Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #2: Twilight Sparkle Vs. Mister Ed
Youtube Video
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!
MISTER ED…
…VS…
…TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!!!
BEGIN!
Mister Ed:
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, except for you, you little freak!
You're fans are a bunch of obsessed and whiny pervert manchild geeks!
What? You say they're cool? Don't make me laugh, for God's sakes.
I mean, how could you say that when they write sick shit like Cupcakes?
And even though you've got that fancy horn and live with a little dragon,
You're weak! You can't even pull your own show's bandwagon!
You're purple like Barney,
And you look like a carny!
I'll terminate you like Arnie,
'Til you're deader than Jim Varney!
My show is classic; yours is saccharine and spastic.
You practice witchcraft, while my words are true magic!
And I'm breaking my oath of only talking to one guy,
To spit these mad rhymes that'll make even Celestia cry!
To create you, Faust must have made a deal with the devil,
But when I'm done, your Ponyville will be leveled.
So save me some trouble, and put your mouth on that curb,
So I can stomp you with my hoof and blame it on Wilbur!
Twilight Sparkle:
Are you quite finished yapping? Your scary words don't trick me.
Your threats are idle; you're a more pathetic bitch than Trixie!
You're a one–trick–pony; I'm the coolest thing on TV;
I'll grab my friends and blast you with the Elements of Harmony!
The name's Twilight Sparkle; not a pansy vampire, either.
This will be a bigger landslide than Beethoven vs. Bieber!
And trust me: when you try to talk shit about Bronies,
You make yourself a bigger target than Joseph Kony!
Besides, last I checked, there are plenty of perverts in your land.
Might I remind you of Equus, or the infamous Mr. Hands?
You claim to be a stallion, but you act more like a llama.
You're boring! You're a lamer villain than King Sombra!
I can't see how you were ever a hit, even in the 60's;
The only Eds on television worth watching are these three!
*Ed, Edd and Eddy are shown*
Now, back to me: Do you seriously think you can win this?
You're an ugly old mule; I'm a magical goddess.
*Turns into an alicorn*
Mister Ed:
Wait, what? You grew wings?
That has to be a joke!
It's a bigger shark–jumping than Frying the Coke!
I'll trample you as soon as I'm freed from this stable,
So come at me, Has–bro, if you think yourself able!
I'll turn your hooves into glitter glue, mount your head on a wall!
And as for your little friends, I'll exterminate them all!
I'll shove Pinkie in the oven and make a pizza pie,
Feed Rarity to a Manticore and snap the neck of Fluttershy!
I'll go full–out Sweet Apple Massacre on Applejack,
Murder Rainbow Dash and take a dump on her memorial plaque!
I'll put Derpy down like Old Yeller, and be quick to pull the trigger.
I see you've realized you'll lose; took ya' long enough, nig–
Rainbow Dash:
Boo! Boo! Those are my two words for you!
You keep talking trash, but you're a bigger chicken than Scootaloo!
I run the full color spectrum of awesomeness;
You're a dull, unappealing, monochrome mess!
And this horse of a lack of color will be in for a jolt,
When I hijack this cloud and strike him with Wonderbolts!
Rainbow Dash is best pony, you racist old nag.
I'm 20,000% cooler than you, bitch!
Swag.
Listen here, Francis: I'll beat you in ten seconds flat.
I've got the Sonic Rainboom; there's no way you can top that!
This kid's already gone further then you ever did, sucker!
So I'll leave you with this:
TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKER!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
I DECIDE!!!!
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #25: Discord Vs. Sheogorath
Youtube Video
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DISCORD…
…VS…
…SHEOoooww– *static*
Ooh, let me just go ahead, laddy.
Sheogorath:
Uncle Sheo has the skill for sending shivers to these jams,
So take a helpful hint, resume a stony stasis state and scram!
This hodgepodge against the Madgod? The sod is unworthy!
Oughta tear out his intestines; turn the tracts all topsy–turvy.
Sovereign prince, I reign supreme in much the manner of Celestia.
I'll make your head a trophy; let Relmyna use the rest of ya'.
My Wabbajack'll whack a wacko Jabberwocky clown;
Be crossing me, I guarantee you're going down, down, down!
Ya' know I'm on a sweet roll, and your demise is what I'm stipulating;
Stick a fork in you and Split your sides, with mane horripilating!
Plead insanity, you'll be rejected from my Madhouse,
For I'm the Daedra Hatter; you couldn't even be my Dormouse.
The finest cornerstone of the Tribunal House of Troubles;
Skooma Cat'll channel Sanguine and get you right befuddled!
You'll be left in bloody Shambles, Gnarled coat and colors muted,
While I summon cheese for everyone… your sorry arse excluded.
Discord:
Tea's off, Fluttershy, and do avert your precious ears:
I want this bearded bum the only one who's shedding epic tears.
It's time to loose it, ill as Bluest flu and cruel as any Meanie;
Take a page or two from Molag Bal on top a few from Genie.
When I put a hoof down, you'd best prepare to be drained;
I'll see your hail of flaming hounds all choking on some Chocolate Rain!
Your resource is mediocre; I can make a drink a slaughter:
Slit some throats like Jake the Joker with a tiny glass of water.
Everfree–style, hipper than remains of ol' Pelagius;
Penta–barfing out a phrase, and now the chaos is contagious!
Serve a slew of Screwballs until it's your strike three;
I'll leave your Isles looking like some Salvador Dalí.
A chimeric aberrant, inherent merits apparent, I swear it: cherished as the apple of fair Eris' eye.
What you're declaring's incoherent, errors transparently glaring; just like solving my maze, you know it ain't gonna fly!
Sheogorath:
At my Crucible of truth, your Blissful ignorance is snubbed;
A more disastrous Discovery than the seizure of the Hub.
I'm in a righteous rapping Mania, Ti–wrecking scruffy, phony blokes,
Who've dampened their Dementia to reform for fluffy pony folk!
Discord:
Oh, Friendship may be Magic, but I'll tell you what else is:
Primal diamond–spitting rhyming that'll render you helpless!
Yours is dull as clunky boulders, and the contrast's off the charts;
I'll brainwash Rarity, and lo as still she tells our lines apart!
Coldly douse your Flame of Agnon, well and truly to Oblivion,
Then swipe away your staff and hand to you a more befitting one.
Sheogorath:
Well, I'll gobble you up like Stanley Grapefruit from Passwall,
Go Rebel Rabbit on my Boot, and shove it up your–
Haskill:
Haskill is sorry for the stoppage of your scheduled shenanigans,
But my lord, I fear you ought to know: the Greymarch has began again.
The champion you called's been waiting outside since this morning;
Sir, a duel of verse or broken curse: which is more important?
Sheogorath:
Oooh, I really shouldn't have done that! Now my time is running out;
An era over: the return of Order primed to come about!
The crystal forces fast approaching, can't revoke encroaching fate;
I'd say to put on your horse armor, yet already it's too late.
The madness in my mind is going; I can feel it, not a question,
And the lunacies for which I stood, I see now as transgressions,
For my realm, she is dead! Yes, Sheogorath, he is dead,
And all shall crumble now before the power coming in his stead…
*FLASH*
Jyggalag:
Stop right there, chaotic scum; you've violated the law!
It's time to see my plane reclaimed; annihilate every flaw.
Big, bad Jyggalag: I bring the Order, straight–up and raw;
Built like a brick house, and wrecking you like one made of straw!
With nigh–omniscience and my triumph preordained,
I cut the wretched Roots of Madness; logicize your loony brain.
Behold this silver sentinel, outshining every Golden Saint!
You know I really take the biscuit; talking broken ones, I ain't.
Discord:
There's little fun in making sense, but even less in what you follow,
And for all your Knifepoint threats, the menace posed to me is Hollow,
So to Tartarus with you and all your Fringe idea–preaching!
Jyggalag:
Over my cold, severed heart, for Order's sphere is ever–reaching!
Madness fades now from this realm; just ask the Duke, or was it Duchess?
Either way, Equestria is next to fall in crystal clutches.
Discord:
That's enough! It's time I showed you my true form and full ferocity,
With power to surpass any hot–diggedy monstrosity…
*FLASH*
Q:
You surely must have seen this coming, Fluttershy, my friend,
And now, like All Good Things, my time among your kind comes to an end…
Hold it up, did I say all? Well, au contraire, there's one exception:
I, Q, eternal trickster, teaching this grey goon a lesson!
He who longs to conquer sense of self like Borg assimilation
Stands before me now on trial, judged on worth of preservation,
With the verdict clear as futile is his coming and advance:
I shall unweave his Tapestry of being, and grant no second chance!
You've got a Death Wish facing me; you'll end up worse than bloody–nosed!
Can start a war with but a finger–snap; I shatter status quos.
You couldn't even beat my son or that forgotten fop Trelane,
And I'll be Breaking you more Badly than midair–colliding planes!
With nigh–omnipotence, I see through all your high–and–mighty bull:
I'll send your shiny hiney flying; the Worf Effect applies in full.
I needn't go Napoleonic to command a tour de force,
So get this Q–tip through your stuffy ears, and chart a different course.
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
I DECIDE!!!!!
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
