Chapter 4: Of Your Own Volition

Written by:
TheIdiot
&
Jed R.

“I have walked my way since the beginning of time. Sometimes I give, sometimes I take, it is mine to know which and when!”
Merlin, Excalibur.

“There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; occasionally, however, there are alternate pasts.”
Terry Pratchett

***

Starlight awoke with a start only to find herself back in her apartment; this was her apartment, right? It hadn’t been before in all the previous times she’d awoken here and yet…

“Just what the hay is going on?” She asked aloud, looking around the room to find that it did certainly look like her apartment and all: the picture she put up on the wall after Applejack punched into it after that tense fight was there (the hole included), there was that scorched spot above the fireplace where Twilight accidentally launched let off a small flare spell after having too much Ol' Trotspur from that party, and even that old stain on the floor that they could never get out.

“Everything is making less and less sense every second,” Starlight groaned, getting onto her hooves as her horn glowed with telekinesis - the picture flying back over to cover the hole in the wall. “I mean just… why, in Celestia’s mane, can’t things ANY sense?!” She groaned out of frustration.

Was this her apartment or not? It shouldn’t exist based on everything that Dew Drop has told her and all. Hell, nothing she was familiar with in New Manehatten should exist either based on that logic.

"I believe an old acquaintance of yours once said," a new voice spoke, "that there was no fun in making sense. In some respects, I'd have to agree with him on that."

Starlight turned, looking behind her to see something unexpected. There was a human there, setting at one of her tables while sipping tea. He wore long, dark, tattered robes, and had a beard. His head was shaven, and he had a twinkle in his eyes.

“…Who’re you and why are you in my apartment?” Starlight asked, confused as to how - and why - a human dressed in robes was in her apartment, regardless of what Dew Drop had told her.

"This isn't your apartment, it's your head," the man said casually. "Or it's the apartment in your head. Which has your head in it. Which has your apartment in it. Apartment, head, apartment... it's all rather circular, come to think of it."

“Well, whatever!” She snapped, irritated over everything that had happened and all that she had gone through these past few days.

The man chuckled. “Tetchy, aren't you?”

“Why are you here, and who are you!?” Starlight demanded, not replying to his comment.

"Why? Why's a question for those who know all the why's to be why'd," the man said. "There'd be no point explaining why if you didn't understand anyway, and right now you wouldn't. You barely understand why you're here, let alone me.” He chuckled slightly, apparently amused by his own wordplay. “Still, Shining Starlight, I suppose it's only fair I should introduce myself. My name is - well, depending on who you ask, it is Myrlin, Muldwych, Merlin… I go by the last one. Sounds simple. Let's people know what they're dealing with."

“… So you’re some kind of Archmage or something?” Starlight asked bluntly, “Cause you look like an old man trying to pass himself off as a wannabe Starswirl the Bearded.”

"Lovely fella," Merlin commented with a grin. "Made excellent tea. I tried warning him about that Heart thing, but he thought it'd let him have all knowledge. Not sure where he got to, but he usually turns up. As for ‘wannabe’… well, I have no need to prove myself to anyone, thankfully. I did my work and now I content myself with watching others do theirs. Mostly."

Starlight looked at Merlin with disbelief.

“You do not know Starswirl,” the mare said bluntly. “He lived and died practically millennia ago, you look old… but you probably aren’t old…” She trailed off, looking at him now with caution. “Are you?”

"Well, looks can be deceiving, Miss Starlight," Merlin said, looking amused by her declaration. "This entire place for example. It looks like an apartment, doesn't it?"

“…Yes,” Starlight said simply. “It looks like my apartment in New Manehatten that I’ve been in for the past years… or one that shouldn’t exist given what Dew Drop told me.”

"Well precisely," Merlin said, motioning to the walls. "It shouldn't exist. It doesn't exist. Not here. So if this place that looks like an apartment can be not an apartment, what does that tell you about what I could be that I don't look like?"

“…Are you Discord?” Starlight asked, “Because you really sound like he would, and it’d fit considering the whole… thing about looks I guess.”

"No, alas, I am not Discord," Merlin laughed. "Though I have been. And Starswirl has been. And Starswirl made him. And Starswirl fought him. And Starswirl might have been his Jekyll…" He laughed. "It all depends on where you're standing, or so one might come to believe."

Starlight just groaned and face hoofed, this is getting her nowhere… and confused, more and more confused which is just what she needed right now in her distress.

“Well, where I’m standing nothing makes any sense: my life has fallen apart, my life in New Manehatten doesn’t exist at all… and there’s also a chance that I’m dying from some kind of Over-Channeling like the Avatar of Albion,” Starlight said, clearly annoyed, “Could you please just give me some short, simple answers here? I really don’t need all this vague direction right now.”

"Depends largely on what your questions are," Merlin said, raising an eyebrow. "But if you like, I can try."

“Okay…” Starlight respondly slowly, taking a deep breath and before exhaling; it may be time to (hopefully) get some answers as to what’s going on. “Is what Twilight said true? Do I really have Alicorn genetics?”

"Of course you do," Merlin said. "Twilight Sparkle has been many things, but rarely an idiot - at least when it comes to matters of book learning."

“Great…” Starlight replied quietly; it seemed that her parents had an Alicorn of a daughter without even knowing it.

That’s just dandy.

“Alright, so what about the whole ‘one hundred years worth of dreaming’?” She asked, “Was she right about that too? Cause I know that I’m not that old regardless if my life in New Manehatten was a sham.”

"Oh no, you aren't that old," Merlin agreed.

“Oh thank Celestia…” Starlight breathed out of relief; hopefully this wouldn’t be too bad after all-

"You’re much older than a mere few hundred years," Merlin said. "The fact that she only caught that much dreaming is a sign of how much you've repressed. Or lost."

…And in a mere moment it had just gotten far worse.

“…What?” Starlight gasped, her eyes wide with shock. “Are you implying I’m a reincarnation of somepony or something?”

"That would be silly," Merlin said. "I'm implying that you're much older than a few hundred. Well, I'm outright telling you that, actually. I'm not sure of the exact age. Probably a good thing, too - it's rude to ask a lady her age, so I'm sure it's rude to tell her it."

“But… but, I’m not more than triple digits, I’m not even thirty yet!” Starlight shouted frustrated, “What’re you gonna say next?! That I’m actually some kind of pet project by Solamina or something!?”

"Oh, no," Merlin said with another chuckle. "Not here, anyway. I’m afraid you're here entirely of your own volition."

“Wait, so you're saying that I went to the Castle of Two Sisters because… I wanted to?” Starlight asked, confused.

"Not quite," Merlin said gently. "But the chain of events that led you there - and thus led you here - was set off by you, and you walked it knowing, if not the exact details, then certainly the probabilities of where it would lead."

“But all I did was feed Mr. Prenchy, have dinner, and fall asleep…” she trailed off. “Which apparently didn’t happen.” Starlight muttered.

"No, it didn't," Merlin said. "Something else happened."

“...was it Twilight related?” Starlight asked. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.”

"Ah, no," Merlin smiled. "I think not."

“Well… what then?” Starlight asked, “I’m drawing a total blank here.”

"You will discover the truth," Merlin said. "Eventually."

“Wait, but I thought you were going to answer my questions,” she pointed out, frowning at him. “Tell me what I did that got me here… or, at least give me a hint to something that can help me.”

"Why would I tell you something you already know?" Merlin said, looking amused.

“Remind me then,” Starlight said bluntly as her feelings of desperation rose.

The old wizard looked thoughtful for a moment, as though considering her request, and then he chuckled at her once again

"I will tell you this much," he said quietly. "A long time ago, you made a choice - that choice was the start of your road."

“‘Start of my road’?” Starlight repeated, but before she could ask for any clarification she suddenly suffered another headache as her snout began to bleed.

What she failed to noticed, was the fact that the entire apartment seemed to shake - had she been able to pay attention, she would have noticed that it didn’t phase Merlin all that much.

“Uggggh, why do I keep getting these headaches?” Starlight groaned, a hoof to her barrel to keep the blood from leaking out. “Also, how come my chronic snout bleeding has returned now of all times?”

"I think the door behind you may have the answers you seek," Merlin said with a smile.

Door? Starlight thought privately, frowning in confusion, What door?

She turned her head around slowly only to find what stood behind her was the front door to her apartment.

Now, had things been ‘normal’ it would have simply lead to the hallway and to the other front doors of the other appartments on her floor.

However, all pretense of ‘normal’ had been lost the moment she had woken up in the Castle of Two Sisters and before Twilight Sparkle.

“Merlin,” she began quietly. “That door lead me into the middle of a war zone last time… is it trustworthy?”

"That door leads to many places," the old wizard smiled at her patiently. "Try it once more."

Despite the hesitation she felt, Shining Starlight slowly trotted over to the door and opened it with her magic… only to revealing a bright, blinding white light right before her.

She instinctively shielded her eyes out of reflex as the light began to consume her vision and possible blind her… yet she soon saw a distant yet unrecognizable figure amidst the blinding light.

She tried to call out to the figure, to get some answers as to what was going on and what it all meant… but she couldn’t speak for she heard a voice: a familiar, loving and caring voice speak out.

“We thank thee for the sacrifice thou art about to make: thou hast sacrificed yee future… to grant them theirs.”

And then…

Nothing.

***

Starlight woke up feeling more refreshed than she had been in… years it felt like. Her eyes were unfocused and lazy as she simply stared at the same white ceiling in the field hospital. She felt… warm inside; like something great and wonderful had been allowed within her.

Her eyes drooped as her mind dimly realized that she hadn’t felt like this before… not once…

"Dr. Care, she's awake again!" Dew Drop’s voice spoke up, causing her to come back to her full senses. A moment later, Dr. Tender Care appeared, having entered Starlight’s vision with a concerned frown.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

“I… I don’t know,” she said quietly, her eyes wide and full of shock. “I just… I just have no idea…”

“Well, you’ve been out for a few days,” Care said. “We were worried it might be a coma, but it seems you’ve come out of it quickly enough.”

Starlight gave no response; she was still caught up within what she had experienced and all the questions that were still apparent before her.

What had happened to her?

What did Merlin mean?

Who was that figure amidst the blinding light?

Was that S-Celestia? Why her though? It didn’t make any sense.

“Doc’s got some news for you, too,” Dew Drop said, distracting Starlight from her thoughts. “Tell her, Doc!”

“I called in an expert on the human case of magical burnout,” Tender Care said. “I think he might well be helpful in this case.”

“Oh,” Starlight said, blinking, “What’s his name?”

“That… would be a rather complicated question to answer,” Tender Care said delicately. “In any case, he should be arriving in the next two days. His schedule is rather… hectic.”

“I see…” Starlight paused, processing it. “So, did anything happen to me while I was out?”

“Well,” Dew Drop grinned, “we won the battle of London!”

Starlight blinked slowly. “...There was a battle here?”

“London’s quite far away,” Tender Care said gently. “In fact, I’m having to travel there in a few days. Military operation, can’t be helped. But there was quite a battle going on - by all accounts, it was a rather crushing blow to the Solaminan forces. Several commanders killed, including…”

“Pinkie bucking Pie, dead as a doornail!” Dew Drop crowed. “Ha, we’ll win this thing yet!”

“P-Pinkie Pie?” Starlight repeated, her mind was knotted - Pinkamena Diane Pie is the Element of Laughter; apparently it was thanks to her that the Parasprites were sent out of Ponyville… although her specific sense has been a rather interesting thing. The mere possibilities of what it can do are endless and it was quite sad that a simple party planner died like that… why would Solamina have the Elements of Harmony fight in this war?

Starlight looked to the two other mares.

“So I take it Twilight Sparkle is the only Element of Harmony left?” Starlight asked, curiosity present.

“Elements of Order,” Tender Care corrected, frowning. “Dear, are you alright? Dew Drop told me you thought New Manehatten had been up for four years…”

“I honestly don’t know,” Starlight looked down on her hooves. “Nothing makes any sense…” She trailed off, muttering, “what did he mean? What am I missing?”

“What did who mean?” Dew Drop asked. “You’re not makin’ much sense, sister.”

Starlight sighed. “You won't believe this.”

“Try us,” Dew Drop said. Starlight shrugged.

“Ok.” She took a breath, this would take some explaining.

“While I was out I had a dream - I was in my Manehatten apartment that shouldn’t exist except this time there was some human guy there while trying to be Starswirl the Bearded.” Starlight explained, “He kept speaking in these half riddles - said that there is something I already know, and that I’m far older than what Twilight saw from my ‘dream data’ before she tried to slice my head open.”

Starlight then paused, frowning - it all sounded rather ridiculous when you say it out loud to someone. “Last thing was that behind the front door… I… I got caught in this blinding light and saw somepony there; couldn’t make out who it was though.”

She looked away slightly, contemplating what she was about to say next, “I also heard this voice too: it sounded like… well… Celestia. Not Solamina, but honest to Faust Celestia.” Starlight finished, looking to the two mares before her with a humbled look, “I know this sounds insane, but I’m telling you it’s the truth.”

“Between you and me, love,” a new and accented voice spoke up, “you sound bloody kaka crazy.”

From the doorway, there stepped a yellow Earth Pony stallion, scowling at everypony in the room. He wore a shirt, tie and trenchcoat, all far too large for him really, and had a cigarette in his mouth.

“Mister Hell Blazer!” Tender Care exclaimed, a tad dramatically. “I thought you were due in a few days, and - is that a cigarette?”

“Yes it is,” the pony said sarcastically. “Well done.”

“This is a hospital!” Tender Care shouted, before frowning, “You should not be smoking indoors.”

“Shoot me,” the pony replied. “Anyway, I take it Miss Delusional is our magic burnout case?”

“My name is Shining Starlight, and you’re an Earth Pony,” Starlight pointed out. She then frowned, “No offense… but should you really be the expert in Over Channeling?”

“Well my name is John Constantine,” the yellow pony said with a smirk, “and I don’t know jack shit about ‘over-channeling’ - that’s some Unicorn terminology and I don’t do nag medicine. What I do know about is burnout, and I’m definitely the bloody expert.”

Starlight blinked, suddenly feeling confused, and surprised. “Wait, restart the act - are you a Converted?” She asked

“Well done,” Hell Blazer - Constantine? - said with a slightly annoyed-looking smirk. “What was your first bloody clue, the swearing, or the smoking?”

“To be fair, I was confused about that,” Dew Drop said quietly. Hell Blazer threw her a look before walking up to Starlight and looking her in the eye.

“Ok,” he said, frowning at her. “Preliminaries. Is there blood in your phlegm, piss, shit or other bodily excretions?”

“Uh…. no…?” Starlight responded slowly, raising an eyebrow.

“Great, cool,” Hell Blazer said. “Any unexplained dreams, of a violent, erotic or otherwise highly emotionally charged nature?”

“Is knowing that… important?” Starlight asked equally as slowly as her last response.

“Nope, I just like fuckin’ with people,” Hell Blazer said with a slightly nasty grins “On a more serious note. Unexplained weakness? Headaches? Nausea?”

“Well, my chronic snout bleeding has returned for some reason,” Starlight answered, frowning at him. She wasn't sure she liked this Converted much. “Also I’ve been suffering from horrible headaches that has caused me to collapse more than once.”

“Ok, that sounds promising,” Hell Blazer said, nodding to himself. “Ok - big one. Do these headaches and other things get exacerbated by using your magic?”

“Well, I don’t know.” Starlight answered, confused. “They would come out of nowhere, I haven’t been able to use any of my magic recently.”

“Your horn glowed last time you had a fit,” Dew Drop added.

“Huh,” Hell Blazer said. “That’s… fuck. Here, Care, is that normal?”

“This is all far beyond my experience,” Tender Care admitted.

“Ok,” Hell Blazer said, frowning again. “What about these dreams of yours? Anything I should hear?”

“Ummm, well the last two dreams were really weird. The first one was with me being roommates with Twilight Sparkle before she went back to talking about cutting my head open.” Starlight explained, “after running away from her, I went outside before winding up in Canterlot during some… war zone: it was a big battle with zeppelins and explosions everywhere - heck even Solamina and some biped were fighting in the skies. It was crazy.”

Hell Blazer raised an eyebrow. “He happen to be wearing armour?”

“…Yes, it was silver armor. Was pretty hard to miss despite everything.” Starlight said simply

“Huh,” Hell Blazer said. “Ok, what about this other dream? One where the Queen Bitch Nag wasn’t a Queen Bitch Nag?”

“Well actually first I was with this old human man; he kept talking weird.” Starlight corrected before frowning, “I felt like I was talking to Discord since he kept speaking in half riddles. Though for some reason he looked like a wannabe Starswirl the Bearded - he even had this long beard on him.”

Hell Blazer’s eyes widened. “What was his name?”

What was it again? Starlight privately thought for a moment, as she began to cycle through the conversation she had with him. My-r-lin? Mu-ld-wych? No, he went by something specific…

It then dawned on her.

“Merlin I think,” Starlight answered after a seemingly long moment before coking her head slightly. “Why? Is he some famous Archmage?”

“He ain’t no fuckin’ Archmage,” Hell Blazer said. “He’d tear any of ‘em apart. And you’ve never heard of him before this dream? Not even in passing?”

She shook her head, feeling even more confused now than before.

“Ah, hell,” Hell Blazer said. “And me without havin’ the Doctor on hand. Well, that does it then - you’ll have to come with me.”

“Wait, what?” Starlight asked, her eyes wide.

“She ain’t going anywhere without me!” Dew Drop said. “Not bucking happening!”

“Fine, whatever,” Hell Blazer said. “But you have to come with me. You might have just saved the human race.”

Starlight was about to object - to say something about the fact that she isn’t anypony special and would like to know why she has to go with him.

But, buck it - nothing has made sense these past few days and she didn’t care anymore. “Can you at least tell me how or why I’m saving humanity? Please?” She asked quietly

“You need a reason to save a species?” Hell Blazer asked with a frown.

“I just… I just don’t know anymore alright,” She hung her head, feeling lost. “Could you at least tell me why I’m so special in this case?”

“You talked to Merlin, love,” Hell Blazer said. “That means he’s around, and that means we can get his advice!”

“Sir,” Tender Care said, “there’s one more thing.”

Before Hell Blazer could ask what she meant, there was a rumbling from outside.

“Now what?” He growled.

There was suddenly an alarm blaring from outside, as well as shouting and yelling.

“W-What’s going on?” Starlight asked, afraid. “Is this an attack?”

“Might be,” Hell Blazer said. “Best you stay here. Tender Care…”

“I already know where my duty station is,” the doctor said, rushing out.

“I haven’t joined up yet,” Dew Drop said. “Should I wait here?”

“Might be best,” Hell Blazer said. “I might be able to help, so I’ll go join the defences outside. Keep your mate,” and here he pointed at Starlight, “safe. Even if I don’t make it, she has to make it to Doctor Hooves at the Leeds Royal Armouries.”

Starlight’s face turned scarlet with embarrassment, “I’m not into mares!” She yelled at the Convie

“What?” Hell Blazer asked, confused. “I never said you were.”

“You called me Dew Drop’s mate!”

“Yeah,” Hell Blazer said, frowning. “Mate. Compadre. Friend. Amigo. Pal. Chum. You know?”

There was the sound of an explosion from outside.

“Ah, shite,” he said. “Whatever, gotta go - don’t have too much fun without me!”

He ran out, leaving the two mares alone.

Starlight just sat in her bed while still embarrassed over being called a mate… even if it was slang for friend. She hasn’t know Dew Drop for even a month yet!

“Well,” Dew Drop said, smirking. “I wouldn’t object...”

“N-not now… please Dew Drop,” She said simply, pale over things. “Just, not now. Please.”

“Hey, don’t look so worried, sister,” Dew Drop said. “Chances are it’s not more than a squad o’ overzealous Convies thinkin’ to ‘teach the humans a lesson’. They’ll be dead in a few minutes and then Pony Bob’s yer uncle.”

“Y-you sure?” Starlight asked, “I think Twilight might know I’m here and… use something more grander than just converted.” She said, worried. “Maybe, I don’t know, Archmagi or something just as dangerous.”

“What could she possibly have sent in a raid?” Dew Drop scoffed.

Author's Note

My god it's been a long time since I've done ANYTHING on this blasted site.

I am very sorry for keeping everyone waiting - all 16 of you.

I do hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Don't worry, the next chapter will have plenty of things happen and lots of stuff go on - it'll be -

...what he said.

I promise you, your patience will be rewarded with an update sooner than you can expect.

TIll then.