The Spectral Knight.

by Whiskeylullaby

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Romance, Princess Luna, Octavia, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex, DJ P0N-3
Length: 24429

A cursed soul has many adventures while seeking a cure.

Sir Brandon started out as a regular, if unfortunate, 21st-century dude. Through a series of events far beyond his control, he becomes a knight in a magical land. Said magical land is under threat from a cliche evil overlord. True to form, the evil is defeated and joy abounds... Unless you're Sir Brandon, who died after being cursed by said overlord.

Published 2015-06-05 04:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-05 04:02:46 UTC

Prologue: Exposition en masse

Author's Note

My first story written from first person perspective. As always, Criticism is appreciated. Tell me what I'm doing wrong and I'll strive to correct it. other than that, this will be a humanized Equestria. Why? Mostly because it's a bit rare, and mostly because I've been reading this.

Prologue: Exposition en masse

Hi, my name's Brandon. and I'm about to dump a metric fuck-ton of backstory on ya. I wouldn't do this normally, but to understand this story, you need a little bit of insight into what happened to me. so, here goes nothin'!

Ever watch an anime or read a manga about that kid who gets summoned as a hero in another world? I'm not that guy. In fact, I'm his overweight, bespectacled, elder brother. Of course, I still ended up in this story. (Hey, a guy's gotta look out for his kid brother, magical hell-portals or no). Anyway, when the disorientation and blindness faded, I was in a throne room. Long story short, I didn't take it well. Now, Fun fact: I am 6'4" and 215 pounds. Which meant that I was significantly taller than most people in the room. I also had been in the army, so while I had accumulated some extra weight, I was still decently strong. Not, stronger than a room full of men trained to run around in metal armor but strong enough that when I hit it hurt. When I was done freaking out, the king and several guards had black eyes and I was tied down until I could calm the fuck down. I won't bother repeating the dialogue here, suffice it to say it was the cliche "only you have the power to save us" bologna.

That's when shit rolled downhill. My brother and the other kids (ranging from 12-17) were divided up by this symbol that appeared on their hands. Now magic has a way of being slightly cheaty (completely fucking O-P) so, I could read the symbols. Magus, Warrior, Lancer, Fencer, and Ranger. I saw this coming from a mile away, my brother became a magus. every RPG he'd ever played he had chosen the magical ones. Then there's me. The mark on my hand? A pawn from chess. It was pretty common for soldiers to get this mark. Hell, several of the guys around us had it. Now I know you're probably thinking it's a cutie mark. It ain't. (It was explained to me much later that the magical properties are similar, but every race gets something different.) We were told from the get-go that there was no way home. The reason they'd chosen my Bro and the others, was the fact they had very little tying them there. I was the only family he had left. (the reason I left the army was to take care of him and put him through school.) The others had similar stories. Orphans, the lot of them. I was fucking livid. Drafting my baby brother to fight a war and a bunch of kids nobody'd miss? Goddamn I wanted to punch the king in his other eye....and shove a poleaxe somewhere impolite. I kept quiet though. Being tied to the floor tends to put things into perspective.

The next five years were difficult. My brother, Jake, became a wizard with a power level of 27. (up til then, the highest was 15.) He led the "Hero's guild" and was often away on some quest or another, trying to gain allies and support for King Hector of Arkum. (Yes, it sounds like Arkham for you batman enthusiasts. I pointed it out too, to Jake's Amusement. He even had his armor bat-themed!) As for dear old Brandon? (me) I basically got drafted. Now, I won't waste time explaining the whole military structure of an alternate civilization. If you wanna know, just look up military organization in feudal times. The King couldn't have a hero's brother be a lowly footman though, so I became the oldest squire ever to squire and do squire-ey things. Needless to say, my prior military training was somewhat useful, as I was already used to wearing uncomfortable body armor. Within three years I was a knight. (which wasn't as awesome as it seems.) I was a foot knight, part of the Shield-wall of Sir Ardent the graceful. (Guy was an absolute klutz). Now, they called me a knight, but I felt more like a Saxon Huscarl, with the weird, long shield and chainmail dress. I looked kinda badass, being a foot taller than most, and three years swinging swords and axes and other labors had made me pretty strong. Nothing to do but wait, which meant another two years of Random preparations and minor skirmishes with the local monsters.

After that, It was time. The armies of the world of men gathered together to face a great evil at the base of the Dragonclaw mountains. The plan was simple. We'd defend the pass from the prince and his minions, while Jake and his heroes infiltrated his fortress and destroyed the source of his power. There are no words to describe the horrors I saw that day. We were barely holding, and the line was wavering. For every monster we slew, 4 more took it's place. Some had toxic or acidic blood, and I had to get new weapons and shields from my fallen comrades far more often than I'd like. Then, A flash, and the tower crumbled. From the left I heard a scream of Rage, and the Black Prince emerged. His twin blades swept like a scythe, Severing heads and cutting down some of the most powerful knights I'd known. We had to distract him long enough for the Heroes to come and finish him off.

"Why do you struggle worms! Humanity is a disease! It will taint this world just as it has tainted so many others!" He shouted. He swung at me, narrowly missing as I dodged to the side. I returned the strike, badly wounding his arm. He dropped one of his swords as black mist poured forth, knocking me back. The force of the explosion broke my shield arm and put me flat on my back. The bastard stood back up and approached me. No help was coming, as anyone still able to fight was locked in combat with the black prince's monsters. I stood again and rushed him. He parried my blow and booted me away, Breaking a few of my ribs. I stood again, Coughing up blood. We had to distract him just a bit longer. I charged him again, catching him off guard and stabbed him in the stomach. The black prince howled in pain and lifted me by the throat.

"You...you have such spirit...You would make a good vessel for my essence" he muttered, before raising his ruined arm. The black mist poured into my eyes, my nose, and mouth, choking me like caustic acid. I did the only thing I could still do. I spat into his face. The monstrous being just grinned, Until he was enveloped in a magical light and blown away, carrying me with him. Gasping his final breath, the Black Prince snarled at me. "Interloper....I curse you to walk this realm forever.....Trapped in a rotting carcass....You will find no peace on this earth...." The necromancer shuddered and lie still, his reign of terror ended. As for me, I was in a grave state. Darkness loomed on the edge of my vision, and pain wracked my battered form. My brother, (who was probably the source of the magic that ended the prince) ran up to me and held my head aloft.

"Hey Lil' Bro....Ya made it...." I croaked, smiling. Jake (My brother) just started casting healing spells, tears running down his face. He and I both knew I was too far gone. One of his friends walked up and put her hand on his shoulder before wiping her eyes.

"Jake...He's done...Let him go." she said, choking up. Anne was her name if I recall. Jake drooped and nodded, Placing me on the ground, and kissed her.

"Good job bro...Always knew you'd land a looker" I joked as everything faded. The last thing I heard before the end was my brother sobbing.

The crypt and the Curse. A.K.A Daring Do meets the Spectral Knight

have You ever felt like boiled shit? Like somebody had curb-stomped every pain receptor on your body? That's how it felt when I woke up. Couple that with the sudden terror of finding yourself sealed within a big-ass stone coffin, and you got my first couple of hours as a member of the walking dead. That's right, I was a Hollow, a zombie, a wight etc. Was being the key word in that sentence, so don't gimme that look and sit the fuck down. so, after my glorious undead strength sent the lid of my sarcophagus into the ceiling, I freaked out again. Not every day you look at your hands and see bones and papery zombie-skin. My attempts at yelling though, only produced a quiet hiss that at best reached the point of a low ( And undeniably creepy) moan.

After that, I tried to speak. Talking hurt. A lot. No, Seriously. It felt like gargling concertina wire and broken glass. After a moment spent coughing up dust that may or may not have been my lungs, I sat up and looked around. A thick layer of dust and spiderwebs covered everything, lending a spooky air to th-MY tomb. It was a bit unnerving to see my own name carved into the archway that led into the crypt. Aside from the dust though, everything was in good condition. Probably because of my brother. You see, Every living being has a magical aura. While I was never truly adept at the arcane, I am rather good at recognizing these aura. As such, I could tell what spells were used and who cast them. In this case, a set of weapons and armor had been given an enchantment to prevent degradation by my brother. My helm however, Had an additional enchantment. All of the music on my old smartphone had been placed in a small gem that could be played at a thought. He had also left a "trap" to be set off if I ever moved, and I was assaulted with a memory spell.

It was...difficult to watch. The first memory was sweet, Watching my Nieces and nephew be born... But as it went on, it really began to sink in how long I'd been gone. I was helpless as I watched my baby bro grow old and grey...damn...Just remembering it puts a lump in my throat. Jake was nearing eighty when he recorded his last message. I...I would've cried if I could. He'd been king for near 50 years, and you could see how much the crown had weighed him down. He was bent and his eyes...I could only describe them as having seen too much. He told me about my curse, and the lengths he had gone through to break it. Unfortunately, he could only lessen it's grip on my mind and soul enough for me to control my body. It was a powerful Geas, One that would have forced me to watch as My undying body murdered and feasted had he not intervened. His work had one unintended side effect. A death-like sleep.

Jake, Being unable to tell when I would awaken, Had enchanted an entire island, and built a crypt on it to contain me and my curse. (The power bleedoff from my curse was necromantic in origin. That means the dead walk when I spend more than a day in an area.) But before it was completed, a great war broke out, and a magical superweapon was used. This caused a great disruption that manifested itself as a magical plague and a new dark age. Many of the fallen heroes of this war, and many victims of this mutagenic plague were placed in my crypt and the island was sealed away and forgotten by many. This final memory was my brother's last act, as he'd used much of his remaining strength to make the island disappear until I stirred.

Hey! Don't give me that look! Grown men can cry too damnit! Anyway, After that, things took a pretty dark turn. I heard a scuffle echoing through the halls. It took me a moment to find out where because, of course, I had to trigger every damn trap along the way. After Extricating myself from a spear trap for the 5th time I made it to what appeared to be an Atrium. Several large figures were converging on a much smaller figure in the dim light of the moon, pouring through a large hole in the ceiling. The smaller figure fought valiantly, giving more than it got before it fell to a rush. As the larger figures further into the light, I saw they were bipedal cat-people. Their captive however was slightly different. She was still some form of anthropomorphic creature, but I was torn between calling her a horse or a pony. She was About 5" 3', With a rainbow of greyscale colours in her hair. She wearing khaki shirt and shorts, and a pith helmet, while her captors wore what almost seemed like tribal gear. One of the tribal guys got this real nasty look on his face, the kinda look that only the scum of the world can get. As his friends tied up the poor girl, struggling and kicking as she was, he approached and drew his knife. With a flick of the wrist, he'd torn through her shirt and undies, leaving her breasts bare for all to see.

At that point, I took action. I fucking HATE rapists. Injustice, in any form, infuriates me. So I picked up my axe, my shield, and selected a song from my helm. The song blared from all around, loud enough to confuse and disorient the bastards in front of me long enough for me to bury the axe in the skull of the one trying to remove the pony-girl's pants. I bludgeoned the other with my shield as I let the axe fall and drew my longsword. The Cat-boys were freaking out (Probably because I was a walking corpse with glowing eyes) and were in disarray. One got lucky and buried a knife in my back. It hurt, but only silver or blessed weapons could kill me. I ran him through and tossed him into one of his friends. when the dead weight of his fallen buddy had knocked him over I strode over and stomped his skull til he stopped twitching. Fucking tribals couldn't fight worth a damn. The last cat was smaller than the others, and was busy pissing himself in fear as I knelt down to eye level with him. I noticed with some satisfaction that i'd broken some of his teeth with my shield.

In my raspy, almost draugr-like voice I said one word. "Run". The little bastard was off down the nearest hallway in the blink of an eye. The pony-girl was busy trying to free herself when I started approaching her. She noticed, and (understandably) started trying to inch away. When I knelt next to her she gritted her teeth and stared into my eyes.

"Alright you zombie fuck. Ya got me. The great Daring Do. Just...Make it quick." she said. closing her eyes and exposing her neck. She was trembling. I suppose I would be too when it seemed that death was literally seconds away. I sheathed my sword and drew my Seax. I then leaned over and cut the bindings on her wrist before moving down and freeing her hooves. I then Stood up and crossed my arms, Watching her stare at me.

"What are you...." asked the incredulous adventurer, seeming to have forgotten her shirt's tattered state and giving me an eyeful of her rather perky assets. (If you gotta know, I'd place them between a large B and a small C). Thinking fast, I removed the shirt of the guy I'd axed and tossed it at her. She went a little green at the blood, but went red when she realized why I'd given her a shirt. I'd already turned around to recover my axe in order to be polite.

The adventuress, freshly garbed and slowly recovering from the shock of meeting the only "zombie" she'd ever met who hadn't tried to eat her, Approached.

"Uh...Thanks...I guess. You aren't gonna try and eat me are ya? Cause I've got silver!" Daring said, drawing what looked like a silver dagger from a satchel that she'd recovered. I just crossed my arms and shook my head. She lowered the dagger and coiled what seemed to be a whip around her body. "Okay then....I'm just gonna...go..." she said pointing at the door.

I shoo my head and pointed to myself. "Take....Me...." I rasped out painfully. "Cursed...Talking...Hurts"

Daring just looked me over and then sagged. "Ugh. I suppose you ARE technically a magical relic." she conceded. "But, I need a specific scepter from this crypt. A powerful Artifact of the last human king. so come on er...What's your name?" she asked, just realizing she didn't know.

I grit my teeth through the pain and spoke once more. "I am...Brandon" Daring nodded.

"Pleasure to meet you Brandon. I'm sure the princesses will be able to help...Once we get the scepter that is." said the Mare confidently. If I still had eyes I'd have rolled'em. Like I'd now who or what she was talking about. Something told me right then, it was gonna be a long night.

Author's Note

Whiskey here, Hoping you'll enjoy the adventures of our sarcastic undead friend. As always criticism and pointers welcome, no matter how cruel.

Seax is a series of knives popular in europe after the fall of the roman empire for their versatility. Raiders, sailors and common men alike carried these deadly blades.

Things left unsaid

I led the way towards the treasure room. It was easy to navigate the corridors after having watched Jake's memories. Of course, I still had the misfortune of triggering every trap. However, none of the spikes or spears were holy or coated in silver. So, no matter how I was torn or broken, I reformed after a moment. Daring walked warily behind me, mostly silent. I suppose she could detect my mood... Or maybe she was just a little bit anxious to be following an apparently unkillable monster through a labyrinthine series of halls and catacombs. Now, I'd mentioned that a lot of folks had been buried here, and that my very presence raises up the dead (specifically as weak zombies that are easily dispatched with even the most rudimentary of weapons.) However, we had no issues pressing on. Why you ask? The eye sockets and rib-cages of the dead had been stuffed with salt.

Salt is one of the ways to ward off the undead, and I was no different. At times, Daring had to dart ahead and sweep the pathway in order for me to continue. She had no complaints though, as I was disabling basically every annoying trap with my face. Eventually, We found ourself at the entrance to the treasury. This room, unlike the others, was well lit. Towers of precious metals and gems lined the room, with legendary weapons and armors in between. However, I was focused on one thing alone. A Mummy sitting upon a throne. Daring was zipping about on her wings, babbling excitedly at the sheer amount of history here, but I ignored her as I approached the throne. Upon it's head was a kingly crown, and clutched in it's left hand was a scepter. However, My interest gravitated towards it's right hand, Which held a crumpled, yellowed photo. It had been preserved like my armor, and made impervious to the march of time. I recognized it. It was me and Jake, Standing side by side in an airport. I was rubbing his head (at the time he was a lot shorter than me) and I was grinning like a fool. It was the last picture we took together before I shipped out. My heart hurt, And I remember wishing oh-so-desperately to have the ability to cry. What I did was take the picture and the sceptre and rub my brother's head one last time. One last goodbye.

"Who's that, Big guy?" asked daring as she wandered up behind me.

"....Little....Brother....." I rasped.

Daring's jaw dropped. " The last king was Your little brother!? Oh, man! The princesses are definitely gonna want to talk to you." Then, she must have realized how I felt. "Oh, uh, Sorry for your loss big guy." she said, Patting me on the back. I just stared blankly at her while she blushed and scratched the back of her head. I just shook my head and put the scepter in her hand.

"Lets...Go..." I said, walking past her.

"what about the rest of this stuff?" Daring asked.

I looked at her and shook my head. "Leave...it...his..." I said, pointing at my brother's resting place.

"But..." Daring started, but she shut up when she saw my hand rest on the pommel of my sword she sighed. "Fine. I get it. let's go." When she slumped he shoulders and started sighing every ten seconds I gave.

"One...Fucking...Bag-full.... Got it?." I grumbled. talking that much had made my throat feel like i'd put it through a meat grinder. She squeed (literally, and it was cute as hell) and ran off to fill her pack with some gold and trinkets. I grabbed a sword with silver running down the fuller*. It was an otherwise unremarkable blade, made for the sole purpose of killing the undead. I also grabbed a travel pack filled with Gold, jewels and some very expensive looking tomes (it also had some regular travel gear, Rope and tools and the like). Jake had probably made it up for me because my name and a coat of arms were stitched onto the flap. Jake always did have a sense of humor.It was the Tarot card for death on a background of black roses. Now, In tarot, death means great change was on the horizon. While I did not know it at the time, I myself would become a force of change.

"Hey Brandon!" called out Daring. "Time to skedaddle!" she said pointing to the entrance. Cat-boy was back, And he'd brought friends. Minotaur friends. These guys were huge, and they had silver runic patterns inscribed on the massive bearded axes they carried.

My thought process at the time was something along the lines of "shitshitshitshitshit!" as they approached. I was able to dodge a swipe from one's axe, but the massive 'taur just backhanded me into a wall. Thankfully I landed near a rack of enchanted javelins. I took one and threw it in the general direction of the first Minotaur's head and the magic guided the spear into his eye. It fell, but his buddy got enraged and charged, destroying a support pillar when I dived away. The whole place started shaking and pieces of the ceiling started caving as I ran towards the exit. Daring was just ahead of me, and delivered a spinning kick to the head of the cat-boy as he chased her. He was stunned just long enough for a chunk of ceiling to turn him into paste, much to Daring's distaste. I grabbed my abandoned pack and daring and sprinted for the throne, Knowing my brother had placed a hidden exit just behind it from the memory orbs. I kicked over the chair and dived inside just before a large stone slab crushed us.

Author's Note

Damn, up for a day and already this popular? Well the people have spoken! Enjoy! ~whiskey.

Brave New World.

Brave New World.

As the rumbling and shaking died down, Daring and I stood up cautiously. We were in a carved passageway lit by magical crystals that were nearing their charge limit. I could see fine, but daring required a torch. We moved down the ancient pathway in silence. Which meant that daring could either read my mood somehow, or more likely, focused on finding the exit. To be honest, I felt I needed the quiet. it gave me a moment to "catch my breath" and process my situation...among other things. Jake, wherever you are, I love you little bro.
Thanks for the second chance.

"Hey, Brandon...You OK?" asked daring from in front of me as she plodded forward. "I mean...That was your kid brother right? I mean..." she stumbled over the words. "If you ever want to talk about it....I'll listen. Least I could do after you saved my hindquarters twice." she said, giving me a smile. I just shook my head.

"He...Lived...loved...All I could've asked...." I choked out. Daring nodded and gave me a sad smile.

"Yeah...He did, didn't he. I guess it's your turn now big guy." she said softly. I just grunted in reply. It hurt to talk, and I'd been talking a lot. However, had I any lips, they'd be curled in a small smile. Brash as she is, Daring's a good person. A bit awkward, but good. However, the silence did start getting to me, so I activated the gem in my helm and set it to random. I don't think a more perfect song for my situation could have played

Daring was just looking at me in shock as music poured forth. I paused to take off my helm and tap on the gem. She nodded in understanding and continued on. She appeared to like Iron Maiden too, because when the solo started I almost swore I saw her fingers move as though she were playing guitar. I played more Iron Maiden, starting with These colours don't run, and ending with Dance of death.

By the end, daring was grinning like a fool. "Humans had some great music huh?"

I nodded emphatically. I loved Iron Maiden, as they'd been my introduction to metal music. (On a side note, I found it funny how similar I looked to Eddie the 'ead.) But it wasn't to last, as the exit finally appeared. we found ourselves on an overgrown pathway, with a ruined citadel far behind us on the hillside. Tattered banners fluttered in the breeze, and large Gothic towers leaned in various states of disrepair. The castle itself looked less like a tomb of the dead and more like a place of rest and quiet contemplation. Daring was setting up camp, as she was particularly exhausted. I however felt nothing. Well, more accurately I felt nothing new. Pain was my constant friend, Reminding me of the wrongness of my existence. It was bearable though.

"I'll...take...watch....Already slept.....too long...." I gargled, becoming very annoyed at my inability to communicate properly. It was annoying to have to pause between every word. I'm not Shatner y'know?

Daring smiled gratefully and nodded. I found it a bit odd how trusting she was, but I figure that if I had wanted her dead, I'd had plenty of chances before. I sat on in a shady area near a tree, and covered myself in leaves and vines. I think it was poison oak, but hey, the dead don't itch. I could watch over the camp, and surprise any would-be ambushers. I don't know how long I sat there watching, but even I found it a little creepy how I made no noise and sat so still. I began cleaning and maintaining my equipment just for something to do that made a little noise. I sharpened my sword and seaxe, mended some dents in my helm and rends in my chain tunic, and patched my leather boots. I also looked after my shield. It was hard oak lined with metal and covered with leather. It had no heraldry, but as soon as I touched it's surface it changed. once again, The death Tarot. I removed my hand and it disappeared. Jake you sly dog. It was at the same time I realized my mark had changed. (Don't give me that look, I wear leather gloves! Of course I wouldn't notice!). It was the tarot again. Twice. one was upright, and the other upside down

"Great change is coming, and unable to move on. Fucking grand" I thought to myself. (Of course not aloud you dunce!) I sat and watched as the sun slowly peeked over the horizon. As it spilled over my boots though, I began to change. (lots of that today huh?) Flesh traced it's way around me, pale and lifeless but more...Human. Oh, and you may have already guessed this, but yeah, it hurt. I found myself face-down in a puddle not far from camp, and that's where I got a good look at my features. My brown hair was short, but it still made it to my eyes. I had scruff along my chin (a side effect of the crappy razors of the time period I died in). My face was familiar, if slightly haggard and pinched. my eyes though, were disturbingly blue. (I'd been born with green ones, so this was new.) Like, the snow people from that one medieval show where everyone dies? Game of kings or something? I dunno, I hadn't seen a television in 5 years. (The other two millenia don't count. I wasn't awake.) Anywho, I decided to try and speak again.

"Holy Fuck...I can talk! And I sound Awesome!" I said, savoring my new voice. It was deep, raspy, and sounded manly as fuck. For all the annoying drawbacks, being dead has some perks. However, having a human form also has drawbacks, Like when daring began strangling me. I couldn't die again, but not being able to breath sucks.

"Who are you and why do you have Brandon's stuff?" she said, her whip wrapped around my throat like a vice.

"Dammit Daring!" I gasped trying to uncoil the offending strip of leather. "I AM Brandon!" I shouted. She stared hard at me for a moment before letting go.

"Celestia's sunny ass big guy! Why didn't you tell me you could do that! I could've killed you!" she said.

"Fat chance of that. I didn't even know. until five minutes ago!" I retorted rubbing my throat. (Goddamn t felt good to have one again)

Daring just shook her head. "Princesses'll definitely wanna meet you now. Let's go blue-eyes. she said, trotting off to get her stuff.

I was feeling a bit distracted though. In the darkness I hadn't really gotten a good look, but damn Daring was pretty. As I gathered up my gear, one thought crossed my mind. "hate to see her go, love to watch her leave."

Author's Note

I may have been a bit drunk writing this particular episode. Absynthe: not even once. Anywho, If any of you fans have artistic ability, I'd love to have art to throw into the story, As well as Coverart that isn't a stock photo. Whoever makes the best art gets a Cameo! All artists will be linked though. ( I forget the word right now, But I will state your name and link to your page so people now who made what.)

Wrath of the Damned

Have you ever had too much time on your hands? Where all you can do is just sit and think? Being undead is like that all the time. It's goddamn ridiculous how much time you have when you don't require food or sleep. Gotta say, I really missed the internet. I figured some more stuff out involving my curse though. Pirates of the Caribbean rules for my transformation. Sunlight and well lit areas, and I look fine. Moonlight or darkness and I'm a fucking zombie. Great. (No clue as to how I was zombified inside the crypt. Might have been moonstone in the mortar).

It's been a couple of days now, since Daring and I escaped the crypt. Things have been going pretty well. We travel my day and daring sleeps at night. I keep watch. (it was EXTREMELY weird to watch an anthropomorphic pony ride a horse, Even if they were descended from mutant humans.)

"You know big guy? This is the best time I've had in a long time. I should bring you on all of my adventures!" Daring said setting up her tent.

"Yeah, yeah. You just like being able to sleep all the time you lazy bum." I teased, earning myself a playful thump. The sun was setting, and we still had several hundred miles to go to get to Equestria. We were in Schweine territory right now. Yup, that means anthropomorphic pig people. They were pleasant enough, but they had recently conquered and enslaved the Cervi of the Misty Wood. The Cervi are a race of deer folk, probably descendants of the elves of the forest. (Remember that mutagenic magical plague? Yeah. Weird shit happens when magic's involved). I was livid...but I can't take on an entire nation. That didn't stop me from using my curse to save as many as I could.

It was a bright moonlit night. Daring and I were housed in a roadside in called "Held Ruhe" or "Hero's Rest". Didn't see many heroes though, just cutthroats and mercenaries. It took all my self control not to start a fight when a particularly porky merc started bragging about the cervi girls he's "broken in".

"Just wait until nightfall Brandon....You'll give them a show they'll never forget." I told myself. Daring noticed the look on my face, but said nothing. she was likely just as disgusted as I was, but from what she had told me, the equestrian army wasn't ready for war.

Night fell, and with the moon came my disguise. Time for the spirit of vengeance to ride again.

First I woke the merc. "Repent....Sinner...." I growled, flashing my Ethereal glowing orbs inches from his porcine face "Your...Punishment...Is at hand..." His eyes widened as I clamped down on his mouth and drew my Seaxe.

***** 3 Hours Later*****

I wiped the blood from my knife and glared down at the bloody, crippled mess that had once been a mercenary.. Carved into his bald head, for all to see were the words "Slaver", and "Rapist". I had more to do though...As a caravan had stopped, and they were leading dozens of Cervi. The horns of the stags had been sawn off, evidenced by the bloody, bandaged stumps. I may be a nice guy most of the time, but when I see shit like this? You better watch your ass, because I am wrath incarnate. First stop, the caravan master's room.

The sight that greeted me when I opened his door sent my already high blood pressure spiking. Any other man would have been seeing red, but what I got was much worse. A feeling of cold, unrelenting fury filled my gut (at least, it would have if I wasn't mostly skeletal). The Caravan master had his back to me, and was fumbling with his belt as a young cervi boy of about 14 wept silently into the mattress he was tied to. I was suddenly very glad for the sound canceling enchantments on every room. I grabbed his shoulder as I kicked the door shut and spun him around, punching him in the throat. He choked and fell backwards, trying to get away. I kicked him in the ribs hard enough that I heard bones snap and knelt down. He couldn't breathe or move very well but he looked at me with pleading eyes.

"P-P-Please...Whatever y-you want...*hack* Just..just take...*koff* it.... *oink*" he begged. I just cast a look at the surprised and very terrified Cervi.

"Shhh..." I said, placing a finger to my lips before using my bony hand to close his eyes. "You...Will live...Young one...."

The boy just whimpered and turned his head away. and I turned back towards my task. The pig-man had silently tried to escape, but had only crawled halfway to the door. I stood and drove my Seaxe through his leg, pinning him to the floor before flipping and straddling him. He tried to fend me off with punches and slaps, but they were weak. I grabbed his head and began pressing my fingers into his temples and my thumbs into his eyes. He let out a strangled scream as I drove my thumbs deeper, blinding him forever before I snapped his neck. I retrieved my knife (seaxe) and sawed through the ropes holding the young Cervi. He made no move to resist as I freed him picked him up.

I carried the lanky teen to Daring's room, as I still had much to accomplish before daybreak and it was already 1 in the morning. Daring was shocked at first, and then rather mad at me, But she eventually understood. She gave the Cervi boy some old clothes of hers, and made ready to leave. It was time for a Change of scenery, and I knew just what ride we would take.

Author's Note

Shoutout to Sipioc for the Cervi and Schweine Race!

Don't Fear the Reaper

The darkness was fading fast, and I needed to step up my game. It was three A.M and I still had to kill or subdue half a dozen armed slavers. Piece of cake right? I drew my axe, strapped on my shield and selected the appropriate music.

The guards perked up at the strange music I was blaring, and those who understood the lyrics got really pale when they saw me. I guess that I was the very visage of death, with my torn and rotting skin, with exposed bone peeking out. The glowing witchfire that I called my eyes didn't help much. One guard even threw down his weapon and walked away. mumbling something about not getting paid enough for this shit. I let him go, mostly because I was busy blocking the one brave asshole that decided to charge. He'd swung low with his claymore, which was easily blocked due the the length of my shield. I replied with a hammerblow to his side using my axe, which his armor deflected. the bastard was wearing plate! He swung again and I parried, before lashing out with my boot to stumble him. I succeeded, but before I could finish him, I got an arrow in my nasal cavity. Thankfully it wasn't silver, else I wouldn't be here; but it still fucking hurt. I chose a new song, and let what my anger take hold.

I tore out the arrow and slammed my shield into claymore pig before slamming my axe into his throat. Another arrow skipped by as another schweine guard leveled a spear at me. I just walked into it, looking at the fear grow in his eyes as I closed on him, the spear running through me. He tried to pull it away to strike at me again. I grabbed hold and snapped it. He ran. I removed the remnants of the spear and threw it like a javelin, just missing the schweine archer. He drew another arrow and bravely faced me down. This one was tipped in silver. There were still 3 guards, and more would likely be roused by the fleeing spearman. The archer loosed his arrow, and it embedded itself in my shield, just inches away from taking my head off. I hid behind my shield and charged, forcing the archer to dodge or be trampled. He sprung up, but his quiver was empty, his arrows having spilled. He drew a silver dagger.

"This bastard must be a monster hunter" I thought as I put my axe away and drew my sword. I charged again, hoping to catch him off guard; but he rolled to the side and stood. Two more Schweine showed up, another spearman and a schweine with a mace and shield. I dodged a swipe to my throat from the Archer's silver dagger, only to be pinned from behind with the spear. The damn hog had driven the point through my kneecap and into the dirt. The mace wielding hog followed up by breaking my shoulder, and making my shield arm useless. Archer oinked in triumph as he came in for the kill, but it turned into a squeal of pain when he lost an arm to my sword. Mace-pig destroyed my other arm while the spear-hog scrambled for the silver dagger. What he found was Daring's left hoof as she leapt from nowhere and delivered a spinning kick to his unarmored head. She then let loose with the whip, blinding the mace wielder long enough for the Cervi boy to put my dropped sword between his ribs. I'd have grinned if I had lips, but a grunt and a nod sufficed as the black mist repaired me.

"Looks like they had a bone to pick with you, big guy" Daring said, barely suppressing a snicker.I only groaned and facepalmed as I stood.

"T-T-Thanks for rescuing me....Sirrah....not a lot of people go out of their way for cervi..." Said the boy. I looked over and my jaw dropped.

He was wearing Daring's signature clothes (khaki shirt over white tee and short shorts). The sad (and utterly hilaious) thing is, He could give a lot of girls a run for their money. The old caravan leader had probably been too drunk to care about the "Package" his prey had been sporting.

"W-w-why are you staring sirrah? It's embarassing!" Said the cervi boy in the most feminine voice I'd ever heard. I just turned around and glared at daring.

"What? I thought it was cute!" she said, trying to hold back laughter. I just facepalmed again. I hopped up onto the first carriage and bashed open the lock before sliding the door. I was met instantly by a fist as the largest being I have ever seen stood and tried to charge me, only to be tripped by the chains on his ankle.

"Whoa there! We're rescuing you guys!" said Daring. We didn't have time for this, there was already shouting from the direction of the inn and the first rays of the sun had were here. After a moment waiting for my curse to be lifted I spoke.

"I'll explain later, but we need help. we gotta get these wagons away before the schweine get here." I said, offering my hand. "I am sir Brandon...The last King of humanity" I figured that since My brother had been king, as the last of the bloodline I would be...even if it is in name only.

"I am Gwrtheryn*, Chieftan of the Northern Cervi. I will aid you as you have aided us. Do not betray my trust" said the massive cervi as he shook my hand. I turned back to the young Cervi

"What's your name?" I asked crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow

"Aderyn sirrah" he replied timidly.

"Adaryn, Take these keys and free your people. Tell them to mount the wagons and prepare to run." I said, looking the youngling dead in the eye and ensuring he knew how serious this was. I could tell he knew, but I was a little bit confused as to how he was taking all of this so well, he'd just killed for god's sake! I swallowed my questions and let him go. We had a job to do, and a lot of ground to cover before we were safe.

Author's Note

It's one in the morning, I've got an open bottle of Crown apple whiskey and I just typed out another page. phew. Yep Adaryn is going to be a running joke. Traps are hilarious. especially in this Manga

*Gwrtheryn is pronounced GUrtheryn. It's old celtic. yup, the cervi are gonna be celts.

Now, with all the damage Brandon's armor is taking, He'll need a new set soon. Any ideas for a new outfit? ~Whiskey

I wept writing this chapter.

Gwrtheryn and I rode at the fore of the caravan, Leading the mad dash from the Isolated inn. The Cervi chieftan had implemented a genius plan, Raiding the Stables with whatever warriors he could scrounge up as I once again played distraction. I was thankful silver weapons were uncommon, but a couple dozen angry pig-men with weapons and torches were still dangerous (FIRE BAD!). After that is was easy to run, as the Inn was quite isolated (the nearest town being a day's ride away).

"Haha! You are a brave one, for a dead man!" Shouted Gwrtheryn, giving me a mad grin as we galloped.

"What can I say? I'm a rebel without a pulse!" I shot back, earning a confused look. What? Can't a guy make obscure references of obscure references?

Daring and Aderyn were driving the first wagon, the horses heaving as we slowed. (once again, the weirdness of anthropomorphic creatures using horses amused me.) The Equestrian border was still miles away, and now I was leading a bout 50 refugees through hostile country. Great.

*****Three weeks later.*****

I slammed the pommel of my arming sword into the snout of the bounty hunter and slammed my knife into his neck. It was the third time we'd been ambushed since we began, but out numbers were increasing. Runaway slaves, Schweine rebels, and sympathetic ponies and griffons had joined our caravan. Folks had started looking up to me (Mostly Daring, Gwrtheryn and Aderyn's fault. They liked to spin tales.) I kept getting new nicknames and titles with every person that joined up. Names like "The Spectral Hero" and "The Hollow king" and so forth. If it weren't for Gwrtheryn helping me manage this clusterfuck, we'd have been caught long ago.

"Hey Bonehead! Gwrtheryn needs ta talk to ya. Scouts just came back." said daring, flying past me as she stretched her wings. I honestly had no clue why she had stuck around. Any time I asked her though, she'd avoid the question with some vague answer like "I wanna see where this goes" and "I've never run from an adventure before."

I nodded, removing my blade and wiping the blood on my tattered hauberk. My armor was becoming rather...useless. it was patched and torn, almost to the point of falling off of my body. I'd need new clothes soon. As I walked through the camp though, my heart fell. The last few weeks had taken their toll, as evidenced by the gaunt faces that surrounded me...And the funeral pyres burning in the setting sun. We were nearing the equestrian border, but the constant fighting and moving were taking their toll. I saw a mother, cradling a young child as he whimpered in pain. He'd been struck by a stray crossbow bolt. It was a mortal wound. She held him close and sang him a lullaby. I...I hid behind a tent and sat. I buried my head in my hands and wished I could cry. Nobody should go through that. I felt responsible. Like I was the one who killed that boy. Aderyn and Daring found me.

"...You tried your best Sirrah...You saved so many. You're giving so many more a chance to live!" said Aderyn, Sitting down and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. Daring Silently did the same. Each of them did what I could not...They wept. The moon soon rose, and brought with it my transformation. Daring and Aderyn had fallen asleep, so I had two of the warriors get them to their bedrolls as I sought out Gwrtheryn. I found him by a fire bright enough to enable communication.

"Scouts report that an Equestrian delegation is ahead, My king." Said the large Cervi, scratching in the dirt. "We're almost free.."

"I am no king." I stated, drawing a raised eyebrow from Gwrtheryn. " I can't even save one fucking child!" I spat, stepping away from the fire and into the darkness.

"I...Am a.....Monster" I croaked drawing my sword and plunging it into my own chest.

Gwrtheryn just looked at me before punching me in the face, shattering my jaw. "Stop with the dramatics. They do not suit you. You have done well, and even one such as yourself cannot be everywhere at once. These people follow you because you give them hope. They know that if you cannot save them, you will face down hell itself to avenge them. Do not let this darkness consume you boy! You have earned my respect and my loyalty, things which I do not give lightly. I have faith in you." The massive Cervi then pulled me into a hug and patted me on the back as he dragged me back into the fire light.

"you know....I am two thousand years older than you...So who are you calling boy?" I said, trying more to lift my own spirits than anyone else's.

"True...But you spent that sleeping your lordship. I have more life experience." Gwrtheryn said with a grin. "It's good to have our sarcastic King back, rather than the mopey one. I was half tempted to bury you and leave." I could only sigh and shake my head, before wandering to take my place on the night watch. I did however whistle the first few bars of that lullaby as I walked away. I would move on, but I refuse to forget that little boy, and his last lullaby.

Author's Note

The feels...The goddamn feels got me. while writing this I had to get into the mood so I listened to these three songs on repeat. Never do that. Ever. Especially not thinking of dying kids.
Come little Children
Rest now, My warrior
Lullaby for a soldier

Welcome To Equestria

Morning came quickly. The People following me were packing up with haste. With freedom ahead, and the enemy on our tails, it was time to move. In the vanguard, I had Daring, Gwrtheryn, and Aderyn. I took the rearguard with a few steady warriors. Things were progressing smoothly until I noticed that we were being followed. The path we were following was heavily wooded, so I split up my forces and lay in wait, preparing to ambush our pursuers.

“On my signal” I whispered. Two figures walked down the path, arguing and bickering over something. One was a brown unicorn stallion with darker hair, who wore a finely tailored suit and top-hat. The other was a red lizard-man dressed in faded jeans and a hoodie.

“I absolutely cannot believe that you lost our horses. How in the name of Celestia’s sunny arse do you lose a horse?!” shouted the brown stallion, berating his travelling partner.

“Not my fault! I got knocked out by some thug!” said the drake.

“Oh, Wonderful! My first excursion as an adventurer and my companion is a glass-jawed dragon. Bloody hell!” Griped the stallion, gripping his cane.

“Gaius, For fuck’s sake. I AM A DRAKE! Dragons are much bigger and scarier.” the lizard man replied.

“Oh shut your gob Xenith. we’re both failures as adventurers. I doubt we’ll catch up to this undead bandit like this, let alone end his terror.” said Gauius, his shoulders slumping. I took that moment to step onto the road and raise my hand.

“Hail traveler! would you care for a parley?” I said, flashing my best smile as my archers sprung into position all around the two.

“Bollocks” was the only word Gaius managed before he was knocked unconscious.
The drake, Xenith, fared little better.

When the two travellers awoke, I stood over them. The unicorn, Gaius, rose to his feet in an instant and plunged a silver dagger into my chest.

“Die, Foul undead!” he shouted. I just rolled my eyes and removed it.

“Whoever sold you that butter knife jipped you. Fake silver see?” I said calmly as the young stallion nearly wet himself from fear. I knelt down to his level (He’d fallen as he tried to get away, to my amusement). “Look, buddy, I saw the wanted poster. I’m not gonna kill you, I’m not a bandit. I AM undead, and the ‘Property’ I stole happens to be these fine people.” I said, gesturing with the fake silver dagger to indicate the Cervi Archers sitting around me. They were good guys, and flashed the scared Unicorn roguish grins. “Now, if you want an explanation, you’ll follow me. Gotta get outta here before the schweine cavalry arrives eh?”

I Stood and dusted myself off before offering a hand to the fallen Stallion. “You coming?”

Gaius looked at my hand and back at me before grabbing it. “I always did want to be an adventurer…” he mumbled as I pulled him up. His friend sat up at that moment and looked around groggily.

“Aw Fuck” he said laying back down. “We’re gonna die aren’t we?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.

“I’m a vindictive, angry, undead king. I’m not a murderer.” I joked.

“Right. That makes me feel sooo much safer.” The drake deadpanned.

“Wasn’t supposed to. I’m giving you a chance. You could come with us, or run away. If you choose the latter option, I’d best not find you hunting me again.” I said, snapping the cheap knockoff blade in two. The unspoken threat along with my unnaturally glowing eyes made the drake gulp.

“...I think I’ll follow you...For a bit…” Said the drake scratching at the back of his head.

“Won’t be for too long boys. Equestrian delegation’s ahead. I’m getting these folks asylum. Nobody should be a slave.”

So, with my two intrepid adventurer acquaintances riding behind my warriors we set off to rejoin the caravan. After a few hours of riding we came upon the camp. I saw a meeting table One side was occupied by Gwrtheryn and Aderyn, whilst a white stallion in an expensive looking suit and a purple alicorn sat at another.

“Princess Sparkle, I don’t see any benefit to letting this...Rabble...Enter the kingdom! They hold no information or anything of value to Equestria.” Said the white stallion. The purple Unicorn just stared incredulously at her companion.

“Prince Blueblood, Are you really suggesting I abandon them to slavery or worse? I knew you were a jerk but this is just heartless!” Replied the purple alicorn. “Celestia’s definitely going to hear about this! Spike! Take a letter.” she commanded. A small Lizard-boy appeared from under the table, his mouth bulging as he chewed something.

“Egad! Did your little monster eat the jewels on my belt! I just purchased it yesterday!” whined the white stallion. Everyone else at the table rolled their eyes. Gwrtheryn was the first to notice me approach.

“Ah! greetings Lord Brandon. I was just negotiating the terms of our entry into Equestria. Mayhap you’ll find better luck?” he said smiling. I smiled in return, but inwardly I was cursing at him. Sure, I like people calling me “my lord” and “your highness” but I’ve recently learned to hate the responsibilities of leadership.

“No more than you’d have Steward” I replied. Since he’d tried to pawn off all of the responsibilities of leadership on me, I’d made the old chieftain my steward. Serves him right for trying to get out of his duties. I dismounted and sat at the table.

“I am Prince blueblood, and this is Princess Twilight Sparkle. A pleasure to make your acquaintance...Your highness.” Said Blueballs. From the way he spoke, it almost seemed as if he were doing me a favor just by talking to me. I wanted to ram my sword into his throat and I’ve only known him for less than a minute. New fucking Record. The Princess however, having finished dictating her letter, spoke up.

“An absolute pleasure to meet you your highness. If I may, it is an honor to meet the last human. Is it true you are cursed with undeath?” she said, magicking up a pen and notepad from thin air.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Princess, though the company you keep leaves much to be desired.” I said, Grasping her hand and kissing it. (I swear, I wasn’t putting on moves! It was literally how I’d been taught to greet royalty during my squireship). Twilight blushed and withdrew quickly, leaving me slightly confused. “Well, as you have heard, I am undead and I am the last human. King Brandon Fielder, at your service.”

*****5 days later*****

My term as king was over as I sat on the train to a small town called ponyville. The leaders of Equestria, Princess Celestia and her sister Princess luna, had officially made the cervi (and all 500 refugees of varying races following me) into equestrian citizens. As for solving my undead problem….well, Luna had much experience with dark magic, but to remove the curse was to unbind my soul. Meaning, I would die. Again. Luna was however, able to manipulate the magic of the curse, Meaning that I could shift into my undead state at will. It also had the unintended but welcome side effect of letting me feel more human.

I could sleep and eat again, as well as shave and get a haircut. (the magic that makes me unable to die doesn’t heal me, It’s more of a restore point. As in, If I get blown to bits, rather than regenerate the magic uses a “template” to restore my last condition.) In exchange for helping me though, they asked me to continue leading the people I rescued. I was given the title of Count, and sent on my way to help the Cervi Refugees build a new life in Ponyville. My job, was to see to the governance and running of the newly enlarged Ponyville, whilst simultaneously freeing up Twilight and her friends so that they may deal with “friendship problems”. Now, I know they are heroes. I get it. But seriously? Friendship problems? This is gonna suck.

Author's Note

~Whiskey here! Just here to show off my shiny new editor. Say hello Buddy *Presses pistol into side* :pinkiehappy:
~Exaxxion here, I’m the new editor and I hope you guys enjoy the chapter

A New Home

Stepping off the train to Ponyville was an interesting experience. Most Ponies were between 5 and 5 ½ feet tall. so I towered over them. Some of those present at the station backed away in fear. I suppose it didn’t help that my face reflected my annoyance at the discomfort of my new “Uniform”. Or maybe it was the sword and knife at my side. (My axe was being wielded by Gwrtheryn as he helped set up the Cervi District.) The blue woolen fabric Itched like a motherfucker, and the shoes fit far too snugly. I did like the hat though.

“Count Fielder!” Shouted an older mare in business Attire. “I am mayor mare. Welcome to Ponyville!” she said, sweeping her arm in a grand gesture. I admit, I was cranky and annoyed, so I was a bit terse.

“Where is the Cervi district being built?” I asked, Cutting the poor mare off on her Exposition about ponyville.

“Oh, That would be Pink tree plains, in the south.” answered the mayor, adjusting her ascot.

“Take me there” I ordered. As the mayor led me to the Cervi, I considered the last few days.
*****4 days ago*****

Daring, Aderyn, Gwrtheryn Gaius, Xenith and I stood before the gate of the royal palace. It was a massive structure, built into the side of a mountain and held aloft by an engineering feat unseen since the pyramids of my world. Daring was there to present her findings at my tomb (including me), Gwrtheryn and Aderyn were representing the refugees, and I was going to see if my curse could be broken. Gaius and Xenith were following Daring, as she was teaching them how to be adventurers...Well, Both of us were. Daring taught hand to hand and how to escape from captivity and such, while I taught weapons and tactics. Gaius was a genius with a sword, though I figure he should be taught by a fencer rather than myself. Xenith however, was much better at using terrain against his foes, and his fire magic was very versatile. His swordplay was mediocre, but anyone would lose morale when the enemy’s sword is on fire. (I had to remind him that using fire on me IS NOT OK).

“Daring do and guests! Please enter the Antechamber Immediately!” Announced a stone-faced guard. I studied his armor briefly. It was coloured like gold or bronze, and almost looked like something the roman legion would wear. However, I could tell that the colouring was just some sort of paint, as the metal was clearly much lighter and stronger than bronze. It was interesting, but not something I would wear. Sure, I wear a (Now, near useless) chainmail hauberk and skirt, but at least I wear pants! These guys have armoured skirts that end just under their knees and Armoured sandals. Not my thing.

We entered the antechamber and were greeted by The Diarchs. Princess Celestia was 6”5’ and pure white. She exuded an air of grace and posture, as well as a motherly Feeling. Her sister, Princess Luna however Brought to mind silent strength and mystery. Her eyes seemed to say that she knew the darkest secrets we have ever had, and the content of your dreams. She was a dark purple, and just shorter than me, coming in at 6 foot even. The manes of both princesses seemed Ethereal, Blowing in an unseen wind. Celestia’s Brought to mind either the sunrise or the sunset depending on the light, While Luna’s seemed to portray a clear, starry night.

“Ah, Daring. I see you have brought some friends. I also see that your search has brought us someone interesting” Said Celestia as she noticed me. “It has been long since I have seen any of your ilk. Welcome human, to Equestria.”

I bowed deeply, removing the chain coif that sat over my head. “It is a pleasure, your highnesses.” I said.

“Raise your head young one, But where are you from? The last Human died well over a millenia ago.” Luna said, staring at me. I could tell that she sensed something unnatural about me, so I just Spilled the truth.

“I am not young, nor am I entirely human anymore. I was cursed by a necromancer, and were it not for my brother’s magical prowess, I would be a monster. However, he had been unable to break my curse. Now, I walk the lands as an undead, cursed to show my true form under the light of the moon and stars.” I replied. Hey, I may not be shakespeare, but I have a way with words. One of my favorite classes was English literature.

“I have been sealed away for 2 thousand years, Buried with many victims of the magical plague…..and my brother, The last human king. I reached into Daring’s pack and withdrew my brother’s sceptre. “ I humbly ask for your assistance in removing my curse, That I may finally rest in peace” I Said as I knelt, presenting the sceptre. I looked up in surprise when I felt daring donkey-punch the back of my head. she was holding back tears as she shook her hand out.

“You really are a bonehead. Aren’t ya” she said. Gwrtheryn knelt down and tapped my shoulder.

“Brandon…You have the friendship and respect of my people, would you abandon them to the world now? When we need you most? Do not underestimate your importance to us. We would much prefer you live. I have no doubt that your brother, a famed magical genius could have ended your curse at any time. He chose to work instead to save you. Do not throw his work away lightly”

Aderyn just walked up and hugged me. “please don’t go….”

*****
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, waving away he wayward memory. Mayor mare had prattled on as we walked, oblivious to how little attention I was paying her. When we finally arrived at pink tree plains however, I was stunned by the sight of the brand new buildings. Mayor mare smirked at my expression.

“Ponyville has a...Shall we say, history, of disasters. We learned how to build fast.” She said patting my shoulder. I was impressed, to say the least. Cervi, and schweine roamed around, carrying what few possessions they had into their new homes, their faces full of hope. Many waved excitedly when they saw me, and small children ran up and hugged my legs as the amused mayor mare looked on. Gwrtheryn was hefting a new sign onto a building. “Freedom Forge” it said in plain lettering. around the edges however, was a design of an armored being leading a caravan to the light. I smiled, and waved at him, and he returned the gesture. The last stop however, was a large Mansion. In the courtyard there were training dummies (Currently being used by Gaius and Xenith) and two banners hung above the door. They showed my Mark, the tarot of death. (It had, however been made much less, sinister looking, being a knight astride a horse holding a rose rather than a skeleton.)

Standing in the doorway was Aderyn. His family was gone, so he had nowhere else to go...that is Until I had adopted him. The way I figured it, we’d both lost everything so I’d at least give the kid a home and a family. He decided to call me Uncle Brandon. As I stared at the building, I could only wonder what lies ahead of me now.

Author's Note

I GOT A JOB! FUCKIN' FINALLY! however, the rest of you should be sad because I'll probably have to work a lot of Saturdays...which means significantly less time to write. As always, lie and comment.

A slice of life

I could only hang my head in despair as Aderyn slammed another stack of papers on my desk. They were building permits, Dispute resolution requests, Requests for public appearances, tax forms, contracts, and basically anything that could come to mind. A majority were easy to remove. I just sent them along to the local officials and bureaucrats, rather confounded as to why these people would send them to me rather than those who are employed to do such things. However, there was still a pile as tall as myself next to my desk. As the new lord of the Everfree, I was expected to raise and train a local guard contingent, Play judge at the local court, and set a fair tax rate to pay for both the guards and the local governing system. I would also be called upon to resolve civil disputes, protect the town, listen to the problems of the people and either make a decision or send them up the chain of command, among other things.

The burdens of leadership were intense. It was only my first day and I’d already stopped more than a dozen fights between the ex-refugees and the local ponies. A majority welcomed the Cervi people (and those of other races who joined us), but a select few were very intolerant. Filthy Rich was a godsend. he recognized that his store could make a lot of money off of exotic Cervi woodworking. and put his time, effort, and influence to work. He may be rich and slightly arrogant, but he’s an alright guy. (his daughter however is a spoiled bitch, In need of an attitude adjustment.)

“Only a bit more paperwork for tonight uncle” Aderyn said, patting me on the back. “I’ll get you some more coffee. cheer you right up sirrah”

My only response was a tired groan. Even the dead get no rest right? fucking paperwork. Aderyn just chuckled as he left the office. It was late, nearly 11 o’clock. Time to take the special medicine the Princesses had made for me. It suppresses my curse temporarily, allowing me to live as a mostly normal human for a short time. (Of course, I still can’t fucking die without using silver or fire.) As I lay my head in the puddle of tears a knock came to my door. I stood up thinking Aderyn had some trouble opening the door. When I opened it however, I was greeted by a grinning Daring Do.

“What’s up big guy? How ya handling being a noble?” she said slugging me in the arm.

“Absolute shit Daring. nothin’ but paperwork and problem solving.” I replied running a hand over my face as I reached into the pocket of my uniform and removed a small vial of glowing liquid, downing it like a shot. It tasted like piss and ghost pepper juice mixed together but I held it down.

Daring looked a bit confused. “What’d you just shoot back B? Looks like nasty stuff.?

“Medicine. Let’s me be human… well more than half the time that is. Gives me back my sense of taste and my ability to sleep….even if the first thing I have to taste makes dirt look appetizing.” I replied, stepping into a dark corner to show I still had skin.

“Huh. Neat” said Daring, nodding her head approvingly. “Got any clothes that are less...Stiff?” she asked.

“A few silk suits and some travel clothes. nothin’ much yet.” I replied.Daring just smiled.

“Suit up big guy, we’re goin’ to the club.” she said, dragging me out of the office.

*****15 minutes later*****

Daring was dragging me through the streets of Ponyville in the dead of night. I was dressed in a black silk three piece suit (with shades to hide the glow of my eyes), and Daring was wearing denim shorts, some sporty tee, and high tops. (Why they needed shoes when they have hooves is beyond me).

Music blared from a rather large building adorned with different colored lights. Practically a laser show on the outside. The bouncer Instantly recognized me, so we bypassed the line entirely. (It was fuggin’ huge). The music was pounding, and Ponies and Cervi were dancing like mad. (Especially a pink mare known as pinkie. She had her own corner because people kept getting thrown about.) However, when folks noticed me, they stopped dancing. The Cervi bowed, and many of the Ponies looked nervous. The Dj, a white mare with a blue mane stopped the music and looked at me with a frown.

“Oh great. A stuffy ass noble here to tell us off. Why don’t you just fuck off and let us party bro.” she said, lifting her glasses up and glaring at me with crimson eyes. I smirked at Daring, who wore a shocked look on her face, but before she could go teach a lesson to the Dj, I held her back and pulled my trump card from my pocket. My Music Gem. an ecclectic collection of songs amounting to 2,000 hours of old earth music. Daring blinked and then grinned before giving me a thumbs up.

I silently approached the platform the Dj was playing from before politely asking her to move.

“Taking over now huh? Sure asshole. Show me what you got.” She said. I didn’t get what her problem with nobles is, but I planned on showing her I wasn’t some stuffy snob. I placed my gem in a special receptacle and chose my first Song as it started, a magical wave washed over me. I saw The Dj’s horn glowing and she was smiling deviously. I found myself dancing against my will. Daring and the Dj showed up right next to me and we began a whole routine that would’ve made the Jabbawockeez green with envy. Daring was laughing and shooting me a mischievous grin that told me she’d planned this all along. Honestly though, it was fun, and the Others in the club loved it. When we finished, there was cheering and clapping. The Dj walked up to me and slapped me on the back.

“Hey man, sorry about that. Daring put me up to it. Name’s Vinyl by the way. Whoa dude, epic eyes!” Vinyl Exclaimed. I realized my glasses had fallen a bit, and the club was dark enough for them to glow a soft ethereal blue. Thinking quickly I lied. The princesses had asked me to keep my undeath a secret.

“Side effect of an accident involving magic. Creeps people out, so I hide it.”

Vinyl just smiled. “Way cool dude. Got anymore music like that? I could feel the beat in my skull!”

I smiled and showed her my entire dubstep Playlist. Vinyl just squealed in excitement and Pulled me into a kiss. Daring’s jaw dropped as I fought to get oxygen with the white pony’s tongue down my throat. The folks around us just cheered. Vinyl broke the kiss and turned around, whipping my behind with her tail as she headed back towards stage.

“Maybe I’ll see you around here again Brighteyes.Bring more music” she said seductively. As Daring gaped. She grabbed my arm and dragged me back outside of the club in a huff before I could say anything.

“Not going back there anytime soon” she mumbled.

“Wait a minute” I asked, reaching into the area between my cheek and jaw. I pulled out a cherry stem, tied into a little bow. I blushed, Daring slugged me, and we headed home. Honestly… It was a great night...and I really want to go back.

Author's Note

Exxaxion: it was fun but i have other people to work for so sayonara for now
Me:You two timin’ me boy?
Exxaxion: i ain't mutually exclusive, editors gotta eat, and I’m HUNGRY for fanfiction!
Me: Holy shit bro that's funny! It's goin' in the author's notes.

A New party has been formed.

I stood in Canterlot palace, patiently awaiting my turn to see the Princesses. For the fifteenth time I read over the summons order I had received that morning.

“Count Fielder, We have a special assignment for you. Come to the palace at once. Signed, Celestia Dawn-Bringer & Luna Dream-Walker, Princesses of Equestria.”

I folded the paper up and placed it into my pocket when the day-guard waved me through. Celestia was leaning over a magical map on a table in the center of the room (giving me more than an eyeful of her copious cleavage as she did so. gotta love toga-dresses) while Luna stood next to her with a grim expression. I stood at ease and softly coughed to gain their attention. While I’d initially been annoyed at having to wear my dress uniform again, when Luna has an expression that grim….Bad shit’s happening.

Celestia looked up and gave me a tired smile. “Ah, Brandon. Just the man we’ve been waiting for. There’s been trouble.” she stated matter-of-factly.

“It’s SchweineLand. They’ve been bullying many smaller countries on their borders into capitulation” Luna said as I leaned over the map. It looked like a topographical map, but all the different nations had their own colour. Schweineland was grey, Equestria was Royal blue, etc. Many smaller nations on the map were being covered by Schweineland’s grey. Grainland, Home of the fowl-folk was conquered. The Fortresses of the mountain Goats were holding, but with the fertile valleys below under schweine control, they would not last. Pack-istan, Home of the diamond dogs, had a border that seemed to shift and move. It wasn’t long until I realized they were fighting.

“You understand the situation now, correct?” Asked Celestia staring expectantly at me. I nodded. Her shoulders slumped. “I believe you also know that the royal guard is unprepared for….War…”She said, almost unable to spit out such an abhorrent word. (Yeah, I can talk fancy as fuck sometimes, roll with it)

“From what I’ve seen, the guard is more of a police force than a military.” I replied. Celestia Nodded.

“That is what we wanted them to be. After the war with nightmare moon, I couldn’t bring myself to fight another. Too many of my little ponies were killed. It breaks my heart to know that all that time working towards peace has been shattered by one greedy king.” She said, her head sinking and shoulders sagging. Luna walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Celestia smiled appreciatively.

“Now, that brings us to why we’ve called you here. As you know, we made you a noble for several reasons. Firstly, to keep an eye on you. second, so that your constant visitation of the royal palace is unquestioned, and lastly, but no less important, To help the cervi populace. They look up to you as their savior, and having you in command has eased some of the tension between the residents of Ponyville and the refugees. We have learned that we can trust you.” Celestia nodded at Luna who stepped forward and motioned for me to kneel.

“I, Princess Luna, Ruler of the night, Declare you an officer of the Night Guard. You are Placed in command of The first special task force in the royal guard. Henceforth, you shall be in charge of protecting Equestria from the unseen and unnatural. Rise, and accept the symbol of your new station.” Luna said, placing a hand on the top of my head. When I stood, she offered me a symbol, a blood red crescent moon entwined with a black sun with golden lettering that said ‘Royal Agent’.

Celestia smiled. “Come. We have some gifts for you, and some people to meet.” She said as she strolled through a side door in the throne room.Luna and I followed, before coming to armor on a stand. It was full plate in a dark, Old-looking grey. a ragged purple cloak hung from the shoulders by simple golden clasps, but it was otherwise unadorned. All in all, it looked more like the armor of an experienced mercenary than a noble. There was also a kite shield with a simple purple background with a golden dragon painted onto it. Before I could react, Celestia’s horn flashed, and I was wearing the armor. Unfortunately, it was fucking heavy, and All of that weight was suddenly on me. I fell to the floor as both Princesses snickered.

“Oh, dear. He seems to have fainted from happiness” Luna Cracked.

“Ha-ha. Very funny Princess. Thanks for the armor though.” I replied.

“All jokes aside, you have to meet your team. Each and every one of them is a special case like yourself.” Celestia said, giving me a sad smile. She led me back into the throne room before waving over a guard who nodded and left the room. A short time later he returned with five people. The first one Was a beautiful, red-headed thestral with crimson Irises. I noticed She wore huge, round, glasses as she walked around me.

“Princess...Is this to be my new master? He looks so… Weak. she said as she turned to look at Luna. Luna just grinned.

“Maybe you should look again, Gauze. As you well know appearances can be deceiving.” she said.

“Ha. I doubt this Human has more surprises than m-EEP!” said gauze, as she turned around, only to be met with my leering skull and glowing eyes mere inches from her face. Luna and Celestia giggled as the mare collected herself. Luna’s horn lit up and a glowing bottle of my medicine floated over to me. (You see, when I force myself to change, It overrides the medicine, meaning I have to take it again, ugh.) I took the bottle like a shot, grimacing at the taste. Gauze extricated herself from the ceiling and flew down to me.

“Er...Hi. I’m Crimson gauze. I’ve been assigned as team medic, and as your first servant. It is a pleasure to meet you master.” she said giving me a smile. I noticed she had fangs.

“....Servant?” I said, sending Luna a confused look. She just smiled.

“Your team doesn’t officially exist, as you’ll be solving delicate problems of supernatural origins. This is so that my sister, Twilight, Cadence, and I can focus on readying Equestria for war. As such, your team will also function as your manor’s staff.” she said.

“What about the other elements of harmony?” I asked, slightly confused.

“They will continue to solve the problems the map gives them. however, I would like you to have your guard force trained soon. I would be much more at ease if they had Protection. Also, be prepared to foray into schweine territory. We need as much time as we can possibly get, so you and your team will be sent to harass and delay their plans. We are not at war yet...But we have no doubt we are next on the list of targets. Now, go meet the rest of your team.” Said Celestia, shooing me away so she could return to the map. Poor girl...so much weight on those shoulders.

I walked towards the rest of my new subordinates. Idly noting that they are all attractive females. I cocked an eyebrow at the Princesses, who shrugged.

“male-female ratio of the world is skewed. It’s especially noticeable in Equestria.” Luna said. I still felt like they were trying to push me towards romance, or trolling me, but I let it slide.

“Greta Steelwing, At your service m’lord” said the second of the five, A griffon Female with Eyes as black as coal.Her feathers were mottled white, and she was apparently very athletic. While Crimson could definitely fill a c-cup, Greta barely Rated an A. The third was a massive minotaur female named Milly. However, her stature only seemed to enhance her feminine attributes. (Double D’s and she got a booty….Not that it was important to me at the time eheh.) Her scottish accent was very thick, and I needed to relocate my arm after her handshake. The fourth was a Grey unicorn mare, with silvery eyes. Beautiful as she was, something seemed off about her. Very deep in the uncanny valley. Her name was Willow wisp (Large-C, and legs that would make marilyn monroe jealous) . Finally, Another thestral. Something about her screamed lust and sensuality, even though she was not the most endowed of the group. She was slightly Flighty, but seemed to be able to hold it together. Her name was Moonlight Serenade. Little did I know, how special my special unit was, until my first night back at the mansion.

Author's Note

Question, What do you folks think Brandon's theme song is?

Exxaxxion's been a bit busy, so no editor quote this time. Check out his new story though
Kraken in Manehatten.

Of Men and Monstergirls.

The train ride back to ponyville started as a quiet one, as I was still processing what exactly had happened. My new teammates were chatting at a table in my private car, occasionally glancing at me. In all honesty, they did not look like soldiers (Well, Greta did. the others? not so much.) I may have also had a problem taking them seriously in french maid costumes. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t notice Crimson until she was waving her hand in my face.

“Lord Fielder? Hello?” she said, shaking me from my thoughts.

“Err, Sorry miss gauze. I was pretty deep in my thoughts. What do ya need?” I said leaning forward to listen.

“Well...Since you’re...Special like us, we thought we’d share our abilities. Get to know each other, Y’know?” she said, Shifting nervously and fiddling with her glasses. “I mean, at first I thought you were just some stuffy human noble with weird tastes. But then you did that cool skull thing.”

“yeah. Go ahead. But first, Why is nobody surprised to see a human. I thought I was the last.” I said

“Oh that’s simple. There’s this island way out east that has humans on it. They started trading with us about three hundred years ago. It’s hard to believe you haven’t seen another one yet.” she replied, shrugging. I facepalmed.

“My own fault for never asking I suppose. Continue.” I said from behind my hand.

“Well, We’re all monsters...Like you.” Said Crimson, smiling and showing her fangs. “I am a vampony. Oh, it feels so good to get that off my chest!” she said, sighing and giving me a smile. Greta walked over and sat down.

“I am Greta. I am a bezerker. Most of the time, ‘zerkers are thrown into the coliseum. we’re too dangerous otherwise. Mom had different plans.” She said, shaking my hand.

“I’m Milly. A pleasure ta be makin’ yer acquaintance! I’m half Demon, But dinnae be afraid o’ me. Ma was more of a divvil than Pa e’er was.” she said, patting my back (which had the unintended side effect of throwing me across the car.) I landed next to Willow wisp, Who looked down to me.

“....I am a possessed doll…..” she said, not moving her mouth. I’d always been afraid of porcelain dolls, but the way she said that….So many must have run from her. It was actually quite sad. So, instead of going with my baser instinct and running, I stood and ruffled her hair and ears. ( I was honestly surprised at how real they felt, until Willow explained that the magic that binds her to her form also makes her real. As it turns out, her Husband couldn’t bear to watch her die, and so bound her to a doll he’d made. Now, she wants either Peace, or to be made mortal. like pinocchio.)

Moonlight Serenade walked over to me and hugged me. “Hi! I’m a Succubus! we’re like, cousins of the changelings, but feed on ambient emotions rather than specifics. Another way we eat….Is through protein donations. Wanna sign up?” she asked, giving me rather effective bedroom eyes before Crimson smacked her upside the head.

“No seducing the master. It’s unprofessional.” she said.

“But I’m huuungry….” Serenade whined.

“Can you survive on regular food?” I asked, A bit put off on how I’d have to feed her.

“Well, yeah, but emotions and...er...Essence, taste so much better.” Replied Serenade. Crimson Agreed.

“Same for me. but with blood.” she said.

“Me, Moonlight, and Crimson require protein. Meat, some beans etc. Milly’s a vegetarian and willow...well, she likes tea. Will any of that be a problem sir?” Greta asked.

“No. As long as you work for me, I’ll see your taken care of. First though, when we get home, lose those ridiculous outfits. I don’t care what you wear, as long as it’s professional.” I said, standing as the train came to a halt.“Now come on. It’s late, and you guys need to unpack in your new rooms.”

As we left the train and walked through ponyville, I drew many jealous gazes. Something tells me this is gonna be one hell of a headache, and that Celestia and Luna need to be pranked.

Author's Note

Phew. felt really motivated today. Enjoy! On a side note, I still hope somebody draws Brandon. just sayin':pinkiehappy:

The Puppeteer

Barely one day since I was assigned and once again I was on the train. God damnit. The girls and I were being sent to investigate a string of disappearances In a small village called shady hollow. Ordinarily, she’d’ve sent the guard, but the only survivor of the first contingent had flown back to canterlot babbling and crying about puppets and wicked dolls. The poor stallion had to be committed. When we arrived however, we found a lively town. Ponies walked about, smiling and waving. A few appeared to be having conversations. There was something...off about it though. The way these ponies moved about seemed, Contrived. A parody of normalcy. As a grinning pony in a sash approached I put on an aloof, slightly condescending face. (You know, the type of face nobles make when viewing their ‘lessers’)

“Ah, Count Fielder! To what do I owe this honor?” the green stallion asked.

“I have heard rumors that Hollow shades is an exporter of rare lumber and wood. I would like to offer a trade partnership. With Your quality wood, and the carving skill of the Cervi, both our towns would make a tidy profit” I replied, having rehearsed the story a thousand times by that point. It was a half truth, and both towns would profit from trade. I spent the rest of the day in ‘Riveting’ business talks, Hammering out the logistics and kinks in the plan. By the time the mayor and I parted, it was night. The moon hung over the town, and luna’s stars painted the sky. It was beautiful. I arrived at the Inn where the girls had set up. It was a old-timey mom and pop place called the “Blue moon” I couldn’t help but whistle the first few bars of that famous frank sinatra song as I stepped inside. The elderly caretaker pulled me aside when I came in.

“There’s evil here, sonny. Git out on the mornin’ train, and for the love of the princess, don’t go out at night again!” I was a bit surprised, but nodded to keep the old guy calm. I then sat him down.

“Sir, My servants and I are here to investigate this evil. could you start at the beginning?” I said, flashing my royal agent badge.

“.....I’ll jest cut ta tha chase then. Ponies’ve been dissappearin’. At first, we thought nothin’ of it. The woodland ‘round here is thick, and folks get lost or killed in there every year. Then the local police started disappearin’ on search ‘n rescue missions.Then, everypony came back. Walked outta the woods like nothin’ ever happened. Not one a’ them talked, and they had this creepy smile. sometimes they’d jest stare at ye, like a doll. After that, the old mayor disappeared too, and the new guy was voted in. I’m an old stallion. I knew damn near ev’ry colt and filly in this town from birth. Never set eyes on this fella once. I’d start with him. Good luck sonny, and be safe.” said the old man, settling in a rocking chair. I noticed a crossbow with a glimmering silver bolt.

“Expecting monsters?” I asked.

“They might already be here m’boy” he said chuckling darkly.

I nodded and continued to our room. It was a suite, made for the rich and decorated with expensive wood and polished granite. The girls were lounging around when I entered. Greta had changed into a suit that looked more like a butler’s frock than a maid’s, while Crimson wore simple dress clothes. she was currently running tests, and wore a labcoat to keep her blouse clean. Moonlight was still in a maid outfit, but had made outrageous changes in the design, causing it to look more like lingerie than clothing. Willow wore a simple yellow sundress, and finally, Milly wore a white low cut blouse and black skirt. I found my eyes drawn to her copious cleavage before I shook my head and cleared my throat, startling them.

“Well, the old fart gave us our first lead. Suit up, full combat loadout.” I said, getting a nod from Greta. She kicked open a large trunk on the floor, revealing our stuff. I grabbed my armor and began the process of putting it on. Greta just grabbed a claymore and swung it over her shoulder. Milly grabbed a warhammer, while crimson drew a gilded rapier. Willow pulled out a bow, and Moonlight grabbed a whip and a dagger. The moment we stepped outside, we were met with a group of silent ponies with disturbingly persistent smiles. Willow whimpered and covered her ears.

“Oh, godesses….how they scream….” she said, backing away. Before I could ask about her outburst however, one of the ponies came up and grabbed me by the throat. It lifted me high nto the air, attempting to strangle me. Now, as I’ve said before, choking is uncomfortable but fruitless against a dead man. so, I brought my gauntleted fist back and slammed it into my attacker’s face. However, instead of the meaty thunk of flesh meeting flesh, or even the crunch of bones being broken, I was met with the sound of shattering porcelain. When I removed my fist though….I’ll never unsee what I saw that night. A leering, rotten face hidden under a layer of expertly crafted porcelain. with it’s jaw freed, the pony began unleashing a hellish scream. In a twisted, distorted voice it...He...asked me to kill him, or to run. The screaming abruptly stopped as I ran my new sword through the Puppet’s chest, ending his suffering. It was a steel longsword with silver runes engraved within. there was also silver in the fullers of the blade, making it perfect for actual fighting, unlike blades purely made of silver. Black mist poured forth from the corpse, Entering my body. I gritted my teeth as flashes of memory swirled through me, a young stallion lost in the woods, a chase, and a necromantic ritual.

The girls had finished off the group, filling the air with the dark magic that had animated these dolls, which, rushed into me. (You see, dark magic will seek out the nearest pool and join it. Which, while making me more powerful, also has a chance of driving me to madness.) When I stood, I was pissed. I was so angry that I don’t remember much after standing, so, go ask Greta.

******Greta POV*****

Eh? the boss on our first mission? oh boy. Sit down kid, this’ll take a minute. He told ya about the...puppets right? And our team? Good. Now, I am a berserker, but that night? I’d never seen anybody so angry. I could hear his gauntlets creaking and his teeth grinding as that black stuff entered him. When he got up, he just took off to the mayor’s place.

“Come! We must free more souls from this monster’s grip!” Shouted willow as she ran forward, placing silver arrows into any puppet she could find. I was the next to move, decapitating a puppet in guard armor. At least we know what happened to the unit right? Anyway, we get caught up in killing (Re-killing?) these things, because dozens of them just keep showing up outta the woods. Milly would send them flying with her hammer, and I’d chop ’em in half, but our weapons aren’t silver. Willow had some silver arrows, but not enough. Moonlight’s whip was basically ineffective against them too, but her knife had enough silver to make a difference. Crimson was stabbing and pirouetting away, but they kept coming. At one point, we were completely surrounded. Brandon was nowhere in sight, and we were getting tired. Sure, me, Crimson and Moonlight could’ve flown away, but that would leave Milly and Willow to the zombies.

Then, they just stopped. They just quit moving, before turning to look at the mayor’s mansion expectantly. A resounding crack filled the air as the oaken doors of the mansion were torn from their hinges and sent flying, along with a handful of robed ponies. That’s when the boss slowly strode out, dragging another robed figure by the throat as he choked and begged. He tossed him onto the groaning bodies of his comrades and raised his hand, releasing a powerful wave of the black smoke. One by one, the doll-zombies began closing around the necromancers, before shattering their porcelain masks and beginning to scream. They fell upon their creators and began tearing and rending, the agonized screams of their victims drowned out by their own unholy and vengeful cry. After a few moments the struggling stopped, and all was silent. The corpse-dolls fell over, the magic that animated them gone. The boss fell to his knees, sobbing as we surrounded him. Willow hugged him and said

“Look, sire. They are free...they are free…” Willow pulled off his helmet and began petting him and holding him close as he continued to cry, black tears coming from his face. We all grew a bit closer that day, each of us promising to stop such horrors from happening again.

Author's Note

dolls man...they freak me out. NEVER WATCH DEAD SILENCE OR ANNABELLE IN A HOUSE WITH PORCELAIN DOLLS. THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT, THANK YOU.

Debriefing and a trip home.

I sat on a park bench in the middle of the village of shady hollow. Royal guards were rushing around taking statements from the remaining villagers and searching the Mayor’s home. It was like a Scene from a Rob Zombie flick, With dozens of corpses in various states of decomposition. I found survivors, Foals and teens, locked in the basement, surrounded by the dead. They were broken, some had starved for so long they’d been forced to turn to cannibalism. How anyone, especially one of the princesses little ponies, could do things like this...and they call me a monster.

I watched as a guard, probably a fresh recruit, stumbled out of the doors of the mansion and collapse, puking and sobbing. The survivors were being brought to a mental hospital. Hopefully, they would get the help they needed. Well, most of the survivors. The Exception was a small batpony foal, who was currently chewing on my arm. She wouldn’t let go after I saved her. She had been chained inside a ritual circle, and tortured for hours before I arrived. I could only grit my teeth at that knowledge. Even the strongest guardsman had been unable to remove her. Age-wise, I’d put her at about 7, with mismatched eyes. One was an emerald green, while the other was sapphire blue. I hoped the princesses could remove her, though, with the amount of black magic coursing through her body, she’d need extensive training to prevent succumbing to the darkness. Willow had not left my side Either (The others were busy coordinating the relief efforts). She’d been teaching me about my new power, that I call “wraith-sight”. When Activated, I could see and interact with the souls of the dead. It was a side effect of the increase in available dark magic. It also meant That I had to down two vials of my medicine to look human again. I activated my sight to look around.

Many of the dead were wandering, finding their families or begging to be buried properly. Two dead thestrals watched the little filly on my arm sadly, and gave me hopeful looks. the male, who I assume was the father passed through me, leaving me with a whisper.

“Take care of Blackthorne….She bites only those she trusts….”

I shivered at the contact and nodded looking down at the filly, seeing a pure white soul, wrapped around a pitch black core. I sighed. She was basically cursed to be a witch. Ironic, given her namesake is called the “Witch’s tree” I look over to willow. I see her stoic, corporeal body giving me a flat look, but spectral chains led to a bound spirit of a beautiful mare. The expression on her face was one of understanding and sadness, but also hope.

“Willow….I think I’m going to keep her. She’s like us, an unwilling monster.”

Willow’s Doll body merely nodded, but her spirit smiled widely and did a little jig. It would’ve been cute if not for the chains.

I Shook my head. I’m starting to become a collector of broken people. I look down at the filly gnawing on my gloved forearm.

“Blackthorne, sweetie, let’s get you some new clothes and get those cuts looked at alright?” The Filly looks up at my face, and lets go of my arm to nod once, slowly., before climbing onto my back and biting into the top of my head. I doubt it tasted very good because of my hair, and it was slightly uncomfortable, but I didn’t complain. I waved down a medic as the royal carriage landed. Luna and Celestia spotted me as I sat Blackthorne Down on a table as the medic looked her over.

“Count Fielder!” said Celestia as she walked right up and placed a finger on my chest before hissing. “you were supposed to investigate and apprehend the perpetrator, not Kill him!”

I raised an eyebrow and looked at the fuming sun-princess. “I didn’t kill him. His victims did, and with what he’d done, It was a well deserved death. If you don’t believe me, just take a walk through that house. I fuckin’ dare you” I said, earning a look of surprise and anger from the sun goddess.

“I doubt it is worse than anything else My sister and I have seen through the millenia” scoffed Luna. Both marched off and entered the manse, only to return moments later. They were pale and Luna looked as though she would be sick.

“With permission princess, I want to burn this home to ashes. It will release any unfortunate souls trapped there” I said standing and placing blackthorne upon my shoulders. “I shall also be taking custody of this filly. She has been affected by black magic, and I want to help her.”

Celestia and Luna both looked at each other before looking at me and nodding.

“Tis a strange request, but we will allow it.” said Luna, who looked at her sister.

“Indeed. I agree on both counts.” Celestia said. Her horn lit up, and a fiery beam struck the house of horrors. A team of guards patrolled the area around it, ensuring the flames didn’t spread. The girls, Blackthorne, and I Boarded the royal carriage for our trip home.we were all exhausted, and it would be good to get home. Blackthorne slept on my lap, chewing on my arm once again. I wonder what Aderyn would think of his new little sister...

Author's Note

Alright! labor day weekend! I've been drinking Jack and mudslides so I'm pretty happy. Anyway, Here's a quick question, feel free to comment or PM me about it. What would you like to see next? More on the adventurers in training, Gaius and Xenith? More rivalry between Vinyl and Daring? More on Cervi culture? Another slice of life chapter? Or maybe something new? don't be shy! my only purpose is to please you guys. ~whiskey.

Home

I stepped off of the royal carriage, followed by the girls. Blackthorne had seated herself upon my shoulders and merrily chewed away at my hat. Better that than my head I suppose. Ponies and Cervi waved at me, and I smiled tiredly and waved back. It was good to be home. Gwrtheryn came rushing out of my house and shoved a fat load of paperwork into my arms, grinning like a madman, before the massive Cervi Ran off screaming “Freedom!” at the top of his lungs. I looked down to the piles of paperwork and sighed. I looked over at Greta and Milly.

“If I quietly make my way to the everfree and set all of this on fire, would anyone notice or miss it?” I asked.

“That wouldn’t be wise uncle” Said Aderyn from right behind me. Rarity had apparently gotten to him, judging by the frilly dress he wore with disdain. Before I could say a word he pointed at the child gnawing on my skull “What is that?”

“This is Blackthorne. She’ll be staying with us from now on” I replied keeping my face neutral. If I played this right, I may end up avoiding paperwork for today.

Addy was silent for a moment, apparently fighting back against his emotions before they boiled over. “D’aaaaaaw! She’s so wittle!”

Blackthorne apparently took offense, as she bit down harder on my abused scalp. She still hadn’t said a word. Before either of us could react though, Addy used his powerful deer-like legs to hop up and snatch the surprised child away. Seeing my chance, I used the paperwork as a makeshift ninja smokebomb and beat feet, shooting an apologetic look at Blackthorne who stared daggers at me as Addy carried her away. I found myself in the training yard near my manor, and the sound of combat reached my ears. When I found the source, I couldn’t help but smile. Daring was training the two bumbling adventurers I’d captured. Gaius and Xenith. At the moment, she had both hands tied behind her back, and was sparring with both at the same time. Xenith tried to use a flame attack, but was kicked in the face, causing him to snort fire and singe Gais’ tail. Daring then roundhoused Gaius into a wall before calling a stop.

“Easy guys. Break time. You’re learning pretty fast! a week ago Xenith, you’d have burned off Gaius’ tail, and it took a lot more force to send you flying guy!” she said. The other two just groaned in reply

“Hit the showers guys. We’ll continue tomorrow!” Daring said, deftly untying her hands before watching as the two battered trainees crawled towards the exit.

“Are you training them or using them as punching bags” I say with a grin as I lean against the doorframe.

Daring smiles brilliantly. “A bit of both I guess. Hey big guy, how was your first royal mission?”

I grimaced, the memories of yesterday still fresh on my mind. “....Bad. Necromancer with a doll fetish.”

Daring’s face fell as she saw the emotion flash across my face. “I’m sorry B. I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright Daring. Nobody saw it coming. Not even the princesses.” I said as we walked out of the small dojo and back towards the main manor. Daring looked like she wanted to say something then, in the sunset, but she was interrupted by Aderyn fly tackling me with blackthorne in tow

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SHE BITES!” he shouted as he tried to remove the Thestral from his hand “OW OW OW OW OOOWWWW!”

I sighed and offered my arm to Blackthorne, who gleefully chomped down. “She only bites when she likes you.” I told Aderyn. He stood, and with a sadistic gleam in his eye grabbed my earlobe. “You’ve got paperwork to do uncle. No running this time”

As I tried to claw my way away from the torture known as beaurocracy, the doors to the manor slammed shut, sealing my fate.

*****Several Hours later*****

I stand and take my medicine, Grimacing at the taste as I look around. My outbox is finally full, while my inbox is once again empty. Nearby, my monster-maids are slumped in various positions of defeat. Addy was one helluva taskmaster, forcing each of us to work on the buildup. Just as I was about to wake everyone up and head to dinner though, something caught my eye.

It was an ad for a music festival, in nearby Troughton next week (damn these horse pun names). On the back was a note from Vinyl.

“Wassap your Countship? Hope to see ya at the show! Got somepony I want you to meet. Bring that awesome shit you got….Or maybe we could convince you to play for us? (Or maybe with us lol) -Vinyl”

I blushed a bit at the last part, but the idea Intrigued me. Hell, It was time to introduce some of my shit to the masses. I could only smile as I began to put a playlist together in my head.

“For those about to rock, we salute you”

Author's Note

Alright ladies and gents, I want song ideas. stuff that's funny, stuff that fits Brandon's situation, and any random shit you want to hear. Also, Kind of wondering if anybody wants to do a spinoff with Gaius and Xenith.

Music Festival Prep.

Troughton was considered The music destination in Equestria. If you wanted to make it big, you'd have to impress one of the labels that called this City home. The best place to do so was the Troughton Music festival, a massive over-glorified battle of the bands. The thing about Equestrian music though, is that their rock and roll is underdeveloped. I Hated what I heard to be honest. Kid safe mickey mouse Bullshit. However, I gotta say I really like one facet of Equestrian life. The ambient magic in the air makes picking up new skills a bit easier. Especially those dealing with music. I mean, hell, back on earth any one pony could be a Broadway hit in and of themselves.

"Music is harmony in motion" Twilight had explained. I'd dropped by to ask some questions after reading Vinyl's invite, and I ended up getting a long lecture on how harmony magic works. I did learn that most ponies knew how to play at least one instrument. Even Snips and snails, two colts who were a bit slow, but otherwise decent. They couldn't sing worth a damn, but snips could play harmonica, and snails was a beast at the kazoo.

"Well, how does anybody get famous for music if everybody's good at it?" I asked leaning back against the chair I was sitting in.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Singing or playing an instrument has no impact on creativity. It's really pretty simple. Besides, being able to sing well, doesn't mean you are guaranteed fame. I'm sure it was the same back in your homeland, If what you've told me is true"

"Yeah, I guess" I said, scratching the back of my head. Like many folks, I'd noticed a whole lot of people with amazing talent go unnoticed because of stupid reasons. I looked over At Diamond Tiara and the Cmc as they studied the books Twilight had lent them. I'd known the kids for little over a month, but I still felt proud when they earned their Cutie marks. (though, honestly, I'll miss the shenanigans. It led to more paperwork, but the reasons behind it always made me smile) Diamond had cooled down as well, Apologizing to her class and the adults she'd abused. I'd had a talk with her mother about how to properly raise a child, and left her with a warning that if she did not learn from her mistakes, I would be forced to take action. Filthy had promised to watch over his daughter more as well. (after I'd "stressed" the importance of Fatherhood to him).

After Another long but informative lecture, I left the library. I had a plan in my head. An epic, Wondrous plan...

Author's Note

Short chapter to give you some hope. Things have gotten in the way of writing, but I assure you the story isn't Dead. Next chapter will be the longest I've ever written, and have lots of music. In fact, I'd like to know how to create a playlist on youtube so I don't have to spam greentext. But that's my problem. Quick question though, should I attempt to become part of the displaced? I want your thoughts on the matter.

Trottingham Music Festival Part 1

It was finally done. My makeshift, slapped-together plan was running smoothly, and the newly christened Ponyville royal guard band stood behind me in the train car. Each was a talented musician from ponyville, chosen carefully for their skills with instruments, and their singing voices. Ponies had been listening to family funtime music for far too long, it was time to introduce some grit, some punk, and most definitely some metal. Of course, that was all to come about after dark, when the fillies and colts went home. I silently thanked my eclectic taste in music for not consisting entirely of songs not safe for kids. Jimi Hendrix, Creedence clearwater revival, the animals, a bunch of songs from 90's movies. There were also quite a few pop hits, leftovers from the time my mom had used my phone while I was away. After she and dad passed, I never got around to erasing them. I'd never been a huge fan of pop music. furthest I'd ever gone was Michael Jackson.

Trottingham station was filled to the brim with people of all races as our train pulled in. Even the odd human. I earned a few stares for my blue eyes, Blonde hair, and my size, as most of the humans in this changed world were Shorter, and had much darker skin. Then again, They'd been the last humans in the world for millenia, and I suppose I do cut an intimidating figure. My train of thought was derailed however, as an exceptionally beautiful mare walked by. It wasn't her looks that caught my eye however, but her uniform. Grey, with red. A very, very familiar uniform to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the second world war. This mare was a goddamned nazi. She even had a swastika armband. I could feel my rage building, but I kept my face neutral as she turned and approached me, Her high leather stocking/boot things clicking against the floor as she eyed me. she stopped in front of me, before walking around me, poking and prodding before coming to a halt before me, an unreadable expression on her face. That is before she did a little jig and squeed in uncontainable excitement

"Oh mein Gott, oh mein Gott! Ich habe einen gefunden! Die letzte arische Mensch! der Übermensch!" She exclaimed, fawning over me. All I understood was "Ubermensch" which was german for superman.

".......What?" I said, nonplussed. She wrapped me in a big hug and lifted me off my feet, squeezing hard enough to crack some of my bones, which was one hell of a feat since I was about a foot taller and had a hundred pounds on her. She blushed and put me down, before snapping to attention and giving me that infamous salute. I was already losing my patience. You already know how I feel about Rapists, slavery, and murder. So you can imagine how I'd feel when faced with a being that represented some of the darkest days in history.

"My Apologies for my behavior, Noble one. It is just that in my search for the Aryans of ages past, I never expected to find a living, breathing example. After this competition you must join us in the sturmlands! The Fuhrer will be pleased! Ah, Forgive my trespass again! I have forgotten to introduce myself. I, Am Lieutenant Aryanne Hoofler. 4th army, thirtieth infantry regiment band."

"......Count Brandon fielder. Commander of the Ponyville first Royal Regiment, first Night guard Division." I said, trying to remain polite. I'm fairly sure that the princesses wouldn't take kindly to me starting a war when they were busy trying to prepare for another.

Aryanne smiled, her bright blue eyes twinkling. "See, even the Princesses of our allies, the equestrians see your worth. In the sturmlands, you could be a king! No, An Emperor! We'd throw our lives away for a true Aryan! Sieg Heil!" She saluted, increasing my growing headache.

"....No. I am Loyal to the princesses. Would you have me break my word of honor?" I said, trying to find a way away from this crazy mare. Her face fell, but she nodded.

"I see...." she said, tears threatening to fall from her face. Goddamn these ponies, why is it I can't stand to see them cry.

"....Fine, I do promise to visit, But your fuhrer and I are going to have some words. A very serious conversation about how things are, and how they must never be." I said, glaring at her coldly as she squirmed. I must ave put too much into the glare because a wet spot started spreading from her crotch as she blushed at me. I really hope it was pee. She ran off towards the rest of her group as I began organizing my own band. Little did I know it, but this was going to be an exceptionally interesting and exhausting day.

Author's Note

FUCKMOTHERING NAZI PONIES! PREPARE FOR DOOM! FLUFFY, ADORABLE, PONY DOOM!
I hate nazis, but to be honest, for some reason I couldn't hate Aryanne. Of course, i'd probably hit her upside the head for racism and genocide speak but still.

Maybe I should stop writing drunk......

Trottingham Music Festival Part 2

Author's Note

Warning, Lots of greentext ahead. You don't have to click or listen, but it will enhance the experience. As always Like and comment. Also, I do appreciate criticism so don't be afraid to tell me what'll make the story better and more readable.

Trottingham Music Festival Part 2

As my crew set up for their performance, I took the chance to wander around. It was the most modern city I'd seen so far, and very similar to an American city. Far from the simplicity of ponyville, or the Regal fantasy castle of canterlot, this felt much like new york or vegas in the 40's and 50's. Art deco, I believe the style was called. I stopped for a moment and admired the skyscrapers, whistling at the scale. For a group of creatures that hadn't yet created the automobile or biplane, they were expert engineers and builders. Pretty soon though, I was heading back.

The show was about to start, and I needed to check the preparations. I smiled as I saw The elements prepping for their set. They called themselves the rainbooms, And honestly, they were pretty decent. They were arguing over Rarity's obsessiveness with costumes however.

"Well, don't expect me not to look my best tonight. A lady should always be ready to impress her knight in shining armor." She said with a huff as I approached unnoticed.

"A knight in shining armor has never had his mettle truly tested, Miss Belle. Perhaps instead you should look to the man or stallion whose armor is scratched, dented and battered. For it shows what they are willing to suffer through to be at your side, and will not wilt in the face of adversity." I said simply. The girls flinched, startled by my presence, and a smoking scorch mark near my head gave me a poignant reminder. DO NOT STARTLE ALICORNS!

"Heheh, Sorry about that" Twilight said rubbing the back of her head sheepishly at my raised eyebrow. Rarity looked lost in though for a moment before nodding.

"I suppose you have a point there, your lordship....Do you perhaps have anyone in mind?" She said, fluttering her eyelashes at me with a seductive smile. Seriously, what is it with mares? I looked over at spike who was watching the whole thing with a deadpan expression before sighing and returning to his work as the band's "Roadie".

"I perhaps know a young Drake who would adore your affections." I said, trying to steer her towards spike, who, despite his stature, was an adult. Rarity just gave me a sad look.

"As much as I care for my dear spikey wikey....I just can't see him as more than a Friend, or perhaps even a younger sibling. I now he has feelings for me, but I just cannot return them in the way he wishes." she said, looking away.

"I know." came the voice of spike, having returned to grab something he'd forgotten. "That's why I say nothing when you run off fawning over these idiots who treat you like dirt. Blueblood, That writer, and dozens of those so called elite in canterlot. Honestly, It hurts sometimes. This is just the first time I've heard those words from you. The first time it's really sank in..." his voice cracked and his eyes began to water. "I....I'm gonna go....I got lots of things to finish....and a lot to think about." He said before running off. Rarity tried to chase him but I cut her off.

"He'll need his space. Crushes can hurt when they end. " I said, casting a look at the drakes fleeing form as he pulled his purple jacket tighter. Rarity just looked at me with anger, and then sighed.

"I suppose they can." she said, returning to the other girls, who had watched silently. The rainbooms all looked down after that little bit of drama, so I spoke up again.

"Look, Spikes a tough kid. This had to happen sooner or later. But at the same time, he's still working hard so you guys can perform. Don't let the guy down Ok?" Rainbow nodded, determination growing in her eyes.

"The big guy's right. As much as he's hurting inside, he's still doing this stuff for us. He still wants to watch us perform. Let's not let the little guy down, eh?" The girls all nodded, and went out on stage, to begin their Set . They were pretty good, and the crowd was cheering and screaming when they were done. I about lost it when a Minotaur man screamed like little girl and started crying when Rarity tossed a handkerchief into the crowd. I was sitting with spike at the time, and he smiled despite his tears.

"Thanks Brandon...for just sitting with me. Letting me vent." He said, scratching at his comb.

"No problem pal. You, the girls, and my staff are the only ones I can act normal around. Word of advice, Never accept an offer of becoming nobility. It's a pain in the ass." I said, earning a chuckle. The lights dimmed and the next band came out. Aryanne and her 4th army band stood on stage, Sneering at the gathered audience.

"We represent the Great Reich of The sturmlands! We are superior beings! Now, hear our cultural achievements!" She shouted, to many eyerolls and, oddly enough, a lot of whistles and catcalls.

Aryanne grinned and shouted an order to the group and a group of equally gorgeous mares strode forth and the band started this very familiar sounding song They then continued with a whole playlist of songs that I could have sworn were torn right from the 60's on my world. I had little time to think however, as my regiment's band was coming up. I'd also been told that we only had this one time slot, as a last minute addition had taken the later one. I was also informed however, that after an incident last year involving drunk fillies and colts, only adults had been allowed to attend. So, with a quick change, I mixed up my set a bit. There were a lot of songs that had to be scrapped however. the entire set was almost thirty songs long. Because I can't sing worth a damn, I'd learned how to play guitar, so as the ponies and Cervi traded out singers, bassists, drummers, and the like, I shredded the guitar like there was no tomorrow. Thank god for the undead's unlimited stamina. (and twilight sparkles memorization and Muscle memory spells.)
By the time we were done, the crowd was going wild. They'd never heard my kind of music before, and they loved the gritty feel some of the songs had. We had to duck backstage quickly however, as dozens of mares began flinging their lingerie at us and trying to climb onto the stage in a frenzy of lust and adrenaline. I wasn't prepared however, for Moonlight Serenade to drag me back onstage and tie me to a chair.

"Me and the girls are agonna have some fun at your expense now, K?" she said in a seductive tone as she threw away a cloak, revealing a black sequin dress with a slit down the side to show off her legs. Greta, Crimson, Willow, and Milly walked out wearing the same, earning whistles and catcalls from most of the guys, and even a few mares. They then danced around me as the Music began. doing damn near everything they could to make me uncomfortable and hot under the collar. I should've known they wouldn't miss a chance to tease me. Honestly though? It was fun. I hadn't had a good day like this in years. Too bad it didn't last...

Dead Man Sprint

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Armed and Dangerous

Darkness Fell quickly over the desert badlands the girls and I were hiding in, Much to my satisfaction. I allowed my change to overtake me, lending an unholy air to my appearance, just as the hunters and villagers came into view. Willow stepped forth, using her magic to make her voice louder.

"We are royal agents! Surrender, and you will be given leniency. Resist, and you will face the full force of the equestrian legal system!"

A few of the townsfolk looked spooked, and others seemed to hesitate, But one of the rogue monster hunters just stole and threw a javelin. The heavy Iron tip pierced Willow's doll-body once again, cracking it further, exposing the arcane runes and machines inside.

"Quiet, Monster. Your kind are through! We will no longer tolerate the lunar princess' madness!" a brown Unicorn with a bear trap cutie mark said, brandishing her torch.

"Ohhh, please boss! Lemme at 'em! I wanna fight!" Greta said, writhing in pleasure as her pants soak further, her cheeks red and eyes dimmed in an almost lustful look if it weren't for the blood clouding them.

"Go. No Killing" I croak. Greta just smiles wide and cracks her knuckles.

"As you wish... ~Masterrr~" She purred, causing me to sigh. If she was gonna be like this in every fight, I was gonna need headache medicine. With a powerful gust of her wings she was over the surprised mob, instantly K.Oing two unfortunate townsfolk with a falling kick. before they could recover, Willow let out a burst of magic, knocking most of them over. I rushed in with crimson and Moonlight. I hissed in the face of the first townspony I came up to, who pissed himself and fainted at my undead snarl. A braver enemy rushed me with a silver knife, only to have it taken from his hand by Moonlight's whip before he was rendered unconscious. Whether the nosebleed was from her flying kick or her gratuitously skimpy skirt/ g-string combo I'll never know. Crimson had hypnotized a few strong earth pony stallions into bull-rushing their own group clearing the way to the unicorn mare, who was shielding herself from Willow's knockout arrows. I charged in and began bashing at her forcefield with my severed arm, the force of the blows causing cracks in the opaque red surface and giving the unicorn a nosebleed.

"N-No...You...You monsters won't get me!" She said, flaring her shield out and knocking me away before pouncing on me with a silver blade raised high. Time seemed to slow as the blade fell. Honestly, I wasn't afraid....I was a bit relieved. I wouldn't have to play hero anymore. I wouldn't have to raise a regiment, or lead them to die in the upcoming war. I closed my "eyes" and waited for the end to come. I'd died once already anyway. A scream caused me to reopen my "eyes", and I saw the cause. Greta was standing there, clutching the unicorn's wrist, which was now bent at a nauseating angle. Her horn was also broken, clutched in greta's other talon as a manic grin split her face and she breathed heavily.

"Fuckin' Feathers that felt good...You cool boss?" She said, her wits returning as the remainder of the mob routed

"Peachy" I croaked sitting up and re-attaching my arm, the recovered black mist slowly reknitting the wound. "Willow...Flare" I ordered. Willow nodded and pointed her horn into the sky, sending a bright green flare to signal the royal guard contingent nearby that we'd caught a ringleader. It was time for some answers.

Author's Note

Another shorty, but that's because it's late ad I'm fuggin' tired.

Also, TheGreatPandaKing is writing a story set in my universe! you should check out his stuff, Offer him Critiques and the like to help him out as much as you've helped and continue to help me. Also, if any of y'all do art commissions, I'd appreciate it if you messaged me your info and a sample of your work. Wanting to buy a custom picture for my story.

1st Regiment, Ponyville Guard. A.K.A "Dead Man's Hand"

"Блядь!" shouted a Stallion in an ushanka, trenchcoat, and cavalry boots as he drilled the ponyville recruits in the art of warfare. He was a grayish white, Like sooty snow, and his eyes were steel colored, matching perfectly with his rugged, scarred face as he shouted at the would be troops in both his own tongue and English. His name was Petyr Trotsky, And I'd hired the grizzled Stalliongrad vet to train my fledgling force for the coming war.

I looked back down at the table I was working on, which was filled with paperwork and sighed.

"Requisition forms, Experimental weapons, Injury reports, Medical Briefs, What is all this bullshit?" I groaned Wishing inwardly that I could truly die just to get away from the incessant paperwork. Hell, I'd have been happy just to be with the rest of the troops, drilling and training. Especially since I was trying something never seen before. I'd split my regiment four ways: Light Infantry, Armed with bow and Other light weapons; Heavy infantry, With large shields, Armor, and assorted spears and weapons fit for standing your ground; Experimental Infantry, Armed with a close approximation to the breach loading sharps rifle, and an assortment of ammunition from mundane lead Minie balls to Weaponized Gems imbued with magic; And finally, Aerial cavalry. Pegasi Were given a light cuirass and wing armor, A saber, and a bulky-but-functional Revolver. (As it turns out, ponies were already using rifled muskets, and their engineers were quite fond of the idea of breach-loaders and self contained ammo, and quizzed me relentlessly on what I could remember from my interest in the American civil war.)

"It's a part of the job, uncle. See that it is filled out properly." Said Aderyn from across the picnic table, his head buried in another ledger. I'd always hated the bureaucracy, but Addy had taken to it easily...and continually made my life hell in order to make sure it was up to date. As my Aide, he'd gotten Rarity to design a uniform for him. It looked fancy and had too much gold, white and purple for my taste, But it quickly became the adopted uniform of the regiment. At least for parade purposes. It was made of a purple waistcoat with golden brass Buttons, White shirt, White pants with different colored lines down the side depending on which Company they belonged to. and Different hats for each. It was frankly Ostentatious and a bit more than I'd have liked, But Apparently it was really simple compared to the attire worn by other regiments. Rifles and pistols roared in the training field as The Experimental Company and Air cav practiced with their new weapons. I felt torn between calling Them Dragoons or just leaving it as cav. Either way it was amazing to watch them work. They'd make a diamond formation in the sky before diving from great heights, Firing their pistols into the crowd of Mannequins below, before leveling off with a rebel yell and lashing out with saber and wingblade.

"Yeah, Yeah, Addy. I'll Get it done. Sheesh kid, Thought having a family would be more fun" I pouted, my eyes drifting off towards the Experimentals. Two rows of ponies Fired a volley of regular rounds, Putting many holes in the dummies before them and the brick wall behind, and then reloaded, the slight glow in each of their hands as they did so evidence they were using gem rounds. Another volley, and the Dummies were awash in a sea of elemental magic. Fire swirled with lightning and Ice in a devastating assault, leaving most mannequins destroyed. I cringed a bit at the sight. I may be a vengeful, Ghoulish monster from 2 milleni ago, but nobody deserved that.

It hadn't ended well for the ponies firing either, as some rolled on the ground, their hands burnt, frozen or just writhing in agony after being electrocuted, their expensive rifles lying ruined in the dirt. Sgt Trotsky was upon them in under a second, Chewing out their leaders while the injured were led to the clinic. One unfortunate pony had his rank torn from is uniform and was ordered off the training site. Another overeager officer candidate loses his military career over a dumb decision. I would not tolerate that kind of behavior though. The gems weren't even supposed to be issued yet, let alone Fired.

"Fucking dumbass...Got good ponies injured by playing stupid games. " I muttered to which Aderyn sighed.

"Uncle...I know you're worried about them, but must you be so harsh in their training?" Addy Asks, wincing as Trotsky picks up a stallion and uses him to hit another stallion after bothe accidentally drop their swords.

"IS GOING TO BE BEATING STUPID мудак wITH OTHER STUPID мудак!" The grey stallion shouts with insane glee as he pummels the two.

I wince but before I could answer, Greta, Walks up behind me and leans on the table.

"Combat is not pleasant. Being this harsh ensures more of these guys and gals survive a real fight. Oh yeah, sure, the bezerker in me loves it, But When I snap out of it...Makes me sick." She says with a shudder. Addy looks down, sighing and nodding, his own experiences being a poignant reminder of what we're up against. The grim mood is broken By the shrill blaring of the bugle, signalling that it was time for the soldiers to return to the barracks. Trotsky, Who was staying in my mansion, Came over, a grin on his face.

"These guyz is good soldiers. they will be becomings unstoppable with proper Stalliongrad training. Had to beat less senseless today" The Stallion beamed proudly when his troops were out of sight. He was actually a nice guy, but he made this terrifying persona to instill fear and stress into the trainees. It would keep them alive later if they got used to it now.

"Ah,Sgt! Right on time! You have several forms to fill out concerning today's....Accident on the firing range, as well as a roster to update, If you'll come with me" Addy said, a sadistic grin filled with malice and dark glee. Trotsky Paled and grabbed my arm, pleading in his language to me, his mother, and the princesses that I not turn him over to the small Cervi boy...However, seeing my chance to escape the Paperwork I calmy Chewed off my amr as Trotsky was dragged screaming and crying towards His office in the Barracks.

"Comrade Fielderrrrr! WhyyyyyyyY!" The grey stallion shouted as he was dragged around the corner. Greta shuddered, Gave me a shrug and flew off towards town.

"Alls fair in love and war...and Bureaucracy" I said, with a cowardly grin as I started to enter the mansion. I feel a sudden jolt, and look down. A silver spearpoint, mounted on bleached ash was protruding from my middle chest area.

"Wha..."I choke out, falling to my knees as someone behind me sobs.

"Oh, gods...I'm so Sorry...T-They have my family and..." Began a Cervi man as he backed away, watching in horror as black pus begins to seep from the wound, and then my mouth and eyes, the silver on the blade tarnishing and ground sizzling as it leaks. The Cervi runs, but is captured by Moonlight, before she turns to me. Everything is fading in and out, and I feel dizzy.....Wait....I can actually.....Feel.......

Author's Note

Is this the end of our intrepid hero? Are you reading this in an old fashioned annoucer's voice?! The answer to one of these questions is yes, But you'll have to wait until next time to find out! (Unless, y'know, you read the blog. Alternate monsster type are still welcome to be submitted. If you want Brandon to somehow get turned into a different monster or creature of legend, just comment your mnster, or drop me a message. Or write it on a cream pie and throw it at me. whatever works.

Bonus Chapter: An apple joins the fight.

"Ah won't allow it! He can't leave the farm!" Shouted Applejack, her fur bristling as she leaned over my desk, Hands balled into fists and teeth clenched, fury in her eyes.

"It was his choice to join. It's not like I coerced him or anything. He showed up at my office and signed on, just like the others. He knows the risks." I replied calmly, holding back my temper. Big Mac had joined the ponyville guard, and she'd just found out. It reminded me of myself when I first got dragged into this crazy world with Jake...

"Let him outta that damn contract!" she said, Slamming her fists against my desk, cracking the wood. I stood up and got in her face, my cold blue eyes burning into her green ones.

"Do you even understand why he signed up? Do you understand how the Fuck it feels to watch your younger sibling run off on dangerous adventures, waiting with baited breath for news any GODDAMN NEWS ABOUT THEM? I FUCKING DO! THAT"S EXACTLY WHAT MAC FEELS WHEN HE WATCHES YOU RUN OFF WITH THE ELEMENTS!" I shouted, causing Applejack to flinch.

"B-But...I-" she started, trying to find her footing in the corner I'd metaphorically backed her into, anger fighting realization in her eyes as I kept up my hardened glare.

"No buts. You feel useless when you can't protect, or even help the ones you love. That's why I became a knight, and that's why mac joined the royal guards. War isn't pretty. It's fucking bloody and ugly, and damn if I don't just wish this would never have happened on your world. I told Macintosh that. He joined up anyway, Just so he could fight too. Just so he could protect YOU this time. I can't promise he won't be hurt, or killed, But I will go to hell and back to make sure everyone comes home. Even if it costs me whatever you would call my state of existence." I said, Still staring into Applejack's Emerald eyes. It would've been easy to get lost in them, but I steeled myself. There would be time to pursue possible relationships after i'm human again....If I survive that long....

Applejack just sat there numbly, tears starting to streak down her cheeks as she silently wept, her body shaking with held back sobs.

"....I'll send For mac...You two need to talk some. Take your time. ." I said, before leaving my office with a heavy sigh. I called sgt trotsky and had him collect Big Mac from the recruit barracks and bring him to Applejack as I retreated to my chambers, tired, and feeling a bit of nostalgia and loneliness....

Author's Note

Just a short bonus for y'all since you've been waiting so long

Reunions, and a nice chat with death.

A thousand images flashed before me. My life, My unlife, I watched it all happen at 100 times normal speed. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a funeral parlor in a black suit. I am alone, facing an open casket. Something draws me to it, something unnatural and irresistible. Like I've taken a backseat and let someone else drive, I stand and approach the casket. At first, I figured it'd be me inside. That's how a lot of these dream sequences go, but no. This one decided to hit me where it really hurts. In the casket was Jake. He was a kid again, his glasses fitting snugly over his freckled, baby-face. His gangly awkward body was also in a suit. Honestly, I'd never really gotten over finding out he was dead. I put on a show for the others, but I never really talked about it with anyone...Most of my friends probably didn't know.

"Hey bro" Jake spoke, opening one green eye and smirking at me "Why the long face?" Dumbfounded and confused I just stood there, frozen in shock.

"Bu-...Wha-...Jake, Fucking explain, now. The weird shit just keeps fucking piling on and I can't fucking take it anymore. First you get drafted into the hero society of a magical fantasy realm. Fucking fine. I dealt with it. I end up as a knight, fighting demons and monsters and shit. Sure, why the hell not. I die and wake up in magic pony land. Fucking awesome. I find out I'm a goddamn hollow. Fucking hooray, praise the fucking sun! Dark souls references etc. But this, No I'm done. " I say, venting at least a decade's worth of frustration on the furniture and walls, smashing chairs and pottery and kicking down doors.

"Chill, B. I'll get to that. Just have a sit down and breathe, okay man?" he said, sitting up, a look of worry on his face as he hopped out of the coffin. "Now,first of all, this is your soul realm. I know it sounds like some cheesy anime thing, but it isn't. It's pretty formless, so whatever you imagine, will become reality here...thus my dumb idea of greeting you in a funeral parlor. Sorry. As for why I'm here, I'm just a fragment of Jake. A sort of warden, holding your own shattered soul together, and keeping the remnants of the dark prince's essence in check. I'm assisted a bit by his last shred of sanity, Charles." Jake nodded to a newcomer. an exceedingly handsome gent with raven hair. His were the looks women write books about. I already hated him. (damn my forgettable averagosity)

"Okaay then...And I'm here rather than the hereafter...Why?" I ask, crossing my arms and staring daggers of pure hate at the remnant of my murderer.

"....I can answer that" spoke a voice that sent cold chills down my spine and set every hair on end. I turned to find an excessively tall elder gent in a tattered black suit and greatcoat. "I, Am your reaper....Call me Jim..." he said, with a far too wide smile adorning his features at my look of horror. "Heh, easy kid. Ain't your time....yet..." he said with a laugh.

"But, I've been killed! Twice!" I blurted, cursing my own stupidity. Jim just laughed.

"Yeah, the fates aren't very nice to ya, eh kid? But ya see, We got ourselves a problem. One that we think you'd be perfect to resolve. See, Old king porkbutt's been fiddling with some very nasty necromamcy. The dark, forbidden shit that even pretty-boy over there was afraid to use. Shit that can kill a reaper. The problem is, we can't interfere with the affairs of mortals directly. Higher ups tried to find a way around that rule, but no luck. The loophole, however, Is the terminology. Now, most reapers can't get this close to their assigned target. just supposed to watch from afar until they are supposed to die. See, unlike popular belief, we don't kill folks. We just separate their souls and send them along. You, are an exception. You're neither dead, nor alive because of all the magic that got pumped into ya. So that means I can get as close as I need ta be, and even talk to ya. Cause I've been approved to offer ya a deal. A second chance at life, and a free ride to Heaven, elysium, whatever you wanna call it, in exchange for hunting down the schweine king and his army of necromancers. 100 black coffins for a hundred bad men, as it were" he said with a grin as some 'music' started It was a hell of a sight to watch an old reaper start rapping, and a band of dead personalities backed him up. Honestly, I thought he'd be more of a metal guy being death and all, but to each their own.

"...Deal. I'll hunt the slaving bastard down. I'll get his cronies too." I said, really glad that I could interrupt the song. It wasn't bad, but a bit grating after the opening.

"There is one caveat though....You gotta get it done in a year. 365 days." he said, an apologetic look on his face

".....Fuck...." I said contemplating just how in the bue blazes I'll get through the regualr army, any abominations the king and his cronies will have made, tack said king and each individual crony over an empire of fanatics, in one year. "Err, do I get any time extensions or special powers to help?" I ask, in a vain hope.

"Nope. You're already a bit cheaty with your undeath. though I'll stop by to point you in the right direction from time to time."

"Double fuck" I say with a facepalm.

"Ah, I've gotta go. Have a 4 o'clock appointment with a smoking hot old lady in The Canterlot ICU. later kid!" Jim said, as he faded away.

"Jake...Finish your explanation while I try to wrap my head around the fact I just had a conversation with death" I say sitting down in the one unbroken chair and rubbing my temples to reduce the oncoming headache.

"Right... Well..I'll keep it short. The necromantic influence of the Prince's essence was killing you and turning you into a monster. So, over the course of the next few decades, I funneled my essence into you, and kept you entombed in moonstone, using it's purification properties to keep you in check until your conscious mind could take control. It's why you don't feel the overwhelming hunger for flesh. That's about it though. Ah, But as you've probably figured out, you can absorb necromantic magic. In small doses Me and charlie can partially purify it and write it into your system, giving you new abilities...but too much can be dangerous. Absorb too much at once, and you'll turn into a flesh hungry, insane monster. If you absorb enough over time however, I think I can make you 'Level up' to another type of undead. it'll be dangerous though, as new powers will come with new weaknesses, so it'll be a tradeoff."

I could only sigh at my brother's explanation. Was it too much to ask for normalcy, now and again? "Thanks Jake....It's a lot to take in...but it's been good seeing you, little bro." I said, giving him a hug, which he returned with little hesitation.

"Yeah, you too, man...Now, you just gotta wake up. they're calling for ya"...