The Canterlot Bureau

by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Lyra, Bon-Bon
Length: 15748

Two junior agents of a top-secret unofficial government agency investigate the strange events at Canterlot High School following its disastrous Fall Formal.

Lapis-Lazuli bizarrely presents...
A story based on plot holes in Equestria Girls and Rainbow Rocks.
In 1968, in a world not unlike our own, the residents of a sleepy Ohio town witnessed an explosion of light and power in the sky, and three mysterious creatures fleeing into the wilderness. Forty-five years later, the top-secret bureau founded to investigate these events is but a shadow in a world of great threats. Their government has disavowed them. The public has all but forgotten them. They are pressed at every turn to keep the world safe.

Until tonight, when a vortex of rainbows and power surged into the skies and changed the world - and the lives of the two agents sent to investigate - forever.

Absolutely ZERO Relationship in any way, shape, or form to another story with the initials TCB.

Published 2015-04-19 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-19 19:40:02 UTC

The Fall Formal Incident

It was precisely 9:37 PM when the first blast of wind nearly blew the windows out of their frames in a squat brick building on Navarre Road. The building itself was utterly nondescript by all accounts, being home to a dry cleaning service on the first floor, a struggling law office on the second, and the third and fourth floor rented by shell companies that had been set up about thirty years ago by the Bureau of Special Investigations.

Well, okay. Technically the companies had been set up by the FBI in an effort to conceal that the Bureau of Special Investigations even existed. A rather important cover operation given that even the panic riddled american populace of the 1960's was not terribly inclined to spend hundreds of millions of american dollars on a group of very serious men and women investigating supernatural occurrences and mysterious disappearances. Even if J. Edgar Hoover himself had been the one to spearhead the project, discretion had always been a byword of such 'unconventional' operations. Of course, that hadn't done much to blunt the public backlash...

By 9:38, the sleepy girl occupying the chair in a room on the third floor was also nearly hurled from her chair when the shock wave that followed blew out the windows on the fourth floor and set every alarm in the building shrieking like banshees. Instinct drilled into her head by countless hours of waiting for a situation of just this severity took over. She slapped a massive switch into the ‘On’ position, sending a surge of current into the ancient (by her standards) instruments and sensors which comprised the listening post’s ears and eyes. All around her, the machinery roared to life with bleeps and bloops drowned out by the klaxon of the alarms.

She smacked a different switch to ‘Off’ to silence the building’s alarms so she could hear herself think, and by extension hear all of the information the instruments were feeding her. Grabbing for the cherry red analog phone hanging on the console, she tried her very best not to crush the thing with her grip while waiting for someone to pick up on the other side. It was hard not to let her mind run away with her in moments like this, when the gentle purr of the fans in the room seemed to drown out all the other noise from the world around her and she waited to see if some disaster had wiped out central authority or if it had just been Lake Erie giving them trouble. Again.

Three long seconds passed before someone spoke, and the voice startled her something fierce. “This is Station Alpha. Sitrep.” The gruff male voice on the other end was easily identifiable as Agent Veritas, but she wasn’t supposed to say anything about it. Communications Discipline and policies of that nature still clung to the Bureau, leftovers of a time when they actually had to abide by certain government mandated regulations on what they could and could not do with sensitive information.

“Unknown event,” she said quickly, scanning the myriad of dials and readouts that were spewing information at her. “Massive spike in barometric pressure, followed by normalization. Came from the east side of the building. Sensors indicate a temporary surge of air pressure by approximately… Holy Moly, twelve percent.” She stared at the data. At that pressure, it should’ve taken out every window in the building. “Wait, the ground sensor detected no air pressure variance. And I’ve got no signs of precipitation either.”

The silence on the other end of the line was nearly deafening. “Sweet Christmas, you’re not alone, Delta Station. Gamma Station reports a similar surge on the other side of town. Nothing got as far as Alpha though.” A pause. “One moment… Okay, NWS says there’s nothing in the area to cause that kind of weather. We’ve got a Class One Incident on our hands.”

The words ‘Class One Incident’ were enough to flood her veins with adrenalin. “We don’t have much time. No one else is close enough.” Agent Truth’s voice was as stern as any father figure’s might’ve been, but he sounded worried. Seriously worried. “I’m sending Gamma Station’s watch to the center of the event, and I want you to meet up with her. Take the Emergency Kit, but don’t engage unless civilians are in danger. Gather information and wait for backup.”

“Aye aye, sir!” she chirruped, almost dropping the phone in her enthusiasm. A real incident! A serious situation! This is what she’d been waiting nearly her entire life for. Well, one of the things. Some of the other things included getting out of high school, moving in with her partner, and getting an autograph from Bigfoot. Who existed, no matter what the papers said, her Da had met him once and said he'd been a really lovely guy if a bit too fond of smoking pot.

“This isn’t the Navy, kid. Don’t do anything stupid out there.” There was a pause, and Veritas’ voice softened. “Be careful, Lyra. I want you coming home to your father tonight in one piece.”

But Lyra Heartstrings just grinned, even though there was no one to grin at. As her Da might’ve said, she was jes’ gettin’ ‘er Irish up. “Don’t’cha worry, sir. We’ll be careful.” With that, she slammed the receiver home, snatched up the rough-and-ready beige duffle bag, and ran pell-mell for the door.

~~~~~~

By the time she found the center of the incident, Gamma Station’s car was already there. It made sense, considering that Gamma had a surplus Crown Victoria Interceptor for a car, and she had a reliable but slightly more pedestrian Chevy Lumina. Of course, the fact that Gamma had gotten there first was not a surprise. The surprise came from the epicenter of the incident.

Canterlot High School.

She stared at the building in frank, almost accusatory anger. The one stupid school event she’d chosen not to attend, and something monumental had happened there. Because of course it had. Suppressing the desire to get back in her car and drive away, she stalked out of the parking lot toward the front of the school. The sound of thumping electronic music and the general din of high school dancing echoed from the gymnasium on the south side of the campus, but the lone figure standing out front of the main entrance was her obvious destination.

She wore a look of astonishment and disbelief on her face, which was incredibly unusual for her. Usually, she was always able to rationalize what was going on before her, but for the first time in Lyra’s experience, Bonnie “Bon” Sweetie Drops was obviously failing to make sense of things. “Bonnie? What on earth are you… looking… at…” Lyra felt her words falling away to awe as she joined her ‘partner in weird,’ turning to find the entire front facade of Canterlot High ripped away and a massive crater in the ground not too far from the main path.

Rationality tried to impose itself. Surely this was the result of some kind of explosion, possibly a prank gone horribly wrong. But then why were there no burn marks on the bricks? And the interior, clearly visible even in the dim moonlight, was almost completely untouched.There was no smell of cordite or other chemical explosive in the air and absolutely no sign of emergency service vehicles.

Principal Celestia might be incredibly sketchy about some subjects, but even Lyra was not prepared to accuse her of not caring for her students’ well being. If someone had been hurt, there would have been an ambulance. But with damage of this magnitude, how was it possible that no one had gotten hurt? No wonder Bon’s brain was locking up. Everything here defied pretty much every law of common sense.

Which meant, of course, that something very uncommon had happened here tonight, and it took a great deal of effort for her not to jump up and cheer at the possibilities. “We need to find the principal,” Bon Bon muttered under her breath. “Surely there must be some kind of explanation for this. Why are the police not here yet?”

“Probably because Alpha Station told them to sod off.” Bons nearly hit the ceiling leaping away from her. Lyra gave her a cheeky grin. “You shoulda’ told me you were working Gamma tonight, Bonnie. You could’ve picked me up.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at her long-suffering friend, but the joke seemed to sail right over her head.

“You were at Delta?” Bon asked shortly, and Lyra stifled her usual sass. The last thing she needed was Bon Bon in a sour mood. She nodded instead, and Bon’s turned back to consider the catastrophic damage. “I’ve taken a moment to examine the scene. Nothing is in danger of collapse, miraculously, and I don’t think any more stones are liable to fall tonight.” She pointed at the grass, rough and muddy. “And there are signs that most of the students were out here walking around at some point tonight.”

Lyra nodded. Bonnie was in full-on serious mode tonight, so she had to watch her step. “We’d better take a look inside then, and fast. Then we go find the principal. Maybe she’ll be willing to co-operate with us now.” She mimed a kick at one of the massive loose rocks on the ground, unable to pull her eyes from the crater. What in the name of Sagan had caused that thing? “Alpha is going to want answers.”

Bonnie snorted in a very unladylike fashion. “Yeah, and maybe someone will be able to convince you Tunguska was a comet exploding in the atmosphere.” She stalked off toward the wrecked entrance, shoulders tense. “Experimental munitions, maybe? I’d heard DARPA was toying with some kind of pressure-wave generator…”

“Hey, I thought we agreed not to bring up Tunguska! Besides, Doctor Spengler and Doctor Stantz agreed with me.” Lyra huffed and tried to keep up. Which was harder than it looked. Bon Bon could walk fast “And would you stop rationalizing for once in your life? Do you honestly think the army would deploy something like that in a high-school? Get real, Bonnie!”

She was about to launch into a tirade when the whistling tune and vibration of her phone cut her off. She whipped the thing out, slamming her thumb into the ‘answer’ image. “Hello?” She asked suspiciously, having not bothered to check the caller ID.

“Lyra, it’s uh… Veritas.” The hard-edged male voice spoke roughly, almost too-quickly. “I’ve got news you need to hear right this moment.” Lyra snapped her mouth shut, waving her arm at Bon Bon to put her ear to the phone. “We’ve just picked up eye-witnesses that are claiming they saw a big double helix of rainbows rising up near Canterlot High School and then a big flash of white light. Have you two found anything?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but Bon Bon beat her to it. “The front of the school is wrecked, sir,” she snapped off hurriedly. “There’s signs of some kind of conflict here, but nothing suggesting conventional munitions. Serious destruction, but no signs of casualties.”

Silence reigned for a moment, then ‘Veritas’ spoke quickly. “This is bad. I’ve got to call Director Spitfire. You two need to find out everything you can and then blend in. You are to maintain your cover by any means necessary. I don’t care what story you need to concoct. We’ll contact you as soon as we can.” The phone clicked to silence a moment later, leaving Lyra staring at her friend in shock.

Bon Bon took a deep breath and looked at her. “Okay. We were holed up in one of the other rooms and locked ourselves in when things got crazy. We didn’t dress up…” She shrugged. “Actually, no one should question that bit. I’ll find the principal, you go see what you can’t get out of Sunset Shimmer. She’s usually at the center of nonsense like this, and she doesn’t completely hate you.”

Lyra grimaced slightly. The last thing she wanted to deal with tonight was that sorry git, but business was business. “Right. Meet you in the auditorium.” They split up quickly, as Lyra wasn’t much one for fistbumps or the like. The school was eerily empty and quiet, despite the raucous party going on just a few hallways away, and there was no sign of even an attempted cleanup.

Weirder still was the foyer - there were signs something had gone on in here. Discarded heels and sneakers, bits of clothing in little lumps here and there. That one dorky guy’s calculator left face-down on the floor. Scuffs on the wall and floor made by all manner of things. And- Wait... It was hard to pick the sound out, but someone was crying. Sobbing, actually, and with no few heaving breaths. Following it wasn’t hard once she knew it was there, but where it led her was a surprise.

Fate seemed to have decided she and Bonnie were going to be running this job together, whatever Bon Bon might’ve preferred. She was standing tense outside of Vice-Principal Luna’s office and threw a finger up in front of her lips as Lyra approached her. She snuck over to join her, perking an ear to the sounds.

The sound of crying had faded to a faint sniffle. A door was gently closed and Principal Celestia began speaking in a low voice, “What do you think this is going to cost?” She sounded tired, almost exhausted. But was there a note of… satisfaction there?

Vice Principal Luna spoke in her quiet, authoritative tones. “Conservatively? Seventy or eighty thousand, at least. We’ll need to bring in a team to make sure there was no damage to the foundation. Keeping this quiet is going to be a nightmare.” There was a soft thump, like someone’s rump hitting a hard wooden chair. “But we have succeeded, for whatever degree you might call this a success. I firmly believe Sunset has seen the light, so to speak. Have you sent the letter?”

There was a heavy sigh and the distinct clink of glasses hitting a desk. Bon Bon was looking at her in wide-eyed astonishment, but Lyra could only feel grim satisfaction. I knew they were tied up in all of the weirdness around here. A thousand different theories were already teetering around in her head, threatening to burst free if she didn’t focus on the job at hand.

Fortunately, Principal Celestia started talking again. “I did. And we were immediately sent… recompense for our troubles.” There was a thud, and then… it was a hard sound to describe. It sounded like a big pile of change had just spilled out all over a wooden desk. Vice Principal Luna gave off a sudden strangled gasp, and Lyra wished she’d brought her little camera drone. “Yes, it’s quite a sum. It ought to be more than enough to repair the school regardless of the damage and protect our guests from close examination. Not to mention a small fee for the both of us.”

Bon Bon mouthed the word ‘guests’ at her, and it took everything Lyra had not to lose her mind completely on the spot. “Very well,” Luna said, the sound of two glasses clinking ringing in the air. “To our success!” A few moments passed, and two sighs of satisfaction rang out. “We ought to not leave the students alone for long. Gracious only knows what ridiculousness they might get up to after tonight.”

Bon Bon froze in place, but Lyra had no such issues. She grabbed her sometimes-partner’s arm and dragged her across the hallway, blindly grabbing for the door to the Band Room. By some miracle, it was unlocked and she threw open the door and pulled Bonnie in after her. She hadn’t enough time to properly latch the thing behind her, but she got it most of the way closed and quickly hurried them into a dark corner of the room. “Lyra, what-” Bon’s began, but there was no time for sensible nonsense.

“Cuddle me!” Lyra ordered, and after a brief look of confusion on Bonnie’s face, simply grasped her by the arms and pulled her down to the floor. It was the work of moments to nestle Bon Bon in her arms and draw her head alongside her own, the heat of Bon Bon’s blush warming her cheeks. “And be quiet,” she whispered harshly, squeezing Bon’s hands and wrapping her arms around her middle.

Fortunately, Bonnie was no one’s fool. And by the time the door to the band room inevitably creaked open a minute later, she was quite nicely nestled against Lyra’s side. Vice Principal Luna’s head peered into the room and scanned it slowly, before settling upon them. “Ah. I had wondered where you two wandered off to,” she said bemusedly, a little smile curling her lips. “I hate to interrupt you lovebirds, but I think you ought to get back to the celebrations, don’t you?”

Lyra made a great show of looking startled and nervous, then nodded meekly at the vice principal. Luna nodded once before vanishing out of the doorway, leaving it conspicuously open behind her. Lyra quietly counted to fifteen before sighing in relief. Bon Bon huffed softly, muttering under her breath. “Geeze, Lyres. Try and warn me next time, huh?” She was still blushing, given the warmth of her cheeks, and was most certainly more relaxed at the moment than she’d been before.

At that, Lyra could only chuckle gently. “Yeah, the next time someone blows up the front of the school, I’ll warn you that I’m gonna need a hug afterwards.” She nudged Bon’s in the ribs and gave her one more squeeze. “Come on, we need to get the whole story. The game’s afoot, partner.”

Bon Bon glared at her. “I am not your partner, Lyra Heartstrings.”

~~~~~~~~

The truth, as they say, was almost always stranger than the fiction. Lyra only caught a glimpse of the strange new girl with the dog that had been causing such a ruckus in the school these past few days, wearing the Fall Formal Princess crown and cruising toward the school ‘entrance’ with a very offbeat group of girls. Girls who’d been known as close friends nearly their whole lives, except in recent years. But now they were all buddy-buddy again, and if that wasn’t suspicious as Roswell, she didn’t know what was.

Getting the whole story was nearly impossible given the dancing and other ridiculousness going on in the gymnasium, but between the two of them they were able to get the gist of it. Unfortunately, they were only able to get the gist of it being connected to that very same strange new girl with the dog, one Twilight Sparkle by name, and her very much not ordinary crown just in time to witness the first real supernatural event of Lyra’s life.

When she’d heard about the crown ‘possessing’ Sunset Shimmer with the spirit of some kind of powerful demon and Twilight Sparkle and her crew of oddballs suddenly growing tails, ears, and excessively long hair and firing beams made of frickin’ rainbows… Well, if Lyra hadn’t seen Photo Finish’s pictures, she’d have thought everyone had been taking crazy pills. But once she saw, once she knew, she ran as fast as her feet could take her toward the front of the school.

Bon Bon was right there with her only a few moments later, a heavy digital camera in her hands and a look of stubborn determination in her eyes. They ran with all the speed they could, Lyra sliding to a halt behind a pile of rubble as the six figures gathered around the Canterlot Statue. Bon Bon was right there alongside her, and they kept as silent as they could. Straining their ears to hear what was being said.

Unfortunately, they had apparently missed most of the conversation. The girls all hugged one another, sad smiles aplenty. Then Twilight Sparkle picked up her dog, turned to the statue and-

And-

Stepped. Right. Through. It.

The quiet snaps of Bon Bon’s camera weren’t enough to soften the shock of the sight, which was made promptly hilarious by Pinkie Pie careening headfirst into the side of the statue and bouncing off of it like a rubber ball. “Aww… Bummer!” Pinkie groused, looking dejectedly to one side.

“Tell me you saw that.” Lyra breathed softly, holding her hands to her chest to try and calm her hammering heart. “Please tell me you just saw-”

“Twilight Sparkle moving through a solid object as though she were incorporeal. Yes, I saw that.” Bon Bon turned to her, camera shaking faintly in her hands. “We’ve got to report to Alpha station. We may have finally located Site Zero.”

Picking Up The Pieces

Vino Veritas wore a faded gray suit that had probably seen its fair share of shootouts, given the number of discolored patches along the arms and shoulders. His hair was as gray as his suit and had that ageless look guys in their 50’s got if they’d taken care of themselves in life. The son of an Italian immigrant with a terrible sense of humor, Vino’s reddened cheeks and eternally sleepy look did nothing to alleviate the jokes people made about his name..

Lyra sat with her hands folded in the overstuffed leather chair that might’ve been made at some point in the early 1800’s given how ridiculous it looked. “You think you found Site Zero.” Veritas said, very quietly. He turned, placing a hand on the pictures of the very mysterious Twilight Sparkle. “Director Spitfire is busy working with Doctor Spengler and his boys up in New York. She sends her regards, but it’s up to us to handle this one until she can shake herself loose.”

Bon Bon nodded shortly, and Lyra did her best to keep still in her seat. “Our number one problem is the location. Canterlot High School might as well be the moon for all that we can lock it down from outside access.” He thumbed at his nose, sitting down in his own overstuffed chair with all the grace of a sack of concrete. “Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna have got the school board wrapped around their pinkie fingers. Not to mention that the city is still making payments on the renovations they spearheaded three years ago. That school and all of its complications are going nowhere.”

Lyra knew when to pick up what someone was laying down. “Spit it out, Vino. You want little old us to play security guards for your hotspot.” It wasn’t exactly her idea of a choice assignment, even if it did sound more interesting than standing station watches twice a week. She’d have to attend every single high school function no matter how dreary or boring. Ugh.

Bon Bon spared her a scathing look before speaking herself, “Show a little respect, Lyra.” She cleared her throat and lenaed forward. “Due respect, sir. But we’re not exactly combat trained.”

Veritas shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. You’re the only two agents of the right age we have available for this. And truthfully, we’re much more interested in what caused this.” He gestured with one hand to a picture of the six oddballs looking like they’d just stepped out of a furry convention. How he’d torn away one of Photo Finish’s shots, Lyra would give a whole lot to know. “And what their relation is to our unknown subject here.”

“What about Sunset Shimmer?” Bon Bon asked, leaning forward. “She was the cause of the damage and by what we could gather seemed to know exactly what she was doing.”

“Demonic possession.” Veritas waved his hand in the air. “An angry teenager who got mixed up in stuff she couldn’t possibly have understood ends up causing havoc and destruction?” He snorted derisively. “Yeah, we’ve heard that story a few times before. We should just be glad no one got hurt this time. You should ask me about the Carrie White incident sometime.” He shook his head firmly, turning around with a dark look on his face. “Or better yet, don’t. Yeesh. Anyway, we’ve got bigger fish to fry than Sunset Shimmer.”

He planted his palms on the desk and glowered at them. “Despite the fact that we’ve got verified witnesses as far as Cleveland, our friendly neighborhood law enforcement are categorically denying anything happened other than a prank gone wrong.” He slammed his palm into the desk and Lyra nearly jumped out of his chair. “They’re calling it the mother of all dry ice bombs and blaming it on the science club.”

Bon Bon’s eyes went wide, and Lyra leaned back. “Let me guess,” she half growled, gripping the arms of her chair, “Captain Sentry, right?” Vino smiled tightly and gave her a cheerful little salute in her direction. Lyra reached up to rub at her temples. “Of course it was, with Flash right in the middle of this mess.”

Captain Steele Sentry was in charge of Canterlot’s small but busy police force. He was the kind of guy you couldn’t make anything stick to even if you had super glue and duct tape. The sort of person who got plastered with labels like ‘paragon of the community’ and ‘shining member of the public service’ and trollop like that. He was also a reality-blind realist of the highest degree.

Even Bon Bon, for all of her skepticism, admitted there were things out there that science couldn’t yet explain. But try to prove that to Captain Sentry, and you’d get a lecture about spreading misinformation and lies leading to superstitions and panic. His son, Flash Sentry, also happened to be one of the students at Canterlot High. And Captain Sentry had mighty big plans for his ‘talented and charismatic’ son that most certainly did not include his name ever appearing on police reports, regardless of how extreme the situation.

Fortunately for the rest of humanity, Flash was an all-around decent guy even if he was as dense as a fruitcake. Lyra eagerly awaited the day when his dad tried to take away his son’s guitar, only to find his boy was a dyed-in-the-wool wannabe rocker and that was just not gonna happen. “Ahem. Focus, Lyra,” Vino grumbled at her, and Lyra muttered an apology at him. Not her fault this was getting complicated.

“We can’t do a damn thing about Captain Sentry, so we can’t start poking around there officially speaking. Fortunately, you’re both already students.” Vino grinned, his very straight white teeth gleaming at her like a shark’s. “So we don’t hafta get official until the Director comes down here and settles his hash.” He seemed awfully pleased with himself at his little cleverness. Unfortunately, Lyra knew what was coming next.

Lyra crossed her arms and glowered at him. She had a really good glower—Bonnie had told her so. This nonsense had gone on long enough, it was time to make a point before he tried to rationalize his next obvious move. “Sir,” She drawled, in her finest working-class Dublin. That got Bonnie’s attention really fast, of course. She knew what was coming. “For sure ye got our attention, but I’d suggest ye stop muck rakin’ an tell me why in the good lord’s name I ought’er not start takin’ a tire iron to ye for wastin’ my time!” It was hard to keep the melodious lilt out of her voice, like her Da had told her to when she was using the accent for maximum effect, but it came through anyway.

Better add some physicality to make up for it. She stood up all at once, and despite being about a foot and a half shorter than Vino sent the poor man backing up into his chair. “In case you hadn’ heard me the first thirty times I said it, let me shake the cobwebs loose.” She slammed her hands into the desk, and he jumped. Vino was a good man, and Lyra liked him on a personal level, but there were some things you didn’t compromise on. Da had told her that too. “I don’ do work off the clock, ye sorry git!” She growled, leaning in on him and rolling her r’s for maximum effect. “An’ I sure as God’s blood do not go int’a a job not intendin t’ do it the right way. We either do this under orders, or we don’t do none of it!”

It took her a moment to realize Bonnie was grabbing her shoulder and trying to haul her back, and that perhaps she had gone a teensy-tiny bit too far over the desk for propriety's sake. Vino, for his part, was even more flushed than usual and looked properly chastised. Da would’a been proud of her for that. “Alright, alright,” He muttered, dry washing his hands. “Fine, I’ll write up the orders. But this stays strictly under the rose, you hear me? Unless kids are getting hurt, I don’t want any overt action. This is strictly intel gathering.” He hauled open one of the drawers on his desk with a trifle more force than was necessary and started hauling out the paperwork. “Last thing I need is Captain Sentry crawling up my ass with a warrant.”

Satisfied, Lyra turned back to her partner who was giving her the kind of look one might give an errant child. “I can’t take you anywhere, can I, Lyra?” Bonnie said in a half-whisper voice, then sighed while rubbing at her temples. “Not that I disagree with you, but you really need to not let your temper get the better of you like that. Someday you’re going to do that to the Director and-”

Lyra snorted to interrupt her, as loudly as she possibly could without sounding like a pig, and settled down in her chair to wait for the proper paperwork. “Director knows not t’ get me Irish up.” She drawled before settling back down to her proper American english. “And besides, Bonnie me lass,” She teased, keeping her tone sweet and syrupy, “One of us has to be willing to get violent. How ever else would we ever deal with trouble when it comes rolling our way?”

~~~~~~~~~

Lyra did not like Sunset Shimmer. Not one iota. Nope. She did not.

And yet, she could not keep herself from having a little sympathy for the bitch right this moment. Oh she wanted to hate her just as much as ever given what she’d heard had happened during the Fall Formal, but now that she was getting the story in person, well… It was starting to sound more and more like Vino had put it. Another teenager who’d gotten caught up in something they couldn’t possibly have understood the consequences of.

Her bonafides hadn’t hurt either. She’d come to meet Sunset in the band room with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and the pair of them had stood beside her like rock-solid pillars of support. Rainbow Dash had even spoken up for her. Rainbow Freakin Dash of all the people in this school had the most reason to hate Sunset Shimmer, and she was standing up for the girl. That said something, even if Lyra wasn’t one hundred percent sure what it said.

Sunset had wrapped her arms around her legs where she sat, leaning against one of the band-stands. Lyra wanted to snarl in frustration at the obvious sign of emotional vulnerability and smack her across the head, but Bonnie would probably kick her butt if she did. “I can’t tell you much more than that,” Sunset drifted off, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “After I put the crown on, things get kind of blurry for me.” Her story hadn’t been much different from the rest of the school, but...

The problem here was authority and opportunity. The only reason she’d gotten this opportunity was because of Applejack. She wasn’t on the Bureau’s payroll, but she knew the score. Her family orchards had been the backdrop for a number of incidents the Bureau had handled over the years, and they had been mighty appreciative of the time Lyra’s Da had cleaned out an infestation of werewolves about two decades ago.

The downside was Applejack hated that this was ‘covert’. Not that she’d spill the beans, Granny Smith would kill her for that, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t give Lyra some stares of disapproval at the whole ‘we’re just asking questions’ bollocks. In the harshest of terms, Lyra didn’t exactly have the authority to be doing much beyond ‘asking questions’ but Applejack wouldn’t buy that. Dash being here complicated matters further, but Lyra was sure she could count on Dash to forget pretty much anything that didn’t involve sports or being ‘awesome’. Since government work was neither, that wasn’t a problem.

Ergh. She was getting side tracked. “I understand, Sunset.” She tried to keep her voice soothing. The last thing she needed was for Sunset to start crying again. “Our biggest concern right now is making sure we’ve got all the angles covered. Would you be willing to tell us a few things about our, ah… Fall Formal Princess, as it were?” That got Dash and Applejack’s razor-sharp attention. She’d have to be asking them questions next, but maybe Sunset could give her some insight.

“Sure, I guess,” Sunset muttered, looking up in surprise. “It’s a little hard to describe, honestly. She’s… well, you already know she isn’t from around these parts.” She unfolded her legs, and her voice picked up considerably. Positive signs. She liked thinking about where this girl was from. Hm. “Telling you where she’s from might make you think I’m crazy, though, so…”

“Trust me,” Lyra cut in, putting on her best professional smile. It wasn’t terribly good, unlike her glower. “I can guarantee you I’ve heard crazier and from people with more of a history than you.” That got a raised eyebrow from Sunset and Applejack just looked away. Lyra bit at her lip and made a quick decision, “Look, I don’t have anything against her. My job is to get info and relay it to the people who can make decisions, and she helped fix what could’ve been a very messy problem. I want to paint her in the best light possible, okay?”

Sunset frowned for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I can see that. Okay, so… She’s not just a dance princess. She’s an actual princess.” And in that moment, Lyra felt her heart hit her shoes. Transdimensional royalty? The director was going to flip her lid all the way to the moon. “I um… I stole that crown from her. I…” Sunset hesitated, then burst like a busted dam. “I’m from the same place she was from, okay? A place called Equestria.”

Lyra had talked to a lot of witnesses, but not many of them had a look of equal parts longing and regret cross their face quite like Sunset’s had in that moment. Lyra needed to focus though. Now wasn’t the time for psychoanalysis, and Dash looked like she was ready to take a piece out of Lyra. Fortunately, Applejack was holding Dash’s shoulder in a vise grip. Lyra had to move fast. “How did she get here? And how did you get there and back again?” Lyra asked, keeping as calm as she could. This was bad. Sunset was from another dimension? Could this actually be Site Zero?

“There’s a magic mirror,” Sunset began, her voice hurried. “It opens for four days and then closes for about a year here, and opens every three years over there. Well, close to three years. Time works very differently here.” She bit her lip, shaking her head firmly. “Here it’s always the same day, first day of fall. But I don’t know when it opens over there.”

Lyra could feel her heart pumping faster by the moment. A yearly portal opening between two worlds, with absolutely no one watching that portal for anything coming through? “Could anything come through it?” She asked, hoping her nerves weren’t getting the better of her. She wasn’t going to get too many other questions.

Sunset stared at her, jaw a little slack. “Well, I suppose so, but the portal was always somewhere safe and contained. Usually in Canterlot Castle, under the protection of another Princess. It was moved the last time I’d used it, but it was still being protected by a Princess.” The way she said Princess made Lyra think that title meant a heck of a lot more there than it did here on Earth, but that was small potatoes.

“Enough, sugarcube. You got yer answers, Lyra.” In one movement, Applejack had positioned herself between her and Sunset. She’d planted both of her fists on her hips to make her point, too. “Ain’t nothin’ more she can tell ya. None of us know ‘xactly what happened that night, but no-one got hurt.” She jutted her jaw out stubbornly, glaring at her.

If it had been anyone else Lyra might’ve gotten angry with them, but Lyra knew better than the rouse Applejack’s ire. She could put her fist clean through a wall of two-by-fours without flinching, and Lyra had no intention of seeing what it could do to her face. “I’m just trying to make sure no one gets hurt, AJ,” she muttered quietly, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is serious business here, you know that.”

Dash cocked an eyebrow at them before hunkering down next to Sunset to chatter with her. AJ spared them a look before speaking low. “I know, Shamrock. But I’m tellin’ ya Twilight ain’t a danger to nobody.” She reached out and patted Lyra’s shoulder firmly. “We lucked out on this one an’ got some backup from the away team this time. Take the good fortune fer what it is an’ let it go.”

Lyra refrained from a snide comment about who was playing for which team now and walked out of the room. Those two, and by extension the rest of their crew, had formed ranks around Sunset Shimmer. They weren’t going to break those ranks anytime soon either, if Lyra knew them at all.

That meant they were going to have to get the rest of this information the hard way. Bon Bon was standing outside the band room, raising her own eyebrow. “Problem?” she asked quietly.

Lyra sighed heavily, scrubbing a hand through her hair. “We’re gonna need to break out the recorders if we want anything substantial out of them, Bonnie.” She winced at the thought of what she was going to have to do now. Hours upon hours upon hours of whiny and boring teenagers living their whiny and boring lives she’d have to listen to. “God, I hate surveillance.”

Bonnie shrugged, then smiled faintly. “Well, we do still have to talk to the principal. Maybe we’ll get lucky, and she’ll be in a garrulous mood today.”

Lyra wanted to smack her. “Why can’t you just say ‘talkative’ like everyone else, Bonnie?” Then she actually considered what her partner had said and laughed. “And yeah, Celestia is gonna be talkative. And maybe we’ll have to fight Q from Star Trek next. HA!”

~~~~~~~~~

‘Principal’ Celestia Solaris gently shut the door behind them as the final bell of the day rang out through the school. “Thank you for being discreet, girls,” she said quietly, sitting down behind her desk with a remarkable amount of calm. “How is Director Spitfire doing, by the way? I haven’t had lunch with her in ages.” She folded her hands on the desk, and leaned her head to one side.

Not for the first time, Lyra itched to ask her how the heck she got her hair to look like it did. “She sends her best wishes, Principal. She’s currently busy consulting with some other experts on a recent problem in New York City,” Bon Bon said, putting on a very faint smile. “Something to do with an ancient Assyrian god, I think. I’m afraid we’re not privy to the details.”

Lyra tried very hard not to pull at the collar of the shirt she was wearing. She hated formal wear, but putting on a decent suit to do her job sometimes made doing the job easier. It also made dealing with her principal a little easier when she looked like a professional instead of a high school student. “Well, send my best, if you would,” Celestia said with a smile, quietly eyeballing the window. “I was under the impression that Captain Sentry had declared this mess a non-issue, actually. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

Lyra snapped her trap shut around her sass and let Bonnie do the talking. She was good with bureaucratic bullpucky. “Crossing our t’s and dotting our i’s, mostly,” Bonnie said smoothly, still with that faint not-quite-a-smile. “There was some serious property damage, and some of that property was ours. If we don’t have a complete report for the Director when she gets back, we’ll end up doing station duty in Alaska until we’ve graduated college.”

That got a titter of a laugh out of the principal. Actually, describing it as a titter was a little rude. Principal Celestia had a good, hearty laugh that Lyra quite liked. She just wished it wasn’t so often directed at them. “Regardless,” Bonnie pressed on smoothly, “I do need to ask you if there is anything you’d be willing to disclose. Strictly off the record, of course.” Bonnie turned the smile up a few notches. “We have some intelligence about a visitor we were hoping you could shed a little light on.”

Principal Celestia folded her hands and gazed at them inscrutably. It was really the only word Lyra could come up with to describe that neutral, nonplussed, unreadable look she had on her face. One of these days she was going to crack open the principal’s sealed file and find out where she’d learned how to do that. “I’m afraid there isn’t much I can say,” she began slowly, looking between them. “I’m afraid I have certain obligations to keep the confidences placed with me, but I assure you I am always keeping the safety of my students foremost in my mind.”

That was her usual bullhockey, of course. But for once, Lyra had leverage. She already knew Sunset was not of this Earth, and she was gonna use that to finally crack that shell wide open. Unfortunately, Bonnie had already headed her off at the pass. “I’m sorry to hear that, Principal, but I understand your position.” She had grabbed Lyra’s arm and was squeezing it very firmly. “I hope you will understand that we do need to do a little more investigating, but we shall keep things very quiet as we do.”

Principal Celestia’s face broke into a warm smile. “Of course. I am sorry I cannot help you more, and I understand your need to have the complete picture. Spitfire can be quite the handful when she doesn’t have her paperwork filled out.” She laughed again, that warm gentle sound. “To thank you both for your discretion, I shall make sure Captain Sentry understands the need for you to speak with his son. Off the record, of course.” The way she said that, Lyra could swear she was being mocked.

But Bonnie was having none of her guff today. “We very much appreciate that Principal Celestia. Have a nice evening.” She smiled professionally, then dragged Lyra out of the room with no small amount of force.

By the time they reached the front gate of the school, Lyra was ready to get her Irish up again. And once again, Bonnie cut her off. “She doesn’t know we know about Sunset, and that might be the only thing that gives us a chance to find out the connection between them.” She glanced at the school. “I’ll call in that favor with Langley, and we’ll see if the principal has anything she might be trying to hide about her and Sunset.” She shook her head and tugged at Lyra’s wrist. “Come on, I’m tired and hungry and you’re going to buy me dinner.”

“And then what?” Lyra snarled, unable to muster up her accent even now.

Bon Bon turned and smiled smokily at her. “And then we’re going back to my place, and you’re going to stay the night, and we are not talking about work tonight. We’ll pick this up tomorrow after you’ve had a good nights sleep. Comprende?”

Lyra couldn’t find the words to object to that, so she just nodded.

Site Zero

Every person who signed on to the Bureau knew what Site Zero was, at least in theory.

It was built into the organization’s history, kind of like Roswell and D.B Cooper were for the boys at Langley.The result of a combination of superstition and grasping at the straws that came from facing something you couldn’t understand and had no way to logically explain. Every major government agency had these things, really. The only difference was in the details and how seriously everyone took the stories.

The basic idea was pretty simple - all of the strange threats and weirdness the Bureau had dealt with over the years had to come from somewhere. And since the most well known weirdness had happened at some specific place in town a whole lot of years ago, it stood to reason that there was a definable location all of these things had come from. A ‘gap’ in the security, a flaw in the system somewhere to explain why this stuff kept happening over the years.

Hence, Site Zero. The place you could trace it all back to, no matter how mysterious or ridiculous. Common wisdom held that if they couldn’t figure out where the monsters were coming through by beating them where they were found, they had to be coming from one place no one suspected. Common wisdom was usually a crock of horseradish, but that didn’t stop perfectly logical and otherwise intelligent men from holding it up as gospel. Women preferred their common wisdom to be more like a Maybelline commercial.

But that presented its own quandaries, none of which Lyra had good answers for. Instead, she had a stack of evidence that suggested that the statue in front of Canterlot high school was a one-stop trans-dimensional airport for every weird monster and bugaboo that had been plaguing this part of the world for the past century.

She could confirm that two dangerous things had been dumped here through that portal: Sunset Shimmer and the original three creatures who’d started this mess forty years ago. So who was to say this ‘Princess Celestia’ wasn’t using earth as her personal dumping ground for whatever problems she didn’t want to deal with personally? It’d hardly be the first time a monarch used a far away land to dump their problems on someone else’s dime.

The pile of papers on her desk were almost as damning as the Capone ledger. A fax sent in the dead of night from Vino’s own office, detailing the peaks and valleys of Bureau activity over the course of its lifetime, and it wasn’t good. Sure enough, every year a few weeks after the start of Fall were the busiest times for unusual activity. Correlation did not mean causation, but that wasn’t going to be much comfort to the Director once she got Sunset’s statement.

Bonnie laid curled up under the covers less than ten feet away, and Lyra already knew what she’d say. This was the only logical conclusion she had and she had to inform the Director of that. Nevermind what the consequences might be if she did, this was the job they had been hired to do. Maybe with this they could finally talk the FBI to let them come in out of the cold. Nationalize the program, get real resources and real authority again. Finally deal with these problems once and for all. Keep the people of the world safe from the monsters that went bump in the night.

What would come next was obvious. The school, maybe even the city, would be locked down. Anyone who could be gotten out would be gotten out by force if necessary. There’d be investigations, arrests, and Sunset Shimmer would undoubtedly be spirited away by men in black suits and mirrorshades. Never to be seen again, most likely. Her friends wouldn’t be too far behind if someone found those pictures Photo Finish had taken, and while Lyra might not mind Sunset getting locked up for the rest of eternity, seeing it happen to Applejack and her gang was another thing entirely.

Even if it didn’t get that far, there were going to be difficult questions for a lot of people she personally knew, and a lot of stuff would go down long before anyone had a chance to seriously think about the consequences. Oh, they’d say all the right words. Security, liberty, protection, doing-the-right thing. Maybe the Feds would be able to handle this quietly—Lyra knew the boys at Langley were perfectly capable of doing things the right way, but the government at large was not a precision tool. They’d roll in the National Guard, the NSA, and good-lord alone knew what else.

Yeah, all done with good intentions probably. And Lyra, being a good girl of Catholic descent, knew all too well where such good intentions could lead. Even if she wasn’t terribly good or terribly Catholic anymore didn’t mean she was about to risk this without being absolutely certain she knew what she was getting into. “Ly?” Bonnie said sleepily, lifting her head to scrub at her eyes. “It’s three in the morning, Lyra, what’re you doing up?”

Lyra looked over to the girl who’d been equal parts rival and best friend for the last decade of her life and tried to put on her best smile. “Just puttin’ the pieces together, Love. You know I don’t sleep real well on the job.” She closed the manilla folder and tucked it back into the worn leather accordion file that had once belonged to her Da.

Then she stood up and turned away, climbing back into bed. “Sorry,” she muttered to Bonnie, grabbing one of the spare pillows and hugging it close. “Jus’ tryin to figure out the right thing to do, Bon Bon.”

“You’ll manage,” Bonnie muttered into her ear, and the warmth of her not-really-a-partner was nice to feel at that moment. “Or we will, somehow.”

Yeah. Somehow.

Maybe it was time to talk to Da.

~~~~~~~~~

‘Da’ was her father, Sam “Shakedown” Rock as his friends called him. Built like a garbage truck and with more scars than an MMA fighter, he was also a good man and a pretty excellent father by all accounts. Even if some people thought teaching one’s daughter to break a man’s kneecaps with a ball-peen hammer was a trifle irresponsible, Lyra loved him anyway. He’d worked very hard to keep his past away from Lyra, but he’d promised to tell her the whole story someday.

Lyra was personally pretty sure he’d been some kind of gangster before her mother had scared him straight. She wasn’t positive though, since she’d always known him as a loyal agent of the FBI and proud patriot. He’d also worked for The Canterlot Bureau in the early 90’s, but that was something she wasn’t supposed to talk much about. He’d retired the same year Lyra had started high school, having apparently earned enough favors and respect for his pension to contribute nicely to the household funds. Nicely enough that Christmas was always a treat for herself and her lovely mother.

She found him doing what he did most of the time these days - working on refurbishing their modest home on the south side of town. Where he’d learned carpentry, Lyra hadn’t the faintest idea, but he had a knack for precision use of tools. “Da!” she called out, and he turned with a smile. He was missing a few teeth, but Lyra would swear his grin shone like the sun to anyone who asked.

“Well if’n it isn’t me little Lyra.” He waggled the power drill he was holding at her as he spoke, his voice ‘pure Irish gold’ as her mother had often put it. “Yer mother’s a bit pissed at’cha for dodgin’ dinner last night.” His grin didn’t fade one bit as he returned the drill to his work of putting up a slab of drywall. By himself. One handed. And people wonder why he never has to raise his voice to solve problems. “Somethin’ to do with that light show we had a few nights ago, maybe?” Da asked quietly between drywall screws, keeping his eyes focused on the sheet in front of him.

Lyra considered her options here and opted for Da’s favorite approach: the direct one. “Yup. Vino sent me and Bonnie out to shake the bushes. Things took a while so I stayed over at her place for the night.” She tucked her hands behind her back and leaned against what would be the new outside wall of their living room, once Da was done.

Da snorted softly, “Your mum is gonna lose her flippin’ mind if she catches you two at it again.” He gave her a very severe look while drilling in the last screw. “I know ye think it’s not a big thing, but she’s not goin’ to be patient much longer.”

Lyra just rolled her eyes. “Da, if mum kicks me out, I’ll manage. Bureau will take care of me. So long as you understand, I couldn’t give two shakes what mum thinks of me and Bonnie.” She spat on the ground to emphasize her point and caught Da’s proud smile before he masked it behind a facade of rebuke. Da was as bad of a Catholic as she was when it came right down to things, and she knew it. “You taught me to stand up for what mattered most to me, so here I stand.” And in a moment of pure pique, grinned and kept going. “For I can do no other, Da.”

Da sighed dramatically, tossing his drill onto its case and planting his meaty fists on his hips. “Don’t be quotin’ blasphemers at me, kiddo. My patience might be a mile if yer mum’s is an inch, but it’s still got limits.” He paused and chuckled richly. “Course, it might be my fault that yer as stubborn as a mule.”

“Learned it all from you, Da,” she cheerfully returned, then ran up to hug him fiercely around the middle. He returned the gesture gently, so gently that some people wouldn’t believe her if she’d told them.

“Stubborn little mite,” he grumbled softly, patting her head. “C’mon, cmon. I’m all covered with dust, don’t want to be gettin’ it all over yer nice clothes.” He gently nudged her away, brushing what dust had clung to her off with his hand. “Now, I know you love yer Da, but you’ve got the look of a girl with somethin’ on her mind.” He fixed her with a beady look and an excellently arched eyebrow. “So what’s the trouble? Got somethin’ big and nasty on yer trail ya need pounded flat?”

Lyra considered setting her Da upon Principal Celestia, but that would probably get her grounded if she tried. “Somethin’ more like I’m not entirely sure what to do, Da.” She kept her voice pitched low, looking up to him. “Things’re gettin’ might complex and I was wonderin’ if you could… y’know. Consult a bit.” She dug her heel into the dusty wooden boards and tried her best not to sound like she was asking for dating advice.

Da’s eyes widened and he held out his hand. She pulled the manilla folder from the accordion file and slid it to him gently “I’d hold your breath, Da. It’s a mighty big one,” she said quietly as his fingers closed around the folder.

He flipped open the file and began to quickly read, eyes scanning across the page with practiced efficiency. It took him ten minutes to read through the thing twice, a habit he insisted he’d picked up after messing up a job by misreading the address on a piece of paper. Supposedly an explosion had been involved, but he hadn’t been willing to say who he’d accidentally blown up.

After a while, he flipped the folder closed, his fingers flexing over the file for a moment. “Aye, it’s a mighty big one.” He spoke with the kind of reverence he generally reserved for church functions. He took a deep breath and handed her back the folder. “You’re worried about your friends, right? Applejack and them?” She nodded at him, hoping he’d understand. “God’s blood,” he whispered, rubbing his forehead slowly. “Never thought it’d be there. Never even thought to look there.”

She let him stew it out, knowing all too well that her dad’s brain was like a grain mill. It ground slow and fine and rushing it only produced crap for flour. “Alright, alright,” he muttered, then nodded to himself. “Never easy these ones, but I think we can navigate this storm. I’ll have to make a few calls, call in a few favors.” He pointed at her with a fat finger. “But you’ll promise me you won’t lose your temper with the Director, because the answer to this ain’t gonna be somethin’ you’ll enjoy.”

Lyra didn’t much like that, but of all the people on earth she trusted, Bonnie was number one… but Da was number two. “Alright,” she nodded, trying to keep the edge off her voice. She lifted a finger to point back at him. “But I swear to ya, Da’. If one of my friends gets hurt because of this, you and I are gonna have unkind words.”

Da held his hands up, palms forward and smiled. “Trust me, little love. The absolute last thing I want is anyone gettin’ hurt.”

~~~~~~~~~

The call came in the next day, on her own personal cell phone no less. “Agent Heartstrings,” a hard-edged, serious business voice spoke as she thumbed on ‘answer’. “It seems you’ve stirred up quite the hive. I haven’t gotten a phone call like that from Shakedown in years.” The voice - feminine - sounded almost amused. “Brought back good memories, fortunately for you. Bring your file and your partner to Sugarcube Corner in one hour.” With that, the phone went dead, almost instantly. Less than thirty seconds of speech.

Lyra’s blood ran ice cold as soon as she put down the phone. Only one person on the planet talked to her quite like that, and she was supposed to be up in New York doing something very important for the Bureau. Bonnie looked at her with puzzlement until Lyra held the phone up to her. Bonnie’s eyes went wide, then narrowed. “Well, that’s certainly not something you see every day. Do you think this is intentional?” She glanced right into Lyra’s eyes, the question all business.

Lyra bit at her lip. “I don’t know. Vino said she doesn’t use her real cell for anything short of a catastrophic emergency. I think we’d better get our act together and get over there.” She glanced at the paperwork sitting accusingly on her desk. “Bonnie, I…”

“Shut up, Lyra,” Bonnie said quietly, grabbing the accordion file with one hand and her keys with the other. “It wasn’t a bad play, your Dad is is a sharp guy. But the Director is obviously just a little bit sharper.” She took in a deep breath and smiled. “Look, you know how this works. Stay calm, keep it logical, and she’ll hear us out.” Bonnie was already slipping into her shoes. Going out shoes, not business shoes. “She might murder us afterward, but at least she’ll let us try to explain.”

Well, Sugarcube Corner was hardly the place for cheap suits and shoulder holsters, Lyra supposed. She still might’ve felt safer with a .45 and a bulletproof vest, but you went to battle with the army you had. She tucked her hair behind one ear, took a quick glance in the mirror to put in her favorite hair bangle and followed Bonnie out the door.

Sugarcube Corner was maybe a two block walk, but Lyra had no idea what they were walking into. “Bonnie you should get the…” She trailed off as Bon Bon disappeared into the side door of the garage. She rolled her eyes, but only long enough for the garage door to swing open and for Lyra to gawk at what pulled outside. She couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice as Bonnie hauled the Crown Vic out of the garage with a roar of its engine and swung out to park by the street side. “You’ve seriously been driving that all week?”. Even if the lights and prisoner cage was gone, the reinforced front and rear bumpers were still mounted, and the thing still purred like a lion.

Bonnie grinned at her, a sight Lyra rarely got to see. “Delta station’s closed for repairs, Ly. Now get in. At least if we end up having to run, we’ll have something nice and speedy to run in.” Lyra considered this information for a few seconds longer than she usually would, but climbed into the passenger seat anyway. Bonnie wasn’t the kind of person who advocated running from her responsibilities, so either Lyra was getting into a car with a doppelganger, or Bonnie was really worried about what was about to happen.

Sugarcube Corner was quiet at this hour of the day, even on a Saturday. After the lunch rush and before people stopped in to pick up dessert for dinner, Mister and Missus Cake were cleaning up crumbs and bouncing their two kids around behind the scenes at Sugarcube Corner. The only customers were Mr. Biceps catching up on his reading, and a flame-haired woman in a bespoke suit lounging in one corner with her back to the wall.

She turned her head at their approach and smiled very professionally, teacup in hand. She said nothing, only gave a come-hither gesture and sipped slowly. Her emotions were hidden behind the mask of her aviator sunglasses and professional seat. No sign of heavies, no bodyguards. If this was some kind of bust the Director obviously didn’t think she needed overt backup for it. That was good… but also bad, since the backup you didn’t see were often the ones with sniper rifles and codenames like ‘Dagger’.

Bonnie led the way with a smart, brisk walk. “Could I trouble you for a coffee, Mrs. Cake?” she asked quietly, glancing at her for a moment before continuing. “And Lyra’s favorite tea, please.”

Mrs. Cake beamed at the pair of them, bustling around behind her counter while Lyra kept walking to the table. “Tea, Director?” she asked lightly, setting her handbag on the table with an audible thump and cocking an eyebrow at her. “As I recall, you told me you’d start drinking tea the day the Union Jack was flying over the White House.”

The director’s lips parted for a slight grin. “My doctor tells me I need to lay off the caffeine after surgery, and it’s better than taking up smoking again.” She sipped slowly, then made a face. “And If I don’t keep my doctor happy, my husband swears he’s going to lock me up.” She shook her head, setting down the teacup. “Nice to see you too, Agent Heartstrings. I hope this was worth the overnight flight.”

“Surgery?” Lyra asked, glancing to one side to see Bon Bon picking up their paper cups. “That sounds like a story.” She wanted Bon Bon here for this, no matter how things went down. Besides, hot tea made an excellent distraction in an emergency. “How was that thing with the Assyrian god going?

“Babylonian this time, actually.” Director Spitfire said, still ice-cool and calm. “Doctor Spengler sends his regards and says the invitation to come up to New York still stands.” She smiled at Bon Bon as she sat down, crossing her hands on the table. “Agent Drops, a pleasure. And now that your partner is here, can we do this? Shakedown doesn’t make priority calls for nothing, and you’ve both gotten me a bit nervous.”

Lyra glanced at her bag before pulling the leather file out. The director’s smile fractured a little, faltering to a frown as Lyra slipped out the manilla file and slid it quietly across the table. “Is this about your assignment?” she asked in a low tone, flipping over the file top and starting to scan it.

“All of our conclusions are in there, Director,” Bon Bon said quietly, folding her hands around the coffee cup. “I want you to know that I agree with Agent Heartstrings that in spite of our discoveries, this is a matter which requires the utmost discretion. We wished to report directly to you.” Bonnie was almost as calm as the director, but there was a nervous tick in her hands, squeezing the cup a little too firmly.

The Director’s smile returned just a little. “And you two hoped you could talk me into some kind of better solution than Vino would accept, I take it.” She kept flipping through the paperwork, reading every line thoroughly. “Nice to see you’ve got your father’s eye for detail, Heartstrings.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Lyra cracked, her throat gone dry from worry. She sipped at her own tea, a nice strong English breakfast blend she found was good for her nerves. It was wicked hot, but the mild pain in her tongue wasn’t enough to break her concentration.

A silent few minutes passed by as the Director’s emotions flickered from her cool outside demeanour to astonishment and narrow anger. Lyra carefully recited the rules for close quarters combat against a superior foe in her head, sipping her tea as slowly as she dared given the circumstances. It was tense, but at least she hadn’t lost her head in panic.

The director flipped her manilla file shut and leaned back into her chair, slipping off her sunglasses to rub at the bridge of her nose. She said nothing at first, waiting until she’d replaced her sunglasses to speak. “Nothing like being beaten over the head with your silver lining.” She slapped the file with the palm of her hand, growling. “Forty five years, and how do we find it? Because someone from another world does our job for us.”

Lyra knew time was of the essence, but the director cut her off with an upraised palm. “Lyra Heartstrings, I don’t need to hear it. I know what you’re gonna say to me, and I don’t need a guilt trip on top of this crap.” She slumped back, exposing her shoulder holster for a moment before she jerked her suit coat to cover it. Bon Bon glanced at her then nudged her coffee cup across the table in front of the director. She glanced at the cup, arching an eyebrow at Bon Bon.

Bonnie smiled at her. The director laughed, just once, then grabbed the cup and took a long pull from it. “Ahhhh.” The Director smacked her lips once before dropping the cup back to the table. “As it happens, I probably don’t disagree with you, Agent. This is a quagmire we’re facing here.” She drummed her fingers atop the file, looking pensive. “But on the other hand, we can’t leave this intel just lying on the table either. I’ve got a responsibility to the Bureau and to a lot of other folks with irons in this fire.” The director bit at her lower lip for a moment, then spoke in a low voice. “I’m open to suggestions, girls. I’d suggest you make with them before I have to make a hard decision.”

Bonnie looked at her. So did the director. Lyra hated when everyone around her expected her to think fast. Well, what are her options? Either she goes Federal with this or- Hm. That’s a really, really depressing suggestion but it might buy us time to come up with a better one. “We can keep an eye on things there,” she spoke quickly, pressing her palms into the table. “Give us real authority. Get us some gear, some combat training, maybe some leverage with the principal. We can set up surveillance on the statue and everyone else involved. We’ll coordinate with a few others we can trust.”

She gave a quick glance to Bonnie, who was narrowing her eyes at her. She had to move fast before Bonnie started to lose faith and got angry at her. “Set up a kind of neighborhood watch. We can plug this hole without getting any of the alphabet soup involved.” She kept herself calm, level, and pitched her voice low. “No one will think twice about students hanging around for extra-curricular activities, and if we can get that house for sale across from the school…”

The director was smart. She picked up on Lyra’s lead right away. “We can keep a monitor on the place no matter what. Maybe see if we can tie it to these incidents.” The director was nodding slowly, a slightly wicked grin on her face. “I might even be able to convince our friends at Langley to contribute a few dollars to the cause if they don’t need to officially get their hands dirty. Especially with all this ammunition you just handed me.” She tapped the file. “Not a bad idea, Heartstrings.”

The director adjusted her aviators and leaned back. “Okay. I’ll make you two a deal. You carry out this little plan of yours and see if you can’t start putting a lid on the activity in this area once and for all. Manage that, and I’ll make this your turf.” She flicked her fingers into the air. “Of course, that leads to the next complication.”

Lyra felt a pang of nervousness, but it quickly abated as the director continued to talk. “Normally we wouldn’t promote kids of your age, but you two are a known effective team and you’ll need some titles if you want to push local law enforcement around. I’ll see about getting you some actual authority so you don’t need to phone me every time you need to slap cuffs on a boogieman.” She leaned across the table, flexing her fingers into a bridge. “But I’m going to tell you right now, if things continue to get more out of hand here, I’m going to have to take measures none of us will enjoy. Am I clear on that?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Lyra said smartly, and Bonnie echoed her a moment later.

“Good.” She nodded decisively, standing up with manilla folder in hand. “I’ll be in touch.”

She turned to leave, but not before smiling at both of them and speaking as she walked. “Oh, and let me formally welcome you to the Bureau of Special Investigations, Special Agent Lyra Heartstrings and Special Agent Bon Bon Drops.”

After The Battle

~~~~~Six months later~~~~~

Lyra held out her hand, and Bonnie passed her the bottle. “Where’d Berry get this stuff?” she asked in an exhausted voice, taking a slow sip and savoring the flavor. Technically, they were underage and this was really illegal. Practically speaking, having some federal police powers made that kind of a non issue so long as Captain Sentry wasn’t snooping about. Besides, she’d been enjoying good whisky since she was 14. Da had insisted that was how they did it back home, and she was always careful to never over-indulge.

Bonnie chuckled softly. “From her mom, probably. She does run the biggest bar in town.” Bonnie snagged the bottle back from her and took a much heartier swig than Lyra might’ve recommended. “How do you think the director is gonna like this one?” She gestured at their guests with her favorite piece, a genuine Colt M1911 .45, a present from Lyra’s Da’ to celebrate their ascendance to full-blown members of the Bureau. Which was actually more legal than the booze they were drinking, considering they had special licenses.

Lyra glanced over at the three hunched and dejected looking figures sitting handcuffed to the back of the stage. All three had tugged at the handcuffs once or twice and given up not long after. A pile of red crystal shards were zipped into a clear plastic evidence bag not far away, and all three girls were casting them looks of longing. She felt a grin split her face. “Well, it wasn’t pretty and it might not be on par with catching Al Capone, but something tells me it won’t be that far off.” She grabbed the bottle back and took a slow sip, savoring it again.

Bonnie chuckled, leaning back against part of the stage scaffolding. “It was about as pretty as the Capone bust was. Sheesh, my head is still aching from that.” She rubbed at her temple with two fingers, wincing. “Let’s leave out the part where they mind controlled us into becoming complete jerkstores in the report, shall we?”

“No argument from me,” Lyra smiled, stretching out a little and capping the bottle. That was enough celebratory whisky for now, they’d have to enjoy the rest later once the pickup was made.

One of the three heads came up, and Lyra wondered how the heck they’d gotten their hair into those absurd styles and kept them that way. They must go through a loooot of hair conditioner. “Let us go,” Sonata Dusk whined, wriggling her wrists against the cuffs. “We haven’t done anything illegal! You can’t do this to us!” Her voice cracked on the last word, and she winced away for a moment before trying again. “Come on, we said we were sorry about everything! We’ll be good, we swear!”

Lyra snorted. “Sonata, Princess Twilight might be of the forgiving mind, but I’m afraid we’re not quite as high minded as she is. Besides, we’ve got some very long standing questions to ask you three.” She grinned fiercely, caressing the pump-action on her personal shotgun. “Don’t worry. If you’re really innocent, I’m sure the director will treat you fairly. She’d probably rather we didn’t have a bunch of students asking where you lot went.”

Sonata wilted at that and huddled into herself. Of all the three of them, Lyra was sure Sonata was the only actually innocent one. She wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the box, and… Well, Lyra couldn’t confirm this with facts, but she had a hunch she’d been along more for the thrill and the power than any actual malice.

Principal Celestia appeared a few moments later, her cheeks flushed and looking frankly embarrassed for the first time Lyra could ever remember. “Well, that could have been a far greater disaster,” she said in a quiet voice, folding her hands in front of her jacket and giving a little tsk at the sight of their guns. “Really, girls. Are those absolutely necessary?”

Bonnie raised a rather sarcastic eyebrow at the principal. “All due respect, ma’am, but I’m not about to take chances with the three girls who just turned into sea-dragons and nearly wrecked up the stadium doing so.” She glared at the three figures. “Not to mention they might very well be three fugitives we’ve been looking for for a very long time.”

Adagio lifted her head, opening her mouth to say something, perhaps... And fell silent when Celestia raised a finger to her. “Well, we certainly do have to account for their actions, but I rather think we can manage that without any real problems now that temptation has been removed from their grasp.” She planted her fists on her hips, leaning down to regard Adagio in the eye. “Once I’ve spoken to the director, I think we can provide for their reformation. We certainly achieved that with Sunset Shimmer, after all.”

Lyra shook her head slowly. Of all the people in all the world she’d ever have expected to turn into a hero, Sunset was nowhere near the top of her list. She’d like to have believed Sunset was simply acting out of self interest, but something really special had gone on out there tonight. She didn’t know what - yet - but she knew it was special. Adagio just glared at the Principal, who smiled sweetly. “Captain Sentry will be along shortly to take them into custody, but I’m certain they shall be back in time for class and detention on Monday.”

Lyra didn’t doubt that the principal wanted to make it happen. Still. She gave Bonnie a quick glance and nodded faintly at her. This was an opportunity given what the whole school had been through tonight. “Principal Celestia, would you mind giving me a few moments of your time in private?” She asked in her most respectful, quietest voice. The principal tilted her head thoughtfully and then nodded at her.

Backstage was private enough and close enough if there were any problems with the Dazzlings. Besides, she wanted Bonnie nearby in case things went wrong on her front. The principal folded her hands in front of her and almost… braced herself. Lyra leaned on the butt of her shotgun and huffed. “How long have you been in contact with the other world?” she asked, as bluntly as she could possibly do without using her accent. It was a shot in the dark, certainly, but Lyra had a good feeling it was an accurate one.

The principal stiffened and seemed to consider Lyra’s words. “Four years,” she said a moment later, nearly shocking Lyra off her perch. “I found Sunset Shimmer lying unconscious on the ground in front of the statue one morning next to a note and a heavy sack. The note said she was a very troubled girl who needed someone to watch out for her, someone to teach her to be a better person.” The principal raised her head high, looking down her nose at Lyra. “The sack contained a prodigious amount of gold, which the note said was meant to cover any ‘expenses’ that might be needed to assure her education.”

Lyra’s throat went dry, and she nearly swung the gun up to level at the principal… but she needed to hear more first. She gestured for her to go on. “Naturally, I took the offer,” she said, unable to conceal her obvious determination. “My job does not pay exceptionally well, and I was hardly going to simply leave her to fend for herself on the streets.” She sighed gently, clasping her hands together. “She seemed so confused when she woke up. It broke my heart to hear her tale. She was arrogant, of course.” The principal laughed softly. “But I could see there was good in her.”

Celestia trailed off, something weighing on her shoulders. “She was so obviously ignorant about the real world, but she tried as hard as I could ever expect. At first, I was sure we were making progress with her. She was such a sweet girl; she worked so hard to learn about our culture and the other students.” She looked away, eyes going distant. “Then a second note came on the same day next year, and I sent back a note of my own to give the good news. They sent more gold and asked for further updates.”

Principal Celestia sat down on a nearby packing crate and primly crossed her legs. “That’s when things started to get out of hand. Sunset started manipulating school politics, and it became clear she had other things in mind than education. I warned my mysterious correspondent, but they assured me that things were well in hand.” She paused, briefly. “Well, not hand, specifically. The notes always used very odd language.” She took a deep breath.

The principal’s hands twitched a little, and her cool smile fractured. “Things got worse, as you well know. She broke up that lovely group of friends. Then last year, the note I received informed me that they would be sending another guest soon.” She shivered a little but seemed to relax. “A student of my mysterious contact, who assured me that she would be able to set Sunset upon the right path again if she could not find it herself. I expressed my concerns at what Sunset might do to her, and I was answered with a veritable fortune of gold and a second note.”

Principal Celestia dug into her coat and produced a scrap of yellowed… paper? It was a very odd kind of paper, very high quality but unlike any manufacture she’d ever seen. It only had ten words on it, but those ten words nearly stopped her heart.

”Trust me, Sister. All will be well. -Princess Celestia Solaris”

“I never told her my name, in case you’re wondering.” The principal said quietly. “Not once. I always referred to myself as ‘her principal’. Sunset never corresponded with her, and I can assure you that no one else has interacted with that statue to my knowledge, save for Sunset and myself.”

Lyra wished she had the whisky bottle right then and there. “Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” she whispered, trying not to crinkle the note. Her mother would’ve slapped her for that, and for once Lyra might not’ve been mad at her for it.

The principal just nodded at her. “I have only rarely used the gold for personal gain. The rest of the time, it has been used to ensure Sunset has led a legal and comfortable life and to improve my school so that it might be better used to educate.” She gestured with her hand to the stadium around them. “Which isn’t to say I haven’t provided a nice yearly bonus to our teachers, nor taken a few good vacations of my own to deal with the stress.” She sighed, scrubbing one hand in her hair and looking thoroughly exasperated. “I’ve needed it, given what I’ve been through.”

Lyra shook her head and held the note back to Celestia. She took the note with a faint smile and tucked it back into her jacket. “I admit, I expected you to arrest me on the spot when I told you.” Celestia spoke quietly, gripping her hands together.

Lyra bit at her lip, then spoke in an equally quiet voice. “The thought is still occurring to me, principal, given what your decisions have put this school though.” She frowned. “How did you manage ‘legal’ with Sunset Shimmer when she’s not even of this Earth?”

“Friends who know how to deal with records. I merely made a few phone calls.” Her smile turned wry. “And spread around a little gold. Quite amazing what people will do when you put several thousand dollars in untraceable gold in front of them.” She crossed her arms and looked away, speaking softly. “I made up a story about a friend from Spain with a young daughter escaping an abusive husband and paid the right people to get her a green card. She’ll be an American citizen next year, if she wants to be.” She shrugged slightly. “I somehow doubt it will come to that, but there it is.”

Lyra sighed and scrubbed at her head. Bureaucratic bullpucky, of course. Her biggest problem now was she had to deal with her principal being technically guilty of harboring a fugitive and accepting bribery money from a foreign power which might very well constitute treason. Not to mention a lot of money laundering charges she wasn’t entirely sure would stick. Of course, the FBI would likely have a lot of questions for her regarding her communication with a foreign leader that might cause some serious issues.

But all told, it probably wasn’t going to add up to much except to make her lose her job and embarrass her in front of the community. And right now, that just wasn’t paperwork Lyra wanted to deal with. She was going to have enough to file for the Dazzlings without worrying about breaking in a new principal. “I want you to promise me you’re going to keep me updated on anything else this Princess says,” she said quietly, and the principal gazed at her in astonishment. The director is going to kick my butt if and when she finds out what you’ve been up to, and I want her to know you’ve been helpful, she thought at the principal as she spoke. “And I want to see all the previous messages, too. There’s something bigger going on here, and I need more info if I’m going to find out what.”

The principal narrowed her eyes, then sighed and nodded once. “I don’t know what you’ll glean from them that I haven’t discovered, but alright. But!” she held up her hand, “I will not allow you to jeopardize the safety of my students. You must promise me none of this information will lead to that.” Once again, Lyra was astonished at principal Celestia’s grit in defending her kids, no matter what the cost to herself.

Lyra stood up, shouldering her gun. She couldn’t help but admire the old broad for her principles. No pun intended. “Principal Celestia, we wouldn’t be here if we didn’t have your students safety foremost in mind.” She tipped a salute to hear and sauntered back toward Bonnie. “Trust me on that one,” she finished before slipping away from her principal. She had just gotten an entirely new load of things to think about tonight, and she needed to deal with one problem at a time.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Problems like Captain Sentry glaring at Bon Bon as a pair of uniforms loaded the Dazzlings into the black-and-white he’d thoughtfully brought along. “I’m telling you Captain, they’re not the kind of suspects you want palling around your drunk tank,” Bonnie was growling at him, her hands gripped into fists. “They’re a serious threat, and we’ve got standing Federal investigations on all three of them.”

“Oh please,” the captain snarled back, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know who your parents paid off to give you that pretty little badge, Miss. But I’m not even remotely threatened by three teenage girls with wild hair.” He gestured abruptly toward the Dazzlings with one hand before smoothing his own ruff of black hair back. “Besides, last I checked no one out there had been remotely harmed by this. Probably someone slipped something into the punch bowl as a prank, as I’m certain the toxicology report will bear out.”

Bon Bon was winding up a chest full of wind to have a go at him, and Lyra couldn’t have that. “Captain Sentry,” she drawled, cutting Bonnie off mid-bellow and sauntering down the stairs to ground level. It was time to employ some of that old Shakedown magic. “Tell me, do you really want to stick your neck out to interfere with a Federal investigation?” She did her best to keep most of her accent out of her voice, but that damned Irish lilt was making her coo like a singer in a nightclub.

The Captain wheeled to face her, only for his face to go red at the sight of her weapon slung casually over her shoulder. It was safetied, of course, but the Captain wouldn’t notice that minor detail. “Just what do you mean by ‘Federal’ investigation?” he asked, gripping at his utility belt and stomping forward to confront her. “I don’t see a single Federal officer around here, so unless you’re going to-”

Lyra had been waiting for that line. She pulled the slim folder out from her handbag and flashed it in front of her face with a cheeky smile to match the one on her badge. “If you like,” she cooed, as his jaw hit the pavement. “I’ll wait while you contact the Central Office and confirm our bonafides.” In truth, they were as much agents of the FBI as Flash Sentry was a world-famous guitar player, but the Feds would back them up if someone put a call in. So long as they weren’t trying to do anything particularly loud or extreme in the process anyway. Sometimes, it was nice to have the director as a friend.

Captain Sentry’s cheeks went cherry red, and he drew in a deep breath to go off on yet another tirade.. and she stomped forward right into his personal space and snapped a finger up into his nose. “Don’t test me, Steele Sentry,” she snarled at him, making his eyes go wide. “Don’t think for one second I won’t slap you with charges and haul you in front of a judge to make my point. You will treat me and my partner with respect, like it or not.” She wasn’t going to do any such thing, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t bluff.

Steele Sentry wasn’t about to back down from that, sadly. “You don’t have the jurisdiction to be telling me what to do here!” Oh, joy. She did so love that argument. She’d been briefed, of course, on what technically counted as their jurisdiction. And the captain was about to get a rude awakening.

She smiled sweetly, a gesture that temporarily caused confusion in the poor captain while she fished out a stack of much worn and folded papers. “Wrong,” she cooed, shoving them into his chest with no small amount of force. “Both myself and my partner have Federal police powers while operating within one hundred miles of Canterlot High School and while investigating any strange and unusual events which take place within that zone.”

The captain took the papers and unfolded them, and after ten seconds of reading the blood drained out of his face and left him as white as a sheet. He scrambled through the pack of papers before finally handing them back - in a mess - to her. “This is insane,” he muttered softly, clenching his hands and then unclenching them slowly. “You’re barely old enough to be my daughter, and you think you can order me around?!”

Lyra tucked the paperwork back into her purse and poked her finger into his chest. “Put our suspects into a proper holding cell until the director comes to pick them up in the morning.” She kept her voice pitched low and deadly serious. Which was undercut, again, by that dang lilt in her voice. “Or I swear to the good Lord that I’ll have you arrested and charged with obstruction. Are we clear?” She reached up and prodded her finger firmly into the center of his chest. ”Captain Sentry?”

He stared at her, a mixture of every kind of frustration she could name crossing his face before settling on resignation. “Yes, we are clear.” He spoke stiffly, like he’d swallowed a baseball or something.

She smiled sweetly. “There’s a good man. Th’ Bureau thanks you for your co-operation, Captain. We certainly won’t forget it.” She wiggled her fingers cheerfully at him.

The Captain turned and walked away like someone had just stuck a rake where the sun didn’t shine, and she watched him climb into the passenger’s seat of the squad car as it pulled out of the back of the stadium, three very important prisoners in tow. “You’ve been waiting for months to do that,” Bonnie gently admonished her, but she was smiling.

“Always nice to see a helpful public servant,” she cooed back at Bonnie, then giggled. “Alright, I have to admit it was nice to shove that bit of red tape right in his face. Remind him he isn’t the only dog in town any longer.” She crossed her arms and allowed herself a moment to bathe in the satisfaction of a job well done.

Bonnie just sighed, then laughed softly. “He’s going to give us all kinds of trouble down the road for that, you know,” she said, leaning into Lyra’s side and holding her close enough to cause Lyra a blush. She nodded silently in response, and Bonnie laid her head on Lyra’s shoulder. “So, what did you get out of the Principal?” she asked very sweetly, but Lyra could tell she was serious. She was gripping Lyra’s waist awfully tight, after all.

Lyra just sighed. “Things just got a lot more complicated, Bon Bon. Let’s go grab a burger, and I’ll tell you what I can.” She glared up at the moon, and blew out her lips. “Lord help me, there’s already going to be a mountain of paperwork without adding the principal to the pile.”

~~~~~Two Days Later~~~~~~

The knock on the door was perilously light, so light Lyra might not’ve heard it if she hadn’t been waiting for it. She swung the door open to see Sunset Shimmer standing there nervously, Applejack leaning next to her with a cocked eyebrow. “Since when d’ya’ll live in yer own place, Shamrock?” Applejack drawled, adjusting her hat.

Lyra leaned against the door frame herself and smiled. “Since we had a little change in our job situation.” She hooked a thumb over her shoulder. “Come on in. We’ve got an offer we’d like to extend to you two, Applejuice. We’re a little understaffed here and we could use some capable help.” She turned back toward the inner door, gesturing for them to follow. “And after what happened the other night, I think it’s high time we all had a discussion about how we can best keep this school and all of the people in it safe.”

“What did you mean?” Sunset asked, tilting her head quizzically. “Just who the heck do you mean by ‘we’?”

Lyra laughed softly. “I’ll explain everything. Grab a seat, put your feet up, we’ll get the drinks.” She turned, tapping in the code on the keypad next to the inner door. “Oh, and welcome to the Canterlot Bureau.” She smiled before pulling open the door and stepping inside.

It was time to get to work.

-fin-

Author's Note

If people really want me to make more of this, sound off in the comments.