Chapter 7 – Yeah Science

“Ok ok I know what I did was bad but come on. It was just a few strawberries and carrots it wasn’t going to make a difference so long as I don’t keep stealing from them.” I kept explaining to Applejack about how not to actually considering taking me to prison while she still held a noose on my arm and dragging me like I was cattle.

Applejack was still ignoring my explanations.

“Come on this is bullshit you can’t just send me to prison for something so little.” I complained to her.

“Who said anything about locking you up?” Applejack told me although she sounded like she has something in her mouth.

“Wait you’re not taking me to jail?” I asked her a bit confused because if she’s not dragging me to jail then where is she taking me? It then dawned on me that as we turned another corner we came back to Twilight’s library. Oh? Oh. OH! Ooooooh crap.

We were getting close to the treehouse but I couldn’t help but think how I can get out of this and if she rats me out, Twilight will have my neck on a platter. Its bad enough I tried “hitting” on her teacher who just happens to be the ruler of this planet but that on the first day I get caught for theft.

(Gotta think of something fast and quick.)

“Hey you didn’t like messaged her before this right?” I asked her.

“No but you’re going to explain to Twi why you stole those produce from those ponies.” She told me.

(Hah good answer.)

(True that.)

I pulled the rope to my direction as hard as I can so that I can see my golden opportunity. No sooner did she stumble from my sudden resistance but once she stumbled to my direction that’s when I decided it was my only open window. She was at a perfect distance for me to drop kick right to the face. Out of all the places she could pull me to any where she had to have a tight grip on her mouth.

Let’s just say that once I got up again and looked at the damage she dealt she was and this is my professional opinion; Got knocked the f@#k out. I’m just surprised she didn’t get a black eye because I check both sides of her face and they look fine.

(Damn that is one tough equine.) I thought to myself.

I then undo the ropes and headed on over to the house. I then looked back on to Applejacks still body; I see that she’s breathing. Something inside my mind told that wasn’t cool I mean sure that was both fun and awesome plus I wanted to do that to somebody but I never had the chance to actually drop kick them. With her it just left me with a bad taste.

God damn it now I feel bad about it. I can’t just leave her like this. Stealing’s bad enough but leaving a helpless creature is going to give me bad rep and after thought, so like anybody with an actual heart, I carried her and tried finding the nearest pony that can send her to a hospital. I did found a couple of ponies that can help. Luckily the two of them weren’t as frighten by me in fact one of them who had a mint green coat and a lyre imprinted on her behind was gawking at me while her friend whose name was Bon Bon was listening to my explanation.

Good thing Bon Bon and the lyre pony were gullible enough to my story unlike Applejack who saw through my lies, how the hell did show know? I had a straight face, not a single twitch, nothing and yet she saw through them.
After the two left along with the lifeless body of Applejack, I was able to go back to the library without me getting in trouble although I can’t say what’s going to happen if Applejack wakes up.

…
….

“Shit” Was all I can say before I knocked on the door. When the door open, Twilight pulled me inside the library, I was ready for whatever she was going to say I mean an alien like me outside without some sort of supervision would probably get a nerd like scared especially if her ruler told her to watch me.

“Look I like to say one thing and that’s…” before I could say anything something unexpected happened. She hugged me almost as if I was like some kind of lost boy.

“Where the hay have you? I’ve been worried about you. Where did you go?” she kept asking and asking and asking until I had enough. I answered her where I was and what I’ve only been doing. She finally relaxed now that I answered her but I think I should tell what transpired outside her library.

HA! Yeah right like I rat myself out and have Twilight have a good reason to kick me out of her home no way am I sleeping out like a hermit.

“Hey I hate to ask but do you have anything to eat here. I’m starving in here. “

“From what I saw last night, I thought you’d be full from all the food you ate. You didn’t spare a single crumb from. ” Twilight joked.

“Yeah well doctor says I got to eat more considering a few years back I was a scrawny tyke.” It was true back then I was so thin that during lunch time periods in elementary, I get a second lunch; one for school and one from home.

“Oh that reminds me, I sort of want to ask you a favor.” When Twilight said favor I was a little curious.

“Go on.”

“Well it’s nothing but I’m I…I was wondering i…if you…” she was stammering. Oh no its one of those favors, you know the ones; the ones where they say it’s a small favor but it’s so enormous that they need to sugarcoat it. Oh well if it’s something I don’t want to do then I can say no.

“Well say it. Say what’s on your mind.”

“Well I read books about it and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind if I can…examine you?” she finally said it.
I was a little skeptical at first considering what she meant by examine me. Like see what’s the difference between humans and apes? What hurts us or if things get dark, what’s inside our bodies? I was going to trend this subject lightly.

“Depends on what you mean by examine.”

“What I mean is that I want to study your overall physique like how fast are you, mental capacity and some samples like spit and blood. But don’t worry I’m only taking 3 milliters the same as a teaspoon.” Twilight explained.

I don’t know I mean this might not be so bad considering I got nothing to do. Plus if I said no, Twilight might think that she’s not qualified to be a doctor and that we might go to a hospital, which is where Applejack will be.

“Alright I’ll agree to do this.”

“You will?” Twilight with an excited look and tone. Oh God what have I done.

“Sure so long as it’s not something I don’t want to do.” Just because I agreed to be a test subject doesn’t mean she has any right to put my life on the line for the betterment and understanding of humans.

“Oh don’t worry you have my word that if thing s get too uncomfortable for you, I’ll stop right away.” Twilight promised.

“Alright so where to doc?” I joked.

Twilight tells me that her lab is in the basement which sort of made me a bit worried because seriously there were movies that have this sort of scenario where the characters never were heard from again. However it would have been that if it weren’t for the fact if she wasn’t a freaking pony, so I thought she wasn’t something I can handle and besides if the situation arises, I can actually say I beat up a unicorn in my stories so that’s a bonus.

We went down to the basement and holy crap the place looks awesome. There’s a huge ass machine down here it was lighting up and that there was a chemistry lab that had all sorts of different colored chems. I swear this is why science is damn cool.

“Sorry if the place is messy I haven’t been in this room since the whole Pinkie sense incident.”
“The what incident?” I wasn’t paying attention due to me being a little busy looking over the room. I swear this place looks amazing.

(I wonder if I can make this place my room.) I always wanted my own lab.

“Don’t worry it’s not something you should be worry too much but be cautious when Pinkie twitches.” Twilight told me.

“Yeah whatever.”

There was a metal table that was cluttered with paper I assumed was previous data or something. Anyways she used her magic to levitate the papers and dropped them to another table that was also full of data.

“Ok you can sit here or laydown if you want. I just need to bring in a few supplies and turn on a few things ok?” she asked.

“Fine whatever.” I sat on the metal table and waited for her to come back. As I was waiting for her, I looked around the room and notice there was a green glow coming from the cabinet that was next to the chemistry table. I walked to the table and opened the cabinet and found out that the glow was emanating from a stone.
I didn’t know why but I wanted to hold the stone.

Once I grabbed the stone on my right hand, the palm of my hand felt a bit tingly almost as if the stone was fusing onto me it felt nice. Actually the stone felt as if it weights nothing now. That’s when something didn’t add up when I looked to where the stone was it was gone. I was speechless like where did it go?

“I’m back.” Twilight announced.

(Oh shit!? Uhh I’m pretty sure she won’t know if she was missing one stone right?)

“Ok I’m back.” Twilight announcing her arrival. I on the other hand, was sitting on the metal table acting like I’ve been there the entire time. She brought over a bunch of items from books, a syringe, a Popsicle stick and sample cups. Seriously where the hell did she get this stuff aside from the books I mean?

“Ok first off let’s check your eyes.” After I had finished her eye exam, she took note on her clipboard and once she was done we went on to the reflex exam. Basically where the doc just hits you with a rubber hammer and sees how fast you react. After a few exams were done, we then come to the fun part; me running on a treadmill.

But she had me where a huge helmet during the run which was annoying considering it keeps slipping.Once the physical exams were over it was time for the blood and urine sample. First she took my blood then she gave me the cup to pee in. Once I came back from the bathroom, I came back downstairs I gave her the cup but she levitated the cup.

Damn if she wasn’t a unicorn that would’ve sucked because how would she carry the pissed on cup. Actually I don’t want to know.

It’s almost as if we did everything. Damn I sort of like being examined always gave me that tingly feeling. Twilight comes to my direction with yet another cup only it was smaller than the last.

“I thought you needed a urine sample. Why the other cup?” I questioned her.

“Oh this um this is for um…” Twilight was stuttering again. Ok this is interesting.

“Well what’s with the other cup?”

“It’s for um I…it’s if you don’t mind at least of course but…” Twilight’s cheeks were glowing red.
“It’s a s…sperm sample.”
…
….
…..

“*Snicker* and it took you this long to try and say it.” I can’t believe this. She is actually asking me to fap and in her house no less. I mean a hospital and a sperm bank maybe but here. HA!

I can already see that Twilight was getting angry for me on laughing at this request while still sporting a red blush.

“If this is your of saying no then fine.” Twilight was about to leave until I stopped her.

“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t leave I’ll do it. Ha ha.” I said after I stopped laughing.

“You…you will?” Twilight was a bit taken back for my cooperation. To be totally honest, it’s been a while since last time. Maybe that’s why I’ve been a huge ass for the past few weeks.

“But before I do, I just want to ask for one thing and that’s it.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Can I have this lab as a temporal room?” I asked while grinning.

Twilight was surprised about my request.

“But this is where I’ll be using to test the samples. Plus the entire room is messy.” Twilight explained.

“I like my rooms messy and to rebuttal you’re not seriously going to study all night are you?” I asked her.
Twilight was thinking about what I just said. Wait she was serious about working an all-nighter?

“Ok here’s the idea; why don’t we rotate who uses the room considering you need to study my samples while I need my personal space. Deal?” this was the only way I’ll be able to have the room. Like I said; I wanted a lab for myself.

Twilight was thinking about the idea.

“Are you well aware about the dangers and hazards of science equipment’s?” she asked.

“Absolutely.” Twilight didn’t look convinced about my answer so she asked me a bunch of questions about safety rules and what items are. Eventually I got them all correct for once I saw Twilight smile. I guess I must have got her trust about the lab which means…

“Ok you’ve got a deal. I think you’re responsible to have the lab on your own.” she raised her hoof which must have meant that this is a solid deal. I complied and shook her hoof.

“Sigh” Ok I’ll be back this might take a while.” I grab the cup and headed up stairs. Once I get to the bathroom it was time to ‘take the kids to the super bowl’. Ha.

5 minutes later…

So far so good but unfortunately I lost concentration when someone knocked on the door.

“David are you doing ok? What’s taking you so long?”

“Jesus Twilight it hasn’t been 10 minutes yet! It takes time!” I yelled at her. Seriously Twilight, don’t sneak up on a guy that’s ‘pounding the meat’. Again ha.

8 minutes later…

“Good it’s *sigh* been done.” I finally did it. I don’t know how considering there wasn’t anything to get me going what with the lack of “inspiration” and the internet. I climb downstairs to the basement to meet Twilight. I gave her the cup and she levitated the cup which was a good idea on her part.

Twilight puts the cup on the metal table along with the other samples and notes. She just looks at me like she has something to say.

“How long does it take for a human male to reach orgasm?”

Well that escalated quickly.

“uhh next question?” I answered a bit embarrassed and fazed.

“After what transpired a few minutes ago you’re uncomfortable about this now?” Twilight was agitated.

“Ok ok, fine I’ll answer.” I knew this was a bad idea.

“It varies on other humans, ok. I don’t know for myself considering biology wasn’t my strong suit. But I think like 20 or 30 minutes at best.”

“Remarkable.” She then levitated her clipboard and wrote something down.

“Tell more about the human mating rituals.”

(God damn it. I knew this was going to lead up to this. I swear this lab is not worth it. But I really do like it here.)

2 hours later…

Jesus Christ I feel like I’m back in middle school only I’m the one that’s explaining what sex is.

“All right I think I have everything I needed.”

“Good now can we get something to eat.” Shit I haven’t eaten since this morning.

“I only have one question then we can go out to eat.” God *sigh* whatever this question better not take up my time.

“Have you ever participated in those rituals with another human?”

OK I think I had enough of this.

“Come on Twilight lets go get something to eat I am starving.” After I said that I ran up the stairs. I heard her call out my name but I didn’t want to answer her question. Those types of questions should never come up in a conversation. EVER.

Once I got out of the treehouse/library, I waited outside for Twilight to come out. I mean I could go in town alone and steal me some food but last time I did that, a certain someone caught me. I could try my luck but I’m not that lucky.

Once I saw Twilight trotting over to me I just ran so she doesn’t lose me but not catch. Eventually I found a restaurant I think might serve good food. I found a waiter who might I add has a wicked French mustache and ask him a table for two. Luckily he found one just in time, because Twilight finally caught up to me.

“Why were you running from me? I just wanted to know if…”

“Twilight we’re outside in public you shouldn’t ask those types of question especially if there’s kids.” I pointed out to the couple with smaller ponies. Foals right?

Twilight knowing that asking those types of questions in public can result nothing but awkwardness around the place so she decide it might be best to talk about this in a more private setting.

“Just so you know I still have more question to ask.” Twilight informed me.

“I know.”

Both of us were ready to place our order; she got what was called a hay burger which gave me a very clear idea on what it’s made of, but for me it was sort of difficult to decide because most of the menu had a few with hay but there were those that had veggies that I hated. However beggars can’t be choosers so I got a veggie burger with fries.

We waited for our order and it finally comes. I got to say the burger isn’t half bad. Both of us were finished with our order, she paid the meal in full so we both left. We didn’t know where we should go considering I tried finding places where it’s highly populated so I can avoid more uncomfortable questions.

Eventually we were surrounded by Twilights other friends; Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, and… Pinkie.
“Hey while you talk to these guys I’ll check whats on that vender ok? Thanks see yeh.” I got out of there as soon as possible no way I’m going anywhere near that pink monstrosity.

As I was browsing the vendor I overheard the conversation but they were hard to hear that is until Rainbow said something that made me almost shit bricks.

“Somepony attacked Applejack.” Rainbow Dash announced.

(Shit now I’m really screwed.)

(You know none of this would have happened if you had come clean.) Said a random voice. Now that I think about it, I keep hearing voices but I can’t find out who they were.

Enough about that I need to get out of that place. I found an ally where I can ditch the group. I finally got rid of those ponies but I still needed a place to hide.

“Well how do you stranger?” I turn around and looked down to see a light green pony with a white mane. She looks different from the rest of the ponies I seen, she looked old in fact she was scrawny. She looked like she was having a hard time standing on all fours.

(Wait this might actually work to my advantage.)

“Excuse me but I can’t help but notice that you’re having a hard time standing if I’m not mistaken?”
“Darn right you are. I’ve been trotting around town looking for Applejack.”

(Sorry lady.)

“She was supposed to come back but she never did. So I came here to do an errand and find her but I never did.”

“Oh she’s with her friends; something came up so she told me to find you Ms…I’m sorry I seem to forgot the name. I always do.” I then lightly clonk my head.

“Aw don’t beat yourself; everypony here calls me Granny Smith.”

“Why thank you kindly Ms. Smith. I’m sorry if this was an inconvenience to you.” I told her with a sad tone.

“Nope. It’s a good thing you told me otherwise I’d be tired to walk back to the farm with all the time you save me.”

“Well if you want if it’s not too much trouble, I can help you get to this farm of yours.”

(Yes it’s the perfect place to hide out and wait.)

“You don’t have to do that but I appreciate the help.”

“No but I do.” I then kneeled down.

“If something were to happen to you during your walk back, you could get hurt or fall down in the middle of the road and nobody can help you. That’s something I can’t have lingering in my head.”

This is actually me being honest here. Ever since my grandmother died I felt like I wanted to help the elderly whenever I can.

“Well if it’s that important I guess its fine by me.” Granny Smith agreed to my offer.

I then follow her on the dirt road however she was walking so slowly. So I offered to help carry her and after more convincing she agreed to let me I got to say this was pretty awesome and quite adorable. Gah enough of this mushy stuff, its time I get her back home. I then run on the dirt road to where this farm is.

End of Chapter 7