Rainbow Dash Goes to the Chiropractor

by ping111

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2984

Dashie's hurt - can the magic hooves of the Chiropractor save the day?

Ohai thar.
Just a totally random idea I had after going to my own chiropractic appointment, as well as a personal challenge to extend word count not by describing random things in surgical detail, but by using dialogue and gentle plot transition! As well, it's an experiment with a special type of narrator; omnipotent, so s/he knows Rainbow's thoughts, but occasionally gets taken over by Rainbow herself, with her personality and speech patterns. Also looking for someone who likes to make cover art. PM me if you're interested.

Cheers!

Published 2012-06-26 04:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-26 04:24:02 UTC

Chapter One

To most ponies, the book that was slowly sinking in to the table on which it was resting, which was made of cloud, would seem like jibber-jabber with some doodles. And if you'd expect anypony to write the pages of this tome off as 'lame' or 'not worth my awesomeness', it would be the very pony who's reading it so intently. Though she may never be as bright as the prism of colours that serenade her body and accentuate every beat of her wings, Rainbow Dash sure was enjoying the book she was reading. For hours, she pressed her hooves into the fluffy nightstand, furrowed her brow, and lowered her nose into that literary fray.

The dusky red cover of the book mysteriously began to fade to a familiar milky white, and for some odd reason the words were getting smaller. As if they weren't already hard to read! Originally Rainbow though nothing of it. She was tired after a long day of flying, and wanted nothing more than a nap. Perhaps she was so sleepy, she was just seeing things. Chuckling lightly, RD proceeded to waltz away from the book, aiming towards the ever-so-appealing bed that sat waiting for her in her, crowned upon a dusky plinth, and adorned with a stylization of her signature Cutie Mark. A pair of ionic pillars supported the heft of her enormous home, with its many storeys, passageways, and rainbowfalls. A signed photograph of the Wonderbolts' silhouette carrying Dash off off into the sunset, along with a few of the typical encouraging quips, sat within a frame propped up on the adjacent nightstand, the drawers loaded with all sorts of... nevermind.

Continuing to canter entranced to the object of her desires, her eyes half-open and dreamy, they just barely noticed the Wonderbolts poster hanging on the wall. Suddenly Rainbow's eyelids snapped open, her veins pulsing with adrenaline. She couldn't nap now! She needed to learn this new trick for the Wonderbolts tryout next week! Dash hurried over to the desk at which she was formerly standing, and reached out her hooves to grab the book. But instead of touching the smoothness of parchment or the rough texture of the cover, Rainbow felt something she had been trotting upon her entire life. Cloud.

Thinking quickly (but never as fast as her wings can take her), RD attempted to calculate why the book she had borrowed was suddenly being sucked asunder, as a lone bead of sweat rolled tentatively through her rainbow locks and down her cheek. Furrowing her eyebrows so close together they could crush a pea, Rainbow clenched her eyes shut at attempted to focus. Ideas ran like film through the imaginative, yet rather thick, brain of the pegasus, screening visual possibilities of how this escapade of literature could be taking place, though most of them were ridiculous (What if Nightmare Moon was on the other side of Cloudsdale and was sucking up my book with her magic?, for example). Now, RD was not the superstitious type, so what made her believe such silly things? If Rainbow ever picked up one lesson from Twilight, it would probably be opening her mind. It's hard to believe that just a few months ago, Rainbow Dash would barely go near a book, and here she was, sweating out of nervousness that she may lose one! Sure, it wasn't as awesome and action-packed as Daring Do will ever be, but the dried up parchment of the tome still contained something she loved, and was, unsurprisingly, good at. That's typical Rainbow Dash for you!

What was I saying again? Oh yes, why Rainbow was having dumb ideas. Well, since she's learned to accept what may seem strange or unlikable, and the mighty word of Twilight Sparkle apparently supersedes common sense. And from that day when Rainbow Dash attempted to pilfer a book from a hospital because she loved it so much, Rainbow has put nothing out of the question, for better or worse. Dresses were still out of the question, permanently. So back to the story. Although the embarrassment of the 'book thief' incident had burned the lesson of open-mindedness into the pegasus's brain, she still though of Twilight Sparkle saying the words to her... Hold on! What if she had something to do with this? She's always sucking up to that Princess and staying up all night for months to learn some stupid spell, often to spectacularly horrible results! What if she was just practicing some summoning or book-taking spell or whatever and had just screwed up?

"Unless Twilight's doing another crazy one of her experimental spell thingies, Rainbow thought, still staring at the book vanishing before her, "She's gonna have some explaining to do when I find this book on the half way across Cloudsdale!"

Hold on a minute. Cloudsdale... Cloud... Sdale.

"Of course!" The pegasus cheered aloud, wings fluttering with the glee that their master had finally figured out a puzzle on her own. "I've got it!"

It may not seem like much to remember that things non-pegasi make slowly sink through the clouds, if not falling straight through, but when you're that awesome, you don't bother with the details. Now, there was a word for such great discovery. Twilight had told her during one of her super-boring lectures for Egghead-or-something University. Oh, what was that word? It sounds so cool and makes you sound smart; surely Rainbow would remember such an unawesome-yet-awesome word... AHA!

"Ooh-reek-ah, or whatever those eggheads said. Woohoo!"

Still giggling for no apparent reason, Rainbow Dash swung her hooves and mane around in a random ball of chaos she called 'dancing'. This continued for much longer than it should have, accompanied by a panting mantra of "Who's awesome?", to which Dash would reply to her own question breathlessly: "RD's awesome! Finally, fatigue overtook the random episode of joy, something that had probably never applied to Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow collapsed on the floor of her Cloudsdale home, kicking up clumps of cloud as she did so. Luckily enough, she herself was not sinking. Even though RD was possibly the most restless pony to ever exist, she felt perfectly happy to lay in the fuzzy maw of tightly-packed clouds that comprised her abode. In fact, Rainbow Dash was so relaxed, if it weren't for the rapid, oscillating movement of her chest, you'd be sure she had just... well, moved on! Soon enough, though, a pegasus's natural curiosity for velocity kicked into top gear, and Rainbow was back on her feet before you could say "Easy-peasy, one-two-threesy". ("Watch out - the book is sinking!" is also a useful alternative.) Looking back for once at her original objective (as if heeding our advice), which had recently been totally ignored, the book was almost halfway through being swallowed out of Rainbow's home!

The mare had to think, and to think fast. She hovered around on her wings to get a closer look on ways to free "Ye Moste Wondrous Arte of Aviation" from its milky-white prison. Celeste hooves (Rainbow had always liked that word, since it sounded like you-know-who and also applied to the colour of her coat) promptly attempted to dig the tome out from its high-altitude grave, but to no avail - all that emerged were countless droplets of water. Those little devils decided that it would be a good idea to soak Rainbow Dash's tail, and that's just what they did. Weighted down by the very thing that Rainbow feared so much, yet lived on an adapted form of all her life, the once vibrant and twitchy tail of the pegasus became darkened and paralyzed. Even after this embarrassment, Rainbow shall not be stopped. Taking a quick moment to fan out her dripping-wet tail with her tired yet sleek wings (So fillylike, she muttered under her breath), RD shook her head menacingly at the table and thought of a more plausible solution. Not necessarily at the same time, though. That would be too hard; to move and to think.

Well, if Dash couldn't remove the book from the cloud, she'd simply have to remove the cloud from the book! Without a second glance or a sliver regard to the safety of the book (or anypony within a ten-mile radius), RD leapt from the floor, throttled her wings to maximum gear, and began to hurtle towards the desk, backhooves-forward. It was just standard procedure, kicking clouds to bits. In fact, Rainbow bet herself she could tear this whole place down in ten seconds flat! However, it does take much more than that to build it back up, so Rainbow sadly checked herself. Within mere milliseconds, the solid cloud dissolved behind Dash's hind hooves, and her quick reflexes yanked her to a halt, so that she didn't just kick down the wall. Shaking the spectral locks out of her face, Rainbow victoriously craned her neck behind her. Out of the corner of those scarlet peepers a golden glint could be found. The title of the book! Huzzah, the book was free! RD tempted the thought of another victory dance, but checked herself immediately, blushing that anypony may well see it through the hole in the floor...

"Uh oh..."

Before you could say "It's just a book!" Rainbow Dash coiled her steely legs, tightened her haunches, pounced into the hole with a flourished twist, practically jumping out of her skin and leaving a blue ragdoll in a crumpled heap behind. In fact, she took off so quickly, the entire floor of the pegasus's home dissolved, pushed aback by the rapid wingbeats! It didn't matter now, though, because the mare was long gone, solely desiring the safety of her skydiving tome. But how would she clean up the mess, or the lack of it thereof? Maybe she could manage to sneak it by as a write-off...

"Nrgh...!" Dash grunted as her cheeks began to stretch backwards. Air was filling her lungs in the most undesirable way, and the pegasus felt that she may well burst in a gory firework of cyan flesh and rainbow hair. The idea didn't exactly appeal to Rainbow, so she clenched her eyes shut, noticing the lone tear in the corners of her eyes slowly build up mass, break off, and fall behind. If you think RD was crying because she lost her book, you're dead wrong. Having air smash into your eyes at two hundred metres a second doesn't exactly tickle. And besides, the mare couldn't help it - it was a natural reaction to eye irritation. Rainbow was no stranger to this sensation, but here was a new one - her back hurt a little.

She hadn't hit anything particularly solid as of yet, as is what usually caused her pain, but it wasn't like that kind of pain, that piercing, pounding, pain that originated in one central point, but more like... severe discomfort. As if something was out of place. With closed eyes, it's fairly easy to vividly imagine memories, and Rainbow used that to her advantage. Let's see... She punched the table - but that wouldn't hurt her back; she did some dancing - but she again was only using her hooves; she jumped out of the hole to chase after the book, and here the world was whirling and dancing in a flurry of blue sky and white cloud...

The twist!

When she had leapt after the tome, she had done a three-sixty twirl, and that must have popped a bone of some sort in Dash's back out of place! No bother, it could be popped back in place on the ground... or even mid-flight... now that sounds like more fun. Yes, she hard to prove her hardiness, even if that meant disrupting the normal airflow that had now condensed into a visible cone. How fast was she even going...? Well, there was only a few ways to shove a vertebra back into place without your hooves, and one involved a very familiar action to most Ponyville folk. Not only would kicking her hind legs out knock her spine back into its proper position, it would also give her a much-needed burst of speed to catch the book. But bucking was for apples - everypony knew that. Rainbow's imagination erupted and ran wild, as she swore she could taste and smell a delicious, juicy, crimson apple right there before her snout... Oh, what she wouldn't give to just have one in her belly right now! But that's besides the fact. She could certainly grab a bite to eat after she had accomplished her mission. But her back still ached. Dash rehearsed the bucking movement she was about to perform mentally, but decided to add a devious twist to the mental image, smirking all the while.

Still with closed eyes, orange washed over the normal cerulean of her hooves, slowly dripping like ink, flowing like water; her normally light and prismatic mane grew heavy and long, with an additional weighted bit at the end; the sleekness of RD's normal legs seemingly became filled with pure strength, her muscles made of coiled steel like a spring... How did an earth pony fly at supersonic speed anyways? The sonic boom associated with the barrier's trespassing waltzed by Rainbow's ears like a mouse's whisper. No, she was to focused on imagining her super-mega-secret crush, only twenty-percent cooler with the power of flight. Secret as she may think it was, Rainbow's tongue was awfully loose and had revealed it to all except for the mare in question after a wee altercation at the dentist that involved a needle full of sedative. Since then, it had spread like wildfire, zipping along through hushed words in corners of the room the pegasus's radiance was currently enlightening, and soon everypony except maybe the Princess. Her, and Applejack. Obviously she didn't know lickety-squat about this, nor would she understand. RD had decided to cross that bridge of revealing her love to the farmer when she got to it. Mmm... the scent of apples that constantly emanated from her... how she longed for it...

A loud sound not unlike that of rustling paper ripped Rainbow Dash from her dreamy fantasy. The book was nearby! Rainbow swam through the air like water and swung blindly at the tome. A miss. Another desperate grab caught nothing more than air. Rainbow really concentrated on the book below her, and drove her hooves down.... success! In her arms was the key to the Wonderbolts' hearts! She curled her arms tight around it and began to pull up. Normally, this process took a rather wide berth, but it was oddly concise and controllable today. Just to wow anypony who may have seen the spectacle, she decided to throw in a loop-dee-loop, but the rainbow colours of her tail seemed to stretch much further today, and they were quite glittery... She was going to incredibly fast, she barely noticed the spectral needle she had threaded with a similarly-coloured yarn. After the rapid descent from the loop had translated into a horizontal glide, Rainbow Dash got her first good look at her surroundings. Firstly, she craned her neck upwards to stare back at her home. It was so far away! That could only mean one thing - she was so close to being murdered by her nemesis, her arch-enemy, her bane...

"The ground..."

And how close she had come. Looking down, awaiting just below her stomach were thousands upon thousands of pointy green knives, beset in a bed of an ugly brown! And yet ponies dared to trod upon this sickening, and not to mention deadly, terrain every minute of their lives. What nerve! Further ahead lay the stony path that had a fortunate lack of grass or dirt, and instead was just a quaint little row of cobblestone. Much more suitable for walking. Maybe she should touch down there... but wait! What if some of the rocks had been kicked up? Rainbow's perfectly awesome hooves might be ruined by the continuous stabbing of the solid form of pure evil and murder? No, she couldn't land here. She couldn't land anywhere in this stupid country! Nowhere but Cloudsdale! But think of Fluttershy. A pegasus just as herself, who stayed grounded every day. Surely she could survive such awful conditions. Fragile little Fluttershy? Well awesome big Rainbow Dash will prove that silly filly! The hyper beat of her mighty wings slowed down little by little, still looking for a less painful spot to land. But Rainbow decided to test the waters. Inch by inch, she lowered her abdomen to the grass. Besides, it couldn't hurt that much, could it? Even when flying fast? No, it didn't. In fact, it tickled! Maybe she could just touch down anywhere... Maybe near Sweet Apple Acres, just to catch a glimpse.... AH! MONSTER!

Stopping quicker than a train rammed by a herd of buffalo, Rainbow Dash needed to transfer her momentum somewhere. And she transferred it down. She slammed face-first into the grass and dirt she hated so much, smearing her face with angry streaks of green and brown just to rub in her loss. Now she regretted moving so quickly, because she still hadn't stop skidding along after several seconds. Finally, though, she came to a halt, and slowly pushed her hooves into the ground to lift her up.. OUCH! Her back hurt even more than ever! Out of breath from the shocking piercing feeling, she collapsed back onto the ground, her breathing sporadic and rapid, as if she had to remember to do it. Meanwhile, a very confused white rabbit, about as big as Rainbow's hoof, twitched his whiskers disapprovingly at the tumbled heap of flesh and rainbows that had given him such a surprise and hopped away, muttering to himself inaudibly. Some monster he was. Rainbow Dash's world faded to black, and her muscles went limp...

"...Medic...."