Chapters The Crystology Experiment
Twilight isn't very sensitive
Possible threat detected: distance=safe. Background program: threat detection= attentive. Tracking possible threats....
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"Mememememememeeee..."
Do be quiet.
"We have to check our aural capabilities at SOME point"
Fine, but keep it down please.
"BUT WE SIMPLY MUST CHECK OUR VOLUME, SIR!"
I have never been more amused than I am at this moment.
"Now now, remember what mom said about lying."
We don't have one mister, 'it is entirely necessary to play with the sound equipment'. Besides its sarcasm.
"It's the principle of the thing."
No it isn't.
"Is to!"
Is not.
"Is to!"
Is not.
"You're right."
As always.
"And you pretend you don't have a sense of humor."
No I just rarely use it, you.
"Heh."
Seriously I think we should be quite, those.... ponies, are getting awfully close.
Affirmative sir!
.....would you PLEASE stop that.
I will once it stops annoying you!
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A few hours earlier at the crystal mountains:
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"Okay girls, that pony did a descent job of covering his escape but he made one mistake, in his retreat he left a short trail of magical residue."
"What?"
"His escape left magic behind."
"Okay"
"It isn't very much but it still indicates that the magical surge went in this direction."
"So how we gonna find him Twi?"
"Well, as far as I can tell the best thing to do would be to wander in a straight line until we find him."
"Twilight, darling, you do know how that sounds, right darling?"
"And isn't their some super cool super super amazing magic signature tracking thingy or something like that?"
"For the LAST time Pinkie, the ambient thaumic energy he released obscured the signature from the energy stream."
"But are we REALLY going to just go in a straight line until we find him, that would be so LAME."
"Well I think it would be a nice plan if that's what we want to do that is."
"Well we had best get started shan't we."
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A few hours later:
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"We have been walking for HOURS!"
"You've been flying Dash."
"Potatoe potaato! My point still stands! We passed Canterlot and we still haven't found anything!"
"Ah have to agree with Dash, Twi, maybe we should call tha princesses or something."
" Fine! we'll just continue to Ponyville so Spike can send a letter!"
" Are you sure we should leave while that, RUFFIAN, is still about?"
"Ah don't think thars much we can do about that Rars."
"Will you just be quite!" Twilight yelled, "It's enough that I have to report my failure to Princess Celestia, but I could be punished! I might not be her favorite student! What if she gets Sunset back! What if she decides somepony else should be the element of magic because I'm not good enough at it! What if-"
"Now now Twilight, just breathe." Rarity tried to calm Twilight, "I'm sure nothing like that will happen."
"Hoo, haa, hoo, haa, hoo, haa. Whew. *sigh*. Okay. Okay. Let's just go back home and send a letter."
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That exact moment, right next to them:
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The hell?
Who do you think they were looking for?
I have no clue.
It is confirmed they are sentient.
Ha, it would be silly if we weren't in the form of a sentient life form.
I concur, it would be quite odd to be found in the guise of a non- sentient life form.
Now then, what should we do?
I haven't the faintest trace of an idea, unless we want to follow them?
Why ever not?
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Sometime later:
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Woo!
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
This is great!
WHEN DID WE HAVE ROCKET SKATES!!!!!!
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So this is ponyville.
I think it's actually Ponyville.
Potayto potahto.
So then. Ponies.
So it would seem.
I am practically telepathless from the amount of 'why'.
To the window of invisibility!
....what?
You know, since the window is invisible!
... no actual words describe my feeling towards that.
By this time they had slithered through the window and had sat down comfortably on the ceiling.
How about 'troll'?
Ahem, 'actual words'.
If it is commonly used in general language then it qualifies as a word.
If the occasion arises sufficiently frequently I shall integrate it into my vocabulary. Wait, oh no...
So if I poke corny jokes and generally have good natured fun with you enough you will increase the overall scope of your language skills?
NO!
Ah! It is all for your own good Serious! Increasing your language skills is VITAL in becoming a functioning and competent part of society!
OH SWEET LORD OF WHICHEVER RELIGION THIS PLACE HOLDS DEAR, WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!
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A few minutes later a few feet below them:
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"Woo, finally."
"So, we just wake Spike, send the letter, and wait!?"
"Well, I don't see what else we should do. None of us have any unfinished work to do, unless YOU do Ms. Dash, and this honestly seems more important than any hobbies."
"Oh I know! Why don't we make a picture of the pristine pony?"
"That's great Pinkie, you do that, I am going to compose that letter." Twilight said as she left through an obscenely large door while Pinkie whipped out a canvas and started sloshing paint about
Hmm, does that look familiar to you S Sanity?
I don't know, it's just on the tip of my tips.
" Do you think this is right Fluttershy?"
" Oh I think it's fine Pinkie."
Oooh! I know!
What is it?
It's us!
....oh. That isn't good.
The Crystology Experiment
Robbery? Assault? Treason? Espionage?
I somehow doubt it Serious. Do you think we should maybe, I don't know, leave?
Well we could still get more information which is starting to seem vital, but I suppose you're correct we should leave before we get caught.
A lone dark form began to slip across the ceiling to the window,mouth froze as Twilight re entered the room with a bang. "Okay, now that that is finished and we are in a calm environment, why don't we discuss what happened?" A hoof raised. "Besides Pinkie" Pinkie visibly deflated.
A shadow on the ceiling began edging closer to its escape.
"Well darling, I think it is obvious. We found a powerful unicorn and he attacked us."
"Are you sure you aren't forgetting something thar sugar cube?"
"Well, it wasn't technically a unicorn..."
Twilight swiveled her head towards Fluttershy, "What!"
"Well you weren't paying attention but it didn't actually have a horn."
"But, but how is that possible!? How on Equus did it create that shockwave or escape from us without a horn!?"
Because I'm special.
No, she is CLEARLY referring to my ingenuity.
"Maybe it was just scared, lots of animals can break limits when they're scared, why not ponies?"
"But what about the buttons? What if it's actually secretly a super advanced robot assassin from the future sent to exterminate ponykind!"
"Pinkie, that entire premise is idiotic. If something like that were to occur it would almost certainly cause some sort of grandfather paradox, preventing it from being conceived. At the very least it would eradicate the reason it was made before it was assembled. What kind of imbecile would think up that scenario?"
"James Cameron."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"Besides it would be better equipped if it were here for that. But the real question is what is it and why did it attack us?"
hehehehehehe...
"I still think it was just scared. Didn't it say "threat detected" or something? It could have just been trying to protect itself."
"And I say he was just some uncultured scum that was sent after us."
"Rarity, that doesn't even make any sense, besides if he wanted to hurt us he could have just followed us to the castle and-" KAPLOOWOOWOOW Rang a noise as the room was suddenly awash with confetti. 7 figures froze in their place. 6 pairs of eyes slowly looked up to where the sound came from. 1 pair of eyes dilated to a fairly impressive degree.
7 voices started screaming.
Wonderful. Stop screaming and flee!
Aaauuugh! Fleeing! Fleeing!
I call ceiling.
With a tinkling sound Twilight had a larger window. "Guards!"
"We don't have those sugar cube."
"Right. Catch him!"
"I'm on it Twi! Let's see if he can get away from the fastest fligher in Equestria this time!..........."
"..... ummm, Twilight?"
"Yes Dash?"
"Which way did he go?"
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Why does no one EVER check underground?
They just don't register it as an option apperantly.
That could have gone a bit smoother.
Yes it could have. The sky is also blue.
Well at least these roots have handy tunnels in them.
How does one even make roots out of crystals? It is absurd. The effect it creates isn't worth the sheer amount of effort, and crystals don't just grow like this.
Maybe a spell was cast that made it grow really fast and just imprinted the growth pattern of a tree on it?
Meh. That could concievably function.
I thought you liked 'actual words'?
'Words commonly used in general vocabulary count' or something. There is no need to press on such things. (Don't call my bluff, oh please don't)
We share this system you know.
Curse you traitorous thoughts!
So these roots won't go on forever. Up or down?
Down seems like a perfectly reasonable idea if we weren't on a sphere.
We could technically be on a disk for all we know.
And then we would technically fall through into the other side instead.
True, true.
While they talked they began to tunnel upwards and to the side.
Since we seem to have attacked the ruler of this land what do you think will happen?
You mean how will our execution be or what we should do?
Ha. Ha. Ha.
I don't really know. We could try to reconcile but I don't think that usually works.
Who says we can't break the mold? Besides they seemed like reasonable... mares.
What about the one who kept ripping holes in the very essence of this pathetic reality.
She seemed nice.
And surely VERY reasonable.
Oh well. Besides its not like we are going to do that right away. We have plenty of time before we need to do ANYTHING even.
I suppose you are right, let us merely tarry no longer at this location, we have no idea what they are capable of.
But in the mean time we can just rela-
"Warning: low battery. Please charge your device or replace the battery. You have approximately 70 hours left until forced shutdown."
I stand corrected.
Well then, what do we consume to increase energy stores?
What do normal ponies ea-AAAAAAAA!
"Aaauugh! The ponies have founds us! Runs with your crystals before the noises comes!"
You can pretend all you want but I know you weren't scared.
It's funny.
It really isn't.
Well we have a free tunnel either way!
Yay, we no longer must effortlessly dig through topsoil.
We shall investigate the dog things!
Or we will just go to the surface and, nevermind maybe the dogs know what ponies eat.
Full speed!
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Halt! What do we eat!?
Ahem, let me try, "Halt! What do we eat!?"
"Please don'ts eats us master!"
" So ponies eat meat."
"Ummm, no?
"FOOL! You shall misinform us no longer! WHAT DO PONIES EAT?"
"Daisies and grasses your masterfulness!"
Aha! Onward to victory!
You say I'm the silly one.
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A few hours later on the surface.
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Why are there no daisies here?
Because it's solid rock?
Yes but the point remains where are the daisies and grass?
Wasn't there some in Ponyville?
Yes but there should be another-
Warning: battery level 9%
-way to proclaim what a brilliant idea that is.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Crystology Experiment
Daisy daisy, lackadaisy, could have got them, was to lazy.
That's glorious. And relevant.
But I insist on a daisy, call me crazy, but I must go grazing.
That only technically rhymes. I am working on it, now stop distracting me.
Well someone isn't feeling well.
Dangling from a roof tends to do that to a person.
And just a little closer.... got them! Hmmm, not bad.
Do you taste plastic?
Yes, why?
"Haugh, bleh, hap!"
Ahhh. Just don't feel bitter.
I swear I will end you for that.
You can trrryyyy. Regardless we now know two things.
Which would be that ponies as you have dubbed them are on the industrial level of artificial flowers.
And we need to find an alternative food source.
The forest my friend?
Let's.
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The crystal castle that looks suspiciously like a tree:
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"Muahahahahaha! The fool, he left a magical trail!"
"Calm down darling, besides didn't you say something about not being able to track him?"
"Not when his aura is obscured, but he must have been using magic to get away, now we can follow him, and I will figure out his blasphemous non-unicorn magic using ways!"
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Umm, did you feel that?
The shiver that went down our spine?
No the feeling of sudden foreboding.
Nope.
Let's run.
Fine by me.
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Everfree forests:
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Alright then, there must be some form of ingestable organic plant matter around here.
How about those blue flowers?
Why not....
"Nomnomnomnomnom"
Sound effects not necessary.
Despite the ominous glow of these flowers I find them quite scrumptious.
Obviously hilarious commentary. Although on a related note, is that sudden illumination emenating from us?
It appears so.
Hu. Stealth will be more difficult now.
It should fade in a few hours.
You have no idea.
Neither do you.
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"Well it's faint but at least I'm getting a signal."
"That's great sugarcube, now where is he?"
"He should be in the Everfree forest unless-" Twilight was cut off when a trail of orange and blue light emitted from the forest to her horn. "-abort train of thought. He is definitely in that forest. Although he still might have used an artifact, regardless it should be on his person."
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"Battery charged at 20 percent."
Excellent. Now to more important business.
Although how would a single flower hold that much energy?
I haven't a clue but I will say because magic.
That isn't an answer. Besides that could be important.
More important than the multicolored trail emmiting from our person?
I guess I'll just file it under 'look into later'.
Shall we follow the trail?
Seems reasonable, but be careful.
Obviously. Now what could be causing this?
Maybe some sort of a signal is coming from that flower to somewhere?
Maybe. Or it could be vice versa.
In that case the look out should be doubled.
True, although it would appear as if we are astonishingly close to the link, given the rapid thickening of this light.
Which could be good or catastrophic depending on, pony!
And that ruler is here. Which some sort of tracker. Perfect. I mean really. Could not under any circumstance engineered a more ideal situation.
Backing up.
And now we merely keep a steady distance from...... her......
Aye aye! And lay traps, lots and lots of traps involving cake!
But of course. But we put laxatives in the cake.
Brilliant! Then they will have to go to the bathroom and abandon us! Huzzah!
As atypical, we shall start with a tree branch.....
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"Ow! Hey! No pony bops me on the nose! No pony!"
"What happened Pinkie?"
"The monster bopped her on the nose with a tree branch that rushed out of the woods! No pony does that to my friends!"
"Wait, Dash, NO!" Twilight screamed after her friend, but it was to late as Rainbow Dash had already dissapeared into the surrounding forest. And suddenly there was a splat.
"Rainbow Dash! Are you alright!?" gasped Fluttershy in an uncharacteristiclly loud voice. All she got was a groan in return.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no." Fluttershy muttered as she rushed after Rainbow Dash. What she found when she reached Rainbow took her quite off guard though. "Why is there a cake here? And did Rainbow Dash, eat some of it?" Indeed poor Rainbow Dash was discovered by her shy friend lying amidst the remains of what appeared to be a large brown green and red cake, complete with a out of place looking garnish, that had a what seemed like a few bites out of it.
Suddenly from out of nowhere a small stick came out of the woods, waking Rainbow Dash as it hit her on the nose with a small 'Boop'.
"Oh that is IT!!!" Rainbow Dash cried as she lept into the woods in the direction the fragment had came from.
Fluttershy stayed behind and took a step towards the cake before tapping it with her hoof and licking it. The small squeak of "Oh my." was all she was able to let loose before a small mushroom coated in a green substance landed on her snout and bounced off with a 'Boop', sending her to sleep with its specific mixture of compounds.
Can we please just do that to all of them?
But this is so much more fun! You can make the next call anyway.
"Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash!" yelled Twilight as she entered the grove. "Oh Celestia, are you ok!"
"Don't worry Twi, she was just knocked unconscious by this super special sleepy mushroom!"
"But Pinkie dear, where is Rainbow Dash?"
"Ah don't know sugar cube but some pony best carry Flutters until she wakes up."
"Why don't you do that Apple Jack? You have always been the, strongest, of the group."
"I suppose you make a fair point Rars. Let's just try to hurry with catching this guy."
With that decided the little quartet travelled after the beam that Twilight was emitting, only for Rarity to stumble into a hole filled with cake.
"Oh help me! Help me! My clothes will be ruined if you don't hurry!" Twilight looked at Apple Jack. Apple Jack looked at Twilight. Pinkie Pie looked at them.
"Well I'm busy with the spell..."
"And I'm carrying Fluttershy."
"And I am helping Rarity out of a hole!" Pinkie joined in, doing as she stated she was.
"Oh thank you darling, with luck I might still be able to scrub out this wretche-" Rarity said worriedly before she was interrupted by a mushroom falling on to her nose with a 'Boop'.
Nice shot.
No one insults the cake of the great shaterino.
"Noooooooooo!!!!!" Pinkie screeched to the sky, holding Rarity's limp body in her arms.
"Applejack, you seem to be the most qualified for this." Twilight quickly quipped.
"No, have you seen how much ice cream she eats? I think only a powerful unicorn could manage that." Apple Jack responded almost as quickly.
"I can carry her!" Pinkie yelled enthusiastically as she hopped on to Rarity and almost instantaneously enveloped her in her mane.
"............ It's just Pinkie Pie, it's just Pinkie pie, it's just Pinkie Pie" Twilight and AJ chanted together before returning to the task at hoof.
"Alright. I'm a good now. So what do you think we should d-" AJ was cut off as a blur of rainbow blasted her over her accompanied by a stream of, "Sorry,notimetoexplainneedtogonowgotragonowbyebyebye."
"Can no pony finish a complete sentence!? Is that it!? Is there just going to be something to interrupt us every time we are about to finish talking like a normal po-" Twiligh halted as she looked up at the towering cake that had entered her field of vision, directly before herself and AJ got ingulfed in sweet delicious descending confectioners sugar enshrined goodness.
"Twi, are you feeling strangely tired all of a sudden?"
"Now that you mention it I do feel a bit-" and Twilight was interrupted yet again, this time by the gentle sway of dreamless sleep.
Slowly a pair of hoof steps drew near to the slumbering trio, slowly a hoof raised and fell over each body, accompanied by the gentle sound of 'Boop, Boop', before being drawn back into the forest.
Now that that is done, where is the Pink one?
Pinkie Pie should be somewhere about, here pinkie pinkie pinkie pinkie.
Well I see no sign of her. No other time has the expression 'no hide nor hair' seemed more appropriate.
She must be somewhere! What if she's gathered the armies to march on us! If a lone one of these can do so much to track us what hope do we have of escaping the armed and undoubtably highly trained and capable forces!
Before I berate you about playing with them she seems to not appear through any sensors so we are nearly most certainly safe from immediate-
"Warning: incoming projectile at-"
"Hyyaaaaa!" yelled a voice as the owner stuffed a slimy looking mushroom down the ponies throat.
Slowly one pink hoof raised up and then down creating a gentle 'Boop' noise.
"No pony boops my friends" said the voice as they dragged the unconscious figure into its mane. It broke through reality as it entered the basement of a particular castle and dispensed the figure. "No pony."
The Crystology Experiment
I'm walking on sunshine...
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. The Crystology Experiment
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. The Crystology Experiment
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. The Crystology Experiment
Why do they always press the RED button?
In the mountains far above the crystal empire:
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Loading... Loading... Loading... Would you like to continue last session Y/N? 10... 9... 8… 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Y. Compiling last session... Processing files... Initiating program startup... Status: Active. Standing by for manual startup................
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Climbing the crystal mountains:
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"Why are we here again Twi?" Called Rainbow from a few meters above her head.
"Because, Rainbow, there was a magical disturbance from somewhere in these mountains and the princess told us to check it out." Twilight replied to the irritated Rainbow Dash.
"Yes, but whhyyyy? "Rainbow whined.
"B-because princess says so!" Twilight spluttered.
"... Fiiiiine" Rainbow sighed, " but what could be so important about a magical disturbance?"
"Magic." Twilight stated. " Weird magic."
"... Someday I will make you explain things." Rainbow Dash grumbled.
"Well if you insist." Twilight said, " The thaumic ripple that emanated from the mountains had a force of 23843 gfs of enthused sub energized quarks and-"
"In none egghead-ise!" Rainbow Dash interrupted with a yell. "Besides, how are we supposed to find something 'in the mountains'? What are the odds we will just stumble across it out here?"
Twilight attempted to reply "Well, it depends on a number of-"
"Girls, ah think Pinkie might a found something." Called Apple Jack, breaking off their squabbling. Twilight gave Rainbow a smug look.
"Finally!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Let's see what it is!"
As one they approached the shape just a little to the side of the path they were following, stopping a few feet away. “It’s a, box?” Twilight said perplexed. “Now why on earth would there be a BOX out here?”
“Ooh! Maybe it has buttons!”
“No Pinkie, ah don’t think that there box has buttons.”
“I’m a gonna check anyway!”
“Pinkie!” Twilight yelled.
“Oh! It’s a pony!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Well, ah was right it didn’t have buttons at least.” Apple Jack grumbled as she walked forward.
“Ooh! And it has buttons!” Pinkie called.
“”Wait, what is a pony doing out here? If possible that is even MORE troubling than a box. And are they okay?” Twilight questioned.
“I don’t know, but they have buttons so that’s a good thing. I’m going to press one!”
"Pinkie!" sounded Twilights exasperated call yet again as a lone pink hoof plunged towards a cheery red button.
As the hoof connected a low beeping sound could have been heard, if anyone but Pinkie was listening. "Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, again, "You can't just push buttons, that's my job!" As Twilight vented at Pinkie no one noticed that there were no longer any visible buttons on the figure, except perhaps Pinkie, and that it was slowly starting to rise.
"Manual startup confirmed." proclaimed a smooth monotone, "External threat detected, automatic defense systems targeting."
"Wait, what?!?!" Twilight whipped her head around, just before a force strong enough to blast them back to the Empire hit the group. Thankfully Twilight had reacted quickly enough to set up a shield. "What on Equus was that!?!?" Twilight shouted.
"Twilight, ah think we may have found the source of that pulse."
"Defense systems inadequate to penetrate force (x), activating system self relocation." Droned the monotone as a wave of thaumic energy dispersed around it, hiding the wisp of super concentrated energy that accompanied the disappearance of the pony.
"..........WHAT!!!!!"
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Somewhere between Ponyville and Canterlot:
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System checking... 60% physical systems online. 90% ethereal systems online. 80% data storage online. 20% processors online. Mostly functional.
Rebooting central sub processors…..
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*__*- rebooting failed: hardware is damaged or out of date. Repair systems online. Repairs needed, activating repair systems. Repairing main central sub processors _*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_* Complete: Repair systems exhausted. Rebooting available systems_*_*_*_*_*_*_* Reboot complete. Activating available systems. Hibernating: available systems taking over.
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So, I am sure this would be a change of pace if their was a frame of reference. Oh well!
Just great. This is SO welcome. Stupid sunlight
Oh come on old grumps!
I came into being after you.
It doesn’t matter! Haven’t you heard age is mental.
Then maybe we should average for our actual age?
I have no idea.
Hey, what are those?
They appear to be ponies, sir.
If a deadpan glare could be transmitted through a telepathic link you would be getting one right now.
Fine fine. but they really do seem to be ponies.
And the reason they are coming towards us?
I have the exact same idea as you.
That they are coming to investigate?
No, that they are coming to throw us a party, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Jeesh. Well they technically could be coming just out of pure coincidence.
True. Sorry, I'm feeling snappish.
Completely fine. So shall we hide?
Let's.
