How Every Shipfic Would Actually Happen

by TheOnly

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7043

A realistic view on shipping fanfics

This is a realistic view on how shipping would actually happen in the show. Almost every pony has been shipped with everypony else, but this is what would actually happen if two ponies ever attempted at a relationship.

...

No offense to any shippers, even though you shouldn't take any. If anypony would like to see any other shippings done on this fic, just leave a comment. Maybe I'll write it if I feel like it.

Published 2012-05-15 22:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-03 23:16:55 UTC

Twilestia

Twilight galloped up the white steps of the castle. After much contemplation, she had finally figured out her true feelings for Celestia. Nothing could stop her from expressing her feelings. She needed to find Celestia.

Guards moved out of the way as Twilight rushed through the halls of the caste in search of the princess. Doors flew by her in a blur as she searched for any sign of her. As she passed a room, she heard the princess' voice. She skidded to a halt, pushing her hooves down as hard as she could, and made a full turn around before galloping into the door. She had no time to knock, and busted the door down.

Inside was Celestia speaking with on the guards about security, but when Twilight entered they both stared at her. Celestia knew something was the matter if Twilight was breaking down doors, and sent the guard out of the room.

"What's wrong Twilight?" she asked.

Twilight gasped for breath and tried to speak, attempting several times before getting audible words out of her mouth.

"Princess Celestia. I love you. Do you wanna, I don't know, go out sometime?"

Celestia stared at Twilight wide-eyed. She didn't know what to make of the information, but trotted up to Twilight. She but a hoof on Twilight's shoulder and stared her straight in the eye.

"Twilight, I'm four thousand years old, immortal, and a goddess princess, and you are a normal unicorn who is, like, seventeen. You can't date me."

Twilight looked at the ground and frowned. "Okay."

LyraBon

Lyra was trotting through the central square, looking for some apples to buy. In the distance she saw an apple stand and quickened her pace. As she came closer, she saw a pony that she thought she knew. As she got closer, she caught a glimpse of the pony's cutie mark, and instantly remembered the mare. It was Bon Bon! Lyra remembered the days in college when they shared a room. They were the best of friends.

Approaching Bon Bon, who appeared to be carrying a saddlebag full of apples, Lyra put on her friendliest smile.

"Hey, Bon Bon!" she called. Bon Bon turned her head, instantly recognizing the turquoise mane and coat. The two ponies embraced, speaking of their college days. They remembered how much fun living in the same dorm was, and decided to live in the same house.

Lyra brought Bon Bon back to her house, and they cooked some dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bon Bon, come on it's time to go to lunch!"

"Okay!" yelled Bon Bon. She trotted down the stairs and followed Lyra out of the the house. They went out for lunch, where Lyra purchased a delicious apple pie.

"Hey, look at this cute little thing!" said Bon Bon.

Lyra looked at the parasprite, but before she could do anything, it ate her pie.

Bon Bon tried to comfort her, but it was no use, so they just went back home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It sure is a nice day," said Lyra.

"Sure is," replied Bon Bon. They were sitting on a bench together, enjoying the sunny day.

"Lyra, why are you sitting like that?"

"My neck is tired, so I'm just resting it against the back of this bench."

"Oh."

They were silent for a short while. Lyra heard a faint tapping noise.

"What's that?"

"I'm not sure yet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyra looked around the house, but there was no time to lose, she had to get going. Without thinking, she grabbed Bon Bon's saddlebag and rushed out of the house. Bon Bon came down the stairs, Lyra's saddlebag on her back. She looked for Lyra, but couldn't find her or her own saddlebag. Giving up on her search, she trotted out of the house with Lyra's saddlebag on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyra and Bon Bon sat under the shade of an umbrella, enjoying a friendly meal. They conversed about their day until Lyra put up a hoof and silenced Bon Bon.

"Do you hear that?" she said.

Bon Bon's ears perked up as they searched for a noise, and sure enough the light tapping they had heard before was now louder and faster than ever.

"Yes," responded Bon Bon.

"What is it?"

Bon Bon sighed and decided she should tell the truth.

"It's millions of shipfics being written about us."

"What's a shipfic?"

"I'll tell you when we're older."

TaviScratch? Vinocta? Scratchtavia? Octavinyl?

Octavia trotted nervously into the restaurant, wary about the idea of going on a date with a pony she had never met before. One of her musician friends had suggested that the date happen, and without asking had gone ahead and set it up. Octavia had no other choice but to go on the date and try to make the most of it.

She waited at her table for the pony that was supposed to meet her. From within the crowd, one pony's mane stood out. It had streaks of electric and light blue, and was jagged along the edges. Octavia giggled at the foolish manecut, especially in the face of such a fancy restaurant. Her giggling slowly died out as the pony trotted toward the table.

"Hey, are you Octavia?" said the pony. Octavia's eyes widened, not sure if her friend was just playing a cruel joke on her.

"Yes. And you are?"

"Vinyl Scratch."

The pony sat in the seat across from Octavia. She studied the tall glasses that were on the table while Octavia fidgeted with her hooves, wondering if she should start a conversation. Luckily, the waiter came to their table.

"What would you like to drink?" he asked.

Before Octavia could speak, Vinyl turned to the waiter and ordered. "I'll have a large glass of cider please."

Octavia couldn't believe it, but kept her mouth shut. Cider was something a pony ordered at a bar, not in a high-end restaurant! Octavia sighed and remembered how excited her friend was about the date. She concluded that this "Vinyl" had a nice personality.

"I'll just have some water," said Octavia. The ponies stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments. Suddenly, Vinyl broke the silence.

"Do you mind if I put these on?" she said, taking a pair of purple and blue sunglasses out from under the table. Octavia shook her head and Vinyl put them on.

Octavia hoped that Vinyl was only wearing the glasses to help her eyesight. They looked ridiculous! She considered leaving and avoid being seen with such a pony, but didn't want to disrespect her friends taste. She took a deep breath, and tried to find something they might have in common.

"So, Vinyl, what kind of music do you play? What instruments?" she gave a warm smile, hoping that Vinyl would play an instrument that was somewhere in the strings family to create a point of similarity.

Before Vinyl could answer, the waiter had come back with their drinks. Without even setting it on the table, Vinyl took the glass of cider and drank all of it. After she had finished, she looked at Octavia.

"Music? I DJ."

"Okay, I think we're done here." Octavia got off of her seat and trotted out of the restaurant.

EveryponyDash

Rainbow Dash woke up, her fluffy cloud bed beneath her and her Daring Do book still resting on the nightstand, but something was amiss.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. When she opened them, she saw her five friends standing in the room, looking at her. Behind them were multiple other ponies, all looking at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. This was the seventh time this week. She let out a heavy sigh.

"For the last time, I'm not a lesbian."

Dislestia

Celestia trotted silently into the garden, looking behind herself every so often to make sure nopony was following. She checked every direction, including above her, to make sure that absolutely nopony was nearby.

She stopped trotting and everything was silent. Not a soul was to be heard. Celestia smiled, she had waited to see her beloved for so long.

Waiting for the silence to remain for a few seconds, Celestia concluded that there was, indeed, nopony around. Taking in a deep breath, she smiled slyly. She approached her partner, and without any hesitation pounced on him.

She brought Discord to the ground, licking him all over. She had waited a long time for this moment.

"Oh, Discord, you're rock hard." Celestia giggled as she continued.

Suddenly, a letter appeared out of thin air, the green magic that had carried it confirming that it had been sent from Spike. She reluctantly got off of Discord, unraveling the scroll. She read the contents out loud.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Discord is a statue. Stop it. It's creepy.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle"

FlutterDash

"What's going on?" asked Twilight, trotting up next to Fluttershy who gazed off into the sky.

"I'm just watching Rainbow Dash fly," said Fluttershy, keeping her gaze towards the sky. Twilight looked, too, and saw Rainbow Dash doing flips and tricks, flying as fast as she could through the clouds. Fluttershy's pupils danced around her eyes, following the pegasus as she tore through the sky.

Without warning, Rainbow Dash went into a nose dive, her eyes being filled with tears as a small cone formed around her.

"She's going for the sonic rainboom!" commented Fluttershy, bringing her hooves to her mouth. It wasn't everyday that Rainbow Dash attempted a sonic rainboom while free-flying.

As she ripped through the air, Rainbow realized she did not have enough space between her and the ground to perform the sonic rainboom, so she pulled out of it as quick as possible. However, as she pulled out she flew straight into a tree, flying straight into the mess of branches and leaves. After a short bit of rustling, she fell out of the tree, a few twigs falling with her.

Unluckily, Rainbow Dash landed on her side and her left wing was crushed beneath her weight. Fluttershy gasped and both her and Twilight galloped over to check on Rainbow Dash.

"Are you hurt? Is anything broken?" asked Twilight, lifting Rainbow Dash off of the ground and back onto all fours.

"I'm fine," croaked Rainbow Dash, spitting a leaf out of her mouth,"My wing is just a little hurt."

She looked behind herself and saw her wing, it was crooked. She stopped moving in horror, looking at her broken wing.

"Oh feathers! I broke my wing!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, stomping a hoof on the ground. "There's no way I'm going back to the hospital," she said.

"But Rainbow Dash," started Fluttershy,"You have to get your wing fixed."

Rainbow Dash looked at her wing, and then back at Fluttershy. "You take care of injured birds, right?"

"Yes," said Fluttershy.

"Then you can fix my wing."

"Oh... Well, I mean, I could, but-"

"Great! Let's go back to your place and get this wrapped up. I want to be back in the air as soon as possible."

Fluttershy watched as Rainbow Dash trotted toward her house. There was no use in arguing, so she reluctantly followed, unsure if she could actually help Rainbow Dash with her broken wing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two ponies arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, Rainbow Dash complaining about how she had to trot the entire way. Fluttershy quietly listened like she always did.

They entered through the door, trotting into the quiet room that housed multiple animals and their families. As Rainbow Dash trotted in, the mice scurried back into their holes, scared by Rainbow Dash's loud voice.

Within a few minutes, Fluttershy had Rainbow Dash's wing wrapped. It took every last spool of it that she had, since it was only meant to cover the area of a bird wing and not a pegasus wing, but it worked.

Afterwards, Rainbow Dash laid down in Fluttershy's bed, resting her broken wing.

"I'll be back in a minute with some food," said Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash simply nodded and allowed Fluttershy to leave the bedroom. Bored out of her mind, Rainbow Dash looked around Fluttershy's bedroom, observing all the pictures and objects that sat on shelves.

After waiting for about five minutes, Rainbow Dash finally heard Fluttershy's quiet steps come close to the bedroom door. She entered carrying a bowl of hot soup. She sat beside Rainbow Dash on the bed and blew on the soup, the steam moving away for a short second.

Rainbow Dash looked up at Fluttershy as she blew on the soup, and she felt a sudden impulse run through her mind. It was time.

"Fluttershy," said Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy looked at her friend, placing the soup down on the bed. "Yes?"

"I... I want to tell you something." Rainbow Dash paused, taking in a deep breath. "I love you."

At first Fluttershy's eyes grew wide and she jumped off of the bed, staring with bewilderment at Rainbow Dash. The abruptness of the declaration had startled her to the point where she had forgotten that the soup was still on the bed, and as she jumped off of the bed it fell to the ground, the bowl breaking and soup going everywhere.

The crack of glass souprised Fluttershy for a moment, but she got her peas of mind back. Fluttershy's beautiful rug was covered by it, but it was souperseded anyway.

"Is it... is it because I'm helping you with your wing?" said Fluttershy, hoping that Rainbow Dash meant "love" as in "like a friend".

"Yes," said Rainbow Dash,"The sole reason I love you is because you are mending my wing." Her voice did not waver, she was being sincere.

"Do you mean like a friend?"

"No Fluttershy," said Rainbow Dash. She pulled close to Fluttershy's ear, and in a low, raspy whisper, she said,"I want to do dirty things to you."

Fluttershy gave a long blink, trying to process what exactly was going on.

"Well, don't you think that we're a little... too different?"

"What do you mean?" said Rainbow Dash, sitting up in the bed and throwing the blanket off of herself.

"Well, I mean... Well, you like to fly fast, and I don't, you like to do tricks, and I don't, you like to play pranks, and I don't, and you like to race, and I don't. And you also are really loud, and-"

"Fluttershy, what are you talking about? Just because we're different doesn't mean we can't love each other." Rainbow Dash smiled, and Fluttershy smiled back. They embraced, Fluttershy avoiding Rainbow Dash's broken wing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days had passed, and Rainbow Dash's wing had healed right up. During that time, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash grew in their relationship. Ever since it had started, it had consisted of Fluttershy coming to the bed and talking with Rainbow Dash as she healed.

Now that the wing was all better, Rainbow Dash could get up and move around again. Both of the ponies were overjoyed that they could finally move forward with their relationship.

They sat in Fluttershy's cottage, Rainbow Dash's bandages lying on the floor a few feet away.

"So... " started Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy kicked a hoof at some invisible sand on the floor, unsure of what to say or do.

"What should we do?" said Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy remained silent for a moment, her head drooped towards the floor. After a moment of silence, she lifted her head and looked at Rainbow Dash.

"What do you want to do?"

"Well, the Wonderbolts are having a race in Canterlot. We could go to that."

"That sounds noisy, and fast."

"We could go to a restaurant."

"Sure, which one."

"Any restaurant in Cloudsdale is good for me."

"But I hate going to Cloudsdale. I like it here on the ground."

"We could go eat at Sugar Cube Corner."

"Pinkie works there, didn't you want this to be private."

"You're right, Pinkie Pie and privacy don't mix. We could always tell her to leave."

"I couldn't do that to Pinkie Pie."

Rainbow Dash sighed. "We could just start making out, right here, right now."

"Rainbow Dash!" exclaimed Fluttershy. "There are baby animals here."

"Well then we'll wait until they're all asleep."

"Some of them are nocturnal."

Rainbow Dash groaned. "Well then we'll go to my house instead!"

"But you live in Cloudsdale, and that brings back bad memories for me."

"We can make out on the streets of Ponyville for all I care!"

"But... But people may be watching us," said Fluttershy, shivering at the thought.

"Then what do you want to do, Fluttershy?"

"There's a butterfly migration today, we could watch that. The extra slow ones are flying through this time, so we'll get an extra long look at them."

"No."

Fluttershy frowned.

"Fluttershy," said Rainbow Dash.

"Yes, Rainbow Dash?"

"I'm leaving now."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

And nothing sexual happened.

Isn't that souper.

TwiPie

The library was quiet while Spike was out on errands, buying new quills and more parchment. Like always, Twilight was reading. A book open in front of her, she flipped the page ever few seconds while slowly moving her head to the right and then swinging back to the previous position. She rhythmically read in the silence while she awaited Spike's arrival with the supplies for her latest letter to Celestia. She had to finish the book for part of her magic studies, and it had to be finished by the next day.

She let out a sigh as she reached the next chapter in her book. "Chapter fifty three..."

"Twilight!"

Twilight looked in the direction of the yell, but only saw a filled bookcase. Books flew off of the organized shelf as Pinkie Pie popped from somewhere inside. Twilight stood up and stared at Pinkie, who had just burst into the room and was already talking about

"Where did you come from?" asked Twilight, her voice teetering on the edge of becoming a shout.

"The bookcase," said Pinkie Pie, her face breaking out into a large grin. "I just wanted to drop by and say hi and tell you how glad I am that you finally decided to pursue a relationship with me and I'm just the happiest pony ever and I can't even begin to describe how awesome and fun this is going to be and not to mention romantic but really this is like the best thing–"

"Pinkie! As much as I would love to talk to you right now I really have to read, and it would help if you knocked," said Twilight, silencing the babbling that probably would have gone on forever. Pinkie frowned and quietly left the library, leaving Twilight to continue her studies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight sipped her drink while staring off at the scenery nearby. Large trees and a blue sky made for a pleasing view. Waiters trotted around the tables carrying silver platters of food. Twilight awaited the silver platter that would be carrying her daisy sandwich. Ponies sat at the various tables, talking and eating, but Twilight just enjoyed her alone time.

With her head still turned toward the fields nearby the outdoor restaurant, Twilight leaned over and pursed her lips to take another sip of her drink. Her lips latched onto and sucked on a stringy substance for a short second before promptly spitting it back out again. Twilight turned her head to see her drink, but out of the top of it came Pinkie's head.

"Hi Twilight!" she exclaimed, her head somehow coming out of a cup where the rest of her body would not fit.

"Pinkie, how did you-" Twilight stopped herself, there was no explanation and she knew it. She sighed. "Pinkie, I'm trying to have some alone time, but if you want to you can sit with me and eat."

Pinkie smiled and hopped out of the drink, seating herself across from Twilight and rambling on about endless topics while Twilight was forced to listen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a yawn, Twilight lifted her quill into the air and placed it onto the parchment, writing yet another letter to Celestia. It had become a habit of hers to speak what she wrote, as she had to do when Spike was awake to write it for her. In the morning, he would send it to Celestia. Twilight could barely keep her eyes open, and they constantly fell near to closing, but always lifted back up before going back down again. She wrote quickly, hoping to get the letter done as fast as possible so she could get to bed sooner.

"Dear Princess Celestia," she started,"Today I learned a very important lesson about-"

Twilight stopped, hearing a rock hit her window. She trotted over to the window and looked down. Sure enough, it was Pinkie Pie. Twilight went to open the door for her, but as she turned her snout bumped into Pinkie's, who had somehow gotten into the library.

"Hi Twilight! So I just came by to see if you wanted to do anything romantic. Like go on a long walk or have a candlelit dinner or drink a milkshake with two straws or eat really long spaghetti together so that we slurp on the same noodle and kiss or go on a really big ship and stare out into the ocean or go out and sit on the top of the hill and look at the stars or make cupcakes together or-"

"Pinkie." Twilight held up a hoof to silence her. "It's almost midnight, and I want some sleep. We can do something tomorrow."

"Okie dokie lokie," said Pinkie, happily bouncing out of the library. Twilight looked back at the parchment. She had an entire letter planned out about trust, and was sure that she had about a page of things to write about.

Twilight blinked once, looked at the clock nearby, looked at what she had written so far, and wrote "friendship" at the end of the sentence. She started to trot toward her bed, but she couldn't let herself leave the letter ending so abrupt. She trotted back to the parchment, added "and trust". Pleased with her work, she went to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With all of her studies finished, Twilight finally had some free time to spend with Pinkie. She trotted quickly through the square, aiming to surprise Pinkie by entering Sugar Cube Corner and inviting her to a romantic dinner. She smiled as she approached the store.

Twilight pushed open the doors, expecting to see Pinkie inside, but it was dark inside. All of a sudden, the lights flicked on and ponies jumped out from every corner of the store yelling "Surprise!"

Pinkie trotted up to Twilight and gave her a hug, but Twilight could only gape at the massive party that was being held in the small room.

"Pinkie, what's going on?"

Pinkie giggled. "It's a party Twilight! I'm celebrating us being together for two whole days!"

"Pinkie, you held a party when we were a couple for one day. And another one when our relationship was four hours old. And another when our relationship was sixteen hours old. And another when I first agreed to go out with you. Don't you think that you've thrown too many parties?"

"Nope!" Pinkie trotted off to speak with some of the guests. All of Twilight's plans for a romantic dinner would have to wait until some other day. She followed after Pinkie.

"Pinkie!" she called, grabbing the pony's attention. Twilight sighed and tried to avoid Pinkie's stare, knowing that parties were her thing.

"Look, it's nice and all of you to throw all these parties, but I'd rather spend the time I have with you alone, maybe out to dinner or something, because I don't have much extra time studying friendship and all. Do you think that would work?"

Pinkie didn't hesitate to respond. "Wow, Twilight, I guess I have been throwing a lot of parties. I promise to be better."

"Great, I'm glad we resolved that conflict. I'm a little tired after all these parties, so I'm just going to head home. I don't think I can handle another one of your great parties!"

Pinkie nodded with a smile and went to attend to some of the guests.

Twilight trotted out of the party and back onto the streets of Ponyville, navigating herself back to the library and away from the music. Upon reaching the library, she pushed open the door and entered the quiet room. As if by magic, ponies jumped out from every corner of the room, Pinkie Pie in the center.

"Hey Twilight! I threw us another party for resolving our first conflict!"

Twilight looked around at the library, party balloons and snacks all around.

"Pinkie, we need to talk."

Twidash

Twilight's pupils slowly crossed her eyes, found the end of the page, and shot back to where they began. Every once in a while her horn would light up and the page would flip. It was quiet in the library, Spike was out running some errands and the birds had found somewhere else to chirp.

Five hundred pages into the Big Book of Equestrian History, Twilight slowly examined each page. She needed to find the section that explained when Ponyville was colonized, and none of her other books seemed to explain it. Most of the information about the discovery of Ponyville had been lost or destroyed, and anything that could contain something about it had already been read by Twilight. This book was her last hope.

Each page was a new-

"Twilight!"

Twilight's concentration snapped, her head jerking toward the source of the sound and her eyes un-sticking themselves from the book. She blinked twice, her eyes that had spent so many hours glazing over words on a page adjusting to looking at the room around her and all the new colors. After she was done blinking, she looked at the door, and sure enough Spike was standing, his arms empty.

"I thought you went out to run errands. Where are the quills and parchment that I needed slave?"

Spike looked at the ground and dragged his foot in a circle. "Well, you see, I was going to do the errands, I swear, but Rainbow Dash wanted me to hang out with her."

"Alright Spike, I guess it's fine, but if could please go and get the quills and parchment now I would be ever grateful," said Twilight, her eyes flicking toward her book to make sure she didn't lose her line on the page.

"I was going to get them, but Rainbow asked me to come ask you if you could come see her. It's super important, and she said she needs to see you right now."

"I'm busy now Spike, I'm reading this book and I can't lose my place."

"But Twilight, Rainbow needs your help right now."

Twilight rolled her eyes and snorted. "Fine, but if I come back and I don't remember where I left off, Rainbow is never going to her the end of it."

With that, Twilight shot a final glance at the page and line she was on, quickly memorized it, and bounded out the door hastily.

As she sped past Spike he yelled,"She's at Applejack's barn!"

Twilight sped on, mentally noting Applejack's as her destination. Within a few minutes, Twilight was already there.

And, just as Spike had said, so was Rainbow Dash.

"Hey Twilight!" she chirped. Twilight didn't respond with her cheerfulness, her mind still on her book.

"What do you want, Rainbow," she said.

"Okay," said Rainbow Dash,"I need you to untie that rope over there while I stand here." Rainbow pointed at a rope that was tied to the trunk of a nearby tree.

Twilight rolled her eyes and discarded all the questions she had in favor of saving time. She trotted over to the rope and asked Rainbow to tell her when to untie it.

Rainbow spread her wings out wide. "Now!" she yelled.

Twilight lazily untied the knot around the tree, and the second it became undone the rope was already on its way up the trunk. Twilight turned around, only to realize that she had let an anvil loose, and it was above Rainbow Dash. Before she could react, the anvil landed directly on a smiling Rainbow Dash's open wing.

"Rainbow Dash!" yelled Twilight as the anvil crushed Rainbow's wing. Twilight galloped over as fast as she could, and using a powerful amount of magic she lifted the heavy anvil off of Rainbow's wing.

The wing was broken in many places. Rainbow was groaning in pain, her body lying on the ground with the injured wing extended out. Twilight took a few moments to examine the wing and Rainbow Dash, making sure the anvil hadn't hurt anything else.

"We have to get you to the hospital!" said Twilight.

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and looked at Twilight.

"No."

"What? But your wing is crushed, we need to get you medical attention!"

"No Twilight. Medical attention is for the weak and puny. Only love can heal me." Rainbow let out another moan in pain.

"Rainbow Dash, WHY was there an anvil at the end of the rope, and WHY did you put your wing directly under it?!"

"Because Twilight, we were meant to be. That anvil symbolizes love. My wing symbolizes you. I am going to smash you with love."

"You know what, that's it, you're going to the hospital whether you like it or not."

"I don't want to go to the hospital."

"But you have to. Why wouldn't you want to go to the hospital? Any pony with a brain would choose hospital in this situation."

"Twilight... I want you to take care of me."

"What?"

"Take care of me Twilight. Nurse me back to health."

"Rainbow, there's literally a hospital one minute away. Here, let me get you onto my back." Twilight leaned down and attempted to get her head underneath Rainbow Dash.

"No Twilight, you have to take care of me. It's the only way. You need to tend to my wing." Rainbow Dash lowered her voice into a whisper,"And my heart."

Twilight didn't hear the whisper, she was too busy assessing the situation. "Rainbow, I'm not going to take care of you. There is a hospital with licensed doctors that are being paid to deal with injuries like this. The only logical action in this situation is to take you to the hospital. Only an idiot would decide against that and take care of you themselves."

"You need to wrap my wing Twilight. You need to visit me every day in my home. Any you need to sit by my bedside and read me stories." Rainbow's eyes looked up at the sky, as if she was remembering some fantasy she had every day.

"And you have to take care of my wing. AND THEN WE HAVE TO KISS!"

Rainbow Dash stared directly at Twilight as she spoke. Twilight stared back, their eyes lost in each other. "And as our relationship grows stronger over my broken wing, it will get fixed, but you will still visit everyday, and then we're going to get married. Then we're going to have a romantic dinner, and after a short fight over our marriage and how I planned the injury on my wing to win over you, we bond closer and have a baby."

"Yeah that's it we're going to the hospital."

Twilight's horn glowed and she picked up Rainbow Dash. Ignoring her protests, Twilight dragged her all the way to the hospital and brought her to a doctor. Nurses came and wheeled her away in a gurney.

As she was carried away she yelled,"But we were meant to be together! The broken wing was the key!"

The doctor looked at Rainbow Dash and her broken wing.

Twilight leaned in close to him. "A few weeks in an insane asylum wouldn't hurt."

The doctor nodded.

AppleMac? Macinjack?

AppleMac? Macinjack?

Three fresh apples fell into a basket, landing atop the hill of apples already forming within. Applejack's hooves recoiled from the impact with the tree and landed gracefully on the ground as more apples fell, landing in the basket. She removed her hat briefly and wiped off beads of sweat from her brow, staring at the hot sun. She took in a deep breath of the fresh fall air and made her way to the next tree with the basket in mouth.

Rinse and repeat.

The day rolled on, each passing hour the baskets of apples piling up on each other next to the barn. Applejack tired quickly in the sun, taking regular breaks to rejuvenate her strength.

"Where is Big Macintosh?" muttered Applejack as she rested underneath the shade of a tree. "He should be here helping."

As if by some author's willed coincidence, Big Macintosh appeared in the distance. Applejack sprung to her hooves and trotted over to meet him halfway, bursting with exigence. She picked out a few choice words for him.

"Big Macintosh where have you been!" she yelled, closing in on him.

"Applejack," he said, "I have something to tell you."

"Ah have been working on the farm ALL DAY!"

"Listen Applejack-"

"You know I can't handle these trees all by myself, you said it yourself not too long ago!"

"Applejack I love you."

"Love you too big brother, but that doesn't change the fact that I need your help here on the farm."

"No, I love you Applejack." Big Macintosh pulled a rose out of his saddlebag and put on a smile.

"Uhhhhh," Applejack backed away hesitantly.

"I know we're related and this is sudden, but I wrote you this poem."

Applejack did not know how to deal with the situation, she simply stood, frozen in shock.

"Here goes," said Big Macintosh.

Applejack's eyes refused to blink, afraid that when they opened he'd still be there, and that she'd have to accept it was reality.

Big Macintosh read off of the paper.

"My love for you burns like a thousand apples
I know you're my sister, and we're both Apples
But I cannot contain my love like I cannot not eat apples.
I love you as much as I love apples."

Applejack stumbled around, unable to comprehend reality anymore. Then, she shook her head, understanding what was going on.

"You're literate?!" she yelled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So this will be your cell," said Nurse Redheart, "And you'll be staying in solitary confinement forever!"

Big Mac walked into the cell.

"Sorry about the whole disowning thing, too," said Redheart, "But you're a creepy, incestuous freak."

She closed the door.

Author's Note

Incest is bad, kids

Fluttermac

Fluttershy dug her hooves into the ground, but it was no use. Rarity pushed her forward, and with a final shove pushed her into restaurant. Fluttershy turned to leave, but Rarity blocked her path.

"Fluttershy, a little romance is healthy for you. Now go on, I won't let you back out of this." Rarity stood firm in front of the doorway.

Fluttershy frowned and turned to trot to her table. She sat down and awaited her "blind date".

Applejack trotted down the path to the restaurant, dragging Big Mac along with her. He protested to going, but Applejack forced him.

"Big Mac, don't you wanta meet somepony special?"

"Nope."

Applejack sighed. "Well you should. Now go on in." Applejack nudged her brother through the doors of the restaurant and joined Rarity outside the doors. They giggled and waited outside, making sure that neither of the ponies attempted to escape.

Fluttershy looked around the area from her chair, observing all the ponies. She felt like running out, but she knew Rarity would just push her back in again. Suddenly, a red stallion approached her table, it was Big Mac. Fluttershy tried to recall what Rarity had told her to do, but none of it was coming back to her. She put on a fake smile.

"Are... are you here for the, um, date?" Fluttershy asked cautiously, making sure it was indeed Big Mac she was talking to. There was no mistaking the red stallion, but she had to be sure.

"Eeyup."

Big Mac sat down in the seat across from Fluttershy and looked at her. They stared at each other for a few minutes before the waiter came to take their order. Remembering what Rarity had told her to order, she asked for a milkshake with two straws. When the waiter came back with the drink, he placed it in between the two ponies and let them be, realizing it was a date.

Fluttershy looked at the milkshake, and then at the table. Big Mac did the same. They avoided each other's eyes for a while, observing everypony else instead. Occasionally both of them would look at the milkshake at the same time, and then instantly look away.

They sat silently for about an hour, never making direct eye contact for more than a second or two. Big Mac blinked every so often, and Fluttershy spread her wings and then closed them slowly. Fluttershy fidgeted with the tablecloth and the small salt shakers on the table while Big Mac sat silently across the table, not even moving an inch.

After an hour had passed, Fluttershy decided that the date was over.

"Well that was fun," she said, getting off the chair.

"Eeyup."

Rarispike

Twilight trotted to the wooden door of the library, pushing it gently open to make sure that she didn't wake Spike up. She trotted into the room, dropping the books she was carrying onto the ground. It wasn't late yet, so she searched for a good book from the shelves and started to read, but not before she made sure Spike was tucked in.

She trotted up to the bed, but to her surprise it was empty. She checked the entire library for Spike, but he wasn't there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rarity giggled and held Spike close. She smiled as he returned her embrace.

"Let's take this upstairs," she said. Spike's eyes widened as Rarity got up and trotted to the stairs. As Spike picked himself off the ground, he let out an audible yawn, stretching his arms out. He blinked a few times, trying to shake off his drowsiness.

"Spike are you coming or not?"

Spike nodded and took a step forward, but he fell over and plopped onto the ground. A few seconds later he was snoring. It was way past his bedtime, even though it was only about eight o' clock. Rarity rolled her eyes. She didn't want to wake Spike up, but he couldn't stay sleeping on her floor, and she didn't have a spare place for him to sleep. Her horn lit up as she levitated him gently into the air. She brought him back to the library, sure that Twilight was out for the night.

Opening the door, she trotted inside with Spike floating in the air close behind her.

"Rarity!"

Spike dropped to the floor and woke up instantly. Rarity stood straight by the doorway while Twilight approached her. Spike pushed himself from the ground and stood up, scratching his head where it hit the ground.

"What are you doing with Spike, Rarity?" asked Twilight.

"I was... I was just, um-"

"I was at her place after our date," said Spike proudly.

Twilight's eyes widened, and then became cross as she stared at Rarity. "You're dating Spike?!"

Rarity looked at Spike and then back at Twilight before nodding her head shamefully.

"Rarity, Spike is a baby and you're an adult mare. You should know better. And besides, there's no way I'm letting you date Spike. This relationship is over!"

"But MOM," complained Spike.

"Quiet Spike, go to your bed and sleep," demanded Twilight, ushering Rarity out of the library.

BONUS META/TROLL CHAPTER: OCponyxTwilight

WARNING, META/TROLL IS AHEAD, JUST A LITTLE WARNING. REAL CHAPTERS COMING LATER.

Bloodbath McBullet the alicorn trotted through the Ponyville central square. His mane was a scarlet red, and his coat was a jet black. Imprinted on his flank was a knife with blood dripping from the tip. His orange eyes scanned the area, searching for a certain unicorn.

Within a few moments, he had spotted the large tree library in the distance. From his knowledge, it was the living quarters of the pony he sought. He spread his wings and took to the sky, flying through the air gracefully and quickly before landing in front of the tall tree.

The alicorn was no monster, however, and knocked politely on the wooden door. Twilight Sparkle answered, her eyes brimming with curiosity at first sight of this alicorn. From what her books had told her, the only alicorns in existence were Princess Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. There had been no mention of another one, let alone a male alicorn.

"Hello, Twilight Sparkle," said the alicorn. His voice was gruff and deep, but had a sexual undertone. Twilight took a step back into the library, attempting to close the door, but the alicorn held it open with a hoof. He took a step into the library. Twilight tried to retreat further into the library, but she felt something pulling her toward Bloodbath.

"What's going on!" shouted Twilight. In hopes that her neighbors would hear, she let out a scream. She resisted the force pulling her back, but they were too strong. She felt an incredible lust for the alicorn overcome her, even though she did not want to have anything to do with Bloodbath McBullet. She stopped screaming and moved closer to the alicorn.

"What's happening to me?" she asked, her voice quivering. The alicorn smiled.

"It's my self-desire, Twilight, you cannot resist."

Twilight rolled her eyes, realizing what was actually happening. She sat quietly as the alicorn attempted to touch her and steal a kiss from her lips, but failed miserably, his hooves passing straight through Twilight.

"You're never going to do it," she said.

"Yes I will!" yelled the alicorn, desperately running his hooves through Twilight,"All I have to do is believe!"

Twilight let out a sigh as the alicorn attempted to kiss her once more, his lips only touching thin air.

"Take your personal desires somewhere else," said Twilight.