Pirate Dash and Company

by realmjumper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Scootaloo, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2246

There are few treasures as great as Snake Tail's, and Pirate Dash is going to find it.

This was on my DA account, and I thought you all might enjoy it.

Pirate Dash has a tumblr account. This story was given permission to be written and is approved by Pirate Dash and company.

Hope you enjoy.

(If this gains enough popularity, I will see if Pirate Dash will let me write more stories)

Published 2015-04-22 00:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-22 00:00:03 UTC

Snake Tail's Treasure

“Ahoy there matey, and pull that Starboard line tight, or ye be swimin' with the fishes tonight!”

“Aye aye, cap'n.”

The briny sea was blue, that day, the waves rocking the old boat gently as Pirate Dash and her crew were sailing to the tiny speck on the horizon. A week ago, while in port, Bookworm fancied a visit to the local bookshop, something about needing a new book about pluderin' or booty hoarding since she didn't know much on the subject. Dash preferred to learn by experience verses a moldy old book.

It was there that the purple mare stumbled upon an ancient tome, hidden away amongst all the latest editions of 'Prating, what you need to know' and 'Got boat, will travel' and 'So you want some loot?'. She found the one and only journal of Snake Tail the Fearsome.

“Oy, Bookworm!” Pirate Dash called out from her rightfull spot behind the wheel.

“Captain?” Bookworm replied from Dashes side. She never was very far when she was needed, which on this venture, was almost every minute. It was she who know the legend, after all. Pirates don't read, unless it's directions on a treasure map.

“Ther' ye be.” Pirate Dash smiled. “Now, tell me again what the legend says.”

Bookworm suppressed a sigh of frustration. This was, in fact, the fifth time that hour that Pirate Dash had asked her to recount the legend of Snake Tail, and it most likely would not be the last. Bookworm took a mental note that pirates, in general, seemed to enjoy hearing stories about plunder, rather than remembering the stories themselves. Must be an after effect of sailing in the sun all day. She'd have to do more tests.

“If I must.” She relented. “Many years ago—”

“How many manys?” Dash interrupted, thinking to herself.

“A hundred.” Bookworm answered patiently, or it would have been patiently had this not been the fifth time today.

“A hundred.” The blue pegasus nodded. “Aye, that be a good number. I prefer TWO hundred myself, but a hundred will do, savvy?”

Bookworm gave the pirate captain a dull look of a pony whose been subjected to so many irreverent questions that she didn't even care anymore.

“Savvy.” She replied. “So, A hundred years ago, Snake Tail the Fearsome—”

“Why was he called snake tail, matey?” Pirate Dash interrupted again. It was then that the pirate captain notice Scootaloo attempting to balance on a small barrel, while juggling a few musket balls. “Matey! If I see ye foolin' around with that powder keg again, it will be off with yer tail, ya hear me, or do I have to bring out old Splinty t' teach ye?”

Stootaloo, gave an embarrassed smile, her ears going back against her scalp as she hopped down from her wobbly perch and hid the musket balls behind her back.

“Sorry Cap'. Just workin' on that cutie mark. Heheh, won't happen again, Cap'.”

Satisfied with this response Pirate Dash turned to Bookworm. “Ye going to finish this here story or what? I don't be havin' all day!”

The unicorn, frustrated beyond belief, snapped. “Okay, here's the tale in a nutshell!” She said crisply and before Pirate Dash could interrupt again, she stuffed a hoof in her captains mouth and continued, talking as fast as she could intelligibly possible. “There was a pony who was called Snake Tail the Fearsome because he was born with no tail, and when he started pirating he tamed a sea serpent and tied him around his hind quarters. The snake and pony were a deadly combination, the snake biting any pony who came near his master and the pony himself, no one knows his real name, was the most daring swashbuckling pony in all the seas. It was written in his private journal that he hid his vast treasure on an island that wasn't on any map in a cave that looks like the mouth of a skull. There's wealth beyond imagining, and that's it, so stop asking!”

Bookworm was breathing hard when she let her captain speak again. With her pent up frustration finally out, she felt more irritated than before. Pirate Dash held up a hoof, as if to ask a question.

“What?” Bookworm snapped.

Dash looked unsure, as if roles on her ship had suddenly swapped. She'd seen his friend upset before, but she'd never snapped like THAT at HER.

“How do we know that's the island?” She finally asked, point a hoof at the splotch on the horizon.

“Oh, for Celestria's sake.” Bookworm rolled her eyes. “I have his journal, and it had the directions in there.”

After sailing for the rest of the day, the sun, as it was known to do when the Princess got tiered of keeping it up all day, sank beneath the view to it's safe keeping place while the Princess slept. It must be one safe place, where the sun was kept, because Pirate Dash had tried to find it a time or two. If the devilishly good looking pegasus could get her hooves on the sun, it could be a priceless ransom, but alas, the secret place of the fiery orb has yet to be found.

“Derpy, drop sea anchor. Scoots, get the grub. Bookworm, get the journal, we've got a planin' ta' do.”

And so, all ponies made their way to Dash's captain's quarters. The little room was nice, for a wooden room on a run down ship. They all pulled up a stool around the desk that was bolted to the floor. “Now then.” The pirate captain said. “We be planin' for the morrow's adventure.”

“From what I've read.” Bookworm explained, her horn lighting up as she magically turned the pages in the old journal. “Once we land on the beach, we'll need to make our way thru a jungle, climb a cliff and make our way to a cave that looks like the skull of a pony. That's where the treasure is buried.”

Durpy raised a hoof. “What is it Derp?” The Captain asked. “What do your Derpy eyes see?” This was a bit of an inside joke between the crew, as Derpy's eyes were cockeyed from each other, and thus her vision was not always to be trusted. Despite this, and her clumsiness, Derpy often yielded painfully obvious observations that the rest would over look.

“If we are going to go into the cave, we'll need to bring torches, shovels, rope and something to eat while we're gone. I vote muffins!”

Scootaloo snickered. “I agree with me matey Derp. We'll take care of the supplies and such.”

Bookworm scanned a few pages of the journal. “Strange,” She commented, to no one particularly, I don't see anything about traps being on the island. But, we better not take chances. Famous pirates are always known for their cunning traps and tricks.”

Pirate Dash nodded. “Indeed we be known for our traps n' tricks. I have tricked many a ship that I was not going to attack by yelling, 'I am not going to attack.' Then, once they think they're save I yells 'Attack!' and I wins by surprise.”

Bookworm chose not to comment how that was not really a trick, and the only ships they seem to attack are fishing ships that seem to have more fish than bits.

“So it's settled, we'll go and find Snake Tail's treasure tomorrow.”

“Booty.” Dash said.

Bookworm blinked. “What?”

“We be after booty.” The pirate stated.

“We are?” The purple unicorn asked, thoroughly confused.

“Yes, and we'd be after pirate booty.”

After a moment of trying to figure this out, the mare realized that booty was pirate slang for treasure.

“Yes, we're after treasure.”

“Mm mm. Booty.”

“But, that's just what I said!”

“Nah uh, we be after—”

Bookworm got up. “What ever, I'm going to bed.” And on her way out, she grabbed a bottle of cider. “I think I'm going to need some help.” She muttered to herself, pulling out the stopper and taking a long swig, she had the feeling tomorrow was going to be a very long day.

The sun was blazing, as the small company of pirates landed on the shore of the island that had never been charted on any map. Bookworm had Snake Tail's journal, while Pirate Dash lead the way, Splinty, her faithful wooden sword, bucked on her flank as Derpy and Scootaloo brought up the rear, both outfitted with lengths of rope, shovels and their own weaponry buckled in place. Making their way up the beach posed no problems, and as they made their way thru the jungle, they noted that the path thru was not only well marked, but blatantly obvious. The cliff on the other hoof was quite worrisome. Three of the four pirate band were pegasi, and thus were well equipped naturally to overcome such a challenge, but Bookworm lacked wings, and was rather afraid of hieghts.

“You girls go on ahead, I'll find another way.” She said, a nervous smile plastered on her face, trying to keep her legs from shaking at the sight of the cliff. “I'm sure there's a gentle slope, somewhere. Not far...I hope.”

“Why don't you just let us fly you up?” Derpy asked, “There's three of us. We can do it.”

“What?! NO! Heheh, I mean, no. Thank yooooooooouuuu, this is too hiiiigh!!!” and that settled the purple mare's difficulty with the cliff.

It was at the top of the cliff that they had the problems.

“Oy, Bookworm, what were we suppose to find?” Pirate Dash asked, scratching her head with a hoof.

The unicorn, having recovered from the terrifying flight up, which included almost being dropped, not once, but twice by Derpy and Scootaloo, looked to her journal, then to the surrounding scenery, to the journal, to the sight right in front of them, back to the journal, then right back to what they all saw. Sadly, what they saw, was not what the journal said they were suppose to see.

“A cave that looks light a pony scull?”

In front of them was not a cave. It was not a jungle. It wasn't even a barren plato of nothing but rock. What they saw was a large mansion surrounded by lush gardens and hedges.

“No way.” Scoot gawked at the sight. “Did someone beat us here, find the booty and build this as a monument to Snake Tail?”

“Well, ther' be no way in know'n if'n we don't inves'ti'gate.” Pirate Dash decided. Then, leading the way, the pirate captain made her way to the mansion. It was quite a sight to see. Standing three stories high, the main frame of the building was made out of dark, polished oak, with a lighter beech to form the rest, giving way from time to time to thick crystal which acted like windows. The door was heavily guided in gold and ivory.

Gulping, the pirate band waited as their fearless captain knocked, the booming noise echoing throughout the vast halls inside.

“Ahoy!” A voice called out. The door opened to reveal non other than Pirate Dash's old rival, Lady AJ. Don't let the name fool you, Lady

AJ was a cold hearted pony who's hind legs could cripple a ship as if it were nothing but a tree ladened with apples. “How be ye, Dashy old mate! It'd be ages since we last tussled against each other.”

“Lady AJ,” Dash smiled. “Me be peachy, and have ye been plunderin' loot 'n booty afore I could arive here? We be lookin' fer Snake Tail's booty, not yer pretty lil' house.”

Lady AJ laughed. “This'nt be mah' house. This'n be Snake Tail's private casino fer pirates, and pirates alone.”

“Hang on,” Bookworm, who till now was utterly speechless by the sight of Lady AJ, had regained her wits, to see something was fishy here. “You're telling me that the journal was a fake?”

The orange earth pony laughed so hear, she nearly fell over with laugher. “I-, ha-, I-, ha-, I be tell'n you that the journal was to lour pirates here, to stop em' from slitten each others throats all the gal'darn time. Ya' see, Snake Tail was everythin' it says in ther', but after be'in a pirate fer so long he went up'n quite, say'n that he'd rather see pirates play'n poker then plunderin' each other.”

Bookworm gave her a look that said everything from 'I'm going to murder you in you're sleep' to 'what you just said makes no sense, and I need a few glasses of cider right now'.

“Shall I put it here this'n way.” AJ smiled. “Casino created by pirates, for pirates, made like a treasure map so non else c'n find it but pirates.”

There was a collected 'ooohhh' as they all got it then.

“Ya' better come on in, P. D. Pie's started a new round of skull 'n cross bones, an' ye don't want to be miss'n it.”

The sun settled on another glorious day. In the mansion below, on an island which no map has ever charted, countless pirates all laughed together, drank cider together, gambled together and a few even realized that the dusty ol' journal was right. Snake Tail's treasure was everything they'd ever wanted, wealth untold. You see, you can put a price on gold, silver, gems or jewelry, but you can't put a price on memories or new found friends.