Tanks,Wings,and Other Unforgettable Things
did I have to take it that seriously? why did I let that very sentence pierce my bubble of innocence, shattering it to a million pieces? that was my security from the big bad adult world, and I let that security be breached. I sat up in my bunk that night, contemplating, my brother and sister quietly slept without noticing my presence. somehow light from Luna's moon crept in through the glass balcony window. her presence was watching me. I hated the 2-room apartment, it never felt like home. still it was nice to have an actual bed, though it being a bunk bed it was still an upgrade from when we just slept on air mattresses and my sister didn't even have an actual bed. and though the apartment still mocks me in my presence and leaves a sickly felling in my stomach I still had to live here. I was thinking about my life again, what it all meant, why this happened to me, it seemed so unnatural. I started to think what life would be like without me, just one less burden in the world, just one less mouth to feed. I had no more dreams, I dreamed them away. my hopes of growing up and having a dream job were gone, I saw no future for me left here.
"how would I do it?" I thought
"I don't want to cut myself, it would be too noticeable."
I wanted to commit suicide.
this was my 5th time this week to think about it. I didn't want to tell my mom, she was going through her own battle, I didn't wan to add to her already full plate. I remember the day she told me. she had her hooves intertwined with mine, we were in the car, in the middle of an A&W and Long-Pony-John-Silvers' parking lot. she gave me a sympathetic sad smile, a face I have never seen on my mother before. she teared up and choked on her words.
"Your dad and I are... " stopped for half a second then continued.
"we're getting divorced."
and from that very moment I will never feel that same amount of pain as I did that day. I felt my bubble shatter, and the world felt different and the atmosphere was heavy with my fear of the future. As we walked inside, our eyes still fresh with tears, I scuffed my hooves against the ground as I walked, as if the weight of the world had been placed on my shoulders. I've felt the same ever since.
The divorce was 3 months ago.