A Bad Fic

by KeroKero

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Fluttershy, Sex, Random
Length: 1049

A nonsensical fic where Fluttershy showers the world with her swag.

Fluttershy wakes up and does her duty of showering the world in swag, all while ridding the world of... Not swag? Is there a word for that? Whatever.

Please note that this fic is utter nonsense and contains some pretty strong & disrespectful language. Like, everything is really offensive/politically incorrect, let's put it that way. Also rated sex due to sexual things within said fic; no sex actually happens.

Published 2015-04-21 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-21 01:50:02 UTC

The Only Chapter

Fluttershy woke up at a good 1 in the afternoon. She would normally be awake at the crack of dawn, but today, she couldn't care less. She stood in front of the mirror, spread some gel in her hair even though it did nothing to it, put on a backwards blue hat, and checked out her swaggified Eminem t-shirt. She didn't actually enjoy his music, mind; it just looked cool. Almost forgetting her fake shark tooth necklace, she headed for the front door. She pulled out her cellphone and, not really caring how the conversation got started, she texted Rarity, "Dick dick, nigger nigger. Suck my ass, you sour jew."

Satisfied with her eloquent poetry that would surely woo Rarity, she grabbed a can of Monster from the fridge and stepped outside. No sooner as she did, though, those three little shits she always had to deal with came running up to her.

"Howdy!," chirped the dumb one, "We came over cause we thought you could help us get our cutie mark, Fluttershy!"

They all leaned towards her, their eyes becoming freakishly bigger with their eagerness. Fluttershy always hated kids; they were loud and they never knew what the fuck they were talking about. Not to mention, their weird ass little bodies... So fucking gross looking. Fluttershy would never admit to being a kid, and the world best be thankful that she actively tries to avoid them. It's not her fault if their dumb little kids happen to approach her.

"You ain't gonna get cutie marks cause you're all not cute. Dumbass basic bitches, all of you," Fluttershy said, giving them her sage advice, "Post some nudes online, say you're 18 if anyone asks, and then meet up with anyone who wants to meet up with you."

"Yes, of course!," said the probably bull-dyke one, "we are but retarded sheep and you are our benevolent prophet & shepard, oh wise Fluttershy!"

They all started bowing before their goddess, knowing full well that she wasn't merciful. If they didn't appease her, they would be subjected to an eternal hell... Waiting at the DMV without any sassy & black clerks to entertain them. The horror!

"That's good to hear," Fluttershy replied smugly, "Now if you don't mind, get the fuck out of my way, you dumb cunts."

She chugged the rest of her Monster, threw the can at the white bitch, and the proceeded the walk through them in her signature swag walk. When she had gotten out of her front gate and had properly forgotten about those children, her cellphone vibrated. It was a reply from Rarity that read, "Shit, darling, do you want to come inhale my shitty panties?"

Fluttershy swiftly took a picture of her own genitalia and sent it to Rarity. She didn't want to smell her shitty panties right now, so she figured she would give her something to at least slap her salmon to. She would, and Fluttershy knew it. That white bitch was fucking crazy. Shit, all white bitches are crazy, it's a well-known fact. Taking out her to-do list, she read as follows:

Fuck with Applejack

Tease Rainbow

Have fun with Twilight

Punch that pink pig if she decides to randomly appear

Just as she read the last one, Pinkie popped out from behind a can of tuna and exlaimed, "Hi!"

Fluttershy punched her teeth in for having the audacity to taint her divine presence with her concentrated autism. Pinkie just laughed and walked away, cause a good bitch knows her place. She'll be returning to her kitchen and making her Fluttershy a damn good sandwich, or else she's gonna get punched again. She will be punched again anyway, but that's beside the point. She continued on to Sweet Apple Acres, where she promptly started either eating or squashing the apples. Applejack starts going off on her, but Fluttershy was too busy gobbling Big Mac's backside, and she couldn't understand a word coming from that inbred hick's mouth anyway.

"Don't get jealous just because you love your brother that way, you sick slut," remarked Fluttershy as she did a sassy turn to head out of the acres. She could still hear Applejack yelling and the swooshing of a pitchfork as she headed towards town, but Fluttershy just couldn't give a shit. She still laughs when she remembers that Applejack dropped out in 2nd grade. It was then that she noticed that lesbian cunt sleeping on a cloud above the road. Her awesomeness must be loud, because she woke up and looked down at fluttershy.

Fluttershy flashed herself at Rainbow Dash. Dash licked her lips, but then slapped herself. Rainbow Dash sped off, shouting, "You're not gonna catch me, gay thoughts!"

Fluttershy chuckled, gloating in her easy victory. As much as she boasted, Rainbow Dash was pretty fucking lame. I mean, what kind of insecure loser can't just say how they feel? If she had any real kind of balls, she'd be all over Fluttershy right now. All over her, indeed. Mmm.

She then burst into Twilight's castle and started spanking Twilight with her largest volume for being a nerd. Twilight wailed and was going on about some science shit or something, but who gives a fuck. She's been spanked plenty by that old hag of hers, Fluttershy was certain; you don't live to be as old as dirt and not get into some crazy, sick shit.

Being a dope ass nigger, though, Spike was too busy smoking kush and doing trickshots. Fuck all the faggots who called him a squeaker, cause he was the faze hacker overlord. He groaned in ecstasy as he teabagged every last one of these stupid jews until they had all ragequitted. Fluttershy witnessed the swagger that matched her own, and because she didn't care about him being underaged, married him anyway.

They walked off into the sunset, comfortable in the fact that they will rule the world together with their swag.

Author's Note

For why I wrote this, it was just to get stress off of my chest. I make an effort to be nice, and it's been a bit hard as of late, so I figured doing something like this might help. Also, boredom.
I regret nothing.