Cops: Equestria

by whysoserious1985

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex, Tragedy, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Crossover
Length: 4275

Bad colts, bad colts... This Special Edition of Cops is filmed on location with the colts and mares of law enforcement. All supsects are innocent until proven guitly in a court of law.

Bad Colts, Bad Colts. Watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they come for you? A Special Edition of COPS in the land of Equestria. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Stories featuring the Full Cast X Original Characters

Published 2015-04-20 04:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-21 02:41:12 UTC

Chapter 1: Ponyville Sheriff's Office

Ponyville, Equestria
Ponyville Sherriff's Office

"Ponyville is one of the nicest places in Equestria," a deep brown colt said. His dark green hair was hidden under his Navy Blue hat as he walked along Mane Street. His blue eyes were constantly scanning the calm street. The rest of his uniform covered his upper body, leaving his flank bare. On his hind quarters was his cutie mark, a pair of hoof-cuffs. His belt with gun, mace, nightstick, cuffs and radio stood ready for anything. It was a bright afternoon and the sun was shining in a cloudless sky.
Deputy Long Arm

"There is very low crime in Ponyville," Deputy Long Arm continued. "Some ponies say we don't need any law enforcement. But I would rather have something and not need it, than need it and not have it." He walked along the street passing Daisy's Shop, Sugar Cube Corner, and the Library. "It's mostly Earth Ponies here in town, but there are Pegasus Ponies and Unicorns as well. We all get along perfectly. I lived here all my life and it was always a good place to raise a family and settle down. It's quiet and friendly. Nothing like Manehatten, you know what I mean?" Deputy Long Arm kept walking along passing several ponies as he went giving them each a nod. "Most of the calls I get are, disorderly conduct, some trespassing, but occasionally we get an urgent call." His thoughts and calm patrol were quickly broken by his radio.
12:47PM Assault Call
"Dispatch, Deputy Lock Down," the radio buzzed. "10-30, Carousel Boutique." Deputy Long Arm reached onto his shoulder and spoke into his radio piece

"10-4, Lock Down, Long Arm enroute," he responded.

"10-4," the radio said, "No need to rush the suspects aren't going anywhere." Long Arm began a steady jog to due east towards the scene.

"10-30 is an assault call here in Ponyville," he started. "It's very uncommon to get this call because everyone in town either knows each other or knows of each other. And the last thing you would expect in this place is an assault. But like I said before they do happen." Long Arm continued to jog around the corner and soon had the scene in sight. Even from a distance he could hear a mare shouting and crying. As he got closer, Long Arm could see a large splatter of red on the ground and two young colts on the roof of the boutique.

"Just look at me, Officer," the white unicorn was crying. "My mane and my coat are ruined! It'll take me days to wash this out." Long Arm walked up and was greeted by Deputy Lock Down, a silver colt with a black mane and tail and green eyes. His cutie mark was a nightstick. Beside him a unicorn was crying and covered in a sweet smelling red liquid. "I may never get these stains out," she cried and began to swoon. "Oh I feel faint."

"Miss," Long Arm said. "Can you calm down for me for a second and tell me your name?"

"Rarity," she said regaining her composure and sitting down. "I am the proprietor of this boutique. I want those ruffians on my roof incarcerated for this! SNIPS, SNAILS, you two have gone too far!" Rarity shouted at her roof at the top of her lungs. Deputy Long Arm looked up and saw two scared sets of eyes looking down on the roof top.

"Ok, Miss Rarity," Long Arm started taking note of the red goop. "Are you alright? Do you need medical attention?"

"Of coarse not," she noted.

"Ok, tell me what happened," Long Arm said. Rarity took a moment to calm down and gather her thoughts.
"I had just returned from lunch with my friend Fluttershy for a bridal fitting with a client at 1:30," she started. "Oh you should see the gown. She'll look smashing on her wedding day. I was just about to enter my boutique when those two dumped strawberry puree on me. Would you please hurry and arrest those two so I can clean up. I can feel it drying on my coat and getting stained." Rarity began shaking her body trying to get some of the goop off herself. Long Arm and Lock Down stepped back to avoid any splatter and both turned to the roof.

"Snips and Snails are, I wouldn't call them delinquents," Deputy Long Arm started. "They just have some trouble knowing when to draw the line."
Deputy Lock Down

"Yea they have a nasty habit of not thinking things through," Deputy Lock Down continued.

"What happened, Lock?" Deputy Long Arm asked.

"I was just passing my by on my normal route," he started. "I heard a loud scream of bloody murder. I ran over here as fast as I could and found the complainant as she is covered in this goop. Looked up and I saw two colts looking for a way to get down from the roof." Long Arm shook his head at his fellow deputy's words. "Dispatch, we need a wagon at Carousel Boutique," Lock Down said into his radio.

"10-4, Deputy," the radio buzzed. Long Arm looked around and saw red hoof prints leading into the bushes. Lock Down stayed with Rarity to try and calm her down. Following the prints the officer came to a fallen ladder lying on the side of the boutique. It had a pair of hoof prints on the side in the strawberry puree.

"Miss Rarity?" he shouted. "Did you knock down this ladder?"

"Yes I did," Rarity replied triumphantly before returning to Lock Down. "I wouldn't allow those two mischief makers to get away without punishment." Long Arm looked up and saw the colts were looking over the edge of the roof at the ladder.

"Boys, its Deputy Long Arm. You two colts know you're in trouble, right?" Deputy Long Arm called. The colts cringed in fear at the officer's words and slunk away from the edge.

"We're sorry, Long Arm," Snails called. "It was just a joke, we swear. You know we didn't mean any harm."

"Well we're not laughing, boys," Long Arm called roughly. "I told you colts to stay out of trouble last time you caused problems." Deputy Long Arm gripped at the ladder as a police carriage rolled up. Two additional deputies fumbled with their harnesses. They unhooked themselves and walked over to Long Arm. Together the three set up the ladder. "Both of you come down one at a time, slowly!" Long Arm commanded. Snips was the first one to obey. The stout little blue colt stepped lightly onto the top of the ladder and slowly climbed down. "Come down and keep your hooves where we can see them!" Snips complied as descended the ladder. When he reached the bottom, Deputy Long Arm reared up and put one hoof on Snips back. The colt was pinned against the ladder. Long Arm reached into a pouch on his belt and brought his cuffs up. "Put your hooves behind your back." Snips complied and began to cry as the cuffs clicked onto him tightly.

"Can't we just apologize to Rarity? WE'RE SORRY, LONG ARM!" the colt cried out.

"I bet you are, son," Long Arm said handing him off to another deputy. "But you're not getting a slap on the wrist this time." Snips was led over to the police carriage and put inside the black and white structure where he cried some more. By now a small crowd had gathered to see the spectacle. "Snails get off the roof and come down slowly!" Snails didn't answer. He just looked over the edge and slunk back onto the roof. "Snails get off the roof now!" Again there was no response. Deputy Lock Down took a set of cuffs from another deputy and began to climb. When he reached the halfway mark, Long Arm saw Snails hind quarters trying to find his footing on the ladder. The deputy continued to climb to the top as Snails found his footing and began to climb down. Long Arm stayed half way up and waited for Snails to come to him. When the tan colts reached the halfway point, Deputy Long Arm put his hoof on the colts back and led him down the ladder. At the bottom Snails put his hooves behind his back without being told. "You know what you did was wrong."

"I know, Long Arm," Snails said somberly.

"So why did you do it?" Long Arm asked snapping the cuffs on the colt. Snails didn't answer. He just let out a weak sob. "I'm afraid tears aren't going to help you this time." Long Arm passed Snails off and he was led away.

"Dispatch, suspects are 104, Carousel Boutique," the Deputy said leading Snails to the carriage. Long Arm then went up the ladder and looked around the roof. He saw a metal bucket with the same red goop over by the edge of the roof overlooking the entrance to the boutique. Stepping carefully, he walked along the roof and grabbed the handle in his mouth. He descended the ladder with the bucket in mouth.

"This is what they used to dump that goop," Long Arm said clenching the handle in his teeth. "Got the bucket they used." He walked over to Lock Down and Rarity.

"Oofah," Deputy Lock Down said with a sigh of relief. "Good thing they didn't lose their grip on this thing."

"Oh, my stars," Rarity said with fear.

"Yea, this thing could have severely injured you, Miss Rarity," Long Arm said.

"Thankfully it didn't," the unicorn said in relief. "If we are done, I must insist on taking my leave and try some measures to remove this goop from my mane coat. I only pray I won't need professional stylist to help." Long Arm and Lock Down nodded and Rarity went into her shop to clean up. Lock Down took the bucket and placed in an evidence bag. Long Arm walked around to the door of the patrol carriage and opened it. He looked at the two colts as they cried in the seat. Their eyes were turning bloodshot from the tears.

"When are you two going to learn?" Deputy Long Arm asked. Snips and Snails just kept crying in the carriage. "I'm asking you two a question."

"We're sorry, Long Arm," Snips said between sobs. "We really are."

"No, you two are just sorry you got caught and now you're going to spend some time behind bars," Long Arm replied. Snips and Snails began sobbing harder at the thought of being locked up. "Now listen, you two are under arrest for Aggravated Assault. That's a felony. I'm also charging you with Misdemeanor Trespassing. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to legal council. If you cannot retain one, the courts will provide you with one." Snips and Snails looked at Long Arm with terrified eyes and his heart melted for the two young colts. "Look I know you boys aren't bad colts. But even after you two put everypony in danger with the Ursa Minor, you still haven't learned. You're going down the wrong path. I want you two to think long and hard on what you did here and get your acts together. It's time to grow up." Long Arm closed the door to the carriage and it was pulled off by the other two deputies. Deputy Lock Down followed after them. The small crowd of ponies looked on with disgust and began to disperse at Long Arm's commands.

"Right now they are heading to the precinct," he said. "This is just a classic case of taking a prank too far. They are going to be charged with Felony Aggravated Assault and Misdemeanor Trespassing. They'll spend some time behind bars while they wait for their parents to pick them up. They are also going to be forbidden from setting hoof on Miss Rarity's property again. Being that they are juveniles, they'll be released to their parent's custody with an order to appear in court. It's not going to be pretty. I know these colts and their families. As much as I want to give them another chance it's for the courts to decide now. Because Snips and Snails have caused mischief in the past, I imagine they are going to get a reality check when they have their day in court. Even quiet towns have some level of crime."

COPS

Chapter 2: Cloudsdale Police Department

COPS

Cloudsdale, Equestria
Cloudsdale Police Department
Officer Sky High

“I joined the force,” a mare began as she glided through the air. “About a year ago, but I knew all my life I wanted to be a cop. I didn’t know it at first though.” Officer Sky High landed on a nearby cloud and shook out her pink mane. Her tan coat contrasted the black uniform she wore proudly. Her cutie mark was the Scales of Justice. “When I was in school, I was classmates with a couple rowdy fillies. They kept trying to get me to break the rules with them under the guise of being cool. I thought about doing what they said until I saw how stupid they were acting. They did it all from cutting class to stealing lunch money and bullying others. Eventually, I got tired of them terrorizing all our classmates and told my teacher. They got expelled that very day. I watched them leave from the window and my cutie mark appeared right there. Ha, first one in my class. I had thought about being a cop when I grew up. But on that day, I knew it was what I wanted.” Sky High sat down on a cloud to feel the gentle breeze. She then shifted her weight to not sit on her nightstick or gun. A silver whistle dangled from her neck. “Base, Unit 3 is code 62,” she said into her radio.

“10-4, Unit 3,” the radio squawked back. Sky High settled into her puffy perch to begin her watch. The sky was specked with medium sized clouds and the sun had warmed the air perfectly. It was very peaceful and calm. Officer Sky High got so comfortable she tucked her legs under her body to lay down.

“I just told the dispatcher that I am on stand-by,” she began. “We have to stake out this area because we are on the border of the Flight Restriction Zone. It is about half a mile from outskirts of Cloudsdale. This is where a lot of young and extreme flyers are allowed push the limits of their flying abilities without risk to any property or mid-air collisions. You know everypony likes a little speed once in a while. So Princess Celestia created this space last month and accidents have dropped significantly. Before that we had to deal with fillies and colts flying recklessly all over Cloudsdale. We don’t have to worry anymore. We still need to patrol the area for border violations and keep an eye out for any accidents. Once you cross this border, you have to obey all flight laws of Cloudsdale.

I usually see younger fillies and colts out here and I’ve seen the Wonderbolts practicing here too.” Sky High’s purple eyes scanned the horizon looking for any trouble she could see. Nothing out of the ordinary caught her eye. “When your adrenaline is going from doing a bunch of stunts and high speeds, you can forget the borders and potentially cause an accident.” No sooner had Officer Sky High finished her sentence, a multicolored streak whizzed behind Officer Sky High. She whipped around and recognized who zipped by her. “Uh, again Rainbow?” she said annoyed. The police mare popped her whistle into her mouth and took off in pursuit.
4:10PM Border Violation

Sky High flew as fast as she could against the wind to catch up to the speedster. Blowing her whistle as loudly as she could, the speeding pony quickly slowed down and landed on a large cloud in front of her.

“Base, Unit 3 is 10-85,” Sky High called into her radio as she slowed down to land next to the blue mare.

“10-4,” the radio buzzed. Sky High landed on the cloud and looked Rainbow Dash right in the eye. All the officer could manage was to shake her head in disappointment. Dash took only a split second to recognize the policemare who was standing in front of her.

“Officer Sky High,” Dash said with a crooked smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How are you?” Sky High sat down on the cloud and put her fore hooves on her hips.

“When are you going to learn to slow down, Rainbow Dash?” the police mare asked. “This is the forth time I’ve pulled you over since I joined the force.” Rainbow Dash just chuckled at the officer drawing a dry look from Sky High.

“Oh come on, Sky High,” Rainbow began. “How long have you known me?”

“Too long, since before flight camp,” the officer replied sarcastically before reaching for her radio. “Unit 3, I need a 34 on Rainbow Dash.” Rainbow tried to strike up a conversation with her old friend, but Sky High kept silent while waiting for a response.

“10-4,” the dispatcher replied. Rainbow Dash smiled at the voice she heard.

“Is that Stake Out?” Rainbow Dash said with joy. “Last time I saw him at the precinct he said was retiring. I’m glad he still on the job. He’s an awesome guy to have around.”

“Only you would know half the precinct on a first name basis, Rainbow,” Sky High said.

“More like the whole precinct,” Rainbow joked. Sky High cocked her eyebrow and brought a forehoof to her head. Rainbow was a little bit of an arrogant pony. But who in their right mind would be proud of that dubious accomplishment. “You’re right, that’s nothing to brag about.” Rainbow looked down at the cloud when she realized Sky High was not in any mood for her jokes.

“Unit 3,” the radio squawked. “Clean 34, all fines are paid in full. No citations issued in six months”

“10-4, any 10-85s?” she replied. “Rainbow, I stopped you today because you violated the Flight Restriction Border.” Rainbow quickly lifted her head and looked in Sky High eyes. Most of Rainbow Dash’s trademark confidence had been replaced with concern.

“Oh,” Dash said. “I thought the border was another hundred yards further in.”

“No, right where I was sitting was the border,” Sky High replied. Rainbow Dash got a panicked look in her eyes. Though the penalty was only a hefty fine, it was the stain on her background for this violation that concerned her.

“Unit 3,” the radio buzzed. “That’s a negative on the 10-85.”

“10-4,” the police mare replied and placed her hoof on the citation book on her belt. Rainbow looked at her with worried eyes.

“Sky High,” she began getting police mare’s attention. “I know you should give me a ticket, and I understand you having to do that. But in all honesty I lost my bearings when I was practicing for this year’s Best Young Flyers Competition. I’m the defending champion. If I win this year, the Wonderbolts might give me a chance to join them. I honestly thought the border was further in. If you write that ticket, it’ll be the worst offense on my record. The Wonderbolts won’t even give me the time of day if they see this on my record. I’m really, really, really sorry. You have my word I’ll remember where the border is from now on.” Officer Sky High looked Rainbow Dash in the eye searching for some bit of mistruth. Rainbow Dash was practically on her knees begging her old friend for leniency. After a moment of searching for deception, Sky High found none in Rainbow’s eyes.. These two mares had known each other since they were fillies. Sky High was one of the few ponies who could tell when Dash was being sincere. Dash began to relax as she saw Sky High’s lips curl into a smile.

“Ok, Dash,” she said lowering her hoof from the book. “I am going to let you off with a warning this time because the border laws are still new and it’s your first offense.” Rainbow Dash jumped for joy on the cloud causing the cloud to leak some rain drops. Both mares laughed at impromptu rainfall before Sky High got serious again. “But you keep in mind that I’m not cutting you any breaks anymore. Remember I wasn’t court ordered into flight camp all those years ago.”

“I know,” Dash said with a smile. “Thank you so much, Sky High.” Rainbow was so happy she ending up catching the cop in a surprise hug. Rather than flinch, Sky High returned the hug to the Element of Honesty. “All things considered, it was good to see you again. Why don’t you stop by my place after your shift and we’ll catch up. I can’t remember the last time we hung out, Sky.”

“I’ll think about it, Rainbow,” Sky High said. “You have a safe flight back home.” Rainbow Dash spread her wing and leapt off the cloud. Sky High watched her fly away half expecting her to pick up speed. To her surprise, the multi-colored mare didn’t and continued on safely until she was out of sight.

“Rainbow Dash is one of the most well known flyers in Cloudsdale, everypony knows her,” Sky High said. “She’s very talented, a defending champion, and a dedicated athlete. And let’s not forget she helped save Equestria from Nightmare Moon. But she spends so much time practicing and perfecting her tricks that she quite often forgets to obey the flight laws. That’s how she racked up a long list of minor violations. She was even grounded for 30 days when she was a filly before the judge sent her to flight camp. I find it funny though that with all the violations she has racked up, she remains on good terms with the whole precinct. She should because she used to be down there once a month to pay some kind of fine. Rainbow aspires to be a member of the Wonderbolts. But they screen their members more strictly than the royal guards. Any serious offences or evidence of reckless behavior and you are barred from joining. Regardless though, she is a good pony who just makes a few stupid mistakes. I’m confident with the open air outside the border, her encounters with the police are going to drop to nothing. At least that’s what I hope.”

COPS

Intro

Author's Note

This is it people. The original Cops Equestria from 2011 has finally been brought to FIMFIC. Be forewarned. I wrote this story to reflect the layout of the real show COPS. They are cutesy stories here. But you may not like the stories that pull no punches. Which one's are they? You'll know when you read it.

Intro

HUH!
BAD COLTS, WATCHA WANT
WATCHA WANT, WATCHA GONNA DO?
WHEN SHERIFF HARD TIME COME FOR YOU?
TELL ME?
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO?
YEAHEAH!

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?

WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT
AND YOU HAD BAD TRAITS,
YOU GO TO SCHOOL
AND LEARN THE GOLDEN RULE.
SO WHY ARE YOU
ACTING LIKE A BLOODY FOOL?
IF YOU GET HOT,
YOU MUST GET COOL.

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?

YOU CHUCK IT ON THAT ONE,
YOU CHUCK IT ON THIS ONE.
YOU CHUCK IT ON YOUR MOTHER AND
YOU CHUCK IT ON YOUR FATHER.
YOU CHUCK IT ON YOUR BROTHER AND
YOU CHUCK IT ON YOUR SISTER.
YOU CHUCK IT ON THAT ONE AND
YOU CHUCK IT ON ME.

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?

NOPONY NAW GIVE YOU NO BREAK.
POLICE NAW GIVE YOU NO BREAK.
ROYAL GUARD NAW GIVE YOU NO BREAK.
NOT EVEN YOU 'IDREN NAW GIVE YOU NO BREAK.
HEY! HEY!

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ACT SO MEAN?
DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE PONY BEING?
BORN OF A MOTHER WITH THE LOVE OF A FATHER,
REFLECTIONS COME AND REFLECTIONS GO!

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?

I KNOW SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO LET GO,
HEY! HEY! HEY!
I KNOW SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO LET GO…

BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU
BAD COLTS, BAD COLTS
WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOOOOOOU?

This Special Edition of COPS is filmed
on location with Colts and Mares
of law enforcement:
All suspects are innocent until proven guilty
in a court of law.