Beast Wars: Friendship is Magic

It was nighttime and the diamond dogs, despite their love for gems, had decided to call it a day and hit the sack for the night.  They’d resume their crystal collecting at dawn as they always had.  The three leaders—Rover, Fido, and Spot—had all settled in on piles of jewels of all sorts of types, colors, and sizes where they began to drift off into slumber.  Their snooze didn’t last long, however, as there was a loud and deafening crash that rumbled directly above their caverns, quaking the ground and toppling gem piles, one of which Rover was lying on and he ended up being submerged in the colored stones.

"What was that?” Fido scratched his head.

“I don’t know, but it came from above…” Spot pointed upward.

“Let’s check it out.” Rover replied, pulling himself from underneath the jewel pile.

The dogs clawed their way upward, emerging above the ground where they were met with a phenomenal sight.  A few feet away from their opening laid a large, metallic object that was shaped like a capsule.  It had left behind a trail of dirt and toppled trees in its wake and smoke was still emanating from the pod as the outer casing slowly began to cool.  The three dogs were left dumbfounded as they haven’t seen anything quite like this before.

“What do you think it is?” Spot asked as the trio pulled themselves out of the crater and approached the construct.

“I… have no clue.” Rover said, stumped.

“It’s awfully shiny though…” Fido noted. “Think it’s some kind of new gem?”

“Ooh, a new gem!  That’s something we could use more of!” Rover rubbed his hands together, greedily as he eyed the pod.  Before the hounds could make a move, however, a voice rang out.

"Scanning for nearby lifeforms in progress…”

“Eh?  Who said that?” wondered Fido as the diamond dog leaders rotated their heads, glancing over their surroundings but found no interlopers in sight.  Their attention was diverted back to the capsule before them as a rod with spherical shape emerged from the side, reaching towards the sky.  Their confusion deepened when a large, yellow, transparent film extended for as far as the eye could see.  Slowly, the yellow sheet rotated, heading towards the dog leaders.  The three curiously eyed the holographic layer as it harmlessly flowed over them and then disappeared.

“Scanning complete,” Echoed the voice once again before the rod retracted into the pod.  Sounds unknown the canines emitted from within what they believed to be some new gem and the top suddenly popped open with a loud hiss.  Steam poured from the slit, disappearing into wisps as a hand slowly emerged and grasped the lid.  With a grunt, the figure propelled the top, throwing it outward to create more room for itself.  The shape climbed out of the capsule, standing fully erect.  It stepped forward into the view of the organics that now stood before it and coughed.  What perplexed the dogs the must, however, was that this being was another diamond dog, like them, mostly resembling Rover in appearance, though the fur was a lighter shade of grey while the vest and collar were completely absent from its frame.

“Ah, man!  That was not a very pleasant trip, that’s for sure!” whined the new mongrel in a Brooklyn accent.  His eyes then met the other hounds who were staring at him with flabbergasted expressions. “…Uh… hello?  I come in peace?” the dog spoke again, sheepishly scratching his head.  Silence.  The new dog turned his head and whispered into his shoulder.  “Computer, what’re these things?  Mind givin' me a little help here?”

“No data entry available.” the voice from within his circuitry replied.

“Slag…” he muttered.  The diamond dog trio said nothing, they just looked on at this supposed fellow member of their species.  After a long, awkward string of silence, Rover finally found the nerve to ask the most important question that came to mind.

“Do you have any gems?”

The other canine stood there, completely dumbfounded.  Did they really just ask him that?  So far, the locals on this world weren’t leaving a good impression.

“I just fell from the sky in a pod and the first thing you ask me is if I have any gems?” he replied, just flat out stupefied.  The alpha males all looked at one another for a few seconds before refocusing on the newcomer, nodding, almost expectantly for some jewels.  The fourth dog couldn’t help but facepalm at their lack of common sense.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have any of those little trinkets you’re concerned with,” he answered, figuring he’d answer their inquiry to move the conversation along.  “Anyway, where the heck am I?”

“You’re on top of our mines.” Fido replied, gesturing to the numerous holes that surrounded them.  The other dog gazed at the craters that littered the ground then back at the other hounds.

“Mines?  Is that why you’ve dug all these holes?  One wasn’t enough for ya?” He crossed his arms.

“Well, how else are we going to find gems?” Spot pointed out.

“There they go with the gems again.” the fourth dog thought to himself as he pinched the brim of his nose.  “Are gems the only thing you three think about?” he had just about had it with their gem fetish.  “No wonder you live out here by yourselves!  Ain’t this just dandy?  I lose my ship, I get separated from the others, and to add insult to injury, I’m stuck here, conversin' with a bunch of filthy mutts who’ve been scanned as my new alternate mode… just fantastic.”

When he looked back at the three dogs, he realized that they were growling at him.

“Who’re you calling filthy mutts?” Rover snarled.

“Um, are you deaf or just plain stupid?” the other dog quipped.  “You’ve heard me just fine the past few sentences, so I guess that narrows it down, doesn’t it?” The trio’s growling deepened at this apparent insult and Rover let out a howl.  Within seconds a large contingent of diamond dog guards had burst from the ground, weapons in the form of spears, in hand.  It was at that moment that the newcomer came to the realization that he might have had a bad voice of words.  He slowly began to back away, putting up his hands in self-defense.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, no need to get excited here… let’s just take this easy, nobody needs to get hurt…” he began but the only response he got was a spear being hurled in his direction.  The dog yelped, ducking as the projectile flew straight over his head and buried itself several inches into a tree. “Alright, that about does it.  You want to get nuts?  Let’s get nuts then!”

He knew that now would be a good time to use his more… powerful mode.  However, he needed a name to go along with his newly given form.  Since these curs had a single mindset related to gems, he figured he could go along with it but make it sound more appealing to him and others… mostly him, though; and he knew just the name to dub himself.

“Paragon, Maximize!”

The diamond dogs’ eyes widened as they watched the new dog begin to undergo some kind of…transformation.  The dog stood on his two front legs while large clawed hands emerged from his hind legs.  The head shifted towards the back of the being, leaving a hole that allowed a new head to emerge and take its place.  Its ‘eyes’ were glowing yellow, it possessed a small snout with a black helmet encasing the remaining portions of its head.  The tail coiled into a small bun on his back, right beneath the head of his dog form.  This new creature towered over the diamond dogs, almost three times their size.

This ‘dog’ was really a giant robot!

“Alright then…” the robot emitted a growl of his own.  “Who wants some?”

The pack of dogs looked at one another, completely taken aback by this sudden development, though one of the guards worked up the guts to propel another spear at this behemoth but it was swatted away by one of the robot’s large hands.  Paragon scoffed at this, “Don’t worry, there’s plenty of me to go around!  You want to see real weapons?” his thighs opened up and two small, rectangular devices popped out, landing in his hands.  He pressed two buttons on the ends of them and a small dial began to turn, accompanied by steady beeping that began to gain speed.  “Explosives!  Never leave Cybertron without ‘em and I’ve got two of ‘em right here with your names on these bad boys!  Eat ‘em and weep!” he tossed the charges in front of his foes’ feet and the mines’ detonated in a large blaze.  The shockwave of the explosion caused the ground beneath the diamond dogs to give way and they tumbled back into their mines below with yelps and whimpers echoing as they sank out of sight.

A loud thud followed seconds later.

Paragon laughed.

“And THAT’S what you get for messin’ with the demolitions expert!” he chortled as he turned to leave, though didn’t make it very far before he felt an object collide with his head, nearly knocking him for a loop.

“OW!” he massaged where the item had struck.  He turned and picked up what had hit him.  It was a piece of coal with a singular word carved into it.

Jerk.

The Maximal grumbled, chucking the lump of coal over his shoulder where it fell back down the hole, and departing from the mines.

Paragon walked for what seemed like hours—in reality, it was about fifteen minutes or so, he tended to be impatient that way--but got little more than mountains and the occasional trees.  He tried his comm link to get ahold of any of his comrades.

“Optimus, come in.” Paragon spoke.

Static.

“Optimus, respond, do you read me?  Come on, don’t do this to me.”

Nothing.

“Is this blasted comm link even workin'?!” he shouted in irritation as he tapped the side of his head.

“Energon fields have severely reduced communications equipment’s efficiency," the computer voice chimed in.

“Gee, that would have been nice to know before I got out of the pod!  Thanks for nothing, ya hunk of junk…” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” the automated voice replied, earning an exasperated groan from the maximal.  Suddenly, his body quickly began to grunt in pain as his body started to stiffen and occasionally jerk involuntarily.  Light blue veins of electricity crackled across his entire body, appearing and reappearing every few seconds.

“Wh-What the slag is happenin’ to me?!” he demanded.

“Energon surge.  The planet possesses a massive supply of Energon; too much Energon.  Sustained exposure will cause critical and permanent damage.  Transform into beast mode immediately.” The computer recommended.  Paragon didn’t need to be told twice as he wasted no time in converting back to his dog mode.

“… That would have been nice to know, too!” he facepalmed.  “Man, this is just bogus!  Not only is there Energon, but there’s too much of it, I’ve got no communications, I have a time limit on my robot mode, and to top it all off, I still don’t know where my teammates are!  For all I know, they could be offline and I’m stuck here on this blasted planet!  Fantastic!” Paragon finished his rant and continued his journey to find civilization and ask for some help or his fellow crew members, whichever came first.

I'm gonna die.

It wasn't until morning that Paragon finally found some form of enlightenment when he spotted a town.  He couldn't help but sigh with relief.  “Finally!  Thank the Matrix!  Maybe, I can finally get an idea of where the heck I am!” he cheered as he quickened his pace.  “I just hope it’s not full of those scrap eating mutts...” His progress was brought to a complete and sudden halt, however when something tackled him.  The Maximal staggered backward, letting out a surprised yelp.  He looked down at what had hit him and found that it wasn't a something but someone.  Upon further examination, he had noticed that this…thing was some kind of animal and it looked to be hugging his mid-section.

I’m being hugged by this pink and fluffy…thing?  Oh, man, I just know I’m not going to like this…

He lifted one of his arms and poked at the ball of hair a couple times.  Whatever tackled him finally looked up, meeting his gaze… and on its face was probably the biggest smile the Maximal had ever seen in his life.

“Hi there!” the pink creature said in the happiest, go-lucky, sugar-coated, and cheerful voice possible.

Oh yeah… I’m SO not going to like this… Paragon groaned internally, finding this little life form’s smile to be unsettling.  “What the slag are you doing?!” he grunted, trying to pry the pink ball of fur off of him but to no avail for her grip was like iron.

Jeez, she puts the likes of Optimus’ grip to shame! He continued to struggle but found no success.  “Would you get off me already?!” Paragon was howling at this point, thrashing and shaking, anything to get this giggling parasite off of him!

“Fun!  Fun!  Fun!” was the only response he got from the giddy creature.  Paragon finally tired himself out and collapsed onto his back. Paragon finally tired himself out and collapsed onto his back. He then realized that he may have to resort to that word. That one word he hated saying with a passion. He sighed and steeled himself.

“Would you… please let me go?” he asked.  He could not believe he just said that.  For Spark's sake, this whole scenario was embarrassing enough! At least the others weren't around to see it, otherwise he'd never hear the end of it.

“Okay!” the happy, pink animal finally let go but remained bouncing in place in front of him.  Paragon sat up, feeling like he wanted to punch himself for having to go to such an extreme.  He growled.

“Jeez, someone had a power surge!” he groaned.  “Who are ya, anyway?!”

“I’m Pinkie Pie!  I love fun!” the pink being replied, smile still wide on her face.

“Pinkie Pie?  And I thought my race had weird names…” he muttered.  “What kind of parents name their child ‘Pinkie Pie’ and who thought ‘Yeah, that’s a great name!’?”

The pink creature continued to bounce up and down, “Fun!  Fun!  Fun!” this prompted Paragon’s eye to twitch as he had found this thing to be severely annoying.   He was almost beginning to miss the diamond dogs.  At least their mindset was tolerable!

“What are you?!”

“I’m a pony, silly willy!” she replied with a load of optimism.

“What the heck is a pony?” before he could get an answer, however, he felt something grab onto his leg, prompting the maximal to yip and look down.  Much to his dismay, he found another pink ball of fluffy hair.  “Oh, don’t tell me…” his thought never finished as the thing holding his leg looked up and had an all too familiar smile on its face.

“Hi!  I’m Pinkie Pie!  I love fun!” she said.

“What the heck?!  I know that!  How did you--?!” he began before he realized there were now two of these pink ponies grinning at him.

“Are you two twins or something?!”

“Fun!  Fun!  Fun!” the two ponies chanted in unison.  Paragon’s optic twitched again as he suddenly remembered that he had an appointment somewhere else…anywhere else.  He slowly began to back away from the two and when he turned around to make a run for it and get as far away from these smiling abominations as possible, his optics shot wide open.  What he saw next would haunt him till he went offline.  An entire mob of bouncing, overjoyed pink ponies were staring right back at him.

“Hi!  I’m Pinkie Pie!” they all greeted.

That did it.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Paragon shouted at the top of vocal processors into the sky while clinging onto his head with both hands.  Whatever sanity he may have had left had been completely diminished.

“Hey, everypony, look!  It’s Ponyville!” one of the Pinkie Pies shouted happily.  The rest cheered with joy and bounced toward the town, having completely forgotten about the maximal who had lost his battle to cling onto sanity.  He stood there alone before collapsing.  He covered his eyes and took long, deep breaths, trying to recover from the whole ordeal.

“Uh, excuse me?” rang out a very familiar voice.  Paragon took his hands off his face and looked up.  There, standing mere inches from him was yet another pink pony!  He was this close to screaming again but this one wasn’t bouncing or giggling or hugging him.  She just stood there with a slightly concerned look on her face.  “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie.  I’m looking for a bunch of ponies that look just like me.  They bounce up and down and like to have fun.  Do you, by any chance, know where they might have gone?”

Paragon just stared at the pony in question.  After a moment or so, he lifted a paw and pointed in the direction of the town, “They went that way.” he said, blankly.

“Okay, thank you!” the pink pony quickly ran in the direction he pointed out.  He just watched her go and he was debating on whether or not his main processors had a glitch.  He had a feeling that he wasn’t going to like this planet…at all.  But then he realized he still hadn’t asked for directions or where he was and that pony was the only local he had seen so far.  He began to stand up and contemplated on following her when he heard more voices behind him.

“Hi!”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Paragon, having lost his grip on reality once again, took off for the Everfree, leaving behind three bewildered looking fillies.

“What’s with him?  All we did was say ‘hi!’.” the white unicorn named Sweetie Belle said.  Her companions, a yellow pony with a bow in her hair named Applebloom and an orange filly Pegasus named Scootaloo.

“Beats me.” Apple Bloom replied.

“Whatever, he’s probably just some weirdo.  Now come on, we need to go find our cutie marks!”  Scootaloo exclaimed.  “Let’s try being rock climbers!”

“Yeah!” The trio high-hoofed.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS: ROCK CLIMBERS!”