Friends?

by Caffeinated Pinkie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1066

As a young filly, Twilight had little experience at this friend thing. But when forced to experiment, troubles arise.

Twilight knows many things even as a young filly. She knows the approximate distance across all of Equestria and the method used to disprove the geocentric theory of her world's movement in the galaxy. She knows the 4 laws of Colton Newmare's law of motion. She knows about the advanced magical properties of trans dimensional travel through equines societal universes and all about Starswirl the Bearded's legacy. Yet she doesn't know the single thing about making friends.

First reading of any of my stories!

Published 2015-04-22 03:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-22 03:40:03 UTC

NO BOOKS?!

“You haven't left the house in 3 days!” My mom stared at me intensely. “All you do is read those wretched books! Get out and make some friends.” I was pushed through the open doorway before my only escape to the inside was quarantined. How— how do I make these… friends? I tentatively placed my forehoof on the grassy surface. I recoiled in disgust at the damp ground. I eyed the wasteland wearily as I made myself as small as possible against the door.

Apparently my mom saw me doing this because she yanked open the door and shouted at me once more to make some friends. I grudgingly trudged through the soggy grass, wincing at the cold shooting up my leg. After a long and dangerous trek, I found myself at a park surrounded by foals of all types. I had luckily read a book about friendship so I may as well be a professional, uh— friendshipper? I hope that doesn't mean something blatantly obvious and embarrassing later in life.

I decided to take my chances with a young filly who looked about my age.

"Hello?" I sheepishly grinned with my, hopefully, most convincing smile. The filly kept staring at the ground. "Uh... You there?" I waved my hooves desperately in front of her emotionless face. She suddenly turned her head toward me, still saying nothing.

"So, uh. Do you have a name?" So far so good, Twilight.

"Muffins."

"Huh?" I looked quizzically at the filly.

"Muffins."

Even more confused, I leaned my ear towards the grey foal.

"I SAID IT'S MUFFINS!"

The sudden increase in volume caused me to stagger in pain as I felt my ear to make sure it was still there. 'Muffins' turned to look at me with a huge smile plastered over her face. Well, I say that she looked at me, but she was also looking to my left at the same time. I wonder if something really interesting was captivating half of her attention over there.

"So, Muffins. What kind of stuff do you like to do?"

"Well I like two simple things; muffins and the transcontinental division of different species distinctly related through a series of genomes yet to be fully discovered by scientists which will in fact prove the theory of continental drift and initiate many other advances in the biological sciences using various forms of stem cells to further push the evolution of species." I just stood in front of Muffins probably looking like an idiot. Like wow. Just wow.

"Oh and I like really complicated things like baking," Muffins smiled with her missing tooth and I still had my jaw way lower than I thought possible. I guess making friends worked? "Do you want to come bake with me?" Muffins interrupted my train of thoughts.

"Uh ya, I guess."

—

So that's how I ended up covered in flour in a kitchen covered in all sorts of various cooking ingredients.

"You have a little bit of flour there," Muffins snickered. Unfortunately, she 'pointed' with her eyes so I had a bit of a hard time telling which part of the room she meant.

"Uh, where?"

"Well duh," she rolled her eyes at me which probably didn't appear how she wanted it to. "There!"

With a sigh, I just gave up and rolled my eyes in return. But then something strange happened.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone cheered as they came from the darkness. Ok that was creepy. A pink mare with cotton candy hair jumped out from the fringe and presented me with a giant cake. The mare looked strangely familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. When I looked down, we weren't in Muffins' house anymore. Now we were in some sort of grand hall overlooking Canterlot. Utterly confused, I just looked back at the party guests, but now it was only the pink mare staring intently at me. The cake in her hoof had been replaced with a saw and her mane was all flattened down and her eyes were tiny pinpricks. I backed away, fear etched into my face. The previously happy smile on the mare's face was now replaced with a snarling sneer.

"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!" A voice boomed from the shadows in the... basement that we found ourselves in. "Just what do you think you are doing?" Realization and surprise collided on my face and I instantly recognized that voice.

"Princess Luna?" Pinkie gasped.

"Hello, Twilight. I would like to inform you of your unconscious state." Luna stepped into the light and spoke to me in a soft tone. Pinkie who had an saw in one hoof and an apple peeler in the other, shrugged innocently, "Pinkie, just because this is a dream doesn't mean you can let your Pinkamena run wild. Especially when there are other real ponies in the dream." Luna gestured towards me. "I realize that those 'fanfictions' have been getting to your head but you can't be a psycho-murderer." Luna stared intensely at Pinkie. Pinkie stared intensely right back at her. "PUT DOWN THE CUPCAKES!" Luna's royal canterlot voice boomed.

"But I don't wanna," Pinkie began to cry, her pupils once again, thankfully, growing to normal size.

Luna facehooved and glanced at me with a pleading look in her eyes. I just sighed and shook my head. Luna groaned.

I snapped awake. Looking down at myself, I was grateful to see my full grown body again. I glanced outside at the pale sliver of moonlight slowly disappearing behind the mountains only to be carefully replaced with the bright vibrant colors of day. Oh, Pinkie is so going to get it.

Author's Note

This is my first story so I apologize for how crappy it is. I don't think this will be a multi-chapter adventure, though if it is, I may have Twilight having adventures with the Muffins/Derpy. About halfway through I started to run out of ideas so it got really weird.

[6/19/2015] I went back and revised a few words here and there while fixing the numerous errors throughout. Also, I fixed how Pinkie had a saw in her hand. Although, I suppose if any character did that it would be Pinkie. And I fixed Luna knowing what people are. I made a lot of mistakes.

[8/25/2017] I fixed some grammar mistakes and changed a few sentences to make it flow better.