Chapters Bad Reception (Diamond Tiara (EG))
Diamond Tiara had to call her dad to come and get her from school. She was really sick and needed to go home. Unfortunately, today was the day that Filthy Rich had hired a new receptionist. The phone rang until a bored sounding voice answered.
"Hello, Mr. Rich's office; how may I help you?" DT sighed in relief.
"Hi, I'm Diamond Tiara, Filthy Rich's daughter. Can you put me through to him?" There was a short pause before the receptionist responded venomously.
"Look missy, I don't know what your trying to pull, but its not going to work on me!" Safe to say that DT was confused.
"Excuse me?"
"I know he doesn't have a daughter. What kind of idiot do you take me for?"
"Like, unless my birth certificate is wrong, I can assure you, I'm like totally his daughter." At this point DT was fuming and the receptionist was having none of it.
"Look, I don't care what you're selling. If you'd been honest, maybe we would have listened to you, but because you lied, no! You're an unprofessional little s*** who makes s*** up to get her job done instead of actually working! So go f*** yourself! " The receptionist hangs up and DT just stares at her phone. After a few seconds it rings. Still shaken from the verbal assault she answers.
"Hello?" A familiar male voice answers.
"Hey, sweetie! I'm sorry she was such a b****, she's not going to be working here long. Now, what do you need?" DT could hear the receptionist in the back ground.
"What the f*** do you mean I won't be working here long? I just stopped a f****** telemarketer from bothering you!" Filthy Rich sighed.
"No, you just cussed out my daughter. You can pack up your things now."
Expecting Something Else (Rarity)
Rarity was casually nosing around in a dress shop in Canterlot. As she turned to exit, a mare with many piercings and crazy colored hair walks in. It was summer time and she was wearing a really cute sun dress. Rarity couldn't help but stare. She tapped the mare, "Uh, excuse me."
"What?" the mare sounded a bit annoyed.
"I couldn't help but notice the dress you are wearing, its simply divine!" The mare snorted.
"F*** off." she paused, "Wait... what did you say?"
Rarity, having reared back at the outburst stammered, "Uh... I like your dress?" a huge smile split the mare's face.
The Green Cure (Bonbon EqG)
It was a slow day at Barnes and Bargains. Bonbon was standing at the front register looking bored and filing her nails. Another teen, a bit younger than her approached the counter very slowly. She didn't recognize him. He must have been from out of town.
“Can I help you?” She asked without looking up.
“Gimme all the f***ing medicine!” He pulled out an airsoft pistol, the orange tip was still glued to the front.
Without even a pause in her filing, “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”
“Oh… okay.” He holstered his pistol and darted down the aisles to the back of the store. Filthy Rich came out of the back room because of the commotion.
“Who was that?”
“Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”
Mr. Rich cocked an eyebrow. “Why didn't you call the police?”
The teen ran screaming from the back of the store and out the front door, followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a girl with mint green and white hair.
Bonbon just grinned. “Lyra started working today.”
Pree Exam Coffee (Twilight Univerity Years)
The little coffee shop on the corner was staffed by students of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. As Twilight entered the establishment, she was assaulted by the smell of fresh ground coffee. "Hello," greeted the pony behind the register. "My name is Sweet Water, what can I get for you this morning?"
"Oh, hi." said Twilight, "Can I have... uh, something with coffee that I can get quickly?" She looked like she was in a rush.
Sweet Water smiled knowingly. "Got an exam coming up?"
"Yeah, real soon." She nodded her head excitedly. "I studied extremely hard all week for this, but I'm just so tired now."
"How about the exam special?" Sweet said with a giggle. "Extra caffeinated, two bits if you've got a CSGU id."
Twilight's face brightened at the deal. "That's perfect. Can I bring a few with me? I told my, uh... friends I'd get them coffee too." A too big smile was plastered across her face.
Sweet raised a single eyebrow. "Sure, we can seal them up and box them. A lot of students have asked for that."
The smile got wider. "Sure. Can I get Eleven?"
Sweet Water's Eyebrows were suddenly lost in her mane. She hollered over her shoulder at the two other ponys on duty. "Eleven exam specials, ASAP!" she punched in the total in the register. "Ok, that will be twenty two bits."
Twilight nodded and levitated her bit pouch out of her bags. Suddenly the clock tower nearby chimes the hour. Twilight froze, "Oh, um, its two o'clock already?"
"Yeah... when's your final?"
Twilight started dancing on the tips of her hooves in panic. "Two Ten." She opened the pouch. "I, uh, I only have ten bits. S***, Doctor Erlenmeyer is going to kill me..."
"Did you say Doctor Erlenmeyer?"
"Yeah."
"Chemistry?"
"Yeah..."
Sweet Water tosses the box of coffee at Twilight who catches it in her magic. "Leave your ten bits and run! Run like your life depends on it!"
"Auugh!" Twilight drops the bits on the counter and flees out the door. A mint green unicorn chuckles and moves up in the line. She smiles at Sweet Water.
"I take it you've had Doctor Erlenmeyer as a teacher?"
"Yeah, for twenty years. He's my dad."
Calling Out Bad Grammar (Octavia (EG))
Octavia was visiting her friend Vinyl Scratch. After that last gig at the celebration party for some big company, Vinyl had been having a serious issue with telemarketers. After explaining this to Octavia, and as if on cue, the phone rang. Octavia insisted that she answer it herself. "Ello?" a cheery voice answers.
"Hello. this is Cell Tella with Barnyard Bargains. Is Vinyl Scratch available?" Vinyl was shaking her head frantically. Octavia just smiled.
"Yes. She is available." Vinyl facepalmed.
"Oh, wonderful."
"Okay. Have a nice day." Octavia then hangs up the phone. Vinyl stares at her. Octavia holds up a hand and sure enough the phone rings again.
"I'm sorry. The call seems to have disconnected." Octavia smirked.
"Oh, no. I hung up."
"What? Why?!"
"It seems to me your business was completed."
"I asked if I could speak to Vinyl Scratch!"
"No, you asked if she was available. I confirmed it, and you said 'Oh, wonderful', so that was that." At this point Octavia had a really smug look on her face.
"Most people understand that when you ask if someone is available, you want to talk to them!"
"Well, now your just running on assumption. In polite conversation, you confirm that the person you wish to speak to is there and then ask to speak to them." The set up was too perfect and Octavia knew it.
"Fune. CAN I speak to Vinyl Scratch?"
"I don't know, can you?"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!"
"You're the one using poor grammar skills. That's not my fault." Octavia's smile widened in anticipation for the payoff.
"FINE. MAY I speak to Vinyl Scratch?"
"No."
She then hangs up the phone again. By now Vinyl is doubled up on the floor gasping for breath. Octavia holds up a hand again. Having accomplished what she set out to do, everything from this point on was gravy. The phone rings again.
"Now listen up, you. I'm calling Vinyl Scratch from Barnyard Bargains, and I would LIKE to speak with her please."
"Do me a favor. Check in your files how many times Vinyl has asked you to stop calling her. I have a running count here. If you get the number right I'll hand her the phone."
"You are an awful person."
"I know. Fabulous, isn't it?" She hangs up and Vinyl hasn't received a call since.
