and buried her head in the pillow. She could feel it getting damp under her face. Ugh! I'm so stupid. Why did I do that?

With a long sigh, Lemon laid a hoof on Bella, brushing against her mane. “How about we go make cookies together, just like when you were little and we used to play games while they baked? And you always wanted to play Mareopoly, but we never had enough time to finish before the cookies were done. Maybe that would cheer you up?”

When will she figure out that I've grown up? Cookies can't fix everything! I'm pregnant for pony's sake, and she's still treating me like a child. Bella spun around to face her. “Mom! I'm not a—”

The corners of Lemon's eyes were pinched, and her lips were trembling slightly, despite her tight smile.

Bella stared at her, blinking. Wow ... she really needs this. It would really hurt her if I said no. At least Bella could make somepony happy. “Okay, Mom. I'd like that.”

Lemon's smile became warmer and more genuine. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. She leaned down and hugged Bella tight. “That's my girl... that's my girl.”

Chapter 7: Failure

Chapter 7 – Failure

Bella could hardly stand still as she waited outside Sugarcube Corner. The big, frosting-covered sweetshop loomed behind her, emanating all kinds of enticing smells. She wished she had gone inside and bought something right when she arrived, but it was too late now. Silver would be walking by on her way home any minute, and Bella didn't dare miss her while inside buying treats.

Her stomach growled and she fidgeted. Ponies walked by constantly, sometimes glancing at her, but none of them were Silver.

Two mares walked past her into the shop, arguing loudly and laughing – an earth pony with a big hat and a blue pegasus. Bella knew she'd seen them around Ponyville before, but she couldn't quite remember their names. She knew they were important, though. They were friends with the Princess.

Bella scanned the street again, her mind returning once more to Silver. Mom was right. I'm sure if I could talk to her and apologize, we could work this out, and then everything will be back to normal. The tense, aching muscles of her legs begged for motion and action. Despite standing still, she was breathing heavy. And I really need everything to be normal again!

Finally, Silver Spoon walked around the corner. Silver Platter walked closely at her side, shopping bags strapped to his back.

Bella winced. She couldn't talk to Silver with him around.

As they came near, Silver looked up at Bella with a glimmer in her eyes, but Silver Platter scowled at Bella. He stomped his hoof next to Silver, making her fall back in line with him instantly.

She studiously looked down and away from Bella.

It felt like an ocean tide was washing Bella toward Silver, as if she had to struggle to hold onto the ground, or she'd be swept along with it. But she had to resist. She couldn't do anything right now. She could never risk Silver Platter finding out about their relationship – there was no telling what he might do to Silver if he found out.

Bella watched them as they walked by, and she kept watching as they slowly disappeared down the street. She kept watching, even after they were totally gone. If only I could just talk to her! Sighing and shaking her head, she started walking.

She didn't walk fast, merely stumbling along, and she didn't give any thought to where she was going. She didn't look up. Her legs needed to move, so she walked.

Why can't things go back to normal? Bella plodded on. Why did everything get so complicated? She knew why, of course. She stomped her next few steps viciously. Goddess, I'm stupid. That thought stuck with her, reverberating as she trudged on and on.

She must have turned a dozen corners by now, choosing at random, but when she looked up, Silver Spoon's palatial house loomed close ahead.

Shaking her head, Bella stopped in her tracks. How did I get here of all places? She knew, of course. It was the one place she wanted to go and the one place she couldn't be.

It was all unfair – she'd never meant for any of this to happen. She kicked a pebble in the road, sending it skittering away, then resolutely turned away from Silver's house.

She marched down the broad street, no longer aimless and wandering, but still without any destination in mind. Still, she strode away from Silver's house as if she was going somewhere important, as if she had a reason for what she was doing.

If only I did.

That would be such a comfort, having a reason and a purpose, having a plan to make things better. But could she? Will Silver take me back? I know she doesn't think—

Bella stopped in her tracks. She'd nearly bumped into Lickety Split on his way out of his mom's little ice cream shop. Now, all her frustration about the unfairness of the world had a target.

“Oh.” He backed up, rubbing the back of his neck. “Hi, Bella.”

Her teeth ground against each other. She couldn't bear the tension shooting up her neck. “I need to talk to you!”

His eyes went a little wider, and his mouth gaped. “I... I've got to go do some—”

“No! You stay right there!”

Lickety cringed away, but his hooves stayed planted.

“I'm pregnant!”

His pupils shrank down, and he stumbled back. His lips moved, but he didn't say anything.

The silence only enraged Bella more. “What? Don't you have anything to say? Aren't you going to do anything?” She stamped both front hooves. Her eyes were getting blurry. “Aren't you going to take responsibility?”

That seemed to click something inside him. He blinked and straightened up. “Oh, uh ... right. Well, if you need help getting rid of it, I could totally cover you for the bill.”

It made her sick. “Ugh, no! I've had more than enough of you covering me already!”

“Then what do you want?” His eyes shot open wide. “You're not going to keep it, are you?”

Bella looked away, biting her lip, but her eyes still stung on the side facing Lickety. “I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.” I should have put more thought into it by now...

“Well then get rid of it!” He waved a hoof at her belly. “It's just a wad of goo right now. Get it out before it ruins your life. You're too young!”

She fell back a little. Just a wad of goo? It didn't feel right. Suddenly, she felt like she could feel the little thing inside her – her little baby colt growing. “You... You don't know what the hell you're talking about! You're just a dumb ice cream seller colt who lets his dick make all the decisions for him!”

“What?”

“And now you're trying to get me to kill your son before he's even born, because you're too lazy to do anything about it!”

“And what do you think I'm going to do about it, you stupid slut? Take care of your babies?” He snorted. “Hell no! You got what you deserved!”

“Ugh! How could you say—”

Lickety turned and walked away. His legs stepped a little too quickly and he glanced over his shoulder as he fled.

Bella stood and stared, determined to hold back her tears. She stood long after he'd disappeared around a corner. Screw him! I'm keeping my baby. But her anger could only carry her so far. Maybe he's right. Maybe I should get rid of it...

She stood there a long time, thinking in circles as ponies flowed around her in the street as if she was a rock in a stream. Eventually, though, she knew the one thought all the other ones were circling around: There's only one thing that can fix this.

⁂

Bella crept under the hedge as quietly as she could, struggling with the pokey holly leaves. She couldn't afford to make a sound – it was getting dark already, but if anypony looked in the back yard they would be able to see her.

She shuffled forward a bit more, freeing herself from the dark green bushes and onto the polished stone walkway that wound its way through the garden. Even though every bit of her was straining to get to Silver as soon as possible, she had to take it slowly and carefully to keep her hooves from clip-clopping on the hard stone. If Silver Platter heard her in his back yard, this would all backfire.

The topiaries and shadowy trees gave her plenty of cover on her way to the other corner of the mansion. Just like old times. As she neared Silver's window, she made sure to pick the leaves out of her tail and straighten her mane. This would be an important conversation, so she needed to look her very best.

Finally, she made it to the far corner of the house. Silver's light was shining, making her curtains glow. It was a good sign.

Bella picked a cold pebble from next to the koi pond. It seemed nostalgic now. Just like she had so many times before, she tossed the pebble at Silver's window on the second floor. She could hear the little pip when it hit.

She waited. Around her, crickets began to chirp and the post-sunset sky darkened. She shivered. It was chilly out tonight, and now that she stood still, she felt it.

Usually Silver didn't take this long. Bella threw another pebble, sending the koi scattering away. Again, no response came.

She had to use five more pebbles before the window finally opened.

Silver Spoon's face poked out through the curtains. She stared down at Bella, frowning. “What?”

She's not in a good mood. Bella bit her lip. But it's too late to back down now. “Look, I'm really sorry, Spoony.” She pawed at the ground. “I was really messed up on drugs, and, well ... I was really emotional after I found out about my mom. I was feeling really betrayed.”

Silver's frown remained firmly in place.

“And I want you to know – none of it meant anything. It wasn't emotional. It was just, you know, casual. I was only trying to mess with my traitor of a mom.” Bella looked down at the ground, then back up at the window. “It doesn't have to change anything between us.”

Still, Silver didn't say anything.

It's not working! She had to do something to get Silver back. There had to be a way! Time to bring out the secret weapon... Bella turned to the side, stretching to flex her long, supple legs. She arched her back down to show off her flank better. “I've missed you, Spoony. Missed you touching me. Won't you take me back?”

“Ugh, Bella!” Tears ran down Silver's cheeks. “Don't embarrass yourself!”

Feeling heat in her cheeks despite the chill, Bella stood up straight and tucked her tail low. “Sorry... But will you?”

“No.” Silver wiped some of the tears from her eyes. “No, I won't.”

“Spoony! But I'm sorry! I'll do anything!”

“You don't get it, Bella. You don't get it at all! I don't mean anything to you.” Silver turned, and the window shut a moment later. The curtains closed and the light turned off.

Silver was gone. For good.

Bella hung her head low and walked away. The walk home seemed to take ages longer than it normally did, one slow step at a time.

A cold night breeze began drifting in from the north, wafting through Bella's mane and sending chills down her back. The streets of Ponyville slept, dark and empty.

Only one thought ran through her head: Spoony is gone. Somehow, though, it always skimmed the surface of her mind, never sinking in. It was only words, three silly words; the meaning of the words refused to take root.

Her heart felt it, though. This wasn't the agony of the breakup, and it wasn't the shared pain of seeing Silver back with Diamond Tiara. This was the cold emptiness of a heart that knew what her mind couldn't accept: Spoony is gone.

And she needed Silver. She needed somepony to talk to about her baby. The clock was ticking, she knew, but she wasn't any closer to making a choice about it. Spoony would know what I should do.

She didn't feel like going home. Nothing there would bring Silver back. But where else would she go? What else would she do?

⁂

Her mom and dad were shouting at each other. Bella could hear it through the front door.

Lemon's voice drowned out Arpeggio's. “The kids need to have a—”

They both went silent the moment Bella opened the door.

She smiled at them awkwardly, but they could probably see right through it. “Oh, hi Dad. You're home already?”

Arpeggio nodded. “How are you doing, Bella?”

Her fake smile stretched wider. “Everything's fine.”

“There, you see?” He grinned at his wife. “Nothing to worry about.”

Lemon stared at Bella. She wasn't fooled by the smile, but she stayed quiet as Bella shuffled past them and darted up the stairs.

When she made it to the top, Ruby Sheen's door opened. He stepped out, blocking her path down the hall to her room.

“Oh, uh... Hi, Ruby.” Bella edged toward the far side of the hallway.

He matched her move, still blocking the way. He reeked with the smell of locoweed. “I knew you were home when Mom and Dad stopped yelling at each other.” He laughed, but it broke down to a cough at the end.

Bella looked away. “Yeah.”

“Hey, Bells.” He walked up to her, coming strangely close. The acrid smell burned in her nose. “It looks like you've had a pretty hard day.”

“Yeah. It was pretty awful. Silver broke up with me, and she won't take me back.” Again, she felt like she could feel the foal inside her, even though that was impossible this early. “And ... other stuff.” She tried to edge past him again. All she wanted was to lie in bed and cry.

He touched her with a hoof, running it down her neck and across her chest. “Want some company, then?”

“Ew! No!” She batted the hoof away and jumped backward. “No way!”

Ruby stepped closer. “It's fine. You can actually still do it when you're pregnant. It won't hurt the foal. And besides, you're going to abort it anyway, right?” He reached a hoof toward her again. “And you must be lonely without Silver Spoon.”

“No! You're my brother!” Bella shoved his hoof away.

“Adopted brother.” He rolled his eyes. “It's no big deal. We could still have a good time.”

Bella grimaced. It disgusted her to even think about it. “No!” She rushed past him, pushing him out of the way. As soon as she was inside her room, she slammed the door and locked it.

A moment later, Ruby's voice came through the door. “Sorry about that, I guess. You can't blame a colt for trying, can you?”

Bella turned and looked at the door. Her stomach churned.

“So, do you want to hit the club this weekend? They're having a big thing Saturday... you can have some more smack if you want.”

Bella's eyes went wide. He thinks I'll have sex with him if I'm on drugs! Her mouth dropped open. She couldn't speak. She knew Ruby had his faults, but she'd never seen him like this before.

She stumbled back and collapsed onto her bed. Everywhere she turned, her life was unraveling. Nothing was safe and nothing was certain. Even her family was collapsing! The room spun around her, a hurricane of dark, bare walls closing in on her and crushing her spirit at every turn.

After a moment, Ruby's hoofsteps retreated down the hallway. His screaming music followed soon after.

Bella flopped over in her bed. It had been a hard day, and Ruby hadn't made it any better. Everything was falling to pieces. Silver was gone, her family was tearing itself apart, her art was ripped from the walls, and even her own body was against her, growing a foal she wasn't ready for. Everything was spinning out of control.

She covered her head with a pillow, trying to block out Ruby's music blaring through the wall. Sleep wouldn't come easy tonight, she knew. The music thudded and screeched, pounding away at her, tearing at her soul. It seemed to revel in her misery.

Bella moaned. Some relentless, heavy weight pushed her down into the bed, intent on destroying her one little piece at a time ... and there was no way out.

Chapter 8: Desire

Chapter 8 – Desire

Silver Spoon tucked her scarf closer around her neck and hurried after Diamond Tiara. It had rained earlier in the morning, making everything cold and soggy.

“Keep up!” Diamond glared back at her. “We're late enough already.”

As she passed the two wood posts marking the edge of the school grounds, a strange feeling of déjà vu ran through her. She had never thought she would be taking orders from Diamond Tiara again, rushing to school at her side so they would arrive early enough to pick on their classmates before the bell rang.

Despite everything, she had become a pony full of delusions. She had Bella Rave to thank for that. She had Bella to thank for breaking those illusions, too.

It had seemed too good to be true with Bella ... and it had been. Silver had foolishly believed for a time that there were good ponies out there. Not anymore. Now she saw through the lie again: deep down inside, every pony was some kind of monster.

Diamond Tiara was a monster on the outside, but that was good. Silver always knew where she stood with her. Diamond could be harsh at times, but only when Silver deserved it. She was a steady anchor in Silver's life.

“Geez, Featherweight, have you been making yourself throw up again?” Diamond tossed her mane and smirked at the young stallion leaning near the school's door. “Somepony get this guy a sandwich!”

Featherweight shrank away, running one of his lanky forelegs across his body and glancing at the other ponies around.

Silver caught up as Diamond's cruel laughter faded, and the two of them walked into the school together. “Can't we move on from that, Diamond?” Silver glanced back at the double doors as they closed. “Couldn't we be nice instead?”

Diamond Tiara stopped, making Silver's blood run cold. She glared into and through Silver. “You have no room to talk! You're lucky I took a wimp like you back, even after you ran off with that slut. You're lucky I'm as nice as I am!” She stepped away again, flicking her tail in Silver's face. “Now do what you do best – what your dad taught you do to – shut up and take it!”

It sliced through Silver from one end to the other. But it was a familiar pain, comforting compared to what Bella had put her through.

“Oh, and speaking of worthless sluts!” Diamond strutted over to Bella Rave, cornering her in a nook of the crowded hallway.

Bella backed against the painted brick wall. Her eyes darted around, often coming to rest on Silver, but never staying long.

Diamond sneered at her. “Well, if it isn't Belly Rave, finally back at school? Did you think you could get your marefriend back, or are you just here to slut things up?”

Wincing, Silver shuffled up alongside. Diamond shouldn't have been so mean – Bella only acted so flirty because deep inside, she wanted to be noticed and desired. Not being wanted by her birth mother left a deeper scar than Bella would ever admit, Silver knew. But it was okay. Diamond was only doing this in an effort to cement herself as Silver's new lover. It was romantic, in its own way.

“Well, you can't have her back. Everypony knows Silver Spoon belongs to me now, and she told me everything.” Diamond grinned toothily. “So the only reason I can think of why you would ever show your ugly face again is—” she gave a mirthless giggle “—to whore yourself out for more dreamflower!”

By now, the tension had left Bella's face, and she wasn't shying away anymore. She rolled her eyes and even smiled.

That set Diamond Tiara's teeth visibly on edge. She turned and glared as Silver, her sneer overflowing with sharp disapproval. With a jerk of her head, she demanded participation.

Silver backed away a step. This wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to hurt Bella ... but she knew her punishment would be harsh if she didn't. She stepped forward. As she had so many times before, she wore a mask of cruelty to hide her pain. “Yeah, um, Smack Slut, how's the baby coming along?” Despite everything, Silver did actually hope for an honest answer. She still wanted to know what Bella would do.

But Bella only cringed down, grimacing and staring up at Silver with wavering eyes, eyes that made Silver's heart want to abandon her body.

If the eyes were bad, the way Bella turned away, the way she stared at the tiled floor ... that hurt Silver worse. What had she done? What had she become? Bella didn't deserve any of this.

Diamond started chanting: “Smack Slut, Smack Slut – should have took it up the butt!” She grinned wide, tilting her head back and forth with every beat.

After a flicker of a glance, Silver knew she was expected to join in. “Smack Slut, Smack Slut – should have took it up the butt!” The more she chanted, the bigger and darker the hole inside her became ... but she kept chanting, watching her old lover crumble in front of her. Because the world was harsh. Because she had to. Because the only way to survive when surrounded by monsters is to be a monster.

Finally, Bella rose and pushed past them, tears streaming down her cheeks as she fled.

Silver had to suppress the urge to run after her, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. But Silver knew her place in the world. She joined in with Diamond's harsh laughter as well as she could, though it sounded hollow even to her.

All around the hallway, her classmates looked at her.

Her laughter faltered and faded. She stared at the floor because she couldn't meet their eyes.

⁂

Bella shoved the front door of her house shut, wiping her tears away for the thousandth time. I hope my eyes aren't red.

She crept through the quiet house, the thick brown carpets making her hooves silent. Only the little glass knick-knacks her mom collected would see her on the way to her room ... if she was lucky. There was no sign of Lemon yet. Maybe she'd gone shopping. That would be a relief.

Something jumped from behind the couch.

The cat scratched at her leg, drawing thin red lines and moving in for a bite.

She kicked him savagely. She struck him with all the force of her despair and rage. It sent him tumbling across the room, howling as he flew. It was her revenge, striking back against a cruel and unfair world.

The cat darted away, still yowling.

“Bella!”

She froze when she heard Arpeggio's voice from the recliner. Dad's still home? Tingles ran down her spine. She was trapped now.

“Bella, that was extremely out of line! You could have—” He paused on his way to her, and he stared for a long moment. “What's wrong? Has something happened?”

He'll never understand. “It's nothing.”

As he came closer, his brow grew heavier. His eyes bored into her. “Are you sure? You seem to—”

“Nothing's wrong, Dad! Everything's just fine!”

He took a couple quick steps back, his eyes open wide. “Well ... okay...” Even after he returned to his recliner and raised his magazine back up, he kept staring at her.

Bella rushed to the stairs, slinking, feeling like she was slipping in through a door just before it closed. She did not want to find out what his reaction to her problems would be.

Lemon Hearts stood at the top of the stairs.

Bella's heart sank. After a long sigh, she climbed up.

“I can't keep it a secret forever, little Ravey,” Lemon whispered. “Things are hard enough in this marriage already.”

Why can't this just be over? Bella glanced away. She wanted to disappear into her room ... and stay there until all this disappeared too.

“You can't keep it a secret forever, either.” Lemon gave a significant look at Bella's body. “Not once you start showing.”

“Mom!”

“He has to be told. I can't keep going like this!” Lemon's voice hissed out the sharp whisper.

Bella glanced back down the stairs. “You know how he is. He'll never understand.”

“Bella.”

Sighing, Bella let her head droop. She was too drained to fight. “Okay, okay. But I'll tell him at my own time, okay?” She shook her head, feeling like she'd been carrying a mountain on her back all morning. “I just can't handle that right now.”

Lemon stared, pursing her lips. Her eyes pinched together a little. Finally, she relaxed. “Alright. I did make a promise, after all.”

Good old Mom. Bella wanted to give a smile, but the weak attempt didn't do much more than soften her frown. She brushed past her mom and slipped into her room before anything could be said.

She ended up sitting at her desk, without ever recalling any intent to do so. What now? The walls around her were still mostly bare. She could do something about that, at least.

Carefully, she slipped a plain white sheet of paper out of the drawer, and she picked up one of her favorite pencils.

Now ... what to draw? She stared at the blank page. What could she draw? Nothing was coming.

A sudden blast of muffled screams and drums through the wall announced that Ruby was awake, which was unusual this early in the day. The music pounded at her relentlessly.

Still, nothing came out. She never touched the pencil to the paper. She stared at it. How could Spoony have turned on me so quickly? But I saw her face. She still cares about me. She let the pencil touch the paper, still without the slightest idea about who she would draw. But then why would she say things like—

The door opened. Ruby Sheen walked in, uninvited. “Hey. Mom said you were home.”

So that's why he's up early.

“Look, I'm sorry about last night. That wasn't cool. Still, like I said before, you can't blame a colt for trying, right?” He paused, waiting for an answer that wasn't going to come. His eyes slid down her body and back up. “And you are fucking hot, after all.”

Strangely self-conscious, Bella tucked her tail in close and cringed away.

“Well, anyway, I wanted to say I'm sorry about that. I got a little too pent up and everything, and well ... whatever. Here...” His horn lit up, and a vial of red goo floated over to her desk. “Have some more smack, no strings attached.”

Bella stared at it, gritting her teeth. “No!” She picked up the vial and hurled it at his face.

Ruby caught it with his magic before it hit.

“I'm not doing that again, Ruby! I'm not going out with you anymore!”

He backed up a step. “What?”

“Mom was right! You're a bad influence on me.”

Ruby's face flashed through a dozen emotions, twisting his features in strange ways. He thrashed his head back and forth, and finally he stared her down. “Well fuck you too!” Whirling and stepping away, he slammed the door behind him.

Bella spent a long time staring at that door, her blank page forgotten next to her.

⁂

Diamond Tiara's bedroom hadn't changed since the last time Silver was there. Stuffed animals and pony dolls littered the bed, the dresser drawers overflowed with frilly lace, and posters for long-gone Canterlot plays hung on the walls. Yet, for all the cluster, there were no pictures, no photos ... except for one on the nightstand – of Diamond Tiara herself.

“Oh puh-leez,” Diamond said, rolling her eyes. “How can you still feel sorry for that tramp?”

The entire day at school, that had been the only conversation. Silver wished it could just end already. “I...” She sighed. “I just—”

Diamond jumped in close to where Silver sat on the bed, pushing in close. “Shut up and tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

“You always have and you always will.” Diamond moved even closer.

Silver glanced away, toward the door. “I always have and I always will.”

Diamond Tiara grinned and pressed in, kissing Silver, pushing her down with the force of her lips. She pulled away slightly. “Show me how much you love me.” She slid up onto the bed next to Silver, spreading her legs and batting the stuffed animals out of the way.

“Diamond, I ... we just did it, just a few minutes ago.”

“Well, be a good little bitch and do it again!” Diamond grabbed Silver's mane in her hoof and shoved her head downward.

Silver struggled, pulling back, but she couldn't get her head out of Diamond's crotch. She could smell the scent of it and it made her gag. If only she was still with Bella. Those days had been good. Sex had been fun, not some twisted power game like it was with everypony else.

Diamond shoved Silver down relentlessly, smothering her head between those fuzzy pink legs.

Silver tilted her head up as much as she could. “Princess...”

“Less talking – more licking!” Diamond ignored her favorite pet name. “Don't make me get the whip!” Her eyes narrowed. “Or do you want it that way?”

Yanking back, Silver broke free. “No!”

Diamond rose up, a pink thunderstorm towering over Silver. “What?” She stalked Silver across the bedsheet, trampling a stuffed bear along the way. “Oh, your little ass is going to pay for this! I'm bringing out all the toys!”

Reaching the edge of the bed, Silver stopped, transfixed by the image of pure girlish wrath creeping toward her. This wasn't what she wanted. This wasn't good for her. “No!”

“I'm sure you'll be saying that a lot in the next few hours ... but that doesn't change anything.”

“No, I meant no!” Silver stood her ground. “I'm not doing any of that! I'm...” She faltered for a moment, the words sticking in her throat, but she pressed on. “I'm breaking up with you. This was a mistake.”

Diamond Tiara's mouth dropped open. For a few moments she could only stare.

Silver gulped.

In a lightning-fast movement, Diamond planted a hoof in Silver's chest and shoved her off the bed.

Silver landed on her side; she hadn't expected that. Pain flared from the ribs her father had bruised.

Standing over her like some ancient god of rage, Diamond sneered. “You worthless little worm! After all I've given you, after all I've done for you...” Her eye twitched. “Fine! Go! You're nothing without me – nothing!”

Rising to her hooves, Silver cautiously backed away.

“Get out of my house, whore! Run back to your drug slut! I hope your dad fucks you till you bleed!”

Silver darted out through the door and down the hallway. Her hooves skittered across the polished marble as she turned the corner. She bumped into a table, knocking over what was probably a priceless vase, but she kept going – all the way out the front door.

She didn't close it behind her.

Standing alone in the street among the posh houses, she panted. The sun was already setting and a cold breeze was blowing in. She felt sick, like she might throw up. Soon enough, she was shivering, too.

She was alone again. The only pony she had in the world was her father.

The thought of him boiled her stomach even more. She nearly retched onto the street. But she was alone.

She began her slow walk home; it wasn't far.

Where else could she go? Home was the only choice.

Chapter 9: Humility

Chapter 9 – Humility

Lemon Hearts trotted down Bridle Street. The afternoon sun made even this chilly fall air shimmer, but she had no taste for Ponyville's scenery today. Her eyes darted all over, urgently searching for one pony, but she didn't turn her head.

She didn't want to look desperate. She had appearances to maintain. And she had a nagging ache in her head that could only be fixed by making things right. She showed no expression. She would be a normal pony – a normal mother – simply jogging her way to an errand.

He was a heavyset young stallion with a blonde mane and ice cream for a cutie mark, she knew. Sea Swirl had said he was at work in the ice cream shop, but he hadn't been there.

At the ice cream shop, Double Scoop had said that he just left for the bowling alley. He must be there. He had to be.

She rushed on as much as she could without looking like she was in an unseemly hurry. She had to catch him, had to fix this problem at its source.

Finally, there he was, standing in front of the bowling alley and whispering into the ear of a smiling young mare. Lemon was fairly sure the mare was Derpy's daughter, but she couldn't remember her name.

He was the quintessential big dumb brute of a stallion, one who probably cared more about sports scores than the mare beside him. Lemon swallowed her disdain. This colt was the source of the problem, so he must be the solution.

Approaching him with the sincerest smile she could manage, Lemon butted into their conversation. “Oh, hello. Lickety Split, right?” She waited a moment, but only got stares in return. “Could I talk to you a little—” she eyed his marefriend “—in private.”

Lickety stroked his big, bulbous jaw, and his eyes wandered up and down Lemon's body. Of course a colt like him would take it that way. Of course he'd agree to it right in front of his special somepony. He slapped his mare's rump. “Go on inside, Dinky. I'll be there in a minute or two.”

Dinky stared at him for a moment. She had enough sense to distrust him ... but apparently not enough sense to stay away from him entirely. “Well ... okay.” Glancing behind her as she went, she stepped into the bowling alley.

“Come on, we can, heh, talk out back in the side street.” Lickety hurried around the corner. Lemon could see him already beginning to bulge out of his sheath – just a dumb colt letting his body think for him. Did he really think he was such a stud that random mares would drag him into the alley for a rutting?

Before Lemon rounded the corner, she caught a glimpse of Dinky creeping back out of the bowling alley's door and following after her.

Lemon smiled. Good. Maybe this would be educational for the young mare.

The narrow street between the bowling alley and the hairdresser's was a little overgrown, and it was cluttered with old empty crates of mane product.

At the end of it, Lickety leaned against a tall crate, a huge dumb grin on his face. “So... what do you want to talk about?” He flicked his mane to the side with a hoof.

“Do you remember Bella Rave?” Lemon walked up to him, her stare boring into him the whole way.

His libido visibly shrank away, replaced by a wary caution. “Yeah, I guess. What about her?”

“You made her pregnant, that's what, Mister!”

“Not my problem.”

“Ugh!” Lemon stomped the ground, crushing some of the brittle autumn grass. “It is your problem! It's your foal my daughter is carrying around inside her!”

“It's not a big deal, okay? And I offered to pay for the abortion!” He held his head high, as if that was some noble accomplishment.

Lemon stalked toward him. “It is a big deal. You have to take responsibility.”

“What responsibility? She knew what she was doing. It was her choice to—”

“She was on drugs! I could call that rape if I wanted. Now, come and—”

“Well, I was drunk! I could say she raped me if I wanted!”

Blinking, Lemon took a step back. “Why, of all the...” She winced. Somehow, her control of the conversation was slipping.

“You can't do anything to me, lady.” Now Lickety had an entirely different smug grin, a cruel and thoughtless one. “I'm going inside with my marefriend.”

“Your ex-marefriend.”

Both of them turned to see Dinky marching into the alley.

Lickety ran up to her. “What?”

“I heard that. I heard all of that.” The tall, teenaged mare stopped in between Lickety and Lemon, staring him down. “And I'm not going to have such an irresponsible stallion as my coltfriend! What if I got pregnant? You'd do the same to me, I bet!” Dinky's eyes pinched at the edges, glimmering with a hint of tears.

But why would she be so...? Of course. Dinky Hooves – Derpy's little girl ... who grew up with a single mom. Lemon stared at her. No wonder she was touchy about it.

“No, but—” Lickety sputtered. “It's different!”

Dinky scowled at him. “No. No, it really isn't – I'm gone.” She turned and marched away, never looking back.

“Goddess dammit!” Lickety grimaced. “Look what you've done, lady!” He stormed out of the alley after Dinky.

Lemon grinned. He wouldn't win that one back. Served him right for what he'd done to Bella. Her grin faltered and fell. But this wasn't helping her family any. Seeing Lickety hurt wasn't going to solve any problems.

She gave a long sigh. How would she ever keep her family respectable now?

⁂

Ugh, is he ever going to shut up? Bella rubbed her face with a hoof. Arpeggio's lectures were never something to look forward to. I wonder if he's this unbearable when he's talking to his students in Canterlot.

“... Which is why your mother and I pay nineteen bits a month for your education, little lady.” He paced back and forth across the living room, still wearing his old tweed jacket. “And what about the bathroom mirror? Nopony will admit to it, but Ruby swears you're the one who—”

The front door slammed open, flooding the room with daylight. Lickety Split barged in.

“Young colt! You cannot just—”

Lickety didn't even look at Arpeggio. “Bella Rave!” He stalked toward her, his hooves beating heavy in the soft carpet. “You ruined my life, you little ... slut! Why can't you know to take a pill or, or when to get an abortion?” His pace faltered, wavering, and the smell of booze spread through the room. He stumbled to the side, but his bloodshot eyes locked onto Bella and he pointed a wavering hoof at her. “You owe me!”

Arpeggio stepped in his way, blocking his path to Bella, stopping him cold. He towered over Lickety, though they should have been about the same height. Nopony could doubt the center of power in the room. The way he stood, he could have stared down a manticore. “This is my daughter and my house. You will not talk to her this way. You will not come in here like this.”

Lickety's mouth opened, but no sound came out.

Arpeggio's light blue magic aura seized the colt, lifting him off his hooves. “Nopony talks to my daughter like that.” His horn flashed, and Lickety was telekinetically thrown out of his house, landing in a heap outside.

As Arpeggio closed the door, a strange warmth filled Bella. It felt good to have her dad there, to be able to depend on his protection. To feel safe.

He turned and stared at her.

Uh-oh. That fleeting warmth vanished as quickly as Lickety had ... yet still, some shadow of it remained.

“Bella Heart Rave, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Well, it's a long story, and, um ... complicated and...” She bit her lip and looked off to the side.

“So tell me all of it.” He used his magic to slide his heavy recliner next to her spot on the couch. “I have all day.”

Well, I guess I have to tell him now... Bella glanced at him, then went back to staring at the carpet. “Okay ... I guess it all started when I was going to a rave with Ruby and Silver. I was really excited about it because...”

⁂

Well, that's that. Bella waited to see how her dad would respond.

“I can't believe this kind of behavior from my daughter! I could maybe understand it if you were just telling me that Silver Spoon was more than just a friend – I'm not quite the stick in the mud that some take me for, but...” He huffed, rising from his seat. “But this?” His recliner shoved back into its normal spot, with far more telekinetic force than necessary. “To find out that you and your mother have been hiding this from me! If the school board finds out about—”

Bella snapped, jumping up to face him. “Yeah, and it's all about the school board, isn't it? All about your precious career, all about your reputation. Even Mom only cares about making her family look good! Neither of you care about me at all!”

“What?” He didn't budge an inch. “How dare you? With the vice-principal position opening up soon, we can't afford any mistakes!” Veins pulsed in his face. “After we took you in, after all we've done for you... you—”

“You only took me in because you couldn't make your own kids! I'm just some kind of status symbol for you!”

Arpeggio took a step back, his eyes wide and locked on Bella.

Grinning fiercely, Bella prodded him in his moment of weakness. “You don't care about us at all, not either of us! That's why you're always gone, because your prestigious teaching career is more important. You're no better than my real mom!”

Arpeggio's eyes drifted away from her – he stared off in the distance. “Actually, Vinyl has always been there for us. She helps out with the bills, and she buys presents for you. We wouldn't be able to afford your school without her help... She's a good mare.”

“What?” You were conspiring with her this whole time?” It made her stomach heave. What gifts had been from that traitor? “You... You told me you didn't know who my real parents were!”

“Bella, I—”

“You lied to me!” It was all lies! I can't trust any—

“I'm sorry, Bella.” Arpeggio's head hung low, and he heaved a heavy sigh.

Bella froze in mid-rant.

He cringed, gritting his teeth, but he forced himself to continue. “You're ... right. About some of that, anyway. We were wrong to keep Vinyl Scratch a secret from you, and I have been putting a lot of focus on my career ... maybe too much. It's hard to... I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but...” He sighed again. “It was unfair to you ... to all of you.”

Bella stared at him, her mouth gaping and the rage flowing out of her, forgotten. He's... I think I can actually understand him.

“And I apologize for my outburst...” He looked up at her, staring closely. “It's just, well, the thought of my little filly becoming a mare... it's a little frightening.”

She couldn't take it anymore. Jumping up, she wrapped her hooves around his solid neck. “I love you, Dad!”

After a tiny hesitation, he returned the hug. “I love you too.”

She squeezed him hard before letting him go; his tweed jacket scruffled against her chest. When she finally did drop back down, a new fire glowed in her – a warmth that constantly told her 'everything is going to be okay'.

Her smile faded. But everything isn't going to be okay. Everything's falling to pieces.

Shockingly, Arpeggio actually noticed the change. “Bella? ... What's wrong?”

“It's just...” She turned away. How can I tell him?

He looked at her. His eyes seemed to go right through her. “It's Vinyl Scratch, isn't it?”

Bella nodded softly. “And Silver Spoon.”

“Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.”

Bella rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if two mares being together was something new, but that didn't stop him.

“But I do know Vinyl is a good mare. She deserves an apology.”

“Apologize?” Bella whipped her head back to face him. “Apologize for being abandoned, for being neglected? Sure. Right. I'll just do that.” She threw her hooves up.

“Giving a foal up for adoption is a very reasonable and responsible choice. It's a choice you would do well to consider for yourself.”

There was nothing to say to that, nothing Bella wanted to say. With a shake of her head, she blew past him and up the stairs. She'd had enough. Still, she paused at the top of the stairs, just out of view, wondering what he would do.

For a long moment, nothing happened. She heard the front door open and close. He'd gone out ... where? What's he doing?

She shook her head and walked into her room. It didn't matter.

⁂

Bella sat at her desk again. The blank page still sat there, but she hadn't touched it. She'd been staring out through her window for hours... thinking. As the sun gave way to the shockingly early fall dusk, her thoughts strayed more and more toward a cute grey and silver mare she'd never touch again.

Downstairs, the front door opened and closed. She could hear it latch shut ... and she could hear muffled voices inside.

She looked back up at her page. Before, whenever she didn't know what to draw, she'd have drawn her idol ... but who was her idol now?

Hoofsteps were coming up the stairs.

Probably Dad, coming up to give me another lecture. She rolled her eyes. The door's staying shut. He can talk to the wall if he wants.

Somepony knocked on the door.

Weird. Dad doesn't usually knock.

“Bella?” It was Vinyl's voice!

It can't be. Bella rushed over to her door and flung it open.

Vinyl Scratch stood there, in Bella's house, holding a silver-wrapped package in her hooves. She jumped back a little from the door bursting open in front of her. “Oh, uh, hey Bella. I was wondering if we could talk, maybe?”

A small but undeniable part of Bella wanted to revert back to her old fangirl days and celebrate her idol coming so close to actually being in her bedroom. As much as she might want to, she couldn't forget the many times she'd fantasized about just that ... but that was her mom she had fantasized about. It made her sick and the wave of repulsion rolled right into the fact that this was her traitor mom, how had abandoned her to her fate. She doesn't deserve to talk to me.

Bella shook her head and turned away from the door.

“Um...” Vinyl shuffled back and forth behind her. “But he said she wanted to talk,” she muttered under her breath, then she gave a slight gasp. “Oh, here – I brought you something!”

Whirling around, Bella caught Vinyl with a huge, stressed grin on her face.

Her grin collapsed when it wasn't returned.

Bella shoved the box out of Vinyl's hooves. It crashed to the ground and something inside shattered.

Vinyl cringed and backed away.

“What, so you're just going to buy me off now, is that it?” Bell sneered at her former idol. “Screw you! You abandoned me. Why should I want you around now?”

Bella could see the glint of a few tears coming from behind Vinyl's glasses, forcing the DJ to take them off and wipe her eyes. Bella reveled in it – that was long-overdue payback for all Vinyl had done to her.

“I used to look up to you. I used to think you were cool. But now I see the truth: you're nothing! You just ran away from your problems and let other ponies deal with it. You...”

Bella caught a glimpse of Lemon at the top of the stairs. She was staring at Bella with a slight frown and care-worn wrinkles around her eyes.

Turning back to Vinyl, Bella finally saw her, saw the pain on her face. She wasn't the untouchable teen idol, and she wasn't the sleazy deadbeat mom ... not anymore. What Bella saw was a pony ... a pony full of pain that Bella was causing.

Even though Bella's tirade had paused, Vinyl still cringed away, staring at her own hooves.

Something inside Bella broke. She darted forward and swept Vinyl up in a hug.

Vinyl tensed up, staring at Bella with her mouth gaping wide. After a moment, though, she wrapped her own hooves around, returning the hug.

“I'm sorry, Vinyl.” Bella squinted through her watering eyes. “I'm so sorry.”

Vinyl pulled back, looking at Bella. “No, don't—”

“I am! It's just...”

“I love you, Bella.” Vinyl smiled, and the warmth of it washed through Bella. “I always have – I should have never given you up.” She pulled Bella in and hugged her fiercely, as if she would never let go.

Bella could barely breathe, and her own eyes were burning with tears now. “I love you too, Mom.” She caught the slightest glimpse of Lemon turning and heading down the stairs with a big, contented smile on her face.

Eventually, the two of them broke apart, still standing in Bella's doorway.

Vinyl grinned. “You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that.”

Her grin went unanswered. Bella wiped tears from her eyes, but they kept coming. “Why, though? Why did you do it?”

“Oh.” Vinyl's smile faded. “Can I come in?”

Bella nodded.

Laying a hoof on Bella's shoulder, Vinyl led her to the bed and they sat together, side by side, staring at the empty walls. “I guess I do owe you an explanation.” She sighed. “I was young – really young, younger than you, and it was after one of my first, real paying solo gigs... And that's where I met your dad – your real dad – at the after-party.” She scratched the back of her neck. “Well, one of them must have been your real dad.”

Bella leaned away, staring at Vinyl with wide eyes.

“I was high on a lot of locoweed at the time, okay?” She shook her head. “And even more high on my success. ... It didn't take long to find out afterward. I was pregnant – with you.”

Bella gave a hesitant chuckle and wiped the remnants of tears away.

“And everypony told me a foal would ruin my life. They told me I couldn't party anymore – I love partying! And, you know, I travel around all the time. There's my pad in Las Pegasus, but I'm hardly ever there...” She paused for a long moment, rubbing her hoof up and down one thigh. “I figured it was for the best.”

Staring at her, Bella could hardly think. It all flowed past her without touching her.

Vinyl let the silence hang for a moment and wrapped a hoof around Bella again. “I was wrong.”

Bella indulged in another teary hug, leaning into her long-lost mom.

Nudging her, Vinyl softly cleared her throat. “Bella ... your foal?”

Bella jolted.

“Yeah, Arpeggio told me.” She stared at Bella. “You won't make the same mistake I did, will you?”

In that moment, it couldn't be clearer. “Of course not.” She blinked. I'm ... keeping it – keeping him. She smiled. I'm going to need a name. After a few moments, though, she slumped, drooping down against Vinyl.

“What's wrong now?”

“There's nothing I can do about it.”

“Nothing you can do about what? The foal?” Vinyl cocked her head to the side.

“He's going to grow up with just me and nopony else.”

Vinyl punched her in the shoulder, making her flop back and forth a little. “Oh come on! He'll have a grandpa, and two grandmas, and a weird uncle!” She laughed.

Bella didn't join in the laughter.

“That isn't it, is it?” Vinyl gently rubbed Bella's back, trying to ease the tension out of it. Finally, she sighed. “Arpeggio told me about Silver Spoon.”

Leaning away, Bella propped her head up with a hoof. “There's nothing I can do about that now.”

“Did you apologize?”

“Of course!” She turned back around and shook her head. “But she still hates me.” It's all pointless.

“Did you apologize, or did you make excuses?”

“I—” Bella groaned. “I don't know.” Everything was running back through her head again now. I'm a horrible pony.

Hooves grabbed both sides of Bella's back and pulled her back toward Vinyl, then wrapped around her in another hug. “Look – apologizing is hard. You have to admit you were wrong, and that hurts.

“But what if she still won't take me back?” Why would she ever take me back? Bringing it up like this brought the pain back. It might have been easier to forget about Silver.

“Then you keep trying.” Vinyl patted her on the chest. “It's love. It's supposed to be hard.”

Chapter 10: Need

Chapter 10 – Need

Bella ran for the schoolyard as fast as she could while taking care to avoid the icy patches. The inexplicable little sick spell she'd had this morning had made her late, and she was anxious to make up the lost time.

Running didn't feel good with her stomach still unsettled, but her dad had been right. She'd missed enough school lately. She didn't need to add being late on top of it all.

When she rounded the last corner, though, it didn't look good. The schoolyard was empty. Everypony had already gone inside.

She rushed across the yard and up to the door. Through the little window in the door, she could see ponies filing into classrooms.

Good, I'm not too late! Bella put a hoof on the door, ready to push it open.

The sound of hooves pounding came from behind her. Somepony was running.

Bella stopped and turned to look. Her jaw dropped.

It was Silver Spoon. Ragged strands of her mane fell all over her face, and she was running to school in a desperate hurry. The black eye she'd had earlier was almost healed, but behind it, her eyes were red and puffy. She stopped near the entrance, standing just out of reach and staring at Bella. She was frozen there, panting from her run.

Bella stared back, only gradually realizing that she was still holding the door and in Silver's way. I should say something. She caught her own breath, tired from her own running. “Um... I...” Wincing, she glanced away. Stupid. Why can't I say anything?

The school's bell rang, signaling that they were officially late for class.

Still, neither of them moved.

Bella shook herself. Come on, say it! It took a couple long, deep breaths, but she finally found her voice.

“Silver?” She took another deep breath. “I need to say it. I'm sorry. Really sorry, not like last time ... and I'm sorry for that, too.” She could feel her own pride trying to hold her back, like trying to walk forward with a rubber band tied to her tail. It didn't want to let go. But I want Spoony more. “I was wrong. Wrong to cheat on you, wrong to make excuses—” she gulped “—and especially wrong to say such awful things about you.”

Silver stared hard at Bella, her lips in a thin, hard line. She was trembling a little and blinking more than normal.

Looking down at the ground, Bella resigned herself to wait. If she doesn't want to answer ... that's her business.

“You just don't get it, do you?”

The words hit Bella like ice water. That was not something she wanted to hear. But I apologized like Vinyl said. What did I do wrong? She looked up at Silver. The hint of a sneer Silver gave her shut her down, clamping her throat shut, keeping her from saying anything. It tore through her, crushing every part of her. That's it. Spoony's never coming back. My life is over.

“You were the only pony in my life I could”— Silver's voice cracked —“I could really trust.” She was crying now, her face twisted in an awful grimace. “But then you showed me the truth – that deep down inside, everypony is hiding some kind of monster.”

“I... Some ponies aren't—”

“Bella, I can't trust you! How could I ever be with a pony I can't trust?” Silver turned away. “I can't!”

Bella's eyes felt too dry, her throat more choked than ever. But I have to say something! He held out her hoof. “Spoony...”

Silver didn't turn. “I'm not—” she sniffled “—going to sit around and be your plaything in between parties!” She began stomping off, snapping her hooves down and sending bits of wet frost splattering away.

Silver tore Bella's heart out as she left – the pain was unbearable. Bella would do anything if only things could be okay again. But what could she do? Silver was gone, gone for good, all for one stupid mistake. It was all the drug's fault, and the party's. The party...

“Okay,” Bella said, “I'll never go to another party. Ever.” She blinked. Did I really just say that?

Whirling to face her, Silver stared. Her eyes were wide, darting back and forth all over Bella as the tears dried from them. “But... You love parties!”

“I love you more. More than parties, more than anything.” The words came out faster than Bella could control, but once they were out, she knew they were true.

Silver's tears returned, but now they were squeezed out by a huge grin. “I love you, Bella!”

Rushing into her, Bella wrapped Silver in a tight hug, pressing the two of them together. “I love you too, Spoony. Forever.”

It seemed like ages they clung together, holding each other as close as they could, each one's tears soaking into the other's shoulder. Eventually, though, Bella pulled back so she could look silver in her pretty violet eyes. “I guess we'd better get to class. We're going to be really late now.”

Silver's eyes didn't waver at all. There was a fire in them. Without warning, she darted forward and kissed Bella, diving deep into her and holding her. Though both of them were breathing heavily, Silver brought her hoof up behind Bella's head and held her tight, savoring the fiery kiss.

Everything that had been torn out of Bella, everything she had lost, came flooding back, erupting from the power of Silver's smooth, soft lips.

When they finally parted, Silver smiled coyly. “I've missed you, Bella.”

Bella's eyes opened wider. There was no mistaking the slight huskiness in Silver's voice.

“And my father will be at work by now.” Silver leaned in close, whispering into Bella's ear, tickling the fine hairs there. “Let's go to my house instead.”

Stop! Do not use Fimfiction links to the next chapter: use these instead.
The next chapter is an optional clop chapter. Do you want to read it?
Yes. Take me to the optional clop chapter. (Chapter 10b: Bliss) (A link to chapter 11 will be provided at the end.)
No. Skip the optional clop chapter. (Go directly to Chapter 11: Satisfaction)

Chapter 11: Satisfaction

Chapter 11 – Satisfaction

Bella snuggled on her side, with Silver's back pressing into her belly. Spooning had always been Silver's favorite way to cuddle. They'd been lying there for hours, but neither of them had made the slightest move to get up, not even to escape the now-cold wet spot on the bed. It was too comfortable, too wonderful a moment to ever end.

She stroked her hoof through Silver's mane, lazily straightening it out from its disarray.

Silver gave a soft, humming moan and pressed herself tighter against Bella. Her mane fell away, exposing the back of her neck.

Bella gasped. A big purple bruise sprawled just below Silver's head. “Spoony?”

“Mm-hm?” Silver rubbed her cheek against Bella's foreleg.

“That bruise on your neck ... is it...?”

Silver tensed, the muscles of her back going hard and stiff.

“Spoony?”

She breathed a long, drawn-out sigh. “He was shoving me down on himself ... really hard.”

“Silver!”

“No!” Rolling over, Silver stared into Bella's eyes. Her burning intensity didn't invite any argument. “You can't do anything. You promised!”

Bella sighed. “Okay.” She held Silver close for a long, quiet while, but inside, she was scheming. There has to be some way I can get him to stop. It isn't right.

“What are you going to do with the baby?”

What if Spoony doesn't want it? Bella blanched at the prospect of choosing between her foal and her lover ... but there was no way around it. They'd have to talk sometime. “Well, ah... I'm not sure,” she fibbed. “Maybe I'll keep it?” I don't want to sound sure about it. I couldn't bear to get in a fight about it now.

“Hmm.” Silver squeezed in closer laying a hoof across Bella's side. “Good.”

Bella let out the breath she'd been holding.

“I've actually always had kind of a secret fantasy about it,” Silver admitted. “Having a family with you, but it was always impossible.”

Bella giggled.

“It happened a little sooner than I would have liked.”

Bella's giggling cut off. “Oh ... um, sorry.”

“It's okay.” Silver smiled. “We're going to be just fine ... and I'll enjoy being Second Mommy.”

⁂

Stupid scratchy bushes. This wasn't the best hideout spot Diamond Tiara had ever used. It wasn't the worst, either. But it was still awful.

She peeked out. Silver Spoon's house was still and quiet, but she knew they must still be inside. It wasn't as big and nice as her house, but what house was? Nothing in this two-horse town.

She wished they would come out already. She had another beauty pageant to win later this evening, and if her 'doing the right thing will always be rewarded' dad got wind of what she was up to, he'd never shut up about it.

Ducking back down, she fondled the controls of her camera. Wonderfully diabolical plots swirled in her head. “Leave me all alone again, will you?” She chuckled darkly. “We'll just see about that, Silver Spork. When I'm through with you and that little slut of yours, you'll never—”

“Diamond Dazzle Tiara!”

Diamond jumped. Leaves and pokey twigs jabbed into her, but she spun around to face whoever was foolish enough to—

Vinyl Scratch scowled down at her hiding spot.

Her! Diamond wasn't sure how, but she knew that pony was involved in this somehow. She'd have to do something about her, too. Shaking the leaves out of her mane as gracefully as possible, she stepped out of the bushes and right into Vinyl's face. “And what do you—”

“Don't even start.” Vinyl moved in closer. “If you do anything – anything at all – to my daughter or her marefriend, I'm going to title my next tour 'Diamond Tiara is a Whiny Little Bitch', got it?”

Her daughter? But Silver's mother was dead. And that threat... Cold spikes of fear dug into her, but she knew how to deal with that. She laughed harshly. It was ridiculous. It was—

“You won't be laughing when all of Equestria makes 'Whiny Little Bitch' your new nickname.”

Goddess, that pony was serious! Diamond gulped. “Oh yeah, well I'll—”

“You'll what?” Vinyl scowled at her.

“Um...” It had been so clear a moment ago.

Vinyl stomped, coming in closer. Their noses almost touched. “Got it?”

All Diamond could see was her own reflection in those big, colored glasses. She nodded.

With a smirk, Vinyl turned away. “Good – remember it, and leave those two alone.”

Diamond felt sick. Seriously sick, like she might barf. She wanted to get back, to lash out. Her instincts screamed for retribution ... but that fear came back, a crippling fear, a fear she hadn't felt since her first pageant. She couldn't risk humiliation on that kind of scale. That DJ was crazy. She'd do it.

This was a new feeling, and Diamond didn't like it, not one bit.

⁂

The sun was already sinking when Bella came home. It was always weird when the days started getting so short.

She opened the door and darted inside, eager to get out of the cold.

Arpeggio stood inside, holding his old brown suitcase in his magic. “... I'll look for him, Dear, and I'll write if I find out anything.”

Bella closed the door behind her. “You're off to Canterlot again?”

He nodded and glanced away, biting his lip ... but then he turned back and smiled.

Smiling back, Bella enjoyed the moment. For once, she didn't resent him leaving. She knew he cared, and that was all that mattered.

He hugged her on the way out, then ducked through the door and rushed off.

He must be late for the train. Bella stared out through the window even after he passed out of view. Weird. He's never late.

“Is that you?” Lemon stepped out of the kitchen. As soon as she saw Bella, she ran out and hugged her tight. “Oh thank goodness you're alright! I was so worried!”

“Huh?” She was home a little later than usual for a school day, but it shouldn't have been anything to worry about. “What's wrong?”

“Have you seen your brother anywhere?”

“No, why?”

Lemon's hooves couldn't hold still. She trotted in place. “He's been missing all day! A lot of his things are gone, and when I talked to Applejack, she said she'd seen him getting on the morning train! And then I checked at the school, and you weren't there either!” She wrapped Bella in another suffocatingly tight hug. “I was so worried!”

Bella blinked slowly, vacantly hugging her mom back. “Oh... Wow.” It was hard to absorb. “He's gone?” They might have had a rough relationship lately, but Ruby had always been there for her, always been a friend to hang out with.

Finally letting go, Lemon went right back to her nervous jitters. “Nopony knows where he went! He didn't tell anypony where he was going.” She winced and looked at the door as if she expected him to walk through it at any moment. “We don't even know where to look, what town to go to.”

Staring at the window, Bella absently laid a hoof on Lemon's shoulder to comfort her. “Huh...” I wonder if it had anything to do with me...

⁂

Come on, come out! Bella shivered, waiting in the narrow side street next to Ponyville Savings and Loan. I really should have brought a coat.

It was past eight already, according to the clock tower, but Silver Platter still hadn't come out. The upstairs light was on in the building, though. He had to still be in there.

Shaking herself, Bella tried to ignore the chill. The night was clear and breezy, and stars twinkled overhead. Somehow, they always seemed closer when it was cold outside.

Why hasn't he come out yet? All the other bank workers had gone home already, but it was apparently a late night at the office for Silver Platter.

Finally, the window went dark. A few excruciatingly slow moments later, the side door opened and Silver Platter stepped out. He wrapped a grey scarf a few shades lighter than his coat around his neck and slicked back his mane before turning around and carefully locking the door.

Bella crept toward him, totally silent.

When he turned back around, he jumped away from her with a shout. “Who are— Oh. It's you.”

“You are never going to touch Silver Spoon again.”

He raised an eyebrow. Though he was slightly shorter than her, he seemed to lean over her. “Are you threatening me?”

“No... I prefer to think of it as blackmail.” Bella allowed herself a wicked little grin.

His eyes narrowed and his bottom lip curled. “Spoon will never come out publicly, and with my sterling reputation, nopony will believe your outlandish accusations.”

“I'm not talking about what you've done to Silver Spoon.”

He pulled back, looking at her sideways, then shook his head. “I don't have time for this rubbish. Step aside.”

Bella took a step forward, seizing the space he'd given her. “I'm talking about what you did to me. You raped me. And now I'm carrying your foal.”

“Preposterous!” His eyes went wide and his mouth sputtered soundlessly. “I – I did no such thing!”

Bella had to stop herself from laughing at him. And that's what it looks like when a liar is finally telling the truth for once. She settled for letting her lugubrious grin widen. “Prove it.” Moving closer, she whispered into his ear, “What's that sterling reputation going to look like when you get done denying that in public?”

“You wouldn't dare.”

“Try me.” Bella didn't give him an inch. “I'd do anything to protect my Spoony.”

He grimaced, and his eyes darted from side to side. His breathing became the loudest sound in the street. “This is slander! When my lawyer hears about this you'll—”

“I don't care. I want your hooves off my marefriend!”

Shaking his head, he calmed himself until he stood perfectly still. His cold, dead eyes glared into her. “I will ruin you.”

I'm already ruined. Do your worst. She stared him down. “Not a hoof on her, understand? ... And this can go away.” Goddess, I hope this works. Bella didn't have a 'plan B'. If this didn't work, who knew what might happen... She could barely breathe, and she fervently hoped Silver Platter couldn't see her legs shaking.

A flurry of different emotions played across his face – it twisted with rage one moment, and blanched with fear the next. At one point, he even looked heartbroken... Finally, though, the storm blew over and he slumped for a long moment, silent as the night around him. “Very well.”

“Good.” Bella gave him a genuine smile before turning away. “Don't forget this. Not a single touch.” It might not keep him off of her for long, but every day he doesn't do something to her is a blessing. She just hoped it would be enough to keep him away until Silver could move somewhere else. School would be over soon, and so would Silver Platter's hold on her.

⁂

Bella had never known a birthday this warm before. They always seemed to come on the dreariest day of late fall, but this time – thanks to a freak warm spell – she could almost think it was the middle of summer, despite the yellowed leaves rustling around her hooves.

She glanced around as she came up to the cafe, just down the street from that fateful nightclub she visited nearly a year ago. All the outside tables were already full of ponies enjoying this one last break before winter.

Before long, though, she spotted Vinyl and Lemon waving her over to a table with a couple of empty chairs and a booster seat set up.

Trotting over to the table, she took a moment to give each of her moms a quick hug.

“Glad you could make it, Birthday Girl.” Vinyl patted her back. “How's Crave been doing while I was on tour?”

Before Bella could answer, Lemon cut in, “Oh, he's been an absolute darling. Silver Spoon should be bringing him by any minute now. The poor little dear was in the middle of a nap.”

“Darling?” Bella took a seat across from them. “You haven't had to wake up in the middle of the night to nurse the little brat!”

Giving an exaggerated sigh, Lemon rolled her eyes. “Well, if you would just let me bottle feed...”

Vinyl snickered at the look Bella gave Lemon.

“Oh—” Lemon pointed away and began waving a hoof in the air “—there she is now.”

Turning around in her seat, Bella spotted her marefriend carrying Heart Crave in a saddlebag papoose. Silver Spoon had blossomed in the past year. Her eyes and coat had a brand new shine to them, and she walked with an easy confidence that was no longer faked.

When she came up to the table, Silver gave Bella a quick kiss.

It still sent tingles through Bella that she could kiss Silver out in public in front of everypony. Somehow, it made what they had more solid, more real. She picked Crave off of Silver's back and kissed him on the forehead. He giggled.

As Lemon helped Bella wrestle the little yellow and blue colt into his highchair and strap him in, Silver watched, smiling. “He's been pretty good today. I think he's just showing off for his grandmas now.” She paused while they finished buckling him in. “And happy sixteenth, Bella.”

Smoothing her mane down, Bella shrugged. “It's my anniversary of meeting my mom, too.”

Vinyl laughed loudly.

Everypony looked over at her. “What's so funny?” Silver asked.

“A pony's birthday is always the anniversary of meeting her mom!”

Silver snickered. “Oh yeah. You're right. Good one, Grandma.”

Vinyl's face pinched at that last word.

Bella giggled too. “And thanks, all of you, for taking me out to lunch.”

“Of course.” Lemon smiled at her and shot a playful look to the side. “Besides, Vinyl's paying.”

“What?” Vinyl's mouth dropped open.

Before anypony could laugh, an elegantly mustached unicorn approached the table. “Ah, is everyone present now? May I take your orders?”

“Ooh, I'd love a marigold sandwich on a poppy seed bun, thank you!” Lemon blurted out.

Bella glanced at her as Silver buried her nose in the menu.

Lemon shrugged. “I've been waiting for a while.”

“And you, Miss?” The waiter looked at Vinyl.

“Okay...” Vinyl began moving her hoof down the menu like it was a checklist. “Two oat burgers, extra cheese; a daffodil platter; two orders of hay fries, one with honey mustard and the other with hot sauce; three apple fritters, extra crispy; and a large...”

Everypony was staring at her.

“... diet hay soda.” Vinyl glanced back and forth at them as the waiter frantically scribbled down her order. “Hey, being on stage takes a lot out of a pony.”

Lemon laughed first, and the others soon joined her.

Finally, the waiter finished taking down Vinyl's order. He looked to Silver. “Are you ready, Madam?”

“Just a minute,” Silver said, still poring over the menu.

“I'll take an apple and mandarin salad, thank you.” Bella set the menu down in front of her.

“Really, that's it?” Vinyl asked.

Her cheeks burning a little, Bella glanced away. “Well, I've almost got my figure back after being pregnant. I don't want to blow it now.”

Silver put the menu down. “Um... okay.” When the waiter turned to her, she wrapped a hoof around Bella. “I'll take what she's having.”

“Very good. I'll be back shortly.” The waiter trotted away.

Lemon stared down at the mushroom-shaped table, sinking into a slump. “So... No cake later for the Birthday Girl?”

Baby fat or not, I can't let her suffer like that! “Well, maybe a little cake.”

It didn't seem to cheer her up, though.

“What's wrong?” Vinyl put a hoof on her shoulder.

“It's nothing.” After glancing around the table, Lemon gave in to their concerned looks. “It's just that it reminded me of when Ruby disappeared.”

“Oh don't worry about him,” Vinyl said. “I know the type – ponies like him always get lucky breaks somehow. I bet he owns half of Fillydelphia or something by now.”

Lemon gave a weak laugh. “Yeah. I guess.”

“You bet on it.” Vinyl leaned over and pulled her into a sideways hug, which seemed to ease Lemon' mood, then she looked over at Bella. “So, my tour's coming to Ponyville in a couple weeks. You wanna come? I'll take you backstage to where the real party goes down.”

Bella had to bite her lip for a moment to stop herself. “I, uh... I'm sorry. I can't go.”

“What?” Vinyl glanced around, as if looking for the reason. She cringed, looking more than a little betrayed. “Why not?”

Bella looked at Silver, and Vinyl glanced back and forth between them, her eyebrows furrowing.

Silver grinned and melted down into her chair a little. “You can go. I'll watch Crave.”

“What?” Bella blinked repeatedly. “What about our...”

“You can go if you stay with Vinyl the whole time.” Silver glanced over at Vinyl, and her smile grew.

Jumping up out of her chair, Bella latched onto Silver. She'd never felt so warm and bubbly inside. From his highchair, Crave giggled at her and clapped his hooves together.

Silver barely reacted. She only laid a hoof across Bella's back, and she kept looking at Vinyl. “You can keep an eye on her, right?” She squeezed Bella tight. “And make sure she comes home with some stamina left, okay?”

“You bet I can!” Vinyl grinned wide.

When Silver kissed her on the forehead and let go of her, Bella pulled herself back up into her chair. “I'm glad I have such a badass marefriend!”

“Bella!” Lemon shot her a look.

“Oh.” Bella laughed. “And a badass family, too!”

“No!” Lemon covered her face. “Bella, Crave's going to be learning his first words soon. You shouldn't use curse words around him!”

Bella waved a hoof at her. “Oh come on. It'll be fine. My little Heart Crave is a perfect—”

“Badass!”

Everypony stared at the baby, which caused him to go into a giggling fit.

Bella grinned so wide her cheeks hurt. “My kid is gonna be awesome!”

The End

Author's Note

Again, I want to thank the team of people who helped me on this.
I didn't do it alone; 20 people have had a hand in making this story:

Chapter 1: Solace

Chapter 1 – Solace

A quiet calm hung in the crystal-clear and chilly night like an itch that couldn't be scratched. Near the bank of Whitetail Creek, two young mares curled together under the bare limbs of an old walnut tree. Bella's long, pale legs wrapped around her lover, holding her tightly as the hours plodded on. They could let the world flow past them without notice, safe in their little hollow. The only sound came from Silver Spoon, huddled in her embrace.

Silver's crying was soft and rasping now, but even battered and exhausted as she must have been, sobs kept shaking through her.

Bella held her marefriend close. It was all she could do: provide a comforting, patient shoulder to cry on. The gnarled bark of their tree prodded into her back no matter how she adjusted herself and crickets had been chirping for hours already. In the distance, two owls echoed hoots back and forth.

The light of the freshly risen moon didn't help. Silver's black eye still sprawled over her gray face, the purple splotch spreading wide. Silver nuzzled her face into Bella's chest, hiding it, but it still brooded there.

Tears darkened Bella's coat. She carefully pulled a few of Silver's mussed hairs out of her own glasses. “Spoony?”

Silver propped herself up on Bella's slender legs. “Mm?” Those big purple eyes looked up into hers. Silver looked like whole mountains had crashed down on her, as if the slightest bad news might shatter her for good.

“Nothing.” Bella watched the water burble along and shivered. A slight breeze blew crisp and heavy with moisture from the placid stream. The tree above was nearly bare already, even though the others in town were only beginning to change.

Moonlight began twinkling on the ripples, glinting into their secret hollow. Dad would kill me if he found out I stayed out here with her all night, Bella thought. She glanced down at her lover. But that's nothing compared to what Spoony would be in for.

Silver pressed her face into Bella's chest and squeezed tight, but at least she'd stopped sobbing.

Does she realize we have to go soon? That would explain why she's so clingy now. Bella squeezed back, holding Silver close. As long as Bella's mom hadn't spilled the secret, her dad would be no problem at all. But Silver's dad...

Bella missed a breath. Silver Platter cast a shadow over everything Silver Spoon did. If he found out about the two of them... Bella shivered again, and not from the chill in the air.

She hated to send Silver back to him. “Spoony?”

Silver hugged her tighter.

“Silver, we should go. We have to go to school tomorrow, and it's getting late.”

Those broken, needing eyes stared up at her again.

“Our parents are going to be worrying about us.”

Silver's frown wavered – a hopeful smile pushed up underneath it. “I don't want to go back. Can I stay at your place instead?”

Bella glanced away.

“Please?” Silver's hoof traced the long curve of Bella's back, and her voice dipped into a sultry whisper. “I'll make it worth your while.”

Bella stared down at her lover. The seductive act couldn't quite hide the need and fear in those eyes. She held Silver's head close against her chest. “I couldn't risk Arpeggio finding us in bed together.”

Silver groaned.

“And what about your dad? What would you tell him?”

Silver trembled a little. She clung tight. “Bella...”

“Ssh...” Bella rocked back and forth gently, to comfort and reassure Silver... and maybe because it offered some relief from the tree bark on her back.

“You're going to be fine. You're a strong pony. You can take it.” She'll handle it, and she'll get over it. She always does.

“I'm... I'm a strong pony,” Silver recited.

“You need to tell someone. Tell them what he does to you.”

Silver gasped and burrowed into Bella's chest fur. “I could never! You know that. I couldn't handle ponies looking at me that way.” She sank lower, melting down. “And...”

Bella rolled her eyes. She could never understand this part, the part that left her seething inside.

“I love him. He's my father. I can't do that to him!”

Bella curled in around Silver, nuzzling into her frazzled mane. My poor Spoony... poor, crazy Spoony. “I love you,” she whispered. I love you, and I wouldn't have you any other way.

“I love you too.” Silver spun her head around, and their lips met.

Bella kept their kiss slow and sensual, despite Silver's pressing urgency. She let her lips brush over Silver's, savoring every sensation. It would be a long time before they could kiss again.

When they finally separated, Bella could see the acceptance in Silver's eyes. It wasn't a healthy acceptance. It looked like defeat, like a condemned pony climbing up to the gallows.

“Goodnight, Bella.”

Bella wanted to wrap her hooves back around Silver and rock her to sleep, safe under their favorite tree... but she didn't dare. “Goodnight, Spoony.”

Silver rose and took a couple steps away before looking back.

Standing up, Bella gave her a smile – a weak smile that trembled at the edges.

Silver turned and walked away toward her mansion. Her head hung low and her tail drooped.

Bella sighed, the cold air stinging her throat. She headed the opposite direction, absently straightening her glasses and flicking her blue mane out of her face as she walked. Silver Platter is a monster, and he deserves... She shook her head. He deserves everything Spoony won't let me do to him. “Spoony...” she whispered, even though she was well beyond hearing now. There has to be something I can do. But there wasn't. Bella kept putting one hoof in front of the other, plodding her way back home. I never should have made that promise.

⁂

The last notes of the school's bell had barely faded, and already Bella hurried outside, sticking close to Silver the whole way. If their luck held, they could get out of the schoolyard before—

“Well lookie here!” Diamond Tiara's squeaking voice brought them to a halt. “It's Miss Klutzy-Slut again! Or, wait – are you going to tell me you're just wearing too much eyeliner?” The corner of her mouth curled up into an intolerably smug sneer. “The new look doesn't suit you.”

Some of the other young ponies were already stopping to watch, their shadows stretching over the pair in the late afternoon sun.

Silver smirked, ignoring them. “Maybe you'd like one to match?”

Rolling her eyes dramatically, Diamond tisked. “No sense of class here. My, how the great have fallen. Maybe they should send you back to the little fillies' schoolhouse, where you can be with ponies your own maturity level.”

Enough! “Hey,” Bella shouted. “Silver's a lot classier than you!”

Diamond turned slightly, and Bella gulped, feeling the hate now focused on her.

“Oh, and you would know class, wouldn't you?” Diamond stalked toward Bella. “The only earth pony in a family of unicorns. Maybe that's why you're such a raging slut? Does your daddy not give you enough attention?” She laughed – a harsh, squeaking laugh that nopony else joined in with.

Bella winced and took a step back, but then stopped. She struck a pose and ran a hoof over her body. “You know what I think, Diamond? I think you're jealous. I bet you want my sweet little flank, and it just eats you up that your ex is getting it instead of you.” She batted her eyelashes at Diamond in an outrageously coquettish display.

“Come on, Silver,” Diamond cooed, never taking her eyes off Bella. “Lesponies like us should stick together, not mess around with slutty bi ponies who take it from anypony. It's only a matter of time until she cheats on you.”

“Bella! Over here!” Silver waved from the edge of the schoolyard. Somehow, she'd managed to break away while Diamond's focus slipped. “Come on!”

Darting around Diamond Tiara, Bella rushed to her marefriend.

“Ha! Run all you want!” Diamond laughed again, watching them leave. “You'll crawl back for more.”

Bella followed Silver for a couple blocks, slowing from their canter to a quick trot, and finally coming to a stop hidden behind Ponyville's bakery. The two of them tucked into the familiar nook in the wall and panted from their run. The warm wall felt wonderful against Bella's back.

As the two of them panted against the wall, Silver leaned over and wrapped her hooves around Bella. “Don't worry! It's okay to be bi, and I know you're as faithful as—”

“Silver...”

“I'd probably be bi myself if not for...”

Bella stared at her closely, then squeezed her tight.

“I can never look at a colt that way again.” Silver shuddered. “It just makes me sick, and I get all cold and sweaty and—”

“Ssh.” Bella stroked Silver's mane. “I know. And that's okay, too. And it doesn't matter. Diamond's still just desperate to get you back – she can't handle losing.”

Giving a little sigh, Silver glanced down and away.

“And I know I'm not a slut.” Letting Silver lean away, Bella gave a wink. “Except for you.”

Silver giggled and leaned in for a quick kiss. It lasted only a moment, but left both of them gasping for breath again.

Bella loved to stare into Silver's lovely eyes, but the big black and purple splotch across one of them kept drawing her back.

Cringing, Silver shrank down.

Does she know I'm staring? Bella winced. But I have good reason to. “Spoony?”

Silver turned her head away, hiding the bruise, but she clung to Bella even tighter.

“Spoony, you have to tell somepony. It's going way too far.”

Silver shrank down a little more.

“You shouldn't even have that black eye, and now you're getting teased about it.” Bella followed her marefriend down into a crouch. “You should tell everyone he beats you,” she whispered. “Tell them what he does to you at night!”

Silver curled on the cold ground, little more than a trembling ball of misery now. “I can't!”

“He's a monster, Spoony!”

“He only does it because he's sad that Mom died.”

Bella tried to pull Silver's head up and look her in the eyes. “That doesn't matter.”

“He's still my father! If ponies found out, it would ruin him.” She curled a little tighter. “It's okay. I know you can't understand. You have good parents.”

Oh, my parents are good? Better than Silver Platter, maybe. “So run away. We'll run away together – anywhere!”

She shook her head. It made the hairs of her mane tickle Bella's nose. Silver was muttering something, too faint to call a whisper. “He always finds me.”

It tied Bella's heart in knots. There must be something I can do to help her. I have to! Bella's frown trembled and her eyes burned. I can't think of anything... but I have to! There was no way to help Silver without forcing her lover into something she didn't want. Bella sighed. I promised Silver I wouldn't tell anypony, and I won't.

She settled for doing the only thing she could, the same thing she always did. She wrapped her slim body and long legs around Silver and hugged her tight. At least I can try to make her feel better about it.

They cuddled in silence as the world went on without them.

I wish there was some way I could fix this. Bella buried her muzzle in Silver's mane. It seems like all I ever do is comfort her... just like the first time...

~ ~ ~

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had been inseparable back in those days. The two of them were laying into Bella, back in the old school playground while Cheerilee wasn't watching.

“... And it's no wonder she doesn't have a date for the graduation dance!”

Diamond's laughter cut through the young Bella. So much for keeping that a secret.

That cruel pink hoof pointed her out to all the fillies and colts. “Look at her, so skinny and scrawny. It's no wonder her real mom didn't want her.”

Bella crouched behind the seesaw. She only hoped the bullies would leave before the tears came and fogged up her glasses.

Silver Spoon giggled. “I bet she wishes DJ Pon-3 would be her date!”

“Good one!” Diamond elbowed her friend. “I bet she wouldn't idolize some stupid musician if she had a real mom!”

The sticky summer humidity stuck in Bella's throat. A trickle of moisture escaped her eye. She was losing her battle against the tears. She had to hold them back – and contain her frustrated anger at their gall. At least she could keep one of those bottled in.

“What's the matter?” Diamond's grin widened. “Aren't you going to tell me Lemon Hearts is your real mom? ... No?”

“She's—”

“Good. Because she isn't. An adopted mom can never love you like a real mom, and you know it.”

Almost out of Bella's hearing, Silver Spoon said, “Let's give it a rest. This little brat isn't even worth our time.”

“Don't be a pansy!” Diamond stomped her stubby hoof down and squeaked, “We're done when I say we're done!” She stalked toward Bella, leaning over the seesaw. “But who cares about moms, right? I bet you're a daddy's girl. Does your daddy come to tuck you in at night? Maybe he reads you a bedtime story... and then he mounts up on top of you and—”

“That's enough!”

Both Bella and Diamond jumped back from Silver Spoon's shout.

“You leave her alone right now! You have no right to say that!” Silver stared her friend down, and the muggy afternoon seemed ten times hotter now.

For a brief moment, Diamond blinked at Silver Spoon. “Ugh! How dare you?” That moment ended: Diamond seethed forward to Silver, weaving like a cobra. “You've always been holding me back – a dead, wimpy weight around my neck! You think I forgot about that time you gave your lunch away, or that time you told Miss Cheerilee about my secret blackmail stash?” She stomped. “Yeah, I know that was you! You're always holding me back when you get your goodie four-shoes panties in a bunch. I thought maybe you could be a worthy marefriend. I thought you were one of the cool ponies. But you're just one of the losers, aren't you?”

Silver stood defiantly, even though Diamond glared right into her face.

Diamond leaned in close and whispered. It was too quiet for anypony watching to hear, but Bella was closer. “You're not even a satisfying lover. You should just stick to pleasing your pervert dad.” She grinned, thin and wide as Silver's face blanched. “You like it, don't you... when he shoves it into...”

Silver glanced at Bella, her face distorted by a terrible cringe. She must have known Bella could hear that. She whirled back to face Diamond Tiara. Tears streaked her face, but she gave a terrifyingly resolute stare, glowering into Diamond's face. “Diamond! I am never—”

Diamond Tiara turned and flicked her tail into Silver's face. “Spare me your lame apologies. I don't want your sob story. We're done.” She strutted away, each step punishing the ground under her cruel little hooves. “I'm going to find somepony worthy of being mine.”

The school bell rang, and all the other foals began to file inside, but Silver still stood there, on trembling little legs, glaring at nothing. The streaks of damp fur under her eyes darkened and widened. She mouthed silent words as the playground emptied, still glaring furiously at where Diamond Tiara had stood.

Bella stared at her with eyes wide. She didn't understand yet what had happened, but she knew it must have been important.

Silver Spoon screamed. She stomped both front hooves down and screamed again, tearing the air with her rage and pain.

Bella edged back. She'd never seen anything like that before.

Silver screamed on, thrashing her head and leaning into where Diamond had stood. She pounded the ground in front of her over and over again, chewing a deep hole into the playground sand. Finally, she collapsed down into the depression, half lying in it, and her yelling was interrupted by the occasional sob.

It brought a strange emotion to Bella. Moments ago, she had been on the verge of tears because of this bully. Now... she was crying for this bully.

“Um... Silver Spoon?”

Silver quieted. She looked at Bella with reddened eyes.

“I don't think you're a loser.” Bella touched Silver's shoulder with her hoof.

She jerked away. “And what do you know?”

“I know you deserve better than her.”

Silver stared, and she started crying again, but this time with a slight smile on her face. She seized Bella in an unexpected embrace and squeezed her painfully tight. The tears just kept coming.

Finally, Silver Spoon seemed to have calmed down. Her eyes were still strangely wide, staring into the nonexistent distance, but she was breathing normally, and she wasn't trembling anymore.

“Feeling better?” Bella asked.

Silver looked up at her, blinking, as if she had never seen Bella before. She paused for a long quiet moment, reached out, and softly touched Bella's chest with her hoof, as if to check if Bella was real or not. “I ... guess we both don't have dates for the dance now.”

“Want to go with me?”

It took a long time for it to sink into Silver, but in the end she blushed. “Okay.”

Chapter 4: Regret

Chapter 4 – Regret

Bella opened her eyes. They slammed shut again.

Her head hurt – a headache like she'd never had before, like something sharp drilling into her skull. The pain came immediate and intense, like somepony was hurting her right now.

She brought a hoof up to check her head. She was sure she'd feel some gaping wound across it... but her hoof only found sticky, tangled hair.

Her hoof dropped back down. Every joint was stiff and aching, as if filled with too much pressure.

She opened her eyes again, blinking the gum out of them. Where am I? Bright sunlight beamed in through a small, dust-specked window across a powder-blue wall filled with tiny pinholes where drawings used to hang. Few of them remained, though she could still see faint shadows of them faded into the paint. Her own room, of course. How did I get back here? She tried to remember what happened last night, but the effort spurred on the pain in her head.

Something roiled in her gut, followed by a short cramp. Nausea flushed through her, forcing her up out of bed despite the pain.

The trash can next to her desk – she knew she wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

She barely made it to the bin before her stomach emptied itself. Thin, sour filth spewed from her mouth. She shut her eyes and let it come. It was all she could do. Her head pounded, and every joint burned, but she couldn't lay down. Her stomach kept heaving, though only a trickle of stringy goo came out now.

Trembling, she hugged the foul-smelling trash can. Her eyes watered, but she stayed there, convulsing and drooling a thin stream of slime into the can.

Finally, her stomach settled down enough for her to think. She sat down in front of the trash can and wiped her mouth with a hoof. Her throat burned terribly. Why does my throat... Oh. She could remember it, how she had abused her body. Another, slighter ache shot up into her from her crotch.

It hadn't hurt last night. She remembered that ... but it sure hurt now.

She couldn't remember how she came home, though. The last thing she remembered was falling down into a puddle of... Oh Goddess... Bella winced. He came inside me!

Her gut heaved again, and she hung her head over the trash can, but nothing came out. She sat there, staring into it.

Inside, countless little balls of paper soaked in her sick. A glob of the mess dribbled down over the ripped-up poster inside. She watched as it slid down across Vinyl Scratch's face. The signature she'd treasured so long was already smeared and unreadable.

Well, I set out to show how bad I was without a real mom. Bella groaned, and her gut cramped again. Guess I did a good job of that... Maybe too good.

She slowly stood up. All she wanted was her bed. She needed a shower – badly – but she needed rest more. I'll shower when I feel—

Sharp claws ripped into her leg.

She yelped and kicked, but the cat jumped back and pounced again, swatting at her tail. She backed against the wall, stumbling. “Not now! Go away!”

The cat darted around her, playing with her, darting in to swat her with his prickly claws.

It was hell. This was the last thing she needed right now. How did he even get in here? She looked at the door – it was cracked open. Who left it—?

The cat took advantage of her moment of distraction, darting in and latching onto her left foreleg.

It only made her head feel worse. I have to get away from this thing! Bella shook the screaming cat loose and stumbled for the door. She rushed down through the hall and down the stairs with the cat behind her the whole way, seeming to enjoy the sport of tormenting her. With every step, her head pounded and her gut wrenched, but the little monster wouldn't let her rest.

Bella fumbled her way into the living room, kicking at the stupid cat and desperately searching for some kind of relief. I can't take this!

Lemon Hearts looked up from her magazine across the room in her rocking chair. “How are you feeling, Bella?”

The cat meowed and ran over to her, hopping up into Lemon's lap. Bella glared at him.

“Aw, there's my little Messick. Such a good kitty.” She petted the purring, complacent cat, then looked up again. “Are you feeling okay? You looked awful when Miss Scratch brought you in last night. Are you coming down with something?”

Vinyl brought me back? That can't be right. “Yeah, Mom... I, uh, must be getting sick.”

Giving her a sympathetic smile, Lemon brushed the cat out of her lap and got up. “Let me get you some medicine.”

Arpeggio walked through, levitating his old brown briefcase in front of him. “Goodbye, dear. Goodbye, Bella.”

“Goodbye, Honey.” Lemon gave him a peck on the cheek as she walked by, but he hardly seemed to notice, his eyes staring off into the distance.

Bella rubbed her aching head. “Bye, Dad.”

“I should be back in a few days,” he said as he opened the door. He walked out without looking back. A moment later, the door shut.

Lemon came back in from the kitchen, carrying her medicine basket and a big cup of water along in her magic. “Now, what do you need, dear? You look like you have a pretty bad headache, at least.” She opened a bottle and brought out three little red pills.

“And a stomachache, too.”

A big pink pill joined the others, and they floated over to Bella, along with the cup.

Bella popped them all in her mouth at once and swallowed them with a sip of water. Her sore throat protested as the pills dragged their way down, but she didn't care.

“Now drink up, Bella. It's important to stay hydrated when you're sick.”

Bella took another sip. It wasn't much, but her throat still burned as it went down.

Lemon frowned at the still-full cup, but she didn't press the issue. “Now, go back to bed and get some rest. I won't have you going to school today and infecting all your classmates.” She sniffed the air and looked Bella up and down. “Maybe later today, we can see about getting you in the shower.”

Bella nodded carefully. That was perfect. There was no way she could go to school today. She was lucky to have such a caring mom, even if she wasn't her real mom. She turned toward the stairs, still carrying the cup, if only to make Lemon happy.

“And I'll come in later with some nice hot soup.” Lemon picked up her basket and started toward the kitchen. She paused. “Oh, and Bella?”

“Mmm?”

“Do you know anything about what happened to the mirror in the upstairs bathroom?”

Bella ducked her head down a little. “I dunno.”

Lemon stared at her for a moment, but finally shrugged and walked into the kitchen.

Taking the stairs one hoof at a time, Bella made her way back to her bedroom. What would I do without her? She smiled weakly. Cuddle up to the trashcan and wish I was dead, probably. She made sure the door shut tight. That, or I'd end up killing the cat. Her adoptive parents might not be the best, but they were good, dependable ponies. It was nice to have some constants in life.

She stumbled into her bed and curled up, letting the pains wash over her without a fight, trying to disassociate herself from them.

Yeah, I'm lucky to have my family. She winced, remembering Silver's bruised eye. It could be so much worse.

⁂

A heavy hoof banged on Silver Spoon's bedroom door, hard enough to rattle the glass trinkets on her dresser.

Her heart stopped, and a jolt ran down her back. She thrust the picture of Bella she'd been looking at under her frilly pillow.

“Spoon, I need to talk to you.”

Those words pressed down on her, crushing her in their grip. This was going to be bad. Very bad. She felt sick and hollow inside already.

After a moment of no response, Silver Platter opened the door. He stepped in, already staring at her, already knowing her.

She jumped down to the far side of her bed, putting the big, fluffy mess in his way.

Her father frowned, staring at her across the lacy duvet. “I spoke with an old friend of yours, Diamond Tiara, after school.” He took an ominous step toward the corner of the bed. “She told me you've been sneaking out, messing about with Arpeggio's girl.”

It would be useless, she knew ... but she had to try. “No! She's just lying to get me into trouble!”

He stalked around the bed, his hoofsteps silent in the plush carpet. “We've been over this before, Spoon.” He turned the last corner, trapping her between the bed and two walls. “With your mother gone, it's my duty to raise you properly.”

She backed against the wall, gasping for breath. She could see him already dropping out of his sheath. It made her sick, looking at it.

Looming over her, he raised his hoof.

She cringed away, covering her face.

“You will not sully the values this family stands for just to engage in perversity.” The hoof fell, catching her across the foreleg.

She collapsed down, holding her leg to her chest with a sob. Why did he do this? Why was he like this? Why did she deserve this?

A hoof crashed into her ribs, doubling her over on the floor.

“And you will not skulk about behind my back!” He kicked her again, but it only glanced off of her butt. It was nothing compared to the splitting pain spreading across her ribs. He grabbed her, lifting her up and throwing her against the bed with terrifying strength.

She tried to squirm off of the bed, but he was faster. Tears burned in her eyes when he pinned her belly-down against the bed.

He squeezed her hard, making her chest hurt even worse as he slid himself into position.

She squirmed, pulling against him, but she couldn't get loose, she couldn't get away. She never could.

He bit down on her mane, shoving her face down into the soft, down-stuffed blankets. She could feel his hot breath on her neck.

“Daddy, please no!”

That didn't stop him. It never did.

She screamed.