There shall be no vengence against the Timberwolves that killed Twilight! However, insulting it death is not out of the question!
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There shall be no vengence against the Timberwolves that killed Twilight! However, insulting it death is not out of the question!
Some heroes die heroic deaths, some die of old age, filled with regrets or satisfied with their achievements in life. Whatever it may be, death comes for everypony sooner or later but when death comes for the hero at a bad point in time, it must be corrected in order to keep the world safe from villains. If there were no heroes, there’d be no saving the world, this much is pretty bucking obvious.
So say when Twilight Sparkle is getting mauled by timberwolves…like she is right now in fact! Oooooh…ouch! There go her intestines, and her heart…and then her lungs an they are spitting out so much blood! Hope there aren’t any sadists watching this cause the blood is so MUCH! SO MUCH BLOOD! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway, here she comes into the pre-spawn chamber thing…that’s what I am calling it cause I can’t think of good names at all.
“Greetings, Princess Twilight Sparkle” I greet her as she appeared in the room
“Oh Celestia! Where am I?” Twilight starts breathing heavily
“Oh you’re in the room just before you go back to Equestria, I call it the Pre-Spawn chamber” I answer
“Pre-Spawn chamber?” Twilight asks
“Yeah, you see, you’re dead and in a bloody fashion too, it’s a damn shame I forgot the camera, it could of made the Respawn’s most bloody horrific deaths ever!” I explain with a cackle
“WHAT?” She yells
I just love explaining that they’re dead, the reactions are just HILLARIOUS!
“Yep, but good news, you get to go back” I say
“Really? But why?” Twilight asks
“Well, see when a hero dies at the wrong time, we do what Faust calls “Destiny correction”, I call it re-spawning. Basically if you die at the wrong time then I send you back without any evidence of you ever being killed ever except your memory of it, not even the timberwolves would know they killed you! Although they will be karmized to death.” I explain more
“That doesn’t even scientifically make sense!” Twilight argues
“Yeah, because the Magic-wielding Alicorn is relying on scientific logic. BWAHAHHA! You’re priceless you know that? Better than your friends when they died” I said
Yeah, I met their friends, Dash has come here far too often.
“My friends have died before?” Twilight asked, confused.
“Oh yeah, Rainbow Dash has set the record for 43 deaths, she really sucks at this game. The whole point is to earn kills not be killed. What? You thought those stunt crashes were non-lethal? Then there’s Pinkie Pie who has a party for this sort of thing, nice mare. Shame when she dies real though. Applejack died twice and one of them was by working hard. HAH! I guess hard work really does kill ya!” I start
“Well, this is…weird” Twilight has no words…besides those few
“Fluttershy died once, turns out that roundhouse kick to a bear with a thorn up his ass isn’t a bright idea, who knew? Rarity died when she was a filly because turn out that destiny thing accidently rammed her into a sharp rock, it was absolutely fucking hilarious! And then there’s you, took you 4 seasons to damn die once! And it’s to Timberwolves too, I mean that’s embarrassing! AHAHAHAHA!” I explained her friends other deaths.
Yeah, timberwolves beating an Alicorn, oh the afterlife guys will be laughing at that one for a while
“What about the Princesses? They surely must of died once.” Twilight assumes
“Very perceptive, That shit about them being immortal? That’s Bullshit! They die every 80 or so years but their Alicorness makes their physical bodies not age at all so everypony just assumed they were immortal, hell Celestia even once suicided to make her sound all Jesus-like and rise from the grave just to scare the Griffons from invading Equestria. As for Luna, she’s been locked in the moon so she never died since then, can’t wait until her next death, she’s a funny gal! And I have a score to settle with a few games.” I explain
She won by luck in Call of Duty! Pure damned luck! I shall have my REVENGE!!
“One more question, How will we know when our death will be for real?” Twilight asks
“Ah who knows? Probably when the show ends, this is a magical land and therefore death doesn’t mean jack shit! If you do die for real, it’s either dramtical purposes or to do some “Allowing” the next generation to come and do their thing.” I answer
“What show?” Twilight asks
“Ah who knows? All I know is that your heroic adventures are recognized somewhere else in the universe, apparently Faust says she and I are the same species as them. So they must be from Earth or something. Apparently we are now in Season 5 if you’ll believe it” I explain
“This really doesn’t make sense” Twilight sighs
“Well too bad so sad! This shit is real buddy girl and you got a date back to Equestria to live your life until your next death, whether that be in 2 seconds or 2 years, you’re gonna die again at some point” I say the facts to her
“Uuurrrggghh! Two questions then. One what are you?” Twilight asks
“A Human that ended up in Equestria 7000 years ago and I ended up the lord of the “Destiny-Correction”/ Re-Spawn chamber by Faust herself. Last question!” I answer
“Has any villains ever came back?” Twilight asks
“Well, there was Discord, funny guy but somehow he choked on his own popcorn and suffocated, and you thought your death was embarrassing!” I explain
“I do not think my death is embarrassing!” Twilight argued
Ah yes! The old denial line….
“Trust me, everypony think’s their death wasn’t heroic enough, really pissed at what killed them or just so embarrassed that they died to something quite lame. Believe me, you are at least one of those three things and I’d be leaning towards embarrassment personally.” I explain death reaction to her
“Okay! So I am a little embarrassed, are you satisfied now?” Twilight asked
“Oh I was satisfied the second you died, by the way, I lied about not recording your death, it’s totally going on Deathtube now.” I mentioned
“What?!” Twilight yelled
“Oh don’t worry, nopony here can come back to Equestria cause their time is up, so sucks to be them! And they can’t mention your death to anypony in Equestria. Now it is time for you to go” I say
“Um…thanks I guess” Twilight says nervously
“Now then Twilight Sparkle, live! LIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!” I say dramtically
A white light engulfs her and she it teleported outside the Everfree Forest…
“Ooookaaaayyy, what the name of Celestia’s beard just happened?” Twilight asked herself in the most confused tone ever.
“Howdy Twilight!” AJ comes out of nowhere
“Hi Applejack, I suddenly feel…revived for some reason” Twilight says
“Oh, ya died finally? Ah was wondering when yer would? Ah was beginning to think yer wouldn’t tell us” AJ says
“Uuuummmm, I’d rather not talk about it” Twilight said
“Oh yeah, Rainbow Dash died again, tried to do a Double Sonic Rainboom but crashed straight in the ground, let’s go see her! She's in hospital now, has to pay 5000 bits for it but she keeps her weapons.” AJ says
"Wait...what?" Twilight looks even more confused
Applejack began trotting away when Twilight sighed and just muttered under her breath…
“All the ponies in this town really are crazy!”
Author's Note
If you got all the not-so-secret references, you win a brownie point...and an actual brownie. If you guess what inspired this, you win my respect.