The Walls are Wolves

~~~~Stampeded to Death~~~~

12:35pm, April 17th.

    I couldn't move an inch.

    I tried, again and again to take that last step. I tried pushing myself, I tried begging myself, and I tried going limp. I needed to do this, but, I couldn't bring myself to it. Summer's gaze paralyzed me. He was betrayed and in pain, and that only made me hate myself more.

    There he was. The sole reason I never did this earlier, witnessing my final moments. I tried to yell down to him, to tell him to leave, but the venomous words caught in my throat. He was so scared and so confused. And, it was all my fault.

    ...It was all my fucking fault.

    I felt the rage build up. Not just from the situation, but from the many years of torment and sadness-- of my entire life. I didn't have control over it. It was as if the cap had been flipped suddenly, and all the trauma and anger filled into my asophagus, all the nights of crying, and all the cuts inflicted built up into one statement. My ears, eyes, and tail twitched uncontrollably. My mind became numbly clear and my body shook with the livid nature of my life, and I shouted at the top of my pathetic lungs: "GO THE FUCK AWAY!!"

    It echoed across the school grounds, and my chest vibrated with the effort. I hurt even my own ears, yet made no effort to flatten them. I started to pant, and tears made their presence known. They were still standing down there... Summer was still looking up at me.

    This is a disaster.

    Why didn't I just jump?! Could his look really do that to me? Was I really that weak of will? Life had nothing more for me than sadness.

    Finally, the two storyless ponies behind Pugnit snapped out of their stupified state. They tried nudging Pugnit awake, but he stayed rigid and brittle. Summer, meanwhile, recovered from his horrified trance. He started whispering something. From my height of roughly fifty feet, I could still see his eyes.

    I tried to lift a hoof, but it weighed too much. I tried to lean forward, yet there was a magnet behind. I tried to imagine the pony underneath to dissipate, yet he stayed imprinted in my mind.

    "Go away..." I whispered pathetically. It felt like the whole world was watching me, judging me and begging for either my downfall or redemption. I was tiny and insignificant compared to everypony else.

    "Fleck," I heard from below. It was Summer's voice. I couldn't listen, and I flapped my ears down to my skull. My most hellacious screaming was absolutely nothing compared to Summer's simple plea. "Fleck...!" He couldn't finish his statement.

    Go away, Summer... Don't watch me like this. There are plenty of things I'd let you see, but this is the only one that is significant. Please, just go away.

    He was still there, standing silent.

    "Summer, fuck off," I tried to whisper, but it caught in my throat. I started to tear up, the thing which so many others had made me do. The ball in my throat formed, and I cried before I could stop myself. Nopony besides me said anything, besides Summer Monsoon's simple "Fleck."

    "Fleck, do not... jump!" I heard. When I saw just who said that, my eyes narrowed. Pugnit was peering up at me, now standing at Summer Monsoon's side.

    I started shaking with rage. Tears kept falling, and I slapped myself for the weakness. I was supposed to be dead by now. Pugnit was supposed to suffer. Summer was supposed to be gone. And, those things made me fucking livid. "You fucking ASSHOLE!" I screamed at Pugnit. "YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU..." The words caught in my throat. I slapped myself again, and pain shot through my face. "I will fucking kill you," I whispered, vibrating with rage. "Beyond the grave..."

    "...Fleck, I know what you're thinking--," Pugnit started, but I interrupted him.

"YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD!" I screamed; was he afraid of this happening?! Did he want me to live, so I could be his fucking punching bag for the next years of my life?! Or, was he simply too much of a pussy to see what life is like when he's not the king of somepony?! Too see himself as he is, without the external pleasure?

    Pugnit was silent. His fuckwads for friends were silent. Summer Monsoon was silent...

    "Fleck," he mouthed, almost unbelievingly. My rage spiraled out of control.

    "Yes! Fleck! That's my name, bitch!" I screamed before I could stop myself. "Fleck the Gaper, the Stain, the insufferable bitch, Mayonnaise and Cream, Druct Addict, Grunt, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU CALL ME!"

    Summer physically flinched, his eyes traumatized at my outburst. "Fleck...!" he said louder and persistently. "Please don't."

    I was shaking. I was sobbing. I was furious. Pugnit spoke up.

    "Listen to me, Fleck," the stallion yelled. "I know that you've gone through some shit--"

    "Because of YOU," I screamed, almost at the top of my lungs.

    He was so pathetic... He's too scared to see this happen. I saw Pugnit continue to stare up at me.

    "Fleck," Summer Monsoon yelled up. "Don't move, okay? I'm coming up!"

    He made a move, but I stopped him with my words, "If you come up here, I'll jump!"

    That shut him up. He blatantly staggered back, that paralyzing look of his still intact. I tried, once again, to end this torment, but my legs were superglued to the ledge. My death was just milimeters away, yet the cement roof stretched out for miles on end.

    "Fleck, what do you want?" Pugnit shouted up. I peered down at him angrily. What kind of a fucking question was that?

    "What the fuck do you mean?" I asked. The light breeze felt numb on my fur.

    "You've got our attention," he explained. "We're here for you. What do you want?"

    I was shaking with rage. That... FUCK! He was pretending to care! He still had the audacity to mock a dead filly? He'll fucking PAY. They'll all know it was his fucking fault.

    "I don't want your attention!" I yelled. "I want your fucking PAIN!"

    Pugnit was paralyzed. He got exactly what I had to say. A miracle, considering how much of a dumb prick he is.

"Go away, Summer!" I screamed at them again, all the way down there. I needed to end this embarrassment. Tears kept streaming down the pathetic things I dare to call cheekbones, yet the one pony I dared to call a friend stayed put. I could barely whisper, "I don't want you to see this..."

    Pugnit started to talk with his two assholes for friends. They huddled together in a tight circle, leaving Summer outside. Those betrayed eyes, that sorrowful gaze, paralyzed me. My blood ran cold at his stare, and my legs went rigid.

    They made me want to feel regret, but everything else begged me to get it over with.

    I shook my head stubbornly. What the fuck am I thinking? Get it over with? This isn't a bad thing, for God's sake! This is my only purpose. If I don't do this, I'm just inflicting more pain on myself. My life has led up to its end, and I'm not going to back down from this...

    ...But why must Summer have to be here? To witness this? To be traumatized for the rest of his days? That punishment is for the bullies of my life, and the bullies of my life alone. Society will hate them. Then they will know my pain.

    Feeling started to come into my hooves. They shook with effort from the exhaustion of doing nothing. My mind gradually came back to reality, and I looked steadily forward. I lifted a hoof.

    "What brought you to this?"

    My hoof retreated to the ledge. That simple question, asked from a simple stallion, froze me. It took time, but I finally looked down at Summer Monsoon. It was only me and him, seperated by my own sadness. He looked tiny from five stories below, yet his eyes were as close as they could be. I couldn't say no to those eyes. I couldn't look away from those eyes, reflections of his betrayal.

    What brought me to this.

    Summer Monsoon wanted to know. He was concerned. About me.

    If things were different, I would have backed down from that edge that very moment. I would have run to him and hugged him, and poured out my heart to him, and got things right in my life, and I would have been with him. I wouldn't have cared I was hated, ridiculed, and bullied by everypony in this school.

    If things were different.

    I have no family that loves me. I have no money to get help. I have nowhere to run. My mother would probably disown me if she heard about this stunt. Or, do nothing. I didn't know which one was more terrifying. He was too little, too late.

    He wanted to know what brought me to this...

    "Everything," I tried to tell him, but it came out as a whisper.

    I lifted my hoof, letting it hang off the edge. Yet, the sound of the door opening from behind pulled it back. "I SAID I'D JUMP--!" I started, but Pugnit interrupted me.

    "I know what you fucking said!"

~~~~Stained Pain~~~~

12:42pm, April 17th.

    "I know what you fucking said!"

    My eyes were blurred with tears, from the wind and from the scenario. I stood absolutely still, staring at the mare which I hated myself for, which I tormented and bullied, and which I killed. My entire life I felt strong. My bench press record, shrug record, mile time... everything was strong. But now I felt weak.

    I was at her complete mercy. She had me by every sensitive organ on the equine body. Just one step, and I was following her off.

    I couldn't give less of a shit about my social status, I only cared that I did this to somepony. Perhaps it was only a matter of time before I pushed somepony over the edge. Was I never meant to live a happy life? Or, am I simply just some pugnacious muscle to throw in a world of persistent kindness?

    "...I know what you said," I repeated slowly and quietly. The mare just twenty feet from me was giving me a glare that could cut through rock. Just the right intensity to split my heart in two, three, and every number after words. This was the mare I did this to. "I know what you said."

    Fleck's glare was full of sensitive irascibility. She was shaking, and turned, as if to jump. I made a move, starting to dash to her, but she stopped. The mare was staring down at the bottom, and as I've already known, Summer Monsoon kept her from jumping.

    "...You don't," I started, but the words caught in my throat. With some effort, though, they came through. "...deserve this. Listen to me, Fleck."

    "I've listened to you for the past year, you fucker," she sputtered, turning back to me. I didn't feel even a hint of anger, only acceptance. "Do you want to know what you've told me?"

    I didn't answer. I only stared guiltily-- no. Guilt doesn't even do the feeling justice. It was malfeasance, mixed with blasphemy, and penitence, and...

    ...No. No words can describe the feeling.

    "You told me that I am useless," Fleck said. "You told me that I am hideous. You told me that I am worthless. You have no fucking idea what that can do to a pony, Pugnit." She paused, and her eyes widened slightly. I gave her a bewildered peer, before I realized I was crying. I stubbornly wiped the tears away.

    "...I know exactly what it does to a pony," I said. I narrowed my eyes, thinking about my father.

    But this wasn't about me.

    I focused on her; the way she moved and looked at me. She was just fifteen feet away. I took a step forward--.

    "This isn't a fucking movie," Fleck warned. She leaned away from me. "You aren't going to come up to me, give me a sad fucking excuse to come down, and then hug it out in the end. I have spent nights cutting myself because of you, Pugnit."

    I shook my head slowly. "I know damn well this isn't a movie. I know there's no main characters in life, and I know that you are going to impact dozens of ponies if you jump. For the worse."

    "Only the ones who deserve it," she whispered. Her eyes were pits of rage as they stabbed through me. I staggered back a few paces, my eyes never leaving hers.

    "No," I shook my head. "You'll impact the ones who don't aswell. You'll impact Summer Monsoon. You're friends, right?"

    Fleck didn't answer my question. She only glared back, shaking with emotion, raising her hackles. I felt the bizarre feeling of a lump in my throat. This is all my fucking fault. I deserve every ounce of her punishment, and more. I should just jump with her. But, no, I had unfinished business at home.

    "Where are your friends?" Fleck asked solemnly. She was lowered into a defensive state, as if I was going to charge her at any moment.

    "...Getting help," I answered slowly.

    Fleck answered quickly. "Fuck you. Fuck you, Pugnit, FUCK YOU!" Her voice reached a searing volume, and I flattened my ears out of all the negative emotions. "You're too fucking scared to see yourself, alone, aren't you? You're too God damn self conscious to see yourself without your little punching bag. Is that it?"

    "I'm too scared to see myself trying to be a better pony," my voice cracked. I was shaking with emotion, and I stepped forward. "I'm a fucking coward, Fleck. I'm too scared to see a pony like you kill herself because of me. I'm too scared to walk home today, watching the authorities gather around your body to judge your fate on their own, without any context or proof. I want to suffer, Fleck. I deserve to suffer. Everypony who has done what I've done to you deserves to have their dicks shoved into an anthill-- I fucking deserve EVERYTHING you say I do!" I couldn't see. The world became too blurry. I wiped the tears away, stepping forward. "You know, you're the first pony that's made me realize any of this."

    "Because I'm on the edge of this building..."

    "I knew it the moment I saw your crying face that day." Ponies were starting to gather outside. I heard them clopping over the cement pavement, whispering about what was happening. "Fleck, I deserve it. But you don't."

    "It's not about who deserves it," she snapped viciously. I flinched. "It's about ending this shithole of a life, and taking down those who caused it. I have nothing to live for, Pugnit. FUCKING NOTHING, except Summer. But he's too little, too late." She glared daggers as she steadily stepped off the edge, advancing towards me. I heard the crowd below go dead silent. No move was made to intercept the mare. I only narrowed my eyes even more, hating myself ten times more with each word coming from her mouth. "...You're not going to stop this. You've stopped me from doing so many other things, but this is my fucking day. You're going to watch me splatter on that ground, and you're going to go home and hang yourself, because you're too much of a God damn coward to see the final product of your project. You will not act like the good guy here, Pugnit. You disgust me."

    I let those words sink in. I let her face sink in. Every instinct was begging me to rush forward, and to grab her, and to take her away, but I...

    ...I just let it sink in.

    She was so much smaller than I, yet she towered over my every instinct.

    "I disgust myself," I admitted weakly. She scoffed, turning away, but I saw a glimpse of something in her eyes. My voice ranged with truth, no matter how much she hated to admit it. "I disgust myself so much I can't look in a mirror anymore." I took one step forward. She staggered back to her ledge, erupting a gasp from the audience underneath. She turned and discovered their presence, and shook with rage. "Fleck, I hate myself more than you ever could."

    That caused a flick of her ear. She steadily turned back to me, a suspicious and untrusting glare accompanying her features. Now, I didn't feel the wind. The only sign of it was the gentle flow of Fleck's mane and tail. They were both orange and modest, yet had just enough roughness to peak my interest, and they both had a black stripe down the middle. Her eyes were a comely violet, and I found myself willing to do anything to be looked at a positive light in those eyes. I saw the gray streaks of dried tears on her snow white fur, unkept, but alluring. I wanted to start all over again.

    I want to be free of my life. I want to have a real father, and a real mother. I want ponies to like me for who I really am, not for who I pretend to be, or for how toned my physique is. I want a fucking life.

    Not life in Baltimare. A life somewhere else. In Ponyville, maybe. Or Canterlot, or Appleloosa. Fuck, I'll even try Manestralia. Anywhere but here.

    I wish I could turn back time, and start over. I could've saved my father from the slob he is now. I could've let my ego go, and defend the little ones instead of bully them. I could have loved Fleck.

    That thought hit me like a speeding locomotive. I physically staggered back, reaching a hoof up to my head. Fleck was staring at me unbelievingly. As if I said something I shouldn't have.

    Did I just say that?

    I stared back. My throat was recovering from a statement. I had said that...

    ...Well, fuck it. I don't care. No more hiding behind this mask.

    "I wanted to ask you out," I said bluntly and unruefully. She kept staring. "Yeah. I said it. I said the fact that has been eating me from the inside out, since I met you. I wanted to ask you out." I shook my head, and my vision blurred with tears. I started shaking, and my voice was cracking. "I wanted you as a marefriend, Fleck. Or, at least a friend. But now, after all that's gone to shit? I know you don't deserve a fuck-up like me." I stepped forward. She made absolutely no movement. "But it doesn't change the fact that I would do anything to make this all go away. Fleck, I would start from birth and go through my entire life, just to change that one moment. That moment when I called you that name, and when you became the least liked pony in school. I would even kill myself and stay out of your life entirely if..." My head kept shaking. The tears kept coming. "...Fleck, I am not just sorry. I am everything that word stands for, and more. Every synonym in the fucking dictionary." I took another step forward. She still didn't move, her face a barrier for emotion. "I am horrified at what I've been doing."

    Then, nothing more could come out. I was crying too much. I flexed my arms, I staggered, I bent my knees-- anything to not fall down into sobs. I couldn't look Fleck in the eye. I couldn't look at anything. Everything was alive, staring me down, wishing my own demise. I should be me on that ledge. Not her.

    A megaphone's brief siren pierced the silence. I flattened my ears, and Fleck followed suit. Cyanside spoke from below:

"Do not jump, little filly. Do you hear me? Do not jump!"

    I saw a rage in Fleck's eyes that could not be quenched.

"What's your name, again... Fleck! Fleck, I know you've been having some bad grade issues, and maybe some harassment problems. But think about this."

    Her eyes were wide. Her face was one of shock. Her horn was glowing.

"We care for you, Fleck. We're all here for you, the staff and every one of your classmates. Come on down. We'll get you the help you need."

    Fleck's face was indescribable. This was a rage which consumed all senses of thinking, and stopped all rational thoughts and desisions. I knew exactly what the feeling is like. She started muttering something, and more tears fell from her cheeks, before she stepped down from the ledge. Without looking at me or anything around her, she started walking. Not to me, not to the door, but to her left. She was just out of view from the school (who was now cheering, thinking they had won).

    "...Well, then I guess it's not about you, Pugnit," Fleck murmured simply as she neared the other edge. I didn't try to stop her. "...It's about ponies like you."

    Fleck didn't hesitate. She didn't stop.

    She simply, utterly, bluntly, started falling.

~~~~I Hate You All~~~~

12:47pm, April 17th.

    Fleck fell.

    I couldn't do anything. The crowd beside the corner behind me blurred out of hearing focus, along with every other unholy thing around; the breeze, my panting, my heartbeat. I wanted it to be like the stories, where it all went in slow motion so it would lessen the blow, but the world had other plans. It refused to slow, and Fleck fell as fast as anypony would, until she hit the floor. She did not move.

    Her eyes looked relaxed as she gazed up at the sky, her mouth half open, and her eyes still wet with tears. It wasn't until I was inches away from her body I realized I had made my way to her. Now, the crowd was dead silent. They heard the bump of her body, the crack of her skull. Everything went quiet along with the audience.

    This isn't real.

    I shook my head slowly, my eyes never Fleck's eyes.

    No. She isn't... You're not...

    Get up.

    ...Get up, Fleck.

    I was kneeling by her now. I put a hoof over forehead, and rested it on there for some time. My hoof slowly moved to the beginning of her mane, pushing the orange hair hanging over my hoof aside.

You're not...

    "Fleck?" I asked simply, earnestly waiting for her response. I couldn't look away from her eyes, staring, gazing. "Fleck, get up..." Her face was relaxed. Gone was the pugnacious glare of her life. I like that glare. Where is it? "Fleck, come on, you're not..."

    I couldn't say the word. If I said it, that would mean I thought it was true. It's not true. She can't be... No, she's not. Is she asleep? Is she in a coma? This can't be happening. She's the main character of my life. She can't be... The main character doesn't die.

    My vision slowly blurred with numb tears. "Fleck, get up," I almost begged, and I heard my voice crack. I reached my hoof to the back of her head, and tried to ignore the noticeable dent in her skull. She can't be d... no, she's not d... This is our story...

    "Come on, Fleck, let's go." I lifted her head to my own. She made no acknowledgment. "Let's get out of here. Let's run away. We can start again, somewhere else. We can... We can buy a house in Canterlot, Fleck. I can become an actor, and I can earn us a living, and we can each go and visit my sister, Sunset Auburn. Do you know that I call her Goldbuck? It's a nickname. You can call her that, too." I started shaking her head. My breaths came in short bursts. Tears slowly settled in to my cheek fur. "She calls me Bucky. Isn't that cute, Fleck? She's beautiful and kind and bold, just like you. I promise she'll love you. Fleck, get up."

    Her violet irises kept gazing solemnly at the skies above. I moved into her sight in a panic, just before I witnessed a small trail of dark red liquid leak from her nose. "Fleck, you're not fucking dead, do you hear me? You're not fucking dead. You can't be dead, Fleck." I slowly brought her head into a hug. I buried her face in my chest, and it soaked up her tears. "Get the fuck up."

    I held her there, and wished that the universe would stand still, and give us this moment. She's not dead. She can't be dead. She wouldn't do this. She's smarter than this.

    I wrapped both arms around her small body, and held back the oncoming livid sobs. I held back the rage, the want to kill the ponies behind me, the want to kill Pugnit. I held back my disbelief, my desperate illusions that somehow she was alive. Enough of those have been had today.

    I looked down at her. She seemed to enjoy our embrace. Her mouth was still half open, and I saw her smiling. Why would she be dead? Life is good to us all, isn't it? Happy endings exist...?

    I peered at her chest, and saw something. It was a lined paper taped to her abdomen, writing and tears drenching the note. She had written it.

    "Hey! You!" came from behind. I didn't budge. "Get away from that filly, Summer Monsoon! The Guard is here."

    A part of me, stupid as it was, thought that they could somehow help Fleck. I slowly pushed that thought aside, before reaching out with a hoof and ripping the note from her chest. It didn't hurt her. No fur was pulled off.

    I kissed her forehead hard and angrily.

    There was nothing else to do.

    The next few days went by in a blur.

    I think Étoile Mending came over once, but I can't be sure. I didn't want to see her, and if she did come over, I didn't talk to her. She might have cried for me, or she might have mourned for Fleck. I don't know, and I don't care.

    I picked up my sister one day. I didn't talk to her, or anypony else in my family. I know that we fought, though. We fought about sensitive things, like my parents' divorce, my sister's drug problems, and Fleck. We kept fighting, day after day. I don't love my mother anymore, and I never think about my sister. They only tell me I did my best, and occasionally give me a hug.

    My mother soon got me a therapist. It helped pass the time, considering I never go to school anymore. Glassheart is a good mare. She doesn't fight with me. She nods and agrees with everything I say, even when I have nothing to say. Sometimes, I just have to look at her, and she knows what I'm feeling.

    I read the note.

    If I knew that she was going through this, I would've done more. I would've hugged her every time I saw her, and complimented her every time we met, and defended her every time the school attacked her. I would have let her move in with me to protect her from her family. I would have traded places with her to protect her from every bully out there. I would have killed Pugnit.

    ...But, I don't have to. Pugnit disappeared after Fleck's...

    ...suicide.

    The Guard says he had problems with his father, and finally snapped and killed him. He ran away afterwards. The last time he was seen was on a train, headed to Ponyville.

    I want him to keep running. I'm going to find him, that little fuck. I'm going to find him and make him pay. That's the reason I'm on a train, leaving everything behind but some money and a gun.

    Society is storyless. But, we are not so worthless. Every choice we make has a consequence, and that consequence impacts others in a way we cannot begin to understand.

    There are no main characters in life. Only us as ponies.

    As people.