Adventure fic! Yay!

by Silver Sea

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character
Length: 1416

Read the title.

One day in the peaceful land of Equestria, shit happens. Cloudsdale is nuked, two ponies break out of the Canterlot Quarentine zone, and through it all, physics and the laws of the universes will be shattered.

Adventure.

Fuckin' whooope.

Edit: Only OCs? WHY THE FUCK NOT.

Published 2012-09-21 04:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-21 04:14:02 UTC

ITS DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE!

In the distant past, Alicorns once walked among ponies. That was until the Great War. All records of the war were lost, destroyed by those who once treasured all knowledge. Once ponies learned about such atrocities, they tended to... reenact them. This horror ravaged the world again.

And that's where I come in.

Sit and listen closesly, little one. I need to tell you the tale of Alicorns and Earth ponies.. Griffons and Buffallo. Pegasi and Unicorns. Dungeons and Dragons. Wizards and Warriors. Rouges and Archers. Comedy and Romance. Exceedingly long introductions! And most importantly, Ponies and Changel- well, Ponies.

"*Puff puff* Have you heard the *puff puff* news?"

"About those two suicides and a murder?"

"No, about the third suicide in Canterlot."

"I know it ended 200 years ago, but this war seems to have never ended. Can you even call it a war? This massacre started with some legend and 300 years later, the Equestria's population is cut by half and we have no leader. What now? Nuclear missiles?"

"Actually I came with more news. The bordering countries are threating nuclear warfare. Cloudsdale could be at risk."

"Why Cloudsdale?"

"Because a massive explosion in the sky destroying a cloud city would look awesome."

"Not with our animation style! We need to evacuate, now!"

"Already on it! I have officers escorting citizens out of the Cloudsdale area!"

"They won't be safe anywhere."

"Honey, we need to go! Now!" A stallion shouted to a mare in a run down apartment.

"Not without the foal!" She cried back.

"Ok, grab him and gallop! Gallop to the rest of the ponies!"

"Ok bye then!" The mare rushed out of the apartment and the stallion looked back at her, tears streaming from his cheeks.

"Queen, we need to go!" He held up an amulet around his neck, sporting an emerald encrusted into a silver locket. He opened the locket and viewed the mirror inside. A face flashed in it, with glowing green eyes and a twisted horn.

"Not yet. Grab the chest." The stallion grabbed a small jewelry box.

"Open it." The stallion opened the box. As he opened it, a red light filled the room. A two small objects floated out. A glistening black dagger, with veins of red traversing the blade, the edge sharp enough to cut you even by reading abo- ouch! And something so horrifying, so evil, so terrifying I shouldn't tell you what it is, but I will.

It was (Insert lightning flash) Chocolate flavored laxative.

"*Gasp* My Queen, I knew you were evil, but this? I'd rather suffer 100 lashes from a whip of the deepest hellfires. This should have been locked away eons ago, along with Beelzebub and Hannah Montana!"

"For you, my humble servant, I only use the best." Queen Chrysalis laughed the badassest of evil laughs (Hehehehehehe!) and faded out of the mirror. The stallion flashed green, leaving a changeling in full armor in his place. The changeling placed the dagger in a chink of his armor and the Laxative in his saddlebags, and then flew out of an open window.

Behind him, a gray streak fell upon Cloudsdale, followed by a large blast. A lone figure emerged from the rubble. A small, completely black pegasus colt who took off, wings outstretched, before falling the thousand feet to the ground. The changeling wasn't sure, but it thinks it heard the foal shout "I regret nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-" before falling out of view.

"Of course my son is that badass.." It said.

"We're doomed. We're all doomed. We're doomed. We won't live to see tomorrow. That's it, I'm gonna end it. Right here, right now. I'm goin'! I'm doin' it!" A stallion said, curled up in the fetal position (How does that work for ponies, anyway?) and crying.

"Yeah, you're not. Come on, a little bit farther." A unicorn mare told him.

"Come on, Dawn. We're not gonna get out of Canterlot through the sewers. We're gonna die, and we're not gonna live, and I'm afraid!"

"Okay, being your only friend, I can safely say that If I die, you're screwed. And if I die, reality is somehow bent." She quipped, looking at some tunnels branching off from their own.

"*Sniff* You're right. I should just suck it up and-" Something large sped past mid-sentence and took the stallion with it.

"Hey! COME BACK HERE WITH MY FRIEND!" The unicorn lowered her horn to her boots and covered them with a yellow glow.

"I am so happy my talent is enchanting." She said, and then took off, faster than the thing that took the stallion.

"Dawn! Star! Come on! HEEELP MEEE!"

"I'm coming, I just have to concentrate!" Her expression changed from questioning, to reasoning, to decision as she stopped running and lowered her horn to the sewer water. A spark jumped from her horn to the water, and soon the sludge was crackling with electricity. She started running again, only this time slower, as her boots were missing the yellow glow. When she finally found her friend, he was clinging to the wall next to some sort of crocodile.

"The shock only stunned it. We should go, I'm sure the exit isn't very..." She looked up. "There it is! X marks the spot! OK, we need to go through that grate!" The grate above them had a large X spanning the underside. Dawn blasted it out, and climbed up, followed by the stallion.

The room they were in was pitch dark, until it was illuminated by Dawn's horn. On the walls were rack upon rack of guns, swords, ammunition, weapons of all sorts.

"Twist?"

"Yeah, Dawn?"

"I like this room."

And our heroes find themselves fucked.

"Queen?"

"Yes, servant?"

"Where the fuck do I go? Usually these things just happen to be obvious, but seriously. I have no fucking idea what to do."

"Lay low for a while."

"How long?"

"A few hours, maybe a day or two." I have a feeling something bad's about to go down. If something interesting happens, investigate. If anyone tries to stop you, kill them."

"Queen, do you have a plan?"

"Shut up or I mind-crush you."

"You would."

"Seriously! Check out these!" Dawn ran over to a huge rack of shotguns.

"I don't think we should be here..." Twist foreshadowed.

"Nonsense! This room was made for us!" She was staring at some massive pistols.

"No, I think this room was meant for Griffons." Twist was looking at a poster in the corner. It read "Griffon Embassy"

"Look, stop being paranoid. We're just being rewarded for being rape slaves in our last lives." Now Dawn was looking at a giant pair of bazookas. (If you didn't get it, they were three boob jokes, idiots.)

"I'm serious, we should-" Twist was interrupted by the massive iron door being bashed down and two giant griffons coming in, brandishing machine guns.

"Tresspassers! What are you doing in the Equestrian Griffon Embassy?"

"What is an armory doing?" Twist put on a brave face and spoke.

"AND WHAT ARE MAH BOOMSTICKS DOIN HERE?" Dawn lept into the conversation, magically holding two of the largest shotguns in the room.

"I must ask you to put the weapons down!"

"I must ask you to TASTE BOOMSTICK!" She pulled the triggers and watched the two griffons be blown back by the blast. When the dust cleared, Twist stood there, apalled.

"YOU JUST KILLED SOMEPONY!"

"I KNOW! WHAT DO I DO!"

"I DON'T KNOW! YOU KILLED HIM!"

"OH GOD WE SHOULD JUST LEAVE!"

"PLEASE LET'S JUST GO!"

The duo made a mad dash back to the sewer hole, but only after Dawn closed the door and put the guns back. She did take one of the staffs, though.

"Why did you take that?"

"Well, you know how I have to channel my magic through objects to have actual effects?"

"Yes?"

"Well, this is the perfect thing!"

"Yeah, IF YOU WERE AN OLD HERMIT!"

"You're just jealous because I have an awesome staff and can fire lightning and stuff out of it."

"No, I accept that you're better than me, being a unicorn. I'm just an Earth pony. But really? A staff?"

"Well, it's better than a shotgun."

"You're right. If you insist on keeping it, go ahead. I'll be right back, though." Twist went back up through the grate and returned a few moments later with a hammer.

"Hey, if you get a staff."