Satellite Lovers

Chapters

Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 1
Chapter 10

Chapter 2

Being a prince consort was pretty easy. You had all the time in the world to do just about anything you wanted. Unfortunately, what you actually wanted to do wasn’t covered under the just about anything you could do, since your beloved wife was always so busy. Having to actually schedule time together wasn’t fun.

“So what plans do you have for the rest of the week?” Celestia asked before sipping at her tea.

“Pretty much fuck all,” you replied, hoping she’d say the same. Unfortunately, you knew her schedule was probably planned weeks in advance.

“That’s good to hear. You know, I have a nice period of empty time tomorrow night, around sunset. Do you want to spend some time together?”

“Absolutely. Walk in the gardens? It’s in the palace proper, so we won’t need guards. Maybe we can even get lost in the hedge maze and have a little extra time to ourselves…?”

“A walk sounds lovely,” she said with a smile. “It’s a shame we get so little time to spend together…”

“That means we have to make the most of what little we do have.”

“And fill the intervening time with things one would enjoy but perhaps not the other. I know you love me and want to spend time with me, and I definitely feel the same, but doing nothing all day except for the times we’re together is unhealthy.”

She… had a point. “It’s not that I don’t want to do anything… It’s just that there’s so little for me to really do. I’m kinda a prince now, so I always have guards following me when I leave the palace, which is just awkward. And aside from reading, there isn’t much to do in the palace, either.”

“There is plenty to do. You just need to think outside the box. Consider art. Painting. Writing. Metalsmithing at the palace forge. Or you could spar with the guards. After all, they might be more willing to allow you to travel alone if they knew you could take care of yourself. As long as you are doing something, you will find the time between our meetings much more tolerable. Trust me when I say that idleness spent waiting for a lover’s touch is maddening.”

“...I never much was one for art. But working with metal does sound kinda fun. It’s something to think about, at least.”

“Good. Now, let me give you something else to think about. Luna will be awake in time for our date tomorrow. You should invite her.”

“Celestia, this is the only time we’ve had together aside from meals and bedroom time since the wedding. No offense to your sister, but I don’t want a third wheel.”

“You will not befriend her by avoiding her, Anon. And you definitely haven’t been spending much time with her.”

“It’s not my fault she has the sleep schedule of a college student. I go to bed at normal hours and wake up at normal hours. Maybe if she wants to be more social, she can sleep at night and stay up in the day.”

“She is your wife, Anon. You retire to my room every night and only spend time with me. What do you think the reporters are cooking up?”

“The truth, maybe? Luna doesn’t seem particularly interested in being my friend. She definitely doesn’t want to love me. I’m all too happy to respect her wishes.”

She sighed and lowered her head for a moment before trying a different tactic. “If you won’t speak to her as a wife… Will you speak to her as your wife’s sister? Even if the two of you don’t become close, I would at least like my family to be friends with the one I love.”

“I can… invite her,” you said with a sigh. “But if she says no, she says no. Please don’t try to push us together, Celestia. You know that’ll only make us resent each other more.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you’ll both come to realize it’s for the best. And if nothing else, a shared annoyance is just as good for bonding as a mutual interest.”

“I’d rather that annoyance not be the love of my life.”

“Good! That means you’ll give in easily.”

“You’re lucky you’re so cute, or I might get upset at you more often.”

“Oh, I’m cute, am I?”

“The cutest. And the prettiest. And the sexiest. And best, you’re mine.”

“Always and forever.” She finally set down her teacup and looked to the only clock in the room. “I believe I have a few minutes to spare.” Her horn lit up and you heard the click of a lock. “Let’s make them count.” Your hand was going to your belt buckle before she even finished the sentence.

Upon Celestia’s advice, you went up to Luna’s room right before dinner to speak with her. You still didn’t really want to, but you figured humoring your wife would be nice. Besides, maybe if Celestia saw the two of you together, she’d realize how disinterested you both were in forming a strong relationship.

When you knocked on Luna’s dark door, the mare of the night answered it herself, though she was lacking any of the small amount of makeup you were accustomed to seeing on her. “Is there something you require, Anonymous?” she asked with a yawn. “Is there some new public event on the horizon that I must doll myself up for and trot out upon your arm like a proper loving and doting wife?”

“Nothing so formal, no. Celestia and I are planning on going out to the gardens tomorrow night. The first date of ours outside the wedding. She wanted me to ask if you were interested in coming.”

“I do not particularly desire to be a third spoke.” You imagine a curious look came to your face, because she asked, “Is that saying no longer common? I do not wish to intrude.”

“It’s third wheel, these days. Like, on a bike.” She nodded once. “But anyway, Celestia said you wouldn’t intrude. I figured you wouldn’t be interested, but… Well, to be honest, we’re kinda stuck like this. Married, I mean. Like it or not, that’s how it is. We might as well at least try to be friends. If you really don’t want to or if you really don’t like me, just say the word and I’ll go ahead and leave. But if you want to try to make the best of a bad situation, we’d be happy if you joined us tomorrow.”

“Truly, I see little to be gained from it, but… there is a wisdom in your words. I have spent far too much of my ageless life miserable. If you would have me, I will… attend your outing come the morrow. Hopefully I will not lose too much sleep…”

“It’ll be around sunset, so it shouldn’t be too bad on you. Anyway, it’s getting to be about dinner time. Or breakfast, for you. Want me to walk you down?”

“No. I have things to ready. I was going to be a few minutes late anyway. You get little enough time with your beloved. I will not ask you to lose more of it for my sake.”

You shrugged. “Friends make sacrifices for each other, you know.”

“And we are not yet friends. That is what will be determined in the coming days.”

“Well, alright then. See you in a few, I guess.”

You started to go, but she spoke up before you could get too far. “Would you be interested in a wager, Anonymous?”

“I’m not a betting man.”

“So be it. It was hardly a fair bet anyway. I will see you soon.” With that, she closed her door with magic and let you go on your way.

You made sure to arrive to the entrance of the gardens early, so you could gather a few flowers for your wife. Not too many were in bloom, but the one gardener that was working was all too happy to let you have a few for a good cause.

Despite most of the flowers being dormant, the palace gardens were beautiful, especially in the light of the setting sun. Everything was green and dozens of birds danced between trees, singing happy sounding songs. Some crickets were just starting their chorus as well, adding to the gentle cacophony of nature’s orchestra. It was a perfect evening for a stroll in the gardens with your beaming bride.

Which is why you were somewhat miffed when she wasn’t there at the chosen time. “She’ll be here,” you muttered to yourself, leaning back against one of the trees. “Just had a little trouble getting away from the courtiers, that’s all…”

At least the less wanted of your wives put more thought into being punctual. Luna arrived just a few moments after your personal pep talk. “So I see my sister has not yet arrived,” she matter-of-factly said.

“Sure hasn’t,” you sighed. “I figure she’s just having a hard time getting away from her duties.”

“I believe it wise that you did not take me up on that bet.”

“Why’s that?”

Before she could respond, a servant landed next to you and hoofed you a strip of paper. “A note from Princess Celestia to Prince Consort Anonymous.”

“You can just call me Anon, you know,” you commented as you took the note from the dude. He bowed once and bailed as soon as you started to read over it. After taking a moment to die a little on the inside, you decide to read it aloud for Luna’s benefit. “My dearest Anonymous, I’m afraid something important came up. I will be unable to attend our date tonight. I hope it isn’t too much of an inconvenience. I will, of course, do my best to make it up to you. Love, your wife, Celestia. She isn’t coming.” That last part was your own addition, in case Luna didn’t quite get the message.

You were still processing it yourself, to be honest.

Luna nodded once. “It appears I definitely would have won that bet. It does not surprise me that she would attempt something like this.”

“...She skipped out in the hope we’d spend the time together, didn’t she?”

“Yes. I suppose I will head back to my chambers. Have a good night, Anonymous.” She spread her wings to take off.

You sighed and said, “Wait.” She lifted an eyebrow and her wings returned to her sides. “She’s obviously going to keep trying, no matter what we do or say. Want to just humor her, at least this once? We honestly haven’t spent much time together. Maybe if we can find some stuff we have in common, we can… I don’t know, deal with this more easily. And, more importantly, Celestia might actually start being my wife instead of just trying to get us together.”

“...Very well. I cancelled everything I had planned already anyway.”

“Alright.” A small silence kicked in, one you decided to nip in the bud quickly. “I was going to give these to Celestia, but how do you feel about flowers? Feels like a waste to just leave them here.”

“Generally, I prefer my flowers in the ground. But since these are already picked and you are unable to eat them…” She leaned in and snatched a mouthful of them right out of your hand.

That wasn’t quite what you were expecting, but it did deal with most of them. You lifted up your hand and opened it to pull out the only remaining flower, and let the stalks of the rest just fall to the ground. “Missed one,” you said, proffering up that last one. It was a pretty little thing, and had the same shade of blue as her coat.

Her horn lit up weakly and magic plucked the flower from your grasp. “I believe this is one I will save for my sister, to remind her that though the two of us are married by law, the two of you are married by love. It is her that should be here at your side, not I.” She definitely doesn’t need to remind you of that, but you’re quite hoping she did a good job of reminding her sister. Either way, the flower disappeared with a small flash. “So what shall we do now, Anonymous?”

“Well, I guess we might as well go for a walk through the gardens. That was the original plan, at least. If you have something else in mind, I’m all ears.”

She shook her head. “Idioms these days are quite strange. I have been asked if I was pulling somepony’s leg when I was obviously not touching them. I have been told I should keep an eye on something that would most definitely not feel comfortable against my eyes. One guard even asked if I was feeling blue, as if I ever felt or looked anything but. I have had them all explained, but how such phrases came about that have literal meanings so wildly different from their understood meanings, I will never know.”

“Language evolves, Princess.”

“As does society. Let us go for your walk, Anonymous. I have passed through this garden many times by myself, but never once with company. Perhaps you will add something to the experience.”

“Well, hopefully I won’t take something away from it.”

“You already have. It is considerably less silent. I just hope you will add more to make up for it.”

“Here’s hoping,” you muttered under your breath. With that, you both began walking into the gardens. “So, I suppose I can start with something I’ve been wondering about for a while. Why did you kick me when I tried petting you?”

“I find it demeaning. I met a pony in Ponyville called Fluttershy who owns many animals. From her, I learned that the pony pets the animal. Or the human pets the animal. The sapient pets the sentient. The pony does not pet the pony. The human does not pet the pony. It is how one would treat an animal, and that is not how a sapient being is treated.”

Judging from some of the things you’ve seen on the internet, that wasn’t always true. “It wasn’t meant to be demeaning, Princess. The first one I did it to actually requested it. None of the others minded. I didn’t figure anyone else would. It’s supposed to be a sign of affection, I guess.”

“And how would you feel if a tall being you had barely spoken to began touching you?”

“Not too happy. But I would ask him to stop, not kick him.”

“...There are times I act without thinking. For that, I apologize.”

“And I’m sorry for trying to touch you without asking.” Your shin was even sorrier. “I guess we could do a question for a question, if there’s anything you want to know about me. I just asked one, so that would make it your turn.”

“Why the garden?” she asked.

From where you were standing, the answer was obvious. The sunset had only gotten more beautiful as time passed, and the garden path gave you a perfect view of it. The moon was already starting to peek up as well, readying itself to fully displant the sun. You were out of the entrance area, so the trees were slightly thicker while the bushes of flowers were fewer and farther between.

But she asked, which meant it wasn’t that obvious to her. “The gardens are beautiful. And the sunset is romantic. Or at least, it is to a human’s mind. It’s also in the palace, so we don’t need to be haunted by guards or pestered by civilians. And it’s close, so we could have more time together. I’ll admit, it’s hardly the ideal spot, but it’s good for what I had planned.”

“I see. For future reference, it might be wise to remember that the setting sun signals the waning of Celestia’s power and influence. She prefers sunrises, not sunsets.”

“...That explains why she chose now to try to get the two of us together.”

“Indeed it does. Ask your question.”

“Why did you agree to the marriage? I know I did it to make Celestia happy. But you’re signing away a lot more freedoms than I am. Are you getting something else out of it? Or do you really just care that much for your sister’s happiness?”

The two of you walked in silence for a few moments as she presumably formulated a response. Right before you came to the conclusion you upset her, she began speaking. “In a world and time where one sister can get married, there are many that might consider that the other sister would be just as happy to give marriage a chance. It is merely a half-truth to say I am not interested in a relationship with you. I am not interested in a relationship, period. I am still adjusting to the new world I find myself in, and a lover would only add more stress.”

“So you’re using me as a filter.”

“Yes. And no offense to you, but I imagine I will be more settled in around the time you’re dying of old age.” Well, there’s a morbid thought for you. “After a short waiting period of maybe fifty years, I can begin searching for a love of my own… and then strong-hoof Celestia into marrying him or her as well.”

“That… makes an uncomfortable kind of sense.”

She stopped to gaze at a small group of rabbits playing around in the underbrush. “Mortality… interests me,” she said after a few moments, then continued walking. “There are few beings that experience immortality the way my sister and I do. What are the thoughts of an outsider looking in? Tell me, Anonymous. What do you think of immortality? Of this fate your beloved and I share?”

That made it your turn to be quiet. Honestly, you thought about it a lot. Celestia wasn’t going to age a day the entire time you were with her. You had a feeling things would get kinda awkward eventually. But despite thinking about it a lot, you hadn’t really come to a solid conclusion.

“It is… a mixed bag,” you finally said. “A curse on one hand and a blessing on the other. I see it as incredibly lonely. Celestia knows full well that I’m going to die one day. For her, it’ll be a day that comes sooner rather than later. Everyone she knows will share that fate. She’ll watch all those she knows die. She’ll watch all that she built crumble and perish. She’ll watch everyone make the same mistakes over and over again. And every mistake she made will be with her forever.” You fell silent, ruminating on the horrors she must have seen.

“But you see a positive?” Luna eventually prodded.

“It is not just a curse. Each mistake is a lesson, for those with the wisdom to learn from it. Each lesson learned builds a better future. A better future means her torch of civilization will burn a little longer. And while she will find herself haunted by an infinitude of bad memories, she will also be graced with an equal infinitude of happy ones. Everything one might like to try can be experienced in such a long lifespan. All the vices of the world can be tested. And where one civilization might crumble into dust, another can be built, even better than the last. Those that know your age will respect you and your wisdom for it.”

“You kept saying she. Celestia will watch her civilization. All those Celestia knows will die. You exclude me, though I share the same fate.”

It wasn’t until she pointed it out that you noticed she was right. “I’ve… thought about this before. I had to do a lot of thinking before I decided to ask Celestia to marry me. When I came to those conclusions, it was solely with Celestia in mind.”

“I see. One last followup question, then. If it was possible and you were offered, would you accept this blessing and curse upon yourself?”

“...I thought about that for a long time, too. I never came to a conclusion, and I don’t know if I ever will. I love Celestia and I would love to be with her forever, but… I’m mortal. I can barely see myself ten years in the future, let alone fifty, or a hundred, or a thousand. My mind wasn’t made to work that long. It might well drive me mad. So I suppose I don’t know.”

“That answer is wiser than you know, Anonymous. Ask of me a question.”

The questions were getting kinda deep, into places you weren’t really comfortable talking about. You decided to ask a more lighthearted one to break the mood. “How do you two get your hair to do that weird floating thing? Celestia refuses to tell me, then uses it to tickle me.”

“The answer we are supposed to tell ponies is that we are attuned to the solar and lunar winds, and since both celestial bodies are always shining at some part of the world, the winds are always moving. It is supposed to signify the power we wield. But the actual answer is a prank spell we accidentally cast four or so thousand years ago. We spent fifty years trying to find the counterspell before giving up. We can exert some influence on our hair, but not much.”

“...I can see why you came up with the story about the wind.”

“It was hardly our finest moment. Why do you wear clothing?”

“Humans don’t have sheaths and I don’t have much hair. So it’s kinda all hanging out in the open.”

“Ah. Yes, I can understand desiring to cover that up. Though it seems strange for a species to develop without a protective covering for its most sensitive locations.”

“Tell me about it… Getting kicked in the shin pales in comparison to getting kicked between the legs.”

“I believe I would owe more than an apology if I had aimed slightly higher and a little to the right.”

“Your sister would probably also be pretty upset.”

“Yes, I can imagine. She always did have a more voracious… appetite.” You’d prefer not to think about your wife’s ex-lovers, actually.

“So, what kind of hobbies do you have? I’ve never really seen you doing much.”

“After some experiences in Ponyville, I have come to enjoy all manner of games. Competing in general, truly. Beating an opponent reminds me of my life in the past. Outside of that, I spend much of my time experimenting with magic. I have discovered a few specific types that have yet to be fully explored and documented. I have been working consistently on dream magic, practicing by weaning out the nightmares of our subjects.”

“Yeah, I remember the morning after you tried that on me.”

“That was not a mistake I will repeat again. I decided it is wise to stick solely to pony dreams.”

“Well, I appreciate the thought, at least. Though it wasn’t a nightmare… until you tried entering, at least.” It immediately took a turn for the worse, and is so far the only dream you’ve ever had that you woke up from both screaming and trying to choke someone to death.

“...Once again, my apologies. The only other real interest I have outside of magic, fighting, and competing is art.” You can’t stop yourself from facepalming. “I’ve been considering… What?”

“Before Celestia asked me to ask you out here, she told me I should try picking up an art skill. Now I know why.”

“...I see. I have been considering turning the night court into a refuge for artists. There are many that find my night sky the perfect inspiration, and I plan to take advantage of this by inviting many prestigious artists to my court. Little happens at night, so the running of the kingdom will not be affected in the slightest. Having so many great minds in one place could even inspire a small cultural renaissance.”

“That sounds nice, actually. It’ll also add a little life to the place. Between parties, the palace seems so… empty.”

“Indeed it does. Did you decide to take up any art skills, Anonymous?”

“...I spent part of the day talking to the metalworkers. They said they’d love to have me around and would be happy to accommodate me. Now that I know Celestia was just trying to manipulate me, I guess I’ll find something else to do.”

“I fail to see why. Yes, she was trying to use a shared hobby to make us grow closer together, but that does not mean it is a hobby you should so quickly toss aside. Metalworking is a precious skill to have. A painting will fade in time. A song can be forgotten, its notes etched or smudged. A poem can be misread or misinterpreted. But well-crafted metal is forever, Anonymous. A gift forged by you and tempered in the fires of your heart would be a perfect gift for your beloved.”

“...A gift for Celestia was actually the first thing I was thinking about making.”

“Then by all means, make it! Show her that you learned to mold metal for her, not for me.”

“...Yeah. Alright, yeah. I like that idea. And then I’ll slap her ass and tell her not to try manipulating us again.”

“I suggest a paddle. If I remember correctly, she enjoys those.”

Why did they keep telling you these things? “I’ll keep that in mind.” The two of you walked in silence for a little while longer. “Whose question was it, anyway?”

“Does it matter? I believe we might have gone beyond the need of the game.”

You smiled. “I think you might be right, Princess.”

“You may call me Luna… Anon.”

“I’d like that. Now, how are we going to get back at Celestia for this?”

“I have a potion that changes its recipient’s voice into a stallion’s. Could you give it to her while she sleeps?”

Your smile grew even deeper. “Your sister sleeps like a log and snores like a monster’s growls. It’ll be a cakewalk.”

Her smile immediately matched yours.

Chapter 3

Lunch the next day was an interesting affair. As soon as Celestia realized that she sounded like a dude, she decided to do her best to say as little as possible throughout the day. Naturally, you did your best to make her talk as much as you could.

“So how was your day?” you asked, fiddling with your fork.

She lifted a hoof and shook it side to side, the pony way of saying so-so.

“Good, good… You get those trade agreements straightened out?”

She nodded.

“Cool. You deal with Twilight’s latest fuckup yet?”

She shook her head.

“You should get on that. Have any plans for the rest of the day?”

She shrugged.

“Alright. Are you ready to apologize for lying to me and trying to set me up with your sister even though you know neither of us are interested?”

She blinked.

“Neither of us are stupid, Celestia. We know full well what you did. You never intended to show up for that date. And you suggested that art crap for me because you know Luna likes art.”

She sighed, finally forced to talk. “And I suggested learning to spar because she enjoys combat.” You smirked at her voice, but she kept going. “However, just because those are things she enjoys does not mean you can’t come to enjoy them as well. As far as I remember, she prefers music and painting to metalworking, anyway.”

“And the date?”

“I love you, Anon. And I love Luna. I want the two of you to be close. If not as lovers, then at least as close friends. But the two of you seemed to be fully disinterested in the idea. I had to resort to trickery to make the two of you spend time together.”

“No you didn’t. That was the only attempt you’ve made since we all got married to get us to spend time with each other. You haven’t even asked!”

“What would you have said, if I did ask?”

“I would’ve made an excuse to blow it off until you promised to kiss my neck just the way I like it, then I would have complained about it until the time we agreed to. As it so happens, we had an interesting conversation and got to a first name basis, but that’s beside the point.”

“I fail to see how,” she shot back. “It’s what I wanted to happen. And the two of you didn’t waste your time. You even got close enough to conspire against me!”

“I’m not upset about spending time with Luna, Celestia. She’s my wife, for better or worse. I expect to have to spend time with her. I’m upset that you lied to me to make it happen. I wanted to spend time with you. Outside of lunch and at night, we have no time just to ourselves.”

She looked away. “That is a… fair rebuttal. I didn’t want to lie, but… I apologize, Anon.” She finally looked back at you. “I planned a day off in three days. I will spend it with you, with or without Luna.”

“Without. She needs her sleep, after all.”

“Very well. It’s a date.”

“Cool. I’m heading out, then. I need to see a guy about a thing.”

“Then I will see you at dinner.” You walked over to steal a kiss, then started walking out. Before you could leave, though, she asked, “How long does this potion last, again?”

“No fucking clue. Have fun!” Her head slowly lowered to the table.

The guy you wanted to see about a thing was actually a mare you needed to see about a task. Working with metal was fucking hard, so they assigned one of the apprentices to help teach you the basics. Working with that stuff also takes a lot of muscle, since you’re usually banging hammers on things. The mare you were working with was a practical giantess by pony standards, named Goldilocks.

She got her cutie mark while making a gold lock, of course. She was also completely yellow, with a golden mane and a blond coat. No horn or wings graced her body, making her a relatively normal earth pony.

“You’re late, Prince Consort,” she said when you finally arrived.

“That depends entirely upon whose clock you’re using,” you replied, walking over to the workshop wall to grab a heavy apron. “The clock in the royal dining hall said I was leaving at just the right time.”

“And the clock here says you’re late. And I just so happened to have crafted most of the parts of this clock by myself, so I’m more inclined to trust it.”

“That’s just because you want to punish me to make me suffer.”

She rolled her eyes while you walked up to the bellows she was currently working. You took over that while she grabbed a hammer. “I was just pointing out a fact, Prince Consort. You’re late. Normally, apprentices get punished. However, you are the prince consort.”

“A prince consort with a name that he’d prefer you use instead. That title is far too long.”

“Prince consort has fewer syllables than Anonymous.”

“But more than Anon. How do apprentices get punished?”

“That depends entirely upon their age… Prince Consort. The older ones have their pay docked. The younger ones that work without pay are usually spanked. Do you want me to punish you, Prince Consort?”

“I think my wife would be jealous.”

“Just one of them? I thought both might mind.”

Ugh. “Luna would probably enjoy watching me suffer. Anyway, what are we making today?”

“Nails. They’re quick, easy, and everypony needs ‘em. With those hands, we should be done quickly. Now keep that fire hot and steady.” Pumping the bellows was easy, but boring. You’d really rather be swinging the hammer, though that was all kinds of tiring. You’d also much rather be working with straight molten metal, so you can make something entirely new.

But you gotta start somewhere. Goldilocks wasn’t much for talking while she worked, so the shop quickly fell victim to loud taps, vicious clangs, and the soft beat of the air as it was fed as fuel to the flames.

When the two of you had a decent batch of nails done, you sat back in a too-small chair and poured some cool water down the inside of your apron. Your partner rolled her eyes and just drank hers.

“So how long do you think it’ll be before I can start actually making stuff?” you asked after you both caught your breath.

“Making things isn’t usually the hard part,” she said. “Making stuff ponies are willing to pay for is the trick. But the reason we keep apprentices helping instead of holding a hammer for so long is mainly safety. Forging is dangerous work. It’s hot, so you need to know your limits and how to keep properly hydrated. It’s sweaty, so you need to know how to keep a grip on your tools. And molten or hot metal is extremely dangerous. The princesses might not be so happy with us if we let their husband ruin his cute face.”

You snorted at that. “Maybe. They might send you to the royal punisher.”

She shivered. “I heard he tickled the last pony… But I’m more worried about being fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. I don’t want to risk upsetting them.”

“That still doesn’t really answer my question, though. How long am I gonna be stuck helping you make nails and door hinges?”

“It’s not really my decision. But you’re smart and careful, older than the normal apprentices, and you have the bonus of very dextrous hands that are also good at petting ponies. I was considering suggesting to the forge master to give you a small workroom in two or three weeks, assuming you didn’t make any huge mistakes. You’d still likely be supervised, but you could choose what to make. And since you’re the prince consort, you could probably choose what to make it out of, too. Now that I’m working on my own projects, you aren’t gonna see my hooves touching gold any time soon. But you could ask for platinum and they’d probably give it to you without a thought.”

“Shagging the princesses has benefits. Aside from the obvious ones of, you know, getting to shag the princesses.”

“You’re welcome to it. Mares are crazy. I want to find a nice stallion to keep me warm. Anyway, we got more metal to craft.” She hopped back up and walked to the bellows. “You’re on the hammer this time. I’ll tell you when you mess up.”

“Cool. What are we making this time?”

“Iron butter knives. They’re easy and I still haven’t stocked my kitchen yet.” You just looked at her askance. “What? This way, if you do a horrible job, they’ll still get used. You know they wouldn’t accept third-rate silverware in the palace. They wouldn’t even accept non-silver silverware in the palace!”

“...True enough.” She began stoking the forge, so you get to work.

All too soon, it was time for the fires to die out and for you to hang up your apron. “You need any help cleaning up?” you asked.

“We already did the hard work. A younger apprentice will get rid of the metal shavings and dust for us.”

“One you can spank if he messes up?”

She looked down at one of her large hooves and shook her head. “I’d probably break the poor colt.”

“Maybe. But some colts probably like being broken.” She snorted. “Oh yeah, I should probably let you know that I can’t make it to the forge three days from now. Got plans.”

“Alright, I’ll have somepony else help me that day. You need anything else before you leave?”

“Nah. I need to go take a shower. Celestia told me last time how bad I stank.”

“She’s missing out. I love the smell of a stallion after a hard day’s work.” She shrugged. “See you tomorrow, Ano—Prince Consort.”

“You’ll give in one day,” you said with a smirk. She smiled guiltily and shrugged again, so you finally departed, heading back to your chambers.

One of the other benefits of shagging the princess was sharing her large bathroom. And large room. And large bed. Before, you were stuck with standard pony-sized stuff, which was like living in a house made for midgets. Having stuff that actually fits you was amazing.

The one downside was not having any manly soap. But that was something that could be fixed. As it was, though, you walked on over to Luna’s room smelling like peaches and cream.

You didn’t really want to bother her, but you figured she’d be awake and probably willing to answer your questions. So you knocked upon her door and waited for an answer.

A few moments later, one of her servants answered it. When she saw you, she blinked. “Can I help you, Prince Consort?”

“Is Luna there?”

“Indeed she is, but you don’t need to knock to see your wife! Please, come in.”

“It’s a nicety,” you explained as you stepped into the richly appointed front room. “And if she was asleep, I didn’t want to wake her.” You also hadn’t been in her room, so you had no idea where anything was. You definitely didn’t want to find her touching herself or something.

After getting inside, you figured finding her like that would be an accomplishment. The front room was painted a dark blue and had three black velvet couches placed comfortably around the center. Several bookcases and a few writing desks dotted the walls. A single window dominated one wall, though you knew there was no way any part of that room could be directly against the outer walls. In fact, the window was showing a nighttime scene in some far-off land, something definitely not Equestrian.

“She’s right through here,” the maid said, walking with you through Luna’s room.

This room was surprisingly spartan. It had one reasonably sized bed that had just enough blankets to keep someone warm and no pillow. On one wall was a dresser with a single mirror atop it. And that was it.

“I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you,” the maid said. She raised a hoof toward a partially closed door, pointing it out.

Figuring it was the dressing room or something where Luna kept all her clothes, you let yourself in. Of course, because you aren’t allowed to have nice things, it was a bathroom and Luna was in the tub, her head submerged. Luckily for you, her flank was facing the other way, so you didn’t get an unwanted view.

“...Thanks,” you sighed, pushing the door closed behind you. The maid bowed before it could close all the way, leaving the two of you in the relative privacy of her bathroom.

You were hoping Luna had as little shame as her sister.

When she finally pulled her head out of the water and looked around, she blinked in surprise when she saw you. “Anonymous. I certainly was not expecting you here. In my bathroom.”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting to be here either. If the maid told me that’s where you were, I’d've waited. If you want me to leave, I will.”

“I have nothing to hide. I know full well that tails leave little to the imagination, so I am sure you have seen what it hides, willingly or not. What do you require?”

Her hair was doing some silly stuff, since it was wet and still trying to move. You suppressed your giggles and answered her.“I just had some questions about Celestia. She apologized for tricking us and said she was taking a day off soon to give us some time together. Just me and her.”

“That is good news. I hope you are not here to request that I join you.”

“Nah. I’m here to ask if you had any suggestions. Things she likes that I might not know about, or that she might not think to tell me. I figure it would be fun to surprise her.”

“I see.” She leaned back in the tub and floated a hard loofa over. “She might have changed in my… extended absence.”

“You’ve called every move she made so far. A thousand years is a long time, but I doubt it’s anything compared to what came before.”

“True.” With a dab of magic, she squeezed soap onto the scrubber and started cleaning her forelegs. “Celestia is, as I am sure you have noticed, a very romantic pony. It explains a lot about some of the choices she has made over the years. If you were still trying to woo her, I would suggest grand, sweeping gestures that would leave a mare breathless and stunned, or small, cute things that would make her smile.”

“Yeah. That’s part of how I won her over to begin with. Dancing with her at the gala, calling her cute, making her flustered. Things like that. But I already have her heart. I just want something she’ll enjoy.”

She started to run the loofa over her main body, using magic when she got to a place her legs couldn’t reach. “The easy answer is that seeing you happy will make her happy. She loves it when those around her, especially those to which she is close, have a good time. That is part of why she is so insistent that you and I become friends. But things she enjoys as hobbies… Swimming.” She smiled and shook her head. “One time after a major bat—incident, everypony spent ages looking for her. We were in a vast open plain, with practically nowhere to hide, no trees or hills for kilometers. It took us four hours to find the small hole leading straight down into a natural spring, where she was playing with a few of her guards.”

“I’ve actually never seen her in a pool… And there aren’t any beaches nearby. But there is the lake at the bottom of the waterfall right outside the gates. Do you know if the water is clean?”

“No. But if it is next to my sister’s capital, I very highly doubt it will be dirty. She also overenjoys eating. Mainly sweets. That is why she is so much more plump than I. Though as you attend every one of her meals, you should know that full well.”

“Yeah, she does seem to like her cake…”

You were pretty sure she already cleaned her mane and tail, so you weren’t too surprised when she just took a moment to rinse and then leaned back. “I believe she enjoys competing. At the last festival in Ponyville, I saw her hoofwrestling with her subjects. Perhaps she would enjoy performing feats of strength. Once upon a time, she enjoyed showing off a different kind of strength. Thankfully, those days are behind us.”

“I’d really like to hear some stories about the shenanigans you two got up to when you were younger.”

“That is not a word I would use to describe them. This land was not always so peaceful, nor its inhabitants kind. Some of us have recovered from then. Others still bear scars.” And there went your interest to hear about it. “My sister definitely enjoys learning. Though these days, there is less and less for her to discover. She turned to her student to help glean what little information there might be left not found.”

“Can’t really help with that, unless I start talking about my old home.”

“She also enjoyed sparring, though I doubt there are many still willing to do that with her.”

“I wouldn’t be any kind of competition. I haven’t been in a fight in… shit, decades, probably.”

“That is unwise. Royals should be their own defenders. Would you like me to assign you a trainer? I can obtain one specialized in bipedal combat.”

“...I really don’t like fighting, but if you both think I might be a target, I can learn some basics. Later.”

“I will send out tendrils, then. Let me think… She likes pranks, though anypony that has been in a room with her for five minutes will know that. She also likes animals, which is why the garden is full of them and she has that accursed phoenix. I know she used to enjoy reading awful romance books, but I hope she has grown out of that habit. She likes foals, though neither of us are capable of bearing them… nor you of providing them anyway.” She fell silent.

“Well, it’s a good sized list, but I can’t really use most of it for a date. Swimming, definitely. That’s pretty easy. I can’t cook, but I know a few places in Canterlot that make some mighty fine sweets. I might be able to put up a fight in a armwrestling, but that’s not really a good date idea. I can’t teach her much and that sounds like a shitty date anyway. Same for sparring. I could take her to a zoo or something, maybe.”

“I have an idea. There is one other thing she enjoys, something that caused me and many others great grief over the years. She had a habit of sneaking away from the castle and disguising herself as a common pony to spend time among her subjects without them recognizing her. And I recently rediscovered my old alchemy books, which is why I had that voice changing potion on hoof. I can easily craft her a potion that will change her form.”

“That sounds… amazing, actually. I mean, I won’t be able to kiss her on the date, but we can still spend time together.”

“I can make two potions. I will just need some fur as a base for each potion. You will look like ponies that already exist, which is not too much of a problem.”

“Um… If I became a pony, I couldn’t walk.”

“Ah. Yes, that could be a concern. And the potion will last long enough for it to be a real problem, should an emergency arise. Then pick somepony you know that you can explain away as spending a day with a friend. It will take me a day to brew the potion, so get the fur to me tomorrow.”

“Magic is really awesome. Sometimes, I wish I could actually learn it.”

She smiled. “I will remember you said that. I am actually experimenting on magic that I believe somepony without a horn could perform.”

“Alright, magic is even better now. Man, with all the stuff you’re doing for me, I’m kinda wondering when you’re going to collect.”

“Making you happy pleases my sister. And as you said, us growing close is wise, given that we are stuck together.”

“Yeah, but it feels a little unfair for you to be doing all this for me while I’m not doing anything for you.”

“I already have plans to ask for your assistance later. And if I ask for your help with magic, it will be as a guinea pig, not as a fully-fledged mage.”

“Cool. At least I won’t feel so useless, then. So let me know if you need anything, I guess.”

“I most definitely will. And I will get started on the brew for that potion tonight. Get me the fur when I awaken come the morrow. I will leave it up to you as to whether or not this will be a surprise for her.”

“I think we should probably ask her about it beforehand. She might be upset if we just spring it on her. I know she’s still a little upset about the voice thing.” Luna smiled. “Uh. How long is that gonna last, anyway?”

“A full twenty-four hours after it was first imbibed. So it will likely wear off some time in the night.”

Hearing your wife moan like an old black man when you do the dirty with her was going to be a little awkward. But it would also be really funny, so you’d make sure to get her good.

“She was wondering. So, you gonna be on time for dinner today?”

“Unlikely, given that you are still here and I have yet to dry off.”

“Oh. Yeah, that could be an annoyance. I’ll see you at dinner, Luna.”

“Indeed you will. Until then, Anon.”

Chapter 4

You decided it would be wise to wait until the next day to approach your wife with the idea. After all, Celestia might be more willing to use a potion when she wasn’t currently suffering through the ill effects of one. She still wasn’t too happy about that, but she understood why you did it.

Even if she’ll never forgive you for recording her talking dirty with that voice.

“I’ve had a few ideas for our date,” you said, midway through lunch.

She stopped you with a lifted hoof. “I want you to surprise me.”

“Well… This would definitely be surprising. Which is why I wanted to ask about it, first.”

She shook her head. “Surprise me, Anon. I want to see what you’re going to do. As long as it won’t hurt me, or upset my subjects, I won’t be mad.”

“...Promise me. I want to hear it.”

“Well, now I’m really curious. I promise that I won’t get mad about anything you do to surprise me, as long as it doesn’t harm me or upset my subjects.”

“Alright, cool. I’ll get the reigns and riding crop ready.”

“No.”

“Just joking.”

She smirked. “So was I. Make sure to get the saddle, too. I think I might like being ridden by my favorite human…”

“I will keep that in mind, but it’s certainly not what I had planned. I think you’ll be happy with the side effects, at the very least.”

“I certainly can’t wait to find out what you’re planning. I do so love pleasant surprises!”

“Then I hope I don’t disappoint.”

“As long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy. Now, unfortunately I need to leave. A delegation of miners from the Diamond Dog corporation are coming by and I need to make sure my subjects remember not to give them chocolate… Unless they annoy me.”

“Uh. Don’t countries usually get mad when you assassinate their people?”

“Not the dogs. They’re structured like a giant cutthroat company, where assassinations are occasionally part of daily life. But I wasn’t planning on killing them, just making them sick so they would stop bothering me. In my experience, the dogs will eat anything you put in front of them without even checking what it is.”

“Celestia, I love you, but sometimes you make me worry.”

“I love you too, my cute little monkey…”

“Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you not to call me that again. Getting called ape all the time is bad enough, but monkey is just weird.”

“Noted. But you can only call me horse when you’re riding me, and if you do, I’ll start whinnying when we have sex.”

“I’ll try to remember that.” It would be fucking hilarious. “I’ll see you later, Sunbutt.”

She grinned. “Now that is a name I haven’t heard in a long time. Farewell for now, my love.” She stole a kiss before walking on out the door.

When you got to the workshop, Goldilocks was just getting the fire lit. “You’re actually on time today,” she said in mock surprise.

“It’s a thing that happens sometimes. What are we making today?”

“Shoes for the guards, first. I’ll take the lead for that one, since it’ll require more finesse.”

“Alright. Do we need to fit them, or is it all standard?”

“Standard, with a few outliers. If we can get a good rhythm going, I’ll let you take over the standard ones and I’ll do the officers’ shoes.”

“Works for me.” You stepped on up to the bellows and started working the flames while she began getting the tools she would need together. Soon enough, the clangs and bangs of a normal forge took over the silence.

After you two finished the horseshoes, you retired to the small break area. A new chair materialized overnight, one that wasn’t too tiny for your giant frame. She also happened to obtain a couch that reasonably fit her.

“Nice new digs,” you commented when you sat.

“Perks of working with the prince consort,” she replied with a smile. “I mentioned how uncomfortable you looked when you sat in the old chair and they moved one in for you and a couch for me, just in case. They’re still not really comfortable, but they’re better than they were.”

“...I keep forgetting that I can pull rank on people.”

“That’s a good thing, as far as I’m concerned,” she said before sipping at water. “It means you won’t forget how to handle problems like a normal pony.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to abuse it anyway. Now, you mind if I ask you an awkward question?”

“Only if I can ask you one.”

“Sure. I want to surprise Celestia on our date and Luna offered to make a potion for me that’ll transform Celestia into a normal pony for a day. But she needs fur from a normal pony to complete the potion. Celestia will take on the form of whoever donated the fur. I was wondering if you’d mind if she borrowed your body for a day. We wouldn’t do anything publicly romantic with it, so you wouldn’t have to worry about getting lambasted in the papers or anything.”

She shrugged. “That’s a weird request, but I’m fine with it. When do you need it?”

“Before I leave tonight. I doubt Luna will need too much.”

“I won’t miss a little. Now, it’s my turn. Do the princesses have any fetishes?”

“Yes. What are we working on next?”

“Oh come on, you know what I meant! What are they?”

“I’ll answer for Celestia, but Luna would kill me.”

“Ugh, fine. What does Celestia like?”

“Being dominated. And she’s definitely into anal.”

“Oh. That’s it?”

“That’s it so far, at least. She can be a little shy about it, so she might tell me more later. Or I might find some other stuff later. Why do you even want to know?”

She shrugged. “Everypony’s curious about them. They’re these great, ancient, powerful goddesses, and yet they can still fall in love, just like normal ponies. I guess I just thought that if they could fall in love, they could be normal in other ways, too.”

“They are. You should just hear Celestia snore. It gets as loud as thunder sometimes.”

She giggled. “I can’t imagine the princess snoring…”

“And they do plenty of other things, too. Aside from being a little older than your average pony, they’re perfectly normal.”

“Uh huh. And what about you, Mister Prince Consort? What kind of normal pony falls in love with goddesses and actually marries them both?”

“I’m not a pony. Never pretended otherwise. All humans have their own brand of crazy. Mine just happened to be the kind that falls in love with the impossible.”

“Well, there are certainly a lot of stallions that claim you lucked out.”

“The only lucky thing about it is that I didn’t have any competition. If someone else had gotten to them first, I doubt I would have been nearly as successful.”

“Maybe. But with those hands, I bet you could steal any mare away.”

“There’s a thought. I could take all the mares in Equestria for myself... “ She rolled her eyes. “But I already have the ones I want, and they’re more than enough for me.”

“And I’m sure they’re quite happy about that. Now then, we’ve been on break for far too long. We need to get started on the next one.”

“Alright. What are we making?”

“We’re getting started on your first real test. We need to make a chain.”

“What, like chainmail armor? Or a chain like on a necklace?”

“Chainmail armor? I’ve never heard of that.”

“Oh. You just make a lot of interlocking chains in the form of a shirt, which makes what’s called chainmail armor. From what I remember from the history channel, it’s less protective than full plate, but a lot lighter. Good for stopping piercing weapons, but won’t stop a cudgel from breaking a bone.”

“...I’m going to ask the forgemaster if something like that is feasible with what we have. But for tonight, we’re just making a regular chain. One of her majesty’s ships needs a secondary anchor chain, and we’re making part of it. A few of the other workshops are making the rest and the anchor itself.”

“Cool. How do we get started with chain?”

“It’ll be like nothing you’ve done before. First, we’ll need to heat the forge back up…”

It took you guys quite a while to get just a few links completed. Chains, as it turns out, are fucking hard to make without automatic tools. Your amazing idea of heating up the middle of a metal plate and using a pickaxe to knock out the hot part was dismissed by a rolling of eyes.

When you were finally done, you both nearly collapsed in your small break area. The heat was still nearly unbearable even there, and you wondered how she managed while covered in fur.

“So when are you going on a date with Princess Luna?” she asked.

“I went on one with her a few nights ago. I’m trying to keep it even, but Celestia’s a lot busier when I’m usually awake.”

“You could always split your sleep schedule. Wake up at midnight and go to bed at noon. I imagine it’s hard to be… intimate with her when you’re just waking up or just going to bed.”

“We get by. So how am I going to go about getting fur from you? I don’t really think I should just shave a patch off…”

“I have an idea.” She walked over to one of the workbenches and grabbed a coarse metal brush.

“...That’s gonna hurt.”

“Nah.” She ran it down her front leg and pulled it away. Sure enough, it was covered in some fur. “I don’t have anything to put it in, though. You should take it to her straight away so you don’t accidentally turn your wife into a half pony, half pocket lint monster.” She passed you the entire brush. “Though she’d be one fine monstrosity, I gotta say. Well, part of her.”

“I’d still love her, either way. I just might have to do it from a distance. I’ll see you later, Goldie.”

“I think you mean tomorrow… Anon.”

“I knew you’d give in. See you tomorrow.” With that, you departed, heading to Luna’s spacious rooms. You were hoping she’d be awake and wouldn’t mind you smelling like death.

When you arrived, she answered the door herself, still looking somewhat bleary-eyed. “I got the fur you needed,” you told her, holding up the brush.

“So you did. Come along inside, I suppose. Getting the base brewing will not be difficult.”

“Not sure that’s too smart. I just got out of the forge and I stink. Like, really badly.”

“You smell like a stallion. And a little bit like metal. It does not bother me. I thought you would be interested in how these potions are made.”

“I am. And I guess if the smell doesn’t bother you, I can watch.”

“Then enter.” She stood aside for you, letting you walk on in. The temperature difference in her room was crazy. The forge was broiling. The halls were comfortable. Her room was actually cold. Most of the sweat on you was already gone, but your shirt was still damp and almost instantly got cold enough to make you shiver slightly. “Go through the left door and do not touch anything. I will join you shortly.”

The door to her room was on the right, so you assumed the left door led to some kind of workshop. Stepping inside proved that assumption correct. One wall of the room seemed to be dedicated to alchemy, with a few alembics, calcinators, several mortars and pestles, two retorts, and all manner of glasses, vials, and bottles. Another entire wall was taken up by shelves for ingredients.

The last wall was full of various stuff, most of which you didn’t recognize. You did see a few telescopes and what you thought were star charts. Before you could get closer to see anything else, Luna walked in, her floaty hair tied up in a bun and trying to escape. “Let us get the base simmering quickly. Give me the brush.” You hold it up and she gently removed it with magic, then pulled off the fur and passed the brush back. “Hm. I always did imagine Celestia would be better off blond. I will be sure to see her before she changes back.”

“Are there going to be any kind of side effects from this, aside from changing shape?”

“I have tested it once and there were none. That said, I have not tested it as extensively as what you will do. Be sure to let me know if anything strange happens.”

“Alright. So how do we get started?”

“First, the base.” She floated the fur to the side and pulled some kind of yellow fluid from the ingredient wall. “This is distilled sunlight.”

“What.”

“Distilled sunlight.”

“No, I heard you. It’s just… Sometimes I forget I’m in Ponyland. Go on.”

She shrugged and poured a few milliliters into a measuring flask. “We add the fur…” It floated over to the flask and dropped in, instantly bursting into flames and smoking away.

“And that’s not dangerous for Celestia to drink?”

“She might have something of a stomachache if she drank it right now. Followed by a minor case of death. That is why it will be cooking.”

“Magic. Right.” Because cooking something hot cools it down, right? “What’s next?”

Another bottle floated down from the ingredient wall, this one full of some kind of white powder. “A dose of salt.” She tipped it over the flask and let some slide into the liquid. Then the salt floated back and something else moved in, what looked like strips of paper. “Essence of memory.”

“Alright, that one I’m curious about. How do you get the essence of a memory? And whose memories are they?”

“Excellent questions. Do you know what stream of consciousness writing is?”

“A story style where you get exactly what the character is thinking at the time, right?”

“Correct. To obtain the essence of a memory, a unicorn must write stream of consciousness while casting a spell that enables the thoughts, emotions, and the memory itself to be locked into paper. If you were to grasp any of the strips and use the command word, you would instantly be assailed with the locked memory. It would also render the strip useless. I have been told that most unicorns make these strips while doing mundane tasks they didn’t want to remember anyway. Those work for most potions, but some require specific emotional attachments, like sorrow or happiness.”

“So all those strips are probably just some guy eating breakfast?”

“Or walking to work or meditating. I actually heard that for advanced mages, it is possible to make the memory about making the memory itself.”

“Weird.”

“But wise. You lose nothing and can transcribe essences until you get bored.” She finally tossed three strips into the sun oil. Two flashed blue and one flashed green. “Two of those were mundane tasks. The other was something slightly more exciting.”

“What if you get one about a guy having sex or… I don’t know, murdering someone?”

“Bright pink and oily black. I have only seen the second once, and used it to solve a murder.”

“Neat. What’s next?”

“A transformative agent. Changeling honey.” Another flask floated over, this one full of a grimy green goop. “You would not believe what one must go through to obtain this nasty honey.” As thick as it looked, there was no way any would come out even if she upended the thing. She just scraped a dollop out with magic and let it fall into the sun oil. The entire mixture instantly turned brown. “Good.” The honey floated back to the shelf. “That does it for the base. I will put it on ice and add to it occasionally over the night. It will be ready before you need it.”

“Awesome. This right here’s a cool kind of magic. Anyone can do it.”

She shook her head. “This is not magic. This is merely alchemy. Add one ingredient to another ingredient and you get a reaction. Some of the ingredients, like the memories, are magical. Others, like the distilled sunlight, can be pulled from nature. But yes, anypony can do it. The hard part is learning what ingredients have what effects. But if one has a book of recipes, that stage can be skipped. Nothing new can safely be produced, but much can be done with the recipes already in existence.”

“It sounds fun. And also extremely dangerous.”

“Indeed. If you would like to learn, there are a few professors in the nearby mage tower that would be all too happy to teach you.”

“I would, but I got my hands full with metalworking. And getting ingredients and a lab would be a bitch. If I had all the time in the world, I would definitely devote some to that. But I’m starting to like working with metal.”

“Understandable. It is wise to become a master at one trade rather than average at several.”

“My thoughts exactly. My old profession doesn’t exist here, so starting new was a necessity. Anyway, I really do need a shower, and your room is really cold. See you at dinner?”

“My room is not that cold. I do not know why you are shivering like a little filly.”

“Because I’m not covered in a thick fur and my shirt is damp from sweat. Remember, I just came from a forge.”

“Ah. Then yes, that is understandable. I will see you at dinner, Anon. Farewell for now.”

As you left, you couldn’t help but think to yourself how adorable she was with her hair in a floaty bun. Not that you would ever tell her that, of course.

She’d probably kill you or something.

The morning of your day with Celestia started like any other. There was a big furry beast in your arms that you kissed as soon as you woke up, which made her gently stir. As soon as she moved, her weird hair started smacking you in the face, but you were used to it and just ignored it.

But despite the bed being warm and the company great, you knew you had to drag yourself up. And so you did, making her groan when you left a cold gap next to her. Throwing the blanket back over her silenced her, so you retired to the bathroom to deal with the morning commonalities.

When you finished up in there, your wife was still being lazy. You grabbed your damp towel and walked over to the bed. “Time to wake up, honey,” you said. She snorted. “Then we can do it the fun way.” You pulled the blanket off and she curled into a ball.

Then you rolled up the towel and whipped her right on the cutie mark with it. She shot up with a yelp, then glared at you in indignation.

“Good morning!” you happily said.

“Would be a lot better without somepony hitting me,” she muttered, rubbing at her sore flank.

“I’m your personal alarm husband,” you replied. “It’s my job to wake you up on time. You should be thanking me!”

“Uh huh. I’ll remember this the next time I wake up first.”

“I don’t know why you’re upset. Today’s your day off, after all. You get to spend it all with me!”

“But I could have spent a little bit more of it asleep. That would have made things so much better…”

“You know you like it. I bet you want me to spank you some more, don’t you?”

“...Maybe.”

“Too bad. Take a shower.”

She sighed and shook her head. “I spoil you so much, honey.”

“Love you too, babe.” She grabbed you with magic and tossed you onto the bed, then hopped up to go to the bathroom.

By the time she got out, you had the potion ready for her. When she walked into the room and saw the vial in your hand, she sighed. “Is this one going to make me sound like a filly?” she asked. “Or maybe make me roar like a monster?”

“Nope. But it should be surprising. Drink it.”

She rolled her eyes and floated the small bottle over. “At least I know you and my sister are getting close.”

“We don’t have to be that close to work against a common enemy. She seemed to think you’d enjoy this.”

“Joy.” She sniffed at it before sighing again and then downing it. “Hopefully this one won’t leave the taste of sweaty socks in the back of my throat all day.” She floated the vial back to you. Before you could take it out of the air, she was already changing. “So what is this one supposed to do?”

“Just a sec.” You walk over to her vanity and grab a hand mirror, then bring it over to her. “This is you.”

She blinked in surprise as soon as she saw her reflection. “...What in Equestria?”

“Welcome to the life of a normal pony. Today, you are Goldilocks, a friend of mine. We’re going out into Canterlot and I figured you wouldn’t want everyone staring and bowing all the time.”

“But… my horn! And my wings!”

“And your hair and tail. You’re completely normal in almost every way, aside from being just a little bigger than average.”

“But wasn’t this supposed to be… our day?”

“It is. And it will be. We just can’t really kiss as much as I’d like. But we can still be together. And this way, we can be together in Canterlot without any problems.”

“...Hm. You are still prince consort.”

“For less than a week. I doubt everyone’s going to be bowing and scraping. And even if they are, so what? It doesn’t bother me as much and we can use it to our advantage.”

“...Very well. And you did say it would be surprising.”

“I definitely tried to ask about it, but you didn’t let me. So now you get to live with it.”

“Indeed I do. So who is this Goldilocks? Or does she even exist?”

“She’s the mare helping me learn metalworking. She didn’t mind letting you borrow her body.”

“Good. So what are our plans for the day, dearest Anonymous?”

“I think you’re gonna love it…”

Chapter 5

Getting out of the palace without guards took some doing, but you managed it. Or at least, you managed getting away without any overt guards; you were fairly certain some were following you, but they weren’t right on your ass.

Your first stop of the day was the zoo. Celestia had her own menagerie of exotic critters at the palace, but she didn’t have the bigger things like elephants or rhinos.

Of course, you have no idea why those things aren’t sapient if pretty much all other quadrupeds are, but whatever.

“I can’t remember the last time I actually took time to go to a zoo,” she said. “I like playing with the animals at the palace, but seeing the big ones here is fun.”

Honestly, you didn’t have much time to do research about what the zoo offered, but your wife probably wouldn’t have given you the time to lead her around anyway. She immediately started walking, as though she knew where she was going. Since it was her day, you just followed along next to her.

Of course, she led you right to the creepy crawly cages. “Can you believe there are some ponies that are afraid of spiders?” she asked, putting her face right in front of a cage with a giant one. And by giant, you actually mean giant. The thing was about the size of a dog. It lunged at her through the cage. You flinched back, but she didn’t move. “I wonder why.”

If you had to guess, it would be because they were smart. “No telling.” You weren’t a fan, but as long as the spiders were in a cage and you weren’t, it was alright.

“I wonder if we can play with them!”

Your eyes widened and you started to tell her no when an employee appeared out of nowhere. “Of course! You just have to be careful. And you can’t play with Snuggly, here. She’s a mite bit too big to get back in her cage easily.” Celestia practically squeed as the fellow led you both into a building. “It isn’t often we get royalty visiting, Prince Consort.”

“Well, my wives are busy and my friend hasn’t had a day off in a while, so I figured we’d do something. I haven’t been out of the palace much since I tied the knot anyway.”

“That’s certainly understandable, sir.” The building you entered was full of all kinds of bugs and arachnids. You had no idea how many of them were dangerous and how many were just creepy, but you didn’t really want your hands near any of them. Of course, you three were the only sapient ones there.“Is there any in particular you’d like to see up close, miss?”

“Do you have any pillytads?” she asked.

“Interesting taste,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “We do have a few.” He walked over to a dark corner and poked at a cage. “You’ll have to be gentle, though.”

“I will,” she said with a nod. He shrugged and pulled out a key to unlock the little cage thing. When it was open, he slowly moved a hoof in and then carefully extracted it. On the end of it was…

“Holy shit, what the fuck is that?” you asked. The thing’s body was segmented into two and its eight eyes were split on both halves. Its legs were abnormally short, given its body size. The worst part is that each segment had its own head. One had fangs and the other just had a disturbingly long point.

“It’s a pillytad,” Celestia said, letting the eight legged abomination move onto her leg. “They’re originally from north of the Crystal Empire, created by a mad necromancer. I’m not really sure what he was trying to do, but he succeeded in making a very scary looking spider that doesn’t hurt anything, even in self defense. It subsists solely off magic.”

“I’m impressed,” the zookeeper said. “I didn’t even know all that!”

“You learn a lot when you work in the palace,” you hastily said, trying to help her cover not get blown.

“Would you like to hold it, Anon?” Celestia sweetly asks, holding the placid thing up for you.

“...No thanks. You have hooves. I have soft hands. Even if it doesn’t have a habit of hurting things, I might get jabbed by that point on accident. And for all we know, it might actually attack me, since I’m also kinda a being of magic.”

“True points,” she said with a shrug, then held it back up for the zookeeper. When he had it safely locked away, she asked, “Do you have a descendent of Arachne and Anansi?”

“You’re a mare after my own heart,” the guy said with the biggest smile yet. “Not many ponies know that old story these days! We have a nonsapient one in here and the body of an Old One in the museum.”

“Can I hold the young one?”

“I gotta warn you: They’re very dangerous and very poisonous. If it bites you, it’ll hurt until I can get the antivenom here.”

“I’m not worried,” Celestia said with a winning smile.

You really should have just dragged her out to the petting area…

After Celestia got bored of the zoo, it was well past time for lunch. You got some junk food at the zoo itself, but nothing overly filling. Since Celestia was in disguise, you figured you could take her to a greasy diner where they served great food that she couldn’t be seen eating as a princess.

They also happened to serve fucking amazing pie.

“You like spiders a lot more than I thought you would,” you commented as you waited on your food.

“How much did you think I’d like them?” she asked.

“Not at all. Most women… and men, actually, didn’t like them where I come from.”

“There is little I fear,” she said with a shrug. “Especially not harmless creatures.”

“That poisonous one didn’t seem all that harmless.”

“He knows I would have words for his mother if he bit me. That’s more than enough to make any son of Arachne quiver in his carapace.”

“Lucky for you guys that your spiders have at least some intelligence. And not a lot of poison. That guy said it would hurt if it bit you. If one of our spiders bit you, your flesh might melt off down to the bone. Or you might get one without much poison, but enough strength to tear a bird in half and all the willingness to do it. Or you might find the bullet ants, named because their bites feel like a bullet… or an arrow, I guess. Or if you’re really lucky, you can meet the finger sized wasps that could probably kill a guy.”

“...So there might be some fear to be had from your creatures. But do you have anything like the manticore? Or wolpertinger? Or, the sun save you, a dingonek?”

“Your manticore is a lion, scorpion, and bat mixed into one. We have all of those, giant-sized. Regular lions, which are larger and more vicious than manticores. Desert scorpions that get to nearly fifteen centimeters. And flying foxes, which are bats that can get to be the size of pet dogs. Wolpertinger… Are those even carnivorous?”

“No, but they’re extremely territorial. If you get close, they’ll go right for your neck with their fangs.”

“...Well, we don’t have anything like that. But that doesn’t mean our regular rabbits won’t mess you up if you annoy them. They’re all too happy to bite you down to the bone. And once upon a time, we had stuff like dingoneks. They died out. Which means something more vicious took their place.”

She smiled. “You go out of your way to make it sound dangerous.”

“Every creature here is smart, or has at least some basic intelligence. They aren’t all sapient, but they can understand sapient creatures. The magic here runs deeply. In comparison, my world is straight up feral. If Fluttershy tried befriending a bear there, she’d get brained and eaten. If you tried handling one of those spiders I talked about, there’s a pretty good chance they’d bite and you’d lose a limb. Compared to this place, my world is dangerous.”

“True, in some ways. Though I can’t help but wonder why you were so… civilized when you got here. You don’t talk about your world much, but when you do, it all sounds bad. How is it that you have the same or better education as a pony, if all you have to say is bad?”

“Human minds are different. They remember the bad more easily than the good. But I haven’t had too many people ask, so I haven’t told anyone much. But there’s just as much good as there is bad, if not more. It’s just not something I like talking about, and most people know that, so they don’t ask.”

“Understandable. I won’t push. I’m hardly open about some of my past, after all.”

“Even though you have such interesting stories to tell.”

She laughed. “Believe me, most of it was boring. And the parts that were interesting were not any kind of fun at the time. But my sister and I did find a few ways to liven up the centuries. We used to have a long running prank war before things… deteriorated.”

“Well, she obviously thinks it’s still going. That voice potion was her idea.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Oh ho? She’s using my beloved husband against me. Perhaps the war wasn’t as forgotten as I thought. I will have to think of a way to strike back.”

You could only shake your head and smile.

The next thing you had in mind was swimming in the lake outside of Canterlot. You asked around in the palace and found out that it was clean and legal to swim in, though not too many of the Canterlot elite bothered with it.

However, before the two of you could get there, you were intercepted by one of your old pals.

“Hello, dearest Anonymous,” Fleur happily said, a small glint of madness in her eyes as she inched slightly closer.

And by old pal, you meant an ex.

“Hello, Fleur,” you warily replied. “We’re in a hurry, or we would stop to—”

“You didn’t tell me you were expanding your herd,” Fleur said, staring at Celestia with a large smile. “You know, I’d be happy to accept the honor, of course.”

“...Goldilocks, this is Fleur. An ex-girlfriend. Fleur, this is a coworker.”

Celestia didn’t look overly pleased. “A pleasure,” she coldly replied. “I believe we had plans, Anon?”

“We do. It was interesting seeing you—”

“Do your wives know?” Fleur asked, still staring at Celestia.

“That I’m with a friend?” you asked. “They wouldn’t care that much, I don’t think.”

“A friend,” Fleur slowly said, turning her head back to you, still smiling that crazy little smile.

“Perhaps you’ve heard of them,” Celestia shot back. “In a book, maybe. I would suggest them, but you might find yourself hard-pressed to come up with one.”

“I think it’s time for us to go,” you interjected, having somewhat of a bad feeling about where this was going.

Fleur’s teeth were starting to grind, but she was still holding her smile. “I have all kinds of friends, little miss Goldilocks. Maybe you’d like to be better acquainted with them?”

“Sycophants and mares in waiting don’t count as friends, Fleur. Neither do the numerous stallions you take to bed, trying to fill the gap your old lover left behind. I wonder… Are you trying to scratch an itch, perhaps? Maybe feel pretty again, after the best man to ever fall into your life left you for a better mare?” Fleur’s mouth dropped and your eyebrows lifted. “There are Diamond Dogs in town. I suggest taking some of those to bed. After all the use you’ve gotten, you might feel full with their knots in you.”

After several seconds, Fleur finally whispered, “Gol. Dee. Locks. I will remember that name.” She turned back to you. “I look forward to seeing you again soon, my precious little monkey…” She quickly made herself scarce.

When she was out of sight, you slowly turned down to your wife, who was wearing a smug smile. “What. The fuck. Was that?” you hissed.

“Just a mare marking her territory, dear,” she replied. “So is she why you don’t like being called monkey?”

“Celestia, she is going to have Goldilocks murdered!”

“Oh, p-shaw! Fleur is harmless. She’s been playing little filly games in my court for a decade now. She doesn’t even know any of the hitponies in Canterlot. And thanks to her connection to you, they’ll give her a wide berth anyway. Besides, Goldie already has a guard trailing her now, since she’s working with you. The worst Fleur will do is spread silly little rumors, which will do nothing since I control who works in the palace and where.”

“It still doesn’t seem… wise to provoke her.”

“Oh, it most certainly isn’t. But I’ve wanted to give her a thrashing for a while and this is the first chance I’ve gotten to openly do it. Now, that was a fun little distraction, but perhaps we should carry on. Maybe we’ll run into your other ex!”

“You don’t have to sound so excited. And besides, she isn’t crazy. We just had a small disagreement and decided to break it off.”

“By which you mean you found out she was a stallion.”

“...I disagreed with her keeping that a secret from me. I didn’t like the scene she was in anyway.”

“Understandable. Now, I believe we were going somewhere?”

“Yeah.” The two of you started walking again. “So I gotta ask, how much homework did you do on me?”

“All of it, of course. Mind, I’ve been keeping tabs on you since you arrived in Equestria, but before I invited you to the Gala, I made sure to know everything I could about you. I knew you happened to have a thing for tall mares, at least.”

“Purely coincidental. But having someone at crotch height all the time is kinda weird. Especially since ponies like to stand uncomfortably close when talking to each other.”

“Oh? You seem to enjoy it when my mouth is down there…”

“At… certain times, yes. But when you’re trying to hold a conversation, it can get distracting.”

“Is that why you like Miss Goldilocks?”

You stumbled slightly. “I don’t like her, not like… that.”

“Why Anon, I never said you did!” she said in mock surprise. “Why are you so… defensive?”

“I didn’t… Ugh. Mares here are just the same as women back home. I like that someone I work with isn’t right up on my crotch all the time. Especially given how sweaty I get. I’d hate to accidentally smack her in the face with my junk funk.”

She cracked up.

When you got to the lake, its only occupants were a few foals. You weren’t about to be arrested for indecency or exposing yourself to minors, so you left your pants on when the two of you slipped in.

“This is actually a brand new experience,” Celestia said after a few minutes. “I just thought about that.”

“You’ve never been in this lake?” you asked, floating back in the water.

“No, I have. This is actually part of the reason I chose this spot for the capital. I’ve just never swam without wings before. It’s completely different!”

“Well, you are missing two limbs. I bet they’d be decent to paddle with. You guys aren’t really made for water.”

“That we are not. But the same is true of you, isn’t it? No gills or flippers, and your hands and feet can only do so much.”

“It is. Most apes avoid water. Humans just have a habit of taming everything we like.”

“Is that so? Do you think you have me tamed, Mister Anonymous?”

“I don’t think I could tame you if I had all the time in the world, honeybuns. But that won’t stop me from trying.”

“As long as you keep paddling me just right, I’ll keep misbehaving. If you really want somepony to tame, maybe you should try Luna. I bet she’d love a nice, strong stallion in her life.”

“She has several guards that fit the bill. Luna is quickly growing into a friend, but that’s all she’s growing into.”

“A friend you’re turning to more and more. You didn’t know I liked swimming. You could assume I like animals and junk food, but you had to have asked her some of my hobbies.”

“She also made the potion, as you already know. She said you liked to sneak out and pretend to be a commoner.”

“So I did. And do, though I haven’t done it in a while. I think I would’ve preferred if you were a commoner with me…”

“She was going to, but I wouldn’t be able to take the change in stride like that. Ponies are shaped all kinds of differently and adapting to it might take a while. I didn’t want to ruin the date. Besides, I love you for you. You just love me for my body. If I didn’t have it, you might just drop me for the first sexy stallion you saw.”

“Mmm, maybe. I would definitely like a piece of your hot body right now…”

“Unfortunately, we can’t. Not in public. I promised Goldie I wouldn’t get her in trouble, and getting us arrested for having sex in front of minors would kinda go against that.”

“Oh, you ruin all the fun,” she sighed, then nuzzled me. “But I’ll collect later, don’t you worry…”

Not if you had anything to say about it. You were happy to do all kinds of naughty things to her in her own body, but using someone else’s form for it would be weird. You love your wife, but you also respect your coworker.

But that was a conversation you could have later. Now, she was too busy dunking you to talk much. As soon as you pulled yourself out of the water, she began swimming away.

You swam faster.

By the time the two of you were getting back to the palace, the sun was starting to go down. The two of you had stopped to eat again at another unfancy place before you got back. She tried to get you to take her to a bar, but you refused since you knew Celestia couldn’t handle her alcohol at all.

“Do you think Luna wants to see me like this?” she asked as you were walking through the halls.

“She did say you’d be perfect as a blond.”

“...She isn’t allowed to see me like this.”

“She also probably thought it would be pretty funny.”

“She definitely isn’t allowed to see me like this.”

“And oh man, she could do all kinds of magic on you and you couldn’t fight back!”

“Let’s get back to my rooms. Quickly. She probably still remembers the last time I tickled her into submission.”

“If you’re in your room, wouldn’t she know right where to look?”

“Of course. But do you think she would be willing to risk walking in on us together?”

“I dunno, maybe? Though she probably knows you’d try to drag her into the bed with us.”

“Oooh, maybe we should invite her…”

“Honey, if you really want to have sex with your sister, I won’t stop you. I’d definitely watch, too. But I don’t think she’d want me there.”

“You might be surprised, dear. I imagine it’s been quite a while since she last shared a bed. I wouldn’t be shocked if she say yes if you approached her alone.”

“That isn’t a risk I’m going to take. She might say yes or she might kick me in the shin again.”

“I seem to remember her apologizing for that.”

“The half-hearted sorry she said to appease you didn’t count. The one she did a few days ago does, though. But now she knows that I don’t have a sheath, so she might aim between the legs instead of for the legs.”

“My oh my, how did that… come up? Or was I wrong about how long it has been since my sister was last laid?”

“She asked why I wear clothes.”

“So I can unwrap you, of course.”

“...You know, if any servant hears us talking about this, they might talk about it.”

“What are they going to do? Come crying to me about my husband having an affair… with me? Or tell Luna that the husband she doesn’t care about is cheating on her with… me?”

“Or blab about it where they shouldn’t and it gets to a reporter.”

“Anon, honey, you’re going to learn a lot about being a royal in a week or two. Since we got married, there have been at least seven news stories about me cheating on you with various diplomats, Twilight, Cadance, and a guard or two. You only had three stories about you, two with Goldie and one with a maid. It happens. But nopony believes them. They’re just there for mindless entertainment. Even going out today is going to strike up more stories. Stopping to talk to Fleur is going to turn into us having a threesome on the streets. It happens. But I love you and I trust you, so I don’t care what the papers say.”

“...Only three?”

“I know, I thought it would be more, too. You must not talk to many mares. Or stallions, for that matter.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” You finally got to Celestia’s spacious rooms. The doors were unlocked and unguarded, as ordered. Though you were pretty sure Celestia had some magic guarding her pad, if nothing else. You were hoping you’d never find out firsthand. “I gotta say, today was tiring.”

“Not too tiring, I hope,” she replied with a dirty smile.

“And that water might have been clean, but I still feel like I need a shower.”

“It’s big enough for two,” she said, running a hoof down one of your legs.

“...Remember what happened the last time we showered together?”

“I had a delightful time, if I recall,” she said with a smile.

“And I froze my ass off while you hogged the spout. Never again. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

She sighed and shook her head. “You always suck the fun out of everything… But at least I can suck the fun into something.”

“I can’t believe you’re so perverted.”

“I’ve had a lot of downtime between lovers. Take your shower quickly, dear.” You smiled and did so. When you got out, she was on the bed. “I think it’s time for the perfect end to a wonderful date…”

“And you don’t need a shower? Come on.”

“I don’t feel nasty. Come on, Anon. Make me beg!”

You sighed and seemed to sag a little. “I didn’t really want it to come to this, but… Honestly, it doesn’t feel right, using Goldie’s body like this. The date, sure. But using it for sex just feels wrong.”

“...Anon, one way or another, I’m going to get off. I can either doing it lying next to you and moaning your name, or I can do it with your help. I’d prefer to do it with your help. You can just close your eyes and pretend.”

You honestly felt really conflicted about that.

She saw the look of uncertainty on her face and opened her legs slightly. “Come on, Anon. She doesn’t have to know…”

You are not a strong man.

Chapter 6

The potion’s effect wore off some time in the night, so you woke up holding your precious sunny delight. Though the way your crotch was aching, she hadn’t been acting so precious the night before. But since everything was seemingly back to normal, you carried on as usual. Well, up until you started heading to your workshop.

“Prince Consort Anonymous?” one of the younger apprentices said as you entered the metalcrafting wing of the palace.

“What do you need?” you asked.

“The forgemaster would like to speak to you, sir,” he replied with a bow.

“Alright. Is he in his shop?”

“Yes, my lord. Do you need me to guide you?”

“No, I know where it is. Thanks for letting me know.” You started walking that way, wondering what he’d want. Maybe increased funding or something, though you don’t know why he would need it. Or maybe he just wanted to ask how you were liking his program. When you got to his shop, you let yourself in, because the dude was practically deaf since half of his life was spent around banging hammers. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

The old forgemaster didn’t notice you, but one of his apprentices did, and poked the old guy until he turned around. “Ah, Prince Consort! I wanted to discuss this chain mail with you.”

You looked over to what he was working on, and sure enough, it was a small chain mail vest. “I didn’t think anyone would actually try to make it.”

“I did more than try, Prince Consort. I succeeded. It took me and my colts some work, but we got a good size for the loops. This armor’s strong. And light, like you said. It’s gonna save a lot of lives.”

“It’ll probably also pinch their fur like crazy.”

“I think soldiers would prefer getting their fur pinched a few times to getting killed on a scouting mission. And they’d definitely prefer marching in it, since it looks like it breathes easier along with being considerably lighter. Plate’s still better in a full fight, but this stuff’ll do for a lot of things. And we can incorporate it into the original plate armor, making it safer, lighter, and look nicer.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear that. But it’s probably not too easy to make, so I don’t know why you’re telling me.”

“I asked you here to tell you that I’m willing to give you your own workshop, if you want it.” Now that was a surprise. “This idea is a lifesaver, Prince Consort. It’s worth giving you your own place if you can give us more ideas like this.”

“Wow. That’s… an honor. But… it’s also not really a good idea. I’m still learning a lot about metalworking. I have human ideas, but I don’t have human knowledge. I don’t know what I can or can’t do, or what I should or shouldn’t do. I don’t want to get hurt or hurt someone else. I’d like my own shop, but it’s better that I keep working with someone else until I know more.”

He nodded. “A wise answer, if disappointing. If you’d like, I can give you to an actual master. You’ll be given better projects. It’s what we should have done with royalty in the first place, but our hooves are full of younger apprentices. But I can shuffle them around, if you’d like.”

“I’m fine where I am, sir. I don’t want to rock the boat if I can avoid it.”

“Hmm. That is your choice, Prince Consort. But if you have any other ideas for things we could make, please, let me or Goldilocks know.”

“...You ever hear of a crossbow?” Sure, you could mention guns. But you aren’t sure if you want to be the guy to bring that kind of heat to this world.

“I have not. What are they?”

You quickly looked around the room for some stuff you could grab as an example. You quickly find a beam of wood and a broken wheel that would work as examples. You put both on a table, with the wheel in front of the beam. “This wooden beam acts as the stock, which is held up to the shoulder to aim. Or at least, that’s how humans would do it. The wheel acts as the bow, and there would be a string attached to each end. The string is pulled back to a certain place on the crossbow, either with a crank or by hand. Then an arrow is placed in a groove on the stock and locked onto the string. A trigger is pulled, releasing the string and propelling the arrow toward the target at which the stock is pointing. It’s easy to make, easy to fire, and you can aim it with a bare minimum of training. Reload times are bad, but you could make a semi-automatic one with enough machinery.”

The forgemaster slowly nodded all throughout your demonstration. When you finished, he said, “I have heard of such a thing. I think the minotaurs have them. Or rather, larger versions of them called ballistae. Your version is made to work with bipeds, but… Hm. Exports or the auxiliaries… Or a modified design. Attach it to the armor, make mobile weapon systems attached to earth ponies… Launch enchanted arrows? We can use this, Prince Consort. Though I’d prefer armor or items of convenience, not weapons.”

“I’ll remember that in the future,” you replied. “I’d prefer giving you those, too. Do you need me for anything else?”

“No, Prince Consort. Thank you for the suggestions. They will be a great help.”

“You’re welcome, sir. I’m heading to my workshop, then.” He nodded and turned right back to the chainmail he was working on as you left.

By the time you got to the shop, you were a lot later than you should have been. But when you stepped inside, the fire wasn’t even on yet. Goldie was just sitting on the couch, seemingly lost in thought.

“Sorry for being late,” you said. “The forgemaster wanted to talk.” She didn’t reply. “Everything all right? You usually have the fire up by now.”

After a few seconds, she blinked. “I had a weird day yesterday.”

“Something happen in the forge?”

“And on the way home. And at home. You gave Princess Celestia that… that potion, right? The one that… that gave her my body?”

“Yeah. Did some people mention seeing you or something? I heard we were in the papers…”

“Has that potion been tested before?”

“Once. But Luna said she didn’t test it too thoroughly. Why?”

“...I felt everything.”

“What.”

“I tasted what she ate, though my mouth didn’t chew. I felt bugs crawling on my hooves when they were holding hammers. I felt cool water against my fur when I was boiling in the forge. And when I was in bed, I felt… something else.”

“...I need to go have a talk with a blue princess.”

She smiled. “You definitely do. I haven’t been touched like that in years! You need to do it again!”

“What.”

She hopped off the couch and started inching toward you, a big smile on her face. “I know why the princesses married you now, Anon,” she sultrily whispered.

“Um…” You started to back away without even thinking about it, lifting your hands defensively.

She continued advancing. “I think I could go for a more personal taste…” She suddenly jumped toward you and you leapt back in fear. Then she burst out laughing. “Oh, the look on your face!”

“...What.”

She was still laughing so hard she couldn’t answer you, so you positioned yourself next to the door until she could finally compose herself.

When she did, she was still having the occasional giggle fit. “You’re married to the princesses, Anon!” she said. “I’m not gonna do anything to you.” Her smile dropped. “Unless you offered. Then I’d jump your skinny bones in a heartbeat.”

“...Uh. That’s… not really making me feel any better.”

“I spent all night with something jammed up my butt that wasn’t even there. You can deal with it.”

“Look, I’m sorry about… that. I didn’t even want to, but Celestia insisted. It felt wrong, doing that with someone else’s body, but…”

“Are you saying I’m ugly?”

“I’m saying you’re not my wife. And Celestia had your body. It felt wrong, but…”

“Oh so right?”

“Well, it felt right on a part of me. But if I knew you were feeling it too, I would’ve just snuggled her close and left it at that.”

“And let me miss out on that? No buckin’ way. Now I really need to find a good stallion.”

“...You are taking this a lot better than you should.”

“Would you rather I be upset?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Good. Let’s get to work. You’re late again and we have a lot to make up for.”

“...Alright.”

She started setting up the forge as you began figuring out how you’d tell Luna without sounding like a pervert.

When you got to the breaking point, you sat in your chair, not having said a word since you both started. You weren’t really sure what to say, honestly. She did, though. “So how was your date?”

“...Fun. Well, mostly. We ran into an old ex of mine and Celestia… said some things she shouldn’t have. You kinda have a high ranking enemy now. If you see Fleur de Lis, just go the opposite way.”

“...I’m enemies with the Fleur de Lis?”

“Yeah, a little. She was bothering us so Celestia… Well, what she said isn’t important. What is important is you might need to be prepared for some nasty rumors coming your way.”

“I’m curious. What did the princess say?”

“Well, Fleur’s been feeling a little down since our breakup, and has been engaging in a lot of… activities. Celestia brought those activities up and how they can adversely affect her body, and suggested a temporary fix.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Celestia called Fleur a slut and told her to go have sex with some dogs because they’ll fit her loose vagina perfectly.”

She burst out laughing.

Once you were done in the forge, you went to take a shower. You already spoke to Luna once while nasty and stinky. You weren’t about to do it again, not if you could help it. That’s just rude, man.

When you were good and clean, you stopped by her room, still somewhat unsure of how to tell her what happened. When you knocked, she answered a few moments later. “Anon. How was your date?”

“Great, for the most part. We had a bit of a run-in with an ex of mine and it turns out Celestia gets a little jealous. But the potion is what I wanted to talk about. What kind of testing did you do before?”

“I tested to make sure it worked. It did, so I had the lookalikes spend their day as they pleased. Did you notice any strange effects?”

“I didn’t, no. But the original mare told me that she experienced some.” You paused, still not sure how to go on.

“...And what did she say?” Luna asked after a few seconds of silence.

Fuck it. “She felt everything Celestia felt.”

“...Oh. Oh. That is interesting.” Her horn lit up and you found yourself pulled inside. “Sit. I will find some paper.” Her room was still really cold, but the couches were made of velvet so they were probably pretty warm. You picked one at random and sat. Luna lounged in one opposite you quickly enough, paper and a quill held in her magical grasp. “Did she taste what Celestia ate?”

“Yes.”

She made a mark on the page. “Did she smell anything?”

“She didn’t say, so I doubt it. And I know she didn’t hear anything.”

“Interesting…” She made a few more marks. “And she felt everything physical?”

“As far as I know. Celestia was playing with bugs and Goldie reported that. And she mentioned that she felt like she was in water. And she said she felt… the end of the date.”

“So she had full body feeling the entire time the potion was in effect, including sexual contact.” She started writing stuff down. “It could be used as a primitive communication system between two far-off points… Or it could—Wait, you had sex with Celestia when she was in somepony else’s body?”

“It wasn’t my idea!” you blurted. “I didn’t want to, but Celestia was… insistent. She seduced me!”

“Oh. Yes, she can be like that sometimes.” She looked back to her page and continued writing.

“You don’t… I don’t know, see anything wrong with that?”

She paused and looked up again. “Is there something wrong with that, Anonymous? What you and your wife do in bed is none of my concern. So long as it’s consensual and does not cause lasting harm, it is your own business and I do not want to know about it.”

“...Oh.”

She went back to writing for a few moments before stopping again. “Do you feel guilty about it?”

“...Kinda.”

“Then you probably should not have done it. If you feel the need to assuage your guilt, I will allow your workshop partner to participate in the coming night court. I will open it fully in a week’s time.”

“Well… It’s your court, Luna. I don’t know what you want there and what you don’t. She’s more of a smith than a crafter.”

“One that was good enough to get a job at the palace. That means she has talent. I will invite many ponies in the first week. It is up to them to get invited back after that.”

“Alright, then. It’ll be fun to see what all they come up with, anyway.”

“Then you will be excited to learn that you will be in attendance as well.”

That made you pause. “Uh. I’m barely an apprentice. Why would you invite me?”

She rolled her eyes. “You will be there as my husband, not as an artisan. This arrangement works both ways, Anon. I will often be forced to attend events you are invited to and you will often be forced to attend events I am invited to… or hosting. I will only steal you from my sister’s bed on the first night.”

“Well, I can certainly show up at the start. But I’m not sure I can stay up all night. At least, not and function normally the next day.”

“You will be perfectly fine with my magic coursing through your veins. For one night, it will do no harm.”

“So you can keep people awake with magic?”

She nodded. “Indeed I can. Though there are… side effects, if one stays awake for too long. Twitchiness. Irritability. Depression, in some cases. Hallucinations. With one night, you will merely have some grogginess through the next day. Though if you want to begin testing magic with me, you will need to change your sleep schedule anyway. Split it between night and day, perhaps.”

“I’ve always wondered… Why do you sleep during the day and stay up at night? I mean, I know you’re the night princess, but there are a lot more people awake in the day.”

“Celestia deals with the politics. I deal with the problems. Most of them are easier to deal with at night. And it is my domain. I am, as you said, the night princess. That is when I am strongest.”

You shrugged. “Alright. So what am I gonna need to do for that night?”

“Very little. Some of what will be showcased was commissioned months ago. Some will be made that night. Of those I invited, I expect perhaps half to show up. While it is a great honor to be invited to a princess’s court, it is considerably less of one to be invited to the court of one that was dishonored so greatly. And given that it is also an inconvenience for most ponies to stay awake through the night, I truly doubt many will appear. I will have a few old friends in attendance, however. You will definitely meet them.”

“...Old friends?” you asked. “Like, dragons or something?”

She blinked. “No. But that is a wise idea. I know of one that was a gemcrafter in days of old… Do you know what an eternal is?”

“Nope.”

“More colloquially, they are known as vamponies.”

“Oh, vampires! Bloodsuckers.”

“Good, you know of their curse. I recently received a letter from one that I knew long ago, and she would like to visit. She was also a connoisseur of the arts, so I invited her for the festivities. My sister might not approve, but she will live.”

“Well, that’s interesting. I didn’t know vampires even existed here.”

“They do. They used to be more numerous, but a few of them started pushing on me and Celestia. We pushed back. It ended poorly for them. Those that survived decided it would be best not to advertise themselves very openly.”

You shook your head. “This place has a really colorful history.”

“Indeed it does. There are various other types of undead as well. Ghosts. Zombies. Skeletons. Some are only brought forth by mages delving in dark magic. Other are brought forth from trauma or the need for justice.”

“I kinda hope I don’t run into many of them.”

“Wise. I also invited the one madremonte I know, though she might not attend. Tracking her down in the first place was difficult, so I hope she will make it worth the effort.”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“I would be surprised if you did. You’ll find out when you meet her. The last is a dragon that I will invite if I can track him down, one that began shaping his gems instead of eating them. I really hope I can find him…”

“Sounds like a… mixed group. Are the artists you’re inviting all ponies?”

“No. Mostly, but not exclusively. A few minotaurs. Two griffins. I believe one is a changeling in disguise, but I will not push him as long as he behaves.”

“Cool. It was nice that you invited Chrysalis to the wedding, too.”

“As long as she has known Celestia and I, it was only polite. Given the number of stipulations we put on her, it was barely even a risk. In general, and in small numbers, changelings are harmless. But when they get organized… and when I go out of my way to avoid a wedding… they can be somewhat more dangerous.”

“Just a little. Anything else I need to know?”

“You will need to be dressed up, preferably in my colors. If you would like, I can have a suit made for you based off the specifications of your wedding outfit.”

“Works for me. Not much has changed since then.”

“Excellent. Do you have any allergies?”

“Cats, iodine, and things I don’t want to do. Why?”

“Because it would be somewhat embarrassing if I had food there that made you ill. It seemed unlikely, but I once knew somepony that was allergic to fruit.”

“Well, I’m not really in the habit of eating stuff that I know would make me sick. And I definitely wouldn’t want to fuck up your big day.”

“Good. If this idea goes well, I will likely put my plans for a winter ball into motion. You will need to attend that as well, but it will be a while.”

“So it’s like the Gala, but at night?”

“In some ways. I have a few ideas to make it different. What I do with it will change based on what I can learn in the coming months.”

“Any hints?”

“No. Now, it is my turn for a question. When would you like to start learning how to defend yourself? Sooner is better than later. I am aware that you have an unhinged ex-marefriend. Should she attempt something stupid, it would be wise for you to be able to rebuff her.”

“So… Celestia told you about that, huh?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Told me what? I was given your dossier when she asked if I would marry you as well, but I did not know an event happened recently.”

“Oh. We uh… We had a run-in with Fleur yesterday. Celestia kinda insulted her. A lot.”

“Yes, that is something Celestia would do. She can be quite jealous at times. When she gets that way, she tends to forget possible consequences. Have you warned your workshop partner?”

“Yeah. But Celestia said Fleur’s harmless.”

“She also said Chrysalis would not throw away several thousand years of peace, even if she was starving. And that Ponero did not need a strong garrison force. And the one I remember most, that of course those strange magic artifacts nopony knows much about would not do anything to us. Now Chrysalis hates us, Ponero is nothing more than ashes, and we are both immortal. Your training will start in two days. My sister’s heart will not be broken because some foppish noble’s nose was tweaked.”

You sighed and shrugged. “Alright, I guess. Though there’s only so much I can do against magic.”

“That which you can learn, you will. Your trainer will likely be another biped. You can make your schedule with him.”

“Alright. Just another thing to eat up time in the day, I guess. I don’t really have much going on before lunch, so I can practice that before then. I’m starting to get busy...”

“Welcome to the life of a royal. Consider yourself lucky that Celestia does not give you any actual work to do. Though it might be wise to prepare yourself for it, because it will likely come eventually.”

“...Work like what?”

“Like meeting diplomats. Or citizens that are important enough to deserve royalty but are not worth my sister’s time. Or things that require a signature but are not worth her time. You might also begin finding yourself approached by ponies that want you to speak to my sister or I on their behalf. Or you might find yourself called upon to take a stance on an issue, be it either a quarrel between two ponies or a political question. The life of a royal is not one of ease, Anon. So far, you have had a period of luck, and it seems my sister is happy to continue spoiling you. But that will likely not always be the case. When you speak, ponies will listen. Remember that, and remember who and what you represent.”

You sighed and leaned back into the couch. “Why couldn’t Celestia just be a commoner? That would make things so much easier…”

“Being with one you love makes all the hardships in the world worth it.”

“I didn’t take you for the corny type.”

She shrugged. “I can think of some other mindless platitudes if you would like. But I would prefer to eat. I believe it is nearing time for dinner. Let us go.”

“Works for me.” She finally set the paper and quill down, though you don’t think she wrote anything else since she stopped a while back. When you hopped out of the couch, you felt a sweat stain down your back, probably caused by sitting on that hot fucking velvet shit. “If Celestia’s already there when we get there, do you want to do something romantic to get a rise out of her, then say no hetero to upset her?”

“Definitely. Pull out my chair for me and kiss me when I sit down. Then we will say it and you can sit next to her. She will probably be pouty, so make sure to pinch her cheeks.”

She was. It was adorable.

...Until she bit you.

Chapter 7

Two days later, you found yourself standing in front of a large dog, one that looked vaguely like a German shepherd, if one could walk on two legs and carry a halberd and large round shield. He also had a breastplate, a helmet, and a set of pauldrons on. You don’t know why the rest of his body was bereft of protection, but you figured he’d tell you eventually.

“Hello,” you cautiously said. You had been told where to meet him, so there was no one else in the small sparring room but you two. “I’m Anonymous.”

“Hello, Prince Consort,” he said with a small bow. “I am Rin Tin Tin. I have been hired to instruct you in the art of self defense.”

“Yep. Honestly, I don’t see a need for it, but my wife… wives insisted. I doubt anyone’ll be gunning for me.”

“But if they do, it would be wise to be able to stop them.”

“Their rebuttal,” you said with a nod. “Which is true. And knowing a few basics is never a bad thing. Are you gonna teach me to use a halberd?”

“Oh, no. You want to learn how to defend yourself, not how to fight.”

“...It’s probably obvious to you, but what’s the difference?”

He smiled, showing off his teeth. “Fighting is attacking the enemy with the intent to kill. Generally speaking, if you plan to get in a fight, you’ll be carrying weapons. Self defense is fighting the enemy with the intent to disengage, either to escape or to find a better warrior than yourself to assist you. Your goal in a fight is to beat the enemy. Your goal in self defense is to escape unharmed. I will be training you in unarmed fighting, mostly. If you progress quickly enough and you desire, I might teach you to use a dagger. But I was told that you are not a violent… being, so we will likely stop when I deem you proficient in unarmed combat.”

“Alright. How long do you think it will take?”

“I can’t know that. Some take to fighting better than others. Some have bad habits ingrained in them that must be broken. But I can teach you the bare minimum required to survive an attack by a common enemy in two weeks, assuming we meet once a day, minus a few breaks. I can teach you more advanced moves in two months. But there is always more to learn and more to practice. To teach you all I would like, you would be learning for a lifetime. But I will probably deem you as proficient as required in half a year.”

“Being royalty sucks.”

“I would happily trade positions. Do you have any questions before we begin?”

“Why are you only half-armored?”

“For agility. The most important parts of my body are protected, and I can still move easily. With my weapon of choice, that means I can generally stay out of reach of most weapons.”

“Makes sense, as long as they don’t have really good archers.”

“...I have pulled more than a few arrows out of my flesh, I’m sad to say. It is part of why I started carrying a shield as well.”

“Are you one of the auxiliaries? I haven’t seen you around the castle, but you seem more like a warrior than a guard.”

“I am a mercenary from Chowhu, far to the east. I was on the way to the nearby Diamond Dog Mines to look around for jobs when I heard a princess was hiring for a cushy position. Teaching nobles is a lot easier and safer than fighting changelings.”

Unless you died despite your training. Then he’d be better off fighting a horde of changelings, because Celestia would probably skin him alive.

“Are you sure you can teach me?” you asked next. “I mean, I’ll try to learn whatever you try to teach, but we’re shaped a little differently. I also don’t have overly dangerous teeth.”

“I’m sure that I can try. From a basic glance, you are less muscular but more agile than the common warrior in my lands. You will also be unarmored, increasing what you can do even more. So teaching you might actually be easier, since my lessons will involve less strength and more dexterity.”

“Makes sense, I guess. I can’t think of any others.”

“Then it is my turn for a question. Do you have any experience with this in the past?”

“I’ve been in a few small fights several years ago, nothing serious. Never had any training.”

“Good. Hopefully you will have few bad habits. Give me a moment.” You shrugged and he walked over to a wall to set down his shield and weapon. When his hands were free, he started removing his armor, beginning with the helmet and ending with him naked in front of you. “Are you in good shape for your species, Prince Consort?”

“I’m in a decent shape. I started metalsmithing a few days ago, so I’m a little sore from that. But it showed me that I have alright stamina and that I’m strong enough to slam a large metal hammer on a metal plate for hours.”

“Good, then I will not need to waste time getting you in shape. But we will need to limber up. So let’s do a few basic calisthenics…”

By the time you finished lunch, you were barely feeling alive again. It was just in time to get destroyed again by more metalworking.

Life is hard.

When you got there, Goldilocks was sitting at her couch, staring at a letter. You practically fell into your chair and sighed, “Life is hard.”

“Was this you?” she demanded, thrusting the letter at you.

Since it was already open and thus not a felony to read, you took it and read it over. It was the invitation to Luna’s court thing. “Yes and no,” you replied, passing it back.

“It’s either yes or it’s no, Anon. Wait, why are you already so sweaty?”

“I started self defense training today. A few nights ago, I spoke to Luna about the potion. She wanted to know any side effects and I told her. She said that… since you helped her test it and helped me by volunteering your body, she’d send you an invite. I told her that was the wrong reason to invite someone to a really big art show and that, while you’re good, you’re still just an apprentice. She replied that anyone that’s good enough to get hired at the palace is good enough to get an invite to the first week, but after that, it’s up to them to get invited back.”

“Huh.” She looked back down at the letter. “It’s a big opportunity…”

“It is. And you don’t have to go. Luna’s thinking around half the people she invited will show, since she isn’t as popular as her sister and it’s at night. I don’t think she’d be too upset.”

“...But she’d definitely remember those that came. If fewer than half bother, and even apprentices are invited, I could make a name for myself here!”

“That’s an interesting way to look at it. I’d appreciate you coming, at least. Luna put a lot of planning into it. And I’m going to be there the first night as her date, so having a few people I know there would be nice.”

“Then I’ll definitely do it. Though I’ll need to speak to the forgemaster to change my schedule. There used to be an apothecary that sold circadian reversal potions on Mane Street, so that shouldn’t be a problem… What does Princess Luna like? If I can make something just right, I’ll have an even better chance of getting in for good!”

“I’ve asked that question a few times. Art, competing, fighting, winning, and magic. She never got more detailed than that.”

“But you’ve dated her. You gotta know more than that! What kind of flowers does she like?”

“Those that are still in the ground. I made that mistake.”

“Ugh!”

“She’s also really interested in mortality, though god only knows why.”

“That isn’t very helpful…”

“Well, I can’t really help you too much. If you come out with something perfectly suited to her tastes, she’d know I helped you cheat anyway. That would lessen whatever impact you might make. You could just go for something simple and make her a chess set or something.”

“...I could make her a bust of you!”

“No!” you immediately said. She lifted an eyebrow. “Maybe for Celestia or something. But you want to make a good first impression. How good are you at making statues?”

“Given enough time, I can make anything. But smaller is easier and faster. What do you have in mind?”

“Luna has been involved in a lot of historical events. You can do some research and find one where she played a pivotal role, then make a diorama of the scene.”

“Hm… That would be a lot of work, but if I could pull it off, it would look amazing. If I give you a list of events tomorrow, can you ask her about them? I don’t want to accidentally upset her if the history books got something wrong.”

“I can ask Celestia for you, but asking Luna would probably hurt more than it would help.”

“Yeah… Alright then, I’ll do some research tonight. Hopefully I can find some information about Luna.”

“There’s gotta be something somewhere. Anyway, we should probably get started. What are we making today?”

“Today, I got permission to make something special, so I can show you how. We’re going to be making a necklace with a pendant.”

“Now we’re talking! How do we start?”

“With planning. This isn’t something like nails, where we can just wing it. Necklaces aren’t simple. We need to know the weight of the pendant so we can make sure the chain is strong enough. And we need to know what the customer wants. Or, in this case, what you think Luna would want, since this is going to be your gift to her.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Why not? She’s your wife. Husbands give their wives gifts.”

“Well, yeah. But I mean, why Luna? Celestia would prefer gold, so we could work in that.”

“Because you spend more of your time with Princess Celestia than with Luna. You should try to make that up to her when you can. This would be a good way to start.”

You’d really rather make something for your love, but continuing to debate the point would probably make Goldie suspicious. With a shrug, you concede the point. “Makes sense.” You can make something for Celestia later. They’d both understand.

“Good. Now what would Luna like?”

“Silver. A half-moon pendant.”

“Alright, that we can work with. But it’s boring. Plain. What kind of gemstone should we encrust in it?”

“This is getting kinda expensive.”

“You’re the prince consort. The palace is footing the bill for this one. Price is no object.”

You lift an eyebrow. “So we could make this entire thing out of diamonds?”

She rolled her eyes. “Anon, we’re metal workers. I don’t know what kind of world you come from, but diamond isn’t metal here.”

“...How about a ruby? Luna seems like the kind of person that would like red.”

“You really don’t spend enough time with her, do you? Maybe I should get another potion for you and you can spend a few nights with her.”

“Can we just plan this thing? I’d like to get started soon, before my muscles remember how much they hurt already.”

“...I’m just trying to help.”

“Do we need paper or something to draw it out? Or to take notes?”

She nodded. “Yeah. This is gonna be a three day project, probably. We’ll spend today making the pendant, then send it to the gemcrafters so they can add the ruby. We’ll spend the rest of the time making the chain. Trust me, it is not easy when you’re dealing with links that small.”

“I can imagine. I’m not good at drawing, though.”

“Then consider this a learning exercise.” She nodded to the anvil, where she already had a pencil and some paper set up. “Draw out the general shape of the pendant we’re making. I don’t know much about gemcrafting, but I’ll let you know if your plan is too hard, metal-wise.”

“Alright, I guess. But if it looks terrible, you aren’t allowed to laugh.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll just judge you silently.” You rolled your eyes and walked up to the anvil. You knew exactly what you wanted to draw and managed to get something pretty close after a few seconds. “Alright, that’s about what I was thinking,” she said with a nod. “It’s pretty hard to mess up a half-moon shape. But you’ll want to get better at drawing if you want to make anything too complex. Not having a plan is hard. But this’ll be just like making those horseshoes, though we’ll be using a much nicer metal.”

“Hey, you got to work with gold on that job.”

“Gold studs. Big difference. Give me a moment to get a bar of silver and we can get started. Start heating up the forge.”

“Alrighty.” A few minutes later, the sounds of banging and clanging started bouncing through the shop once again.

Goldie got the list of events for you the next day. There weren’t a lot of them, so either there wasn’t much information about Luna in the library or most of the events she was in would be too hard to make a diorama of. Of course, any event would probably take a while to make, depending on the size of the figurines.

You had to wait until you and Celestia were safely ensconced back in her chambers to ask her about any of them, though. Before that, you had only seen her at dinner, where Luna was also in attendance.

“I have some questions about Luna,” you said while Celestia was readying herself for bed.

“She loves stallions that can give good massages,” Celestia replied. “So if you want, I can let you practice on me.”

“Very funny.” You pulled out the list. “How did she feel after the Battle of Ponero?”

Celestia froze. “What?” she quietly asked.

“I’m helping Goldie plan a diorama for Luna’s night court. I suggested she do something historical, something Luna had a part in. So Goldie did some research and found a few events Luna took part in and asked me to ask you about them.”

“...Don’t do Ponero. Luna might approve of it, but I don’t want a reminder of that anywhere in my castle.”

Before you could read out the next one for her, you remembered something. “Luna mentioned Ponero. She said it was burned down.”

“It was,” she sighed. “And it’s something I’d rather not talk about.”

“...Alright. What about the signing of the Drake Treaty?”

Celestia smiled. “Ah, that. Luna was always so proud that she managed to stronghoof the dragons into signing that. She’s the only pony they ever respected, you know. A lot of the dragons hated it, though.”

“Damn. Luna said she was going to invite a dragon. We don’t want to risk upsetting him.”

“...She said that?”

“Yeah. She said he was a gemcrafter or something back in the day.”

“She told you that.”

“...Yes?”

“Hm. She didn’t tell me she was inviting anypony overly special like that. Did she mention any other special invites?”

Luna did say Celestia wouldn’t approve of the vampire she was inviting, so you figured Celestia didn’t need to know about that. “No one by name,” you said with a shrug. Which was true, of course. Luna didn’t give you any names.

“I see. She still has a few living friends these days. Maybe I should remind her about them. Though I’d rather not see some of them near Canterlot.”

“Well, it’s her party. I say let her invite who she wants to invite.”

“I’m perfectly fine with a few of her old friends coming by. But some of them are dangerous. And Canterlot is on the side of a mountain. That dragon is large. Not only is there limited space for him to land, but his extra weight could be harmful. I will speak to her about it.”

“I don’t think Luna would just invite someone all willy-nilly,” you said, scratching her behind the ears. “I’m sure she knows what she’s doing. And this is a good way to build some trust back up.”

She sighed and leaned into your hand. “Alright, Anon. I trust her and I trust you. And I’m also happy you two are bonding even more.”

“Then you’ll be really happy to hear that Goldie is forcing me to make Luna a present.”

Celestia chuckled and went back to getting ready. “And what are you making my dear sister?”

“A necklace. Half moon pendant studded with a ruby. The chain and moon will be silver.”

“Oh, that sounds like something she would like. When are you going to give it to her? I want to see her blush when you do…”

“Ugh. Probably a day or two. We got the pendant done and the gem cutters are setting it up now. We started on the chain today and we’re looking to finish it tomorrow and hopefully get it put together either tomorrow or the day after. I was hoping the first pretty thing I got to make would be a gift for you, but Goldie said it had to be for Luna and I didn’t want to have to explain why I said no.”

“You should give it to her right as the sun is setting! Maybe in one of the towers, so you’ll have a better view. I just know she’ll love it!”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re the romantic one, honey, not her. She’d just ask why I dragged her up there. She might not even take the stupid necklace and I very much doubt she’ll be happy about it. Anyway, back to the questions. What about the last stand of Semponius Denses? Er… Densus? I don’t know, something like that.”

Her eyes got a faraway look. “I… remember him. He saved Luna’s life a long time ago, protecting her against mutinous guards. That would be a bittersweet memory, one she might not want to think about again.”

“What about the sinking of the Kobayashi Mareu? Or is it Maru? Christ, these pony pun names are bullshit.”

“She made a judgment call on that. I disagreed at the time, but she was vindicated when we found proof later that it was a trap.”

“...What happened?”

She sighed. “We were at a cold war with the minotaurs, back when they had more than one city. One of our freighters carrying important supplies went missing and I sent Luna out to find it. When she did, it was in the middle of a neutral zone we agreed to with the minotaurs. She reasoned that, since it wasn’t damaged and it was where it shouldn’t be, the crew either betrayed us or were already dead and it was a trap. So she sank it from outside the neutral zone.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“It did.”

“Alright, what about her fight with the last g… Uh. Jenganger? I don’t know, it says revenant next to it.”

“Oh, the last gjenganger! It’s a mix between a zombie and a vampony, with all the strengths of both and the weaknesses of neither. This one was a vile murderer. It took us fifteen hundred years to track it down and finally kill it. Before it was originally executed, he was a serial killer with a brilliant mind. After he came back, he continued killing and quickly learned that he grew stronger with each victim. Luna was very proud when she put that abomination down. The downside is that it started a series of loyalty cascades from the vamponies that were allied with it, and that led to wiping out almost every single vampony coven out there.”

So that was also a no-go, since Luna had a vampire friend coming. “Sounds like a good one, but I’d like to hear about the rest, in case there’s a better one. Battle of Stalliongrad?”

“She’s still upset that they put a statue of me there instead of her, so no.”

“Defeating the windigos?”

For some reason, she smirked. “No.”

“Alright. Defeating Sombra?”

“...I forgot I put that in the history books. Sombra only became a problem a year or two after Luna was… banished. I was a little heavy-hoofed when I dealt with him and it kinda showed. So no, because Luna wasn’t even there.”

“Huh. The second defeat of Nightmare Moon?”

“It’s a happy memory for me, but Luna still finds it embarrassing. Not that she lost, mind, but that it was necessary at all.”

“Well, shit. That was the last thing on the list.” Aside from your marriage, but Celestia didn’t need to know about that one. “Maybe she’ll have to do the revenant one…”

“I have a… suggestion. I’m not sure how Luna feels about this event, though I think she views it with pride. The defeat of the Iron King and the crushing of his last champions. I was actually recovering from a grievous wound at the time, so it was solely her victory. Finding information about it in a public library would be hard, but I’ll bring you a book about it at lunch tomorrow. You can let Goldilocks use it to plan the diorama, but I will want it back by the end of the week.”

“Why is information hard to find?”

“Because I like to keep the history that is publicly available the good memories. The fight against the Iron King was the most desperate war all life has ever faced. All the species, all the sapient undead, and even nature itself teamed up to fight against it.”

“That sounds… perfect. Alright then, I’ll do that. But why aren’t you sure how Luna would feel about it?”

“That was the start of her road to corruption. Something the king said to her before she struck him down stuck in her mind. It ate away at her. And I believe that he was so dark and evil that even being near him was a source of corruption, and that since Luna is the one that struck the mortal blow, a part of it transferred to her.”

“Huh. So what was the Iron King, then? A minotaur or something?”

“Nopony knows. He and his troops were made of metal and just rose from the ground. They struck down whatever life they could everywhere they found it. Nothing was spared.”

“Wow. What a bunch of dicks.”

“Indeed.” She sighed and finally flopped into bed. “Those were a bunch of memories I never wanted to think about again…”

“If you want, I’m sure I can find some way to make it up to you…”

She rolled over to face you right as you straddled her. “And how is that, my lovely little human?”

You leaned in and kissed her for a moment before pulling back. “By making you scream,” you whispered.

When you and Goldie finally got the necklace put together, you couldn’t help but just stare at it. “I can’t believe we made that,” you whispered, gently stroking the chain.

“Believe it,” Goldilocks said. “I remember my first real creation. I had just as much help as you did, and I still find it a little hard to believe how well it turned out.”

“Was that the golden lock?”

“No, no. That lock was honestly terrible, though I kept it anyway. I made a set of wedding rings for a rich client, supervised by my master at the time. That rich client just so happened to know some ponies in the palace, which is how I got my job here. But honestly, it always feels good to look at what you made. Metal lasts forever, and it has a purpose. If you make nails, you can look at a building and just know you helped make it. If you make armor, you can look at a guard and know you’re the reason he’ll stay safe. If you make jewelry, you can look at a couple and know you’re gave them a physical sign of love to share between them.”

“And if you make a diorama about Luna killing a bunch of robots, you can know you were allowed to read censored history that Celestia thought was better off forgotten.”

“That too. Which reminds me. I’m taking the rest of this week and all of the week after that off to work on this. The forgemaster said he can assign you another apprentice, or you can take that time off and do your own things.”

“I’ll think about what I want to do. If the first night of the court is really interesting, I might get one of those potions myself and stay up to see what the artists do.”

“You know, you could give the necklace to Luna that night. Tell her you made it and ask her if it’s enough to be invited as an artist.”

“Nah. You did most of the hard work on it. Besides, I already told Celestia and she’s terrible at keeping secrets. If I don’t give it to Luna soon, she’ll know before the court starts.”

Goldie shrugged. “It’s yours to do with as you want. I just hope I see her wearing it soon.”

“Well, aside from her tiara and the weird bangle thing both of them wear, Luna doesn’t seem all too interested in jewelry. Though she does wear makeup, so maybe. Either way, it’ll be up to her. I’ll probably give it to her tonight.”

“Then I’ll let you go early, so you can wash up for her. We don’t have enough time to get started on anything big anyway. Be sure to let me know what she thinks.”

“Will do.” You carefully pick up the necklace and lower it into a pocket. “See you tomorrow, Goldie.”

“Yep.” With that, you walk on out and start heading back to your rooms.

By the time you were all cleaned up and ready to go, you were pretty sure Luna was awake. With a quick check to make sure you had the necklace, you headed to her rooms, a strange feeling of trepidation in your heart. When you got to her door, you knocked and waited. Sure enough, she answered. Her hair was still wet and struggling to move freely.

“Anon,” she said. “Do you require something?”

“I just have something weird to tell you. Goldie wanted me to get some practice with some finer metalworking and had me make a necklace. And she said that since I spend so much more time with Celestia than you, it was going to be a gift for you.”

“Ah. You may tell her that the thought is nice, but I am not overly interested.”

“I did. She pressed the point and I figured it was easier to just do it than be forced to explain.” You pulled out the necklace and held it up for her. “So here you go, I guess.”

She looked at it and blinked a few times. “Oh. You actually… Oh.”

“I didn’t really know what metal or shape to use, so I figured silver and a moon would work. And she said we had to use a gemstone, so I just picked ruby.”

“I… see.”

“Yeah, I figured you could keep it for a few years and then give it to someone else when Goldilocks forgets about it. I didn’t figure you for a jewelry type of person. Either way, it’s your problem now.”

“It is hardly a problem,” she quietly said, lifting a hoof to take it from you. She carefully looked over both sides of the pendant. “Did you not engrave your signature?”

“Nah. Goldie said that’s not really common practice anymore. And it was a collab between us, so putting my name on it would be weird. Just be glad I talked her out of inscribing the back with some silly love message or whatever.”

She snorted. “There is hardly enough room for much of one.”

“That was my argument. Anyway, you’re still getting ready for the day. Or night, whatever. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“You are not standing in my hair.”

“It’s another one of those weird idioms. It means I’ll stop bothering you. See you at dinner, Luna.”

“Very well. And… thank you for this gift, Anon.”

“Don’t mention it.” For some reason, you didn’t hear her door close when you started walking back to Celestia’s room.

Chapter 8

Proving that sibling rivalry was still a thing, the day of Luna’s art thing dawned rainy and nasty. Luckily for Luna, she had people whose jobs were making sure she was happy, so they cleared up that doom and gloom well before night ever came.

When you made your way to Luna’s chambers that night, it was in a lot of pain. Since Goldie was taking off to work on her personal project, you decided to take off as well and work with your trainer for longer each day. He was finally confident that you wouldn’t be beaten by a foal, but he wasn’t quite sure about your chances against a house cat yet.

Though to be fair, the last cat you saw straight up destroyed some curtains. You weren’t in a hurry to see what it would do to your arm.

You decided to stop by Luna’s room around the time she would be waking up to see if she had any last minute instructions for you. When you knocked, a maid quickly answered. “Ah, your highness,” she said with a smile. “Please, come in!”

You don’t hesitate and enter. “Is Luna in her room?” you asked, not really wanting to find her in the bathtub again.

“Yes, Prince Consort. I believe she is picking out an outfit for tonight. I’m sure she would love your input!”

You really doubted that, but you nodded. “Maybe. I guess I’ll find out.” You walked on in, since the door was open. Luna was unclothed, just staring at the mirror on a vanity. “You ready for tonight?” you asked.

She flinched slightly when she heard your voice, then turned her head to face you. “Anon.” Her horn lit up and the door closed behind you, then she turned back to the mirror. “I was just… thinking.”

“Thinking is bad for you.”

“That depends entirely upon what you are thinking about. I am thinking about the coming event. It will be the first I have hosted in… a long time.”

“Oh, you’re nervous.”

“I am not—” She sighed and hung her head slightly. “Yes. I am somewhat nervous.”

That’s actually a little unexpected. You didn’t figure anything could make either sister nervous anymore. “You’ll be fine, Luna. You’ve been through worse than anything that might happen here. And you’ll have a few friends with you, too. You said that vampire chick is coming, and possibly a dragon and whatever that other thing you said was.”

“Madremonte… Her name is Poira.” She turned to face you yet again. “Do you truly find it odd that I am nervous?”

“Yeah. You’ve been through all kinds of bad stuff. Ponero, the Drake Treaty, a guard mutiny, a cold war with the minotaurs, killing a gjenganger, Stalliongrad, and god only knows what else.”

“You have been doing research.”

“You both know about me. I figured it’s only fair to learn some about you. The point is, compared to all of those, this is a cakewalk. You’re too badass to be afraid of some silly public event.”

“...While that is true, it does little to assuage the nervousness. Those events taught me that nervousness is normal. Before a big event that is important to me, I always feel it. I am usually able to get over it quickly and force myself to move on. I will do the same here.”

“Good to know you can do that. I felt nervous all through the wedding. I didn’t get over it until the reception was almost over.”

“It becomes easier with time. And when you have those you know you can rely on with you.”

“Well, if you feel yourself start to have a panic attack, let me know and I’ll do something embarrassing to put the attention on me. Everyone’s probably expecting me to fuck up anyway.”

“That is hardly true. From what I have heard, the common ponies greatly approve of you, now that most of them know you are learning a trade and are still friends with other commoners. However, it is an offer I will keep in mind. Your reputation would be easier to fix.”

“I didn’t know I had an approval rating…”

“All royals do. Some are better received than others. Blueblood is on the bottom, which is why we have him on sabbatical to… somewhere. I think Celestia found the most uncivilized place possible to put him. You are between Cadance and Celestia.”

That didn’t really sound like a fun place to be, honestly. “Good to know, I guess.” You decided not to ask where she was. “So how is this going to work?”

“After we eat with my sister, we will return here and get prepared. I will put the spell on you that will allow you to stay up all night, and then we will both get dressed. Then we will go to the throne room and the event will begin shortly after that.”

“That part sounds easy, at least. What about after that? And do you know how many people ended up coming?”

“More than I expected, but not as many as I hoped. Once the event begins, we will go on a tour of the premises. Most of the artists have set up in the observatory. Some artists are still working on their projects outside of the palace, and will arrive later in the week. You will not need to do more than appear at my side. Around two or three in the morning, I will consider your duty done and allow you to go to bed.”

“Honestly, I might rather stay up. I kinda want to see what they’re doing.”

“That is a choice I will leave up to you.”

“Besides, your sister turns into a monster if you wake her up on accident.”

She snorted. “At least that is one thing that has not changed. Your suit is finished. I will decide what to wear later.”

“I figured you would have had that planned out already.”

“I did. My plan was to wear nothing, like I usually do. However, my sister oh-so-kindly suggested that I dress up to make a good impression.”

You shrugged. “That’s how it works where I live, too. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t particularly want to dress up either.”

“I am not surprised. Clothing that tends to give a good impression also tends to be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it is a fate we will soon share.”

“Oh well. Ready to head to dinner?”

“Yes.” She started walking to the door, so you followed her. The maid wasn’t in the front room anymore. “My sister mentioned that you told her I was inviting a dragon.”

“I didn’t realize you hadn’t told her.”

“And yet you did not mention I was inviting a vampony, despite knowing she would disapprove.”

“I didn’t. I also didn’t mention the changeling or the madremonte.”

“Why? You hid it from your wife, despite knowing she would not approve.”

“Because I know how to keep secrets. And I trust that you know what you’re doing. You care about these ponies just as much as she does and you wouldn’t risk letting them come to harm. You either have a plan to make sure nothing happens or you trust your friends enough to know they wouldn’t do anything. Either way, I trust that you know what you’re doing. This is your day, not Celestia’s, and she doesn’t need to be poking her nose in it. I love her, but I also know she has a bad habit of micromanaging.”

“I see.”

“That said, I’m also a little disappointed you didn’t tell her yourself. You know it’ll just upset her when she finds out. She’ll think you don’t trust her, either.”

“I am aware. She would be even more upset if she asked me not to do it and I did it anyway, so I thought it wise to just not mention it.”

You shrugged. “That’s between you two, then.”

“You will be involved, should she realize you knew but did not tell her.”

“The simple solution for that is for you to not tell her.”

“I have no intention of doing so. Your loyalty will be remembered. And, of course, I prefer my sister happy, not upset.”

“There, we can definitely agree. When she gets angry, she likes getting on top. And she’s definitely a little plump, so my pelvis aches for a while afterwards.”

“The dangers of being the royal husband,” she said with a smirk. “Luckily for you, should I become desperate enough to ask you to fulfil your husbandly duties, you will not have that issue.”

“Well, I’m glad to know you’d have to be desperate to consider me,” you quietly said.

“That is not what I… I do not find your form ugly, Anon. I just happen to obtain fulfilment in other ways.”

“...Now I’m really glad I always knock.”

She blinked and then blushed bright red. “That is also not what I—” She took a deep breath to compose herself. “I exercise and explore magic. I am still recovering from being on the moon for so long, so I need all the exercise I can get. And there is always more to learn, so magic is something I can delve deeply into.”

“Right. Sure.”

“Yes. Indeed.” She was still blushing slightly, so you decided to leave her alone the rest of the way.

When you two got to the private dining room, Celestia wasn’t there yet. That meant the food wasn’t there yet, because the servants still considered Celestia their primary princess, and weren’t in the habit of putting food out until she got there. So you and Luna just sort of sat in your places, waiting in awkward silence.

After a minute of that, you sighed and asked, “Want to mess with Celestia some more?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“When she gets in here, we only refer to each other with adorable pet names. Something stupid, like Woona and Nonny. We say them with those stupid baby voices young couples use when talking about and to their crushes.”

“She will see through that in an instant.”

“Yeah, but it’ll still annoy her.”

“That is a very good point… Nonny.”

“I thought you would agree, my pretty little Woona.”

As she predicted, Celestia realized you were messing with her almost immediately. As you predicted, she got very annoyed when you both continued doing it anyway.

It was kinda funny.

Once dinner was done, you and Woona went back to her rooms to get prepared. “Your suit is in the bathroom,” Luna said as she walked over to the same mirror she had been staring at when you walked in earlier.

“The bathroom is a weird place to store a suit,” you slowly replied.

“I knew we were coming here to get prepared, so I hung it there so you could change in private. At least, I assumed you would like privacy.”

“Well, unless you’re really curious about what a human’s junk looks like, privacy is probably for the best.” She didn’t reply as you went into the bathroom to change.

The suit she had made for you was really, really tacky. Or at least, that’s how it looked to your uncultured human eyes. It was dark blue with white stars randomly placed around it. On the back of the jacket was a large half moon. All it needed was wolves on the front and you could get all the bitches.

If you didn’t already have the one you wanted most, that is.

Once you were unsuitably dressed, you went back into Luna’s bedroom. She was still staring at the mirror and didn’t seem to have moved. “You alright?” you asked.

She flinched. “Yes.” Her eyes moved to look at you through the mirror. “What do you think of the suit?”

“It’s ugly as hell. You can wear pretty much anything you want and it won’t matter, because everyone’s gonna be staring at this weird-ass half moon thing on my back.”

“...I am sure Miss Rarity will be quite pleased with your review.”

“Jesus, don’t even get me started on the shit Rarity’s made for me. She didn’t know how to make any guy clothes when I got here. Crazy bitch tried making me wear a dress and panties for the first month I was in Equestria, then got all uppity when I went to Canterlot for some real clothes.”

She finally turned to face you. “...You wore a dress your first month here?”

“Tch, hell no. I happened to have two sets of clothes with me when I got here. I made do.” Well, two sets of outerwear. You might have worn some of the other stuff she made you, not that Luna needed to know about that. “But going to Canterlot to get clothes ended up with me moving here because Ponyville is a terrible place to live, so at least I can thank her for that.”

“What is so terrible about Ponyville? It seemed like a pleasant place when I was there.”

“As an outsider looking in, I can understand that. But it seems like there’s a at least one new disaster every week, and Twilight and her friends are always at the center of it. Going for a visit? Sure. Living there, no. Anyway, you need to get dressed up.”

“I do.” She turned back to the mirror.

“That mirror isn’t helping you get dressed, Luna.”

“...I know.”

“Then you should probably be looking at dresses instead of staring at a mirror.”

She took another deep breath and slowly sighed. “I am… unused to dressing up. Would you be able to assist me in picking out a suitable gown?”

“Well, I can certainly try. I would suggest asking Celestia, but she’d probably suggest something she thinks would catch my eye and you’d end up accidentally looking like a slut.”

“That is precisely why I did not ask her.” She started walking to the other door in her room, the one you hadn’t yet seen open. “Most of what I own has only recently been recovered from the castle in the Everfree, and only those that were magically preserved were salvageable. My selection is small.” Her horn lit up and the door opened, revealing a surprisingly large walk-in closet. “And of those recovered, half were armored suits.” The both of you stepped inside, letting you get more of a glimpse at its contents.

As she said, one wall was taken over by armor. One was an entire suit of steel armor, complete with wing guards and a horn cover. She couldn’t fly in it, but she’d be a fucking tank. One was scale-mail, lighter and easier to move in but a little less protective than full plate. One looked like a dress at first glance, but you realized that it was reinforced in key areas by metal plates.

On the other side were three actual dresses. One was a dark blue, matching her coat. But it was extremely old fashioned and frumpy as hell, looking more like something from the medieval era than anything someone would actually wear. One was a stark white and looked more like a nightgown than something to wear outside. The final one was dark red and looked like it would show off quite a lot of fur.

“Alright, I’m kinda curious about that one,” you said, staring at it.

“That is a long story. To put it short, there were times that my sister and I relied on the powers of persuasion… or seduction. I did my duty as a princess. I have actually been planning to burn this dress. I just wanted to show it to Celestia first and ask why she preserved it instead of one of the outfits I actually liked.”

“Ah.”

There were three dresses on the back wall, presumably from this era. One was a wedding dress, given as a gift by Rarity but never worn.

One looked more fit for a dance than a public event. The front part of it was green with fanciful and flowering night-blue embroidery on it. From around what would be her cutie mark and back, it was a flowing night blue, little sparkles and pinpoints of light appearing like stars. Lace covered it in alternating sections, creating a nice look. And along both sides of the lower back were two large peacock feathers, their colors fitting the rest of the ensemble very nicely. Around the neck was a string of black pearls with a crescent moon centerpiece. All things told, it was overdesigned and gaudy, at least to your mind.

The last one was a slutty nightgown.

“Alright, I gotta ask again—”

“A wedding gift from Celestia,” she answered.

“Right.”

“So what do you think? Which one should I wear?”

“You want to know what I think? Fuck going in a dress. Don’t let Celestia tell you how to run your court. You do you.”

“...Are you just saying that because I do not have any appropriate dresses?”

“While that is the case, it doesn’t mean the thought isn’t valid. You do what you want to do. And if you don’t want to wear a dress, feel free to go buck naked.”

“The thought is valid, yes. However, Celestia did not tell me to wear a dress. She advised that I do so. But we are wasting time debating this. I do not want to wear one and I do not have one that is appropriate, so I will not wear one.” She nodded once and walked back into her room. “Stand in front of me.”

You walked over in front of her. “So now what?” you asked. Her horn lit up and she pressed it against your nose. You kinda wanted to move back, but figured that wouldn’t be wise. After a second, some kind of energy transferred from her horn into you and you blinked in surprise. “Whoa.”

“That spell will keep you awake indefinitely. I will be able to dispel it whenever you desire, and it will be as though you woke up from a full night’s sleep.”

“Convenient. But you said it has side effects?”

“If you keep it active for too long, it does. Or at least, it does on ponies. I have not tested it extensively on other races due to the… severity of the side effects. Now, go to the throne room. I will be there shortly.”

You started to walk to the door, but stopped. “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you there? It might help soothe your nerves.”

“I will be fine. I must make a few more preparations. Tell those that are in the throne room that I will be there shortly.”

“Alright. I’ll see you there, Luna.” She didn’t reply as you left.

You didn’t get many chances to hang around the palace after Celestia and Luna swapped places, so you weren’t used to the changes. There weren’t too many, though all the maids wore Luna’s emblem instead of Celestia’s and all the guards were her creepy bat ponies. Creepy because they stared at you uncomfortably, not because they looked weird.

When you got to the throne room, two of those night guards stood in front of the throne, along with an older stallion that was wearing an eye patch. His eye focused on you when you started walking up to him. “Prince Consort Anonymous, I do not believe we have been introduced.”

“We haven’t. You already know my name and title. What’s yours?”

“I am Gravel Pit, Luna’s primary advisor.” You aren’t quite sure how a guy who mines gravel got to be an advisor, but you knew better than to ask some questions in ponyland. “Is she on her way?”

“Yeah. She just needed to make a few more preparations. Do you know what kind of crowd we’re looking at tonight?”

“Five hundred were invited from Canterlot and a few close cities. Slightly over three hundred have checked in today, and we believe up to fifty more will make an appearance later this week. The main observatory was chosen to house many of the artists that didn’t require a special area, due to its view and size. If you’ll recall, that is where your wedding took place.”

“Yeah, I remember. It’s also where Cadance got married. I assume anyone working with metal or gems is going to be working in the palace’s crafting wing?”

“Yes sir. We also have a few nature artists that will be working in the garden. If the princess had taken my advice, we’d also have artists in the kitchen and possibly with the royal tailors.”

“Some people do consider preparing food an art. And there’s definitely an art to fashion, but I don’t know if it’s one I’d want to show in an event like this. But she really should have gone for the food. It would essentially be free catering!”

“My argument exactly,” he said with a smile. “But your wife can be headstrong at times. Preparing food and fashion weren’t arts a thousand years ago, so she doesn’t consider them art now. She’ll invite them eventually, I’m sure. Princess Celestia will probably insist on inviting the chefs next time, at least.”

“I might talk to her about it, though she isn’t really in the habit of taking my advice either.”

And of course, in walked Luna. You blinked in surprise when you noticed she was wearing the amulet you made for her. Aside from her crown and her shoes, that was all she had on. “My ears are burning,” she said as she walked up. “I do hope you two were not discussing me.”

“Probably just all those artists wondering where their patron is,” Gravel said with a winning smile.

“Yeah, we definitely weren’t discussing your awful taste in jewelry,” you said with a smile of your own.

She rolled her eyes. “I thought I should match your awful taste in suits.” Ouch, your feelings... “At least we can give the same excuse when somepony asks why we are wearing them: They were gifts. Is everything prepared, Gravel?”

“Yes, your majesty. Most of the artists should be congregated in the observatory right now, or on their way. Poira is in the gardens and Reginald is in… Or maybe on the crafter’s hall.”

“Excellent. I hope Poira is behaving herself.”

“I gave her a guard so everypony will know she’s safe. He’s watching her to make sure she doesn’t do anything she shouldn’t.”

“Good, though I find it doubtful he could stop her if she tried. And what about our other guest?”

“She’s minding her own business and only spoke to the changeling in disguise once. When her interest was rebuffed, she backed off.”

“Excellent, though I thought she would have already added changeling to her list. I believe we are set. Anonymous, let us go start this party in earnest.”

“Sounds good to me,” you said with a nod. “Lead the way.” And so the three of you went.

Chapter 9

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 1

Ah, the sweet sound of wedding bells…

To some, they mean the happiest day of their lives. To others, they signify the end of freedom and the beginning of some strange misery. All can agree, though, that wedding bells signal the end of an era in one’s life.

To you, those wedding bells signalled the beginning of a very strange and unwanted compromise.

“You may kiss the brides!” Cadance happily intoned, using magic to snap her book of love closed.

Celestia, the love of your life and now gleefully married bride, took the initiative and kissed you deeply, stealing your breath away. She was happy that your affair was no longer hidden, and you knew she was going to take full advantage of it. When she finally let you go, you had to take a small moment to catch your breath.

Luna, the sister of the love of your life and now not-so-gleefully married bride, waited for you to place the unwanted kiss on her lips. Neither of you were overly happy about the state of things, so you let the kiss go on just long enough to seem serious to all those watching.

Of course, ‘all those watching’ encompassed pretty much everyone that’s anyone. The Elements of Harmony, the king of the griffins, Chrysalis in disguise, the spokesman of the minotaur clans, Cadance and her boytoy, a metric fuckton of reporters, an imperial fuckton of guards, and all the nobles and dignitaries that could fit in the few leftover spaces of the massive chamber. It’s not every day that the two seemingly immortal demi-goddesses get married, after all.

Now if only it was just one of them getting married.

When your kiss on Luna was finished, the wedding was officially over. Tradition demanded a reception, and, much to your chagrin, Celestia was all about tradition. That is, unfortunately, why you found yourself married to both royal sisters instead of just the one you loved.

Because Celestia’s the one in charge and it was mostly her special day (given that she was the only one of the three of you completely happy with the state of affairs), she preemptively declared the day a holiday for all of Canterlot so the reception could freely roll into the streets. So it was that you found yourself lost in the crowd mere minutes after the taste of your love on your lips faded away.

It’s hard, dodging reporters when you’re as large as you are. Doing so ended up with you pretty far away from where you last saw your brides.

But being lost anywhere in Ponyland was just asking to be found, as you knew from many experiences. In this specific case, it was a certain ‘friend’ of yours. The first hint you had was the faint scent of bubblegum, followed by a glomp from the side. “Nonny, you got married!” Pinkie happily yelled, holding onto you for all she was worth.

“I sure did,” you replied, hugging her back. You kinda didn’t want to, but you knew she wouldn’t let go until you did.

“But… you don’t sound too happy,” she said when she let you go and fell back to the ground. “And you’re all alone. Are you avoiding your wives?”

“I’m perfectly happy, Pinkie.” Her smile dipped slightly. “And I just got separated. Everyone was all over them, congratulating them.” And probably asking why they married a weird shaved ape, of all things.

“You aren’t smiling.”

“...It’s still kicking in. Celestia and I… and Luna… have been dating for a while now in secret. Being public about it is… different. Not something any of us are used to. It’ll take a while for all of us to adjust.”

“But you love them both?”

“Of course. With all my heart.”

“...Promise?”

You sighed. “Pinkie, if you didn’t believe me the first time, are you going to believe me if I ‘promise’? I asked them to marry me for a reason. Do you think I’d do that lightly?”

It was kinda obvious she didn’t fully buy it, but you didn’t really care. You married Luna to keep Celestia happy. Celestia’s happy. Her subjects could wonder about the truth all they wanted. “If you say so…”

“I do. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should probably find my wife...s. Wives.” You didn’t wait for her to comment and did your best to melt into the crowd. That wasn’t really possible given your unique appearance, but she at least didn’t try to stop you.

The next person to find you was Princess Lovebutt, who was all smiles as soon as she saw you. “Anonymous, I’m so happy for you!” she said, followed by a merciless hug. Her husband stared at you with the hatred of a thousand emo preteens, so you quickly hugged her back and pushed her away.

“And I’m happy you agreed to officiate the wedding for us. Celestia usually does that kinda stuff, but it woulda been a little awkward.”

“Love is just what I do, Anon,” she gaily replied. Her voice dipped into dark and quiet tones for the next sentence. “Which is why I want to know why you agreed to marry Luna.”

“...You picked up on that, huh?”

“Love is what I do, Anon,” she said. “It’s who I am. I feel it in the air. I feel it between ponies, or its lack thereof. I felt the emptiness between you and Luna. You barely even know her, let alone love her. Why did you marry her?”

“It’s what Celestia wanted. She proposed the idea to us both. After much cajoling and talking and some begging, Luna and I both agreed. We’re going to do our best to keep up appearances in public, but in private, it’ll be completely hands off. Celestia is mare enough for me.”

“...Well, as long as you’re not taking advantage of the situation, and as long as Luna is free to pursue her own interests, I don’t disapprove too heartily. I just wish I had been made aware of the situation before the marriage.”

“We were hoping almost no one would find out at all.”

“It’s hard to hide anything from the princess of love!” Her smile finally came back, with a sly edge. “So have you thought about how you’re going to spend the wedding night? It’ll be your first time with Celestia, so you should make it special…”

“First time? Are there still people that fall for that trap?” She blinked in surprise. “To humans, part of falling in love is compatibility in as many things as possible, including in the bedroom. If you and your partner don’t like the same things or can’t be made to like the same things, your love life is going to suffer. Celestia and I already came (and came) to that common ground a while ago.”

“Well—”

“She loves anal,” you quickly said with a smirk, making her blush bright red.

She got over it pretty quickly, though. “So do I.” Your eyebrows lifted in surprise. “But we should let you find your wives. Come on, Shiny dearest. Let’s go back to the palace. Seeing couples in love puts me in a certain kind of mood…”

Shining Armor seemed to blanch slightly and gulped. “Yes, dear,” he replied, turning to obediently follow her. When he did, his tail swished slightly and you saw something under it that made you realize what she meant by liking anal. And given how funny he was walking, she liked it a lot.

Of course, that was none of your business.

This time, you got the drop on a pony. You sidled up next to Twilight Sparkle and used a fake voice to say, “Fine day for a wedding, ma’am.”

She didn’t look at you, so she had no idea who said that. “I guess so, but I’d prefer…” She finally turned to look and realized it was just you. “Oh. Hello, Anon.”

“Howdy. You find anything yet?”

“No. The law is solid, as far as I can tell. If one sister is married but not the other, she’ll become queen. It doesn’t matter if one sister becomes the only one married through divorce or just because the other didn’t get married. So if Princess Celestia truly wants to share power equally with Luna, both of them need to be married.”

You sighed once again. “You ever consider, I don’t know, lying to Celestia? If you hadn’t told her about that stupid law in the first place—”

“I did my duty, Anon. I know you don’t like it and it doesn’t look like Luna does either, but it is the way it is. The law is the law. You should be happy I found it at all, in fact. If I hadn’t and Celestia became queen, the two of you would never have any time to spend together.”

“Her word would be law. She could just reinstate Luna as her full co-ruler and go back to the status quo.”

She shook her head. “We both know that wouldn’t work, Anon. This law was written by the council, before it was disbanded. It can’t be changed and it can’t be circumvented, aside from this one loophole we found. I’m afraid you’ll have to learn to live with it. Count your blessings, Anon. You’re married to the mare you love. It came at a price, but it’s a price that won’t be so hard to live with.”

“If you’re so happy about it, you’re free to marry Luna yourself. Then I wouldn’t have to.”

She immediately blushed. “She is a… beautiful mare, but… I’m not like that, Anon. And I… I certainly don’t love her…”

“Yeah, well, neither do I. The lack of feeling is mutual, too.”

“Then I suggest pretending very well, because she’s headed this way.” She nodded to your side. When you turned, Luna was, in fact, headed your way. “I’ll talk to you later, Anon. I’d offer to keep searching, but I’ve already been through every law book there is. It was a beautiful wedding and it was nice seeing you again.” She left before Luna got in the forced polite conversation range, leaving you to face her alone.

“Hello, Anonymous,” Luna neutrally said when she was close enough.

“Princess Luna. Enjoying the reception?” There weren’t too many reporters around, so you could afford to be formal.

“In some ways. It would be wise for us to dance.”

“...Yeah, it would. Want to find a dance floor, then?”

“No. Let us start looking.” She began walking down the road. You followed at her side, since there wasn’t much else you could do. Happy ponies all around you cheered when they saw the two of you together, even though neither of you were smiling or talking.

After a few minutes of silence, you decided to break it. “So have you seen Celestia since we got separated?”

“We were together for a time. There were many reporters that sought a small interview of sorts with her. I assisted, as I am also your… wife.” Jeez, no need to sound so strangled about it. “We eventually decided it would be wise to find you.”

“Well, you got to me first. Did you plan to meet with her anywhere?”

“She’ll find us when we’re in the most awkwardly pseudo-romantic moment possible and use that to say we’re perfect together, which is why I suggested we dance. From there, I can give you to her and wait on the sidelines for the party to be over.”

“Ah.” We went in silence for a few seconds before you decided you had to know. “How are you sure—”

“Don’t ask.”

“...Alright.” After a few more steps in somewhat awkward silence, you decided to put your hand on her back. There were a lot of cameras around, after all, and being seen at least touching would be wise.

She flinched slightly and passed a sidelong glance your way. “If you start petting me, I will have many words for you in private.”

“I learned my lesson the first time, thank you.” Your shin was bruised for weeks. Celestia always liked it, so you assumed Luna wouldn’t mind that much. She minded just a little bit more than you were comfortable with.

Luckily for the both of you, the road ended abruptly in a large plaza that had been cordoned off for dancers. At the moment, the musicians were playing a lively jig, something you didn’t see Luna knowing any dances for. Sure enough, when you tried pulling her onto the floor, she stood her ground.

“Give it a moment,” she said. “My sister will be watching. We’ll have to spend less time dancing if we wait for a slow one.”

“If you’re really in a hurry to get rid of me, we could just make a request. I mean, we are the newly married couple.”

“Do you know how to dance well with a pony?”

“I’ve done it with Celestia a few times, but never in a public setting.”

“Hm. They would not know any songs I would request. Ask for one that you did with Celestia. Lead well. I will be displeased if you allow me to make a fool of myself.”

“What kind of husband would I be if I went around embarrassing my loving wife?”

“I am not above kicking you while we dance. I know full well how to make it look like an accident.”

“...I’ll go make the request.” She didn’t reply as you left to talk to the musicians. The crowd along the edges of the dance floor let you through with ease. Your height mixed with being the recipient of the reception made them all too willing to accommodate you. When you got to the musicians, they were just finishing up with that neat song, and were quite happy to accede to the groom’s request to dance with his beautiful wife.

Unfortunately, Celestia wasn’t there, so you had to dance with her second-rate sister instead.

Luna met you while you were walking back to her, since the song was starting. When the couples already present noticed that the two of you were there, they made plenty of room so you two could have the spotlight. Both of you noticed immediately and one of her eyes started twitching slightly, but you just led her onto the floor anyway.

The song was one you knew well. It had been playing the first time you met Celestia, at one of the galas. It was also the first time you danced with her, at her request. It wasn’t too often that she found a stallion—or anyone at all, really—that was tall enough to properly lead her.

You were doing the same for her sister now. If you had to guess, it was probably the first dance she had in at least a thousand years. Her hooves stumbled slightly on every step and she only haltingly followed your motions. To be fair, dancing with a biped is very different for them, and that song probably didn’t even exist the last time she had anyone wanting to dance with her.

But stumbly or not, she slowly started picking it up as the song progressed. Right as the song hit its final crest, she was easily matching you step for step, and a smile started peeking its way onto her face. You weren’t sure if she enjoyed dancing or was just happy that she figured it out, but the princess of the night was definitely happy about something.

When you saw that, you let one sneak onto your own face. You barely even knew her and you definitely didn’t love her, but you were happy that she was happy. Like it or not, you were married to her, and you were pretty sure that she knew as well as you did that you were stuck with it. You were just hoping she was as willing as you were to try to learn more about each other and find some manner of common ground.

After all, if you’re forced to be stuck with someone, you might as well be stuck with them happily instead of miserably.

Finally, the song wound down and the two of you were left standing in the middle of the floor, still entwined with one another. You felt like you should say something, but before you could, she leaned in and kissed you. That caught you by surprise, but not as much as the flash did a moment later. As soon as the camera took its photo, Luna released you from both the kiss and her grasp, right in time for Celestia to land next to the two of you with a great big smile on her face.

“I see the two of you are having fun,” she happily said.

“I was warming him up for you, sister,” Luna neutrally replied. “I believe this next dance should be yours. It’s only fair, after all.”

“I’m quite happy watching the two of you,” Celestia shot back.

Time for you to step in. “I think it’s fair for the husband to choose. Celestia, would you care to join me for the next one?”

“I’d be delighted,” she said with a small bend of her knees. “Dearest sister, would you like to stick around? I believe we can trade our new husband for a few dances.”

“I’m afraid I must decline. I have been awake for quite a bit longer than you, and I have much longer left to go. As much as I would… love to dance with our new husband, I fear conserving energy for the night to come would be wise.”

“Oh, if you must be a buzzkill,” Celestia sighed, shaking her head. Then she went right back to being all kinds of smiley. “That just means we can get back to our rooms sooner for the best part of the wedding night…”

“...Of course,” Luna said, trying and failing to hide her distaste. “The next song is starting. I will wait on the sidelines.”

Celestia nodded and took you in hoof, getting you ready for the coming song. “So how are you liking it, my lovely little human?” she quietly asked when the song kicked in and the dance began.

“I’d like it a lot more if there was one fewer partner in this marriage.”

She chuckled. “There are many stallions that dream of Luna and I getting married and having… all manner of relations. She told me that herself. I didn’t take you for one of them…”

“If she could see into my dreams and not go insane, she’d find that I wasn’t.” She tried once. Keyword: once. “I don’t dislike her, but I love you, Celestia. Not her.”

“Oh, I know. But you’ll learn to love her, too. I want both of you to be happy as well, you know. And I believe this will make everypony involved happy.”

“I don’t want to learn to love her. You’re my mare, Celestia. I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this. I don’t want to love anyone else. I want to give all my love to you, like you deserve.”

“And I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that I only live a half-life. You are the love of my life, but I have a kingdom to run. And so does Luna. She will be around when I cannot. I will be around when she cannot. If you learn to care for her as you care for me, you will have a full, loving relationship that will make you happy.”

“I’d rather spend half my life loving you fully than all my life loving half of you.”

“Give it time, Anon. That’s all I can ask.”

“All the time in the world won’t give me more love to share.”

“But it will give you the experience to know where and how to share it,” she replied. You almost shot back a response, but she kissed you to steal your breath away. “You’ve told me before that patience is a virtue.”

“...I can be as patient as the planet itself, as long as you keep kissing me. But that doesn’t mean Luna will be.”

“She is as patient as the moon that spins around the planet. She learned that lesson the last time she decided haste was better than calm words.” The song ended then, and her kissing you cut off any response you could have made.

But it didn’t stop your mind. Luna may be as patient as the moon, but the moon changes its face and position every night. You couldn’t help but wonder what kind of ride you’re in for.

The three of you didn’t remain at the reception much longer, though you had a feeling the party would be going on well into the night. Ponies take any chance they could get to party, and to them, that was one hell of a chance.

Meanwhile, the three of you did what any newlywed couple… or herd, in your case… would do: Retire to the bedroom.

Luna practically collapsed onto Celestia’s bed. “By the night, but I despise reporters. And if you had made me spend that entire time in some wedding gown, I might have decided living life as a pauper was worth it.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” Celestia said as she nuzzled you. “We’re all married, after all.”

“The two of you are married,” Luna corrected. “I just happened to share an unwanted vow.”

“But a vow you did share, which makes you married to our lovely Anonymous as well. And I believe it’s time for us to perform our duties as wives…”

“Then it is time for me to depart,” Luna wearily said, hobbling back to her hooves.

“Oh come now, sister!” Celestia said, wrapping a wing around Luna. “This is the perfect chance for you to let off some steam! Relieve some stress! I promise that Anon will be gentle.”

“I’m right here,” you interjected. “Goodnight, Luna.”

“And a good night to the two of you,” she said with a nod. “Though I hardly doubt you need my blessing for that. I will see the two of you come the morning.” Before Celestia could try convincing her to stay, Luna’s horn lit up and she teleported away.

“We’ll get her yet, Anon,” Celestia said with a smile.

“I didn’t know you were in that much of a hurry to sleep with your sister.”

“We lost most sense of decency between each other around the early two thousands. I think we started experimenting in the mid three thousands. But she never got me to scream the way I have with you, which makes me curious about what you’ll do to her.”

“Alright, that’s creepy. I could have gone to my grave without hearing it, in fact.”

“Probably. But it’s not going to stop you from ravishing me anyway.”

“No it will not.” Her horn lit up and the light clicked off, officially signalling the end of a weird day and the start of a wonderful night.

Chapter 10 Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rTbVzBDGfieZ_7MyPbgXQN7p1H-Pwo6fpyAHViJDYtY/edit

Chapter 10

When you and Luna got to the gardens, you quickly realized what she meant by the weird one. A dozen normal ponies and one bemused bat pony stood around a really weird tree lady. Her ‘hair’ was made of thin pine needles that hung all the way to the ground. Her face was close to human, but her eyes had no pupils. There were some kind of bumps on her chest that could be breasts and you saw two large leaves on her back that presumably worked as wings. Her arms ended in six strange tendrils that didn’t seem to have any joints, but were curled around a tree anyway. Her legs were jointed backwards and ended in hooves rather than feet. Her entire body was brown, seemingly a smooth wood, though there were a few cracks here and there and it looked like her bellybutton was a knothole.

As soon as she saw Luna, she started walking to the two of you. The ponies quickly jumped out of her way, not that she paid them any mind, and the guard began to move forward to stop her, but Luna gave him a short glance that made him stop.

When the tree thing got right in front of Luna, she gently gripped both of Luna’s cheeks and slowly leaned down to press her nose against Luna’s. “It is good to see you again, Herald of Darkness.” Her mouth didn’t move as she spoke.

“It’s good to be seen, Poira,” Luna said, finally smiling. You don’t know how she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, because that thing was creepy and she was right in Luna’s face. “Was your journey well?”

“Yes. May I examine the ape?”

“No, you may not. Though you can speak to him if you desire. But even if he says yes, you will not examine him.”

“Very well.” Her eyes turned to you for a moment before looking back to Luna. “I will walk. You both may follow.” She let Luna go and started walking away. It was then that you noticed the grass under her feet grew several inches when she stepped away and every few steps, flowers sprouted. Luna started to follow her, so you sighed and began walking as well. Before the guard could start moving, the tendrils on Poira’s right arm shot into the dirt. Moments later, roots came out of the ground and grabbed the guard’s legs, holding him in place. “He may not.” She sucked her arm back out, leaving the guard stuck.

The common ponies watching decided that would be a good time to leave. Luna rolled her eyes and freed the guard with some magic. “Return to your post, Shadow Fall,” she ordered.

“Y-yes, Princess,” he stuttered, trying to get over the fear of being grabbed by the earth. That’s probably why he chose to fly away instead of sprinting away.

“So what does being examined entail?” you asked when everyone else was out of sight.

Luna fielded that one. “She would rip off your clothing and send tendrils inside every open orifice until she had your entire body mapped. Most find the experience uncomfortable. Except for that one griffin. He made quite a mess on the carpet…”

“And that wouldn’t… I don’t know, kill me?”

“No, surprisingly.” Poira gently caressed a nearby tree and it grew several feet and instantly sprouted ripe pears. “Do not eat those,” Luna warned.

“Yeah, I know. The last time I tried eating pears, Applejack tackled me. I figure they’re poisonous to apes or something here.”

“...No, that is not why. Her fruits are full of magic after being forced to grow. Should you try eating one right now, it would pop and then we will both be covered in pear. Give it around three hours and they will be fine.”

“Oh. That makes more sense. So uh… Poira, what exactly are you? Most species here were legends where I come from, but I’ve never heard of you.”

“I am the one that guards the glades. I am the one that silences those that seek to harm my trees. I am a nature spirit, a tree sister. I am a madremonte, mother of trees and guardian of the wilds. Dearest Herald of Darkness, why did you bind your future with one so young? His spirit is practically an infant. Should you not seek an ancient such as yourself? Would you not find more in common with one?”

“I do not expect you to understand mortal politics, spirit,” Luna said. “As far as I remember, you avoid even Fae politics. I expect you even less to understand romantic love. The heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of age. That said, I bonded only my immediate future with Anonymous.”

“He will stay with you forever, Moon Mistress,” Poira quietly said before bending down to touch the grass. Where she spread her weird finger-things, amazing flowers of all colors sprouted. “When he rejoins nature, his memory will stay with you always.” She started walking around the general area, rubbing her legs against trees.

“That is the way of life, for one cursed with emotions,” Luna answered. “He will be remembered and there will be pain attached to the memories, but just the same, there will be happiness. Hopefully more happiness than pain, which is the eternal gamble of life. Again, I cannot expect you to understand.”

“I pity you mortals,” Poira sadly said. She suddenly stopped moving and lifted up her arms. All the trees she rubbed against started slowly… shifting around. “You flitter about looking for purpose, looking to make a mark on the world, looking for glimmers of happiness.” Soon, a glade formed around the three of you.

“I am no more mortal than you, old friend.”

“If you strike me down, I will grow again from the trees around us. If you burn down this grove, I will be reformed miles away. Wherever I walk, I set down new roots for myself. Should you be struck down, what will happen? I believe you and your sister have come close before, have you not? Did you ever see the darkness waiting for you on the other side, Luna? Did Celestia? You are ageless. I am eternal. And better, I have a purpose. Nature is my muse and I am its guardian.” One of her hands shot toward you, growing just long enough to caress your cheek and then cup your chin. “What is the purpose of your life, Anonymous?”

“Whatever I decide it is, whenever I decide it.”

She removed her hand and lowered back down to the grass. “There are hidden shackles in your freedom.” One of her tendrils began digging a small hole around grass stems and the other slowly pushed the grass out of the way to let the hole grow bigger.

“Maybe. But I’ll go to the grave feeling happy. To me, that’s enough.”

“Finding certainty in a mortal is uncommon. What tree do you want?” she asked you.

“Uh. Well… Do you know what a black sapote is?”

She slowly reached into her belly button and pulled something out, then dropped it into the hole and covered it. Then she leaned in and kissed the dirt. When she stood up, the seed was already starting to sprout. By the time she began walking away, it was about the size of a sapling.

“Young or not, I approve of your marriage,” Poira said. “Though it is disappointing you two do not love each other.”

“I was wondering when you would point that out,” Luna said, following her. You were still watching the tree grow. It was already taller than you were and showed no signs of stopping.

“I can read all animals,” she said. “I could feel the hormones in both of you, though I could not interpret his without a comparison.” She stopped and turned to you. “May I examine you?”

“...No.”

She turned back and continued walking. “At least you may use him to satisfy your physical needs. I remember you wearing many paramours out.” Luna immediately blushed bright red. “Many apes are known for their stamina, and from gazing upon his hands and face, I can tell that he was built for it. He could likely break you in easily.” And that made it your turn to blush, though you weren’t turning the kind of colors Luna was.

You didn’t really want to say anything to that, so you looked away and just watched the trees. They seemed to be swaying slightly toward the madremonte. After nearly a minute, Luna finally spoke up. “I am not… interested… in things of a carnal nature, dear Poira. Not with my sister’s lover.”

“You have been jealous of your sister before, have you not? Now, when it is offered, you refuse it. Yet before, when you had to take it, you tried your hardest. How many lovers of your sister did you seduce away?”

“I have changed!” Luna shouted. “Something you eternals would never understand. Those that truly live change as our life goes on. I learned from the mistakes of the past and changed myself to not make them again. I am no longer interested in cravings of the flesh, especially not with one who is bonded so with my sister. I will never again attempt to take that which is not mine, more so when I hold no interest in it. Not after last time.”

Poira stopped and turned to you for a moment before looking at Luna. “And what of his desires, Nightbringer? Have you not said before that males tend to think more with their penises than their brains? There are many that found you attractive. What makes you think he is any different?”

That one actually insulted you a little, so you jumped in. “Just because we’re attracted to something doesn’t mean we’ll jump at the chance to stick our dick in it. You can appreciate beauty or looks without lust. I happen to have all my needs fulfilled, both emotional and physical, by the one I actually care about, and I’m not greedy enough to expect or want more.”

Luna spared you a small glance before staring at the spirit. “I have said many things in my life. Several of them have since been proven wrong. To one who cannot see change, this might be confusing. Why are you so interested in my love life, Poira?”

“There have been times you called me friend. Is it not considered courteous for one friend to ask about another?”

Luna smiled. “There have also been times I held the flame while you and your glade burned.”

“You have. And there have been times that I poisoned you and entire regiments of your troops. Do you not find the times we were friends preferable?”

“I do not know… Remember that time we were trapped in a jungle during the year-long eclipse? You mutated dozens of species to try to get me even while I was constantly at full strength. I think it was plenty of fun.”

“And even now, the Everfree is too dangerous for most beings to enter,” Poira said, slightly mimicking her smile. “It’s a wonderful refuge and a perfect glade. But I still think you’d prefer being friends. Remember what happened to that one traitor general?”

Luna winced and shivered. “I still cannot believe you used parasitic spores like that. Where did you even leave what was left of his army?”

“I used them to start a war between the griffins and the naga because they were both getting too close to one of my enclaves. It settled that problem quite nicely.”

“At our expense,” Luna muttered.

Poira smiled. “Didn’t you tell me muttering was unbecoming of a princess?”

“I never said anything of the sort. I am a perfect pony princess. If I mutter, it must be natural for princesses everywhere. Is not that not right, dear husband?”

“Well, Celestia does like to mutter,” you said with a shrug. “But she usually makes up for it with a few kisses.”

“Are you asking me for a kiss?” Luna slowly asked.

“What? No, that’s not what I… I didn’t specify that Celestia kissed me. There’s nothing stopping you from kissing Poira.”

Luna gagged and Poira giggled. “It would not be the first time, Moon Princess,” she slyly said.

“That was love poison and you know it!”

“And yet you begged so sweetly and cooed so lovingly… I imagine your body still remembers how I broke the curse, too…”

“I do not know what you are talking about,” Luna hotly said, turning her head away in disgust.

“Then perhaps a reminder is necessary.”

“No!”

Poira smirked and looked to you. “She begged me to use my… ahem, ‘tentacle arms’ to please her. I did such a good job that her back legs couldn’t move for an hour and then I walked away, so the curse broke when she couldn’t see me.”

Luna was blushing up a storm yet again. “I will never forgive Celestia for that one,” she muttered darkly. You grinned.

“I think you enjoyed it,” Poira said.

“It was in front of all my soldiers!” You started giggling.

“They enjoyed it, too.” And then you started laughing.

Luna glared at you, still blushing. Honestly, it was kinda adorable. “If you are going to just laugh at me, I will be going!”

“Well, you two are talking about things that happened over a thousand years before I was born,” you said with a shrug. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to follow the conversation, so laughing at the funny parts seemed understandable to me.”

She humphed. “And now you are calling us old.”

“Whoa now, if I call you old, that’d be calling Celestia old. And the last time I did that, she pretended to be sad for a week. It was adorable, but also annoying. So no, I’m not calling you old.”

At least that made her stop glaring, but she was still blushing. “So you do not want me to be adorable.”

“Luna, you’re always fucking adorable.” She blinked. “...That came out wrong. All ponies are always adorable, and you’re not an exception.”

“But you think Celestia is more adorable.”

You sighed. “Alright, now you’re just looking to be upset. Come on, Luna. I know how your dirty feminine wiles work.”

Poira chuckled while Luna looked away, muttering. “At least you got an intelligent one,” Poira said. “An intelligent one that is willing to give you at least some attention. Is it not the time that most slumber? And he could be with the one he loves at the moment. Yet here he is, awake and with you.”

“It is his responsibility,” Luna replied.

“And what a friend would do,” you quietly said. Neither of them commented on that, but Poira smiled.

“We have spent far too long with you,” Luna said as a way to change the subject. “Anon and I need to get back to the main body of the party.”

“Says who?” I asked. “You’re the princess. If you want to catch up with friends, you can catch up with friends.”

“Says the princess. I need to be seen by my subjects. I can speak with old friends later. I will speak with them later. But for now, we need to return to the others. Besides, I am interested in what they have made for me, and I am interested in what Poira will make when we are not here. She always did like surprises.”

“You didn’t like some of them, I recall…” Poira said, her smile turning into a smirk.

“The giant venus ponytrap was not funny! It is good that I escaped when I did, or it might have dissolved me.”

“Chrysalis enjoyed it, I believe…”

“Chrysalis is not a pony. She is also a—” She pursed her lips. “My sister has informed me that it is impolite to use such words these days. Especially when describing a head of state. I will speak with you later, Poira. Anon, let us tour the rest of the art.”

Before you could say anything to the tree lady, she shot her arms into the ground, then just sank. “What in the…”

“That is one of her modes of movement,” Luna explained. “She can travel along root systems. So if there are a lot of trees in the area, she can move around easily. She will pop up somewhere in the garden. Probably.”

“Neat. Also, are all of your friends so weird?”

“That is a trait of those that have lived a long time. She is a fae, and does not see time or life as we do. Vamponies lose a part of themselves when they turn, and being separated from everypony else makes it worse. Especially when they are feared. Dragons are very different, mentally, from ponies. They are powerful and know it, making them overly confident and foolhardy. They also do not view time the way we do.”

“...And yet, you chose to befriend them rather than ponies.”

“Or the ponies that I befriended died years ago of old age, leaving only these behind. It is unwise to try to make judgments about the mental and emotional state of an eternal when they only have friends that are also eternal.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not. Let us return to the party.” She began walking back. You followed, of course. “Something Reginald said sparked a curiosity in me. Why did you decide to court my sister, of all ponies?”

“The first time I met her was at the Gala, a few years back. When I got there, she said she wanted to speak to me privately, because she had never seen something like me before. When she got me alone, she asked if I would dance with her, because I was tall enough to properly lead. After that, I decided I could probably talk less formally, princess or not. Something about her personality sparked with me and before I could even think about it, I asked if she’d mind going out for coffee some time. Of course, she had no idea what coffee was, so when I changed it to tea, she seemed delighted to. So I guess what drew me to her was her personality. Open and honest, funny and playful. And of course, she’s very adorable.”

“I see. All valid—”

“And Jesus, have you seen her ass?”

She sighed and shook her head.

The first place you two went was the crafting hall. It was closest, so you weren’t complaining. After all, it was the only place you were really familiar with and it was full of people with a more practical mind, instead of annoying attention-seekers.

Though after a quick glance, it seemed even those that crafted solid art were eager to be seen by a princess. Normally, the entrance hall was fairly bare and all the workshop doors were closed to keep it quiet and to stop wood and metal dust from getting everywhere. When the two of you got there, the entrance was decorated fully in Luna’s colors and all the doors were open. The entrance was sparklingly clean, but the halls were full of dust as crafters hurried to get their work done.

You were honestly expecting the forgemaster to be the first to greet her, and you definitely weren’t disappointed. And what’s better is that he had an entire suit of chainmail armor set up on a ponequin for her. He smiled and bowed when you both walked in. “Princess Luna. Is your night going well?”

“Indeed it is, forgemaster. What is this metal chain?”

“This is chainmail, a human invention given to us by your dear husband,” the fellow said with a polite nod to you.

Luna gave you a sidelong glance. “That is something I had not considered…”

“None of us had, your majesty,” he said with a smile.

“...Right. Tell me about this chainmail,” she said, looking back at him.

“It’s light but very strong, though it is not so good against piercing weapons. We might be able to fix that later by magically altering the strength of the metal, but for now, I believe the earliest series of the model should go to you, Princess. I know you have little need for armor, but it holds value as a curio.”

“Indeed it does, forgemaster. And it is an idea from my husband, which adds extra value. It will remain in this hall for now, as a showpiece. At the end of the week, I will add it to my collection. Do you happen to have any scraps lying around that you could use in a demonstration of its capabilities?”

“At the moment, no. The sets we had were sent off to other cities so other armorers can learn how it is done and to test it for themselves. However, I can have a simple vest made before the week is out, so you may see firsthoof what it can do.”

“That will be acceptable, forgemaster. And if arrows or spears are giving you trouble, put heavy silk under the armor. The cat auxiliaries I fought with three thousand years ago swore by it.”

“...Silk?”

“It is so often used in fashion these days that it is easy to forget how powerful silk is,” Luna said with a smile. “A heavy layer of silk can stop an arrow from a minotaur’s longbow. Archduke Catz Furdinand was wearing a vest of it, which stopped the first few arrows from hurting him. Then they aimed for his throat and his luck disappeared.”

“I was not aware of that, Princess,” he quietly said. “When the vest is made for your demonstration, I will put a silk sheet behind it, to see what effect it has.”

“I look forward to it, forgemaster,” Luna said with a nod. “For now, Anon and I will tour the premises. I look forward to seeing what else the craftsponies have made.”

“Do you need a guide, Princess?” he asked.

“Anon should know the way. He has been coming here often enough.” She looked over at you.

“I can show her around,” you said with a shrug. “It’s pretty straightforward anyway.”

“Very well, your majesties. If you need anything at all, let me know. The prince consort knows where my workshop is.” He bowed shortly before walking down the hall to his place.

As soon as he turned around, Luna shook her head and started walking down another hall. When he was out of earshot, she humphed and said, “I have used more sets of armor than that young colt has ever even seen.”

“Yeah, but didn’t Celestia censor a lot of history?”

“Yes. And history in general is not really taught in schools these days. When I came back, there were very, very few ponies that knew who I was. Even Nightmare Moon was little more than a legend.”

“At least it gives you something close to a fresh start.” She didn’t reply. You didn’t blame her. “Anyway, anything you want to see first? Glass? Metal? Clay?”

“I am interested in what your partner has made. Having obtained information from you will give her an interesting advantage.”

“I don’t know if she’s finished yet, but we can check. Our room is right this way.” The two of you started walking. Luna looked into every room the two of you passed. In most of them, the occupants were too busy finishing or perfecting their creations to pay the two of you any mind. The entire place was hot, musty, and loud. Once upon a time, you would have thought any proper princess would hate a place like that. A short glance at Luna as you walked showed you that she was smiling.

She didn’t have time to smile delightfully for long, though, since your workshop wasn’t that far away. As with all the other rooms, its door was open and gentle scrapes escaped it. Since there was no obstruction, you both let yourselves in and beheld Goldie’s greatness. Or, more accurately, her ass, as she was currently stretching under a table to put the finishing touches on a model.

“This looks familiar,” Luna quietly said, staring at the display before you. As soon as Goldie heard that, her body tried jerking to attention. This resulted in her head slamming into the table and she fell right back down. “Do not hurt yourself on my account, please.” Luna’s horn lit up and a very blushed Goldilocks was dragged out from under the table.

“So how’s it coming along?” you asked, trying to defuse the awkwardness she was probably feeling.

“G-good…”

“Cool. No problems?”

“No.” She finally got to her feet and turned around so she could properly bow. “Princess Luna, it’s an honor to be invited. I’m sorry for not being fully—”

“It is fine, Miss Goldilocks,” Luna said with a nod. “Please, there is no need for prostration. Tell me about what you have made. It seems familiar for some reason.”

Of course, Goldie propped herself up when she heard that. “It’s you, Princess! Or at least, you’re in it.” She pointed to a figurine that did, in fact, look quite like Luna. It was all metal and none of it had been painted, though, so for all Luna knew, it was just her sister or another alicorn with weird, wavy hair. “It’s the defeat of the Iron King!”

Luna blinked.

“I asked Celestia and she suggested it,” you quickly added, hoping that if Luna got mad, she’d get mad at you instead of Goldie. Or better yet, get mad at Celestia.

Luna started slowly walking around the expansive diorama, taking it all in. She was in the very center, of course. To her left was a strange tree creature that you figured was Poira. To her right was a pony with fangs you could just barely see, probably Ambrosia. On the table above them was a very large dragon, what you assumed was Reginald. In front of Luna was what looked like a broken robot. A strangely humanoid broken robot. In one of its hands was a brutal looking polearm. The other was reaching toward Luna, while one of her hooves was descending to its head. Dotted around them were nondescript figurines of various other races, though you couldn’t put names on any of them.

“I remember,” Luna finally said. Her eyes seemed to be staring at the Iron King. “That was a very long time ago. Long enough that I am surprised Celestia thought of it. She wanted peace. They wanted war… I obliged them. With assistance, of course. That war lasted far too long and we came too close to defeat for comfort. It is also around that time that I met three very close friends and learned a lesson that my sister had been hoping I would learn for years.”

“What lesson is that, Princess?” Goldie asked.

“That friendship is magic,” Luna said, somehow managing to keep a straight face. After a few seconds, you realized she was serious. Goldilocks also appeared to be taking it seriously. She was certainly nodding at it like it was the most natural thing in the world, at least.

You chose to assume they were only pretending to be retarded.

“There have been many things made to commemorate the event,” Luna continued. “There are not many that are aware of just how close all sapient life in Equus came to extinction. How do you feel about paint, Miss Goldilocks?”

“I hate the way it smells. And please, Princess, you don’t need to call me miss…”

“How would you like your diorama painted? I would also like to have others add to it. Rock sculptors, for the cavern we were in. Glassmakers, for the crystals embedded in the stone. Gem cutters, for the gems next to the crystals. Perhaps I can find a griffon bone carver as well. There are many artists that would appreciate the honors. I would let you have the final pick of who does what, if you would desire.”

Goldie looked over to her presumably unfinished diorama. “I really like the simplicity of just metal itself, but…” She looked back to Luna. “I’d also like to see what everypony else can do. I’d be happy to let others work on my art, Princess.”

“Excelsior!” You barked a laugh before you could stop yourself, but they were both too excited to notice. “I shall speak to the others tonight, Goldilocks. You shall be given a larger area in which to work and others will come to assist you come the morrow.”

“Thank you, Princess!”

“And thank you, smith. Your gift is a wonderful reminder of my greatest triumph, and the bond I share with my friends. I will send them to you as well, so you may meet the others that stood by my side when I defeated that monster.”

Goldie’s smile cracked and she blinked. “M-meet them, Princess? W-wasn’t that… a really long time ago?”

“Indeed it was! And yet, I imagine they still remember it just like it was yesterday. Anon, go fetch Reginald post-haste. He will not be able to fit within the hall, but I can still introduce him to Goldilocks and let him describe the room for her.”

“A d-dragon?!” Goldie squeaked.

“That dragon,” Luna said as she pointed to the dragon figure on the table. “Anon, I will talk more with your friend. You and Reginald may meet us at the main entrance.”

“Alright. See you two soon.” Goldie was still adorably squeaking, so you beat feet before she could recover.

As you walked down the halls, you couldn’t help but wonder how Goldilocks was gonna get you back for doing this to her.