Chapter 5 – The Pink Menace

When the yellow colored Pegasus tackled me, I thought for sure she was going to trample me till I was a bloody pulp. I close my eyes and listened what I assumed were my final thoughts.

(I can’t believe she actually tackled me. I mean by the looks of her, she looks like she couldn’t hurt a fly. In fact I think a fly could hurt her. Damn it! I let my guard down now I’m paying for my mistake.)

“Not the face!”

After I said that, she spoke.

“Oh my gosh are you hurt?” As soon as she said those few words, I slowly opened my eyes.

(Wait is she really asking me if I’m ok?)I then look back at her again to make sure if I heard her correctly.

“Mind repeating that again?” I asked her.

“Are you hurt? From what I observed, you’re injured here and here.” She then points to my right arm and chest considering I have nothing to hide literally.

“I get that but what’s more confusing is that why’d you thought it was a good idea to tackle me?”
After I said that, the yellow one realized what I said then got off my chest and started apologizing like some anime school girl. Saying sorry this and sorry that but she didn’t hurt me that bad I just got me by surprised.

“Ok your forgiven now enough with the apologize, kind of sounding like you committed a crime.”
After she had calmed down, I stood up, grabbed the chair I fell on so that I can sit on it again. After that I look at the two ponies that damn near assaulted me.

“Hey again thanks for stopping them though to be honest I didn’t account that she was going to be that fast.” I then pointed at the one with the rainbow colored mane.

“Oh yeah want to know how fast I can kick you out of Ponyville?”

“Oh and how are you going to do that? Because from where I’m standing; I don’t see any asses being kick from where I’m standing.” After that I flipped her ‘the bird’ and to her partner too.

“I have no idea what you’re doing with those claws of yours but once Twilight to let us down, you’re going down.” The orange cowmare threated. But this just made me laugh because what sort coward is afraid of ponies.
…
……

Ok I was scared in the beginning but Unicorns and pegasis can mess someone up. But a regular pony is what it is; I think I can handle her and probably her pegasis friend if I’m lucky.

“Ok that’s enough you three.” Twilight exclaimed. Once she said that, the room became silent. She then looks at her two friends.

“Now I’ll say this again, he’s not here to hurt anypony and as you can see he’s… quite different from the rest of us.”

(A lot different if you ask me.) I thought to myself.

“But he’s nice once you get to know him.”The two were both contemplating whether I was a threat or not. But ultimately they both decided that they should trust their friend’s advice. Once both were in the ground they came to my direction to take a better look.

I didn’t do much I just sat in my chair, waiting if one of them tried to pull a fast one on me. For almost a minute we didn’t let go of each other’s peripheral vision until I had to break the ice.

“So are we going to chat or are you two done checking me out?” I said with a smug look on my face. At first they were confused but once they both figure out what I was insinuating, the two looked at me with anger but I can tell they were blushing a bit.

“Shut up you shaved ape.” Exclaimed the cyan pegasis.

“Yeah what she said yah two legged varmint.” The orange pony insulted me.

“Wow I never felt so insulted before in my entire existence. In fact I got something to give you two.” I said sarcastically. After I said that I reach my back with my right hand, clench it, put it back in front of me then showed them my hand.

They both looked at my hand then the cyan pegasis spoke first.

“Um what are we looking at exactly?”
“It’s all the f$%ks I carry and apparently I ran out.” I said to them.

The look she had was apparent that she didn’t understand what I just said.

“(Sigh) Anyways if you don’t mind me being a bit forward, might I ask what your names are?” They then tell me what their names are and after that I sort of wished I didn’t. The orange one is named after a freaking cereal brand and the other well it sort of made me think even more if she was a lesbo or not. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t give a damn if someone swings that way. You know ‘heart wants what the heart gets’ and all that crap. I then tell them my name.

“The name’s David. David Grant.” I lifted my arms and crouched down to their size so I can shake their foreleg. Both shook each hand. I feel like I should apologize so that they know I have a heart. Hey I may be an ass, but I’m an ass with a heart.

“Hey sorry about how my… appearance scared you a bit.”

“Don’t worry about it Mr. Grant it was both our fault for overreacting right Dash.” Applejack then looks at Rainbow Dash almost looking like they were telepathically talking with each other.

“Yeah what she said.”

(Damn whipped much?) I thought.

“Hey you don’t have to call me ‘Mr. Grant’ just David is fine and also I forgive you both.”
“I got a question.” Rainbow Dash asked me.
“Yeah? What is it?”
“Why are you dress like that?” she then points at my boxers. I nearly blushed but then I kept it in check so I can answer her.

“Rarity wanted to help fix my ripped up clothes from yesterday. However they were the only ones I had so I thought I might change her mind but things escalated quickly and now there in even worse condition as before, all because I didn’t accept her offer.” I finished explaining.

“Yeah that’s Rarity for yah, when she wants to be generous, she won’t take no for an answer especially when it comes to clothing and fashion.” She then laughed about this supposed fact she told me.

I can’t say I laughed a bit too considering if I just said yes then this would have been avoided. I wasn’t paying attention but Applejack grabs my hand with her hoof and pulls it towards her view. How she even grabbed my hand was a question I can’t answer.

”Why do you have Celestia’s Cutie mark on your…” Trying to figure out what is my hand.
“Hand. It’s called a hand.”
“Yeh hand. What’s up with this?” Pointing her hoof on the marking.

This strikes Rainbows interest and she started asking question that’s similar as Applejacks. Then Spike and everpony else in this room wanted to know what was up with my mark.

I told everpony except Rarity since she had to fix my clothes. She was disappointed but I told her I’ll retell it at a convenient time.

With all the mares following me to the kitchen, I prepared for God knows how many hours I’ll talk. I mean I got a lot of things about my family history and holy carp it’s a lot to the point it could be turned into an autobiography. Well can’t let them wait so I’ll be back in maybe 4 or 5 hours tops.

6 Hours Later…
Holy hell there was so many questions that I think I lost track of time itself. They have asked nearly everything they need or wanted me to say. During that time I asked who the yellow one’s name is and her name is Fluttershy.

After that she had asked me about from environment to and dietary needs for a human. All of them were a bit shook up about me knowing I eat meat. But once I told them that there were other ways for me of getting protein instead of meat I’ll be fine. But it will suck that I’ll never again eat meat for a long time.

Rarity fixed my clothes during some time during my lecture. Once I was able to wear clothes again Rarity asked about fashion back in my world. I then thought of all the clothes back from home; some good some bad and a few that were God awfully wasted. Seriously what was Lady gaga smoking when she designed that dress made entirely of meat?

“Their fine Rarity but that subject I’ll tell you later.” She was sad about picked herself up when the time is right.
I also told them about our technology & history, how good and bad they were to us. You know the basic and the likes. Then we got to my family linage.

“Are there any more questions?” As I asked that question, Twilight was the only pony that raised her hoof while Applejack , Rainbow and Spike were sleeping behind each other’s back while Fluttershy looked at me with intriguing eyes which is adorable but sometime later it sort of creeped me out.

“Yes Twilight?”

“So for as long as 500 years, your family linages have had this marking ever since the day all of you were born?” I was surprised she listened to me the entire time because in the beginning we don’t see eye to eye. I answered “yes” and she then started asking about more technology based question. I guess when we got to super computers she really got into it.

Questions poured out of Twilight until I walked around the room and looked outside the window. I couldn’t believe that the afternoon had turned to nighttime.

“Wait a minute… girls what time is it?” I look at their general direction.
“Its 6:30 why?” Twilight answering my question.

“Oh no.” As if on cue, my stomach begins to rumble not only making sounds but begins to eat itself. I wrapped my arms around my stomach to try and stop the pain but it was inevitable because there was one important thing I forgot to and let this slip my mind.

“Sooooo hungry.” I let out a small moan.
During that time they were afraid I fainted again, but once they heard me say those words they all just face palmed or face hoofed themselves. Rarity was the first one to speak.

“Don’t worry yourself dear, you can have anything you want from my kitchen if you like.” I get up and kept holding my stomach try to keep it from eating itself.

“It’s ok I’ll get something once Twilight and I get back to her home.”

I don’t want her to keep giving me things because she’s already been though my bad behavior not going to keep dragging it along by mooching off her food. Beside I’m Twilights roommate I’m supposed to mooch off her because well it’s sort of funny making her spurge out over my antics.

”Oh o…ok then that’s fine.” Rarity said kind of sadden about the situation.

“So can you teleport us out of here Twilight?”

“I highly doubt that nopony is going to see you at this time of night. I’m sure we’ll be fine walking to my place.”
As much as this is bullshit, I have to agree. No one is up at this time of night, in fact when I looked through the window there was not a pony insight. Beside I needed fresh air and exercise was a good idea so why not.

10 minutes later…

Before we left I had all my bandages removed and was finally free from those smelly old rags.
We all made it to Twilights home. As much as I think it’s ridiculous that a library can be a home and also a tree, I threw away logic long ago since Twilight teleport us from her home to Rarity’s boutique. I was more surprised when we started walking from here. It felt like the whole village became empty again.

We get to the door and Twilight opened it and she let me in first. I guess that it was for precaution if someone was outside but I doubt that anyone in their right mind would…

“SURPRISE!!”

My thoughts were interrupted when not only my worst fear has come to life but also the one pony that will forever be in my nightmares.

“Surprise! My names Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for…” Without her finishing, I ran away from the house
as fast as my legs can carry trying to run from her. Ok that one time I was a coward, but I seriously hate surprises. What I learned from this day was that if a pony see’s you warning or not, you run like it’s no tomorrow if I ever get a tomorrow.

I ran from all direction but for some reason heaven forbid that this pony was fast and that no matter which direction I go to, she always found me or pops out of nowhere.

(How the hell does she even find me, if I’m going in random direction?!) Furiously asking myself that question trying to come up an answer.

I don’t remember how much distance I ran but how my lungs feel like they’re about to burst, I think I could give the track and field club a run for their money. After about stopping to catch my breath, I look behind my shoulders and I don’t see her anymore. I finally let in a deep breath and sighed knowing that I finally lost her.
It didn’t last long until I heard a familiar voice in front of me.

“Wow for a human you sure are fast.” The mysterious voice sounding impress.

I look in front of me and it was Rainbow and the other four ponies looking at me with awe in there expressions.
(Where did they come from?!)

I look around my surrounding’s and I couldn’t believe that I just came back to Twilights home without knowing where I was running. Not only that but I was even more surprised on how abnormally fast I was.

“What the hell?! Have I just been running in circles or something?!” Before any of them can answer my question I told them to forget what I ask and told them to get inside the house.

We all go inside the house which was surprisingly dark but I didn’t mind it. As we got inside I tried finding a light switch or a candle to light the darkness.

I wasn’t expecting that the light would actually would just pop out of nowhere. Once it did so the entire room was full of ponies; multi-colored, small ponies as far as the eyes can see. When I saw all the ponies, I could have swear that my heart had skipped a beat, because the pink pony that was chasing me earlier popped out of nowhere next to the five other ponies.

“As I was saying I’m Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you.” With a cheery voice in her tone.
After this point my eye began to twitch and I had to ask this question.

“How can you sound like … (inhale) you hadn’t been chasing me (inhale) just now.” Trying to keep my balance.
The pink pony which she is named Pinkie Pie rubs her hoof to her chin and answers with a simple

“I don’t know.” Putting both her front forelegs in the air. At this point I just collapsed. Must be exhaustion or maybe a heart attack. I think it was a heart attack that did this to me and she caused it.
(Damn you pink one.)

…

What felt like minutes became hours in my little world. Then what seem like eternity, I slowly began to wake up. As I was waking up, small voices began to rise up and my blurred up vision slowly come into clear. Then when my senses come into clear, there were multiples of sorry and I was greeted with six ponies. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight, Applejack and… ”Pinkie Pie!”

I was about to jump up and run again until Applejack held me down, told me to calm down and that she means no harm. She also explained that she’s a harmless pony that she just wants to throw a party just for me.

“Hold on for just a second, you want to throw a party… for me? Why?!” I ask still trying to process what’s happing.

“I threw this party because when I saw you running towards Twilights home yesterday I thought you were friends with Twilight and since Twilights one of my bestest friends that would mean your also my bestest friend.”

After she said that, she locked all her hooves around my body into a hug, a very strong hug I might add. I was going to tell her to back off, I didn’t liked to be hugged, and that we were never EVER going to be friends after everything she put me through. She’s those types of people that will drive me into the edge if she pushes me too far. I guess this is karma telling me to stop procrastinating Twilight which I’ll never stop doing because screw karma.

But I held back because behind her were a group of ponies. That meant that I was still in Twilight’s home which also meant that this “party” was still going on. If I told her all of that, she would probably cry and I end up getting turned in to bloody orange juice with pulp due to my condition. It took every ounce of my fiber and well-being to smile and say.

“It’s really nice of you and that I hope we become (GULP) the bestest of friends.

(God please kill me.)

“Good because I was afraid that you hated me or that you didn’t like this party.” Sounding like her guess was correct which it is.

“Noooo what gave you that idea?” Lying though my teeth.

“You’re right, why would I think about that. Now let’s get you up and PARTY!” bringing her hoof in front of my face booping my nose and grabbing me up and in no time I’m up in my feet surprised that she was strong enough to get me up.

“How did you… I mean … GAhhhhh forget it just tell me where I can find the buffet table, I’m hungry.” I said with anger in my voice causing some of the ponies to step back.

“Oh it’s right over there right next to the two punch bowls.” Pointing a hoof at a table not too far.
“Thanks” was all I could say.

When I walked to the table, ponies began to move away from my direction and were still looking at me with fright in their eyes.

(Good. That way they won’t bother me.)

I get to the table and I was welcomed with cupcakes, chips and a few carrot sticks and celery.

(Meh, I don’t care if there are veggies in this table just as long as I get something to stop this stomach pain.) Without wasting anytime, I dug in and ate nearly a fraction of the food that was on that table as fast as I could. I have a very high metabolism thus having a somewhat scrawny body but I still have a few muscles.

“Wow! That’s amazing” Pinkie Pie sounding impressed.
“Not only had it been 30 seconds, but eaten only a fraction of the table. He really must have been hungry.”

(Kid you have no idea how hungry I am.)

“I betting he can eat as fast as Dashie.”
When I heard “Dashie” she must have meant Rainbow Dash. How cute.

Oh no please tell me she’s not going to…

“No way is he faster than me in anything. If he wants a challenge so be it.”

(God damn it.)

I’m not going to even explain how it turned out because of how graphic an eating challenge can be, but long story short I lost. Do I give a damn? No, but it was worth the lost because after she won, she started to lose her balance then she covered her mouth and flew what I believe was a bathroom. The door was a little opened and I heard vomiting sounds.

I couldn’t help but laugh because her big ego just screwed her over. After that event, I thought it was even funnier to bring two party cups and fill them with some punch so Dash and I can celebrate her “victory”.

I knock on the door and when she opened, I hold out my right hand and said “A toast to the winner.” When she looked at the cup she goes back to the room closed shut and I overhear vomiting.

I swear losing can be a gift in disguise. Without wasting the drinks, I drank both of the cups. What was weird was that it tasted strange somehow. I can’t tell what it was but it tasted sweet but there was something else I don’t know why.

Pinkie Pie was next to the table that Dash and I sort of massacred.

“Wow! I never seen Dashie eat so much food before in one party.” Sounding surprised. “And you” pointing a hoof at me. “Why aren’t you somewhere else looking for a place to you know… upchuck.”

I explained Pinkie what really happened.

“Because Pinkie I was hungry for two or one days I don’t remember and not to mention that I slowed my eating pace so I can see how fast she can eat in case I want to challenge her again.”

I then get to her eye level and whispered in her ear and said

“I let her win only because her ego is as high as she can fly.” When I said that, Pinkie began rolling around laughing her ass… er flank off.

I ignored her and went to the punch bowl and took another cup or two and drank it. It was tasty but it had that taste that keeps escaping me. I had to ask Pinkie what was the ingredients. She stopped laughing and got up again.

“Come closer.” Gesturing her hoof to get me close. I complied but kept telling me to come closer. When she finally was satisfied, she whispers.

“It’s a secret.”

(Are you kidding me?) I thought to myself.
“But I can tell you what’s on the other punch bowl.”
“Well what’s in it?” holding my annoyed tone.
“The reason why there are two is that one of them is that Berry punch accidentally spiked one of them. That’s why there’s one more. “Still whispering.

Wait a minute did she say one of them was SPIKED!? I run to the punch bowls and turned the left one around and saw a label. It had the words regular. I check the right one and it said… SPIKED! I nearly fainted when I realized that I drank not one, not two, but four cups of it. I was still a virgin on alcohol so that meant that its effects are going to hit me…HARD. I tried to calm myself but it wasn’t enough. Slowly my eyes began to fade a little and a blurry Pinkie pie was in front of me.

“Umm are you O.K David? After that all memories of that night had vanished.

End of Chapter 5